Welcome to the Join Up Dots Podcast with Mary Vidarte
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Introducing Mary Vidarte
Maryt Vidarte makes this a job I love doing, as you get to speak to people like todays guests.
And for so many people who are out there looking for the straight road to success this is a guest who has firmly been on the winding curve, some might say the squiggly route to success for decades.
Starting her career way back in 1980 our guest was firmly on the path linked to Health and Safety in the workplace, or school.
She trained and presented courses on a wide range of safety issues and it seemed this was her thing for several years.
But it was when she stepped into the world of sales and marketing that she really started to find a path where the light of success began turning in her direction.
And it seems obvious now you see what she is doing in her life, and loving what she was doing too.
How The Dots Joined Up For Mary
As she says “My heart and passion is marketing and sales”.
She is an entrepreneur, trainer and author of PayDay2Profits which is a guide for converting contacts to cash from corporations to individuals.
Managing your network for maximum impact on your bank balance but dig deeper and you can see that the only reason that she has become so successful is as much to do with the things that she no longer does, than the things that she loves.
She needed to go through the curves, to find the foundations that made her ready to go up a gear.
So how much of what she does now in her life can she see connecting to her younger self?
And does she feel that she was only going to be a success in one field, or does confidence breed a belief that success can be transferred wherever you want to go?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show, to start joining up dots with the one and only Mary Vidarte.
During the episode we discussed such weighty topics with Mary Vidarte such as:
How she now sees that in life you don’t lose any knowledge you just build upon it…..everything is valuable at the time no matter how insignificant it feels.
How she couldn’t quite grasp how she was doubling her salary so easily when it first happened, and being successful in her life was a terrifying prospect for herself.
Why it is so important to surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do, as its their achievements that will foster your belief.
Failure is only a failure at that moment, and has no relevance to what is going to happen. That is a key mindset to have!
Why before we do anything in our life, we have to ask ourselves the what our key life values are, to ensure we stay on track for the life of our dreams.
Products By Mary Vidarte
How To Connect With Mary Vidarte
Or check out every podcast from our extensive articles here
Full Transcription Of Mary Vidarte Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Today’s show is brought to you by podcast is mastery.com. The premier online community teaching you to podcast like a pro check us out now. podcasters mastery.com
when we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:38]
Yes, hello there, everybody and welcome to Join Up Dots. Welcome to Episode 321. I’m going to tell you, is there anything better than doing the job that I do? I don’t believe there is. I love it and I’m loving it more every single day because you get to speak to people like today’s guests and for so many people out there. Looking for a straight road to success. This is a guest who has firmly been on the winding curb Some might say this quickly route to success for decades. Now starting her career way back in 1980. Our guest was Bernie on the path linked to health and safety in the workplace or school. She trained and presented courses on a wide range of safety issues. And it seemed this was a thing for several years. But it was when she stepped into the world of sales and marketing. But she really started to find a path where the light of success began turning in her direction. And it seems obvious now you see what she’s doing and alive and loving what she’s doing to as she says, My heart and passion is marketing and sales. She’s an entrepreneur, trainer and author a payday to profits, which is a guide for converting contacts, to cash from corporations to individuals, managing your network for maximum impact on your bank balance, but dig deeper, and you can see that the only reason she’s become so successful is as much to do with the things that she no longer does. But nothing’s but she loves She needed to go through the curves to find the foundations that made her ready to go up again. So how much of what she does now in her life? Can she see connecting to her younger self? And does she feel that she was only going to be a success in one field? Or does competence breed a belief that success can be transferred? wherever you want to go? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mary Vidarte. How are you, Mary?
Mary Vidarte [2:26]
Good morning. I’m fine. Thank you.
David Ralph [2:28]
I did that. Well, your name tonight and I gave an extra fall Irish on that one. Well, where where does that name come from?
Mary Vidarte [2:38]
I believe it’s Basque. My father was Spanish. And so it depends on what part of the country in the US and then they pronounce it differently, but I always respond and smile.
David Ralph [2:49]
Does it annoy you though, but that people
Mary Vidarte [2:51]
not at all. I’m just glad they remember. So that’s good enough,
David Ralph [2:58]
because my name is David Ralph. And the amount of Americans that email me that say, Hi, Ralph. And I think we don’t really have Ralph as a Christian name in this country as much. But in America, it seems quite prevalent because probably 50% of the emails call me by my surname first and it annoys me, Mary, it annoys me. I’m very polite, very polite, but I do think to myself, read the email before you send. Yes.
Mary Vidarte [3:29]
I’m accustomed to people just can’t pronounce it so they don’t try or if I go to South American country or Spanish country, half the people will have my name. And the other half are relatives that I haven’t met yet. So
David Ralph [3:43]
exciting. That’s perfect. So So whereabouts are you actually at the moment as we’re speaking?
Mary Vidarte [3:50]
Physically, I am in a small area called Johns Creek
outside of Atlanta in Georgia and in the US. And mentally I am in a state of transition with all the things that are happening. So I think you can transition no matter what state you’re in in the United States.
David Ralph [4:12]
Oh, of course you can. And that’s going to make our conversation very interesting. And just a second has drawn me away from talking about what I always talk about when I hear the name Atlanta pop up the world’s biggest fish tank that is the place to go isn’t it? For for an aquarium that blows your mind?
