Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Dr Fay Butler
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Introducing Dr Fay Butler
Todays guest, joining us on the Join Up Dots Podcast interview, is a lady who has such a tale to tell she is absolutely perfect for a show like Join Up Dots.
Known as someone who laughs a lot, Dr Fay Butler actually says in her own words “That I don’t look like what I have been through”
And she has certainly been through a lot, not least becoming a survivor of breast cancer.
Living in New York, she has spent the majority of the last 30 years working in higher education, and it is obvious that she is a lady who believes in empowerment, and inspiring others to reach for their dreams.
With her weekly radio show, her blogs, podcast, and myriad of media platforms she has set out on a path that is uniquely her and 100% giving to others.
So how did she get here?
How did Dr Fay Butler find that path, and more importantly know that it was the one that would light her up inside?
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Dr Fay M Butler
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Dr Fay Butler such as:
How you shouldn’t focus on creating a brand, be unique and let the brand come to you!
How once diagnosed with cancer, she saw it as “A little crisis” and focused on what needed to be done to overcome it!
How its ok to cry for a moment, but then you must get it together and move onwards!
How she almost went into a profession that was her fathers, even though it wasn’t her passion for a career!
How you should play to your strengths and stay in your life lane!
How To Connect With Dr Fay Butler
If you enjoyed this episode of Join Up Dots then why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Ted Yoder, Sean Swarner or the amazing Alfie Best
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription Of Dr Fay Butler
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, Hello, good morning to you all, and welcome to Episode 48 of Join Up Dots. We are going global on a daily basis, I wake up and look at the map of the world. And if you import casting, you get the kind of vision of the world and it starts showing where people are listening. And every time I look at it, another country has gone green. So I’m really proud to say that we are big in France. Hello, France. How are you this morning, it’s great to have you listening. And today’s guest is a lady that I should have had on a couple of weeks ago. But just as we we’re about to record, the heavens opened and the storm that glueing just blew out of our system. So it’s an absolute delight to have her back on the show. Because she is a lady who has such a towel to tell. She’s absolutely perfect for a show like Join Up Dots, known as someone who laughed a lot. And I’ve been talking to her already and she hasn’t stopped laughing once which is great. There you go, you can hear her again. She actually says in her own words that I don’t look like what I’ve been through. And she’s certainly been through a lot not least becoming a survivor of breast cancer. now living in New York, she spent the majority of the last 30 years working in higher education. And it’s obvious that she is a lady who believes in empowerment and inspiring others to reach for their dreams. With a weekly radio show her blogs podcast, a myriad of media platforms, she set out on a path that is uniquely her and 100% giving to others. But how did she get here? How did she find that path? And more importantly, know it was the one that would lie to up inside? Well, let’s not delay anymore, and bring on the show be amazingly inspirational and motivational. And very tragically, Dr. Fay Butler, how are you today Dr. Fay Butler?
Dr Fay Butler [2:10]
I’m doing well my friend and I am chuckling just that introduction made me smile and chuckle yes, I do laugh a lot. But I’m doing quite well today.
David Ralph [2:19]
I use somebody that laughs a lot but will never tell a joke, are you because I’ve realised recently that the kind of funny people in life don’t actually laugh at themselves. And the people who appreciate humour are the ones that will spend all their day laughing but will never actually be the sort of centre comic part.
Dr Fay Butler [2:39]
Yeah, I don’t think I’m very funny. I can be humorous. On occasion I have a lot of people in my family laugh a lot. I have a nephew that when we get together, you would even say Okay, you guys have to split you up. You’re just laughing too much about anything. So sometimes I could have like very dry humour, like make like funny statements. But I just like to enjoy life. And I just like to smile. And even today, you know, this weather is just so crazy. On Monday, New York, it was like 80 degrees. And today it feels like it’s 50 degrees. I’m like, What is going on here? But I laugh about it and going about my business.
David Ralph [3:13]
You can only do you know what my wife looks at the weather every morning. And she says, What’s the weather going to do today? And I go, I don’t get why you look at it. It’s worth it. There’s nothing you can do just experience it.
Dr Fay Butler [3:26]
Yeah, yeah. So true. So true. But you know, it’s such a letdown, you know, yeah, we had this beautiful day on Monday. And then like now today, I’m like, Oh, I’m cold. I don’t like to be cold. So it’s all good.
David Ralph [3:38]
Well, let’s warm you up. Let’s warm you up from the United Kingdom. Because I’ve got I’ve got a load of questions. And the first one that only occurred to me just before we went live. And since you connected with me, I’ve been in my head. And in all the sort of introductions that I’ve been writing, calling you Dr. Fay Butler. But then I was on your radio show Top of the morning and your doctor fight morning. You’ve got two names. You’re like a spy. Well, why? Why? Because two names. Okay.
Dr Fay Butler [4:07]
Okay, because my mother’s name is faith. And so she’s faith Ellis Butler. So to distinguish, like from when I was younger people, like my family members would call me Maureen. And I just figured to make it easier when I was doing this global thing. Just to say that the fame Maureen just to distinguish myself from you know who she is. And it just kind of stopped that just started saying fame marine. Because some people know me as face some know me as marine. And it’s kind of very humorous. When I’m in one setting, and the two crowds of then I’m answering to two names people like, give me these looks like what is going on. So it’s just very humorous to me. That’s why this whole doctor a Marine, and it stuck. So I’m just not the famous marine. So it’s very humorous to me.
David Ralph [4:50]
So well, what are you a doctor of?
Dr Fay Butler [4:53]
Okay, I went to Columbia University, actually. And I finished my work in higher education administration. So I basically was trained to work on college campuses and to work with students and I really enjoyed what I do. I work on a college campus. Now I love being around young people and youth and people of other ages, you know, students, but I like being in that atmosphere.
David Ralph [5:14]
And so you are a Doctor of Education?
Dr Fay Butler [5:18]
David Ralph [5:18]
yes. Yes. In a particular specialism?
