Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast with Deborah Owen
To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:
Introducing Deborah Owen
She has spent her time working as a high school library teacher in Massachusetts, before making the leap to go the entrepreneurial route.
And of course throughout that time would have seen literally hundreds of children come and go.
Some that their peer group would have said would have been destined for greatness, and others that would have been classed as a lost cause.
Others that struggled and batted to gain an education, whilst others just drifted through the system and still came out with best grades.
Is it down to the system, the kids, or the home life that brings about such different results?
How The Dots Joined For Deborah
Well she has a combined approach of improving how we teach people.
Finding the methods that will allow children to learn difficult stuff that their brains are not just suited for.
And also helping to bring about order and calm in the home, when everyday seems exactly the same as the day before, and most of it is a whirlwind of running from one practice or rehearsal or meeting to another, with no real communication or connection among family members.
But is this not just how life is?
Do we not all simply have to go through the period of having our life spiral out of control due to the requirements of our children?
And now with appearances on TV, Radio and the online word she is the go to expert to help us reclaim our lives and improve the lives of our children
So lets find out what made her step out on her own and be such a success so quickly, as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Deborah Owen
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Deborah Owen such as:
How you must find the Y in your life. Its not good just doing something that you hope will make you a fortune. You have to understand “why” you are doing and what it will provide to the world.
How she knew it was time to move on from her job, but had very little idea as to the path that she would be travelling on, but still did it.
How after speaking to a coach she realised that the words that really made her come alive were “what’s next?”
Why it is so important not to skip the testing part of a product launch, and you should find out if customers would want it before you create it.
Why her children left home at the perfect time for her to start a new a business. The void that was left was perfect to be filled with work and he has never looked back.
How To Connect With Deborah Owen
Or of course you can check out thousands of podcast interviews in our archives here
Audio Transcription Of Deborah Owen Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there. Good morning, everybody, and welcome to Join Up Dots Join Up Dots, Episode 223. And we’ve got a lady who literally I’ve dragged out of bed to be here this morning, which is, it’s the power I have, it didn’t happen in the early episodes, I used to fit around everyone’s time zones. But now they literally have to be dragged from this snuggly little positions, and speak to me, I don’t know if that’s a good thing. But hopefully, after listening to the conversation, your think that it was she is a lady that for many years was part of the education Haitian system, she spent her time working as a high school library teacher in Massachusetts, before making the leap to go be entrepreneurial route. And of course, throughout that time would have seen literally hundreds of children come and go. Some that their peer group would have said would have been destined for greatness and others that would have been classed as a lost cause others that struggled and battle to to gain an education, while others just drifted through the system and still came out with best grades. That is it down to the system, the kids or the home life that brings about such different results. Well, she has a combined approach of improving how we teach people finding the methods that will allow children to learn difficult stuff that their brains are just not suited for. And also helping to bring about order income in the home when every day seems exactly the same as the day before. And most of it is a whirlwind of running from one practice or rehearsal or meeting to another with no real communication or connexion among family members. But isn’t this just how life is do we not all simply have to go for the period of having our life spiralling out of control due to the requirements of our children? Now with appearances on TV, radio and the online world, she’s the go to expert to help us reclaim our lives and improve the lives of our children. So let’s find out what made her step out on her own and be such a success so quickly, as we bring onto the show to start Join Up Dots. But one and only Deborah Owen, how are you, Deborah?
Deborah Owen [2:18]
Hey, David, I am great. Thanks so much for having me here today. And it really doesn’t matter what time it is. I’m an early morning person, I’m ready to get going. So I said, Well,
David Ralph [2:26]
he’s early for you. Because I’ve had a few conversations with people who say they get up before four o’clock in the morning, which I think isn’t just early. That’s madness.
Deborah Owen [2:36]
Well, yeah, well, you got to go to bed early in order to do that. And I’m afraid I’m not quite that early. I get up between five and six pretty much every day, even on the weekends and just try to get myself going because I think better in the morning for the most part. So I might as well take advantage of it right?
David Ralph [2:54]
Did you think it’s a key point to success, and we are going to sort of dwell on this later. These successful people work at times that are optimised for them. If they are an early morning person, they get up early. If they were late night worker, they do that, where if you’re an employee, you just have to go at the time that they tell you whether it’s not a good time for your body clock or whatever, at nine o’clock in the morning till five, you just have to plough through that. Did you think that is how people do become more successful when they can tailor their work in time to their body requirements?
Deborah Owen [3:29]
Oh, yeah, sure, absolutely. And, you know, there’s a lot that we’ve learned about how people’s brains work. You know, if you look at all the research that shows the adolescents, their body clocks simply don’t work very well, early in the morning. And yet, we insist that they show up and get ready to work at 730 every day, even though they’re still half asleep. And you and if you go to a college campus, you’ll find very few kids are actually signing up for eight o’clock or even nine o’clock classes, because they’re up until one or two in the morning. That’s just when they’re best. When the body rhythms are best, when they think best there, they just work better later in the day. And I know there are a lot of adults who continue to work better later in the day as well.
David Ralph [4:10]
Because I’ve got over a period of time, I used to go to bed at half past 10 every night. And I used to get up at so like 10 to six every morning. But now I’m finding them I’m going to bed at maybe half past 12 at night and getting up at five o’clock. So my my sleep is getting less and less and less. Yeah, and I don’t feel too bad on it. To be honest, I don’t think I look brilliant on it. But I’m finding myself I’m getting more done because I’ve got more time because you don’t actually need the eight and a half hours, the nine hours, which we all kind of quote all the time.
