Lauran Star Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Lauran Star
Lauran Star is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching podcast.
She is a lady who has a wonderful tale of how she got to her point of success today.
Starting probably as far away as she could from the motivational, success fuelled powerhouse she is today, who inspires ladies across the world to stop surviving and start thriving in life and business.
She started her own personal journey in the Military, where she did nearly ten years working for Uncle Sam with the 309th Field Medical Company.
And we see this time and time again, that although a million miles from the corporate route, it actually sets amazing foundations and organizational skills that can be used to maximum effect when becoming a civilian again.
And this certainly seems the case for todays guest, as from this point onwards you can see the dots joining up big-time, as she built up her confidence and talents by working in multiple roles within the sales, training, and leadership areas, and even performing roles on and off Broadway.
How The Dots Joined Up For Lauran
She is the CEO of LS Consulting and an International Speaker, and in her spare time the international host of “Empowering Women – with Lauran Star “
She believes that we all have the skills and talents inside us to literally create the life of our dreams.
We just have to start tapping into our personal power and blast our way to the gold.
We need to find the time that we actually have in abundance, but are using the wrong way.
So does she look at her time in the military as the perfect grounding to where she is now?
Or would she have liked to have the extra ten years, now she has really found her thing and is blasting forward on a daily basis?
Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots, with the one and only Lauran Star
During the episode we discussed such weighty topics such with Lauran Star as:
How we all truly grow in life by moving through areas that are truly uncomfortable and need to actively seek out these times.
How she remembers entering into the Broadway theatrical world, to escape from herself, hide and then truly find herself.
How she remembers being sacked from her job as she truly found the Lauran Power that she had been looking for her whole life. And it was with her all the time.
Why she needed to tell her husband that she was getting on a new train and it was his choice to get on that train or not, but she was off.
How she knew that when she is dealing with her most stressful situations in life, they all are all occurring because of her own actions.
Lauran Star Books
How To Connect With Lauran Star
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Full Transcription of Lauran Star Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Today’s show is brought to you by podcast is mastery.com. The premier online community teaching you to podcast like a pro check us out now. podcasters mastery.com
when we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:38]
Yes, hello there. Well, yes, as voiceover man said I am still alive and I’m still at that back at a garden. But that’s that’s the only location because we actually we we go global every single day is unbelievable how you can build up a global momentum very, very quickly if you only want to get off that backside. Get off that sofa and give a All ago, and today’s guest has certainly got a wonderful town how she got to her point of success today starting probably as far away as she could from the motivational, successful powerhouse she is today who inspires ladies across the world to stop surviving and start thriving in life and business. She started her own personal journey in the military, where she did nearly 10 years working for Uncle Sam with the 300 and ninth build a medical company and as we see time and time again, but although a million miles from the corporate route, it actually sets amazing foundations and organisational skills that can be used to maximum effect when becoming a civilian again. And this certainly seems the case but today’s guest is from this point onwards, you can see the dots joining up big time as she built up a competence and talents by working in multiple roles within the sales training and leadership arenas, and even performing roles on an off Broadway Yes, it’s jazz hands time. I can feel it coming on Jesus, CEO of LS consulting and an international speaker and in a span Time The International host of empowering women webelo and stuff. She believes that we all have the skills and talents inside us to literally create the life of our dreams. We just have to start tapping into our personal power and blast our way to the gold. We need to find the time that we actually have in abundance by using the wrong way. So does she look at her time in the military as the perfect grounding to where she is now? Or would she have liked to have had the extra 10 years? Now she’s really found her being and is blasting forward on a daily basis? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show, to start Join Up Dots with the one and only Lauran Star. How are you Lauran?
Lauran Star [2:36]
I am well how are you today?
David Ralph [2:38]
I’m extremely well, extremely well. I’ve been recording all morning and I get into the I get into the vibe. I become all inspired. You can’t help it with doing a job like this.
Lauran Star [2:49]
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
David Ralph [2:51]
So where is your life obviously got the American trying. But if anyone who listens to Join Up Dots we become quite familiar with but we’re bounce on You based?
Lauran Star [3:01]
I’m located in New Hampshire. Oh, you’re pushes. Yep. So we’re Hicks.
David Ralph [3:08]
No, you’re not New Hampshire being from New Hampshire? It’s very pot. Yeah.
Lauran Star [3:12]
Well, you know, flannel is the in fabric in New Hampshire. So that’s where I am. I live in New Hampshire, we’re covered in snow. And I have three beautiful children. And I’ve been married 16 years and yeah, it’s it’s good. It’s a good life.
David Ralph [3:28]
And will you always a new hampshire girl?
Lauran Star [3:31]
No, actually, I started out in Massachusetts. Yeah, started out there, born and raised in Massachusetts, joined the military. And actually, I have to say when I think about my military time, I have to take a step back even before then, that put me on this on the path that I have.
Well, we think way back.
Yeah. Yeah. So so it’s pretty It’s pretty it’s been a pretty interesting path and and I’ve enjoyed some of it, hated some of it and grown through all of it.
David Ralph [4:09]
Did you think actually cutting to the chase? Do you think that in, in life, you actually have to hate some of it to really work towards something? Is it that classic that you’ve got to try to get away from the pain positions? Otherwise we just flow?
Lauran Star [4:25]
Yeah, you know, Byron, Katie says it beautifully in uncomfort comes growth. So, you know, if I could sit down across from Byron Katie today, I would say, Oh, yeah, I frickin nailed the uncomfortable. I have nailed that come comfort. There’s been a lot of growth through my childhood on up. Thanks to that. uncomfort and through that absolutely. Comes growth. I think if you run away from that uncomfort if you don’t muster through that pain, you don’t grow. You you end up becoming what I call a survivor. Which a lot of people think, Oh, I want to be a survivor. I’m a survivor. You know what, that’s not enough. If you’re if you’re happy just being a survivor, then you’re only living half of the life you could be living. You really need to thrive.
