Christine McAlister Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Christine McAlister
Christine McAlister is our guest today, on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.
She is a lady who is on a mission to help the world dream big, dream bold and then go out and make it happen.
As she says ” I’m a dreamer and a doer, and if you have a dream, it’s mine to help make yours come true.
I love stories. The true ones are the best, because they’re more exciting than fiction. I love helping write the stories of women like you who want more out of life than feeling like you’re not living up to your potential as an entrepreneur.”
And she is certainly living up to the mantle of a been there entrepreneur, as after studying Creative Writing at Oxford University, and then gaining an MA in Communication at Baylor University, who history is littered with startups and interesting business ideas.
How The Dots Joined Up For Christine
It’s not often that someone starts a business based around making natural home and cleaning products, before become a breeder of high quality Arabian horses, before helping others across the world live a life that is brights, full of passion and their own.
And that is what she is doing now, as alongside her previous still running businesses she spends her days envisioning, going after and accomplishing her desires and helping others do the same.
A helper by nature, she has dedicated her skills as a mentor and public speaker to help women live their dream of leaving their day jobs to start their own business.
And with her online platform Life With Passion, she is surrounding herself with more and more success stories of ladies who have now done just that.
So where do people go wrong? Not dreaming big enough, or simply not starting?
And if she could go back in time and change any of her own entrepreneurial ventures would she?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Christine McAlister
Show Highlights
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Christine McAlister such as:
Why she was so aware of where she wanted to focus her passions as a young lady, and the steps she took to make sure her dreams came true, even though it took her further away from her initial dream.
Why she almost let her passion for horses be taken from her in her twenties due to listening advice of others, which is a lesson that she holds true to today. Never let someone else’s ideas become the ones that you live by.
Why Christine made the decision to hire a coach and how she then saw massive improvements in her life and the opportunities in her business.
and lastly….
Why being Bossy is in so many ways a key part her story, even though for many years she fought against it.
How To Connect With Christine McAlister
Return To The Top Of Christine McAlister
If you enjoyed this episode of with Christine McAlister, then why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Jim Brown, Jimmy Burgess, Michael Dash, or the amazing Travis Jennings
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Full Transcription Of Christine McAlister Interview
Intro [0:09]
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:33]
Yes, hello there. Good morning to everyone out there listening to Join Up Dots in such vast numbers. Thank you for making this such a hit show. And thank you for being here on today’s episode, because we have got a lovely lady on the show and I’ll be honest, as I was talking to her earlier, I thought to myself, why didn’t I have a podcast when I was free and single, I have ladies lining up to talk to me and spend time with me. It never used to happen when I was in my 20s but I’m glad it’s happening. Now, because she is a lady who is on a mission to help the world dream big, Dream bold, and then go out and make it happen. And she says I’m a dreamer and a doula. And if you have a dream, it’s mine to help make yours come true. I love stories. The true ones are the best because they’re more exciting than fiction. I love helping write the stories of women like you who want more out of life and feeling like you’re not living up to your potential as an entrepreneur. And she’s certainly living up to the mantle of a bean bear entrepreneurs after studying creative writing at Oxford University. I’ve been gaining an MA in communication at Baylor University history is littered with startups in interesting business ideas. Now, it’s not often that someone starts a business based around making natural home and cleaning products before becoming a breeder of high quality Arabian horses, before helping others across the world live a life that is bright, full of passion and their own. And that is what she’s doing now as alongside her previous still running businesses. She spends her days envisioning, going after and accomplishing her desires and helping others do the same or help her by nature. She’s dedicated her skills as a mentor and public speaker to help women live the dream of their lives and leave their day jobs to start their own business. And with online platform life with passion, she’s surrounding herself with more and more success stories of ladies who have now done just that. So where do people go wrong? not dreaming big enough or simply not starting? And if she could go back in time and change any of her own entrepreneurial ventures would she? Well let’s find out as we build onto the show, to start joining up dots with the one and only Christine McAlister. Good morning, Christine. How are you?
Christine McAlister [2:34]
Good morning, David. Thank you for that brilliant introduction.
David Ralph [2:39]
It was a good one minute it was a good one I I just looked at you and I thought I need to make extra effort for this lady. I need to put my best clothes on. I need to brush my hair, brush my teeth and give her an introduction which is worth worth its weight in gold.
Christine McAlister [2:53]
Thank you. I’m so happy to be here.
David Ralph [2:56]
It’s good to have you on because you are somebody that you are loved. And onion but I’ve been I’ve been peeling you over the last few days. And it goes down to certain levels you think okay yeah, I’ve got I’ve got to grips with Christine McAllister and then you find out something else anything really that’s that’s that’s unusual. So your your life you like stories and if we go back to your sort of earlier days when you was young gallivanting around Oxford University studying creative writing, did you realise that you had such a passion for actually creating stories which you’re doing now in people’s lives? Or was it actually just writing? Was it more fiction or nonfiction?
Christine McAlister [3:37]
I actually planned to become a film producer, a documentary producer, that was my original plan for when I left University and so I thought that I would be telling stories on the big screen and I did do that with a documentary that aired here on a PBS which is the American you know, version of, of the BBC. Yeah, sort of, but I very quickly decided that I didn’t want the lifestyle that was associated with building a business around film from the ground up. And so I decided to take that passion for storytelling and another direction.
David Ralph [4:15]
And when did you realise that? You like making the films but you didn’t like the business? What was it about that that didn’t appeal to you?
