Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast Interview with Dina Proctor
To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:
Introducing Dina Proctor
She is a lady who has been on a harrowing journey of hitting absolute rock bottom, and finding her way back to the top.
At the end of 2008, her life had spiralled out of control as she battled everyday with alcohol addiction, food issues and suicidal depression.
She was in a mess and could not have been lower.
Trying everything Dina Proctor possibly could to pull herself up and get herself going, she fell time and time again.
Nothing worked for her, and she was lost.
How The Dots Joined Up For Dina
But by unintentional action she created her own salvation.
She began an amazing transformational programme called “3×3 Mediation”.
This has changed her life and the lives of her clients time and time again.
From weight loss and banishing addictive cravings to reconstructing relationships.
This easy and yet incredibly effective method has caught the attention and support of Jack Canfield and Bruce Lipton among others, and the media.
Now with a day filled with writing, public speaking, coaching and being madly happy, I am delighted to have her on the show today.
But how did she change her life so dramatically, on something apparently so simple?
How did Dina thankfully not enter in to suicidal actions that would have meant that the world would not have got the gifts that we now have from her.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Dina Proctor
During the show we discussed such weighty topics Dina Proctor such as:
How Dina Proctor was drinking at lunchtime, and at night, whist keeping her job going and no one noticed a thing!
Why you should always reach out to people, as there is great strength being supported by someone who has been through it before!
How her prescribed mediation of 20 minutes was impossible to do after 3 minutes.
However that failure actually turned up to be the missing piece of her life!
The reasons how you can re-wire your brain and thoughts to create a new environment and life for yourself!
How she described the 12 years of pain and struggle she endured trying to fill a void in her life!
How To Connect With Dina Proctor
Of course you can also check out thousands of episodes in our archives too – here
Audio Transcription Of Dina Proctor Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there. Good morning world. Welcome to the new batch. Yes, it’s episode hundred and one where we’re leading up to 205 hundred. I’ve been the first hundred. I’ll be honest, I’ve been had been pretty good. But from now on, they’re going to get even better and we’ve lady on the first show of the next batch that is going to blow everything to the highest levels possible. She is a lady who’s been on a harrowing journey of hitting absolute rock bottom and then finding her way back to the top. At the end of 2008. Her life at spiralled out of control. She battled every day with alcohol addiction, food issues and suicidal depression she was in a mess and could not have been lower. trying everything she possibly could to pull herself up and get yourself going. She felt time and time again. Nothing worked for her and she was lost. But by unintentional action, she created her own salvation as she began an amazing transformational programme called three times three meditation, which has changed her life and the lives of her clients time and time again, from weight loss and banishing addictive cravings to reconstructing relationships is easy and yet incredibly effective method has caught the attention and support of people like jack Canfield and Bruce Lipton, among others. And of course, the media now with a day filled with writing, public speaking, coaching, and it looks like being madly happy. I’m delighted to have her on the show today. But the questions are, how did she change her life so dramatically on something apparently so simple? How did she thankfully not enter into the suicidal actions that would have meant that a world wouldn’t half the gifts that we now have from her? So let’s find out these questions as we bring on to the show to Join Up Dots, the one and only motivational happiness guru, Dina Proctor? How are you, Dina?
Dina Proctor [2:11]
Hi, David. I’m Fantastic. Thank you so much.
David Ralph [2:15]
It’s lovely to have you here. Life is sunny in your world. I assume you’ve got the American twang. So whereabouts are you?
Dina Proctor [2:24]
At the moment, I’m in New York, I spend about half my time in New York and half my time in the Los Angeles area. So this time, I’m east coast.
David Ralph [2:32]
So what does New York give you? Because I enjoy New York happiness on numerous times. And it’s a crazy world, isn’t it? So? What does it give you that it doesn’t on the on the episode d?
Dina Proctor [2:45]
Well, first, it gives me my family and my sister keeps making the cutest babies. And so I need to spend more and more time here so I can be with my family is
David Ralph [2:54]
doing that. Deena, do you know she’s
Dina Proctor [2:56]
no. That’s it. I think that’s for another kind of episode show. I do.
David Ralph [3:02]
If you can email me diagrams, because I haven’t got it mastered. I’ll be honest.
Dina Proctor [3:07]
Okay, we’ll talk offline. I’ll share everything I know about that. Yeah, so I love spending time in New York, because it gives me a different energy, a different vibe, I get to spend more time with my family. And I’m creating, you know, business relationships and have client relationships out here in New York and in New York City. So that’s fantastic. And I’ve been living in Los Angeles for the past 16 years or so. So I’ve gotten pretty well established out there as well. I like splitting my time. I like kind of being having the energy of both places, both cities.
David Ralph [3:36]
I think that’s the perfect thing, isn’t it when you get a little bit bored. And you go over to New York, and you don’t have to pay sort of our hotel fees, you got your family? And I imagine all the Washington’s done for you and the dinners on the table. Is it that kind of situation?
Dina Proctor [3:50]
Well, I wish
David Ralph [3:54]
it isn’t. She’s too busy making babies. That’s the problem. She’s not looking after you.
Dina Proctor [3:58]
Well, I’m more of the helper outer, I guess you could say, you know, I like to contribute, help out and provide where I can. So I’m the giver when I’m over here.
David Ralph [4:09]
Well, your life has been a roller coaster, as I say that’s it was quite a hard introduction, because there’s certain areas of darkness. And I’m looking at a couple of pictures of you at the moment. And you you’re just radiating happiness. I can’t imagine, really that you was ever in that sort of dark state. But you obviously words. Can you sort of tell us about how that actually happened? How you got to that point in 2008 when you had hit rock bottom?
