Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Mike Domitrz
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Introducing Mike Domitrz
Todays guest, joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview is Mr Mike Domitrz.
He is a man who has a harrowing story, but it is a story that you think “Man that is terrible, but wow he has turned this into a positive. Bigtime”
And as we see time and time again on Join Up Dots, our guest will find their path in life due to a situation that you wouldn’t wish on anyone. But they move from the dark place into the light by perseverance, love, understanding and curiosity.
Back in 1989, he has a phone call that changed his life.
He had been advised that his sister had been raped. What could he do to help? What could he do to support his sister?
Well for two years, he struggled to deal with the rape and the effect it had on his life – both as the brother of a rape victim and as a male. He transferred colleges – so he could be close to home and his sister during the trial.
How The Dots Joined Up For Mike
And once back home with his family, he saw the pain, rage and sadness his parents, relatives, and family friends were also going through. The sexual assault of his sister had changed many people’s lives.
And it was with this dawning realisation that an assault like this was as much based on lack of understanding of what is the correct way to conduct yourself with someone else, as it was a crime.
It was the worlds lack of understanding, of the other personal right of personal standards that was the problem.
Could Mike Domitrz change the mind-set of youngster, adults and anyone with a sexual urge to realise that there was a way of interacting with each other that wasn’t happening.
And over ten years, he worked, talked, discussed, reviewed and developed the “Can I Kiss You” platform, where he uses humour to break down the barriers of this taboo subject.
And now he travels the world bringing his message to the world.
As he says “”I do feel the work is a calling. The traveling does not get tiring because I know I’m going somewhere to get the opportunity to open minds and inspire a new way of thinking. I get the wonderful honor and opportunity to plant the seed for them to take care of and nourish.“
He is an author, speaker, father of four and husband to his beloved wife, and now here ready to join up his dots, so its with great pleasure that I bring onto the show the one and only Mike Domitriz
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Mike Domitrz such as:
How unique ability is the key to finding your passion in life……and combine unique ability and passion and you have it all
How he remembers he felt guilt that he was holding his first published book, but wouldn’t have been if his sister hadn’t endured the ordeal that she went through
How it is so important to find the gaps where your new audience is hiding…by not going where everybody else is going to spread your message
How he believes that the entrepreneurial spirit was always in him, right from a young child, but needed something to channel it into a purpose.
How no matter how old a person is they are still able to change their sexual activities and they way they conduct themselves with other people.
How To Connect With Mike Domitrz
Return To The Top Of Mike Domitrz
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Audio Transcription Of Mike Domitrz Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:27]
Yes, hello there, everybody and welcome to Episode 199. Almost at the 200 not quite there, but don’t worry about it because we have got an amazing guest. That’s what you expect on Join Up Dots every single day. We’ve got an amazing guests to share their storey their success, their struggles. And honestly, today’s guest is a man who has a harrowing storey but it’s a storey that you think man, that is terrible. But Wow, he’s turned this into a positive big time. And as we see time and time again on Join Up Dots, our guest will find their path in life due to a situation that you really wouldn’t wish on anyone. But they moved from the dark place into the light by perseverance, love, understanding, and most of them not curiosity. Now back in 1989, he had a phone call that changed his life, he’d been advised that your sister had been raped. What could he do to help? What could he do to support his sister? Well, for two years, he struggled to deal with a raven the effect he had on his life both as the brother of a rape victim and as a male. He transferred colleges so he could be close to home and his sister during the trial. And once back home with his family, he sort of pain, rage and sadness, his parents, relatives and family friends were also going through the assault of the sister had changed so many people’s lives. And it was with this dawning realisation. But another assault like this was as much based on lack of understanding of what is the correct way to conduct yourself with someone else. As it was a crime, it was the world’s lack of understanding of the other person’s right of personal standards. That was the problem. So could he change the mindset of youngsters, adults and anyone with a sexual urge to realise that there was a way of interacting with each other, that just wasn’t happening. And over 10 years, he worked, talk discussed, reviewed and developed the Can I kiss you platform where he uses humour to break down the barriers of this taboo subject. And now he travels the world bringing the message to the world as he says, I do feel the work is according the travelling does not get tiring because I know I’m going somewhere to get the opportunity to open minds and inspire a new way of thinking, I get the wonderful honour and opportunity to plant the seed for them to take care of and nourish. He’s an author, speaker, father of four and husband to his beloved wife. And now he’s here ready to Join Up Dots. So it’s with great pleasure that I bring onto the show. But one and only Mike Domitrz. How are you, Mike?
Mike Domitrz [2:49]
Wonderful. Thanks for having me on today.
David Ralph [2:50]
David, is lovely to have you on it is one of those things that normally when I start these shows, we have a kind of quite flippant sort of preamble, we yours. It’s, it’s, I’m grappling with how to sort of proceed into it. So I am going to go the normal route. So um, what is life for you? Like, normally you are a father, you’ve got a wife? How do you balance all that with the sort of travelling round like you’re doing at the moment?
Mike Domitrz [3:18]
Well, you set boundaries, and you set rules for yourselves, what we do is we say, for instance, if I’m overseas speaking, I only go overseas for two weeks at a time, so that I’m never gone away from my family for that long. If it’s longer than that, then I would make an arrangement, we would only do it if my family could come overseas with me for a little bit of the time. So you set boundaries, I very rarely speak on weekends. Typically, I speak Monday through Thursday, maybe Friday, every now and then. But very, very rarely on weekends. So I’m home with my family, every weekend, I take a complete week off typically in the busiest times of the year, each month, so that I’m home for 10 days in a row every month. So when you break it down, even though I may be gone 100 days a year, I’m still hoping to 165 days with my family.
David Ralph [4:02]
So it’s a waste of service that you’ve been because this obviously was a movement that started in America, because that’s where you live. So Where has your reach spread out too?
Mike Domitrz [4:13]
Well, it really depends on what direction we want to go. I’ve been to the polar ice cap, just literally where I could see the polar ice cap while I was standing at the location to the to Africa, Southern Africa to literally South Africa, to the Middle East to Asia. So really, we’ve been all over the world we’ve done we spoke on four continents. And a lot of that work is for when we’re out speaking for the US military who has installations around the world.
David Ralph [4:39]
So when you went to the polar ice cap, it was for the military then assume was it?
Mike Domitrz [4:42]
It was? That’s correct. That was for an Air Force Base. Last minute, that must be a bizarre
David Ralph [4:47]
bizarre phone call that you get, you must have thought that it was a wind up first of all, can you come to the north pole or the South Pole? Did you did you think he was to talk to centre on these elves or something?
