Welcome to the Join Up Dots Podcast with Lorraine Reguly
Subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:
Introducing Lorraine Reguly
Today’s guest joining us on the Join Up Dots free podcast interview has a harrowing story, that shows how, through one terrible incident, a person’s life can spiral out of control, until hitting rock bottom and fighting their way back. When our guest today was just fourteen, she was raped, she lost her virginity and her life changed forever.
Unable to make sense of what had happened to her, still a very young girl, Lorraine Reguly turned to drugs, quit school four times, and became very promiscuous.
At age 16, she fell pregnant with a child that she was unable to keep, and fell deeper from the path that could have shown itself at anytime.
After the abortion, she got involved with prostitution, and, at the age of 18, gave birth to her son.
Now at that time, she made a decision to start fighting back and to make a difference in her and her own son’s life.
She went back to school, graduated via a program for single moms, received scholarships and awards, until, after attending university for 5 years, she became a high school math and English teacher, which she worked at for 3.5 years, teaching in a small town, until and we will discuss this on the show, she made what seems a bizarre decision and quit to move back to her hometown, where she returned to prostitution and drugs because the money was better.
How The Dots Joined Up For Lorraine
Her self-esteem was in tatters. Suicidal thoughts running through her days, and an accident where she nearly lost her right leg.
If that sounds too depressing to consider, she was just about to enter into the worst time of her life during this period.
Her son moved out when he turned 19 and didn’t speak to her for three years. She ended up smoking crack for ten months during this time and then it happened…
She nearly died when her appendix burst, and realized she didn’t want to die without saying “good-bye” to her son.
As she says, “I had already started to turn my life around about two years before this event occurred, and so when I finally re-connected with my son, my life always back on track.
Re-uniting with Julian changed my life in a very positive way. I decided to pursue a writing career.
I now own a business, Wording Well, and am an author. I live a clean life, and spend a lot of it helping others. My books are in my local library, and my business is thriving.
I’m living proof that a person can hit rock bottom and rise to the top despite all odds against them.
My son is proud of me again, too. :)”
So let’s take her on the journey of her life again, as we show everyone of you, that life is a series of choices good and bad, and we can all improve our lives by simply deciding to do so.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs in todays Free podcast, with the one and only Lorraine Reguly.
During the show we discussed such weighty with Lorraine Reguly such topics as:
How she tackled her attacker in court, and how the justice system failed her at her the very moment she needed life to go her way.
Why she wouldn’t change anything about her life (other than the rape) as she feels it has all made her what she is today.
Why she made the decision to move back to her home town, and the issues that she had worked so hard to remove herself from.
How she shares the story of the fateful night where her life was changed forever, and the regrets she has struggled with ever since.
How To Connect With Lorraine Reguly
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Full Transcription Of Lorraine Reguly Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Today’s show is brought to you by podcast is mastery.com. The premier online community teaching you to podcast like a pro. Check us out now at podcasters mastery.com.
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:38]
Yes, hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Join Up Dots. This is Episode 379. And today’s show is one of those shows back when I started Join Up Dots I very much wanted to take it into territories that you may not have heard before might get the kind of shover literally to a day is going to be a different story that you might have touched on today is going to be very much like that. And today’s show is, I suppose, a harrowing story that shows how for one terrible incident a person’s life can spiralling out of control, until hitting rock bottom and fighting their way back. Well, our guest today was just 14 when she was raped, she lost her virginity and her life changed forever unable to make sense of what had happened to her. Still, at a very young age, she turned to drugs, quit school and become very promiscuous. Now she didn’t just quit school once she quit school four times. And at age 16, she fell pregnant with a child that was unable to keep and fail deeper from the path it could have shown itself to any time. Now after the abortion she got involved in prostitution at the age of 18 gave birth to her son. Now at that time, she made a decision to start fighting back and to make a difference in her and own son’s life. She went back to school she graduated via a programme for single moms. She received scholarships and wards until after attending university for five years and becoming a high school math and English teacher. She worked for three and a half years teaching in a small town until and we discussed this on the show she made what seems a bizarre decision and quit to move back to her hometown, where she returned the to prostitution and drugs because the money was better. Now her self esteem was in tatters. suicidal thoughts ran through her every day, and an accident where she nearly lost her right leg, left arena well in a total depressing state, probably too depressing to consider because he was just about to enter into the worst time of her life. Her son moved out when he turned 19 and didn’t speak to her for three years, and she ended up smoking crack for 10 months during this time, and when it happened, this was the moment she nearly died when her appendix burst, and she realised she didn’t want to die without saying goodbye to her son. As she says, I’d already started to turn my life around two years before this event occurred. And so when I finally reconnected with my son, my life was over. Going to be back on track, reuniting with him changed my life in a very positive way. And I decided to pursue a writing career, I now own a business working well, and I’m an author, I live a clean life and I spend a lot of it helping others. My books are in the local library and my business is thriving. I’m living proof that a person can hit rock bottom, and rise to the top despite all odds against them. And best of all, a son is proud of her again, too. So let’s take him on the journey of our life again, as we show every one of you but life is a series of choices, good and bad. And we can all improve our lives by simply deciding to do so. So it was with great delight, but I get to bring onto the show, the one and only Lorraine Reguly. How are you doing?
Lorraine Reguly [3:43]
I’m great. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate being here.
David Ralph [3:47]
It’s one of those introductions levain that actually when you read it, you think to yourself, Wow, well, this is a this is a series of dots but obviously has turned out well because we’ve got you on the show. Now, but at many stages, you could have changed direction which we’re going to sort of talk about. So how are you now? How was life for you now? All rosy in the garden? Are you still battling stuff?