Dina Proctor [4:37]
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Well, I had always felt even when I was younger, when I was in high school, I felt like I was different from other people from other kids from other people my age. You know, I would, I would spend time with people. And it would feel like they were genuinely happy. And having fun in school. And having good relationships with people there always felt like there was something missing inside of myself. And I know when I was doing I don’t come from an unhealthy family, like nothing in particular was really wrong with my childhood. But I was kind of a perfectionist and one of those little kids that carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. And so I just felt like there was this emptiness, this kind of void. And, you know, I went off to college, and then I moved out to California. And I thought, you know, what if I start helping people that might help me kind of help myself. And I was realising that even though I was doing nonprofit work, and you know, into the the years of my nonprofit work, I was travelling to Africa, and I was travelling to South America, and I was doing all of this great work around the world. And it wasn’t filling whatever this void was inside of myself. So I started going to counselling and therapy and I was diagnosed that I was clinically depressed, I had a diagnosis called major depressive disorder, and I would have such inability to get out of bed in the mornings, it would be really hard for me to just be able to muster the energy to get through the day. And largely because I was so kind of perfection, this, I didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through. So at work, and my friendships, nobody who didn’t, you know, people that didn’t live with me, my roommates, or the people I was dating, even knew that I was struggling with this kind of black hole inside of myself and throughout my 20s I am in my later 30s now, but throughout my 20s in my, in that clinical depression diagnosis, I felt like I tried to change everything about my life to let try and make it better. Oh, if I just meet the one and get married, that’ll fix me or Oh, if I just find the right job, that’ll be what I need. Or I just need an apartment where I live alone and have plenty of space. And then I would get lonely and say, You know what, I just need to live with friends, that’ll fix me. And I spent, you know, 10 or 12 years really, you know, kind of around trying to fill that trying to change different things to make myself happy. None of it worked. Because what I was doing, I can see it connecting the dots looking backwards. Now I can see what I was doing was I was moving and changing circumstances, people pulling conditions. But I was taking myself with me there was inner work that needed to be done that I wasn’t doing because I didn’t even know you know, what was really wrong. And towards my late 20s is when I fell into my alcohol addiction. And I fell into it pretty quick, it started as a bit of a party lifestyle. And then I would feel like I needed to drink to get out of bed in the morning. And then it would be I would have to drink during my lunch breaks. And it took me down pretty quickly. But for a couple of years, I had constant alcohol in my bloodstream while I was at work in the night, you know, just always with alcohol was the only thing that was soothing, this growing feeling of desperation that was inside of myself. And once I started becoming addicted to alcohol, I I started kind of morally deteriorating for lack of a better term. You know, like I started stealing money, I was using people I was lying to everybody that I knew, because I was trying to cover up my addiction and my behaviour. And you know what I felt like I was being coming. And I reached a point where I had just done one too many things that I hated myself for. And that’s when I seriously started considering and planning a date for my own to take my own life because I couldn’t live with who I was becoming. I felt like I had tried everything to fix it, you know, medications, therapies, different cities, different jobs, different boyfriends, nothing I could think of was working and I just wanted out. So that’s that’s where we lead up to to the you know, that end of 2008 was kind of where I that’s where I was, that was my my reality
David Ralph [8:35]
is a fascinating storey I’ve spoken to so many people, and particularly the sort of life coaches that have all got to run all that’s a sweeping statement, but many of them have got to this very dark point in their life when they’ve told me that they were actually considering suicide. And fortunately, none of them had done it. But interestingly, many of them look back at that darkest moment that I realised ization bad. That was the moment to change. That was the moment. And a lot of them have said to me, it was my worst day and my best day ever. The day that I tried to commit suicide, fortunately didn’t happen. And they’re still with us today providing their gifts, would you say that had some kind of relevance to your life?
Dina Proctor [9:20]
Oh my gosh, I really I can emotionally feel that energy when you when you speak of it that way. Because when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go, you’re either going up or you’re going out. And so it’s just this final place where you need to surrender, everything you’ve tried to do and reach out for help from powers greater than yourself from other people. And really learn you know, that was my biggest lesson was was to let go of everything. I thought I knew of how to fix myself and what the problem was and how to deal with this stuff and listen to someone else, you know, kind of guide me through to get my own health in my own healing to let go of things going my way on my way to figure it out my limited mind and vision and brain being able to do this. And so I would say surrender is the word that that really emotionally describes the process that I went through after hitting rock bottom. You I didn’t go out I didn’t go through with the suicide but I did start going up and only at that moment of just complete release and letting go. That’s when everything started to change.
David Ralph [10:31]
I find it fascinating that phrase rock bottom because I’ve never I’ve never had any don’t nice blackness in my life at all. My life has just been pleasantly rainbows all the time. And I feel kind of almost guilty in some way. But I haven’t had that contrast, but I haven’t I just kind of float through life and things generally come out well for me. So how do you know? But it is rock bottom? Do you know it at the time I was the only when you look back you can go know that actually, yeah, it didn’t get worse than that. That was my rock bottom.