Christine McAlister [4:23]
It was the hours it was the sort of start from the ground up prove yourself culture that existed then, of course, it’s become a lot more horizontal the entry points now but I really had a desire to go big, you know, and make feature films or things that were going to, to air to millions of people. And so I realised that the system was set up such that I’d moved to, you know, one of the big cities on one of the coasts here, LA, New York, DC, and that that would be all I would do for the next however many years of my life that I would be Doing something I was passionate about, but that I wouldn’t be doing anything else I was passionate about. And I was really ready after, you know, being in school for so long. And working very hard. I was really ready for a little bit more, I was ready to explore some other things. I was ready for a little bit of a life as well.
David Ralph [5:18]
But But isn’t having one really big passion better than having lots of little passions, because I’m a podcaster. And I love it. And we’ve done you know, 100 episodes, I’m looking forward to the 5000 I can’t get enough of this and all the rest of it. I can’t take it or leave it. I don’t really care. But you you wanted to spread your passions around.
Christine McAlister [5:40]
Yeah, that’s such a great question. I, you know, I agree with you, because what I do now, I could do all day every day and it’s very energising to me, I think that it was the sort of the structure around it. Like I guess I’ve I’ve never thought about that before. So great question. But the I could see that the burnout would come because it wasn’t allowing me to sort of structure it on my own terms, right. There were a lot of other things that I would have to add to become a successful film producer that I wasn’t necessarily as passionate about as just the storytelling part.
David Ralph [6:17]
Were you a bossy lady. It was a kind of control factor, but you wanted to have in films by ordering people around getting them set up getting the lighting, right, because I kind of get a flavour your heart, Christine. There’s something slightly bossy.
Christine McAlister [6:33]
I love this question, because actually, it was something that I struggled with a lot growing up so I was very, I was I was like a cruise director of my younger siblings and my cousins and I was a teacher. You know, I was always making him play classroom with me. But when I was in first grade, my teacher kind of humiliated me in front of the whole class for for pointing out something like oh, She said, oh, we’re supposed to go to recess at this time. And when it got to that time, and then past that time, I, you know, I raised my hand and I said, Oh, I thought you told us like, we’re going to be going to recess at this time. Well, she apparently that really triggered her and she told me I was not the boss of the applesauce. And so while I do have this leadership, this leadership quality, this innate desire to lead I also am very sensitive person. And so that really started me going, Oh, people are gonna like me if I’m bossy. And so for a long time, I really struggled with that and thought, well, I can’t be bossy because other I won’t be liked. And it really took decades for me to kind of rediscover that and go No, this is who I really am. It’s who I’ve always been. And yeah, I am a little bossy.
David Ralph [7:49]
Yeah, I know you. Well, I got a flavour of that all the week as I’ve been doing my research, but I think we boxiness comes integrity and leadership and I think nowadays Use. So many people want someone to take the lead, they like that. And they are looking for somebody to actually boss them around until they’re ready to start bossing somebody else around. You know, and I don’t think boxiness is a bad thing. I just think it’s part of the process. But people are looking for leaders.
Christine McAlister [8:20]
I love that that makes so much sense. What a great explanation.
David Ralph [8:25]
That’s why I do this. Christine, you say that’s why I do this. I just open my mouth and it comes flooding out. I’m like, I’m like the Yoda of podcasting wise beyond my years. That’s what I do. So So what interests me with your story about standing up and sort of being humiliated as he was talking about it made me reflect back on mine and I was in school, I must have been about 12 or something a school and I was chatting at the back, which I used to do. And the teacher said to me, David, get down the front and he stood there and he said to me, right, you can either take the class or Sit down. And I bought he meant sort of just, you know, take the class, you go back and sit down and you know, just learn what he’s teaching us. And he went, Oh, I take the class. And he went, right. Okay, what you’re going to teach us and I stood there for about 30 seconds bingeing. I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do here. And so I said, Why enter class and send everyone home, and they all got up and they walked out. And that was it. And I look back at that moment, and I think to myself, maybe there was a pivotal moment in my life, but I realised about the person that had the front of the room was ultimately in control of the whole room, because I then went into doing training and coaching and, and group sessions where it was me leading the whole thing at the front. And as you’re saying, that story, I thought to myself, I wonder if in the same way that Christine had that sort of feelings, my feeling of control standing up in front of people and really enjoying it came back from that moment.
Unknown Speaker [9:54]
Excellent.
David Ralph [9:56]
He’s good in it is good. So let’s get back to yourself. Kristine, because you are. You’re you’ve got passion flooding through you, but you are sharing that passion with the ladies out there. I’m really intrigued by the fact that you feel that women are not living up to their potential as entrepreneurs isn’t a mat down to the women, isn’t it down to the case, but they’re they’re not taking the chances, the risks, whatever, but men do you know, do they need somebody like you to push them?
Christine McAlister [10:26]
Great question. I feel like I’ve been an entrepreneur for a long time. And I’ve been around a lot of people who are similarly aged to me and in the entrepreneurial space. And often I was the only woman in the room. And I’ve had a lot of great, you know, cheerleaders, and support, they’ve almost always been male. Yeah. And so when, among my friends you know, I’m often the only entrepreneur among all my female friends and I I’ve also worked with a lot of male entrepreneurs over the years, like supporting them doing online marketing for them, whatever. So when I started this business, I really had to think about, well, I really enjoy working with men and women, who is it that I’m most excited to help who do I believe, needs the most support, whereas that support lacking and why? And what it came down to is that the reason that I didn’t go full time in my business for a long time is the same reason that I see other high achieving women hold themselves back all the time, which is self doubt. And to be honest, I mean, it would be worth researching why that is, but in my perspective, I see a whole lot more women holding themselves back out of self doubt, like I did, then men. And so that’s my audience. You know, those are the were the people who feel like, I get them because I’ve been there, and I feel like there is a real need For support around women living their dreams, because I think often, you know, we can defer to others without even realising we’re doing it. We love to help. And so we wind up helping others live their own dreams rather than pursuing ours. And I’m on a mission to change that. You know, I don’t
David Ralph [12:17]
know if I agree with you, if I agree with you at 50%. You know, you probably look at it from the lady’s point of view, because you are a lady. But I find that ladies are very quiet about their dreams. And more often than not, they’re not bold with their choices, and they’re not risk takers to move forward. But I also see that the same with men, but men more often than not will talk for talk and I will throw out the words but then not do anything anyway. I think it’s a 5050 spread of people that are unwilling to actually take that first step into risky land.
