Christine Hassler Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots podcast interview.
She is a lady that for so many people would have been considered a success in her earlier life
A life that appears from the outside glamorous and stimulating
She was an agent in Hollywood, California….yep, she worked the land known as tinsel-town for the Artist Management Group and was on a path that seemed set.
At least from the outside.
But inside her that path was most definitely not set.
That path was leading Christine, away from this sought after position to take her into the unknown and into a world of fear and doubts.
At the age of 25 she left this job, and set out to find the true thing she knew in her heart of heart she should be doing.
And as she sought for what she needed to do in life, she discovered that so many people she met had those same insecurities and frustrations that life was slipping away from them too.
And with the publication and success of her first book in 2005, “20 Something 20 Everything” she touched a nerve in her readers and herself.
And her future started to reveal itself.
How The Dots Joined Up For Christine
Now as a professional speaker, Christine Hassler, leads seminars and workshops around the country, and is a sought after expert appearing on TV and Radio everywhere on the subject of discovering the answers to the questions: “Who Am I, What do I want, and How do I get it?”
So how did she end up in Hollywood where it seems so wrong now on any different levels?
And how do people begin to answer that question “Who am I ” when for their whole life they have allowed people to tell them what they are.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Christine Hassler.
Christine Hassler Books
Show Highlights
During the show we discussed such weighty topics such as:
How we should look at all the things that we love doing for hour upon hour, when we lose time, and can’t get enough, and be aware of how we feel.
How we should truly look back at our earlier years to see the clues that we have left behind us when we were small children.
How she believes that we are all addicted to control, but in fact no one has control. Its how we deal with that uncertainty that is so important in our lives.
Why she so loves “A true friend is the one that can sing the song of your soul when you have forgotten”
And lastly…..
How her deepest far in life was losing everything and being seen as failure, and when it occurred she looked around and thought “Not too bad!”
How To Connect With Christine Hassler
Return To The Top Of Christine Hassler
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Full Transcription Of Christine Hassler Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Today’s show is brought to you by podcast is mastery.com, the premier online community teaching you to podcast like a pro. Check us out now at podcasters mastery.com.
Intro [0:12]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:37]
Yes, hello there, everybody. How are we? We’re coming to the end of June now. So we’re moving into July in August. And then of course, it’s Christmas week. Now, I don’t want to depress you, but it’s going to come up quick. So if you’ve got any of those goals that we talked about, what every beginning of the year, you gotta get your booty into gear because otherwise you’re gonna run out of time. Well, today’s guest isn’t gonna run out of time because she seems to be Somebody who’s pretty much got it now together. She’s a lady that for so many people would have been considered a success in her earlier life, a life that appears on the outside, glamorous and stimulating. She was an agent in Hollywood, California yet she worked the land known as Tinseltown. But the artist management group, and was on a path that seems set, at least from the outside. But inside of that path was most definitely not set. That path was leading away from this sought after position to take her into the unknown and into a world of fear and doubt. At the age of 25. She left this job and set out to find the true thing she knew in her heart of hearts she should be doing. And as she sought for what she needed to do in life, she discovered that so many people she met had those same insecurities and frustrations that life was slipping away from them. And with the publication of success of our first book in 2005 20, something 20 everything. She touched a nerve in our readers and herself and our future started to reveal itself. Now as a professional speaker, she leads seminars and workshops around the country. So, the expert appearing on TV and radio everywhere on the subject of discovering the answers to the questions, who am I? What do I want? And how do I get it? So how did she end up in Hollywood where it seems so wrong now on on so many different levels? And how do people begin to answer that question? Who am I? When for the whole life I’ve allowed people to tell them what via now is a good statement? Well, that’s fine now as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Christine Hassler. How are you Christine?
Christine Hassler [2:30]
I’m so excited to be here. That was such an awesome introduction. Thank you.
David Ralph [2:35]
You deserve it. You deserve it. You’re all blonde. You’re glamorous. You’re from Hollywood what what more could I want?
Christine Hassler [2:41]
Well, actually, I’m from Texas.
David Ralph [2:43]
Well, your account girl
Christine Hassler [2:45]
I live in LA now.
David Ralph [2:46]
Is it the kind of life that we imagine LA to be because I’ve spent a bit of time there and I kind of didn’t see what so many people get drawn for it seemed very kind of industrial in many ways. Well he’s well I was well what what is it about la but appears appeals to you?
Christine Hassler [3:04]
Well, I mean, what appealed to me when I moved here was Hollywood and what got me here was just massive insecurity. And I think a lot of people that are like trying to prove themselves in life move out to Hollywood to give it a go. And and I’ve had a love hate relationship with la over the years, but the past five years I it’s moved mostly but love. A big reason is I travel a lot, you know, speaking and doing retreats around the world. So I’m not here, you know, all of the time. And I also live on the west side of Los Angeles. So I don’t really live in Hollywood, I live more towards the ocean and it’s less traffic and quieter and it’s not so Hollywood. And there are amazing people in Los Angeles. I mean, this is the land of freedom and and following your dreams. And there’s so many entrepreneurs and creative people out here and I’m also really passionate about personal growth and spirituality. And it’s it’s sort of like a Candyland for all of that so and then the weather you can’t be bad.
David Ralph [3:59]
This is this is not enough. Cases though, isn’t it? I remember there was more people shouted at me just for no reason as I walked along the street than anywhere other than been people just seem to shout at you for no reason. And you couldn’t even understand the words they were saying it was just like abuse thrown at you.