Dina Proctor [11:02]
I think in looking back because the first time I hit rock bottom was when I chose to take my own life and I was going to make it look like an accident, you know, an overdose, whatever. And then because I was I had entered an addiction recovery programme by a bunch of synchronicities coming together. And I started telling people, you know that I had planned my suicide and I didn’t go through with it. And I again, morally sold out didn’t stick with the addiction recovery programme and once again, thought about suicide, but because I had admitted my plan to everybody, and it would no longer look like an accidental overdose. You know, I couldn’t for some reason, it looking like a suicide couldn’t I couldn’t go through with that because I feel it felt like it would devastate You know, my friends and my family and all of that. Like, if it looked like it was an accident, I could then I could be okay with doing it. I I know it’s the the behaviour of the mind of the suicidal alcoholic that I was in probably doesn’t make sense to maybe you are people listening in. But that was my reality. So that first time of playing my suicide choosing a date, I thought that that was my rock bottom. But after I then had that option off the table, it was like my rock bottom had a trap door and I fell down even further. So it’s in the hindsight that I look back and say that was my lowest point. And that was where I gave it up and surrendered and turned my life around. And I think for different people, I think people don’t necessarily have to hit like, you know, rock bottoms are different, and they’re subjective. So my rock, rock bottom might be very different from another person who has had the same situation maybe very different, but has hit a point in their life where they just couldn’t do it their way anymore. Absolutely surrendered, gave up needed, you know, trying to figure it out on their own, and getting help from either the power of peace and wisdom source inside of themselves that higher power, or from other human beings who can, you know, help them cultivate that relation to that inner inner source of power, peace and wisdom, because that’s where healing comes from is being able to uncover and access that, you know, kind of inner higher power. So it’s a spiritual journey. You know,
David Ralph [13:08]
I spoke to a chap on episode 8283 83, Episode 83, called how Elrod and he’s a kind of motivational. He’s the morning coach the Miracle Morning he’s created where he believes if you set your first hour up, right, your whole life pretty much takes care of itself. And he was saying to me, but he had two rock bottoms. One of them, you would think would be the worst one was when he was hit head on by a drunk driver, and he was dead for six minutes. And when they sort of got him back, he was in a coma for 11 days. And he was all broken up and beaten up. And as you can imagine, and you would say, you can’t get any worse van vac that’s got to be rock bottom, you know you’re dead. But he he says a little bit later when his life started to recover. And he was doing really well for himself. It’s Sunday went into spiral again. And when he’d had sort of success, and he’d worked so hard to get himself up and going and then suddenly everything was going wrong. He actually said emotionally, that was a bigger rock bottom, because he didn’t have the sort of the balance of understanding how to do it again, he’d already pulled himself up once. And when he started going down the second time, it was like, I really need help. And he called out to one of his mates. And he’s made actually said to him, you know, what you need to do is exercise. Are you exercising? And he was saying, Well, no, I’m not. I’m too busy. I’m working. I’m up job. And I’ve got these clients and all leaving me and all this kind of stuff. And he was saying that exercise is the thing. And it struck me as many people when I speak to I’m very unhealthy. I really am I sit on a seat all day. And I go for the occasional walk and end up being a Carrey. And I’m kind of kind of fortunate, but I’m naturally slim. But do you see with your clients and yourself? Is there a reason to get your body and your mind, right, that can have lasting effects for so many people who at this moment might be listening to us having those same doubts having those Sony beers having those same thoughts that you had? Is there ways that you can actually, you know, drag yourself out? Or do you always need to have the help of somebody else?
Dina Proctor [15:18]
You know, that’s a really good question. I think, for me, I don’t know if I could have done it without somebody else’s help, I was just at such a point of weakness. And for me, it was like this, this kind of loosening of my own pride that I finally had to admit that I had a problem. So my being able to admit to another human being what I was struggling with, was hugely healing and empowering for me, I don’t necessarily think that it has to be with the help of another person. I believe there are people who have gone through and been able to contact like I was saying, I don’t mean to sound, you know, Uber, whoo, whoo, by saying this kind of spiritual healing. But there really is that there’s that higher source, even if you think of it as your intuition, that guidance within ourselves that we’re all born with, it’s the same power that keeps us you know, alive while we’re sleeping. It’s the same power that while I’m talking with you, I forget that I’m breathing, but my body is taking care of it. And it has designed my body, I didn’t design my body. And yet here I am animating it and having it and you know, enjoying my life in it. So that power is the power that creates the healing. And I am not familiar with anyone off the top of my head that hasn’t hit, you know, the people that I know that have have gone through the eye of the needle, so to speak, or gone through a hellish time in their life and found their own healing. Everyone I know who’s done that has had the help and had the light held by another human being kind of holding the lantern as they found their way on the path. But I don’t I would, I would be hesitant to say that it’s the only way to do it
David Ralph [16:54]
is astonishing Bo, isn’t it that there are so many people and many of them are strangers that you’ve never ever met before. But if you reach out to them, they will help you.
Dina Proctor [17:03]
Yep, yep. Because they understand. And that’s what I am, too. It’s like I get where these people, you know, people who are struggling with depression, or even your most of my clients now are they’re not suicidal alcoholics, I’m working with people who are struggling with, you know, 20 pounds, they’ve been trying to lose for 20 years, or they want to manifest their dream job, or they’ve constantly been in debt, and they want to get out of debt and have a healthy financial relationship. So it’s, you know, it’s different levels of problems or difficulties. But all of us have something in our lives that we would love to have the light shone on that we’d love to have a breakthrough or a healing in or you know, kind of something like that. So for some of us, we need to go down and kind of hit that rock bottom. And for others of us, it doesn’t have to go that low. But it’s not even about having, you know, a trusting relationship. Because you’ve known a person for years, or a member of the family, it’s about you, I have had this experience, too, I get what it’s like to have extra weight on my body, I get what it’s like to have an addiction, I get what it’s like to struggle financially. And I can feel and have compassion for where you are. And I also know how to, you know, kind of work my way and break through that. So here, I can help you. So I get what you’re saying sometimes, it’s very interesting. But when you have kind of a common denominator a common experience, it can create a very strong bond between two people who may not have otherwise met, you know,
David Ralph [18:30]
what did you or your client so worldwide? Or a very sort of territorial or a sort of American based? Or do you have people who Skype in and, and speak to you online?
Dina Proctor [18:40]
Yeah, most of them are not in LA or New York, I don’t meet with my and most of my clients, I’ve never even met in person. And I have some in Canada, I have some in the United States. And I’ve worked with others in Europe. And you know, in Dubai, actually, too. So it’s, it’s been a little bit kind of all over the place. But I love working with people in different areas of the world.
David Ralph [19:03]
So how do you overcome that fear of really putting yourself out there as a life coach, as somebody who has created the free mind free meditation and is changing people’s lives, you’ve really got to open yourself up to bam, emotional state of mind, their difficulties, their issues. And I know somebody who is a therapist in this country, and I was at a wedding reception with her and I was saying, how’s it going? And she said, Yeah, Yeah, I’m fine, fine. And she seemed a bit sort of upset. And I said, well, what’s the matter? And she said, Oh, well, I’ve been having therapy, and I sit on your therapist, what you what you have any favourite people. And she was saying, because I deal with people’s problems all day, every day, I actually have to find a way of shedding those. Now, with your kind of fractured background, is it is that does that make it stronger dealing with these clients? Because I know that you’ve been through this? Or is it more difficult because emotionally, you could be wrong?