David Ralph [5:15]
Yeah, he’s weird, though, isn’t it? I say the word weird because it comes up time and time again. So I suppose it’s not that weird. But we all want to get to a position where we’ve got the trappings of success. We had the comfort we have the house, we have all those kind of things, but we we look as that is what we want to aim for. That’s our end goal. But of course, you can’t get to the comfort without the uncomfort is the union the Yang isn’t it?
Lauran Star [5:42]
It is absolutely the Yang and the Yang and you know, I have to say at this stage, you no matter what kind of life you build for yourself, you can live in the fanciest, you know, the fanciest of houses you can drive the best car where the best designers, you know, your kids can look perfect going to school. That doesn’t mean you’re successful. It does not mean you’re successful, you can still be miserable behind those closed doors. So, when we look at that success path we have to understand what does success look like to me and not the tangibles. The intangibles, what’s going to give me I call it my goose bump factor? What is going to give you the goose bump factor? So
David Ralph [6:26]
you get a moment on a truly happy loans. So sorry to jump in. But are you would you say it in the moment you are still working towards something or are you happy?
Lauran Star [6:36]
I am happy right now.
I really I really am Dave at I love, love, love what I do. Every time I get on the stage. I get goosebumps every time I work with women. I get goosebumps. I coach youth sports. It gives me goosebumps. Now does that mean I am the most successful in my eyes. Absolutely. In my neighbours eyes, they may have fancier things. And they may they may see me as not as successful but you know what? Here’s how you know you’re happy. You don’t give a rat’s butt what the neighbours think. You sit back and I get those goosebumps. I love what I am doing today. And when you’re happy notice I said today because I don’t know what’s going to make me happy tomorrow. I’m still growing. And I may find another passionate area that I want to put some time into. And that’s okay.
Unknown Speaker [7:36]
Yeah, but you just the
David Ralph [7:39]
light just the leaves on the same branch. That’s what I think. I think when you find the thing that gives you the goose but yeah, you start working towards it. You’ve been grow up, grow up, grow up and the tree gets told her and told her and then it goes into the branches but it’s still the same thing. But then those extra things that you say just the leaves aren’t made that that creates,
Lauran Star [7:57]
really are absolutely
David Ralph [7:59]
So when you are growing your, your, your leaves, your branches or whatever. Are you very aware of the trunk? Are you very aware of what you should be doing and whether that’s taking you away from the tree that you’re growing?
Lauran Star [8:14]
I am very aware of it. And there are times I choose to ignore that trunk. But I’ve been fortunate enough to surround myself with very empowered women that have very similar mindsets that when I start getting away from my trunk, they go Hello, shiny object syndrome. What are you doing? They don’t have that fear that some of those if we look at friendships, some of those friendships that are on the outer CUSP better afraid to offend you. My friends have no worries about offending me and I them in that tight knit circle. They’re the first ones to say you are way off base. Like whatever you’re thinking right now stop. What are you will Avoiding? What are you afraid of? Because that’s where we start separating ourselves from the trunk is when fear starts coming into play. But that’s
David Ralph [9:08]
not that’s not offending anyone, is it? If you can say to your friends, you know, you’re the complete idiot. You’re free to go Yeah, actually, yeah, fair enough. I can see what you’re saying. Because once you get to that point of confidence, then that there’s no being rude is there he’s just being honest.
Lauran Star [9:26]
There’s no being rude. It’s just being honest. But women have a really hard time with this. Women really struggle. See, we want everybody to like us. So women tend to surround themselves with the yes people. And I know some of your listeners going, that’s not me. I’m going to challenge them and say, look in a mirror. It just might be you. If you’re not getting pushback from any of your friends. Then more than likely, they’re afraid to push back. They’re afraid to help you Keep on your path, because you probably didn’t ask for it. So, women as a gender we struggle here, because we do we want everyone to like us. And if we if you don’t like us, then you’re a competitor. So it’s that balance.
David Ralph [10:17]
And is it different for men men do. Do you see the difference? The domain not really care as much and we just go and do our thing.
Lauran Star [10:25]
Yeah, men don’t really care as much from associate right? You
Yeah, you, you don’t have the social blinders on, that women have men form lasting relationships. So it’s not about relationship building. But men typically you don’t really compete with each other. You do a great job networking with each other and helping each other out. But you usually only have one or two, maybe up to four or five really close knit bonds and Outside of the, you’re not as empathetic, you don’t have the emotional, competitive baggage that women bring to the table.
David Ralph [11:11]
What do you think? You know, I’m just speaking off the top of my head here because I wasn’t expecting to had this conversation. But wondering, really is back to like caveman time when the men had to go out and find food. So we probably worked as teams direct the antelope down, and the lady stayed at home. And in the real sort of old time, the ladies who gave birth the most were sort of looked on as queens of the village, whatever. And so, there’s a competition to look your best and not work with the others. I can do something to do without you.
Lauran Star [11:43]
Oh, absolutely. caveman brain is it’s hardwired. men go out they hunt for food. They bring food home, wife cook food. wife have baby Why keep camp clean? Wife make clothing? Yeah. So it was In the in the woman’s best interest back in the caveman time to marry the strongest man that was going to bring home the most meat. So we were competing with each other. As far back as then
David Ralph [12:14]
it’s interesting that your caveman voice sounded like the American Red Indian. It wasn’t the greatest caveman voice I’ve ever heard in my life.
Lauran Star [12:26]
Exactly. Yeah. You know, it’s a stretch. There you go.