Deborah Owen [4:43]
Right? Well, I’m not a sleep expert. But I’ve read a couple at least you know more than the average share of articles about sleep. And that’s true. As we get older, we tend to leave need less sleep, kids need a lot more. I mean, you look at a three year old and they probably need 10 to 12 hours a day. Whereas most adults, they recommend seven or eight and then older people really often only need six or seven and they still feel fine. But there’s also a lot of research that strongly indicates the more sleep we get, the better off we are for a lot of reasons in terms of our immune systems and our ability to think clearly. And so even though I get onto a roll, sometimes late at night, I have to stop myself and say, Okay, it’s time to go to bed if I’m planning to get up early. So you can’t burn the candle at both ends. My husband keeps reminding me that
David Ralph [5:30]
he’s wise, he’s wise, I don’t advise myself but he is wise. And I think we should all because we are batteries, aren’t we we we let ourselves run down were on a mobile phone, we will charge it up. As soon as it gets to a certain point, we charge it up as bodies. We just keep on going keep going keep going until something happens and we become me or whatever.
Deborah Owen [5:50]
Yeah, that’s a pretty good analogy. I hadn’t thought of it like that. But yeah, I’ll remind myself that I’m like a cell phone and make sure I charged myself at night.
David Ralph [5:57]
That’s it. That’s why we do it. So is your life exciting at the moment? Cuz it seems like that at the moment, it seems like there’s a lot of newness to use that word in your life, which must be exhilarating, because it has been a bit of a, you know, an entrepreneurial whirlwind over the last few years. Are you excited by every day?
Deborah Owen [6:18]
Oh, absolutely. I get up every day. And I can’t wait to get to work, which is kind of crazy. Because Yeah, I am just kind of getting my business going at this point. But I had I had worked for 11 or 12 years. This is as a school library teacher, which I really, really enjoyed. And then toward the end, I was starting to get a little frustrated. And we can talk about that a bit if you’d like. But it became clear that it was time for me to do something different for a variety of reasons. And actually, the timing was perfect, because we have three young adult children at this point. They’re 1821 and 24. So our youngest has just gone off to college this year. And my husband and I are empty nesters for the first time. So it was actually really good timing. For me to be I didn’t plan it this way. But good timing to start a business at the same time that my role as a parent was changing drastically. So the timing worked out. Well, although I didn’t plan it that way. Originally, I’ve managed to get three of my kids out well, that the third goes on December the first my wife’s not happy with it. But hey,
David Ralph [7:21]
yeah, that’s what’s got to happen. And now I’m trying to get the two youngest ones out and the youngest is nine and the other one’s 12. And that they’re not planning to leave, which is,
Deborah Owen [7:31]
well, what’s wrong with them? They’re hanging around too long, I think. So I
David Ralph [7:34]
think they should be gone by at least 1011 to allow me the freedom to do what I want. But I’m now it’s a funny thing, isn’t it? When as parents, your life does change, and you suddenly for that period of time, I suppose you feel almost useless. Because you’ve got so used to being there for people even when it drove you mad. But when suddenly it’s not you kind of thing. Hang on, hang on, what’s my role, and it takes a while to sort of fall into place. So the business for you coming to that void that has made you busy where the kids used to make you busy has it?
Deborah Owen [8:06]
Absolutely, absolutely. And like I said, I didn’t really plan it that way. It just kind of worked out my I was ready for something different at about the same time that our youngest was getting ready to go off to college. And so the timing worked out really well for me.
David Ralph [8:20]
So let’s talk about that moment. Because that is key to literally every conversation, you get a feeling that you want more, and it gets stronger and stronger and stronger. And for most people, you don’t actually know what you want. You just kind of think Hang on. I’ve done this for too long. There’s got to be something more to that. How did that come about with you? You’re working in the library, you enjoying it? But you start to get frustrated? Was it such a slow creep? Or did it sort of hit you quite hard?
Deborah Owen [8:52]
That’s a really good question, David, I would have to say for me, it was a slow creep. And I think a lot of it has to do simply with my personal reality. One of the the weekends that I went on not too long ago, it was with a coach and he was coaching other coaches since that’s what I am. I’m a parent and life coach. And one of the questions one of the things that he did with us was an exercise where he said, What’s the sentence that is driving your life. And I had heard this before, but I hadn’t really taken it in as well as I did at this point. And I was I was really ready to answer it. And I finally realised that the sentence that drives my life is what’s next. And so when you see it was a slow creep, because every every year for the last like five years, I had been looking for something different and interesting to do in my school library world. I started out by writing a couple of journal articles. And then I decided it was time to get another certification. So I got a technology integration certification. And then I decided I wanted to try to go for the national board certification, which is kind of a big deal here. So I spent a couple of years working on that. And even still, I kept feeling like okay, what’s next? What’s next? What’s next? And so last year, I started ramping up and probably in January, I kind of made the decision because I was making a large investment and joining john asterisks mastermind group. By joining that group I realised, okay, I’m making a big financial and time commitment to this organisation. And how much does
David Ralph [10:27]
john charge because he’s an idealist or Isn’t he he’s a game. So how much was the investment?
Deborah Owen [10:35]
Oh, am I allowed to say that? I guess I might. I’m allowed to say that. It’s, um, I’ll tell you that it’s north of 20,000.
David Ralph [10:41]
Okay, so it is a big investment?
Deborah Owen [10:44]
Yes, it’s a large investment and
David Ralph [10:46]
accomplishment that most people would run a mile.
Deborah Owen [10:51]
You mean run a mile away? Yeah, that’s right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I, you know, I’ve been a teacher for so long, I didn’t know enough about the business world in his particular mastermind group is all about how to do how to build a business. And it was, it was like a crash course in everything you need to know about running a business. And so this last year has been profoundly impactful working with him, and the other really great members of that group. We have been helpful to each other and supportive of each other. And that’s been terrific. So so next question about that, because you made this huge investment. And for anyone that is money, that’s big money.
David Ralph [11:32]
Yeah. Now, where you are now, do you think that was money well spent?