Christine Hassler [4:16]
Well, yeah, I think there’s not cases anywhere, though. I mean, in in Los Angeles, and I’m not associating net net cases with homeless people. But we have a very, we have a large population because, yeah, I’ve been trying very carefully, because the weather so great here, you know, and so I think that people that come to LA that aren’t used to seeing that it’s a little shocking, but those of us who live here, know there are people just like us, and we, you know, accept them and are happy that they’re here and not like stuck on the street in Minnesota, Wisconsin in the winter.
David Ralph [4:48]
So so in the introduction, I actually surprised myself because I wrote the introduction A while ago, and then when I was reading it, I thought, that’s a good question. How do people begin to answer the question, Who am I when for that? Whole Life by the loud people to tell them what they are? That’s a good question, isn’t it?
Christine Hassler [5:06]
It is a good question. It is a good question. And I think that you know, our whole life we are identified by the things we achieve and the things that we do. And that’s the way our education system is developed. It’s, it’s, we’re ingrained to answer the question, what do you do and we’re rarely rarely asked the question Who are you? And when we are asked that question, we say our name or we we cite roles or identities or jobs we have in life, but very few of us have a really strong sense of who we are. And it often takes an expectation hangover, something happening in our life, that isn’t something we really desire. So coming to stop and really look within and think about that question, Who am I?
David Ralph [5:51]
And how do people actually answer that as well? Because that’s such a profound question that it will just blow people out of the water, isn’t it? Who am I? Because I know know who I am. But I don’t think I’ve ever answered asked the question. I’ve just kind of found myself in the position that I think yeah, this this is so it this is so it. So how do people start with it?
Christine Hassler [6:13]
Well, I have actually a really easy way to answer this question. It’s super easy. So what you do is you think about something that you absolutely love doing. It can be anything from gardening, to writing to singing, just something you love doing, where time could stand time could pass and you wouldn’t even know it. You could do it for hours and hours. And then think about the qualities that come out of you the characteristics that come out of you, while you’re doing that thing. You know, for example, one thing I love doing is playing with my nephews, they’re one in five. And I just love it Time passes so quickly. I’m so present. I’m so committed. I could do it for hours. And does that mean I should quit what I’m doing now and go have kids or start a daycare centre know, what it means is the qualities that come out of me while I do those things like compassion, nurturing, love, playfulness, presence, all of those things. That’s who I am. And so we start to understand more of who we are, if we look at those moments in time, where we’re just really enjoy and really in presence, and we look at the qualities that so naturally come out of us while we’re doing that thing. And at the core, David, from my perspective, and every I’ve studied a lot of different spiritual teachings, and they all pretty much say the same thing, which is at our core, who we all are is love, who we all are as whole and complete. And we know Nothing’s wrong with us, and we knew this when we were born, but then life happened and we forget about these things. So I believe that the question Who am I is more a process of remembering, then it really is about learning anything new,
David Ralph [7:58]
when we talk about that on this show time. and time again. And I’m sure the listeners that listen every time are getting bored of me talking about the same thing. But it’s so profound I have to bring it up that the thing that I found doing the show is bad the things we like doing when we were youngsters before money got involved, the things straight after school, are highly linked to the things that we like later. So when you as a KDP, like drawing, you’re still gonna like drawing when you’re an adult, if you like, right, walking in the forest or whatever, and just natural stuff. That’s the kind of things that lights you up. And we should connect our past which is became the tagline of the show, joining up the dots and connecting our past to build our futures. We should look back, we should rummage around in our early days before the sort of education system grind us down somehow, and find the clues awards that we got at school certificates, scrapbooks, things that we just spent hour upon hour doing for that same reason. We love doing it. You do think that it’s true.
Christine Hassler [8:56]
Oh, absolutely. And I think about what I love to do as a kid and What I loved most my thing that I played the most was teacher. And that’s totally what I do and books and speaking and workshops and retreats. I love teaching personal development. And if we look back to when we were kids for we were influenced by so many external sources at the things we really love doing then, you know, it reveals it reveals so much to us. And now you may be thinking, well I love playing basketball does that mean I should go be professional basketball player? Well, no, but look at look at the clues in there you love being part of a team. Maybe you loved you know, having a coach, you loved competition, you love the adrenaline, you love training for something. And so, doing something in your life, whether it’s a career or hobby that that fulfils some of those things, same things that were fulfilled and playing basketball is really important. And I think as grown ups we get way too serious. And we disconnect from these childlike qualities that are that are big indicators of what we really love.
David Ralph [10:00]
So you’re at that’s quite obviously, at the moment nowaday. You’re doing what you love, you’re enjoying yourself, you’re earning an income, everything’s coming together. But how did you lose yourself thing? If it’s so right now? How did it become so wrong? How did you go on the wrong path?
Christine Hassler [10:18]
Well, I wouldn’t necessarily call it a wrong path. I would say that I went down a road that woke me up. So in so many ways, it was the right path. And I think this is true for so many people. Awakening usually comes from a dark night of the soul and on some way or another, I mean, whether it’s addiction or losing your job or getting ill or whatever it may be. It’s is the it’s these expectation hangovers that often wake us up. And for me, I, as I mentioned, I was very, very insecure as a young girl. I was teased and bullied and very much a loner. And so what
David Ralph [10:56]
was I Christine, what did I teach you?