Christine McAlister [12:52]
Oh, that is so interesting. And maybe it’s just that my perspective because men are talking about it. But they’re actually doing it. But I haven’t seen it up close to know that they’re not.
David Ralph [13:04]
You know what they say that people are always talking about it aren’t actually doing it, you know. And it’s true. All older guys are saying how many ladies they’ve had and stuff. They’re just going home and sitting in front of Netflix and I’m depends, you know, it doesn’t, it doesn’t really happen. It’s the talkers that are not as powerful as the action takers. And more often than not, the action takers don’t need to talk because they’re doing it. And I’ve got people surrounding myself now that quietly Get on with it, and they’re creating huge momentum. They’re not causing huge ripples because bear doing and not talking. So I think there’s a 5050 spread, but I think it does come down to the fact that you’ve got to a know what you’re looking for. You need to go after it. And you’ve got to keep on going after it because it’s it doesn’t occur overnight, does it Christine?
Christine McAlister [13:53]
Absolutely not. It is definitely an iterative process. And I think you’re so right when you say just it’s just about getting getting on with it right and finding a way to do whatever it takes to get on with it.
David Ralph [14:07]
Steve Jobs said, and I must mention this a lot, but it really hit home, you know, when you’re sort of scrolling up and down the internet looking for motivational statements that you can rack onto Facebook, to make yourself feel sort of more knowledgeable. And I saw this one that was Steve Jobs. And he basically said something along and I paraphrase, or 95% of success is based around persistence and not to talent. Talent is 5%. But you can nurture but the heartbeat is just a turning up every day. So when you don’t feel like it and you want to sit in your PJs, watching Netflix or have a cup of coffee, you don’t you get up and you go and do but do and that is where success leads. And I think that is the fundamental flaw in in people’s lives. It’s so instantaneous, it’s so quick instant gratification, but they’re not willing to persist and just keep on doing step after step. To step until they get something that looks like what they’re aiming for, but then gives them the motivation to really go for it.
Christine McAlister [15:08]
Yes, yes. And being willing to find ways to pick yourself up when you’re discouraged or you’re tired, you know, having a big enough reason to do this, keeping your dreams in front of you. I totally agree with you. It takes time. And a lot of that is, like you said, building the momentum, and also building the strength within yourself to be the kind of person who can run a successful business.
David Ralph [15:32]
Now you’re running several businesses, and one of the ones that intrigued me was the horses, because I was saying to somebody the other day, but biggest waste of money I can see is boats and horses. I think they’re just, it’s just a complete way of throwing money out the window. And I have people sort of in the town that I live in, and they say, oh, I’ve got to be better every morning to look after my horse and every evening and I have to groom it and I gotta How often do you ride it? Oh, at the weekend and Sunday spend like Six days is shovelling up horse poo for this one half hour of riding around, what was it about horses? How did you make a business from it? And has it been easier or harder than you expected?
Christine McAlister [16:13]
Yeah, so I loved horses from the time I was very, very young. But I’m the oldest of four. And my parents told me you know, that’s a king sport or a queen sport. That’s not for us. It’s too expensive. And so I got my mom to fire, you know, somebody that she had to come in once or twice a month and clean up after us kids. And I did the cleaning instead, so that I could scrape and save money, you know, from cleaning and from babysitting here and there to take a lesson. Because I just loved them. I loved everything about them. And I wanted to find a way to have them in my life. And so that was always a dream, but I kind of gave up on it. You know, somewhere in my early teen years on because I just heard over and over No, it’s too expensive. No, that’s not for us. It’s not realistic. But I had the opportunity to, to get one back into my life when I first started working. And I was actually given a baby horse. And of course, you know, like you said, there’s the saying, there’s no, there’s no free horse. A free horse is like the most expensive thing ever, right? And so I had the horse, but I had to take care of it and everything. Well, a couple of years later, I was able to find a way to purchase a couple of girl horses, and in the US, when you breed them to sell the babies, then you can treat it as a business rather than as a hobby. So the money that you put into it, you know, then becomes a business expense. And so that for me was the dream because I thought, Oh, I can make this passion that I have into a business and you know, help me with my taxes and sell and make other people’s dreams come true. And so that’s how I turned it into a business. They’re very rare horses. There are Not many of them. And so they are in demand. And it has been harder than I thought, because I got into it about the time of the global recession. So, you know, when you think about things, people are not as excited or available to spend money on guess where horses ranks, you know, pretty high on that list.
David Ralph [18:19]
I don’t know if that’s true, though, again, because I see people that no matter how the money bills are piling up, they will still spend money on their passions. You know, that’s, that’s a given. When when you think to yourself, the first thing you need to do is get rid of a horse. You see people still spending money. So I think that if it’s something that people love, and this is why this business is a great business, in my view, is because people love these things without really understanding why they love them. It’s their sort of innermost passion. It could be their childhood dreams of owning a pony could be it could be whatever, but people will throw money at stuff that you can’t understand, just because there’s a deep love to it.