Deborah Owen [11:37]
Absolutely. Absolutely. I honestly think it would, at least for me, it would have been impossible to make the leap from being a school teacher, to an entrepreneur, if I did not have the support of someone like john, I mean, it doesn’t have to be in a list or like him, but somebody in some kind of a mastermind group with, with regular con contact and teaching me what I need to know about what it means to run a business. You know, you could get a private coach to do that, or you could join a mastermind group, or you could take a bunch of classes. But I think that the classroom is while it would be valuable, it’s not quite as valuable. Because unless you form your kind of own little mastermind group, you know, as you’re working through the classes, I mean, you really need the support of other people who are going through some of the same things, asking the same questions, struggling with some of the same issues. There’s no reason to go through through something like this alone, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t know you shouldn’t. But a lot of people out there and listeners sitting on the buses and the trains gorging themselves on this conversation, but will be thinking why I want to start this new thing. I’ve got this idea. But I don’t want to put a lot of money into it. Because I don’t know it’s going to work. And yeah,
David Ralph [12:50]
kind of understand. And then yeah, you’re coming along going? Well, I’ve spent 25 grand plus on this course. But it is the goal we’re doing it is a mindset shift, isn’t it, you’re investing in yourself. And what you’re doing is you’re fast tracking your knowledge, you could ultimately get there the same, but it’s going to take you three times as long because you’ve got to learn everything. And by surrounding yourself with the people that are struggling and having achievements and successes and sharing in the forums and this kind of mastermind, but using in LinkedIn to is, I think one of the most vitally important parts to anybody making a movement surround yourself.
Deborah Owen [13:33]
Yes, yes. I can’t agree with you more, David, that is absolutely right. The one thing that they do tell you to do, though, before you make a leap, and maybe I don’t think I did it quite as thoroughly as I probably should have, you know, in retrospect, so I’ll share this with your listeners. The one thing they everybody tells you to do is test your idea before you do invest a tonne of money into it. So you know, if you’ve got an idea for an application, or you’ve got an idea for a small business, go out and figure out well, first of all, who is my my best customer going to be? Who do I anticipate my best customer and is going to be and find out what their problems and issues are? And then then figure out? Do I have a way to help them solve those problems and issues? And what can I come up with the right language that would let them know that I exist, and that I can solve those problems. Because if you can’t solve people’s problems, they’re not going to buy your stuff and you don’t have a business. And it doesn’t matter how you know who who’s holding your hand or who your mastermind group is, you need to have you need to have a solution to a problem. And then once you know that’s viable, then you can say, Okay, now I’m ready to go. Now I need somebody to help me make the leap from where I am to where I want to get.
David Ralph [14:48]
So you’re stepping away from the hope marketing that we do, where you come up with a product and you launch it just hoping that somebody is going to buy it. And you’re doing your spadework because you asked a brilliant question, and not many people asked of me beforehand. And you said, Who are your avatar? Who is your ideal customer, and you wanted to know, the target audience, but I am for on a daily basis, was that something that came out of the course that john taught you? Or is that something that you just knew was vitally important?
Deborah Owen [15:21]
It’s definitely something that john harps on. But it’s not just john, I mean, all of the really good people. And I, like I said, I spent this last year ramping up. So I’ve taken a number of courses I’ve studied the writings and videos of lots of people, you know, from, from Pat Flynn, to Chris Brogan to, you know, I mean, the list goes on and on, I’ve really tried to take in as much as I possibly can about marketing and understanding how what I’m offering can solve the problems of my ideal client, which in my case, is parents primarily of teenagers, but not necessarily just teenagers. And, yeah, you got to know who your speaking to otherwise, you’re just going to be talking to dead air, right?
David Ralph [16:04]
Well, hopefully not. Hopefully, there’s going to be some listeners to this. But I’ve got Pat Flynn coming on the show very shortly. And he is somebody that we talk about a lot because he is somebody that has really done things the way he made himself totally transparent helped so many people. And once you get that trust, once you get that belief that you’re not trying to rip anyone off, ultimately, it comes back to you big time, doesn’t it, it takes a while to get there. But he is the kind of flagship for that I, I’m sure there’s gonna be Pat Flynn haters out there. But there’s not many that I can
Deborah Owen [16:40]
imagine anyone know, I can’t I’ve never heard of anyone who hates Pat Flynn. He’s awesome. In fact, I he was one of the people I interviewed for my book I interviewed. I have a book called social media fascination, which is about helping parents help their teachers, adults basically help their kids learn to use social media in a productive and responsible way. And I interviewed a number of people including Chris Brogan, Pat Flynn. Tim growl, Heaton Shaw, some, you know, some other people like that. And, you know, these are the people who really get what sales and marketing is all about and, and they’re the people that I feel like I’ve, you know, really learned from, and that is, we need to solve problems for people. And that way, it’s a win win situation, I offer you a solution to your problem, and you pay me for my time and effort for putting it together. And that’s, you know, that’s what sales and marketing is really all about, at least what it should be about and not about the you know, kind of the slimy manipulative sort of people that unfortunately have given marketing marketers a bad name.
David Ralph [17:46]
It’s funny when you when you in the online world like we are, it just seems a good place to be. And I know this sharks, and I know, there’s shysters, and there’s all those kind of people out there. But if you get in the right, it’s once again, I suppose it’s taken is back to surrounding yourself with the right people, you know that there is a world of people that are striving, they’re pushing forward, they’re doing their things on a daily basis. But when they get to a certain point, they start giving back don’t know you and I start giving back big time. And then people migrate towards them in greater and greater numbers. And so they give back more. It’s been a mindset shift for me. But I always used to think that the real successful people would have got there because I’ve grabbed everything they’ve got, and I’ve held on to it tight. But do you find that with your sort of experiences of the people who are you know, the A listers, the ones at the top of their game, but they do give back more than they actually take?
