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Bree Noble

Bree Noble: From Bank Notes To Music Notes

Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Bree Noble

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Introducing Bree Noble

Bree NobleBree Noble is my guest today, on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview.

She is a lady who is nothing but decisive when she knows what she wants in life.

Starting her career back in 1999 she performed the role of Finance Director for one of the top 15 Opera companies in the US.

She did this for ten years, until in 2009 the company closed due to financial difficulties.

And I guess we will find out on the show if she would have stayed in the position if this hadn’t occurred but the fact is it did

As she says “After leaving the corporate world to stay home with my young children, I began writing and performing my own songs.

I toured as a singer/songwriter for 9 years, releasd 3 CDs and won several songwriting awards.

Amazingly i even had the honour of singing “The National Anthem” at Dodger Stadium.

I then began coupling the inspirational message of my songs with a testimony-based speaking topic called “You Are My Vision”.

This is a program I have presented for churches and community groups for the last 8 years.”

 

How Did The Dots Join Up For Bree?

But how do you take these values and skills and turn them into an income production line, as this is the problem that most entrepreneurs encounter on their journey to success.

Well todays guest  has drawn on her extensive experience of the music industry to create online courses to help musicians learn how to make a living from their music.

Her most popular offering is an online training and mentoring community exclusively for female musicians called the “Female Musician Academy“.

And not only that she is the host of two top ranked podcasts bringing her passions to an even wider audience.

So has she planned all these goings on or are they as much a suprise to her when she looks around her of what she has going on?

And does she now have the belief that she could have done all this a lot quicker, or did it naturally have to fall into place?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Bree Noble 

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Bree Noble such as:

Why it is so important to keep ourselves in the present when we are working, as the quality of our work will quite simply shine through in front of us.

How she didn’t have a single clue as to how to start her business at the beginning, and the steps she took to get to where she is today.

Why it is so important to find two or three people in the offline world who are doing what you are doing, and look closely at how you can mirror their own success.

and lastly….

How she started her first membership success by telling her list what she was offering and how they could be a part of it – BEFORE she spent anytime developing something that nobody wanted.

 

How To Connect With Bree Noble

Website

Facebook 

Twitter

LinkedIn

Return To The Top Of Bree Noble

If you enjoyed the conversation with Bree Noble, why not check out other shows like Jack Canfield,  Dana Wilde, Listeners Questions or the amazing Hal Elrod

Of course if you want to listen to all our episodes then jump across to the Podcast Archive simply by clicking here 

 

Audio Transcription Of Bree Noble Interview

Intro [0:09]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:34]
Yes, hello, man. Good morning to you. Good morning, every single person out there that listens to Join Up Dots in their vast numbers. Thank you so much for being here on episode 636. And I’ve done one of those things. I always feel guilty about that slightly some mug as well. I’ve managed to get a lovely lady out of a bed when it’s still down. And that never happens in my house. I can’t drag them out. We’ve we’ve spanners and pliers or whatever. But it’s like is a podcasting legend. So she knows how to deliver and she is going to give us a great show because she is somebody but I suppose is I would say nothing but decisive when she knows what she wants in life. Now starting a career back in 1999. She performed the role the finance director for one of the top 15 opera companies in the US, but 10 years until in 2009 the company closed due to financial difficulties. And I guess we’ll find out on the show if she would have stayed in that position if this hadn’t occurred. But the fact is, it did. Now as she says after leaving the corporate world to stay home with my young children, I began writing and performing my own songs I toured as a singer songwriter for nine years, released three CDs and won several songwriting awards. I even had the honour of singing their national anthem at Dodger Stadium, or say, I’m trying to think what a Oh, so can you see that’s enough of that anyway, I then began toppling the inspirational message of my songs with a testimony based speaking topic, called You are my vision, a programme that is presented by churches and community groups for the last eight years. But how do you take these values and skills and turn them into an income production line, as this is the problem that most entrepreneurs encounter on their journey to success? Well, today’s guest has drawn on her extensive experience of the music industry to create online courses to help musicians learn how to make a living from their music. Our most popular offering is an online training and mentoring community exclusively for female musicians called the female musician Academy. And not only that, she’s the host of two top ranked podcasts, bringing her passions to an even wider audience. So how she planned all these things, these goings on on a as much as applies to her when she looks around. And that does she think what’s going on every morning when she gets out of bed? And does she now have the belief that she could have done all this a lot quicker? Or did it naturally have to fall into place? Well, let’s find out as we bring into the show, to start Join Up Dots with the one and only Bree Noble. Good morning, Bray. How are you?

Bree Noble [3:00]
Good morning. It’s early here. But you’ve got me laughing already, which is great.

David Ralph [3:04]
I was gonna seduce the American public by singing the Star Spangled Banner.

Unknown Speaker [3:11]
But I went inside.

David Ralph [3:13]
It was a mashup of Oh, Canada. I had an old Canada and I thought, No, that’s the wrong tune. It’s It’s a weird, your national anthem. I’ve actually now got it in front of me. It’s a hell of a story, isn’t it? That is not a song that’s easy to sing?

Bree Noble [3:30]
No, and it’s like all over the place with the range and it goes low, and it goes high. And that’s why most people can’t sing it very well. We just I don’t know what they were thinking when they wrote it. It’s not like something someone would normally write as a tune.

David Ralph [3:45]
Yeah, I was doesn’t even have a tune. Go. So it’s just like two notes pressed on the piano. Time and time again. That’s That’s why nobody wants us to win at the Olympics, because it’s so boring, so boring when they’re sort of waiting for the flag to go up the pole. So you are a lady, as I say, who is in the midst of living a life of passion. It seems like everything has come together for you. Do you feel that way? Or do you still feel like hang on this may not be my thing?

Bree Noble [4:16]
No, I totally feel that way. I’m in the zone. I love what I’m doing. I love the people I’m working with. And I love being able to organise my life the way I want. So yeah, I love it.

David Ralph [4:27]
And is that is that the key thing? Because I think that for me, you could pay me a billion dollars a month. But if it meant that I couldn’t just do what I wanted, I couldn’t take it anymore. It has to be that time control element is a real key part of your life.

Bree Noble [4:43]
It’s an important part. I mean, as my business grows, like, it’s getting a little out of control where I can’t completely control what I do when because I have like deadlines that I put upon myself. But they’re all things that I love. So it’s not like I feel like oh, I’m banging my head against the wall because I have to get this budget done by the certain day, you know, like it was in the corporate world. Yeah, I love everything I’m doing. So yes, sometimes I feel a little pressure of the deadlines, but that’s okay.

David Ralph [5:09]
It’s your deadlines, isn’t it?

Bree Noble [5:11]
Yes,

David Ralph [5:12]
indeed, you do have to set those because obviously, you’re recording a show with a guy in Australia. And he said, he now basically lets his life live like a wonderful garden. He says, you know, he does stuff, but he doesn’t force it. He just kind of naturally happens. And he used to set up these targets, and he used to strive. But then he woke up one morning and thought the only one who’s making me feel stressed is myself. What’s the point? So he just doesn’t sort of do much. But things occur naturally. So do you do you need to have that kind of hustle muscle flexing?

Bree Noble [5:45]
Yeah, I wouldn’t call it hustle. But definitely, I absolutely need to have a plan with you know, distinct goals and distinct actions that need to get done on certain days. And I find as a creative person, like I’m telling, tempted to do what you were saying that that guy does. And when I do that, I get nowhere, because I just like, Oh, I want to do this thing, and I start doing this thing. And then I get distracted. And I go, Oh, this looks really cool. And I want to do that. Or I want to write this song. And then I end up having like a million half done things, and nothing done. So that’s actually something I work with my students with a lot. Because they’re all like me, they’re all that creative mindset. They just want to let go where the wind blows them. And we’re inspiration calls and everything. And if you do that, you’re just going to have a pile of half done things, you’re going to feel you’re gonna look back over like a year and go what in the heck did I do this year, I know, it felt like I was doing a lot. But I didn’t actually finish anything. So I for me, at least I need those. Those deadlines, those specifics. In my plan, I’ve kind

David Ralph [6:54]
of got a foot in both camps, I let things float now, which I didn’t, when I started Join Up Dots at the beginning. It was like an obsession. I’m still kind of obsessed by it. But I just went for it, like my life depended on it. But now, I agree with you totally, I’m very creative with my time I let things float. But I just basically come out of maybe two and a half months where I realised I had to clean up everything. And so I made sure that this product was finished. And that was done. And this was done because I ended up with three quarters veil of most things. And now I’m ready to go again. So So should I go for more stuff? Or should I let it float Bry you can coach me, you can push me on to a bigger future, you can teach me the Star Spangled Banner, what should I do?

Bree Noble [7:40]
I think that you have room for both. But if you can kind of plan your floating time. So like, Okay, I’m going to spend this much time on this project today. And you know, it can come to me however it happens during this time period. But this is the time I’m going to work on that. Because if you just work on it, when you feel like it, then it might not get done. And you know, it’s just so much more motivating to see like these finished things, checking things off, and, and all that even if you know, we’re creative. And we think we don’t need that I really think that most people do need that we have this feeling of needing to complete something.

David Ralph [8:17]
I’ve got a system, I don’t know if I created a system. But if somebody says I did, I’m going to trademark it. And it’s called ledger mentally flexible. So on my calendar I used to, and you probably been there as well, when I started my business, I literally work 20 hours a day, every single day. And then I realised that I was allowing the work to take over my life. So my kids would say, Dad, you know, I’ve just broken my leg, I need to go to hospital. And I’d say Oh, sorry, I’ve got to cheque my emails out, but boy, I send you you know, my life is totally out of whack. And now I’ve got it into a part where I actually allocate free time. That’s the plan. And I call it retro mentally flexible. I know when I’m allowed to be flexible, and I know when I need to do work. But the problem is Bry I love doing the work so much. But I keep on creeping back to it is a bit of a drug, do you have that same issue?

Bree Noble [9:09]
I really do. I mean, I have the same problem that you did. And I’ve been really trying to get that under control. And I have started thinking of my evenings as time off, you know, starting at five, I’ve been forcing myself to do more of the cooking. So I can make myself stop working, you know, and kind of move into a different creative activity. And you know, I just started thinking of my evenings as Okay, this is when I spend it with my husband or my kids. But if they’re busy, then I can always go back and do the business stuff. But they need to be the one that I go to first.

David Ralph [9:46]
Yeah, but do Yeah. Is your body there, but your mind’s not when it’s

Bree Noble [9:51]
so hard. I mean, I totally get what you’re saying. And I catch myself all the time. It’s just like a rewiring of my brain or, you know, like a leading myself back to the right place. Because yes, I do catch myself thinking about business and, and just try to get better about you know, just feeling like, how can I enjoy this? Because I know I have to write this email, you know, like, No, I don’t it life will not end if I don’t write this email. And it’s it’s a process for me, I know what you’re saying, I feel the same way.

David Ralph [10:26]
Yeah, it’s a big thing that you so in the future, all the time you in the future were truly and this we know this to be true, you know it to be true, I know it to be true. The only time that really matters is the present what we’re doing now on this podcast, I am your podcaster. So I’m sure you feel this is probably my most present a time. And subsequently is my most enjoyable, I don’t think about anything else, I just concentrate on the conversation and making the show. And that is when the quality becomes stronger somehow, because you’re not thinking about other stuff, you know, thinking about what Dina to cook, or where you going to take the wife in the evening, you’re just focused on the task. And I bet we get more done. If we can just do that if we can manage to keep our brain on the present. What do you think?

Bree Noble [11:13]
Absolutely. And I think that number one, when I’m doing my podcast, like I’m having so much fun, because I’m totally present. And I can’t think about other things, the time flies. But then the other thing that helps me is to like steaming my days. So I know that I don’t have to think about all these other things. You know, Friday is my podcast day. And I don’t have to think about writing emails and, you know, doing sales pages or, you know, commenting with my students or talking to my students, you know, it’s just podcasting. And so I don’t have to worry about anything else. And I can really focus on that thing. And that has helped a lot.

David Ralph [11:53]
Why? So let’s take you back in time I’ve been we shared some gold bed, and we I think we shared some entrepreneurial gold, the wisdom, some of our health failures and mistakes or whatever. But would you have done this if your finance director role didn’t go up? And I’ll be honest, I was amazed that it was even two opera companies in the USA.

Bree Noble [12:13]
There’s more than 15. But we were one of the top 15.

David Ralph [12:17]
How can it be that many people running a business based around opera? Really?

Bree Noble [12:22]
Okay, well, here’s the reason the reason we didn’t survive is because we were in Orange County, California, which is between LA and San Diego, who also had opera companies. And so it was hard for us because you know, people would draw it when they were diehard opera people that drive all the way up to LA or they drive down to San Diego because it only took an hour. And you know, when they could go to our opera, but it’s like they’re putting on so much bigger productions up there and down there. And even though you know, our productions were like over a million dollars each it took to put on the stage. It was still hard to keep it going especially in that you know, donor where you have to be running by donor money. And then like all the.com thing crashes. I mean, that’s really why it didn’t survive.

David Ralph [13:07]
Now, it wasn’t as that there’s not enough people that are interested in Oprah.

Bree Noble [13:12]
Not true. Oh, wait. A few people with a tonne of

David Ralph [13:15]
money. You get Titus swift coming to your town. I bet she’d fill out whatever stadium she’s got.

Unknown Speaker [13:21]
Probably. Yeah, you say I might. I might

David Ralph [13:23]
Bry. You know, there’s

Unknown Speaker [13:24]
a lot of people in the world.

David Ralph [13:27]
Yeah, but they’re not coming to orange blooming county LA to see Oprah any any. We could argue all afternoon on this. So would you ever left? Or would you been quite happy to stay in the finance director role did you need it to crumble for you to move on to something that’s quite obvious that your thing?

Bree Noble [13:44]
Well, what it didn’t say in the bio is that I actually exited myself after five years and dropped down to a part time position. So I did leave, I moved away like an hour away. But I can continued to work for them for another five years until it until it crumbled and I wasn’t in you know, I wasn’t, I wasn’t luckily I didn’t have to deal with all the crumbling because I wasn’t there. And it basically didn’t have to do with mismanagement, it just had to do with not enough donors bringing money in. But the reason I left is because it was a stressful situation for me, and I didn’t, especially being in a company that’s run by donations, that we were constantly not having enough money, me worrying, I couldn’t pay people, you know, and that was super stressful, and it started affecting my health. And plus, I had been trying to do the music thing on the side, I was getting frustrated. And I thought, you know, maybe this will be my chance, if I can drop to part time and kind of get away from it, just work over the computer and then spend the rest of my time working on music.

David Ralph [14:54]
It must have been a very difficult time for you. Because you know that the world is full of starving new musicians and stopping actors. And to be able to transition into a passion like that, you know, God forbid, it’s hard enough making money on podcasting, so many people struggle doing this, that the creative environment is difficult. Did you go in with eyes wide open? Did you think that you were going to be that singer songwriter? Or did you have a plan how you’re going to transition to something that was financially supportive enough for your family?

Bree Noble [15:27]
Oh, I had no clue. I mean, truthfully, I had been trying to figure out my place in how to do the whole music thing for several years on the side. And when you know, I got to doing it, you know, more full time, I thought, Oh, now I have the time to figure this out. But I still didn’t have the right tools. So I just, I literally had no clue I was grasping at straws. I was, you know, looking for people that were going to give me direction, or we’re going to just take me by the hand like yeah, you know, lead me and I don’t know why musicians think that they’re going to get this or they deserve this. Because nobody generally, you know, gets that in other careers, like, Oh, I’m going to just come and manage your career, you know, but musicians tend to think that all I need to do is get a record deal or get a manager, and then you know, I can just write songs and perform and I don’t have to do anything else, someone else will handle it.

David Ralph [16:25]
So how did you overcome that? And because it must have been, you know, you say that you were stressed trying to pay people in the opera company, but at least you were sort of getting a salary at the time. So how did you actually manage to keep all your hair and all your teeth and keep your faculties when you were sort of like pushing through that period of uncertainty?

Bree Noble [16:45]
Well, luckily, I did have the part time gig at the opera. So that helped take stress off. But you know, it was only when I started watching other people that were doing what I wanted to do on a more local level that I learned what I should be doing. And so I would go and look at people that were performing at places I wanted to perform or doing what I wanted to do. And then I would go at their word and talk to them and ask them, you know, well, how are you doing this? And, and, and I started connecting with those people. And then I found a group of people that was doing what I wanted to do, you know, specifically back then I was performing a lot in churches, women’s groups. And that was what I wanted to do, because that’s where I felt comfortable. That’s where I felt my songs resonated. And so I just talked to those people, they got me involved in kind of a networking group of women that were doing the same thing. And that is where my eyes got opened. And I learned from people that were actually doing it. Because before I was just trying to I was like this island I you know, I didn’t I didn’t have any Connexions and didn’t know, I just thought someone was going to like, swoop me up and take care of it all.

David Ralph [17:58]
I would have swept you up Bry on come down and looked after you come swinging down on my microphone like Tarzan and pick you up and take your is it’s true, isn’t it? Because you know, a moment my show is going amazingly well. And it’s it’s a it’s a business. At the beginning. It was just a what the hell am I doing? And then it went through a this is a brilliant hobby, but how the hell do I make money out of this. And the way that I transitioned and I resonated big time with what you were saying was finding three or four people in my environment and watching what they did. Now, I haven’t even met these people. But they were people out there that are doing something that I want you to do. And there’s clues. Once you actually start, you know, you go over to their website, and you look and you make notes and you start sort of clicking on things. And you’re seeing how their lead magnets and opt ins work and how their webinars come together. There’s clues there but we do Dolly, we think we can make it up as we go along is is it’s when it’s not that we were actually shamed of asking, but what I think it comes down to is the fact that when we go into a job, as most of us do, we expect to be trained. And we expect to get a six weeks training and then you know, hand held while we sort of find our feet. And that entrepreneurial kind of spirit gets mixed up somehow. It would be easy if we went straight into it. But most of us go into a corporate gig before we actually transition. What do you think?

Bree Noble [19:24]
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think, for me, like I actually kind of became a not a stalker in a weird way, but a good stalker where I started, like you said, going to the websites of the people that I was watching, and it would be like, okay, so where are they performing? And I would look at all the different places they’d perform. And then I’d start contacting those places that I see you had this person last month, you know, I have kind of a similar programme, I, you know, and I started approaching it that way. And, you know, seeing the types of groups that those people were in, like finding them all online, and like, Oh, I see that they’re in this music networking group, maybe I should be in that maybe that’s how they’re getting some of these Connexions? You know, and that’s really the best way to learn, like, Why try to figure it out when you can learn from somebody that’s already doing it?

David Ralph [20:15]
And is it a truth that although most of us are on an online world, we’re in an online world and in online environment, is a truth that you can’t do it online, you’ve actually got to touch people, you’ve got to get out there and network and go to conferences.

Bree Noble [20:32]
And, you know, I am not like, because of the fact that I have two kids, I don’t get to a lot of conferences. And so I do believe you can do it online, I think it’s way better if you can do it in person. And the Connexions that I made in the beginning when I met people in person were big, and it helped introduce me to a group of online people. But I think nowadays with you know, zoom calls and Skype and you know, Hangouts and all the things that we can do, it’s almost like being in person. So I don’t see what I mean, I have a mastermind of women that I’ve never met right now, three other women and we are like, so close, and, and help each other constantly. And we’ve never met each other in person, but we feel like we’ve met because we’ve been on zoom calls, you know, all the time. So I don’t see why you can’t do that. In this day and age.

David Ralph [21:23]
I’m actually meeting again, late tomorrow, we were got a spin off business from Join Up Dots. And it’s been going for quite a while I’ve never met him. And I’m actually going up to London tomorrow afternoon to meet him because he’s lives one side of the United Kingdom, I live the other and all we’ve done is communicate on Skype. And I’ve never actually sat down face to face with him. And I find that that brilliant, but also leaves you open to sort of go for people you like. And that is not the good way of creating business networks and people that can actually help you develop, you’ve got to find somebody that can do that. Something that you can’t do all it’s got strengths, but you haven’t. But have you ever fallen into that guy? I really like that person. I like how they made me feel. But once you actually started working with them, you realise that actually, it was never going to pan out?

Bree Noble [22:13]
Yeah, I mean, especially if they’re a person that is like that creative, not organised kind of person. And I definitely found with some of the people that I met in the beginning, once I actually met them in person, and we tried to work together like we did performances together is like, I can’t do this. Like they they run their business so differently than I do. I can’t work by the seat of my pants and just, you know, live all this creative high all the time, like I need organisation. So it definitely it did, you need to have the same kind of work ethic, the same kind of alignment of how you run your business before you start working directly with someone because otherwise you might just be frustrated.

David Ralph [22:59]
Well, let’s play some words. Now, which will take us to the second stage of our conversation, the real nuts and bolts of what makes Bree noble who she is Jim Carrey,

Jim Carrey [23:07]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [23:33]
When I listen to those words, sometimes I just float over me sometimes like that, I really listen to them. And the key word that jumped out was survival, he’s dead had to do anything to survive. I now see it that if you are willing to do anything, he will flourish, because you will find the thing that you want to do, which you can then take forward. What’s your spin on that?

Bree Noble [23:57]
Oh, I’m think that you, you definitely have to be willing to sacrifice if you want to do what you love. I mean, when I quit my job, and I had a lot less income coming in, I was sacrificing, you know, I had a good, you know, like $65,000 a year job and then just to cutting down to like making 1000 bucks a month or whatever it was making us part time person. It’s Yeah, it’s a big difference. But I felt so much better. I just think that, you know, your internal feelings and your stress level. And it’s so important, it’s so much more important than money. And at the point, when I did that, I was to the point where I’m like, I don’t care if I have to eat like beans every night and Top Ramen like I can’t deal with the stress anymore. So I think sometimes when you get, or it can be the other way, like, I want to do music so bad. It’s such a big part of my soul that I feel like like, I’m completely empty, if I’m not doing it. If you’re there, then you’re you know, you’re ready to eat Top Ramen every night to do it. And you can you can do that because you have so much drive. But you have to be to that point, you can’t be like, Oh, I kind of like music. And I kind of like to do that, you know, you will not stick to it. And you won’t have the drive within you to like live through the sacrifice.

David Ralph [25:25]
I can’t imagine your family Bry would want you to be eating beans every night.

Unknown Speaker [25:31]
I think you

Bree Noble [25:32]
have a job do so I mean, I was lucky. You know, I know, musicians that are single moms and actually are doing the music thing. And they just completely impressed me because I’m not sure I would have that much courage

David Ralph [25:46]
that there’s a woman on I bet you will know her name. But he beats me at the moment who basically writes simply the best for Tina Turner and Aerosmith songs. And she basically Warren Yeah, now that is an amazing storeys, and she she doesn’t want to be a performer such, but she sits at home and just bangs out these amazing songs is it’s about the kind of person that you look at. And you go Well, yeah, she’s really got it. She she’s got this secret see of life. But she’s got the star persona when she wants it.

Bree Noble [26:17]
Yeah, I think so I, you know, when I was in my 20s, I wanted to be famous and all that. But I so got over it. And I would never want to be famous now. So I think that that’s awesome. I mean, everybody knows her name. She’s getting awards, she’s getting to do it from the comfort of her own home. But she’s getting to work with all these other amazing songwriters being a co writer. And I think, you know, for many of my students, that’s the dream, because maybe they don’t want to have to tour and that kind of thing. And so a lot of them pursue music licencing because, you know, they want to get their songs into TV and film, and they can get paid pretty well doing that and be able to work from home.

David Ralph [27:01]
I do think though, that that that’s a utopia, I think so you know, it’s certainly for me, I would love to be absolutely globally famous on a podcast, but nobody knows me. I kind of Batman persona. When I turn on the microphone, now it’s him. But nobody knows where I live. Nobody, you know, that kind of secret. Because it must be dreadful must admit being a say, a Brad Pitt or whatever, when you’re walking down the street, and everyone’s looking at you all the time. But you’ve also got to have that ability of getting out there and and opening doors. So one coming to, you can lead to one, but you’ve got to go through that initial stage of really being out there, don’t you?

Bree Noble [27:42]
Oh, yeah, I mean, you know, I, when I was doing my music career, I was not ever famous. But you know, I was I was known around California within certain circles as being a performer. But now, as being someone who’s running an online business, like I have to put myself out there so much, I have to be on video. And you know, and my voice is everywhere with all these podcasts. And I feel like so many more people know me now. And that’s kind of an uncomfortable feeling. But I know that that’s what has to be done. If I want to reach and find, you know, the perfect students that I can help. That’s the way I have to do it. And it’s a little uncomfortable sometimes because you know, you’re gonna, you’re going to get people that are going to criticise you, whenever you put yourself out there in any way. You’re going to get people that criticise you and you just have to have a thick skin for that

David Ralph [28:38]
did you care of because I I don’t care if somebody criticises me, they can say, Well, I work he eats water off a duck’s back. Now, in

Bree Noble [28:47]
years go lucky. Like I don’t, I mean, I’m getting there. But I was certainly not there in the beginning. And when you get that first, like someone railing on you for something that you’re like, I don’t even understand how they got that out of what I said. It’s just like, maybe I should just crawl in a hole and you know, but you get over it, because you you just I I have a file in my computer of testimonials of my students. And whenever something like that happens, I always go back and read it. Because it helps motivate me so much and helps push that out of my mind. Because you know, as a performer, a lot of times like, people will love you and they’ll be clapping and they’ll buy your music. And then one radio person will say, oh, you’re not a good enough singer to be on our station. And that’s the only thing that will stick with you. So you have to have strategies to combat that.

David Ralph [29:37]
Now you don’t just ignore them, Jesse. Oh, my

Bree Noble [29:40]
gosh, you’re so lucky. People can’t do that.

David Ralph [29:44]
Yeah. But you know about when you start to get a profile of classic example, if you put yourself out on YouTube, you get all the bull comments. Now I’m not on YouTube, but I keep them thinking about doing it. And I just know that you see the comments on bear. It’s just vitriol and an openness. And it’s just because it’s a sad little people that are looking at you as something bigger than them. And so they try to bring you down, I just look at it as a badge of honour, I would have a big pile of horrible letters. I’d have them piled up as motivation. And I wouldn’t read a single one of them i would i would get my my horrible letter P a person to read them. And then say to me, yeah, that’s a really bad one. And then just put it at the top of the pile for motivation.

Bree Noble [30:27]
Yeah, I mean, I always tell musicians to like get someone else to read their YouTube comments. Someone should be reading through them, but don’t read them yourself. Because they can they can get ridiculously mean. And I don’t understand why people have to be that way. I guess I have nothing better to do. And you know, are they putting themselves out there? No. So you gotta think about it that way. I don’t know how you do that, though. Because it’s really hard. Like you just have, you’re lucky to have that kind of a personality.

David Ralph [30:56]
Well, I’ve always had that personality. I’ll be honest, I used to go into rooms and my wife is totally opposite. If you put her in a room with 1000 people and one person hates her. She want to know why that one person hates her. And I’m the opposite. If you put me in a room and 999 people hate me. I just think okay, I’ll go find the next 999 You know, it doesn’t really bother me. Because there’s so many people in the world on it. There’s 7.8 billion people in the world. But you don’t need that many people a to make a business as we always say this is our little bit of math but we do on this show you create a product because everybody says six speakers donate it that’s that seems to be the benchmark of everything I will teach you to make six figures come on with my coaching calls and i i will show you I don’t know what they’ve got an American voice sounds a bit like boss Hawk from Dukes of Hazzard there is always the Americans I slip into, I don’t know why I love you, really. But um, yeah, they all say six figures, six figures. So you get 200 people and you sell them a $500 product, that six figures. If you get 100 people, when you sell them, you know 1000 it once again, whatever way you want to dice it and slice it by is your maps. So if you can find 200 people that love you and 7.8 people, billion people hate you. Just ignore them. Just ignore them and and go with your tribe, I tell you one of the biggest messages I’ve ever heard Bry. And I thought this was fantastic, was thinking about your tribe as the the earth. So if you go into the earth, the centre of it, you know, it’s really, really hot. And as you go sort of further and further and further out into space, it gets colder and colder and colder. So what you need to do is find your tribe, the people that really love you, and stay as close to them as possible to protect them and to nurture them and to give them all your time. It’s your hate. And as it goes out and out and out. You spend less and less time and attention with the people until they become your clients. And then you push them into that centre bit. And all you’ve got to do is just wrap your arms around that little ball of flames and keep it safe because that is your Detroit.

Bree Noble [33:01]
Huh? I like that analogy a lot. And it’s, it’s so true. And I try to remind myself of that every day.

David Ralph [33:08]
Well, I’m gonna I’m going to remind you, I’m gonna phone you up. I’ll pause for every morning. I care that it’s dark in your world. And don’t worry,

Bree Noble [33:15]
I’m awake. I got up at four this morning. So you can call me at half past four. If you want. I’ll be up.

David Ralph [33:21]
when when when you start trying the old guitar when when is it good? Is it a guitar or a piano that you like?

Bree Noble [33:27]
It’s a keyboard

David Ralph [33:28]
is a cable? So do you have headphones?

Bree Noble [33:31]
Uh, yeah, but I’m not usually working on music in the morning. I’m mostly working on business stuff and emails and, you know, talking with my students and creating products and stuff like that.

David Ralph [33:43]
So so you wouldn’t wake up in the middle of night and think I’ll show you Diane Whelan. I’ve got this tune in my head and, and jump out and start banging away at the old job. Well,

Bree Noble [33:51]
I have in the past. I mean, actually, when I was pregnant, oh my gosh, I would wake up all the time in the night because I had a baby that would get hiccups. And me and all the things. And I would get up in the night and record I was recording an album at that point. And I would record you know, of course, we didn’t have any kids then. So I would go off in the next room and my husband would be sleeping and I’d be in there recording music in the middle of the night.

David Ralph [34:15]
You have nightmares Oh, didn’t you?

Bree Noble [34:18]
They didn’t hear it.

David Ralph [34:20]
I bet I did. I better go he goes again, we thought the same three lines for the last six hours, move on and sing something different.

Bree Noble [34:30]
I didn’t care about that. I didn’t know my neighbours. Orange County was very impersonal. So they never said hi to me. So I guess they don’t. They don’t i don’t care that I was bothering them in the night.

David Ralph [34:40]
So you found that ability to not care. You see, we’ve talked

Bree Noble [34:43]
I did I tapped into that.

David Ralph [34:45]
Yeah, all we’ve got to do is think of your haters as your neighbours. And then you can sort through

Bree Noble [34:52]
now, thank goodness. But yeah, that back then my neighbours never talked to me.

David Ralph [34:56]
Yeah, that would that would be perfect. So let’s talk about the future female musician Academy, because that seems brilliant. Because that seems to pull in your passions and brings it into sort of a monthly membership or whatever. And that is when things become stable in your life. How did you first sort of market that because there is a truth in entrepreneurial world. But we all are very creative. Until we get to the point of realising that creativity won’t go anywhere, unless we understand marketing. How did you actually do that?

Bree Noble [35:27]
Well, actually, I was I guess I was somewhat smart and somewhat lucky. So I, in about 2007, I started a an online radio station called Women of substance radio, because I was a performing songwriter, and female and I had connected with a lot of those. And I felt like there’s so many good female artists out here, why am I not hearing them on the radio. So I said, well, heck, I’ll just create my own radio. So I created a radio station online, I started playing lots of female artists, it grew, it became a commercial online station eventually turned into an award winning podcast. But because of that, I had a huge list of independent female artists that I was working with and helping promote their music. And in 2015, I decided to start the Academy. And because I already had this list, I said, you know, I’m just going to do a pre sale, and I’m, before I build a single thing, I’m going to go to my list, and hopefully by now they know me like me, and trust me and say, you know, I’m going to start this academy, here’s what it’s going to be, here’s the kind of training you’re going to get, here’s the courses I have planned inside of it. And this is what the community is going to be. And you know, would you be willing to, you know, be a founding member. And I gave them, you know, a pretty low yearly price at that point. And I had, I think it was 18 people at first jump on board. And that gave me the, you know, the startup money to hire someone to help me to get my courses going. And after that I just started selling it on webinars, and mostly webinars, you know, building my list, selling it on webinars, and you know, now I’ve created kind of a free group on Facebook and, and they can kind of come in there and get to know me and what I do, and then a lot of them are coming on over to the academy as well.

David Ralph [37:22]
And is that is that a natural fit? As you say you didn’t like sort of being on video and putting yourself out there. And webinars are? Well, they’re very warm right now, if you do it. Well. It’s literally us saying that this is me, this is what I will promise to you come over to my programme.

Bree Noble [37:40]
Yeah, I mean, webinars were a little rough at first for me, but mostly because of the tech. But I love webinars now, but yeah, at first, I was kind of uncomfortable on video. I loved hiding behind my slides. I’m getting better now that you know, Facebook Live is so big, I’m getting better it just coming on screen and talking to my audience and not feeling like I need to hide behind my slides. But yeah, I mean, it takes a while to get used to how to be on webinars, you know, how do you be fun and friendly and, and talking with everybody on them while also teaching while also selling. I mean, it’s like, it’s a weird, like, trying to put all these hats on at once, but not show that you have all the mon at each time, you know what I mean? And so the thing that’s worked best for me is just to be myself be authentic, you know, try to foster this community of working together and learning together and then just say, hey, if you like this, here’s something more you can have, you know, not feel like it needs to be all salesy and, and, you know, just really polished or anything, but tell them, you know, this is what you get. This is what you’ll create when you come into the programme. And this is why I think you belong here.

David Ralph [39:00]
It’s funny, because webinars are so hugely powerful. And when I did my first one, I’ve come from 25 years of standing in front of people doing training courses, and it was quite difficult to spin, working a room on to a webinar.

Bree Noble [39:14]
Oh my gosh, you’re talking to yourself, you feel silly. You’re standing in front of a computer, like talking to yourself, and especially if you have slides, and you can’t see the chat, I’ve actually started having my iPad next to me, so I can see the chat because otherwise I just feel like I’m talking to no one

David Ralph [39:30]
is, um, though, isn’t it after? Well, when you

Unknown Speaker [39:33]
super fun? Yeah.

David Ralph [39:36]
So So what are we going to do? Then let’s, let’s take your talents and my talents and our singing prowess. Because I think that there’s a there’s a business here Bry I think, you know, we’ve we’ve got this special relationship, as I always say in Trump land between the United Kingdom and America. So what are we going to do? How can we take a podcast and get people to really buy into it? How you do it? Show us how you market?

Bree Noble [40:03]
Huh? Okay, so podcast,

I would say that what we want to do is we want to interview people that have done exactly what our future audience wants to do. And we want to talk to them about, you know, how they’re doing it and a lot more about the frustrations that they’ve experienced along the way. And then we want to, you know, market that to them saying, you know, like, basically, here’s somebody that looks like you or looks like you want to look like in a few years. And you know, here’s what you can learn from them.

David Ralph [40:47]
I think that’s brilliant. I think that is as simple as that, isn’t it? I podcast is nothing more than opening a communication channel. It’s two people talking with a third person listening in until they feel competent enough actually connect with you. I think that podcasting is the most powerful thing that you can do for any business it outranks blogging, outranks, well, probably webinars, but you you use a podcast to lead into that. But it’s that personal connexion, isn’t it, people do not buy businesses that they can’t see they don’t go to these standard websites anymore. They go to the person, they will go to Bry. And that’s why the about pages you go over to the about pages now. It’s all really raw and open stuff, because people realise that they can’t hide anymore.

Bree Noble [41:33]
For sure, I mean, I love my podcast, because I love being able to share things on there that I wouldn’t. I don’t even think I’d put some of those things in writing, you know what I mean? But I say them because I’m an authentic person, I try to be authentic. And when it comes up, like Yeah, I remember when this happened. It totally sucked. And you know, and I think that really connects people to me, because I’m willing to be honest about things. And truthfully, I don’t think it could be that honest in writing, or on video, I think something about just the the audio of, of me having a conversation with someone. I feel like I’m just sitting with them at Starbucks, having a conversation and really talking about, you know, the struggles and everything. And not even realising that other people could overhear me.

David Ralph [42:26]
Do you lie? Do you ever lie? Are you 100%? Honest?

Bree Noble [42:29]
Do I lie? I don’t think I lie. I mean, I suppose occasionally, I might embellish the truth, but I don’t think so. I mean, I know I don’t, I don’t lie.

David Ralph [42:39]
Now, because all right, I hate some podcasters I’ll be honest, and nothing, I don’t buy that. I don’t buy that at all. And if you do that little bit of online stalking and you sort of look around behind the storey is there’s a lot of untruths out there. I’ve always said that every time I press record, I’m actually tormented. Sometimes I say stupid stuff. And I listen back to and it actually makes me laugh. So I don’t care. But um, I think to myself, I don’t know why even said that. But it’s what you say you you just turn on recording. Sometimes it’s genius. Like the gods are channelling through you. And sometimes it’s Oh my God, why did I ever mention that? But it’s, it’s, it’s just,

Bree Noble [43:16]
Oh, it’s so fun. It’s so fun, but it’s true. I mean, if you I don’t ever want really want to do a transcript of my show, because I feel like what I say number one is not grammatically correct. Most of the time if someone were to write it out, and I’d be like, you sound like an idiot. But somehow when you’re having a conversation, it doesn’t sound that way. It sounds completely natural.

David Ralph [43:39]
Do you ever say dirty stuff? Do you ever go x rated? 18 rated?

Bree Noble [43:44]
I do not? Because

David Ralph [43:47]
I bet you do. I bet there’s

Unknown Speaker [43:50]
not a podcast,

David Ralph [43:52]
and some director’s cuts episodes out there. Because what you should have done very busy. This is a little tip for you. You should have said yes. But no tell anybody what episodes and then I would go over and I’d have to listen to every single one of your episodes to find it easy. That’s how you get it, you you lure them in with a bit of naughty, sexy talk. And, and you win the game every single day.

Bree Noble [44:16]
I’ll remember that for future marketing.

David Ralph [44:19]
Yeah, next time we go on the show. It’s sexy talk over way where we’re going to join up sex is that is a great show. Why? Okay, what we’re going to do now we’re going to bring somebody on who I don’t think he ever really did talk about sex, maybe he did. But he did say some remarkable words. And we’re going to hear them again, here, Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs [44:38]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [45:12]
La words that make all the difference to you when you hear them.

Bree Noble [45:17]
I think so I mean, I think I think about times in my life where I’ve taken a certain turn or just a random thing happened. And it’s set this chain of events. You know, like I think about the when I made my first album, my first professional album, how did that start? Well, I got a certain book for Christmas. And in that book, I found a certain website and on that website, actually found an ad from a certain publisher. And then I contacted that publisher, and he happened to be local, and he wanted to publish my song. And then he asked me if I would come do a demo for him. And then he end up producing my album. I mean, it was just like, how did all of that happen? You know, the dots? I look back and the dots connected but had I not asked for that particular book for Christmas? Would I now be doing what I’m doing now? You know, I played the mind games with myself like that. But I think we can’t we can’t ever know how that’s going to connect when we’re when we start like he said

David Ralph [46:15]
yeah, I don’t think so either. And I think that’s the beauty of it. You know, you start something and as I say you find a dream on the way to the first dream is once you actually get to a point you think I wasn’t thinking big enough here I should take over the world. I should I should have a show that is you know, taking every download from every single person and the bigger you think actually the easier it becomes it’s a real bizarre way it’s it’s a battle in your mind more than anything else.

Bree Noble [46:43]
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think we’re constantly battling limiting beliefs and thinking small and I know I certainly do all the time like oh, I couldn’t possibly be like this person. Why not?

David Ralph [46:56]
I can’t die. I think that talking to you. I think this is a lady who’s going to go off and do amazing stuff. And I just can’t wait for your sexy podcast this this is really going to be the thing that NASA for you. I really think this is your thing

Unknown Speaker [47:13]
to think about that

David Ralph [47:15]
you’re going to go into all the podcasting groups now and go dunk the God say don’t come on Join Up Dots. Okay.

Bree Noble [47:20]
I don’t even write sexy songs. So I can’t even imagine doing a sexy podcast.

David Ralph [47:26]
But what you really about and I thought all songs were about sex and night.

Bree Noble [47:29]
Oh, thank goodness not on the radio are but I mean, I mostly wrote you know, spiritual, inspirational kind of music storey songs you know, everything from and a lot of like I would say, you know, specific causes or things that were important to me that I wanted to highlight with a storey.

David Ralph [47:55]
I’m going to write a new theme tune for the Join Up Dots. I just decided and I want you to tell them whether this will fly. Okay, it’s just coming to my head. It simply but dots. It’s a podcast that’s got the lot. Do you think that would work?

Bree Noble [48:11]
No. Did you say that’s got the lot?

David Ralph [48:15]
Yeah, it’s got the law a safer

Bree Noble [48:16]
even though that must be a British saying because I don’t think Americans would say that’s got the lot. Why no, why not? So you’re gonna you’re going to localise your podcast with that?

David Ralph [48:26]
No, it’s just it leaves it with a Mystique, people will want to know more. You see, people do

Bree Noble [48:33]
as much tune as you’re a national anthem. Can’t believe

David Ralph [48:36]
it? I can’t believe it. Yeah, you’re turning on me yet turning on me and Diane Wallin, because that was simply the best spam it into a new format. Well, what we’re going to do now we’re going to play a bit of music, which you can criticise if you like Bry. But this is a bit that we call the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the hungry, what age would you shoes? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m going to play the theme tune. And when it fades, Europe, this is the Sermon on the mic.

Unknown Speaker [49:19]
Sermon on the Mount,

Unknown Speaker [49:21]
the sermon

Bree Noble [49:32]
I am talking to my 22 year old self right now. And what you need to know is, you are enough, you are enough, you don’t have to find a band or a group or somebody to fit yourself into. You don’t need to find someone that you think is being successful and glom onto them or try to, you know, just hang on to their coattails because you think that’s what’s going to make you successful. You are enough because you can figure out how to do this yourself. You can find an audience for yourself. You have people out there that will love what you’re doing. And you can control the stage yourself. You don’t have to be a sideline or you don’t have to just be a lead singer of a band. You can be Bree noble, the artist and people will love you.

David Ralph [50:33]
Bry what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?

Bree Noble [50:38]
The number one best way is to go to FEM musician. com that’s f as in female, he is an entrepreneur, musician calm, and that’s where they can find my podcast, the female entrepreneur, musician. And I would definitely recommend if you’re a musician to go to FEM musician comm slash income and grab my 19 sources of income income that you probably haven’t considered for your music business that should definitely help you out.

David Ralph [51:05]
And is it just the ladies? Or can men be there as well?

Bree Noble [51:08]
Men can be there. Um, I always get this question. You know, my, however you described that your your little earth or your tribe, my tribe is women. But a lot I do end up speaking to a lot of men. And that’s completely fine. But you know, just know that you can’t join the female musician Academy that is only for women. But you can absolutely learn from my training, you can take my other courses. Totally cool. I have men email me all the time. Like is it okay, if I use your website? Of course it is.

David Ralph [51:40]
Well, if ever lady boy would would that would they be able to get in?

Bree Noble [51:45]
Oh, that’s a hard one. Um, we’ll have to talk.

David Ralph [51:48]
We will talk we will talk. I don’t know if I’ve got a big audience of Lady boys. But I tried to open it out to everyone. Well, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. And please come back again, when you have more dots join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Bree noble, thank you so much.

Bree Noble [52:08]
You are welcome. It’s been so fun.

David Ralph [52:11]
Green Noble. Now remember the name Bree Noble. So if you ever go over to iTunes land and you see a racy podcast, remember where you first heard it and come across to me. And I will try to get some kind of royalties or something. But I love what she’s doing. Because it is it ties up everything that you’re doing entrepreneurial land, but in a passion that is kind of overly creative. It’s a truth that musicians generally will struggle with the marketing and with the business and stuff, as podcasters do as well. And so to be able to bring her experience of all these different environments into something that is hugely valuable for these guys, I think is brilliant. And the fact that she basically told him, this is what I’m going to actually offer and did a pre sale is brilliant and really means that you can test the waters before you spend a lot of time on stuff. And that’s what entrepreneurs don’t do. They seem to just make it up as they go along. spend months creating a product, push it out into the world and then find out that nobody wants it breeze doing stuff the right way. And make sure you go over to her show and multiple shows on iTunes. Look for her name and leave a rating review for her. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Join Up Dots probably enjoyed that one. And I’ll be back next time. See ya. Bye bye.

Outro [53:29]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.

Bree Noble: From Bank Notes To Music Notes Read More »

Confidence To Try New Things Online With Danielle Watson

Confidence Building Danielle Watson Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

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If you like the show, we would be so grateful if would consider leaving the show a review in iTunes as well as Stitcher Radio.  A couple minutes of your time can help the show immensely!  Thank YOU!

 

Introducing Confidence With Danielle Watson

confidenceDanielle Watson is today’s guest joining us on Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots podcast business interview.

She is a lady who last appeared on the show back in April 2016, where we discussed claimed fame in a very unusual way.

But most excitingly for a show like Join Up Dots she hasn’t set her stall out to allow that initial success to define her but has gone on for bigger and bolder things.

As the creator of the Purse Process in 2013 her new adventures started in earnest when she started the process of being a bit nosy in ladies handbags.

And digging around to share how the secrets of the stuff that a lady carries around with them in their bag actually defines them.

Now though her dots have taken her in quite a different direction, and she is inspiring the world by posing a big question everyday……..

“I wonder what would happen if…?”

She explores this question for herself, her friends, fans, and followers by trying new things.

All the new things!

 

How The Confidence Dots Joined Up

As many new things as she can pack into a day, a week, a year.

This looks like exploring new places, trying new services, discovering new products and sharing it all through in-person appearances, her multi-platform social media presence, and her IGTV show, the Danielle Daily Show.

The second way is by sharing not just her adventures, victories, and triumphs but also her perseverance, determination, and grit when battling adversities like anxiety, being a natural introvert, and the grief of a devastating divorce.

Although each of these very human battles has proven difficult, all have subsequently helped her to rise towards becoming the fearless, beautiful, and powerful woman she has always aspired to be.

Ultimately, she inspires people with her sense of courage and playfulness coupled with a willingness to take risks, admit her mistakes, and reveal her vulnerabilities.

Fans know she is a reliable source of positivity and a strong advocate for people, products, experiences, ideas, and resources she thinks are awesome.

This is a lady putting herself out there in a raw and honest way that is making a difference, and I love her

So why did she pivot from digging around in the handbags of the world?

And how does she come up with her ideas and new adventures?

Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Danielle Watson.

 

Show Highlights

How being confident in life is not something that we can carry around to every environment. It might be something that flourishes and dims throughout the day.

Danielle shares how her new business grew simply from the process of digging around and trying things. 

She shares why she feels so many people miss out on having the amazing life because of their unwillingness to match up with others outputs.

Why it is better to ask for help and support from people in your local community and close to you before ever reaching out to strangers.

And lastly……..

Danielle shares deeply personal insight as to how the phrase life changing income can mean so much to many people in the world (but sometimes we forget that we are doing so well)

 

Connect With Danielle Watson

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Return To The Top Of Confidence

If you enjoyed this episode of Join Up Dots business coaching podcast, then why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as David Kadavy, Dan Lok, Sophie Radcliffe, or the amazing Bree Noble
 
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.

 

Full Transcription Of Confidence With Danielle Watson Interview

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello. Yeah. Good morning, everybody. Good morning to Join Up Dots. This is gonna be a good episode. I tell you, it’s a good episode because I love this lady. I do. I love her. I’m gonna put it out to the world. But there is another lady in my life, who I adore. And it’s today’s guest. And she first appeared on the show back in April 2016, where we discuss how she had claimed fame in a very unusual way. Now, for that show. She was the creator of the purse process, a new adventures, which started in earnest when she started the process of being a bit nosy and ladies handbags and digging around to share how the secrets of the stuff that a lady carries around with them in their bag actually defines them. But now adults have taken her in quite different direction and she’s inspiring the world by posing a big question every day. I wonder what would happen if now she explores the question for herself and her friends and her fans and followers by just trying new things, any new things, whatever new thing she’ll be doing. And she packs them into days, weeks and years. And this exploring of new places and trying new services and discovering new products. She shares all three in person appearances, her multi platform social media presence, and her Instagram TV show. But Danielle Daily Show. Now the second way is by sharing not just her adventures, victories and triumphs, but also her perseverance, determination and grit when battling adversities like anxiety, being a natural introvert, and the grief of a devastating divorce. Now, although each of these very human battles has proven difficult, all have really helped him rise towards becoming the fearless, beautiful and powerful woman she’s always aspired to be. fans know, she’s a reliable source of positivity and a strong advocate for people products, experiences, ideas, and resources she thinks are awesome. Now, this is a lady putting herself out there in a raw and honest way that is making a difference. And as I say, as I say Alaba Alaba. So why did she pivot from digging around in the handbags of the world and just being a bit nosy? And how does she come up with her ideas and her new adventures that she shares everywhere? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Danielle Watson. Good morning, Danielle. How are you?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [2:46]
Good morning, David. I am fantastic.

David Ralph [2:50]
But you are because you’re Daniel Watson. You’re Daniel Watson. You’re out there doing your phone. You’ve got your Instagram TV, which I’ll be honest, I’m a middle aged man. I looked at IG TV and I had to work out what it meant for a little bit. But yeah, you’re out there. Life is good for you. And

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [3:06]
it is life is so good. Right now I am just doing everything. I never thought I would have the energy or the drive to do and it is incredible. I’m just getting out there trying new things, meeting new people. My latest IG TV show was about how I suddenly realised that I’ve come to a point in my life where I actually go out on my own because I want to not because I have to not because I’m forcing myself to get comfortable with that. And that was just a huge, huge, I’ve been telling that to everybody who will listen to me. I’m like, guess what? I can have fun going out on my?

David Ralph [3:48]
And then do you go to meals on your own? Do you go to the cinema on your own? Yes,

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [3:53]
David, I can do anything by myself. Now I can go and sit at a nice restaurant, I can go to the movies, I can go to a social event, I can go to a wedding. Anywhere I can go on my own and I can have a good time. And now I’ve actually discovered that I like to go on my own sometimes because what I figured out is that I don’t know about you, but when I’m with somebody that I know I give them my full and undivided attention. So I’m very focused on them and the conversation that we’re having, and I’m having a great time. But when I go out by myself, I talk to new people and I have experiences that I wouldn’t normally have. And I really immerse myself in in the in the environment in a way that I never would if I’m with somebody else because then I just sort of lean back and I’m like well I’m I’m here with my friend and I’m enjoying my friend. There’s so much yeah, it is it isn’t really is. When you’re when you’re the kind of person that really cares about your friends, you want them to feel like you’re giving them their attention, your attention, but when you go out on your own you’re You’re not tied to that you can be a little butterfly and, you know, talk to this person over here and talk to that person over there. I’ve ended up getting cool invites to different events, concert tickets, advice, all different sorts of things that I never would have received. If I had been there with someone

David Ralph [5:19]
about I’m gonna say a question, I’m gonna pose this right. And this, this is going to sound bad. But I think every man out there is thinking that if you wasn’t an attractive lady, do you think you’d get the same if you were sitting there? And basically weren’t making the most of yourself? Do you think you’d get all these offers?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [5:37]
Absolutely. I think that what people,

David Ralph [5:41]
you’re just, you’re just saying that you don’t really do

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [5:44]
it, I really, really do. I think what people are attracted to most is your vibe. And your interest in that, yes, be having a beautiful smile, and a pretty face will get you you know, that initial attention from somebody, but it doesn’t create a connection that lasts, it doesn’t make them want to, you know, follow you on Instagram, or be your Facebook friend, or introduce you to someone, you have to have more substance than a pretty face.

David Ralph [6:15]
Because I have been using this week, this isn’t my current muse, why some businesses are just sexy, you just look. And you almost want to lick the screen, there’s something about which is astonishing. And also why some old people are sexy as well. And I was watching I was on a plane back from Florida. And you know, when everybody else is watching a film, and you’re not, and you’re just sitting there, and you can see the screens on everyone’s on the back of the chairs. And there was this film with Diane Keaton in it. And I don’t know how old Diane Keaton is, but she must be late 70s or something. And I was pondering how she is so kind of just sexy and vibrant. And I thought to myself, it’s the competence, isn’t it? That’s what makes it sexy is not what somebody looks like. It’s not what something somebody gives you. It’s the competence. And I think that’s where you have changed in the last couple of years. I think that beforehand, when you last connected, you was playing at being competent. But now I think you are and that is sexy. That is that does get you theatre tickets and cinema tickets. I’m sure it does.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [7:24]
Thank you. And I think you hit it right on the head there. I had a period of my life where I had no confidence. And then I found myself wanting to build it. And I use the the old saying, you know, fake it till you make it. And so I just projected all this confidence. And in the process of that, I actually learned what being confident meant. So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pretending to be confident. The key is to not cross over into arrogance, which I stepped on that line a few times. Definitely not going to the place where you pretend you have all the answers. But acting as if you believe in yourself, even when you don’t quite yet. It’s amazing. When you do that, people start to believe in you too. And their belief in you will then fuel your actual belief in yourself. And it’s it just becomes this feedback loop where you being willing to say, okay, you know, I believe in myself, I’m gonna go try this thing. I’m gonna do this thing, even though I’m, you know, terrified, I’m gonna do it anyways, people will see that act of doing something that you’re uncomfortable doing as courage. And that is the piece that ends up really building the confidence.