Mike Domitrz [4:59]
Well, I think I know when we get these calls, that they’re coming from the military, that they’re they’re absolutely legitimate because we do know, we have military all over the world. What’s interesting is how you learn how that that works. You know, for instance, there on the North Pole, it’s in Greenland, there’s no communities there, the only way to get to this location is on a military plane. And you get on at two in the morning and you fly for like eight, you know, seven, eight hours before you land. And so it is an amazing experience you’re there in the sea is right in front of you. The water and icebergs are there and it’s you know, you’re it’s like lava for the ground? It is it’s an incredible experience.
David Ralph [5:37]
Easy something, obviously, we’re going to touch on your path. But even when you’re flying over it, do you kind of think, Wow, my life has really, really changed.
Mike Domitrz [5:47]
Absolutely, you know, there are times where I’m out of plane and I just look out the window and you get some amazing views from the plane from an aeroplane. And you just say to yourself, you know, I am incredibly grateful because this is a beautiful ride to work. You know the clouds a sunset, it could be a storm, but you’re flying above it, and you’re seeing the lights and yeah, apps you have every day you you are grateful for the opportunity. You have to travel the world meet people and share a message that you believe in? Well, when you
David Ralph [6:19]
look back on it as well, I said in the introduction, but it is it’s it’s a question actually that I’ve once again, I’ve been grappling with all day to ask you this. And there’s no right way to ask this. I’m just going to ask it. Obviously, your wife, I saw your sister went through an ordeal that you wouldn’t want on anyone. But it has in a way brought a lightness and a joy and it’s found your calling. Is it something that when you look back on it, you kind of think actually, my life wouldn’t be in this good a shape. Without that. Even though I really don’t want my sister to have ever gone through back the GDPR. What I’m saying Did you kind of almost feel guilty, but you’re in a better place when you perhaps would have been because this incident happened.
Mike Domitrz [7:04]
So the first time I felt that guilt, and maybe not the first time but a time that I’ve always remembered in my life feeling that guilt was when my first book came out the IKEA issue, and you get your first copy and it gets shipped to your house and you’re excited. It’s your very first book, you’re an author, and they already received very strong reviews. So we were pumped up and I’m holding the book and I realised I’ve got to get the first copy to share it. Without Sherry, I’m not doing this work. The book was dedicated to Sherry at the front of the book. So I drove to Sherry’s home, she lived about an hour away and I sat down as they went to hand Sherry the book, I started to Europe. And Sherry looked me in the eyes and said, Mike, why you? Why are you crying? This is such a great day. And I said to Sherry said, Yeah, but for me to have this great day, you had to be rate. And that’s really messed up. And Sherry looked me right back in the eyes and said, Mike, I’ve always believed this happened to me for some reason, in some way. So that you can make a positive difference. And do what you do. When your sister who is an incredibly strong survivor says those words to you. You realise once again, how incredibly courageous and strong survivors are, and how grateful you are to have her in your life. And without her, I wouldn’t be doing this work because it was her strength, her courage. It wasn’t anything I did. After she was raped. It was watching her strength and her courage that made me realise I wanted to speak out about this. And it also made me look in the mirror and say, wait a second, how am I dating? How am I treating partners? And so I did not start from a place of how dare somebody sexually assault because I’ve always done everything perfectly. I actually started from Wait a second have I always asked if I haven’t asked it was I making assumptions. And I really did a lot of self finalisation that made me wake up and go Whoa, how it most of us been taught to date. And that was a wake up call. All inspired at the beginning by cherry.
David Ralph [9:08]
He’s interesting when you say that, because we’re not taught or we were not taught how to date. You know, I I’m a married man, I have been for many, many years. And so I haven’t been in the dating, vicinity feed, you know, for years and years. Thank God, I wouldn’t know what to do. Now. My I really wouldn’t. But I remember when I was a younger man, you just kind of basically saw an opportunity and tried your hand really. And if it came off, that was brilliant. And if it didn’t, then when you went home with your tail between your legs? And is that a kind of common theme that you see across the world? Is that is that how youngsters do act today?
Mike Domitrz [9:46]
It is very much a common theme. And there are places in the world where they didn’t go back home with their tail between their legs. They’ve they are culture almost approves of forcing what you want. There is sexist, literally classism, but it’s sexism. And that when you’re on a date, they think they’re above somebody they can do whatever they want to that person, there are those cultures to the culture you’re describing is what I grew up that somebody went for it. And you know, if somebody didn’t say, nowhere stop you. If you talk to most people, they say, well, then you keep going. And you you pull back from that you go, Wow, think about that for a second. If I walked up to somebody on the street and said, Hey, before somebody ever touches you, sexually or intimately, should you have a choice before they do that. Most everybody will say, Well, of course I should. But then you say to people, all right, but but if you’re on a date, you just go for it in somebody’s body? Are you actually giving them a choice, you making them to take action to defend themselves? Well, I mean, they have a choice to stop me is what the personal say, yeah, here would you just said you’re going to make them stop you. And so it’s very predatory. And it’s what people are taught to do in dating. And then people go, Wow, that is that is messed up. You’re right, if I just go for it on my partner’s body, assuming that they’re going to stop me, I’m making them defend their body, instead of giving them an actual choice. Would you like to do this? Are you in the mood? May I kiss you? It depends on how far you want to take the conversation, or the intimacy, of course, but giving them a full out choice. And so that was really groundbreaking for me when I learned that and realised why we all taught this. And it was the people who taught me those lessons that made me want to realise, hey, we got to tell the world this, we got to give you this simple skill set that can revolutionise real respect and intimacy.
David Ralph [11:29]
So So what was your path? Originally, before this, this crime occurred? You obviously were going through college, you had dreams and aspirations. What were you aiming to be?
Mike Domitrz [11:40]
I was aiming to be an actor. I was studying Theatre in Chicago, a when this happened as a student, and when I received the phone call, a few months later, I transferred I wanted to be home, I was really struggling to deal with what had happened. And so I moved home. And then I changed majors, I went from theatre to business. So my I went into entrepreneurship, actually,
David Ralph [12:03]
what did you do with that mind? Why did you change? Strong direction?
Mike Domitrz [12:08]
Yeah, it was a drastic change. And here’s why it happened. I sat looked in the mirror and said, If I pursue theatre, will I be able to have the family that I want to have, because when my sister was assaulted, it brought home that much more important to me how much family mattered, and how much I wanted to have a family and be there for my family. And I thought, if I’m in theatre, I might struggle to do that. And so I changed the business, and then changed to entrepreneurship, because I wanted to speak out on this issue. So I started my speaking business in college. So I took the theatre, and I took the business. And I was already an activist on the topic as the brother of a survivor, and I just kept researching and researching and learning and taking everything I was learning and developing this programme. And that’s how it slowly made its way to where it is today.
David Ralph [12:56]
But I’m struggling to see why you would think that you couldn’t have a family being an actor, I don’t get why your path was so right turn.