Deborah Owen [18:40]
Absolutely. And actually, the person that I, I think john is talking about this to john is rough. But the first person I heard talk about this was Michael Hyatt. And he says you have to approach what you offer to your audience and to your clients and customers with an abundance mindset. And you have to just give your best stuff and say, there’s always more where that comes from. And so Michael taught me that first when I was first following him a little over probably actually, probably year and a half ago or more. Because I was interested in learning more about leadership. Like I said, I was a library and saying, What’s next? What’s next? And so I was I was looking up Michael Hyatt stuff, because I wanted to learn more about leadership. And john also says it and everybody says it, it’s you give away your best stuff. First, you come to it with an abundance mindset. And you say, I know there’s more where that came from, I will come up with more stuff. I if I give away my best stuff, I will be creative, and more will come to me.
David Ralph [19:38]
It’s fascinating, isn’t it is that there’s a there’s a blueprint for success that we’re talking about here. And for all the listeners out there, we’re not saying this is a quick fix in any stretch. We’re saying this is the long route, this is the path that you will walk for many a year. But ultimately, it is a more rewarding and stable route. been trying to get rich quick.
Unknown Speaker [20:00]
David Ralph [20:02]
So so when you are in that library, and you’ve got children coming and going, and you must have had some, but you looked at and you thought, yeah, they’re going to go on to great stuff. And others or what’s going to happen to them? Did it did it sort of make you reflect on your own life of last dream dreams and aspirations that you might have had as a 20 year old? Did you get to a point where not like a midlife crisis, but you suddenly thought, Oh, my God, I’ve used so much of my life, it’s time to get going. Did you feel that with the kids?
Deborah Owen [20:34]
Um, actually, I don’t, I can’t say that I did, because I felt that I was contributing as much as I was able to, to the kids who were in front of me so so here’s the thing as a school library teacher at the, at the secondary level, I did not have scheduled classes and And ideally, you’re not supposed to have scheduled classes, you’re supposed to teach kids how to use the information and where to get it and how to evaluated and all that other stuff, you’re supposed to teach them to teach those skills to them in a moment of need. That’s the best way that we learn things is in the moment of need, not when somebody teaches it to you out of context. So I would teach these skills in the moment of need, but I’ll be perfectly frank, I did not feel like I could get my hands on the kids as much as I needed to, in order to really teach them the skills. I mean, some of the teachers would come and work with me pretty regularly. And other teachers never darken the library door. And so we had a, we had about 1200 kids in the school. And I don’t know how many of them I saw regularly. But it was a pretty small percentage, actually. And I felt frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t convince the teachers that what I was offering was was important. And you know, the kids who came in, who were motivated. Boy, I could make it today difference in their lives, in fact that the best part was when I brought in some librarians from UMass Amherst, in order to just tell the kids a little bit about what to expect when they would go off to college because they were in the process of working on a major research paper for their junior English and history classes. And what the kids started asking the college library and some questions, and one of the kids asked, what are we going to do when we get to college, and we don’t have a Mrs. Oh, and to help us. And you know, that made my day I can imagine. Yeah, that made my day. But I there were just too few kids where I could get my hands on them to teach them the skills that they needed. And so that became frustrating for me.
David Ralph [22:42]
So when when you you finally decided to leave? Did you know what you were going to do? Or was it just the urge to actually do your own thing? Because it seems to me that the hard part in life is a double hard part. The first half is saying, right, I’ve come to a point I need to do something been a lot of people spend a little bit of time, sometime quite a bit of time to then find what they need to do once they’ve made that leap. was yours planned? Or did you sort of fall into that category? Again?
Deborah Owen [23:13]
Yeah, that’s a really good question. I’ll, I’ll come clean here. I, a year ago, I went to Jeff Walker’s Product Launch Formula weekend, which was one of the first Marketing Pro weekends that I went to. And I had this fantastic idea. I mean, knock your socks off idea for an online programme that I was going to create. And I actually started it and, and it’s probably about, it’s close to half done. And I probably really need to finish the darn thing because it is really good. It’s all about how to learn better and faster. Based on understanding how your brain works. It’s called mind power mastery. And so I came to john with this, this product, and I wanted to really make a business out of this product. And over the course of the next few months, I finally realised that, you know, just because you have a great product doesn’t mean that you have a business number one and number two, I hadn’t tested it out. I didn’t do what I told you to do about 10 minutes ago, which is test your idea with the market and make sure people really want it.
David Ralph [24:12]
But But you don’t be so passionate. You kind of think this is brilliant. Yes. Let’s get it out there. I I fall into that camp, I must admit, yeah, it’s quite hard to hold myself back once I suddenly have an idea.
Deborah Owen [24:24]
Yeah, absolutely. So you know, here’s this librarian is going to change the world with this awesome online programme called mine power mastery, going to help people learn better and faster. And I realised, wow, through testing and everything, there’s not that much of a market for this whole thing, maybe I can pull pieces of it out and start to, to, and I’m actually in the process of doing that right now. Pull pieces of it out, and maybe kind of offer those individually. But as a whole piece, it’s not working right now, at least not until I develop some wide name recognition and some credibility. So it was it wasn’t until late spring when I was talking to some of my friends at some of these other online, their online groups, but I met some people at live events too. And they looked at me and they said, you need to start you need to coach you need to become a coach. And so I got my coaching certification. I got one I’m actually working on a couple of others right now. And it wasn’t until I had a long conversation with john and August. And you know, we really narrowed it down and said, All right, I am a family and parent coach. This is an well actually parents and life coach, I’ve got my certification. This is what I need to market. These are the people I know I can help especially parents struggling with kids in school because of my education background. And so honestly, it hasn’t been that many months since I really made that decision. And I took an answer. There’s a long answer to your question. I took a lot of twists and turns, you know, over the last year before I really figured out what were my skills and interests meet the needs of the market.
David Ralph [26:00]
We’re going to play some words here that really tie up to what we’re talking about this motivational moment in your life that you know that you’ve got so much more to offer. And then we’re going to talk about those twists and turns because that is fundamental to the storey. That is Join Up Dots. This is Jim Carrey.
