Tom O’Stasik Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Tom O’Stasik
Tom O’Stasik is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots Podcast.
He is a man who has had a fascinating path to where he is today.
For many people, as young man he would have been considered a success and leading the kind of life that many people would consider the dream.
From the age of 14, you could find him swinging the clubs like a young Tiger Woods, pursuing his passion by playing golf on the PGA tour.
And for the next six years, he followed the tour until in 2009 he decided to put down his clubs and begin starting a family.
And this is a fascinating point in his life, which will lead the conversation today.
After spending so many hours practising, travelling, practising, competing, and then giving up, did he consider himself a failure?
Did he embrace the freedom of making that decision, or was he surrounded by people who had a different opinion to how he was leading his life?
How The Dots Joined Up For Tom
Well whatever he felt, he stopped the touring and become a stay at home dad, and after over two years of that very rewarding yet very challenging experience, got into the telecommunication and technology industry doing sales for a small company remotely.
But at his core is this words, his own words “I love to feel inspired. I love feeling connected to others.
I’m a dreamer who believes bigger and better things are always coming down the road.
I get a lot of inspiration watching and talking to people who are living and walking down an inspired path.
I appreciate it because it’s something I’m constantly seeking for myself.”
So has he learnt the ability through his golf, that even in his own business, if you swing madly and hook one into the trees, then the next shot could be the sweetest one he has ever hit?
And does he look back at the early golfing hustle that took him around the tour, as the perfect grounding for what he is doing now?
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs in todays Free podcast, with the one and only Tom O’Stasik
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Tom O’Stasik such as:
How he is so shocked at how his experience on the golf tour benefits him on the entrepreneurial route that he is taking time and time again.
How he came to the realisation that he wasn’t done with golf, after hearing the comments of “Here’s Tom an Ex-Golfer” and freaking out.
He tells us the story of how he suffered a huge panic attack whilst sitting at work, so left and set off on a 18 hour drive across America.
How he received $40,000 dollars into his bank account after playing a round of golf with a complete stranger.
Tom O’Stasik Books
How To Connect With Tom O’Stasik
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Full Transcription Of Tom O’Stasik Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Today’s show is brought to you by podcasters mastery.com, the premier online community teaching you how to podcast like a pro. Check us out now. podcasters mastery.com
when we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:37]
Yes, hello, everybody. How are we welcome to Join Up Dots Episode 196. I want to say thank you to everybody. And I really don’t often say this at all but have been leaving iTunes reviews and dropping me emails and all that kind of stuff. I really do appreciate it and we will respond to all of you as soon as possible. It used to be very much easier to do it but now is becoming a little bit of a tsunami, which is great, obviously, because we’re all engaged out there. But it does take a little bit of time. So if you’re sitting there thinking, ah, he used to respond so quickly, I promise you, I won’t get around to it. Well, let’s bring onto today’s guest. He is a man who has it Well, I suppose he’s had a fascinating path to where he is today for many people. As a young man, he would have been considered a success and leading the kind of life that many people would consider the dream. From the age of 14 you could find him swinging the clubs like a young Tiger Woods pursuing his passion by playing golf on the PGA Tour and for the next six years. He followed a tour until in 2009, he decided to put down his clubs and begin starting a family. And this is a fascinating point in his life, which will lead to conversation today after spending so many hours practising, travelling, practising competing and because practising again, and then giving up did he consider himself a failure or did he embrace the freedom of making that decision or Was he surrounded by people who had a different opinion to how he was leading his life? Well, wherever he fell, he stopped the touring and he became a stay at home dad and after two years of that very rewarding it very challenging experience, got into the telecommunication and technology industry doing sales for a small company remotely. But at his core is the word, his own words. I love to feel inspired. I love feeling connected to others. I’m a dreamer who believes bigger and better things are always coming down the road I get a lot of inspiration, watching and talking to people who are living and walking down an inspired path. I appreciate it because it’s something I’m constantly seeking for myself. So has he learned the ability for his golfer even in his own business if you swing madly and hook one into the trees, but the next shot could be the sweetest one he’s ever hit? And does he look back at his early golfing hustle that took him around on the tour as the perfect grounding for what he’s doing now? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Tom O’Stasik. How are you sir?
Tom O’Stasik [2:59]
Excellent. Thank you for that intro. Wow, you. That was me. So I appreciate it.
David Ralph [3:07]
That was well said, You deserve it. So you’re Episode 396. And I feel honoured. And you told me how to say your name, which is fascinating. So I’m gonna say to the audience I, I always ask the guests, how do you pronounce the names, even if they’ve got like a name, which is normal because they still trip you up. So if it’s Smith, you don’t want them to say, Oh, actually Smyth halfway through the show. So Tom’s got a name. Oh, stay sick. And I said, How do you pronounce your name? And he says, it’s like, Tom. I hope he stays sick. Oh, stay sick. Now. How many times have you had to say that to people tell them how when did that actually, that little speech come out of you first.