Dr Fay Butler [5:22]
Yes, I’m just administration, and management and leadership. That’s what I really studied, when I was in school management, leadership and administration.
David Ralph [5:33]
And is the theme of the show is Join Up Dots. So we’re going to be taking you right back in time to connect your dots. But at the moment, just before we start sort of going back in time, in the introduction, I was saying that you are somebody that from, from what I’ve seen of you inspire others to reach for their dreams. And it seems that you are on the path now, but seems uniquely yours. Do you feel that?
Dr Fay Butler [5:58]
I do. I believe that right now, it’s been kind of an unusual path. But right now, I was even saying yesterday, I was at, you know, this meeting with a group of authors and business people. And I told them, I said, you know, we’re a lot of different hats, but it’s all okay, it’s all come together. And it’s just very uniquely me. You know, I remember when I was talking to people, and they like, well, you need to get a brand. But I kept saying, Well, I don’t fit in one place, I don’t fit in the traditional box, I’m just kind of out of the box kind of person. So I’m very comfortable with where I am now. And all of the different things I do and, and I look forward to the future.
David Ralph [6:38]
It’s interesting when you talk about getting a brand, because if you are in the online world, so many people say before you do anything, create the brand had the idea of what you are going to be pushing out into the world. But the more I’m doing it, I kind of think to yourself, really, the brand takes care of itself. It’s the audience response in and creates what it is. So somebody like for example, Elvis, you know, he’s he’s, he died, what, 40 years ago or something 35 years ago? Yes, he and you only have to say the word Elvis. And you know what? He’s breaking laws, because he was uniquely himself. Right? When people say to you think of the bland Do you go, Oh, shut up, you know, just let me do my thing. And away I go. You might say it in a nicer way. Because you
Dr Fay Butler [7:32]
know, I say it in a nicer way. But, you know, I would say about a year ago seemed kind of stressful to me. Why would this brand just let things happen? Naturally, I’m kind of like, you just let it flow, just let it flow. And I found out kind of as I began to explore things, because I love to read as I begin to explore things and kind of do things on social networking site that just felt comfortable with that brand kind of built itself. Like like that. He was just saying, you know, I had a lot of people asked me now or how did I do this? And how do you do that? I’m like, well, years ago, I didn’t really sit down and plan it this way. I just started doing the things that I really enjoyed that were comfortable for me. And it just happened. It just happened. So
David Ralph [8:11]
no energy to add a feel like doing an Elvis and start swinging your hips on stage.
Dr Fay Butler [8:19]
David Ralph [8:21]
No, can we get you to do it now? just just just a little bit.
Dr Fay Butler [8:27]
That is pretty funny. Now that’s pretty good, though. That’s pretty good. No, but I just feel very, very comfortable with where things are. Right now. I’m just kind of how things happen. And you know, people just need to be comfortable with who they are. And it’s funny you say that because in my little ride New York human sort of way, back in January, I was sitting at my desk one day, and I was reading all these different things about social media, this best lyst best list to read 30 things do these 10 things now said, What ever so I just I was being sarcastic. And I said, Okay, the nine best things you should do. When you’re not like a social media expert that you know, you’re not like the other soft kind of wrote this article just being very playful. And I sent it off to one of these online magazines and forgot about it. And about a month or so after that. I woke up early one morning, and I said why all these people sending me this stuff on Twitter, then I thought first somebody stole my article. So I was like, what’s going on? Then I started laughing at myself. But a magazine they publish it and I think people liked it. Because it was like, right, human. I was poking fun at all of these lists and best practices. And what you can and can’t do is really over the top, it’s really a quite a bit. So you know, that’s kind of where I am. I’m like, okay, just be yourself. And that’s one of the things I said in that article, be yourself, just be yourself and feel comfortable with who you are. And then Phaedra you’re not going to be overnight success. You know, it takes people years to do this. But you know, they make it seem like, oh, they’ve been successful for very long.
David Ralph [9:59]
That’s the key thing is it’s the highlights mentality. We see people we see the have some folds, we see the Donald Trump’s and I say this in so many of these shows, because it is so important. And we look at them and we go, yes, he’s Indiana Jones. That’s what I want to be. But I don’t see all the times when he was getting just a walk on power part or you know, a couple of lines here. And there you we only see success when it becomes visible to us.
Dr Fay Butler [10:25]
See, see? Exactly, exactly, exactly. And that’s why I was saying them. And in that article, we just see the success now of let’s say a lot of these st strategic strategists rather and these companies and what they’ve been doing, but we don’t see kind of like the backstory, you know, what, how long it took them to get to this place of the things they failed, that the things they were successful at, all we see is now it’s kind of like almost like too much, it really is kind of an overdose on best practices list. And then you have all these rules on different social networking sites where you can do that, but you can’t do that. And so if the average person just wants to do a little bit, it can be like overwhelming if they just want a simple message. Sometimes we just need to keep it simple. For the average person just who just wants to do a little bit of something. In terms of social media,
David Ralph [11:15]
I say on a lot of shows that one of the things that has really come to the fore with me is, as I’m getting this show off the ground. And it still in early days, I realised that the best thing that has occurred to me was no one listened in the early days. And it went when I hit on the 30th of April, that was my launch date, I thought to myself, suddenly I’m going to turn a tap and is going to be thousands of people. And now I look back on it, I think thank God that wasn’t because I was okay, I was all right. But I was nowhere near where I am now. And hopefully in 300 shows I’m going to be so much better again. And so I almost want the audience now to only come when the shows are more polished and fingers crossed that that’s happening.
Dr Fay Butler [12:04]
You know what that that that right there, you see that you can take that you need to write it on point that that is so true. We start things let’s say even if you have people, entrepreneurs, and you start something and in the beginning you kind of finding your way through you, you’re learning about things. So it’s a good thing that you have time to establish yourself. Because the same is true with me, you know, I’m just like you at the show and kind of beginning you kind of work things out. But you get to a point now where you begin to feel a little bit more polished, you learn a little bit more about, let’s say the industry and how to how to work things. But that that really is an excellent point. In the beginning, we are building the foundation, you need time, to me make areas and kinda as I say stumbling and fumble through things and learn your way.