Lorraine Reguly [4:13]
Actually, life right now is very good. I don’t think I complain about anything. I’m in a great relationship with my son again. My business is thriving. I’ve got a great family, great friends. And I think the only thing I’d be able to complain about is that I actually live in Canada where there’s tonnes of snow all the time. Spoke probably eight to nine months of the year, it’s crappy weather here. However, one one of these days I will move and I will live somewhere where it’s beautiful. 24 seven
David Ralph [5:00]
So funny little thing about Canada because I met a couple of Canadians in New Orleans ones and they said that they they live that all their life and I never got used to the winters the winters are still cold and I thought, wow, if you’ve been there all your life and it’s still cold, it must be it must be terrible.
Lorraine Reguly [5:18]
The winters are horrible, but you know, you don’t really get used to them, you more except them than anything. And when you have, you know, your family and your friends in the same city, it’s really difficult to break away from that location. That’s why I’m still here.
David Ralph [5:41]
So is this the town of birth? This is where you actually returned to to become a master teacher.
Lorraine Reguly [5:48]
Yeah, this is my hometown is Thunder Bay, Ontario when i when i was employed as a math teacher. It was in a small town of about 9000 people little town. called fort Francis, which is right on that Canadian US border.
David Ralph [6:05]
And when you made that decision to move back, is that one of those moments one of those dots on the Join Up Dots timeline that you’ve been? Ah, that that I shouldn’t have done that that was a bad decision to make, even though he’s turned out well, now would you have done things differently?
Lorraine Reguly [6:22]
I don’t think so. Because at that point, when I was deciding where I should move to, I was considering moving to a different city in Canada, somewhere bigger than my current city, somewhere where I didn’t really know a lot of people and it would have been a really bold move and a really scary move to make. And so ultimately, when I decided to move back to Thunder Bay, in my heart, I knew I was making the right choice because I was going to somewhere where I was familiar with and somewhere that I could definitely consider calling home because it was my home.
David Ralph [7:05]
But it was your home but there was a lot of baggage that came with going back wasn’t there obviously. Oh, yes. You You had the sort of the the rape at the age of 14, which literally was the starting point, it seems to me but maybe it wasn’t. So it seems to me you about it is okay. It was home. But in many ways it wasn’t a good home to return to
Lorraine Reguly [7:26]
it. No, that’s true. You make a good point. You know, that’s where a lot of the negative thing occurred that happened in my life. However, I think it was not just the fact that it was home. But the fact that I was at that point, because I was experiencing some financial woes that I decided to move back in order to make more money. And yes, that was when I decided guided to quit teaching and return to prostitution. And it wasn’t just a decision I made kind of spur the moment it was. I had come home actually in the month of December, that year for Christmas time, and I was here for, you know, a couple of weeks and in less than two weeks, I had earned more money than I made teaching in an entire month. And so it just kind of seemed to be the right decision at the time. To You know, just quit my job and come back here. My son was actually already living here that year. Something that I didn’t mention that for one year of his life. I had had a friend of mine, take my son in and care for him kind of kind of like a foster parents situation, even though she was wonderful. My best friend’s, she was unable to have children of her own and she knew my son right from birth. So it just seemed like a natural decision that she would be the one to help me kind of sort out some of my parenting issues, Mo not parenting issues, but some of the problems that I was having with him. I mean, he was at the point where he was, you know, just turning into a, you know, like a preteen. And he was lying and stealing and, you know, at the point in his life where, you know, it was really critical that he start making better choices for himself as well. And he was in a family atmosphere when he was living with my girlfriend, she had a boyfriend that he had three children from a prior marriage that, you know, were, he shared joint custody with with his ex wife. So my son was put into a family sitting Where he had more benefits than he would have just living with me as a single mother. So having him already be in Thunder Bay, then making, you know, having me make the decision to move to Thunder Bay just seemed to be a logical choice rather than wait another six months, you know, finishing out the year teaching. It was like, Okay, you know what, let’s just quit my job. Let’s go back to where my sons living back to where my family and friends are. You know, I know that. I know that I can still support myself the money’s there. And you know, even though it wasn’t technically the most respectable way to earn money, the decisions were mine, essentially. You know, it wasn’t like I had a pimp and I had to do certain things. It was wasn’t like that at all. It was more like, Okay, if I want to go out and earn money, then I’m going to go out and earn money. If I want to stay home and you know, just hang out at home, watch TV, then I’m going to hang out and watch TV. No one forced me into doing anything at that point in my life, those decisions were all my own.
David Ralph [11:13]
Yeah, I can see that they were decisions made, because of the situation because of the time of your life and what you were going through. But anytime, obviously, going into prostitution, it’s renowned for going with strangers, but you don’t know what’s going to occur to you. Did that go through your mind, but actually, although you were earning money to provide for your son, and to sort of benefit him and yourself, but ultimately, it could have ended up nasty,
Lorraine Reguly [11:44]
and it wasn’t really concerned with that. I mean, yes, the possibility always existed. There was only actually one point where things ever got really ugly. And I was actually pushed out of a vehicle and into the pavement that was a really nasty situation. And, you know, definitely one that was a rare occurrence. It still wasn’t enough to make me stop doing anything. I mean that, you know, the the what ifs and that, you know, one time out of like, you know, how many, how many times, you know, all those other times kind of made up for it. So I didn’t really consider the dangers or anything like that, that really wasn’t in the forefront of my mind at all.