Tom O’Stasik [3:45]
You know, I I’m actually shocked when somebody gets my name right the first time right? I give it a double take like, wow, how do you know me? You know, because it’s rare, but I had a high school algebra teacher. Who had a dry sense of humour? And he just threw that out one day? He goes, Oh, you weren’t here yesterday? Well, I’ll just remember you as Oh, I hope he stays sick. And I went, Oh, that’s one
David Ralph [4:12]
way to remember it. It works. So where is it? Is it Irish? Or is it Polish? Where where’s that name come from me. Well, the olden European.
Tom O’Stasik [4:21]
Yeah, yeah, exactly. It. You know, the O apostrophe makes people think it’s Irish. And the rest of it sounds Eastern European. And to be honest with you, my family doesn’t have a clue. So I’m not sure. Well, you want to
David Ralph [4:36]
first one that I’ve ever met. So you will be my my special, most basic? Well, I appreciate that. So let’s get on with your life because it is a fascinating one is like two parts to it. Obviously, you as the child and then you went into the entrepreneurial golfing route. Was that something that really was a natural talent or was it something that you really had to work out? Because golf is one of those games that is so addictive, but it takes up your entire life doesn’t it just around a golf can take like three or four hours? Absolutely. So So what when did it first sort of hit home for you but you could swing a club like nobody else?
Unknown Speaker [5:15]
Well, I I
Tom O’Stasik [5:16]
grew up being an athlete and what well, where I was from all kids wanted to be professional athletes someday and I thought I wanted to be a baseball player and I had a natural ability. I had very good hand eye coordination. So hitting a ball was something fact my parents used to. They weren’t shy about letting you know that at the age of three, I could hit a baseball over a house. So it was something that I had some natural ability to, but by the time I was 14, I realised I would much rather be swinging a golf club than a baseball bat and it was around 13 years old. I didn’t grow up living with my father. I grew up with my mother and My dad moved to town when I was 13. And we took up golf together. And clearly there was this connection there with my father and playing golf. And it was what I love to do, even though I mean, nobody starts out playing golf. Well, you know, I could hit a ball, but, you know, I was not shooting the scores that made you think I was a female. But I loved the challenge. And I loved the pursuit of getting better. And I, you know, golf does consume you or the time it takes to play is so consuming, but I was all in. I mean, I was growing up in Chicago, Illinois, you know, spending six months hibernating in the winter, and yet I had my golf clubs in my bedroom and I was swinging every day and I was I had a bunk bed and I threw a comforter over and I was hitting wiffle balls into it just because I couldn’t get enough of it. I couldn’t wait to the snow melted and I can get back out there. So it was something that I will I’d practised a tonne and I realised I was probably naturally better than most of the kids my age for having not really played much or you know, at the taking it up at 13 I should say. So I was inclined to, to doing it well, but I had the passion to to give it my all in a practice and to be dedicated. So it was, it was a combination of the two.
David Ralph [7:24]
So So are you an obsessive compulsive person? If you find something that you really enjoy, you go for it? I wouldn’t.
Tom O’Stasik [7:32]
I don’t know. I guess I never thought of myself as being that. But I’m, I follow my passions, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t say I’m obsessive compulsive. I have a I have a couple friends that way. And I wouldn’t describe myself like that. I just I would say I’m very driven and I’m goal oriented. And there’s this cheesy part of me, especially growing up that I just wanted to I wanted to be The best version of me and that kept me out a lot of trouble because I had high goals. I had these ideals and visions of doing something that I knew. Well. In fact, I believed I had to walk a very fine line to do and why
David Ralph [8:15]
did you think that’s cheesy though? Because that’s brilliant. That’s what we want for our kids. That’s what we want for the world, isn’t it?
Tom O’Stasik [8:21]
I yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I, I look back on it. And I think to myself, I kind of you know, I, I had this relationship with my father. In fact, I wonder if it was my mother that that gave me this thought of calling it this. But maybe it didn’t even come from my mother, but I, my dad influenced me, even though he wasn’t around and we, you know, we would talk or see each other from time to time. And I had this, it was like, he inspired me to be more and I looked at my father like he was some superhero, you know, and I wanted to be as good as him and or live up to this ideal and and he wasn’t always you know, he gave me the impression he was perfect which nobody’s perfect, but it I guess in my mind I wanted to, you know, to be perfect for him. And, you know, I think part of that dynamic was because I didn’t see him all the time I didn’t see him not be perfect. And, you know, it was laid down the years I moved with him and when I was 16 and quick, you know, I became aware he wasn’t perfect, and that was, you know, a little emotional hurdle in my life, but I guess it did serve me well.