Mary Vidarte [4:30]
Absolutely. It’s one of my favourite places to go and until you have been there to see the whales swimming over your head. There’s nothing like it
David Ralph [4:39]
is an astonishing place. So So let’s start talking about your journey. Did I do justice to the introduction? It seems to me that you have been on a squiggly curve, but it went straightened out and that’s when the speed occurred. You was on the on the street where you could put your foot down and go up again. Is that right? Do you think when you look back on it, were you on a journey, but you didn’t really know your path until it hit.
Mary Vidarte [5:08]
While in the journey, I was always focused on what the current task was and, and it was relevant at the time. It wasn’t until later that I realised that you know, you don’t lose any knowledge, you just build on it. And many of the things that I was involved in people located me and asked me to participate, and it just fell into place. So now, all the BACnet background knowledge from all the different positions helps me connect with other business owners and so that I can help them with their challenges. Even with business brokerage, through my real estate company, you have to know a little bit about everybody’s business so that you can understand their needs, because a lot of times they think they know What they need, and you have to help them along. So you never lose your knowledge you just build on top of it.
David Ralph [6:06]
I you and nosy person married to get together.
Mary Vidarte [6:10]
Oh, yeah. Did you pick up on that I love to find out about people and what they’re doing and what they’re thinking and why they’re thinking that way. And it unfortunately, it doesn’t stay just in the business realm. I feel that way about everybody, even their kids, I want to talk to them. And you have to love it. You know, you just have to like people. And in return, even the most recluse person will talk and the things they have to say will astound you. So I just like people, and I want to know what makes them think. What about the
David Ralph [6:46]
kind of office gossipy? Are you somebody that sort of rises above it? Or do you kind of Oh, yeah, did you hear about Mary from accounts? Oh,
Mary Vidarte [6:55]
I do not care for gossip. I want to I’m more interested in That one on one connection with an individual, no matter how important or less important, they may feel that they are, they always have a solution. And part of what I learned early when I was a claims adjuster when I was very young was the people that you think are the least important may actually have all the answers to your investigation and your questions, and to never overlook them, and usually can be the most helpful and very kind. So, it’s the ability to communicate with people at the very top, such as the CEO, and the people who keep things running on a daily basis, which may be the maintenance person. It’s good to know everybody and sincerely know them. And for most people, I think, well, that’s just a lot of people to talk to, but if you love to connect with people, it’s not difficult.
David Ralph [7:56]
I think that’s a key thing to working in. Any office environment. If we’re talking about office environments, I was always incredibly polite to everyone, because I never knew whether I was going to need them. And it might have been somebody working in the stationary, it might have been somebody in maintenance or whatever. But I always try to connect with them. Because there comes a time doesn’t it that you need these people? And by building that network, it actually does build foundations that are that are stronger somehow.
Mary Vidarte [8:29]
Yes, most definitely.
David Ralph [8:31]
So So when was it that you started to really go? Yeah, this is interesting. You’d move through the sort of health and safety area, and you were doing training courses on on that kind of incidents and accidents and all that kind of stuff. And then you moved into claims. When did you start to think well, actually marketing and sales because it’s quite obvious you are a people person, and to do very well in sales. You do have to be a people person. It’s about making connections. Making connections quickly. So when did you start to think Hang on, I can see where I should be going.
Mary Vidarte [9:06]
Um, I always knew that I liked making the connections. And it was brought to my attention. When I was working in sales, the sales manager I was working for an insurance company would continually come over and say, you know, you really need to be in sales. You’re putting up with a lot of stress here. This is the unpleasant end of working for an insurance company. And I said yes, but I really want to do what I’m doing, but thank you. So after many years of being approached, I been realised it was time to do something else. And when I took a position selling pharmaceuticals, I suddenly realised it and once you’re out there and you’re selling and you get that first check, the first bonus check and everything made sense. And I was absolutely amazed. And the first day of my new job selling pharmaceuticals, I doubled my income. It just was a different world. And people are motivated differently. I still love the claim side of things and the legal side because that’s where I started. But I am a salesperson, and that’s where it began.
David Ralph [10:24]
So So tell us how what how you felt you went home that night, you close the door, you sat on your sofa and went, Oh my God, I’ve earned twice what I normally do in one day. Did that just read competence? Or did it scare you or what were your feelings at that time?
Mary Vidarte [10:42]
It makes it made no sense at the time. And you know, when you start the job, you don’t really understand what you’re making until you get that first paycheck and you say, Oh my goodness, and but it’s not until the first bonus check comes and the bonus check when you are working for pharmaceutical company can be a significant amount of money. I was terrified it and I thought I was fine. And then a couple of days later I realised there was a tremendous amount of anxiety associated with sudden success. And I felt I needed to care for all of my family and all of my friends, which I did. But there was an adjustment phase and not everybody talks about it. And then you settle into it, and you realise you deserve it, and it’s just fine. And then you decide you don’t want to settle for less. And people, and that’s part of what I believe in is you have to surround yourself with people that can bring you a step forward and help you that have gone further than you have. So that those transitions are not as difficult and they understand and not everybody wants to be understanding when you’ve when you’re suddenly making twice the money that you used to an even though it may not have settled In within yourself that you’re making more other people have figured it out before you have they say, Oh yes, we know that people that work at those jobs make this kind of money. Well, I was clueless. I hadn’t received a bonus check yet. I hadn’t had my first paycheck. But it settled in. So it was a lot of uncomfortable feelings that I didn’t even know how to classify. But I got over it.
