Welcome to the Steve Jobs based Join Up Dots Free Podcast Interview with Dr Ken Nedd
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Introducing Dr Ken Need
Dr Nedd is my guest on todays Join Up Dots free podcast interview.
He is a man who is driven to make us lead a happy and stress-free life.
He is a practising medical doctor, international keynote speaker, bestselling author, and highly sought after expert on stress and happiness.
He believes that there are practices and skills that we can all learn, that can help us push away those stresses and issues that bother us all, and start smiling broadly.
And he is certainly a man that has one of the biggest smiles I have seen ,so he must have mastered it himself.
How The Dots Joined Up For Dr Kenford Nedd
And from his base in Vancouver, he is sharing his skills via TV, presentations, podcast interviews, and even speaking directly to Prime Ministers and their cabinets, as we all want to have what he has.
A stress-free and happy life everyday.
So how has he learned these skills?
Was he a big stresshead who realised that he had to do something about it, or was it a path that just found him?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs in todays Free podcast, with the one and only Dr Nedd
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Dr Kenford Nedd such as:
Why he believes that wealth, success, prestige and status can all be found quicker if you start with a basis of being happy.
How the trick of feeling happiness is focusing inwards to become aware of the smallest feelings that you are dealing with.
How he looks back at his life and realises now that as a young man he focused more on the obstacles in his life than the opportunities.
Why starting with small activities everyday and building them up over time is the slower but steady route to success.
How he remembers his Fathers demeanour and positive outlook when he was a child, and was inspired by the way he interacted with people everywhere
How To Connect With Dr Ken Nedd
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Full Transcription Of Dr Ken Nedd Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Today’s show is brought to you by podcasters mastery.com, the premier online community teaching you how to podcast like a pro. Check us out now. podcasters mastery.com
when we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:37]
Yes, hello there, everybody and welcome, of course, to Join Up Dots Episode 395. And it’s we’re gonna be one of these shows today that really touches on what Join Up Dots is all about when we started the show, and you might have heard me say this in countless shows. It’s not about you taking a leap. It’s about you finding ways of being happy. And whether you’re in a job that you don’t like, or in a relationship you don’t like, there are certain practices that we can all bring into our lives. That means that happiness is part of our thing. And my guest on today’s episode is a man who’s quite simply driven to make us leader happy and stress free life. He’s a practising medical doctor, international keynote speaker, best selling author, and highly sought after expert on stress and happiness. Yes, he believes that there are practices and skills that we can all learn that can help us push away those stresses and issues that bother us all and start smiling broadly. And he’s certainly a man as one of the biggest smiles I’ve seen, so he must have mastered himself from a space in Vancouver. He showed me skills via TV presentations, podcast interviews, and even speaking directly to prime ministers and their cabinets, as we all want to have what he has a stress free and happy life every day. So how has he learned these skills? And was he a big stress? Hey, do realise that you had to do something about it, or was it a path but just found him well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Dr. Ken Nedd. How are you, doctor?
Dr Ken Nedd [2:08]
Oh, very well, thank you, David. Wow, thanks a lot. I love the energy here. That’s what it’s all about you
David Ralph [2:15]
You gotta be up Avenue. I think if you start your day up and enthusiastic then the bad things kind of bounce off easily.
Dr Ken Nedd [2:23]
What do you think? I’m absolutely and that’s why even if you don’t feel so happy, which I sometimes don’t and what I do I begin to sing even though I don’t feel like singing. I begin to talk like I’m happy. I assume the role of a happy me. And Surprise, surprise, happiness. infuses happiness invades.
David Ralph [2:51]
So So what do you sing Ben? Dr. Dr. Ned? Well, what’s your song of choice to make you happy?
Dr Ken Nedd [2:57]
very direct, very direct. Some Like, in my heart rings, a movie ticket, something anything foolish like that going on just just to get myself in the mood and to remind me not to take myself so seriously.
David Ralph [3:15]
But But you see, you’re somebody that’s in a profession that obviously, we want our doctors to be serious. Did you find that you operate in a different way to your other sort of medical practitioners that you work with?
Dr Ken Nedd [3:29]
Some patients say that some patients say that but when you really look at it, I mean, all doctors know that the impact of happiness on on the way you feel your ability to make money, your ability to to relate to other people, the impact of happiness, if you generate that in your life is huge. I think doctors know that and patients now know that so when they come and see me who probably exaggerate That aspect of thing, they, they can’t help but live happier. My motto, David in my office is that my patient must leave with a smile on their face. I believe that the role of a physician is not to heal the patient, but to amuse the patient. That’s what volunteer says. It’s it’s actually the its nature that will do the healing. So get them use get happy, stay lifted. And as a doctor, I find that people will heal.