David Ralph [12:48]
I think that’s a perfect segue to the Steve Jobs speech. And the theme of the show is really we don’t know our path in life until we, we stop and we reflect and we connect our power. And many times when we look back over the things that we liked doing, or the things that we enjoyed more than anything else, or some style that we were just easily doing. That is when we connect him and we realise what we should be doing with life. So I’m just going to play the words of Steve Jobs now. And then afterwards, as I do with all the guests, I’m going to ask your feelings of these words and how, whether they were relevant to you in the past, whether they’re relevant to you now, or maybe you don’t agree with them at all, this is Steve Jobs. Okay.
Unknown Speaker [13:29]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards, 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future, you have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when lead you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [14:05]
But you seem a supremely competent lady, when you listen to those words online, have they been relevant to your life?
Dr Fay Butler [14:13]
I definitely agree with what he said, man. And as you were playing this speech, I went back action I thought about when I was sitting at my college graduation many, many years ago. And, you know, you go through college and the expectation is that, okay, you, you’re going to get a job right away, or you’re going to do something to be successful. But you know, and in looking and, and listening to a speech, you know, I would I would have to say that the dots are connecting now because I can look back and look at kind of the different stages that I went through. And, you know, of course, a lot of people say if I know now what I knew then what a difference, but I’m kind of glad the past my life took and the different seasons, you know, we all have different seasons in our life. And, you know, I’m just grateful for the different seasons, I will do you know many things differently. But, you know, I’ve survived and I’ve gotten to this point in time because the dots have connected and you know what, it’s, it hasn’t been like a straight line of dots connecting the dots have connected in a like a zigzag sort of way. I don’t know if that’s making sense to you. Yeah, the dots kind of have to zigzag all around, but they’ve connected. And so now I’m at this point, and you caught me supremely confident, you know, and that’s maybe a good thing. I’m only confident because I believe, you know, certainly in the faith that I have, and and as you know, I wear all these hats. I’m a pastor, but looking back then I would have never envisioned this where I am now, I would have never viewed a ex me something that was 18 1920. I would have said I’ll probably be a lawyer, or probably do this. But I would have never envisioned this now. But I’m glad that the dots connected in this video exact sort of way. But he’s he sees absolutely right that you know, when he made that speech, and I’m a big fan of Steve Jobs, very big fan,
David Ralph [16:08]
by a very simple word. Sounds amazing. Yeah. Simple. And I think that’s the beauty of them.
Unknown Speaker [16:15]
Dr Fay Butler [16:15]
Yes, it is it amazingly simple. And anyone, if they just take like 30 seconds or minute to reflect the one he said, talking about the past, and leading towards a future everyone has a past. And I don’t care what kind of past it is, we all have a past that has influenced or impacted our future. And I think how we have, I think, act and react for what has happened in our past, whether good or bad is how will will make out in the future. I mean, you You said something earlier in the introduction. Yes, I am a breast cancer survivor. So I could have taken that whole season in my life of that season of sick sickness and kind of let it really overwhelming. But, you know, didn’t add here to add to that, Okay, I’m gonna get through this. I can survive this. I’m going to do what the doctor tells me to do. And it’ll be better. You know, there’ll be a better time some sometime in the future. And that’s how kind of connected the dots of that season of sickness to the season. You know, right now where I am where when? Well, I’m a cancer survivor. Are you all clear?
Unknown Speaker [17:22]
Yes, yes, sir. I am. Yes, I am. Well,
David Ralph [17:25]
yes. Praise the Lord. You know, yeah,
Dr Fay Butler [17:28]
yeah, yeah, more clear. And I did the treatment, and I was taking this pill called max offence, which some people in your listening audience, you know, probably would be familiar with. And I’m basically finished with the prescription with that. And one thing it did for me now, this is interesting about dots connected zigzag. Because, you know, when that happened, you know, you kind of pause and say, Okay, I’m having this little crisis, and then I even at around the same time, a little problem with my knee. So it really made me make a lot of adjustments and change, even my diet and exercise routine. So when I went through that treatment, and I was taking a chemotherapy pill, I, you know, I always took care of myself, but even gotten even a little bit better in terms of my diet and what I tried to do, and how I approach health and wellness, it plays a big part in my life. So that was a dot that forced me to connect some other dots.
David Ralph [18:18]
When you were speaking just then you said, you were diagnosed, and it was a little crisis. Now many people out there will go, Oh, my God, this the end of my life? Did you did you just see it as a little crisis or something that you needed to work out to get through?
Dr Fay Butler [18:35]
Okay, so they what they should understand the reason why I use those words, okay, when I was diagnosed, I already had another family member who had gone through this in that year. So there was some background information that I knew. And I had a support network network, plus, I have a sister who’s a physician. So I think part of it was that I knew I had a support network in place already. So that kind of concerned and I tell people we had gone through this kind of crisis, or, or sickness or challenge, the person who’s gone through, it always needs someone else as support or other people to go with them to doctors appointments and other things. Because that person is just trying to think about I want to get better, and other people need to kind of be listening to the doctor as to what the treatment plan, you know, just little things like that. I remember, the Friday before my surgery, my sister was a physician went with me to, you know, the pre surgical meeting. And I didn’t take any notes, I kind of sat there like a like a bump on a log, but she kind of took all the information in and I felt confident because she was there. So that’s why I said, tackle crisis. And when the doctor called me, she called me the night before and what I learned is that you go to a doctor Nason test. So if everything is good, the doctor generally doesn’t call you like maybe a technician calls you or something like that. So when the doctor left me a message, I knew that there was something wrong. So I kind of had a whole like to say, okay, there’s something that good here. Simon mentioned anything that anyone except the one friend, and my friend was like, oh, it’ll be okay. But I kind of knew someone that doctor called me I believe, even in how she delivered the message really helped my confidence. She said, Look, this is what it is. It’s really small, it’s really early, we can get it out, you’ll be okay. So that’s why, you know, kind of had some kind of confidence in in the whole process and the procedure.