David Ralph [8:40]
Yeah, I agree with that. Because competency is one of those things, which is, it’s very territorial, you can be very competent in a certain situation, but not competent somewhere else. For example, I hate social events. I hate going into a place. And I’ve said this on the show many, many times, if somebody asks me to go to a sort of a small talk venture where you have to go in there and just introduce yourself, I have to play a role. i It’s not my natural thing. If I went into a place and there was just one person, I’d sit down with them and have a conversation for eight hours. And I’d be fine with that. But people hear you on the microphone, they see you on Instagram TV, and they think that you’re competent in all areas. And it’s, it’s important to say to the listener out there, just because somebody is showing it in some place, it doesn’t mean that it carries around with them, does it?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [9:29]
You’re absolutely right. I ran up against this recently. So as many of our listeners know from my last interview, I’m a TEDx speaker. And so people think that I’m naturally just this amazing public speaker. And that’s actually not true every single time. I have to get up and give a talk or even if I’m at a networking event, and they ask us, you know, say your name and your business name. I start shaking on the inside. It’s something that I haven’t yet learn to be able to control I don’t feel confident about being the centre of attention in that way. If I’m behind a microphone, I’m fine if I’m with a group of people, and I’m having a one to one conversation with the person next to me, but if I am standing at the front of the room or on a stage, I am not feeling confident, I am feeling anxious. But I’m also determined to overcome that and to say what it is I need to say anyways. So I’ve learned to just be like, well, this is who you are, you’re not confident here. You don’t feel like the boss, you are shaking inside. And sometimes visibly, if I were to hold a piece of paper in my hand, like no cards, you would see the I’m physically shaking, but I don’t let it stop me. Because I’m, I’m just there. And I know that eventually I will develop past that. And so for now, I’m kind of doing the same thing. I’m doing courage until I find confidence. And people really respect and admire that.

David Ralph [11:03]
I used to be a three times we person, I used to have to go to the toilet three times before anything, and I could get up on stage, it’d be absolutely fine. And even courses I’ve done multiple times. I always used to have to have a quick way three times beforehand.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [11:20]
I never thought about that until you said that. But yes, I suffer from anxiety we

David Ralph [11:26]
Yeah. I’d be perfectly calm. I’d look like I was breezing through it but inside inside he was saying and it’s that that is the fight or flight isn’t it? Apparently it is you have to make yourself lighter you so that if anything goes on, you can run away. And I was certainly not ready for fighting. But I was I was flighty. So why did you change brain from digging around in people’s handbags? Because that was that was a weird one. And I still remember that being, you know, blimey people can make money in any direction to doing what you’re doing now.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [11:58]
Yeah, so it was interesting when I sort of hit the apex of doing my purse process and digging around in women’s handbags using archaeology. My personal life fell apart. So my business and professional life was at its peak, and my personal life fell apart. And I ended up going through a devastating divorce that took me a lot to recover from both emotionally and financially. I’m still recovering from that financially, to be honest. But I didn’t really know what I wanted to do next. So in true Danyel form, I just started poking around. And I noticed that I was writing things that people were really enjoying, and that people were following me and they were inspired by me. And so in the process of of that first year of grief, I ended up writing a book and it’s actually available on Amazon. It’s called Dear self, I love you. And it’s a series of encouragement that I wrote to myself every single day. And I truly did write them to myself. And they were all about how I was feeling or what I was learning or what I was hoping to gain by going through whatever it was that I’d gone through on that particular day. So it’s interesting, because the most painful experience in my life actually ended up fulfilling a lifelong dream I had of being an author. And I think that’s so cool. Because a lot of times we think, you know, something bad has happened in life or something we wouldn’t have wished for. But we have a lot of choice around how we tell the story about that, and what it means to us and how we rebuild after something like that happens. So for me, it built me into an author. And then after that, you know, I noticed that I had learned a lot about how to manage myself how to give myself a pep talk when I was having a bad day. And so that’s when I launched the first edition of the Daniel Daily Show. And so it was a literally daily show at that point, which is exhausting. If any of our listeners are thinking about doing a daily show, please, please rethink that because it was very tiring. I did over 100 episodes of that. And basically I just talked about no things I was learning in life and gave people some advice on you know, how they could manage the things that were coming up in their life, whether that was a breakup, or going out to dinner on their own for the first time, all sorts of things and then you know, I kind of tired with myself with that. And I took a year off and I just basically tore down my whole life like I just I moved. I wasn’t doing any of my business activities anymore. Where did you move to and from? So I just moved cities I still live in the Washington DC metro area, but I moved the type of house that I lived in. I went from a large home to a tiny one bedroom Hondo. And then I actually ended up moving in with friends because I found that I was so lonely. I was so lonely I didn’t. I lived on my own. And I’m an introvert and I like having time but on my own, but I missed having people to say good morning to I miss knowing that somebody cared. If I came home at night, and I’ve

David Ralph [15:22]
got, I’ve got a family full of me, I love it when they’re not there. Every morning, it’s full my house every evening. And then as they get older, and boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and God knows what, I love it when they all clear off, I do. I would love that life, Danielle.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [15:40]
And, you know, I thought I would love that life too. But what I found is that, like anything, I have a maximum capacity for my own company. So we have a maximum capacity, I think, for anything. And for me, I just reached that. And so I decided that you know, I was going to live with friends. And that has been fan tastic. I have my own space, I have my own privacy. But when I want to chat with somebody I can and it’s great.

David Ralph [16:07]
I’m just jumping in on that. Because yeah, a lot of people try to start an entrepreneurial venture by maintaining their current lifestyle. And as we’ve seen on the Netflix documentary, the minimalists and their podcast, you can reduce your overheads that gives you liberation and freedom of choice, because you’re not supporting that lifestyle. Have you found that a difference, right, you’ve gone from the big house to the small house to your friends, is it less of a strain on you financially, which has allowed you to be more free with those decisions,

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [16:41]
absolutely less of a strain financially. But also, what a lot of people might not consider is that there’s a lot less strain. With your energy, like I don’t have to clean three bathrooms. I don’t have to do yard work, I don’t have to think about, you know, when the roof needs repairing, there are all these little things that you’re sort of constantly doing in a large space, that when you go down to a smaller space, you know, what might have taken me five hours to do in the past suddenly takes one hour. And then you have all this free time and free energy to spend being creative doing your business or getting out and meeting people and making friends or doing things on your own just out in the world.

David Ralph [17:27]
So the new hobby comes along, right comes along, sweeps you off your feet, and he’s got the biggest house you’ve ever seen in your life. Would you look at it and think, oh my God, I don’t really fancy going in there or you think yeah, give me the roller skates and the Duster I’m now

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [17:42]
you know, I would say I would love to live there with you. But we need to have a maid. Yeah. Totally willing to have that that large, luxurious house with the gates. But it has to come with a housekeeper.

David Ralph [18:01]
If you look at your Danielle Daily Show, and this is going to sound most of my questions sound like an insult, but they come from a matter of intrigue. And what I’m gonna say to the listeners out there is there is a time in the creation of anything where it doesn’t look like anything. And if you go over to the Danielle Daily Show, now you can see it’s a business. It’s a platform, there’s things to look at. But I remember when you started doing the videos, I didn’t get them. I didn’t understand what you was aiming for. And I used to go over and watch you do them. And then I used to go on Facebook Live when I used to go over on Facebook and all that kind of stuff. And I used to think I don’t get this what is this? But of course it was the starting point of why it has to grow to When did it get to a thing when you actually thought hang on. This is a this is a thing. Now this isn’t just me sort of messing around and doing stuff and hoping for traction. This is actually taking me in a new direction.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [19:01]
Sure I’d done about 30 episodes. It took that many for me to really realise that it was a thing I started the show as a challenge to myself to get more comfortable being on video. And I think I think that’s one of the keys to developing yourself is just allowing yourself to do something badly. And let people see you do it and realise that you’re not going to be shunned that people will have a curiosity just like you did. You would watch the show and be like, I don’t get it. But I kept doing it. And eventually you came back and it was it had become something good. I had formed it into something good. But it took all of that practice and making something that was crap. Before I could do that. And part of my brand is allowing people to see me do things imperfectly and humanly and so that more people can see the process that goes into To going from not knowing how to do something to doing something well, because I think a lot of what we see out there is people’s polished finished product. And then we don’t want to start because we know we can’t create something that is that good yet. But you can create something that’s crap and turn it into something good. You just have to be willing to keep doing it over and over. And for me, took at least 30 episodes where I for I was like, oh, yeah, I get this, I get how this, the show thing works. And I get that I need to have a sign off. And I get that I need to have a look at a theme and all that kind of stuff. But it wasn’t overnight. I’m not that kind of genius.

David Ralph [20:42]
Because it worries me with what I’m doing here, Join Up Dots, but it will get to a point where he has he’s gone through about five different versions of it really, the show pretty similar, but the actual platform looking very different and the things that I do behind the scenes. And it was always a case of as you say, I wanted people to see that I was rubbish. And here I was rubbish. But I was giving it a go and trying to. But that gets to a point where you will start putting off people that you hope to inspire, just because you sound better, or you look better than you did three or four years previously, it kind of bothers me that but there will naturally be people that look at your work, and go, I’m never going to be able to do that. I’m not and but I won’t dig around enough to go back to the first episode and sort of listen.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [21:31]
Right? That’s their loss.

David Ralph [21:35]
Did you think that? Do you think they that is their loss that I shouldn’t be thinking about those people? I should just go? Oh, well, let’s move on with the people that do want to do stuff?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [21:43]
I really do. I think that it people are. That’s one of my pet peeves is people who are unwilling to look at something for themselves, and just automatically just dismiss it. They’re just like, ah, you know, this is what it is. And it’s like, look into where it came from. I mean, that’s part of part of my archaeology background, right? I’m always looking into well, how did this start? And what was it used for? And how did it become what it is and why? I don’t know, I think that people miss out who see something that is bright and shiny and fantastic. And don’t take the time to see for themselves how something developed?

David Ralph [22:25]
Well, okay, so I’m going to play some words now. And then we’re going to delve back in to your story because Danielle Watson, I’ve got some questions that need to be asked is Jim Carrey,

Unknown Speaker [22:35]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [23:01]
Now, when I said at the beginning, there are certain businesses that you just want to lick because you think to yourself, that’s so brilliant, they’re so perfect. How sexy do you feel with what you’re doing now? Because Jim Carrey says, go for the love. People don’t because people don’t know what love is they you know, we all say we’re in love all the time, but we can’t sort of define it. Should we go for like the lust? Should we go for that feeling of yeah, this is just brilliant. I’m gonna do it, but don’t know where it leads to.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [23:31]
Yes, and I love that you played that recording. And I’m trying not to cry. Because I remember the first time I heard that it just vindicated me because I had been living that way I had chosen the path of I’m going to do what it is I want to do. And there have been so many people in my life who have said, why can’t you just take the safe path? Why can’t you just do the normal thing? Why can’t you just sit behind a desk every day? And when I heard what Jim Carrey said and how, you know, you can do that and still fail it it just meant everything to me because it was like, You know what, I might fail at this. But there’s no guarantee I wouldn’t have failed the other way. And one of the things that gives me great confidence is that whether I succeed or fail to become the successful, wonderful person that I want to be I know that at the end of my life, I will be able to look back with no regret. Because I tried I made every effort I uncovered everything that I could I turned over every stone I gave it my all I developed myself in every possible way that I could find I had all of the experiences and that that means everything to me. Are you bored? I’m sorry, I went off. I’m sorry.

David Ralph [24:58]
You’ve already succeeded them. You You are the successful person that you should be. It’s just a different level, isn’t it? You know, if you look at, say, Harrison Ford, for example, was he? Is he more successful now than when he first started Star Wars? I don’t know, he did as many films, but he’s no more successful, I wouldn’t be.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [25:18]
You know, that’s a great point. And I, you know, I have achieved a certain level of success, and I love that. But one of the things I think, is important to think about, for me and for other people is don’t mistake my celebrating, reaching milestones for success. I am going after my goals, I am doing things towards who I want to become. But I have this much larger vision in my mind of what I want for myself. And I’m not there yet. So yes, I am having successes. But I’m not successful with the capital s period at the end. How would

David Ralph [26:05]
you not beat yourself up with this? Because as you were saying, Now, I thought, I know what she means here. I know what she means. Because on certain level, people come up to me and they go, oh, what you’ve done is amazing. What and yeah, it is. And where I was, where I am now is amazing. It really is, you know, in my heart, I just think I’ve only just started, I know what I’m aiming for. And that is the that gets me down somehow that I can’t settle with where am I am, even though everybody’s saying to me, you should just be be happy, you should you know, be content with the live, how do you stop that eating you up? Like it doesn’t mean?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [26:40]
Well, I have a warrior spirit inside. And so for me, I don’t look at it so much as an opportunity to beat myself up. But I look at it and go, Okay, you have all this fight in you, you have all this ground to cover. And it’s going to be a lot of fun fighting those battles. It’s like, you have this skill inside of you that you want to exercise. And it’s only through going through that obstacle course, that you’re going to get to celebrate all of your abilities. So I try to think about it that way. That doesn’t mean I never have a moment where I’m not like, Oh my God, why are you still not, you know, accomplished at XYZ. But most of the time, I am just excited about the new abilities that I’m developing and the ways that I’m changing and growing, because I can feel that they’re like a tractor beam pulling me towards who it is that I want to be and the success that I want to have. Does that make sense?

David Ralph [27:44]
It makes total sense. It really does. And I feel like that that before I turned ON Join Up Dots, I felt I was in that tractor beam. And it was really weird. And the show has grown, I’ve become hopefully better at it. I feel more competent in different areas and stuff. But I’m still being pulled by something. And when you hear people, I’ve remember Paul McCartney saying that his best songs, he feels like he was merely a vehicle when he had to sort of struggle for it that that that wasn’t very good. But the ones that we all know, he feels like he didn’t write them, they just kind of came through him. That is where I’m aiming for that is where I’m aiming for those moments where you’re just in total flow and your best words coming out and everything’s easy. And I would say 80% of the time, it’s fair, but that 20% pugs, me, but I can’t quite get to that point where it’s just naturally occurring.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [28:38]
I love that story about Paul McCartney, because I get that feeling of when you are in that flow. But what I think I’m discovering, it’s sort of like running, right, like being somebody who can run five miles Well, in order to be in that state of flow and running that five miles and feeling really good. You have to do all those smaller runs, right? You have to become somebody who can run one mile and two miles and three miles, and four. And then you hit that point where doing that one mile feels easy and like flow. And someday the five miles will feel easy and like flow, but having to practice and not just like walking out the gate in that flow of being able to run five miles with ease isn’t wrong. It’s it’s like we have to do those practice runs and able to be able to perform at that high level.

David Ralph [29:33]
Yeah, you got to do 1500 podcast episodes. You’ve got to do 400 videos, you’ve got to do all this kind of stuff. Yeah, I look at people and people that are 8000 podcasts, and people go, Oh my god, that’s amazing. That’s 8000 You know, that’s almost a 10,000 hour. And I think to myself, just getting going really, isn’t it? You know, no matter where you are, if you want to be something you’ve got to do that thing. You know, and you’ve got to do it and do it and do it. Stephen King, for example, he didn’t write his classic first go, you know, he might have done it three or four in, but he believes he’s getting better and better because he’s doing it all the time. And I’m always amazed Daniel, when people and it occurs a lot in podcasting, something I heard the other day 75% of podcasts that start stop 75% of people have bought a microphone, they’ve started doing it. Like I said, they’re a host, they bought a website, they’ve created it, blah, blah, blah, and they stop three quarters stop. So that just means that the ones that aren’t stopping are going to be so far ahead of the curve. The people that have done 1000 are going to be like a billion ahead of everyone else. And so if you want to do something, just start doing it. And it’s going to be crap, it’s going to be rubbish. But no one’s gonna listen anyway, at the beginning, no one’s going to look at your work, but he gets into something, you’ve got to start doing it and keep on doing it, don’t you?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [31:04]
I cannot agree more. And you know, one of the things for me that comes up, you talked about the 10,000 hours to mastery, or sometimes even more. And I think about that myself. And I think I know there’s an underlying theme that I’m working towards mastering here, but I can’t quite see it. Because on the surface, it looks like Well, I’m doing all these different things, right. But I, I know, there’s something I’m working towards mastering. It’s just not something straightforward, like a number of how many podcasts I’ve done, I really think it’s something inside of me some way that I’m developing who I am that I’m going to be mastered flat. And I’m really looking forward to being able to join up the dots on that and the end and realise, Oh, of course, that’s exactly what was happening. It makes so much sense. Now,

David Ralph [31:54]
will you come back on the show when that happens? Absolutely. Just send me a Facebook message and go, it’s happened. It’s happened. I was in the shower. And suddenly it occurred to me. Now one of the things that did sort of occur to me was when I was looking at your business, I was thinking, I don’t know how she’s making money on this, that it wasn’t evident to me how you’re actually doing it other than sponsorship and different things. Is it product placement? Do people pay you to sort of review their products and stuff? How are you doing it?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [32:26]
Yeah, so like you said, I have sponsors for my show. I also do have people who give me products, which is awesome. And I’m going to be working to partner with some some larger sponsors. So that is really where I’m working on developing getting an income source from it is very much in the early stages, I’m probably making you know, a few $1,000 A month it just it’s not anything to write home about. But I know that it’s possible with that influencer model, because I have eyes on me to get larger, larger income stream coming with that. So I’m sure the next time we talk that will be my main income stream. I also have a small income stream from the book that I published. But my main income stream is still what what I’ve been doing for years and that is coaching women who are just starting out in their entrepreneurial journey. i It’s funny when I was a yoga teacher that was my very first business. My favourite people to work with were beginners I like to introduce people to something new and exciting and teach them you know, the very basics of it and and that is really how I have made a steady income that has kept me being able to you know, pay for my car insurance and a roof over my head is introducing people to the very basic minutiae of how do you have a conversation with somebody about what it is you that you do, how do you go to a networking event? What kind of things would you expect there? What do you need? And it’s not something I talk about a lot because it’s not where I want to continue to develop myself but I guess the universe has other plans because it keeps paying me that way.

David Ralph [34:15]
And can I say something to you Danielle’s? I’m gonna spank you I’m gonna spank you on this podcast. And I bet you’ve never had that offer from me but anyway, no. But you said something now I thought my God that she made her she said that you said you’re earning a couple of $1,000 which isn’t life changing for some people that is per month some for some people you know you are ahead of the curve. When you look at that, do you think to yourself actually my god if that was an I Can an Indian family in New Delhi VAT word that would you know absolutely be life changing different perspective, but I just picked up on it.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [34:54]
Oh my goodness. So that that’s fantastic. I’m glad that you pointed out to me because you’re absolutely Write for some people, that would be all they need. And, you know, back in the days when I was married, I would have been so happy to make a couple of 1000. Because that would have been, you know, vacation money. And all I look at is I live in the Washington DC area, it is really expensive here. And that won’t, that won’t go very far. So thank you for that perspective.

David Ralph [35:22]
Yeah, I’ve, there was a picture that one person sent to me, and I’ve always looked it over it, but I can’t find it. And it was basically a one room building in New Delhi or somewhere. And this family of Indians were sitting there on a rug, and one of them was just laying on the floor. And there was about eight of them in this room. And it was, you know, as good as I could get. And the message underneath was, no matter how bad your day is, somebody’s always worse off, you know, and it was just such a profound image. Well, I’m sitting here and I go, Oh, me Wi Fi is not working. You know, I can’t I can’t watch the last episode of Netflix and stuff. We haven’t got much to complain about up we we we’ve already we’re in life changing mode, aren’t we?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [36:09]
You are absolutely right. You are so right. I love the image of that of that picture. Because it really does give you perspective, it’s so easy for me to get caught up in you know, what, what are the goals that I have for my life and what I would consider a successful month and what I want, but compared to what a lot of people are having, I’ve already made it.

David Ralph [36:31]
Yeah. And of course, I will still spank you if you want it, you know? I don’t need to take that back. Once it’s out there. You’re gonna have a perk somehow in this job. You really do. Now now with your sponsorship, it interests me with your sponsorship because I personally, I have a lot of sponsors, sniffing around the show, and I have been for a while. And they come through to me and they say, you know, how much to sponsor the show for a month or quarter and stuff? And there’s a dance that goes on? Oh, no, it won’t fit into our budget, would you do this? Would you do that? And I always get to the point I go, I can’t be bothered. I can’t be bothered to discuss it. Have you found that with yours because I know a lot of people look to going through a sponsorship route, slap a few ads on and it’s gonna work out alright. But it’s it’s difficult it is it’s like playing a game of poker, not showing your hand because you want the best for your product and they want the best for theirs. And more often than not, you sort of fall in the wayside somewhere.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [37:34]
You know, it is interesting. You said it exactly right. It is a little bit of a dance, it is a little bit of a negotiation. And I do have people who say Yes, right away. And I have people who say no right away. And I have people who say yes. And later say no. But I you know, this is new for me having sponsors for the show. So I haven’t quite reached that point where I’m I can’t be bothered yet. I’m in the point where I still have to be bothered, because I need to learn how to be better at making the offer in a way that people will say yes to. But what we didn’t talk about with the sponsorships. And I think a lot of people listening will be wondering, because basically everybody I mean wants to ask me, they’re asking me, you know, how how did you get sponsors? Because when I started getting sponsors, my show had been on break for a year, I didn’t even have the show wasn’t even happening at that point. And I never had sponsors before. And so people are like, how did you do that? You know, you’re supposed to have a certain number of viewers or clicks or downloads or these metrics, right? You’re supposed to have these measurables to give people and I look them dead in the face when I see them. And and I say, Well, I just asked, I just asked people if they’d like to be a sponsor?

David Ralph [38:51]
Yeah, no, no, I’m gonna jump in. I’m gonna jump in red light. Because as you were saying that I thought this is a business because I noticed so many podcasters out there, there’s so many YouTubers and stuff. Number one thing is you’ve got to find these people. Number two, you’ve got to find their brand manager, their director, whatever their contact details, you’ve got to get past the gatekeeper. There is a series of steps is not that you just asked them?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [39:19]
Well, I think a lot of people don’t take that step of asking at all because they feel like they have to have all of these credentials before asking is an option. And if you have to find their email or whatever, you’re gonna have to do that whether you have the credentials or not. So my encouragement to people is whether you have a reason to back it up or not. Find the people that you want to ask and ask them the worst thing that’s going to happen is they’re going to say no, but some people are going to say yes,

David Ralph [39:57]
which is true in life, but vain you In batons, how do you pitch yourself? How do you pitch your price?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [40:04]
So for me, I just tell people, I’d love to have you, this is what I’m offering, this is what you will get for that price. It’s really simple. It’s like ridiculously simple. I made a one page sheet that says, here’s the price, here’s how long that price is good for. Here’s what I’ll do for you. And again, saying, I’d love to have you and that’s it.

David Ralph [40:30]
And you randomly Googled, you sit there going, why, okay, what products would fit well, for me and my audience? Do you do a little bit of brain storming? Or do you just drive around Washington DC in your car, looking at places going, Oh, I’ll contact them.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [40:45]
You know what I did the same thing that I’ve done since the very first time I started my started a business for myself. And this is something that I find a lot of people miss as I went to the people already in my circle to start, people want to go outside their circle, they feel like they need to contact these big companies. But go to people in your local community. Think of people that you already know who have a business start right with where you are. It’s eventually Yes, you can go out and you can pitch those larger companies. But why not start with people who already know like, and trust you?

David Ralph [41:24]
Genius, right is a genius. That is the gold, isn’t it?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [41:29]
Yeah, it’s served me no matter what venture I’ve been on from being you know, a yoga teacher to doing my purse process to being an author. All of my first dollars have always come from people who already knew me as a person.

David Ralph [41:45]
And do when you walk into shops now do they go Oh, bloody Lea, she is again write a check. Write a check. She’s, she’s she’s on the scrounge again.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [41:56]
I haven’t gotten to that point of repeat yet. But I’ll let you know.

David Ralph [42:02]
It can happen. But no, the world is abundance, isn’t it? And that’s what I say to everyone. If somebody wants to do what you’re doing, do it. Reach out to Danielle, and Danielle will be happy to tell you how to do it. Because no one can tread on your toes. You know, I spend so much time showing people about podcasting. And I would say probably once again, I would say about 80% Don’t do anything with it at all. They just don’t. Because they look at the competition. And they think oh my god, it’s tau is so busy already. Makes not a blind bit of difference. Yeah, you can have 2 million podcasts. 600 million of that and you’ve still got 7.8 billion people. And what did they say? Make a 500 pounds product. Sell it to 200 people you’re on six figures a year? Yep. Easy in it. Danielle. It easy. It’s just

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [42:53]
it’s not it’s not that easy. But it does work in

David Ralph [42:57]
the park. Danielle was near we were rolled out of bed at our past the level and we do a couple of emails. 100 grand by the afternoon and then we turn off and go and watch Netflix. Don’t wait, don’t wait. Isn’t that what we do?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [43:10]
I wish I still wish that was the case. The steps are simple. And the process it is easy when it’s working. And a lot of it is just getting past all the reasons that we shouldn’t try something.

David Ralph [43:29]
I saw Gary Vee the other day now get Gary Vee Gary Vaynerchuk, as he calls himself. He’s one of these guys that I 50% of what he says I go Yeah, I totally buy into that. And 50% I kind of go, Gary, Gary, listen to yourself. And he was going on about that entrepreneurship is DNA is in your DNA. And I think I think that’s rubbish. I think that anyone can start a business, anyone can be a success. You don’t have to have it in the DNA. But you do need to logically think that a failure is not just a full stop, you can move on, you know, a once when logic comes into, you know, I wouldn’t say I was entrepreneurial at all I am now because I think I’ve grown into over five or six years. But at the beginning, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. It wasn’t God’s gift that I was going to end up where I am now. I think he’s rubbish, don’t you?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [44:31]
You know, it’s funny. I was just having this conversation with somebody the other day, whether it’s something that’s nature or nurture, and I think there are some people that have more tolerance for risk, but I don’t believe that isn’t something that you can make yourself more used to over time. I think really, it’s not that some people have entrepreneurial or ideas or entrepreneurial drive that makes them an entrepreneur or Not, I really think it’s that tolerance for risk and that ability to go, Okay, I might fail and like you said, Get up and try again and not just crawl into into a cave cave of shame. Where Well, you know, once you failed, you are a failure. I think there’s a key mental identifier. And it’s that if you, if you have a failure, some of us think I failed. And some of us think I’m a failure. And I think that’s the key difference. I think if you can think of yourself as somebody who failed, rather than someone who is a failure. That is, that’s what’s going to allow you to become a successful entrepreneur, eventually, it may take many failures, yeah.

David Ralph [45:45]
And almost being flippant, it’s not easy. It really isn’t. But I will tell you, to every listener out there, that when it comes together for you, you look at it and you go, Oh, my God, it was easy. It was easy. Yeah. It’s like every conversation that anyone’s ever said to you. Makes perfect sense. But you just couldn’t see at a time because your mind wasn’t now or you didn’t have the experience or whatever. So you struggle, and you reach out here and you google this, and you Google that. And when it comes together, it’s just like a magic jigsaw puzzle. But you were just waiting for that last piece. And you put it in, and suddenly it goes to Google. And it becomes what you’re looking at. And I found that in my business. Actually, I was ill, I was really ill and had to walk away from it all, and not do anything other than kind of napping. And during that period, I suddenly gained clarity. And it was because I’d walked away from it. And I didn’t, I wasn’t fighting the tide. I was just allowing the tide to flow around me. And I came back and I got my piece of my puzzle. And I went, bear, it goes bump. And suddenly, it made sense to me. And that was a good. It’s good three and a half years in that that was that was probably about a year ago, but it really started kicking in, up to that point, I’d had good mumps, I’d had some amazing mumps, and then maybe four or five months after that, but I was surviving on the really good month. And you know, it was very much back and forth. But now it’s just it’s just very, very pleasant. But it was the clarity of all those conversations suddenly making sense. I love that. I sound like I know what I’m talking about Danielle, don’t I every every moment every now and then. It’s like the gods are being channelled for me. And

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [47:40]
you really, really got me thinking and self reflecting on that one. That was excellent wisdom.

David Ralph [47:46]
Well, as is the words of Steve Jobs, and we aren’t going to play now. He said his speech back in 2005 13 years ago, but they are as relevant now, as ever hear Steve Jobs.

Unknown Speaker [47:57]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [48:33]
I still joining up because I listened back to our show previously and you were quite quite on the ball with that saying yeah, you’ve bought into it totally Do you buy into it more or less than before or about the same.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [48:48]
Um, I would say I’m still I’m still all in on that. I have definitely found that given enough time, I will eventually see how everything makes sense. But when I’m in the thick of it, it’s not always easy to trust that. So you got me on a day when I I’m still all in on it.

David Ralph [49:07]
And so tomorrow when we do our next recording, because I’m going to do one a day now this is going to be the Daniel Daniel daily podcast until I wear you out and then you go off into your cave somewhere. So could it be a different answer tomorrow?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [49:23]
Um, if I was having a really bad day, I might Yeah, I might just be having a inner tantrum and say none of this makes sense. It never does. What’s the point? Hopefully I would pull myself together a few minutes later, but yeah, I definitely have those. You know, adult tantrum days inside where it feels like this is also frustrating. Why? Why am I doing this?

David Ralph [49:45]
Did you do think people like say the queen or Donald Trump or No, Donald Trump is on a different planet. Okay, the queen, the Queen and somebody over your side who’s not mental. Who’s knows not mental Jimmy Fallon. Okay, he’s pretty mentally but we’ll go with him. Okay, the Queen and Jimmy Fallon, do you think they have moments when they go? None of this makes sense? Or I shouldn’t be in this position? You know, why am I getting paid all this for doing this?

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [50:14]
That’s a great question. You know, I gotta believe that part of our humanity is, is not always knowing how everything joins up. And so maybe they don’t feel that way about their professional roles. But there’s probably another area of in life where, yeah, that that question comes up, have you know, none of this makes sense? Why is this happening? What does this all mean? I really do think that that’s, that’s a human question.

David Ralph [50:45]
And so if it is a question you guys are feeling on a daily basis, you’re not alone. We all think that. And I think in many ways, it gets worse when you become really successful. And when you’re getting more money for doing seemingly less, because it’s just become easy. You question that even more. And I think at boat moment is when you start giving back, you start realising that actually is not all about me, me, me, as it was in the early days is about what I can give back to the world. And I think we see that in abundance as well, Daniel, don’t

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [51:17]
you? I agree. And I think also, I want to point out that this goes back to the very wise words you said earlier about, just because you’re confident in one area of life doesn’t mean you’re confident in every area of life. So just because you see the way that the dots join in one area of life doesn’t mean that you see them in all areas of life. Well,

David Ralph [51:37]
this is a part of the show that we’ve been building up to, and you’ve done this journey. Previously, you’ve been sent back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. But this time, I want to send you back on a short journey, just back to April 2016. And the Danielle, that you was the last time that you was here digging around in those purses. So I’m going to play the theme tune. And when it fades, we’re going to find out your words of advice is a sermon on the mic

Unknown Speaker [52:11]
here we go. With the best bit of the show the Sermon on the mind, the sermon on

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [52:25]
do oh my goodness, sweetie, you are so scared. But acting so brave. And I am so proud of you. Do you have a lot of life that you need to learn about you are very naive, you have not lived in the real world. And you have a lot of battles and challenges facing you ahead, but you are going to face them with your head held high. And you’re gonna get knocked to your knees. But when you do, you are going to get up you are going to straighten your skirt you are going to dust yourself off. And you are going to do that over and over and over. And in the process of that you are going to develop into an amazing, amazing woman warrior who is just so focused on her goals, you are literally going to go through the hero’s journey from being a young, innocent woman to someone who is a wise, powerful woman who really owns who she is and add something like this is the amazing, not just the bubbly part of your personality. But this groundedness and gravity common brings and I’m just I’m proud of you for doing all the things you’re going to need to do along that journey. Because who you have a lot, a lot you’re going to go through. But I love you and thank you,

David Ralph [54:13]
Danielle, for the audience that have been listening today. What’s the number one best way that they can connect with you

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [54:20]
find me on Instagram you can find me at the and underscore Danielle daily

David Ralph [54:27]
write stuff and then we of course will have the show notes not just for this one. All the links and for your previous episode on Join Up Dots. Thank you so much for spending time with us today. Joining up those dots and please come back again when you got more dots to join up as I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our paths. It’s the best way to build our futures. Daniel Watson thank you so much.

Confidence Expert Danielle Watson [54:50]
Thank you David.

David Ralph [54:54]
Watson once she lovely she’s just adorable. She really is and she is somebody you know, it comes round to doing the scary stuff. I suppose you can sit there and you can think, oh, I don’t know the answers or I don’t know nobody has no one’s got the answers before you do stuff. And you can look at what other people are doing. And you can go Oh no, it’s so perfect. I’m never gonna match up to them. Rubbish. absolutely rubbish. I’m a prime example of creating something very lucrative and enjoyable. I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t have a clue. I said that all the time. Danielle wouldn’t have had a clue. You get Richard Branson’s biography losing my virginity and you will see but he just was hustle. He was just did not have a penny. But he still made it happen. It’s not God given Gary Vee. I don’t believe what He says. I think it’s just you getting out there and deciding on am I going to be a failure as Danielle said? Or is it a failure and making a go of it? If you need any help on anything, of course, connect with us at Join Up Dots. But until next time, we will see you again. Thank you so much for listening to this episode, and I will I’m gonna be here soon. I really am. I like it here. It’s my home. Cheers. Bye bye.

Intro [56:05]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.

 

Confidence To Try New Things Online With Danielle Watson Read More »

Chukky Okobi

Chukky Okobi: Super Bowl Mindset For High Achievers

Chukky Okobi Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast

To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:

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Introducing Chukky Okobi

Chukky OkobiChukky Okobi is todays guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching podcast.

He is a man who has been at the very top of his career, and now on a mission to go even higher.

He is a former American football center and commercial actor.

Playing college football at Purdue, he was drafted by the Pittsburgh Steelers in the fifth round of the 2001 NFL Draft.

Several years later earning a Super Bowl ring with the Steelers in Super Bowl XL (40) against the Seattle Seahawks.

He has also been a member of the Arizona Cardinals and Houston Texans, and is now a Master Practitioner in Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

With his brand, Basic Instructions, he helps executives, athletes and others to access the resources within themselves to achieve the life experience they desire.

 

Life After Football The Dots Join Up 

As he says “In NLP, there’s a saying: the conscious mind is the goal setter, and the unconscious mind is the goal-getter.

Your unconscious mind is not out to get you–rather, it’s out TO GET FOR YOU whatever you want in life.

However, if you don’t know how to communicate what you want properly.

It will keep bringing steaming bowls of liver stew out of the kitchen.

Whatever it is, realize that your unconscious mind only does that because it thinks that’s what you want.

“Sir, here is your procrastination along with a side of anxiety.

I’ve also told the valet to bring up your emotional baggage as per your request.

Will you be needing anything else?”

You see there is a lot going on inside us which we just haven’t got a clue that it’s holding us back from ever getting ourselves into the end zone, for life’s touchdown.

So as he worked tirelessly in his football career did he always have an eye on the next stage of his life?

And where do people go wrong in life in his view…working hard for the wrong things, are not working hard enough for the right things?

Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Chukky Okobi

 

Chukky Okobi Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Chukky Okobi such as:

Chukky shares how the repetition of practising time and time again can be so powerful.

Why it is so important to mentally set out your own steps, whilst not being prescribed by others and what they expect of us day to day.

and lastly….

Chukky reveals how the biggest obstacle that people face in their lives is their own personal belief structure.

What they believe they can achieve often gets stopped before it ever has a chance to come to life.

 

How To Connect With Chukky Okobi

Website

Facebook 

Twitter

LinkedIn

Listen To Chukky Okobi On iTunes

 

Return To The Top Of Chukky Okobi

If this show inspired you to think “fitness and health” then check out other fitness based shows from the Join Up Dots archives such as Youtube star Luke Sheeran,  Super Cyling Man or the amazing James Barrington

Of course if you want to hear all our amazing shows then jump over to the podcast archives to hear thousands of interviews by simply clicking here.

 

Audio Transcription For Chukky Okobi

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph

David Ralph [0:21]
Yes. Hello. Good morning, everybody and welcome to join up dots. It’s been literally weeks and months since I’ve last recorded an episode so hopefully I know what buttons to press and not just sort of do the physical buttons. Maybe I can press the right buttons and get my my guests riled up. But he’s, he’s a big fella is a big fella, so I’m not going to mess around with him. He is a former American football center and a commercial actor, and he has somebody who’s been at the very top of his career, and now he’s on a mission to go even higher. He played college football at Purdue and was drafted by the Pittsburgh Steelers in the fifth round of the 2001 NFL dropped, earning a Super Bowl ring with the Steelers in Super Bowl x L. Now that’s either 40 or extra large. So I’m going to go with 40 against the Seattle Seahawks. He’s also been a member of the Arizona Cardinals and Houston Texans and he’s now a master practitioner in neuro linguistic programming or NLP for us. Now with these brand basic instructions, he helps executives, athletes and others to access the resources within themselves to achieve the life experience they desire. As he says in NLP, there’s a saying the conscious mind is the goal setter. And the unconscious mind is the goal getter. your unconscious mind is not out to get you rather it’s out to get all you whatever you want in life. However, if you don’t know how to communicate what you want properly, it will keep bringing steaming bowls of livers to out of the kitchen. Whatever it is realize that your unconscious mind only does that because it thinks that’s what you want. So here is your procrastination along with aside anxiety. I’ve also told the ballet to bring up your emotional body as per your request. Will you be needing Anything else? You say there is a lot going on inside us which we just haven’t got a clue that is holding us back from ever getting ourselves into the end zone for life’s touchdown. And bear in mind I know nothing about American football. I’m quite proud about that. So as he worked tirelessly in his football career, did you always have an eye on the next stage of his life? And where do people go wrong? Working hard for the wrong things or not working hard enough for the right things? Well, let’s find out as we bring into the show to start joining up does with the one and only Chukky Okobi. Morning Chukky how are you?

Chukky Okobi [2:37]
Good morning David I’m excellent. How are

David Ralph [2:39]
you? I’m very, very well. I was proud of myself. As I say I come from the United Kingdom. I know nothing about American football in any shape or form. I came out with end zone last touchdown. Was that good?

Chukky Okobi [2:52]
That was excellent actually. But you know, it’s obviously wouldn’t imagine that I’m actually a bigger Premier League fan and a NFL so you know talking to somebody it over there in the UK is got me feeling a little little nostalgic from what I was a kid and I used to watch Arsenal, the Invincibles. Oh, you don’t want to talk about them?

David Ralph [3:11]
You don’t want to talk about them. Chucky didn’t

Chukky Okobi [3:14]
talk about that too much today.

David Ralph [3:15]
Yeah, we we don’t talk about Arsenal a nice game. Yes. American football was your whole thing. Of course, we’re now going to be talking about your new business. That’s why we’ve got you on there. But I’m very interested in that moment when your life changes. Because as a kid, we all have dreams. We all have focuses. We all want to be at the top of our game and you did it you achieved it. But do you realize that it’s going to come to an end? Or are you just blinkered? When you’re in it? Do you think it’s going to go on forever? Or do you always know that one tackle, one slam one, whatever, it could be the end of it.

Chukky Okobi [3:51]
It’s it’s like you said you never know when the end is going to come. And then that’s not just in sports and in your career. But in life, you don’t know how many days you have on this planet. And for me, looking at life, it’s always kind of been one thing. And so everything I do every single day, leads into at the end of it when my life ends, what exactly was and as a kid, I knew I wanted to play football, I knew I wanted to play sports since I was about seven. And you know, we know kids always dream of doing different things. And but for me, this was very real. And in my mind, it was it was like a plan that I had in seven years old. I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do. I knew what the outcome was to be though. And so I treated it that way all along. And I had this dream, this dream of playing professional football. When I got to the NFL my rookie year, one of the biggest surprises I had was that I kind of felt this feeling of disappointment. And what it was is that forces a seven I had this dream, and all of a sudden it was real. And what I didn’t have my dream anymore. It was it was it wasn’t like depression, but there was just a little feeling of disappointment, like something’s missing. And it was being able to dream. And at that point in time, when everyone else looks at you and thinks that you have everything, to me was just the beginning of something, something bigger this thing called my life. And it’s I’m going to I’m at a point now, further long, more progress than I could have imagined at eight, seven, and eight, seven. Now I’m actually living it. And so that plan that I put in place, way back in the in the 80s when I was seven years old, all of a sudden, you realize that you manifested this, you made it real. Now what do we do next?

David Ralph [5:39]
Now, I totally understand that feeling of depression, because I come from a presenting background. And I can be doing something in front of a huge crowd. Feeling brilliant, feeling excellent. And then afterwards, I always feel defeated. I always feel like it’s just like the energy’s been taken from me any song, most bad, it’s the mountain, it’s the climb. That’s the exciting bit to get into the Cali, you just don’t sort of feel the same idea.

Chukky Okobi [6:09]
Yeah, you hit on the head, it’s when you have that drive, to do big things to be able to speak in front of, you know, thousands of people be able to play football on TV be able to play in the Super Bowl, and then you actually do it. What most people don’t understand, because they never had the opportunity to do the things that you and I do is that it’s not as exciting as you think it will be all the excitement is in chasing that dream is in creating that the excitement happens in the process of manifesting life. Once you’ve manifested that, that feeling of disappointment, that feeling of being drained, I think you You and I are kind of felt the same thing. And that we want, you know, we feel we need that driving and we need to be able to be pushing towards a bigger goal again, that’s what we are. And so you know, because most people never push themselves to that level in whatever their endeavors or whatever they do in life. It’s a feeling that a lot of people may not understand. But those people who are looking to do big things. It’s what I want them to understand is that it’s who You are now that’s going to determine whether you even get there, and who you become as a result of realizing your dream.

David Ralph [7:28]
Well, one of the things I’ve always been interested in or not always over the last few years, and I’m going to ask it to you is the halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl is quite amazing. Who did you Who did you have? And were you disappointed but you were dragged into a bunker somewhere for your halftime chat? When there was always going on above you who was doing your halftime?

Chukky Okobi [7:53]
Well, you know, I gotta give a shout out to the UK. And we had Rolling Stones at the Super Bowl.

David Ralph [7:59]
So you missed it.

Chukky Okobi [8:01]
Yes, I did. Yes, I did. And I can hear the base of what was going on. And you can hear all the excitement. But we had bigger things on our mind at that point. I mean, it’s just an opportunity to be what they call world champions. I mean, we only play American football here in America, but we call it world champions. And we had the opportunity to be world champion. So I really wasn’t thinking about the stones at that point. And when you

David Ralph [8:25]
aren’t doing your big game, as you know that you come into it now. And I think it was Henry Ford said it doesn’t matter if you think you can or think you can you’re going to be right. Is it one in the mind? Or is it over over sort of repetitions and the training and stuff actually, in that final moment when you’re in that Super Bowl? And does it just come down to pure instinct? Or is it overtraining that you’ve had over that period of time?

Chukky Okobi [8:54]
I think it’s a combination, and the training of the body, you know, going through these specific movements, the specific processes, the specific thought processes, over and over and over, creates neural pathways. And which becomes a natural thing to you. By the time you get to the Super Bowl, we’ve done this in 16 times done a regular season two or three times in the playoffs, because of the Super Bowl, you’ve been doing this for six months straight. And so it’s in your mind is ready to go. By repeating it over and over and over again, you’re actually rehearsing for that moment in your mind. And so that’s the way me being at the level that I was at and playing with a lot of the guys I played with, that was kind of the way the people who are at the top of the game, addressing every single practices, you’re practicing for that Super Bowl. And so you know, at that point, you’re mentally, physically and emotionally ready, ready to receive the benefits of all the work you’ve put in every single day.

David Ralph [9:59]
And so when you started studying NLP, that must have been a big part of you that Oh, I’ve been doing this, you know, this has now got a name. But what I’ve been doing this repetition is reprogramming ourselves. Right?

Chukky Okobi [10:13]
Yeah, I it’s funny, I actually was first introduced to NLP as a freshman in college. And I went to Barnes and Noble looking for some sort of competitive advantage. In the my thought process was back then every single person, you know, I was playing at Purdue in the big 10. And every single person is lifting weights, every single person is practicing every single person’s running, every single person is doing the same things. What can I do, that’s going to give me an advantage, something that they’re not necessarily thinking about something that they’re not necessarily doing. And this is what I was 18, I just went to look for something. I’m a boy, jumping niche.

David Ralph [10:53]
Okay, why do you think you did that? And you didn’t just go with the course of getting more and more massively lifting ways? Why did you think that you knew there was a better way?

Chukky Okobi [11:04]
Well, it’s, a lot of it came down to my thought processes as a kid. And growing up, I moved around a lot and was kind of always on the new kid in school. And I was on the outside, always looking and kind of examining my environment, as opposed to being a part of it. And what that did for me was kind of gave me more a more objective view about things. And I noticed patterns in the way people behave, and why and the decisions they make in their lives. And you see this over and over and over again, as a child, so then you start to decide in your mind that maybe I should do something different. And that’s just the thought process that I came up with as a child. And at that point, at 18, I still was a child. And it was just like, Okay, everybody else is doing these things. And they’re having success, and I could be the same as them. But what if I want to be better, I need to do something more. And so I went just searching something and you know, found a book by Dr. tat James. And it’s the been using NLP ever since to get into bed. It’s not only in sports, but in, in life and in my business endeavors. And in my speaking,

David Ralph [12:15]
so, so it was definitely a case of trying to be better, it wasn’t a case of trying to keep up, there wasn’t any doubts in your mind. But God, these guys look so good, I’ve got to find a different way to just keep up.

Chukky Okobi [12:29]
Well, the thing is, I look at those guys at that point. And they have two arms and two legs, and two lungs and two eyes, just like me. So whatever that human beings doing, I’m a human being just like them, which means I’m capable of it, I just need to figure out how, and that was my mindset. It’s not as a matter of them being better, or me being not good enough. As much as I need to find if I want to cook this particular meal, I need the recipe. And so it’s important think, not just what you want, but to continue to have that child my child like curiosity, that that wonderment of how do I do it? And continuing to explore that? And that’s what I did.

David Ralph [13:14]
And when you were doing it, and you were looking for different ways, did your teacher coach come up to you and go, Well, well done to you, well done to you, Chucky, or was, you know, in, in the locker room. And I imagine there’s a load of banter going around and young lads walking around with a book that they’re reading and stuff may not be seen as the way to go, how did you get approached that method?

Chukky Okobi [13:40]
Well, the thing is in college, it me sitting there reading the book is not going to set off any alarms in anyone’s mind, because we’re all going to school. So it was one of those things that I was able to just mix in with the other stuff I was reading for class and, or studying for, for football. So a lot of most of my Matter of fact, I think about I don’t think I ever discussed it with any of my teammates, exactly what I was doing. All I do know is that the results following me applying these techniques and methods and taking control of my own mind, to create the life I wanted. And as we know, I was able to do that as an athlete. And so, for me, it was more about looking at the results in being able to validate my progress on my own. And that’s one of the issues I think a lot of people have is they’re always looking for external validation, like a coach or a boss or parent to tell them that they’re doing good. I didn’t, I was working on myself, and was able to gauge the progress I was making based on the actual results I was getting as opposed to somebody else telling me I was doing good. I wanted evidence within my own life. And you know, being a freshman, my first year at Purdue in learn NLP, and all of a sudden I became the only freshman that will start on our team back in 1997. And as you go through, I started off four years, we went we were big 10 champions, I got drafted the NFL, I played there eight years, I won the Super Bowl. And all of this started before that first year playing at Purdue. It started with me finding NLP and and, and applying the techniques to my own mind to create my own life. And in that’s what I teach people to do is to use that’s the same principles who same. It’s not just that, okay, a lot of it is things that I learned along the way playing football, but basically structures essentially helping people to learn that recipe so they can create their own life the way they want it to be same way I did.

David Ralph [15:44]
I love this conversation, I really do. Because it is so powerful, because one of the things that people have a problem with is peer pressure. And going through college and going into the sporting environment has a lot of peer pressure. So to be able to find that competitive edge to move you ahead. You know, I remember going the only American football game I’ve ever been to in my life was the Arizona Cardinals play the Miami Dolphins at the Sun Devil stadium for memory. I think that probably was

Chukky Okobi [16:15]
Yeah,

David Ralph [16:16]
that’s back in the day, back in the day. And the only player I know, other than you now is a quarterback called Jake Plummer, who was playing for the Arizona Cardinals. And he had a bit of a blinder on this day, I got told and he was throwing it all over the place. And I said to my colleagues, I said, you know, that guy, that guy looks really good. I don’t think about American football, but he looks really amazing. And he said, No, that’d be the highlight that will be his greatest going we’ve just seen. And pretty much was because I never saw it afterwards. Is that the problem again, where the real legends can get to that peak. And then they go again, they go again, and I keep on going Bye. If we all got that, that Super Bowl performance in us. But the different yes you bring to the table is the ability for us to go again and be the Super Bowl time and time again, like we see with certain like the Rolling Stones, for example been going 60 years, and making up on bringing out the bag.

Chukky Okobi [17:18]
Yeah, and the people that are at the top of the game, the legends, the the superstars, not just in football, but in all sports in all walks of life. Those people their success started with the way they think. And then they create what are called strategies. And that is a certain set a certain procedure, a set of steps mentally, that are going to lead them to their outcome. Once you’re able to learn a strategy, create a strategy to get what you want. If you can repeat that strategy again and again and again, mentally, then you can repeat it physically. Once you repeat it physically, and you’re competing, and mentally, you’re creating neural pathways, which are going to make it a way of doing things. And that’s essentially what I’ve witnessed playing with the guys that I’ve played with, I mean, you know, I have to send a shout out to one of my college teammates and good friends for 20 plus years, Drew Brees, who just became the National Football League all time leading passer this past week. And you know, I know, I knew him we were playing when we were 18. And again, it comes down to creating your way of doing things to meet your ends. And there’s nobody better to look at then one of the greatest football players ever playing, seeing the way that he was able to do that is you think a certain way, then you behave a certain way you get specific results, if you just repeat that process again and again, you’re going to be able to get with the consistent results. And so then you’re not going to just have one game here there, you’re going to end up being like Drew Brees and, and playing 18 years and being the best that ever did it.

David Ralph [19:04]
Let’s play some words. Now then let’s delve back into this because I find this fascinating. He’s Jim Carrey,

Jim Carrey [19:09]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [19:35]
So well I’m finding from this conversation is number one, as Jim, just say, you’ve got to do something that you love. So you put your passion, you put your heart into it, you can’t go out just for the money because it’s going to leave you feeling flat. But you’ve got to be, you know, you’ve got to go for the 10,000 hours rule. If it exists, you’re going to keep on working at it. But what you done and what everyone who’s done something great from this owns to the Beatles to Elvis in the music field, to tiger woods to whatever is they’ve created their own identity when you see him, and when you see Chucky, it’s you and when you see the Beatles, and nobody else does it. Is that once again, is that something that people screw upon, I look at other people’s success and go, right as long as I replicate that, I’m going to do really well. But actually, they’re just going to be a poor version of what was came before David,

Chukky Okobi [20:30]
I gotta tell you, the biggest issue I see with people who are trying to find success trying to elevate and be the best that they can be. The thing that keeps them from getting what they want is you start believing things. And what I mean by that is, when you’re a kid, you have this belief that anything’s possible. Well, now that you’re 37 years old, what changed? Why do you all of a sudden believe in these limits, when we had to come from somewhere. And so what happens a lot of times people won’t be met with temporary defeat little obstacles in the road. And they will start to believe that oh, well, maybe, maybe a happy life is not for me, maybe, you know, making it to the NFL is not for me, you start believing that not realizing that it’s your beliefs that create your world. So the minute you believe, like Henry Ford said, you can or you can’t think you’re right. And for me, regardless of how things looked, I always knew what I was and who I was what I was trying to accomplish, regardless of what my teammates were trying to do, regardless of what you know, my team, you know, my team might, you know, the Steelers were trying to do, I knew what I was trying to do. Just like knowing Drew Brees and becoming the greatest of all times, he knew what he was trying to do. And so it’s as simple as doing the same thing as those human beings out there who come up with their plan, and execute, you get to have the same type of success as the Beatles that same type of success as the Rolling Stones. There’s a reason there’s a strategy that went on mentally, and they manifested physically. And that’s really the recipe. That’s the basic instructions of life, really.

