Kim Ades Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Kim Ades
Kim Ades is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots Business coaching podcast.
She is a lady who is known as one of North America’s foremost experts on performance success through thought mastery.
An executive coach and popular speaker, she works exclusively with highly driven, accomplished executives, leading entrepreneurs and high level professionals in their respective fields.
Working with high profile individuals who have already achieved success in some areas of their lives, she uses the unique Frame of Mind Coaching process to ignite significant change and life transformation.
How The Dots Joined Up For Kim
What this means in a nutshell, at least the way that I see it, is she makes the successful folk realise that they are only at the point of success that they are allowing themselves to achieve.
Their thought patterns need to be changed or at least re-directed to allow for greater and greater achievement.
She provides a framework, she breaks down the ceiling that they are pressed against, to then build a clear sky to shoot up into.
As her clients say “I found that her coaching has reawakened the person in me that had been dormant for years. I had almost forgotten what it was like to feel alive”
So when did she first grasp this concept and was it like a angels singing, and a yellow brick road appearing like magic in front of her to follow?
And what steps can all of us take to be able to get going with Framing Our Minds for success?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show, to start joining up dots, with the one and only Kim Ades.
During the show we discussed such weighty subject with Kim Ades such as………….
Why ultimately our actions, and successes are down to us, and we always,always will end up having to answer to ourselves in the end.
Why people always seem to make life a lot harder than it should be in life, which shouldn’t be the case if they play to their strengths.
Why it so important to start thinking and assessing the lack of movement in your life, and then begin challenging yourself to test these assumptions.
Why the use of the app Stayfocused is such an amazing resource to save us hour upon hour of time and unneeded distractions.
How To Connect With Kim Ades
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Full Transcription Of Kim Ades Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
So if you’re sitting there listening to podcast after podcast, reading book of the book, and still fed up with a life you are living waiting for something amazing to happen. I have one thing to say to you and this is it. Nothing is going to change your life unless you start taking action. It’s 100% down to you. Stop making excuses and get yourself out there. Start working towards what you want in your life. Now, we work with people like you every day of the week who need the help to change their lives, and with plans targets accountability, or just offering a shoulder to cry on when needed. Our members are seeing dramatic changes in their lives. They’re breaking free from the things that are stopping them earning the money they want. Finding the love they want or just loving their life. They are making it happen. So I need you to stop listening to podcasts and start shouting. This is my moment. I’m starting today I’m going for it. I need you to stop making excuses. Come over today at Join Up dots.com forward slash get the dream Have begin the rest of your life. I look forward to personally working with every single one of you. But you’ve got to start. Basic Join Up dots.com forward slash, get the dream.
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [1:39]
Yes, hello there everybody. Join Up Dots Episode 483. I’m feeling inspired today I’m feeling all inspired and motivated and on fire and if you’re sitting listening to this while you’re in traffic, or you’re going on a commute to some job that you don’t want to do, honestly, just listen to this episode and you will have a new perspective on life. You will be out to bounce out of bed every morning, loving what you do and maybe not every single morning but more often than not, because that’s what today’s guest is doing and she is known as one of North America’s foremost experts on performance success. Through fault mastery. Now she’s an executive coach and popular speaker. She works exclusively with highly driven accomplished executives, leading entrepreneurs and high level professionals in their respective fields working with high profile individuals have already achieved success in some areas of their lives. She uses a unique frame of mind coaching process to ignite significant change in life transformation. Now, what this means in a nutshell, at least the way that I see it, is she makes us successful folk realise that they’re only at the point of success, but they’re allowing themselves to achieve their thought patterns need to be changed or at least redirected. To allow for greater and greater achievement. She provides a framework, she breaks down the ceiling that they’re pressed against, to then build a clear sky to shoot into now as a client say I found that her coaching has reawakened the person in me that has been dormant for years, I’d almost forgotten what it was like to feel alive. Great stuff. So when did she first grasp this concept? And was it like angels singing in the yellow brick road appearing like magic in front of her to follow? And what steps can all of us take to be able to get going with framing our minds for success? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start Join Up Dots with the one and only Kim Ades. How are you?
Kim Ades [3:29]
I’m fantastic. I love that intro.
David Ralph [3:31]
It went by was it as I was reading that speech about angels singing and the yellow brick road appearing? I thought I don’t actually remember writing that. But what was it was it like that? Let’s cut straight to that image when you suddenly thought Hang on. There’s something here but successful people have got to a certain point. So there’s something that’s stopping them. This is the way I’m gonna go.
Kim Ades [3:52]
Well, if you look at successful people, what you find is their action takers, right? They’re not the people who sit on the sidelines. They’re not the people who necessarily procrastinate, they’re not the people who kind of wonder what they should do next. And oftentimes those people who are already successful are people who take action. And sometimes that action isn’t actually aligned with their goals. So action isn’t the issue, there’s a greater issue. And so when we look at this set of individuals, when we look at what gets them stuck, or what has them backed up against the wall, where they can’t grow anymore, it has to do with their thinking. And what we see is the thinking that got you to a certain point of success, no longer works and can’t get you to that next level or a higher level. And so what I realised when you think about that yellow brick road or the skies opening up is that most coaching is around action. But these people don’t need help on the action front. They need help on the thinking front. And so that’s how I created frame of mind coaching. I thought, you know what, these people don’t need babysitters. They don’t need anyone holding them accountable. That’s not The crowd, we’re talking about their self starters, starters, they’re motivated. But what’s happening is they’re seeing the world in a way that’s cloudy, and really holds them back. And if we can clear that up for them, so does the world open up for them?