Mike Domitrz [13:06]
Well, here’s why what I was watching was a lot of people going out in auditioning waiting tables, keep in mind that was you know, 19 years old at the time, waiting tables. And if they were in a show for three months, every night, you’re not home. And so I was looking at that and saying I wouldn’t be able to be regularly home. Now, the irony of that, of course today is that I travel 100 days a year, around the world. The difference is I do get to control my calendar versus if I was in a show, I wouldn’t have that that flexibility. But at that time I was I was reeling from what had happened to my sister. And so my judgement was clouded. Also, as far as you know what all these thoughts that were going through my head and trying to understand these emotions I was having, and I want it security. And for some reason, I believed business would be more secure than theatre. Now out. Anybody who owns their own business knows that’s mythical. If you go into business for yourself, it’s going to be one of the high risk things you’ll ever do. But that was what I thought at the time.
David Ralph [14:11]
Is the irony really is now you’ve come full circle again, and you’re an actor that’s created his own show. And you take it under your terms, isn’t it?
Mike Domitrz [14:22]
Yes, to a degree. I mean, of course, it all depends on when people want us, you know, we we get brought in by the military, by schools, by universities, by communities, on their demand, you know, so it’s, you’re not totally get to choose when you’re when you’re doing it, it is up to them. But you do get to choose Yes or no? What if you have family events, you can say no to that, and you can be there for your family, which is really, really important to us. And you’re right, that there’s a part of what I do that is very theatrical, there’s absolutely no question about that. On the other side, now we do the expertise side of the work, which is consulting and training. So it’s not the theatre side, it is more the educational side, and teaching people and revealing discoveries and skills to people.
David Ralph [15:03]
So So let’s take you back in time again, because we’re jumping back and forth. But that’s the way that we do it in this show. Because your system improved. And then you change direction, and then you came home and then you started studying business. But then there was like a 10 year path from my understanding where you research research research. And one of the things that you came up with was that although this content was out there beforehand, the recipients ie the audience were bored by it, it was it was content that was dry, analytical, and just left them cold and slowly. The UK I suppose the emotion that you’re trying to bring into it was just lost and beaten, take home anything, when you decided to do things in a slightly different way. That was quite courageous, wasn’t it? Because you decided he was going to bring humour and a positivity into a subject which many people foot was too boo. The people born you off that? Did they say no, Mike, that’s not gonna work. You can’t go into schools, you can’t make light of this thing in front of an audience.
Mike Domitrz [16:11]
So yes, yes, yes. So I’m going to back us up a little bit. So when I was in college, I started speaking to classes, and I was very passionate. I was an angry brother at the time. And so my passion was there. But that’s what I was just taking my passion and just like yelling it not, you know, not literally, but at the world. And I would start working with a few teachers in their classes presenting. And they said, Mike, when you do that thing over there, amen. The students really seem to like it. And so all I was doing was listening to the feedback. And what I realised was, Hey, I got to tone that down. It’s not my audiences fault that this happened to my sister, and so I need to tone that down. And then another professor Jerry Weatherall said, Hey, Mike, you just did that role play thing up there with the students? Oh, my gosh, they really love that. And when what I started learning was from educators telling me, here’s what’s working about what you’re doing. And we just kept pulling out what was working and leave that in the show, take out the stuff that wasn’t. And what we found was a lot of the humour was what got people’s attention. But then having this skill sets to give people to implement in their lives, adding those two together, took it to a whole nother level. And so here, I was a college student. Now keep in mind, I was 2223 years old when I was doing this, but I look like I was 17 or 15, even. And so it was it was even worse, because people going we’re not gonna have some young, you know, punk almost nothing to talk to us about this. And so what happened was I, Karen and I, my wife got married, and I realised, well, I don’t think I can support my family doing this. So I did it on the side, I left it full time did it on the side for about eight years that took us to 2012. And I was doing it at a conference when a nap speaker said, Why aren’t you doing this all over the country? Why gave this person very quick version of my storey. And they said the world has changed in the last eight years, the world is looking for the message you’re you’re sharing in the skills you’re giving the students. And literally overnight, we sold our business over the next month and a half, we sold our company. And we almost went bankrupt over the next year. But we believed in what we’re doing. My wife believed in what I was doing. And that’s a huge reason we are where we are today. Because she she saw the vision and she met me when I was doing this work. So she always believed that this is where we belonged.
David Ralph [18:37]
But but there’s so many people out there that have a powerful mission, they have a vision, and they do go bankrupt. What was the difference between what you’re doing and all those other people? Why have you become a success on it?
Mike Domitrz [18:51]
Well, we couldn’t file bankruptcy, we were in that hardship times financially, at times, it was a matter of staying committed, and how vision and this is really key having a unified vision. So it was it was as tough if not tougher on Karen’s at night sometimes because maybe she was getting the call from a creditor, you know, we built that on a credit card to do what we did. And she was taking those calls. So having a unified vision is huge. And then being willing to put your voice out to the world you mentioned earlier, you must have had critics Mike who said, this isn’t going to work or you know, do something else and do this as a hobby, I had all of that. I remember one of the first conferences I went to, and I told somebody I want to do this full time. And they said you might want to keep your full time job. And this was at a conference where people come to learn how to speak and share their voice with the world. And somebody was telling me, you might want to do something else. It’s a matter of you know, if that scares you away, you’re probably not going to survive. And so it’s good. The person says it to you because it’s almost a test that you need to go through to see are you committed Are you 100% committed to it, what you’re doing. And we were and I had a lot of wonderful support around me, I’ll be the first to say that much of where we are today is because of those who are around us. Friends, family mentors, colleagues, that that also saw my passion, our vision for what we’re trying to do, and kept kept us in that tunnel vision and believing that we could do this or reminding us of that.
David Ralph [20:24]
I’m gonna I’m gonna play a speech now, which kind of fits into what you’re saying, because you are the crux you wanted to move forward. You didn’t know it was going to work financially, you were struggling. And all demands you you had people saying, Oh, I’m not sure this is a good idea, Mike, but still you proceed with it. This is Jim Carrey,
Jim Carrey [20:43]
my father could have been a great comedian. But he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [21:10]
Now, I love that statement. And it falls very nicely into Nietzsche every episode because there seems to be that moment. We’ve all my guests were they could have said, No, I’m giving up. But they carried on going. And it’s that passion, isn’t it, it’s that chance of taking a risk on something you love. Now, you obviously I can’t imagine in the early days, you loved it, but you felt strongly enough to carry it forward with those words resonate with you. But Jim saying
Mike Domitrz [21:40]
they do resonate with me. And a real key to that is Do you love it enough to dive 100% in? And what I mean by that? Do you love it enough to constantly understand you don’t know everything there is to know and you need to keep learning more every single day mistake a lot of people make is that they think I have this passion. So the world should listen to me. The world’s not paid to listen to you. You have to find a way to get the world engaged. So they want to listen to you if you really want to make impact. And often we can make the mistake of thinking Listen to me world, listen to me world. And I did that at times because of my passion. instead of stopping and going. Why should the world listen to me? What am I saying that they should be listening to what makes what I’m saying any more important than what’s important in their lives right now. And coming to that understanding, becoming as much information and knowledge as you can have on your topic. So you truly can be of service to people, versus just trying to tell them what to do. gaining knowledge, learning, researching, and then being very conscious of how you’re presenting yourself to that world. So they can hear you.