David Ralph [22:18]
But how does that fit into a team where, you know, it’s always somebody like myself, I try to do things very different from everybody else. And effectively, there’s there’s no ripples, it’s just what works does and what works doesn’t. But in a sporting environment, your teammates have to have you doing what I expect you to do, I have to have you in a certain position in a certain location. How do you bring in your own identity into fact, when the team is more powerful than the individuals?

Chukky Okobi [22:49]
I think, football, it will take 22 people and play football. And it’s one of those sports that you unless you’re playing organized football, you’re never playing that when you’re done playing football, you’ll never play again. For me as a center as an offensive lineman, it was about understanding what my role was, in terms of how to make this teamwork. Once I have a complete understanding of what my purpose is, then it’s about and this is my my strategy, my way of going about doing things, it was about taking that that role, then isolate yourself, focus on it, and become as good at that role as you possibly can. Then when that way, when you come out of isolation, and go back to the team environment, you’re as good at that role as you could possibly be. Therefore, that role is filled for the team. And we can move forward with our plan as a team to win. But if I haven’t taken the accountability, to make sure that I’m the family best that I can be at my job. Well, that I can’t serve my team as well. And I think that that’s where a lot of times people mess up because we’re constantly looking outside of ourselves as to what we should do, what other people’s expectations are. You if you set your expectations higher than anybody else could set for you. That all of a sudden those you know, thinking about what other people think of the lead, that doesn’t mean that in your mind, because you know, based on what you’ve done it, you’re the best. And there’s no way that if you are the best your performance is going to show that in the entire team is going to benefit and the world’s going to see that.

David Ralph [24:33]
Well, as I speak about myself. You know, there’s certain times when I will be recording podcast, and I feel like I’m on my game, I feel like I’m on fire. And then there’s other times I feel that it’s not hitting home, it’s just sort of words coming out of my mouth. It’s a very sort of isolated existence that I’ve got, you’re going to be teaching people who basic instructions to help executives, athletes, and others access totally different environments, and especially in the corporate world, but people can go into board meetings. And even if they feel flat, the other person doesn’t get that How the hell do you train people to not allow those inner vibes up? I felt a bit sloppy today I don’t really I’m not really up for it. Is it just professionalism is that when it comes down to I mean, professionalism

Chukky Okobi [25:25]
is a little ambiguous. And if you try to say, you know, what is it that makes it so that people were able to perform consistently, whether it be in a corporate world or in the athletic world, and it really comes down to the same thing. And it’s about the individual being able to control their internal state. And that internal state means you mentally emotionally, you know, which is all tied to the physical, like, if you got enough, if you’re sleeping enough at night, or eating right, and all those things come into play. At the end of the day, what I teach people to do is to be able to take control of their own mind, to be able to control their mental state. So those times when you feel that feeling like you know, I’m just kind of going through the motions, I don’t really feel like doing this, I don’t really believe that the conversation I’m having with the person on today’s podcast is really hitting home, you realize that all of that is going on inside of your head, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s true. So if you can change your internal state, if you knew how to get yourself into that same state that you felt when the last podcast where I felt really excited, and I felt like I was hitting home, I was just on my game. There’s something there’s a strategy that you created in your head that day, there’s a series of steps you went through mentally that makes you feel that way that day. Now, if I can teach you those steps, you realize you can recreate that same effect every single time.

David Ralph [26:54]
Yeah, I can see this, I can see this totally. And so you’re you’re almost creating your own in an environment to win the outer environment.

Chukky Okobi [27:03]
Exactly. One of one of the principles of NLP is that perception is projection. And what that means is that what most people don’t realize is your external world is really just the protection of what’s going on inside your mind. Even if you think about it, your optic nerves are connected to your brain. So everything you’re seeing with your eyes, you’re really just interpreting in your mind, everything that happens in your world, is a reflection of what’s going on inside your mind. So people who ever know that people who are like, you know, all the bad things in the world happened to me. Yeah, you know, why is this? Because but that’s, that’s the script that they’re running in their head. Have you met my wife?

David Ralph [27:45]
Have you met my wife? Yeah. And I

Chukky Okobi [27:47]
probably, but at the end of the day, they’re continuing to, to say that to themselves and keep continuing to consciously say that, you know, I’m just unlucky, not understanding the FS, the best to script this running in your brain, you’re naturally going to find examples of that and your external world that are going to make it true to you. Where if you literally started thinking about the things that you’re grateful for the things that you’re you feel lucky to have, you start to think about how you’re able to attract these positive things, how you’re going to begin to attract more positive things, simply because of what happened inside, you change what was going on in your mind. Any change you want to manifest in real life, it all starts with changing the way you’re thinking. And that’s what I learned back when I was 18. And it turned into my career pursue my career in the NFL. And what I want to show other people is that when you look at people like myself, you look at, you know, people like Drew Brees, you look at people like Elvis, that they’re just human beings, just like you’re a human being. And that means you have the same type of mind that those people have. They just simply believe different things had different mental strategies, and consistently perform them.

David Ralph [29:08]
Yeah, but they have talent as well. Then they you know, eldest Yeah, you know, he could he could sing rather well. And he could see, like, Elvis he just sounds like Elvis. And that’s sort of takes me back to what I said earlier. The anyone who sounds like Elvis is just ripping off him. He’s totally unique.

Chukky Okobi [29:28]
Yeah, isn’t that person that’s ripping off Elvis is unique to but they’re afraid to be themselves. Because they think they need to be Elvis to have success. You don’t have to be Elvis, you have to be because Elvis Elvis, no one else can be him. So why don’t you bring yourself to the table? Why don’t you, you know, show me what you can do something new, something different. Because in human history, there’s never been any one that’s being you before you. Once you pass away, there’s never going to be you can, which means that your existence, this is the first and last time it’s ever happened in the history of the universe is you, you will only going to happen this once. So every idea every thought you have is unique has never happened before. Because you’ve never existed before. So what it is that you bring to the table, but your true self is is rare. And then Rarity, we find value like diamonds. So why would I try to be Elvis? We’ve already had Elvis. So let me bring let me show you me. Let me show you who I am. And that’s the people that are rising to the top of music, in in business and politics are the people who are embracing who they are and what they bring to the table regardless of what the rest of us think about them. They they’re the only ones in their mind.

David Ralph [30:53]
And it’s a lot easier to be yourself, isn’t it to be honest?

Chukky Okobi [30:57]
Well, it is when you stop paying attention to you know what other people expect? And what you think what you believed in the past to be the answer the way to do it, once you get past it and start to realize that Yeah, being me is easier. You have to accept that first.

David Ralph [31:18]
thing with that know, Chucky is you’re in a sporting environment where you’ve got 80,000 people shouting Xiaomi, you’re rubbish, Jackie, get him off, get him off. How do you sort of stay true to yourself, when you’ve got the world screaming and shouting at you and every sportsman’s had that

Chukky Okobi [31:37]
everyone has. And again, I’m in control of my mind. So I can either focus on it, or I can decide to shut it out. And that’s something that a lot of athletes, you know, we talked about being in the zone and focusing just on what you’re doing. In the midst of all those people, I’m totally focused on what I’m doing right now. That’s the first thing. The second thing is going back to what people believe. If I sit there, and someone tells me that I’m terrible, and I allow that to affect me in any way, shape, or form, and all they did was use words, that you realize that they can control me with words, if I can be controlled by their words, then anyone can control me. You can control me right now, if it only takes his words. So what somebody says to me, isn’t necessarily going to sway me one way or the other. It doesn’t motivate me, it doesn’t discourage me. It’s, that’s that’s this there, that human beings make noise over there. I’m focused on what I’m doing.

David Ralph [32:36]
And what you’re saying to yourself. You’re sitting there and going, Yeah, I was rubbish today. I’m never gonna make it, I’m never gonna get to the Super Bowl.

Chukky Okobi [32:47]
Right? That’s what that’s exactly what I do with basic instructions is we got to change the conversation that you’re having with yourself. And a lot of times sports, when you have a success, failure, and you, you know, if you’re playing basketball, and you’re missing shot after shot after shot, then you start to focus on the fact that you’re missing shots. But going back to what I said, if that’s what you’re thinking, What do you think’s going to happen, you’re going to continue to miss the shots. So it’s learning how to change that conversation in your mind. as to not focusing on what you don’t want. Because the unconscious mind, you have a conscious mind and unconscious mind, I think most people understand that concept. the unconscious mind doesn’t understand the game. So if I say I don’t want to miss any more shots, all the unconscious mind hurt is Miss shots. So is the more you told yourself to stop missing shots, you’re going to keep missing shots, until you start focusing focusing on what you do want to happen. Does that make sense?

David Ralph [33:51]
Yeah, it makes total sense that no, I was reflecting when I had young children who used to laugh and used to say, you know, don’t throw the ball on the floor. And I would just by keeping loving it on the floor. And what we should have been saying is keep the water in the bath.

Chukky Okobi [34:07]
Exactly, exactly. changing those little things in language. And not just in communication with other people. But more importantly, in communication with yourself, those little changes are part of the basic instructions that are going to lead you to having that Super Bowl level of success.

David Ralph [34:25]
Where is your validation? When you said something interesting at the beginning about everybody’s out for validation? And as she was saying, I didn’t jump straight in because he was coming out with a load of interesting stuff. But I’ve stored in the brain? And did you have validation when you first became an NFL player was that was that the dream validation? Or was the validation winning the Super Bowl, or maybe it was something totally different in your life.

Chukky Okobi [34:52]
My validation was what I got my scholarship to play football at Purdue. And you know, coming out of high school, I wasn’t the guy that was highly recruited. Matter of fact, going to Trinity public school, which is a boarding school in upstate New York, it’s an excellent academic institution, but it wasn’t a haven for athletes at the time. And to try to play football out of that environment was was challenging. But I was able to get the scholarship at Purdue, which was my only scholarship offer. So I knew back then in high school that I was a big time football player, I my validation that I get is from the results. And once I was able to secure that scholarship, that was my validation that I was on the right track that I was indeed, going to make it to the NFL that I was going to get where I wanted to go. And what he’s talking about validation, a lot of times we’re looking for that external validation. Again, going back to high school, I was not highly recruited, I was not a superstar. I was just a kid who wanted to do something. And to me, I continue to focus on myself not wet, not my circumstance, not work, what other people thought was going to happen, not what other people thought I should do. Those things are it’s just noise, like, it doesn’t really matter. I’m the only one living my life. So I continue to follow my path. And the only validation I saw was the results that I if I is did I reach the results that I was trying to reach? As opposed to somebody telling me I did a good job? Because I mean, what does that matter anyway, unless they’re going to be able to make some sort of difference in my life, their opinions appreciated. If it’s positive, and if it’s negative, well, I am allergic to negativity, so I just will reject it and keep moving forward with my plan. I think we look too much to other people to the rest of the world to tell us how we’re supposed to behave, what we’re supposed to do, how we’re supposed to get where we’re supposed to go. And when you start to believe what everyone’s telling you. Then your dream your plan starts to lose momentum. And listening to other people.

David Ralph [37:00]
That guy who you were talking about who’s just the all time greatest American football player, whatever his name was, Drew drew something was it.

Chukky Okobi [37:07]
Drew Drew Brees,

David Ralph [37:08]
when you when you used to know him, was he somebody that you looked at? And you thought he’s gonna go on to be an all star? He’s gonna be amazing, or was he just somebody that just kept on doing it?

Chukky Okobi [37:20]
I it’s funny, because now you know, people in the sporting world, everyone knows who he is. And he’s, you know, one of the top football players ever when I first met him, he was he knows about this tall as me was about six foot one. Most quarterbacks are about six, four and, and taller. He’s short. And he was kind of skinny. And, and, you know, I met him and he said, he played quarterback. And I remember thinking like, I don’t know how this dude is going to be able to play quarterback. And he’s just, he’s just a little too smart. Like that was just my initial thought. And then when I know when he when he started practicing that first spring training, and I actually played football with him, I quit realized that he was different. And that, and then playing for years together and being drafted into the NFL together. I saw the way he worked, I saw the patterns and strategies to the things that he did within himself to develop himself to be the best he could be. And so I actually, you know, go back, you know, that was when I first met Drew’s 97 1997. And you know, that first impression, at first glance, no, I didn’t look like he was going to be the best ever. But once I played with him, I knew that it was it was possible. And it didn’t take long, but I met him in 97. By the end of 98, I really thought it could be the best ever was simply because of the way he approached his self development the way he approached his work.

David Ralph [38:49]
Let’s play the words now from somebody who basically through his flaws did become one of the best that the world’s ever known is Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs [38:57]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking for when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [39:31]
It’s interesting listening to that Chuckie, I reflected on the fact that a whole conversation that we’ve been talking about is basically about patterns and connections and building links to from the past to the future. Do you reflect on those words that Steve Jobs said bear as relevant to your own life?

Unknown Speaker [39:52]
I think it’s I think he’s his messages is really in line with my message and words, you know, as NLP best practices, you know, I’m a words person, one thing people don’t understand about words is they’re just labels. When he says the word trust. If you just switch that out with the word believe, then him, then Steve Jobs in myself are saying the same thing. And what he’s saying is, you can’t predict exactly how it’s going to play out going forward, you can look back and see how it did play out. But going forward, you have to trust you have to believe that when you look back 10 years from now, so long as you stay focused on what it is you were trying to accomplish, you will look back and see exactly how it came together. But the only way to do that is to have that trust in your plan going forward that that belief that you’re going to reach the end, you want to you don’t necessarily know how you can you’re going to make the plan, that plan is going to change, things are going to happen. People are going to be born people are going to pass way and you can keep moving forward towards your goal. And once you reach your goal, you’ll be able to look back and see. Okay, it was when I went to Barnes and Noble when I learned NLP and then I started applying it. And then this is what happened in 9798. I got with the NFL in 2000. And then and then with the Super Bowl in 2005. And then now in hindsight, I can join all the dots together. But back then there’s no way I could have predicted it played out the way it did. And I think that that’s what Steve Jobs getting?

David Ralph [41:30]
And has it been a better journey for you personally, because you couldn’t, you couldn’t join it up. But now you look back in is there is a pattern.

Unknown Speaker [41:39]
Yeah, the beauty of being able to look back on things is the positives and the negatives, the negative things. A lot of times we carry negative emotions forward, or we just call it baggage emotional baggage, we carry that forward, when you know what I help people do is to release that emotional baggage looking back. And then once you realize that any situation in past this seemed like a crisis, something bad. It actually once you release the negative emotion, all this left is a lesson to bet you learned so that even the negative things are good. They instill, you can go back and look at all of the choices. You know you you thought you made the wrong choice. But then you realize how it was the right choice. You saw you thought you were upset because something negative happened. But then looking back, you can see how it led to something else positive that wouldn’t have been able to happen without that initial disappointment. And looking back, you’re able to really realize that your entire life happened the way it was supposed to. Yeah, you can’t look forward and see that. But you can look back and be like, No, I’m right, exactly where I’m supposed to be. is based on my beliefs, my decisions, my choices.

David Ralph [42:58]
Yeah. And you are certainly I think you are in the place where you should be up in your whole life is quite obvious from this side of the pond. But he’s been building up not to this point on the podcast, but to everything that you’re doing in your life. And I’ve got no doubt that you will become more and more successful because of the knocks, and the trips and the falls more of a successes. Well, this is a bit of the show that we’ve been leading up to. And this brings it all naturally to an end when we can join up your dots, when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could speak to your younger self, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give them? Well, I’m going to play the theme of the Sermon on the mic. And Ben, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.

Unknown Speaker [43:48]
With the best of the show.

Unknown Speaker [44:04]
Chuck Jacobi, nice to talk to you. I know you’re only 13 years old, but

Unknown Speaker [44:11]
he listened to me very carefully.

Unknown Speaker [44:14]
We’re all alone in this world. That’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing. Just understand that everything that you want to happen to be a professional athlete, to be successful entrepreneur, it will happen so long as you understand that anything and everything you want to do in life needs to be self initiated by you. It has to be maintained by you. If your life sucks, that’s your fault. But also, if your life is incredible, that’s your fault, too. All the pieces for greatness are in there in your mind. It’s not until you make the decision of what you want to do with your life, who you want to be. Until then, what’s the meaning you exist? This isn’t this world. Why are you even here.

Unknown Speaker [45:03]
And understand the trying to find yourself as a waste of time.

Unknown Speaker [45:08]
You play sports, it’s what you’ve always loved is what moves you. It’s what makes you smile and get you excited chasing that dream. keep chasing dreams. The things you love and the things you lose yourself and lose track of time doing. Those are the things you need to be doing in your life. Decide now how you want things to be and start making life decisions. And living your life accordingly. Forget what’s there, there’s no such thing as fear. It doesn’t matter how things are supposed to be. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. All that matters is what you do right now. Because everything has happened in the past, it doesn’t exist anymore. Your power, your memory only exists in your mind. The past is in your mind. The future is in your imagination. It hasn’t happened yet. So only thing that’s real is this moment right now. set the stage this line where you want to go. Because if you don’t decide where the finish line is, how do you know we’re running in the right direction? How do you know when you can stop a celebrated victory. Without a finish line, you’re running this race called life, you don’t even know why you can’t predict the future. And that can be a little scary. It can be a little uncomfortable. But the decisions you make in this moment, the diligence with which you maintain your self initiated destination, and the plan you’ve set for yourself. That’s the biggest determining factor of what your life is going to be like from this moment forward.

Unknown Speaker [46:40]
So what’s it going to be?

Unknown Speaker [46:43]
Are you going to

Unknown Speaker [46:46]
listen to yourself, follow your inner voice, those basic instructions that you were born with? Because you’d never happened before son? It’s just you. There’s never been you before they’ll never be you again. So when it’s all said and what are they going to say about you? What is your name gonna mean?

Unknown Speaker [47:04]
What are your children going to say about you?

Unknown Speaker [47:08]
One of the people who’s who you’ve helped the people you’ve inspired, the people you’ve taught to get in touch with the basic instructions. What does your name in? All of that is determined by what you do right now.

Unknown Speaker [47:26]
powerful stuff

David Ralph [47:27]
powerful stuff. Jackie, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you sir?

Unknown Speaker [47:34]
basic instructions calm is the website. You know, I’m very active on social media, particularly Facebook and Twitter in them so you could look up Chuck EOB basic instructions on NLP on Facebook on Twitter is Chucky, CH UK, KY two K’s no see. Ch UK ky basics, some Chucky basics, and it’s Instagram and Twitter. And then on obviously on Facebook, you can look up basic instructions and find my page and website is basic instructions calm.

David Ralph [48:07]
We’ll have links on the show notes. But Jackie, thank you so much for spending time with us today joining those dots. And please come back again when you’ve got more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Chuck EOB. Thank you so much.

Chukky Okobi [48:24]
Well, thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

David Ralph [48:32]
Chucky, Akobi, so American football player, had the dream, got to the NFL, and then got to the pinnacle the Super Bowl and got his ring. And then what do you do afterwards? Well, he took all those dots but had led up to where he was. And he’s transitioned into basic instructions calm. Well, as we say he’s helping executives, athletes and others, to really look inside themselves and achieve what life can give them. And it is it’s all out there. If you wanting enough and you make the right decisions, then you’re going to get it. If you sell, it’s never going to happen. What’s the point? What’s the point I just have another beer, then you’re just gonna have another beer. And that’s where you’re going to end up. Thank you so much for Chukky. And thank you so much for everybody who’s listening to this episode of join up dots. I’m loving this loving this. I think the shows are getting stronger and stronger personally. But tell us is that people out there that you would like to hear on the show? Would you like different types of stories? Tell us it’s your show after all, and just go over to join up dots on the contact form, send us a message and we will do our best to connect with people that you want to hear from or just change things around for you. Until next time, thank you so much for listening. That was David Ralph and join up doors. And of course Chukky Okobi. We’ll see you again cheers

Outro [49:48]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices include the two that changed his life. Head over to join up.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on join up dots.

Chukky Okobi: Super Bowl Mindset For High Achievers Read More »

Podcast

Awilda Rivera: Does Business Success Need Niching Down?

Awilda Rivera Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast

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Introducing Awilda Rivera

Awilda RiveraAwilda Rivera is our guest today, on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.

She is a lady who is a former legal professional, who left the legal world 6 years ago to pursue her dream of starting her own business.

As she says “If you would have dared to tell me 10 years ago that after attending Law School, I  was not going to practice law, I would have laughed you out of the room!

However, in my late 20s I had experienced a reawakening that opened my eyes to the startling reality that people all around me (myself included) were yearning for something more.

This was a truth that resonated with me so deeply that I could not turn away from it.

 

How The Dots Joined Up For Awilda

I took a deep breath and turned the light of truth on myself.  I realized that  I wanted more money, freedom, direction.

I wanted to know that I was making an impact in peoples lives. Ultimately, I wanted to be SUCCESSFUL, and I wanted to help others be successful too.” 

And now with retreats, coaching sessions, and more and more people finding financial and emotional success, it certainly seems that she has found the business that is right for her.

So why did she go to law school, when it seems evident that the right business is now, and not what she was focused on as a young lady?

And is there a major mistake that she sees the world making, as they leave education and step into a world that is under their control?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Awilda Rivera.

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Awilda Rivera such as:

Why happiness will always be fleeting if we attach happiness to external influences. Happiness always comes from within and nowhere else.

Awilda talks openly about the hardship that it takes to grow a business, but why the struggle is so important.

Awilda shares how she has diversified into several different areas, and the reason why she has done that.

and lastly….

Todd Herman left an impression on Awilda that really stuck home “Busy doesn’t mean productive”. If you can get things off your plate by hiring someone, then do it.

 

How To Connect With Awilda Rivera

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Return To The Top Of Awilda Rivera

If you enjoyed this episode of Awilda Rivera why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Dan Martell,  Dan Lok, Acuity Scheduling Founder Gavin Zuchlinski or the amazing Dana Wilde

Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.

 

Full Transcription Of Awilda Rivera

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph

David Ralph [0:24]
Kimani world, and welcome to Join Up Dots. Hope you I hope you’re well and if you’re not make a decision to make it so and change your opportunities, change your future. Change your destiny. And just love life black. Today’s guest is because I am sure other than she was, I felt a little bit touchy because you know, I’ve made her get up early this morning and get on this call. And ladies don’t quit getting out of bed Do they ever? A push, they will get out of bed. But she is a former legal professional who left the legal work world six years ago to pursue her dream of starting her own business. And as she says if you would have dared tell me 10 years ago, but after attending law school, I was not going to practice law, I would have laughed you out of the room, she would have gone. Now however, in my late 20s, I’d experienced a reawakening that opened my eyes to the startling reality that people all around me, myself included, were yearning for something more. And this was a truth that resonated with me so deeply. But I could not turn away from it. I took a deep breath and turn the light of truth on myself. And I realised that I wanted more money, freedom and direction, I wanted to know that I was making an impact in people’s lives. Ultimately, I wanted to be successful. And I wanted to help others be successful too. And now we’ve retreats, coaching sessions, and more and more people finding financial and emotional success, it certainly seems that she’s found the business that is right for her. So why did she go to law school when it seems evident that the right business is now and not what she focused on as a young lady. And so a major mistake that she sees the world making as they leave education and step into a world that is under their control? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Awilda Rivera. Good morning. Awilda. How are you?

Awilda Rivera [2:11]
I’m great. David, thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to talk to you and get in front of your audience today.

David Ralph [2:18]
I’m really excited to weld up more I do a BS I get more and more excited. Does that mean that I found me Fang? Or does it just mean that I’m an excitable person?

Awilda Rivera [2:28]
I think a little bit of both. Probably I think that you love what you do. And you’re probably someone that doesn’t need to drink coffee.

David Ralph [2:36]
I don’t I have one cup a day burst first thing in the morning, I have one cup of day and then I don’t have it. I just drink basically water for the rest of the day. I’m like a dog. I’m like a dog or a cat. You just put a bowl down in the kitchen. And I’m happy I will just lap it about all the way through the day. So do you need without without talking about drug habits? And did you need outside stimulation? Or is all your uth? Or you’re going east morning? Does that come from within?

Awilda Rivera [3:05]
Yeah, well, believe it or not, and I’m not making this up. I literally woke up at seven o’clock on the.by myself without an alarm this morning. To my surprise, because I thought that I’d set my alarm. And when I opened my eyes as if someone had said, Okay, I’m gonna wake up. I was like, Oh, I wonder which I was it was seven. I was like, Well, I guess it’s time to go. So by some miracle, no, I needed nothing. But simply the reverence of knowing that there was someone else expecting me to be ready.

David Ralph [3:35]
Because what I find interesting is so many people come on the show. And yeah, it’s motivational. It’s inspirational. It’s about teaching people out there that they can do their own thing. But this show kind of changes direction. And we’re now in the sort of area where we touch on more often than not, but for happiness that other people show us more often than not, isn’t actually bear, you can’t maintain happiness. For too long, it becomes normal. And then you have to go again and find something deeper. Where you are now, is it happiness every single day? Or are you in a transition period to bigger and bigger and bolder things?

Awilda Rivera [4:14]
Yeah, so that’s actually a really great question. So in my work, so anyone that wants to sort of check out what I do, they can visit a Willdan bear.com. And my work is a full suite personal and professional development. So what you’re touching on is actually the foundations that I have to establish with people in order for them to be able to build from there. Now you might say, Well, why? Well because if people are are externalising happiness into a thing or a circumstance, this is a very Buddhist philosophy, then that happiness will absolutely be fleeting, it will absolutely be momentary. Whereas if they’re able to start to internalise and self identify the things that really bring them. And I like to rephrase from happiness to peace of mind. Because when you’re at peace, and you have peace of mind, you are content. And when you’re content and you’re happy, right, but especially and I don’t know about in the UK, but especially here in the US, the word happy has almost taken on a what’s the word? I’m looking for, like almost an untenable definition. And, and so in terms of me, am I happy? You know, I am, I’m very content now is that because I work for myself is that because I love what I do? Sure that plays into it. But I think that my happiness in this moment, my peace of mind, is really coming from understanding the stillness, and being present and sort of a word that’s getting a lot of traction right now, but I truly believe in, which is mindfulness. And that simply meaning that right now, I’m not thinking about my 930 yoga class that I’m gonna teach. I’m not thinking about the fact that I want to sleep after 12, or what I have to do later with my virtual assistant, I’m simply enjoying being here, talking to you, maximising this moment. So, long story short, I am happy. I also am transitioning, because I’m always in the improvement of my process journey, so that I can provide the best services to my clients.

David Ralph [6:38]
Now, one of the things that interests me with you is, and I get a lot of coaches asking to come on the show. And although it may seem I have a lot on I knock back, probably 95% of them. But with yourself, what interests me is the fact that you’re so separate from where you started, you know, you started by going to attending law school, and then going into practice law. And now you are where you are. Have you changed your mind on that, have you? Because I think people will get to a point where they think that was wasted education. And then when they get to a certain point, they go, Oh, no, that was part of my education, even if I’m not using it. Where do you sit now on the 10 years of attending law school, or it probably wasn’t 10 years, 10 years ago about attending law school?

Awilda Rivera [7:29]
Yeah, I would definitely say I’m in the latter camp. But it took me many years to get out of the former camp. So I absolutely, it’s one of those things were in your heart. You know, and I’ve told this story a lot. So if any of your listeners have heard me someplace else, I’ll try to not bore them with too many of the same details. But essentially, um, you know, I was a child of, believe it or not, I’m ashamed to admit the Cosby generation here, the United States, you know, I had parents who worked. And I was raised through the images I saw on TV in many regards. And one of the few positive images of people of colour were bill and Claire Cosby. So I really did want to become a lawyer and a doctor because of the Cosby Show. And I thought it was a noble pursuit. You know, when I made it all the way through that teaching, because I went straight on through to law school from undergrad, it was pretty immediate, that I started to feel like this probably wasn’t going to be what I did. But I had committed so wholeheartedly and you know, I declared it to the world, I’m gonna be the lawyer. And I’m doing this, that there was so much of an internal conflict, I would say, even greater than the possible, you know, potential disappointment that I would have to feel from my friends and family. So when, and this is true story, when I literally had a mild heart attack at the age of 27, while clerking for a family court judge, there wasn’t much more of a wake up call that one could have that this is 100% Not what you should be doing. So very, you know, trepidatious Lee, and with much apprehension, I said, well, I need to figure out what I’m going to do. You know, obviously, I have other skills. And the theme was simply me wanting to help others. And what I’ll say to people out there is, if any of this resonates with you, namely, like you’re getting sick from your job, or you are depressed because of your job, or you are completely unhappy because of your job. On the one hand, obviously, we need a new job or we need a new career. But on the second hand, I do want you to understand that your job, your happiness shouldn’t be defined by that. Now, you might say, well, a welder, that’s, you know, poppycock to use a pencil is from over there,

David Ralph [10:15]
where you never use that word, we would never use that.

Awilda Rivera [10:18]
Because, oh, well, I spend all of my hours at my job. I understand that. But that job actually is a fertile breeding ground. Because if you think that the solution is changing your job, and you’re never going to have any university, you’re never going to be unhappy again. Well, I’m unfortunately here to tell you that that is wrong. And that if you’re thinking you’re gonna leave your job, you’re gonna do your own thing, and oh, my God, it’s just gonna be rainbows and kittens. You’re also wrong, you’re going to be satisfied. Sure, you’re going to be impassion. Yes, but you’re also going to experience exhaustion is appointment, challenges, obstacles, and so you have to be able to be in control of your happiness and your peace of mind from the inside. So that regardless of what you’re doing with your time, that doesn’t send you into a tailspin.

David Ralph [11:09]
Now, I had a what I bought was a heart attack at work. And it turned out to be stress. And I literally felt like this is the end of it. And so I left to create this business. And I made myself even more unhealthy by my obsession with creating something that was under my terms. When do you do have to go through that? Because I don’t think I’ve spoken to anyone who has said to me, yeah, I just got it right from the beginning. I just breezed through it. It wasn’t a struggle, it was just effortless. Do you think you have to go through those hardships? Because that’s gonna put a lot of people off, even though I say it’s worth it all the time?

Awilda Rivera [11:50]
Oh, absolutely. Not only did I but I still do. You know, like, Man, when you have a business that you know, and I’m sure you can relate to this, David, that you’re passionate about that you love. And that ultimately, and spoiler alert, a lot of entrepreneurs want to help people, whether you’re creating a product that solves a problem, or you have a skill that you’re like, man, if you know, new parents were just calling me I could help them get sleep, right? Or my case is, if people who are really looking to establish a sense of success from the inside out, or just call me, you know, that becomes even sometimes more stressful, because there is no one telling you what to do. Yeah, there is no one saying, okay, David, I need those TPS reports by Thursday. And they need to be, you know, spot on, because in some regards, and I’m not taking anything away from my career professionals out there, because I know you guys worked very hard. You’re extremely dedicated. However, I would say that in some regards, you know, career professionals have a little bit of a leg up on the entrepreneur, because there is in many ways a structure and or sort of a, at least have some kind of an outline of where their job ends. Whereas when you’re an entrepreneur, when you’re out there, and you’re, you’re running your own business, it’s very hard sometimes. And David, you just said, you get you get obsessed, right? It’s hard to say, okay, stop, go to sleep, put the phone down. Or, you know what this is working, maybe I don’t need to think of the next thing or if this isn’t working, I need to completely get some help. Um, so I don’t know if that answers your question directly, but simply to say, yes, it is really hard work, working for yourself and doing your own thing. And a lot of it will, you know, at the end of the day is as unsexy as it sounds, is a lot of the success of entrepreneurs is in the process system and structures that they put in place that allow them to keep moving the ball forward. Well, would you agree or disagree, David,

David Ralph [14:05]
I totally agree with you. And I love it. When a lady says the word sexy, it takes me it takes my mind into different places, and I have to pull myself back. But no, I do think that because I think what actually happens with building a business is you start off with a very outward focusing business and I think it’s all about I want the money I want to get the money I want to grab the money because you know, you’re desperate you you’re trying to create something you want to provide a different life. But through that process, I think you realise that the the ease comes when you’re not going from outward in but you’re going from inward out and you’re starting looking at people and you’re starting helping people and it sounds woowoo it really does and I don’t even like myself to savour because in many ways I’m very practical. I like a plan. I like a structure. I like a focus but The end of the end is somebody’s buying a product. And that person has to see you as a solution. So everything you do from your marketing onwards has to be going outwards. But I think most of us at the beginning, it’s all about us. If you go back in time, a welder and I’ll look at your about page and your homepage, I bet most of it was about you, you, you, and now is about BIM and BIM.

Awilda Rivera [15:23]
Yeah, I mean, honestly, if you saw buffered with I literally just a page. Um, it was pretty sad looking. And what I would say is that, you know, you’re right on with that, you know, sometimes entrepreneurs, especially those of you in the first like, one to two and a half years of business, you’re kinda like feeling around in the dark, you’re doing a lot of things, you’re seeing what works, what doesn’t work, you’re really trying to figure out well, what is it that I do, especially if you’re offering a service? That is it, you know, turnkey, like, maybe you’re mature, great. Obviously, there’s three different types of massage, you either do it, or you don’t have the kind of people’s house or you don’t, great, but if you’re a coach or a consultant, or you know, you’re providing a service that maybe is a little bit more niche, or out of the box, you know, it really takes you some time to hone your messaging. And I’ll say to you, and I’ll say to the audience very openly, and probably shouldn’t say this, but, you know, I reexamined my messaging probably every six months, not because I’m gonna rewrite the whole website, because I don’t, but because I always want to make sure as my message onpoint with who I’m trying to reach right now, you know, what can I change? And again, it’s not about reinventing the wheel and, you know, confusing your client. But it’s about taking that market data that you’re getting back and saying, Okay, well, how can I make slight tweaks that make this more desirable, but also really fulfil the needs of my demographic, more which, surprise, surprise, turns into people giving me more money?

David Ralph [17:04]
So when did you bring in your virtual assistant that you’re going to be having a call with later? When did it go from you to the two of you or three of your? Well,

Awilda Rivera [17:14]
it’s been about six or seven months, that I’ve had her. And it’s been in the works for me to hire her for over a year. And you might say, Well, why did you just get off the pot and hire the woman if you knew you needed? Well, because I’ll tell you like this, and same thing that I’m probably I bet 80% of entrepreneurs that are in their first five years, that are listening experience, and it’s a question of, where do I reinvest the money in my business? Yeah, in my first few years after I completely built my business out to where it is now, you know, I reinvested in myself, I got my 200 hour yoga, teacher training, I got my coaching certification to formalise my coaching, training, you know, I invested in different tools to make sure my business was streamline. And then what I realised as many of you will realise, that are one man bands, you can’t play every instrument, if you want to keep making beautiful music, you have to bring someone in to take over the piccolo and the cymbal. And you’ll keep singing and playing the drums. So I and I have an accountability partner. So what I’ll say is that it’s a little cheat for you guys out there is you don’t have to be an island onto yourself. There’s tonnes of other entrepreneurs out there, banging their head against the wall, saying, Who can I talk to that is not going to charge me money. Because maybe I’m not ready to pay someone. You can go and find another entrepreneur like that and become an accountability partner, to people who make sure you’re getting things done, I almost put the S word sit there, making sure you’re getting things done, and that you’re not out there, you know, fooling yourself not doing anything but being really busy. So my accountability partner actually helped me to realise the importance of having a VA because she had had VAs and I could just there’s just a certain level of calm and focus on the next step that she always had, that I’m or has that I want it because I was like, I can’t just keep worrying about the damn social media posts or the email or whatever. Like I need someone else to be doing. The podcast pitching, for example, because podcast pitching is quite intensive and you’re constantly looking for a new podcast to pitch and you know, it’s a numbers game. So I looked and I found her and I hired her and let me tell you, the best thing I ever did. And again, it doesn’t have to be Oh, I’m paying her $20 An hour and a half of working five hours a week because I don’t have that much work for to do. But I was able to identify a woman who I could trust. Right and that doesn’t mean I’m giving her my bank info Right, but I could trust her with the tasks that I needed. I could trust her to, to contact you, David to send my email, you know, to send my letter to follow up. And it’s been wonderful. And if I, you know, and if I could tell anyone if you’re scared about the bunny, if you’re like, Oh, well, you know, I’m not make it a lot of money. I would say, find someone who does it per task. You know, my, Hey, I’ll tell you my VAs name. Her name is Chanel Smiley. Her website is keep calm and hire Chanel, she is amazing. She works I mean, any sort of administrative tasks, you can tell her I referred you a will repair. And it may get you a little discount, can’t promise. But if you need clerical administrative tasks done, look for someone who can work on a per project basis, if you’re not needing someone hourly, it really makes a difference.

David Ralph [20:53]
So can I ask you a welder? I’m a bit shocked here. I thought I was your special one. I thought I was the only podcast that you wanted. And you’re putting yourself around, you beat yourself around if we haven’t got that, that that connection that I thought we had?

Awilda Rivera [21:07]
Well, I think we have a different kind of connection there. I think we have the straight shooter connection. You know, I think that’s hard to find. And I mean, I will tell anyone, I’m surprised that you’re surprised. Because as an entrepreneur, you know, the name of the game is exposure. And I’ve found that for me, you know, really getting to connect with people like yourself on an authentic level. So your audience can hear my voice they can hear, okay, this is how she is she may be kind of blunt, but either that’s for me, or that’s not for me. You know, I found that that’s been much, much, much more valuable than any Google ad, I could pay to have pop up on someone’s search, because they’re actually getting to hear me and connect with me. And to see I connect with you because they trust you. I’m sure if you didn’t like me, your audience might be like, I don’t know.

David Ralph [22:02]
What happens though. I can’t tell you about every single guest I’ve had on the show. I’ve I’ve liked some I connect with really strongly. It is a weird thing with podcasting, because it’s just our voices. It there is an intimacy that I don’t think I would get if I had the webcam on at the same time. You almost feel like you can share because you’re not looking into each other’s eyes. If you if you understand what I’m saying.

Awilda Rivera [22:26]
Yeah, there’s a little bit of a sort of anonymity or of a confidentiality feeling. And I love that I love that about podcasts in general, and in a way that I could connect with the audience. Because, you know, in my work as a success coach, that’s what we’re doing. We’re having conversations, because my business model is over the phone. Some people are like, whoa, your billing models over the phone, why isn’t it Skype visual? Or why aren’t you meeting with people? And I say to you, what is the least amount of technology that we need, where we can get the most result no matter where you are? And that’s the phone. So right now, you know, you’re in the UK, I’m in Atlanta, right? I could be in Australia. But the beautiful thing about this is that through this audio connection, we’re able to share and connect. And it doesn’t no one is distracted by my background or your background or looking to see the headphones on our heads. Or if the picture is fuzzy. They’re simply listening to our voices and taking from it what they need and leaving the rest.

David Ralph [23:28]
But let’s play some words when and we’re going to delve back into this because this is a key part of growing a business. But here’s Oprah,

Oprah Winfrey [23:34]
the way through the challenge is to get still an ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, oh, I got all of this stuff. What is the next right move. And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move, and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment, you know, you’re not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.

David Ralph [24:05]
Okay, so Mrs. O is saying don’t be overwhelmed and be thinking, Oh, I’ve got so much to do. Just do the next right thing. Now, what interested me beforehand, and I’m going to come back to Oprah. But the thing that you were saying is that you have created a business really looking at the most simple bootstrapping way you can do it. If you can create a business by talking to somebody on the phone. Main Don’t worry about a sexy website and Facebook ads. Just look at the smallest business you can create. And I think Seth Godin talks about this as well. Look at the smallest business you can create to service your customers.

Awilda Rivera [24:46]
Yeah, and, and when when when people think smallest, sometimes it has a negative connotation. Sometimes they’re like, Oh, well then I’m not going to earn a bunch of money. Well, I would put it this way. I could say to you Okay, if you’re making $100,000, right? Well, you’re spending 90,000 going out. Right? And you’re only making 10,000 taking home, your business is 10% profitable? Yeah. Where if you’re making $2,000, and you’re only spending $100 or $200 a month, then your business is like, over 85% profitable, right? And so, of course, you’re not gonna become a millionaire only still making $2. Only making $2,000 a month. But there’s something that you’re doing right there, right. And so using myself as an example, I’m not making a million dollars a year yet. But for the last three quarters, my business has been over 82% profit. So for me what that says to me, and actually, the reason why I say over 82%, because the middle quarter was 81, but the quarter in between in the quarter, there’s now about 86%. So I say that to say, the way that you can minimise what you’re spending on on in your business. And you can focus on what you can actually do that’s going to turn into more business coming in, is the right next step. Now, the right next step may not just say, hey, hey, look at me, I’m the right next step, right? Like Oprah said, You gotta get really still, you got to get really quiet. And like I’ve said, in other interviews, you got to get really freaking honest with yourself, you got to get painfully honest with yourself, because maybe you are spending too much time putting together the website. Like I said, my first website didn’t look like this. This is the third version of my website. Right? I was focused on Okay, let me just put up something so people know, I’m not a charlatan. And then we’ll take it from there. So what I would say to the people out there that are like, Oh, wait, I don’t Don’t I need like, every social media and like a beautiful website that I spend a bunch of money on and pay someone to maintain. And sorry to say, but you don’t. This is such a fast paced technological world, that there are even people out there right now, working their niche so well, that their website if you went to it, you’d be like, what this person gets paid $1,000 by people to help them write a book, but but they do, because they’re good at it. And they know how to leverage the small in to a big

David Ralph [27:43]
profit. But that’s the key thing, isn’t it? Leverage that is leveraging your connections, your time, that’s what takes a business from almost a hobby to something scalable, you know, I’m 100% focused on removing myself from every task, but I don’t like doing and little by little, and I was aware that there was a journey I needed to go on. But little by little, I’m doing that and I’m freeing myself up to replace myself with I don’t know what to be honest. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be building up a time we’ve because I genuinely love working. But it seems wrong to me that I’m spending time doing stuff I don’t like, Are you the same a welder?

Awilda Rivera [28:26]
I am, um, I have a little bit of a it’s funny, because on the one hand, people that know me know that I love to hang out, I love to relax, I like to just you know that out. But on the other hand, you know, I have a bit of, you know, like a bit of a workhorse, you know, I can be a bit of a workhorse and I can be sort of in the zone and work myself really hard. And what I realised that what am i Big mentors, Todd Herman is a very, very smart guy and is a sort of a master of high performance. You know, he said to me, it wasn’t like an earth shattering statement, but it resonates so deeply. He said, you know, busy, doesn’t mean productive. If, at any point, you’re doing something, and at the end, you’re like, I wish I was doing X, or I could have been doing X, then it’s probably something you should outsource. Similarly, if the task that you’re doing, you wouldn’t pay someone more than $10 an hour to do it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it, especially if you’re running your own business. Now, where you go for a career professionals out there sometimes, as you know, the language coop runs downstream. And occasionally, you know, you may have to do those clerical tasks that your boss or your supervisor asked you to do. There’s not much way around that. But for people that are running their own business that are actually really focused on growing it to some tangible and measurable degree. There, you’re gonna at least have to bring one other person in now. Warren Buffett Okay, guy is a billionaire. Does he have 1000? Employees? No, I think he has like four employees. But he still has some employees. So you know, I say all that to say you don’t have to become an agency. But you need some help. And that’s okay.

David Ralph [30:15]
So so how would you start with deciding what’s right for you? Because this is a stumbling block, you’re in law, you’re studying it, you think to yourself, oh, I want to do something else. But how do you decide that what you’re doing now? Is Right? Or perhaps you don’t? Do just try stuff? And little by little, you fine tune it to where you are? Yeah,

Awilda Rivera [30:36]
I mean, I think I have a bit of a controversial opinion on that in the sense that, you know, you don’t want to be just blindly throwing things and hoping something will stick. Because, you know, the only thing we can’t get back is time. But on the other hand, you don’t want to be so time conscious that you work yourself into a tizzy, and you end up, you know, with a heart attack, right from so much anxiety and overwhelm. Again, this is a good time to employ what Oprah said, and my idea that you have to get real quiet and real honest, right? Now. And I’m just gonna use an example of someone that I’ve worked with in the past, have a client had a client, who is very passionate, very, you know, hard working. She’s also a mom and a wife, and very intelligent, but had been working in a particular industry for many years, and an industry that her family, and she had just kind of said, well, I’ll take the exam to be, you know, and I’m just gonna make it up, am I gonna use your accent to be an engineer, right? Now I’m working as an engineer firm. But, you know, I don’t really like engineers. I don’t really like the firm, but I’m here, I’ve been doing it, it would make sense for me to just do this. And she just kept doing it. And finally, she kind of came to me as a success coach and said, you know, well, I’ve been doing this, I’ve always wanted to do it. But for some reason, I could never really follow through. I don’t know what’s going on, I keep just you know, doing and nothing keeps, you know, doesn’t really plan out, it doesn’t really fall into place. And the reason why I’m using this example is because she hadn’t really gotten super honest with herself, up until that moment. And when I, in some regards, forced her to, to really encouraging her to do that, she realised that I don’t want to be an engineer at all, I want to be a counsellor, I want to be a therapist. And what I need to do is really to acknowledge that I don’t have any of the skills to do that. And I need to create a plan to go back to school to get those skills on my own terms, not quit my job, and enrol, but start taking night classes, and seeing if that really resonates with me, so that I can actually follow through with doing that. And you guys may say, Well, that’s, that’s totally different from like, if I have a business and should I use Squarespace or Weebly, but it’s really not. Because when you have a business, using myself, as an example, when I first started, I only did spiritual advisement work. That’s all I did. And I realised over time, hey, this is only tapping into a small fraction of the population. And if I’m really honest with myself, I want to be able to help as many people as possible. And I have so many more skills than just talking to dead people. But people better let

David Ralph [33:35]
me jump in there. But does that not go against what everyone says about business, but you should niche down and really understand your avatar. If you market to all folk, you go broke, as I say,

Awilda Rivera [33:46]
Well, I, that’s I’m glad that you tapped into that. And I will say, I’m not necessarily marketing to all people, because all of my business talk to the same person, they talk to the person who has reached an impasse, either personally or professionally, who is looking to have someone be in their corner to help them do the work. That’s the key, do the work, like they’re ready to do the work of transformation, whether that is to identify success for themselves and actually start to earnestly move towards it. Whether it’s saying, you know, my spirit is out of alignment, I need someone to help me clear my energy and get back in it. Or in a physical sense. They’re saying, you know, I cannot touch my toes. I cannot put my arm behind my back and touch in between my shoulder blades with my elbow. And I feel like crap, and I’m only 35 years old. 50 years old, six years old. I need help. Those are all the same person. Maybe they’re seeking it out in different arenas, but they’re the same person. And so sure, maybe it’s not a 45 year old woman. Being in Connecticut and making acts, right. But in each one of those groups, I whittle it down a little bit more. Because what I’ve learned is I still have to be authentic to myself, you know, and I would be not authentic to myself, if I took an extreme niche and apply it across the board. What I do is I have an umbrella Nish, right, these people seeking transformation, these people who have acknowledged and are aware that they need help, they need someone outside of themselves to help them get re centred and focus and move forward. Right? And then within that, it’s a slightly more defined person. Does that make sense?

David Ralph [35:40]
It makes total sense. Yeah, it does. So so you’ve got the collective because I’m looking at your website, as we’re going along here. And there’s many different sort of like branches, you’ve got your, your core message, I suppose. But then it goes into success coaching, it goes into yoga, it goes into spiritual advisement, even doing weddings, and being a wedding person. And I was looking at that.

Awilda Rivera [36:03]
And believe it or not, I actually just booked a wedding. That’s going to be on February 17. And believe it or not the spiritual advisement, people get really, and I’ll be very brief, but people get really kind of squirming because they’re like, oh, you know, what is this Miss Cleo situation. And what I also always tell people, listen, spiritual advisement has nothing to do with your religion, you could be any religion, it has to do with you looking for answers, and you wanting to connect with something bigger than yourself. So not everyone that comes to me for spiritual advisement is looking to talk to a deceased loved one, or looking for a spiritual reading. Sometimes they want a shamanic cleanse, or they want energy healing, or they want to learn how to do Reiki on themselves. Because I’m a Reiki Master, you know, or they want to be married, or they want to baptism, you know, these are things that fall into the realm of spiritual advisement, where people especially in 2017, believe it or not want to be able to connect with someone that isn’t So believe it or not woowoo, but still understands the world of wool and can break it down in like a tangible way.

David Ralph [37:10]
Because does that not detract from your effectiveness? Because I’ll be honest with you, talking to dead people, I think is madness. And I’ve never understood it, and I see mediums and stuff. And I think they’re just taking money off of people. So I would look at that. And I would go success coaching. Yes, I can see how it ties together. Yoga, talking to dead people, oh, I’m not too sure now does that.

Awilda Rivera [37:31]
That’s, that’s, that’s the thing that and that’s your, that that reaction is exactly why the website is structured how it is. Because there are some people that are going to come. And they’re gonna have no interest in spiritual advisement, and they don’t have to click on that button at all. And they can go find what they want, and contact me and it’s great. And believe it or not, I have people that start with me as cultured as a coaching clients, and end up segwaying coming on my yoga retreat, so getting spiritual advisement, and vice versa, I have people who start out as yoga clients, or spiritual advisors and clients and end up getting coaching. So what I think is important is choice. And so what I’m giving people the opportunity to do is to say, Hey, this is what I need right now. The rest of it, I’m not too sure about and great. I don’t even have to deal with it. And she’s not gonna force it on me. So awesome. And to address your question about sort of the effectiveness and the talking to that people, I would think the exact same thing if I couldn’t just, if I couldn’t get away from it, you know, like, I can’t get away from it. I was simply born that way. And so it’s something that growing up I just thought was very normal. I didn’t, I didn’t want to work as a medium. I just thought that was a thing Puerto Ricans did, I was like a crazy Puerto Rican. You know, like it is all do weird stuff. But it was, you know, to sound quite cliche. That’s why I got ordained because there was this deeper calling, to actually utilise that in some way to help people to sound very corny. Again, at the core of it, when I’m really honest, I just want to help people. And so that’s why this year, you know, I really want to focus on helping 100 people, and they may not sound like a big number, but I want to help them in a significant way. I don’t just want to have 100 single session appointments, and you know, that’s great. Sure, I’ll make some money, awesome. But I want to help 100 people in a significant way, I want to help 100 people transform their lives, whether it’s through, you know, coming on an international trip with me to Barbados or to Colombia, whether it’s transforming your body through yoga, you know, transforming your energy through spiritual advisement or transforming yourself professionally and personally through coaching. I want to help you transform. So just like you, you know, this year I want to make a big impact.

David Ralph [40:00]
So what I really want to reflect on there, which awilda said was amazing, was the fact that 100 people can have their lives changed, and it can change your life as well, as a business coach, as a business, you don’t have to, if you had everybody talks about six speakers, if you had 10 clients that are paying you 10 grand, that six figures, if you’ve got, you know, I, I’m looking at developing my business being totally transparent to creating a 2000 pounds product for 500 people, that’s a million dollars, you know, it doesn’t take a lot, you don’t actually have to think that you’ve got to sell huge amounts, you’ve just got to provide the best you possibly can, for the clients that are coming to you. And little by little word of mouth occurs. So don’t get frightened by people out there, when you listen to them, say, you know, oh, I want to influence a billion people, I want to do this, I want to do that, what a welder said as 100 is totally doable. And it will lead to bigger and bigger things is a starting point, or it’s not even a starting point is down the line, isn’t it?

Awilda Rivera [41:03]
Of course, and I mean, and, you know, just like sort of lifting the curtain for the entrepreneurs out there, it’s always important to give yourself a goal that has like a number on it, that has a number and some kind of a deadline. You know, and while a year is a really long time, and normally I work in chunks of 90 days, you know, this is just gonna be my overarching theme. And I’ll be 100% transparent, I actually, this theme was helped to be solidified through my sort of happenstance encounter with this wonderful local artist here. His name is he goes by squishy puts on the internet. And his story is I won’t tell it for him. But he has a great story of being a guy who was, you know, like, looking to make beautiful things out of trash for others, and decided to say, well, what if I put all that on my own or myself, and started by literally just drawing his French Bulldog face, and he couldn’t do it draw Bulldogs body. So he drew octopus. And he would just draw the same image over and over again and got much better and much better and much better. And now, he’s just like this amazing artist who’s recognised, and he still only sells his paintings for like 25 bucks, 50 bucks, 100 bucks. And I said to him, I said, you know, thank you for selling me this amazing painting that I’m sure will be worth a lot of money very soon. Might I ask why? Why do you do that. And he said, You know what a world I want to impact people. I want to do nice things for people. Because I know that one day, all of those nice things are gonna turn into something bigger than I could have imagined. And there was such an elegance and a beauty to what he said that I said, You know what that resonates with me. That’s what you know, that’s, that’s exactly what I want to do. I want to make an impact, I want to help people, I want to do what I do in such a way that all that leads to is more positive outcomes for everybody.

David Ralph [43:08]
Now great stuff. And as he was talking, I went on squishy posts on Facebook and had a quick look at the stuff. And I’m gonna delve into that and see what more is going on in the squishy post world because it’s interesting stuff. Now let’s play the words of the late Steve Jobs who created the whole theme of the show, and really have a set a tone, not just for me, but for every single person that has been on the show. Here’s Steve Jobs,

Unknown Speaker [43:32]
of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [44:07]
Then why aren’t made that good works?