Christine McAlister [19:00]
That’s so true. And actually a friend of mine who has a boat to your point
said to me as we were talking about his huge boat and my horses, you know, people are going to spend a percentage of their income on just things that they love No matter what, no matter if that makes sense, or if it doesn’t. So I think that’s a great point.
David Ralph [19:22]
Because in business one of the great ways of creating a profitable business almost overnight is providing something that the lazy people of the world you know, you see over time, they get rich quick schemes are so attractive because people aren’t willing to do the work as we saw at the very beginning. Now, when you create your life with passion, do you set it out in on write up the front But hang on, ladies, this is going to take work. This means you’re turning up this isn’t a get rich quick, or is there an element of if you follow me, you will fast track you can use my experience to get ahead of the To save yourself years.
Christine McAlister [20:02]
Yeah, I actually think that it’s both because my experience has been was starting all of the different businesses that it wasn’t until I got high level health coaching support, that I was really able to own the things that were holding me back and grow my business beyond the income plateau that I had hit when I started my first business. So when I started my first business, I very quickly matched my my take home pay for my previous job, no problem, but then I stayed there for years, you know, and I was like, What am I doing wrong? And I was banging my head against the wall and just going What’s wrong, you know, maybe I need another book. You know, maybe I need this, maybe I need that. When I hired my first coach. Like, everything changed for me. And so I’ve personally experienced that what it did for my income and my ability to follow through and the accountability and my, you know, being able to realise my own dreams, and so on. think that there is absolutely an element of luck, you got to show up and do the work, I’m going to help you because I have all of this experience starting businesses and I’ve been a career counsellor and I’ve done so much in my own work, you know, I’m going to help you show up for that yourself. But there is no overnight You know, you’re not gonna walk right out the door and, and have a bunch of clients you know, throwing themselves at you the minute you put out a Facebook post or website,
David Ralph [21:28]
we see it now that free is the magic number three is the magic number. And it’s it works in so many ways. And one of the reasons why is so powerful in business is that it takes three years to actually get to a point where your your life is starting to do what it should be doing. You know, you spend the first year sort of messing around thinking you’re working really hard, but you’re just kind of playing really and then the second year you start to get an idea of what it should be about. But you know untangling the mess of that. Do and the third year you’ve kind of got priority, but you can really move forward. Did you feel that was a sort of a freeze a magic number with your business as really sort of hit the ground running?
Christine McAlister [22:12]
Um, you know, I have to think about that. I think that because I have often been, you know, juggling a couple of active businesses at once. It’s felt messy a lot of the time. But I think that one thing that has really sort of helped to smooth away is when I finally got over myself and got out of what a man named Rick Hornbeck calls the Bermuda Triangle of entrepreneurship, enough to what does that mean? What does that mean? So what he means by that is that so many times when small businesses fail or entrepreneurs fail, it’s because they’ve gotten themselves into the Bermuda triangle of entrepreneurship where they can’t delegate or they’re afraid to delegate. Or they’ve basically like leveraged themselves too much to be able to grow. So often, when somebody starts a business and then they, you know, they get burnt out, will they blame the business maybe rather than their inability to delegate, rather than their inability to scale at all because they made themselves absolutely indispensable or told themselves they were to every part of it. And often what happens right with entrepreneurs is that they stopped doing what they got into business to do. And instead of, you know, you being a podcaster, and being an amazing interviewer, you’re now your own accountant and you’re your own lawyer and bookkeeper and everything else and you hate those things, let’s say. And so you spend all your time doing stuff that doesn’t actually energise you doesn’t actually make you money, because you’re afraid if you delegated, it won’t be perfect. And then what you find is that you burned out Because you stopped actually doing what you were good at. And so you stopped making money doing what you were good at.
David Ralph [24:05]
He’s really weird when you say that, because it does make total sense. But if you separate yourself from 95% of your business and just focus in the five that you do really, really well, you could go even bit further. But at 20 the real power starts to come because literally every single person that I’ve spoken to has said to me, I got to a point when I was on my knees, literally begging for help. And when I released Let it go, let it go. As I say, it base just started to magically occur around them because they gave themselves space. They weren’t suppressed somehow. It’s like my show. All I do now really is record the shows and then put it out to the world. And I used to be Facebooking and tweeting and instagramming and doing all that kind of stuff. I can’t be bothered anymore, Christina. I think that if the show is good enough, then hopefully Christine will tell her next door neighbour Oh, you should listen to this one. And it will just gradually grow. Now, that might be a naive approach. But it certainly works for me. And I think it works for maybe 95% of the people I speak to the more of a let go and just allow the process to occur. Magic is in the air. Do you think so?
Christine McAlister [25:15]
I totally agree. Yes. Letting Go and allowing Yep. Two beautiful things that I think are really counterintuitive for entrepreneurs because we’ve been told it’s just put your head down and work hard and hustle and grind and that’s the way that you succeed. But I am certainly there’s a lot of work involved, as you know, right. But it’s, it’s a different kind of work. It’s really looking carefully at what you’re good at doing and, and like you said, spending at least 8020 80% of the time on what you’re good at.