David Ralph [12:27]
Well, yeah. And then what’s fascinating about that is you went through like a life journey, in one job transition. The fact that most people go to work, we talk about this all the time, you go to work and you know about the eight hours is going to be boring or hard or whatever. It’s not fun, because work shouldn’t be fun. And then you start to sort of break free from that and you start to get this inkling of, there’s more to life and I should be able to do it. Now. what you were saying there was when you suddenly were playing to your strengths, And naturally touching in on something that you could do better your salary went up, but your work ethic kind of suffered somewhat because you were suddenly finding it easier and trying to justify in your mind why you were earning so much money. And you see that time and time again where people suddenly find their thing. They find that that that point in their life that they can do easier than they ever thought. And they almost try to self sabotage it because I can’t quite grasp why they should be getting better. Why is that person down the road working 12 hours a day, when I’m literally having a laugh and earning a lot of money is interesting how your mind works.
Mary Vidarte [13:39]
Yes, that’s really true. And not everyone can share that until they’ve been there. And I part of what I think is really important is the focus that you have to surround yourself with people that support you and they may change with time and Unfortunately, the people that you have to transition away from or put in a different, arm’s length away, will be the people that you love the most. If you are suddenly more successful than anyone in your family, there is a emotional aspect to that. I had many successful people in my family, but my I’m the oldest of many siblings, so I was the first for them to watch become successful. And I didn’t have any children at the time. And that made it much easier to chase my dream and to focus and my other family members were in a different stage. But all that I learned through that process prepared me for the next stages that were coming. So I believe that you carry it with you. None of it is in the wrong direction you are right where you’re supposed to be when you’re there and when you’re when you’re not supposed to be at that job or in a relationship or a position, you will make the change when the time is ready.
David Ralph [15:07]
So what do you think about Bespin? Mary, and this goes out to all the guests and there’s something that I, I posed for the listener because I now I now believe is Mary, don’t worry, I can say this because no one’s listening. You when you aren’t doing something, and it’s a hard slog, and you just think, Oh, my God, another day at this, when’s the weekend? Is that a clear indication that you’re actually doing the wrong thing should life be light and breezy and fun? Is life abundant. As I say,
Mary Vidarte [15:41]
with experience, I have learned that sometimes when things are the toughest, especially trying something new, they may be hard. You have to decide when it’s an indication to move on. Or if it means that you’re really right where you’re supposed to be When it has to do with new skills, new learning new information, which when you recreate yourself over and over and you move up the ladder, you have to recreate yourself. And the information can become overwhelming. And at that point I go home at the end of the day thinking, why am I doing this? This is this is incredibly tough. I don’t like sitting here, not knowing what’s going on and understanding the thought process. But I’ve chosen to put myself in a situation where I’m learning more, I’m entering into another business, another type of business different people, they think differently. So each person has to make that decision. If you leave every time it doesn’t feel comfortable, you may miss out on the biggest lessons. The real experience is understanding when the key signs are appearing, that say it is definitely time to move to another job. Close the doors on of business, distance yourself in a relationship. And that’s where the people that you surround yourself with that are supportive, come into play. They can lend some support and give a perspective.
David Ralph [17:17]
Is it all a belief structure is life simply about believing because why it’s so important to surround yourself with people that are doing what you want to do is because you can see that they’re doing it so it’s possible. And the real genius is in life are the ones that managed to create stuff that no one’s ever done before. And I think we most of us fall into that first camp where as long as somebody is already doing it, we can quite happily follow along the wayside and sort of buy into that belief. Did you think belief is important or is it drive what what starts it all off?
Mary Vidarte [17:53]
belief. I think you start with some beliefs to begin with, and there will be very basic What do you get from your family and so forth, then it falls into values category. As you’re exposed to more people, that pushes the edges of your beliefs. You can, if you believe in something, it is definitely easier to create. And when you’re motivating sales people, they have to believe in the goal that you’re giving them. So I’ve been on both ends of it when and I’ve been where people are pushing me to believe in their idea to be creative and successful. And it really depended on me seeing a picture and following blindly in some ways, and it worked. And I learned that in pharmaceutical sales
and in other situations,
I didn’t have a lot of belief in something but I kept pushing and it and it was successful as well.
David Ralph [18:53]
How much belief have you in yourself now personally, obviously, I’m looking at the image on the screen and you’re very glamorous. Business lady. But when you saw the laying on the sofa in your in your in your PJs and stuff. Are you totally comfortable with all elements? Is it working progress? As you said at very beginning, you’re busy going through a transition at the moment.