David Ralph [20:26]
Well, you know, I love you to pat back on your, your, your website, or I don’t know, we’ve seen it might have been on Skype or somewhere. I keep on seeing, I’m still standing in like Catholic Answers. And, you know, it’s the elton john song, it comes out in my head when I see those words. And you really feel that passionately. But you asked your standing or was it you know, I’m still limping. It wasn’t quite as bad as you imagined
Dr Fay Butler [20:52]
it What was it? Well, you know, what I kind of went through was a few things at one time over this course course of time. Because when I was diagnosed, like I said, I had a family member earlier that year, and then my dad was very sick and started a new job. And then I faced you know, some things, some challenges that at my new job, so I had all this stuff going on at the same time. And, um, and and it could have crippled me, it could have been so overwhelmed, we are just kind of like, fell out and said, Okay, I can’t do this anymore. But, you know, during that time, I just, I’ve always been a mentally tough person. And I’ve always been a fighter, I said, I’m going to get through this. And I see this duty in the end, you know, and things happen like, you know, my father passed away in 2011 You know, he had been sick. So that was kind of something to get through as well know, me and my family, my brothers and my sisters, but I got through all of that I got to the breast cancer. My father passed away I had knee surgery, you know, I had all these things happening you know, some challenges in the workplace but you know what I look back and say, guess what, I went through all of that and I’m okay you know, I’m still standing I’m things that didn’t happen from me and and now I can I think being motivation and inspiration to other people who who faced challenging circumstances, whether it’s you know, illness of a family member or something going on because things happen in life, you know, things happen like the people at work or with their finances with family members, but you can be okay, so that’s why I always put in caps I’m still standing.
David Ralph [22:23]
I’m still standing that’s you must have that when your alarm clock every morning, wake up to john.
Dr Fay Butler [22:32]
Yeah, just or just other kind of songs, I would think to say, you know what, I’m still standing then I heard someone say, one time that a lot of times you can be upset or let’s say if you have a moment and you’re crying and I tell people you know what, you can cry for a moment but don’t stay there you got to kind of shake yourself and get up and you know, keep going and that’s what you have to do. And then the other thing is and and I don’t know whether you do this or other people your listeners do it. You have to have some kind of outlet some people listen to music, you may sing someone we play an instrument you know, so I like to exercise I will go for a walk or run or, or read. So that’s the other thing I tell people you know, you have to find something that’s your outlet, or that will help you get through trying trying times I whistle.
David Ralph [23:17]
And I realised that if well my wife realised that when I was annoyed with her, I would start whistling and that was the clue it actually got up my nose somewhat. And so if I’m in the kitchen, washing up with a bit more few even I normally would, you will find I’m whistling some some strange virtue but
Dr Fay Butler [23:37]
yeah, okay. Yeah. So So okay, so like he was gonna everyone usually has something kind of help to help them survive. But you know, what I was grateful as interested then talking about the cancer thing, because and I was gone for my radiation therapy, and I will go up every morning. And I chose like, the shorter three week intense programme is set of a five or six week programme. But when I will go every morning, I mean, there were many people that came that were like, much worse than me. And it was very interesting, because I got to know people and talk to people that probably would have never talked to on the street, you know, New Yorkers sometime can be not friendly or look at you strangely when you try to strike up just conversation. But um, I found myself talking to people and getting to know people that I probably would not have. If I was just like, on the subway on a bus. And it was just very interesting. We would all say, so what do you in here for, you know, in a very humorous, sort of way, like, oh, what are you in here for and how long you have to go to your programme, but I think many of us didn’t use humour in that situation to help us get through the treatment.
David Ralph [24:38]
Did you ever see anyone that you actually felt guilty? Because you’re, you know, I’m not belittling your condition in any shape or form, I must have been horrible. But in that room, when you’re seeing people come in, I imagine there must have been children there and parents or whatever. Did you see any one that you think, oh, that’s, that’s terrible, you know, compared to what I’ve got?
Dr Fay Butler [25:00]
Yeah, yeah, well, um, it was mainly on adult, but I did see like, some people they will bring into this was that the Cancer Institute, they would bring in probably from the hospital, they’d have to bring them, you know, an ambulance service. And I would say, like, wow, you know, they really sick out the wall, you know, and even if I was like, feeling bad, that particular day, I was, like, you know, wow, that person is really sick. So I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna complain. And, and, and, um, you know, the, the only thing I think I did wrong, and I share this now, and I talked to groups is, I took myself to radiation treatment, I drove myself every day, because, you know, I was just being me independent. And, and it wasn’t that far from my workplace. And I went to work, because it was a relatively new job. And I kind of felt like, you know, I should go to work. Now, you know, hindsight is 2020 here, here we go. Again, talking about the dots, you know, I probably should have had, someone dropped me off, like, pick me up, that would have been just so less stressful for me. But you know, you you learn you learn through experience. And I think, you know, I have a lot now to share with people who may be you know, about to go through something like that, that you, you ask for help. And you ask for support and just take, even if you’re feeling fine, you know, ask for support, say, look, somebody, you know, take me somebody pick me up, it’s just much less stressful on the person.
David Ralph [26:21]
I have a lot of resonance, about, I had treatment for something a few years back, and I did the same thing. I went up to London for this treatment. And I said to the wife, oh, it’s all I go up there, I’ll be fine. And I went up on the train got on the underground went around for the treatment, I was perfect. Had the treatment came out and almost clung to a lamppost thinking, Oh, my God, I don’t think I’m going to get home. And it was it was a real wake up call for me. But yeah, every now and again, we do need to ask for help. And that’s one of the things that I I’m trying to get across to people who are listening to these conversations, they’ve got a dream in their mind of what they want to do, but they don’t know how to start it. That is the perfect time to ask for help. When when you reach out to people, especially global, it has been astonishing to me. And it keeps them being astonishing, that you reach out to people, and very rarely do you ever get to know you either get Yes, absolutely. What would you like? Or? I’m really busy at the moment, can you come back to me in about three months time, but people can reach out and get help wherever they want to call me?