David Ralph [12:35]
So So let’s take you back, which we like to do. So what was your childhood like? was, was it an easy childhood? Was it just a natural progression to where you are today? Or was it a difficult one?
Lorraine Reguly [12:49]
Actually, my childhood was quite pleasant. Um, I came from Well, I come from a family where my parents You know, they’re still married. I had a brother and sister both younger than me, I was the oldest and a lot of the responsibility in for setting a good example was set upon my shoulders. It was always told, you know, you’re the oldest you have to act as a role model for your brother and sister and you know, more or less kind of be perfect. But generally speaking, I don’t recall any really tough times during my childhood whatsoever. I mean, I went to school, I had friends, I had a family. My grandparents lived next door, my other grandparents lived across the street. So I was surrounded by family all the time. You know, I had friends if I wanted to go out and hang out with them. I did that. So there wasn’t any anything like it was very quite a very happy childhood. It’s just when I hit the teenage years that things fell apart.
David Ralph [13:58]
Wow. He always does this When you hit the teenage Mr. But But when you obviously went through that life changing experience when when you was raped, was it a friend was a complete stranger? Was it a situation that you put yourself into? And you Now look, I could have done anything differently? How I don’t want to dwell on it, but I think he’s a key point to the story. How did that occur?
Lorraine Reguly [14:24]
You know, David, I have so many times thought, what if, what if, what if? And I think that that’s something that we all do. It’s just a natural response. For years. I carried around guilt, I thought that would happen to me was my fault. Just give you a brief rundown of what had happened. That whole night that that happened. I was at home with my father and he and I had had a fight an argument about something And he sent me to my room. It was about six o’clock in the evening, my brother and sister were out playing with their friends My mom was at work. So it was just the two of us at home. And you know, being 14 and being sent to your room, that’s a you know, a little bit of a kind of a blow to your ego like you think, you know, on 14 I shouldn’t be sent to my room and grounded for the evening. And so I was I was quite upset and didn’t think it was very fair. And it was, you know, it was the month of June so the, the weather was beautiful. So I decided to open my bedroom window and jump off the roof and just take off. So that’s what I did. And that was the first time I had ever run away from home or you know, done anything like crazy like that. So I ended up going across the street there was an apartment building, huge apartment building. I knew tonnes of people. And I went to a few few different places and asked, you know, can I spend the night? Can I stay here and explain to them what happened and nobody really wanted to get on my mom’s dad side because she ran the store. There was a store in the basement of this building. It was a huge apartment building with over, I would say over 120 or 130 apartments in it. And in the basement, there used to be a bowling alley, but that area was converted into apartments. And just next to that there was a convenience store located right in the basement of this building. So everybody knew my mom, everybody knew me everybody, you know, I used to babysit in that building for people. And as it turned out, I met up with a couple of friends and my One friend was staying at his friend’s house that night. They were sleeping outside in a tent. And they said I could join them. So that was the original plan. But at about 11 o’clock that night, the friend’s mom came out and found out that they had a girl outside in the tent with them. She didn’t like that too much, understandably. So she made me leave. So now I was, you know, out in what was a little bit of the country at this point, and there was a payphone and there was no buses, and I didn’t really have any money. So I use the phone to call a friend of a friend who had told me to, you know, call him sometime, and I never thought I would, but I did. turned out he ordered a taxi for me. paid for the cab. Let me stay at his house that night and That’s when I was raped. He was quite insistent upon me staying in his bed. I didn’t want to I was, you know, planning on sleeping on the couch. And you know, he wouldn’t he wouldn’t let me. And so basically, from that point on, thing, my life changed completely. He forced himself upon me, made me do things I only, you know, thought about, you know, in my mind, I mean, I was still a virgin, I had no idea what sex. I mean, I had an idea what sex was, but I didn’t really have any experience with anything I, you know, didn’t have any idea of what to expect. But what was happening, and the fact that it was not consensual really had a bad effect on me. I mean, I was devastated. So
the thing is, I was brought up in a Catholic family. My mom always used to tell me, you know, God’s watching you, God’s watching you if you do something wrong, he’s gonna punish you. And I always thought, Oh, well what did I do wrong? I ran away from home. So now I’m being punished for running away from home. This is my punishment. And I, you know, I brought this on myself. And for years and years and years, that’s honestly what I thought I thought it was my fault. I thought it was, you know, I just carried around so much guilt, and oh, you
David Ralph [19:34]
know, in the rain. I am
Lorraine Reguly [19:36]
because when I was in my, I would say early 20s I sought counselling, and it took a long time for me to realise that it was not my fault. What happened to me was not my fault and working with It was a psychologist that I initially spoke with. And her name was Susan and Susan helped me to see that it wasn’t my fault. And she also helped me find closure by actually laying charges against my rapist. I took him to court. And there was a very, very real possibility that he was fate that he was going to face jail time. However, the bad part about that is that the friend that had introduced me to him, got up on stand for him and lied.
So he got off.
That’s the part that really sucks. But the part that is good is that I did find some kind of comfort in knowing that messed his life up for a while, you know, like I saw him all the days that we went to court. I saw the fear in his eyes. When, you know, he knew that he was facing, potentially facing, you know, jail time. And the fact that he was, you know, torn away from his job because he had to go to court all of these different days, you know, because I mean it was remanded, remanded, we had to keep going back and then when it came time for the trial, he chose to be tried by judge and jury rather than just by the judge alone, and so convincing, you know, a whole panel of jurors when it was a basically a he said she said situation, where I didn’t have any witnesses to come up and testify on my behalf. And he had that one witness who was my friend. You know, it was it was just a really, to put it mildly, a real shitty situation but All in all, when all was said and done, I did find some kind of closure and knowing that I did everything I could to not not really get back at him, but you know, kind of like, do whatever I could to just basically, you know, I don’t know it’s really difficult to explain and
David Ralph [22:29]
I think that the fact that when you was talking about the actual incident, you you talked very Matter of fact, it was almost like he was reading a story it was it was a towel to be told, but at that moment when he was going to get payback for his climb, that’s when your voice crack hold with emotion. And yeah,
Lorraine Reguly [22:50]
I like I can still remember that day in court, you know, I mean, I did so much crying that day. You know, it was just, it was just non stop flood of tears. You still feel it now? Don’t you?