David Ralph [5:15]
So is it as simple as the old phrase of they’ve got to the point that their actions are going to get the same result, what they’ve always done is going to bring about the same result and you’re saying to them, Look, you keep on going through that door all the time. That’s going to take you to the same place, try a different door.
Kim Ades [5:32]
Well, you know, the expression if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got, you know that one, right? Yeah, absolutely. Well, it’s flawed. And the reason it’s flawed is because the, the truth or the seed of the expression is, if you always think what you always thought you’ll always get what you always got. And so action follows thought. And very often when we when things are going right we think let’s do something different. But before we can do anything different We really have to think a little bit differently. And that’s the exactly the crux of what we do with our clients.
David Ralph [6:06]
So how did you get to the point when you started thinking differently? Because naturally, humans will have a point in their life when I have an idea. And I think to themselves, this is a great idea. I can see the way forward. I bet somebody else is doing this, or Ah, who am I to bring this to the world? How did you overcome that?
Kim Ades [6:26]
I never had those. I never had that. Here’s what I had. No, I never had, I still don’t in fact, so many times I go, and I talk to business coaches, and they say, Who are your competitors, and I get stuck. And the reason I get stuck is because my competitors aren’t all that relevant. And the only relevance they have is in the ability to teach me something new, potentially, but not in terms of a threat, if that makes any sense. And so I already have a slightly different mental orientation. But go back for a minute and you know, you’re asking me, how did you get to this point? Well, to be honest, I noticed in the coaching industry, all of coaching is around accountability. It’s about goal setting. It’s about helping people take action to reach their goals. And something felt wrong about accountability to me, you know, I’m an adult, I don’t need to answer to anybody. I have five kids of my own, you know, I have enough going on. I don’t need that type of relationship in my life. But I do need someone to help kind of shed a light on the places where I get stuck the patterns that I’m engaged in over and over and over again, that simply aren’t working for me. I don’t need a person to literally interrupt my patterns. I need someone to say, Hey, this is what’s going on for you. And I have the ability, the strength, the motivation, the independence to shift my patterns once I notice what I’m doing. And so that’s the idea here is that it’s not about having to answer to anyone.
David Ralph [7:51]
Yeah, but ultimately, don’t you answer to yourself, you know, there was a magic get stuck.
Kim Ades [7:58]
Right? I answered to myself. I don’t answer to someone else. And if I could increase my personal accountability in other words, if I could do a better job of answering to myself, then I’m going to succeed. And the issue is why don’t so many people, let’s call it this keep the promises they make to themselves. Why don’t they execute on their desires, their dreams and their goals? Why don’t they do that?
David Ralph [8:24]
Wow, that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Because we see that January every year old and resolutions? Two weeks into it, they go out the way and you just sort of plough on with life as normal. So why don’t why don’t you think so? There’s a million dollar question. next row back at you.
Kim Ades [8:39]
Look, I’ll give you a great story. It’s one of my favourite. It’s a bit humorous to me a client story. I had a client he came in to me and on our very first call, I said, What’s the single most important thing to like, over and above everything else? What is most important to you? And he said, hands down. The single most important thing to me is that I’m on the same page with my wife that we’re intimate, that we’re close, we’re connected, and that we’re on the same page and moving in the same direction. I said, wonderful. And we continued on our journey. And we coached and worked on his business and some of the strategy that was going on there. Three weeks in. I asked my clients to journal and when they journal, they journal with me, so they share their journals with me. And so three weeks in, he shared a journal and he said, I got into a huge fight with my wife. Here’s what happened. We had a disagreement about how to discipline and raise one of our kids and she went this direction. I went that direction, but I was so mad that I slept in the other room. And I thought to myself, that’s very interesting, because if we go back to week one, what was his real desire? His real desire was to be close and intimate with his wife. Now does sleeping in the other room achieve that goal?
David Ralph [9:50]
Get a good night’s sleep. Oh, didn’t it?
Kim Ades [9:53]
Maybe. But the thing is, it didn’t achieve the goal he wanted to he it didn’t achieve his most valuable desire. And that’s what happens is that something happens in our thinking in our brain that takes us completely off course. And we forget what it is that we really want. And we start to engage in action. Because we think that’s correct, because we need to be right. Because we think that that’s, you know, we need to make a point, we need to take a stand, we need for a million different reasons. But we end up taking actions that are completely diametrically opposed to what it is that we really want. And we see that over and over and over and over again, we see that with parents who raised their kids, we see that with leaders who have teams, we see that with entrepreneurs who have partners, we see it all over the place.
David Ralph [10:41]
Yeah, but but we do but the thing is, how can I say this? It that is what life is about, isn’t it? Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. So I would imagine that what he says three months down the line is going to be a different story in that journal where things have got better things have changed. So even though you focus in You know what you’re going for, and you’re setting up those brain pattern. Isn’t that ultimately what life happens?
