Wendy Lipton-Dibner Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
Introducing Wendy Lipton Dibner
Wendy Lipton Dibner is my guest today on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.
She is a lady who has a myriad of careers since heading out into the big wide world back in 1980.
Ranging from Project Manager for a Research Company to Owner of a salon spa.
Through to her current position as author, speaker and owner of several self development companies that she runs concurrently.
In fact since leaving academia she has created over ten different companies, which has given her the kind of schooling in what works and what doesn’t, most people would take a lifetime to gain.
How The Dots Joined Up For Wendy
And what makes this knowledge even more remarkable is at its core it seems to me that this ladies focus is not on the MONEY – it is on making a measurable impact in people’s lives THROUGH business.
There is a distinct vibe of knowing that the only thing that can hold anyone back is themselves, and this passion has been sought after by companies individuals and audiences across the world, who listen to her speeches, by her books and enter her courses.
So was she always a people person, or has she developed those skills through the rough and tumble of business?
And does she see the entrepreneurial mood growing stronger in the world, as more and people like her tell it as it is “The safest way is by taking action.
Consistent action based on personal beliefs?”
Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dost with the one and only Wendy Lipton Dibner
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Wendy such as:
How no matter how successful she becomes, she never loses sight of the many stages of life she has been through, and will bring the 3 year old girl to work everyday.
Why she feels it is so important to connect with people personally to be able to find out directly how she can best serve.
The joy she feels knowing that she has the support and love of a remarkable man, pushing her forwards or simply supporting her actions everyday.
How To Connect With Wendy Lipton Dibner
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Full Transcription Of Wendy Lipton Dibner Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Do you have a business that can’t get going or would love to create your own one that works whilst you sleep and is built around the things you love? Well, podcasters mastery is the place to go to learn the six simple steps to create a business that flourishes connecting with thousands of customers that tell you what products they want. podcasters mastery is the online route to business success. Check us out now. When we’re young,
we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be but somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling and Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:48]
Yes, hello there, everybody and welcome to Join Up Dots. I’ve been recording for 16 hours, 16 hours and the energy is still going so it must mean But I do something that I should be doing in life. And I think that’s more often than not that the key and I’m going to delve into that with today’s guest because she seems to be somebody that’s got so much energy and she just seems to be driven to make a difference to so many people’s life, because she just loves it, and you can see that she loves it. So let me introduce you to her. She’s a lady who has had a myriad of careers since heading out into the big wide world back in 1980, ranging from Project Manager for a research company to owner code, but as she says, everything that people don’t want to do, and manager code for how to get people to do what you don’t want to do. In fact, seats leaving academia she’s created over 10 different companies, which has given her the kind of schooling in what works and what doesn’t most people would take a lifetime to gain. And what makes this knowledge even more remarkable is at its core, it seems to me that this lady isn’t actually too focused on business. She seemed to know that a business is simply a home for ideas, relationships, action, taking and building A home containing everything that the humans in it can dream and start building. Now there’s a distinct vibe of knowing that the only thing that can hold anyone back is themselves. And this passion has been sought after by companies, individuals and audiences across the world who listen to her speeches, buy her books, and just like her, so does she see her entreprenuer mood growing stronger in the world? And is it something that more and more people like her tell it as it is that the safest way is by taking action consistent action based on personal beliefs? Well, let’s find out as we bring them to the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Wendy Lipton-Dibner. How are you Wendy?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [2:39]
Oh, David, I just want to crawl up and live inside that introduction. I love your vision of what I’ve done. Thank you for that.
David Ralph [2:46]
That’s true, though, isn’t it I I kind of delved around and looked at view and virtually stalked and he did seem to me at your core, you’re a people person, you’re a people person that knows but it all comes down to interaction and action
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [2:59]
Absolutely always, and I’m so honoured to be with you today. I can’t tell you because obviously, that’s what you’re doing every single day for us around the globe. So thank you so much for having me.
David Ralph [3:10]
You’re absolutely welcome. One of the things that I want to sort of get into straight away, and it was a I’ve actually mentioned it on a couple of other shows, because I was very taken by, you do a lot of public speaking. And I was looking at your website, doing my research as I like to do. And the thing that I was very focused on is something that when I used to be a public speaker, I used to do, but I used to greet every single person at the door and say goodbye to every single person at the door. And people used to think on May now I saw you do that. And yet you do it to like thousands. There’s like a lot of people coming out the room. Is that an important part of building the connections? And is that something that you’ve always done? Or have you seen somebody do it for hours? That’s a good idea.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [3:54]
You know, it is something I’ve always done and I’ve actually never seen anyone do it. I’ve been as you say, I’ve been speaking For many, many, many years, and so over the course what I started to notice I began speaking at conferences, you know, big conventions. And I watched these speakers sort of stand at the front of the room or worse behind the curtain, as if they’re somehow holier than thou, and just appear and be a star and believe. And my challenge with that is I’ve always believed that we’re there to serve not to just get all the spotlight. And so I started from way back when hanging out in hallways and asking people what they want and what they need and going on the fly and making sure that I completely served them. And it ultimately escalated to my online events where I actually do I greet every single person I I am surrounded with enthusiasm and curiosity about what brings them there. We talk we chat, I don’t go away during the breaks. My team basically has to drag me out to run to the restroom because I love getting to know these people, it’s one of my favourite things.