Dr Fay Butler [27:27]
Yes, Yes, Yes, they can. And that’s the interesting thing. You’re right, if you just ask for help and say, You know what, look, Hey, can you help me out with this one thing, or, you know, I’m going through this crisis, and I find that to be true. So now, you know, I’m at a place when people come and this is why I take the time, you know, we could be very busy. But this is why I take the time and stop, you know, someone about an hour or two ago actually texted me and said or can get together for like 15 minutes later in the day, I want to talk about something. So I said, Okay, you know, now I have things in my mind and my to do list that I need to do. But it’s more more important for me to stop and take the 15 minutes and talk to this person, because I don’t really know what type of issues this person is facing. And that 15 minutes can really be life altering, or life changing for this person. So that’s what I’ve learned as well, you just sometimes you respond, you know, you just say okay, you know, I’m going to make the time.
David Ralph [28:20]
Let’s jump back on when you was 18 years old, you if we if we asked your 18 year old self, what you’re going to be and you said I’m going to be a lawyer or one of those kind of professions as he was talking about what professions that were expected of you were they kind of like parental expectations. Because when did you go from that person who wasn’t on the right path? To where you go? Yes, this is where I should be? Where was that connecting dot I call it the pop dot?
Dr Fay Butler [28:50]
The big the big that? Well, I mentioned thing about the lawyer because my dad was a lawyer, and he was also a minister. So I think, you know, we start we look at our parents and they are role models and examples and what we want to be like our parents and and and I think I did a lot of the pre law school stuff. But that wasn’t really my passion. Of course, I didn’t know that then because you know, I probably didn’t even understand this whole thing with passion, having passion for career. And I think what happened I just said, Okay, well, let me kind of see what happens. So I think I spent a year teaching. But in younger grades, but I didn’t really care for that either. And so what happened for me, which is kind of unusual is my the college I went to the they reach out to me and asked me to come back and work for them in terms of recruiting students who like me to the college and, and you know what I always will say some people call it fate, I really believe it just was the hand of God operating in my life because I got into higher education. And I was stunned and startled to see why you could have great careers. high education could be a professor, you can have an administrative position, there was so many different things. And like at that point, you know, took me about two or three years and I first started working in high Ed where knew I wanted to stay and I just had to figure out my pathway, you know, what, what should I do to get where I needed to go, but it took about three or four years, but I knew I was very, very comfortable in that environment. So the way it happened for me people might have said that, you know, I fell into it, but now I’m in it and I love it and I try to get an influence other people who are interested in a different careers of so many different careers and colleges and universities. So you know, I’m very comfortable with it now would not have ever thought sitting at my college graduation under that tip on a very beautiful nice day. That’d be working in high education. But you know what, you know, if I if I was able to connect that is interesting. I did stuff in a different administrative offices as an undergraduate. So you know, it was my passion was kind of being ignited, then I didn’t even realise it. So I’m very happy with that. And then in terms of the other hats that I wear. Probably the whole thing with being a pastor, no, I would have thought that I would have done something in ministry, but certainly not a pastor. So that’s kind of like, interesting. Okay, how did I end up here? And how did this really happen? But you know what, since I’ve started on this path, I really believe it has opened the doors for so many other things, because I’ve had time to really, I use the word stir up other things beside me like that writing and at talking and that is inspiring people. So some of my thoughts connected late in life, but they connected.
David Ralph [31:46]
There’s, there’s never, it’s never too late to start the second part of your life is it. But that’s what I
Dr Fay Butler [31:52]
know what and that that’s what you know what, listen, that’s what happened to me. I mean, I am, when I am sent in May script, you know, from my book to this particular publishing company, one of the things I said to the head of the company was that because I had the opportunity to go do some things and ministry, so very small ministry, but it kind of pushed me and forced me to recognise other things I have within me. And that’s why I have I believe a lot of this confidence now because, you know, I started practising, you know, how you say you started, just show and you just learned things. So that’s what I would do. I was practising on people with different things, I was trying things out, and to get to this place where I am now.
David Ralph [32:34]
It’s funny, because a lot of people, I went back for a reunion at my old company a little while ago. And quite a lot of people have been listening to the show. And if you’re if you’re out there listening to this one, I salute you all again. And I’m sure it’s your your round next time we meet up. And what they were saying to me was, they always expected me to do something like this, it was quite a blast. And I was well, why didn’t you tell me, you know, because I couldn’t see it. Now if it was hugely comfortable. And it’s something that I’ve said many times, is almost a case. So yes, I wanted to bring an income in to provide, you know, for the bills and the family and all that kind of stuff. But the actual doing it is more important when when the the the money that I can make from it. And that’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever had something. But I felt like that normally is Show Me The Money, Show me the money. And by all said, but to me every time I met someone, they said, Oh yes, I’ve listened to 20 episodes, or I’ve listened to 15 episodes. It’s just you, isn’t it? And I went, that’s it says it sounded like me because that was the key thing. I didn’t want to be somebody that was totally different on the mic to the person off. I wanted to try to bring the person that I am on to the mic. And I think it did take me building an honest, probably about 30 episodes before I really fought. Yeah, I’m getting close to it. And it’s still work to do,
Dr Fay Butler [34:00]
though. And it’s funny, because you’re very engaging and enlightening. As soon as you like we connect to that just started smiling. So this is certainly your passion and something that you’re great at. But it’s funny that your classmate said this to you and you say I wish you would have told me even when we when we try things we don’t know. And I’m kind of like you, I kind of tried doing this podcast thing. I don’t know, you know, just one day, I’m like, Okay, I’m going to do something. But when a few people said, Oh, you know, you really have a nice radio voice, I’m like, really, he talking to me. And so it’s interesting, you try things and until you try that you don’t know where it can lead you. So the in this, it’s been quite just, I call it just a great, great journey. You know, I talked about life a lot in terms of journeys, and how you have to get from one side to another side, and then we get to that other side. You know, you can look back, like we’re talking now looking back at the dots and say, Wow, you know, look where it came from look at the decide that I just came from another able to navigate the murky waters and uncertainty. So, you know, it’s it all works out me in
David Ralph [35:07]
because you have got a good radio voice, you know, they say to me, I got a good radio face, which is not quite as good in any shape or form. But is that something now when you’re doing especially during your live presentations, because I’ve been looking around the web, and I can see you getting up and you know, preaching to the masses, masses and stuff was was was that passion, but you’re bringing on a weekly basis? To your show to my show? Was that always there? And you just had to tap into it? Or was that something that you developed as well?