Kim Ades [11:06]
Well, life happens, certainly. But if we can do a better job of remembering what it is that we really want, then our reactions change. So you know how, you know the idea of a knee jerk reaction when somebody hits your knee, you’re natural. So what we’re trying to do is create a different knee jerk reaction, so that your response to adverse effects or adverse events, doesn’t have to be the usual old way. So what we find is people who are succeeding more in life than others are those people who have a higher degree of emotional resilience. What does that mean? It means that they respond to negative or adverse situations very differently. So they fall they have a hard time they, they, you know, they get kicked and they fall, but they don’t stay down very long. And what happens is not only do they get up with greater speed and agility, but they leverage their adversity. And their knee jerk reactions to say, wow, that really sucked. That wasn’t fun. That wasn’t good. What do I do with it? How do I make something good out of this negative experience, and that becomes a different kind of knee jerk reaction. And that’s what we’re really trying to build. We’re trying to build emotional resilience.
David Ralph [12:19]
Well, let’s play some words. Now that sort of tie in to that very nicely, very short speech period. This is Rocky,
Steve Jobs [12:25]
you, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But eight about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take a keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.
David Ralph [12:41]
Now that is perfect, but emotional resilience, isn’t it that statement?
Kim Ades [12:45]
Well, and really it’s about them keep moving forward part. I don’t know if you know, we have to expose ourselves to real pain or real or brutal beatings in order for us to be the winners, but it’s really about getting up when we do get hit. And so that’s the A piece that’s super important is keep going forward.
David Ralph [13:03]
So in your life, obviously, building a business from scratch as you have and you’ve sort of moved through must have been peaks and troughs like all of us. Did you naturally have that emotional resilience is that in you?
Kim Ades [13:16]
I think that I, like everybody else have a certain measure of predisposition to emotional resilience. So for me personally, there were certain things that took place in my life. But you know, like, for example, conflict, I’m not much of a conflict person. If something happens, I don’t hold on to it forever and ever. Like, I like peace. I like harmony, and I don’t hold on to resentment and anger. That’s not who I am. So to a certain degree, I have a, let’s say, a middle of the road level of emotional resilience. But what I’ve discovered over the years is that emotional resilience is something you can build kind of like add muscles, they are muscles, and you can build those muscles like anybody else.
David Ralph [13:56]
Now, it’s funny in my household, I’m married and I’ve got kids and stuff. Every now and again, I say to the wife, what should we do tonight? And she say, well, let’s just have a better night than we did last night. And I go, Why? What was Matt with last night? And she said, Well, it was quite obvious, wasn’t it? We were arguing all the time. And I don’t think we were arguing we are giving up what we were just discussing. So does that mean that I’m on your level of emotional resilience? I don’t attach any emotion to these things.
Kim Ades [14:24]
Well, it’s quite possible. But it’s interesting that she views it very differently. And so there’s an opportunity for for introspection there and inquiry, as you may be coming across in a way that rubs people the wrong way, you may think that you’re, you know, and this is what we do in coaching is we say, you know, let’s become aware of our impact on the world. And it’s not that we want to manipulate others, but perhaps the way we are showing up isn’t really driving the results that we want. So if she wants just a better night than before, you may want you know, a hot steamy night of intimacy See? And so if you’re coming across in ways that make her feel defensive, you’re also not achieving your goals. And so it’s really about awareness.
David Ralph [15:08]
I’ll tell you why you put that idea in my head. Now I’m going for that hot and steamy. Or what was it again, hot and steamy not have intimacy.
Unknown Speaker [15:16]
David Ralph [15:17]
And can that start before the kids go to bed or after?
Kim Ades [15:21]
Start right now, right now you can send her a text, you can have her join our call, you can send her a picture. You can just tell her I’m thinking about you. It can start right now.
David Ralph [15:32]
Oh, my man, I can’t multitask. I’m focused in on you. That’s what I’m gonna ask next.
Kim Ades [15:37]
So you 30 seconds to take care of that, though. That is just for the experiment.
David Ralph [15:42]
Yeah, that’s what she says as well. And normally, that’s more than enough time, I promise you. So when you actually look at your business is your business something that thrives more in the online environment or the offline environment? Where’s your biggest successes come
Kim Ades [15:58]
and so we have a bit of a bowl So when we coach people, as I mentioned before we ask them to journal in an online journal. And so how it works is that we always begin with a 10 week coaching period. There’s a call once a week, but every single day in between every coaching call, we ask them to journal in this online journal. So our business is really a blend of voice voice and online delivery. And that blend is extremely powerful and and very, very effective. As for driving business, where does that take place? I find that the the best places for that to happen is through referral. And of course, things like this podcast when people can hear your point of view, when people can hear where you’re coming from your passion and your past experience and the way that you express the philosophy that you’re coming from. That makes all the difference in the world.
David Ralph [16:53]
When I agree with you totally and what you’re saying I buy into totally because it’s the environment that I’m in and The way that I believe but so many people out there, especially people that listen to these kinds of podcasts are looking for answers. And when you’re saying what you’re saying about why buy into it totally, they’re gonna go, Ah, if only life was that easy, so easy. Is it that easy? Is it just a simple way of reprogramming yourself?