Awilda Rivera [44:10]
Yeah, oh my goodness. That just gave me goosebumps. It’s there. Man, I can’t say ditto enough. But I would agree and I would say you know when I was in law school, just like you right at the beginning, if you told me that I’d be here right now doing this I’d have been like no way. Impossible. Like, no, you know, let’s go have a pint and talk about how you need to go see a therapist because you’re losing your mind. But now again, in retrospect, literally 10 years later. It makes absolute perfect sense. I needed to go to law school to a satiate the Forever student within me, but also because it helped me to learn a lot that helps me in business. Believe it or not, my law degree helps me in business every day. and it helps me connect with a target demographic that is also completely underserved, which is lawyers who need success coaches, not because they lack success, but because they are extremely prone to defining success externally into having the sort of the, the hanging carrot syndrome. They’re never, it’s never quite good enough. They’re never quite where they want to be. And so they need balance and sort of interpersonal definition the most. But in my specific case, you know, even five years ago, you know, after two years of being in Atlanta, I, I would have hoped and dreamed I would be here now, but I could have never actually seen how this all played out. And looking back, I’m just like, this is exactly what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to come here, I was supposed to realise that I didn’t want to work for anyone else. Go through the the chagrin of that realisation, sort of buckle, you know, buckle my seatbelt and get on this ride. And like I said before, time, is the only thing that we can’t stop. And sometimes that’s for the best, because through time we learn and the more time passes, learning is inevitable, as long as we’re open to it.

David Ralph [46:24]
Absolutely, absolutely. I agree with that. 100%. Well, there’s been a lot of gold in there that really has and is one of those shows that we’ve touched on building a business going through the scary times hiring a VA are fine tuning your marketing, going for the right person. But ultimately, it leads to a journey. And it’s a journey that you’ve been on. And it’s one that we’re going to reflect on now. Because this is the part of the show that we called a sermon on the mic, when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the younger wielder? What age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because we’re going to Pine a theme. And when it fades, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.

Unknown Speaker [47:10]
Here we go. With the best bit of the show, sir man on the mind, the sermon on

Awilda Rivera [47:26]
Well, hey, oh, well, the younger self, about 25 years old, looking pretty good. Maybe you should drink less and sleep more. Something you really need to know for your future is things aren’t gonna turn out exactly how you plan them when you are 10. Don’t freak out, it’s going to be for the best. The things that are going to serve you the most are a sincere sense of honesty with yourself. The more you lie to yourself, the more you’ll struggle, you’re ultimately still going to end up at the same realisation. Your sense of discipline, being focused and getting stuff done, is going to serve you more now than you’ll even know. And you’ll be happy that I reminded you. And lastly, but totally not least, your follow up and follow through. People are tricky in this world, and they take a lot of energy to pin them down. But if you stay disciplined, stay focus, and keep your follow up strong. What you’re gonna get from it is going to be incredible. You’re going to go to Nicaragua, you’re going to start expanding your business and ways that you didn’t know, but it’s only going to happen from staying on people for almost a year. I know right now it sounds like terrible. But Follow up. Follow through. Be discipline and be honest, and you’ll be just fine.

David Ralph [49:01]
Great advice. Great advice. And what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you a welder?

Awilda Rivera [49:07]
Yes, you can always find me at www dot a welder. rivera.com. That’s AWIL D A. r i v e. r a.com. I’m on Instagram, Mr. Olivera LinkedIn, Facebook, I’m sure all those links will be in the show notes. Yeah, like I said, this year, I want to help 100 people transform their lives. So anything I’ve said today, interests you at all. Please visit my website, contact me. I want to hear from you. If you know already how I can help you. Let me know. If you’re curious about coaching. The consultation is free. So you can give me a call and we could set up a consultation and see if it’s right for you. If you’re like hey, I want to travel the world. Tell me more about that. Barbados escape coming up April 21, to the 26th, depending on when this airs that may be quite a few months from now, you’re interested, give me a call, it’s only 1100 You’ll have a private chef making you breakfast, welcome dinner, farewell dinner. We’re going on a three hour private snorkel tour, we’re going to snorkel multiple reefs and swim with sea turtles in the wild, life changing. We’re also going to do stand up paddleboard yoga, and enjoy some of the awesome Bayesian nightlife on World Class beaches. So give me a call, I’d love to see your face with me there on the sand.

David Ralph [50:39]
We will have over the links on the show notes. Well, I want to thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And please come back again, when you got more dots to join up. Because I do believe that the joining up the dots, and connecting our paths is the best way to build our futures. awilda Thank you so much.

Awilda Rivera [50:56]
Thanks for having me. It’s been an absolute pleasure.

David Ralph [51:00]
awilda Rivera, so she’s out to change the life of 100 people. And it really is, you know, look at it as 10 people, 20 people, 30 people, I think so many people get frightened. Because I look at the sexy stuff, they look where people are. But at its beginning, everybody’s just looking to get one a client, one payment, one verse, and then it becomes two and three, or whatever. But it all starts with one. So even if you’re out there, and you’re, you’re not knowing what to do, just see if you can get one person to sit down and have a chat with you. You might convert them into a client, whatever you want to do. But it all starts with that one. Until next time, and I started with just one podcast as well. Go figure. Until next time, thank you so much for listening to Join Up Dots, absolute pleasure being here. And until the next time, I’ll be here. Cheers. See,

Outro [51:53]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.

 

Awilda Rivera: Does Business Success Need Niching Down? Read More »

Scott Wintrip

Scott Wintrip: Turning Recruitment Into His Life Work

Scott Wintrip Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast


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Introducing Scott Wintrip

Scott WintripScott Wintrip is my guest today, on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching interview.

He is a man who was first introduce to me by a previous guest and friend of the show Tayo Rockson

“Hi David”….he said “I had him on my show and he had such great pieces of advice to give. I am certain he would make a great addition to your show.”
 
Well, how could i refuse such a connection, so lets give you some background on who we are going to be speaking to today.
 
He is the founder of the Wintrip Consulting Group, a global consultancy in St. Petersburg, Florida where his mission is to eliminate hiring delays, so companies always have the talent they need instead of empty seats.

 

During the past three decades, he has helped thousands of organizations like Bank of America, Boeing, Procter & Gamble, Randstad, and the Red Cross as well as small and mid-market companies, such as Aquent, Kohl’s, MAKO Surgical, and Valpak to make the right decisions.

 

How The Dots Joined Up For Scott

And this expertise has now been put into print, and is now flying off the shelves with his latest book “High Velocity Hiring: How to Hire Top Talent in an Instant,” being published by McGraw-Hill and through Amazon
If that isn’t impressive enough then, for five years in a row, he has been named in the “Staffing 100” as one of the world’s 100 most influential staffing leaders, also making Recruiter Magazine’s “Top 40 Under 40,” as one of the most influential executives under 40 years old.

So when did he realise that getting bottoms on seats was a skill that he possessed and could build a business around?

And what is the biggest mistake that people make when getting the talent that their companies deserve?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr Scott Wintrip

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Scott Wintrip such as:

Scott shares his advice of how he makes the right decisions in his life, and if not what he does to then quickly make them the right decisions.

Why Scott feels that he did his most remarkable work of his career whilst going through a heavy divorce with his wife. 

Why Scott feels that anyone who is getting into recruitment should get their recruitment education. Go work for a consultancy before ever going it alone.

and lastly….

Scott shares his views on the only person that you can believe in life – yourself. Be aware if you catch yourself lying to yourself, as it can undermine everything that is possible.

 

How To Connect With Scott Wintrip

Website

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

 

Books By Scott

 

Return To The Top Of Scott Wintrip

If you are inspired by the conversation with Scott Wintrip, then check out the amazing Tamara Thompson, Cameron Brown, Kristin Addis and Dan Lok

If you want our whole collection of shows then jump over to the podcast archives here

 

Audio Transcription For Scott Wintrip Interview

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph

David Ralph [0:21]
Yes. Hello there. Good morning, everybody. And welcome to join up dots Yes, this is I’ll tell you what, I’m all energized. today. I feel like I could take on the world Rocky Balboa could be put in a room with me wouldn’t stand a chance. My wife could be put in a room with me. Hang on, I might think about it. But I feel really energized. I feel ready to go. And I know that the guest on the other end of the line is the same way because he’s in Florida at the moment. How can you not love living in Florida? He’s just up the road from the mouse, I’m sure. And it’s it’s every day, every day is Adventure Time in each life. And he’s a man who was first introduced to me by a previous guest and friend of the show Ty Roxon and he said Hi David in his American voice. Of course, he said, You’ve got to have this guy on the show. I had him on the show and he had such great pieces of advice to give I’m certainly he’d make a great addition to yours. Well, how could I refuse such a connection? So let’s give you some background on who we’re going to be speaking to today. He’s the founder of the wind trip Consulting Group, a global consultancy in St. Petersburg, Florida, Florida, where his mission is to eliminate hiring delays so companies always have the talent they need instead of empty seats. Now during the past three decades, he’s helped thousands of organizations like Bank of America, Boeing, Procter and Gamble, and the Red Cross is what a small and mid market companies such as Kohl’s and Macko surgical to make the right decisions and this expert expertise is now being put into print and is now flying off the shelves with his latest book high velocity hiring, how to hire top talent in an instant being published by McGraw Hill and through Amazon. That isn’t impressive enough. And for five years in a row. He’s been named staffing 100 as one of the world’s hundred most influential staffing leaders also making recruiter magazine’s top 40, under 40 as one of the most influential executives under 40 years old. So when did you realize that getting bums on seats was a skill that he possessed and could build a business around? And what is the biggest mistake that people make when getting the talent that their companies deserve? Well, let’s find out as we bring them to the show to start join up dots with the one and only Mr. Scott wind trip. Good morning, Scott. How are you? Sir David

Scott Wintrip [2:33]
I am good. I’ve got some big shoes to fill. Given that introduction. I’m so thrilled to be here and so excited, your energy is absolutely infectious. And we’re going to have a great conversation. I coach me,

David Ralph [2:45]
that’s what he said. I tell you what, if you love every second of the day, well, not every second because there’s some boring things in life. But the majority of it and the boring stuff trying to make it fun, then it’s just not worth it is it? We’re only on this planet once and I think we should make the most of it, then you think scope.

Scott Wintrip [3:03]
I do I every moment I’ve been told I’m turning in for something I’m trading it every minute I have for something in life, and I better trade it for good. Just like I better spend my money prudently, I have to spend my time prudently. Because I’m not getting that time back. And I’ve got one shot at this moment. And then the next one. And that’s one of the lessons I’ve learned along the way. And so I cherish the moments even more than I cherish the money or the possessions

David Ralph [3:29]
and that I’ve never heard it said like that, but you actually feel like you’re trading. So if you’re doing something that you don’t like you’re missing out on something you could like, and vice versa, that’s probably worth thinking about it. And you always thought that way.

Scott Wintrip [3:42]
Of course, I’ve always been, you know, this, this much of a sage at know, I learned that the hard way I I first off watched my dad in a 30 year career that he didn’t like a career that ended with high stress and panic attacks and he was miserable. And then I watched the rest his life began. And it was a life of semi retired. And it really showed me how important it was that I love all aspects of my life, including my work. And so that informed me some of my own poor choices. And for me, and and now you know, for quite a long time, nearly 2025 years, I’ve loved most of what I do most of the time, because I made that choice.

David Ralph [4:21]
Yeah, I went through a big period I think most men do where we convince ourselves that we’re doing it for our family, our if you want to go to Disneyland, I’ve got to go out to work. And I’ve got to do this. And I’ve got to do that. And my sort of younger kids pretty much grew up without me. So I made a fixed decision when my last two came along, and my grandkids came along. But I would always be out of work at four o’clock in the afternoon. I wouldn’t do any extra time, all that kind of stuff. If it wasn’t going to occur in the core time, then it wasn’t going to happen. And to be honest, once I made that decision, Scott my life as it makes me realize that there was so much dead time I was wasting, justifying. I was in a building where actually if you focus and do the right things, then you can kind of have both. Yeah, you can have your cake and eat it.

Scott Wintrip [5:12]
No, I agree. I also think that the universe pays very close attention to what we say to ourselves and to others. And when I made the declaration a couple decades ago that I’m taking back my life, I’m not going to be a victim of life, as I watched some people in my life be the universe heard me and held me to the challenge. And one of the things that I discovered along the way is, you know, that didn’t mean that I was able to wipe the slate clean and everything is was perfect and wonderful. I might my first marriage ended about 11 years ago. And you might note that I said that, you know, I made this declaration or declaration about life 20 years ago, well, I kept learning some things along the way, the universe kept showing me different paths that I could take. And one of them was that that may wasn’t a good fit for me. And the blessing. And that was how kindly my ex wife and I ended that marriage, we have an now 20 year old son together. And I have another marriage is the marriage that I could have only dreamed of. So when we make these declarations to live the life we want to live, that doesn’t mean that everything is peachy keen. From that point forward, we have to then make a series of choices. And I certainly did to deal with life on life’s terms. And and a number of things have happened. I’ve learned along the way that some of the choices I’ve made, I’ve had to change, I’ve had to change direction. But you know what, when I hold true to my values, and the decision I made 20 years ago, that keeps me on the right path no matter what. And it keeps showing me what the next right choice to be, is going to be.

David Ralph [6:45]
Now that’s brilliant, because that ties into the join up dots metaphor totally that if you really listen to your gut, and you do what’s right for yourself, and you look in the mirror each morning, and you say whether this is right or wrong, this is what I think right. And so I’m going to work towards it. Yeah, generally not to fall off the right track. I spent years doing what I thought was right for other people before us finally went now Hang on, this is my life. And I’m going to sort of reclaim it back. But we do ignore that that feeling inside us that’s pointing away, don’t we,

Scott Wintrip [7:17]
we do it a great parallel. If we ignore that feeling, we’re going to head down the wrong Fork of the road. But if we pay attention, I think you’re right, we’re going to make the right choice most of the time, or we can make the choice we made right. And it goes back to a quote I heard probably 1213 years ago, and the quote was something along the lines of Don’t worry about making the right decision. Just make the decision, then make the decision, right. And I find that that’s that’s one of the most brilliant quotes that allows me to live the life I live is I sometimes I pause and go, Oh gosh, is this the right decision? But then I remember that quote, and I make it Have I always made the right decision the first time around? Of course not. Have I always found a way to make every decision I’ve made, right? Yes, because that’s a choice. And when you do that, I find that that’s how you live a life of no regrets because you’re not beating yourself up over the coulda, shoulda, woulda as you are making the best decisions, and then cleaning those up along the way of needed and not looking back with any kind of regret. You’re always looking forward making the next right choice.

David Ralph [8:26]
I’ll tell you what, we’ve started this show on a positive thing of I was just going to talk about recruitment. But do I want to go there? Do I want to go to recruitment? Of course I do. Because that’s why you’re here. So let’s just talk about that a bit. See? How did that come about? For you? How did you become this expert with the world’s sexiest under 40 recruitment person or whatever you was named? what it was. Now, how did that occur?

Scott Wintrip [8:50]
Well, I’m going with what you said, because I could see the magazine cover with my bald head and my earring. Because those are two things I sport as the world’s sexiest recruitment expert. Let’s go with that. So I want to tell you David it was all planned from the very beginning. And that that, of course, would be a brilliant lie. It was a complete accident. In in university, I was a music major. I was a double major of music, education and music theory. And as it comes out of my mouth, it sounds so drab and boring. And it kind of was you know, musics a wonderful thing. And I thought that’s what I wanted to do. But I discovered it wasn’t. And the way I got into recruitment is I walked into a staffing agency in the United States. And I was looking for a temporary job. And a friend of mine had one of these jobs, he was a warehouse worker. And the thing that I loved about his job wasn’t the work was the pay. And the pay wasn’t great. But it was the fact that he got paid every single week. And as a young college guy who cared more about beer money than anything else, to me, that was really, really good that I get paid every week, I get paid on a Friday. And I’d go and have the $5 pitcher and the $5 pizza. And, you know, when I walked into the store office, I had a very surprising experience, because the woman across the table from me, looked at me at one point and said, Hey, have you ever considered working in this industry, and I looked around because I didn’t see any industry. I didn’t know that, you know, putting people in jobs wasn’t industry. And I literally looked at her and said, what industry, I had no clue what she was talking about. But it planted a seed, I had no clue that there were these other options out there. And to me, you know, because employees are one of the most important assets in a company. And because the job is one of the most important things in people’s lives, I realized this is very noble work. And it just stuck with me. And and I wasn’t really liking closing myself up in a practice room for four hours a day. I’m a little too social for that. And so I chose to pursue this path shortly thereafter. And that has led to a 30 year career where as you put it, I’m helping organizations put the right bottoms in the right seats, and it’s a vital thing. You know, we we can’t connect our own dots very much. Well, to go with your metaphor. We don’t have the right people around us who can help us connect those dots, whether that’s in a company or in our lives. So for me, I think the work I do, and the work that anybody does when they’re involved in hiring is what allows us to be our best because we’ve got the best people around us.

David Ralph [11:18]
Now the question that I always kind of pose or at least I think about when you’re saying this, this this formative stage when you get this idea of Yeah, actually I can do this is how you actually been make that into a business? How you lay in bed with all those voices running around your head going? Go Scott, go, Scott, because more often than not, they’re going to be going, you can’t do this, this this, you know, this isn’t for you. You need to be working in Taco Bell. How did you sign and sounds voices.

Scott Wintrip [11:47]
Cash makes my stomach just turned when you said Taco Bell. And that was not a good kind of churning just say, you know? Well, so, you know, the good news for me was at that point in time the recruiting an industry was looking for people. So finding a job in recruitment was not difficult, and finding somebody who would harness my gift for gab and help me turn it into putting bottoms and seats was not a challenge. The biggest challenge, the one you’re referring to is later in my career, after I’d become a recruitment expert, I got involved in this back in the days when recruitment experts actually referred to themselves as headhunters and had a very good career in that and where I had the voices in my head is when those voices were challenging be to go do my own thing. And for my own consultancy, and this was 1998. And I got to take you back to 98. Because at that point in time, my son was one I was the sole breadwinner in a household. It was my previous marriage, my my then wife didn’t work outside the house, she was a stay at home mom, we had maybe about 60,000 US dollars in the bank and and I had this dream live literally lying in bed, I had this dream of a consultancy, that would take my recruitment expertise and how I’ve been eliminated hiring delays on the recruitment side of things into the corporations of the world. And I literally dreamed up the concept, the logo, everything in this dream. It was a Saturday afternoon my son was very colicky, so he didn’t sleep well. So I was catching sleep where I could. And I woke up from this dream, I sat bolt up right in bed and went, Oh my god, this is what I need to do. And it took me a year to put it together. And and the reason it worked is because I ignored the negative voices. I just I knew this is what I needed to do. I didn’t think it was just coincidence, I was having this dream. And part of it was ignorant bliss. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, I didn’t know, for example, that a recession was coming around the corner. I didn’t know how hard it was going to be to build a consulting practice. Because looking back now, in my ignorance about all the things I didn’t know about building the consultancy, were a good thing. You said it so well, at the beginning of the show is you know, when we’re our younger selves, we just dive in. And we do things because we have this belief. And I did and I had this unwavering belief, but I also believed in the work I was doing. And I think that’s the most important message that I have for anybody listening is if you can find work you’re deeply passionate about. It allows you to take risks and make them seem less risky. Because if you think about me at the time, I burned through that $60,000 very quickly, I was still the sole breadwinner, there were a number of days as I was driving to pick up the mail and my car I saw because I was terrified that my family was going to go hungry. But I believed in what I was doing. I believed in the work I believed in eliminating hiring delays. And now it’s almost 19 years later. So I know it worked out well. Because I do work that I’m passionate about I have a great book that’s coming out this has come out that’s doing well. And I have a life and work this was beyond anything I could have imagined all because I listened to the dream. On Saturday afternoon.

David Ralph [15:02]
Good for you, sir. Good for you. Because it is you know, I’ve been through the journey as well. And I’m still going through the journey now. And I’ve had moments when I’ve literally just been clinging on the bathroom sink, looking in the mirror going, it will work, it will work. And in the early days of join up dots it went off really quickly, really great and many died and not one person really was listening. And I was just churning it out churning out. Now I look back and I think to myself, thank God, they weren’t listening because I wasn’t very good at it really, you know, you get a lot better. And by just keep doing it, keep doing it. Little things start to occur. And now it’s just a ground swell. I couldn’t have got there. I don’t think if it was easy. I what I mean by that. I think if it was easy, I would have just breezed up and kind of done the bare minimum it would be like going into a gym and just lifting the same weights all the time and not really developing. But because it was for three times as hard as I expected. I actually develop the muscles to make it three times as easy going on. Does that make sense to you, Scott?

Scott Wintrip [16:09]
Oh, well, I’m going back to my divorce 11 years ago is it was the most gut wrenching Lee painful I’ve been through in my life. thing I’ve been through in my life up to this point. And you know, I’ve told people who’ve never been through divorce, that divorce is a form of insanity. And every single person who’s been through a divorce nods when I say this, you’re breaking apart lives, you’re breaking apart finances. It’s it’s usually for the right reasons I find most people who are ending marriages are in marriages that weren’t working. But I’m having to do this. Oh, yes. And I’m having to work at the same time. And and it was so incredibly painful. And work became my sanctuary. As I was going through this emotional turmoil. And while it was not a contentious divorce, we were splitting apart this family and I wasn’t going to see my son every day and it broke my heart. And I will tell you that I did some of the most outstanding work of my career during that divorce. And why did that happen? Well, it’s because that made me stronger. It showed me exactly what I was capable of It showed me the depth of my character, the depth of my will the depth of my passion for what I do it, it hones some of the edges of me and made me stronger and how I take stands for things and I look back at it now. And yes, you know that marriage was not a good fit. But everything I did was was part of my journey. I wouldn’t trade any of it all the pain, all the heartache, because it turned me into the person I am today. It’s It’s you, I’m sure you can picture this one day. But it’s, you know, if you you, you have the butterfly and the cocoon, if you cut the butterfly out, it dies because it’s not developing the muscles as you talked about them to get out and break through. It’s the same thing I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I had as a gentler journey, that harder journey made me stronger and gave me much more aware of with all

David Ralph [17:58]
really and I’m going to play some words, summarizing. And if you listen to join up dots enough, you know which words are coming, is rocky You,

Steve Jobs [18:04]
me and nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward how much you can take a keep moving forward. That’s how we do this.

David Ralph [18:20]
What I love about that speech more than anything, is the sort of simplicity of it of just dust yourself down, get back up and keep moving forward. Because it is true that the only thing you can do is move forward in life. And if you sit in one spot, you stagnate. We’ve all seen ponds where the water isn’t vibrant anymore, and what happens to it. But in kind of life, we we always allow ourselves to do that more often than not we get into that stagnation. And we say we’ve arrived, this is where we should be. But of course, there’s always another step forward another step forward. And it excites me now. But I can’t possibly perceive what’s going to be happening in my life. A year later, or two years later, where 10 years ago, I was quite happy to just be plodding along getting my salary. But now I’ve seen the other side of the fence. Now with your business where it’s growing to Scott, is that something that still fuels you up with ambition when you wake up in the morning, or you kind of know. So I’ve got a book in Amazon, and I’m doing very well. And we have nice holidays and vacations. On a fire still there.

Scott Wintrip [19:27]
Oh, wow. Yeah, I’m actually in the process of planning the next book. And that’s a little bit top secret right now. But the fires are stoked and burning. Because I love what I do, it goes back to what we talked about early on is if you find something you’re deeply passionate about, that is the fuel that keeps adding the air and the fuel mixture to the fire. And writing my first book was was an amazing journey. It happened at a time in my life where my wife was going through a journey with cancer with breast cancer and having chemo and I was writing the book while all that was going on and being her caretaker. And it was an amazing, wonderful journey of again, another blessing where that was my sanctuary, away from what was going on in life. So I poured myself into it. And I had this amazing experience writing the book. And now the books out and I miss it I I want to get back in and start writing again. And I am I’m working on the proposals right now. So I find that as long as I stay on the path, and as long as I do, the work that I love, that literally feeds on itself and adds even more fuel to the fire in the fire doesn’t necessarily get bigger, but it gets hotter, and it gets more intense. And it makes me want to do it more because I’m in a job of service, I get to help organizations with that most important asset and people with them one of those most important aspects of their lives. And that comes with a high level responsibility. So continuing to do that just feeds the fire and keeps me Stoke here every single day. So how would

David Ralph [21:02]
somebody come along? Now there’s somebody out there who’s listening to this show, and they’re thinking, recruitment? I’d never thought of that. Is it something now that is even more valuable? Is it easier to create? Or have they have I missed the boat?

Scott Wintrip [21:17]
Oh, no, you know that I talked about this in high velocity I hiring quite a bit that the talent shortage is going to continue. We have gaps in skills, the middle skills, skill jobs that require at least a secondary school diploma, and less than a four year degree. There are not enough people to fill all of those jobs. So we’re going to have a deficit there. We also have a deficit at the highest levels as well, not enough talented people who have the skills who are ready for some of the higher level positions. And while companies have gotten better at the recruitment efforts, there’s still a shortfall, their recruitment, and they’re there. They’re experts in their business, but they’re not missing experts in recruitment, and the recruitment industry. And the associations that back it up are growing rapidly. Recruitment is one of the fastest growing professions in the world. And so there are tremendous opportunities, and that’s only going to continue as time goes on.

David Ralph [22:15]
So how would somebody do it, Scott, that they’ve got you in front of us, and you have been through the journey? Can they do they actually have to have a brick and mortar business? First of all, can they create something online?

Scott Wintrip [22:27]
I know, you know, so interesting about recruitment is you have recruitment professionals who are working from home, they’re working from offices, those who are working from either location or working in local markets, they’re also working across the globe. What I would say to people, first and foremost is if you’ve never been in recruitment, first off, they’ll get your recruitment education, it looks very simple. From the outside, you know that you’re going to place people in jobs, yet it is the hardest form of selling on the planet. And the reason it is, is you’re selling the only product that can stand up, you’re putting people in jobs, and those people have an opinion, and they’re your product. So they suddenly, you know, can say no, I’m not going to take that job. Well, if you sell a car, you sell the house houses and cars don’t suddenly say Nope, I’m not going with that person. So this adds a layer of complexity to the sale that makes it so much more difficult, making it the hardest form of selling. So anybody who’s interested in recruitment, it’s, it’s, it’s good to go cut your teeth in a recruitment agency first. And you may just find that a staffing agency here in the United States or recruitment firm in the UK or Australia, or somewhere in Europe, you may just find that that’s where your career takes off that you love working for an agency or if you want to do your own thing, if you go work in an agency, and you work with those professionals and learn the business learn to do this hardest sell, then you can make the choice to do this on your own if you like and you have incredible flexibility, I have a colleague by the name of Tommy who I used to work with Tommy works maybe about 32 hours a week, she took the path that I just described work in an agency before she did her own thing, working about 3032 hours a week, she brings in a couple hundred thousand US dollars a year, not a bad job working from her home, placing people in jobs doing work that she really loves. So that’s the way to do it is is to do it the right way, learn the right things and not assume that just because it looks simple, from the outside, that is truly simple. There’s a lot of finesse that’s required to it in this business and best to learn it from the pros. I was in banking for many, many years, and I was a sales manager and I could basically sell anything, any banking product that came in front of us, I could sell it. And when I decided to do my first kind of leap of faith when I was 30, I quit. And because of my sales background, I got a job in recruitment. And I was selling and I do that quote at business with my fingers because I wasn’t really setting

David Ralph [24:49]
legal secretaries for London law firms. And so secretaries would come in and I would need to have a certain amount of knowledge about legal procedures and stuff. And I hated it. Scott, I hated it so much because I couldn’t get across the fact that the the ladies were basically commodities, and I saw this recruitment consultant, basically sit down with one of these ladies who’d come in with her resume or CV. And he gave her all the big spiel and said, Look, I don’t want to just put you into a job, I want to get the right job for you leave it for a couple of weeks, it was all that kind of stuff. And when she walked out the room, he just threw a resume straight in the bin. And I thought that’s some of these dreams that somebody’s aspirations at some of these hopes, and I hated it. And I did about six weeks and I walked I walked out. Is that is that still? You know, is that commonplace? now though? Is it too big a question to actually ask.

Scott Wintrip [25:42]
Now, I think it’s the exact right question to ask, whether it is recruitment, or you had mentioned banking, we could look at any industry, we have people who are throwing things and bins, whether it’s somebody whose resume that they’re they’re saying they’re going to reference that that person, or it’s the resume internally of somebody who’s looking for a promotion, or it’s you know, the performance review that you’re supposed to be putting your heart into, and instead you’re throwing in a band, and you’ll get to it later. And you don’t put much effort into it. We have people who don’t show up every day and give their full selves and all professions. And that’s why you know, we’re blessed to have many recruitment agencies in the United States, there are over 20,000 in the UK, over 15,000 people have choices. I’m finding and I get to work with both corporations and recruitment firms that work with corporations to help them fill their jobs faster by putting in processes to do so. And I work with agencies to do better work. And I find that the best agencies out there the ones that I think are doing great work, treat people like stars if you think about it David the the stars of stage and screen have agents, those are the people who find them here next gig. I had a literary agent who found me my book deals and I got to choose one. The best recruitment professionals are talent agents, they are representing the careers of people. And I think anybody who goes out and is represented by a recruitment professional needs to ask hard questions needs to talk about how are you going to represent me? How am I going to be you know, positioned by you in the marketplace? When will I hear from you what kind of things can I expect. And if that doesn’t pan out quickly to be the case, you move on to somebody else. So just like in anything, find the good ones who will do great work for you, and stay away from the ones who will not?

David Ralph [27:36]
That’s great advice. That is great advice for everybody out there. Because one of the hardest things is trying to get through to your agent, after he’s taking your job. It’s very, very difficult to do that. So we now know that if somebody is thinking of going into recruitment, it’s best to cut their teeth and actually get involved in a soft consultancy basis, on any other avenues where somebody, for example, has been in consultancy for a while, and he’s now thinking of going it alone, but they’re not brave enough to fully go it alone is a sort of an interim step. But they can take

Scott Wintrip [28:12]
it that’s a great question. Because there are people out there who end up taking the easier softer way or so they think by not taking a risk. And they they continue to work in an agency or they work for a boss because that feels safer. And what they don’t realize until later on is that wasn’t the safe choice. That was the the the choice that kept them from living their dream. And so there’s a couple suggestions I can give. You know, first is you don’t have to go this alone, you can find a partner, I had a partnership I had another business about 1015 years ago was a global coaching business that I partner and I formed, it was wildly successful. And we licensed and franchise people to coach people around the world. When Jay and I got into that partnership. It taught me how to have a partnership. And we did something brilliant, I think we looked at each other because we were friends before we were partners. And we said we’re going to run an experiment. We’re going to work together for about eight weeks. And at the end of eight weeks, we’re going to reevaluate how this is going. And if it’s going well, we’re going to continue and if not, we’re going to part friends. And then we set expectations with one another about what that looked like. And 10 weeks went by before we realized that we past eight weeks. And we looked at each other and said, Well, we guess this is going well, we’re still going to look at those questions that we agreed to ask. But we continue the partnership. I believe that all partnerships are an experiment just like in dating, you know, we date somebody before we marry them. I think the same thing happens here is, you know, think about the people you work well with, find somebody that you can partner with and, and started out as an experiment. Now, a second path that people can take is if you really want to go it alone, don’t being alone, there are these co work facilities and executive suites and office setups where you can go work around other professionals who don’t necessarily do what you do. But you can have people that you can lean on and talk to. So those two paths can make it seem less risky, because you can have people around you who support you who are there to talk to who can be a friend and an ally and a sounding board, versus you just staying in the job, that that’s not your dream, you can go live your dream by doing it and not going it alone.

David Ralph [30:29]
I think that is brilliant advice. Because certainly in the very first stages of me creating my business, I didn’t have anyone to turn two, I just kind of made up as I went along. And some things I look back on. And I think thank God, I had no one to turn to because you know, I created different ways of doing it, where I might have just followed that the path that everybody else was dictated. But I like that that co working space because it can become quite lonely. to regard. I find its loneliest in my life at Christmas, at Christmas, my wife gets all these invites to go off to these Christmas parties and stuff. And I don’t get anything. And where when I was in a employment land, there was Christmas party all the time. So it can become very lonely. So that that shared working space is a great way to bridge that gap, isn’t it?

Scott Wintrip [31:15]
It is and since you’re talking about the Christmas holidays, I very strategically book client gigs in early to mid December, because inevitably they invite me to their parties. And you know, you’re right about that I that’s the piece I miss I felt a little left out. And it’s one of those ongoing lessons I’ve gotten in the past 18 years of having my own consultancy, is I have parties, I just go party with other people. And they’re so grateful to have me there. Because I’ve impacted their organization, I’ve either help them implement a process that lets them hire faster, or I’ve helped their recruitment firm, do better business. And so they’re very grateful. And I always get gifts that I always have good food, and I didn’t have to pay for any of it. It’s a brilliant thing. So you know, I find that being a lonely is a choice. And having solitude from time to time is something that is a blessing. And I can live those two things. When I’m very mindful about my needs. I have you know, I work from my home office, but I have a co work facility I go to when I need to be around people. And I strategically plan things ahead. Like I just talked about a Christmas time. So I’m not alone in times where I could feel lonely.

David Ralph [32:23]
So what could you go back? Could you go back Scott to working for the man, obviously now now, I could never do it?

Scott Wintrip [32:33]
Oh, the one question that you have to ask. And it’s the question that always makes me nauseous because every time I think about working for the man, and there it is, I get this just churning in the pit of my stomach kinda like when you mentioned Taco Bell. I, you know, I’ve been on my own for 18, almost 19 years, it’ll be 19 years in January. And the thought of working for somebody else literally makes me nauseous. And it’s not that other people are horrible to work with. It’s just I spent 18 years making the decisions, doing my own thing, having incredible flexibility. That would be very hard I, of course I could do it, I’d have to take a lot of Dramamine along the way so I wouldn’t be nauseous. And look, I’ve got the best of both worlds because I do work for other people. But I also get to move on and work with different people. You know, what I find is I’m undiagnosed a DD and I but I know I have it and I get bored very easily, I’m really good at what I do. So I get things done quickly, I do great work. And then I get to move on to either something different in that organization, or different project or different organization. And it keeps me you know, keeps my work interesting. versus if I were in the same organization doing the same thing, I would get bored. And that’s where the knowledge it comes from. It’s not about the people, it’s about the work itself. So I’m in something that’s well suited for me. So it keeps the nozzle way, it makes the dream of being completely optional.

David Ralph [34:02]
I could never go back, Scott, I could never go back. Even if they pay me a million pound and feel filled a room up with Katy Perry and loads of alcohol. It’s never gonna happen. I just couldn’t even it’s worse. And it has been rubbish at times. Even at its worst, I look back on it. And thing, I could take that. And I could take it double helpings because I know where it’s leading to more than what I had before. And I had a very comfortable job, I had a few personality clashes with people, due to the fact that I’m a bit flippant, a bit sort of entrepreneurial Maverick kind of character by one. But I could never go back even if I offered me that room, that room of all my dreams and my my flesh, passions all squeezed into one place.

Scott Wintrip [34:51]
Well, I need to point out something that I think you’re talking about, that I’m bringing up and that is Know thyself. I know that and like you, I am irreverent. I’m quirky. I don’t like to play by the rules, especially when there’s somebody else’s rules. And I know myself very well, I’m 50 years old, I turned 50 this year, and I know who I am, I know what I need, I know what I want, I know what does work, and I know what doesn’t. And so if I don’t honor that, I’m going to be miserable. And it goes back to what I described with my dad and the job he had, I would be that guy. And I’ve always vowed not to be that guy. Because I know myself, I know that doing the kind of work that I do in the way I do it works for me. And anything shy of that isn’t going to work. So I hear you describing the same thing day. But as you know yourself, you know your personality, you know what works. And you honor that, I think that’s the most important thing I want your listeners to hear is, is go on this journey and be really honest with yourself about what works and what does not. And it doesn’t mean you have to quit your job tomorrow and go on your own. It just couldn’t be needed, it needed a different job. But if you’re very clear on who you are and what you need, and what you value, you will make that next right choice. And if you don’t make the right choice, you can make the choice, right, as we talked about earlier in the show.

David Ralph [36:09]
But let’s play some words that perfectly summarize what we’re talking about on this stage of the conversation, said by Steve Jobs became the whole theme of join up dots here they are,

Steve Jobs [36:19]
of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [36:53]
Now when I first started listening to that speech, I used to think that you were you were believing or yourself trusting and this is me personally trusting in in God or intuition or whatever he was saying. But now I just kind of think now you trust yourself, as we said, What at the very beginning, trust yourself that it will work, and then go out and make it work. And when you listen to those words, do they sort of empower you like by still do me every single day?

Scott Wintrip [37:20]
Hmm, they do. I’ve heard that speech many times. It’s one of my favorite parts, the clip that you played of the speech. And, you know, the here’s the interesting thing that I think most people don’t think about, there’s one person in their life who has extreme credibility. In fact, you’ll believe what that person tells you every single time. And that person’s you, I will believe everything I tell myself good or bad. So I better be very mindful what I tell myself if I believe I can do something and tell myself that it will happen. If I tell myself I can’t I’ll be right every single time. So we have to listen very, very carefully to that inner voice. And I agree with you, whatever your belief system, it’s okay. And I honor that, that inner voice within you whether you think it comes from God or it comes from you pay very careful attention to what that voice is saying and what you’re saying to that voice because it’s going to help create your destiny.

David Ralph [38:15]
And it so blinks up the old Henry Ford doesn’t he doesn’t matter if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right. And speeches. They’re all built around troops. But you can’t hear him until you’re ready to hear him I suppose is what I’m saying. You know, you could listen to that speech, you could listen to join up dots every single day for months and months and months. And then one conversation, one episode suddenly hits home. And it for me it was when I was first given that Steve Jobs speech with bizarrely it was given me and I remember almost feeling like my life a change. I read this speech and I thought, yes, I’ve got to do something. I’m only here on this planet once let’s let’s go out and have funds. They young be 40 sure whatever he says,

Scott Wintrip [39:00]
Yeah, I completely agree this, that it goes back to what we started with David is, this is what I’m trading my life for each day, I’m create trading moments of my life for either doing good, valuable work, and things that fulfill me, or I’m trading them for something that’s going to disappoint me, I think I know which of the choices I’d rather make, I’d rather be fulfilled and satisfied versus disappointed in the investment I’m making each moment of the day.

David Ralph [39:26]
Okay, so before we sort of bring the show to an end, Scott, I’m going to give you a magic wand, I’m going to send it across by a power of Skype. And with this magic wand, it will give you a big wish. And you could wave it over the recruitment consultancy business and you could change it in whatever way you would, what would you do?

Scott Wintrip [39:50]
I would change the business model permanently that recruitment agencies like talent before organizations need it, and that they can fulfill jobs the instant they open. And I want that because it’s already happening, I want it to happen more, there’s no surprise the jobs are going to open. And when they do every moment, it’s open. It’s like an open wound to that organization. So I want agencies to have more of the talent when it’s needed. It’s why I wrote the book and tells them how to do that. But I also want corporations to do the same thing. There are internal recruitment mechanisms in HR, and talent acquisition, who can do the same thing. they too can cultivate talent before it’s needed. The hiring managers can play a role in it. Everybody can be lining up more talent, just like that product vendors lined up products before they’re needed, we can line up people before they’re needed as well. And if that happens, businesses can focus more on doing work versus filling jobs.

David Ralph [40:49]
Well, I’m going to want that bond back because I’m going to use it as well for the Katy Perry thing that I’ve got going on. So we can share it is okay.

Scott Wintrip [40:58]
Work Day especially be it’s a Katy Perry thing. How can I refuse David

David Ralph [41:02]
now? Absolutely. I mean, I you can’t refuse this either, because I’m going to send you on a journey. Now, that brings the show to an end. And this is the part of the show that we call the Sermon on the mic, when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Scott Wintrip, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m going to play the music. And when it up, this is the Sermon on the mic.

Scott Wintrip [41:51]
Well, hello, Scott, it’s big Scott. And, you know, I’m 50 years old. And I’ve seen a lot, and I’ve got some advice for you today. Because you’re 11 years old, you got your whole life ahead of you. And I’ve noticed something I’ve noticed that you say things to yourself. And sometimes they’re positive. And sometimes they’re not. In fact, you’ve got, you’ve got some pretty negative people around you, you’ve got kids in school who pick on you because you’re more of the artistic kind of guy versus the athlete. And you know, that doesn’t float well in these schools that they look at the artists and they look at the the actors like you and the musicians. And that’s not cool. And so you tell yourself things, you tell yourself negative things. And sometimes you tell yourself positive things. And I’m here to tell you that at the age of 50, I know something, and I want you to I want you to take this to heart, I want you to be mindful of every single thing you tell yourself. Because what you tell yourself, it’s exactly what’s going to happen. See, when I told myself I could write a book, and I could land several deals. And and I could, you know, get a book deal and have a book published and have it be a best seller in a couple categories with a big publisher like McGraw Hill, that’s exactly what happened. When I told myself I could form a business and have it be successful. That happened when I told myself that I could serve companies across the globe, it happened. But also I’ve taught myself things that I couldn’t do. And I was right about those every single time. So I want you to tell yourself, you can because when you you do, you’re right. And be Be careful with the Kant’s. Because if you do that, you’ll be right about that as well. You are a powerful person, you and every other human being out there, you are here for a reason. And you just need to find that reason. And so make it a journey. You know, tell yourself you can do things, try out different things. And and start noticing what you’re passionate about. And and be mindful what you say what you say is what you become Scott Wintrip. And if you say positive things, positive things are going to happen. And you know what, here’s the other thing, it’s probably the most important thing I’m going to tell you. And that is I was told at one point, I’m not responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my next action. And at the age of 50, my thinking is stinking sometime. So my first thought is negative. It just happens. I think it’s human. Everybody I know does this. So know that you’re not responsible for the first thought you may tell yourself you can’t or you shouldn’t or you’re not worthy. You know what, you don’t have to stick with that thought you can actually change it. You can say, yeah, I’m not listening to that. I’m going to go do this, because I believe I can keep in mind you’re not responsible for the first thought you are responsible for your next action. And if you do that your life is going to turn out well, because mine sure has. And I’m glad I got that advice. And I’m really glad I can share it with you.

David Ralph [44:52]
I’ll tell you well, if I could send you back in time to have a word with my younger self as well. I think that is what I want to hear is so powerful and so many levels. Scott, what is the number one best way that our audience can connect with you, sir.

Scott Wintrip [45:05]
So if they go to my book, website, high velocity, hiring calm, people can learn about the book. It’s available now from all of your favorite booksellers across the globe. From there, I would encourage you click on the the upper part of the website to resources and there’s tons of resources. I’m an active blogger podcaster lots of videos more about to come out. And all of those resources are absolutely free.

David Ralph [45:28]
We will have all the links on the show notes to make it as easy as possible for everyone. But Scott Wintrip, thank you so much for spending time with us today and joining up those dots and please come back again when you’ve got more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures Scott Wintrip. Thank you so much.

Scott Wintrip [45:46]
Thank you, David and thank you for this service that you give to the people who listen.

David Ralph [45:52]
Scott Wintrip from Florida recording as the hurricane was starting to come his way he wasn’t sure where it was going the hit him or pass by whatever. But of course we wish him all the safety everybody out there at the moment that’s struggling with the storms. Be safe, be safe, and don’t be stupid. And for all of you guys listening to these shows as well, you know, be be safe with your thinking. But don’t be too safe with your thinking. You know, as Scott Wintrip was saying, take risks and be creative and enjoy yourself. It’s it’s your life. I probably I do I cannot say the same thing every single episode. But that’s the whole vibe of join up dots the fact that one episode, you’re listening to one episode and it will hit home. And that will be the moment that’d be the key to the door. But we’ll start you thinking about actually, Am I safe being at work or am I safer going for it and you don’t have to go through it all overnight. You can just sort of work towards it, create some income and build up your competence and stuff but certainly it’s a much nicer life. Once you do. Thank you so much for listening to join up dots I really do appreciate everybody who contacts us leads ratings and reviews and everything that sort of helps grow the show. We couldn’t do it without you and until next time we’ll see you again

Outro [47:08]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on join up dots.

Scott Wintrip: Turning Recruitment Into His Life Work Read More »

Joshua Spodek

Joshua Spodek: Finding Passion Through Leadership

Joshua Spodek Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast


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Introducing Joshua Spodek

Joshua SpodekJoshua Spodek is our guest today on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots podcast interview.

He is a man who is joining a merry bunch of former guests who have appeared on the show twice, back on episode 271

He is  Inc. columnist, Professor of leadership, entrepreneurship, and hustling, and  Entrepreneur, MBA, Astrophysics PhD, studied with Nobel Laureates and also swam across the Hudson River and almost drowned in the process.

Yep, you thought he was really clever up to that point didn’t you!

As he told us last time on the show “I do what I love in life and do my best to cut out what I don’t. Loving what you do means you will do more than if you don’t, so I’ve accomplished a few things to high levels while enjoying the process.

I’ve also made my life easy and fun. I think anyone can. In fact I think making life easy and fun is easy and fun, so love what you do while accomplishing more than you thought you could too.”

And it certainly seems that he is a man of his word.

 

How The Dots Joined Up For Joshua 

And now he is bringing his experience to the world in written form after converting a course that he has taught for years with the soon to be released book Leadership Step by Step 

This is a book that offers that rare breed of learning—genuine, authentic, effective, engaging, and, most of all, fun. It is based on the best leadership philosophy and practice.

As it says on the book “The results of doing its exercises insure that you will become an authentic, great leader, able to serve and to live to the best of your ability. Anyone who aspires to lead, to lead more effectively, or to live life to its fullest would benefit from Joshua’s exercises.

This is true for business, public service, the social sector, the arts, education, and any sphere where leaders serve.”

So how has he managed to bring the word “fun” to the forefront of his business, when so many people think that this is for the weekend, or for kids?

And is he a trailblazer for this, or is there more and more leadership experts looking at the “F” word as something that is how we should all be operating?

Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show once more to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr Joshua Spodek

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Joshua Spodek such as:

Joshua explains the difference between management and leadership and why it is so important in business to use “emotions” to convey the importance of a task.

Why building connections that are meaningful are the number one way to build success not just in business, but also on a personal level

Why everyone should realise that they have to go through low level skills to get the success they desire, before they can ever get to the high levels that bring the big successes.

and lastly….

Why he is now willing to embrace the bigger markets, social media and online publication like never before, due to going through the journey that got him ready to shine! 

 

Joshua Spodek Books

 

How To Connect With Joshua Spodek

Website

Facebook 

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Return To The Top Of Joshua Spodek

If you enjoyed this episode of Joshua Spodek why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Crossnet, One year No Beer,  Sarah Caltieri or the amazing Joan Sotkin

Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.

 

Full Transcription Of Joshua Spodek Interview

Intro [0:09]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:33]
Yes. Good morning, everybody. Good morning to another unfilled, sexually fueled probably episode of Join Up Dots. It’s gonna be a good one today because we have got a guest on who is joining a married bunch of former guests who have appeared on the show twice. Now he was on the show back on episode 271. And things have changed in Join Up Dots land back in those days. I used to have to try to you know, get people out. used to beg them to come on the show. I used to sleep with them. I used to provide services. I don’t want to go into any more. But this guest he was quite polite and he said yeah, okay, that sounds good. He’s coming on again because he’s got some more a bigger bigger plans and so better work to actually expand on so we’re going to get into it but that’s sort of introduce you to him. He is the ink columnist, Professor of leadership, entrepreneurship and hassling and entrepreneur, MBA astrophysicist, PhD, he studied with a Nobel laureate and also swam across the Hudson River, and almost drowned in the process yet, he thought he was really clever up to that point in here. Now, as he told us last time on the show, I do what I love in life, and I do my best to cut out what I don’t so loving what you do means you’ll do more than if you don’t. So I’ve accomplished a few things to high levels, while enjoying the process. I’ve also made my life easy and fun, and I think anyone can in fact, I think making life easy and fun is easy and fun. So love what you do while accomplishing more than you thought. You You could, and it certainly seems that he’s a man of his word. And now he’s bringing his experience to the world in written form. After converting a course that he’s taught for years with a soon to be released book leadership step by step. Now this is a book that offers that rare breed of learning, genuine, authentic, effective, engaging, and most of all fun, it’s based on the best leadership philosophies and practice out there. As it says on the book, the results of doing its exercises ensure that you will become an authentic, great leader able to serve and to live the best of your ability. Anyone who aspires to lead to lead more effectively or to live life to its fullest would benefit from these exercises. Now, this is true for business, public service, a social sector, the arts, education, and any sphere when leaders serve. So how has he managed to bring the word fun to the forefront of his business when so many people think that this is for the weekend or for kids? And is he a trailblazer for this? Or is there more and more leadership experts looking at the F word as something that we should all be operating in. Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show once more to start joining up even more dots with the one and only Mr. Joshua Spodek. Good morning, Joshua. How are you, sir?

Joshua Spodek [3:14]
Good morning, David. I’m great. You know, you know what the problem is with doing only audio is you can’t see how big the smile is on my face. It’s and it’s not just because you’re saying flattering things and that you’re saying things that are funny, like I didn’t almost drowned. I kind of thought it might have. But also at the beginning, it just brought back talking to before and how how great a time that was. And when you quoted that classic. Wow, you really got great. I really have to say, I really enjoyed the conversation I had with you before it stuck with me. And that’s why I felt so good. And then then you started telling the jokes and maybe this smile even bigger. But yeah, thank you.

David Ralph [3:55]
It’s an absolute honour to have you on the show a second time and Joshua, can I start Can I start long? Time. Did I sleep with you, sir? They don’t have to do things to you to get you on the show.

Joshua Spodek [4:06]
I do. I do have to say that. I mean, I was just reading this article by Monica Lewinsky. Yeah. When I might run for public service one day.

David Ralph [4:16]
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Okay, we keep no secrets behind scenes. It’s just be you and me. But now it’s an absolute delight to have you on the show for the second time. Because, yeah, the last time it was one of those conversations, and if you haven’t listened to it, people, you’ve missed a good one. So go back to Episode 271. But it was one of those episodes where I thought I was going to be talking about a subject and we never really got near it at all. It was very much about you, finding your own path through where other people could have easily sort of, um, pushed you onto their path, but you’ve been very sort of bloody minded to go the way that you want to, is that sort of where leadership comes from actually knowing maybe it’s not right but it’s right for me. So I’m going to do that.

Joshua Spodek [5:02]
I, well, I have to say you’re picking up on a thread that’s been very important in my life and a lot of people talk about, I’ve done lots of different things swimming across the Hudson going to North Korea a couple times. And you know, things like that. A lot of people don’t do all the what’s the choice of leadership? I think leadership is a topic like I’ve learned that you could take classes and leadership in business school. So I don’t think that’s a rare topic. What I think is, the thread that you talked about about my doing my thing with that applies is how I’ve taken it in a direction that I don’t I just have not seen anybody else do. And I, you know, when I read when I finished business school, I had a pretty good knowledge of what leadership was about, I knew the principles of leadership, practising it, on the other hand, is another story and a lot of people, a lot of people that have the experience that I have, which is like you, you know, you read the books, you know what to do, but then when it comes time to doing it, reading about something doesn’t really prepare you for it. And so I spent a good five years delving into everything and then another five years after that of figuring out, how do you teach this stuff, because you cannot lecture integrity into someone you cannot lecture. genuineness and authenticity into someone, you can’t watch a video and pick up emotional skills, you have to interact with other people. And so I was, you know, I was not, I was not a socially and emotionally aware person. I spent a lot of time Friday nights in college and a library and at Columbia, you could hear like the library is across the street from the fraternity. So I was in there like studying and I could hear the parties and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to the parties. I didn’t know who to. I didn’t how to get invited. Yeah, so all this stuff came later and so that I think what you’re talking about of blazing a trail or doing what I felt was appropriate, was figuring out How to do something that just wasn’t available to me in an area that I think a lot of other people, maybe it came natural to them or maybe they, you know, didn’t start off as geeky as me. And so to take it to the level that I have, and I’m not saying like, I’m not, I’m not like Nelson Mandela here. But as a teacher, I think, I don’t think that there’s another teacher or book or video or resource or anything out there that that goes in the direction I’ve gone that gets. And I don’t think any of the direction is going to take is going to get the results that I get. Now the thing about it is,

David Ralph [7:35]
yeah, we see leadership step by step. Okay. So that’s the sort of tagline but I have been through corporate gigs. I have lived a life I’m coming up 47 years old. I know you probably can’t believe that Joshua, but I am and I have met very few leaders. I have met lots of very bad managers and a lot of people get confused between management and leadership. Why is a kind of, you know, an easy philosophy where people can go, Oh, I understand the difference. Now I understand what Joshua is bringing to the table.