David Ralph [5:03]
Because what you’re doing when you say serve, you are basically finding out people’s issues. And that’s to me the fundament of business. That’s what we need to do. We need to find out what people need solutions for and provide solutions. So do you, sort of colleagues, your speaker colleagues, do they not sort of say, Well, actually, that’s a pretty good idea. I like what she’s doing.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [5:27]
Yes, of course, so that one of the events I do is actually a speaker training. And so I go out of my way to explain this. But the point for me really is genuine curiosity about what it is that people need from me so that I can make sure by the time they leave, I’ve made a measurable impact in their life. And I’m a social researcher by training, as you know, and I’m an entrepreneur by choice. So, once a social researcher, always a social researcher, I’m asking questions, that’s what I’m there for, and that’s what the other speakers are missing. When they come in, they think that what I’m doing is just giving a nice little hug. And they seem to forget that curiosity piece that’s so important.
David Ralph [6:09]
Well, my curiosity was piqued their the fact that you are an entrepreneur by choice. So it was an app. It wasn’t forced on you. It was a decision that you took to actually start creating your own economy.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [6:20]
It was very much a personal decision, if anything, I was, quote, forced to go the traditional route. I mean, when I was born, I just wanted to be Barbra Streisand. You know, all I wanted to do was sing and entertain and do all this kind of stuff. And I’m in the middle of my first year of college, my family sort of came together and said, theatre is not a place to be to create a future, you need to have a traditional degree and go for a traditional job and, and so I went ahead and added a sociology degree, only to find out of course, the only thing you can do with a BA in sociology is get an MA in sociology. But that that moment in time is what set a course that has been extraordinary. I’m so grateful every single day that they forced me into tradition so that I could break the mould.
David Ralph [7:14]
So you now did you stand in the shower singing memories every morning, do you? Do you still go for the Barbra Streisand boot?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [7:22]
Oh, of course, except my song is don’t rain on my parade, because that is the song that I heard as a child and funny girl that launched my belief that anything we want to do in life we can do if we put ourselves out there. Now I agree
David Ralph [7:38]
with that. And you obviously agree with that and literally every single person I speak to agree with that. But the listeners out there, they need to they need to have something in front of them so that they can start to believe it’s very difficult to take that very first step isn’t it?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [7:55]
You know, I think what makes it hard is because we’re told we shouldn’t and because We’re told we can’t win because we’re told a million things about ourselves that we come to believe because of course, the grown ups are always right about everything. So, so one of the most important things I think we can learn about ourselves is that you know what the grown ups aren’t always right. And who knows what’s best for us, is us with, of course, guidance and some proven strategy to get us there. But at the end of the day, if you’re not waking up in the morning, jumping out of bed and saying, Oh, my gosh, I just can’t wait to make my impact in the world, then typically, it’s because either you’ve been taught that you shouldn’t or you haven’t got the resources, and so you’re too frightened to try.
David Ralph [8:41]
Did you have kids, Wendy,
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [8:44]
you know, I didn’t have children of my own, although I’m very much a fuzzy child person. So I’m a big dog person. And I think that’s part of why I’m so deeply driven to get to know the people who come to my live events and In the companies where I work, because these people as as sappy as this sounds, these are my kids, you know, I’m the one who’s helping them launch in a very, very big way, at the very core, you know, their most uniqueness, their their greatest impact in the world. And I take that very personally.
David Ralph [9:19]
So you will thousands of kids that you’ve gone from all these conferences around the world? Well, what’s the kind of fundamental advice that you give them? Because obviously, this sort of your blood kids, the ones that you actually have yourself, you you grow up with them, and they’re there all the time. So you see their quirks, you see their talents, you see their fears, aspirations, whatever. But when you’re meeting these people and spending a very small period of time, but still having that nurturing feeling, how do you set them off on the right path very quickly.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [9:51]
So the very first thing that everyone seems to be surprised by needs to know is that each and every one of us is born. Born to make a unique impact in the world, David, I truly do believe that. And so I believe that life’s greatest journey is discovering what is your unique impact so that you can bring it out. And obviously, through my research and my science background, I’ve found the pieces to make that happen. And so the advice that I give them is to trust the data, trust the research, trust, what has been proven, so that you can follow those dots, if you will, and make your unique impact in the world in a way that’s customised for you. And not in a way that makes you fit your uniqueness into some kind of square hole that isn’t you.