Kim Ades [17:19]
I think that people often choose to make life a lot harder than it needs to be. I think that people take things hard. Whether it’s a conversation and interaction and occurrence, you know, something happening. I’ll give you an example. One of my clients, left her job and went to work for another company of the same sort. And her old employer sent a letter to the new employer saying, hey, just want to remind you that she’s under a non compete. And that’s it. That was the letter and she, you know, freaked out. Oh my god, they’re not leaving me alone. They’re changing. thingy they’re after me. And she you know, she really took it badly and she felt horrible about this letter and my response was so they wrote a letter big deal it’s just a letter so it doesn’t want to mean much response of course just calmed her down. But the issue is that the way we’re we respond to events will determine how we experience those events and our experiences based on again the way we see things happening the story we tell our interpretation
David Ralph [18:30]
but why Why did she cut to the chase you know, you say that and I just think to myself Yeah, as you write the letter is dead. That doesn’t really mean anything. Why do you think she freaked
Kim Ades [18:40]
sea freight because she felt threatened see feet freak because she felt that, you know, someone was looking over her shoulder and, you know, that didn’t feel so good to her. But ultimately, it’s that you know, fight or flight reaction she felt threatened and very often, we feel threatened in circumstances that don’t need to be threatening.
David Ralph [19:04]
So I know I come from a public background, public speaking background, and I always found it very comfortable getting up in front of people and talking. But I know other people say to me, I couldn’t do that. It’s terrible. It’s just terrible, terrible, terrible. So are we ultimately caught between that flight or fight or is a natural area that we can operate in that just is comfortable?
Kim Ades [19:27]
Well, look, when we work with clients, one of the things that’s super important is never to push them into something that is fundamentally not right for them at the time, if they’re not ready for it, it’s going to be a problem for them, because they’re going to have a bet they’re going to create a bad experience. And so what we want to do is start to identify the reasons the beliefs, the thought patterns, that cause for them to feel so uncomfortable, and we want to challenge those beliefs so that their comfort level maybe isn’t at 100%. But is that a point where They’re okay to move forward without such intense threat or fear. And so we want to lower the fear.
David Ralph [20:08]
So So with the really successful people, you would have thought, you know, being devil’s advocate, but they would have overcome much of that. The fact that they will probably have moved through financial fear moving out into environments, but they, they’re not aware of that haven’t got the experience haven’t got the skill sets. So when you’re coaching the real successful people, is it a case that you you have to shut them out of comfort zone? Oh, are they ready to jump? because surely, they’ve dealt with so much that you’re ready for them? Yep.
Kim Ades [20:39]
subbing anybody out of a comfort zone is never a good idea. And, and what we really want to do again, is just look at what causes the discomfort and start to challenge it so that they’re thinking around what what makes something uncomfortable starts to shift. And what we want to do is align the thought with the The outcome or the result that they’re looking for or the action they think they need to take in order to get that outcome. And so once your thinking is aligned, the fear dissipates, the discomfort dissipates, the threat goes away, and it’s easier to follow with the action. We never want anyone to take action from a place of complete fear and paralysis. It’s not gonna work out in a positive way, just
David Ralph [21:23]
so you don’t think that sort of sink or swim scenario ever work.
Kim Ades [21:26]
I am not a fan of that because you just create trauma and you know, from a coaching perspective, traumas not the best way to grow just isn’t.
David Ralph [21:36]
So as you proceed through your business growing. You know, everybody, not one person I’ve spoken to in over 500 episodes hasn’t had the classic dark night of the soul where the business isn’t going where you want it to be, and the bills need to be paid and everything’s been difficult. Have you had those in your life and how have you dealt with them?
Kim Ades [21:55]
Honestly, I this is I’m a serial entrepreneur. So I sold my last business I did very well but then like a few years after I sold it, I discovered that I made a mistake in how I accounted for some of the taxes and I ended up with a $300,000 tax bill. And that was a bit of a shock I have to admit because I certainly wasn’t expecting that and you know, I just lacked experience we all lack experience at some point in our lives. Now this was a good let’s say seven eight years ago already. And what did I do I I found a way to lower the bill a little bit but then I ended up just paying it luckily I had the the funds and then I scaled back I am married now with five kids and you know we have expenses, but I scaled back and I turned it into a game and you know dinners I tried to make them under $30 for seven people every night. I tried to like I decided I’m not going to get my nails done. I could do that myself. I’m not getting my hair coloured. As a hairdresser, I’ll do that myself. And so I just turned it into a game to see where I could cut back. I didn’t feel bad I didn’t feel like a victim. I didn’t feel like Poor me, my life is over. I right away actually started rebuilding, and every month started putting some money away so that I could get back to where I was before this whole fiasco took place. And so that’s what I did. And if you take your adversity and say, okay, fine, you know, I’ll, I’ll kind of take my medicine. And I will try to turn it into something where I can learn where I can experience where I can have fun, then it’s all okay.
David Ralph [23:37]
So I’ll see you you’re entrepreneurs like yourself, are you born or are they made?