Dr Fay Butler [35:38]
You know, I don’t think either the passion I think the ability was there and and growing up quote unquote, and it church, you know, I had to take different leadership roles, but I’d never envisioned myself, like speaking before large audiences, and I really never wanted to preach. And, and, and instead of so I develop as it went, and I’m very comfortable in front of a crowd. I mean, I could talk to a group of 2200 or 2000, you know, I’m just very comfortable, particularly if I’m, you know, talking about topics that, you know, you know, the topic, you’re the subject matter expert there, but you know, it wasn’t, it’s not something that I looked for, and I would have never thought ever, ever, ever, that I would be doing anything in terms of media ever. I mean, that that that wasn’t even on the map. I’m telling you that was not on the map. So it’s very interesting to me, but I get feedback and fat at this event yesterday, this particular person said to me, he wanted me to do some things virtually, and wanted me to do a few more things on YouTube, but I’m like, really, you know, gave that bike really look. And I was like, okay, you know, I’ll try it if he say so. So, you know, now I have a passion for it. It’s a lot of fun. And it’s exciting. It’s exciting to talk to people like you and actually connect with people all over the world, sitting from a desk, and we can have wonderful conversation. So I just love, I love the period that we live in now that we can just connect with thousands kind of at our fingertips and do phone calls. So I just love it.
David Ralph [37:13]
It is amazing. It is amazing that we can connect libraries and we give up. But you know, my French listeners, I love my French listeners was your firm’s that’s that’s about as much as I know about French. But it’s, we’re not good on that. But um, you know, and it is amazing that there’s somebody out in France and is more than somebody that that 900 people that are listening to this on a daily basis. And I think to myself, you know, why? Why are they listening to it? And I asked this question the other day, and one of my colleagues said to me, because you’re setting out a path for all of us, but we we haven’t thought about yet. And although on every single show, we’re talking to like yourself with your you know, being a pastor and and podcast host and radio show host and all that kind of stuff. And it may not be what other people listening in wanted to do. But the nuts and bolts of it is you didn’t have a clue of what you wanted to do. You didn’t have a clue of how to do it. But by getting out there and trying stuff, you found your path. And that’s the key message, isn’t it? But every single show?
Dr Fay Butler [38:22]
Yes. Yes, yes, that you just hit the nail on the head. By trying, you have to try. See, that’s the thing you have to try. Try, you know, you mess up. But you have to try it, you know. And sometimes the good thing about me is I have the ability I laugh at myself. When I make mistakes. I like be it though laughing underneath my breath saying that didn’t work out too well. Like even when I first started podcasting, and I’m sure this happened to you just like we had that problem connecting the other week, I used to be so uptight and nervous when things will go a little wrong. You know, after about 20 or so episodes on that stuff happens. We’ll get through it, you know, but, you know, I remember being so uptight in the very beginning and so nervous and and now you know, I’m much more relaxed about things, but you have to try. You’re so right, you just have to try you know, you want to be a cook, if you want to try something different. Just get out there and do it, you know, try and see what happens.
David Ralph [39:20]
Finally, vo you’re really face as you were saying when a chap said go on YouTube, and you wouldn’t
Unknown Speaker [39:25]
David Ralph [39:27]
yeah, when you do get a certain momentum going. But for anyone out there, you might have an idea of what you want to do in your life. And you will set out on the path to do that thing. And you don’t know how to do it, you just kind of do it and you do little bits here a little bit spare and suddenly you get a momentum. But once you suddenly get a momentum, and I’m finding that at the moment, but I’m starting to get requests for things, which in many sense, I could do quite easily a lot of sort of public speaking and stuff because it’s something I’ve always done. But at the moment, it’s like no, no, I don’t want to I don’t I want to take my focus away from this. I know that’s interesting. But at the moment, I’m still learning the nuts and bolts of this. And you never lose that that slight fear in yourself when suddenly somebody asks you to do something that wasn’t quite in your plan.
Dr Fay Butler [40:15]
Right, right. That is so true. And you tried and like when you know, I took what he said yesterday, I’m like, Okay, this young guy is successful. He’s not even non believer 30 yet. And so if he made this recommendation, I’m certainly going to try me know that day, just like we were talking about that helps thing. I was sitting in a meeting, I sent an email to a few friends that are no experts at things and say, Look, this is what this person recommended. I need your help with X, Y, and Z and they said we’d be more than happy to help you. So that’s what I’m finding when you ask for help. You know, people say okay, we’ll be more than happy to help you and I try things you know, I’m willing to try. I’m willing to try so that that’s the good thing. Are you willing to try anything? Well, actually, I don’t know anything, but there’s some things I like to do that haven’t done I want to bungee jump off something. What was much
consternation with my family.
David Ralph [41:11]
I’m gonna get you to do Elvis by the end of the show. This is it. So you’ve got about another 15 minutes to build up to it.
Unknown Speaker [41:20]
Wait, wait, no, no.
Dr Fay Butler [41:21]
Wonderful. You remember the hound dog that one?
David Ralph [41:24]
That’s why that’s why I imagine you in a white sequined outfit doing so karate kicks in the office. You could bring this into the show.
Dr Fay Butler [41:38]
Yeah, the only time I we’re kind of sequence when we get really, really dressed up for church events. Now the karate kicks you know, that’s this kind of humorous.