Joshua Spodek [8:07]
Well, there are a lot of differences and the core one to me, is that a leader, we’re okay, a carpenter works with, like saws and drills and hammers, and build stuff with wood, a plumber works with wrenches and build stuff with pipes. a programmer works with computers, and works with programming languages and keyboards, and they work with computers. A leader works with emotions and motivations and works with people. A manager works with external incentives and works with like moral systems. I mean, there’s what systems to but like, a manager will tell you, if you do this job, well, you’ll get a bonus if you do it poorly. You might get demoted. A leader will behave in ways that and then communicate in ways that you will share what you care about. And so the leader will understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and we’ll connect those motives To the tattoo, so that you will want to do them for yourself. Not necessarily for some external reason. So a manager, a great manager will become, I don’t know how this translates into the UK, but a great manager may be very effective at the Department for motor vehicles, like the quintessential bureaucracy here. And they might get, they might get people to work very effectively. But if I work on a project with someone, and I want them to be to sell, and that person doesn’t feel that they’re a salesperson, you can’t manage someone into become a great salesperson, you might be able to say, you know, you’ll get a big bonus if you sell really well. A leader, if I, you know, if I have a startup and I want and you’re like employee number two and like, Look, we gotta we gotta do everything I can get you to sell. I can find out what you care about and say, Look, I can’t really do it right now. I mean, I have to work with the person, but I can work with the person and get them to feel like I want to sell and, you know, I probably won’t People listen to this, if you haven’t sold, it’s really hard to be a salesperson. But if you can, a leader can get that out of someone. And it’s not just sales, you know, it can be lots of different things.

Unknown Speaker [10:09]
So it can work with emotions.

David Ralph [10:12]
Yeah, that’s what I was gonna come to. So, emotions, we all have emotions. And more often than not especially men in the United Kingdom, we kind of suppress our emotions. But is it as simple of saying, if we can get somebody excited about doing something, then we’re on the right track. It’s like I was talking Join Up Dots about the Martin Luther King, you know, I have a dream, which is so powerful and we remember it and we don’t remember anything else. He said it was just that bit basically. And if he stood up and went, I have a four part business plan. Probably not as many people would have turned up to that speech because it touched in something to the human essence. So is it that we should really be touching in on emotions all the way along the line or can it get us into trouble comm can now emotion Run Ryan is he controlled emotions by his leadership?

Joshua Spodek [11:04]
So I want to, I want to give two answers here. The first is that when I was growing up in the 70s emotions were viewed especially for men. It was like, you were either macho, or sensitive New Age guy. Yeah. And macho guys were like, looked at emotions is like soft and weak. And like, what’s that? And since of New Age guys, where they were soft and weak, and this is, you know, from a leadership perspective, it’s, that’s not the way you look at it at all. It’s like emotions are something we have I come at it from a more practical scientific perspective. I mean, my knowledge of it comes from a scientific perspective, but my using emotions as they work they’re effective. We all have emotion, mean even when you call them it’s not just anger and love and hate and rage. There’s also calmness and satisfaction. And if someone is like, why is someone at the job that they are if if they’re there because they want to provide for their family, or they want to compete with their best friends. They want to make their father proud. Those are emotions. Those are motivation, you know, to provide for your family. It’s, you know, I don’t think it’s soft and weak to like love your children, or to feel like you want to put a roof over their heads and clothe them and feed them. And if you think that the reason someone is there is because they want to get paid, when the reason they’re getting paid is they want to provide for their family. It’s much more effective if you can connect what they really want to do what they really want to achieve the task at hand if what they really want to do is to demonstrate to the Father that they’ve they’ve become the person that the Father has wanted them to be. When you that’s, that’s a deep emotion, it’s very powerful. If you can connect that to the task. That’s gonna motivate someone much more effectively than saying, I’m gonna give you a bonus and not connecting to what that motivation is. And if on top of that, you step on that emotion if you say you can, I’m going to give you a vacation and I’m going to give you lots of thing if you do this well, but what they really want to do is something else, you’re implying to them that you don’t care about this thing. And what happens when if I step on your emotions, if I act like your emotions aren’t important, you’re going to act like, well, if you don’t care about me, I don’t care about you. I don’t, I’m not going to listen to you. And that leads to a lot of people not not feeling appreciated. And then they then they’re working just for the paycheck. They’re clock watcher, they don’t really get into the work. Now I started answering that I forgot what the second part of what I was going to say was because

David Ralph [13:30]
the question I was asking was the second part, I suppose was, it doesn’t have to be controlled emotions can can you go into a situation as a leader and be all over the shop? You know what I’m passionate and next minute, very calm. Does it have to be controlled?

Joshua Spodek [13:48]
Yes, on a very, it may sound like a subtle distinction, but very important. We talked about getting the person very excited. Now, most people if they’re listening to this show, they’re listening Are voices. They care about what they do. And it means that they’re in an environment with everyone around them probably cares about what they do, if you interview to get where you are, if you worked hard to get good grades or to, you know, to go through rounds of interviews to work where you are, if you care about what you do, you have the emotion there and the people around you have that motivation. The question is, most people see if you know what I care about, that exposes a vulnerability. So most people prefer not to be vulnerable. So they prefer not to share what they care about. What I find is more effective and leadership is not to try to create emotions or to make emotions more intense, they’re already there. It’s to lower the defences to make people feel comfortable sharing what they already care about. And the way to do that is to make them to behave and communicate in ways that they see that they share what they care about. You won’t manipulate them, you won’t hurt them. They won’t use them. Because and why don’t Not show this in, we’ve all been hurt, we’ve all been laughed out. We’ve all been humiliated. You know, and and when our hearts were broken, our hearts weren’t broken by a casual acquaintance is someone that we opened up with from someone that we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable with. So what I find most effective is not to try to create or intensify emotions, because they’re already there. It’s to let the person feel comfortable sharing what those emotions are, and then connecting them with the path. And the response that you generally see when you do that, is that the person has this expression of like, finally I can do what I wanted to do for all the reasons I was wanting to it’s more like an unleashing.

David Ralph [15:39]
So empathy and understanding is potentially You know, I’m not gonna blow my own trumpet, but of course I am because it’s my show and it’s recording. But I always was a better leader than a manager. I always made sure that the people wanted to do the task, because then the task would take care of itself. That’s That’s why I always saw it. So I spent so much time just doing this. The nice things if somebody needed an arm and a shoulder, I would do that if somebody needed a kick up the backside, I would do that. And it was very much every single person got a different me. And it wasn’t a blanket approach. But it always worked fantastically well. And I still meet people today, you know, 30 years down the line, who said, you know, even though he was a young guy, I wanted to work for you, I believed in you. And it was because I try to bridge that connection between what they were going through and my understanding every single time I didn’t do a blanket approach. And I’ve kind of brought back into Join Up Dots as well. It’s that kind of personal connection, which is so important. You’ve got to make sure that that other person feels like they’re centre of your world. Would that be right?

Joshua Spodek [16:49]
Yeah, and you’re very effective at it. I mean, people who are listening to this won’t get the same reaction that I did when you were describing me at the beginning. I mean, some of the stuff you’re saying was stuff that You the stuff that’s easily available on my website to find out, but some of it was not. And I was like, This guy, I don’t know if people will be able to get this. I felt like this guy really cares about talking to me. And that opens me up, it makes me feel understood. And when you feel understood, you don’t feel like you have to prove anything you want to cooperate with the person. Very effective. Yeah, I mean, I don’t know where you got it from. But, you know, a lot of people, the big challenge for a lot of people is getting over these concerns and like, Am I gonna feel weak? And are people gonna think I’m weak or that they can take advantage of me if I’m not like a hard ass, but that’s developing the skills is. It’s hard, very hard for a lot of people and you know, a lot of professors in schools, especially the more elite universities to get there. I mean, we all know the phrase publish or perish. They’ve been doing all these academic things. So a lot of people they haven’t done the stuff of the social emotional challenges you have to overcome to

that I find that you have to do in order to

empathise with the other person to see things from their perspective.

David Ralph [18:05]
Well, one of the things that I do Joshua and a lot of podcasters out there and radio hosts say to me, oh, you should have a team to do is I do all my research myself, I always write the introductions, I go around, and I look at stuff and I, I connect the dots mentally, so I get a picture of that person before they come through. And more often than not, it’s pretty accurate. Sometimes I might be slightly off track, but we can sort of ease through an episode to get there. But it is so important to actually do that work myself because otherwise, I’m gonna be coming in cold, I need to, I think we’re coming back to that connection. Again, we need to build the connection before we even connect, so to speak, so that you have an understanding of who you’re dealing with. Because, you know, I’ve never met you. We’ve spoken twice. Now. You’re one side of the pond. I’m the other side of the pond. But I can guarantee if I walked down a pub and I saw you there, it’d be exactly the same. It would have to be that exactly the same, because it’s not situation. It’s not location. It’s people. And that ties back to emotion, doesn’t it?

Joshua Spodek [19:08]
Yeah. And people is is such a key element of it. And what I hear you describing is passion for what you’re doing. And a lot of people come to me, they say, you know, I don’t have a passion. I don’t maybe have a couple passions, I’m not sure which one to do. And so I’m kind of hedging on all of them. And when you and you know, I had this, the last quarter, my book is on leading others. And a lot of the stuff is on how to make meaningful connections with people how to empathise with people, and I teach empathy is a skill that you can learn like riding a bike. And so the exercises that I give people are to go out and make meaningful connections with people and I give them a very specific script of here’s what to do. It’s not small talk, and it’s how to connect with people. And I give them a script, because most people, you know, you know, they first think well, script isn’t going to stop Exactly. gonna sound like, like fake. But I point out, you know, actors give 100 actors the same script, everyone’s going to do it uniquely, it’s always going to be unique. The bigger thing is that people say, am I going to get bored? Am I going to just have the same conversation over and over again? And it’s the opposite. It’s exactly what you said, which is, every person is so their own person that when you talk you, like when you get someone sharing whom they are they, you can’t you never get bored. Because you Everyone has so interesting stuff to say when you get past those protection. If you’re just talking about the weather, sports, you know, current events, yeah, then you’ll be bored. When you get to people talking about their passions. You get people sharing what they normally don’t share, and they start saying things like, wow, I normally didn’t tell people this. And I didn’t think of it that way. But yeah, and let me tell you about this thing. I really care about that thing that they really care about that they don’t usually share people share with people You’re gonna really enjoy hearing about.

David Ralph [21:02]
I’m going to tell you how I do this. And I’ve never shared this before on Join Up Dots. But this is how I do and you can go back over the episodes and you can sort of like, see whether I’m telling the truth. But basically, when I’m doing an interview, I will do two or three questions to get the guest to talk. And then I will show a throw in a story about myself to bridge bat. And then I look for common ground stories as well. So it’s always like, as you said, about the Martin Luther King and sort of bringing in stuff where we can, once again build those connections. So it’s always two or three for the guests, one of mine and one common ground and I find that it’s a great way and it doesn’t just work on podcasts, it works in dates and relationships. You know, you go down into a pub and you meet a lovely lady or a lovely fella, and you pay more attention to them. But also bring your own stories in as well. You will have a great night. Absolutely you you’ll be making babies by the end of the evening. Just

Joshua Spodek [22:01]
And people who think that that structure makes it stilted, miss the difference between content and structure, the structure when you take care of that part. And that works. You don’t want to you don’t want to meet someone to have radically different ways of communicating. I mean, sometimes, but generally, it’s you want to get to the core of who is this person? what makes them tick. That’s what’s really awesome. And geek that I was before I thought you had to do something radically different and it it never work. And then you get the structure, and it works so well. And yeah, I’m glad to hear that you’ve got something that works. It took me so long. It didn’t take a long time together. How did you how’d you come up with the structure? I always had it.

David Ralph [22:44]
This is the weird thing people say to me, oh, you know, you was always going to be doing what you’re doing now. And it was a surprise to me that I’ve gone into this route. He really did. But that ability to connect with people I’ve always had that. Ever since I was a small child. I’ve always been the guy But if the new kid came into school, I was the one that would look after them and make them feel sort of relaxed and at ease. And it wasn’t until I started doing this. And it’s funny when you kind of deconstruct anything, I’ve got a course called interview masterclass where I teach people how to be a podcasting master and sort of interview in a certain way. And people kept on asking for it. And I thought, I don’t know, I don’t know how to do this. I just kind of do it. And so once I started sort of breaking it down and listening back to my shows, I could then start to see the structure. And when I thought about it, I thought, Oh, yeah, I’ve always done that. But I just couldn’t actually put it into, you know, a written page or a video to explain it. But now I’ve got it, I think yeah, it’s quite easy, really. Two of them one of myself and one common ground and it really does sort of breach all areas.

Joshua Spodek [23:50]
So even Can you go back to even when you were a kid, did you I mean, when you’re a kid and you are going up to people would Did you even have that structure then? I mean, did you ever have a time that you didn’t have it?

David Ralph [24:00]
No, I think mentally mentally I’ve always had it. And it’s, it’s why I’ve always you know, I’ve been married it’s my anniversary today at 14 years and thank you very much and we’ve been together sort of 25 years it’s been a few years before we actually got married. And before then yeah, you know, there was there were ladies in my life Joshua and I never understood why people couldn’t you know, talk to ladies they always used to say to me Oh, I can’t talk to girls and I said why why they’re just you know, people and I never had that issue at all. And once again, looking back on it I can see that there was this underwritten structure but I always did which basically it was me being more interested in VM van myself. Yeah, you can sort of like spark it up and appropriate humour in and different things, which always goes a long way. But yeah, I think that that kind of mentor to one one set up has always been in me all the way through and I’ve used it to great effect. Now when my life has gone a bit sort of passion. As we say, in the United Kingdom, more often than not, it was when I started focusing in on myself. Yeah, that job looks good, that’s gonna pay a lot of money Oh at that job, or, you know, when I’d gone away from providing value to people and become the greedy person, that’s when I went into jobs that weren’t right for me. That’s when the the success I was building almost killed me. You know, there’s loads of sort of bad stories, but I can look back on it. And it’s always if you show more attention to other people provide value to them first, then ultimately, you’re going to get the success.

Joshua Spodek [25:34]
What would you said greedy? I bet. Would you cut would you use the word self indulgent there?

David Ralph [25:40]
I think I believe my own myth, if you know what I mean. I think I was on a ladder that wasn’t right for me. And I thought if I got to the top, the dream would be there. I think I was playing somebody else’s game. I don’t know if it was self indulgent, but I think it was certainly buying into what was it Expected ultimately without being totally authentic to myself.

Joshua Spodek [26:04]
Okay, yeah, it’s it. That’s the, you know, so many people that will leave a society gives you so many messages of like, I don’t know, to me and maybe the route it’s, you know, get a good job, get a good house, get a good card, then you’ll be happy. And, you know, no, that’s not right at all. No, that’s absolutely just a message to get you to buy things. And it’s very effective at that. But it leaves a lot of people high and dry. The way that you describe that makes me it really reinforces a view that I’ve had for a long time that people who are who appear to be natural at social skills are not different than anyone else. It’s not like you’re superhuman. And what you’re describing is something that anyone could do it happens that you have practised at it with you is am I right? that anyone could do what you do?

David Ralph [26:53]
Yes, I think so. But it takes time. I think it takes time and practice. You know, I’m 47 years old and I’ve been doing army life now. And it’s only now that I’ve found an environment that really works. You know, funnily enough one to one is my thing. I’m really good at one to one in front of a crowd and audience, I’m very good bear. But that kind of party atmosphere when you’ve got to mingle and do small talk, I find that very difficult. And I think that’s because it falls between the cracks of where my talents are. I’m very good at sort of building those connections. But when there’s too many small connections, it leaves me high and dry somehow. Does that make sense to you?

Joshua Spodek [27:31]
Yeah. And now, one of the big lessons I try to get all my students to get is that if you see someone who has skills that you don’t have, they learned it somehow. And so if you met someone who was really skilled at the mingling at parties, I bet that if you talk to them a bunch, then you would find out what I bet they have a structure like you that they that what they’re doing is a specific thing. And yeah, it might take practice for you because you haven’t practised it. But wouldn’t you expect If you found someone who is effective at it that you know, it takes them time to deconstruct it, maybe if they were natural at it like you were, or if they are, don’t you expect that they would have some answer like you? Like what they’re doing is like maybe it’s not a two on one I forget the exact numbers you said. But I think so.

David Ralph [28:19]
Yeah, they may not be outputted and answer it at the first question, because it’s just natural. But if I get enough people asking that you can always deconstruct it, you always can.

Joshua Spodek [28:32]
So here’s a leader. Exactly. So you can always that’s an extremely empowering perspective, or mental model or belief is that if I worked with them enough, and here’s a leadership task, if you wanted to be really good at mingling, you could go to someone find a and lead, motivate them to find out what that that what they’re actually doing, and they’ll they’ll be really glad to share with you. Oh, I see. I’ve been doing this. I’ve been Doing that I’ve been doing this, that’s really cool. Thank you for bringing that that out and you’ll hear from them what their technique is, then you’ll have to practice and practice and practice. But since you’re already effective at related skills, it probably won’t take you that long. And then you’ll have the ability to mingle. And you will have had someone that you lead into, you’ll have led someone into teaching how to do it, and that person will feel thankful to you for having brought out in them something that they always knew about themselves, but didn’t really know because there’s something if they’re good out there, they have that motivation. They have some passion. And now you’ve connected that passion to teaching you.

David Ralph [29:41]
Now, the interesting thing about this Joshua is a course when you look at a book that says leadership, step by step, so many people would think, okay, that’s the business. Okay, I work in a call centre, I’m in a cubicle, I’m not going to be a leader. But actually this is a fundamental life changing book that came pivot your life in so many different directions socially, emotionally, professionally, leadership really is because, you know, we come back and we circle around again. But it comes back to emotions and we’ve all got emotions. It’s just using the right emotions in the right place, isn’t it?

Joshua Spodek [30:18]
Yeah, I mean, a lot of people, they associate leadership with a guy in a suit. Or, you know, all these movies with Tommy Lee Jones. in them. There’s a scene where he’s like, Alright, the fugitives on the loose. You set a perimeter. 10 miles, you talk to every person who whatever, you know, you go to do this and get the clues and all her like, Yes, sir. Right away, and they all run off and go and do it. Or like, you know, that’s very dramatic. It looks cool. Very rarely happens in life. Leadership is. I mean, if your parents have kids, that’s leadership. If you have a spouse, that’s leadership. I mean, you mentioned Martin Luther King, not a businessman, Nelson Mandela, not a businessman. Winfrey Well, she’s a businesswoman. But it’s, you know, what makes her a great leader? Well, it’s I think it’s a business acumen, but also look at it on the screen. You know, she’s incredible at getting people to do things that most people wouldn’t. These are all aspects of leadership. And if you put that all these different aspects of leadership, and you dismiss them all as like, Oh, I don’t, I’m not trying to be CEO, I don’t want to tell people what to do. You’re missing, connecting on people what they want to connect on most all the relationships in your life, have the potential to be meaningful, what I mean this meaning, meaningful purpose, value important. These things come from the emotions that come out of people in what they do. I mean, if you want a task to be meaningful, connect the emotions to it. If you want to be on meaningful, that’s easy, make it all about the money. And if you’re trapped in that view, then you’re you’re what you’re missing is, is you’re missing the most valuable, meaningful, purposeful parts of life.

David Ralph [32:00]
Bring the lady onto the show herself. you’ve alluded to her. She’s got some powerful words. Let’s listen to them again. Here’s Oprah,

Oprah Winfrey [32:07]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this too. But what is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move, and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment, you know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you, because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.

David Ralph [32:38]
Now, I was wondering whether to play that but at its essence, again, she’s talking about emotions, just sit back, be quiet, look into yourself, and then the answers will come. What is the big stumbling point for your students where most of them or maybe that’s a sweeping statement, but I would say most people go into sort of studies They almost want the answers to be there in a book, or a website or a screen. And when you’re almost throwing it back at them and saying, look, the answers are within yourself, what is the hardest part about them to actually tap into that?

Joshua Spodek [33:14]
So, you know, I’m glad you asked that question perfectly matches with with, with what Oprah said, in the following way, from my perspective is that what she said is is tremendous. I mean, obviously, she’s been through a lot and she’s taken taking things very far. And I would say from the perspective of someone who wants to improve their leadership, that’s very advanced stuff. It’s stuff that is useful way down the road, or the beginning it gives you direction. And it’s like a milestone that you you will one day reach to be able to work on that level. What holds people back at the beginning is very low level instruction of how to do what, what the thing is that has to be done. So it more concrete. I’ve been blogging every day for the past six or seven years. And why did I not start blogging before I wanted to start blogging before that the reason I didn’t? Wasn’t that, you know, people told me you should blog and I’m approaching 2500 posts, you can tell, I like to write. So why didn’t I before what got me started was someone sitting down and saying, This is how WordPress works. I’m going to set up the account for you. I’m going to set up the page for you. I’m gonna make it so that you know, here’s how you press here, press there, press here, press there. And it’s the same thing if you want to learn how to play piano, if you want to. If you want to play piano, you probably want to express yourself through the music. You want to be emotional, you want to be expressive, you want to be free. You don’t want to be robotic. But look at anyone who plays Carnegie Hall stage. How do they begin? They begin by someone telling them this is a C major scale. Put your thumb here, put your finger there, put your finger there. Put your finger there. And it’s robotic and mechanical. And yet, everyone who plays Carnegie Hall, learn the same, they start off the same way. And there’s something that happens that you have to master these low level skills in order to take them for granted that you can, when you don’t have to think about what your hand is doing, then you can think about, well, you have to go through several stages. But eventually you can get to the point where you can express yourself through what you’re doing. And that low level instruction, here’s how to get started. That’s why I give people scripts. That’s why I give people exercises that are like, do this. People do it once or twice. They’re like, I don’t get it. But people do it. Each exercise enough times, like you have to play scales enough time. Or it’s the same thing to learn a sport. If you want to play basketball, you got to play you got to do a lot of jump shots. You got to drill you got to do a lot of dribbling exercises. If you want to become an actor. You have to practice your lines a lot a lot when you know it aligns perfectly. That’s when you can express yourself through them. So that’s what I think people are missing is the what to rehearse and what to practice. So that when you master that you can express yourself through it. Now what

David Ralph [36:16]
and the interesting thing when I’m listening to you talk, I was reflecting on the Joshua that I spoke to, or hundred episodes ago and you seem a bigger version of yourself, you seem. And how can I explain this? When I spoke to you before, it seemed quite reasonable that you was a professor, you was a teacher and you spent most of your time in the classroom, you now seem to be somebody who’s embracing be getting out there getting your message out into different forms, whether it’s video, whether it’s podcasting, whether it’s written form, or whatever. That seems to me that you’ve grown into an excitement that wasn’t there a couple of years ago. Are you excited? Would I be right in that?

Joshua Spodek [36:59]
x? Yes. I’m definitely excited. There’s another way, you know, it’s unleashing it’s, I’ve always wanted to do this. It’s exactly what I was saying that I’ve practised enough that I don’t have to think as much about what I’m doing. And instead, I can I can take for granted that I’m going to express something that’s important to me, you’re saying things and like, each time, I’m thinking, you’re triggering lots of like, I could say this, or this or this or this, and I’m not trying to keep track of it. Well, one, you’re also I mean, you’re much more about listening to me and playing off of me. I feel like if you’re working off of a script, I’m not aware of it at all. I feel like you’re, you’re paying attention to me, that makes me want to express myself more. So you’re, I mean, credit to you. But also, when you are not when you don’t have to think about when you can take for granted your mastery of the lower level thing than the higher level things come out. If you If you want to be a rock star, you need to be the lead guitarist of the band. First, you have to figure out how to play the guitar. And as long as you are wondering where your fingers are on the on the fretboard, you can’t do anything more than that. And you have to practice and practice, practice until you’re so bored of it, you so know exactly where they’re going to be. And along the way, you have to develop the calluses. And you also have to worry about where your other hand is strumming. You also know that then you can start paying attention like, oh, there’s something in the music here. It’s not just technique. There’s, you know, the music, the the person who wrote the score was expressing something and so this is a happy piece and so I can be happy here. And then after you’ve played that music so many times that you know what the music if someone says, Let’s start a bar number 12. You can start by number 12. Not because you have to think about it, but because you’ve done it so many times you know it then you can start noticing. Alright, the musician, the composer wrote a happy piece but I’m not happy right now. I’m going to express my sadness. I’m going to play in a slightly different way because I know Exactly what is there. And then after that, you can get to the point where Oh, I can I can express my happiness, I can express my sadness, I can express my Glee, I can express whatever, I can express myself through this music. At that point, you can start noticing my audience is different today than it was different. And my audience, they want to be up right now. Or maybe another day, the audience wants to be more contemplative, or maybe the audience wants to be more. I don’t know, you know, I’m not a musician playing on stage but you start playing the the audience and you start, you know, only when you can tell when you know exactly what you’re going to do. Because you’ve done it so many times. It’s so many different audiences, you can listen to the audience, then you start really communicating with them. And you know, it doesn’t stop there. If you think of like, an a musician, like I don’t know, Bruce Springsteen, who plays in front of, I don’t know, 50 100,000 people 10 nights in a row or not in a robbery like 10 nights. He’s playing like, not even to the audience. You On that he’s playing to other musicians is playing to future musicians he’s playing to the industry. I mean, and we all have that Martin Luther King was speaking to 250,000 people when he did I have a dream, but he was also speaking to generations to come. That’s a level if we haven’t if you haven’t reached that level, you can, I mean, he’s like you and me. He was human as well. And to me leadership is that’s what’s so I love so much about it is that you can reach these levels, that musicians can that artists can that dancers can, you know, that level genuine, authentic expression, there’s no end to it. And to me, I you know, it to exit from an academic perspective into that experiential active way of approaching it is, you know, it’s like you said, about connecting with People and that level of connection to, I don’t know, uh, you know, here that’s beyond what I can say and why I teach experientially is that I can get people to get that through experiencing it themselves. And then it’s, you can’t express it verbally. It’s just a feeling that you get, and we’ve all gotten it. Listening to, I don’t know, Beethoven’s Ninth are looking at a Monet painting, that, that it’s from people who have been able to practice and practice and practice and rehearse and get rid of the junk that society put on top of us and be able to reach that level. It’s it’s inspiring, it’s invigorating, it deeply human. It’s passionate. It’s all the same.

David Ralph [41:41]
Yeah, I’m listening to you agree everything. I was nodding, yes. When on webcam, so you can’t see that. But you were smiling at the beginning. And I was nodding big time there because one of the things that I’ve realised through the show, at the very beginning, I said is a very different show than it was, but it’s a very different me and at the beginning I was just interested in doing a podcast. But once I got to a point, the mastery became almost obsessional. And every show it’s, I want to get better and better and better at it. And I don’t think I’ve ever had that before never. Where I will listen to podcasts, I will examine the content, I will look at the interview techniques, the nuance, the beat, and whatever, and want to just make it better the next time and better the next time. And now is where I think my own personal emotions has come into the leadership. That’s where I now want to become better and better and better so I can show other people the right way to sort of move on in their own lives is all internal, isn’t it? There’s no getting away from it. When you finally hit that passion. It’s undeniable and people respond to that passion. They can feel it before you even have to open your mouth.

Joshua Spodek [42:51]
Yeah, that’s the that’s the that transition that I talked about. It seems magical from the outside where I mean every musician every athlete, every dancer has felt that where they went from struggling to figure out where to put their feet doing the footwork or struggling with how to hit the ball if they’re playing tennis to, I mean, you look at like a doll or something like that. It’s, it’s, it’s beautiful. And once you reach that point, it’s, it’s so liberating and, and what motivates me one of the big motivations for me, but I’m not kidding myself. I know a lot of people who buy my book and who take my courses, they’re going to kind of do the exercises, and they’ll practice a little bit or a lot of people are just going to read it, and they’re not going to do the exercises. Look, I’m happy to take the money, but that’s not what I’m in this for. I’m in it for the people who are who realise that if I do these things, I will reach that point. And I will be able to, you know, be achieved in that internal thing, that passion, I’ll be able to express that that will come out to me. I was just the other day meeting with some guy. He came to one of my sessions. seminars. And now he’s partnered with this woman that they are. They’re trying to connect a design agency with their own artistic expression. And their artists. And we were speaking and I was doing my technique, my technique like yours, to get people to share what they’re what they’re really passionate about. And they were like, man, your stuff you should teach in an art school because this stuff is. It’s so we’ve been working on something and we we’ve been trying to get at it. And you just talk to us and you got it out of us. And that’s what we want to do. And now we realise what we want to do is like, yeah, that’s that. Getting from not knowing what you want. But knowing it’s there, to getting it out, through technique is incredibly powerful. And it’s so liberating. Yeah. So that what drives me is that I feel like I’ve created something to get people something to give you what artists Musicians actors they’ve had for a long time, leaders have not. And, you know, you have a few people like Martin Luther King, who have been able to, you know, he was looking at a very difficult life, obviously. But some things that worked out for him were that he, he had small challenges, followed by medium challenges followed by big challenges. The big challenge by the time he came to the big challenges he practised, and he’d had a lot of experiences to get in there. And a lot of us, sadly, our big leadership challenges hit us early. And we, they they’re too big. It’s like going out to learn to surf and you get hit by the tsunami. And people think, Oh, I just can’t do it. Whereas if they’d had a smaller challenge first and then a big, medium sized challenge, and then had the big challenge, they might have learned enough in the process to be able to handle that big thing. I think a lot of people who we all look at them think that they’re natural, and they’re just born that way. I think. I bet in most cases, they were faced with a progression of challenges that led to mastery, by chance, I think happens so rarely that we don’t see many leaders like that. You know, if you look at our, I don’t know, I mean, in the met in American culture, if you look at people who learn, learn, who learned in this way, actors and musicians and athletes were tremendous. I mean, you look at, like, a basketball game, and it’s like, they’re incredible. We have such incredible athletes and look at the Olympics and like, it’s amazing what they do.

Unknown Speaker [46:33]
Now, look at our leaders.

Joshua Spodek [46:35]
I’m not so proud of my country’s recent election. It’s pretty clear that our leadership training is not that great. It’s, it’s not it’s not as effective as as our ability to create actors and musicians and things like that. And, you know, my big thing is taking a technique that works in those areas and bring it to leadership because I think leadership has in it, everything that those other things do, of being able to reach that genuine, authentic passion. and things like that.

David Ralph [47:02]
But that’s probably the words now from a man who learned his leadership skills more out of adversity than the successes, his Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs [47:10]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [47:45]
So what he’s basically saying is you’ve just got to keep on doing something you keep on doing it, it will pivot it will change direction it will it will become something until you find that passion but the star, that low level skills is the only way to find Future.

Unknown Speaker [48:01]
Yeah, totally. And analysing and just thinking about it, it’s not going to get you very far.

David Ralph [48:09]
So before we actually send you back in time, a second time on the Sermon on the mic when we get you to have a one on one with your younger self, what kind of audience? Are you hoping for your book? Are you niching? down to a certain demographic? Are you aiming for global domination? Joshua?

Joshua Spodek [48:28]
Well, I’m starting with the niche of of going toward the business audience at first. Partly that’s because my publisher amacom, and Mecca management company, is there. That’s where they have inroads and that’s where we want to start. But it’s not that I want First of all, I don’t dominate the world. I want to serve the world. I want to give people the ability to attain what they want. I’m not telling them what to do. So I do want to start with a niche of business but I really want to pass there and it’s it will be different Message to different areas. So I’m not going to try to tell you know, someone who’s going into the military, that I’m going to teach a business leadership, I want to teach leadership for that area, and you know, in relationships, personal relationships, there’s a lot of leadership in there, but it’s definitely not authority. So to move in those areas, but it’s a unique message for each niche, um, Where can the people get

David Ralph [49:21]
the book?

Joshua Spodek [49:24]
So right now it’s on pre order at Amazon, probably by the time people are listening to this, it’ll be on Amazon. So the books I mean, you’ll also be able to Can I can I tell them where to find me online?

David Ralph [49:34]
And well, we do that at the end. We do that at the end. So we’ll build up to it but at the moment, the best way would be to jump over to Amazon and Google you up.

Joshua Spodek [49:43]
Yeah, Amazon Barnes noble, you know, all the usual places.

David Ralph [49:46]
Right. Okay. Britain, right. And we’re coming back to the the social media links at the end. But this is the part that we’ve been leading up to, and this is the second time you’ve done this. So strap yourself in because it’s the bit of the show that we called a sermon on the mic when we send you back in time. Have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Joshua, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m going to play the theme. And when it fade your app, this is the Sermon on the mic.

Unknown Speaker [50:19]
We go with the best bit of the show.

Joshua Spodek [50:37]
Okay, so this is to Josh of about two or three years ago, you’ve been writing in your blog for a while even developing a voice. You have a sense that there’s a coherent, integrated book out there that you want to write. And instead of actually starting to write it, you’re still writing on your blog, and you’re not doing promoting your blog, you’re kind of saying yourself, you know if people read it great. If not, that’s okay too. I’m really writing for myself mostly. And if people connect on it, that’s great. But you’re not doing something that you’re coaching a lot of other people through. You’re not aware. Or if you look inside you, you’ll notice that you do want to get people to read your stuff. You do want to promote it, not for self aggrandisement. But because you think that there’s value for it, you wouldn’t be writing it for any other reason you think that there’s value for other people, but look very closely, you’ll notice the reason you’re not promoting it is not because you don’t think that it’s worth promoting. You’re scared of it. People judging you and not liking it. And you’re coaching lots of people through this and you’re not actually noticing it yourself. This low level anxiety that you’re keeping that’s keeping you from trying something because you’re afraid of failing. Here’s the deal, Josh, you know, this People First of all, I know something you don’t know, when you start sharing this, you’re going to get overwhelmingly positive responses, you’re going to go out and talk to these bestselling authors. And they’re going to write blurbs from the back of your book that are better than you could have hoped for. But even if you’re not ready for that yet, even if your writing still has to improve, and people come back and tell you that your writing it sucks. You will improve faster because of that. Josh, it’s worth it. Take the risk. put yourself out there. Allow yourself to be judged. Take that vulnerability of you know, you can you’ll you are resilient, you can handle it. If it goes well right now. Great. You’ll get started faster, you’ll be able to serve people that you want to serve faster. If not, you’ll also get there faster because you’ll get advice that you can act on now. Put it out there. Take the risk.

David Ralph [52:50]
Right stuff so Mr. Joshua smo Deke, how is the best way but our audience can connect with you.

Joshua Spodek [52:57]
So my personal blog, which is writing about, you know, the world and leadership and personal fitness and things like that. That’s Joshua spoto. calm. And as I mentioned, I posted every day since I think 2010 or 2011. So approaching 2500 posts, then for my Take, take my courses and the professional stuff that’s at Spotify Academy comm SPO. dk is how to spell my last name. And on Twitter, I’m Spotify. And if you want to look up, like what people are writing about me, there’s lots of press and things like that. So if you just look up Spotify, there’s not many people. So go to DuckDuckGo, or whatever your search engine is. And there’s lots of stuff that will come up and write stuff, just contact me. Also, if you want to contact me, you know, there’s a contact section on on both of those pages, and I’m happy to build emails from people.

David Ralph [53:48]
Great stuff. Josh, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again when you have even more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our paths, it’s the best way To build our futures Joshua, thank you so much.

Joshua Spodek [54:04]
The pleasure is all mine. Thank you very much.

David Ralph [54:08]
Joshua Spodek. Oh, dang. Yes, Episode 271 and 653 of Join Up Dots. I love that episode. I actually said to him afterwards, I felt excited as I was talking about leadership and passion and finding your thing because it is when it comes together. It’s undeniable. It is you slap yourself in the face and think why didn’t I do this years ago, I

just couldn’t see it. I just couldn’t see. And of course, you couldn’t see it. Because you’ve got to try loads of different things to get there. And that’s why it’s so important to get yourself a mentor or a coach or somebody that can look at you with different eyes and can say to you, this is where I think your talents lie, because sometimes you just can’t see it. It’s too natural to you. You just think well, that whole thing I just didn’t do that naturally. You can’t build a business around that. You can certainly build a business around anything and if you can find Something that is a natural talent and ties in with your passion, then quite simply, as I say, you will never work again. Thank you so much for listening to Join Up Dots. Thank you so much for being part of everything that we’re trying to do from this side. Please tell your friends, please, we need more listeners, we need global domination, we need to get to the top of that charts. And you’re the only guys that can help us with that. So if you’re willing to rate and review on iTunes, and all the kinds of things that you might have heard on our podcast, but certainly just tell two of your mates and they tell you till two and NATO two, and it’ll be a growing platform. Until next time, thank you so much. This was David Ralph. And that was Join Up Dots.

Outro [55:39]
Cheers sir. David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you were wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow. On Join Up Dots

Joshua Spodek: Finding Passion Through Leadership Read More »

Michelle McQuaid

Michelle McQuaid: Developing The Strengths Of The World

Michelle McQuaid Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast 


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Introducing Michelle McQuaid

Michelle McQuaidMichelle McQuaid is our guest today on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.

She is a lady from Melbourne Australia who has one belief in life.

That all of us are capable of being a bigger, brighter version of ourselves than we give ourselves the opportunity to be.

Her official bio states that she is “is a best-selling author, workplace well being teacher and playful change activator” which is of course true but is not something that occurs by magic.

Back in 1994, she was working for PR Works as a general manager where she built a profitable  IT portfolio, as well as creating a media training service for CEOS.

Which I find fascinating, as someone who is now firmly entrenched in the people development world, this wasn’t an area of her life that just burst into being after several decades.

It was there right at the beginning, which grew larger in her next job as a PR Manager for Sausage Software.

But it seems to me that things moved up a gear when performing the position at Pricewaterhouse Coopers, as their international leadership coach, where she worked across the world to implement the companies brand strategy using Positive Psychology theories across their culture.

And then there comes the time where our guest could have continued to rise up the ranks in corporate land, gaining the salary and working tirelessly to build someone else dream.

 

How The Dots Joined Up For Michelle

But our guest had other ideas, and left to create her own company and her own dream, after completing  her Masters in Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) at the University of Pennsylvania

And with a career history scattered with roles lasting a couple of years or so, it appears that she has truly found her thing, as she has stayed where she is ever since.

Developing her company, bringing in bigger clients and well……loving it.

As she says “I’m passionate about bringing out the best in people, particularly at work. Fusing Neuroscience and Positive Psychology into tested, practical actions, I create happier, more rewarding and more profitable workplaces for employees, their bosses and their organisations.”

And who wouldn’t love to do something that you are passionate about everyday.

That is the dream after all.

So when did she get the inkling that building her business was awaiting for her? And was it scary time or “Hell yeah, lets get going?”

And is there a similar theme that stops most companies, and the employees of those companies operate at the highest level?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Michelle McQuaid.

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Michelle McQuaid such as:

How she remembers taking the corporate ladder to the very top, but then knowing in her heart that it was time to leap as her values started to be a mismatch with the company.

How she was sure that she was going to love her life after leaving the corporate life, as she set off to build a life based around her core strengths. Great decision!

Why she feels that she made a big mistake when first building her business, as she did everything other than focus on earning money. Not a great decision!

and lastly….

Why it is so important to focus in on yourself, and look to develop your personal strengths. This only needs to be ten minutes a day and can make such a big difference.  

 

Michelle McQuaid Books

 

How To Connect With Michelle McQuaid

Website

Facebook 

Twitter

LinkedIn

 

Return To The Top Of Michelle McQuaid

If you enjoyed this episode with Michelle McQuaid why not check out other inspirational chat with Eddy Mann, Hal Elrod, Derek Rydall and the amazing Simone Vincenzi

You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy

 

Audio Transcription Of Michelle McQuaid Interview

Intro [0:10]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:36]
Yes, hello there. Good morning to you. Well, good morning to you, all you, you sexy listeners, wherever you’re coming from. And I’ll tell you what, I think officially I’ve got the sexiest listeners known to man, I’ve been seeing images of view. And every single person that connects with me, I think to myself, if I was single, if I were single, even the men, I don’t care, we could we could get something going. And we’re going to get something going on today’s guest not not in that way. She’s married, married mother, she just put a daughter to bed, or it might be a son. Not sure I’m going to ask. But um, because she is somebody who has. She’s got one belief in life and it makes it perfect for join up dots. She believes that we’re all capable of being a bigger, brighter version of ourselves, then we give ourselves the opportunity to be an official bio states that she is a best selling author, workplace well being teacher and playful change activator, which is of course true, but it’s not something that can occur by magic. Back in 1994, she was working for PR works as a general manager where she built a profitable it portfolio as well as creating a media training service for CEOs which I find fascinating. As someone who is now firmly entrenched in the people development world. This wasn’t an area of a life that just burst into being after several decades. It was there right at the beginning, which grew larger in the next job as a PR manager for sausage software. But it seems to me that things moved up a gear when performing the position of Price Waterhouse Coopers as the international leadership coach where she worked across the world to implement the company’s brand strategy using positive psychology theories across their culture. And then there comes a time where our guest could have continued to rise up the ranks in corporate land, gaining the salary and working tirelessly to build someone else’s dream. But our guest had other ideas and left to create our own company and own dream after completing a master’s in applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. And with a career history scattered with roles lasting a couple of years or so, it appears that she’s truly found her thing as she has stayed where she is ever since developing a company bringing in bigger clients, and well loving it. As she says, I’m passionate about bringing out the best in people particularly at work using neuroscience and positive psychology into tested practical actions. I create happier, more rewarding, and more profitable workplaces, for employees, their bosses, and their organizations. And who wouldn’t love to do something that you’re passionate about every day? God I’m a podcaster, and get paid for it. Now that is a dream after all. So when did you get the inkling that building a business was waiting for her? And Was it scary time? or How? Yeah, let’s get going. And is there a similar theme that stops most companies and the employees of those companies operating at the highest level? Well, let’s find out as we bring on to the show to start join up dots with the one and only Michelle McQuaid. Good day to Michelle.

Michelle McQuaid [3:22]
Good day. It’s great to be with you, David.

David Ralph [3:26]
I’ll tell you what do you get fed up with people saying good day? Imagine it’s all right in Australia, but us as long as I think you called us It does it just great on you.

Michelle McQuaid [3:35]
Not at all, mostly because nobody in Australia says it to each other. It’s highly when you speak to people from other countries. And we love that you think that’s entertaining? So it’s always easy to say Goodday, good. I back.

David Ralph [3:47]
You don’t say Good day put another porn on the barbie over?

Michelle McQuaid [3:50]
No, generally No.

David Ralph [3:53]
I would have thought that’s how you start every single day because in your life is it’s playful time isn’t. And that’s that’s what I loved about you. When you first connected with me, you’re doing something and as your skype little sort of message says, and they always say a lot about the people stop functioning start flourishing, and you’re doing that. But you’re doing it in a kind of playful, it sounds like every morning you wake up and go Yeah, this is a good day.

Michelle McQuaid [4:17]
most mornings, absolutely. I mean, I still live in the real world. So there are some days where I wake up and go, okay, deep breath. Here we go again. There are definitely Thommo days where I wake up and guy, this is what I get to do today. And I’m a huge advocate of play. I think unfortunately, one of the things we stopped doing, the older we get is playing and yet our brains are wired to play, it’s actually how we learn at our best. It’s how we figure things out. And it gives us that permission to pull things apart and put them together in different ways and to learn as we do it without being too attached to the result. So I’m a huge advocate of play, particularly when it comes to creating change in our life.

David Ralph [4:51]
I agree with that totally. And I find that everything that I do, the more I enjoy it, the more I feel like I’m playing, the more I’ll be honest with you, me, I think to myself, I shouldn’t be earning money. But doing this, it seems to be better, the quality seems to be better somehow, is this something that organizations are missing?

Michelle McQuaid [5:10]
Absolutely. And your brain is wired to play. And we’ve seen such fascinating studies over the last decade about how different emotions actually impact the way your brain is working. And I actually think you should be paid to play in fact, you should be paid more if you are great at playing. So I wouldn’t feel guilty about that at all. But what we’ve seen is that when we experience more of those heartfelt positive emotions that can we play curiosity, or interest, pride amusement, for example, that it actually broadens your field of peripheral vision. So you taken about 75% of what’s going on around you versus 15% when you’re in a neutral or negative mood. So you see more opportunities, and you flood your brain with a feel good chemicals of dopamine and serotonin. These are really important for thinking outside the box being innovative, doing complex problem solving and analysis. And because your brain the safe, you much better in terms of thinking about we say how do you collaborate and co create and work better with other people, rather than being in survival mode, where it’s just all about you. So there are lots of awesome reasons why in any workplace, we want to create more of these heartfelt positive emotions and play is probably one of the easiest ways to authentically access that state.

David Ralph [6:21]
But the trouble is that companies don’t want that to happen. today. I’ve worked in companies where I used to try to play every single day, unfortunately, when I got into sort of the training environment is quite easy to play. But before then I was a customer service manager, I was a sales manager. And I was always playing and I got kind of tarnished as a maverick, or I didn’t take things seriously. And I look back on it. And I think, couldn’t you see can you see I was driving? I was doing better work because of it. But companies don’t want that to happen. How do you overcome that are saying play play play? And the listener going? So right, if I Michelle to say that, but she hasn’t worked with my boss?

Michelle McQuaid [7:00]
Absolutely. I think the good news is companies are starting to change some of their thinking on this not all companies and not all at once. But we’ll look at organizations like Google, for example, their culture is quite intentionally built on things like play. And I think the reason we’re starting to see some of the shift going on. And where you help move a very traditional thinking company forward on this is to show them some of the brain science and the research that we’re discovering about what actually happens inside our heads with this, unfortunately, given that people are the most valuable resource that most organizations have, leaders very rarely have been trained to understand how to work with their own brains, number one, and number two, how to bring out the best in their people’s brains. And yet, of course, so much of what we do is directed by the brains that we have. And so understanding how this works, I think there is a growing appetite in workplaces, to help leaders have this information to help employees have this information. And you really don’t have to scratch very far into the surface of that, to see how important things like my I think it takes a little time to get that transition to really kick in. But once you start seeing you in action, it’s pretty hard to imagine working any other way.

David Ralph [8:08]
I’m going to say two words to you, Michelle, which is going to terrify me These are the words that probably just just fill you with dread. And they are the worst two words that any person can hear you ready for them?

Michelle McQuaid [8:21]
I braced myself.

David Ralph [8:23]
middle management now maybe they’re not gonna help you do that. Or I can, I can totally see that you can go into a company, you can speak to the leader, the top guy, and he goes, Yeah, brilliant. This is what our company wants, because they seem to be more creative and more willing to take chances at the top is their middle management. And they were the ones that basically drove me out of corporate land. How do you overcome those two scary words?

Michelle McQuaid [8:48]
Yeah, look, those are two scary words. And they can be really challenging. Unfortunately, people who are often at that middle management level, a surrounded by world of fear, I, you know, they’re they’ve got scarce opportunities move up. Because the higher you get, the fewer positions there are, they’ve got a lot of really capable and talented people competing for those positions, there’s a lot of pressure on them in order to meet whatever indicators, key performance indicators or outcomes they’re being measured by, they don’t understand how to get the best out of the people that are working with them quite often. So they try all sorts of motivational tricks that really work. And they’re often really push like many of us are for time. So you know, middle management, unfortunately, is often not a very happy place. It’s a place that breeds a lot of fear and anxiety. And that doesn’t tend to bring out the best in any of us. I think the other thing that’s really hard about middle management is again, often these managers have not been given the kind of training and information that would make dealing with all of that a whole lot easier. Now that said, I think most of us have had an experience where as challenging as middle managers can be, you do find you know, the middle manager who’s ready to go against the grain and try something different, or work in a bit of a different way, and break that down. And in workplaces. We talk about these as positive deviance. And so often what we will do in the workplace is really encourage senior leadership to find their positive deviance, who are the managers who, despite all those pressures, all the things in the culture, the system, the strategy that might be making good management hard, are finding ways to do it anyway? And what do you learn from that? And how do you teach other managers to follow that, so I know that they’re definitely more the exception than the rule, but they are out there. And ultimately, the top leaders know that they rely on those middle managers to be effective to achieve the outcomes that companies trying to get through. And so increasingly, a lot of my work is we’re onboarding to train middle managers. And actually, middle managers want to be happy in their work just like any of the rest of us, they just don’t have the skills and we find once you start giving them the skills, most of them are really keen to start playing with them and trying them out and trying to do better in their jobs. Very few managers go to work with the intention of being happily a bad manager, most of them want to do a good job just like this rest of us.

David Ralph [11:01]
Oh, you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met. And I’ve worked with hundreds of managers, I think they’ve just gone there. To get through the day, they had no interest in trying to shake it up, it was just getting their head down like a large lumping turtle, and hopefully that nobody sees them so that they can get out at five o’clock and then go again the next day.

Michelle McQuaid [11:21]
But you must work with so many, many middle managers who have had the same kind of aha or the join the dots moment that you interview people about on your show all the time. And then I know you coach people around. I don’t think middle managers are any different from the rest of us. But I think when our brains are under pressure, when we feel scared when there’s a lot of anxiety, sense of scarcity around us, none of us performing our best. But I truly don’t believe that any of us go to work every day going. I’m just okay. dredging trees day after day after day. I know, I see too many people and you must as well, trying to break that pattern. Oh, absolutely.

David Ralph [11:56]
Yeah, I’m just being devil’s advocate.

Michelle McQuaid [12:00]
Always advocate today. And I think it’s really important that you leave you are an employee, the middle manager like that, to be that devil’s advocate, but maybe start looking for the best in them. And they might be really tiny glimmers. But actually, we all just want to feel respected, valued and appreciated. It’s a deep psychological need. And middle managers are no different from the rest of us and being able to give them some of those little moments where it’s warranted. And that even the smallest of those moments that you can give, might actually help your middle manager be a better person overall, as well. Of course, some you know, nothing makes a difference, but you might as well try their your manager, rather than going to work every day having to deal with them. Absolutely, yeah. So

David Ralph [12:39]
if we go back in time, which is what we do on join up dots and look at your career, you were one of those people that I think you could have just gone the corporate route, you had a good career, you were at that position that most people would have probably said, Michelle, Michelle, don’t rock the boat, stay there for another 25 years. You’ve got the company coming. You’ve got this, you’ve got that. Was it scary time when you decided to sort of jump out? Or were you just ready where you were coiled spring by that time?

Michelle McQuaid [13:08]
I know it was terrifying. And certainly my husband was absolutely saying what are you doing just a you know, we’ve got a mortgage to pay, and and quite reasonably, and he’s still in the corporate world. And he says to me, some mornings, I’m off to go to the salt mines. And I’m like, good luck. So no, absolutely, it was scary, I was ready to go and had more than a decade in particular with Price Waterhouse Coopers, which was where I finished my corporate career traveling all over the world for them holding senior leadership roles. And I climbed to the top of the career ladder with them. And so, you know, it was kind of time to jump off anyway. But if I’d wanted to stay, they would have kept sort of finding the next role and move on in the next role. So part of it was made easier because I felt like I’d done what I set out to do, I’d lived and worked for them in London and New York. And back here in Australia, I had all sorts of roles through public relations and marketing and branding, which was my technical background, I then moved into more of the positive psychology in the HR and training space, and done that for a number of years with them. But I think the thing that did make it easier was I started to realize that perhaps I wasn’t fully aligned with the strategy. And some of the values that the leadership team members held in terms of how they were developing their people, and actually worried that some of the positive psychology things I was introducing around helping people thrive at work or to flourish at work and be the best versions of them was actually being taken advantage of by the company. And so that made that leap a whole lot easier, because from an integrity place, didn’t necessarily feel that I wasn’t doing harm the people there anymore, but absolutely after so long, big corporate salary move around the world, we looked after wherever you go, to look into that absence of going okay, where is the money going? Again? Very scary moment. Of course, had I known that that was going to be the least scary moment of the following is that would come I probably would have liked much easier that I remember so clearly that last day walking out of that building, and going okay, now my life really begins.

David Ralph [15:07]
But will you class as a positive deviant? Were you somebody that was trying to do different things? And that’s what sort of stuck in your throat somewhat?

Michelle McQuaid [15:15]
Absolutely, I was seen as a positive deviant, I was known to be a bit of a rule breaker in a firm like PwC. I think in most partnerships where you’ve got a lot of leaders, right, you know, every partner in the firm is considered an owner of the firm and therefore has a certain lead way that how they follow the rules. So in a partnership, cowboys and deviants actually get rewarded quite often. And that had worked well for me, particularly if you’ve got the right sponsorship as you break those rules. And that have given me a lot of incredible opportunities as challenging as PwC, like any other large workplace can be, you know, that organization had, you know, moved me around the world aside requested opportunities. When I went to them and said, I wanted to study my masters in positive psychology. And they’d supported me so much in that that actually, I was living back in Melbourne at the time. And I wanted to do my Masters, the program I wanted to do was in Philadelphia. And so it meant that every three weeks for three days, I had to be in Philadelphia for that you to go to class. And they’re amazing. They created a role that let me had half my job in Australia, and half in the US while I did that travel, they flew me back and forth. They supported me as I worked full time and studied full time. And so it wasn’t that I wasn’t looked after. Well, there was just that corporate bigger ization like that. Yeah, I got to a point where I think there were a couple of factors. One was the integrity piece that I suddenly realized that perhaps what I thought was helping may have unintentionally been doing harm to others. And I didn’t feel I wasn’t able to sleep well at night feeling like that’s what I was part of. Part of it was i’d reached a level of technical mastery doing what I was doing there. And I needed new challenges. And I kind of run out of places to go within PwC to find that next level of challenge as well. And I think part of it, I was just ready to do something different. I needed decade in a very large workplace. And I was ready to have a change.