Dina Proctor [19:58]
No, you know, it’s actually the opposite. It’s funny because I get that and I understand why. And I have coaches to I have a personal coach and I have a business coach, and I believe I will always have a coach, I’m never going to graduate to the place where no one on the planet is going to be as far along as I am. And you know, so there’s always going to be a person further ahead on the road than then where I am. And that person may change as years go by, but I’m always going to have a mentor to keep me grounded, stable, accountable. So that’s important to me. And I don’t think that that’s a sign of weakness at all, I think it’s, it’s, for me, it’s very, very healthy. It’s not a sign of like, I’m open, and I need to get filled, it’s like I want to continue to expand. And so that’s why I have these teachers around me who continue to grow me they’re not rescuing me anymore. They’re growing me from where I currently am to where it’s where I have the potential to be. So when I work with my clients, if it was, and I’ve had days, you know, where clients will have a breakdown on the phone with me, or will be going through their own, you know, horrible struggle, you know, terrible relationship situation or, you know, kind of whatever they’re going through, or huge depression about their bodies, or a diagnosis or an illness or, you know, some sort of physical issue. But if I wasn’t able to, it’s kind of the question of if there was a doctor going into a hospital that was full of people with measles, and the doctor walked in and immediately got the measles too, he’s not really a good service to anybody, right? He’s got to take measures to keep himself healthy, so that he can be the beacon of light, he can be the beacon of health. And so that’s kind of how I see myself doctor, but I try to be the stable, grounded connected presence. And so I don’t get dragged into other people’s drama. Like I get it. I’ve, I’ve, I’ve felt it before, but I have experienced my healing to such an effect, that it doesn’t really rock me emotionally, very often that I get kind of drained or thrown off or, you know, battled off my rocker and I do a lot of self care practices. You know, I always do my meditations in order to keep my channel to my intuitive guidance open. But it’s very important to me to recognise and have compassion for a person who is might be dealing with something but kind of like if I got the measles too, if I got dragged into that, and, you know, it took me down, I’m not good for either of us anymore. So that’s important to me is to maintain my health and connexion, my mentors do that my meditation process does that. And my, my willingness and wanting to be of service to the world keeps me at a place where I’m grounded and connected. Because only from that point, like if my power cord falls out, you know, if I get too far away from where my outlet is, and my power cord falls out, like my my, my plug into how I charge my own batteries. If I disconnect from my source of power, I don’t have anything to give anybody else. So it’s primary for me to be plugged in and centred. And then I work working with my clients comes only after that, because that’s only where I’m of service to them anyway, is when I’m in a healthy state of mind and being.
David Ralph [23:07]
So what you’re saying in aeroplanes when the mask comes down, you put it on yourself first.
Unknown Speaker [23:12]
Unknown Speaker [23:14]
Yep. So so when you
David Ralph [23:16]
when you were in this kind of state, because I’m interested in how you went from the dead sort of dark part to you finding your salvation and the meditation and all that kind of stuff. What were you actually doing at that time when we were you in corporate land?
Dina Proctor [23:30]
Yeah, I was. I was an executive assistant, you know, kind of administrative office manager type of thing and in corporate America? And yeah, I sure was, I know, it was, you know, kind of a busy, normal corporate, you know, kind of job like that. Yeah.
David Ralph [23:48]
Because I used to work up in the City of London for many, many years. That is a boozy environment. It really is. And you would go up there in the morning, and you would work till lunchtime, and then you’d go off at lunchtime. And you’d have five pints of lager whatever, Ben go back to work, but kind of paying for your drink in the evening. And then you sort of go home, and it was that kind of thing. And I look back on it now. And I think to myself, how can I have functioned? You know, how can I function because I five, five points now in an evening is me gone for two days afterwards. But that was kind of how we did it. And I imagine in the sort of, well, it’s not so prevalent over in America, I’ve never seen bars being full at lunchtime, like they are in London. So you were drinking it sort of lunchtime, how were you not looking a normal to use a phrase,
Dina Proctor [24:36]
it I really honestly have no idea how I never got caught because i have i’ve been at work in a total blackout, not remembering anything that I did, I would largely I wouldn’t go out really at lunchtime and drink, I would go back because I was living close to where I was working. So I would just go back to my home and you know, have a have a couple of days before I went back to work. But there were times when I was at work. I couldn’t remember a thing. And I have no idea how no one didn’t recognise that the only thing I could think is that first of all, no one was expecting that. And second of all, everybody was just so consumed with what they were doing. And it My job was largely independent. So you know, maybe, for some reason people just didn’t know and and you know, it’s funny, because when I went back and talk to the people in that in, you know, my, my former, you know, Jobs or whatever, where where I had been drinking during the day at work, everyone said we had no idea. So sometimes we think we’re hiding it, but really we’re not we were not doing such a good job of it. But really, no one knew it was just crazy. But yeah, yeah, really crazy. I think it is a different cultural thing. Because it’s nobody else was doing what I was doing with the drinking and I was hiding it. And I was Yeah. Yeah. Very different.
David Ralph [25:50]
Yeah, in in London, you would have got promoted, I promise you.
Unknown Speaker [25:56]
I was just in the wrong part of the world
David Ralph [25:57]
using the wrong part of world you would have fit nicely. Yes, it is a terrible thing. So So what was it that pulled you up? As I said in the introduction, it was it seems to me it was unintentional, intentional action. You tried time and time and time again, nothing work. And then suddenly, you stumbled across this thing, which has become your salvation, it has changed your life. So what was it that made you think, hang on, I’m onto something that’s going to instil power into me and recharge me like I haven’t had?
Dina Proctor [26:30]
Well, here’s kind of how it happened and why I say it was unintentional. When I had planned a date to take my own life, it was going to be a Saturday, and on that previous Sunday evening, so six days earlier, I had decided you know what I’m going to get me I’m gonna go to work this week, get everything in order, so that when I do my quote, unquote, accidental overdose, next Saturday, everything will be in line, you know, I’ll get my paperwork here in order, like everything will be okay to leave behind customer,
David Ralph [26:56]
isn’t it, that’s the moon, I would have gotten everything go to pop really. And then fin de mi selfie. Wanted to want to tidy everything up.