David Ralph [22:49]
That is a brilliant point that you might bear. Because in today’s world, there’s just noise everywhere isn’t there. And I assume if you look your direction, there’s going to be people who a similar to you. So you not only have to get your message out, but you have to do in a slightly different way. And I get a lot of people asked me how I’ve grown the show so quickly. And one of the things that I say to them is number one, I did deliver a show seven days a week, that always helps. But I go out looking for the gaps, but no one else is promoting. And it always seems lunacy that people are promoting in the same areas. Because who wants to listen to the same thing, you’ve got to go and find new ears. And so did you do that? Did you deliberately go to places that hadn’t been touched before, to actually build that kind of ground swell of support in what you were doing.
Mike Domitrz [23:43]
So what I did early on is I went to every single conference or convention where people in the audience would care about my topic. And I if whether it took me speaking for free, or they brought me in didn’t matter, I wanted to be in front of the people who cared most about my topic. If I could serve those people and bring value to their lives, they were going to see the value in bringing this information back to their communities, their schools, their military installations. And so that’s what early on I were I was working weekends were nowadays we we have different roles now that we did early on, because early on, it wasn’t speaking as much. But I was at conferences every weekend, and making sure that I was out there with the people who cared the most, you know, I think you bring up a good point, which is for your show to succeed, you had to work really, really hard. It didn’t just happen overnight, you worked really hard at figuring out what what where to go, that people would hear you the gap you just referred to. For me the gap might have been our approach. So if I can get in front of those audiences that heard they care deeply about the topic, but they haven’t heard this perspective, given this way, they might go well, that’s something different could that help people we know or we work with. And that’s how we were serving the gap. By being able to do that, you know, when people think of the title of our book be I kiss you, they don’t think of sexual assault. And part of the draw of that is, I’m going to get a lot more people to read a book called me I kiss you, then a book titled How to Protect, or how to stop sexual assault in our culture. The gap that we serve as we can, hopefully, with the skill set we share with the world, we can help almost everybody in intimacy and if we help everybody have better healthier, more respectful intimacy, sexual assault naturally goes down. So So vs vs yelling at the world Hey, stop sexual assault?
David Ralph [25:37]
Yeah, no, I can see you bad. That’s never gonna work. Is it?
Unknown Speaker [25:39]
David Ralph [25:41]
So So we’ve your your book, Can I kiss you? does it bring open sort of questions of communication? and body language and all that kind of stuff? I haven’t ready? I’ll be honest. But does it show you a way of actually conducting yourself or is a serious rules about society should buy into?
Mike Domitrz [26:02]
Yeah, so it’s a very, very implementable book. And other words, when you read this book, you can get done reading it and have exact skill sets to use in your life. It is designed for some people to read and use instantly in their life. For instance, the first when you open the first chapter, the very first thing you do is take the body language challenge. And the challenge is six scenarios that you’re in. And in each scenario, it says, here’s the situation. And it tells you some body language is happening between you and your partner, and then ask you what did that body language mean? And people will say, oh, it meant this, it meant that it meant that, and the proof there and the challenges that you don’t know what it meant, you made an assumption of what it meant to could have met the complete opposite of that. And this
David Ralph [26:42]
is just in dating or in marriage and everything.
Mike Domitrz [26:45]
It’s actually in any intimate relationships, this can be true, right. So I’ll give you an example. In marriage, a couple can go to bed right next to each other. Both can be in the mood, like they want to be intimate with each other, right there laying right next to each other, they’re there in the mood, they want it to happen. But neither says anything, because they are expecting the other person to start the touching. And they almost get mad that the other person doesn’t start the touching. Because they feel like I’m always the one starting to touching, why aren’t they starting to touching and they did angrier instead of being intimate, they both get frustrated with each other fall asleep mad wake up the next morning even angrier that they didn’t have sex the night before. all they had to do was turn to each other and say, Are you in the mood? Do you want to it would have happened?
Unknown Speaker [27:31]
You know, that’s
Unknown Speaker [27:33]
a skill set. He’s asking
David Ralph [27:36]
the amount of times you wake up the next morning, and you suddenly realise the could have happened the night before, but you just didn’t tweak
Mike Domitrz [27:42]
the and that’s just it. And so whether you’re dating or you’re in marriage, the skill sets we’re teaching, unfortunately, are just sets, the skill sets we weren’t given. And we all need to be able to implement them. I mean, why did I get so passionate about this? Because when I saw the skill set, I asked myself, why didn’t I learn this sooner? And so I wanted to make sure we got it out to the world. That’s what our organisation does. But this applies to all ages. I mean, we work with people in the military who are 5565 sometimes, and we work with 18 year olds, and they’re all saying the same thing walking away going, why didn’t somebody gives us this sooner? And why don’t we get the skill set to give to our children if their parents Why is this not been discussed before now?
David Ralph [28:24]
Because that, to me is fascinating, because I kind of assumed that it was going to be teenagers and youngsters. And so somebody who was like 65, you kind of feel that their last calls, they’re always going to operate the same way. But you feel find that that’s different, you can actually present the content to these guys or ladies, and they will actually go, Wow, I’ve been on this planet for 65 years, I’ve been sort of actively sexual for maybe 5055 know that W to be too young, 45 years, we say? And I think do change isn’t what you’re saying?
Mike Domitrz [29:02]
It is it is powerful. How many people own their ability to change at any point in their life? Yeah, we literally will have somebody come up to us after a training or a presentation and say, Hey, the little bit you did about the married couple in bed. That is so my wife and I sometimes are that is so my husband that’s so my spouse and I at times because this affects all genders, all sexual orientations. Wow, did that really impact me? I’m going to go home tonight and talk to my partner about what they want how we can use our words. And yes, there’s they because here’s the thing, no matter how old you are, most people want to be a great partner. Most people want to be great intimacy for themselves and their partner, regardless of age. So as long as it’s age appropriate. You want to have the skill set to be able to do that for yourself and your partner.
David Ralph [29:54]
So So how did you kind of come up with the content by and did you just sit in rooms with people asking their opinions and stuff? Oh, and how did you? How did you get your rules that went into the book?