David Ralph [9:41]
So when you’re playing golf because I am fascinated about the the amount of practice and the fact as I said in the introduction, you can do the world’s worst round followed by the world’s greatest round, it’s, it’s that kind of mental aspect of starting fresh on every single shot. Does that give you skills that you can then take into business but you’re only as good as your last shot?
Tom O’Stasik [10:07]
You know, I am shocked how much my experience on the golf course and through my sports psychology, education along the way, translates to everyday life in the corporate world, business world entrepreneurial world. And, in fact, I have a buddy my closest one of my closest friends, we travelled a lot together and played golf for a number of years in college and professional and he actually made the the jump out of golf and into the corporate world and, and he started telling me He’s like, you wouldn’t believe how much our training will benefit you and it’s benefited him and just because I feel like I’m so much more prepared for challenges and adversities and I will just being in sales too you know that you’ve got ups and you have downs and in golf man, you have ups and downs and more downs than ups it seems like and I’m shocked how much it does translate and how beneficial it is to you know, I had this feeling of when I was getting into getting out of golf and getting into working Oh, my resumes and you know, I’ve spent the last six years playing golf How is that going to translate to someone wanting to hire me and, and the truth is, I think you know, now that I’m you know, in corporate America or working it’s I would see that resume on my desk, I’d probably choose mine over somebody who has worked in corporate jobs just because the mental fortitude and the
David Ralph [11:56]
you know, all these other benefits. I experiences I’ve had have translated to me being just as prepared, if not more than some of these other people, you know, in the workforce, you was speaking about mental challenges and mental obstacles when you decided to get off the tour. Obviously, that’s a big transition. How did you feel sort of building up to that decision, but what you’d work so hard for was coming to an end.
Tom O’Stasik [12:26]
Um, you know, I, I came to that conclusion on a couple of times. And, in fact, one of the times I think I shared that story in an email with you, because I thought it might be a fun story for your listeners, because I thought it was done and then I realised I wasn’t but each time I came to that conclusion, well, the first time I came to it was very challenging because I was struggling. I was struggling with my game. I was running out of money, and I wasn’t enjoying myself. And I didn’t want to give it up. But I did. The time when I actually gave it up. I kind of came to I was much more okay with it because yes, I wasn’t playing my best I wasn’t as close to my goals as I wanted running out of money yes. But feeling like I wanted to be making money and getting a job and providing for my then wife and my baby on the way so that was different and as soon as my daughter was born, there was no way I was going to go on the road for five weeks at a time and be away from her so I was you know, it was the right time to walk away. So I was at peace with it when that time came around. But if you want I would you like me to share the the other story I was referring to the first time I had to step away.
David Ralph [13:53]
Yeah, you You’re the guest you take control.
Tom O’Stasik [13:57]
Yeah. So I I met a girl I was living in Arizona, which is like the mecca of golf for young professionals trying to make it on the tour. And I met a girl in just finished up med school. And she moved to Arizona to be with me. And then I ended up moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma, what I thought was temporary for her to continue her residency. And I moved to Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea for my career, but being a golfer and travelling and playing I could do that just about anywhere. So I agreed to do it. This, she then became my my wife and I remember struggling and I knew I was not in a place that was going to help me get to my goals. But you know, it was just one of those spots where I wasn’t playing well then running out of money and frustrated and so I get Give it up and got a job. And I was, I got a job selling, advertise Yellow Pages. And it was the first like, real grown up job out of college. I was probably 25 or so at the top 26 at the time. And I, you know, at that point I went, Okay, I’m putting the clubs down, I’m gonna, you know, take this job, and I did it for several months. And it was I felt like it was slowly but surely stealing my soul.
David Ralph [15:37]
Because Because you had the freedom of location and now you’re combined.
Tom O’Stasik [15:44]
Well, not exactly. You know, part of it was I was used to every day waking up and going, how can I get better at what I love to do and doing what I wanted to do. And now I’m in an office building and I’m I left Phoenix, Arizona. Which is, you know, eight months out of the year perfect weather and now it’s snow, it’s cold, it’s, I’m having to go to this job and here’s the thing that just, it hurt my soul to hear I’d be in the office and they’d be like, Hey, here’s, have you met Tom. He used to be a golfer, or he’s a retired professional golfer. And I’d hear those words and I think I’m not done that’s that’s that’s not accurate like you know or he used to be good or he used to play and I hated hearing that you like rock you
David Ralph [16:37]
know elbow on you when he came back for that one last go just to prove himself one more time.