Christine Hassler [10:58]
Well, I don’t really know No, you know, I mean, I’ve I don’t really give that that much energy because it doesn’t really matter. I have ideas about it. But like I said, like, it doesn’t matter. And I think that that’s one of the questions. So many people and I see this with so many people I coach gets so wrapped up in is why, why, why, why? And that is just not a good question. The better question is, what did I learn from it? Because I think all of us can look back in our life and see things that have happened that have been hard, and of course, that we want to have compassion for those things, but we never want to have ourself in a victim role. And and so for me, the the teasing the bullying, that being a loner and being kind of isolated was such an important part of my path. And I also had health problems as a young girl and was diagnosed with depression when I was like nine years old and put on antidepressants and I had headaches and migraines and I just had a had a rough go, and how I compensated for that because all of us know when we feel less than when we feel broken. We feel angry. worthy or not whole in some way. We have to find a way to compensate and so my I call them compensatory strategy was to become a overachiever. So I just became the smartest girl in the class and was obsessed with straight A’s. And that driven overachieving very type a mentality personality carried me through college and it was perfect to come out to Hollywood with I was incredibly driven. And I was consistently you know, from a young girl living in Wegmans hoping that something in my future some goals, some achievement, some accomplishment would finally give me the acceptance, confidence, peace, happiness that I was so yearning for. And I was completely living outside in and no matter what box I checked, you know, a great career. The great fiance, the you know, having a great body with the great clothes and making a lot of money and all these things. No matter what I checked off, like I still wasn’t finding that happiness that I was searching for that fulfilment. And to make a story that’s already getting long, little shorter. Basically, my dark night of the soul all came together when, in a period about eight months, I left my career but in doing that I lost my identity. I didn’t realise how much my identity was wrapped up in what I did. So I went into an even darker depression, not knowing like who I was or what I was going to do. And then I went into a lot of debt, and then I had some issues with my family and then I got diagnosed with an undiagnosable autoimmune disorder and addition to the depression and the headaches. And then I was engaged like I mentioned, and six months before my wedding, my fiance called it off. And so all those things I clung to you for security, health, money, family, love career, all we’re gone and I found myself on my bathroom floor one night, really considering Gosh, do I even want to be here? Like not do I really want to be alive anymore. And that’s when something happened where I had. The best I can sum it up is this spiritual awakening that was gradual when I started to feel all the things I was searching for outside on the inside. And I became incredibly passionate and committed to sharing what I was learning and going through with others. And I never wanted to write a book I never thought about it. But I just felt this incredible internal call to do it and and I listened and that was the turning point for everything in my life, not just my career. Yeah, my careers awesome. I’m so blessed, but I’m like, I’m happy and well and healthy. So it was a huge turning point in just my life in general.
David Ralph [14:48]
Well, good for you. But I do find it bizarre in many ways, but literally every person that I have spoken to on Join Up Dots and we’re coming up to nearly 400 people Same Wow, I’ve got to a low, lower than low, lower than most people, they get to a point where they’re suicidal thoughts going through their minds or whatever. And it seems to be that moment but dark dot, but literally is a springboard to where they are now. And I reflect quite often when I listen to these stories because my life has been blissful. I’ve never had anything bad going my life at all. It just sort of floats through magically from one thing to another. And I kind of wonder sometimes wherever I’ve missed out on that dark night of the soul would I be now to make my go quicker? If I’d had it? Do you need to rally against something to be able to really find yourself? What do you think?
Christine Hassler [15:46]
I think everybody’s on a different path. And and I bet there there’s been moments, David that have been challenging, you know, where you’ve had to dig a little deeper than usual. I think it’s the human experience and and for some of us, you know, I think it Depends on conditioning to you know, not everybody has to have a dark night of the soul, it depends on your path. It depends on how you were raised depends on how stubborn you are, you know, and how like addicted to control and safety and comfort and security. So every path is different, but I don’t think it necessarily has to take reaching rock bottom to, to transform. And it is the catalyst so many times. And I think there are those of us who had to reach that low so that we can be relatable to the other people who have reached that low but I definitely don’t think it’s a requirement to evolve.
David Ralph [16:38]
But then you find that more often not the people that you speak to the ones that have dreams and aspirations are kind of trapped in this comfort zone. But they they don’t want to lose what they’ve got they they’re a certain way up the ladder. And that’s why I see that dark night of the soul to be the catalyst which is so powerful because It’s almost liberation, you you lose everything, you’ve got opportunities left, right and centre, you can go this way that way or whatever. But you’ve got to go some way. But when you get halfway up that ladder and you’ve got a certain amount of income coming in, you’ve got a certain amount of holiday each year, you’ve got a steady job, bats, the ones that I think that they’re the people that are my target audience, they’re the people that used to be me. They’re my avatars, the ones that can talk the talk, would love to do these things, get a few drinks down them that tell you all these passionate things that they want to do. But I never give it a go. But they’re the ones Mm hmm.
Christine Hassler [17:37]
Yeah, I think that fear, stop so many of us and until we have a moment where we have kind of total loss of control in so many ways, and we’re confronted with our deepest, darkest fear. I mean, my biggest fear was losing everything and being a failure. And when it happened, I was like, Oh, alright, well, I made it through that. So you don’t become fearless. I don’t I don’t think that there’s ever like no fear. I think fear serves us in a lot of ways. But you become more courageous, which is moving forward even in the absence of fear. And, and that that’s really the thing that moved me forward so much is I was like, oh, wow, like, you know, if I, if I can make it through that I can make it through anything. And there have been other times, you know, I went through another very difficult time in my early 30s. And I, it wasn’t as hard because of what I had gone through before because I had been to that low point, I had the tools. And I also had the belief in myself and the faith that I could get to the other side of it.