David Ralph [12:30]
Yeah, play to your strengths low. And that’s what I’m saying. So, when you with doing things like getting up and doing performing roles on and off Broadway, you obviously seem very sort of comfortable in yourself. Was that a way of finding your true self worth? Was that a way of actually separating your previous life to where you want it to be now, which is very motivational getting up on stage and sort of inspiring people?
Lauran Star [12:55]
Yeah, when I look back at my Broadway days, I was hiding theatre for me as a kid growing up as a child growing up, a teenager was a place where I could be anything but landstar. So it was a place that I could hide. And I learned at a young age I hit Well,
I hit really well.
David Ralph [13:19]
And why did you? Why did you feel that you were hiding? Because it is strange. I know exactly what you’re saying, by playing a part. You can actually, you know, convince people that you’re something but you’re not so in this actor in the theatre world, that’s very easy to do, because that’s the name of the game. But why did you feel that you had to do that and hide away because we’re now You seem to be very much out there and this is mine.
Lauran Star [13:45]
Yeah, it is a complete reversal today, from those days, the younger Loran theatre hiding for me, I was hiding from a very dysfunctional upbringing. I was hiding from a very dysfunctional lower class family. Emily and the judgments that came along with that. You know I was the kid that wore the hand me downs not that hand me downs are a bad thing. But the hand me downs had to be stapled shut. My mom is an alcoholic. I had a sexually abusive stepfather. There’s a lot of junk in my trunk from my teen years, that theatre provided me a place to go and be Cinderella be happening and pour my torn heart into that role. Be you know Sarah in Guys and Dolls where she’s pristine and, and and proper and beautiful. It just allowed me a place to be everything that I felt I internally felt that I wasn’t.
David Ralph [14:48]
And so what did you learn? What did you learn, but it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get an epiphany, singing all that jazz on stage, but over time, it sort of starts over and over
Lauran Star [15:00]
at a time, here’s the thing, it got old really quick. It got old really quick where I was getting to a point where I felt like I was scible. I didn’t know who I was, I had so many different personalities coming out that I had to decide what to do next. I had to toughen up a little bit. And that’s when the army came into play. I actually was auditioning for a role. And the person I was against for the role said to me, You need more girth, you need more guts, you’re too syrupy. You’re too sweet. You’re too pretty. You need to go into the army. And honestly, that’s why I joined. I said, Okay, Miss Peters said I need to go into the army. So that’s what I did. So I jumped into the army to learn how to defend myself to toughen up and to become more of who I am.
David Ralph [15:58]
It’s interesting, isn’t it, but you Be 10 years not being pushed, but just being told to do that. And yet she’s told me to do that. I’m going to do that. Would would you do that? Now, if somebody said to you land 10 years in the military going through it, would you say now Hang on, hang on?
Lauran Star [16:16]
I’d be like, Yeah, I don’t think so. Yeah. I mean, I at the time it was, and I will always thank Miss Peters, Mrs. Peters for this advice. At the time. It was the right advice. She saw something, took a risk, and said, You need to go into the army. There’s garbage there that you need to deal with, and they’re going to force you to deal with it. So hearing that, being at that point in my life, then that I needed some structure because like I said, there were days I’d come home, I didn’t know who the heck I was. I’d be going out on 1015 auditions in a week and come the weekend. I just I have no idea what role I was playing. I was no longer living as Lauren. I was living as a character. And that advice just triggered that mental subconscious note of, Hey, we got it, we got to rein it in. You’re out of control again, bring it back in, bring it back in. So it was perfect at that time. Now, if you were to say to me today go in the army. Yeah, I know who I am. Thank you very much. I learned my lessons. I’m good.
David Ralph [17:28]
And did you know who you were when you was the little man?
Lauran Star [17:33]
When I was the little little Ram. I knew we’re talking like elementary school. I had a good idea of who I was. As good as I could at that point. I judge that from looking at I’ve got twin daughters, they know who they are. As a mom, I can look at the two of them and go, if nothing interferes with this path, this is where they’re going.
But we know life gets in the way.
And as life gets in the way we adjust accordingly or we find ways to adjust mine was theatre.
David Ralph [18:10]
I’m not convinced now by doing this show that life does get in the way. I think he’s just but we forget when we have our core essence. And I think the trouble with knowing your core essence when you’re small is but you haven’t got the knowledge, the awareness of actually thinking business special, I chase is good. I know this is not my daughter, my daughter just jumps around, she’s singing. And you know, at the moment, she’s theatrical, and she’s walking around singing, hopelessly devoted for you from Greece, and I know and she just booming it all out. And you think to yourself, she’s gonna be in theatre, or she’s gonna be what you’re doing, you know, out there and being the focus of attention, but then you can see that somewhere along their teenage years, they lose it, they absolutely lose it and it just disappears. And I’m very aware of that, and I’m very Be careful to try to keep it going. But my son who’s 13 now he’s gone from being the most happy, bouncy little kid ever to a miserable kid. He really is. And apparently, that’s the way it goes. And so I can’t do much about it. But even if I was saying to him now, come on down. Remember who you used to be? Remember the talents. Remember what you used to really talk about and you really love. It’s just going you can just see it drifting away. So it’s a shame, isn’t it? But we haven’t got that. Yeah. And so appreciate the time because when most of us would end up doing what we should be doing, and that’s the thing that we we love doing because we used to do it when we little.