David Ralph [23:01]
The fact that when you, you
Lorraine Reguly [23:03]
know, yeah, I can still feel it and the memories are still there. And you know, they’ll always be with me. But as far as the, as far as the actual rate goes, I mean, at the time, you know, like, I mean, I fought and I protested and, you know, things like that, and, but it wasn’t like, it wasn’t a whole, you know, bloodshed of tears that day. The tears came later. And, and, boy, they flew that day when I was in court, you know, up against him. It was that was probably one of the most emotional days of my life.
David Ralph [23:39]
But I think you You must have had many emotional days at the fact that you know, your life. Your life is a story to be told, and it is going to be an inspiration to so many people that might come to this podcast with those same feelings of what did I do wrong? Well, ultimately, you didn’t do anything wrong. It was just how life life These cards in front of you. Now the interesting thing for me, obviously you got to that point where your life was slipping out of control. But you seem to have moments where you grasp deep back. And that was the fascinating part of the story that you shared with me before we started recording the fact that you slipped from that into prostitution, which I can I can see how that’s going to occur, because you’ve got you’re battling all those emotions. But then you wanted to make a difference and you started fighting back and you went back to school and you graduated and you moved on and you receive scholarships and awards. Does that seem bizarre to you now but you made that much effort and being let it slip back? Or is it my naive point of view that I haven’t experienced these kinds of things so I can’t sort of understand how all the emotions work.
Lorraine Reguly [24:52]
You know what, it’s really difficult to analyse when it comes to emotions and you know, trying to make sense of what happened in what what you would do in a certain situation. Everyone’s going to make a different decision and everyone’s going to feel something slightly different, even though some of the same, same raw emotions will be there. In my case when it came to school, you know, I like after the rape, I was devastated. I didn’t tell anybody about it. And so that coping on my own made things really difficult for me, because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions, and how to handle my thoughts, and basically even how to just continue on with my life pretending as though nothing are wrong. when in actuality, my whole life was completely ruined. So for me quitting school was, you know, something I did. turning to drugs, smoking pot was something I did. And just trying to deal with things on my own, you know, It was really difficult. But after my son was born, when I was 18, I realised in order to make a better life for him, I would have to go back to school and I would have to make some pretty major changes in my life. If I had, if I was to have any shot at giving him a better life than I wanted. We’ve been living on welfare at the time. And that’s not something I wanted for him for the rest of his life. And so when I made the decision to go back to school, it was because I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to better myself. I wanted to give him that better life. And when you want to go to school, as opposed to when you have to go to school, that makes all the difference in the world.
David Ralph [26:51]
Yeah, no, I can see I can see that totally. And so you went back with fire in your belly to, to learn and to study and I Once again, I can understand that but what I can’t quite understand was when you go to that much effort, why you would allow it to slip away again. But that’s the bit that I don’t quite grasp.
Lorraine Reguly [27:12]
You mean like when I made the decision to quit teaching and move back to Thunder Bay?
David Ralph [27:17]
You’ve done all that, that hard work to get yourself in a position and then that That, to me, that’s the interesting part of your story. It’s all interesting, but that’s the moment I think.
Lorraine Reguly [27:28]
What you don’t know, David, is that where I was working as a teacher? Wasn’t all peaches and cream. For the first couple of years. Yes, things were fine and great. By the third year and the fourth year, I started having problems with some of the not really my co workers but more like administration, like the principal. And, you know, he didn’t really agree with the fact that I smoke cigarettes for example, because I couldn’t smoke on school property, and the only place for me to go to have a cigarette was off school property near the fast food restaurants, where all of this school kids hung out. So they would see me smoking a cigarette. And I used to get in, you know, the principal would take me aside and say, you know, the rain like you’re a, you’re a teacher, you’re a role model for the students. You’re a female, and you’re supposed to be seen as somebody who’s strong and independent. And yet here you are smoking, that’s not setting a very good example. And it was little tiny things like that, that all just kind of built up over time. To that Crete made, I don’t know, they created a terrible working environment for me. Basically, I was given classes that were really difficult to teach. And I mean, you have to think I was I was still you know, basically a brand new teacher. I only had it you know, a couple years experience. And I was given a couple of classes. Two out of my three classes were classes where every single student in the class had a learning disability
and behaviour problems.