David Ralph [4:36]
Well, I think that’s the as I said at the beginning, I think that is the way to be but more often than not, certainly in the corporate world. I see it that people seem to be, I don’t know, just carrying the stresses of the world around them. You don’t see many businessmen walking along whistling and looking chip on their way to work. They’re sort of they’re missing a trick, aren’t they?
Dr Ken Nedd [4:59]
Yeah. But you will soon you will soon I think the word is out now that happiness is the prize because no amount of success in your in your professional life, no amount of success in your business none can make up for failure in in, in your heart and in your life and in your home. It’s important to be happy. I believe you’re on the planet actually, to be happy to enjoy the universe. That’s why you are here.
David Ralph [5:30]
So have you Have you always been happy? Or have you been like a misery guts in your past life and you you saw the error of your ways Have you always had a happy disposition?
Dr Ken Nedd [5:41]
Well, I want what turned me around I myself have been serious I would usually serious I never sort of sought after happiness, although I was normally taught as a joyful happy person. But this pursuit if you like this intention No exaggeration of happiness in me and my patients came about when I used to I saw a patient early in my practice, who was a happy man, he was okay. And then he got very serious at work because the supervisor didn’t like him. And he’d become really very serious and he developed the disease that cancer and he died fairly early. And as the attending physician, I believe that the stress of that, that robbed him of his happiness is what has had a great part to play in his demise. So stress actually is the enemy of happiness. Happiness is the antidote to stress. So all these patients that I see, day after day reinforce the fact that happiness is the prize. Happiness is rarely When, and if there’s somebody rushing out there to make money washing to do well, so much so that they don’t have time to notice how they are the economists something, it’s, it’s terribly important to recognise the importance in the signals of happiness.
David Ralph [7:21]
So So somebody sitting on the train, they’re going to work they’re listening to our conversation. Dude, I literally have to start looking at themselves and and be aware of how they’re feeling, or can they just trick themselves as you do by singing to sort of get themselves in that happy mood and what’s the way to do it? Is it just the awareness First of all,
Dr Ken Nedd [7:44]
it varies with different people, but you’re brilliant, you you just hit the right word, awareness leads to control and control leads to happiness. Now, the first thing, this awareness, hey, we are aware of this sitting there on the train. As you’re sort of maybe listening to this and looking at other people and you’re not really focusing your awareness inwards, the trick to happiness is to recognise that you must focus your awareness inwards. And when you focus your awareness inwards, a light goes on inside and your mind and your body becomes one and you become stronger. Try doing that with more gusto, focusing inwards. And human beings are the only animals on the planet with the amazing capacity to focus awareness inside and still be with what’s going on outside. So I think that the first lesson for happiness, to bring yourself to raise the level of happiness is to turn up the width of your awareness to make sure that you’re aware of weird toes out for pizza. See where your feet are How you feeling? Because awareness is the first thing that will create a sense of interest and control and happiness. Because I’m, I’m generally
David Ralph [9:12]
happy all the time. It’s just how I am. Is that just by genetics? Or have I kind of learnt these skills inherently and it’s just become me now.
Dr Ken Nedd [9:22]
I think you’ve learnt them inherently. But I think there’s probably a percentage research shows that, oh, some research even says that 50% of your happiness could be linked to genetics. I probably don’t think that much that it’s that high. But yes, the major, major thing is the way you live in your body, your thoughts, the way you think, the way you act. If you behave with the happiness of yourself and others in mind, you will be happy no matter what your genetics is you can override any genetic disadvantage will, as you know, through epigenetics, you could override that. So if you find that you normally do, for Pete’s sake, start acting happy, assume the role of the happy person, and you were just beginning to feel better. I wish I could really explain it that if I had your way of explaining things, David, but that’s I wanted that to come through that by assuming the role by thinking by whistling by saying, Oh my god, here I am on the train going to work. I don’t feel so happy. And just my singing. Yeah, I am happy being aware of yourself. Just just by asking yourself if I were happy, I wouldn’t hold my shoulders. How would I hold my neck? What would I say? How would I look at people will have a smile on my face and begin to assume or to act like that, and the triggers are the inner signals of your brain will begin to work to produce those things. As William James says, By changing the outer aspects of your body, you can alter the entertainment Street, the inner signals of your mind. And that’s what happiness is. and happiness has consequences, great consequences.
David Ralph [11:29]
So it’s fake it till you make it really you, you play the part and then little by little, you will start feeling the part.