David Ralph [25:47]
But what I do think as well is that the hustle muscle right at the very beginning when you’re really churning it out, churning out, I think there’s a learning there’s an upskilling which is so powerful because When you do hand it off to someone, I’m a bit tight with my money, Christine, I don’t mind spending on stuff, but I don’t like to waste money. And I don’t like to spend money on stuff that I can do myself. And I certainly don’t like to hire somebody who then says to me, oh, it’s gonna take 45 minutes per email when I’ve been good. It used to take me 45 seconds. But if you had it off too early, you don’t know. And you just trust these people I see in podcasting land a lot where people go, Oh, we will edit three of your shows per month for $250. And I think why only takes 19 seconds to do a show afterwards, you know, just do it and get it out of the way, you know, save the money where you can but know the process. Do you think that that’s important that you should at least know the pros process before you delegate?
Christine McAlister [26:45]
Yes, I totally agree. And I think you know, it that actually works for people when they’re getting started because often they are scared to invest in their business, right. So I think that they can really use that to their advantage by saying great, this is your time. Learn what works to learn what you like to learn what you hate. And also, like you said, to know, when somebody is snowing you and going, Oh, they don’t want to do it, I’m going to charge them an exorbitant rate. No, it shouldn’t take you that long, you know, that makes you a better business owner that makes you a better CEO of your own business and helps you to, to feel in control and powerful because you’re not getting taken advantage of.
David Ralph [27:24]
But let’s play some words now. hugely powerful. And then we’re going to delve back into your story. He’s Oprah,
Oprah Winfrey [27:30]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this too. But what is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because, you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you because failure is just a to point you in a different direction.
David Ralph [28:02]
Now I’m looking at you at the moment you’re looking young, youthful, you’re looking like you love life, but I’m sure on this journey that you’ve been on. There has been times when you’ve looked like Tina Turner after a bad night, you’ve looked extremely rough. How did you get to that point that Oprah is talking about finding the next right thing that will take you away from the Tina Turner to the glamour that you’ve got now?
Christine McAlister [28:31]
Well, you know, a couple of years ago, I really hit a rock bottom in my personal life. And that definitely resulted in many Tina Turner moments. And what happened to was that after a perfect pregnancy, my daughter unexpectedly passed away right before her due date. Oh, Sam, so um, yeah, I went to a routine doctor appointment and you know, getting ready Just put the car seat in the car finished the baby showers and they said her heart had stopped. And so I had to then go to the hospital and deliver this baby who I knew had already passed away. And, you know, talk about a very backward
experience, right? Like, that’s not the normal course of life.
You’re not supposed to
outlive your kids. And
Unknown Speaker [29:32]
I use that too.
Christine McAlister [29:37]
You know, those kind of bathroom floor moments to go What am I going to do with my life? Like, yeah, I’ve already accomplished a tonne. But what do I really want it to be about and what do I really want my legacy to be both for myself and for my daughter, right? Because she didn’t ever have a chance to make one like, I want her to have one. I want people to know her. I want you know, Her to be remembered and not forgotten. Because she was a real person. And so I think, you know, that experience is what really taught me the power and the the ability to choose not to say, Oh, I’m not going to grieve, I’m just going to move on, but to say, How am I going to use this grief? To do something powerful, you know, to transmute this extremely devastating and strong emotion to something that makes a difference into something that I’m proud of, and not just lock myself in the room with, you know, wine for the rest of my life, which I could have done, right.
David Ralph [30:45]
I think we could all do at times like that, you know, and and does it simply come down to no matter what the situation what’s occurring in New Life, a decision does it totally come down to the fact that although we’re saying Let it go. When you decide that something is going to occur, it will good or bad, but at least you’ve started moving away from that situation.
Christine McAlister [31:12]
I think that the power of choice is almost, you know, paramount. I think there’s a quote from Charles swindoll, who I’m roughly paraphrasing, he says that
life is 90%
of 90%. how you respond to the 10% that happens to you? And I do believe that, I think that’s very well said. I think that in any moment, we do have a choice. We have a choice if we’re going to look at something and see ourselves as a victim or if we’re going to look at I think Tony Robbins says, you know, you can frame things that things are happening for you rather than things are happening to you. And I think that that’s a really powerful shift to make. So I think whether it’s big or small, you know, my tendency is to go, alright, I’m going to decide, and then I’m going to figure out the how, and then I’m going to do it. And I think that there’s also an element. And perhaps the balance, the other side of this is in like deciding but then also allowing the process to happen, like you said, and I think that a lot of times, you know, when we’re, when we’re striving, when we’re pushing when we’re really driven, we don’t get that allowing part. We’re like, no, if I decide I should just be able to like bang it out. And I think the perhaps like the growth in the work is in learning how to allow the process to unfold rather than forcing it or trying to force it.
David Ralph [32:42]
And any, it’s a strange thing, isn’t it, but we all get to that point where we’ve got a room full of open doors and we will be banging ourselves against a locked one and we’re never gonna get through it. And we come see, but if we turn our head, there’s an empty door, two seconds away. That’s going to take us into another room until somebody comes in. And just grabs us by our head and just twists it and we go, Oh, yeah, we can go over there. I was talking to a guy called Jeff Thompson. And he had this story about how when he’s talking to somebody, he likens it to be put into a room that is totally black. So imagine you’re blindfolded and you’re put into this room totally black and you’re left. And it’s one of these rooms where there’s no sound is a sort of sensory deprivation kind of room, and you realise you’ve got a blindfold on, so you take off the blindfold, but there’s nothing bear. So for a while, you just sit in that room on the floor, because you’re scared. You think that if you move an inch, something’s gonna you know, you’re gonna fall down a hole or something. And after about sort of 20 minutes, 30 minutes, you think to yourself, Well, this has been stupid, I need to sort of start moving away. So you start moving away, you start moving away, and then you feel this, this object in the corner, and you put your hands around it and you think that that feels familiar. I recognise that and you realise it’s a fridge. So you open the fridge and then the fridge light just shines a little bit like it does not as much Americans do Americans have got these enormous bridges full of food that we just don’t have in England. But it’s there’s a light there’s a light shedding across. And just as you saw appear across the room, you start to see that there’s there might be a door or something. So you’ve got competence now but there’s there’s a way forward and the lights being shot. And when you open the door, you realise that there’s just a weld outside. And he was saying that is how he feels that people transition from one point to another for a long time, they just sit in the dark, just beating but they can’t move in case they fall. And then a little by little a light will shine some competence on them and I will start moving forward. But of course once you move forward, you can never go back to that spot. That spot is gone. You’ve just got to keep them going bear is that the kind of thing that that your your clients struggle with that belief right at the very beginning, but actually they can open a fridge door see a light and see a new way of operating.