Unknown Speaker [26:16]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [26:42]
Is that kind of say what was going through your mind at that time?
Deborah Owen [26:47]
Well, yeah, I would say so I did have a couple of failures as I was getting started. Absolutely. But I’m really excited about what I’m doing right now. And I love that clip. By the way, I’ve heard it said several times Jim Carrey is brilliant in it. Yeah, I would say that I’ve had some some failures this year, as I’ve been trying to figure out what my path is. And that’s totally fine. You know, I’m trying to condense into a year what takes most people three years, you know, I’m working on at least, I’m trying to put it all together and connect all my dots and, and move forward in a in a in a way that is fulfilling to me. And that makes a difference to the to the people that I want to help
David Ralph [27:31]
is a beautiful thing is also the world’s worst being because I’ve been been building businesses. And a lot of it, you just feel like you’re swimming against the tide, and you’re just struggling, struggling struggling to the point that you just being is it worth it. And then suddenly, you find a little bit of land and you crawl up onto the land and you get your breath back. And then you sort of go again. But then once it starts to come your way, but tides change don’t lay and you start getting pushed along and you get momentum that you just didn’t have before. And I think that is one of the key things that every lesson that we have for TV shows is about is the fact that it’s not going to be easy at the beginning, you don’t know all the answers, things won’t work, some things will work, some things will work, and you don’t even know what I have worked. But ultimately, if you pull enough of them together, then you start to see a picture. And somebody said to me the other day, the thing about, you know, the Join Up Dots kind of metaphor is like the big picture, if you look at the big picture, but then get closer and closer and closer into it. It’s just made up of loads and loads and loads of little dots. And it’s only when you look back on it, you can actually see how you’ve got there. And it’s interesting, but you were exactly the same as everybody else. You’re doing stuff, you’re trying stuff, you want stuff. But ultimately in your heart of hearts, you know, it’s going to work. But you kind of don’t know quite how you gonna make it work. But that doesn’t stop, you
Deborah Owen [28:57]
know, and that is that is so true. That is so true. So I’m going to actually back up a little bit. And you’re talking about the failure aspect of this for any of your listeners who are not familiar with the work of Carol Dweck. And that’s d w EC K, I highly recommend the book mindset. And I forget what the subtitle is, but it’s something along the lines of the new strategy of success or something like that. But the main title is mindset by Carol Dweck. And she talks about the difference between having a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. And this is one of the things that frustrated me about being in a schools is because we are we do not allow our kids to fail and pick themselves and go up and go on, you know, if you fail a test, you know, maybe your your teacher will let you retake one test during the course of the semester or something like that. But generally speaking, if you fail, you fail, and if it counts against you, whereas in life, that doesn’t happen, you know, if you fail at something, you say, Okay, what did I learn? Don’t think of this is a mistake. Think of it miss take, am I ss, ta ke and people who have the growth mindset, or those who are able to take the Miss mistakes, and the stumbles and the failures, figure out what’s the most important thing I can learn from this, pick themselves up and just keep ploughing ahead. People who have the fixed mindset are afraid to make those mistakes, they’re stuck where they are. And they are afraid that other people are going to think that they’re not smart, or that they don’t know what they’re doing or all kinds of things. And so they’re afraid of failure. And those are the people that that have the fixed mindset. And if you read Carol Dweck book that will point you will pointed out to you. And the other thing is sometimes people have a little bit of a fixed mindset in one area and a growth mindset. And another I found that was kind of myself as I read that book. So I’ve worked really hard to say no, you know, it’s okay, I’m going to keep focusing on the positive, I’m going to keep moving forward. And I’m going to pick myself up when I make those stumbles, because that’s the only way that I’m going to learn and make progress.
David Ralph [31:07]
So So when did it start? So coming together for you, because it has been very quick looking at it. It’s been amazingly quick. But now you’re on social media, and you’re on shows like this across the world, and you really getting your name out there. Was there a moment was it a big dot but really sped you on?
Deborah Owen [31:27]
Oh, that’s a good question. Um,
I don’t think there was any kind of like one big dog or transformational experience, it really has been a gradual, just constant ploughing ahead. And I’ll put in a plug for for john ass Ross programmes to I got one of his brain retraining programmes exactly a year ago when I follow through exactly like you’re supposed to. And it absolutely changed my life. Because it taught me it’s, it’s it is it’s a brain retraining thing. And it deals with your subconscious mind. And that was something that I was really interested in, which is kind of what drew me to john in the first place. But so much of what we do on a daily basis, excuse me on a daily basis, is run by our subconscious brain, and very little of what we are consciously doing is run it with intention. So you know, the neocortex is the part of your brain that makes it it’s the executive functionary it’s make it makes conscious decisions. And yet, so much of what we do every day is run by both the fight or flight instinct, and the our emotions and our memories and how we interpret those memories. And the idea is to retrain your subconscious, so that it doesn’t dwell on past mistakes, it doesn’t dwell on the things that pulled you down in the past, but you can retrain your brain and tell yourself this is this is how we move forward, I’m going to only remember the the really positive things, because if you can focus on remembering the positive things, it boosts your emotions, and it gives you the momentum to be able to move forward. So I can’t say there was one particular event I think it really was a result of changing the way I look at mistakes, mistakes, and really just making the decision that you know, I have, I have a message to share, and I can change family lives, people’s lives. And I it’s selfish for me to keep it to myself, I need to let people know that I can help them.
David Ralph [33:41]
There you go. That’s your big dot, you took the decision to share your message. And that’s the moment isn’t it? Once you decide that what you’ve got is worthwhile, and people should have it. That is your big dot. That’s big one.
Deborah Owen [33:56]
Yeah, sure. And that could be for anybody who has something really valuable to share.