Lauran Star [19:38]
Exactly. And I really work hard with my kids to constantly it’s one of the reasons I coach so many sports teams, the youth sport teams, I’m constantly out there reinforcing and empowering them. And I do I’m the mom that gets in the battles with the teachers that says I’m sorry, you know, Misha Lena is not defiant. She’s independent. Stop labelling her as defiant focus on the positive, not the negative, she’s not going to change. I’m not going to let her change when she comes home from school and says, you know so and so was bullying another student and she jumped in the middle of it. That’s Lena that that’s Michelle Lena, she’s got that protective spirit. I will always have her back. I think it’s important that parents realise that the gift of their their child’s spirit will grow if you foster it. And if you don’t foster it, then it’ll grow later. But there’s going to be a little bit more hardship
David Ralph [20:34]
is the middle ground isn’t it is the middle ground. When we talk about that time and time again on here, so if we did us a little you, what do you want to be when you grow up low and what would you want to what really sort of lights you out? What can you remember what the little one would have said
Lauran Star [20:50]
the little one would have said a bus driver
when I was a little kid I I remember playing bus driver. I so wanted to be a bus driver. I thought that was the coolest job in the world. Hmm, why? Why? I don’t know, it was just really cool. Well, you know, I’d like lineup all the chairs and sit on the chairs and pretend I’m driving the bus. And then I’d make stops. And I remember pulling the door opened with my hand, you know, the make believe door, and my brothers would get on the bus and they’d sit in the back, and then my sister would get on the bus or the neighbourhood friends. We’d all get on the bus with same wheels on the bus. I have no idea. That’s what I wanted to be when I was a real little little ran one, it’d be a bus driver.
David Ralph [21:36]
If you hide that bus image, and you line up the chairs, not one behind each other, but and the fact that you’re at the front and you’re in control and everyone’s sitting behind you, and you’re taking them on a journey. not too dissimilar, is it?
Lauran Star [21:54]
No, it really isn’t Not at all. Not at all. I am in my element when I’m in Powering that audience. And you true and I knew Yeah. Oh absolutely. I am in that moment I am in my space it is and my audience I have enough today. You know like I look at it took me years to get to where I am now. The Lauren and her 20s would never have been able to empower as many people or deliver the same message as the ran in her late 40s because she, she just didn’t have it. She hadn’t gone through and she and that 20 year old that 25 year old didn’t know who the ram really was. Today I know who I am and when I speak from a stage I’ll be honest with you, David, I opened up with I’m gonna some of you are going to love me and some of you are going to hate me. And that’s okay.
David Ralph [22:54]
Dad You true truly buying tonight going back to women always like to be like Did you?
Lauran Star [23:00]
I, I do do you? Well I do because I, I’m so comfortable with who I am. That you know we talk about in business this authenticity we want the authentic, you know, the authenticity, the authentic, there we go leader. And we want people to be authentic. Well, you can’t be authentic until you have enough self awareness to realise what you bring to the table and who you are, and how to lead from your values. And when you know whether it’s I don’t care that I don’t have 50 friends. I have four really close friends. That’s all I need. Now, I’ve got acquaintances out there and there’s some people that just they like me, they’re These aren’t people that would be joining us at the bar here. Nope. Because they don’t they’re not infested. And then there are people that they see me and they’re like, Oh, she’s obnoxious. She’s pushy. She’s like to use the B word. She’s opinionated. I don’t care. See, because I, my vantage point has shifted in that those who like me, like me, Well, those who don’t go to
I don’t know if I can say it on the air,
David Ralph [24:21]
you can say anything you want.
Lauran Star [24:23]
Oh, rock on those who know me know me. Well, those who don’t go to hell.
David Ralph [24:29]
It’s one of those things, though, isn’t it about what you’re basically saying is, you found your thing. You found your thing, you know what you’re doing. And as you say, if people love you back to your tribe, that’s brilliant. And if people don’t like you, they’re going to go off and find somebody else who back and alike there. And I think that when when you see the people that really rocking and rolling, they’re not vanilla, but they’re just being themselves and some people go, oh, did you see sounds on telly? I can’t stand him. Really? I think he’s so funny. You just because they’re being themselves. And that’s the thing when that we’ve got to find, isn’t it but anyone out there sitting on the bus, listening to this in the cubicles or wherever you’re listening to, if you’re totally honest with yourself, and you’re listening to these conversations on a daily basis, what you need to do is start to think about, who am I, that’s, that’s the key essence. And what am I bringing to the table, and if you build but you’re playing small, then you’ve got to change that you’ve got to start bringing it big, because once you bring it big people will start noticing you and then you will start to respond to certain stimuli, either Bahama balls, or the the good ones, but the nice or the negative or whatever, and then that gives you an indication of where you should be going and the people that are liking it. Why are they liking it and start moving in that direction. Try to find out how you can best provide service to them. And I can imagine that that is exactly what you did. You started finding your thing. putting yourself out there big event, some people come to you and other people went by the wayside. And that kind of started directing your path
Lauran Star [26:07]
that started directing my path and people, you know, those that roll their eyes at me, you know, when I’m speaking. And I always get a few people in the audience that are like, You’re way off your mark the information, they totally disagree with the information. I encourage them to send me emails. So they’ll send me an email and then three or four weeks later, I noticed they’re following me. Like, See, I told you
David Ralph [26:35]
Lauran Star [26:36]
not stalking. No, but now they’re, you know, now they’re following my Twitter page or my LinkedIn or they’re part of the blog community that I have, where they stop and they go ha Lorem may have been onto something. You still don’t like me? And that’s okay. But at least I’m making an impact.
David Ralph [26:55]
Let’s play some powerful words here that really take us to the next stage Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey [27:00]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [27:28]
But you’ve kind of had three careers, you’ve had the well even more than that. You’ve had the kind of childhood career and then you went into the military and you went into the theatre when you’re doing this now, how many of them have been you truly taking a risk on doing what you love? And how many of them were you just going with the flow like everybody else?