And, you know, they were, they were the classes that, you know, nobody really wanted. No, no teacher wanted to have, you know, to teach because they were such problematic students. They were horrible. And you know, I was no different and being a new teacher, I didn’t have a lot of experience, dealing with the behaviour problems dealing with the learning disabilities and how to cope with adjusting the curriculum to each individual student. You know, to top it all off my own son wasn’t even living with me at the time. You know, I had sent him to Thunder Bay for that year. And so that year really started out rough and Rocky, and it just didn’t get any better. To top it all off the two classes I had, we’re both back to back in In the mornings, so by the time lunchtime rolled around, I was pretty much in tears, frustrated, and at my wit’s end, having no idea what to do, and how to cope with, you know, 60 students who were basically making my life hell. And so I would end up at lunchtime, going home, having myself a good cry, coming back to teach my afternoon class, which, thankfully, was a great class. And, you know, then by the end of the day, you know, I was just so emotionally exhausted from having to deal with not only everything it worked, but then coming home to an empty house, and being reminded that my son wasn’t even with me. It just became too much to bear. I had, you know, reached out to some of my co workers for help. They weren’t very supportive at all. I ended up that’s that’s actually really when the suicidal thoughts really kicked in because I hated my life. So much At that point, you know, I thought, you know, here I am like I should be, I should be happy. I’m employed full time as a teacher, I’m, you know, in a in a small town where, you know, it’s it’s safe and I’m not being harmed and there’s nothing really negative in my personal life to feel like but then it was a combination of the work environment, my home environment, my home situation, and it all just became too much. I was super depressed and one day I finally had a breakdown at work and said, You know, I’m done. Like, I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done. And I called down to the vice principal’s office and said, I’m leaving, I can’t do this, like I’m quitting. And she came in, took over my class told me to go to the hospital and you know, speak to somebody speak to a doctor and figure out what was going on. Turns out I was suffering from major depression. They said, they prescribed some antidepressants for me to take the advise me to take a month off work to, you know, try and de stress. And it just wasn’t enough by the time the month was over. I had spoken to my union rep and a psychologist and a psychiatrist. And, you know, I just decided, well, this, this environment is not good for me to work in. It’s time for me to make a change. And, you know, I ended up like I explained earlier, I ended up moving back to Thunder Bay, and you know, I kind of fell back into my old habits in order to make money. And, you know, to me, it was like, stress free, my life kind of became stress free at that point. I could, you know, make my own money when I wanted. I didn’t have to do anything that you know, I didn’t want to do. I mean, if I didn’t want to go work one day, I didn’t have to, you know, so in terms of that, you know, and then the money was also better. So it was it just seemed to be a better solution at the time.
David Ralph [33:12]
When when you look back at that levain, one of the things that we talked a lot about on Join Up Dots is about your wheel testing times your black dots, as we say, actually, when you look back on them, you go, Wow, that was terrible. But I’m glad that there was a gift in there that there was something that helped me transition to a better place. Do you see that at that stage? Is there anything in that situation? Because it sounds dreadful? It really does. But do you look back on it and go Yeah, I can actually take comfort because I’ve been through that.
Lorraine Reguly [33:44]
Well, I think for me, when I look at that point of my life, moving back to Thunder Bay was actually a really good decision, because it got me out of the bad working environment. That I was in a got me out of a little town that I didn’t particularly like all that much. You know, I had never been there before I was before I was hired to work there. I had never even been there for a visit. I was I was hired over the phone to take the job. And I had heard good things about the little town. So I figured, okay, I’ll be fine. But that wasn’t the case at all. And so I felt like I was trapped when I was living there. And so when I made the decision to move back to Thunder Bay, and you know, back to my hometown back to where my family and friends were back to where my son was, it just seemed like it was, you know, a white.if you will not a black.at all.
David Ralph [34:49]
So you’re back in your hometown where we’re sort of coming full circle. And obviously we’re going to, we’re going to leave this story on a positive and we’re going to take it back to what you’re doing now which is obviously great and very motivational but you’re back in town you you’ve returned to prostitution money is better. But then you had this this accident where you nearly lost your right leg. And it just seems to me that life just kept on kicking you just kept on kicking you over time. And I’ve been grappling whether I should play the sound clip, I’m gonna play it anyway because I think there’s there’s a certain strength and resonance to it. So I’m going to play this and then we’re going to talk about it. Whether you can see any similarities to what you’ve been going through. This is rocket,
Unknown Speaker [35:29]
okay, you, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.
David Ralph [35:46]
Now for you, you seem very apt way it is yeah. You see a lot of hits and a lot of hits, but you still kept on coming back. Not to win, but just to Get on your feet again. When you hear those words, are you surprised at how much you can actually take in your life? Are you a stronger person than you possibly would have expected to be?
Lorraine Reguly [36:13]
Yes, actually, I think I am.
Um, you know, my mother, she always used to say, you know, you’re never given more than you can handle. And I, I didn’t really ever believe her. And I thought, you know, like, being from a religious family, not super religious, but you know that the upbringing in the background was there. And so, I kind of think, you know, like, gee, God must think I’m a super strong person because he is giving me a lot to handle. And when I had my accident, I mean, that was, that was a really devastating event as well because I almost lost my right leg. I spent three weeks in the hospital. had undergone two surgeries in order to save my leg. I took six months I had a huge hole in my leg it was oh god it was horrible. It was picture a nice great big juicy steak. And you could fit a whole steak inside the hole that was in my leg just to give you a picture of how huge this thing was. And it took me six months to heal and I had to learn how to walk again I had to learn how to basically do everything again and then to top it all off after did heal. You know I was left with a you know a little bit of a deformed leg.
Doesn’t look like my other one. Not completely.
David Ralph [37:48]
Right what caused the accident.
Lorraine Reguly [37:50]
I was in a it was in a ski doing accident. A snowmobiling accident. We hit a pole dead on I went My leg connected with the pole as I went over top of this snow machine connected with this wooden post. And it was I would have to say I was hit at maybe probably 70 miles per hour at that point, and I was thrown onto the ground. And it I broke so many blood vessels and damaged so much tissue that what ended up happening is because the skin didn’t break, it was all internal. The blood vessels and everything that just sat there and festered and got infected and abscessed and by the time the surgeon who operated on me finally did operate on me. It was in such bad shape that I was this close Having my leg amputated?