Dr Ken Nedd [11:38]
Yeah, you can see that Yeah, but you have to do it sincerely. You have to be a with the happiness of yourself in mind. And by you can trigger that by thinking the thoughts if you begin to think and you tell your brain that I am I happy person. I have a happy person. I keep doing that. I have love my job I look, I love people, you will change your personality and that will be the signature of your life. You can create happiness by assuming the role of a happy person. And but of course you have to believe it too. You have to act with with authenticity. You have to believe with conviction, that happiness is relevant to you. And you have to begin to be a with the happiness of yourself and others in mind. He sitting on the train, what have you done lately? To honour your happiness? What have you done? What have you given yourself? in that sort of way, begin to honour your own happiness and believe that is relevant. And Surprise, surprise, the impact of happiness on your physiology, the liver, the spleen, the heart is phenomenally positive. As I can tell you if you want with certain studies,
David Ralph [13:04]
it’s funny, because I was down the pub last night, I shouldn’t have been down the pub. But I was, I was having a conversation with one of my friends. And I said to him, when was the last time you was happy? And he couldn’t think of one. He said, Well, when I’m on holiday, I said, No, in normal life. We’re all happy when we’re on holiday, on vacation on beaches and stuff, but actually in normal life, and I said, because what we got to think may is, when were you last happy, and why was that happiness in you? Why was that making you feel that way? And it was interesting that he couldn’t answer. He couldn’t remember the last time in normal life, but he was actually happy. Now is that kind of common would you think?
Dr Ken Nedd [13:45]
Yeah, because what I what we have, I have a show on a book that called cultivating the heartbeat of happiness in everyday life, but instead he is probably More acculturated to stress cultivating a pattern of stress. We all grew up afraid we all grew up stress too much to do. You know, as you look back, you see that you, you could have been happier, but you don’t build a part of unhappiness. I think that by waiting up to the fact that happiness is really relevant and seeing it, you can change that. But you are correct. A lot of people think that in order to be successful, you’ve got to be serious, who you got to watch where you’re going and on. But that’s ridiculous. Because the happier you are, the more successful you are. Happiness is one of the cardinal qualities of a successful person.
David Ralph [14:49]
I had a gentleman on the show a gentleman called Mike ferry and from memory he was about Episode 192 or something. It was a while back, and he’s a teacher and he’s actually The bringing happiness classes. So he believes that he should train his students, he’s pupils to realise that success starts with happiness and not happiness comes from success. He is doing the opposite way. And he actually has created books and platforms, all of these hold back to change the focus of how we think because we do, don’t we, we all go, if I am successful, I’m going to be happy. If I’m successful, I’m going to love the car if I’m successful. But of course, the stresses that we’re talking about right at the very beginning, actually push us off track somehow, and it stops us before we even get going. So he’s doing something in a different way. Is that powerful in your opinion?
Dr Ken Nedd [15:46]
Oh, yeah, that is powerful. Anything you can do to make allow the emotion of happiness to surface you’re doing a lot. Did you know it He’s doing a lot in medicine by doing that, because a study spanning more than 50 years, we’ve studied many, many people, hundreds of thousands. And it’s found that the three factors they did that will determine how long you will live is this might be conscientiousness, which you have a lot of a lot of drive and purpose, activity, exercise you fit. And the third one is happiness, how happy you wanna, you know, and that happiness is not just linked to the immune system in that it causes immunity to be high. It causes you to resist the cause and diseases, but happiness will also have an impact on survival from cancer and other things. So I’m trying to motivate people to jump on and get happy
David Ralph [17:00]
I’m gonna play some words. Now that’s gonna sort of lead us to the next part of our conversation. And these are words that Jim Carrey said recently. And although they don’t quite fit into what we’re discussing, I think it’s a perfect segue to where we’re going to go. So this is Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [17:15]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [17:42]
Now, that last part, taking a chance on doing what you love. Is that one of the things that if you’re happy as a starting place, you’re more likely to do what he’s saying. Is it is that a quick route as well to actually go for the life that you want?
Dr Ken Nedd [18:00]
Yeah, absolutely. And that’s why something one of the cardinal definitions, if you like, of happiness includes meaning and purpose, and you can’t talk, find meaning and purpose in just eight hour job that you don’t like, you’ve got to, you’ve got to see it’s got to be a calling. You’ve got to drool. You’ve got to whistle on the train as you go to work, and then you’re happy. And then you can, it does matter you, you do it not for the money. You do it because you love it and the money will follow. So he’s quite right. Don’t do anything. Just because it’s convenient. Do it because you love it. You’ve got a calling, you know, and that’s a part of a big part of happiness, purpose and meaning in what you do. Yeah.
David Ralph [18:52]
And is obviously you’re successful man, and you’re you’re doing what you love, as always been that way. When did you go in is medicine because there was status and prestige? Or was it something that you felt a calling for?