David Ralph [17:05]
Can I ask you something? Can I ask you something? Michelle, between two friends, right? We’re going into bedroom territory now. You’re You’re like,

Unknown Speaker [17:12]
hey, go for it?

Michelle McQuaid [17:15]
Should I brace myself? Again?

David Ralph [17:16]
Not as much as your husband probably did. But still, you’re laying in bed, he’s snoring by the side of you, you’re looking at the ceiling thinking I want to do this, I want to do this, but you hadn’t brought that subject up to him? Was he openly supportive? Or was he a whole? You’re just going through a phase? Let’s have a weekend away? How did you bring that up? Because I find more often than not, that the people that love us the most are the ones that sort of hold us back, was he openly supportive.

Michelle McQuaid [17:44]
He was actually very supportive. I think, you know, we both grew up in families without entrepreneurs, you know, we both had parents, they’re always, you know, went to a workplace every day got paid their salary, and felt grateful to just have a job. And so when you don’t grow up in a family, where running your own business is something that other people have done, it can be very scary place. And my mother certainly had very strong opinions about why I was doing an incredibly foolish thing. But my husband really believe that, you know, if one of us had that corporate job, and there was stability in salary, that ultimately the best way for us to get ahead as a family was going to be for one of us to take a risk. And if I was ready to get out there and take that risk, he was completely open to backing me. So I was very fortunate in that regard. Or that I society to have other family members who didn’t necessarily feel the same way.

David Ralph [18:32]
It’s challenging mothers and your mother yourself. And certainly I got it wrong at the beginning is a daughter, boy, you got

Michelle McQuaid [18:39]
two boys, I’ve got 11 and six years old,

David Ralph [18:42]
seven and six. That’s perfect before they get really stroppy. And you can’t have the Xbox on. I know what it’s like. It’s fortunate it gets to a little bit later, and then they sleep all day. So you don’t see them anyway. And that’s it. Make that pot.

Michelle McQuaid [18:55]
Yeah, absolutely.

David Ralph [18:56]
So you moms, moms are wonderful, these people that are so limited in their thinking, or maybe that was the old generation because when I quit my corporate job, I quit in when I was 30. And then I did it again when I was 40. And each time even though the first time I could almost understand my mom going, you know, this is a bad idea. I can accept that. But when she saw I flourished afterwards until I did it again. She still Winfrey me she still went you know, and I’m 40 years old For God’s sake. And she’s still telling me, oh, what a stupid idea. You had a job for life. Now you’ve done it. So when your kids grow up, and they say, Mom, I’m going to grow my hair long. I’m gonna get tattoos all over me. I’m gonna go and create a business on an island in Fiji, will you go to them? No, hang on, let’s think about this. Let’s talk about it. Or will you go? No, I will tattoo you myself. Off you go.

Michelle McQuaid [19:49]
I think I might be somewhere in between, I’ve definitely hope I would say you know, that’s your dream, then go for it. Because I know, you know, most of us don’t go after our dreams following a dream stand so simple. But it’s actually scary to do and I think gets scarier the older that we get. I would probably though still ask them all kind of what’s your plan for how this is going to work? Not in the need to dampen it down, but probably in the excitement of wanting to help them figure out how, where they’re going to pull it off? And what were the steps. And I certainly wish that I’d had that kind of counsel from closer family members around me as I’m back on the journey, rather than kind of flying quite sidelined, it could have saved some mistakes that didn’t need to be made in those early years.

David Ralph [20:29]
It couldn’t have done because I think that no matter how planes you are, I look back on everything that I’ve done. And literally all a huge successes with total mistakes. And planned just kind of didn’t go anywhere. So do you need to sit there and say to them? Or do you just need to like a mummy bird just push them out the nest and see them fly?

Michelle McQuaid [20:50]
I think again, it’s a bit of both as a coach and you would appreciate this is well, the inner coaching me would probably want to kind of coach them through some of the thinking on that. And you know, for me, you know, I took that big leap. And I was going to change the world all at once and do everything when I left PwC and six months later and nearly bankrupted the business because I wasn’t focused on the things that would actually bring in money initially. And then give me a base from which I could build and grow into some of the more adventurous things I wanted to try as well. And so, you know, other people having run a business might have given me some of that coaching advice. Right out of the gates, I was a little slow, and I think overly optimistic in those days as to just how much I was going to be able to pull off and how fast some of the pieces of the business would move. So I think again, it’s a bit of and, you know, I’d love to be able to say, you know, set loose and fly. But I do think the coaching me would probably have a few questions to try and help them along their path.

David Ralph [21:44]
Let’s play some words now that I would love both your 11 year old and six year old to hear hear us Jim Carrey, my father

Unknown Speaker [21:50]
could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [22:16]
And the question that I always asked basically after that is, did you know you were gonna love it, or at the beginning was it just to do something but you found the love after a while you kind of found the angle that really made you wake up every morning with a Yay.

Michelle McQuaid [22:32]
No, I was pretty sure I was gonna love it. I knew by the end that I loved being in rooms full of people where I could teach them about how their brains work, how they could have more well being how they could flourish at work, do more of the things that they did best. And I’ve been fortunate in that I’ve done enough of that in my last role at PwC. That I’d really felt like that was my calling, which was kind of ironic, because I grew up, my mother was a teacher, my grandmother was a teacher, my great grandmother was a teacher. So even though all I used to do is make my little sister play schools for hours and hours, as we were growing up, I swore I was never going to be a teacher. So my mother is hugely amused that after all of that the thing I decided I loved doing was actually teaching, I just had to find the content that I wanted to teach. So I knew I loved that part of it. And that’s what I’d be moving into. I wasn’t so sure they’d love all the running the business parts of it. And again, I’d had a decade in big companies where there’s a lot of support and make stuff happen. And suddenly there was just going to be made to do the accounting and do the new business development and do the marketing of it. As well as doing the teaching. So wasn’t quite sure how all those bits would come together, I just hope that I’d be gritty enough to be able to pull it together as I went. And the thing that really

David Ralph [23:43]
struck me and I think so many people struggle with this right at the very beginning is going from that corporate job into an entrepreneurial business. And at the beginning, there’s so much involved in getting it going. But I hear from time and time again, what you said, you were focused on everything other than making money, it was almost like money was kind of it was just going to happen naturally before you suddenly realize Hang on. It’s not the I will build it and they come I’ve got to do some other things around the back back side of it. How did you transition from that? How did you actually get to the point where you think, hang on, I’ve got to actually start flexing the old hustle muscle here, it’s not going to naturally occur.

Michelle McQuaid [24:24]
Yeah, I think all of us have that secret desire that will be the overnight success will be the exception to the rule. And you’ll put up the website or you’re hanging out the shingle and business will boom in and you’ll never look back. And of course it is so really that for most of us. And that should come with a big health warning. I think when you start your own business, as I mentioned before I sort of six months in, and I’d had a little bit of work as I left PwC sort of you know, there’s a little safety net to get me started. And then you know, those jobs were completed. And I was getting a bit of word of mouth traction. And people were finding me for bits here and there. But I was spending so much time. So my main revenue stream is built by teaching face to face still in the business today. But my dream was to really make it scalable and affordable and accessible to as many people as possible, which meant doing it online. And so trying to build that online presence to grow a following in a list and have offers for them and things like that takes a huge amount of energy and effort when you’re getting off the ground. And I’d had no idea just how hard that was really going to be. And so six months in, there was no more money to pay to do anything online, other than what I could afford to do with my own time. But there was also no more money to be paying what I was trying to contribute back to the family still, and to support our way of living. And so there was this moment where I went well, I’ve either got to go back and get another big corporate job now and call this a failure or it’s just the wrong moment in time. And I need to do this later. Or I can get some part time paid work and scale this bag, or I need to get out now and just focus 100% of my energy on delivering face to face workshops until I’m in a financial position and to be able to afford doing more the online things. And so for six months, we put all the online stuff, I put all of it on hold didn’t do any of it. And I just went out and talked and talked and taught didn’t matter if you paid me or you didn’t pay me. I just tried to build a reputation and to build my experience and expertise as a great teacher. And six months later, I was in a position to start being able to bring back that online things. And these days, we have a beautiful balance between those two parts of the business. But yeah, it was a hard lesson to learn it was a bit of a shock, I have to say, when I realized it was nearly about to all be over six months in

David Ralph [26:33]
is an interesting story that you’ve actually created something that is an online business, but it is it’s you as well, because we hear that people want everything to be scalable, they want to do online courses, they want to do videos, but you feel that you’re super talent is actually being there.

Michelle McQuaid [26:51]
Yeah, again, I think it’s an end. So I think there is an incredibly learning face to face as an incredibly effective medium. And because I look at so much research on the teaching of well being and what’s the most effective way to do it, I’m very aware that the further the teaching moves away from the master trainer, often the less effective it becomes. And so delivering it face to face in a room where I can read people’s faces, and I can see what they’re responding to. And I know where we need to add more context where I know something’s you know, sparked something in somebody’s excitement and delight or fear and, you know, discuss where we can kind of mold those learning experiences within the group. And so we still do that. And again, I love teaching face to face and miss it, we might have a week where I haven’t been out doing it. But I do also still believe that to be able to get it accessible and scalable, is the next part of the puzzle. So we do both. And again, for those people, I can’t be there face to face, it can be a really effective way still to do it online. But it is I think, you know, there are better ways to learn online. And we continue to play with those mediums. One of the things that fascinates me, as new technology evolves at things like virtual reality classrooms, were with the help of some affordable virtual reality glasses, now they’re getting so much cheaper, you might actually be able to see in an online classroom environment that feel almost like you’re having the same face to face encounter. So be interesting to see how the space continues to mature and evolve. And I think it will get better and better as time goes on.

David Ralph [28:21]
Right? I’ve never heard of these before virtual reality glasses, what?

Michelle McQuaid [28:25]
Oh, yeah, you have to go get yourself up here. So they’re around about $200 us these days. So you know, they’ve sort of just in the last 12 months become more affordable for the average person. But there’s a whole booming market around virtual reality opportunities. So you can fly around the world and visit different cities as though you are actually there in those cities with your virtual reality glasses on. And it’s quite spacey feeling you can play games with your virtual reality games. And the funny thing is, if you watch video footage of people doing this, they’re moving like their whole bodies and their arms they go because you know, it feels so real there, the glasses on your eyes, but we feel like we’re in that three dimensional world. And so our whole body responds in kind, the interesting thing from a learning and coaching and psychology perspective, is that our brain doesn’t necessarily differentiate memories that are imagined versus memories that actually happened. And so it’s a very interesting space that is evolving around that Stanford University, and has a lot of work going on around virtual reality and behavior change and the impact it has with people because of the impact on memory. And the fact we don’t necessarily distinguish between the two, well,

David Ralph [29:35]
I’m instantly thinking, can I buy a pair and see loads of naked ladies? Is it that does it work?

Michelle McQuaid [29:41]
I’d have to be amazed if there wasn’t that application already.

I haven’t investigated that particular aspect of it myself. But I would have to imagine that those applications are out there.

David Ralph [29:53]
I tell you what, we’re going to pose this, I’m going to go straight on to Amazon. I’m going to do a bit of shopping and then I’ll come back later. Now sounds brilliant is because I’ve done some training online. I’m actually a trainer by by business. And that’s what I used to do for many, many years stand up in classrooms and do some training. And then I went into podcasting world and then a couple of people said to me, would you train or do a presentation and I kind of beamed in on Skype. And you can do it. He wasn’t brilliant. I like to be in the room moving around and stuff, but you can still do it. And it made me realize that literally, whatever you want to do, to create something and to create something where customers are waiting for you. It’s doable, isn’t it? It’s more your mindset and your hustle muscle more than anything?

Michelle McQuaid [30:40]
Absolutely. And I think again, you know, the technology on this gets easier and more friendly to us all the time. So I do think this learning space in an online environment will change massively over the next few years.

David Ralph [30:53]
What excites you greatly? Does it excite you the fact that you can create something from scratch? Or is it the fact that you are connecting with people because your core, it seems to me that you are simply a very nice people person that wants to develop individuals, and the more individuals that you develop the you know, you ultimately develop the world. But what excites you most?

Michelle McQuaid [31:18]
Yeah, I think for me, what excites me most is that ability to take what we’re learning in the science of human flourishing and how our brains work, to find really practical ways to apply it, particularly in workplaces. Having spent most of my career there and knowing how challenging those environments can be, I have a huge passion for figuring out how do you apply that practically, in a workplace with everything it has going on. And part of that is I really believe that with all the challenges and opportunities that world faces, workplaces are actually going to be key in terms of how we figure out and respond to those things. And I really want people in those workplaces to be able to come to work each day and do more of what they do best. So that we can figure those things out for the generations that have followers. And part of that is finding ways to make it playful. So for me, those three things have to come together. It’s not enough just to go in and teach you the science, if I can’t help you do something with it. And if you don’t have a bit of fun as you do it, because I don’t think the change last otherwise, I think we’re all too busy, we’ve got too much money that’s not really engaging and energizing for you. Then when I leave the room, chances are within 24 hours, you’ve gone back to doing what you’ve already done. So that’s what lights me up and gets me going. The interesting thing though, is I’m actually an introvert by nature, and so roomfuls of strangers, you know, as most often my idea of health rather than heaven. But when I’m doing what I love, and I can come in and figure out what what brings out the best in you and how can I help you do more of that at work, all those introverted tendencies tend to melt away. But there’s that very common hope that together. With each of us doing more of what we do best we can make our world a better place as motherhood and apple pie as that may sound. No, I

David Ralph [33:00]
agree with you totally. And I hear this all the time about introverts and extroverts. And what you do. And I only found out about this little while ago, and it’s some excites me, I talk about it all the time. But an introvert is, it’s all to do with power, really, you have to remain quiet, you have to recharge yourself so that you can go into these rooms and be big and be bold and present your best side, because I can do this with my eyes closed. And you get me in front of 300 people I’m well away, I love it. You put me into a party, my wife’s always inviting me to these parties. And it’s always her friends and husbands and I don’t know any of these husbands. And she says to me, oh, you’re all right, you can talk to anyone hate it. I hate going into these kind of social anxiety places, because it’s just not me. I’m an introvert as well. So I agree with it totally with you. But what what I was thinking as well, when you was talking was with you being a mother, does that ability to be there all the time? Does that take you away from your kids is wench for you pulling yourself away from you two young boys?

Michelle McQuaid [34:04]
Yeah, again, I think like many things, it’s all about finding the balance. For me, I’m a much better mother. When I’m out teaching and doing this work, it means I come home at the end of the day, and I’m more fulfilled and satisfied. And so excited to see the kids and talk about their day and what they’ve had going on. Increasingly in workplaces, I’ve had lots of organizations asking us to teach these skills through a parenting lens. And so actually, often now we run positive parenting classes, where we really look at this as as parents, because it’s one of the things that creates a lot of stress for employees. And also, I find that when it comes to applying some of these ideas about looking after our own well being and understanding our strengths and how we flourish, we much quicker to make those changes when we’re doing them for our families than when we’re just doing them for ourselves or for our team members. And the interesting thing we find is once you start doing it in one domain of life, it naturally flows over to the other as well. So my Portugal a movie in therapy for the rest of their lives, because their mother experiments on them constantly. But it’s a it’s a beautiful blend for me. So I know that I’m happiest and at my best when there’s that and I get to go and do this work, but the right amount of it. So I’m not losing too much time away from the kids. And then also having the energy so that when I’m with them, I can try and be as present as I can. Now some days, that works beautifully. And other days, it doesn’t always hit the mark, because again, not live in the real world like everybody else. And it doesn’t always go the way that you hope it will.

David Ralph [35:31]
I’ve started going home I’ve got four daughters and and a boy and I never had this issue with the daughters. But the boy wants to beat me up all the time. And we become like two rotting steaks that actually have to go and we end up my wife go Stop it, stop it, you’re gonna hurt each other, you’re gonna hurt each other. And I’m sort of digging my elbows into him. And he’s trying to fight me back. What will happen? If that occurs in your life? Will you say no, let’s use psychology to sort of work this out. Or will you just fight back and go dirty?

Michelle McQuaid [36:00]
My boys and my husband like to have that good wrestle, we don’t have a very huge house. Normally getting them out to the park where they can do it, one of their favorite things is actually go to the park on the weekend and play poison ball. Because they can throw the ball as hard as they can at each other. And it may all my husband. So no, I think that’s very natural. It’s a very natural expression of testosterone and growth and development and feeling of strength and boys. And you don’t want to dim that down at all. But the other parties and I have two very different children. One more introverted one more extroverted, one very confident in take on the world and do anything one much more sensitive. And the beautiful part is when things don’t go well for them at school, or they’re struggling, you know, one of my, my eldest one, the other night was really upset and disappointed. He loves maths, God help him and he hadn’t done well. And he’s messed his that day. And so he was beating himself up about it. And so what I love as a parent is knowing that I can talk to him in those moments and help him work through those feelings and understand that. So can you be disappointed? And it’s not the end of the world if we get something like that wrong, but what can you learn from the experience? And what would you do differently next time. And I think for many of the adults that I work with, you know, our parents didn’t know to be able to have those conversations with us. And yet the level of self awareness, and I work in lots of schools where they do this work now with kids as well, the level of self awareness and the confidence to be able to navigate the highs and lows these kids are experiencing, is quite staggering when we start to give them the skills at an early age. And so it’s my hope for them is that they can be more fully present in their lives in whatever it is they choose to do as they go forward.

David Ralph [37:39]
You ever screw companies up Michelle, I was thinking about this as he was talking because I come from a corporate background. And we used to have to go into these training courses. And they were run by UK guys. And more often than not, they were really boring. And you would just go in there long to like a get out. And then we went on this one course, the five days, and it was run by this American company. And I was saying gung ho and so sort of inspiring, that we all came out and quit our jobs, because we thought we could do anything. And the company had to sort of get rid of them. So we’ve used developing individuals to be bigger and bolder and flourishing. Is it a possibility that the company could say to you, Michelle Michelle, which is we just want to do it as a tick box, we want to show that they’re being trained, but we don’t want to lose them as well.

Michelle McQuaid [38:24]
It’s such a great question. Now, number one, I try not to screw companies up as much as like n. Number two, I can’t tell you the number of times I have an organization call me and go, we need someone to come in and prove the resilience of our people. And you’ve got three hours to do it, can you sort that out? Or we need someone to come in and help out with female leaders be more confident and you’ve got an hour to do that. So you know, what will you do. And so then it is a tick box exercise. And I try and say to those organizations, you know what, yeah, I can come in and do something on that content in that time. But it’s not a magic pill, we’re talking about rewiring people’s brains and changing behaviors. And that takes time and practice and effort. So here’s what I’m going to suggest works better in my experience. But if you just want to plant a seed, then I’m happy to do that in a way that will exactly do that. It’ll plant a seed, give them some ideas and tools that they can use. But I want you to be realistic about the amount of change you could expect out of it. Most importantly, to sort of the experience you’re describing there with that American company, when I go into do this kind of work, because you’re exactly right, if unsuccessful, their employees are going to walk away feeling more confident, resilient, knowing what they do well, having more sense of purpose and meaning and what they want to do in their work. And so yeah, if an organization can’t respond to that, if they can’t find a way to harness that potential, then people will leave. And so I’m very upfront with them to say this is part of a training program, that you need to be thinking about culture and support. And the way you’re going to harness the potential these people on the other side of the training or you are, you know, putting yourself at risk that they’ll come out the other side of this and suddenly one not putting up with this, you know, I’m worth more than this, I feel I can navigate more than this, I’m going to look for a workplace that supports me on this. So I try to give them an informed challenge that they can respond to, you know, some of them take that on beautifully. And there’s maybe not so much. But I’m really cautious about raising employees hopes, where I’m just sending them back into an environment where those things are going to be dashed. Because that’s where like my experience at PwC. My concern there was, we start to do more harm than good with these ideas.

David Ralph [40:29]
I used to run induction courses. And for years, I used to get the new member of staff on their first day all quaking and shivery. And then three or four days later, I’d throw them out as a fully sort of realized member of stuff. And I was working for a high street bank in the United Kingdom. And I used to get about 16 or 17 people come in. And it was it was that that 30 year old mark, when I decided I was quitting, so it must have been in my mind. But I can do better things in this and you know, I don’t need to be in this company, I can create my own life. And I did this industry course. And I left them all and it was the Monday and they all went off to lunch. And they never came back didn’t see anyone I thought this is strange. Where’s everyone and not one person come back. So I had to go back to the training manager. I said, I don’t know what happened there. But they haven’t come back. He went well might be like got lost and said that kind of got lost a found out to get you in the first place. But you can’t get lost halfway through a day if you’ve already got you in the first place. And he said, Well, we’ll have to sort of find out. So he contacted the recruitment consultants and stuff. And apparently I powered him up so much that I decided on that first morning that I could do better than the job that they were getting. And I lost all 15 of them all 15 of them in one go. And I’m quite proud of that fact.

Michelle McQuaid [41:42]
That was some great work. And clearly,

as we work with people in workplaces, one of the pieces of work I love doing out of this research and evidence based kind of area pas psych is helping people discover what their strengths are the things they’re good at and enjoy doing. But as we do that one of the ways I’ve learned that’s quite important to start, you know, on a more gentle path is helping them figure out their how they like to work. And there’s a wonderful free survey. And if people are wondering about their strengths, they can go take it at the character.org takes about 10 minutes, and then identifies your character strengths. And your character strengths are things like curiosity, humor, kindness, love, for example. And these are related to how you like to work. And so I find by focusing on the how you like to work rather than the what you like to do, that people can generally incorporate that into any job they’ve got, and into any boss that they’re working for as well. These are often small changes that are within our control that we don’t need permission for, we don’t need to change out, you know, what we’re delivering for our bosses for, we don’t need a budget to do, we just number one need to know what the strengths are. And most of us struggle to name them. And number two, one of the little things we often teach people to do is just create a little daily strength habit even just for 10 minutes a day. And this, for me was a really important shift. When I moved out of the work, I wasn’t enjoying it PwC and started moving towards the work I did want to be doing there was just 10 minutes a day taking a strength like curiosity. And first thing when I got to work, I’d spend 10 minutes using the strength, learning something new. And it created this lovely ripple then throughout the rest of my day, and started making work a lot more enjoyable. And the beautiful thing was, the more I started actually doing what I do best, the more other people started to notice that and that was really instrumental in helping get PwC moved me from branding and marketing roles into HR role and teaching those skills across the business. So you know, I think yes, you may, you may suddenly have that I’m in the wrong job. I’ve got a move kind of moment. But I think it’s also better if you can do it as a bit of a journey step by step, unless you’ve already got that perfect plan in your mind about what it is you want to leap to. And playing with your strengths is a really easy way to make this kind of shift, while you figure out what that next step looks like.

David Ralph [44:00]
So here’s some words now from a guy who quite frankly, says that there is no great plan to it all, you just do stuff,

Steve Jobs [44:07]
Steve Jobs, of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [44:43]
Now, Michelle, I must have listened to that speech a million times. And it’s one of the first times I thought God, he’s talking about 10 years, he’s talking about a journey that he’s been on for 10 years, where most people think that they’re going to quit their job. And within three weeks, they’re going to be a global success. And their Steve Jobs who was you know, any years legend going on, this takes a bit of time you you have to do different things, some of your work, some of it doesn’t. But you’ve got to have faith in yourself. What was your big dog, when you look back on everything that has got you to here normally it’s a conversation or it’s a book you’ve read or what has led you to the realization that you’re on the right path.

Michelle McQuaid [45:19]
My my big moment came when I was in New York with PwC. And we’d been there about six months and I had thought the job I was going to there was going to be my dream job. I was the global brand director for their consulting business. And I kind of climbed to the top of my professional traders in the city of my dreams. You know, we had our eldest son at that stage was about four years old, I was in good health, good friendships, good relationships around me. And I thought, you know, life wasn’t going to get better than that. And I went through a period where it started to get harder and harder each day, to drag myself out of bed and into work. And I couldn’t figure out what was going wrong. And I thought, you know, is mentally unwell. You know, I’m I just I’m grateful for all these good things that I’ve got. And I started to realize that I think and it’s not dissimilar for many of us, keeping up with this amazing life that I created, was actually wearing me down. And even though there was so many good things in it, I still wasn’t actually doing what I loved. Like it all looked great on paper, but it just didn’t feel great inside of me and I couldn’t figure out what was going wrong. Anyway, I remember being in a New York apartment, slumped one night after work eating takeaway out of a container on the couch and watching the jon stewart show. And he was interviewing a professor from Harvard that night. And because the professors course it become the most popular course on campus at Harvard University. And it was the first time ever in history of habits, something was more popular than accounting and economics. And the course this guy was teaching was positive psychology. And I still remember kind of sitting bold up right on the couch and going what there’s a science to human flourishing. There’s a science to how we could be at our best. Why had nobody told me this before now. And what could I learn and that professor was a gentleman called tell Ben Shahar, so braced up to Barnes and Nobles. The next morning, when I opened, I grabbed his book, which is called happier. And it opened me to this whole field of research about being able to be the best people that we can be. And that for me, both personally and professionally at that moment, was a massive join the dots moment

David Ralph [47:18]
where you look at it now, are you still on the path? Or do you go now this is pretty good. And if it stayed like it is now, because what happens is you start building the dream. And then you find the real dream on the way as I say, and so when you start off, it’s kind of within that realm of what you think is possible. But then once you get the success, the belief becomes bigger, and then you start tapping Hang on, this was just a starting point, I could go, would you be happy with where it is? Or is that a that fire inside you to actually create bigger and bigger.

Michelle McQuaid [47:48]
I feel so grateful for where it is. Although I do have to say there are days where I go, you know what, this could be a lot simpler if I just taught face to face. And I didn’t worry about all the online stuff, I’d have a nice little business, reasonably comfortable life. But I also know that I’d be bored in about six months time. And so and there’s absolutely still that fire burning. A really good friend said to me on New Year’s Eve actually said, you know, what are you hoping for this year, and I outlined where I was hoping the business was going to go? She said that all sounds great. Michelle, she said, but I don’t think you’re dreaming big enough. I think you’ve got better in you. It was such a moment of shock for me, because I expected I just to go, Oh, that’s fantastic. It sounds great. Good for you, like most of our friends do. And it wasn’t that she wasn’t being supportive. But she was also asking me a really pertinent question at that moment. So it’s taken me about three months after that attorney different things around to go well, okay, if it was bigger, what does it look like? And what fills me with delight and joy? And what’s the right pace for that, because again, I think in you, and I know that in your about page on your website, that you never work harder than when you work for yourself. And you never work harder than when you’re building your own dream and making the difference that you want to make in the world. But I also see lots of people in this space on the verge of burnout, which means fascinating in the field of well being where you would hope that people who teach well being would have the most well being. And in actual case, it’s often the reverse, because they’re so driven by their dream, their sense of purpose, the difference they want to make for other people that they stopped looking after themselves along the way. And so beautiful piece of research around the difference of an obsessive passion versus a harmonious passion and what that does for our well being over time. And so, you know, part of my journey, particularly this year has been knowing, okay, I’m in that kind of obsessive passion state, where actually this is starting to be detrimental to my well being or to my family’s well being what to the way I want this business to be and just finding the right way. You know, as you pointed out the Steve Jobs It was a 10 year journey doesn’t all have to be done at once, just because I can see the picture of what I might hope it to be. And how do I make each step of that? I’m joyful and energizing as I go rather than punishing

David Ralph [49:59]
up and I elephant one bite at a time? Isn’t that what they say?

Michelle McQuaid [50:03]
Apparently so. But why is anybody eating an elephant is what I want to know.

David Ralph [50:08]
And this is a lady who eats basically roadkill that’s the things that have been served up to me in Australia, and you’re complaining that people are eating elephants?

Michelle McQuaid [50:18]
Well, I don’t personally eat kangaroo or crocodile things. But it’s just why the elephant it’s like killing two birds with one stone. Why are we killing the birds with the stones. And we freezer up for at

David Ralph [50:30]
least six months with an elephant be perfect? Well, this is the end of the show. And this is the bit that we’ve been building up to which we call the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Michelle, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme tune. And when it fade, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.

Unknown Speaker [51:00]
We go with the best bit of the show

Michelle McQuaid [51:18]
hated four year old Michelle, it’s much older Michelle here, I just wanted to take this moment to tell you not to worry so much that you’re not good enough, you are good enough. And the world needs you to go out and do what only you can do best. So trust that process. Don’t be worried about failing, take the criticisms on the chin and learn from them. And get out there and make a difference for yourself and for others, because that’s what this life is really all about.

David Ralph [51:49]
Sure, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?

Michelle McQuaid [51:53]
Yes, I head on over to Michelle mcquaid.com. And if you’re interested in figuring out how you use your strengths at work, we have a great free global strengths challenge kicking off on the 12th of September, at strengths challenge. com. So come figure out what you do best at work. So you can find some little ways to start doing more of that each day.

David Ralph [52:10]
Now what I do well, I’m an idiot. And I keep saying that every single day. But it makes me smile because I know at my core, it’s true.

Michelle McQuaid [52:19]
And if you’re an idiot using that strength to the best of ability and providing great questions and insights to people, because you’re coming at it with a beautifully open minded simple perspective that that You deceived me enable for you, then I think you’re using your strengths wonderfully.

David Ralph [52:34]
I said I’m an idiot. And you called me simple. I don’t know if that’s the that was nice.

Michelle McQuaid [52:41]
Well, it was intended as nothing but nice.

David Ralph [52:43]
Brilliant. Well, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Michelle McQuaid. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me, David. Well, another guest bites the dust. And I really enjoyed her, I thought she was somebody but at its core, she understood what life is all about. And it is about providing value to individuals. And if companies could understand that an individual is what makes a company powerful. It’s not the collective, it’s an individual and allow them to flourish and be bigger and bolder in their decision making and just enjoy themselves and everything will be a better place. That’s what I think. So if you’re in a company and you think to yourself, this is a bit crappy, you know, contact Michelle and get to come across and inspire your stakeholders and your directors to do better things because it will be a win win. It’d be a win win for all of you. And you will start believing that a company is a good place to be and companies are good place to be. It’s all very entrepreneurial we show but at the end of the day, we can’t exist without our company. So make it as good as you can have. Thank you so much for listening to the show. Thank you so much for being part of join up dots. And we we’ll speak to you again soon. Cheers. Bye.

Outro [54:02]
Are you tired of the same routine that nine to five the mundane? Or perhaps have lost touch with the dreams and passions that led to a life that’s a wow and simply don’t know where to start? Then join up dots has the answer. Dream starter Academy is the number one group mastermind online today showing our members how to create their own business lifestyle or dream job teaching you how to find your thing teaching you how to build income around your passions and giving you a life where you leave out of bed with a

Unknown Speaker [54:37]
set of a

Unknown Speaker [54:39]
we surround you 24 seven with the greatest entrepreneurs, business owners and dreamers online today who are ready to help you get going. They followed the simple steps laid out for them and saw their lives changed forever and you can do the same. So are you ready to change your life explode your income and create the dream life you’ve always dreamt of enjoying with us today by heading over to join up dots.com and look for dream starter Academy. We look forward to working with you see you on the inside. David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on join up dots.

Michelle McQuaid: Developing The Strengths Of The World Read More »

Michael-Tamez

Michael Tamez: Balanced Health Leading To Huge Success

Michael Tamez Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast


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Introducing Michael Tamez

Michael TamezMichael Tamez is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots podcast interview.

He is a man who has had an amazing journey through a physical transformation, leading to his own successful business.

As he says ” I was in a bad state. I was morbidly obese, had severe obstructive sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and advanced gum disease.

But instead of it allowing it to be my legacy I did something about it.

So not only did I lose 105 pounds (47kg) and reverse all of those lifestyle related health conditions, I also transformed the dysfunctional relationship I had with food, my lifestyle, and my true self.”

Now this was a journey that has taken over 13 years to occur, a difficult transformation experience that was intensified when he also lost five family members within eighteen months.

Because of the tremendous impact of these losses, he was forced to have major mental, emotional, and spiritual breakthroughs in some the most difficult times of his life, which lead him to writing a book and finding his thing.

 

How The Dots Joined For Michael

And that thing is what you maybe asking?

His mission is to educate people who want to fully experience living a healthy and balanced life by reaching all their wellness goals.

By supporting their health through nutrition and balanced living, he inspires a permanent, transformative shift in the way people eat, think, feel, live and love.

And that my listeners seems to be a very good mission to have?

So was he always on the path to health issues, or was it simply a case of overindulging over a long period of time?

And is the transformation towards a physical change started by making the mental change, or does it not matter?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Michael Tamez

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Michael Tamez such as:

Why he feels that the dashing of his dreams of becoming a professional baseball player, was the catalyst to all his health issues. He lost his passion and found junk food.

How he found the relationship with food was truly a metaphor of him stuffing his emotions down as far as he could from his heart.

Why he remembers following the footsteps of his father even though he hated very minute of the next fifteen years of doing the job.

And lastly………

How Michael believes that the future of business is firmly found in the land of live video streaming. Building real live connections with the world.

 

Michael Tamez Books

 

How To Connect With Michael Tamez

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Return To The Top Of Michael Tamez

If you enjoyed this episode with Michael Tamez, why not check out other inspirational chat with Anita Narayan, Wes Schaeffer, Doug Briney and the amazing Felicity Aston

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Full Transcription Of Michael Tamez Interview

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there, everybody. Hello world and hello to Mike. On a two on a two. I think that’s how you say your name from Tupelo, Mississippi when you were much. I think that’s where he came from. Thank you very much for contacting us and asking us some questions. And hopefully you enjoyed the personal message that we sent back. And of course, we didn’t do the Elvis impression on that because that would have been unprofessional. And that’s not what we do on Join Up Dots because we are the show tries to bring you different stories, the kind of stories that will inspire you to go For your own personal dreams, and as I was saying to the guests, just before we press record, not necessarily the let’s create a 5 million global business model kind of stuff that you listen to and think that’s interesting. Yeah, I could do that. And I think today’s guy is going to be one that takes a lot of boxes because he’s a man who’s had an amazing journey through a physical transformation, leading to his own successful business. As he says, I was in a bad state. I was morbidly obese had severe obstructive sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and advanced gum disease, but instead of allowing it to be my legacy, I did something about it. So not only did I lose 105 pounds and reverse all of those lifestyle related health conditions, I also transformed the dysfunctional relationship I had with food, my lifestyle and my true self. Now, this was a journey that has taken over 13 years to occur, a difficult transformation experience that was intensified when he also lost five family members. We’ve been 18 months now, because of the tremendous impact of these losses, he was forced to have major mental, emotional and spiritual breakthroughs in some of the most difficult times of his life, which led him to writing a book and I suppose finding his thing. And that thing is what you might be asking, what does he do? What does he do? Well, his mission is to educate people who want to fully experience living a healthy and balanced life by reaching all of their wellness goals by supporting their health, through nutrition and balanced living inspires a permanent transformative shift in the way that people eat, think, feel, live, and love, and that my listeners seems to be a very good mission to have. So was he always on the path to health issues? Or was it simply a case of over indulging over a long period of time? And is the transformation towards a physical change started by making the mental change? Or does it not matter? What else find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Michael Tamez. How are you Michael?

Michael Tamez [2:59]
Hey, David. I’m wondering Thank you so much for having me on the show. It’s It’s a pleasure.

David Ralph [3:02]
It is great to have you on because you are in the home of the mouse, aren’t you? You are in Florida looking out your window at probably old men in long white socks and beautiful ladies running around in bikinis is that the vision that you’ve got?

Michael Tamez [3:19]
Not necessarily but um there’s a big stereotype on what Florida really is. But it’s it’s definitely an awesome place and you know, I love it here and you know, it’s it’s really great.

David Ralph [3:30]
I’ve been to blow the many times and the last time I actually settled into it. It was it was a weird experience. I actually said to my wife for the first time I feel like I could live here and the reason was, I think I bought in the to the pace of it. As in you go to the theme parks, busy, busy, busy, busy, but the real beauty of Florida is away from the theme parks and it’s this sort of laid back attitude to life is that conducive to a healthy lifestyle? would most people need to slow down is that Place of starting.

Michael Tamez [4:01]
Oh, absolutely. I mean, I moved here from Chicago. So it was a big it was a big shift in the pace of life because it was like, Okay, well, I order a drink or I order something and it’s like, you’re there on Island time here. So it’s like, you know, you’re gonna, you’re gonna wait a little while because you know, things are just things are just chill like that. And, and it really got me to be present to how, how hasty I was, I was being back up north in Chicago. And it’s kind of cool because it got me to really look at myself in a different way and slow down a little bit and be more present.

David Ralph [4:36]
I remember being in Australia once and talk about Ireland’s time. I don’t know what time they were on. But they were slow, slow place. And I’d come from London. And I remember going into a bank to cash some money. And it literally took me 30 minutes, and I was the only person in there. And when the guy came up to me quite rudely, but I was a bit sort of het up by this time. And he said to me as you want Your money might I’ll just say look just quickly, that’s I don’t care how I have it just quickly, and he kind of looked at me and then another 15 minutes passed, you know, but in a way, that is how life should be, isn’t it? You know, I talked about this a lot, the seasons Don’t rush, and everything gets done, but you know, own human lives right below that we have to get up and run around like maniacs and ultimately, something’s gonna suffer and more often than not, it’s our energy.

Michael Tamez [5:26]
Exactly. I mean, it really is. I mean, when you look at it, when we live a life, we live fast paced, paced like that so much. A lot of the time we tend to get stressed out and then stress leads to physical health problems and then other stuff starts to fall apart and everything starts to unravel when you’re trying to rush through life and not really enjoy it and experience it and live it feel it, be it you know what I mean?

David Ralph [5:49]
So do you love your life now, or as you are an entrepreneur creating your own business there’s, there’s a certain amount of hustle and hassle that comes to being an entrepreneur. Yeah, so do you love every day? Or are there some days that you think, oh, that was a bit rough?

Michael Tamez [6:06]
Well, I mean, I love I love what I’m doing now because I’m, you know, I’m my boss. But to say that every day is amazing would be an absolute lie. I think anybody that’s an entrepreneur doing their own thing can agree with that. I mean, there’s some days that are amazing. And there’s some days that suck. I mean, it’s just a given take that you have with running your own business or, you know, launching your own product or having your own service. It’s just, that’s just the nature of it. I mean, that’s just how life is in general. I mean, some sometimes are going to be amazing. Sometimes they’re going to be challenging and just having a balance with that is, you know, trying to figure out where a middle line is, you know, that’s, that’s where the true that’s where the true happiness comes because you’re always going to have the ups and downs. That’s something you can’t prevent, but how you react to them and how you go through them, then that’s going to be you know, your ultimate Happiness.

David Ralph [7:02]
So ultimately your kind of key is about balance through life balancing diet, balancing health, but just before we sort of answer that question, what would be an amazing day for you when you climb into bed at night? And you just sort of drift off anything? Yeah, that was that was bloody brilliant today what kind of makes your life amazing?

Michael Tamez [7:23]
Well, I’ll tell you what starting off with an amazing interview with a great podcaster is a great start to my day and then

David Ralph [7:29]
don’t have to suck up might have already on the show.

Michael Tamez [7:34]
No, it really is. I mean, this is this is an ideal start to my day I mean getting having a conversation about what I’m up to and what I’m what I’m wanting to inspire and people to be up to, is a great start to my day. And then you know, obviously doing my morning ritual on top of that, and then you know, doing my my answering my emails and stuff and then pitching out to other other podcasts or other other avenues for me to do You know broaden my my visibility or my reach and then you know just winding down with with my wife with an amazing dinner and then you know going for a walk or doing some exercise and then meditating at night and then when I’m laying my head down on the pillow, I’m thinking wow that was a very productive yet you know I got some movement in and I got some good food in balanced you know, I feel good when I go to sleep at night knowing that I was balanced today. You know, this day when I did all this that’s that’s a typical balance day for me.

David Ralph [8:33]
So on today, today is a Thursday now today is Join Up Dots recording day so I batch so I do six or seven interviews. So I know pretty much from eight o’clock in the morning to around about 10 o’clock at night when I just flop my energy has gone then I know that I’m gonna be in my chair doing the do now is that something bad in your experience, I should get up even earlier and build exercise. In all, Ken, can you allow one day to just pass knowing that he’s going to be 100% total effort for you to then get your balance back the next day?

Michael Tamez [9:10]
Well, I mean, I think like I said it all it all has to do with balance. I mean, if you’re, if you’re you know, working long hours doing something you love, that’s something different than you’re working long hours doing something you’re dreadful or you hate. Because when you look back at it, if you feel accomplished if you feel that you were successful, if you feel that you you reached out and you touch someone’s life, or you you inspired someone to do something amazing, then that’s, that’s a big difference than if you’re doing mindless work or you’re doing something that doesn’t agree with your, with your purpose or what you believe in or what you have passionate about, then you know, it’s different. But there I think there really should always be a balance because our health, our health really is our greatest wealth, because without good health, you can have all the money in the world. You can have all the bonds, stocks, investments, 401k is all this stuff, but it really does. matter if you can’t enjoy it because you have poor health. So having setting aside some time for yourself, whether it be you know, walking, running, jogging, exercise, meditation, gardening, whatever it may be, you know, having something set aside and really support your health and then give you more vitality, more energy to create more of the, of the work that moves you or that you know that you’re passionate about that, you know, that can bring in more money to sustain you financially. So,

David Ralph [10:31]
no, that’s that’s how I feel it. Yeah, well, what were you talking about? It makes perfect sense. But for many years, it didn’t make any sense to you at all. And I went over to your website, and it’s hard to actually look at the younger version of you and see the version now. You know, I’m a straight man, but you are a sexually attractive individual, sir. And you were anything back when he was younger, you know, I would have been surprised if he’d got laid at all. Now what was the case of just gradual overindulgence or was that how your family operated? Did you all eat a lot? Was that just sort of standard practice?

Michael Tamez [11:08]
Well, it’s interesting you asked that David because it’s actually all connected. And what I what I do with health coaching is kind of integrate every area of people’s lives. And what I mean by it’s all connected is not only was my physical health, imbalanced, but it was due to me really not following my passion and then my life going into a direction that I didn’t foresee going into. So a long story short is in high school when I was about 17. I was um, I was a, like a really, really talented baseball player in high school and I had a lot of potential to to make the major leagues in the United States. And, you know, I had I had professional scouts looking at me college scouts and everything. And my coach was all over, you know, he said, You know, you’re going to go very far. You’re You have incredible talent. And I didn’t have a back up plan. That was my, that was my career path. And I had it, I knew it. I from the age of five, when I started playing t ball. I breathed, I ate I drink. I lived baseball. It was my life. It was my goal. It was my passion. And I knew that I was going to reach that goal. And then I was going to be a professional baseball player. When I grew up. That was there was no doubt no question in my mind. And I didn’t have I didn’t you know, I didn’t have any plans on you know, like, you know, any plan B’s like a doctor or lawyer, you know, the typical things that you know, a lot of people or a lot of parents say, you know, I want you to go for this vocation. I didn’t have any of that because I knew baseball was it. So I got into relationship with this girl in my junior year of high school when I was about 17. And long story short is I fell in love and she had a child and we’ve been raise a child for over a year. And I found out that the child wasn’t mine that she she was cheating on me the whole time that we were together. So that created a very unhealthy and very depressive state in my life. And I just, I got to a point where I didn’t give a crap about anything, and I just started eating junk food. I eat fast food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I just I ballooned I gained about 70 pounds in the course of about a year and a half and that just took a very big toll on my life

David Ralph [13:31]
okay, don’t be a bad Michael but it didn’t your coach say Hang on, Michael. You’re starting to look like you’re putting a bit of weight on did they not say that at all? Or is it standard fare, but baseball players might be a bit hefty?

Michael Tamez [13:42]
No, actually, he was trying to he was trying to understand because I was not only I was doing I was cutting class to I was skipping school. And I was just dropping my grades were falling and everything and I just didn’t care. You know, my the coach actually called my parents and said, Hey, you have a talented so I’m here and he’s pissing it away with, you know, being with this girl and skipping practice and not going to school and cutting class and everything. And my parents tried to address it and I was like, I don’t care, you know, I’m just I’m with this girl. And it’s just it’s, it’s it was a very interesting part of my period in my life. And like I said, it caused a lot of emotional, emotional trauma in my life. And, and I think and I firmly believe that that’s part of the reason why I just started eating to cover up the the sadness and the anger that I felt from that experience that I had at such a young age. I mean, we’re talking, we’re talking in our a late teenager, you know, my balls about 19 when when I found out that that child wasn’t mine, I mean, that’s something at that age. It’s very, very heavy to deal with, you know,

David Ralph [14:47]
I kind of understand what you’re saying, but Well, I’ve always been a skinny guy, I naturally I’m skinny, you know, I’m not a foodie at all. And if you could give me a pill that I could just take in the morning and that’s all my dinner’s done for the rest of the day. That would be brilliant.

Michael Tamez [15:02]
Now, so I’ve never shared Welcome, welcome to America. That would be one instant gratification.

David Ralph [15:08]
Yeah, that would be perfect. Now my wife on the other side is somebody and got big ears this episode, but she is constantly on the battle towards her weight, you know? And I always say to her, it’s easy. You just reduce your calories and you exercise more. And she goes, it’s not as easy as that. Now, when you were going through that, and you got to that point where you were carrying the weight, did you shift it quickly? Was it like I say, or am I being simplistic? Is it a naive view, because I’ve never had a problem with the weight?

Michael Tamez [15:42]
Well, it’s interesting that your wife said that because I totally 100% agree, and can personally attest to that being being true because anybody can lose weight. I mean, you know, you just like you said, less calories in more physical, physical activity out and you will lose power. You’ll lose inches, you’ll lose weight. I mean, it’s not it’s not difficult. But what makes it more challenging is the emotional attachment to being overweight. Like I was, like I was saying, getting to the root of what was causing me to overeat or to eat junk food was the hardest thing that I had to deal with when it came to being obese. And when I looked back, everything stemmed from that, from that relationship that I had that experience of raising that child that wasn’t mine, caused me to, to stuff my face with actually it was metal, stuffing my face with food with junk food was a metaphor for me stuffing my emotions down, deepen away and not dealing with them and processing them and saying, okay, so you went through this traumatic experience, and instead of, you know, doing what I had to do to heal and grieve it, you know, cry or do whatever I had to do, I just ate food and it comforted me and It made me feel good. And that was an understanding that was the hardest thing. And then once I understood that, then actually working through that and transforming it into to healthier habits, that’s that’s where the, that’s where a lot of people that have never struggled with their weight, don’t understand someone that’s struggling with weight. Because it’s a very it’s a different side of things because it’s a side that you can’t physically see. You know, you can’t see what they’re emotionally mentally dealing with, physically, when you look at them. You know what I mean?

David Ralph [17:31]
Yeah, I can totally understand that. Because at the moment, I’ve got cholesterol problems. He runs in our family. And as I say, I’m a very skinny guy, and I had to go through a blood test. And it turned out that I was about six months, our heart attack, so it was suddenly Oh, Blimey, I’ve got to do something about it. And so I’ve started walking, and I enjoyed the walking, but it’s hard to get into the routine of life, where more often than not, I’ll say, Ah, yeah, okay, we’ll do it tomorrow because I didn’t quite get it done today. And then I find that one day I do it twice. So I haven’t got that kind of balance. So I can totally understand what you’re saying. It’s not the losing the weight, it’s the restructure in your life to be able to do it. That is the difficult thing, especially when you’ve got a family. And I know mothers spend a lot of time struggling with weight because they’re feeding their kids, they’re feeding their husbands and they’re doing all that kind of stuff. And so the last person that I look after themselves is themselves so he is very, very difficult. Right See that?

Michael Tamez [18:27]
Right? Yeah. And I also I totally, I totally get that and I also see mothers pushing jogging with their strollers and I see even see father’s doing this now in parks, you know, and in recreation area. So I mean, there’s, there’s solutions for the busy lifestyle and having you know, children and everything. So I mean, it you know, it’s the question is, the big question is, Are you looking to lose weight Are you looking to to live a healthy and balanced Live to have to have the help that you need to be able to sustain yourself not only for your children and your spouse but for your career and for your friendships and for your family and for every other area that you know that makes you who you are. No.

David Ralph [19:16]
Well, let’s play some words. And then we’re going to delve back into that moment when you realised that you was actually on to something but your weight loss could actually be used for good. Here we go. Jim Carrey.

My Father [19:29]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [19:55]
Now, with you, it seems to be that it doesn’t quite fall into that category. It was a very found you somehow that that the effort of transformation actually became the first steps on the path towards something. Do you remember when you actually thought, hang on? I’ve got an idea here.

Michael Tamez [20:15]
Well, actually, what’s interesting about that is I can relate very closely because in a lot of ways, I followed my dad’s footsteps in what he did. He was a maintenance mechanic. And when I, when I was telling you about my baseball career, it you know, when I went through all the health stuff that completely disappeared to my life, and I was in a place of, whoa, I don’t know what I’m going to do now because I didn’t have a plan B. So I just accepted the normal day to day lifestyle, and I started doing the nine to five job, you know, I just and and, and I accepted it, and I did it for about 15 years. And I hated every moment of it. And what’s in First thing is that I was doing the similar type of work that my dad was doing, but a little different. I mean, he did, like electrical and maintenance, like plumbing, he and I did more of a electrical, electric, electromechanical electronic repair and servicing. But the interesting part I like about what Jim Carrey said, and it really resonated with me was that, you know, just accepting that as the norm. You know, I look at the whole corporate lifestyle, in that we are replaceable. I mean, if you think about the whole linear income concepts, when you work somewhere when you work for someone, a corporation or just you know, when you’re an employee, you’re kind of like a number and that number can be rewritten once you either resign or you’re terminated. And it’s like as if you never even existed. And that’s I mean, then that’s fine if that works, you know if that if that reporting to a job and you know, doing that day in and day out if that if that really resonates with you and that’s fine. But I like to inspire people and encourage people to find something, something deep within yourself, whether it’s it’s a creative nature or if it’s something that you’ve been through like myself and the transformation that I’ve had, there’s something within you, that you can make money off of. And, and just don’t see it as that I mean, see it as a, as an opportunity to inspire people to reach out to people to actually transform people’s lives to, to make a difference or an impact somewhere in someone’s life or it’s in a community even that you may or may not have ever seen. Because that’s where that’s the point where you become irreplaceable. When you when you hone in on that and create something out of that then you can’t be replaced. Your boss can’t say, well, I’ll just have someone here two weeks from now and there’ll be as if you never even you know, he never even existed here. Never walked away. It’s a very interesting concept when you look at it. That’s when I heard that. That quote from Jim Carrey, that’s what really stuck out with me was that the opportunities are endless. If you know you just really explore them.

David Ralph [23:12]
I’ll tell you why. Yo, yo, you you are talking my language, sir, because I say this to my wife, Allah say it amazing how my life has changed round because as long as somebody doesn’t take the internet away, and I think it’s unlikely to happen, Michael, I think there’ll be a lot of angry children going, it’s not all I can’t get my tablet to work. I can literally do this show wherever I I go. There’s a there’s a guy called john Lee Dumas who’s got a show on Entrepreneur on Fire. And he was in Maine, and then he moved to somewhere rubber and he ended up in San Diego where a lot of the entrepreneurs were, and I think he’s just moved to Puerto Rico or Puerto Rico, whatever you say. And because he just needs internet and a microphone and the beauty of it is But I his choice B C’s business. And as you say, you can’t get it taken away from you. Now, when you aren’t doing an entrepreneurial leap, it is scary at the beginning. But I couldn’t go back. There’s no way but I would go back into a corporation where my face doesn’t fit. And then one day they say, hang on, we’re having a restructure. And you’ve either got a choice of doing that job that you’ve done 15 years previously for half the money, or walk away from it like you see time and time again. It is it is amazing to me that you save that because it’s so true, but so many people don’t get it, that your actions start building something. And that’s very difficult to be taken away from you.