Lauran Star [27:49]
The theatre, I loved doing the theatre was I taking a risk now? The military again, the military was a little more risky for him. I thoroughly enjoyed myself in the military. I’m not going to say that I was not truly made. But there were there was quite a bit of risk taking. I went to Iraq, I’ve gone to Guatemala and Honduras. I’ve been in some pretty dicey situations. But that was fun. So those risks were really fun. From there. I went into corporate america and with several fortune 500 companies where I took on various leadership roles. No risk. No Loran, like I was just, I can look at those 15 years David and I was just punching the client, the time clock bringing home great money. This is what I was talking about with those with the big stellar houses on the fancy cars. I was making great money. I was leading corporations, but it wasn’t me. I was not Loran. I was like this plastic cut out. That would show up lead the way make great you know make some decisions. Some great some not so great. It Believe it or not It took me getting fired twice. I know you have been fired. best things that ever happened to me been fired twice where I took a step back and I went I was fired and then it was shortly fired again. How did
David Ralph [29:23]
that happen? What were you doing the same thing were you self sabotaging or was it that the situation just overcoming somehow?
Lauran Star [29:31]
I think I was starting to know I wasn’t self sabotaging just the revert just the opposite. I was coming into Loran power, where the first time I was fired, kind of knew it was coming and push the envelope as much as I could. With my mouth. This isn’t right, this isn’t fair. We need more leadership diversity programmes we need to be more inclusive. I was I picked up my my banner and I was like I’m gonna fight for Something and they terminated me because I made so much noise. And then the second time, which was just after that, at a sales meeting, I stood up and I challenged the Director of Sales and Marketing in front of the entire audience and I said, This is not right. It does not make mathematical sense and the Salesforce is going to pay for this. And they fired me. And in that second time of being fired, I went that is Moran. That’s who I am. That’s who I’ve always been the fighter, the one that’s willing to put myself out there, and if I fall, I fall. If I thrive I that’s Loran. So my termination was because I was starting to come into who I am not because of the company or the situations.
David Ralph [30:55]
Please tell me when you did that you whipped hoping your flowers and there was a big l
Unknown Speaker [31:03]
That would have had to been planned, that would have been awesome. Awesome.
David Ralph [31:10]
Ran power. So you felt that you were really basically finding your feet and because I didn’t want you to find your feet, it was going to come down it.
Lauran Star [31:20]
It was going to come to a head they wanted, they wanted to lead employees blindly. And I had children at that point, I just kept going back on this is making no sense to me. And it just came to in the sales meeting at that, that critical moment where I was either going to and I remember sitting in the audience going, stand up, or sit down and this is your life. And one of my co workers sitting next to me, he looked at me and he goes, Oh shit. Like, yeah, I gotta I know. I’m not I am not going to take this anymore. This is ridiculous. What they’re planning to do. There was a look on my face that he just but he, you know, as Brian says he was there and I looked at you he goes and there was this look on your face like Yep, it’s time he goes I knew that time was coming. He goes but there was just you just you transformed from the follower to Loran, the leader, he goes in the entire Salesforce would have walked out with you if you ask them to. It was a very it was very powerful. And I like I said, I, I sat there and I did I debated because I knew I was gonna get fired. I’m like,
I may be going home this afternoon.
David Ralph [32:43]
I obviously did, but can I just suck you for, you know, fire you for just standing up and speaking your mind?
Lauran Star [32:50]
Absolutely. In the United States. Most companies work in states where we are employed at will, which means they can terminate you as long as it doesn’t fall under the Civil Rights Act or protected class. So they couldn’t fire me because I’m a woman. They couldn’t fire me because you know of my race or my religion or ethnicity. They can fire me for not liking the shirt I’m wearing to work.
David Ralph [33:16]
Yeah, that’s strange, isn’t it? Because in the United Kingdom, unless somebody tells me otherwise, you basically would get performance agreements, you’d get managed, and they never ultimately manage you out if your face doesn’t fit, but it would be very hard for them to just go. I don’t like what you’re saying. You’re out.
Lauran Star [33:35]
Yeah, they try to try to manage you up because it’s cost effective. It’s that perspective of does the employer want to lose all the money they invested in the employee? And I think Had it been anyone else that stood up and said it. They may not have gotten fired. I think because I was in the rain. space, there was all this energy that yet they I don’t think they had a choice but to fire me, managing me out would not have worked. The company needed to stop the rebellion quickly and swiftly and demonstrate if you stand up if you do this, you will be terminated.
David Ralph [34:21]
I love the fact that you call it the rebellion. I imagine you like Braveheart standing up and painting half your face blue and dreaming screaming. Take me. So what happened when you walked out? Because this this is a key point. And I know exactly what you’re saying here. But I imagine many of my listeners don’t. When that moment when you suddenly realise who you should be and what you should be doing. And it comes so strongly to you that it’s almost like you’re in a tractor beam somehow and you’re being pulled forward to something and you just can’t find it. I’ve had that in my life. But when that comes down and you walk out the office listening to you go home you go, Dave, ah, and you have all those kind of thoughts going through your mouth. And you’ll be saying to people, no, I had to do it. I had to do it and then you sleep on it. You wake up the next morning thinking, oh my god, what do I do? How did you transition from that power moment to actually going, right? I’m an entrepreneur. I’m gonna go out and make things happen.
Lauran Star [35:27]
You know, Dave, I’m not sure I’ve transitioned chip. Right. I remember walking out. My manager just looked at me and shook her head. And I said, I’ll go back to the hotel. She goes, yep, we’re done. That was my termination. The hotel what
David Ralph [35:44]
Lauran Star [35:44]
job? I was at. I was at a sales conference. I want a big national sales meeting. Uh, we don’t do anything small in my life. It’s
David Ralph [35:52]
some kind of movement you had going on there.