Fortunately, he saved my leg.
David Ralph [39:05]
And did you have medical insurance because over in the United Kingdom that would be done for free. We have the National Health Service but I know in America any issues like that can cost you literally an arm and a leg? No.
Lorraine Reguly [39:17]
in America? Yes. In Canada, I know we have. We have a lot of health care here that’s free. So I didn’t have to pay for anything. The only thing that I had to pay for was my medication afterwards, my pain killers and things like that. So no, everything Everything was done for free. In Ontario, they have something called Oh, hit the Ontario hospital insurance plan, I think is are the right words for its overhead. But yeah, so in Canada, you know, you don’t have to pay for any kind of operations or things like that. So I was very fortunate in that respect.
David Ralph [39:57]
When you were things you’ve had in your life in them?
Lorraine Reguly [40:02]
Oh, yeah, definitely like I mean, I because I wouldn’t, you know, I wouldn’t have like however much money it would cost like hundred thousand or however much an operate two operations like that. I mean, I was in the hospital for 21 days. So yeah, it would have just been a massive bill. So fortunately for me, yes, I did not have to pay for any of that.
David Ralph [40:23]
So so you’re out of hospital now you’re getting yourself up and going and your legs healing. Your life is still in that situation, but it’s not your own. It’s what life is throwing at you. And you you end up smoking crack for 10 months now was that just to hide from all these issues that were being thrown at you? Was it a survival mechanism?
Lorraine Reguly [40:49]
That was that was actually a little bit of a different story because my son had moved out of the house. He didn’t like that. The fact that I mean, he found out that I was prostituting myself and he hated it. And he and I fought about it all the time. At the same time I was handling having some issues with gambling. So the money that I was making, I was, you know, spending at the casino or I was, you know, spending elsewhere and I wasn’t really focusing on taking care of my son and myself, I was basically blowing the money that I was earning. And I was still in that, you know, my depression had returned because my leg was deformed and my self image was shot once again, and you know, a lot of different things like that were going on. And so in my mind, you know, the suicidal thoughts were returning and I was just I was basically I was, I was a mass mentally and emotionally and so my son in order to try and give himself a healthier life decided at age 19 to move out Go on his own. He had actually been on his own for a little bit before that when he was 16. I had problems with him and I kicked him out of his house for a while. And he ended up moving in with one of his older friends. And, you know, he had he had quit school for a while as well. And then they found out they had mould in the house. So he asked if he could move back in with me, and, you know, so then he did and he went back to school and things were getting better. But then at one point, you know, at age 19, he had decided he had had enough he didn’t want to deal with me and you know, my emotional states anymore. So he moved out and didn’t want to have anything to do with me. And that that really hurt. You know, I think that probably hurt more than anything. You know, my own son not wanting to have anything to do with me. Basically, rip the whole In my heart, and had to respect his wishes, because I knew he was doing the right thing at the time for himself, and I had to, had to respect his wishes and you know, not contact him and try and stay out of his life, even though it hurt me to do that I knew was the right thing to do for him. So, in order to kind of deal with everything, you know, I was like, I was still prostituting myself and one night, you know, one of the other girls had come up to me and said, Oh, you know, I have something new for you to try. Because we used to, you know, we used to smoke marijuana together. And she said, Oh, here try smoke, you know, try smoking this. And so she introduced me to what essentially was crack at the time she called it ready rock. So yeah, that’s kind of how I got into that. And then You know, it started out maybe like once a week or once every couple weeks, then went to once a week, a week and then it went to a couple times a week and then it went to every single day. And you know, then I was basically working just to support my cock habit. And and then one day, so this this, this went on for about 10 months, until one day I realised that it wasn’t even doing anything for me anymore. Like it wasn’t making me feel good. You know, it was just, it was harming me more than it was, quote unquote, helping me and so I basically just kind of weaned myself off of it, you know, I go like, you know, the times in between smoking crack became longer and longer they went, you know, from one week to two weeks to a month to two months to three months. You know, to like six months to now I can’t even remember like the last time I actually did it. It’s It’s been so long. So but yeah during I mean that that was one of I think that was probably one of the worst rock bottoms of my life ever. And so in a way when I stopped smoking it like when it stopped affecting me, you know that that turned out to be a good thing because it eventually let me you know, wean myself off of it kind of just, you know, eliminate that from my life. So once that was gone, and things actually did get better because I stopped wanting to make money so much because I knew like
I was just going to go get spent somewhere else. It didn’t matter like if I was spending it on drugs or if I spending it on gambling. I was just stupid with my money at the at that point. And I figured, okay, well there’s there’s no sense of really making any money because I’m only gonna like blow it anyways. So I kind of, you know, started weaning myself out of the whole prostitution thing as well. And around the same time period, one of my best friends moved away and so I ended up starting to spend more time with my family and that’s that’s basically how my life kind of changed and turned around and got back on track. I just started spending more time with my family spending less time prostituting myself. And at this point, I was, you know, drug free, so I was feeling a lot better. I was feeling a lot better emotionally as well because I was trying to deal with What was going on in my life and I and I took my old kind of ideas with coping that I had learned from my counsellor when I was in my 20s dealing with the rate and I started applying them to my life again. And so all of the positives that were happening in my life were we’re, you know, everything was coming together until life kicked me again and caused me to have my appendix burst. And that was that was the pivotal point, the critical point in my life that changed everything.