David Ralph [10:40]
So So where are they getting their data from? Just sort of gut intuition.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [10:45]
No, actually, I’ve spent 35 years conducting research in corporate healthcare, nonprofit and entrepreneurial organisations. I’ve worked with thousands of businesses and obviously hundreds of thousands of entrepreneurs around the world and I watch where they start into Turns out, there’s sociological right? their culture, their biology, their neuro psychology, their social psychology, the clinical psychological forces. I’ve had many degrees in my life for a lot of education. What are all of the scientific pieces that we know are out there? And how do we use them to determine what is the unique gift, if you will, the unique impact that we bring to the world? And then how do we put it out in a way that’s measurable and profitable so that we can make the difference we were born to bring. This is the research I’ve been doing for 30 years. And obviously, I’ve seen a lot of changes over these three decades. And so always having to tweak to the new global economy, retest, reevaluate, and put it back out, usually with my clients to see what’s working and what’s not working it. I never have given up on the research that I learned to do, you know, 35 years ago.
David Ralph [11:56]
So the the concept that comes out in Join Up Dots time Time again, is the kind of super talent the thing that people should be doing in their life, the thing that they were put on this earth to do is more often than not the thing that they forgotten that they loved doing when they were small children when they were like the five or seven year olds running around, just doing these kind of things. And just interestingly, the lady that I interviewed just before yourself, she was somebody who loves sketching and drawing when she was small, totally forgot all about it, and then started travelling the world and just to pass the time, started sketching, and then realised she had a talent and a passion. And now she’s making a nice living on and it’s all come full circle. So with this go contrary against your data that it’s kind of in us, we just have to delve back and reflect.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [12:45]
Oh, not at all content. My data shows, however, that there are in fact seven factors of uniqueness and that’s only been one of them. So would it be helpful to run through them really, really quickly,
David Ralph [12:56]
you go for it.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [12:57]
Okay. So the first factor is DNA. So deep Inside each of us, right we have this DNA that is a unique combination of all of the gifts that were passed on to you via your maternal and paternal ancestor. So as you look at what your family has done in the past, everything from their occupation to how they decorated their home, there are clues there for you. And the secret is to look for patterns. The second factor is what I call brain wiring, right your neuro psychology. And we know from many years that there are psychologists have identified different types of what they call personalities. The bottom line for you though, is your unique brain dictates how you respond to the world. And when you use your brain on purpose. Now you begin to discover the uniqueness that you bring to everything you do. The third factor is what you’re bringing up likes and dislikes. Most of us never take the time to notice what we like and dislike in the world. But by noticing that, we begin to discover what our brain and our upbringing leads us to and that’s very much a part two Our uniqueness. The fourth factor, I’m going really fast here. So stop me if you’d like, is what I call the instinctive response. So one of the most powerful reflections of uniqueness is what we do naturally without trying, when somebody comes to us for help. And if you look at what you do naturally, that’s another clue to your uniqueness. The fifth factor is social influence, right? What are the things that we got talked into and out of as we were growing up? And how can we now use that today, so that we can make our greater impact uniquely. And then the sixth and seventh factors are education and skills and life and work experiences, the things that we’ve learned, and most importantly, the unique perspective that we’ve given to those things that we can now pull all seven factors together to discover what is the unique thing we bring to the world.
David Ralph [14:52]
Wow. And you did that without hardly taking a breath. You you. You’ve done that, but boy, I can tell. I confess Yeah. No, no, that’s fascinating to me, because I buy into that a lot. But I also know a lot of the listeners out there will say, No, I don’t agree with that I, I’m suppressed because of my social situation. I’m suppressed because of x y Zed. Is it mentally? That is it that switch that they’ve got to change mentally about? Get some on your side, but the data starts to make sense to them and they can move forward.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [15:28]
Yes, so absolutely. So one of the things that are critical to our success and our ability to make our impact is to recognise what I call the permission barriers. What are the guiding rules that we have chosen in our lifetime in response to stressful situations? And how are how did we use those rules back then, to get through that horrible time? And are those rules Now keeping us from getting where we want to be my second best selling book was shouting your speed limits and identified all of these rules that I had seen in my practice? And the research that I had done in others practices and basically put this book out in the world to save people money in psychotherapy, but at the end of the day, we all, you know, get get put in positions that are difficult as we’re growing up, and we take those lessons with us into our adulthood. And what worked back then just doesn’t work anymore. And we just need to find it, shatter those speed limits and move forward.
David Ralph [16:24]
So let’s tie you back in time. So at a moment, you’re rocking and rolling. But like all of us, there’s a time when we’re trying to find ourselves. What was your upbringing, like, give us an example of what the little Wendy would have been like maybe at the age of 10 years old.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [16:39]
Yeah, so it turned I was the only child of a single mom. I was deeply, deeply close to her watched everything she did. I only wanted to be with her. But of course, she had to work. And so I spent a lot of time alone. And during that alone time, of course, I made my own little decisions about what was wrong with me that I didn’t fit in. I was constantly trying to be like the other kids and fit in with the other kids, which was really, really hard. Because I was a year ahead in school. And so I was younger than everyone else. And my mom wouldn’t let me do the things that they were doing. In fact, I was just chatting with somebody about this yesterday, David about when we were all children. I grew up in New York City. And the best saying was, you know, Wendy, just because the other kids are doing it doesn’t mean you should do it. I mean, you know, they jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you and what I learned from all of that was really important. I’m one of the things was that I didn’t want to jump off the broken bridge. I didn’t want to do what the other kids were doing. But I tried to fit in. It took me a long time, and quite frankly, about $30,000 in psychotherapy, before I ever learned that the true value that we bring to life is is is our uniqueness, our authenticity, which took a long time to learn that.