Kim Ades [23:43]
Um, I think a bit of both. You know, I grew up in a family of entrepreneurs. But when I was very young, I you know, I remember my family used to go to Cape Cod for the summer. It’s like, there’s a beach there. And it wasn’t just my family, but it was family and friends and more Family and boyfriends, and I used to sell massages on the beach to those family and friends for $2 for 10 minutes. And so ever since I was young, I had the nature of trying to identify a service that people wanted and delivering that service. So I think, you know, it’s a bit of both. It’s definitely a bit of both.
David Ralph [24:17]
And you said, Well, good. That seemed very simple. But when you were saying to me, it’s all flagged up as well. But you’ve tried to find something but you can provide a service to and that is a business.
Kim Ades [24:29]
Yes, I mean, you know, there’s a there’s, I think a two pronged approach. Some people say what is the need that I can fill, so go out there and look for a need. And the other side of the equation is what am I passionate about? And can I turn this passion into a need that other people can use or want or desire? Can I do something with my passion? And I think for me, it’s always a blend of the two.
David Ralph [24:53]
Well, let’s play some words. Now what once again, ties in nicely to what you’re saying. You’re professional, you’re leading me down the path here. Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey [25:01]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [25:28]
Now, obviously, you’re on the show. So in some ways, it’s a performance. We’re operating on a different level, but you’re pretty much full on. Is that passion, something that runs for you over time? Did you take a chance on doing what you love like Jim Carrey?
Kim Ades [25:42]
I didn’t take a chance. I feel like I didn’t have any other option. In other words, I’ll tell you what happened. I had this business. I sold the business and that’s the one where I had the tax problem. I got recruited by a coaching company. I saw how they did it and I didn’t like it. And I thought, Man, this doesn’t fit This doesn’t suit me, I can’t be here. I can’t work for other people. I just like, honestly, I was like a fish out of water I was so so not the right fit for them. And we ended up parting ways. And from that moment on, I just felt that freedom again to go and build what I wanted to build. So for me working in a corporate environment or working for someone else, it’s like imprisonment, and I just can’t do it. So for me, it wasn’t taking a chance to do this. It was simply breathing, living, retaining my oxygen levels. That’s how it was for me.
David Ralph [26:32]
So do you believe in to the words that he says?
Kim Ades [26:36]
Absolutely. Absolutely. You You know what? You have one life milking and milking it means definitely. Again, I don’t like the concept of taking chance on doing what you on what you’re passionate about. Because I think actually the chance you take is when you don’t do something you’re passionate about, because that’s the greater risk and the risk is misery. That’s not worth the risk. So I feel like following your passion is never a risk. It’s very low risk. In fact,
David Ralph [27:07]
I don’t I don’t really agree, but in many regards it is misery. I’m just speaking about myself here. But for many, many years, I don’t think I felt happiness. I don’t think I felt misery. I just felt Kenny does nothing. I just got up, went to work and come home and that was it. We came past. So did you think that actually the majority of people out there are just in that when I was that middle ground or is it misery and happiness?
Kim Ades [27:31]
Well, I think that misery seeps when you’re living a ho hum life when you’re living that state of mediocrity. It turns into misery pretty fast. And you might not call it misery but what happens is you start to see little things annoy you, your tolerance gets lower, your temperature increases. And so it starts to seep and I see that over and over and over again. When people give up their passion. It turns into inevitably misery or numbness and To me, they’re both kind of miserable.
David Ralph [28:02]
So let’s, let’s put a scenario in place, there’s a person out there listening to this show, and they’re in a cubicle, or they’re doing a job that they dislike. And it’s not bad enough for them to punch the boss in the face and walk out. But it’s one of those ones that every Friday night, they’d be in a bar, be having a drink, and I’d be moaning about their scenario. Do they go to another company? Or do they go the entrepreneurial route? Or do they go for passion? I know it’s a scenario that’s quite difficult to answer. But in your opinion, what would be the best way for that person to start making movement?
Kim Ades [28:36]
Yeah, I don’t think anyone is necessarily the right answer. I think the answer is movement. So go towards something that’s better for you. And that that movement doesn’t have to be the be all and end all. It doesn’t have to be the end destination, but it can be a step along the way. And the the idea here is if you don’t move, you’re literally shrinking. You’re start to you start to die in your spot and so the idea is continued The movement. And so if it’s a step up, if it’s a promotion, if it’s a step to another company, it’s still movement. And that’s great and it’s healthy, and don’t stop moving. And that’s my answer. It doesn’t have to be any specific destination. And besides which we never achieve, we never get to the destination. So it’s really what we’re after is movement.
David Ralph [29:19]
I think that is spot on, because otherwise, it’s just stagnant, isn’t it and it dies. You know, when I started this job, I was absolutely adamant that I would achieve my perfect days I did this very good exercise, which I do with my group mastermind, when I look at my perfect day and plan it to the sort of fineness detail, and just over the last couple of weeks, I realised I was living my perfect day. And actually, it wasn’t that perfect. It was perfect to what I wanted at that time in my life, but I’ve moved on, I’ve changed my personalities developed or whatever. So I’ve had to move on again. And we had this great discussion in our group mastermind about whether it should be loud in concrete or things should move and I’ll just say It should move, nothing is written down in stone, you work towards something. And if you achieve it, then you work again. And it’s exactly the same as you’re saying about getting going. If you’re in a crappy job, you do something about it. It might not be the right thing, first of all, but it might open a conversation with somebody, you might see something in a paper by Bob beginning to move you start looking around, don’t you, Kim?