Dr Ken Nedd [19:06]
No, I absolutely felt a calling for medicine. And, and when I was 12 years old, I used to say that I wanted to become a doctor, learn a lot from patients, and then in later, life after 40, then I begin to write about what I’ve learned. And that is come true. So, you know, that has made me feel that one of the things maybe that we should do in life is not to know is to know that we grew up in, in a world of giants, so we’re afraid. So when I saw that, I wasn’t as courageous as I should have been, you know, that sort of thing. But I think that it’s important for you to know that yes, I wanted to be a doctor, but I could have gone added with more gusto as far as happiness goes.
David Ralph [20:04]
And then when you look back on it, is that a regret? Do you think that you could have really got a head of steam up quicker?
Dr Ken Nedd [20:11]
Yeah, I think I think I could have done much, much better if I had the faith. If I had that belief that I can do anything I wanted to do that I can go anywhere I wanted to go in this profession. I think I would have been happier. But I looked as most of us still will look at the obstacles. Oh my gosh, where am I going to get the money to do this or, or that’s fees coming up and you look at the obstacles more than you will look at the possibilities and the opportunities. Now I can tell if you really want to be happy. You look at the opportunities, even the obstacles look like opportunities to you You maintain that positive emotions throughout. Yeah. So that’s what my life’s been like learning how to actually draw from life. Draw from life, those positive vibes that will lift me up. Because when you’re lifted up as a happy person, you become stronger, more creative, you make more money, you’re more attractive. You’re a better lover. It’s so much if you had so much to gain from just being happy, and I, that’s one of the things that I hope to continue doing more and more to get more happiness, even in the dark moments of life, to get happiness to take joy out of that. Yeah.
David Ralph [21:48]
So when you was that 12 year old boy, what was your sort of surroundings like because we always hear that phrase, but you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with. Certainly growing up the people you surround yourself with, are your family members more often than not? So what like your father and your mother and doing? Well, you somebody that was on your own path, or were you sort of following a similar path that family was doing?
Dr Ken Nedd [22:16]
No, I was absolutely on my own path. I grew up very poor. I was the first doctor to come out of a place called Barbuda. And in Barbuda, there was not even a good school, you know, in the eye, I had to go away to in order to go to a grammar school. And when I went to Grammar School, you know, I had certain financial deficiencies, but I had to work through those. So I by far, I was different from what surrounded me. One thing though, my father, he, he got it right from the beginning. He believed that you could accomplish what you want Want to accomplish, he kept saying you can do anything you want to do. And he got the dream that education was important. So here I am an average or below average Caribbean youth, and with this tremendous ambition to become a writer, famous writer, and, and adopter. And you know, there’s no role model none like that around me. And my father telling me, yes, you can do it. And that’s, that’s important,
David Ralph [23:33]
when it is important, and so many people don’t have that Dubai. So many people say, Oh, be real Look around you. Nobody else is doing that. Why should you do it differently? So why do you think your dad was so positive and gung ho with putting the fires under your ambition?
Dr Ken Nedd [23:51]
I think about it, certain philosophies he read. I think he had he always associated back to one of the statements he made earlier. He is so ciated with people who were educated, even though he himself was people who went to school, he would know of a headmaster of a school that he’d never met. And he would invite him to dinner or he would knock at his door and try and get asked something. He just had a passion for education. And I witnessed that growing up, he loved to talk to people. When anybody visited from England or the United States, he was right there to ask questions about education and about life abroad. That’s that was my dad, and he encouraged me to be a bit like that. And was he a happy man? Or he was very happy. He was uh, he was singing all the time. He was happy and happiness drove him. He he was religious man and religion in the literature tends to give you a little bit of an advantage on happiness if you if you believe in it sincerely. Yeah. So or, or if you believe in anything else, you know, I’m not saying it’s religion all that long, but he believed in something and he just saw a greater picture a bigger picture for his kids and for me,
David Ralph [25:30]
so So you were given a gift, weren’t you? Better so many of the listeners struggle with because they haven’t got that motivation or go for it. You can do everything. It’s just get a job, get a job and they will walk out the education system and literally open a door and go into something because I’ve been told to get a job. Now what I find Dr. Ned is the avatar of the show, and it seems to have come true is the people round about the sort of little Late 20s, early 30s have been in a position maybe two positions. And they’re now thinking there’s got to be more to life than that. And what we’re getting doesn’t make us happy anymore. It’s very difficult, isn’t it to get your outlook on life when they’re in that situation that they feel that they’ve wasted a decade already. And it’s already too far down the path. But do you believe that anyone can change direction if the motivation is there?