David Ralph [17:56]
So is peer pressure. One of the things because I’ve never had about peer pressure. I’ve always looking back over my path, I’ve always done my own thing, I kind of create my own path. And if something’s really popular, I will naturally go against it. is peer pressure, still a huge problem with people trying to pull away and doing their own thing?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [18:18]
You know, it is. And in fact, I think that because of what I call the social shift, it’s harder than ever. children growing up today have way more exposure to what is happening than we had as children, obviously, because of all of the availability of social. And so there’s more and more and more pressure than even we were raised to see in terms of fitting in and playing with the crowds. And while there is plenty of discussion about being your own person and being real, at the end of the day, cultures are designed to keep the village doing what the village has always done to maintain status quo. It’s very, very difficult, especially on kids today, to stand out and be themselves, at the same time to not be ostracised, and bullied and all that goes on in the schools today. It’s a tough time for kids. So how authentic are you now
David Ralph [19:09]
on a scale of one to 1010? being absolutely now debt, I’ve been working progress and one being you got a lot of work to do. What would you say?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [19:20]
I give myself a 12. And I’ll tell you why. Because the one thing that I have worked harder on than anything else, is making sure that I give all of me wherever I am. And so one of the things that I learned, for example, is that I feel best about me, when my hair is done, I’m wearing makeup. And so I start right out when I’m talking, talking about, here’s what I do to feel good about me. This is how I like to look, this is how I like to feel this is who I am. And one of the things that keeps coming back to me over and over again, is the extraordinary lesson that I learned every day, between when I’m just doing who I am and being vulnerable and standing there and telling people what I think and feel what I want what I don’t want, saying no, which is the biggest thing we can ever learn to do. Yeah, this has been, I started this about 20 years ago, when I finally said, Okay, you know what, I have one life. And I have one chance, and this is it, and I’m going to bring what I’ve got, and hopefully, this will be what the world needs. And from that moment on, I just never looked back. Can you
David Ralph [20:29]
be a 12? Oh, Wendy, as he was talking, I was thinking about it, I would say is a 12. being totally authentic, always a 12 being really authentic, but then playing to what people expect you to be because we see that time and time again, where somebody creates an identity for themselves. And they have because it becomes very popular and well known. They almost play up to it until, you know as opposed to the Elvis scenario where apparently he used to walk into supermarkets with the big sequins shirt on because He wanted people to know he was Elvis. He couldn’t just sort of like dip down. So can you be a 12? and still be authentic? Or are you playing to the crowd somehow?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [21:09]
You know, I guess, and I, and I am but the answer is, it isn’t really, for me. It isn’t about can you? It’s about Will you? So this is a willingness thing. It’s about how much of your belly Are you willing to show in the world? How much? Are you willing to come forth and say, Yes, I’ve been bad property. Yes. It was a horrible time in my life. Yes, watching my mother die was the worst moment and a horrible thing in my life. And will you cry on stages? And will you laugh on stages? And will you cuddle up to your husband in front of a room of 20,000 people, you know, what, what are you looking to hide? And is it helping you? Because if you’re hiding, then, quite frankly, you’re the one who’s missing out on finding the people who are out there who really need your impact. So yeah, of course it’s possible. I do it every day. That question becomes, what’s the most important thing, and to me, the most important thing is my impact. And I’ve learned the hard way, David, that I can’t make the impact that I want to make. If I hide myself from people, it just doesn’t work.
David Ralph [22:15]
Why that’s interesting. This has taken me into a different train of thought when I was expecting on this show. So do you have some times I imagine you do, where you give too much of yourself away? And you kind of think Well, what I got left, because I know it’s a problem. Doing day in day in day shows like I do off, then I talk about myself. And after a while, you start to think, oh, okay, I’m repeating myself. So I go deeper. And then I go deeper. And in the end, you kind of think, well, is it right to be sharing everything? So are there times when you sort of get home into or you’re in your hotel room after a conference and you think, Oh, I probably went a little bit too far then or is it? Is that the power just get it all out there?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [22:58]
Yeah, so course. And at those moments when I wonder if I went too far, I will usually go back and find the people to make sure they’re okay. To me going too far, is going ahead and giving people ideas that they weren’t ready to hear yet. And so for me, the issue is to make sure that whenever I’m talking with someone and serving, I just got back from a week mentoring that I do five times a year, I go out and I mentor a bunch of entrepreneurs. And one of the things is because we have limited time together, I start right away and I say, Look, I’m really a nice person, but you’re not going to get to know that in the next 10 minutes. Because I only have 10 minutes with you and I have to rock your world. And so I need your permission to be a bitch. I need your permission to just come right out to give you everything I’ve got not soft so but and if you’re uncomfortable and if you need hand holding afterwards, I would introduce you to my husband is a triple board certified analyst. He will help you through it. I’m sure to grow your business and we laugh together and Go for it. But every once in a while I see them turn a little green around the gills. And I know I went too far they weren’t quite ready. The only thing I can tell myself is I gave myself permission. They gave me permission now I got to go find them and make sure they’re okay.