Mike Domitrz [30:06]
Well, early on, I heard a speaker come to my university that I was attending at the time. And his name was Joel Weinberg and Joseph Weinberg. And when he spoke, it was the first time that anybody talked about this topic. And it was months, just months after I had moved back home. And I was mandated to be at this programme. And he was talking about stereotypes, you know, roles men play and myths about sexual assault. And it opened my eyes made me realise what I could do this, I could use my voice. And so I went to him and said, I want to speak out. And he said, if you’re serious about it, get old me and I’ll meet with you. And I got lucky, he happened to live an hour away, even though he spoke around the country. And I met with him and he gave me some great information. And then I created a programme that fit where I was at in my life with my peers at that time. And that’s where I started. That’s where it began, what I would, what I would do throughout the years is because I was in the classrooms, I was on this campuses, in the schools hearing from the parents, I was trying to listen to what was happening versus what research was showing. Because research is 510 years behind often. Versus I’m on campus, and students are telling me Well, here’s what’s happening. And I go on, okay, now we’ve got the pulse of what’s happening. Let’s talk about that. So when we work with any age audience we never come in with, here’s what you’re doing wrong, we do the opposite. We come in with all right, tell us what’s happening. And by doing that, you’re always in their world. It’s not about you, it’s about them and where they’re at, regardless of age, relationship status, their own moral beliefs, that’s where they’re at. And you learn that now you can have a discussion.
David Ralph [31:48]
If you become numb to this sort of information, I imagine if I was you, I’m putting myself in your shoes. To begin with, I would have these conversations. And I’d be a bit shocked actually, by what people were telling me. Been after a time I reckon I would get numb to it. I you like that, oh, there’s still things that come up and you kind of go, Well, that’s a new one, I’ve never come across that one before.
Mike Domitrz [32:09]
Every now then you’ll get out. That’s a new one. I’ve never come across that before. But there are things that there are things you can hear every day and you’re never numb to it. example would be when a survivor comes up to you after a presentation and says sitting in today’s programme was the first time I ever felt like I was strong and courageous. That never, ever is the point of where you’re numb to that, that inspires you that reminds you why you’re doing the work you’re doing. You know, or somebody comes up and says, Hey, I saw you two years ago. And after that I started asking, and it’s totally changed our relationship. That never numbs you whenever you’re hearing real examples of people living with respect survivors strength and courage. Every time you hear it’s exciting. It’s it’s why you do the work. And the moment you get numb to that you probably shouldn’t be doing the work anymore.
David Ralph [33:03]
I think I would struggle as you’re so passionate is your calling that I would be having these conversations because obviously you can’t stop sexual assault is is never going to stop. It’s always going to be out there. But you can bring awareness to the issues that lead up to it as you’re doing and you’re doing remarkably well. But I think because you’re so passionate to remedy it. Every time somebody comes up and says I was a victim I was a victim. I think I would actually I actually feel quite emotional now saying it to you. I think I would think time. That’s a number one up let down. Or it’s another one I’ve missed out on? Did you do you feel that you? Did you feel like this can be more than you can do or you just happy with what you aren’t doing?
Mike Domitrz [33:45]
Well, there’s something early on when my sister was first assaulted, I felt the guilt that many family members and friends do that somehow I should have stopped it from happening, even though I wasn’t there. And what you learn is that if you keep beating yourself up what that does, you know, good, it doesn’t move anything forward. So what can you do try to help everybody else going forward. When a survivor comes up to you after presentation and says, as a survivor, this meant so much to me. If you sat there my own, we have another survivor. This is this is horrible, you’ll be missing the point, the point that survivor is saying is today I am telling you I’m sharing with you. Because they are they feel strong. They feel admired and respected. And knowing that that survivor feels better about themselves, because of something they discovered inside themselves, not because of me or at all. It’s about something they discovered about themselves during the presentation. That’s when you sit there and go, that is so cool that they are going to walk out of here and know how incredible they are. It’s sad they that our culture didn’t let them know that before today. But to know now they feel stronger. And maybe they’re going to go to counselling, or they’re going to talk to a therapist, they’re going to share with family and friends who can support them. There’s I mean, how much more could you ask for to think survivors going to walk in a room who is not comfortable talking about this has felt bad and almost blame themselves because of culture and what culture does to survivors. And when they walk out, they’re going to feel more empowered, they’re not going to blame themselves, they’re going to realise that they deserve to have a choice. You look at those two parallels, and you say I every time I’ll take the survivor who walks out with more strength more in power, there was always inside them. They discovered it during the presentation.
David Ralph [35:31]
Now that’s a brilliant on so and that totally changed the way I was thinking couple of moments ago. So so many people out there been do keep quiet even even though it’s a crime and they should report it they stay mama Valley, do they?
Mike Domitrz [35:47]
Well, because of what our culture unfortunately does to survivors. What if you, you know, every major media case that tends to occur? The first thing people say when they hear about an assault that and when I say when they hear about it salt when they hear about salt between two people who tended to be like in an intimate situation. They were they were alone on a date, they’re in a relationship, they were at a party where so we’re not talking about the assault were the ones everybody pictures, the stereotypical one, which does happen. Somebody’s walking down the dark night Street and their attack that happens about anywhere from 10 to 15% of sexual assaults occur by a complete stranger. That’s it 85% of time you’ve either met this person earlier in the night, you’ve gotten to know them, or you’re in a relationship where there’s someone in your life, that’s the majority of the time. And so what happens is when we hear the cases of the stranger, people in our society tend to have compassion for the survivor, because they say That’s awful. When they hear the case of this celebrity, was dating this person, the person dating them, or the person who went back to their room that night, said that that celebrity sexually assaulted them, then people play a whole different reaction to the survivor. And it’s very sad. They do things like well, when that survivor expect when they went up to that room at two in the morning. Well, nobody stops and asked him says he realised he just said out loud. You just said the celebrity you’re defending that the person who went up to their room should have expected the celebrity to force themselves on them against their will, they should have expected that to happen. If you believe that why are you defending the celebrity? Why aren’t you saying that is a sick person to bring a stranger up to the room and try to do that to them? But that’s not what people do people go well, you knew when you were flirting with them, you knew when you were drinking, you knew when you went up to their room. And all the excuses lack logic. For instance, somebody will say, Well, if somebody is drinking, you know, if you don’t want to be sexually assaulted, don’t drink, which is like one of the dumbest things you could ever say to somebody, the rapist rape to the person. The alcohol did not do that the rapist did that. The rapist took advantage of the fact this part person was vulnerable it state of mind because of the influence of alcohol, they use that as a weapon. And what people do is they use that as blame on the survivor. And it should be the opposite. We should be looking at the rapist and go How dare you? How dare you do this to somebody? And that’s because of all those pressures that we watch. When cases happen in the media, it can become very difficult for survivors to come forward.