Kim Ades [30:23]
Well, and and you’re exactly right. And I would suggest to whoever’s listening that if you are in a crappy job, and you don’t feel like you can move, like you feel like you’re paralysed, like you think, Well, yeah, that’s good for other people. But I don’t I’m not in the position to move. I would suggest to you that you start to examine the thinking that says you can’t move. So what are the beliefs that you have that say, I have to stay where I am, I have no choice. What are those beliefs? And literally, if you take a piece of paper and you write down all the reasons why you can’t make a move, what you’ll find is a whole set of thinking patterns, a whole set of perspectives and values. And literally beliefs that need to be challenged.
David Ralph [31:05]
I think that’s true as well. I often walk along being kicked out, wouldn’t it be great to just be middle of a mountain in Nepal or something? And I think, Oh, no, I can’t do that I’ve got the show to do I go. And actually, I could do it. I really could do it. But for some reason, I’m kind of routed to the spot. And I say, oh, because the kids are at school. And I’ve got to do this. And I’ve got to do that. But actually, you don’t have to. There’s ways around it, especially with technology nowadays. There was a guy I used to work with. And he had been with this company for years and years and years. And they said to Kenny, I salute you, sir. And he was an IT guy. And he basically built this computer system to the point that he knew it better than anybody else in the company. Now, after 15 years, he decided to leave and go and live in Thailand, which he did. And we were all saying to him, why don’t you say to the company, you know, I’ll log in remotely and I were abroad. No, no, no, they won’t do that. They won’t do that. No, he didn’t. Ask and he went out and he had some terrible times, trying to be a teacher English teacher that didn’t quite work out trying to be something else. Now what he does, he gets up at two o’clock in the morning, he’s time which is perfect for us. logs in, does some work gets it all done, boom, jump down, we’ve got opportunities. I’m away when wherever we look, if we think that we’re closed in and we can’t move, we can move. We just need to ask the right questions and make the right statements.
Kim Ades [32:25]
And we need to believe that it’s possible because if you don’t believe it, you don’t even ask the right questions. Right? Like you just have decided already that it’s not an option.
David Ralph [32:35]
How do you believe that things are possible bam, because in Kim’s world, it you know, I’m very interested with people like you because you’ve got to play the play, and you’ve got to, you know, hit the ball over time because people are looking to you for answers, but we all have our own doubts. You know, I might come across as Uber competent podcast host, but I still have moments when I think to myself Ah, you know, people are gonna see through this and not know so how do you overcome that
Kim Ades [33:00]
Um, you know, I don’t know if you’ve ever been exposed to Bernie Browns work but the idea of exposing some of the stuff that creates problems for you exposing some of your self doubts to a close friend or two or three, but being able to voice what it is exactly that causes paralysis or fear or doubt for you, is a huge step in, in disabling the fear. And it’s, it’s magical and that’s why, you know, a lot of people hire a coach, because that’s a safe place to express all of those fears and anxieties and self doubt areas. And I think it’s tremendous in terms of helping you get past it and just kind of be okay. Everybody has some stuff they’re uncomfortable with doesn’t mean that you have to stay in that place.
David Ralph [33:48]
We all have our junk, don’t we that we drag around we
Kim Ades [33:50]
all we all have our junk.
David Ralph [33:53]
So So do you ever Coach Kim because when I started this job, I was very surprised after I spoke About five or six people how some real movers and shakers, we’re still paying for mentors and stuff. And now I just take it for gospel, but everybody’s got a coach or a mentor. Have you got one?
Kim Ades [34:11]
Of course I have, I have one that I work with on the business side of things. I’ve had one that I worked on relationships. And I’m actually in the process of looking for a new coach now for myself, personally, to just continue moving my company forward. So I am always working with a coach of some kind, I fully believe in coaching. You know, I couldn’t be in this business if I didn’t believe in it.
David Ralph [34:37]
So how do you justify the expense because I know that when people start anything, the fast track is to find a mentor to find a coach who’s been there, done it and you can basically speed on two or three years of strap travel to get to that point, but you won’t pay for it because oh, it’s a new business. It might fail. What so how do you justify that?
Kim Ades [34:58]
Yeah, honestly, you’re exactly Right, I find that every single time I find a coach, that’s a good fit for me, my, my business grows, I accelerate, I achieve my goals a whole lot faster. And again, it’s not cuz they’re holding me accountable, but it’s because I have a place to discuss and plan and plot and scheme and, and create a clear vision of what I need to do to move forward. And it’s it’s miraculous. So it’s not about justifying the cost. It’s how do you justify the time that passes without that speed without that movement? For me that’s hard to justify. hiring someone who can help you accelerate is is a no brainer from my point of view.
David Ralph [35:37]
So if we take you full circle right to the very beginning of the conversation, you hiring a coach isn’t about teaching you to take action. It’s about once again, changing your thought patterns and seeing different ways of operating.
Kim Ades [35:50]
Right so if I’m, if I’m, you know, running my business, the way I’m running in and I’m coming across some challenges or hurdles, they may help me see that I don’t have to deal with this challenge. I can turn this around, I can approach it differently. I can use a different strategy, I can think about it differently. I can tap into resources I didn’t know even existed 1,000,001 different possibilities. But sometimes when I’m by myself, I don’t even know those possibilities exist.