David Ralph [24:15]
So So this is your husband? How?
Unknown Speaker [24:17]
Yeah, yes. Good for you. Yes, absolutely.
David Ralph [24:20]
Right. So how is it? Does he ever sort of sit at the back of the auditorium thinking? Oh, Wendy, Wendy, your own one again? Or is he totally supportive? How does he sort of deal with you really putting it out there?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [24:34]
Oh, he, you know, he thrives on it. I wasn’t I didn’t get married till I was 44. I was very careful about who I selected. And I found absolutely the man for me, but how and I had known each other since 1985. And what I loved most about him was he was the first person I had ever met, that actively tried to bring out more of me rather than suppress me. So I I’m one of them. Lucky Wednesday that I found a mate, that fully helps me be more of who I am. And so that I end up being more me when I’m withheld and when I’m not.
David Ralph [25:11]
And that’s that is a gift, isn’t it? Because most people want their loved ones will try to protect them and hold them back somehow.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [25:18]
Yeah, based on false knowledge and false research about all the shoulds in the world, that’s what happens. It’s based on their own fear and their own views about what life wants from us. And I’m very fortunate in that I’ve chosen and was accepted by a man who has spent 40 plus years studying, you know, what do people really need in life and he’s helped thousands and thousands of people and, and I watch him every day and I marvel at his brilliance and his curiosity. He’s, he’s really quite extraordinary. And in the process of working side by side with him, we share many clients and in that process, I’ve watched him take entrepreneurs who are I’ve given all of these amazing ideas to and unique strategies and things that they can do and yada yada. And yet I know they’re not going to do them. And so, you know, in the US we have a term, you know, you stick your dog on someone, so I stick my husband on them, I I send my husband to them and I say, All right, we’re going to let how traipse through your mind for a while show that he can identify and help you break through your speed limits so that I can have my way with you and get you out in the world. And it’s just a fabulous combination.
David Ralph [26:29]
And do you tickle these Tommy when he comes back to you?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [26:33]
I throw myself into his arms and I hold him when he needs me. And we’re you know, we’re really, we’re two little kids in the world is how we see ourselves. And we just can’t get over that we get to play with all these amazing people.
David Ralph [26:48]
Ah, top stuff, as is the words I’m gonna play now, which takes us seamlessly to the second part of our conversation. These are words that were said probably two or three years ago now and I believe into them on a daily basis, and I get as much from them every day as I did last week and the year before. This is Jim Carrey,
Jim Carrey [27:06]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [27:33]
So how did those words make you feel personally when you listen to those,
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [27:38]
I wish you could see the smile on my face. I love that speech. I love those words. And I truly believe I’m having done it myself and obviously helped so many other people do it, that the very first step is making a decision to make your impact. It has to start there.
David Ralph [27:57]
But you always have that problem that people We’ll come back to time and time again. But yes, by get that feeling inside them that they want to do more. There’s got to be more to life than this what I’m getting. But But what do I do? I don’t know, this is all I’ve ever known. And I now get to the point that I don’t like it. So is it the is it becoming more aware? Is that a good thing? Looking around and seeing what other people are doing? Is it just to do something different? How will people make that first move to what Jim Carrey was saying, just taking a chance on doing what you love when they don’t know what they love?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [28:32]
Of course, so so I have a lot of answers for that question. I’m just searching right now to decide which one so the answer number one answer is most people don’t know what to do that they would love. They mostly are aware that they don’t like what they’re doing now. And so the first piece if that’s where you are, if you’re right in that bridge of knowing, I know I’m not happy here. I know the grass is greener, but I don’t know what the grass is or where to find it. Then the very first step that I would invite you to do is just ask yourself, if you were going to leave this planet having made a difference, what difference would you want to make? And so by doing that, first what you’re doing is you’re taking yourself away from what would I do? An ultimately ask yourself, what is the ultimate impact I want to make? Then you reverse engineer that you look at what is the lifestyle you want to be living now? Do you want to be travelling to do not want to be travelling? Do you want to work on a team? Do you want to work alone? What is the life that you want? How much time do you want with your family with your kids? What do you like to do? Do you like to write Do you like to speak to you like to be with people? Do you like to be on the internet? When you figure out your unique lifestyle design, then you can build your impact driven business to create the impact you were born to bring the world within the confines of your unique choices when you Understand your unique gift when you begin to really recognise the fact that you really were put on this planet to make a unique impact. Now, it’s just a question of how do you do it? How to is available. The issue first though, is you must define your unique impact your unique chosen lifestyle, your unique gift and the people that will be fun for you to serve. The rest of it is, quite frankly, a matter of just following a proven strategy and making it happen.