Tom O’Stasik [16:42]
Well, I you know, I i’ve, I guess I’ve grown up or I’ve my education in life is to the one of the best educations in my life was to listen to the way I feel and trust my instincts and hearing those, it will It was killing me. I hated it. I knew it wasn’t right in my heart. And I remember the day vividly. We just finished a morning sales meeting. And it was like the end of the week, it was Monday, and I’m and I finished it, I sat down, I thought to myself, how am I gonna make it until Friday, and I was having a panic attack. And I’m like, I gotta get out of here. And so I, I just left the building, I go outside to get a breather, and it’s freezing cold. And I’m like, I can’t even go outside here. So I go back inside. And I call my wife and I go, you know, I’m freaking out, like, I, you know, I’m having a panic attack. And she’s like, we’ll just get out of there. And I’m like, Well, where do I go? She’s like, go home. And I was like, but I don’t think this panic attack is going to stop coming back here. And so she, ironically, she was on vacation that week with a girlfriend in Phoenix, Arizona, and she said, just just getting into an 18 hour drive, and I went you know what I’m gonna go to Arizona. And I don’t think I, because at that as soon as she said that in my mind, I started rolling. I was going, how can I figure out how to go back to playing golf? And I had no idea. I had not a clue how I could do it because I didn’t have any money at that point. But I knew I was doing something that wasn’t right for me. So I walked into my managers office and I said, I need to take a leave of absence. And of course, they looked at me like Is everything okay? And I’m, I wasn’t really feeling okay. So I may have led them to believe something was wrong, but I said, I just I need a leave of absence. I’ll be back Monday. And so I got my car through my clubs in and drove 18 hours to Arizona. And I had been on that
David Ralph [18:49]
journey, Tom, as you were driving, did you feel like relief?
Tom O’Stasik [18:52]
Yeah. Absolute relief. I knew I was going to a place that felt good physically. It was nice weather. I had friends there, I thought, well, you know, I have to make some ends meet. And from time to time I had a little caddy job that I could go to and and make enough money to, you know, stay afloat. I was thinking myself, Well, maybe I could crash on so and so’s couch for a little bit, make some money. And I don’t know what I’m going to do. I literally had no idea what I was going to do. But I knew I wanted to go back to playing. So I get to Arizona to say, Hey, I’m back in town. One works at the course where I could make some money and said, Hey, you know, maybe Can I get a couple loops? He’s like, Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. In fact, what are you doing this weekend? I said, Well, nothing. He goes, Well, we’ve got this tournament for our members, which is a very high end club. And it’s a pro amateur tournament, and we need Pros for some of our guests. But it’s a real it’s a high end deal, because these are all extremely wealthy. People and you know, there’s also going to be PGA Tour players in the field that are guests of members. And we could use you and I was like, Well, I haven’t touched my golf clubs in three months, but Okay, yeah, sure. Sign me up.
David Ralph [20:16]
And as you might get those premiums would you be rusty in that time?
Tom O’Stasik [20:19]
Well, at that time it did. I, you know, playing, maybe I would take a week off, but three months was the longest I had gone without touching my golf club since then. So to me, it felt like an eternity and it probably was even longer than three months. So, you know, I was, I was not in playing condition. But I thought to myself, here’s an opportunity to play golf. So yeah, I’ll take it. So I think I hung out for a couple days, maybe practised, went to the range, and then went to this member pro event and got paired up with a guy from Canada. I didn’t know from anybody who was a really nice guy. We played a practice round on this course I know very well and I remember and this is a little insight into how my mind works we get paired up with another member and the pro and the Pro is a woman on the LPGA Tour who’s one and I don’t recall her name and Asian gal. I just remember after playing 18 holes with her she was just almost cocky like to talk about herself in it. And here you know, I’m a confident person I you know, play professional golf for a number of years and even though my you know, physically my game was not really very sharp. I was really rusty. It was wearing me out. Like have one having this girl beat me and to like her kind of not really stealing the attention but clearly these guys like wow, this girl is really good. And I’m thinking myself, if I if I was on my game, yeah, they wouldn’t be talking about her, you know? So I had this problem. Bit of pride. But I basically got my butt kicked that day, but it was just a practice round. So the next day we go out, and I play well, and have a great time with my member. We do this little shootout, we win, because I almost hold out a shot and and I couldn’t have predicted this, but he invites me over for dinner after the the tournament and we you know, we won and he’s excited. And here, I left my job a week ago with no idea how is how I could potentially get back to doing what I love to do. And this man sits me down and says, I want to I want to sponsor you. And before I knew it, I had the money in the bank to do it. And part of why I wanted to share this and I’ve shared this story with other people is, you know, sometimes it’s scary to walk away from what we think is a comfortable situation to do, what are what we really have passion for and we don’t know how We’re going to make it happen. But when we get when we go outside of our fears and our comfort zone and we, we decide it’s going to happen, we don’t have to know how it’s gonna happen. And so I then have another round of golf within the next couple weeks where I have another man say, hey, I want to sponsor you. And before you knew it, I had enough money in the bank to spend the next year travelling and playing golf again, when two weeks prior, I was having panic attacks in a small office in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and wondering if I need you know, if I needed medication, and really all I needed was to follow that instinct inside of me that told me I was not done playing golf yet.