Mary Vidarte [19:16]
I have to be honest there are it scares me to death a lot of times and so often but yes, I laugh at it because a friend of mine told me she said, Every time you enter in a new stage where you’ve accomplished something new, you’re going to feel like oh my goodness, I’m scared to death. That means you’re working that that’s good. It’s supposed to be that way because it’s new. And a week or two weeks or a month later, you’ll say oh, this is the fifth task like that I’ve done and so not to worry. Yes, it scares me to death sometimes. But I i as I’ve mentioned to you, I adopted a child and I thought How am I going to do this and run my business and everything else Scared me to death, which many people can relate to that many people have children and they don’t come with a manual, you have to figure it out. But I got through it and it doesn’t stop there. They keep growing and how to balance that with work, and trying to be creative when you’re wondering if your child is sick and all of the different things that come with it. Yes, it scares me to death some days and then I wake up the next day realise, wow, I’m not gonna let that bother me anymore. And I build on it. And I find it I asked people I asked other successful people, what do you do about this? How do you manage that? And you will be surprised at the honest answers they give you and you will find out that they are have the same challenges. And it’s part of connecting with them. Everyone has challenges. generationally, we all approach exposing ourselves at different levels. And I think that I know that I am a little bit easier with talking about things that make me uncomfortable than some of the people that support me or are more experienced. And that may be generational as well. But I found that I could learn so much more. And I just keep in mind the really bad days, when things didn’t go well. And everything’s looking good.
David Ralph [21:35]
Because I’ve become very Annie, I went to see that film Annie with my daughter, and you know, the sun, I came out to my well about business. And it was like, I think I was going through a bad stage at that moment when I saw that film. And it spoke to me and I thought, yeah, you’re right. Tomorrow will be a different day. And certainly what you were saying about the fear of success, I have built a huge hit on this show. We’re at the big It was alright, because no one was really listening. But when it started to really take off, that was my true scary bit and I look back on it now. And I’m comfortable with it, I think to myself, why was it scary? And I think it was generally because I van had to prove myself. People were relying on me to actually deliver content day in day out. It wasn’t a hobby, it was a proper job. And I found I found that terrifying for probably an afternoon, every three days, every three days, it came back to me and I thought, oh my god, what have I done? What have I done? Because once you create something that is built around your passions, most of the time, it’s down to you, isn’t it? It’s down to you to drive it forward. Because it’s your dream. It’s your passion, and it’s very difficult to sort of hand it out to other people in case they they screw up your passion. So how how have you managed that? How have you managed to, you know, balance your dorable son and the work and all that kind of stuff when it’s something that you personally believe in?
Mary Vidarte [23:01]
Again, I was fortunate enough to surround myself with the right people who understand my challenges. And their expectations are reasonable. And I’ve had good guidance. But my approach was to be more organised. And I found it really necessary to observe all of the areas in my day that my energy goes to and my time and I had to eliminate the things that were draining me of a lot of energy and time and restructure my day. And it meant being honest with people and that’s not easy to do, and explain why you have I had to make room in my life to be successful. I had to break a calendar down and say, Okay, how many hours Am I going to dedicate to writing a book, to establishing new training programmes to doing this or that and I have clients I take care of as well. And I had to look at myself. So a lot of it has to do with time management. But it’s not just time, it’s a mental management of things. People who are draining, I just had to, that doesn’t mean I completely separate myself, but maybe keep them at a little bit of an arm’s length. And you have to value yourself in your time first, before others will. And some people will adapt to your new needs of adjusting your calendar in time, and some will not. And that’s okay. You’re going to have to bring in new people to start new things. And that requires grounding, and feeling comfortable with who you are. It becomes easier as I am. You have to know yourself. You have to be honest with yourself about what you need. So it’s it’s every day is exciting.
David Ralph [24:59]
When are you Isn’t it and every day with me it’s like therapy as well. I listened to these conversations and, and and quite often I feel like I’m not actually part of it. It’s like an out of body experience I’m having. And I remember Episode 300. And there was a gentleman called Chris pile. And we were talking about how it’s so important to say yes, because that’s where the opportunities are. If you say no, you’re exactly in the right place that you were before. But if you say yes, magic can happen. And he was saying to me, and I’ll be interested in your point of view on this, he said, he used to be a no man. And then he went totally to a yes man and would say yes to anything. But then now he realises the power of No, because that allows him to do better. Yes, is if that makes sense. that frees up time by going no, I’m not gonna do that. I’m not gonna do that. Because I really want to do this. Where for a while, he was kind of going Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. And almost burning him out with opportunities. Can Can you see what he’s saying? In that
Mary Vidarte [26:00]
Absolutely. And that is part of a process and when selecting people that you want on your team or to work with or to help you in whatever venture you’re in, you have to notice what stage they’re in. Are they in the yes stage of saying yes to everything? Or are they in the no stage to say no to everything? Or are they be coming more selective because it will determine how focused they are on the tasks that you are involved with with them. And I went through the same experience in order to say better yeses, I had to start saying no to some things. And it wasn’t easy for everyone around and unfortunately, it’s sometimes the people that we are the closest to the members of our family. I’ve noticed very successful people who had had the ability to talk to many people in their organisation but had difficult coltie at home, it was easier to deal with a whole Corporation but not their family members. And we’ve all been there because it’s right at the root of our security. But if you shifted it around and you started dealing with the things at home and your family members, you could be more productive in the workplace. So I believe that they’re connected. It’s how you choose to handle it. And some people are very good at isolating and sec putting things in different sections so that they don’t cross over, and it works for them.