David Ralph [30:30]
Now you’re doing a great deal of goodwill professional impact, which has been going for many, many years pick up about 35 years or something. You know, how hard was it to get it going then because every one thing you’re saying is absolutely true. And I buy into it totally. But I also know that there’s an awful lot of hard work, but you have to put into it at the beginning to get to the point that you are now that it’s operating in such a successful manner. Do you remember the early days of getting it off the ground?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [31:00]
My gosh, of course, in fact, the early days are every day because I’m constantly reinventing. And I always laugh when people say, you know, it was hard work in the beginning. And now it’s easy. Oh, my gosh, it’s old way is always going to be challenging. You know, one of one of the things that I tell people all the time, David, I know you’re going to connect to this. I really believe that if, if I’m not scared, at some point during the day, I’m not challenging myself enough. My business isn’t growing, because I’m not scared enough. I’m too comfortable. So yeah, of course, I remember the early days, the hardest part. And don’t forget, I’ve built 10 businesses. And so I keep doing this two mice. Let’s be realistic. I mean, I just put a new book out into the world, right? new challenges, new focuses, all new way of doing it completely designed to figure out what is the best strategy for the underdogs who don’t have the money or the platform to become a best selling author and to find a way to do that through this book. Everything I’ve done every single time is always starting from scratch. I love the challenge. So it’s always been about Can I look at fear in a way that tells me I’m about to do something amazing. And let myself be scared and do it anyway. That’s how I got through it all
David Ralph [32:16]
a wonderful connection. You all now to that 10 year old girl that 10 year old girl is spending a lot of time on her own trying to sort of join in with the the locals and all that kind of stuff. Can Can you see similarities that you’ve got now? The fact that you’re so driven? Does it come from there?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [32:34]
Oh, it’s not just about similarities. I bring her with me. And so that there there are different Wendy’s right growing up as we all have that different different times in my life when I was in a different place, saw myself differently, behave differently, new different things. I need all of me to be able to do what I do. You know, when I’m when you started earlier by talking about speaking when I’m in a stage three year old Wendy is right there as much as 58 year old Wendy and everything in between because I’ve learned different things and, and at the time right before I learned them, people need to see that person. You know that that little part of me that’s terrified or that little part of me that is so excited and doesn’t know any better and goes out and does things that as an adult I might never have let myself do and then as an adult learning that heck if I did it when I was 30 Why can’t I do it at 30? So yes, oh my gosh, yes, I bring I brought my husband called your little Wendy I bring little Wendy with me everywhere I go. She I’m sitting here with you right now. And I know I sound a little schizo phrenic. But the truth is, there’s a lot of Wendy’s.
David Ralph [33:45]
It is interesting, though, isn’t it? Because I think most people out there would close certain doors behind them and show it as a sign of weakness by saying, I’m bringing that younger version with me and I’ve worked with loads And loads of people that are kind of, I don’t know, just tied off somewhere from their emotions, but you’re just quite happy to bring all facets of your character towards work every every single day.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [34:12]
More than quite happy, my friend I am I’m counting on my willingness to bring all of me otherwise I can’t do what I do. And I certainly don’t have a right to ask others to bring it if I don’t.
David Ralph [34:28]
Why I agree with this, but do you not find that some people want you to be the closed off? Finished article person? Did you find that people don’t want to see the 15 year old Wendy in the 10 year old Wendy, they just want this house?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [34:43]
Absolutely. Oh my gosh, so uncomfortable around my villain, vulnerability and nakedness. because by definition, I’m spotlighting that they’re not doing that, and it puts them in a position where they start questioning themselves. And that’s not the most comfortable thing to be You know, where you’re starting to wonder if who you are and what you’re putting out into the world is is okay is enough. More often than not, David, though the people who come into my world are already so filled with all of those rules about what they’re supposed to be and not be that when they finally see that someone is out there, who, you know, isn’t perfect to who is who has worked just as hard as they have, who has fallen down and had just as many if not more horrible experiences in life and somehow managed to get through. I think it’s reassuring. You know, I think people tell me that, seeing what I’ve done, and more importantly, my vulnerability about it gives them permission to say, you know what, maybe I’m not so awful after all. Maybe what I’ve been through was horrible, but I’m not alone in the world. And maybe what I really need to be doing is putting myself out there. Finding the other difference makers that are a good fit for me so we can support each other
David Ralph [36:05]
is about experiencing life, isn’t it not just surviving it?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [36:10]
Oh my gosh, yes. And and loving it and thriving on it and learning from it and sharing it so that we can help others. I think the easiest way to get through a horrible experience is to figure out what lesson you learned and teach it to someone else.
David Ralph [36:24]
Well, let’s play some words. Now that really emphasise once again, you’re a professional, it’s not professional segues into these things. But this is Rocky,
Unknown Speaker [36:33]
you, me or nobody? You’re gonna hit as hard as life. But ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take it keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.