David Ralph [36:19]
Because I was talking to my wife the other night about certain things that I’ve done and this dish was going great. And you know, I’m loving every minute of it. But I look back on certain things. And I think to myself, if I had just spent the money properly instead of trying to do it on the cheap, ultimately, I would have saved money because I look at certain things well, I’ve done a little bit of this and a little bit of that and it wasn’t quite right because I did it cheap. So I tried to get somebody else to rectify it. Were actually I should have gone back to 2000 just get it done. Boom. just jumped on. And it is a mindset that certainly I battle with. I want the rewards which are coming my way big time. But I’m still I’m a bit cheap, Kim. I don’t like to spend money.
Kim Ades [37:00]
Well, a lot of people are a bit cheap and they don’t like to spend money, and they end up kind of spinning in the same spot for a lot longer than they need to spend. And so their progress you notice is a lot slower. When you look at those people who have achieved unbelievable goals, they line up themselves with experts, they find the best in their class, the best in their field, the best in the areas where they’re weak, and they line up with those best people. And you see that over and over and over again.
David Ralph [37:30]
So for the person listening again, they’ve got a monthly salary, so you know, earning $2,000 and a real good coach will probably charge for that. Do we say to them, okay, put it on your credit card. Do we say save up for it? Because it is it’s a game changer, isn’t it?
Kim Ades [37:46]
It’s absolutely a game changer. What I want to say to people is look at the things that you spend money on, like you know, people go to Starbucks, for example, for coffee regularly daily, even people have no problem spending money on a trip or vacation. And they spend just as much on a vacation as they do on coaching. But once they go on that vacation, they come back and like a week later, they feel tired, and they feel like they need a vacation from their vacation. And what I want to say is that coaching has a long term impact. You know, I just got a letter from a past client, I coached him maybe seven years ago, and the letter was essentially telling me what’s up in his life. And there’s lots of amazing things happening, but at the bottom, it was thank you for making such a difference in my life. And so the issue with coaching is that it has a long term effect. It’s not a consumable product that goes and comes in salt, like buying milk, you drink the milk, and it’s gone. It’s not like that.
David Ralph [38:43]
And so do you do live life now that you don’t need a vacation? Is Your Life structured, but you don’t get to that point of, Oh, I need a break. I need two weeks away.
Kim Ades [38:54]
And I don’t feel like I need two weeks away. I live in Canada and sometimes I could use a little sun Right so um, and and so it’s not about needing a vacation, it’s about wanting to experience life in the best way possible. And that includes travel. And it’s about living an extraordinary life and filling it with a lots of cool experiences son about needing a break, per se. It’s about wanting to live life fully.
David Ralph [39:20]
And so how do you balance that? How do you balance the fact that you’re running a business, you’re a mother, you got five kids, and you want these experiences because once again, the the stable diet of an entrepreneur certainly in the beginning is to almost run themselves into the ground and say, No, I will, I will have those experiences when something lines up. How do you actually justify that or do you just do it now?
Kim Ades [39:43]
Yeah, I’m not a fan of putting things on hold. Like you know what things happen in the world. And sometimes you just never know when you’re up. Right? So I’m not a fan of putting things on hold. If there’s something you want to do. If there’s something you want to experience, put it in your plan and make it happen. Then I, you know, I don’t like delay, especially if it’s something you really want to do and it’s on your bucket list for me, how do I balance things? Honestly, I try to be as present as I can wherever I am. So when I come to work and like I’m on this call with you, I’m fully focused, when I’m on a call with a client, I’m fully focused when I’m at home making dinner, I’m making dinner and and I try to focus on where I am and just be where I am. Again, you know, I do have five kids and they need attention and they need they need help with certain things they need to you to take them out driving and then you know, they need you to do things with them. And so what I try to do is just be where I am, be where you are. So that whole idea of multitasking actually mentioned it before, isn’t really a great way to experience your life because you’re never ever there where you’re supposed to be,
David Ralph [40:48]
I think is a rubbish way and you know, I pride myself on being a very good multitasker, but I pride myself even better on having very good focus and I have certain systems as you say, to make sure I’m present. And there’s all the things that drag you away to Facebook and a Twitter and all that kind of stuff. I have my system programme but only allows me 10 to 15 minutes a day. And I have to do all that in that time. Otherwise it cuts it off for the next 24 hours. So wait, oh, being present is right, isn’t it being present is when you get into the flow, things become easier, and you kind of enjoy yourself more?
Kim Ades [41:25]
Well, you know what I’m sure everybody wants to know, what system do you use to cut yourself off after 15 minutes on Facebook? What is that system?
David Ralph [41:32]
It’s a little app. And it’s on Chrome. And it’s called stay focused. And it’s a free one. And basically, you download it, it’s up in the corner of your screen with those little apps that I have on Chrome. And you programme it and to be honest, when I first used it, I really went tight. And it annoyed me more than anything because there were certain times I thought to myself, Oh, I should just just do that and I couldn’t because it cut me off. But now I’m very good on it. And so I have two slots a day but I can jump on and talk to people and do stuff. And then it closes off and it won’t start again for them till you know, 24 hours or whatever you set. And yeah, it’s called stay focused, I think it’s excellent.