David Ralph [27:34]
Let’s play some words. Now that’s going to take us on to the second stage of our conversation. And this is really about I suppose it’s about what we’ve been talking about anyway, finding the thing and really going for it big time. This is Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [27:47]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that stuff. Job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [28:14]
Now, even though I’ve listened to that 300 plus times, that vein really hit home every now and again, I’m really focused in on that. And it says something that really means something to me. What about yourself, Mary?
Mary Vidarte [28:28]
It’s all failures only as you view it at that moment. And sometimes we have to have things come to an end so that we will move on. And I, I found, especially with the downturn in our economy that we went through here in the US. For several years. No one was left without some change. made all of us better and the way that we do our security because We were all pushed to look beyond what we were comfortable with. Many people viewed themselves as being a failure because their jobs disappeared. But in fact, everyone was dealing with it. So it’s perspective. And if you if you’re looking for the bad and everything and you will find it, if you are looking at it from a viewpoint of what can I learn from it? And what additional skills can I add through this experience, then you will always find the good and when I look at people to choose if I want them to be part of my team, or support group, I it’s the perspective how do they view things? are they seeing their life as a downhill spiral or do they see it as an adventure where they can learn? So yes,
David Ralph [29:49]
but what was your life like when you as a small Galvin Mary, were you very of the same ilk as you are now? Were you very positive and outgoing and wanting to be surrounded by people.
Mary Vidarte [30:01]
Yes, I think it always was that way. My family, we had a riding stable and very young we learned to train horses and be with people and connect with animals. And if for anyone who’s been around horses, you know, they’re always bigger than you are. And they can always they’re always going to be stronger than you. So you learn to connect. I was always positive, my my family. They were divorced when we were young. So it required additional social skills to communicate between opposite sides of the family and to get everyone to communicate. And I have many sisters and we’re all the same. We love to talk and communicate. So we all found the positive in a difficult situation.
David Ralph [30:53]
So do you remember being in a clear divined where one party was on one side and the other was on the other side?
Mary Vidarte [31:00]
Unfortunately, yes. And we, we, my family members, we laugh about it now. But it’s been evolutionary. we’ve all learned from it. We made decisions as a generation that we would better than next generation and we would raise our families and our relationships. So that we would, we wouldn’t repeat the same errors of the past. And that’s a big step. It’s bringing it to a conscious level. For many families and individuals, they never see the bigger picture and they continue to repeat the pattern. And what I have found is if you learn a little bit about persons background and family, you’ll also learn about how they may manage their business affairs, their value structure and and their outlook. And there is some correlation, maybe not in a corporate setting as much but certainly in In an entrepreneurial setting where the business is a part of their life and is their own creation, and a lot of times their family may be involved in a business too. So all of the things I learned from the craziness of divorced family and many siblings, I see the patterns in people’s businesses and entrepreneurial businesses and it people say How did you know that? And I said, Oh, let me tell you, my family. They taught me a lot of lessons.
David Ralph [32:31]
But but here’s a key thing that you say that it’s all the same, isn’t it? Well, if you look at somebody who is all over the shop, and more often than not their business is going to be all over the shop. If you look at somebody that’s mega focused on one task, their business is going to be like that. And it’s it’s people isn’t it is people again and people make business and business make people and the way we are as small children as we find out time and time again on this show, is a strong indication of what we can Going to be when we are older. You can see that I can see that. But so many people will be surprised when Mary says something. How did you know that? But it’s just out there. The clues are out there for all of us.
Mary Vidarte [33:11]
I have a belief that we are, we are all here for purpose. And the one universal purpose that we probably can all agree on is we’re supposed to learn from each other. And I prefer to learn good things versus bad. So I try to choose a little bit better than I have in the past,
David Ralph [33:32]
but do learn more from the bad and the good vote.
Mary Vidarte [33:36]
I think you learned from both and a good is not you know, I guess it’s how you define good bad. We as you start progressing along, you want more positive experiences and you make a decision that you are, you’re done doing a particular repeat, have a less positive experience, whether it’s personal or if it’s been business, you set your goals a little bit higher. And in order to reach those goals, you have to change several things that are going on around you. And
outlook is one.
David Ralph [34:12]
Because I think now I actually look for the bad times. I think now because I’ve got a belief in what I’m doing and how I’m operating. I think it’s the bad times that actually give you strength to go on. And I mentioned this on yesterday’s show, just because it’s in my mind, this gentleman recently said, if you think of all the bad stuff in a garden, all the horse manure and all that kind of stuff, what happens we throw it on the ground, because we don’t want it but it makes the good and the beautiful, grow bigger. And I think that’s a real good metaphor for life that we go through the rough times. And actually better ones we should be looking out for and almost embracing because they’re the most valuable lessons and when everything’s going nicely, you don’t learn as much do you somehow
Mary Vidarte [35:00]
It’s true. It’s true. So I’ve learned more from some of the less positive experiences. And I’ve learned quicker. And I’ve said to some people before, when they ask an opinion, and they want a consultation, and I will tell them, you know, you can go through this yourself or you can listen to the people that have already been through it, and neither one is wrong. But it’s time the issue is time. Your your business time is the commodity that you may run out of. You may find investors that bring you more money, but you may run out of time. So how much time do you have to learn these particular things? You want to do it the hard way, the easy way, the short way, the long way. And you have to respect where people are in in their path. And you have to match whether or not their timing is the same as yours. But you but don’t ever discount the bad times because they are the that’s where real leaders come from And real lessons are learned.