David Ralph [34:00]
I was having a chat with a fellow radio host, just beforehand. And she’s got this amazing show where she talks to authors about how they created their book, and they published a box and all that kind of stuff. And it’s a show for want to be offers from offers. And so she that’s her target audience, and we were just chatting. And I said to her, yeah, I’ve written a couple of books. And she went, No, you haven’t. And I went, yeah, I’ve written a couple of books. And she went, why haven’t you ever published them? I said, Well, it’s not really what I wanted to do. It was just the process of doing it. And she said, Well come on the show. And I went, that’s not really for me coming on the show. I’m not a published author. And she said, No, but you’ve written the book. And as I was talking about it, it was mindset. It was mindset. Again, I was thinking, yes, yeah, actually, I have done something whether I published it or not. I’ve done something that very few people have. So why shouldn’t I sort of speak about it? And yeah, it was I suddenly fall. Yeah, I have got something to say yes, I will come on your show. And it is funny how it grabs us at all points of our lives. But we kind of think know, that person that person’s ahead of us, that person’s got stuff to save that person is Yoda, that person is wise. And we’re not. But actually, we’re all wise. And it’s the people behind us isn’t it is the people further behind on the curve. That’s your target audience. And that’s the ones are, the most of them wouldn’t be able to afford to go off to see john. But they will be able to afford to come and see you and come others until you move up the curve. And Ben ray will take your position. And then other people will come along and it is shuffling along somehow way.
Deborah Owen [35:38]
Now like that we’re shuffling along. Yeah, definitely. So I can help you get that I can help you get that book published if you want. I don’t
David Ralph [35:45]
know if I want to actually that’s the thing. It was just a book to write a book, it was one of those things, I got frightened, but I was going to be on this planet and not leave my mark. And I had a kind of not a dark phase because I don’t go through dark disease. But I got scared. But hang on, I’m going to come and go here and not one person is going to know. And the British Museum in in the United Kingdom holds a copy of every book ever published. They that’s their thing. They have to be there. And I just thought, Oh, if I write a book and get it published, even if it doesn’t sell anything, bang, it’s in there. And I’ll be there. That’s my mark. I’ve left my mark on on on Earth. But as it happens, things move into different directions. And I’ve ended up doing this. And I think yes, this is my mark,
Unknown Speaker [36:30]
this this is a mark.
David Ralph [36:32]
This is what I should be doing. So yeah, it’s not a process of getting the book published. It was another another one of my dots. It was a stepping stone towards believing that I can do something and that I’ve got a voice and once you’ve got that voice, as we say then the world is your oyster.
Deborah Owen [36:47]
Yes, definitely. Definitely. Yeah, that’s good. So so I’d be interested in reading your book.
David Ralph [36:54]
Yeah, never gonna read it never gonna read it. So just do you get scared about things when you when you’re going on these TV programmes and your sort of media performances and the like? Because it’s all new to you? Do you wake up in the morning with, you know, butterflies of anticipation? Or do you wake up in the morning vomiting in a bucket, because this is the most terrifying thing you ever going to do?
Deborah Owen [37:16]
Well, I have to be honest, I, I’ve been a performer my whole life, I started taking violin lessons when I was in first grade. And I sang and I started singing in our church choir in second grade. And I was very fortunate my choir director, as I was growing up, gave me lots of opportunities to play violin and church, you know, like the prelude and, and accompanying the choirs and stuff like that. So I’ve been performing my whole life, becoming a teacher was natural. Oh, I know what it was. The other thing that was huge for me in terms of getting comfortable on stage was when I was in college, I joined an acapella group. And we had to be able to just, you know, stand in front of an audience of a couple hundred people and say, Hey, my name is that well, at that time, I was Debbie candy. My name is Debbie candy. And we’re really glad to be here. And our next song is going to be blah, blah, blah. And you just had to be really comfortable on stage talking to large groups of people. And that was a hugely formative part of my background. So that by the time I decided I was I wanted to become a teacher, it was just easy to get up in front of a group of even sleepy teenagers who didn’t want to be there. And try to get them interested in what I had to share.
David Ralph [38:27]
It’s funny because you don’t think of teachers as public speaking, do you just think their teachers? Will we all have to do like best man speeches, and, you know, five of the blind speeches and those kind of things where people are, that’s public speaking. But of course, teacher being a teacher is public speaking, and he’s
Deborah Owen [38:43]
coached abs, yes. Oh, constantly. And we all talk about the fact that, you know, every day every day, we don’t feel like we’re up and ready to go. So there are a lot of days as a teacher that you are totally acting for the kids. It’s sometimes it’s it feels like a dog and pony show with isn’t the best feeling. But there are a lot of days when, you know, I’m thinking about what’s going on at home with my kids, or, you know, is my dog sick, or you know, whatever may be going on in my personal life, you have to put it aside, you act and you get up in front of the kids and you get excited about whatever it is you’re telling them. So being a teachers is definitely performance,
David Ralph [39:20]
fake it until you make it do you believe in that kind
Deborah Owen [39:22]
of price? Um, yes, only in the sense that by creating a mindset of I am, I am really excited to be here. And this is going to be fantastic. I’m going to share what I have with whoever my audience happens to be, whether it’s teenagers, or or, in this case, the audience around the world. You know, I’m excited about this, and I can share that. And just the, the, here’s the other thing, if you change your physiology, you automatically change the chemistry in your brain and in your body. So if you fake it in a sense, and say, I’m excited, then you are changing the chemistry in your brain and your body and you actually become excited, it works. So
David Ralph [40:07]
up like that, totally, I was a, I was a trainer for years and years and years. And sometimes I didn’t feel like it. And more often than not actually at the end of the day, I didn’t feel like it. And that’s why I kind of left the job. And I’ve moved into this. But I don’t think anybody ever realised I didn’t feel like it. And once I spent 10 minutes pretending you kind of did feel like it and he was into it. And so I do think the Yeah, the physiology and the brain and all that kind of stuff. But just wanting to perform, I think that’s a key thing as well.