David Ralph [23:39]
That is a perfect story. And it leads us up to our first motivational speech that we play. That really emphasises just what you’ve said. This is Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [23:48]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant and when I was 12 years old, He was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [24:15]
Now, but that is exactly you, isn’t it? You was in that crappy job. You didn’t know how it was gonna pan out, but you took the risk and you went for it. And I’m a great believer now for all the listeners out there that you will come to those times that you will be at that fork in the road and you either go the safe route or the risky route. I would always always always now go to risky route because I think you can work it out on the way you may not have all the answers but you can work out on the way and that’s exactly what you did, didn’t you you put yourself down that risky route. And then things fall in your place opportunities, luck, whatever, but you make the most of them when they come your way.
Tom O’Stasik [24:55]
Yeah, first off, I love that Jim Carrey speech that you know that I love That yes that is how I hope to live my life and to answer your question you know what’s interesting you say the risky route and on some levels yes the risky route, but on other levels I find it more risky to bottle that that feeling of inspiration that that gut feeling. So you know to say it was a risky route I risky would have been staying in that job getting on antidepressants to avoid You know, this, this feeling of anxiety because I’m doing what my you know, what I hate, so risky to me was staying where, you know, leaving and pursuing that didn’t feel Yes, it was risky in in one in one light, but to me, following my passion or following my instincts was was not risky at that particular juncture. But, you know, it’s all a matter of perspective in which way you look. Got it or what what your priorities are?
David Ralph [26:01]
Oh, cool. No, but if you was in that office and you weren’t feeling dodgy, you would just be the sort of okay, but bored. Do you think that you would have stuck it out? Did you think that you actually had to build that panic attack for you to actually take? I did.
Tom O’Stasik [26:16]
Yeah, you know, there’s, gosh, I don’t know that quote specifically, but something along the lines of, you know, you’ll continue to do what you do until the pain of doing it outweighs the, you know, the pain of not, you know, doing something else. And, you know, I needed it to boil over for me to be like, I can’t do this anymore to then walk out, you know, so in a way, I was thankful I got to that because if it was, if I was having some success with it, and it was okay, and I was getting by and making friends, I probably would have been more comfortable, but I was really uncomfortable. I felt so out of place on so many levels, that it was clearly I was not in the right place. So my life, I knew that
David Ralph [27:02]
I had a chat with a friend yesterday and he sent me an email and he said, it’s bad news me. They’re doing redundancies in my office. And I responded to him and said, well, how’s that bad news? You don’t like the job? You don’t like the people. You don’t like going to the place? How was that bad news? Surely that’s that’s good news. And even though he wasn’t happy, and he isn’t happy, where he is still clinging to that, that stability, that normality that is expected, but he’s grappling around to try to find his thing, and he knows it’s not what he’s doing. But it’s strange how, even if you are at that position, you will still consider it bad news, but somebody might take that position away from you. Oh,
Tom O’Stasik [27:45]
yeah, totally. I and that’s not uncommon. I mean, I know a lot of people like that. I talked to my own mom who hates her job and curses it but there’s she doesn’t leave and yeah, I think that’s more than norm. And it’s a shame because I you know, I I feel like I live by this belief that, you know, life begins on the edge of your comfort zone yet so many people want to stay within their comfort zone. What are we afraid of? You know, I think we were afraid of the worst, the worst, and we’re really happy. Well, very rarely happens, at least not to the extent that we believe it will. And you can deal
David Ralph [28:18]
with it, though, can’t you? That’s the key thing. Since since I made my entrepreneurial leap, I’ve had stuff hit me. But quite simply, the thought of it happening was a lot worse than the thing actually happening. When you actually have to deal with something you deal with it. You know, if your kid falls over and cuts their leg open, you deal with it. If you suddenly end up with no money, you look around and think Well, how do I get money? I get a job delivering takeaways in the evening or whatever you have to do to just resolve that issue. But it’s in your head, isn’t it before these things even occur? That is the GameStop that’s that routes people in the spot. What happens if this happens, what’s what’s going to happen and You deal with it, you deal with it listeners, that’s what I say.
Tom O’Stasik [29:03]
Yeah, well, and and really, this has been my experience, the most challenging experiences in my life I look back on them have been the greatest times of growth. So if we’re, you know, trying to stay in this comfort zone and be safe and avoid pain, and the worst thing that’s going to happen by having that experience is growth, and a better reality and a better life than what you had before. Then that that’s worth it. You know, it, oh, this is gonna be challenging. This can be difficult. It’s gonna suck, but it’s worth it. So, you know, I, I don’t know I maybe I’m, I have that philosophy because I’ve taken big risks in my life and they’ve worked out and, you know, I’m an optimistic person. So I look back and I’m like, Well, I’m in a better place now than I was before. So, it you know, I’ve got more awareness more, you know, experience more Understanding that that was, you know, maybe I don’t want to go through it again. But I’m glad I did. And unfortunately, I feel like a lot of people would benefit from, you know, taking that risk taking, taking that leap of faith.