Dina Proctor [27:07]
Probably because of that perfectionist tendency I had inside of myself and you know, a guilt that I only wanted this to affect me, I didn’t want to negatively impact anyone else in my life that would have to kind of clean up any mess or tie up loose ends that I would leave behind. So because my my life had been it was always I’m not the important one other people, you know, very codependent type of thing, everybody else was always more important than me. And so that was probably a contributor, you know, to my depression and being, you know, not valuing myself and having very low self esteem and self value and self worth. So that was my thinking was I wanted to just get that week, leave it behind, so that nobody else would be impacted negatively by my doing this. And you because I understand what you’re saying too. And I’m not saying that I was of any kind of sound body or mind. I mean, I was a disaster. But that was honestly the best. That was my best thinking at the time. That was my best thinking. But that’s Sunday night. I didn’t think I could make it the next six days, I didn’t think I could make it till Saturday and you know, keep organised and keep my stuff together and not tell anybody until then. So what I decided to do, and here’s some other great, you know, addictive thinking, I decided that I was going to go to a recovery centre, because it was one that I drove by all the time, like kind of up the street from where I lived in Santa Monica, California at the time. And I thought, you know what, I’m just going to go over there because I want to see what like real drunks are like, and real people that have destroyed their life, because that might make me feel better about myself. That was what I was thinking, like, I did not know that I had the addiction. I didn’t think that I was it didn’t even occur to me that I would have belonged in those rooms. And what I did was, though, that week, those five days, I went to that recovery centre. And I couldn’t believe when people were telling their storeys and I thought, Oh my gosh, he did that I’ve done way worse than that. And she did that she thinks that’s bad. I’ve done way worse than that. And it started occurring to me like, Oh, my gosh, there’s no way I could belong here. Could I really belong here. And I would just sit in the back and cry and cry and cry. These women would sit around me and they didn’t even say a word. They just said keep coming back, it will get better, we promise it will get better. And they would hand me tissues and kind of keep me they didn’t ask me any questions. I’m sure they could tell that I was drinking. But they didn’t even ask me to stop drinking. They didn’t say anything except to come back tomorrow, we will be here for you. And it just felt like there was there was an essence of something there like a comfort, a love something there that kept me going. And when that Saturday came, I went, you know, to the recovery centre I and I thought, am I going to do this thing today I had everything lined up, I had taken care of everything I you know, thought I needed to take care of before I exited the world. And I just thought, am I going to do this thing? And it occurred to me, you know what, there’s something there at this recovery centre. I’m not going to do it today. I can do it tomorrow. Tomorrow, Sunday, no big deal. I don’t, it doesn’t. It’s not right for me to do this today. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. And I lived for about almost three months of saying I can always just kill myself tomorrow, I can always just do it tomorrow. And what they would say at the recovery centre, they would say don’t drink today, just for today. Don’t drink, you can drink tomorrow, but don’t drink today. And for me, it was I won’t kill myself today. I can always do it tomorrow. But I won’t do it today. And sticking around that programme and really cut you know, it took me like I said about three months to come around and recognise like, I need to quit drinking. This is where I belong. These people are telling my storey like these Perfect Strangers understand me from the inside the way no one in my life could because they don’t have this addiction problem. And I didn’t even think I’d had it either. And so to kind of get to the solution oriented part of this, after my three months, I finally just, you know, I hit my rock bottom, I hit my rock bottom again. And I surrendered. I gave up and I said okay, I’m willing to quit drinking. And I’m willing to listen to what this programme has to say. And so this this woman, I chose to kind of coach me through the programme you get, you know, you choose somebody to help you through it. It’s just a normal person. It’s not like a person in any kind of authority, just somebody else who’s gone through the programme to and she I was just, you know, she was so comfortable in her own skin and who she was. And I thought, My gosh, if I could ever feel that comfortable speaking in front of a room of 50 people, I mean, I want to be how she is I want what she has. So she told me she would bring me through the programme. And her first instruction to me was that I needed to learn to meditate. And I remember looking at her like, what the heck kind of homework is that? That’s ridiculous. What am I supposed to sit there in this like, floaty, weird way and just stare at the ceiling and suddenly I’m going to be healed? Like, that’s dumb. I’m not going to meditate. I don’t I don’t even know what that means. You know what, I don’t believe in God. Like, I’m not I’m sorry. But no. And she just looked at me and she said, doesn’t look like you’re always working. Why don’t you try mine for a while? And I mean, what could I say to that? She was totally right. So I said, All right. And
David Ralph [32:09]
again, because that’s that’s such a key part that I want our listeners that that might have gone past them. So say that statement again. Because that’s hugely powerful, isn’t it?
Dina Proctor [32:17]
Yeah. She just said it doesn’t look like your way is working. Why don’t you try mine?
David Ralph [32:23]
And what what do you think she truly meant and why she said that to you.
Dina Proctor [32:27]
She said it I believe because she understood the my my thinking in that I can solve my own problems. I got this under control, get out of my space. I know how to fix this. She had been like that to a you know, kind of a self willed type person. That’s what I was. And she recognised that but held her ground in like this tough love kind of way. And I believe that that’s where it came from. It wasn’t condoning. I mean, you know, wasn’t condescending. It wasn’t. I have the solution and you don’t so shut up. And I’m the authority here. It was just like this was just a statement of fact, she just said, Look at what you’ve done so far. None of it is working. Why don’t you try my way for a while. This is something you haven’t tried before. Why don’t you try it before you Basha like that was where she came from. And it was like this no nonsense, tough love type of way. And because she held her ground with me like that, because it I hadn’t encountered much of that in my life where somebody really held their ground when I baulked up against something. And that like something about that really hooked me. And I thought, all right, fine, I’ll try your way. So I said, What’s the instruction? She said, All right, sit still every morning for 20 minutes and focus on your breathing. And I was like, Well, I don’t really think it’s going to do anything. But I don’t think it will hurt anything. So I’ll do it. And the first few mornings that I tried to do a David I sat down and at about the after 30 seconds not even joking, it really didn’t take very long at all, I would start to have like shaking, probably because I was still detoxing from the alcohol, my body would start shaking, and I would start sweating uncontrollably, like just this reaction from sitting still and letting all these negative thoughts come into my mind because I didn’t know how to stop them. And it was physically intolerable for me to sit for longer than three minutes, it just became unbearable, and I had to get up. I was just shaking, sweating. It was horrible. So I got up. But something nagged at me. And it was like, you know, the only thing she told me to do was to do 20 minutes. And I couldn’t even do that, like what’s wrong with me. So a couple hours later, I would say, you know, maybe I can do three or four more minutes. And so I would sit and just endure that sitting still thing until I couldn’t anymore, it would be three minutes, it was consistently right around the three minute mark. And what happened after about eight weeks of this messy three minute here, three minute there. And I was doing it so that I could total 20 minutes total by the end of the day. So I could call her and tell her you know, I did my 20 minutes even though it was kind of I did seven or eight, three minutes sessions, but I did my 20 minutes total. And her response to me when I told her that she said, you know, whatever you’re capable of right now is great to keep doing that. So I did this three minute here three minute their thing for about eight weeks. And at the eight week point, I came out of one of my meditations. And I my mind was silent. And I had never experienced that before. I didn’t even know if people said Oh, my mind was silent. I’d be like, I don’t even know what that means. That’s not even in my language. I I did not know what it was like to not have a voice in my head. And most of us don’t either. Mo are you saying?