Dr Ken Nedd [26:28]
Oh, yeah, absolutely. You can change direction. I mean, even in terms of finding a purpose, if you don’t have something that you drool over, something that you like, even if you have to go to work to wash dishes, and say you want to be a lawyer, you got to know the kind of lawyer, you got to see yourself. You’ve got to use your imagination to accomplish what you want and use your words. So yeah, if you’re sitting there and you don’t know what you want, It’s, that’s fine. That’s fine. Just make it your purpose, to find out what you want to uncover. What do you want to like? What am I here for? The kind of thing? You know, what can I do what I lo do, which is done with excellence will make a real difference in the world. Those kinds of questions. Keep asking, Who am I? What am I doing here? Those are the great questions, and you don’t have to have any answer. That’s the beauty of it. David, you just keep asking the questions and you will live right on into the answers as you keep them top of mind. You know, and that’s what I tell my patients. That’s how I live. You know, first find purpose and find meaning. Make it your purpose to find purpose and meaning in your life and do what you can to accentuate your own purpose your own uniqueness. In life, and that in itself is a part of being happy?
David Ralph [28:07]
Well, of course it is that that really is a starting point when you find your purpose, you know, I’ll be very transparent with you again, this is my passion. When I’m not doing the show. I’m thinking about the show. And when I’m not, it just, yeah, it engulfs me. Totally, totally, totally. So I’m very, very lucky that I found the thing that really sort of gets me going. And I was saying to my, my mate last night, funnily enough, and where does your mind wander? When you’re not thinking about anything, really? Where does it wander? And that’s a good indication of what you should be doing. Because if I’m watching television, I’m thinking about the show. If I’m watching a movie, I’m thinking about the show, so I know but I found my thing. And it’s a good way isn’t it to allow your mind to to go and be aware of where your faults are going. And if it’s the same folks, time and time again, then that’s it. That’s it. passions are
Dr Ken Nedd [29:01]
that absolutely. So that’s a great advice for learning to find what you’re here for what you’re supposed to be doing. Yeah. And it comes across it comes across in your demeanour, in your voice in, in in intonation, it’s it’s there that you really want to help people to be happy and to live their fullest. I’m putting words in your mouth, but I’m pretty sure that,
David Ralph [29:28]
that that’s true. It’s absolutely spot on. That’s what the whole show was built for. And it’s just part of the whole package of what Join Up Dots is going to be that, that bottom line of helping people. So if we were sort of focusing in on the listener, again, which I love to do on this show, are there and we’ve already talked about steps to build happiness in but is there kind of seven Easy Steps process that we could sort of get them to be aware of?
Dr Ken Nedd [29:58]
Ah, yeah. Let’s let’s go through very quickly. The first one would be what David said. The first one would be to awareness, learn to turn up the weak to pure awareness. And don’t take yourself for granted. When you’re at work, yeah, you have to attend to whatever there is, but be aware of how you were feeling. And turn up that awareness inside. Because that awareness will automatically increase your level of happiness. That’s a and the second one is a lot of people go around, just taking potluck. I want you to believed from today from this show, to believe that happiness is relevant that happiness is your birthright and behave with the happiness of yourself and the happiness of other people in mind. If I were happy, how would I feel that sort of thing, behave with the happiness of models in mind and keep repeating that happiness is important. You got to use your tongue you see, you got to use your words to create what you want. I believe that happiness and believe it with conviction. And I third exercise would be a stress exercise. Did you know that as you are going to work as your stress, because stress is ubiquitous is everywhere. The third thing this see is to watch your circulation as a doctor bring you back to your body, your circulation in the normal day will tend to move away from your hands. And you see, I want you to refocus that. refocus your attention for a moment on the arms and legs and bring the circulation back the arms and legs and you’ll get a sense of relaxation and you will get a deeper sense of Meaning, and that, of course, will lead to happiness. Because when you study David, people who are really happy, and you find that the minds are different, you find that the way the the brain waves go, they’re much, much longer and much deeper. And that’s because they’re relaxed. So focus, one way to relax in a very concrete scientific sense, is just as you’re on the train, to focus on your fingers and try and feel the blood flowing there, you know, and that reorganisation of the blood flow will tend to abort or downplay the stress in your life at that particular point, not distress laws, you will still have difficulties, but your brain will be in a mode to beat those difficulties and to come up with those. So that’s those that are awareness, you’ve got to believe you’ve got to do your circulation. And do you not believe that happiness is a decision do you do? I
David Ralph [33:10]
believe that Yeah, I believe totally, it’s a everything in your life is a decision and a choice. Simple as that.