Christine McAlister [34:57]
Yes, yes. And I love that analogy, I love it so much, because I do agree with you that it’s just one small illumination, right? That changes everything. And I think that it also starts to build your belief in yourself, it starts to build your confidence, right? Because it comes from from taking action rather than waiting to feel competent to do something which might never happen. So so I think that a lot of times my clients come to me going, I think she can help me with that first step. And then I think she can help me with the next one. And I think sometimes there’s a sort of borrowing of belief, right, like for you, you know, teaching other people how to, to build successful podcasts, of course, they want to learn from you who’s done it and they love your show. And so they’re like, well, if he can do it, and he knows it’s working, then I’m going to trust that he’s going to help me get started in the right way rather than flailing around in the dark. You know, looking for the fridge
David Ralph [35:59]
today. Huge powers. Well, Christina, I’ve realised of allowing people to see your thoughts, allowing people to understand that they are not more than two steps away from you. I think that is when the fridge light really blast. You know, I’m very open with people and I say, look, if you want a techie person, I’m not your man. I know just enough to do what needs to be done. But the results are amazing. If you want to set your office up like the Starship Enterprise and have buttons here and stuff, then I’m not your man. I don’t know how to do that. And I find that actually setting yourself up as vulnerable and humble, and warts and all is a real way of bridging that gap to allow that bridge to shine brighter to you.
Christine McAlister [36:46]
Yes, absolutely. And it’s funny because I used to be very private, about about my life. And now I think people are quite surprised by the things that I choose to share and how open I am about you know, The loss of my daughter made and my struggles along the way. But I also think that it’s really easy for people to, to assume that you’re perfect because you have some nice pictures and you have a decent looking website and you know, you’ve worked with some clients and to, to tell themselves the story about how you’re so much further along and you’re unapproachable, right? And so I think that you make yourself both memorable and accessible by doing exactly what you’re talking about sharing parts of the journey, instead of putting this pressure on yourself to be perfect, appear perfect and only share things that you’ve already analysed, and there’s no way anybody could think you were anything but perfect.
David Ralph [37:43]
And how perfect Are you on a rating of one to 10 on your best days? How perfect are you?
Unknown Speaker [37:50]
Oh my gosh.
Christine McAlister [37:53]
I would say I feel like I’m a five. I mean, I feel like I’m pretty Yeah,
David Ralph [37:59]
I go take I go 10 on my real good days when I think nothing can stop me and it’s just like, you know, there’s a power source flooding out there. I say, Tina, you’ve got to be 10 Christina Yeah.
Christine McAlister [38:13]
Well, I appreciate the faith, but you know, we always know what’s, what’s going on in our own heads and where we’d like to be better. And I also think that, you know, for a long time, I expected myself to be perfect, but then setting myself up in that way sort of, you know, gave my brain permission to look for all the ways that I wasn’t, and I think that I’m not any more or less perfect, then someone else I think I’m, as you said earlier, really consistent and really persistent and determined, you know, to, to make a difference to build my business to be visible. And hey, if that comes across as a 10, like, that’s awesome. I’m glad.
David Ralph [38:57]
We’re always gonna come across as attend and it when you’re in Your element, your super talent when you’re in that state of flow, and you’re just doing something seems so easy and it’s just flying, you’ve got to feel like a 10, don’t you?
Christine McAlister [39:09]
Yes, in that in that way it does. And that way it feels like you said the state of flow like, this is me being, you know, doing what I am meant to do being as probably as close to perfect as I’m ever going to get because it is just flowing out of me. I love that.
David Ralph [39:29]
So how often do you get to that state of 10? I’ve had to phrase it in a different way. How often do you think that you get to that point?
Christine McAlister [39:38]
I would say I do my best to structure my my schedule so that I get to experience that set myself up for that every day. Whether it’s a live stream, which I love to do with my community or coaching calls, or you know, giving away coaching I still like to do a lot of that to you know, help and inspire people wherever They are writing, I also feel that way about writing. So creating content that’s inspirational, being open and being really visible and working with my clients, I would say those are the things that really lift me up and and get me to that state.
David Ralph [40:14]
So you’ve now gone from a five to saying that you attend every day.