David Ralph [35:31]
Dina Proctor [35:32]
Both because my thoughts are it’s like a I’m not as gets a frantic. But when my what I have thoughts in my head? It sounds like a voice talking in there.
David Ralph [35:41]
Dina Proctor [35:42]
Yeah, so that’s what I’m talking about. So I came out of one of the meditation. And it was like, I just felt like all this space around me. And I realised that there are no words in my head. And I didn’t say oh, there are no words. In my head. It wasn’t a thought that said that. It was just like this deep knowing and realism. And I just kind of knew that without having to articulate it. And then I was looking around my apartment. And it was it was kind of like a veneer, or a shadowing or a veil had been taken away. And I was seeing everything like I was so fully present in the moment. And I was seeing everything as beautiful. The old beat up furniture, I was like, it’s just gorgeous. And I was looking at my cat and I could see his soul, I could almost see his loving energy radiating towards me. And it was I was in this state. When I got up from the couch for meditation, I realised that my conscious awareness was above and behind my body. It was it was like an out of body experience, except I was tethered to my body. It was just my consciousness was above it. And what I think happened now, you know, looking back at what that was, is I believe that I that was my first connexion where I really felt, you know, the entire I already have my being because our physical selves like our bodies are, I don’t know, maybe in my perspective, from what I had that experience, it felt like my body was maybe 5% of who I really am. And we’re so body focused. I thought my body was like the whole thing. But it was like this energy, this consciousness, this knowingness was this 95% of major energy that was like, surrounding, and above and behind it all around my body. But it was like almost that this energy was kind of animating the body, the body was just like this rental car that I was driving around, rather than it being my identity. And I was in this state of no mind chatter, and being above and behind my body for about three days. And in those three days, in the conversations I had, and the experiences I had, like, when I was brushing my teeth, it was almost overwhelming, how pleasurable it was. It’s like this, this veil had been removed. Because when we have mine chatter, it’s like we’re my distracted. Like, I’ve had experiences where I’ve been in the shower, and my hair’s wet. And I’m like, I can’t remember if I shampoo it or not. And it only would have been two minutes ago, like how do I not remember if I did that, because I’m so distracted by the thoughts or whatever’s going on, in my mind. Well, during these three days, it was like, everything was in slow motion, everything was fully present, there was nothing wrong with anything, everything was perfect, I was seeing the soul essence of every human being that I came in contact with. And that three days, it’s kind of like all the lights went on. And I saw all the access to the not the answers of life or it’s not like I was exposed to this knowledge of this book, but just everything was obvious to me of how the world worked. And that the physical reality was only thought form become solid, it was kind of like, what you know, clouds can then become liquid form. And then you know, like the vapour can become a liquid and then can be, you know, become solid ice was like, it was so obvious to me that this consciousness was what was really real. And however, I chose to solidify it in my world, whatever I want it to happen with my body with my financial situation and my career and my relationships. If I got it right in that Uber conscious state, it would come to be reflected in my physical reality that the answers were never to manipulate physical reality in order to make myself happy. The answers were in that consciousness to then become reflected in my physical reality I, this is it, I feel like I’m describing a really nebulous way. But it was a very obvious grounding, practical kind of way of seeing, it was just very obvious to me that you know that the physical world is nothing more than a mirror of what’s going on in my in my thinking, and my consciousness and my emotional state. So the data,
David Ralph [39:47]
there’s a video that I’ve watched on YouTube, and I was desperately trying to think what it was that he was talking. And it starts off with a check, or Bob Proctor or same Sir, he’s not related, is he?
Dina Proctor [39:58]
No, no, but a lot of people think he is. So now he and I have a running joke.
David Ralph [40:01]
Oh, well, you actually know what I know it
Unknown Speaker [40:03]
David Ralph [40:04]
Yes, it just dawned on me. And he starts off with him. And he’s talking about how everything is energy, and everything is power, and how, you know, we don’t actually understand how electricity works. But if you if you tap the desk, it’s only made up of atoms. It’s just in that form. And what you were saying bear struck me as very similar to that. But really, no matter what we’re doing, no matter what we’re looking at is only the reality that we’re perceiving. And we can change that reality, just by mindset and influence over that environment. Is that what you’re saying?