Unknown Speaker [38:24]
It’s bizarre, though,
David Ralph [38:25]
isn’t it? Because if you’ve been violated, you should be able to speak up from it. But I can see that totally, why would you want that pressure of media attention, and especially as you’re saying with the celebrity ones, but the kind of
Mike Domitrz [38:39]
even even if it’s not celebrity, let’s say that it’s a no way to do with a celebrity. You go to school, and you come forward and say this person over here did this to me last night. And suddenly all your friends are involved, because they’re all intertwined. And all these circles. So even if there’s no celebrity, it’s incredibly complicated when people start blaming survivors, and it makes it horrible, because now there’s group behaviour blaming the survivor, they’re almost taunting the survivor to shut up to not talk. How dare you? How could you say that that person is such a good person. And they make all these assumptions is behind closed doors. They know that person, and they know exactly what happened that night, even though outside of the survivor, and the person who did it, they don’t know that. It is easy, harder
David Ralph [39:25]
for and it shouldn’t be harder. But I’m just gonna ask the question, why is it harder for a male to come forward and say they’ve been raped more than a female? Or is it just equally as hard?
Mike Domitrz [39:36]
Well, and so hard is a tough answer, because it’s it’s so difficult for many survivors come forward, regardless of gender, sexual orientation. What what a play in differently, often for those who identify as males is that culturally, people say, well, a male can’t be sexually assaulted, he must have wanted it. And they’ll play that against male survivors, which is horrible. Now, I when you look at it, they really do a very similar thing to women. But they don’t say women can’t be sexually assaulted. But they finish the sentence the same way. She must have wanted it. Right. They said, a guy can’t be raped, he must have wanted it with women. They say, Well, she chose to drink She must have wanted, she went back to his place she must have wanted there but must have wanted, it comes out against all genders, all sexual orientations. Ridiculous concept. Look, if somebody wanted it, why didn’t you ask them? Why did you let them say yes, completely sober? What? Why not have intimacy that does not need alcohol or drugs? And why don’t you both agree, you want to do this completely sober and have all the fun you want to have that you agree you both want to have? But that’s never what you hear about in those cases? Because that’s not what they did. They force themselves on somebody, or they try to take somebody who’s in a vulnerable state of mind, and use that as a weapon against the person.
David Ralph [40:51]
With you With your children. You’ve got four boys, I believe of you. Yes, you can four boys what ages obey.
Mike Domitrz [40:58]
So the boys are eight from 15 to 19.
David Ralph [41:01]
Okay, so they have their prime, or literally all of them are prime age, but we’re talking about really, when they really sort of coming into their own, are they, you know, totally clued up to your way of thinking have a bought into 100%? Did you know whether there’s a peer pressure around them that makes them act in a different way?
Mike Domitrz [41:22]
Well, first of all, as a parent, there’s one thing you always know, you never have total control over any human being, especially your child, you try you do your best to guide them, and to give them as much guidance as possible. Our sons absolutely know why we do this work. They know why it is important to us. They know my inspiration, and they love their aunt. And so they get why we do what we do. Do they live in a culture that goes against much of what we’re saying? Yes, they do. And are they surrounded by that on a daily basis they are. And so you hope that they make the right choices in life, just like you hope every child out there makes the right choices in life, and you try to give them the best guidelines, you can. In the end, everybody, everybody listening to this, and everybody’s children listening to this is their own person. And so you just want to have tried to give as much guidance as you can to help them make the best choices when they do make certain decisions in my life.
David Ralph [42:19]
Because we’re kind of like polar opposites, Mike, I’ve got four girls and a boy. And my girls will go out and they dress up, obviously and they go off to nightclubs and quite often is alcohol consumed. And as a parent, you hope that the best for happen. But you do live on you know, actually it was all the time.
Mike Domitrz [42:41]
And and but the good news is that they go out they have fun. And if they’re you know, if their age appropriate, and they want they choose to drink alcohol, they have the right to do that. And they should be able to live their life that way. Right. They should be able to your daughter should be able to enjoy their life, just the same way your sons would be able to enjoy the life if they went out to a club or a bar this year. A joy that life equally absolute fortune.
David Ralph [43:03]
Yeah. Yeah, but isn’t it
Mike Domitrz [43:06]
right? And so what happens is people say, Wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, you need to protect your daughter so so that this doesn’t happen to them. So tell them not to drink, tell them not to dress a certain way, which means they don’t have a right to live their life freely and equally as other genders, for instance, males. And that’s messed up. So it’s, you know, it’s really great hearing you say, hey, I’ve got a son and daughter, they like to walk, they like to have fun, because they should all be able to do that.
David Ralph [43:31]
But what Hollywood movie about at least like my son is 12. And he’s desperate to learn to drive a car already. And I said to him the other day, I said that I could actually teach you to drive a car in five minutes. If there was no other people on the road at all, you could just pretty much control that car drive along and be worried, you know, not worried that you’re going to hit anything. But it’s the other people you got to worry about. And the situation with my daughters is the fact that Yeah, I know this and support, I know that they are capable of you know, going out and having a good time and probably drinking a little bit too much every now and again. But it’s the other people isn’t it, it is the guys out there, it’s the ladies out there that aren’t heeding your message. And they haven’t got that kind of moral compass inside them.
Mike Domitrz [44:16]
And that’s why it’s important that every parent out there, let their children know that if anybody, anybody ever does anything against your will, without your permission sexually intimately to you, you will be there for them. You will be there 100% for your child, because you don’t know what’s going to happen in this world. And the one thing you do want is for your child to have the gift of being able to go to you and have you fully support them, because that’s what they deserve. It versus gift. It’s what they deserve. What most parents make, the mistake of doing is they’re so afraid for their children, that they scare their children about what could happen. And that just stops her children from talking to them. I’ll give you a classic example. A lot of parents will say, hey, if you ever go out, somebody ever touches you against your will without your consent, I’ll kill them. The eye if anybody ever hurts you, I’ll kill the person. And people talk that way. What does your child see your child is watching you freak out about something that as far as they, you know, has not happened yet. And they’re sitting there going, whoa, you’re already flipping out? And I haven’t told you anything. What would you do if I really did come to you, and the child learns real quickly, I’m just never telling them. Look at how they’re reacting. I don’t want that in my life, that’s going to make it more difficult. So parents need to stop the scaring their child, and instead open the door to their child. And how you do that as you look your child in the eye and say if anybody ever has or ever does sexually touch you without your permission. without your consent, I am always going to be here for you always and focus on your child, not the revenge, not the perpetrator.