David Ralph [47:40]
How many rock bottoms Do you think you’ve actually had because most people hit rock bottom ones, but but you’re seem to you hit rock bottom and then you go deeper and
Lorraine Reguly [47:49]
do at least three times maybe more, but definitely at least three times. You know, once when I was raped then when I Quit my teaching job. Then when my son moved out, well, I guess four and then when not well know that Yeah, three and then the big turning point was when my appendix burst though because at that point I still had not had any contact with my son, even though for two years, you know, my life was back on track and was getting a lot better. I didn’t I didn’t know where my son was living. I didn’t know where he was working. I had heard that he was still in Thunder Bay. So that was good. I knew he was still around. And when my appendix burst and ended up in the hospital and having to have emergency surgery that night, I realised that like, I literally was dying. Like if they didn’t do surgery on me because I had also an infection inside me at the same time that I didn’t know I had, and it probably caused my appendix to burst Like, I literally was dying, and I had no idea. And then I realised You know what, I don’t want to die I want to live like I want to. I don’t want to die without saying goodbye to my son. Like that’s for darn sure. And so when I was in the hospital after that surgery when I was recovering and recuperating, I had a really intense talk one night with one of my roommates. She was a 74 year old, retired nurse, and a mother and a grandmother. And we stayed up really late one night talking about my situation with my son and you know, how much I missed him and how I didn’t know how really to kind of move that relationship forward. And you know, I thought about writing him a letter I thought about contacting him I thought about doing different things. But it wasn’t until I nearly died that I realised like I have to do something Like I have to do something to get my son back in my life right now. And so I wrote him a letter and I explained everything that I had been through, you know, in the three years that since he had left and waited for him to reply to me, he didn’t reply. Apparently he received the letter and just throw it in the garbage. So, when I didn’t receive a reply, after a month, I figured, okay, you know, I have to, I have to do something. So I’m going to call him, I found out where he worked. I found out when he was working, and I called during his shift one evening, and I spoke to him and it was a rocky conversation, but it lasted 45 minutes and then after he was finished work, he ended up phoning me, we talked for another hour and a half. And there must have been, he must have sensed something in my voice that I was completely honest with him that I wasn’t bullshitting him that I wasn’t lying to him about anything that I was being 100% genuine, serious and meant every word I said. And he gave me another chance. And we started talking, he wouldn’t give me his phone number, but he would call me every week or so week to two weeks. And he did. He called me and we talked and we started to repair our relationship. And now I’m very grateful to say that, you know, we’re, we’re almost like the best of friends now. I mean, he tells me absolutely everything and anything that’s going on in his life. He’s, you know, he, he’s, he’s my son again, he’s not just my son, but he’s a friend as well. And I think that’s probably one of the biggest compliments he ever gave me. was, you know, about a year after we had, you know, started reconnecting and everything. He said to me, says, you know, Mom, he says, I don’t Look at you as just my mom anymore. I look at you as a person. And I look at you as a friend. Yeah. And yeah, so I mean, it made it kind of made everything worth it to hear it to hear him say that.
David Ralph [52:16]
So just before we send you back in time on the Sermon on the mic, I think the key question is, how did your mindset change that you could earn money in a regular way like, like, regular people do, but you have created a business, that you’re writing books, you’re being creative, you’re loving it, instead of going back to sort of earning money in a sort of an old style way?
Lorraine Reguly [52:46]
No, David, the thing is, is when it comes to money, its life isn’t always about money. And when it came to money with me after that point, It was like, Okay, I could go back to prostitution and make a tonne of money doing that. Or I could decide to spend some time and pursue some of the dreams that I’ve always had in terms of, you know, becoming a published author becoming, you know, pursuing a writing career. And as it turns out, because of my love for the English language, and my love for reading and writing, and editing, I created a business that I had no idea was actually going to be created.
Unknown Speaker [53:46]
So I could
David Ralph [53:47]
have done that earlier, Lorraine or did that come along, right? I’m sure
Lorraine Reguly [53:51]
I could have done it at any point in my life. But it was never really the right time, and I I don’t really know that it was it was never really something that I intended on doing, actually like creating a business for myself. But I did always want to become an author. And so when I reconnected with my son, kind of funny because I mean it was it was him that kind of pushed me or gave me that gave me the push that I needed because he I had asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He told me he didn’t want anything he said take that money that you’re going to spend on me and buy yourself something something that you really need. And I ended up even though I bought him Christmas presents I ended up buying a book called The writers market. And I had had a couple of copies You know, there’s a new book out each year for for for like each edition that lists all the different publishers and everything else to help you get a book published and kind of, you know, gives you ideas on what to do and what kind of letters to send to the different companies, different publishing companies. So until 2013, I didn’t realise that self publishing was an option. Once I bought that book, and I ended up buying my laptop, and starting a blog and everything else, I started learning that there was such a thing as self publishing, and anybody could really author a book, and even make it available in print, not just as a digital version, but as a print version. And so that knowledge pretty much changed things for me as well because I was able to publish a book of short stories that I wrote, and I’m working on another two books right now one about my life. But the one that’s going to be published first will be called letters to Julian, and Julian is my son so He, you know, having having a business revolve around writing only made sense to me when when that started. And then you know, having becoming an author and having that on my plate just made sense to. So even though I could have started this years ago, it just wasn’t in the cards until now. And I do believe that everything happens for a reason
David Ralph [56:28]
you actually feel about do? I do? So would you change anything in your life? If you look back on it? Obviously you are where you are, because everything that’s occurred, but has it? And we’ve already touched on the fact that it’s made you stronger in many ways, but is it part of your life? would you change any of it?