David Ralph [41:46]
Top of the morning with Dr. Elvis that would be great when
Unknown Speaker [41:52]
people would say okay, she’s really lost it
Dr Fay Butler [41:55]
when this happens. Is she gonna have a morning coffee?
David Ralph [41:58]
Yeah, I think gonna push it over. If you ever want a guest on your show from the UK, I’m going to push back. And we’re doing in the voice of Elvis but a whole time.
Dr Fay Butler [42:09]
It’s funny how some people can do I voice imitations, I just don’t have
that ability to do that. Some people can I mean, I have some friends in New York. Because you know, New York City is very diverse. If you ask them to do certain voices, they could do it. And it’s amazing. To me, it’s amazing. But I can’t do that.
David Ralph [42:29]
But two things. I’m always impressed by his impressions and magic, anyone that can do those kind of, you know, very quick card tricks or whatever. It always blows me away, well, well, you rubbish out. But you really can’t get you know, because we’re talking about your successes. And I don’t want the listeners to think that everything you do Touch, you turns to gold. So it’s well, what other kind of things that you think No, actually, I know that that’s never going to be my thing?
Unknown Speaker [42:57]
Dr Fay Butler [42:58]
well, you know, I would say that, you know, I guess I guess what you’re saying is really okay, gotta stay in your lane? Well, you know, I don’t think I’ve ever be the type to want to sit still and be sick, like a chair of a big company or board and kind of wheel and deal in the financial markets that that wouldn’t be me that that doesn’t interest me at all those types of things or, or kind of just being like, in a lab somewhere doing some things while I like to do a little research, I like to do it on the fly. And for me to read, and I like to, you know, let’s say talk to people and be a people persons, I’ve never seen myself doing something kind of just like in a in a silo by myself, you know, in that really, really quiet place place. I don’t see that happening. And I don’t think I’m going to be some kind of big rock star singing star. That’s, that’s my thing. That’s not going to happen. So you know, I’ve kind of found the places that the things that you know, I think you not do reasonably good job at, and I’m going to work I’m trying to be excellent in those areas. Dr. Butler,
David Ralph [44:03]
where you are at the moment is obviously it looks great, you know, and as I say, I go on all these different websites, I’ve looked at your YouTube videos, and I do a certain amount of stalking before you come on the show. And not not in a bad sinister way.
Unknown Speaker [44:18]
do your due diligence.
David Ralph [44:21]
I called it stalking. And it really does look like you are you know, at the top. But are you? Are you just at the top of the mountain? I can see. Are you standing at that peak going? Oh, actually, this is where I’d like to go now?
Dr Fay Butler [44:36]
Ah, no, I really believe that I’m at a place where I’m confident in my pathway of where I want to go. I mean, I can even say to you today that even though my career in high education, this in my mind, I have a certain number of years that I want to work still. And before I retire and go to something like this full time do media, other things full time. So right now can say if you want to call it top of the mountain, I’m on a mountain, where can I look out, you know, over, you know, a lot of different fields and say, Okay, I want to do this in that direction. Because, you know, within me and a future, I certainly can see myself trying to do things in, you know, the past all part of me to build some orphanages or to help senior citizens or to do those types of things that’s kind of in my mind down the road, though, maybe three or four years. And maybe by doing this media thing first, it’ll lead to me being able to find partners to do things like that. So you know, I’m I have that in my mind now. And probably a year ago, I might have not been able to have this conversation with you.
David Ralph [45:45]
So what scares you now we’ve all it’s kind of things that you’ve got on your plate.
Dr Fay Butler [45:50]
It’s you know what that is? It’s like everything all together. You know what, what is scary, I guess that we can use that word is is even the morning when I woke up. I said, Wow, okay, I have to do this, this interview with him. I said, Okay, what am I going to say him? What? Okay, what am I going to say? and Phyllis in and what I’m finding was scary is now handling all of these multiple responsibilities. Even when I when I go to work late and I take my lunch hour, there’s someone else who wants to call me to do something. So it’s kind of like, Okay, a little challenging and scary to me that, you know, I’m trying to manage all of these new things in my life is still new to me, these media opportunities, but then now I have other people call me saying, okay, we want to interview you. So it’s kind of, wow, it’s kind of scary. Oh, I didn’t say I was nervous. But I did say oh, I said maybe he’ll call me cancer. That’s what I was saying that maybe he maybe he’ll forget about this interview. So So
David Ralph [46:52]
when the alarm went off, and you heard the first bout of elton john, first bursts of elton john blasting out. It was a positive for what the day you told?
Dr Fay Butler [47:03]
Well, you know, I feel feeling pretty good about the David. I was like, Okay, wow, and maybe know what it is. Maybe I have to get accustomed to being quote unquote, on the other side of the mic. I think that’s kind of new for me here. Because you know, when you are the host, you pretty much, you know, asked the question, the last person to talk. But, you know, for me, this is very different. But this is very enjoyable. I mean, you’re great, great. I can’t wait to come over to the UK to hang out,
David Ralph [47:31]
you can see you come over we connected on Facebook, you know what I’m up to on a daily basis. But it is true what you say I got interviewed on a, a American show the other day. And after about three minutes, I started thinking, Oh, I’m taking control here, I need to sit back. And then after about 10 minutes, or I’m doing it again. And it was very difficult for me not to be the one thinking of the next time to say and you know, being the host to sort of sit back and enjoy and over wanted find it hugely enjoyable. I’m not sure really. But I gave the right kind of guest impression. I think I came across a bit demanding really,
Dr Fay Butler [48:14]
you know, this, you just being you. And and you’ve been doing this is natural for you probably to respond to questions like sometimes how you would ask as a host. So, you know, for me, it’s very different. I mean, this is I think, maybe the third third interview I’ve had and the past a few third or fourth. And and each time is surprising to me. Because when you said an hour, I want to say Is he serious? An hour? I can’t talk an hour, but I didn’t say that to you
David Ralph [48:42]
you way. But you know, really you did that really face again, didn’t you?