Lauran Star [35:55]
Right now. I was at a sales conference and and she just looked at me and shook her head and I went Okay, no problem. I’m going back to the hotel. I’ll go get my stuff. She goes, Yeah, you’re done here. I said, I figured as much. This isn’t the organisation for me. You are too small. And I went back to my hotel room, I packed my bag. I took it. I had to pay for the taxi. I had to pay for my flight back home. I remember sitting in the airport at one of those airport bars. They It was a Mexican bar. I had two margaritas and each one I just raised my glass and I was like tillering by the second Margarita if people like, what the heck is this crazy woman doing at the bar? every sip was to Moran to the right. It just became my mantra. I came home. My husband was a little shocked. And I said that’s it. I’m going into business for myself. I have the skills I have the knowledge. I’ve got the certifications because amazingly Dave, I’ll be amazingly I look back and I go, Hmm, when I worked for one company, for personal development, they paid for my coaching licence. And my mentoring degrees. When I worked for that same company, they paid for me to become emotionally intelligent, certified fibo certified like all these certifications. And I didn’t understand why they kept paying for it. And I really believe it was the universe getting me ready.
Because I came out of that gate and I went, I’m here.
David Ralph [37:34]
Did you think everybody has back because once again, I look at what I’m doing now. And I can go Yeah, I could see how this happened. And that happened, and that happened all the way through. But the fact that you are being put on this planet for a purpose, really, and no experience is wasted. If you speak to somebody says, You know what you’re going to do what you can do if this job finishes or you go out, they will kind of go I don’t know. I don’t know. This is the only thing I can do. But it’s those small things that make up that only thing that I can do. That’s the stuff that is transferable isn’t it? But it might be very good on spreadsheets, it might be that they’re very good on on a no administration or whatever they want to do. But people get caught in that, that role, that that that title, more than all the little dots that make up that title.
Lauran Star [38:24]
I think the universe puts things in our path every day. And I think we have to have that awareness to grab onto it. You know, I look at my 20s and 30s and the universe was saying from them, if I look back now with my little glasses, the universe was saying then get out of this field. I fell down a flight of stairs herniated a disc had to have two back surgeries. You know, I my health was suffering. There were little trinkets in the Way problems that most people would have been like I’m done, or maybe not. I wasn’t ready for that transition when I worked for the next company, you know, they were like, Hey, we want you to become a coach. Okay, out of the clear blue. We’re going to pay for you to finish your schooling and get your master’s degree and start working on your PhD. Okay. All right, right. I mean, I suddenly I was I, I think I got to a point where I was just bored. So anything you threw at me? I did. not realising that this was me getting ready for that next leap. And did it? Yeah, it did. But I’ll be honest, when I came home, I felt after getting fired that second time. I felt good. Yes, I was a little like, there were moments where I was like, I’m gonna miss all my friends.
David Ralph [39:57]
Yeah, but we’ll come on. five keys to
Lauran Star [40:02]
exactly rock on. But even after the tequila wore off, I was sitting back and I was like, I’m Moran. I don’t think I did eight. Dave. I don’t think I ever said that before. Until I got fired. The second time where I went, I am Moran. I’m the rant like I, I like this person. I like this person a lot. And it’s about time she came out. And I went from that because I was the mom in town that would have pool parties and invite all the kids over. And I would feel bad when parents would be bitchy towards me here because we didn’t have the biggest house or we didn’t drive the Lexus or I live in a very interesting town. And after getting fired the second time I was like, I mean, I remember going through my database, and I had friends that are no longer friends today. And my response to them was I’m learning Take it or leave it, that’s your choice. But I’m done with whatever this is. I’m done with this using friendship for the pool. I’m done with this using friendship for my advice. You’re either invested in me as a friend, or get the hell out. I’m done. And do you have to
David Ralph [41:17]
have closure? Do you have to group the right people around you when you’re transitioning?
Lauran Star [41:24]
I think so. You have to have closure because it’s freeing. You know, that’s the point where you decide, am I going to just survive in this life? Or am I going to thrive? Am I going to kick some serious butt out there? And you can either come with me I remember having this conversation with my husband, who is an engineer. He’s probably one of the most analytical people I know. I’m not analytical. And I said to him, this is my train, get on it or get the hell off. This is where I’m going. That was Part of that whole open closure process. And he looked at me, he goes, I’m on your train woman, I’m on your train. I’m like, then let’s go. And it’s going to be bumpy. And it’s going to be rough. And there are gonna be times where I’m not making any money. And then they’re going to be times where I make good money. I’m never going to make the money and have the satisfaction or lack of satisfaction that I had working in corporate. Now every check is precious. That comes in. You know, I’m a big fan of when I go and speak. The majority of the time when I speak that speaker check that they pay me gets donated. I don’t need it. I’m good. I’m happy with the life. I have. It’s not living in the mansions. It’s not living in the mansions. It’s not about the money. It’s about the goosebumps. And if I can help spread that and give somebody else goose goose bumps, I’ve done my job.
David Ralph [42:59]
He’s upset Bus Driver again, isn’t it?
Lauran Star [43:02]
It’s about being the damn bus driver. Yes.
David Ralph [43:07]
You supposed to have ducks on a bus?
Lauran Star [43:11]
That was supposed to be a horn. I am not very good at sound effects. You’ll know the impressions
David Ralph [43:15]
and sound effects. I don’t know what’s come over you alone?
Lauran Star [43:19]
I don’t know. Yeah, they don’t work. But yeah. All right.
David Ralph [43:23]
So So with the listeners out there, do we have to get to the point but you’ve had an I’ve had Do you have to get to that point where love and power is suddenly in you? Or can you move towards something and then little by little fine that doesn’t have to be as definitive as you felt?