David Ralph [18:39]
When when you was in Hollywood, and your career from the outside view was going great guns. And you were you were spending New Year’s Eve with I think the second most attractive person with grey hair. Now I don’t want to put myself in that category but Mr. George Clooney, he’s Gotta be second. He’s got to be second place. Did everybody think that you’ve nailed it? It was Was it difficult for you to carry on doing that? Because people thought you’d already achieved so much. Was it difficult to play that role?
Christine Hassler [19:15]
Yeah, I think I not only have the expectations of myself, but then I had the expectations of everyone watching around me, because I wasn’t very honest. And I wasn’t very vulnerable. David, I had this kind of persona and this mask on that I had it all together. No one knew. You know, no one knew I was on antidepressants. Nobody knew I was incredibly insecure. Nobody knew that I doubted myself. And every moment. Nobody knew any of that. And so from the outside, I looked like really like I had it all. And so keeping up that persona, and living up to the expectations of others that quite frankly, I’m the one who planted those expectations, because that’s how I showed up. It was Incredibly exhausting. And I felt very ashamed when I started losing everything and withdrew a lot. And that was such a great learning for me because I think the one of the key things that has built my career has been my vulnerability and my relatability when I took off the mask and stop trying to be perfect and really let people see me and shared, shared my struggles, didn’t identify by them, but really shared them. That’s when people I feel like we’re we’re not only seen me, but also could feel close to me. I feel like in my previous life, I had a lot of people around me, but nobody that really knew me. I don’t feel like I had a good connection to people because I was wearing a mask.
David Ralph [20:46]
Because you you’ve got a brilliant programme out called the expectation hangover and you kindly sent me with the DVD. I’m not the DVD to CD, I’ve listened to the whole thing. And it’s really, really worthwhile doing and you’re always Do lady does a great job. I don’t like audio books, basically, I find they’re sort of monotone boring. But she, she put spark into it. So it was great. And as I was sort of going through the expectation hangover, and the basic principle is that life you project what you should be getting, I should be doing this at this point. I should be doing that at that point. And when you get to that point, and you’re not you think I failed, but literally you happen. It’s just that your expectations aren’t matched up to it. Now as I was going through that programme, I thought to myself in your situation, you had a double expectation hangover. You had the expectation of yourself, but also other people that saw your room as one to look up to and yeah, she’s doing so well. She’s doing great. Were you aware of at a time that you had the two hangovers?
Christine Hassler [21:50]
Yes, I feel like I had more than two. I feel like there are there were a lot of them and but I think for me, the The one I had it myself was harder, just I tend to be. And this is something that’s been a lifelong work in progress for me and I’ve gotten much better at it. But I have tended to be harder on myself than anyone else could be on me. And so that’s I would say, where the hangover hit me the most and also just not my life not looking like I thought it would. I mean, I’m sure so many people listening can relate to Wow, like, Here I am at this point in my life, and it looks nothing like I thought, and is that a good thing? do you do? Are you pleasantly surprised? Or are you disappointed? And if you are disappointed, then there is that sense of an expectation hangover? And are you willing to do the work to look into Alright, how have I created my life up into this point? What judgments Am I still carrying around? What stories Am I still carrying around? And how can I start to create my life and live my life in a way that not necessarily lives up to my expectations, but really is an alignment with who I really am and what I truly desire?
David Ralph [22:58]
Let me play some words. Now. And we’re going to talk about your your transformation from that dark night of the soul to where you are now. So this is
Jim Carrey [23:06]
Jim Carrey. My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [23:34]
Now I should find the audio clip I love that every time I play it I think to myself, should I replace it now? Let’s keep let’s keep it in there.
Christine Hassler [23:41]
Is it sound good
David Ralph [23:43]
when it is good, isn’t it and it says so much about what life is we are surrounded by people that play that conservative route and so many of us are basically brainwashed to do that conservative group, get a good qualification get a good job and then you will be sorted. Get a mortgage get up Wife and all that kind of stuff. Now, do you see that come true in your life? Have you actually taken a risk on doing what you love? Or has that thing bound you?
Christine Hassler [24:10]
Oh, gosh, well, I mean, I think for the first, you know, quarter of my life, it absolutely bound me I was so addicted to key security, safety and control. Now I, I totally live my life according to what I want to do and taking risks and all those kinds of things. And I don’t know another way, you know, I really don’t. And I feel like that trap so many of us that illusion of control and safety and security, because the truth is, I mean, control to me is the master addiction. Every single person on some degree is addicted to control. And the truth is, we don’t really have any I mean, we have influence, we have choice. We have dominion, we have free will. But there’s a million things that could happen to me today that I have no control over. And so does that mean we just kind of like give up and You know, just wait for divine things from the universe to happen. No, it doesn’t mean we become passive in our life. But it does sort of create this awareness that we’re co creators that Yes, we have. We have some control some dominion, but there’s a lot that unexpected in life. And so this grip we have wanting to control things and wanting to be safe and wanting to be secure. Sure, it can calm the ego and calm the mind and sometimes calm fear. If you never take risks. And if you never go after those things you want to do you never take time to stop and go, gosh, what do I love? Who am I like, because we all as humans become these kind of programmed robots. And until we stop and take a deeper look into who we really are, we we can be asleep most of our life. So I think it’s so imperative to let go of those addictions to control safety, security, and to take a risk and to surrender and to dive deep. into the unknown because it’s in uncertainty. And it’s outside of our comfort zones that we truly learn the most.