Dr Fay Butler [48:47]
But you know what, a few weeks ago, I was on another show and and the conversation was an hour and I when I looked up at the time, I was like, wow, I really talk that much. So either I don’t know why this was like, he wants me to talk for an hour really, because you know, my shows a little different. You know, I do a lot of different things. So I keep you know, my interviews, it’s kind of like 10 to 12 minutes. So I just could not envision that I would have something to say for an entire hour.
David Ralph [49:13]
We could go on for two hours come away. We could go on for two free?
Dr Fay Butler [49:17]
David Ralph [49:18]
very enjoyable. And that’s the thing that I wanted from these shows. I wanted them to be conversations, you know, I used to listen to a lot of podcasts. And you knew the questions that were going to be asked, and I used to think to myself, you wouldn’t go into a pub and sit down with someone and say that I’m just going to go and get a couple of drinks. This is what I’m going to ask you for the next 20 minutes. You just wouldn’t do that. But a lot of these podcasts, I think it’s a comfort blanket, but the host wants to have. And the guest wants to have I’ve had a few guests who have actually said to me, can you tell me what you’re going to ask? And I’ve said no, I’m not because I haven’t got a clue what I’m going to ask because that’s not how it rolls.
Dr Fay Butler [49:54]
That’s true. Yes. Very that’s that’s very good that you do that math even was better for me. Because sometimes I I’ll say that my guess. Okay, send me some questions you want me to ask. But I, but I do say but I let the conversation flow. So I know, I’m kind of like sometimes I’ll ask things that, you know, just maybe that they were not expecting only because it’s a conversation and like today is a conversation and it doesn’t need to be a script, let’s just talk you know, we can just talk
David Ralph [50:20]
we can, that’s the way it is done. Just before I let you go Dr. Butler, this is the end of the show. Now, unfortunately, because we are coming up to the 15 minute mark. And this is the part of the show that I call the Sermon on the mic. And this is when I will play a theme tune. And when it fades off, you would have been transported back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time, what age would you choose? Would you choose the 18 year old potential lawyer would you choose us or 25 years old or maybe you’d go even further back. So this is a sermon on the mic. I’m going to play the tune. And now you’re on.
Unknown Speaker [51:00]
Here we go. With the best bit of the show.
Dr Fay Butler [51:20]
Okay, Hi, this is Dr. Fay I am now I don’t give my age now. But I’m going to go back and speak to my younger self at 14 years old. But I would say to my younger self, I would say to Maureen, you’re beginning high school now you’re beginning on an important part of your life. So take these high school years and enjoy them and, and explore the many different things don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid the message that was say that fear of failure going to be part of your success storey so don’t be afraid to do those things. Stick with music, you like playing the piano, no stick with that because you have that level of music. But if you give it up, you’re going to regret giving up playing the keyboard later in life. So certainly stick with that. And when you go to college, continue have fun, appreciate all those people around you. But you know, keep that little music bit in your background and, and just really enjoy what it could get for you and do for you. And read read read read a lot read read read a lot you’re going to be in an era where reading is still important and and you might be able to even create things and be innovative by reading and reach out to different people don’t be afraid. Even when you go to an environment and you’re let’s say the only African American in that environment, don’t be so nervous about reaching out and making contacts is okay. Because that could really be something that will play a very big role in your life later on some people you can connect with him and make a call had sex with in your 20s that could really help your career and help you down a road. So you know joy High School, keep up with the music. When you go to college and right when you start your career, all the different people that you meet, stay connected with those different people because they they’ll be able to do some things for you in your career and as just will help you to under understand that the world as it will grow the world is going to be more and more diverse. And and you have an appreciation of diversity and being able to celebrate so many cultures, you’re going to need that you’re going to need that because when you get in your 40s, you’re going to need that you’re going to be in places where it’s going to be a lot of diverse people, and you’ll be you you’ll need to talk to them. So you’re going to need that experience and what you learn from meeting all these different people on your pathways, but most of all have have fun. Enjoy your family members. And yes, keep laughing. Keep your sense of humour.
David Ralph [53:58]
Unknown Speaker [54:03]
Unknown Speaker [54:03]
David Ralph [54:04]
yes. When I love having you on the show Dr. fee. And I know so many of our listeners will be out there thinking Who is this Dr. Fire need to find out more about us. So how can people connect with you?
Dr Fay Butler [54:15]
Well, they can, they can connect with me through a number of ways. I have a website, a very new website, actually, where they can look me up. It’s it’s really easy as a doctor a marine calm that’s being rolled out, even as we speak, or I actually have a mobile app. So if you have an iPhone or an Android, just put in my name, Dr. fe, Butler, and my app will come out and everything there is to know about me the different paths that I wear is on a mobile app. So either my website or my mobile app.
David Ralph [54:48]
Do you know I’m so glad that you haven’t focused on branding, because it’s quite obvious that Dr. Faye is the brand isn’t it? You know, that there’s no reason that you can’t be even new Oprah? And just those two words Dr. Faye, and everyone knows who you are, because you are so uniquely yourself. And you really are on a path that, you know, some some guys I talked to I think to myself, yeah, okay, you’re successful at the moment. But are you really, you know, satisfied with where you are? I think with you, it’s 100% Yes, you are.
Dr Fay Butler [55:18]
Fans, I am, I really am, I’m really satisfied. And I love what I do. And, and I’m glad to be part of this move where you know, the world is changing. And it’s so, so diverse. And I’m just appreciative that, you know, for instance, I’m in New York City, and I teach it or now worked at a place that college has a lot of diverse people and, and I really appreciate that. So you know, and I’m just really happy with who I am right now.
David Ralph [55:42]
And so you should be so thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up the dots of your life. And please come back again when you add more dots to join up because the beauty of this show is that your your your future and your history intertwined. And so there’s going to be more dots in the future that we can talk about. And I believe the only way to build our futures he’s by connecting our path. So Dr. Fay Butler, thank you so much.
Dr Fay Butler [56:05]
Thank you so much for having me day.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.