David Ralph [30:15]
life begins, in my view, one step beyond scary. It’s not even that comfort zone, comfort zone is comfortable. I think it’s the scary zone. And once you get over that first hurdle, if you look at all the sort of mega entrepreneurial success stories, the obviously I’ve had failure after failure after failure, and all of those failures are hugely scary. I was reading about Richard Branson the other night, and they were listing all his failures. And half of them I don’t even remember him doing and it was like, Virgin cola. And I remember that one and it tasted horrible so that that kind of died the death, but virgin jeans, Virgin cars, Virgin clothing, Virgin wedding, all these companies that he created that have failed. And by but just not in our, in our minds anymore. We just think of the aeroplanes and the records and all the big successes, but he’s had failure after failure after failure. So he’s literally stepping into that scary zone all the time, isn’t he?
Tom O’Stasik [31:15]
Yeah. You know, another one that comes to mind to is Abraham Lincoln, if you’ve ever looked at his political history and history in business, it’s like failed business. And, you know, he ran for this office and this office and this office in this office and failed at all of them. And, I mean, it was a laundry list of failures. And yet we look at him as this great figure in America that, you know, he, you know, is, is we look at him as being extremely successful yet. You know, we I think success when success happens you it has a way of kind of overshadowing any failures leading up to it, but, you know, I think they’re necessary to ultimately get to success. It’s part of the growth and learning and Understanding?
David Ralph [32:01]
Well, let’s play the words of the man who created the whole theme of the show. And he had these huge ideas. At one point, he probably thought he was the biggest failure on Earth. But he’s left a legacy. And this is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [32:13]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path and that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [32:48]
Now, what path are you on? Are you on the well worn path? are you creating your own? How do you consider your life at the moment Tom
Tom O’Stasik [32:58]
at the moment I am definitely creating my path. I I’ve had an interesting journey. I spent about a year or so, pursuing some entrepreneurial things, some creative things. I’ve started a podcast. I’ve written a couple of books. I had a buddy of mine, we were trying to figure out some way to make money online and and in some way, well, in some ways, it was a failure because I ultimately got to a place of needing to step away from those pursuits and get a job. And my personal philosophy is I’m, you know, I’m at my best when I trust the process and I get out of my own way. I’m a bit of an over thinker at times and a little bit of a control freak. And I for a while in my entrepreneurial pursuits, I sat on it And I didn’t do anything and I, you know overthought it and over analysed it and decided this wouldn’t work because I’ve basically overthought it and I’ve, I personally, in my experience, I like to challenge my myself and challenge my limitations. And I then began,
Unknown Speaker [34:18]
Tom O’Stasik [34:20]
actively pursuing some of the things I was sitting on and not, I guess, pulling the trigger on and like I said, I
David Ralph [34:29]
was we just scared of pulling the trigger.
Unknown Speaker [34:32]
Tom O’Stasik [34:33]
that sounds like a harsh word. But I guess on some levels, it was fear as a fear of failure. It was a fear of wasting my time wasting my money. And I really wish I would have gotten started earlier. In fact, one thing I’ve come across in my education over that year was, if you’re going to fail, fail early, you know, don’t spend six months thinking about it before you plan it and then do it and then and then it fails, fail early. So you can either move on to the next thing or make changes. And I appreciated that philosophy because I spent six months thinking rather than doing and didn’t know if it would work or not because I was just in my head, well 100% of the things you don’t actually do, won’t, you know, they won’t work. So you actually have to do something for to have an opportunity to work. So I guess it was fear that was keeping me from moving forward and I had a friend come along who encouraged me to start a business with him and so that got the ball rolling and started tapping into my creative side of writing, which I loved.
David Ralph [35:45]
Is that UK thing been writing if you were tapping into your, your key passion, is that the thing now that you found?
Tom O’Stasik [35:54]
I love I really enjoyed writing but what I really, really love is connected with others, and you know, we talked about I’ve started a podcast, where I talk to people who do what they love for a living and basically are living out their passion or inspiration. And I, I love to be inspired and I love to live passion and I love to talk to people about it. I I love those cheesy TV shows where it’s like, oh, let’s see what Justin Timberlake was like when he was a kid and how he got to where he is now and, and I like watching those I get inspired by watching those no matter who it is really anyone who’s had success doing what they love. And so, I created a podcast where I interview people and, and, and Success to me doesn’t mean they’re worth millions of dollars. Success to me means they get up every day and they do what they love, and they feel inspired doing it. And so, what I’m really passionate about is connecting with others and and helping or Really when I’m helping people I feel most inspired these days which is much different than when I was playing golf like that was a that felt like a very selfish pursuit. I love to do it. But then ultimately I got to a place from like this doesn’t I you know, this isn’t this the same inspired feeling doing it and now at this point in my life I’m, you know, I’m in transition of figuring out what it is that inspires me and, and tapping into my creative side and connecting with people and whether it’s coaching people through a relationship, divorce, coaching people. In fact, I’ve started coaching a local high school girls golf team. I say, coach, I’m an assistant coach, so I do more of the technical or talk to them about the specifics of how to play the game, not necessarily to drive them from one place to another and coordinate their schedules. But I love helping people. I love the feeling of making someone else feel good. Whether it’s just hitting a ball or finding relief in you know anxiety, frustration depression or, or ultimately helping somebody achieve a goal that, you know, I may be helped. I don’t even necessarily need the credit I just want to be in the in the around it I want to feel, you know, someone else achieve something great and if I’ve helped them then that really that inspires me I love that.