Lauran Star [43:43]
No, it doesn’t have to be as definitive. But it does have to be a choice. So I think we go through life in stages. We have a choice. We can be a victim. I’ve had a horrible divorce, therefore I’ll never live again. You know, I’ll never never love again. Wow. Yeah, I’ve been fired. I’ll never find that job again, where you are in victim mode. So I think we go through life and in that victim mode, then we become survivors. And some of us love just surviving. And that’s okay. That’s where we sit back and we go, I’m surviving. Life is good. My kids are healthy. My job is good. My marriage is surviving. And that’s all that’s okay. And some of us, we just want to stay there the rest of our lives. That’s fine. I think there are handfuls of us that then go surviving is not enough. It is a choice. And whether it’s step by step small pieces to make that choice, or whether it’s being forced to make that choice, I make no bones about it. When I stood up, I was forcing that decision. I made that decision and then I had to force it because that’s how I learned. I’ma jump into feet. It’s just, that’s how I obviously go in the military. Okay, the next day I went down to maps. I mean, I just jump. So it was a big transition from survivor to thriver I thrived. My life isn’t just good. Now it’s not all roses and I mean there’s still thorns on that rose bush. But I love life. I love every opportunity every minute
it’s it’s that’s thriver ship.
As my friend Brian says, we know we go we’re like playing human beings. He’s very spiritual and and thought provoking. He says we’re like planes and at an airport and planes are circling. And when we pass away if we didn’t go to the highest level In this life, you get born again as another plane and you start circling and going up. There are those handful of planes that reach the top that are that thrive in this lifetime. That you’re done in this lifetime.
David Ralph [46:17]
I like that. I can see that.
Unknown Speaker [46:19]
And I’ll see that I can see
David Ralph [46:21]
about totally and I think Yeah, but there’s what I would say is, in the aeroplane, you’re standing on the roof, you’re standing on the roof, you’re not actually in the aeroplane, you’re standing on the roof balancing on a wing or something. And most of the time, you’re just clinging on for dear life, and you just don’t want to fall and you want to just survive. You just want to be on that plane, and hopefully it lands. But every now and again, a plane will come along and you think I’m going to jump on that and you jump and it takes you up higher. And I think that is what the real go getters. The successful people know that every time you jump you have to cling on you have to clean Let’s start going again. But it’s that willingness to jump onto another plane as it goes past and take you up higher and higher where the majority of people, as I say, just hang on for dear life, and hopefully it’s gonna land and they can jump off.
Lauran Star [47:13]
Yeah. And then when you get to that top plane, you stand there and you’re like, king of the world, arms out in the air. You’re done. You’re done. Now, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you Brian thinks he’s on the top plane. He says my planes gonna crash. I gotta come back.
David Ralph [47:28]
Great. This is the problem who sat next to you when you sort of?
Unknown Speaker [47:31]
David Ralph [47:33]
Hey, so you’ve been like your Yoda in your life? He seems like he’s kinda like that Yoda.
Lauran Star [47:38]
David Ralph [47:39]
He’s a wise person, but he’s always been a nighttime
Lauran Star [47:42]
and I came to meet him with this second company. So I haven’t known him for very long. I’ve had other people in my life for 15 2030 years. Brian’s been in my life, Brian schermerhorn give you a big shout out. He’s been in my life and he lives in a totally different state. So we talked on the phone But maybe six years now, six, seven years. That’s it. And I only knew him face to face for that period that I worked for that company.
David Ralph [48:11]
We all need a Brian, don’t we?
Lauran Star [48:13]
We all need a Brian. Yeah, it was that inner wisdom like it says he says my planes gonna crash I’m going to come back so I don’t know
David Ralph [48:22]
I just jumped on another plane and keep on going upwards and if you keep on going up it’s like heaven and you just jump onto a cloud and you can stay there forever.
Unknown Speaker [48:32]
David Ralph [48:34]
yeah, it’s amazing. That’s what we need. We need to we need to poke Brian up. I don’t know what he’s what he’s talking about. So So what are you aiming for? Now? Obviously, you’ve got your company going. You’re a speaker. You’ve got your international host business. What where’s it all coming together? Can you keep on spinning so many plates?
Lauran Star [48:54]
I think I can I Although I will say I I think I can spend different plates I love speaking that will always be a cornerstone of my business and my professional and personal life. I love that I’m an author, pot, your Power Pivot just launched this week, which really talks about, we’ve been talking about going from victim to survivor to thriver. I have other books already in the works. So I’m, I’m starting to do more one on one coaching, getting out of the corporate world. And so I still have that coaching component. So that’s another plate. I’m also teaching more. So I’m adjunct faculty here at the University, where I’m now empowering that next generation coming up. So the hats are changing a little bit, but there seems to be the same amount of hats.
David Ralph [49:44]
Same about hats and the same plates really, isn’t it? I just think that you get better Yeah. And yeah, that’s one of the things that I have found time and time again, I was having a with my wife this morning. And I remember about, I don’t know, six months ago, saying to her I am so stressed. It’s untrue. And I don’t like to show stress, but it was just getting back to me. And Ben this morning I said to her, you know, I thought that was stress. But what I’ve just been through is even more stress. But then you move on to the next bit and it just keeps on going, keeps on going, keeps on going. And all it is really is the fact that you’re spinning so many plates that you’ve ultimately just gotta let some drop and keep the special ones on you.
Lauran Star [50:27]
Oh yeah, when I get stressed. I remind myself the only reason why I’m stressed is because of me. And that puts it all in perspective. You know, when I and I do I hit the wall, and I break out the Girl Scout cookies, and the ice cream and I’m like I am hitting a wall here. I am so stressed. That’s what I sit back and through the you know mint chocolate, then mint chocolate Girl Scout cookie and the chocolate chip ice cream. I go What if I go rid of this. Or what if I hire that out?
Instead of just continually spinning?
Because I’ve learned from my past that continually spinning just makes me dizzy.