David Ralph [26:07]
Because I hear it time and time again, people say, you know, a true definition of entrepreneur is somebody that will jump off the cliff and build their parachute on the way down. And I think that is a lunatic entrepreneur, I think that you should have put something into plan before you do that. So how big a risk is risk in your life when you say, but we should deal with risks. Some people will be listening to this thinking, right? I’ve got to go and punch my boss in the face and then just walk out and make it all up, right? Is it something that you can do very small, calculated risks and build them up to something worthwhile?
Christine Hassler [26:45]
Yeah, and I think you have to know yourself. Like I have clients who thrive on risk clients and friends and fellow entrepreneurs. And they will leap off that cliff and they love building the parachute on the way fires them up. It drives them It motivates them. They they Love that kind of adrenaline rush and it works really well for them. I know myself well enough to know, that’s not my personality type. And I think this is, you know, super important to consider, especially if you’re a consumer have a lot of you know, personal growth, inspiring business advice, information. There’s a lot of advice out there and there’s no one size fits all. And before we take any kind of risk, we have to know ourselves well enough to know what’s going to sabotage us and what’s really going to inspire us. And for me, I’ve definitely taken risks like I quit my my big Hollywood job. And I, you know, had something that I was doing on the side, I was a personal trainer, so I, I had other things that I was doing to support myself as best I could. So that it was more of a gradual build. You know, when I had the time between when I quit my job, and when I was making money full time doing what I’m doing was, I think, like, five years or something, three to five years, something like that. So it took a while and I totally think that It’s possible to take risks at but at the same time, not totally freaking yourself out. And to do it in steps. You know, a lot of people start to build their entrepreneurial business or whatever it is at night or on weekends, and they they’re still working. And then there comes that point where it’s just too much and you you end up leaving the job and then building the entrepreneurial thing. But yet, we have to be aware of what our degree of comfort is within risk. And we don’t want to totally stay within that comfort zone. But we don’t want to leap so far out of it, that we totally freak ourselves out and sabotage ourselves.
David Ralph [28:38]
Does that make sense? It makes total sense. Yeah. And on my journey, it seems too many like a rocket ship. Since I launched, the show is gone off great guns and everything’s rosy in the garden. But I can actually put my sort of leap of faith for about six years and I used to be in an office environment, secretly messing around on websites and stuff when the boss wasn’t looking and always sitting in the restroom at lunchtime in a certain seat with it on my lap, and then in the evenings and at weekends, and I was constantly just playing around. And funnily enough, even this week, something I suddenly realised I needed to do to grow the show. I remember learning about five years ago, which I had no sort of link up at all. And it’s it’s fascinating how truly, truly no experience is wasted. And it is one of the things, Christine that I wonder if you talk to your clients about the fact that if they’re in a crappy job, or they’re in a relationship, That’s rubbish, there’s something in there but I should look for to help them transition to the next stage. There’s some good there’s some experience it might be how to open a spreadsheet and do something it might be how to, I don’t know, but there’s always something no matter how bleak it seems at the time. Did you see that?
Christine Hassler [29:52]
Oh, absolutely. That I think is a truth that is is so important for us all to see is that an actual Every situation, there’s a learning and it goes back to that question I alluded to earlier and don’t ask why am I here? Or why is this happening? Ask what am I learning? It might be it might be something tactical and practical like how to open a spreadsheet. It might be a more personal lesson that you’re learning about yourself. You know, maybe you’re, you’re learning in a in a relationship with someone that you’re trying to get the love that you never got from your father. And so you’re kind of in this toxic relationship. Maybe in a career you’re learning like for me, like I learned, wow, like, Here I am in Hollywood. These are these is kind of the adult version of the popular crowd, the cool kids who I wanted to fit in with and I’m trying to give like my younger self, the experience I never had, but I don’t like this job. Like, this isn’t the career path I want and what was it?
David Ralph [30:48]
Like Christine, what about the job?
Christine Hassler [30:50]
Well, um, as an agent, your job is sales and I am not a salesperson. I don’t enjoy sales. Some people are so good at it. It’s not something that lights me up. So I didn’t like that. I also didn’t like being dependent. For other people being able to pay their bills. I mean, my clients were dependent on me and getting them work. So they could, you know, eat and feed their families. And I also, you know, and I, Hollywood’s a an amazing industry and I had great experiences there. And I also it’s not a very traditional industry in the sense that good work is necessarily rewarded. You know, things are based a lot on relationships and favours and schmoozing and all of that. And there were several times where I saw a client who really deserved the job because they were the best not get it because, you know, they didn’t have the relationship or you know, they hadn’t schmoozed enough or whatever it may be and so
David Ralph [31:48]
that’s just like, isn’t it truly?
Christine Hassler [31:51]
Yeah, I think so. That’s probably why I’m an entrepreneur. Yeah, and, and and do my own thing. I think it is. Everywhere you know, that was just the only experience I had. And and at the same time, I learned so many great things, you know, hollywood really in learning sales and learning how to connect to people and learning how to, you know, work a room and form those kind of relationships and all of those things are so many things I took from that career path. And so with if somebody like for example, right now, if somebody’s listening is in a job you hate, ask what you’re learning both internally in terms of the personal growth opportunities that may be there and also just the skill sets and the experiences that you’re gaining that will translate because I truly believe that whatever job you’re in whatever situation you’re in you, you can absolutely take something from that and translate it to something else.