Christine McAlister [40:19]
That is, thanks to your coaching David. Good job well
David Ralph [40:22]
done. You dream big dream big. I am the fridge and I’m opening my chest on you and you’re being bathed in light. Now, just before we listen to the words of Steve Jobs, who created the whole format of this show? You say, and I said it in the introduction. I’m a dreamer, and a doula. And if you have a dream, it’s mine to help make yours come true. How do you do that? Because I find that I am a dreamer. And I’m a doula. So we’re kindred spirits. I could be the male version where I am the male version of you and you’re the female version of me. So we got you know, very similar outlooks in life. But when I’m saying to people, Come on, you can do that you can do. It takes such a lot of energy to actually get them to take that first step. Sometimes I go can’t be bothered. And it’s not my dream anymore. It’s not my dream to help them make their dream come true. Because I’ll just do it. Just do it. You know, I’ve turned away six figures in clients that just bored me. Because when I was saying to him what you’d need to do by the next week, do this, do that. And they’d come back with just excuses. How do you overcome that? Because dreamers and doers make things happen? But unfortunately, your dream could become a nightmare can
Christine McAlister [41:35]
totally totally and this has been something that I have have learned along the way. I think that a lot of times it is about establishing a relationship before you decide to work together in the client coaching relationship. I think that for a lot of years, I was really encouraging people who didn’t even really care to be encouraged just because I had this desire to do it. Right. So my friends, my family, like I was trying to make them into entrepreneurs and they were like, I’m good. Like, this is not my dream, right. And so I think part of it is not throwing my encouragement pearls before swine, if you will. I think that part of it is also really establishing ahead of time, a strong relationship and how this is going to look and trusting that the client establishing the client is going to show up 100% for themselves, and helping them trust themselves to do that, and knowing and trusting myself that I am going to show up for them 100% as well, and that their relationship is going to work because they’re also investing and I feel like sometimes, honestly, the investment is what allows them to show up and do the follow through. But then there are sometimes the clients who, you know, they get, they get scared because they don’t want to have to ask for help because then it would mean that they weren’t the star student and I feel like that’s an opportunity for them. To learn and reflect on themselves, and I’m very comfortable helping them reflect on the not showing up, right? So learning how I’ve learned how to empower them to then turn that around and then that is a skill they’ll take with them wherever, whether we work on a website or Facebook posts or their dream business or whatever. I want them to leave with that shift in perspective, so they’re no longer going on just got overwhelmed and procrastinate, you know, now they know how to ask for help. Now they know how to follow through. They’re training themselves on how that feels and learning to catch and coach themselves in a way.
David Ralph [43:36]
And have you had the clients when you’ve gone low? You just bore me. You just bore me we’ve we’ve got to park This is not gonna work.
Christine McAlister [43:44]
Yeah, in the beginning of my business, I worked with somebody who just like you said wasn’t available to show up for the work. I was only working in three months. Pro packages programmes at that time, and so it really took me About that length of time to figure out like, they just weren’t, they just weren’t available for it, they weren’t willing to make the change and you know, so I knew that I had given them everything I could. And we we parted on the best of terms and I was very clear and said, Look, here’s what I see. Here’s your opportunity, but you’re telling me that this is not something you’re willing to do for XYZ reasons so okay, that’s your choice. Right? But like you said, there’s not really anything else we can do here.
David Ralph [44:28]
Yeah, shift them on shift them on I won’t do anything in my life now if it’s not fun, and if I if I can be excited if I wake up in the morning and not all the time, but more often than not I wake up and think oh, what’s happening today? Oh, yeah, that’s that’s when I really know that I’m on track. When the excitement the the body’s compass is pointing to the E and E is it for excitement?
Christine McAlister [44:50]
Oh, I love that. You got to make it Join Up Dots compass.
David Ralph [44:55]
There you go. That would work as well and I will sell that on the internet but but 1000 pounds ago. But I’ll be a multimillionaire. I saw a guy yesterday she Christine just before played a Steve Jobs speech. And in the United Kingdom, this is we don’t we tax our cars, we have to tax our cars to drive. I don’t know if America is the same. And each year, we actually have to pay the government a certain amount of money to tax our cars. And in the window of our cars, we always used to have a little disk. And it told me that the police or whoever, when the tax was run out, so you could walk along and you could go all that cars in trouble because the tax desk was sort of expired. And they changed that and they didn’t have the text discs anymore. And this kid who’s 14 years old, who was 12, at the time said to his dad, how do people know when they need to tax their car again? and his dad said, well, the government send you a letter and he said, Yeah, but what happens if they don’t read the letters? What happens if it you know, they just put it in with a pile and stuff, and this 12 year old came up with this idea to create this website, my car needs to be tax calm or whatever, and just send out a kind of replica version of what I used to have. But I could put in their window just as a reminder in the yellow code. Anyhow, he did $3,000 on our 3000 pounds on these first day, this kid just for these four pound discs, and once he’d been doing it for six months, a company came along and said, Oh, I’d like to buy that company from you. And he was only 12. So he said, Yeah, okay, I sell that. And he sells it. And he buys three acres of land in a local town, which then a year later, a property company come along and say, we want to give you 2 million and this this 14 year old said, Do you know I didn’t even question about the money because actually, it’s quite a lot of money for a 14 year old and a 14 year old. It’s 2 million. It’s a lot of money for everyone. It’s a lot of money for everyone. Now, what kind of makes a kid like that do that at such a young age. When we as always As we go now it’s never gonna work out what’s the point in doing that? Is it because he’s not jaded by life that he he believes in wonder I was fascinated by that story so I throw it out to you why is a 14 year old? a multimillionaire now based on the fact that he did something that I would have thought was a stupid idea.
Unknown Speaker [47:18]
Love that.