Dina Proctor [40:37]
Exactly, right. Exactly. Right. Yep. Yep. But what was so interesting was because after I’d had this three day experience, I knew that these little three minute meditations were doing something, right, because that was the catalyst to me having this kind of experience. So after those three days, my mind started wondering, oh, I wonder how long this is going to this is different than it’s ever been before, in that little voice started again. And then like jump, I was back in my body, right. So that was like, an extraordinary experience of awareness. And I it’s unforgettable, because of all the like wisdom or knowledge that I tuned into while I was there. And what I what I have done since then, was take these little three minute meditations because when you go through addiction recovery, there are people you need to make amends for, I had to go back and apologise and return money I had stolen, have conversations with men I had dated and people I had heard and taken from and all of that, and the way that I prepared for these conversations and potential, you know, returning that money, I it was a real possibility, they could have put me in jail. And I prepared for these, you know, interactions with people in my meditation, I knew that if I just got to the place of absolute peace, non resistance. And in having these conversations, that would mean I was totally connected to that, you know, kind of higher consciousness within that we were one I call it big me, and little me, right. So that would mean that my physical self was tuning in and just kind of being directed by and inspired by this intuitive guidance, the voice of my intuition really is what it was to have these conversations, and I had the most beautiful healing fully present conversations I’ve ever had in my life, then I you know, because a lot of times when you have an alcohol addiction, when you stop drinking, you start another addiction, like smoking or eating or something. And so I had started eating and I went up to sizes and my clothes, it wasn’t huge, but I couldn’t fit into anything I wore, it was like this fake weight that I didn’t need. And I just thought, you know, I bet that this higher essence wisdom has the way for me to eat, I’m going to let everything go about what I think about bad food, good food, carbs, calories, blah, blah, blah, I’m setting that all aside, and I’m just going to get fully present every time I eat. And let the inspiration and intuition come from that higher, higher self. And I was able to shed seven of those pounds that I had put on within 10 days. And I know that sounds unrealistic and kind of weird, and how is nine minutes a day going to transform anything. But what what it’s doing is you’re conscious constantly because I’ve interviewed now neuroscientist cell biologist, people who understand how the mind body connexion works. And it turns out that the physical reality our bodies, you know, our relationship state, like you know, the thing you were describing about Bob Proctor, everything in our physical reality really is easier than we think, to change. So when I got in touch with the fact that I was tapping into my healthiest body blueprint, my body just got right on it and shed the extra weight, like in no time at all. So it’s not about miracles or magic. It’s about let me let the power greater than myself orchestrate this for my greater good. And that’s how I teach. I teach people it’s like, okay, you want to accomplish this in your life for this success. All you need to do is change your consciousness about it change the way you feel about it, I work a lot with people about how our emotions work, are we feeling constricted, contracted, are we feeling relaxed, expanded, and being able to choose thoughts that have us feel better emotionally, because that’s the indicator that we’re creating towards what we want to create, if we’re looking at our body and thinking, I have had these pounds on me for 20 years, I’m never going to lose this weight, that’s what we keep perpetuating. But if we can find just a little crack in the armour and say, even though I’ve been stuck so long, I wonder if it’s possible that things could change, and we just start turning it a little bit becoming curious becoming open, that gap can get wider and wider. And we can gradually get into positive feelings and expectations about our body. And then we experience profound, you know, healing or shedding of weight or whatever it is to make ourselves healthy. And so that’s how this little nine minute a day thing can be ultra transformative for people because that’s what I’ve learned from the from the neurobiologist and the and the neuro you know, all the all the understanding of Mind Body science is that the the thought patterns need to change and when you’re constantly and consistently interrupting them three times a day, or even more than that, if you want to you are you are accelerating your transformation because that those little breaks that you take where you get centred, connected, grounded and listening to intuitive wisdom, that becomes your new state of being that becomes your new normal. That becomes where you make your decisions from everything from you know what to eat at one meal, which is a relatively small decision into where do I want to live? Where do I want to retire? Where do I want to, you have a career so that I can experience abundance and be of service in my life. So that’s how it that’s how something that seems so simplistic can really be ultra powerful and creating transformation.
David Ralph [45:48]
So so for the listeners out there, basically that they that might be the first time they’ve ever heard that I can talk with you, because I’m quite interested in all that kind of stuff. And the thing I loved about you, Dina Proctor was you kind of started it off. I know this might sound a bit weird, because there’s so many people out there that might be going Hang on, hang on, I’m not really sure about this. But what you’re really saying is, by mindset, again, you are giving yourself the space to reprogram yourself.
Dina Proctor [46:14]
Exactly right. Because when you think about it, you know, our thoughts activate, you know, kind of neural pathways in our brains, you know, you’ve probably seen or people listening might know what I’m talking about, you know, when scientists but those those connectors with wires, you know, those suction cup things all around your head to measure your brain activity. And then they’re shown, you know, images on a screen or images in a movie or something, it’s like we have a measurable reaction. So our thoughts and reactions have an electrical impulse, right. So if we see something like a mom loving a baby, that may activate this kind of loving part of our brain, we have a physical measurable chemical reaction that the scientist in the other room can chart and measure and you know, and if there’s disturbing image, another part of the brain reacts. So it’s and that may be more familiar for people to understand, like, Okay, I understand, we can see that. So when you you know, that’s something that seems kind of nebulous, like a thought that seems kind of, you know, on concrete, to have a thought. But every thought has a reaction, a measurable chemical, physical reaction in our brain, and what is the function of our brain to regulate our body. So if we are constantly bombarding ourselves, so if you know, if you got your brainwaves measured, regarding the way you feel about your body, and your attitude towards your body is I hate my body, it’ll never heal, it’ll never blah, blah, all of that is chargeable, measurable chemical reactions going on in your brain. And when you have those reactions, it’s like, we introduce a stress level, there’s a stress level to that we have a stress, like a stress, whether it’s real or imagined, our body does not know the difference, whether and you can say that, you know, there’s been some times I’ve happened to have like a little fear of spiders, right. And sometimes I’ll see a little dust thing on the floor and think it’s a spider and kind of jump. Well, it wasn’t a real spider, but my perception of it was that it was something scary. So I had this stressful, scary reaction, even though the stimulus wasn’t real. So it’s, it’s our perception of the stimulus that so if we have a negative perception of our body, or whatever it is, those stress hormones, those negative thoughts create reactions in our bodies, which and then and then when we have a stress reaction, it creates like a cortisol, which is the stress hormone, our body goes into kind of a fight or flight, which is very useful if you need to run from a black bear that’s on the you know, trail, it’s useful to have fighter flight, or if something terrible happens and you need to like lift a car and have superhuman strength, very powerful, to be able to create that to have those hormones going through our blood that you know, get away from every day things like digesting food and repairing cells and divert all attention from that and gets us into we can we can handle this stressor in front of us. Now, that’s useful in times of emergency, but it’s deteriorated. it deteriorates us if it’s a constant way of living. It’s not meant to be, you know, constantly stressful. And that’s why it perpetuates is because we constantly keep releasing the negative thoughts release the stress hormones, and that keeps our body in an unhealthy state where it cannot repair and it cannot heal. That’s why it’s important to begin thinking more positively. And not in a funky, funky nice EIC way, but just in a what if it’s possible way, things haven’t moved for a while. But I bet I can find a example of someone who is like me who’s been able to accomplish it, if I can find that maybe it can happen for me too. I don’t have any guarantees. But I’m just curious, I’m a little bit open, I’m 1% open, and I used to be zero percent open, even that little improvement, because it’s like rungs of the ladder when you want to heal your thinking, you can’t start just fake he fake he thinking nicely, nicely stuff. And it’s all going to transform because it’s incongruent, it feels fake, it feels unrealistic. And we need to work with that within ourselves. And so just choose something that feels a little bit better a little bit better. Try that for seven days within, you know, three times a day, getting into that place of even though I’ve been stuck, I wonder if it’s possible. After seven days, evaluate, you know, what, I do feel like I used to be stuck, but I kind of feel more like there might be something possible here, let me see where this goes. Commit to another seven days of maybe a thought that feels a little bit better than that. And in doing so, you rewire your brain, the synapses fire in a different way. The hormones that are released are different, the, you know, reactions that the brain sends because the brain sends the signals to the cells of the body on what to do and how to do this and what to repair. And what’s it you know, so the better that we start thinking, the better we start feeling. And the feeling is the way that we know that things are physically changing in our body. I’m not a scientist, I can’t guarantee that everything I’m saying is I it’s it’s like my best understanding of how this happens in like, the simplest terms I can find.