David Ralph [32:47]
But you know what you It sounds it’s quite obvious, but your true essence is nurturing you you care about Yes, people and in sales. I was in recruitment in the City of London, and I was I did it for six weeks, I couldn’t bear it because I wanted to get people good jobs and help them forward. But to really do well in recruitment, you’ve got to see him as just a commodity. And it didn’t play to my, my values at all in any shape or form. I see that with you. So when these people came in the fact that you felt that you helping them put food on the table, that isn’t how your mindset has to be, you’ve got to see him just a paycheck to get into a round hole, round pegs in round holes all over the place.
Christine Hassler [33:29]
Yes, yes. And I also think that, you know, our external world is a reflection of our internal reality. And to be quite honest, I don’t think there would have been any job that I would have liked because I didn’t like myself. Could I go back and be an agent now and like it probably because, you know, I’ve done so much work on myself. And I think that’s another important question that people need to ask themselves before they keep hopping from job to job, a relationship relationship, like what’s the common denominator in those things. If it’s you You may want to look at all right like if nothing’s making me happy maybe it’s not the job maybe it’s not the relationship maybe it’s actually me and maybe before I changed my career or relationship or whatever it may be maybe I need to change myself.
David Ralph [34:14]
But But you couldn’t go back really could you you’re you’re and I think once you have what you’ve got you’re unemployable. You’ve got location freedom. You’ve got Yes, money freedom. You can you could go for a walk in the park in the afternoon if you decided and you can’t do that as an employee, can you?
Christine Hassler [34:32]
No, no, and I’m not saying I would go back but I could.
David Ralph [34:37]
You couldn’t, Christine? Yeah, you you. You couldn’t go back. Come on. Be honest.
Christine Hassler [34:44]
I wouldn’t want to that’s for sure. I would not want to Oh, I do miss the the fancy lunches though. Those were fun.
David Ralph [34:52]
That’s always the thing. When I was in the City of London for many, many years. I look back on it. And I think what did I do? I can’t remember, but I can remember all the nights out down the pub and I remember lunch times and all that kind of stuff. And it seemed to me to be a social environment, but there must have been some work going on. So it sort of takes you now to expectation hangover. As I say, we’ve been through the programme. And it’s it’s highly recommended that I don’t just say that lightly. I don’t mean upset that by any sore guests, I was very taken with it. And I thought there was a there was a story to it, which kind of it it kind of resonated with me similar similar sort of towels and stuff. What would people get from buying? What kind of target audience are you aiming for?
Christine Hassler [35:36]
Anybody who’s ever been disappointed, or anyone who really wants to get to know themselves better? Honestly, my first two books were for people in their 20s. And after working as a coach and facilitator for 11 years, I saw that like people are, you know, of any age men, women, any age, are so alike in terms of our struggles. And so this book, really is for anybody who is willing to do the work if you like quick fixes if you like just to like feel better in an instant and and don’t want to do the deeper work this book probably isn’t for you. But if you’re willing to do some work and to create some inner transformation so that you have outer change, then this book is absolutely for you.
David Ralph [36:20]
And when it were because I I really took to it because I’m in that environment already. But so many people are surrounded by misery guts, aren’t they? They’re surrounded by the naysayers that the doom right mongers? Is it something that can push prove out? Or do they need to set up the environment first? Do they need to try to transition themselves away from those people to a more positive environment where your work will really hit home?
Christine Hassler [36:50]
Well, I think sometimes it takes doing the work first before you can have the boundaries and kind of the backbone to transition out So I would say start doing the work start understanding what self honouring choices really are. And then two things will happen you’ll you’ll be more in alignment with who you really are and be able to have boundaries, right and, and not attract the same kind of people and and second, you’ll start to cultivate relationships with people who are on more of the same wavelength. I mean, I, I look back to my life in my 20s. And I really don’t have any of the same friends. Like maybe there’s one or two people that I’m still in contact with, but really, there’s no one and that doesn’t make them bad people. They’re great people. I just got on a much different path. And so the people that are in my life now that I call my soul family, there are people that do this work and have these conversations and will be listening to a podcast like this and are interested in learning and growing and don’t just want to stay the same and you know, go to happy hour every night.
David Ralph [37:56]
I had a chap come at our house last night and He took my he’s, he’s called uncle but he’s not an uncle. He just saw a friend that had built up for many, many years. And he used to be my best mate, absolute best mate. And we went to America on a road trip. And we fell out on this trip. And I realised actually that he was an annoyance and annoyance that I dragged around with myself about four years, and we hit this road trip. And that was it. It was it was done and dusted. And he still he still friendly with the family. And he came round last night. And as I was talking to him, I thought to myself, I just as you’re saying, I’ve moved on, I’ve so moved on, I can’t relate to you anymore. You’re still talking about the people that we used to go drinking with when I was 18. And you’re still talking about the things that we were doing when we were 20 and that’s not me anymore, and I just couldn’t relate to him in any shape or form. It was like part of my life had close. And I do think it’s it’s hugely powerful when you look at your circle of close friends, and especially the ones that you have taken with you on the journey. More often than not, they’re the ones that you can just phone up and say, fancy upon. Yeah. And you walk into a pub, and they’re there. And you may not have seen them for three years, and you just go boom, and you’re straight into it and the connections are there. That’s the powerful ones, isn’t it that you don’t actually have to work on Yeah, but your core essence.