Deborah Owen [40:39]
Yeah, you have to want to do it, you have to want to do it, that makes it a lot easier. But I mean, there are times when people need to do something like if, you know, here in New England, we have town meetings, and if there’s something that you’re passionate about, and you it’s your turn, you know, you want to get up on the microphone and the town meeting and share what you’re passionate about. So that you can bring your neighbours and your community along with you on whatever this particular topic is, you know, there are a lot of people who aren’t used to that kind of thing. And the best way to do it is to just get yourself excited, get yourself passionate about it, change your physiology, and you know, then just do it.
David Ralph [41:18]
So I’m looking at your LinkedIn profile as we’re talking. And yeah, a lot of it was the education system, as I say, and then you moved into entrepreneurial work with Einstein a secret, which for me seems like a great thing. And we’re going to talk about it now. But you’ve suddenly added something else into the mix as well. You can raise great kids, why? Why did you suddenly go to fold when a lot of people would have worked on the first thing to make it as successful as possible without adding more pressure to yourself?
Deborah Owen [41:51]
Yeah, sure. That’s a great question. And it’s actually what I’ve kind of struggled with a little bit. So what happened was two years, two years, year and a half ago, something like that. I was teaching and I said to myself, you know, I have a lot of ideas. And I feel like I don’t have a chance to share them here on school. I’m going to just start writing about them. So we got a snow day in March, which happens sometimes in New England, and I said, Okay, today’s the day, and I started a blog, and it was actually called convergence in the comments, because the new the new name for libraries where, where it’s not just about books, but it’s about interaction and creation, and, and, you know, really working together collaboratively, collaboratively. They’re called Learning Commons now. So I started a blog called Learning convergence in the comments. And it became, I started taking some courses about how to write a great blog, because I was still writing as if I, as if I were writing my academic papers in college. And so I learned and then about six months later, I realised Okay, most people don’t know what convergence in the commons means. So I’m going to change it. And I went through a series of asking a lot of people, what can I do about this? Excuse me. And so I ended up changing it to Einsteins secret. And the idea was, Einstein had a quote that said, I’m not, I can’t remember exactly off the top of my head, but it was something along the lines of, you know, I just want to be able to teach the kids that I don’t want them to Sara Lee have to come in having their minds made up, I just, I just want to be able to share and teach the kids. And so I thought, Oh, that’s perfect. So I changed the title to Einstein secret. And I continue to write and I continue to learn. And I actually started collecting email addresses, which is what you need to do, you need to get a website, and you need to get a way to collect email addresses so that you can contact the people who are interested in what you’re doing. And they were mostly teachers. And then when I realised that I was, the teachers, were not necessarily going to be my best audience going forward. Because I want to be a parent coach, parents and life coaches. I needed to pivot and I debated whether or not to keep just keep Einstein secret, or start from scratch. And I decided to start from scratch. So that’s why I now have you can raise great kids calm, well, he’s going to be your baby, he is there one, even at this point that you think this is the game changer. Yeah, you can raise great kids calm because my business is to be a parent and life coach, I still am really interested in what I signed secret is about and that is again, based on learning and understanding and motivation and mindset. And, and so I’m very interested in the things that I was writing about for Einstein secret, but I can apply all of those things to helping kids be successful also. So really, you can raise great secret you can raise great kids is my baby right now. That’s the one I’m really putting all of my time and energy into for currently.
Unknown Speaker [45:01]
And I think that’s
David Ralph [45:02]
that’s right as well, isn’t it because the deed, the momentum that you created when you left the school library, you you started something. But more often than not, that thing that you start isn’t actually the thing you end up doing. But it’s it’s the practice, isn’t it? It’s the fine tuning what you actually need to do. And I think a lot of people get stuck, because they kind of think, well, if I quit my job, the next thing has to pay me my salary. But it doesn’t does it, the next thing has to be a stepping stone towards another stepping stone towards another stepping stone. So that ultimately you can have the life that you want. And the fact that Einstein secret is good, you like it. But now you kind of think Well, no, that was actually just part of the journey to where I really found my place. I think that’s hugely passionate. And I think that that’s something that people should listen to and be Yeah, it doesn’t have to be right straightaway. It can be waters, right. But it helps me helps me to where I should be.
Deborah Owen [45:59]
Absolutely, absolutely, that’s a good way to describe the the journey that I went through between those, those two con companies and websites,
David Ralph [46:06]
I’ve got loads of websites out there in the and I never get the name of them. And I don’t know if people can even track them down. But they were all going to be the big thing. And they were all going to be you know, making me a squeegee and pound a month and I was just gonna lay on a beach with grapes being dropped in my mouth and having a lovely time. And none of them really panned out. And I look back on it now. And I think yeah, that you all of them could have panned out. But I was kind of not quite ready to push them over the hill. The effort wasn’t bad. I haven’t found the passion. It was a task. I wanted a squarely and pound. I didn’t love what I was doing. And so I moved on to the next shiny thing. And then the next shiny thing and I didn’t waste for years. But I look back on it, I think Yeah, all of them. If I carried on that one course, they could have been successful, but I didn’t quite believe in them enough. But what did give me was the ability to tie up websites and online platforms and connect with people and all those kinds of stuff, which took me to where I should be here.
Deborah Owen [47:09]
Right. Right. Right. And you know, David, I’m going to actually add to that. I think one of the things that is key to having a successful venture, what you know, whether it be a venture of passion or invention of profit is to have a big enough Why? Well, another book that completely changed my life was signing Simon cynics book. Start with why. And you can kind of get an abbreviated version if you go look for his TED talk that
David Ralph [47:37]
changed my life TED Talk one.
Deborah Owen [47:39]
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Start with why and you were just talking about this exact same thing. It’s, you didn’t have your why was to lie in a beach and have a school in pounds, which I would love to have to. But it’s not a big enough why to have the motivation and the momentum to really stick with it. When things get tough. You have to have a bigger why than that. My Why is huge right now, I want to change, I want the kids to be successful. And the way that I can do that is to empower their parents, so that they know how to communicate better. They know how to support their kids, and they know how to help their kids be successful. Because and I know a lot of other therapists and coaches and people and and people who start out working with kids, they end up working with the parents, because it’s the parents that make the difference for the kids.