Dr Ken Nedd [33:17]
So when you might be my D, if you want to take this little formula home is to decide now and decided that every point in your life, that you are a happy person. And to activate that decision, you have to do certain things. One of the things that you can do is to smile, and I talk about physiological joy when you smile. For example, the there’s an artery in the neck that constricts and that sends a message right to a part of the brain that makes you happy, and it sends a message down to all the organs of the body as it was saying, hey, David is smiling, you better act better, you better, uh, you know, make sure that you You’re perfect in the way you supply blood or the way you filter the water in the body or whatever. In other words, you actually can create that happiness by making the decision and activating the decision by smiling, just turn around and say, every time you’re on the train, you’re gonna smile at three people, at least, you know, or something like that. And that will trigger the emotion of happiness. And when you trigger the emotion of happiness, there’s something called IGA. An IGA is is is an immunoglobulin that you use to fight disease. And as soon as you trigger that happiness in yourself, IGA goes up, you know, and other things go up to the inflammation In the body that is caused by stress is high these days, as you are going to work and wondering, the inflammation is high, but when you trigger happiness by smiling at other people, or by being aware, or by triggering your belief, I’m a happy person. When you do that, when you trigger that the inflammation in the body drops and you become healthier. You know, and they can go on with the other research, but let’s move on, you have a, you’re going to be aware and turn off the weight of your awareness, and you’re going to focus it in words. And B, you’re going to say, I believe that I am a happy person. I am happy using your words. See, you’re going to do that little exercise. Close your eyes, focus on your arms and on your legs and try and feel the blood flowing into your arms and legs. That’s your circulation, trying to feel that going into the extremities. I decide to be a happy person and you activate that decision with a smile. And he is your emotion. Many people harbour hostility, hatred as they’re sitting there thinking of what happens, somebody did them something, and they are harbouring hostility and guilt or envy and revenge. Those are the emotions that they’re feeling. I think you should first Get, get comfortable with yourself. Look at the emotions that you’re carrying around and remove those. How do you remove negative emotions by focusing on positive ones I’m showing for today. I’m happy today, you know, and my feet. I’m so grateful for my thing. You know, there’s no pain. Notice the things that are good about yourself. A happy emotions into your body. And those things will be very, very helpful in changing your
David Ralph [37:08]
life. So when you get called up by a prime minister, and you’re standing in front of them, are they asking just how to be happy with our does that come about? Because you would think we get to the top? You’ve got all the stresses in the world being a prime minister.
Dr Ken Nedd [37:24]
Yeah, you’ve got a lot of stress, and it’s really important, but what my job is, is to let them realise that they are much better solving the problem, if they are happier if they’re a happier person, if they’ve got less stress. And David, the stress I let me distinguish between stress and stress sores, you know, one prime minister said to me, one day and I was crying I felt sorry for you. He said, Can I go to free up my I got two three free money out, I just feel to to prosper by all these stress laws, you see. So one of the things that I tell them to do is to actually focus on the essential 20%. And try and determine what you don’t have to do. Because if you do everything you get so stressed, so free in love yourself is very important. And that’s the F in this formula. You watch your emotions and you free yourself up. So when it comes to you know, I, I have a corporate lawyer, big business person that have seen now with this and needs to free himself up because when you’re in the storm, when you are burdened. The major thing that you need to do is to look and say what’s essential, what’s important, and tackle those things that are important. And you’ll find that the rest will fall away.
David Ralph [39:10]
Let’s play some words that really nail exactly what you just said document. This is
Oprah Winfrey [39:17]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this too. But what is the next right move? And then on that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because, you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.
David Ralph [39:49]
Now, that’s what your prime minister made. He needed to hear, wasn’t it?
Dr Ken Nedd [39:53]
Yeah. That’s what he needed to hear. 40 boy is much better than Oprah is probably referring to the technique that we use called Kaizen, make your changes. If anyone is listening, make the changes small, just small, manageable little changes. Like someone came to me today was unhappy. And she wanted to quit smoking. And the first assignment I gave was a small assignment was to count the number of cigarettes that you smoke every day and come back and see me. You know, that’s a small change. And then if you want the next my next step is going to be Do you think you can go with one cigarette less a day? How about going with the half smoke one and throw it away before it’s finished? That’s the small steps there is a party to bring quality and magdala the less you frighten the amygdala, and you get into fear and impulsivity, and so on, that’s really important for you to know the idea of Kaizen, make your changes in small, manageable steps. That’s, that’s really important for you
David Ralph [41:21]
to do. I think that’s brilliant advice, because you hear it time and time again, that everything you want in life is the other side of fear. And the problem is, those big leaps, those big jumps are just too much for us to handle. But we can say do those tiny, tiny little steps and you may think that you’re not making any progress, but you suddenly realise you are, don’t you? It may take you longer, but it’s more manageable because it’s not taking all your willpower.
Dr Ken Nedd [41:50]
That’s right. And speaking of that, man, it’s totally important for you to be able to see Sleep well, many people don’t sleep well, they don’t sleep seven to eight hours because our culture sort of makes it easy. We promote the idea of shorter nights as it were. And we don’t sleep as long as we should seven to eight hours. And there’s research that shows that if you sleep only four to five hours, something you just said, willpower, you have less willpower. You have less more impulsivity. You have less control over your emotions, you have hard decisions, your judgement and your reasoning were below. So one way to be happy one way to accomplish a lot and achieve a lot and, and to to reduce stress is by simply beginning to make sure that you sleep soundly, seven to eight Eight hours. If you sleep only four to five hours a night, that’s equivalent to a 60% increase in impulsivity and lack of judgement. You see that that’s so I just wanted to get that in there on the emotions because we talk of this formula ABCD he was emotional, no hostility, but also sleep is a great aid in giving you the control over emotions.