Christine Hassler [39:18]
Exactly, exactly. And they can remind you, you know, there’s an African proverb I love that says a true friend is the one who sings you the song of your soul when you’ve gotten. And I love that because sometimes we do forget and we need the people that are going to help pull us forward and not just commiserate and our sob story or wound ology. Like, I see this often, like, I’ll be, you know, at a restaurant or whatever. And I’ll overhear a conversation of, you know, like, for example, the other day I was at just eating on my own as I do when I travel a lot. And there are a group of women just bad mouthing men and their ex boyfriends and this and that, and it was just such a negative conversation. And I felt like interjecting and saying, you know, ladies, like, would you consider having a different kind of conversation about what you want to create and what you do love and how you want to strive to have better relationships instead of just gossiping and bad mouthing and I think that good friends, really obviously, that we all have moments where we need to vent, right? We all have those moments where we just had a bad day, and we just need to get it out, you know, and we need someone who will listen, but not let us like be victims and help, you know, help bring us forward and remind us of who we are, and really hold that space. And I have a really cool dynamic with my friends. where, you know, it’s if one of us is struggling and the other one kind of pulls up, you know, we’re never both sort of in the, in the crap at the same time. And that’s, that’s a beautiful balance to have. And I think that’s something we should strive for in our relationships, you know, because as Jim Rohn says, We are the sum of the five people we surround ourselves with most. So think about that. Think about who are the five people that you spend the most time with Are they a great reflection of who you want to be and where you want to go?
David Ralph [41:04]
Now with me, funnily enough, my five are all virtual, my real close people that I have connected with over the shows. I’ve never even met, we connect on Facebook, we connect on Skype and stuff. And I that sort of blows my mind now how people might be sitting there listening to this going, Well, how can I connect with positive people? Why I go to work every day and I come home and maybe I could go to an evening class and all that. That’s kind of old school mindset, isn’t it? Now you literally can have confidence in Bora Bora, or Azerbaijan or wherever ID in Armenia once again, I’ve never met her. And she is really quite harsh. And she will say some probably quite mean stuff on the outside, but it’s what I need. And because she’d never met me, she can kind of cut through the crap somehow and just sort of, you know, just let me let me have it when I need it. And sometimes you do just need to be kicked into shape, don’t you? Because you use or you’re starting to buy into the myth somehow.
Christine Hassler [42:07]
Yeah, yeah. And we can be, you know, I think the other thing about relationships, whether they’re alive or virtual, or whatever it may be is that, you know, we need people that can see us in our vulnerability. I think that vulnerability and taking off the persona and really letting people see us is such a key to intimacy, intimacy and vulnerability is much different than being a victim. You know, vulnerability is just sharing what’s true for us, be allowing the walls to come down, taking the armour off. And the more we have that connection in our life, I think the more our soul is fed, because I absolutely believe that self love is so important in our relationship with a higher power so important, and it’s not enough we need connection with other human beings and nourish those relationships. and nurture those relationships and, and invest time in them. I think a lot of people get so invested in their career, or just their primary romantic relationship, they forget about their friendships and we can’t expect our primary romantic relationship to be the be all and end all of everything you know, you can’t expect your partner to be, you know, everything else, your best friend, your confidant, your business advisor, your lover like all these things, it’s too much for one person. So we do need our soul family.
David Ralph [43:29]
I think we’ve me personally, I think I I’m very family based. I work from home and I spend a lot of time with the family. But I think when I started this journey, I forgot that they were the most important people. I was so focused in on the show and building it and getting an audience and all that kind of stuff. And I still am and I still fascinated by the process of growing an audience and how to do it. But now I try my utmost to always put my kids to bed every night. And even if I’m recording a show, I will run down the garden and I will put the kids to bed and then come back. And it’s those kind of little things, isn’t it? So you don’t have to spend a lot of time supporting each other. But it’s just those those special moments, those moments that mean, but you’re taking it making an effort to do it.
Christine Hassler [44:20]
Exactly, exactly. Yep.
David Ralph [44:24]
Well, I’m going to play the theme of the whole show now. And this is why the show was called Join Up Dots. And these were wise words that the man said nearly 10 years ago now and love listening to these and hey, that’s why we built a whole show around Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [44:38]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut destiny Any life karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [45:14]
Now you really did follow your heart. And yeah, you you you seem to me like a big heart on legs if I was going to draw you that’s what how I would draw you be caught with a little parallax at the bottom.
Christine Hassler [45:26]
So make it purple, Purple’s my favourite colour. Okay.
David Ralph [45:30]
So what did you have faith in when you made that decision to quit that well paid job and start creating your path. What did you believe in? like Steve was saying?
Christine Hassler [45:43]
Honestly, David, that give you the really honest answer. I don’t know that I believed in anything. I was just in so much pain, that there’s a quote by Michael Beckwith that I love that says pain pushes until vision pulls and at that point, It was the pain that was pushing me. And it was like it was so much that I just had to do something different. And eventually I got pulled by the vision, I mean, which I would say is faith and which is also just my commitment and heartfelt desire to help and support as many people as I can. I mean, my mission here on the planet is to bring compassion and ease to suffering. So that as many people as possible can wake up to really who they are and make the impact they’re here to make. And that vision wasn’t there right away. It took a little while, that I think I always had faith in and knowing that like, feeling fulfilled, was possible, and that it was my right as a human being. I think every single one of us as humans, we have this birthright to feel fulfilled, and to feel love and to feel like we matter and it’s it’s it’s not going to be given To us, it’s up to us to really follow that calling and discover the ways that we actually feel that for ourselves.