David Ralph [36:02]
Because I actually think that the long route, you know, the sort of tortoise and the hare and all that business, I think I was always the hair. And I would always look for the, the ways to cut corners. And that’s why I was never in compliance or human resources that was just not my thing. I was always going out why is why should we do that? Why don’t we just do that it’s gonna be a quicker, better way of doing it. But now I think actually, the long route is the one that actually grows the strength. That’s the one that really gets your focus going now, when I started this, I really thought it was gonna be a success in six months. When I hit six months and it really wasn’t a success. I thought maybe I’d be a success in a year. And I look at it now and I think we also asked doors out for the quick route but that can’t be right. But that doesn’t allow for the the foundations does it you know, a tree for example, going back to nature will spend an awful lot of time growing before we even start seeing it. And then when we see it is only because it’s done. One thing’s under the ground somehow.
Mary Vidarte [37:02]
Yes, yes. And everyone’s in a different stage. And that’s what you the key is recognising where people are and where you are. And then you will reach a point where you’re done with that. And you’re just ready to do things quickly. And the minute you make the decision, it’s done. So for those of us who’ve taken the long route on some things,
David Ralph [37:30]
and you and you feel that way,
Mary Vidarte [37:33]
I’ve taken the long route on some things and very quickly on others, each one had an adjustment phase, the frustration of thinking it’s taking too long for some, and the sudden overwhelming experiences of things happening quickly, such as overnight making twice as much money, literally 30 days, you’ve doubled your income. So, you know, the learning to handle both is what gives you what you need to go forward. Now, I don’t intend to retire next week. So I’m continuing to build,
David Ralph [38:06]
you can’t retire in your 20s Mary Kenya, I wish.
Mary Vidarte [38:12]
But, you know, so for people whose goal is to, to step out of business, they may not be interested in expanding their horizon and having more experiences. And there’s nothing wrong with that either. But it’s a matter of choosing where you want to be. So, and I’ve learned to recognise that I had a client I worked for, and I explained how to make his business grow and what to do. And he looked at me and he said, but I can sit in my basement behind this desk in my underwear, and I can make just, I can make this much money. Why would I want to go through all that work just to increase a certain amount and I thought, you know, I need to recognise that he’s comfortable where he is, and I’m not going to get him out of his basement, and this And, and he was content. So you meet them where they are a legal term was that you, you take them as you find them. You take your clients as you find them, and you learn from it. But he’s probably not the person that you want launching your product that you want it to be a big success in six months.
David Ralph [39:20]
Well, I’m gonna play some words now. But I think one of the the greatest sentences I’ve heard about how to actually get a business up and going, this is Oprah
Unknown Speaker [39:30]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this stuff. What is the next right move. And then from that space, make the next right move and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.
Unknown Speaker [40:02]
Now I think Matt
David Ralph [40:03]
is like a business guru gone mental, really. It’s so simple. It’s so simple, but it’s so powerful, isn’t it? Just do one thing is, did it work? Yes. Okay, let’s do another thing. Did it work? No. Okay, why didn’t it work? Okay, I think I’ll probably need to pivot a little bit and just move on. I love that. I love that so much as much as I love the Jim Carrey speech, but I play. I think the two going hand to hand almost the simplest business Bible you can get.
Mary Vidarte [40:35]
Absolutely. It’s it’s hard to argue with that. And I found that where some people find it necessary to go into great detail. Most of the time, you have to keep it simple, not just for the people that you’re talking to but for yourself. The simpler the more direct and straight the messages the easier it is to accomplish the And of course, who does it better than Oprah?
David Ralph [41:03]
And Mary Eva data is well, converting contacts to cash. That’s that’s perfect, isn’t it? That that grabbed my attention straight away, which is the name of your new book? How did that come about? Did that? Does that pull together all the life lessons that you’ve heard?
Mary Vidarte [41:20]
Yes. It’s a unique approach. There are a lot of books out there about marketing and sales, and manuals. But what I found to be missing in the market was a book for entrepreneurs. Because everybody’s business is different, even within the same type of business. So what was needed was a guide to help an entrepreneur figure out what questions to ask so they can make their own decisions. And a lot of times one of the biggest challenges is when do I start hiring other people to do my sales and my marketing and it’s a different personality. Your You know, the other family member, because a lot of businesses are run by families may not have the right personality, though, your mother really wants you to keep employing all the family members. And you may not be the right person to do it. And so there are questions so that a business owner or an entrepreneur can go in and find his own answers, and points on what to look for when you’re deciding on a partner, what to be careful about what questions to ask, and a lot of people sit think, well, I don’t know that I can ask that question. Well, if you can’t ask it, you need to be thinking about it. It needs to be in the back of your mind, because these are the critical turning points. How do you know when to close the door and just say it’s time to start a different business? How do you know when to sell your business? How do you know how to judge your sales? These are all the questions that go on in the back of business owners mind and they don’t know who to ask and they can read the manual if they if they had time. about marketing and sales, but how does it relate to their business? So I tried to fill the gap.
David Ralph [43:06]
So how have you filled that gap? How have you made a single book relevant to everyone’s businesses?