David Ralph [36:50]
Now with your life, Wendy, obviously, you’ve created businesses, not all of them have flourished. So you probably had some rough times in your life. Are you surprised? How much like Rocky says you can take and keep moving forward? Because you obviously are somebody that can keep moving forward due to the fact that you’re still here now and you’re still loving every day?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [37:12]
Absolutely, you know, I’ve had many will tell you just two weeks ago, um, I, you know, I don’t know if you’re on this national in the US national tour, where I’m going around and spotlighting difference makers all over the country to celebrate their impact and obviously, to spread the word about the new book. And please let us not end this because I have a little surprise I’d like to give you But to answer your question first. I’m sure I’ve been spotlighting all of these difference makers had this massive, massive 15 state tour. And in the middle of it, one of the partners that was going to be holding events on my behalf to suddenly woke up and said, they don’t want to do it after everything had already been planned. rooms filled tickets. I mean, you can’t even believe what was going on and all of a sudden Through a miscommunication with between their team members, they just suddenly cancelled all these cities. And it was it was a game stopper because not only were there going to be people disappointed, there was a lot of time and expense and everything else but India. And in that moment, he looked at me and they said, so are we going home? And I, I remember at that moment, I felt like I was I don’t remember exactly how old I was. But I remembered this moment in my life when I had wanted to do something. And there were a bunch of girls who were bullying me in college, and they had stopped me dead in my tracks so that I couldn’t do it. And it felt like it was happening all over again. Only this time, I had more control than I did back then. And I just I suddenly looked up and I pictured my little Bijon priests who is a dog. You know what I am so not going to tuck my tail between my legs. We are doing this and in that moment, I got a clarity of Thinking because there was no way I was going to let anybody stop me. And when we have that moment where we say, No, I won’t take what life is throwing at me, I’m going to do what I want to do. What happens is the fear drops, clarity comes, I started to see all options that had not been available to me. The end result was the tour has been twice as good book has been on bestsellers for four weeks, we’re changing lives around the globe, and it would not have happened if I had just talked my tail into my legs and taking my toys and gone home. So yeah, David, it happens still it happens today. Every single day. There’s something where we have a moment where we get to say, am I going to do this or not? So let me tell you about your surprise. Okay.
David Ralph [39:42]
Yeah, go for it. I love a surprise.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [39:45]
Okay, so the focus on that celebration tour is about spotlighting difference makers who make a measurable impact in their communities. And I’ve been doing this live but I’ve also been doing it virtually, and talking about who are the people out there who are making A huge difference in the world. So David, what I would like to do, formally, is present you with an award that my company has created, where we research and we look at who are the people out there who are making a measurable difference in people’s lives. And your Join Up Dots podcast came into my view, thanks to Laura Stewart. And I started to really look into what you’re doing. And so on behalf of every single person you are touching with this podcast, helping them just find and live their dream lives. I just really want to thank you on behalf of them. I also want to thank you on behalf of myself, because my goal is to make sure that people are out there making an impact and you’re already doing it. So I want to present you formally with the focus on impact Certificate of Achievement Award. I’m actually putting it into your skype right now. Please accept it with my thanks and know that this is not given lightly. I’m truly grateful for what you’re doing in the world.
David Ralph [41:00]
That is absolutely lovely. I’m really, really touched. I think the last time I want a certificate maybe was a swimming badge when I was about eight. So, so thank you so much that is gonna go right up to the top of all my visions in front of me. And every day I’ll be thinking of Yeah, I’ve got to keep going now, it really means a lot. Thanks. Thanks so much, Wendy for that.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [41:22]
Thank you, David. Thank you.
David Ralph [41:24]
So what I want to do now is obviously we’ve touched on so much on your life, but there’s a key. There’s a key speech that really brings out the big story. And it’s the big story that links to your big.in life that the moment the situation that takes you forward to where you really start to go, yeah, this is me. I think this is what I should be doing. And away we go. So I want to listen to the words of Steve Jobs first and then straight afterwards. We’re going to ask you that question. What is your big dot? This is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [41:55]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [42:31]
So I suppose Do you buy into those words? First of all, Wendy? Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker [42:36]
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [42:39]
I do believe that we have to have a certain amount of trust that the dots will connect. But the only thing that I disagree with, I think that were he alive today he would agree with what I’m about to say is that we do have power to create a beginning so that the dots take us where we want them to go. We just have to have the flexibility to know that when we throws stuff at us that we can respond effectively and perhaps shift direction because that’s what needs to happen at the time.
David Ralph [43:09]
So what would your big.be if you look back over your entire life? Maybe it’s a recent one? Oh, it’s a long time ago.