Michael Tamez [24:47]
Exactly. I mean, when you really hone in on what you what you’re capable of. No one can take that away from you like my situate for my example, no one could take away my journey of losing 100 Five pounds, and reversing all the health conditions that I had. No one could take that away, you know that that’s something that’s going to be with me forever and it and when I got to the point that I was exploring what was going on with, with with my life, I didn’t know what to do because I no longer was in baseball and I was too late to get back into it. So I figured, well, wait a minute, hold on a second. I have, I have something here that I can make a career out of. I have, when you look at it, the United States alone, the country that I live in, has the highest rate of obesity ever recorded in history. were two or I’m sorry, one out of three people are considered to be obese. Two out of three people are considered to be overweight. And I have, I have information I have knowledge, wisdom that I can impart with people that can like that can significantly impact that, that issue in this in this country and other parts of the world. have this problem too. It’s like okay, well, I have a solution to a problem. Hmm, interesting. Wait a minute, and I’m and I’m stuck in this place where I hate my job. I don’t want to be in this career path anymore. Mm hmm. Wait a minute, this is where the dots start being joined here. Now I see a pattern okay. Ah, now See, see, this is this is perfect. This is the perfect podcast for me to be on because this is how the dots are connected. Look at your life, where is somewhere and what is happening or what is going on? What are you passionate about that you can offer a solution to a need to a problem going on in the world, in your country, in your community, in your neighbourhood that you can hone in on and monetize. I mean, that’s, that’s what I’m doing. And that is what I encourage everyone to look at. You know, there’s something there. Oh, absolutely. There is something there.

David Ralph [26:49]
If you Join Up Dots. I at a point in my life, I wanted to be a TV host and I wanted to be a radio host. I like the thought of broadcasting and ultimately I went into public speaking and training and presentations and stuff. So it wasn’t a million miles away. But now I’m doing this. And that is basically a radio host. It’s a global radio host, which is hugely exciting. Now, just before we started recording, I was having my lunch. And I was watching a few things on Facebook. And I’m very intrigued by live Facebook streaming, where you basically create your own TV station that you can broadcast on the world. And on Facebook live.com, you can actually pinpoint where people are broadcasting from across the world. And there’s this thing called webcast, I think it was, and you get a couple of camcorders. And while you’re talking into the microphone and talking into a webcam, you just switch a switch and it naturally brings on the other webcam so you have transitions. So it’s like you’ve got multiple cameraman around you. And this has blown my mind. And I was watching it this morning I was for business then next stage. I couldn’t have dreamt that this was gonna happen before I started talking into this microphone. But literally, I can create Join Up Dots TV and broadcast across the world. Now once you get that personal connection, and we see that time and time again, you build a business and the greatest business in the world is not a business unless people trust you and buy into you. And one of the things that are so useful for that is webinars because they can see you. And it’s a personal interaction. If you get your business as you’re doing now, on to as I say, Facebook Live, and you get people coming in. And every day you’re talking about health tips, and I think this is a game changer. I think it’s an absolute game changer for live companies. And funnily enough, just after you I’ve got a guy coming on who believes but cable and satellite and terrestrial has had its day. It’s all gonna go on to the internet and be live streaming. hugely exciting, but you can’t get to one without the other. You’ve got to at least start Don’t you?

Michael Tamez [29:01]
Yeah, you know what’s so bizarre? It’s so ironic and actually synchronistic that you have brought that up is I just watched a free webinar on exactly that Facebook Live. And it said that they wholeheartedly believed that and this is this is a person that has a million followers on Facebook. So you know, this person knows what they’re talking about. So, they said that the secret to success as a small business owner or an entrepreneur, is to do live video. Because there’s so many reasons. The biggest reason is obvious. The obvious reason is that people you get in front of people, they see you, people like that people get to feel you out, they get your energy, they connect with you, right? They see your face, they see your expressions. The second best thing I have because it’s live there’s no editing, you know, it’s all raw. It is in its purest form, so they see you in your natural state. So people like that people like when you mess up people People see that you’re human, you know, and they connect with you even more because of it. And the third thing is that because of those two, they are actually the rapport is built because of the the trust that they established with you because they see you they feel you they see you’re a real person, they connect with you, they get it. I really believe like you are 100% correct that that’s where things are going. And I’m definitely going to delve into that more because I feel I agree with 100% on that’s going to be like the new thing.

David Ralph [30:36]
All right. Well, I think so i think is as I say, an absolute game changer. Now, obviously we’re talking about the future and the technology that excites us. But when did it start coming together for you? When did you actually get your first client and and how did you connect with them because that’s one of the things that I think our listeners struggle with. They will get a business but actually getting their first maybe Three or four paying clients that van Foster’s that belief in them, but hang on, I can do this. And I don’t actually have to then go back and get a job. This is something I have to work out.

Michael Tamez [31:12]
Well, I mean, I, I knew that I wanted to do health coaching when I realised that I had over 10 years of research experience and knowledge that I that I gained, but I wanted some kind of formal education. So I actually went to I attended an online training course it was a year long is called the Institute for integrative nutrition. And it’s a year long programme and you become certified as a holistic health coach. So I did this programme so I could have a certification. So that would give me the credentials behind backing every you know, all the personal experience and knowledge that I gained over the years. So once I had that then I became more confident. And then I started marketing myself and I made business cards that created a website. It started a blog, I did all the social media platforms. And I just started putting my name out there and and then I started actually contributing articles to well known well, very big wellness, health and wellness websites, blogs. And I actually gained a lot of clients through doing that, because, I mean, they’re unpaid articles. But the exposure is to is to the reach is is the potential of millions of people. And I got a lot of clients that way. And from that I started marketing through out through Facebook and Twitter and other social media platforms as well. And connecting with people. I mean, actually, LinkedIn is one of the probably one of the most the places that I’ve made a lot of business connections with. And I’ve actually manifested a lot of podcast interviews through LinkedIn and a lot of people have actually contacted me they’re asking for my services. And it’s interesting because I didn’t I always thought that Like, LinkedIn wasn’t, you know, gonna be, you know, give me that kind of out, you know, that kind of reach. But I’m very surprised that well, what you know what I got out of LinkedIn, it’s a really good networking platform. But I mean, all of them everything combined all my efforts combined, it was just staying at it that really started getting, you know, getting me clients and not you know, throwing in the towel because I mean, there’s been so many times where it’s like, well, there’s a million in one health and wellness websites out there and everyone’s saying that they know the right way and you know, got all these diet books and all these gurus and all these nutritionists who’s gonna want to listen to this guy, you know, coming from, you know, the streets of Chicago, who’s gonna want to listen to what he’s got to say, you know, what makes him so unique and so different. And I was like, Well, you know, I had that mentality for, you know, a long time and then I realised, well, yeah, who wouldn’t want to live Listen to what I have to say no, who has experienced losing under five pounds, having sleep apnea, losing five people in 18 months, having a child and the whole the whole story with, you know, raising the child that wasn’t mine, following career path for 15 years that I didn’t like, and then creating this, like, who can, there’s no duplicate. And that’s what like I was saying a little while ago, find your uniqueness. And you know, and I encourage you to do that, because you can actually create something out of it that can, you know, make you you know, make you money that can possibly create financial freedom, or at least give you some kind of passive or residual income that can free you up from from working linear jobs. You know, your whole life because I don’t, I don’t subscribe. And I used to think that, that that was the way to go. I mean, this was the mentality that we’ve had for so many years. You work 2530 3540 years. At one job, retire, and then you have pension or you get, you know, the benefits. And that was a way to go, that was your life, right? you retire. And then now you can live life the way you want to because you have all the money that you worked for your whole life.

David Ralph [35:13]
So Well, you’ve been saying that, let’s just jump in there because there was so many nuggets of gold there. But first of all, you got your business going by starting that was a simple way of saying, but then then you started reaching out and connecting, and those connections build, but you didn’t know they were going to build at the beginning. They were just things you were doing. You felt that they were the right things, and some of them might have panned out big time. Some of them not at all, but you still didn’t know you were still doing it. But the bottom line is, when you become yourself, that’s when the power hits. There’s millions of podcasts, but fortunately, people seem to like what I talk about, so they come over to me but I could have easily have gone, who’s gonna listen to me when they could go over and listen to this person or listen to that person. And so self limiting thoughts that pull you down, you snap firm and become yourself. And somehow Michael, things become easier and more profitable. But it’s a hell of a journey, isn’t it to get to that?

Michael Tamez [36:13]
Absolutely. I mean, the biggest, the biggest obstacle is you yourself. The biggest obstacle for me in reaching my goals with Mike with my health career was me myself. I mean, and that’s a lot. And I really firmly believe that a lot of people out there can relate to that because we really are our biggest obstacle. And once we get out of our own way, then the space opens up to create whatever you want, I mean, the space is empty, so you can put whatever you want in that empty space. That’s that’s so powerful for me and I think that resonates with a lot of people because people and me included I mean, I, I went many, many months, not a couple of years when I was starting my my health coaching business up thinking Well, all these people are you know, there’s so many obstacles, I have so many rejections and people go like this and this and that, and that and this and I’m looking externally for every answer externally. But I fail to realise that the only answer that I needed was within the only thing blocking me was me. And once I got that out of the way, then I opened up a space for, you know, for infinite possibilities. And that’s what I’m that’s what I’m encouraging people to look at. Where is it in your life, in your thoughts in your in your in your thinking patterns? What is blocking you from read for from pursuing your passion, whether it be creativity, music, art, drawing, speaking, writing, you know, there’s so many avenues of creativity you can explore, or even something that has happened in your life that you can share with people that can inspire and impact people, where is it that you can hone in on and really put that out there to the world? In a space, a place that it’s needed, offering a solution to something that people are thirsty for giving them quenching the thirst of what they need, you know what I mean? That’s, that’s where I it’s just amazing once we get out of our own way, and the possibilities that can open up Yeah,

David Ralph [38:17]
absolutely. This is one of the reasons I created my coaching platform, Dream starters Academy. Just that starting point, I had this dream of getting people going so that I could get them to personally believe and one of the problems with the starting point is until you see rewards, it’s very difficult to keep going. So we found a way of nurturing that we’re having such success in It is unbelievable, and that success breeds success with the other people. And you get to a point that you can’t stop it. It just keeps going. Now, I had a guest on the show, and I talked about this quite a few times, because it was a real eye opener to me. And her name was Liana Shaolin. I think so I might be butchering that But um, afterwards she said to me, how are you finding the show david? And it was at a time when I think it was his hardest. And I said to her, Well, I’m still pushing the boulder uphill. And she said, No, you’re not. I went, well, yes, I am. And she said, No, you’re the Boulder. And it was all kind of mystic like Yoda. Yoda Botha. And I thought I don’t understand what you’re talking about. But it kind of stayed with me this this thing. Now I look back on it, I think Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I was the boulder all the issues that I had, by not quite believing or not quite reaching out far enough or not quite embracing who I am. That was what was holding me back. Now. This thing, Michael about building up connections. Over the last few weeks, I’ve started getting into Twitter. Now I’ve never used Twitter and I will hold my hands up. I pretty much did it in a spammy way. I didn’t get really bad. It was about connecting. So I set everything up on automatic pilot to just blast blast, blast blast. Now remember a guy called Fred or Frank do apologise once again from Alaska, who sort of told me you realise you’re sort of doing a spammy thing here. And I sort of said, well, it’s promotion because I didn’t quite get it. This last couple of weeks, I’ve been following people. And when they follow me, connecting with them and saying, Have a nice day and all that it’s great fun. And I’ve got so much business out of that it’s untrue. It’s an absolute eye opener. But if you connect and say, Hello, and don’t try to sell anything, but build up the relationship, more often than not, they will say, Oh, I went over to your website, and I saw x y, Zed. Do you think that would be good for me? And I always say to him, Well, you can always test it out as 30 days guarantee on it, you know, it’s up to you. I think it would be but obviously, you got to try it out. And business is blocking my way, all by building those connections based on value, realism, and not the sort of spammy sales tactics, which I think most of us bought into at the beginning when you start young Can you because he’s so desperate to get money in? you kind of think, boy, I’ve got this book, I’ve got this PDF or buy it, buy it, buy it. And of course, nobody’s gonna do that. But we we all kind of think that’s the way to do it. But the simple way is just be real, isn’t it?

Michael Tamez [41:15]
I agree, I totally agree. Because when people see your reel, then they’re more likely to trust you. And when they’re more likely to trust you, then they’re more likely to buy your product or, or subscribe to your service. It’s just makes

David Ralph [41:28]
so much sense. You know? So just before we play the words of Steve Jobs, who created the whole theme of the show? What kind of people will seek you out for the listeners out there? Where’s your super talent in the health sort of world? What do you deliver that other people can’t?

Michael Tamez [41:46]
What I deliver is just the transformation of health. Like what is it that what is it that what health goal do you have that you want to achieve? That you may have failed that before or may have had setbacks? Previously, what what? What area is that that you’re confused about with all the conflicting information on nutrition and healthy living that you want? You want to get straight without guilt without blaming without judgement or any of that stuff going on? Just having a life conversation like we’re having right now is what my health coaching is all about what my book transformative nutrition is all about. Just the conversation. Hey, what works in your life? Okay, great, what doesn’t work? Okay, great. Let’s figure out the steps we need to take to make what doesn’t work work so that way, your life works all around, not just what you’re physically eating, but do you like your job? Are you in healthy relationships? Do you like your friends? How’s your spirituality, how’s your spiritual life? How’s your social life going? You know, all these areas, looking at all that, you know, if you want balance and all that, that is what you know my approach is geared towards you. is getting everything in balance so that way you can live a healthy and balanced life and feel the the vibrancy that you know you have the right to feel. I mean, you have the right to feel amazing and look amazing and be amazing. And that’s my goal is to get you to that point.

David Ralph [43:16]
And how do you do that you do that virtually? Or do you go around their house? How do you do it?

Michael Tamez [43:21]
Well, if the person lives in the Gulf, Gulf part of Florida, I can do it in person, but typically, it’s usually through Skype or through you know, through a phone call.

David Ralph [43:31]
He’s unbelievable in Skype, isn’t it? You know, we’re on it now. But I never lose the thrill of thinking, My God, I’m speaking just outside London, into Florida. We could be looking at each other face to face. You literally can, as we talked about before, create a business. Absolutely global and my wife is a funny old lady. And I should say Oh, but um, she still can’t quite get that global is the end Today, she still kind of has this local row of shops. So I say to her sometimes Oh, I didn’t get many downloads today. And she say, Oh, yeah, but it was a national holiday. And I said, Well, it wasn’t a national holiday in Australia or America, you know, it might be here, she can’t quite get that. But once you do get that, that literally 24 seven, you could be creating a business, from a computer in your bedroom, providing value through Skype, talking to people, it you know, it’s amazing. It’s totally amazing.

Michael Tamez [44:31]
It really is. And you know, when you actually when you start monetizing things to seeing that seeing that income coming in, you know, at two in the morning, you know, you get a commission or something from a sale or something that you you have a product or service you have out there that you can make money on while you’re sleeping. I mean, that’s, that, to me is an amazing sense of accomplishment. So, so far beyond the normal working and getting paid the whole linear thing. concept where you don’t get paid if you don’t work, but this, you put something out there once you can get paid over and over and over again for the rest of your life.

David Ralph [45:09]
Do you remember your first payment mine was one pound 78. And it was AdSense. AdSense on a website, and I built this website and I used to press f5 all the time to see the money. And it was only pen, but it was still hugely exciting that I was getting pence.

Michael Tamez [45:26]
So was that f5 to refresh? Yeah, I was just pressing.

David Ralph [45:30]
I used to do that. Yeah, all the time. Yeah. Oh, there’s another one. And there’s another one. Yeah, it’s brilliant. I’ve still got that website. And I don’t do any work on it. I just kind of host it and pay for the URL and stuff every year. And it brings it brings me quite a nice bit of money each month and I don’t do anything for it. It’s it’s actually based around your neck of woods. It’s like a holiday place in Florida. And people I get, I don’t know, thousand people a day go to it and a few people buy houses. And different stuff, but it was my first foray into kind of entrepreneurial well, but I never forget that first bit of money to come in. It was amazing.

Michael Tamez [46:09]
Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. I mean, mine, my first payment was $3 and 23 cents from this article content, Article content that doesn’t even exist anymore. I used to be Yahoo contributor network, which used to be associated press back in the late 90s, early 2000s. And they said, they went down they went under, but that was my first payment. And I was like, Oh my god, I’m so excited. I got paid for something that I created myself that I didn’t, you know, go to work for. I did it all myself. It’s like, wow.

David Ralph [46:40]
But that’s probably some words from a man and he created these and these are gonna provide value time and time again, Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs [46:48]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots. Looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [47:23]
So those words obviously we hear them every day on Join Up Dots and I asked the same question almost What was your big.do you have a big dot when it all come together? Was it a series of dots?

Michael Tamez [47:36]
It was a series because you know, like just like Mr. Jobs said. I was looking forward. When I was in high school like I had all my eggs in the in the professional baseball playing basket, and I didn’t have any possibility for any other eggs anywhere else. That was my only nest. But now when I look back now, presently to that moment, To that, to that time period in my life, everything that I’ve been through with my relationships and my health, I look back and it’s like, wow, I actually had, I actually created a whole plethora of eggs of baskets filled with eggs because of that experience of going through all that stuff. And from that, from that experience and all those baskets of eggs, I now have the the experience and knowledge to do what I do now. And that’s health coaching and sharing my message about nutrition and about healthy living, and about people following their passion in life because of the things that I’ve been through in the past. And that resonated with me a lot because it because he said that and I can totally relate to the power in those words. And it really, it really makes a lot of sense to me.

David Ralph [48:50]
Do you think those words will always make sense do you do you think, you know, generations that come we’ll go Yeah, I can still see that. That’s true.

Michael Tamez [48:58]
I think that people Have to go through the process to get it. You know, I mean, if someone would have told my younger self, hey, you know, you’re gonna, because you’re experiencing this right now because you’re overweight and having all these health issues that is gonna create opened up an opportunity for you to be to be an entrepreneur and be financially stable yourself with something you created. Someone told me that back when I was 20 years old, I would have laughed at them. And you know, in those days, I was kind of a, you know, defiant kid, you know, and I would have been like, okay, sure, whatever, okay, as I move on to clean eating from eating fast food and smoking cigarettes, but, you know, you know, that’s just the kind of mentality that we have when we’re that age. You know, it’s like we’re, we’re invincible. We think we can do anything and nothing matters. But I think that as things evolve in time moves on, then we grow older and we get become more wise and we’re not we’re more open to possibilities and we’re more open to things that we may have never seen before. Before we see him in a different light, now’s a different, a different perspective on things. And I think that’s just the whole evolution and the whole ageing process that we become more wise. I mean, I think that’s just the nature of being human. You know, we, we have to go through the, the experience of life to actually get what we need out of it to be able to create what we want,

David Ralph [50:23]
you know, I don’t know if we do become more wise, I think we’ve just sort of made a lot of the simple mistakes leading on to the big mistakes if you know what I mean. Right?

Michael Tamez [50:31]
I think we learn from them you know, yeah, we

David Ralph [50:34]
we learn from them. But I used to say to my kids, oh, you know, when you get older, you learn from the UX mistakes and it’s all experience and stuff, and I’m still making stupid mistakes every single day. I make mistakes. But that’s the exciting thing because it’s your own mistakes. You laugh at them, or sometimes you cry at them. But you keep on going. You just keep on going because it’s it’s that path isn’t it is that path littered We’ve successes, mistakes, trials and tribulations. And ultimately, I believe a pot of gold at the end.

Michael Tamez [51:07]
Absolutely. I mean, it’s those mistakes, it’s the setbacks. It’s the failures that create who you are presently. And no one can take that away from you. Just remember that, you know, no one can take who and what you are, what you believe what you stand for what you’ve been through the crap that you put up with in your life, the stuff that you’ve overcome, no one can take any of those things away from you. And that is what makes you so unique, and so different. And that’s what enables you to create a service or a product or something that’s going to be so unique and stand out from everyone else that’s doing something similar because you have something that someone else doesn’t have or have has a different story on something that someone else doesn’t have

David Ralph [51:46]
reading, and you can start a podcast and I will teach you how to do it because believe me, it made no difference to me. There’s too many people out there. Never think to yourself that because somebody else is doing it. I can just do it. Do it better and do it in your own way. And you will win the game and there is support on every turn. Well, this is the part Michael when we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Michael, what age would you choose and what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme when it fade Europe This is the Sermon on the mic

Unknown Speaker [52:33]
with the best bit

Unknown Speaker [52:33]
of the

Unknown Speaker [52:34]
show

Michael Tamez [52:50]
alright brother Listen up. You think that you got it all figured out? No, you and you probably do i mean i i can see that you do mean you doing the best way You with what you have right now. And I acknowledge you for that. That is amazing. It’s incredibly courageous. However, I want you to know that, you know, you’re going to experience some things in your life and what you’re up to right now that you may not, you may not see that you may not foresee that can lead you into something that you’re not, you’re not aware of that can actually open up something incredible for you later on in in your life. And just don’t make yourself wrong for anything. Let yourself experience what you’re going to go through. Because I can sit here and talk about all the stuff that you shouldn’t do. Right now, at 17 years old. And I could tell you don’t do this. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t do this. But I’m going to be wasting my breath trying to do that because you’re going to do it anyway. Because I know you. I know you very well I know you won’t. I know you more. I know you better than anybody could ever know you. And that’s why I’m saying just be yourself. Like yourself experience life as it is. And just don’t resist it. Because resisting is gonna push everything you want to achieve further and further away. And so take that resistance and get out, just get step back, step back and let yourself live your life. Because you’re going to come to a point where you know what you need to do and the steps you need to take to create what you want out of life. And that’s what’s so amazing about your life right now is that you’re in a position to create whatever you want. And I really, I see so much amazingness for yourself, and it’s amazing and I want you to share that with the world. Once you once you get to that point where you know what it is that you have to offer to people. Keep that in mind, because you’re a good kid.

David Ralph [54:51]
Michael, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?

Michael Tamez [54:56]
best way is to go on my website. My website is Go Doctor yourself.com that’s go doctor yourself calm is my website you can connect with me on all my social media platforms. I’m on Facebook forward slash transformative nutrition. I’m on Twitter at at transformative and and also Pinterest same thing. And LinkedIn. It’s under my name Michael Tamez. And every everything on my website I have my my book is available there on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, apple, Kobo. And I also have an amazing newsletter with expert written articles that I’ve personally written. And I have recipe ideas, free giveaways, free book downloads, and that’s my newsletter and it’s all available on my website. And that’s go Doctor yourself.com.

David Ralph [55:44]
professionally done you you add that down, then yeah, you as with the law, we’ll have all the links in the show notes people. And so if you do have any issues at all, just connect with Michael and he will be able to point you to way to balanced health brilliant stuff. Well, Michael, thank you so much for spending time With us today, joining up those dots, please come back again when you have more dots to join up, because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Michael Tamez, thank you so much.

Michael Tamez [56:13]
Thank you, David. It’s been an absolute pleasure. You’re, you’re an amazing podcaster. And I’m really grateful for the opportunity people have to share this message with people because it is truly inspiring for others to follow, you know, this same, same route.

David Ralph [56:26]
Thanks very much, buddy.

Unknown Speaker [56:27]
See again.

David Ralph [56:31]
So you might be sitting at home overweight, huffing and puffing, struggling to climb up the stairs, all those kind of things and think to yourself, it’s alright for everybody else. I’m just having trouble putting my socks on at the same problems, but he did something about it. And the best thing is by listening to him, if you do have those issues, then connect with him connect with Michael and see what he can do. And there’s always a way out of any issue. If one person’s done it, then two people can do it. Three people, four people, five people, and it’s the same in whatever you want to do. If somebody can launch a podcast, then I think I could do that as well. And of course, I can teach you guys to do that whatever you want in your life. This is the platform for you Join Up Dots. Make sure you connect with us on Twitter, make sure you’re connected with us on Facebook. Any questions, just drop them, drop them through to us. We love hearing from you, because we’re here to help. Thanks very much. And we will speak to you again. Cheers. Bye bye. So if you’re sitting there listening to podcast after podcast, reading book after book and still fed up with a life you are living waiting for something amazing to happen. I have one thing to say to you and this is it. Nothing is going to change your life unless you start taking action. It’s 100% down to you. Stop making excuses and get yourself out there. Start working towards what you want in your life now. We work with people like you every day of the week who need the help to change their life. We plans targets accountability, or just offering a shoulder to cry on when needed. Our members are seeing dramatic changes in their lives. They’re breaking free from the things that are stopping them earning the money they want. Finding the love they want or just loving their life. They are making it happen. So I need you to stop listening to podcasts and start shouting. This is my moment. I’m starting today I’m going for it. I need you to stop making excuses. Come over today. Join Up dots.com forward slash get the dream and begin the rest of your life. I look forward to personally working with every single one of you. Bought you’ve got to start. This is Join Up dots.com forward slash get the dream

 

Michael Tamez: Balanced Health Leading To Huge Success Read More »

Leisa Peterson

Leisa Peterson: Becoming More And More Of Yourself

Leisa Peterson Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast

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Introducing Lesia Peterson

Leisa PetersonLeisa Peterson is our guest today joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business podcast for the second time.

When we last met our guest on today’s episode of the Join Up Dots free podcast interview, she was in the middle of experiencing some massive growth,

Yes, in both her business life and her personal life she was smashing through the barriers.

Kicking over her self limiting doubts

And creating an amazing future for herself.

She has done this by asking great questions to her clients that flock to her like moths to a flame.

She asks “Are you someone who is burned out from working hard for many years yet afraid to step back out of fear of losing all you’ve gained?

Are your work obligations keeping you from having deeply meaningful relationships with your family and friends?

Do you feel stuck in a situation that takes everything you’ve got yet know there has to be more to life…an ultimate state of joy, satisfaction, and fulfilment.”

 

How The Dots Joined Up For Leisa

Now the interesting thing about her and what I want to discuss in this show, is whether she truly believed it when she first said it?

Did she fully embrace the power that an individual possesses in their day to day lives to create one that is remarkable.

Was it by doing the work, and seeing the results in her clients that she fully embraced the possibilities that she could create?

You see she has had three stages of success from working  22+ years n the world of finance, pouring herself into earning a high salary, collecting great bonuses and moving up the ladder.

Then after facing a major life crisis followed by several tragedies, she moved towards answering the question of could She ever have both inner fulfilment and outer wealth.”

And now after creating a successful coaching business, she has sold her long time home,moved to Hawaii, and now come back to Arizona and starting something new.

So with all this movement and action taking, how does she know that she is travelling the right course in her life?

And does she get excited by the road she is travelling all the time, or are there still “Wow, I am so unsure of this” moments, lets just sit on the sofa and do nothing today times?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Leisa Peterson

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty subjects such as:

Why she is working so hard to blow down the doors that are in front of her, instead of trying the ones that are slightly open or unlocked.

Why it is so important to know your true self, and build up your personal belief. By putting yourself out there personally you will build your tribe so much more quickly.

How she loves being told that she is wrong more than she has ever done, as it is the quickest way to an increased self development.

And lastly……

We she made the bold decision to relocate her family from paradise in Hawaii, as she felt that it was not right for the work she wanted to do.

 

Leisa Peterson Books

 

How To Connect With Leisa Peterson

Website

Facebook

LinkedIn

Twitter

Return To The Top Of Leisa Peterson

If you enjoyed this episode with Leisa Peterson, why not check out other inspirational chat with Dr Michele Summers Colon, Festival Pass, Brad Sugars and the amazing Jeff Goins

You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy

 

Full Transcription Of Leisa Peterson Interview

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there, everybody, and welcome to Join Up Dots. I almost I was desperate for that music to finish because I want to start this show straight away because this is a special one. This is this is a lady and I’ll be honest, I’ve had twice with this. Well, this is the second time and she’s even had me over to her place as well. Yes, I was a guest on her own show. And so it was a delight to get her back onto mine again, because she’s she’s basically in the middle of experiencing some massive growth and yes, both in our business life and our personal life. Because last time we saw her, she was smashing through the is kicking over a self limiting bounce and creating an amazing future for herself and she’s done this by asking great questions to her clients flocked to her like moths to a flame she asked Are you someone who was burned out from working hard for money? I’m gonna do info commercial. Are you someone who is burned out from working hard for many years, you’re afraid to step back out of fear of losing Oh, you’ve gained your work obligations, keeping you from having deeply meaningful relationships with your family and friends? Do you feel stuck in a situation that takes everything you’ve got? yet? You know, there’s more to life and ultimate state of joy, satisfaction and fulfilment. Now, these are questions that she asked and the interesting thing about her and what I want to discuss initio is whether she truly believed it when she first said it, did she fully embrace the power that an individual possess in their day to day lives to create one that is remarkable. But was it by doing the work and seeing the results in her clients that she fully embraced the possibilities that she could create good questions. Now, you see, she’s had three stages of success. Working 22 plus years in the world of finance pouring yourself into earning a high salary kerlick, collecting great bonuses and moving up the ladder. But after facing a major life crisis, followed by several tragedies, she moved towards answering the question of could she ever have both inner fulfilment and outer wealth? And now after creating a successful coaching business, she sold her long term home move to Hawaii has now come back to Arizona and is starting something new. So with all this movement and action taking after she knows that she’s travelling the right cause in her life and does she get excited by the road? She’s travelling all the time. While they’re still well. I’m so unsure at this moment. Let’s just sit on the sofa and do nothing today. Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start Join Up Dots with the one and only Leisa Peterson. How are you Leisa?

Leisa Peterson [2:48]
I’m fantastic. David, thank you for having me here again.

David Ralph [2:52]
Again. Again. We like old friends, aren’t we? We we Yeah, we connect all the time. We see more of each other then we see of husbands and wives.

Leisa Peterson [3:02]
That’s right.

David Ralph [3:04]
So when you were last on my show, I got the flavour of things were going very, very well for you. But you didn’t quite grasp how well things could go by taking bigger and bolder actions. And then afterwards, it was almost like midlife crisis. You had this lovely home in Truckee, and I did a bit of stalking of truck. He looks very, very nice. You then flew over to Hawaii and sort of started new. And now you’ve come back again. Is it the big bold actions that stimulate you? Is that what’s making things move forward at such a rate for you?

Leisa Peterson [3:40]
Definitely. I think that’s shaking things up and taking yourself out of different scenarios in life where you can easily get stuck in one way of thinking has disrupted my whole entire life. It’s disrupted my business, and I love it.

David Ralph [3:58]
Well, I can imagine you love it, but surely you Love in Hawaii. Now why did you bend come back because quite honestly, I used to watch Magnum p i, that’s my whole knowledge of Hawaii. It looks like quite a nice place to be. So why if you come back,

Leisa Peterson [4:11]
it was so nice. I found myself not really working as hard as I had planned when I got there, going to the beach every day and enjoying the sun and the weather was super soul satisfying. But I could tell that if we stayed there, my business and my kind of ability to do many of the things I wanted to do would slow down to a very, very slow pace, if that makes sense.

David Ralph [4:42]
What he does, and also on the other side, it doesn’t because isn’t that up to the individuals responsibility and not the surroundings. You know, because we’re with the greatest respect the people that live in Orlando never go to the theme parks. So the fact that you’re in Hawaii after a certain amount of time, wouldn’t it But back to normal.

Leisa Peterson [5:03]
Possibly, it’s so hard to say, you know, I think I went into it knowing that it would be a certain amount of time. And in the beginning, I did work more, because I thought, well, I’m trying to see how this works. But I also started to see that there was Christmas that, you know, we kind of went for the fall, and I knew we were going to come back to the States by Christmas. And we didn’t plan to stay there forever. So yeah, I mean, I think as we got closer to that date, I’m like, Oh, my gosh, you know, I’m gonna play more and I’ve never done anything like that. In all fairness, I, I’ve been working since I was 11. And I had never taken time off like that to just enjoy life. So I made some decisions maybe early on in that trip to say, this is really good. I’m going to enjoy this moment in a way that I don’t think I really even knew I could, if that you know if you’re somebody who likes to work and my work can be done anywhere. I mean, I’m blogging, I’m podcasting. I’m coaching all portable businesses. I could have done them easily there. But I think I just really wanted some awesome self care. And that’s what I did.

David Ralph [6:13]
I don’t get it. I don’t get when you said to me, yeah, possibly, I think to myself now that’s just a nice way of saying no, David, you’re right. Because I think that ultimately, you would be creating something unique and authentic and exciting. And the fact that you could go over to somewhere like Hawaii, which looks like paradise, create a business that flourishes, create great income for yourself and live where you’re living. Surely that word sort like stimulate everyone, especially in your coaching business to think wow, Lisa’s done it, that’s what I want to do. That’s the kind of thing she’s having a cake and eat it. That seems to me to be, you know, that the perfect branding for your type of business.

Leisa Peterson [6:58]
Yeah, and I mean, Hawaii is Really remote. In all fairness, it is not easy to build a business that involves public speaking from a place but you know, you’ve got to get on a plane for five or six hours. But I think what what we were doing was deciding where did we want to go? You know, is it Hawaii or is it somewhere else and what kept coming back and we had gone there right before we went to Hawaii was Sedona, Arizona, which is where we are in the process of moving to actually this weekend. So it had everything that we wanted. And there was great opportunity for us. My husband builds custom homes, and I’m not sure if you know, but shipping a whole construction company of stuff to Hawaii without really knowing if you’re staying there wouldn’t really make a lot of sense and he loves working. He wants to build homes, so there were a lot of big decisions that we had to look at. And Sedona kind of great it rose to the top.

David Ralph [7:52]
I’ve been to Sedona and it was so hot. My skin was almost peeling it was you know, I By 10 o’clock in the morning, I’d had three skin grafts. That’s how hot it was. But it’s very good for tax. I’ve been told that Arizona is a good place for starting the business because of the tax relief. Is that true?

Leisa Peterson [8:11]
Yes, it’s a good place for taxes. And I’m a finance person. So I like that. It’s also a more wild west state, like, my husband will get on the phone because we’re starting to plan some projects, building projects. And it’s so different than California. It’s just a very hospitable place to work. And people are, you know, they answer the phone, they answer your questions. They’re really helpful. in California. It’s not like that when you’re dealing with a government to to help you, you know, get a project going. So there’s a lot of cool things going on in Arizona. People have been really friendly. We’ve already made a lot of friends. And we haven’t even officially moved there full time yet. So

David Ralph [8:52]
yeah, but you had to terminators, you govern up the years in California. That’s what you want. Done. Yeah. You want to turn we Do it, we will make it good for you. That’s what you want. You want somebody in power that can you know, take control.

Unknown Speaker [9:07]
You did that really well. Um, yeah, I’m, I’ve lived in California all my life and I’m so ready for a change is what I can say.

David Ralph [9:17]
So assemblies give you sort of backstory as sort of covering, we’re not going to dwell too much on that because people can go back and listen to the other episode of Join Up Dots. But you was in a corporate career, and then you had a life tragedy, and I remember it distinctly and it was a fascinating story about being in a kind of shooting in a bank. And literally, your life changed after that you knew that you had to sort of move forward. Is it scarier doing what you’re doing now? van bat first movement is always the hardest one the movement or is it constantly scary whenever you’re doing stuff?

Leisa Peterson [9:56]
constantly scary when you’re doing new things? Is that the question?

David Ralph [10:00]
Yeah, because you’re doing bigger and bigger and bigger things, but some people will go, Oh, no, no, I’ve got a kid. I can’t do that. But you kind of went health level at the beginning. But then you just got bigger and bigger and bigger. And every time I would think, oh, she’s doing something else now this is this is like not a midlife crisis because she’s had 15 of these by now.

Leisa Peterson [10:18]
That’s right. I think that because what I teach is all around removing the barriers to see what’s possible in life. I have to be doing that same thing in my own life where I can’t teach it. So I think that’s what I constantly am doing in my business in my personal life is I’m looking at things and rather than seeing the door, you know, shut or the door only slightly open. I’m kind of blowing the door open. I’m stepping into it. Sometimes it looks a bit scattered, I would say because there isn’t always a tonne of like, you know, sometimes people are really linear like I did this and then I did that and then I did this and it makes sense. I unfortunately don’t Don’t think that I, I do that totally well, and I’m learning how to make sure and pace I’m doing so people can keep up with me. But I think I just all along had some big dreams and big goals of what was possible. I just didn’t know what was what was going to happen to bring those things into reality and I’m trying different things and learning a tonne. And it’s just amazing. It’s scary, but it’s amazing at the same time and exhilarating.

David Ralph [11:27]
So how do our listeners who are fascinated by your journey fascinated as opposed in a very small way about my own journey out of they start kicking kick starting their own life and taking this sort of scary action because a bottom line most people want to be happy. Most people want to earn a good living. And most people I think would like the freedom of choice, being able to decide I’m going to work today because I fancy it more than I have to. So what’s a good way of getting going?

Leisa Peterson [11:57]
I think the first big thing and it’ll continue You to evolve but is to know what it is you want and, and really looking inside to see what’s important to you. So many people follow the money, right? I’m a money expert, I know that better than anyone money is a loot is very attractive, you think that it’s going to give you all this stuff. And so you come up with the ideas that you think that will make you the most money, but you might not be passionate about. And I think the big thing is, is to spend more time and I wish I had done this, I mean, you know, spend more time trying to find the convergence of what do I love to do? And where will the money come in? You know, where’s that intersection? Does that make sense?

David Ralph [12:41]
It does make total sense. And I’ve done a few things recently where I’ve realised that the show for me, is not about money, if it’s not making me happy at the same time. So is that a sort of big wake up call if people are sort of getting up out of bed, do any good living but I’d rather But what’s Netflix today? Is that where they’ve really got a look at that, that intersection? I think I’m slightly wrong here.

Leisa Peterson [13:06]
Definitely the other pieces is really getting aligned with, with integrity. Because I think that so often again, money causes us to go into a place of self concern where we we worry and we, you know, poverty consciousness, if you will, everyone’s got it at some level, I don’t care if you have a lot of money or little money, but we go into that very narrow way of looking at situations and then we just kind of get lost along the way. And don’t focus on the things that that we can do where we’re speaking the truth, like, it’s so easy to do things like even watching people on the internet, you know, there’s so much activity going on, around building businesses and, and the people I think that are getting the richest on the internet are the ones who are selling the tools to the people who want to get rich on the end. Yeah, that makes sense. So, so what happens is, I think there’s this huge tendency to sort of overstate and like, only say all the great things, you know, this is, this is how great I am this is how great you know, I’m gonna help you. And there’s so much of this. Like, it’s almost like bullshit, you know, they’re, they’re not telling the truth. They’re not. They’re making it sound easy. They’re making it sound like anyone can do it. They’re not telling you all the work that’s involved and the sacrifices that you’re probably going to be making along the way, like, and so. So I think it’s just when you want to really do a business and you want to make a lot of money and feel joy, you have to really look inside to say, What can I do? Where I’m actually going to be telling the truth about what I’m doing? You know, because if you step into something and you’re putting yourself in a situation where you’re not going to be able to tell the truth or you have to exaggerate the truth. In at the end of the day, you’re going to not be feeling very good about it, no matter how much success you get. Does that right there. Yeah,

David Ralph [15:00]
no, it’s one of those things that I was very aware of doing Join Up Dots. If you go back over my back catalogue, you can hear me progress. And you can hear my struggles. And I remember I did an episode must been about 110 episodes ago. And it was literally I was a breaking point. And I came up and I recorded this episode, which was me close to tears. Basically, I was so tired. I was so frazzled by everything. Everything that I was trying didn’t seem to be working. And I put it out on the internet. And I sort of released it and said, Oh, am I such a failure to lose or everything’s going pants and you know, this is where I am. I got so much response from that, because people like a human, they like to see somebody achieve success because they’ve worked at it because ultimately, deep down they believe they can work at something but they can’t get going. If there’s some kind of inner secret to it all. And what you’re saying is there’s no secret at all. There’s no quick fix, there’s no get rich quick scheme is no, press this button and you will win. But if you’re willing to hustle and you’re willing to put in the extra hours and find that thing that you really love going for, then it’s totally achievable because you at least have done it. And I think in a very small way, I’ve done it myself.

Leisa Peterson [16:22]
Oh my gosh, you’ve done it in a big way. I look up to you and and being able to have such perseverance with this project that you started out. And I just, I just love everything that you do. So it’s it’s fun, because I feel like people like you are out there doing what you’re passionate about. And it inspires me to continue when there’s those really dark days and you’re thinking, just like you said, Oh my gosh, what what am I doing? You know, because they’re those days are going to come? Because I think that’s what transformation is all about is we wake up and we’re like, wait a minute, to think That I built. You know, for some of us, it may be too small, it may not be in the right place. It may be both of those, you know, it’s like you don’t know until you get there. And that day when you were doing that podcast, it was like, you just knew that what you had created needed to change, I’m guessing.

David Ralph [17:19]
Yeah, I think that but i funnily enough, I think it wasn’t in the project. I think it was me, I think I got too close to it. And when I look back on it now, the thing that I needed to do was basically unplug, let it go. And, and if it went, screwed up, you know, if it just went wrong, when I went wrong, nobody’s gonna die because an episode of my show doesn’t go live. But there was a point in my life. I thought, I’ve got to get it out every single day. I’ve got to get it out. And I’d go on holiday and for two weeks, I’d spend every minute of it trying to keep it going. And now I would go, okay, you didn’t get one for two weeks. Go and listen to john Lee Dumas instead or Lisa Peterson you know, men can Back to me later. Now, I know that sounds a bit flippant. But I think there was a mindset that I needed to get to when I realised that at the end of the day, it is a passion. It is a business, but it’s not my life. It’s part of my life, and I needed a life away from it. Would you agree?

Leisa Peterson [18:18]
I would. And I’m curious, because I think when you were talking earlier, you said something about the fact that you were able to actually share your frustration and share the things that didn’t feel right to you. And in in the course of doing that people came back and were like, wow, you know, that was like the best podcast ever, you know, but it was the action of letting being real being real like whose name he talks about get real. I love that. It stays in me, my mind your interview with him. This idea of just being really clear that this is what’s going on and it’s okay. Is that what happened?

David Ralph [18:57]
Yeah, I had a guy earlier today. Actually, and he contacted me by email. And so I recorded a little voice message and sent it back in the band contacted me and said, wow, you know, this is the first time I’ve ever connected with somebody online. And you’re real. You’re a real person. And he had this kind of image where it’s just a computer screen and what’s going on behind the loader, as I say terminators, but it’s not is it is humans and the online world is no different from the offline world. I used to get quite excited by contacting you when he was on road trips. And you used to ask me a question about a podcast or something and I’d send a message back, and he was always I’ve got four hours to somewhere, wherever and you was just driving along. And I used to think this is amazing, because this is a real life person. This is a person who has got up brushed her teeth. She went out, she’s done what she needs to do. She’s in a car, she’s got the kids. She’s got a bag of sweets, she’s passing around to them, kids in the husband and all candy as you say over in America, and it’s It’s the real life struggles. And I liked it when I realised but life was about the real life struggles going on behind the scenes and it wasn’t just the glossy website at the front. And once I got that mindset but you get behind the scenes and everybody you know is sick everybody drinks too much everybody sleeps with people they shouldn’t everybody you know, you just you’re human, then it really did set me on a fast track, I think because I wasn’t battling against anyone else. I was just battling against myself.

Leisa Peterson [20:34]
I love this. I love this conversation. There’s It’s so beautiful to just be able to be out there and be yourself and be honest. And I feel like when I blog, particularly my my podcast show is interviews but the blogs are more of these personal experiences of running a business and these sorts of challenges that come up and what happens and all the normal things that normal responses that I have. And then what I do next, which typically is some kind of transformation of the, of the negative situation. And I think people appreciate that, even though it’s so hard to write these pieces, because you’re like, you know, half the time you’re writing them and you’re thinking, Oh my gosh, you know, people, it’s so easy for them to judge me, you know, because of what I’m sharing. But at the same time, whenever the more vulnerable, the more open I am in those posts, the more feedback I get, and people say you have no idea how badly I needed to read this today. Or, you know, just want you to know that, that I read everything you send, because it really touches my life. And, and quite frankly, I don’t feel like I’ve been very organised. And you know, when you blog, you’re supposed to be very organised and you’re supposed to have this, you know, each month, you know, if you’re really great, and you do the right thing. Supposedly, you’re kind of talking about the topics that you want to kind of make sure people are covering over an annual basis. Let’s say well for me It’s very in the moment, and it’s like, wow, this is big. And I feel like people are gonna really be served well by hearing about this experience, and I’ll share it. And maybe greater picture is cool. But I still am trying to find that intersection between, like moving people in a certain direction versus just giving me snippets of my business creation life. I don’t know any suggestions, David,

David Ralph [22:24]
I think just do what you’re doing and do more of it. Because he works. I don’t think there’s any listener out there that isn’t intrigued by this conversation. Because it’s not scripted. It’s two people that have had a certain amount of success, but are open enough to say, look, we’re still making up as we go along now in the podcasting game, you know, I’ll be honest, I’ve nailed it. And there’s certain things that I do, but I have established podcasters come to me and go, Well, how are you doing that? And I go, Well, you know, buy me platform by me product and I’ll teach you well in the early days. I didn’t believe in myself enough. And I used to give everything away for free. But now I think no, I’m a podcaster. I’ve spent two years of hard slog, working out how to do what I do, how I can record an edit live, how I can produce a show in 19 seconds. That’s my record, now, Lisa to get it out into the world. And there’s a value to it. And once I accepted what I was, and that was a podcaster. Once again, it came true. So I think you’ve got to look at your own life, you’ve got to realise that you’re human, you’ve got to realise that ultimately, your battery that’s walking around, but needs recharging every now and again to sort of leave it away. I think the value comes when you lay it all out for people to hear. And it’s more enjoyable doing that, but you’ve got to know what you are. And once you know what you are, then you can start working towards the future. What’s your thing, Lisa?

Leisa Peterson [23:57]
Well, I love it. I mean, I love how you said didn’t believe in yourself enough to do X, Y, and Z. And even something as simple as when I started my company, I was really big on buying a URL wealth clinic and building out this brand. And I thought that was the path. And over the course of the past two years, which is about how long it’s been, I realised that I didn’t feel good enough about myself to promote me at that time. Yeah. And so I picked a brand and now I’m like, you know what I’ve learned and grown so substantially through starting a business and putting myself out there. What I’m hearing more and more of is people want Lisa Peterson and they want my stories and they want my coaching you they want who I am, and that the brand was something I thought I needed. But now I’m stepping into this whole person that I’ve always wanted to be but I couldn’t have done it had I not started the business.

David Ralph [24:57]
Well, let’s play some words and let’s bend delve more into that because that is fascinating. But these are the words of Jim Carrey.

Leisa Peterson [25:03]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [25:30]
Now powerful words but what you found is that the thing that you love is actually yourself. You realise that your super talent is Lisa Peterson. And now I would say to you lovely lady, is when it really comes together. When you look at over the top guys that are really rocking and rolling. There’s a difference. No, there’s no any difference really, between their work and their persona. It kind of blurs somewhere and that is where you found you. Found your own personal crossroads.

Leisa Peterson [26:03]
Most definitely. I’ll give you an example that I think is really powerful. I went to the bookstore one day because I’m working on this book and I, somebody talked about, you know, covers and how you can really make some bad decisions about covers. And so I just went to Barnes and Noble and I roamed the halls, looking at all the book covers, and a big big thing came to me and it was all about what we’re talking about the people that I really feel like I want to be in that level of calibre one day are, you know, spiritual people who have incorporated the mystical into the practical, that’s, that’s what’s important to me. That’s what I teach. And I started looking at who were the people that I loved, you know, Wayne Dyer, you know, for an example. He’s great at doing that. And other people and I noticed that from the beginning, how amazing he figured this out, but Wayne Dyer put his picture on the cover of His books. And then once I saw that I started going and looking at other people, and I was like, Wow, look at that their pictures are on the cover of these books. And that is what I’m going to do, because I know that there’s something there and taking that stance, but I’m curious what you think about that.

David Ralph [27:15]
I think that’s absolutely right. If you go over to Join Up Dots, the first thing you’ll see is a huge picture of me. Because I knew that people don’t like my show. Well, I do like my show. But more often than not, they like the show because of the way I interview, the way I present myself, the conversations that we develop, and so it’s not a show very like it’s the way they feel about it. So I realised quite early in the day that I needed to get more of myself into Tibet, and I’m actually having a rebrand of my website at the moment. And but the personal side isn’t going to be taken away because I think that once you get that tied up somehow, when you’re really cooking on gas, somebody like Pat Flynn The Smart Passive Income guy, he’s always done that really well, if you go over to his website, it’s him on the front. And it’s a picture of his kids. And there’s a picture of him and his wife. And it’s very clear that you’re not dealing with a company, you’re dealing with Pat Flynn. And as he gets bigger and bigger and bigger and more successful, then obviously you’re gonna have to bide your time to get hold of him like you used to be able to, but that’s fine. That’s where his true value comes. And that’s why you’re paid to go and see him speak at conferences and stuff. But you’re still paying to see that guy and you’re not paying to see the brand, because he clearly defined it at the very beginning. And I see that time and time again, I have people send me through websites. And to be honest, this is boring. And it’s just like a load of nice images of people. It’s not them. More often than not, it’s people standing on top of mountains with their arms up in the air, you know, there’s kind of motivational ones. And you think Yeah, okay, I know that has a good image. They Come up good folks. But wherever you are you the person standing at the top of the mountain, because Pat Flynn wouldn’t do that. And I’m sure Lisa Peterson wouldn’t do that now.

Leisa Peterson [29:12]
My website does exactly that. But it’s so funny that we’re talking about it because I’m in the process of rebranding because now I can be the one that I just it’s so funny. It takes guts to do it to put yourself out there like that, I think. I don’t know if it

David Ralph [29:27]
does, though, does it because you know, surely,

Leisa Peterson [29:30]
surely. depends on your story. You know, the story that you’ve been living all your life like my story was that No, I didn’t do that. That was too, too self promotion and wasn’t classy. Like all the the stories that don’t make sense now, but I know that they were real for me in the past. So it just depends on where you stand.

David Ralph [29:52]
I go on to about pages. Obviously, I have lots of guests. And even a couple of years ago when I started this you’d go on to an about page And he would say, Lisa Peterson is a business coach and you know, be very professional. And now you get people telling you dreadful stuff that’s happened in their life, you know, real warts and all. And I love it. I love it because it shows a real person. And I don’t want the big professional companies. It makes me feel these are the, the the way that the internet is changing. But actually, at the granular level, what we’re doing is changing commercialism, we’re changing industries, we’re changing businesses, we’re giving the small person a chance to take on the big guys, by utilising their super talent. And their super talent is not millions and millions of pounds of advertising and branding. It’s about connecting with other individuals. And that is how business is done. So when you’re looking at it, the reason that my podcast is going so well is ultimately people are engaged by me. That’s my super talent. You I’ll get it out there and you are dealing with people on a one to one basis, your coaching or mentoring, whatever you’re doing. That is your super talent. And I think that’s ultimately what we’re gonna do. I think big businesses will have their place, but it’s almost like they’re going to be grouped into a city, we break up all the wall around it. And then we all create our own industry around, it’s gonna be like that film Escape from New York remember that from years ago, when I met? Yeah, New York into this or prison. And I think that’s the way it’s gonna be, I think you, me, your daughter, my son, my daughters, all of them are gonna start getting that realisation that to create your own economy, and build your own business is the safe way to a future. And you can have your cake and eat it. You can go to Hawaii, you can live a life you want, you can connect on the internet. You can have Skype calls like we’re doing now. But it is no reason to work for a business and I feel that the businesses are going to be automated and the real value of Real industry is going to be people like us a bit of a rant near Lisa, but I think it’s true.

Leisa Peterson [32:06]
I do think it’s true. I think that the nuance that I couldn’t understand until where I stand now is it’s not that I want people to follow me, per se, but I do want people to follow what I love. And that’s very different than I think the past where it’s like, you know, egomaniac, like, here I am. And maybe that was my fear. And maybe that’s other people’s fears that if you put yourself out there in a big way you come across as being someone who doesn’t care about other people. But it’s so different than that now, and I know that a lot of people are like, how does this fit into my life but I, I just would say that you save a lot of time by by taking those steps to put yourself out there and know that what we’re talking about here is about relationships and connection, and we’re allowing, you know, that’s how you do it on the internet. That’s how you do it in these virtual spaces. is by you know, putting your face out there. Be Really human connecting at that level, and it just takes everything so much more. It saves so much time, it saves a lot of money, because you’re connecting with people at the place that counts.

David Ralph [33:11]
But we genuinely don’t like to blow our own trumpet. We like to sort of play small. But I actually if you go over to iTunes, now, I’ve changed the title of my show to Join Up Dots, but number one entrepreneur show, and I hit number one, and I never changed my title because I always thought, oh, that seems a bit cocky. But I thought to myself, now saadat Yeah, I’ve hit number one. I’ve hit number one, numerous times, and I’m very proud of what I’m developing. And when people come through to me and I say, I’ve never listened to one of your shows, but now listen to a back to back or Sunday was spent review. I think to myself, okay, I’m going to brand myself I’m going to brand myself a bit more than everybody else. But once again, it’s a journey and I don’t think that’s arrogant or cocky. Now, I just think that is you’re you’re just deserves, I think that’s when your beliefs start matching up to your output. And the more your belief accelerates, your output accelerates as well. And then people start coming to you. I talk about this all the time, Lisa, but I have this big sign. And it’s Steve Martin, the comedian. And it just says in front of me, be so good, but they can’t ignore you anymore. And I think that’s what everybody has to aim for. You start in silence, you start on your own, but little by little, you will build your tribe as long as you’re doing it the right way. And if you want to say that you’re the number one, and you put your heart and your soul into it, and you do things for the right way, and you provide value to people, then do it. Say that you’re number one, you know, just just go for it and then build up that personal belief because that’s how you cook them guess.