David Ralph [43:34]
We’ll just think as you’re talking, I’m thinking many things I have in my head, but is a great way of finding happiness. breaking free from the routines that are in your life, just doing something different for the sake of doing something different walking home and going up a different road just because you haven’t done that, that does that sort of creator once again and awareness, but you are in control and you can actually do things on your own terms.
Dr Ken Nedd [44:00]
Absolutely, I see you’re a psychologist because one way to increase your awareness is to do that one way to increase awareness itself. Instead of doing the train today, try the bus or try and get a ride from someone do differently. Yes, you’re totally right. That is going to increase your awareness and your appreciation of life, you know, you will see more, the routine will be gone, and you will become happier. It’s really important to, to break away from that, you know,
David Ralph [44:36]
when you grasp the fact that you are on this planet once and you are in control. And most of us we don’t realise we’re in control, we go off to do a job we come home and then suddenly they say, we’re making redundancies and you think oh my god, what I’m gonna do, but leading up to getting that job, it was you making the decisions to get that job. So why We salute Why do we not then think to ourselves, we can actually make those decisions on how we feel as well. We don’t we just seem to float along don’t.
Dr Ken Nedd [45:09]
Yeah, it’s fear, isn’t it? Is it we are afraid and we don’t like to leave the comfort zone after a few years ago, or a few months for some people have been in a comfortable place, even though the rewards would be great to move. You don’t feel like it. You know, so I’ve known people who go to one city, you know, to move to another and they stay there all their lives because they’re afraid. What if, what if, and they don’t do that? The the lesson here is to have the courage to listen to your heart. Listen to what you really want in life and to give yourself the freedom and the permission to go on to what you want with God. So that’s what happiness says, you know, happiness is growth. You’re happy when you’re growing, you’re happy when you’re moving when you’re growing up out of default, so you’re growing out of any hatred, you’re growing out of ignorance. As long as you’re moving towards a goal, you’re happy. It is one definition of success and happiness is the relentless pursuit of a worthy goal. So always having a goal to move up there will be a point of happiness in your life. Yeah.
David Ralph [46:37]
Well, let’s bring a man who may be sure who created the words, and he is a source of inspiration to so many people because he had those goals. He’s no longer with us, but his words are. This is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [46:51]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. When you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [47:26]
Now one of the words that he says in that speech you have used countless times and it struck me when you’ve been using it, you put that extra and that is belief. You don’t just say the word belief you believe you can actually feel coming coming out. Now he talks about that as well. Is that where we lack as well? Do we lack from the fact that we don’t believe that something’s possible, even though we see other people do it? in our heart of hearts, we feel that it’s not for us, somehow.
Dr Ken Nedd [48:00]
absolutely because we tend not to carry belief with us, most of us fill the rooms where we keep beliefs in with negative beliefs. You know, I can’t, you know, and I’ll be broke, you know, I’ve got to do this in things that a very negative and not really bold you know though that’s what we tend to carry in our belief basket. And what I advise my patients and my clients to do now is to fill your life with positive beliefs. When I go to make a speech, like if I go to do a keynote speech somewhere, I always carry the belief that they’re gonna love me. They don’t like the way I say this, and whatnot, you know, you positive about it, and you say, you use your words to convince you use your words to sort of active That belief power, because if you believe it, it’s gonna happen kind of thing, you know. And so believe is important. carry it with you, if you’re going to work on the train, believe that today will be a great day. If you’re going to for an interview for a job, believe that you get the job. You know, if you really want a loan or believe that you’re going to come through this crisis, if you’re suffering, believe that you’re going to get well that that’s the soul but carry it with you and write down some beliefs about your life and carry them with you. And that will help to make you call Aaron and have people
David Ralph [49:45]
well, Steve Jobs talked about looking back and connecting the dots and that’s why the show is called Join Up Dots. So I asked the question to literally every single guest and I’m gonna ask it to you when you look back on your life. Is there a big.in your life lately? you to where you are today?