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [43:17]
Yeah, no, there isn’t any doubt the Big Dot happened for me sitting at the United States Senate. Quickly, I was recruited out of graduate school to direct a research project to study a hospital that was treating alcoholism back in the 80s. And this was something that had never been done. And so while I was doing this extensive study, that turned out that the United States Senate was also doing a study to determine if in fact, alcoholism was a disease, and if it was, should it be covered by something new that the United States was just really starting to talk about known as healthcare insurance, and so they brought me in along with our team to report the results of it. study to them so they could use it as data in making their decision. And as soon as the hospital that we were studying heard about that I was surrounded by attorneys, David and the attorneys wanted to watch everything I was doing to make sure that when I reported the data to the Senate, that the hospital would look in its best light possible. Obviously, that was their job. And when we arrived at the Senate, they handed me My, my, you know, the hospital and their attorneys handed me a report to read to the Senate with that was not the report I had written. And I sat there and looked at the report very quickly, and I was surrounded by all of these men in this chamber, and I was scared enough. I was a young girl at the time. And then I saw that this wasn’t exactly right. And it’s been said, you know, if you torture the data enough, I’ll confess to anything. It wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t right. And in that moment, my decision was do I read the report they gave me and I had it full blown panic attack, I got very sick, I ran out of the room. And somewhere in that moment I had a decision to make. And my decision was I will not compromise my ethics. And so I walked back into the room, I held up the report to read it. But I spoke about the data who knew it better than me. And so I told the senators what we had learned in the study, at the moment that I did it, my boss put his hand on my leg today, we would call that sexual harassment. At the time, I just knew I had been fired. And I was good with that. I shared the information with the Senate, the Senate did use that information. Since then, millions of people have been helped with alcoholism because of our research. I’m very grateful for that moment. But what it taught me David, that was the dot that changed everything for me was two things. Number one, that as long as we stick with our ethics, we can’t go wrong. And number two, that one person really cares Impact millions of lives. That’s all it takes is a decision to do it, and the right tools to make it happen. And that’s what I knew that day. So I quit my job before they could fire me, I opened a social laboratory to prove that businesses could make money as a result of making an impact in people’s lives and being ethical along the way. And I never looked back. That’s where it all began, though that one day,
David Ralph [46:24]
that’s a powerful story. And it takes us full circle right to the very beginning about you standing in that corner door saying how can I serve people? It’s the same thing, isn’t it?
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [46:35]
totally the same thing I that one moment that one.in time has affected everything I’ve ever done in my life. And I’m just so grateful to have had that opportunity. I can’t even tell you.
David Ralph [46:48]
Well, this is the end of the show. Now we’ve covered so much in this show. But this is a bit that we’ve been building up to it and it’s the bit when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to young Wendy Why eg choose and what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m going to play the theme tune and when it fades you up, this is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [47:15]
We go with the first bit of the show,
Unknown Speaker [47:22]
Unknown Speaker [47:24]
Wendy Lipton-Dibner [47:33]
Wendy, you are only three. You’re standing in a hallway everybody is calling you at once. You don’t know which way to turn you don’t know which grown up to listen to and here’s what I need you to know. So that you’ll know that any decision you make now is okay. All of them want you but not all of them are right for you. You need to know that when somebody asks you to do something you have the right to say no, you need to know that every single choice in life is an option. And the question becomes, which option is going to help you be most you need to know that just because in the real world, there are people telling you that you should grow up and have a job and be there from nine to five, doesn’t mean that’s right for you. You were born to be an entrepreneur, Wendy, you need to know that just because you spend every single day bored, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means that you’re not doing what you were born to do in this world. You were born to make an impact. You were born to make a unique impact, and you’re going to make it and the first step is to say no to the things that you don’t want to do, to really begin to let yourself stand up for what you believe for what you think. is right for what you were about to put on the world today. Don’t try to fit in. Don’t worry about if the kids make fun of you don’t worry about whether you’re doing everything the grown ups say you should, because here’s the reality. If you listen to what everybody else is doing, then you won’t innovate. And our planet depends on you doing that. And I know you’re too little to understand the word innovate. So let me give you the real truth here. When you wake up each morning, you have a chance to help somebody in the world. And you just go out there and you be yourself. Because we’re all born to make that unique impact one day and you were born to be who you are, to help other people to teach them what you’ve learned along the way to really capitalise on who you are, and to get out and make it happen. And the most important thing, I want you to know that I didn’t Know when I was your age that I learned the real hard way is that someday, when you’re a lot older, your mom is not going to be able to live anymore. And when she goes, you’re going to learn a big lesson that I want you to know now. And that lesson is that life is far too short to settle for less than you truly want in your business or your life or your friendships or your family. It’s just too short to settle. So wake up every single morning and focus on impact and get out into the world and do what you were born to do. Wendy, what’s the number one best way our audience can connect with you? Focus on impact calm, all of the links are there to my social.
David Ralph [50:50]
We’ll have over links on the show knows Wendy, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again. When you have more dots to join up because I do believe that By joining up the dots and connecting our paths is the best way to build our futures. Wendy Lipton Dibnah. Thank you so much. Thank you. So what a lovely lady. And of course, what a big surprise. I didn’t expect to get awarded on the show. But it shows you it shows you that if you put yourself out there, and you start doing stuff and you’re doing it consistently, then people do. Notice they do notice if you’re doing it in the right way. And every single one of you out there can make your own mark in the world in whatever fields you want to do. But you’ve just got to start. You’ve just got to start putting yourself out there and taking chances, taking action, and accepting the mistakes that come your way. All part of the learning. Thank you so much for listening, really appreciate you being here. As always, this was David Ralph, this was Join Up Dots. See you again. Bye.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for You called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.