Christine McAlister [47:21]
Yeah, I think there’s a willingness to to try right and maybe, who knows, maybe his dad encouraged him and said, Yeah, do this like devote some devote some time and energy to it? I think a lot of times, you know, kids have ideas and then they’re not validated or they’re worse, they’re shut down. And you know, they’re they begin to train their brains that, oh, I have an idea but it’s not practical, right. So good for this kid and whoever encouraged him to, to pursue this stuff and then to turn around and reinvest it and all of those things. I think that there is something about kids and I’m sure you can speak to this to that. That there is a Yeah, they’re not jaded, they’re not shut down. They’re not talking themselves out of their dreams in the name of being practical. And it sounds like, you know, that kid was really observant too. So in the perfect storm, he used his powers of observation to ask a good question and then turn around and create a simple solution for people that they were just, you know, to, in their own heads to see right. So I think it’s probably a combination, but I also really believe and if you had told me this a few years ago, I would have like rolled my eyes and laughed at you and kept moving on. But I really do believe that there’s something about who we are as kids that is really insightful to what we’re meant to do in the world. Like your example getting up in front of the class and sending everyone home and then you know, now you speak to millions of people and lead them I think, if we are willing to look back at at who we were as kids at what made us unique, then and ask maybe people Who would remember from being outside, you know, being outside of us, we can really apply those lessons to create lives that do light us up that do get us out of bed every morning, you know, pointing to eat.
David Ralph [49:15]
I agree, I agree totally. And that’s why the whole thing of Join Up Dots is connecting our past to build our futures. The clues are there, we’ve led them, we’ve got the skills, we’ve got the experience, we just need to pull it together. And as we’re going to hear from Steve Jobs Now, one of the big things he used to say was stay young and be foolish or something. And I think that that playful element is when it all comes together. But as adults, we kind of think, ah, it’s not going to work. We’re going to be serious. So let’s hear the words of Steve Jobs. And then we’re going to ask you what we normally ask our guests. What is your big dot story.
Steve Jobs [49:47]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference. Yeah, good words, aren’t they?
Unknown Speaker [50:24]
So good.
David Ralph [50:26]
So when you look back on your life, and we’ve all adults that have joined up from being in Oxford University, probably just drinking cheap beer, doing your creative writing course and then going for the film’s and then stumbling into the horses. Do you have a big.in your life when you look back anything? Yeah, because of that because that’s it. That’s the thing that really sticks with me. This is where I am today. It was kind of your signpost to where you are.
Christine McAlister [50:52]
I think the biggest theme or dot that I can actually see in several places and connect join up is that when I saw something I was really excited about doing or having I just said about doing it. And I think that if you ask friends or family, they would say, that’s the thing that’s kind of weird about Christine. You know, she decided she wanted a horse right out of school cool. She found a way to make that happen on a teacher salary, and then, you know, grow that into a breeding business. Or, you know, she decided she wanted to go to Oxford. Yeah, all right. She just did it without making it a big deal. And I think that starting my own business was the same. It was something I really wanted for a long time. I started it on the side. As soon as I got out of school, I went full time with it as soon as I could see away and I think that’s the biggest thing is that a lot of times people will look and be like, how have you done all of this, and I just, I just did it. You know, I just said about finding a way to do it, and maybe it’s that idea of believing it’s possible of not telling myself It should be this or it should be this, but like, this is what I want. So let’s, let’s set about doing it.
David Ralph [52:11]
I love that. I just did it. And that’s what it comes down to. To me. It’s just doing stuff time and time again, some of it works. Some of it doesn’t. Sometimes you spend cash, and it works like a dream. Other times you think I’ve just wasted a load of cash. But it just helps you learn and fine tunes. And little by little you get to where you want to be just by doing it.
Christine McAlister [52:34]
Yes, I completely agree.
David Ralph [52:37]
No big secret as there was no big secret that we were going to be leading towards this part of the show. This is the part of the show that we call the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Christine, what age would you choose and what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because we’re gonna play the theme. And when it fades, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [53:06]
We go with the best bit of the show.
Christine McAlister [53:24]
Okay, Christine 12 year old Christine.
You already have everything that you need to go after the things and achieve the things that you’re dreaming of. Right now. I think that there are a lot of doubts in your little head because you feel like you’re not normal. You’re not like everybody else in your class everybody else in your school with your dreams and your goals. But that also means that you are so much more capable than your Giving yourself credit for. And I think the most important thing is to find other people who are doing what it is that you want to do and learn from them and set about having them, having them teach you having them help you. And if you do those things, then you will get where you want to be a lot faster than you can even imagine.
David Ralph [54:24]
Christine, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Christine McAlister [54:29]
You can find me everywhere at life with passion. Ladies, I have a private Facebook group called life with passion society, I’d love to have you there. Otherwise life with passion on Facebook, Twitter, you can find me I love to learn more about you and your dreams and encourage you.
David Ralph [54:48]
Great stuff. Well, Christine, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way To build up YouTubers, Christine, thank you so much.
Christine McAlister [55:04]
Thank you David. This has been excellent.
David Ralph [55:08]
Wow, lovely lady. Absolutely open, honest. And you can see you just do it, you do it you do and you keep on doing it and you little by little, you get better and little by little you overcome obstacles and mistakes stuff. There’s no real secret there really isn’t, you know, I wish I’d started earlier. But then again, the technology probably wasn’t bad. As I’ve said before, I wish I’ve done loads of things. Because now I’ve started doing it, I can see how much momentum you can build up in such a short period of time. The fact that we are now coming up to three years of Join Up Dots We are now in podcast awards, we are now being recognised blah, blah, blah, blah. It only started with me deciding to do it and then keep on doing it. You can do that as well. Anything you want in life, you can go for it. If you need any help, just drop us a line at Join Up dots@gmail.com or come over to the Facebook group and we will connect with you. Until next time, we’ll speak again soon.
Outro [56:01]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.