David Ralph [51:16]
A lie a lot of the moments so definitive, you seem to be linked to food and drink.
Lauran Star [51:22]
Oh, yeah, I’m a huge drinker.
Give me a good glass of red Zinfandel. And I am a happy girl. Yes, I like food.
David Ralph [51:31]
Yeah, good on you as well. Well, I’m gonna play the theme of the show now. And this is the word that Steve Jobs said. And then we’re going to, we’re going to look back at your life for the last time before we ultimately send you back on the Sermon on the mic to have a one on one with your younger self. But
Steve Jobs [51:46]
this is Steve Jobs. Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [52:23]
So what is your big loving when you look back?
Lauran Star [52:28]
When I look back, my big.is going back to high school. Actually, it’s going back even a little bit before that. My Big Dot was probably in eighth grade. When I had to make a decision I was I was you know, I like I said I came from a very dysfunctional family. I was sexually abused by my stepfather. And when it all came to a head in eighth grade, I had to make a choice. of either going down the road of doom ending up dead along the way, or getting the hell out of there. And I, I decided education was important. And that was the dot that started all of the dots for me. My, my goal was to go to college and get out of the town I was living in, get away from this dysfunctional family. And I’m now and and looking back now, that big dot launched all these other dots and they are so connected. I worked full time at night, went to school full time during the day, was doing military. I was in the army still at that time. They’re doing reserve status. So weekend warrior, taking as many trips as I possibly could through the army. I don’t know how I got through school. I really don’t know how I got through school. Because I was surviving on two or three hours of sleep, but I kept going back to that if I don’t get this degree My life is going down that path
David Ralph [54:11]
no it is wasted I
Lauran Star [54:14]
know experience was wasted now. Nope and it’s so Steve Jobs is so true all those dots they are so connected and you can’t see them until you’ve experienced them, process them and then move to the next top but you sit back and you go holy hell Look at that. Yeah, so that was that’s the big dot and then the army and then college and then you know working for Johnson and Johnson and working for striker medical and, and these roles just they just and I do believe the universe just kind of puts it in your way and you have a choice you can take it or not. You know, falling injuring my back having children. It just the dots are all there. Going back to work seeing a very different paradigm of leadership, where it wasn’t leadership. We went back we went back in history managers and the leaders back in 2000 when they I don’t know what the hell they were doing. It was garbage it was garbage leadership like that. I’m going to coin that phrase and just wrote it down. Yeah. To the point where I am now. I couldn’t be I could not be Moran star when I connect those dots, if that abuse didn’t happen
David Ralph [55:38]
why why why why? Why don’t you think back because that’s quite a dark response, isn’t it?
Lauran Star [55:45]
It is, you know what it really is? It is a dark like some people like wow, I was a child who lost so much of my childhood, but that app those years because it went on for years. Made me so incredibly strong.
They really did.
They made me so strong. I I never took on that blame role. It’s kind of like I never went into that full fledge victim role even when I was in therapy. When I was in therapy was like, Yeah, she they’re like, oh, you’re now we’re survivor. I’m like, I’ve been a survivor for friggin years. Back this pony up, I want it, you pay me. You pay me I’ll pay you for this anymore. And in therapy, when I did group therapy to get over because you kind of get over your junk you do. You got to get over your junk. But even in group therapy, I wasn’t in group therapy for me. I was in group therapy for all the other women that were abused.
I didn’t realise that until years later.
David Ralph [56:53]
I don’t know what why.
Lauran Star [56:56]
So, so here’s what happens in that group therapy dynamic. The counsellor would say, All right now we need to confront our abuser. Somebody needs to do this. And I would look around, and everybody was chicken crap. They were chicken shit. And I was like, I’ll confront them. I’m good. And I did the next day I went home. I confronted my stepfather. He apologised. We had a lovely conversation, where I told him that I always hate him. I forgive him, but he’s just never going to be my best friend. And you know, like, this is done, this relationship is over. And I went back to therapy the next week, and I said, I did it. Here’s the outcome. Here’s what happened. And you can do it too. And if you need me to be there, I will be. See from that abuse, spawn this very protective, empowered girl.
And she’s always been there.
It wasn’t until I turned you know wasn’t until my late 30s that I rip the bandage off and just let her come out. But there’s there’s the dots, the dots, they just, yeah, it’s amazing.
David Ralph [58:11]
He’s amazing. And he’s amazing every single day that we asked that question how random the dots are, but to that individual, they make perfect, perfect sense. Well, this is the end of the show now. And this is the part that we call the Sermon on the mic when we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with the younger version of you. And if you could go back in time and speak to the younger version, what age would you choose and what advice would you give where we’re gonna find out? Because I’m gonna play the theme tune come when fader up this is the Sermon on the mic.
Lauran Star [59:07]
So if I were to go back I would pick on the little around fifth grade going way back.
I would hold her last let her know shit is going to come her way.
But she’s incredibly strong and smart.
And go through all of it. Learn from it, learn from everything. So you don’t repeat some of those life lessons that you got to learn and in the end, in the end, the true you will be seen for all of the beauty and strength that you have and that I love her.
David Ralph [1:00:06]
How can our audience connect with you?
Lauran Star [1:00:10]
They can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn forward slash low rapstar. It’s LA, you are a n, st AR, or they can go to my website landstar. All the links are right there.
David Ralph [1:00:25]
We’ll have over links on the show notes below. And thank you so much for spending time with us today and joining those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe joining up adults and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures landstar Thank you so much.
Lauran Star [1:00:42]
Thank you, David.
David Ralph [1:00:46]
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Join Up Dots brought to you exclusively by podcast is mastery.com the only resource that shows you how to create a show, build an income and still have time for the life that you Love check out podcast is mastery.com.
Now, David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.