David Ralph [45:58]
Did you not find it interesting when when you look back on your life. And we’re going to play the words of Steve Jobs in a moment cuz it is the theme of the show. But when you look back on your life, and you obviously on that path to become the actor, and in a strange way, you’ve ended up as an actor, an actor with a mission, that your business direction that you turned into the entrepreneurial route was the key thing that actually got you here because everything that you evidence today, the fact that you had this this idea you reached out to the chapter was a model an hour away and went and sort of research and been you hustled and you network and you did everything is pure entrepreneurial spirit, isn’t it? Do you think that was always in you, or it did take this catalyst to actually bring you into the entrepreneurial for
Mike Domitrz [46:51]
so that was always in me. So when I was young, I was the kid running around trying to do people’s most people’s lawns for money. I was the one doing the newspaper routes, when most kids were not doing that. And I don’t mean that I was special in that way. I was just the kid out there five in the morning running around in the in the blizzard snow trying to deliver the newspaper because I wanted to have this business. And so yes, that’s always been in me I’ve own along the path, I had a few businesses because that entrepreneurial spirit is something that’s always been inside of me, it was a matter of where I would direct it, where I would really belong. I always say that most entrepreneurs are serial entrepreneurial entrepreneurs until they find their true love. And then they become a business owner. And a classic example that is Steve Jobs, right? very entrepreneurial, very entrepreneur, and then gets to Apple. And what happens, he builds a large company and dives 100% into apple. He was then a business owner, very innovative one. And then he would go on and work with Pixar and do some, he would then step out after it was built for a long time. He was actually that’s what he lived and breathed. And in many ways, it’s what he lived and breathed as a profession forever. And because he finally found his love, he didn’t need to be doing 100 things at once. And I think that’s true of a lot of entrepreneurs. That that they once they find that true love Bill Gates, same thing, you could make the same argument, Walt Disney same thing, Sam Walton, same thing. They want to be there because they see that’s where they they can make the biggest difference in the world.
David Ralph [48:27]
You your entrepreneurial spirit when you as a child isn’t a surprise because the tagline to the show is connecting our past to build our future. And it seems evident after 200 episodes, that more often than not the key spirit, the thing that really drives you on when you’re up against the wall, and you’ve got this vision and you’ve got this passion is closely linked to the small child who would just do it for nothing, because there was no money involved. And you’re very much that person. If if we took you back in time, which we are going to do later, would you be very similar to the young Microsoft 10 years old,
Mike Domitrz [49:03]
I would still be a hyper crazy 10 I was I couldn’t stop talking super hyper. I was the kid in the classroom, the teacher said quiet down, you’re talking too much or too loud? Absolutely. I mean, it is funny that much of my living now is sharing my voice because my voice did get me into trouble. As far as talking too much and stuff sometimes in school, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t like it, you know, bad trouble. But you know, I would I would definitely get noticed. Sometimes when I shouldn’t have been noticed for my voice. That’s part of me. You know, one of the things, a discovery that I went through recently, in the past year, doing a programme called Strategic Coach, there’s a great book out there called unique ability. And it teaches you how to figure out what unique ability is. And a lot of times, for example, somebody would look at a speaker, maybe someone like myself and say, Oh, you’re unique ability of speaking. But what you discover is that unique ability was true of you when you were little when you were 20 when when you’re 40 and it will still be true when you 16. And my unique ability was not speaking, my unique ability was revealing discoveries. And that’s still what I want to do today. Right? I want to get up and help audiences reveal these discoveries that they can use in their life. When I used to be in theatre, you get to reveal discoveries to the audience right there. They’re they’re revealing the storey. When you’re on stage, now you’re revealing skill sets to hopefully change people’s lives. And so that unique ability has been there. Since I was very little I would love to be the one that got to tell somebody some exciting news, because I would get to watch them have a discovery. In my personal life. I love travel, especially with family and friends, because I get to watch them have a discovery with me. And I love that experience. And so same thing for me now, you’d said Hey, does it get you know, maybe some people say does get tough when you’re on the road? Or does it get tough when you’re travelling so much? Not when you get to see people have discoveries that they’re going to use in their life. That’s what drives me.
David Ralph [51:00]
The unique ability is the core essence, isn’t it. That’s what everybody’s got to get. Because I I’ve been in sort of therapy booty shows, and I say it loosely but i do when people are talking about their life, you sort of obviously sit here reflect on your own. And when I was a kid when I was at school, I used to get into trouble for talking exactly like you at school. And it was always you know, David is more interested in having a conversation when he score work. And I kind of almost want to go well look at me now You was right. But my kind of unique ability now I think, isn’t talking I think he’s listening. And I think that is my skill that I’ve developed over a period of years, maybe decades actually, is that ability to, to obviously have a conversation, but listen harder than I’ve ever done. And I do it very well here and people say to me, oh, you know, it’s your talent. It’s funny, I can’t do it in my marriage. I can be I could be with my wife, I don’t have a word. He says all the time well done if my mind is elsewhere, or whatever. But once you know that unique ability is a big stepping stone, isn’t it to where you want to be?
Mike Domitrz [52:07]
You know, David, it’s a critically important stepping stone because, for instance, for me, you realise, speaking, whatever way I can reveal discoveries, it could be powerful. So whether I’m speaking or writing, or today by being on the show, and we’re just having a conversation. And here’s one thing that you do learn, and you just brought it up, it’s be critically important. And what I do that to be able to reveal discoveries, you have to you must be listening to your audience, your readers, your listeners, you’re it by saying that, remember I said if I walk into an audience, and I tell them what they’re doing wrong, nobody’s going to listen to me. I have to go into an audience, ask them questions and listen very intently about where they’re at. So then I can tailor what we’re doing to their world. Listening becomes critically important to being able to help reveal discoveries for people. And so I like you, I found the same thing. While I’m known for being a talker. What I do best is being able to, or what you do best to is that idea of to be able to have these discoveries occur, you have to be able to listen first, then engage in the conversation.
David Ralph [53:17]
is astonishing isn’t it is it’s so in us. But the majority of people struggle to find it. And that’s the the kind of eye opener, really, when you do find your thing. It’s there all the time and you hear it, you hear it all the time. You look for your passion. And when you find it, it will be within you and your enemies are just rubbish. I hate that statement. But it is true is annoyingly true that we we just forget what we should be doing somewhere along the line. And we go into jobs, we get salaries, we get mortgages, we get family, and we had the essence of what we should do early on. But for some reason, he goes out the window.
Mike Domitrz [53:56]
Well, I think here’s why we were never taught our unique ability as a child, we might know that we have passions as a child, but we’re not there. We’re never having a discussion about what our unique ability is. And it’s the combination of the two, that’s critically important. If I just tell you to follow your passion, but you don’t know what your unique ability is. So you don’t know what this skill is that you’re going to share with the world. You don’t know what to do with it, you tend to get lost, you tend to try a million different things until that one lands and I took like I said, that was me, I went through that path. Absolutely. It’s when you start to combine the two and go, Hey, here’s my unique ability, here’s my passion. Here’s how they fit together. That’s when the light bulb goes off.
David Ralph [54:37]
Well, let’s play the words of somebody whose light bulb didn’t just go off exploded, and he left a mark on the world. But probably just by the quotes he made will never be forgotten.
Steve Jobs [54:48]
This is Steve Jobs. Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [55:25]
To those words ring true to you, Mike.