David Ralph [51:14]
Well, you know, this show is all about hope. It’s all about trust. It’s all about. It’s not about scientific facts. I had conversations on a daily basis with people and it’s purely their opinions. And your opinion there comes at us, it was like a tsunami, I was being flooded by your passion. And it was almost like I felt like say, calm down, calm down Dina, that you were so excited about it as well. And all the time as I was listening to you, I was thinking to myself, normally I’ll play a speech by Steve Jobs. And I was thinking, why in this conversation to be playing he he’s iconic 2005 speech. Because to me, it sounds like you didn’t really have a leap of faith, you didn’t have a moment when you decided to take action, trust faith, and like people generally do, it almost seems like you’ve been pulled onto a path that by a tiny little things occurring, occurring occurring, ultimately tracked you into a better place. But I’m going to play it anyway, just because I’m fascinated to hear your spin on it, and see whether you do think I’m wrong. And it is actually relevant to your life. So this is,
Steve Jobs [52:28]
of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the way one path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [53:04]
So what do you think about those words, and Dina?
Dina Proctor [53:06]
I think they’re fantastic. I don’t think it’s something I could have related to when I was kind of in my suicidal place, it would have just sounded like mumbo jumbo. But from where I sit, now I really do get it because if I hadn’t gone through what I went through, I wouldn’t have a method and mode, you know, methodology and that can serve other people. So when I look back, even though it looked like something that was absolutely horrific, it really did have a gift. And you know, the synchronicities that led me to take a writing class. And then that led me to meet a meet jack Canfield, who encouraged me to read this book and to to have the career and the message out there in a big way that I have today. I couldn’t Of course hold any of that. In fact, I was resistant to some of it as it came up. But when I look back, I can absolutely see how that happened. But and what Steve Jobs is talking about is believing in something having trust or faith in something, again, not something I could have related to it those by, you know, towards the end of 2008. But I get it now, because that’s that intuitive guidance. That’s that higher sense of consciousness, that’s our deepest essence. And so that’s what I have faith. And that’s what I believe in now. And that’s what I help people to connect with inside of themselves. So that they can, you know, kind of hone that guidance and get the answers that they need, you know, moving forward. But he’s exactly right, when sometimes you can’t see. And now it’s easier for me to trust because it’s like, I didn’t know where I was going to end up in this point. And I feel like I’m doing pretty darn good. So I’m doing world’s better than I was six years ago. So
David Ralph [54:43]
I do love it, don’t you?
Dina Proctor [54:45]
I love Well, you can feel my passion wanting me to kind of calm it down. Like I get that. But it’s like I have so much passion for this stuff that it just sings through me. It’s just, it’s so amazing to feel this way. Because how I feel about now is fully alive. And I never felt fully alive. Before I started doing the work that I do now.
David Ralph [55:06]
Good for you. Good for you. bring us to the end of the show. Dina, it’s the part of the show to we call the Sermon on the mic. And this is when I send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And I’m going to be fascinated to hear what advice you would give the younger Dean because you’ve been on such an amazing the difficult and torturous journey. But you’ve ended up in such a wonderful place. So I’m going to play the music and when it fades out, this is when you’ve got the chance to go back and have those words of advice. This is a sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [55:42]
Here we go with the best of the show.
Dina Proctor [56:01]
Um, this is my time, I just feel I can feel the energy of that younger person who still resides somewhere nearby or within me. And the message that I just feel I want to tell her is trust the process, the journey will not lead you astray. Though you might feel at some times that you just want to Abort mission and get out, stay the course day through it. trust the people that come into your life and that feel like they have something for you that offer to shine the light for you. If they feel good to you if it feels good to be around them and to let them into your world to let them teach you something that you might not have figured out, allow them in, stay open, stay trusting, stay open minded, that even if things on the outside are looking so good, there may be some sort of bigger message or higher intention behind all of it. Take that with you as a background awareness as you go through every step moving forward every day of your life.
David Ralph [57:16]
Dina Proctor, how can our listeners who have been inspired by your passion, your enthusiasm and the abilities? You’ve got to help your clients? How can they connect with you?
Dina Proctor [57:25]
I’ll probably the best way is just through my website, which is madly chasing peace.com. And then all my you know, I have Facebook and LinkedIn and Google and Twitter and all that kind of stuff. So you can find me there just using my name Dina Proctor, and it’s all linked right on my website. So that’s kind of the best way probably
David Ralph [57:43]
well, we will put all those links on our show notes. Thank you so much for spending time with us today joining up those dots of your life. I know it’s been quite difficult in certain places, reflecting on some of the stages of your life. But please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up those dots and connected our past is the best way to build our futures. Dina Proctor. Thank you so much.
Dina Proctor [58:05]
David, thank you it’s been such a joy so appreciate it.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.