David Ralph [38:28]
So you found your thing. It’s quite obvious I can hear it sort of light up your the words coming out of your mouth? How can I take that passion and then channelling into income? Ultimately, we all have to pay bills?
Tom O’Stasik [38:42]
That’s a great question. And that’s been part of what I’m on a journey to figure out. You know, I recently took a job back in telecommunications. I’ve got a really great job, but part of what I’ve started getting into is trusting the process. I don’t know how I’m ultimately going to get to a place of doing what I love every day, connecting with people helping people. And I’m going to I’m not going to try to figure out how it’s going to happen. I’m going to trust that ultimately I’m going to get there and and little things have come, you know, popped up that have encouraged me that I might be on the right path, you know, I had this job come up, where, you know, on some level doing sales, being an account manager, I’m helping customers and providing service and value for them. And on some level that’s maybe tapping into a, you know, a fraction of that feeling. But I’m getting you know, it’s another step like Jobs said, I can’t make the connections from this side of things, but I’m sure at some day I’m going to look back and go, Okay, well, that opened the door to this, which opened the door to that, which gave me the education for this and I’m just going to trust that that’s ultimate Going to get me to that place because that’s just kind of how I operate, how I, how I choose to live my life.
David Ralph [40:06]
Because the biggest learning curve that I’ve had doing these shows and we’re coming up to 400 episodes now is it’s it’s simply us we get in our own way. And I can see that with every single guest. And I can see that with myself. And I look back on certain things. And as you said, you sort of hold back on them because you think they’re not going to work or they’re not going to do this, and they’re not going to do that. But when you actually do it, you realise that more often than not, it was a great idea, and there was some kind of merit in it. It might not pan off big time on its own, but it gives you the experience, it allows you to start joining up your own dots and seeing how things but you couldn’t have perceived at the beginning can join up and become something quite valuable. Now I listen back to my episode 200 the other day, I like to double back and listen to some of the shows. And I was talking about the dreams and the aspirations that I had for the show at that stage. And now 200 episodes later, we’re in the planning stage for it. So it takes time, doesn’t it? But that time is gonna pass. And unless you allow it to sort of flow, then you’re just letting yourself down. You’ve got to get out of your own way. What do you think, Tom?
Tom O’Stasik [41:19]
Absolutely, absolutely. In fact, that was a big theme in golf. That was a big theme in my entrepreneurial endeavours. And it’s a big thing that I, you know, I help coach other people do in, you know, whether it’s a life coaching scenario or a golf coaching scenario, but absolutely get it getting out of your own way. And, you know, so many people. You know, a great little example of this is, listen, if you can be aware of how you talk to yourself, and would you talk to your child that way if your child was trying something new or Thinking about, you know, starting something new. Would you talk to them like, Oh, you idiot, you can’t do that. Oh, why would anyone listen to you? No, you wouldn’t, you know, like, people are, you know, brought to tears when when posed that question like, Oh my god, I wouldn’t talk to my child like that. But yet we talk to ourselves like that sometimes, instead of being that encouraging best friend type voice in our heads, which ultimately is so much healthier and will most likely lead to better feelings and outcomes if we did. So. Absolutely. I agree with that.
David Ralph [42:35]
What is your big.in life we listen to the theme of the show Steve Jobs words and he talks about looking back and joining up the dots. When you look back on it, what was the moment that really started pushing you on to taking action and getting out of your own way? Um,
Tom O’Stasik [42:55]
you know, I think we get off track and And when we’re when we’re in sync, we’re out of our own way. And then we spend a lot of time. For me, I spent a lot of time. You know, I’ve got these great moments, and then these moments of searching and wanting and feeling out of sync. And so, you know, it happened when I was on the golf course. And I was struggling and and needing a change, and then I made a change, or I was pursuing these moments in my entrepreneurial path. And then finally went, you know, what, in fact, I had ideas for books that in good, you know, and good natured friends or family would say, Don’t waste your time doing that. It’s gonna be a lot of work. And I went, yeah, yeah, you’re probably right. And then I didn’t do it. And then so, you know, I guess getting to a place of deciding. I you know, it’s almost like fresh stration gets me to a place of getting too out of my own way, almost this quiet moment to myself of like, man, I can’t. I don’t know of letting go, I get to a place of probably frustration, discouraged. And I’m like, whatever I’m doing isn’t really working. And so I’m going to quit trying so hard, I think is where I get to. And so it’s not one particular thing. I think I continue to have this in different facets of my life over the course of my life.