Kim Ades [42:10]
That’s great. That’s a good resource. I’m gonna let people know about it,
David Ralph [42:14]
you you let them know and get them to come over to Join Up Dots and listen to this while you’re doing it. Now I want what we’re gonna do now we’re gonna play the words of the late Steve Jobs, and he created a speech which really has gone down in history, and it’s become the whole theme of the show. So what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna listen to Steve and Ben, I’m going to ask the question that I asked everybody, this is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [42:35]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny life, karma, whatever. Because believing The dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference. True words Kim?
Unknown Speaker [43:12]
David Ralph [43:14]
What Ben is your big dog, when you look back over your life where everything is joined up, more often than not somebody will have a moment or a situation and they’re not normally good situation. Sometimes they’re bad things in our lives, but ultimately push us to pushes us to where we are. Once you picked up
Kim Ades [43:33]
the bad thing that happened to me, for me, you know, one of the hardest parts, I was married for 15 years and I got divorced. And that was pretty tough. We owned a business together, our lives were completely integrated. And suddenly everything exploded. I no longer own the business. I had to sell it off. I you know, just I found myself single. I got married fairly young. So I didn’t know much about dating and I had to learn all about that. I had two kids at the time. Time, and just my life completely, completely changed. But that life changed allowed me the opportunity to ask myself Like, who do I want to be in the world? What do I want to create? How do I want to build my life? What kind of contribution do I want to make in the world? How do I want to wake up every day? And how do I want to feel? And that made a huge difference? Because for me, you know, we talked about, you know, your inner life, and you’re kind of just there. And I remember the moment where I thought to myself, is this all there is like, is this what my life is about? And I always thought when I was younger, that it would be a whole lot more and I came to the place where I thought, This isn’t how I thought it would be. I really thought that my life was gonna be so much bigger, so much more, so much more joyful. And I mean, for me, that was the turning point. getting divorced allowed me to create the life and and step into the being that I always wanted to be
David Ralph [45:00]
So would you sort of say that you couldn’t have got to where you are now, if you hadn’t got to that point, did that black dot really push you on or whatever happened naturally?
Kim Ades [45:10]
I don’t think it would have happened naturally, I felt very, very stuck. I felt very stifled, I felt, you know, choked. And and it was a very difficult place for me to be especially given my thinking at the time. And so, you know, sometimes I think if I would have thought this way, at the time, things would have turned out differently. But things turned out exactly the way they were supposed to. So I, you know, I had to go through what I had to go through in order to get here,
David Ralph [45:39]
which is the power of the speech that Steve Jobs made, isn’t it? Exactly, exactly. I love it. I’ve never had one. I had one guy many, many episodes ago, something like Episode 60 or something who said, I would like to punch Steve Jobs in the face for saying that. But literally every single person goes yeah, I can actually join my daughter. I can join my daughter Personally, I can See how everything has led to this point. And the beauty of that speech is that ultimately, if you take that joining up the dots, you can make them into stepping stones you can actually think, right? This is the journey I’ve been on, where’s it going to lead? And you can start planning forward, can’t you?
Kim Ades [46:18]
That’s exactly right. I mean, he talked about it being a challenge to plan forward. But I think it’s possible, especially if you start to see the trajectory of where those dots have pointed until now.
David Ralph [46:31]
Well, this is where the whole show has been pointing to, because this is the end where we go on a journey. And this is the part that we called a sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Kim, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme tune and when it fades you up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [47:00]
Go with the best bit of the show.
Kim Ades [47:17]
Hello there. This is Kim talking to smaller Kim or younger Kim. I’m talking to myself at the age of about, let’s say 3035 around there. And here’s what I want to say to younger Kim, Kim, everything’s going to be fine. things will work out just perfectly. This is a tough time for you now, but it’s lined up exactly the way it needs to be lined up. you’re stressed out, you’re tired, you’re worried you’re scared but there’s nothing to be worried about it. There’s nothing to be fearful of. Your challenges are designed perfectly to allow you to grow and really step into the person that you want to be. So relax. Enjoy the ride trust yourself, you will survive and you will thrive.
Okay, the message
David Ralph [48:06]
what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Kim Ades [48:10]
frame of mind coaching comm where they’re I encourage anybody who’s interested in really looking at their own mindset to come to the site and actually assess their frame of mind. There’s isn’t an assessment on the site. Really interesting and well worthwhile.
David Ralph [48:26]
We’ll have all the links on the show notes. Kim, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe by by joining up adults and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures commodities. Thank you so much.
Kim Ades [48:42]
Thank you. It was a real pleasure.
David Ralph [48:46]
Kim ad it’s now there was gold in that show. Even when I was recording it. I was thinking, this is the stuff that I hope the listeners are really focusing in on is one of those shows I would say go back and listen to it again. Because that is golden They’re not least how to create movement. And ultimately Believe in yourself blueprint for success. Don’t know. But certainly, you can do a lot worse and listening to that show multiple times. Thank you so much as always for being here, in Join Up Dots land. I’m gonna see you again because I’m always gonna be here is what I do. I’m David Ralph, this was Join Up Dots. Thanks so much bye.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.