David Ralph [48:32]
I think my Why has never been bigger. And I think the thing is, when you find your thing, the Y keeps on getting bigger. And on those days, when you really are tired, or you’re just feeling run down or whatever, you still can’t wait to deal with what you’re working on. And that is when the y becomes your, your campus, isn’t it really, it’s the it’s the thing that’s directing you to where you should be. And I would love the world and that my passion really, I want the world to find their why. And I want people to go Yes, because of this show, because of what you’ve given me. I’m now passing it forward. I’m helping somebody else because I do believe that all of us out there can have the dream life. We just need to find out why unwanted?
Deborah Owen [49:20]
Yes. Yep, absolutely. Oh, I’m getting
David Ralph [49:22]
old Randy here, Debbie, you’re making me good. Make me all passionate. And Randy, I don’t know what’s come over me? Well, I’m going to play the words of Steve Jobs now about the theme of the show. And they really do sort of have a strong connexion to what we’re talking about the ability to move forward, but not really knowing what you want to do until you find it. This is Steve Jobs.
Unknown Speaker [49:43]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will see somehow connecting your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference. Do you believe in those words?
Deborah Owen [50:20]
Yeah, absolutely. Just stick with it. Stick with it. And if you can connect the dots, like Steve says, you know, you can look backward and see, wow, I understand the journey now that I’ve been on. But sometimes you really just have to trust that. And I’m a person of faith. So I trust that God will leave me lead me through this path that I’m on. I don’t know where it’s going to end. I don’t know where it’s going to be. But I’m excited about it. And you do you needed to look back and say, Okay, this is leading to this is leading to this, which is leading to this. It’s we’re going somewhere don’t know what the N piece is going to look like yet, but we’re making progress.
David Ralph [51:01]
Do you? Do you believe more in God or believe more in yourself? Or does it not matter? The belief just has to be there?
Deborah Owen [51:08]
Well, I believe in God, first and foremost, above anything and everything. But I also believe that God is filled me with a passion and a mission. And so I don’t know what the end piece is going to look like, but the talents and the gifts that I have, and then I have have worked hard. You know, it’s it’s the literally the parable of the talents. I haven’t buried anything I’ve tried to invest them and help them grow, and it’ll pay off.
David Ralph [51:36]
Did you believe really that the key thing for you was your mindset shift is that when you know, the gear shift moved, and you started making progress forward?
Deborah Owen [51:48]
Yeah, yeah. And and, you know, now that you’re talking about it, the the mindset shift happened when I made the huge investment. That that was when I said to myself, actually, before I committed, I hung up the phone after talking with john, my husband and I had talked with him for about half an hour, 45 minutes, something like that. And I hung up the phone and I, I was I wasn’t sure I was ready to make the commitment. Because I said to myself, if I put the money down here, if I make this investment, then I am committing to playing with the big boys, I’m going to be playing with the big players. And that’s a little bit scary. And it only took me about 24 hours to say I’m ready. Let’s do it. So, you know, some people it might take a week or two, I, I didn’t want to let the opportunity pass. So I gave myself 24 hours. And I said, Okay, let’s do it. Because it’s a key thing. And I hear this time and time and time again, that the big boys who charged the big bucks, get more from the attendees. And then the people who don’t, it’s almost not having a gym membership, you pay $20 a month, and you never go because it’s only $20 an hour doesn’t matter. But if you pay $1,000 a month, you’re going to make sure that you get value out of it. So that investment that big investment was, you know, it was fundamentally you saying, God, I’ve spent this money, I’ve got to get the most I possibly can out of that which you might not have done if it was $100 membership. Yes, absolutely true. When you make a big investment, it makes a difference. Absolutely.
David Ralph [53:25]
What I’m going to do now, I’m going to bring us to the end of this. And so just before we send you back in time and put you on the Sermon on the mic to find out what you would say to your younger self, do you believe that everybody out there listening no matter what their situation, no matter what their experience, can have a kick ass life, Deborah,
Deborah Owen [53:43]
oh, everybody who wants to can, because we all have innate gifts and talents. And you just need to allow allow yourself to find out what they are when give yourself the opportunity to let them grow. And also this is key yourself in a position to make a contribution to other people. So two of the key six human needs are growth and contribution. And if you will allow yourself to be put in positions where you can grow and contribute. Everybody can have a kick ass life as you put it. Love that, Debbie,
David Ralph [54:18]
let’s play the music. This is the part of the show where we call it a seminar where we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time, what age w would you choose? And what advice would you give what we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme tune and when it fades, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Here we go with the best beer of the show.
Deborah Owen [54:59]
Hey, Debbie, I know, I’m only coming from the future a little bit. It’s about a year in the future. And I’m just going to tell you, you know that investment that you’re thinking about, it is absolutely the right thing to do. And don’t be afraid of what the journey might look like. Just do it anyway. Because if you stick with it, and you keep yourself open to what exactly might possibly come along the way, and listen to what people tell you, and take in what they say and see if it makes sense for you. Then you will definitely get places remember to stay positive. Remember to keep learning and don’t give up.
David Ralph [55:45]
How can an audience connect with you, Debbie?
Deborah Owen [55:48]
I am at you can raise great kids calm and I would love to have your audience find me there. And you can contact me personally and I will write back myself. I think being able to contact people directly is really important. And I will help anybody who wants to ask him questions.
David Ralph [56:06]
Well, we’ll have over links to your work on the show notes. And Deborah, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past it’s the best way to build a futures Deborah, thank you so much,
Deborah Owen [56:23]
David, it’s been a pleasure. Thank you.
Unknown Speaker [56:26]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.