David Ralph [44:35]
And that is really a key message once again, to the listeners out there, that when you realise you’re working too hard on something, it’s wrong. There’s there’s an easy route to it. And I see this time and time again that the people that have really nailed it seemed like they’re having a great time because they’re doing the right things at the right time, but maximum value and if you’re pushing, pushing, pushing against Something, then push against something that’s gonna fall over easier and just try to find a different route. And I’ve seen that in my life. I’ve seen that in everyone’s life, but is the moment and what you said there was absolutely spot on when you let go. And you embrace that freedom of making that decision to let go more often than not backs when things aren’t going your way.
Tom O’Stasik [45:22]
Absolutely. And it’s, it’s difficult for me, I want to be in control. I want to know how this is going to work. I want to know, you know, I want to have a game plan. And the truth of the matter is, you know, we don’t really know there’s no way I could have predicted leaving that job. And I would have, you know, $40,000 in the bank Two weeks later, because I’m gonna walk out of this lousy job, No way. No way could I have predicted that. So, you know, I think we’re only limiting ourselves if we believe we need to have it figured out and when we let go of needing to know, and instead embrace that unknown, and that’s scary. And trust is when the things that show up that are way better than we could have even imagined.
David Ralph [46:07]
So just before we send you back in time on the Sermon on the mic, where Where’s your life leading? Now, obviously, you’ve alluded to the passions of helping and but if I could ask you for a definitive answer of what you’re working towards, what would it be?
Tom O’Stasik [46:23]
I am working towards just like I talked about talking to these folks on my podcast about doing what they love and are inspired and I’m continuing to move towards things I love to do. And whether it’s podcasts, whether it’s writing, I’m not sure how it’s going to show up yet but I’m going to continue to move towards what feels good. And what you know, I’m excited to get out of bed in the morning to do and I’m not sure what exactly that is going to be yet. But like I said, I just started a A new job, and if I’m enjoying it, and I don’t know what doors are going to open, moving forward, but ultimately, I hope. Well, yeah, at some point, I hope to own my own business, doing what I love, and I’m not entirely sure what exactly that is yet at this point.
David Ralph [47:24]
Well, I wish you all the best on that. And I think you you really hit the right answer there. It’s not having a goal. It’s how you feel. And just knowing that you want to get out of bed feeling inspired and passionate about the day. That’s gonna be success even before you start, isn’t it?
Unknown Speaker [47:39]
I believe so.
David Ralph [47:40]
Yes, definitely. Well, this is the part of the show when we are going to send you on another journey won’t take 18 hours with the golf clubs, but you aren’t going to go back in time to speak to your younger version. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Tom, what age would you choose and what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme tune and when it fades This is the Sermon on the mic
Unknown Speaker [48:11]
with the best bit of the show.
Tom O’Stasik [48:27]
Hello, young Tom, this is you, Tom at the age of 36. With all of the experiences that you’ve had, and I want you to know that growing up, you’re going to experience challenges fears, heartache, whether it’s relationship, or whether it’s
the way people make you feel
And the truth of the matter is, you’re going to live through it all. And it’s only temporary. You’re going to have you’re heartbroken a number of times. You really the as, as I stand here now I realise all of the naysayers, all of the people that said harsh, hurtful things mean absolutely nothing. And they were just tools for you to become the man that you’re going to be. And every adversity, every challenge, every time you’re unsure of yourself. It’s all part of your experience to learn to grow. And it’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s nothing to
Unknown Speaker [50:05]
Tom O’Stasik [50:07]
because you will always be loved. You’re surrounded by wonderful people. And
it, it always works out. It always works out.
David Ralph [50:20]
Tom, how can our audience connect with you, sir?
Tom O’Stasik [50:23]
I am on twitter at Tom Oh, stay sick. That’s t om o s t a s ik. I’m on Facebook. I’ve got a you can find my two books I’ve written on Amazon. I’m on Instagram, you know, the usual stuff. It’s if you search my name, you’ll you’ll probably find them all.
David Ralph [50:47]
We have over links on the show notes. Tom, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. Please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way To build up YouTube Tom a Stacey, thank you so much, David. Thank you. I had a blast. Appreciate it. Thanks for listening to today’s episode of Join Up Dots brought to you exclusively by podcasters mastery.com. The only resource that shows you how to create a show, build an income and still have time for the life that you love. Check out podcasters mastery.com. Now,
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.