Mary Vidarte [43:14]
By taking a broader perspective of simple questions that will apply to whatever type of business you’re in. Remember, doctors are entrepreneurs, lawyers are entrepreneurs. So is the guy who runs the dry cleaners and the gas station, and so are the majority of corporations started out as small businesses. And so I needed to have questions that were relevant for the sole practitioner, who may not have anybody in his business that gets a paid, that has a title but himself and the rest are all our subcontractors to someone who’s running a big company and Believe the questions are relevant and very helpful. And it’s to stir thought and give the turning points. Also, as time goes on, the answers will change. And as you get into the thought process of what to do with your business, your needs may change, you may decide that you want to financially things have changed, and it has to be dynamic, because your business is always changing. And that’s something that someone who hasn’t been out there starting their own business. It’s one of the challenges is to understand this is different than a corporate job, where you get a paycheck every day, everything changes. And it’s not for everyone. Not everyone is cut out to run their own business. And family members have to be comfortable, involved with a family business because you’re used to a steady paycheck coming once a month, and all of a sudden now you’re wondering if the sales are coming in the door. So that you can make your mortgage payment, very different. But many people run a business and have a corporate job where they’re working for someone else. And this addresses those concerns as well. So that they have a place to go to get answers to. So So
David Ralph [45:19]
is one of the best questions that we can ask before we start any business. What is our key values? What’s the most important thing to us? If it’s spending more time with our family, if it’s sitting in a basement in our underwear, if it’s something else, I lay the kind of questions that before anyone starts anything they should actually think, what is that internal mechanism that makes it feel wrong? All right.
Mary Vidarte [45:45]
Yes. And getting very clear about what the goal is. And believe me, some of those conversations are pretty tough, and it really weeds out a lot of potential danger areas. And you have to look at the person is married or single? Or do they have kids? What are the responsibilities? What is the goal? And how are we going to achieve those goals? And then point out where? Well, you know, you said you wanted to spend more time with your family, but this is going to require 6070 hours a week, are they going to participate with you? What does it look like? And you have to include the other people, you know, they are part of the equation as well. And you have to figure out who’s really making the decisions. And I’ve always found that to be interesting when, when consulting for a client is determining who’s really making the decisions here. And you may find that it’s a different family member than the one that is asking you to come to talk to them, and you have to find out what their challenges are. So it’s it’s not as cut and dry as you think it is.
David Ralph [46:55]
I think with myself when I set about creating what I’ve created My key essence was, but I wanted something that when I turn the computer off, that was it, no one was going to get me. And I think because of that I’ve gone the long route because I’ve had so many opportunities that come to me. And I think to myself now, that means I’ve got to have my emails open, I’ve got to get a cell phone, I’ve got to get all these things back. Not key to me. So I’ve just kind of batted them away. And now I’m getting to a point that my my vision, or stage one vision is getting very close. And because I asked those questions at the beginning, I’m comfortable with it, because it feels right. And I think what people do, which is a mistake is Look, how can I earn a squilliam pound in a month? That’s the way I’m going to do it. And they take every single opportunity that they get given. And then suddenly, I think, hang on, I was working for the man in a corporate gig. I’m now an entrepreneur, but I’ve got 600 bosses telling me what to do. This is worse than when I was working for the man. Yes.
It’s true. Have you had the same thing? Have you gone from one position to another and actually thought hang on this is as bad as it was before.
Mary Vidarte [48:07]
I’ve been fortunate that with each change in position, I’ve learned enough that I haven’t really repeated the same, the same. I would say error, or I haven’t had to relearn the same lesson. But I’m very much aware of it when I start going down the path. So what happens is, I will be making a change when to everyone around me it seems Why Why are you doing that doesn’t make sense. I’m not waiting for it to get pad. There are times when there are you know, I think we all have different aspects of our business or our life where we tolerate more than we do and others. But I’m learning to transition before I get to that point,
David Ralph [48:49]
but not a learned more by getting to that point, as we were saying earlier.
Mary Vidarte [48:53]
If you’ve already spent a lot of long time learning, maybe that part of the lesson is no longer needed. So I’m I’m finding that I’ve already done some of that. And now I’m ready to learn different things. Okay, I’m ready to not take quite as long. But the advantage of taking the long route early on, is, you now understand so much more and you can connect to more people. For me and my business, as I’m sure as in yours, connecting with the people is what’s key because they’ve got the information inside their head, but you have to connect with them so that they will share it. And that means you have to have an understanding of where they are and what they’re doing. And the only way is you got to get out there. And you have to see it, feel it here it and that’s my, my goal is I connect with the people and bring sides together and try to find solutions.
David Ralph [49:45]
You’re joining up your dots Mary that’s what you’re trying to say.
Mary Vidarte [49:49]
Yes, I think so.
David Ralph [49:50]
Well, let’s let’s play some words that really emphasise how powerful Join Up Dots is all about. This is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [49:57]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots. Looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [50:33]
powerful words and he talks about you’ve got to trust in something would you trust in
Mary Vidarte [50:40]
my ability to connect the dots at some point? Yes. And I trust the people that I that I keep around me and I have some trust in myself. But you know, it starts with yourself. It starts with being honest with yourself and that is the journey that takes time. Because other people may believe the things we say, but we have to believe in what we’re saying. So that’s, I trust in that on a personal and spiritual level and and I trust that that you know, I see the good even though sometimes you go through a bad time that the goal here is good and I choose to be around people who want to be as positive because there are people that don’t and sometimes they can sabotage your success if you are making them too uncomfortable with with your positive attitude. So,
David Ralph [51:42]
why did you say that you you trust others you could trust your friends and I have some trust in myself. Well, why why did that seem less?