David Ralph [47:08]
So what’s your big dobbing? Christine? That’s the question that I literally ask every day but on the Join Up Dots timeline, what is the moment when you look back on it over your life? And you think Yeah, I reckon that was it that that’s when I made the decision to move forward.
Christine Hassler [47:25]
I would say it was the night I picked myself up off that bathroom floor and made a promise that if I figured my way out of it, I would help other people do the same.
David Ralph [47:35]
And do you remember why you was on that floor? Was it just that you you given up or was it the fact that you just became so tired you had to lay down what why were you on that floor?
Christine Hassler [47:45]
Well, it was it was kind of that the the night after my fiance broke up with me that was the combination of you know, leaving my job in debt, being sick being a strange in my family. And so that breakup was like the breakdown. Finally just I just didn’t know how much more I could handle and and I realised, you know, what I’ve gone through people have gone through Far, far worse. However, for me in that moment that was that was pretty bleak.
David Ralph [48:13]
And Was that your lowest? Or do you think now with the strength of recovery, do you think you could go lower than that and still get yourself back on your feet?
Christine Hassler [48:22]
I don’t think I’ll ever go lower than that. Because, you know, to get that low, there was a lot that I did to create all that, you know, and and I don’t think I will, because I’m in much better touch with who I really am. And I have more skills and more resources. And that was a pretty victim moment and in my own life, so I don’t see myself ever getting to that point again.
David Ralph [48:47]
So just before we send you back in time on the Sermon on the mind, brings us to the end of the show. Is your life now, at the moment as good as it can be or do you have bigger goals? Are you aiming for other stuff? Which is around the corner, even though you don’t know how to actually achieve it?
Christine Hassler [49:06]
Yeah, well, yes and yes, so my life is awesome how it is right now. I love it. And I have goals and I pursue goals with high involvement but low attachment, meaning my happiness, my fulfilment, my emotional well being my joy is not dependent on the outcome of those goals. It’s a great way to pursue goals without getting an expectation hangover and I talk a lot about it in the book. And it’s great, it’s wonderful to be happy where I am and also have some some things that I’d still love to have happen in my life.
David Ralph [49:39]
And do you think everybody listening to this all the listeners out there do you think they they’ve all got the opportunity to have a kick ass life if they so wanted,
Christine Hassler [49:47]
everybody, everybody and it doesn’t mean that you know, and a lot of people were like, Why don’t want to be an entrepreneur or you know, I don’t have like this big dream in terms of what I want to do for work and you don’t have to like You know, be an entrepreneur or have this amazing career to have an amazing life you can, you can have a job that you really like and have hobbies and have a family, there are so many ways to be happy and feel joy. You know, I’ve met I’ve met, you know, people that work at a bank who are so happy with their lives, because, again, it’s an inside job. So don’t wait for anything outside of you to make you happy. You can have that happiness and that fulfilment inside. And if there’s something externally you desire, and you want to create, go for it.
David Ralph [50:31]
You’d know what Join Up Dots is all about is not an entrepreneurial show. It’s about happiness. And if you’re in a position that you used to love, but you don’t love it anymore, work on what’s changed. Try and find that Mojo, bring it back into your life because yeah, some people will be dreadful entrepreneurs, really, you’ve got to be in that job and you’re comfortable in that job. But you don’t have to be unhappy in that job. You don’t have to buy them happy in that situation. You can find the happiness you just have to work at it.
Christine Hassler [51:00]
Absolutely apps well fed.
David Ralph [51:03]
That was my sermon. That was my sermon. So this is the real sermon now. And this is the part that we call the Sermon on the Mount when I’m going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Christine, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out, because I’m gonna play the theme and when it fades you up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Christine Hassler [51:49]
Well, hello, Christine, you’re so precious, your little 12 year old self, and I just see how concerned you are and how stressed and how worried and how much you’re trying fit in. And I just want to tell you that you absolutely long you’re absolutely lovable, and likeable. And there’s nothing wrong with you, you haven’t done anything wrong. And the most important thing I want to say to you and I really, really, really want you to remember this and practice it is that you don’t have to be so hard on yourself. You really don’t have to be so hard on yourself. You can love yourself, you can say kind things to yourself and you’ll still be successful and you’ll still get things done. But I just want you to be kind to yourself, and just know that I’m here for you whenever you need me to remind you of just how loved you are. And remember, be gentle with yourself.
David Ralph [52:45]
Christine, how can our audience connect with you?
Christine Hassler [52:49]
They can go to Christine Hassler calm and I send out weekly vlogs and blogs and then they can grab expectation hangover there are go to expectation hangover calm and get some cool free gifts from me as well.
David Ralph [53:01]
We’ll have over links on the show notes. Christine, thank you so much for spending time with us today joining those dots and please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Christine Hassler, thank you so much.
Christine Hassler [53:19]
Oh, thanks, David. I love being on your show.
David Ralph [53:24]
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Join Up Dots brought to you exclusively by podcast is mastery.com. The only resource that shows you how to create a show, build an income and still have time for the life that you love. Check out podcast is mastery. com.
Outro [53:40]
Now, David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing thing. for free, and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.