Lorraine Reguly [56:48]
You know, that’s a really great question, David. And I don’t know that I would change a lot of what happened to me Only because now I’m at the point where I, you know, I realise that everything that I have been through in the past all of these negative situations, and all of the positive situations have formed me into the person I am today. Now, had I not been raped? I mean, we can go back to the what ifs? What if I had never been raped at all? What would my life have been like? Would I have stayed in School and graduated and still went on to university to become a teacher? Like I kind of had planned anyway? Or with something else that happened? What if my appendix had never burst? I mean, this is not something that I can control either. So what I have you know, stayed apart from my son or would we have reconnected eventually? I mean, you can you can always say well, what if what if what if, but I mean, yes, I wish that I had never been raped I wish that I had never suffered the consequences of, you know, with that kind of snowballed into you know me becoming promiscuous and looking for love in all the wrong places and thinking that you know, sex was the answer and then realising, Hey, you know what, you’re giving it away for free? Why don’t you charge money for it and make money? And, you know, there’s like, so many different things that I could say, well, yes, I, I wish I never would have, you know, done certain things. But at the same time, it’s I’m at the point now, where it’s like, I own everything that I’ve done. I own everything that has happened to me, and in some weird way. I’m actually proud of my life. And and I know all the things that I’ve been through, as crappy as they are, because they have made me the person that I am today. And the person that I am today, I am a caring, helpful, loving person. I’m connected with my son, I’m, you know, running a business where I’m helping other people all of the time and I’m loving it, you know, I have a great relationship with my family. Again, I mean, at one point that kind of, fizzled out a little bit because they, you know, they didn’t like to see me you know, doing drugs and you know, prostituting myself and you know, things like that. But now that’s all over and done with and I’m leading it to completely different life Now, granted, one that is more respectable and, you know, I’ve, I’ve reconnected with my son and my life’s just very, very positive now and I love that.
David Ralph [59:48]
Well, I am delighted for you and you are an inspiration but you can really not just hit one rock bottom, you can keep on bouncing deeper and deeper and deeper. But if you’ve got that, that mental Strength, you can start putting yourself out. And you certainly have done that big time. So I salute you from this side of the pond Lorraine, and I’m going to lead you back in time now and I’m going to send you back in time on the Sermon on the mic. And this is the part of the show where we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to young living, what age would you choose and what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m gonna play the theme and when it fades you up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [1:00:37]
Speed of the show.
Lorraine Reguly [1:00:51]
Okay, I think I would choose age 14 right after my rate, to be that person that I would give advice to or at that particular age because
one of the things that
I would I would like to tell anybody out there who is, you know, in fact listening and know somebody or has been raped themselves. talk to somebody, tell somebody right away, do not keep it inside. Do not think you can deal with this yourself. Tell someone open the lines of communication with a friend, a family member, a teacher, a counsellor, an aunt, a parent of a friend, anybody somebody has a hotline number even call and tell somebody. It will make all the difference in the world. Talking about it will help. It will help you heal. It will help you cope It will help you in more ways than you can imagine. That’s something I never did when I was raped as I never told anybody. And I carried around guilt with me for years. I carried around frustration. I carried around depression. I carried around so many negative things. And I didn’t have the knowledge how to make things better. But by talking to someone and by sharing your experience with someone, you will not only gain that knowledge, but you will heal. You will I know you will.
David Ralph [1:02:41]
Live I did. How can our audience connect with you?
Lorraine Reguly [1:02:45]
I’m on social media all over the very sick Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus. I have two websites that I’m very active on. My business site is working well. My author site is called laying it out there. It’s at Lorain, regularly.com. And my book risky issues, addresses the problems that a lot of teenagers, children and even adults face issues with sexual abuse, drugs, identity, death, friendship, all of those issues all combining together into four short stories. It’ll take it’s about an hour read for the average person. It’s called risky issues. It’s available on Amazon and CreateSpace as a print book. And in my book, I also kind of begin with a poem that I wrote called in one’s eyes. And if you don’t mind, David, I’d actually like to share it with your listeners. I I know it often by heart, I can recite it with my eyes closed. Would you like to hear it?
David Ralph [1:04:05]
Absolutely then finish up the show with
Lorraine Reguly [1:04:07]
actually pretty, it’s, it’s pretty powerful.
As I search into her eyes, I see loneliness and fears, her face seems so empty, except for those few tears. These tears keep on flowing more and more from her eyes. She makes no sound at all, only distant, muffled cries, she wants to express her feelings on many a different thing. But she feels that if she does only more loneliness it would bring. She wishes that she had a friend into whom she can confide and understanding caring person who would always be by her side. But instead she has no one. No one to turn to in time of need. she feels like she was trapped and would very much like to be frayed as they search deeper and deeper. I see more clearly into her eyes. Because now the tears have stopped, and no longer are her cries. They have disappeared, although not completely, who they continue deep down inside. But she now feels strong enough to regain her sense of pride. But again, her feelings we can her. And again, I see a familiar chair. She seems so far away from me. But yet she seems so near. I extend my hand to comfort her. I know I’m reaching in the right direction. But all I feel is the flatness of the mirror, because I’m staring into my own reflection.
David Ralph [1:05:39]
powerful stuff. levain Thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Lorraine, thank you so much.
Lorraine Reguly [1:05:54]
It was my pleasure, David, thank you so much for having me.
David Ralph [1:06:00]
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Join Up Dots brought to you exclusively by podcast is mastery.com. The only resource that shows you how to create a show, build an income and still have time for the life that you love. Check out podcast is mastery.com.
Unknown Speaker [1:06:17]
Now, David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.