Mary Vidarte [51:52]
I Well, you know, you don’t you don’t know that till you hear it. Now I trust in myself. I do. But I keep I keep an eye open to see where I’m falling short. You know, it’s that new, I’m doing something new. Is it really right? But every time I go into a situation, and I realised that something didn’t go quite right, and I could have had the solution, but I didn’t speak up. That’s when I remind myself. Sometimes you just have to trust in what your gut tells you. And speak up so on if it’s not quite right, speak up, trusted it. And then I started to look back at at age and experience and I realised no at this point in life, you’re supposed to be a little bit more knowledgeable and believe in that and don’t let people tell you, otherwise when you know, you know what, you know, you I mean, it’s your business and you have to look back on all that you’ve done and you’re going to know when You’re off the target. And it’s okay because remember, it’s all dynamic, it’s changing. So some things change sooner than others. But the only way to keep up with the changes to be out there with people, but I, I constantly will catch myself saying, I knew that that was right. And I should have said something. And next time, I am not going to let somebody tell me otherwise I know this, this is my business. So, you know, you just have to be brave enough that if it wasn’t completely the way you want it, you don’t have to be perfect. I think that’s it. It’s, you know, nobody’s perfect. So there reaches a point where you’ve just got to jump out there and make things happen. And you’re still doing better than the people that have asked you, you know, that didn’t have a clue.
David Ralph [53:51]
So once you big dot that when you look back on your whole life, when did meribah dartie start to make her move?
Mary Vidarte [54:00]
It’s been a progression. It’s been a progression of steps. And, and I, it seems to be totally unrelated. But when I adopted my son, I saw everything come together. At that point, I recognise how so many people live their lives, which is they have children. And then I started to see the challenges that women have, trying to balance children and business. But I also saw with their needs work with their ability to provide for their children, and it could be done. Whereas 2530 years before, it was a much harder place to do it. Things are better, but there’s still room for improvement. And there I was in the middle of it and then suddenly divorced with a child and I thought, I get it now. These are the challenges that managers have trying to deal with. This type of workforce, and these are the challenges that moms have with their children and fathers fathers too. Because today, both parents participate, and sometimes the wife supports the husband, you just or ex husband, you just don’t know. I started to connect the dots between the business and the personal and I understood why I waited so long, which was I didn’t feel that the environment was suitable to raise a family and try to work. And the reality is, women and families have done it for centuries. How do we do it differently now so that we can all thrive, and our children will turn out better than they have before. And it over? I see everything through that viewpoint now and it changes and my it’s no longer just about bottom line numbers for sales, it’s a bigger goal. So and for those who are have kids, I think they can relate to that. Whether you are working at the entry level of corporation or if you are an executive, it, children are still children, work is still work. And the challenges are there. Even if you hire a nanny, you still have to know what to tell the nanny to do. You still have so many of you still have a connection with your family that you want to be there. So as you can see, that is that’s where I’m passionate.
David Ralph [56:28]
He’s a big dog is a big dog. What we’re gonna do now Mary, we’re gonna send you back in time because this is the end of the show. And this is the part that we call the Sermon on the mic. And if you could go back in time to speak to yourself, what age memory would you choose, and what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m gonna play the theme tune and when it fades you up. This is the Sermon on the mic
Unknown Speaker [56:55]
go with the best bit of the show.
Mary Vidarte [57:16]
This is Mary talking to marry at the age of about 18. And the first message I would give married at that age would have been, do not let those people tell you that women should not get a business degree. stick to it, you know what you like. If you decide you don’t really want to be a nurse and change bedpans, don’t do it. And if you want to go forward and get a grad degree, do it. Don’t let people tell you that you can’t. And going into different jobs. Remember to have fun. I would say the most important thing is less fear and more Fun, everything’s going to be fine. Enjoy the path and the journey along the way. And remember that the people around you are the most important thing. But keep some at arm’s length and keep others very close. And don’t let them tell you things that you know just aren’t right. Stick to your ideas. Find people who believe in you. Find people who are like minded and find people who have are a step ahead of you and follow them and listen and make your own decisions and keep going.
Unknown Speaker [58:41]
And there you have it,
David Ralph [58:42]
Mary, how can our audience connect with you?
Mary Vidarte [58:46]
Please go to my LinkedIn page at which is married the dar de and also it’s Mary dot the Dar email@example.com and my website should be back up again soon. So and also you can find my book on my LinkedIn page, as well as Tate publishing. So I hope to hear from many people.
David Ralph [59:10]
We will have over links on the show notes. Mary, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots and please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Mary Vedanta. Thank you so much.
Mary Vidarte [59:27]
And thank you, I enjoyed it.
David Ralph [59:31]
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Join Up Dots brought to you exclusively by podcast is mastery.com. The only resource that shows you how to create a show, build an income and still have time for the life that you love. Check out podcast is mastery.com.
Now David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.