Mike Domitrz [55:28]
Absolutely, I can. And I and I do because I think it’s important for all of us to do. To be able to reflect back on the journey that’s got you where you are today gives you so much appreciation and gratitude for what you have in your life for the people you’ve met in your life for the people have come and gone through your life, the mistakes you’ve made, and hopefully how you’ve grown through that and matured through that. You’re never going to see that going forward, like like Steve Jobs said, but when you think stop and take a breath and look back, the discoveries are all around you about your life, about the people in your life, about how you present yourself to the world. And I certainly didn’t always do that as well as I should have. And looking back, you see those lessons and realised I don’t want to do that, again, I want to be more present, I want to be more vulnerable. I want to be there more for people truly as myself and truly to best support them. Looking back allows you to see that path and see where we’re steps connected. And it made total sense. And were you man, you took a misstep there. And that’s a lesson you you don’t want to repeat. You’re basically saying
David Ralph [56:37]
every day you want to feel alive on you
Mike Domitrz [56:41]
know, without a doubt, yeah, every day, you want to make it count, right, I remember I went on a trip with my son, it was a Boy Scout camp. And it was 14 days in the wilderness of the mountains of New Mexico, here in the United States, and you are literally out the woods, it’s you and there’s a group of about eight or nine of you, mainly teenage boys with a couple parents. And every third day you get to a stationary camp ground where there’s actually, you know, running water and stuff. And at the end of each day, you would hike five miles some days, 10 miles on other days, with 60 pounds on your back and up 4000 feet elevation, I’d never done anything like that before. And at the end of every day, I would just start, I get into my tent, I couldn’t fall asleep. And I would just start journaling. And I would journal for pages and pages and pages. And I remember telling myself, I want to live a life worth writing about every day. Because that experience gave me that it gave me a life worth writing about every day. And that’s something that was just a year ago. I mean, 16 months ago, but are we living a life that’s worth journaling about every day?
David Ralph [57:48]
That that’s that is the statement that is the title of this episode? And did you feel bad? Do you feel that every day you’ve got enough to write a page on?
Mike Domitrz [57:58]
You know, Thursdays, I don’t know, that’s okay. Because I know now that I want that. And so I don’t want to I don’t want the next day to be a repeat. Because you’re not going to always hit the goal. Right? You’re gonna have days where you don’t live that life. And that’s okay. The fact you know, you didn’t put you in a whole different place that fact alone than you were a year before when you never even considered it. Because that means if the few days ago, you know what? I didn’t meet that goal today? You’re only noticing that? Because typically you do. And so you’ve put your life in a better place with that question.
David Ralph [58:31]
So just before we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self and bring this show to an end? What is the legacy that you want to leave to the world? If you could have it on your gravestone? What would it be mind?
Mike Domitrz [58:50]
When it comes to what you want life? Ask first.
David Ralph [58:55]
Perfect. I’m going to play the theme to now Mike, and this is when we send you back came time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out, because this is a sermon on the mic. And when it fades, you’re up
Unknown Speaker [59:19]
with the best bit of the show.
Mike Domitrz [59:35]
Hey, Mike, this is the older you year, you know, you’re 18 years old. And I’m you now many years forward, I’m I’m 44. And here to just share a little bit, you know, you’ve you’ve led a life that’s been exciting, it’s been fun. And it’s been a journey. And I just want to share a few things with you for going forward to make that journey more powerful, more memorable, more meaningful, and maybe most importantly, more
Unknown Speaker [1:00:05]
Mike Domitrz [1:00:07]
And that is, you know, you grew up with the mentality of don’t care what the world thinks about you, say whatever you’re going to say and, and get your message out to the world. And that that’s sort of an energy you brought into the world. And what I would advise is ask yourself, that, if you’re not caring what the world thinks of you, is it possible the world to not hear you?
And to really take into mind? how the world is listening to you? how the world is hearing you?
And how are you projecting yourself that leads to those answers?
Are you willing to be vulnerable? Are you willing to listen? Are you willing to fully support people for where exactly where they are right now, you don’t have to change the world all at once. You don’t have to change any personal. You can accept people for where they’re at, support them for where they’re at, and help them the way they want to be helped going forward. And when you do that, professionally, when you if you choose to get on a stage and share a message with people or write and share a message with people. If you can listen to the people that you’re in front of here, the world they’re in, and help best support them with where they’re at and what they need. At that moment. You’ll have the opportunity to live a really fulfilling, meaningful life. And keep doing it. Keep questioning yourself. Keep asking how you’re how the world’s hearing you. Keep asking yourself, how can you be a better you? How can you be more loving? How can you be there more for your partner? How can you be there more for your children, your parents, your sisters, your cousins your best for
and be willing to surround yourself with the people
that get you and those who don’t be willing to stretch your boundaries so that you realise you learn as much if not sometimes more from those who absolutely disagree with then those who are like minded. And be willing to every day, live a life worth writing about. When you come up upon a challenge. Be willing to ask for help. Want to try something new in your life. Be willing to ask the right people to help you along the way to support you to guide you. You want to go after a new business or a new idea, or you want to share something world. Be willing to ask how to do it like what do I need to do? And then do be willing to try what people tell you not to reinvent wheels. Try what people tell you and implement as much as possible what they teach you.
With that, always be willing to ask. And when you ask, respect the answer. Here them completely 100%
ask first respect the answer and have a blast. Living life.
David Ralph [1:03:19]
Mike, how can our audience connect with you sir?
Mike Domitrz [1:03:23]
They have a couple ways they can connect with us. One they can go to our website which is date safe project.org that’s you’re going to go on a date you want to feel safe and you don’t want to feel like it’s a project date safe project dot orgy. Another way they can find us on social media. We’re on twitter at date safe project. Also, they can find us on firstname.lastname@example.org slash date safe. And they can even find us with video on email@example.com slash date safe project. So everything’s date safe project. The only exception is Facebook, where it’s date safe, so they can find us all those means. We want love being able to answer questions be able to serve in any way we can. So definitely we have resources on the website for parents, for teenagers, for couples, for military, for schools, for universities. And so we invite them to come say hi and check out the website.
David Ralph [1:04:14]
Did the last question just before I say goodbye to you is how is your sister now?
Mike Domitrz [1:04:20]
Well, my sister is doing fantastic. One of the things that I share before I leave stage with many audiences is the most one of the most common questions I get is how what you just asked how is Sherry today? Today, Sherry has been married 19 years, has five children has an incredible family life. And she is a phenomenal example of the courage and strength inside of survivors, that when people hear that rape rooms, survivors lives, they need to pause and say yes, rape and sexual assault is a horrific crime. But the fact is survivors are incredibly strong individuals who can lead amazing lives. And Sherry is an ultimate example a role model but just that a strong courageous survivor lady living an incredible life.
David Ralph [1:05:07]
wonderful news. Mike, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up because you are doing remarkable work. And I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Mike damage. Thank you so much.
Mike Domitrz [1:05:23]
Thank you, David for allowing us to share our dots and how they wind up over the years. We greatly appreciate everything and you’re a lot of fun and ask some great questions. So thank you very much.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.