Dr Ken Nedd [50:03]
Yes, the I there is a big dark, yes. Tell us about it. And
at a certain point, I had no money. I knew I wanted to be a doctor. And I just was about to give up. And I spent many unhappy days sort of crying. This is the I’m not gonna make it. All my dreams are going to smash. And then I lost many good months. And then someone met me on the road, actually on the road and told me, Hey, you could make it things bad. Go and see somebody a minister I went and saw a minister of government and pleaded and pleaded for money. And that broke through that broke through. So I would say to myself, when the big obstacles are in your way, when that that that is topping you don’t let it go on and on take action. So I trembled. And I went and saw many people, one of the people, my soul, I knocked at his door, six o’clock one afternoon, and I said, Can you tell me where would I apply to become a doctor and he said, Get the hell out of here. And he I’m gone. He didn’t. But I didn’t give up because somebody had motivated me keep asking and I went on and i i till I met someone from Edinburg that said, Hey, do you got a piece of paper. Take this in out there register, would you furnish me and he dictated the letter, which was very successful. And so I got a scholarship. And the rest is history. So I would look back and say, be careful about the dots, the obstacles in your life. Don’t let them last too long, I would have moved with more gusto.
And I would have more with, with more belief that I can conquer things. fascinating,
David Ralph [52:33]
fascinating tale. And what’s the the beauty of that, I suppose, is the fact that everyone has that moment, don’t they? Everybody has that big dot, but they have that decision to either do something or not. And every single successful person has had multiple dots where they’ve had both decisions, time and time and time again, but it’s how you decide to move. board.
Dr Ken Nedd [53:01]
And yeah and and your ability, your belief in yourself, you know, because if I believed a little bit more if I had followed the advice of my dad that I could do anything, but it’s very difficult when there’s no money when there’s nothing happening, lots of obstacles in your way. And that’s the big.is this, it’s really hard for you to say, I couldn’t make it, I will overcome this. It’s very, very hard to be like that, but do it anyway.
You know, now today, it does not matter. You know, I will write a letter to a prime minister doesn’t matter who and and say, Look, you’re you’ve got lots of stress and I can help you, you know, and he writes back and rejects fine, but some say, Warren after here is letting people know that it doesn’t matter how small you think your vision is. Don’t let the the big dots stop you gone. and develop that belief in yourself. Because you can do a lot, you’re worth a lot. go step by relentless step. Because giving up is easy. Suffering is easy. But developing yourself is what’s hard. But take it step by step, and you got to succeed because you’ve got what it takes. Absolutely.
David Ralph [54:28]
It’s better for you. And for all the listeners out there. Just listen to that bit again, just rewind and keep on listening to babbit. Whenever you’re feeling down whenever you’re feeling, but you you lack inspiration or lights going against you. Just listen to what Dr. Ned said there. And that’s your blueprint for success. All in that three minutes.
Dr Ken Nedd [54:48]
Perfect stuff. Oh, and I just wanted to say and for those people who think that stress is so big and it’s standing in their way, stress is the response to your own assessment. So I want you to leave the show, feeling that you have the power to assess any hardship and assess it so so that it is within your ability to cope. I teach people everywhere to say, I can handle that, when it comes up when something big when the dots come to stop, I can handle that. I can handle that. Keep doing that, and go out with belief and with conviction that I can handle that and the stress will melt away because perception is the gateway to stress.
David Ralph [55:36]
Well, this is the end of the show now and this is the part that we call the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Dr. Ken furred. What advice would you like to give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme tune and when it binds you up, this is the Sermon on the mind.
Unknown Speaker [56:03]
With the best bit of the show, man, my man
Dr Ken Nedd [56:19]
can a Can you are now here and you should really write that book. You know Deepak Chopra has just written his third book. You could write a book just to squat on No, I can’t. Yes, you can. I’m too busy trying to practice Yes, you can just little by little, write that book and how am I going to publish it? You know, call the publishers of New York call until somebody It says yes, no, I can’t No, no, I can’t. Yes, yes, do it.
Unknown Speaker [57:10]
Do it, call them how
Dr Ken Nedd [57:12]
often once and the ones don’t let it run into once. I would say call, do what you want to do. Because if you have passion, and conviction, and you perceive that you really want this, you will get it. That’s what you should do.
David Ralph [57:36]
How can our audience connect with you, doctor?
Dr Ken Nedd [57:40]
Yeah, go to Dr. Ned, Dr. nedd.com. And you can download my free book 25 ways to stop stress or you can go to power over stress.com and download an audio a very lively On stress and performance, Dr. net.com. And you also find me on Facebook, Dr. facebook.com. Slash Dr. NET
David Ralph [58:10]
will have over links on the show notes. Dr. Ned, thank you so much for spending time with us today joining up those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Dr. Ned, thank you so much.
Dr Ken Nedd [58:29]
Thank you very much, David. Thank you.
David Ralph [58:34]
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Join Up Dots brought to you exclusively by podcasters mastery.com. The only resource that shows you how to create a show, build an income and still have time for the life that you love. Check out podcasters mastery.com.
Now, David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you were once to become. So he’s put together an amazing guy. For you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life, head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.