Leisa Peterson [34:49]
Definitely, I totally agree. I love beliefs equaling the outputs. You know, this combination of, of believing in yourself because other people when you Believe in yourself, other people do too.

David Ralph [35:02]
I believed in you from the very first moment I spoke, and I speak to many, many guests, and certain guests, I keep them connecting to and yourself. You know, we met on Facebook every now and again. And a few emails. And it was interesting. I hate your business partner. I’m not sure if he’s still your business partner, Bruce Van Horn on the show. And we were talking about you as men like to talk about ladies. And he was saying but you know, you don’t realise how good you are going to be. And I could see it, he could see it, but you couldn’t quite see it. Can you see it now? Or is there still something holding you back? Can you see how big you can please?

Unknown Speaker [35:46]
Okay, first of all, I have to go back and look at listen to that because that sounds really interesting

David Ralph [35:51]
when we recorded over there that we might have spoken about it but listen anyway,

Leisa Peterson [35:56]
downloads. So I think that that’s is plenty of opportunity for me to see what you guys are talking about in the future, every step I take, but I would say that the universe, the world, God, whatever you want to call it is continuously showing me that I’m supposed to take bigger and bigger strides. And so I think, I think when I went into this business and even my whole entire journey, you know, has has been one of not feeling very much self value. In fact, feeling such low self value, I can’t even begin to tell you the, the spinning that I would do in my head about how bad I was. And so the idea that I’m doing what I’m doing now is freakin amazing, in my opinion to have come so far. And so of course, that journey continues, but goodness gracious. I think why I can be such an effective teacher and coach to other people is I’ve seen the whole gamut In my own life, and it’s very hard to teach someone how to build self value and self worth, if you have not had to go through those struggles yourself. I don’t know if I agree with that,

David Ralph [37:11]
because I’ve had a life But really, the great scheme of things, I’ve had no struggles I’ve, I’ve literally breezed from school, into college, into college, into a job into a job into management into director all the way. And if I’ve had any struggles, I look back, and it’s when I’ve kind of self sabotage. And I can see I did certain things that were very stupid at the time, but um, put me in a different position. So I didn’t have struggles. But I think that just by personal opinion, and looking deep within yourself, I think that you can teach people even if you haven’t had those struggles.

Leisa Peterson [37:50]
You know, the jury’s still out on that one. I totally hear what you’re saying. And I think it it’s it’s hard to say you know, because everybody’s going to be different, I think I do tend to attract people who are on a similar journey to myself, you know, and there are a lot of, it’s hard if you’ve never struggled deeply with self worth issues, it’s hard to understand it and you can’t just say to someone, get over yourself, you know, get over it, you’re gonna be fine. Like, that isn’t transformation that’s stuffing things down deep inside to avoid them. Whereas I think the work that I’ve focused on developing and learning about is the emotional clearing, so that you’re not it’s no longer an issue for you. It’s not that you’ve stuffed it down inside because somebody told you to get over it. And so not that I’m saying you do that, but I do think that there’s a big difference between those two paths. Some coaches are like, stop it, you know, stop it, and that is effective. But my experience is, is that this the underlying issue is still there, even though they’ve avoided dealing with it. Does that explain anything?

David Ralph [38:58]
Yeah, it does pop back out. Yeah. At least Pay isn’t this is this is this is. It’s like having an argument with my wife here. I think I think the jury would fall on my side, I think I would win this one because I would say that, because I’ve had no struggles in my life. I just know a different way through to success. And I think that Yeah, you might have to go through a different route because you’ve had that experience. But if I’m just sort of bouncing along on clouds, quite happily, I can teach people to bounce along on clouds quite happily. It’s just a different journey. I think I think I could teach. I’m gonna start teaching Lisa straightaway after this.

Leisa Peterson [39:37]
And your listeners love you. And so you I mean, they get what you’re what you’re doing in the world. And I think that’s the cool thing about each of us building different tribes because we have had different experiences. And that’s cool. Like, it’s awesome, don’t you think?

David Ralph [39:53]
I always think it’s awesome. I love the fact that every single person and I’ve started is, funnily enough I’ve had a lot of feedback because I’ve started arguing with guests a lot more, because I started listening back to my shows, and it almost sounded like they were too nice, you know, just agreed with me and I agreed with the guest. And I started to think to myself, now what I’m gonna do if I don’t agree with Lisa Peterson, I’m just gonna say it. And I think it makes for a vibrancy where the shows probably have been the first maybe 300 because as you say, everyone’s got opinions, every opinion is justified. And you put all those opinions in a big part and start mixing them around. That’s, that’s why group masterminds are so powerful, but you come out with something that is far more valuable than the individual sums, because it’s all those different experiences. I’ve got my cloud running, you’ve got your zipping over to Hawaii, back to Sedona and all that kind of stuff. You got somebody else that’s been in the gutter and it’s fighting their way back, put them together and you are literally You are superheroes. We’re like the Avengers, aren’t we? We’re coming out of that big part. Like, Iron Man.

Leisa Peterson [41:07]
Totally. And I love being wrong because then I learn a tonne of stuff and

David Ralph [41:12]
you a woman, you fake being wrong.

Leisa Peterson [41:16]
Actually, I’ve learned enough of all the times where I was wrong. And then I was like holy bananas. That’s such a cool way of looking at it even though it sucks in this moment. I’m going to go study that and then I’m going to learn something and I think that that’s part of my superpowers is I love I love learning from other people. I love debate. I love people questioning me In fact, I think if anything, I want to have more clients who don’t agree and and engage in that in that discussion of not agreeing because I think that what comes from those arguments or disagreements is really cool, juicy stuff that both of us learn from How cool is that?

David Ralph [41:58]
Yeah, no, I now have come full circle, I agree with you totally. And I think that’s what it’s all about. It’s that moment when you, you’re in a pub is late at night, and you’re having a conversation and you’re arguing the task. And then when the other person starts talking, you currently think, Oh, hang on, I think I can see his point of view. It’s Billy Joel does a song called, um, Shades of Grey off of one of these older albums. And he said, when he was a younger kid, he used to, you know, just go No, no, that’s wrong. You know, it was black and white time. But as he’s got older, he’s more in the shades of grey where things are still wrong, but I kind of see what you’re coming, you know, and I like that. And I think that is the true value. So you inviting your clients to actually, you know, be forceful and put their opinion to you in a constructive way. Absolutely. You’re gonna learn so much and because of that, you’re going to become a better coach yourself on you.

Leisa Peterson [42:53]
Totally, totally. I think I’m kind of a powerhouse. And so I think sometimes people feel like oh, Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. And, and I think that there’s, there’s, there’s both times for that, you know, because people are hiring you, they want to want to hire you for some level of expertise. But I do know that when people are like, wait a minute, just like you’re doing in this interview, wait a minute, it’s like, Ooh, this is gonna get good now. So I love it.

David Ralph [43:19]
Wouldn’t it be good if we could kind of do this live and people could be chipping in and going now Lisa Peterson’s No, no, actually, I think David Ralph strong now no back at least. And we could see with where it comes at the end because I think once again, that’s something that I’m trying to aim for to get more communication with my audience. My audience generally say very, very nice things and it’s lovely hearing very nice things, but you can’t improve as much can you I listen back to all my shows. Every single one of them literally as soon as I’ve recorded it because I want to hear but the beats I want to hear the nuances. I want to hear the times when the guest didn’t respond to something I said or needed. Extra clarification so I could improve, but you improve so much quicker by your audience or your clients telling you

Leisa Peterson [44:09]
totally the, I think what we’re talking about is what it’s like to run a business. When you’re open, you’re open to feedback, you’re really open to learning. And to me, that’s one of the core aspects of really successful people in the new economy is that they don’t shut down and say, I know this all rather, they’re looking at life in a very open, you know, humble way like, yeah, you know, I have my opinions, but I’m open for discussing or arguing or debating them because something cool could come out of it. Who knows?

David Ralph [44:42]
Who do you respect them in your online environment, but you look at it and you think, yeah, that person is transparent. That person has got their own personal branding, and they’re just being open and honest.

Unknown Speaker [44:57]
You’re stumping me

Leisa Peterson [44:59]
I Don’t follow a lot of people I’ve been such in creation mode. I, honestly, I think that I see people trying to do that I’m taking a class right now with Todd Herman 90 day year and he’s he’s doing a great job of just being really open and candid and honest. But again, I think there’s so much pressure by people to look like they know, they know, you know, a lot of the answers, you know, sometimes he’ll be like, really clear, that is not my area of expertise. You need to go ask somebody else that question and I love when he does that, you know, because then you really are like, Okay, he’s when he’s answering a question. He’s rock solid, and he’s not just, you know, kind of telling you something you want to hear. But

David Ralph [45:44]
you do need your men to be rock solid. If he started crying in front of you, would that bother you?

Leisa Peterson [45:51]
Oh, no, not at all. In fact, I look for those opportunities. That’s when my superpower comes out.

David Ralph [45:59]
You To make men cry when I mean women, you always Why do you look for men crying?

Leisa Peterson [46:07]
I look for that moment. I was speaking this past weekend. And I look for the moment where especially men, because I think they’re it’s not that common when they’ll show that vulnerability. But on the third day of the event, a man came in and there was just kind of a debrief, you know, any questions? What’s going on for you? Have you, you know, learned something this this weekend, and one of the speakers kind of started talking about the fact that that he had this desire to always want to know the answers to the questions. He has a PhD, he feels tonnes of pressure, and he’s like, I am seeing that that’s actually not serving me anymore, and I’m really confused about it, but I can see that there’s a problem there. And the minute he just opened up after the whole weekend of being kind of the know it all that he opened up to that I was like, okay, in my office, you know, like, it’s time Because the minute somebody is in that place of like, I’m willing to see that maybe I don’t have the world totally figured out, then it’s an opening for, for transformation. And those are the tools that I have. Those are the tools I’ve developed. And so I was like, hey, let’s let’s talk and sure enough, he had an awesome breakthrough. And it’s ever so slight, but you know of things that I need to do, but it’s just the perfect it’s the perfect environment for someone to have transformation when they become vulnerable. Just like you did with your your podcast.

David Ralph [47:33]
Yeah, I must have been become a bit of a blubber. I cry, and I don’t even know why I’m crying, stupid things. I’ll be watching a film. And 10 years ago, I would never have cried at the films that are making me cry now, but I just can’t stop it. It’s just flooding from me. I become a big girl, Lisa.

Unknown Speaker [47:51]
That’s awesome.

David Ralph [47:52]
It’s not awesome. I’m ashamed of myself. I’m sitting there watching Toy Story three, and their tears are rolling down my cheeks. When this five you vote by the side of me, that rock are looking at me like a big girl. What’s happened to me?

Leisa Peterson [48:07]
Welcome to the club. My son is like, Oh, Mom, I can tell where this movie’s going. And you just need to watch out and I’m like, honey, you know, the tears are already starting. I’m like, it’s okay. It’s very therapeutic for me. So welcome.

David Ralph [48:22]
Welcome to the blubbers Club. I tell you, well, that would be a good thing. One there. I bet you, you could get a whole room of people that’s just just kind of cry. Did you do have you ever seen the theories talking about weird clubs? Have you ever heard of the theories? No, you look this up. This is the way this club that they’re making money. It’s people, adults that like to dress up as animals. So they go and buy a sort of cat outfit or a dog outfit. And then they go to a conference hall and they all lay in a big heap together and just stroke each other’s furs, and they pay a lot of money to do that. Now that is a weird class. And then even even the bloopers club sounded weird but the 30s

Unknown Speaker [49:06]
Wow, that’s weird.

David Ralph [49:10]
Well, you can’t say that you don’t know who’s listening, Lisa I can because I’m the host of the show. They know what I’m doing. But that could be your client base that you’re touching in on those the furries they might have been all coming over to you, you open your house in Sedona, and there’s nine adults dressed like cats on your doorstep.

Leisa Peterson [49:28]
Yeah, you never know. I mean, it’s it’s unusual behaviour, is that a better way to say it?

David Ralph [49:33]
That is very tactful. It’s very insightful. So what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna bring us to the end of the show now, and this is the part that you’ve already done before, but it’s um, it’s the Sermon on the mind when I send you on a journey to speak to your younger self and Miss time. I want to send you back to the person who first stepped into Hawaii and the difference from that person then to the person now, so I’m going to play the theme tune and when it fades you up this Is the Sermon on the mic.

Leisa Peterson [50:27]
So I would tell myself that letting go and enjoying life is something that I have to learn as I go because it’s so easy to just work, work, work, work work because I do love it so much. But there’s a whole other aspects of life that is so much richness and so much lovely, beautiful aspects to play that you will miss out on if you don’t take them. So enjoy your life. Enjoy your play, and Enjoy your family and your friends as much as possible. And there’s always time in the future to work a lot too.

David Ralph [51:09]
So for all the people out there, Lisa that is desperately looking for a woman who loves to be wrong, what’s the number one best way for our audience can connect with you.

Leisa Peterson [51:18]
So the number one best way would be to go to the website that has the person with their arms up at the top of the mountain. The wealth clinic COMM And I have a newsletter that I send out once or twice a week that shares all these different stories that we’ve been talking about my learning experiences. There’s also an E book and that’s kind of starts the process of communicating with me and you can always reply to any of my emails and I can’t wait to hear from you and engage in some discussion like David and I had today.

David Ralph [51:50]
Absolutely. Well, Lisa, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again when you have even more dots to join up because I do believe By joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Lisa Peterson, thank you so much.

Leisa Peterson [52:07]
Thank you, David.

David Ralph [52:11]
So that wasn’t the show that I was expecting to record. I had it kind of all planned out because Lisa had been on the show before, not planned out. But I knew the questions, but planned out the kind of areas that I wanted to go into. But I think that we touched on something bigger. And of course, knowing that you are constantly on a journey, whether you’re starting, whether you’re in the middle or whatever is the true way of success. You’re never outwardly going to get to the top of the mountain. And the fact that Lisa was so open and she’s doing amazing stuff. And she was so open to the fact that she knows there’s more from her and she’s not quite sure how to do it. should she be more personable? Whatever. Let us know drop us a line and tell us what you thought of that show. Was it good that we just laid it bare? Did you enjoy it or did you hate it? Just let us know. You can connect with us on Facebook. You can connect with us on Twitter or social media platforms by Apple in that, thank you very much for listening as always, and I am David Ralph, that was Join Up Dots. And we’re gonna see you again very soon. Cheers. Bye

Outro [53:09]
bye. David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.

Leisa Peterson: Becoming More And More Of Yourself Read More »

Clark Gaither

Clark Gaither: Powerful Words: Secret Language for Success

Clark Gaither Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast

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Introducing Clark Gaither

Clark GaitherClark Gaither is our guest today on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.

He is a man who believes whole heartedly in the power of words.

But not just using words that make us seem big and important.

No, he believes that the words that we should be seeking to use, are as he says in his own ways “The words which hold the most power for you are the ones which move you on an emotional level. If you and another person share the same Powerful Words, you will be connected to that person and they to you, even if they are a stranger. This book is about finding your Powerful Words and using them in whatever you do as you set out to help others in whatever capacity you choose. It is about telling your story, your personal truth. This is where your greatest influence resides.”

Now of course this concept is not new to me, or should it be for any podcaster or media person, but what about the man in the street?

What use are these to him?

 

How The Dots Joined Up For Dr Clark

Well, we find out during the show but one thing for sure today’s guest has many different occasions, on almost a daily basis where he performs as a a writer, speaker, podcast producer and personal coach for physicians and other professionals who suffer from burnout.

Also, he has enjoyed a career in medicine for the past 22 years as part of an office based family practice in Goldsboro, North Carolina, which has led him to give hundreds of lectures up and down the east coast to physicians, professional groups and the public on various topics such as physician burnout, addiction and recovery issues, hypertension, cholesterol disorders to name just a few.

So what is his passion in life?

Where does he feel that he ignites his true super talent and brings the most value to the world?

And out of all the powerful words he could choose, which would he say was his favourite?

Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Clark Gaither MD

 

Show Highlights

During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Clark Gaither such as:

How he found the path towards his future at the top of a Spanish mountain surrounded by mist, asking for clarity in his life….guess what, he found it!

How he has never felt that he fitted perfectly into the medical profession even though he was operating within his zone of excellence. The zone of genius was where he was aiming and could never achieve.

Why a letter that he found on the seat of his car changed his life forever and in such an unexpected manner that he will always call it a “Tragedy”

We discuss the six stages of professional burnout that we can all encounter, and probably have all experienced in our lives at one way or another.

And lastly….

Why there is nothing in our lives that we can’t achieve if we only ask for help, or pay for help when we feel that we can’t go any further.

 

Clark Gaither Books

 

How To Connect With Clark Gaither

Website

Facebook 

Twitter

LinkedIn

Return To The Top of Clark Gaither

If you enjoyed this episode with Clark Gaither then why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Daniel Hayes,  Dan Lok, Jack Canfield or the amazing Noah Kagan

Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.

 

Full Transcription Of Clark Gaither Interview

Intro [0:00]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.

David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there, David Ralph, Join Up Dots Episode 493. And as voiceover man was saying, These are the kind of guys that are just not gonna give up. And we’re moving into the sort of the 500 to 600 shows. And so we’ve got a lot of things going on this side of the microphone, but so is our guest today. And he literally as I don’t know how he packed it into his days, but without a doubt, I suppose the nuts and bolts of it is he’s a man who believes wholeheartedly in the power of words, but not just using words that make us seem big and important. Now He believes that the words that we should be seeking to use are as he says, In his own words, the words which hold the most power for you are the ones which move you on an emotional level. If you and another person share the same powerful words, you’ll be connected to that person and vice to you, even if they’re a stranger. Now he’s written a book and it’s about finding your powerful words and using them in whatever you do as you set out to help others in whatever capacity you choose. It’s about telling your story, your personal truth, and he believes this is where our greatest influence resides. Now, of course, this concept is not new to me, or it shouldn’t be for any podcaster or media person. But what about the man in the street? What use of these to him? Well, we’ll find out during the show. But one thing for sure, today’s guest has many different occasions on almost a daily basis, where he can bring his skills of being a writer, speaker, podcaster producer and personal coach for physicians and any other professionals who suffer from burnout to the fullest. Also, he’s enjoyed a career in medicine for the past 22 years as part of an office based family practice in Goldsboro, North Carolina, which has led him to give hundreds of lectures up and down the East Coast to physicians, professional groups and the public on various topics, such as physician burnout, addiction and recovery issues, hypertension, cholesterol disorders, to name just a few. So what is his passion in life? Where does he feel better he ignites his true super talent and brings the most value to the world. And out of all the powerful words he could choose, which would he say was his favourite? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up starts with the one and only Dr Clark Gaither MD How are you Dr. Clark?

Clark Gaither [2:40]
Good morning, David. I am great.

David Ralph [2:43]
You are great on you. As we were talking beforehand, you seem like you know, the well just goes on its way and you breeze through it a certain way you sort of operate or you generally let that stuff happen and I just do my own thing.

Clark Gaither [2:57]
Well, let me just say that lots has happened to me over my lifetime. Some of it was planned and a lot of it was not planned. But you know, it’s those unplanned circumstances that really give us the best lever to enjoy life to its fullest and to find our arena where we’re passionate and we can operate with some purpose.

David Ralph [3:20]
Most people get freaked buddy I’m playing things that get come their way. Well, what makes you different?

Clark Gaither [3:26]
Well, it I guess it was a trial by fire. I was this past. Well, two years ago, three years ago now, something tragic happened and it really turned my world upside down. And I was really kind of searching for path to walk that would give me some peace and some comfort and some happiness and I decided I would go on a hiking trip and so I went to laga mera Spain, which is a it’s the second of the smallest Canary Islands and Of course, they’re off the coast of Morocco, but they’re governed by Spain. And I went on that island to seek some clarity. And my first day, it was the only day that it rained on the whole trip. But it was my longest hike. And I was supposed to go from like 300 feet above sea level, to the top of the central mountain, which was 4800 feet and then back down the other side to around 1500 feet to the next town where I’d be staying the next night. And so I started my hike I got I got a light start, it started to drizzle. I took a couple of faults paths. And so I was just plodding along. And when I got to the top of the mountain, it was completely shrouded in cloud and I thought, well, how ironic. I came here for some clarity. And I can’t see anything. So I just sat down and I asked myself the question, how did I get here? What were the circumstances that led to made to be on this island by myself at the top of the mountain in shrouded in cloud. And I noticed that it was those events in life that might be considered adverse or tragic. That really caused me to pivot and change direction. And when I did my life turned out better than I had planned. And so I began to sow some seeds of gratitude there for the the events that some people would say, are hard part a hardship, or something that was tragic. That really actually turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. But as the sake of my book, were planted right there right then.

David Ralph [5:50]
Yeah, I can imagine that well, when you get that kind of dawning realisation because I get fat every single day and that’s why we created this show, based on the words of Steve Jobs that we will hear a lot To learn, because literally is, but tough times. It’s the hard times. It’s the black dots that are the real learning. And I look back on my own life and I think, yeah, that was terrible. But I’m so glad I went through it. So when you was why did you choose that island? First of all, because I know the Canary Islands quite well. And when you said that name, I thought, hang on. I don’t know this one. What made you choose that one?

Clark Gaither [6:25]
Well, I had been searching around online for a hiking destination, and I’ve got some adventurous spirit and I’m curious. And so I wanted to go someplace I’d never been and I was looking around online there was a company called max adventures and they really organise hiking, self directed hiking tours, and they make all the arrangements and have your bags taken to the next location. So you can just, you know, hike to the next destination and had one on Lago mera. And I thought this was great. And I checked out the island online. But when I wanted to go, they did not offer a tour. Or they did not offer a an opportunity to go when I when I had the time to go. And so I just booked it all myself. And it was one of the best vacations I’ve ever had. It really was, it was awesome.

David Ralph [7:25]
So if we saw a tight queue from that mountain, and obviously, well, I imagine you didn’t start scribbling words into a book at that point. But you had the idea. You had the concept, and you brought it back to you. back to America. How did you start working on it? It’s all having this idea about, I’m going to write a book about powerful words, but how do you find out what the right powerful words are to put in that book?

Clark Gaither [7:51]
Well, like I said something

bad happened a little over three years ago that really turned my world upside down. It was my wife, she actually left. And we had had a normal Valentine’s Day and everything seemed fine. I thought everything was fine. I came out of my office the next day and to go home and lying on the seat of my jeep was a letter and I opened the letter and it was from my, my wife at that time. And it said, my, my feelings have changed. I’m leaving. I’ve already consulted an attorney. And it was like a bomb had gone off. I just couldn’t believe I couldn’t square what had happened the day before on Valentine’s Day and the previous 24 years together, I couldn’t square that with what I was reading and it really just ripped me apart. And for the first four months, all I could do is cry. I mean, it was just it was just awful. I lost 41 pounds. I couldn’t sleep and it was just one of the toughest things. I’ve ever gone through. And I had all this emotion I had to do something with and so I started blogging, and I couldn’t, I couldn’t believe how much better it made me feel it gave me an outlet for for all this raw emotion I had inside. Now the blog I started initially was a recovery related blog because that’s another turning point in my life was I became alcoholic when I was in my 20s. And I got sober January 23 1990 as my sobriety date. So I just celebrated soberly celebrated 26 years of sobriety. Congratulations. Thank you, and that that’s another one of those events that I’m actually grateful for. But anyway, I had all this emotion. And so I started blogging, and that later led into my area of interest with professional burnout. And so I changed that A theme of my blog a bit, but I had all these blog posts. And when I got back from the island hiking on the island, I sat down and I printed out all the titles, and I was looking at them. And there was a theme that was running through about half of them. And so I pulled those together. And that was the first 40% of my book was actually posts I’d already written. The other 60% I wrote over the next three or four months, and the book came out may 19 of last year.

David Ralph [10:32]
So it was it was quite a quick process. What was the book kind of always popping away in you? Were you surprised at how quickly you got it out? I thought you were gonna say two or three years writing it but it’s come flooding out.

Clark Gaither [10:44]
I came it’s just me and the dog, my dog Eli and so most of my evenings I would come home and sit down at a computer and start writing and it it you know people talk about being in the zone or being in flow. Yeah, it just seemed like Like it was all there waiting, it seemed like all those events that I write about in the book, were really in preparation for the book. And and since it, you know, all those stories came from my life, I was intimately familiar with them. So it, it just kind of flowed onto the page. And it you know, I was scared to death, I couldn’t come up with 40,000 words. And so I passed 40,000 words, and then 50 and then 60. And I still had stuff to say. And so it ended up being an 85,000 word book is 366 pages. It’s actually pretty long book. But I included stories not only from my life, but the lives of some of my friends and some of my patients, and people who’ve read it, say that it’s helped them and that’s what my goal was as as I wanted it to Help people not only get through maybe some times in their own life where they felt stuck, but I wanted it to help them know that they have a story to tell. And when they share those stories, they can connect with another person on an emotional level and help them.

David Ralph [12:19]
But one of the problems that most physicians have or a nurses that I see is that they’re so busy helping people, but they they kind of lose track of our own needs and requirements. So you would say from from listening to you, you’ve already been through that journey you aware of issue about over helping?

Clark Gaither [12:40]
Well, it that is certainly true in any of the professions where there are service oriented jobs. burnout rates are high and nowhere are they highest than among physicians, and I myself got burned out about five years ago. I went to My partner and I said, Look, if something doesn’t change, I’m gonna have to leave medicine. I just felt miserable because I felt that there are three principal hallmarks to burnout one is emotional exhaustion. And that’s where you feel like you’re just spent, you just, you have nothing left to give, you’ve left it all out there, you can’t. You don’t have the energy, mental energy or emotional energy to connect with your patient on an emotional or psychological level anymore. So it’s just emotional exhaustion. The second is depersonalization. And that’s where you become cynical, you almost feel like the patient is deserving of their problems. And that cynicism is really a poison pill to you know, the everyday practice of, of empathetic medicine and so, but I hit that one and then the last one was a lack of a sense of personal accomplishment. And that’s where you feel like nothing you do is making any difference. You can’t see that you’re moving the ball. down the field in a way that’s beneficial not only to the patient, but but to you personally and professionally. And so I had hit all three of them. And it’s interesting 90% of the time, it’s the, excuse me, it’s the job that burns out the individual. It’s not the individual that burns himself out or herself. It’s the work environment. And which was Can I can I jump in? Can I

David Ralph [14:26]
get your opinion, because that’s a key point for the listeners. Because we don’t get burned out if we’re doing something we love. But we do get burnt out if we’re doing something bad is taking too much emotion or passion just to get going. I know that from corporate environment, you obviously know it from that. Is that something that the listeners have to be very aware of, if they’re thinking, Oh, god, I’m so exhausted in the evening that probably they might somehow be on the wrong track.

Clark Gaither [14:55]
Absolutely. If you hit any of those hallmarks, even just one One of them then you are either on your way to burning out or you’re burning out. And it there there are six major causes of burnout. One is work overload. Second is lack of control. The third is absence of fairness. The fourth is breakdown of community. The fifth is insufficient reward. And the sixth one is conflicting values. And so when when people hit those mismatches in their work that sets them up for burnout. And of course, everybody’s work overloaded these days. And in big companies, there is a tendency for centralised control and so the employee loses some control over what they do during the course of their day with their work in which stifles innovation and creativity and so they feel constrained and sometimes they know exactly what needs to be done, but they can’t do it. Because it’s against the rules, or it’s against company policy, and conflicting values is one of the biggest when people feel like they’re being asked to do something that goes against their core values, then they really have trouble on record reconciling what they’re being asked to do with their internal compass. And so it can be very damaging to the individual. And so those are the kinds of things that burn people out. And it’s interesting among entrepreneurs, how many entrepreneurs got their start? Because they were burned out on whatever they were doing beforehand. Yeah, I think that’s

David Ralph [16:42]
true. I do think that is totally true. And I wasn’t burnt out but I was every morning waking up going to love it. It was like, just no enthusiasm in me and I remember going to my doctor a couple of times and saying to him, I don’t really feel ill I just kind of feel It was just like, I couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong with me. Now I look back on it. And I think what was wrong with me was I spending all my time doing something that just didn’t blow me up. It was I was just bored. I think I was deeply, deeply bored. And since I’ve made that change, life has has become very different. So talking about sort of an internal compass, with you now making bold and creative decisions in your life. What’s your compass right at the very beginning, when you went into the medical practice, practice, was that right? Or now you look back on it, you think, Oh, no, maybe it wasn’t quite the way it should have been pointing?

Clark Gaither [17:36]
Well, it’s a it’s a great question. And it’s one I spent a lot of time thinking about. A few years ago, I started when all the you know, tragedy happened. I started, of course, looking at other things I wanted to do with my life and I’m 61 and you know, there are certainly fewer days ahead and there are behind and so it was a time of introspection. I went to an event on coaching, personal coaching. And the leader of the event asked me why are you here and I told him that I feel like I’m operating in my zone of excellence at my work. I mean, I feel like I’m a good physician, but I never felt like I quite fit what I was doing. And the best way I can explain it is I use lots of exam gloves every day we use exam gloves, and I have tried on every exam glove. You can imagine I’ve tried them nitrile gloves, PVC, latex, rubber gloves, and whole sizes, half sizes, quarter sizes, and I can tell you I’ve never really felt like I’ve found a pair of gloves that fit my hands perfectly. And that is exactly how I have felt in medicine for the last 27 years. I feel like I’ve never quite fit the job perfectly, or it has not fit me perfectly. And while I think I’m good at medicine I’ve taken, I feel like I’ve taken great care of my patients. It may be my zone of excellence, but it’s not much my zone of genius. That’s something that gay Hendricks talks about. In his book, The big leap. He talks about working in your zone of excellence versus your zone of genius. And so I’ve enjoyed my time in medicine, but I also know that it doesn’t light me up on the inside, like I imagine something else might and I’m beginning to get those feelings. And I have gotten them over the last couple of years writing and that’s something that I really enjoy. I also enjoy speaking and so my last day in clinical medicine will be April 29. I’m going to move in that are Rena are in that direction more of more riding, more public speaking and doing some workshops and seminars and what I hope will be my zone of genius.

David Ralph [20:11]
I’ll be thinking of you because we launched this show on April the 30th, which was my birthday. So the day after, ah, so we will be thinking will be closely linked. So give us an explanation, Ben, what is the difference between zone of excellence and zone of genius?

Clark Gaither [20:27]
Well, a zone of excellence is where you may operate efficiently. You may push all the right buttons, you may dot all the i’s and cross all the T’s and you might do your job perfectly. But in terms of creativity, or innovation, or pulling disparate bits of information together and creating something new, that’s a zone of genius and we look at those creative of individuals and we think, what’s the first thing we think? Ah, genius. They’re geniuses, you know, because they’ve been able to distil their knowledge base pulling on different areas of knowledge and experience and expertise. And they’re able to combine all those little bits into something innovative or creative or new, that serves people well, and we call those people genius. In terms of excellence, yeah, I think I’ve been an excellent physician. I’ve tried not to make no mistakes with my patients, and I’ve tried to offer them the best care. And I feel I’ve done that, but I can’t say that I’ve been creative or innovative, and in the field of medicine,

David Ralph [21:50]
well, let’s play some words. Now. Ben, I’m gonna delve a little bit deeper into what you were just talking about, but this is a good leader. This is Jim Carrey.

Jim Carrey [21:58]
My father could have been a great comedian. But he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

David Ralph [22:25]
So I’m gonna send you back in time, obviously, at the end of the show, but in this little question linked into that, that sound clip. If I could send you back now with a magic wand or a TARDIS or some kind of DeLorean and you go back in time, would you look at becoming a writer before the medical profession or could you have not got to your area that is starting to ignite you now without them?

Clark Gaither [22:49]
You know, it’s a tough question, David, and this one I think about often, you know, when, when something we make a decision and We look back on our lives and we say okay, I made that decision and here was the outcome and it was not good. I should have made the other decision. We make an assumption then that the other decision will turn out better. And of course, we have no way of knowing that. That That is true. It may have things may have turned out worse. I write about this in my book, there was an event with one of my patients. He, his son, ran out of the house in the morning, go to work. And the dad said, Wait a minute. Don’t you be late for dinner again, and then he turned around and smiled. And then he jumped on his motorcycle and took off down the highway and not 90 seconds later, a car ran through a stop sign and hit him and he was killed. And his father was just devastated, of course. They had lost his son. But he also blamed himself because he, he held him up. And he felt like if he hadn’t, he hadn’t stopped him and made that comment to them. He would have already been through the intersection and the car wouldn’t have hit him and he wouldn’t have been killed. And he carried this burden for a long time. And I worked with him for a couple of years and and I said, you know, you have to really you’re gonna have to set this down. It couldn’t have it. You assume that if you did that he would still be alive, but you don’t know that. You also the event he was in control of the sun had control of was that he overslept that morning. And he overslept because he was out late the night before with some friends. And he was out with the friends because a friend of his called and said, hey, let’s go out And have a few beers. And so if any of those events had not occurred, then he would also have survived. And so that and that helped him a little bit. He eventually got past that, that block, but for the longest time he blamed himself. So when we look back in our lives and and say, Gee, I made that big mistake, if I’d only gone the other way, we assume that the other way may have been, you know, softer or easier or cushy or, or nothing bad would have happened, when it could have just as easily been the reverse. And also, it’s those tragic moments or those adverse moments or those difficulties or those struggles. That really brought us to where we are now. And I feel like I’m in a great place now. And so, would I change anything? It’s a difficult question. I suppose certainly didn’t choose in some ways to be become an alcoholic. I mean, sir sure I went out and I drank excessively and kept drank drinking when I could have stopped but you know, when you’re addicted, the choice to stop is taken away by the substance. And but I look back at at getting sober and what that meant to me after and people will tell you I’m almost fundamentally a different person in recovery than I was before I became alcoholic. And my life became so much fuller and richer, and possibilities opened up that I had not seen before becoming alcoholic. So that’s why we, we talk about gratitude in recovery meetings. If if it took becoming alcoholic, to be where I am now then so be it. I can look back and be grateful So it’s a difficult question is, you know, if you could go back in time, what would you really change? And would it would you have ended up better off if you did

David Ralph [27:11]
is interesting listening to you talk for you, obviously very positive in your mindset. And you think deeply on these subjects, and have them ready gaining a feeling of you more than a feeling, but you like the failures as much as the good stuff, because that’s what made you who you are, and that’s led you to this path. But three times in the conversation, you’ve mentioned your wife leaving as a tragedy. Why are you using such a strong word? A powerful word for that, when all the other things you’ve talked about is kind of like, that was part of life’s plan. It just kind of happened. I’ve had to deal with it. Why is that such a tragedy to you?

Clark Gaither [27:50]
Well, it was at the time it was certainly a tragedy. I mean, when you get emotionally attached to someone, especially With someone you’ve known for that length of time, those attachments are not easily severed. And so, you know, we had made plans. We had future plans that were set and that we were working toward, and, you know, all of that got kind of torn up and thrown down. And it was an extremely painful process. So, I think that so much that could have been turned out not to be that I, you know, I still view it as a tragedy. Now, having said that, since it happened, my life has taken completely different turns on doing things I probably never would have done, had that not occurred. And so I can, I can look back with gratitude, I can bend that pain to a higher purpose. I don’t think the pain will ever completely dissipate. But I can bend it to a higher purpose and that is in the service of others. I can use my story to help other people who may be going through the same thing and say, You know what, there not only is there life on the other side of that event, it can be a better life than the one you had before. So yeah, I still think tragic things do happen, we can still call them tragedies. But we don’t have to live in that pain. 24 seven, we can bend it to a higher purpose.

David Ralph [29:27]
So if let’s take you back a step on to happier times, you you’re you’re getting this decision to write this book, and you basically write like a lunatic and within three or four months, you’ve got this book. Was it an easy process, Ben to get that out to the world because I know a lot of people that I speak to, they have these creative pursuits, they have these ideas, and they work on them, but actually getting it out to the masses is far more difficult than they imagined. What was the process like for you?

Clark Gaither [29:56]
Well, these days you do not need any Bonnie’s permission to publish. And that’s one thing the internet. And e commerce has certainly changed about the way businesses done on planet Earth. If you produce music or art, or if you write if you’re an author, you do not need anybody’s permission to publish. And Amazon’s a prime example, you can publish a ebook, essentially for zero cost on Amazon. And you can publish a paperback book through CreateSpace, which is also amazon for a few dollars, and they have on demand publishing now. So they will print just one book if one book is ordered, and they don’t have any on the shelf. And so it’s things have changed and people can blog essentially for free and get your message out. So polishing now is not a highly technical process. It’s not Not a long process, and it’s not a costly process. What is his marketing? And you certainly need to market your book because if you just put it out there on like, Kindle Direct Publishing KDP if you just put a ebook up on Amazon and don’t market it, the average person sells 10 copies 10 copies or less. And you know, their mother probably bought one or two. So yeah. The marketing part is, you have to put yourself out there because you’re just one of many voices and you need to stand out in some way. I did have some help and I hired a coach for that. And I am a coach. But you know, even coaches have coaches and I firmly believed and people employing people who have more expertise in the area than Do I mean think about if you’re sick you go where you go to a doctor, if you have a plumbing problem you call a plumber, you call the expert. And

David Ralph [32:08]
if you look at all he put down in entrepreneurial Well, I’d see this time and time again. The people are moving in the right direction by pay. They do exactly what you’re saying and they pay. But the people that are just starting bootstrapping it, via the ones Oh, no, duh, I can’t, I can’t afford that. Well, ultimately, if you do that you gain a couple of years experience really quickly, you’ll probably start making money and then you’ll pay it back. But there is that mindset right at the very beginning. Oh, no, I just work it out. I’m, oh, I can Google I can go onto YouTube. I can find out how to do these things. It’s a real stumbling block.

Clark Gaither [32:45]
For sure. And everybody has access to expertise. You have the world at your fingertips now. And so there is no sacred knowledge anymore. It’s all available. And so if there is something you do do not know, then go find it out. It only takes, you know, a Google search to find some information you may be short on. And so there’s an entry point for everybody into this world of knowledge. And so while you might not be able to afford Tony Robbins as a coach, I think he, you know, his fees around 100 K, you may be able to afford a coach who charges you know, $100 a session. And, and there are lots of people in between. And so, absolutely, you need the expertise of other individuals who have already made the mistakes and already learned from them and they can pass that knowledge on to you and so, absolutely, if you’re an entrepreneur and trying to do it all by yourself, there’s this feeling that that’s more noble. Then asking for help. I would, I would counsel you otherwise. So here’s some free coaching if you need some help get it

David Ralph [34:08]
and how much you’re gonna charge for that?

Clark Gaither [34:10]
No zero that’s absolutely free today. Look

David Ralph [34:13]
down. Well, a generous chap. So how did you sort of differentiate yourself? How did you find your, your individual unique branding that set you apart?

Clark Gaither [34:25]
Well, I’m known as Dr. burnout. Because of my work in the arena of professional burnout and physician burnout and that was a natural fit. You know, I am a physician and I deal with burnout and and so Dr. burnout was just kind of a natural brand. There. I’ve also got the brand powerful words and I’m developing a programme around that, that I would take a look at what it is that you are good at, or great at and drawing All your natural talents and abilities and you will come up with some unique plan for you. Don’t try to copy anyone else. It’s extremely frustrating because if it doesn’t come from inside you, if it doesn’t come originate from your core values and your own personal experience, then you’re probably not going to be successful at it. But when you stand up and use your own clear voice with the stories from your own life, and draw on all your unique experiences using your own natural talents and abilities, sooner or later you will figure out what it is you’re supposed to be doing and how you’re supposed to be doing it. And it is a journey and some people get there seemingly quickly. And others that takes you know like me, it may take you two thirds of your life to end up doing what ends up operating in your zone. of excellence and so are a zone of genius. So, you know, be patient, but keep chipping away at it, keep working at it, and you’ll get there.

David Ralph [36:10]
I think the other thing that you need to do as well, obviously, you need to work at it, and you have to work at it very hard. But listen to people’s advice, but ignore all the advice. That’s what I would say as well. I’ve had so many people telling me that I should do stuff, I should do stuff. And I should do this. And I should do that. And I’ve kind of taken it all on board. And I’ve ignored it as well. I’ve just carried on doing my own thing, but over a period of time, all those bits of advice, I started to find themes within that. And it wasn’t the advice itself. It was kind of the undertone of what they were saying. And that is leading me very much more closely to that. That zone of genius as you’re talking about. And there’s been moments when I think yeah, I mean that in the in the flow happens and everything flies, and then other times you think oh, I’m not quite in there, but so Certainly, my advice to everyone would ask people’s opinion, ignore the law, but let yes or bio computer your brain to just digest it because there’s clues within what everyone says to you. But it may not be the right thing. What do you think about that doctor gave her?

Clark Gaither [37:15]
I think that’s outstanding advice. You know, success loves clarity. And, you know, I’m one of those shiny, shiny object people, you know, next shiny object comes along, I want to grab hold of it, because I’ve got this curious nature about me, and I want to hope I want to hold on to it and check it out and look at it. But if it’s not in complete concert with your business plan, or your mission, or your goals, or your passion, passion, then it’s probably a waste of your time is probably not going to move you forward in the direction you want, or to the extent that you want and so you’re absolutely right, we’re we’re buying bombarded by all these messages, and we think, okay, if I just do this, then I’ll be more successful or if I just do that, and then the next thing comes along and you look at that, and then the next thing, so I would try to get clear on what it is you want to do, and exclude everything else. It’s okay to, to maybe scan or listen to somebody’s message. But if it’s not in concert with your goals, your stated goals, then it’s probably not the best use of your time.

David Ralph [38:33]
I listen to these words, these are the words of Oprah Winfrey,

Unknown Speaker [38:37]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this too. But what is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you, because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.

David Ralph [39:08]
Now, whenever defined are where you, you know, if you make a wrong decision, as you were saying earlier, you can sort of backtrack, you can change it, you can sort of move forward, but people are rooted in the spot, but the next thing that I do has to be right. That’s why it’s such a brave decision that you did. And it was leading me on to the question, what was more scary to you, the marketing or actually putting the first word down on the page and saying, this is going to go out to the world, but it didn’t, you weren’t defining it. You were just doing it as a practice until you got to the end.

Clark Gaither [39:42]
Well, since writing has always been something I’ve been good at, even you know, in grade school and all into college when I sat down to write it was actually an easy process for me because it was in my comfort zone. Marketing was completely outside of my comfort zone. And, and so, and it seemed like an insurmountable problem. But you know, there are no insurmountable problems. We just think they are. And if we don’t surmount our problems, somebody else will, on our behalf, or in spite of us. And so it seemed daunting. But as I said, I hired someone to help me through that process, and help me get my book out and marketed. It didn’t cost an arm and a leg and am I ever glad I did. Because not only did I learn about the process and get more comfortable with it, but now I’m on. I’m on so many social platforms that I actually started whittling them down to the ones that were, I felt doing me the most good in terms of my business and so it what looks daunting, Now with just a little bit of knowledge, just like Oprah just said, you take a step, you learn one little piece of the puzzle. And then you move on to the next little piece you might be missing and go acquire that knowledge and put it to use and, and so you can build the whole picture over time. And then you you step back, and you think, wow, that wasn’t so bad. No, that wasn’t terrible. I actually have fun with it now. And it’s always it’s always a big boost not only to my ego, but to it gives me an inner thrill when I do something now on my own and it works. Oh, that’s just awesome. You know, give me if you could bottle that and sell it, you would make a whole bunch of money.

David Ralph [41:49]
So with your book, why would our listeners rush out and buy it? Well, what can we gain from by publication?

Clark Gaither [41:58]
Well, the book celebrates the glorious magnificence of choice and change. Let me just put that out there. But it’s really written for authors and bloggers and speakers, or anyone who feels I have a story to tell. It will help people connect with their own words have power, so that they can better connect with other people on an emotional level. And that’s where your greatest influence lies, is connecting with people emotionally, not everybody will get your message, but some people will. And those are those are your audience. Those are your fans. And so I think everybody has those stories inside them. I’ve had people say, Well, I don’t have any good stories. I say you do. You just have to look back at your life more critically, and introspectively and they will rise to the surface. Some people say I can’t tell my story I say you can. It’s just a matter of conveying what happened to you and how you felt and what it was like what happened and what it’s like. Now, if you can convey that, in simple words, simply told, you will still connect with people on an emotional level, because if you’re, you’re speaking from within, all the emotion that was attached to those events will come through, and people will see that. And then they will emote, they will have emotional connection with you. And that’s when you get your story told, and that’s when you feel like, you know, hey, I am actually making a difference in other people’s lives.

David Ralph [43:38]
But let’s play some words now from a guy who he said these over 10 years ago, 11 years ago, but they are hugely powerful because they do exactly as you say. They tell his story, but they connect with all of us. This is Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs [43:53]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear look backwards 10 years later, again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.

David Ralph [44:28]
That’s a real powerful little burst of words, isn’t it?

Clark Gaither [44:32]
Absolutely. I’ve got chill bumps. I love Steve Jobs. And you know what you’re looking at there. There is a prime example of something I talk about quite a bit. And it’s a trait that many of us need more of, and that’s called resilience. and resilience is a compilation or a collection of our thoughts, behaviours and actions that allow us to bounce back from adversity. It’s, it’s a it’s a form of inner strength, you know, following misfortune, somebody who has resilience, they’re able to change course. They Marshal their internal strength and they just march on, they keep marching on toward there go. And he’s absolutely right. We don’t know where all the dots are looking forward. We think we know we make plans. We sit down and draw out, you know, elaborate schemes of how we’re going to get from where we are, to where we want to be. And yet, along the way, things pop up, things happen. Some things are intended, some things are not some things we hope will happen don’t and some things we wouldn’t want to happen actually do happen. And so that changes our path. The path is altered, we go down false paths, and we have to backtrack and then move forward again. So it’s in fits and starts and stops that we get eventually to where we are. And, but if I look back at my life, and if you look back at your life and all those events and how they’re connected and how we connect to other people, we can see that it wasn’t none of it was wasted. Even even the the bad stuff. Sometimes the bad stuff is more important to us than the good stuff in our past because it teaches us something. If we’re open to life and the lessons life is trying to teach us, then we get to where we want to be sooner, and maybe even in a better place than we could have imagined. So I absolutely love that. That little bit. You played there from Steve Jobs. It’s so so true.

David Ralph [46:54]
So the question I normally lead up to so it’s a normal dog and I do the same is what would you say would be You’re big adult when you look back over your life that moment, but really kind of changed direction for you.

Unknown Speaker [47:08]
I was

Clark Gaither [47:10]
I went one year of college out of high school, and I went because all my friends were going and because my parents wanted me to go, but I had no idea why I was there. And it was a disaster. I mean, it was it was terrible. And I did what I needed to do, which was quit, I quit college, and went to work. And one of the places I worked was Radio Shack, and Radio Shack, so retail seller of electronics and electronic parts and I was able to become a store manager. And I was given successively bigger stores as I did better with the company. And I’ll have to say my four years with Radio Shack were confidence building and gave me some skills that I would use later on. And so it was a great experience. But after four years with the company, I began to think, you know, maybe there’s, there’s more I can do with my life. And I began to entertain the thought of going back to college, and maybe trying to become a physician, because I really looked up to my hometown physician when I was growing up. And I thought, well, I like knowledge. I like problem solving. I like working with people. And so medicine seemed like that’s, that seemed like the direction I should go. But I was I didn’t want to quit my job. I had a good income was Radio Shack, I was successful in the company. And I was mulling this over one evening and one of my regular customers came in and he said, You look, you look perplexed. I actually write, write about this story and the book powerful words. He said, You look perplexed. I said, I am. He said, Well, what’s up and I told him, I told him About my time with Radio Shack and, and that was doing well with the company, but I was thinking about maybe going back to school and, and furthering my education and maybe trying to do something different with my life. And he listened intently, and I told him of my fear of quitting that I had a secure job what I thought was secure. And, and he looked at me and he said, Clark, it sounds like you can do whatever you make up your mind to do. Now, those were simple words, simply conveyed but they were powerful to me. Nobody had ever said that to me. And the minute he said them, I look back and and thought, you know what, he’s right. I made all these decisions, and things seemed to work out for me. Why? Why am I hesitating to move forward from where I am now. And I enrolled In college The next day, and so he more than anybody, I still remember his name I still I can picture his face right now. He more than anybody set me on a different help set me on a different path that really has led to where I am now.

David Ralph [50:18]
Brilliant story, absolutely brilliant story. And it leads us to the last part of your brilliant life, which is the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Clark, what advice would you give him? What age would you choose? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme tune and when it fades, you’re out. This is the Sermon on the mic.

Clark Gaither [51:06]
Well, I think I would go back to a time when I was probably nine years old. And I picked that age because I was in a speech contest. And I wrote what I thought was a great speech. And I practised and practised and practice and the night came for the speech contest. It was at a local service group organisation called the optimist. And I walked into the room and they’re all these older men and women sitting around tables, and there wasn’t a lot of excitement in the room, and I felt the first pang of fear there. And I got up to give my speech and halfway through I lost my place and I couldn’t finish and I had to sit down. And for years, I couldn’t speak. If two or three people were gathered together I couldn’t speak openly or freely because I thought I might say something stupid or stumble over my words. So I had this morbid fear of public speaking for many years. And that really handicapped me early on in life. And so if I could go back to age nine, I would, I would talk to myself about, about resilience, I would, I would say, believe in successful steps toward your goals. I would say Break, break those large projects down into small more manageable bits, and move through them step wise or sequentially. I would say be decisive.

indecision i think is the playground of doubt.

We need to you need to weigh all your options and make a decision. And don’t with a waffle. Don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Just make your best guess. Make your decision and move forward. It always won’t be the right necessarily the right decision. But you know, indecision isn’t the right decision either.

Unknown Speaker [53:10]
And so

Clark Gaither [53:12]
it will save time. If you just be decisive. I would say avoid catastrophic sizing. Don’t view problems and mistakes and failures as something that’s insurmountable they never are. You can always find a solution to a problem. I would say make maintain a high altitude perspective on everything always keep an eye on the big picture. So you don’t drown in the minutiae

I would say connect with like minds.

To me nothing Foster’s success and perseverance more than hanging out with people who are positive and and who persevere I would say great change with flexibility and accountability and adaptability changes inevitable changes necessary. It’s the only way we get from bad to good or from good to better. And that’s true even if we have to go in the opposite direction sometimes to get there. So be flexible and an embrace change. I would say capitalise on failure. Failure will teach us what we did wrong or what we need to know.

And so remain open to learning.

And consider that when you fail. No one else may know what you have learned from your failure. And that’s valuable information. I would be up to mistake. It costs no more mental energy to think optimistically. And you feel better when you think optimistically plus you generate more ideas and more thoughts about having how to solve a problem when you’re optimistic. And I think it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to be emotional. It’s okay to feel anger and loss and afraid and sadness. You know, feelings aren’t either good or bad they just are, whether they’re good or bad depends on what you do with them. Just realise you don’t have to live with them. 24 seven, you don’t have to let them prevent you from reaching your goals and look forward. And in time, time will take you there. And the last thing, I would say Is be whole, attend not just to your mental realm or your emotional realm but also attend to your physical and your spiritual realms because if you leave one of those on attended to your life will be out of balance and you cannot be resilient. If your life is out of balance,

David Ralph [56:24]
what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you sir?

Clark Gaither [56:28]
Clark Gaither calm is my website and I have information up there about Dr. burnout and all that that entails if you want to learn about professional burnout or physician burnout and what you can do about it, what the hallmarks are, what the causes are, you go to Clark Gaither comm, and my book it’s powerful words book calm.

David Ralph [56:52]
But just to say goodbye to you what is your most favourite powerful word, man, if you could just give us one

Clark Gaither [56:59]
knowledge Brilliant. It’s my number one core value and knowledge or freedom, I go back and forth on those two, but I really do value knowledge. These days,

David Ralph [57:11]
I give you the chance of one, you take two, but I’m gonna let you have that. Thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. Please come back again when you have more dots to join up, because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our paths is the best way to build our futures. Dr Clark Gaither, thank you so much.

Clark Gaither [57:29]
David has been a pure pleasure. I really appreciate it.

David Ralph [57:34]
So what does that show teacher, but it’s never too late to start. If you’ve got something in your heart, if you’ve got a passion if you’ve got a desire, even if you don’t know how to do it, you haven’t got all the bits of knowledge that make it just seem easy. Just go for it. And if you get to that point where you don’t know ask and look around and hire someone because it is totally doable. It really is doable. And as I say every day I would love it so much. If we all up in a bar in New York or somewhere and we all go, yes, I’m doing what I want to do and I’m doing what I want to do. And when we asked, How did we do it, we all look at each other and go, day by day, step by step. Thanks so much for listening. I will be here again, I’m the host of Join Up Dots couldn’t be here. Look up yourself,

Outro [58:21]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.

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