Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Dr Pei Kang.
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Introducing Dr Pei Kang
Todays guest, joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview is a lady who was has travelled the world to find her true path in life….Dr Pei Kang
Growing up in China, Pei had a childhood that was so very different to her life now in America.
The words culture shock do not really seem to do justice to the obstacles that she had to overcome once setting foot in the country she now calls home.
In the states she pursued education with a passion, and studied to become a dentist, finally owning her own very successful practice.
And that for many would have been job done.
How The Dots Joined For Dr Pei
But like her husband Joel Boggess, who was a guest on the show way back on episode 35 she felt something was missing.
She felt drawn to creating a better world for others.
And so together this powerhouse of a married team, have taken it on themselves to create their own business built around coaching, podcasting, writing and being hugely positive to create a future that is 100% percent unique to themselves.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Dr Pei Kang.
During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Dr Pei Kang such as:
How she couldn’t see her future no matter how hard she tried as a young woman, and really followed a path that was expected and not what she wanted!
How caveman were the first authentic entrepreneurs on earth, and showed the hustle for survival that we all could use today!
How you have to trust your gut and experiment in life. If it goes wrong then you can always start again!
How a simply gesture if lady holding her hand made her realise that she wasn’t on the path the she should be on!
How her talent is seeing the truth inside of others, and can show the way to those unsure of their next step!
How she realised that her life was a total response to her previous actions, and by taking different actions she could have the life that she wanted!
How To Connect With Pei Kang
Return To The Top Of Pei Kang
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Dr Pei Kang Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello, everybody. How are we all in internet land, as I always say, it’s it’s double whammy lady week this week. If you’d listen to the show yesterday, Episode 88. You would have heard the amazing Kathy O’Dowd talking about how she became the first lady to get to the top of Everest from both the north and south side. Well, our guest today is a lady who has reached two summits in her own life as well. She’s a guest who is a travelled the world to find her true path in life. Growing up in China, she had a childhood that was so very different to her life. Now in America. The words culture shock didn’t really seem to do justice to the obstacles that she had to overcome. When setting in the country she now calls home. In the States, she pursued education with a passion and studied to become a dentist, finally owning her own very successful practice, and that the many would have been job done. But like a husband, job baguettes, who was a guest on the show way back on episode 35, she also felt something was missing. She felt drawn to creating a better world for others. And so together this powerhouse of a married team have taken upon themselves to create an own business built around coaching, podcasting, writing, and being hugely positive to create a future that is 100% unique to themselves. There is no better time than today to bring onto the show and start joining up the dots. But one and only Dr. Pei. How are you Dr. Pei?
Dr Pei Kang [1:56]
I am excellent. And I love absolutely love the concept pf Join Up Dots.
David Ralph [2:01]
That’s the interesting concept. Because on its essence, it’s so simple. But he’s also so powerful, isn’t it?
Dr Pei Kang [2:08]
Yes. And it when I hear just the three words, Join Up Dots, he really stir up my heart. And knowing the passion behind this podcast podcasts and remembering what Steve Jobs said in 2000, back in 2005. This is this is a message the whole world needs
David Ralph [2:33]
Is it a message, but people in their heart of hearts actually know. Because I get a feeling. I’ve been playing this on the show every single time. And we will play the words again later. But it seems to me that everyone inherently believes in the truth of those words.
Dr Pei Kang [2:53]
I absolutely right and then is possible that one we are walking the daily life, we do not realise that because when we focus so much on the little tasks we had to do each day. However, when we just take a step back, look at the big picture. Our life really is amazingly,
there is a pattern, it makes sense.
David Ralph [3:18]
We spend a very happy hour talking to your husband back in Episode 35. As I was saying, and it seemed to me that not only was he a man who has found his path, and he’s found his unique self. But the two of you together have really created something that is Uber powerful, because a lot of people in relationships, one of them is going in a certain direction. And the other one can’t quite understand that direction they’re going in and very much in entrepreneurship, that seems to be a problem. But the two of you are kindred spirits. And you’re both firing on the same, you know, gum? So do you feel that that together that you are stronger? Because you both of you believing in the same things?
Dr Pei Kang [4:03]
Yes, absolutely. And whenever you’re ready actually like to tell your listener how this our past really emerged? Because we did not at all plan this. If we look back, when we just got married or when we were dating, there was not a chance I thought about we will be where we are today.
David Ralph [4:30]
Boy, well, I was it wasn’t something but you had stumbled upon? Or it was something that didn’t interest you. Why was it not a glimmer?
Dr Pei Kang [4:39]
Okay, well, when we met, I was finishing up my residency at a dental school be becoming the specialist in doing root canals in. It’s just one of the specialties in dentistry. And at that time, guess what he was actually a banker working at a local bank, and he just finished his MBA. And we were just like, Okay, if our life settle in, we get married, that means you have a job, I have a job. And we meet at the end of today, we compared notes. And, you know, that’s how my parents life were and as possibly a lot of families, especially with two working parents. So we did not think there’s anything different at that time was interesting was he decided, you know, corporate work is really not his thing. And he, he did not enjoy the fact that a lot of rules here to follow this, he doesn’t feel passionate about the, the certain service he had to provide. So we were married in 2001, to sudden six after different corporate positions, he decided to open his own coaching business. And right before that, I was I thought, okay, you open your business, I will support this decision, although it was scary. But I’m going to be distinctive, and someday I’m going to own my own private practice, and that will be my business. However, you know, as any entrepreneur, when you go into the business, not only the emotional support you need from your family, there’s gonna be a lot of things that you find you end up doing, because you are the owner, you are the marketer, you make the calls, you make the service, and you sometimes there are the janitor. So there’s, I think, so I started helping him with the part that he’s not very strong at such as organisation, and there’s certain times I he’s so creative, but the things he created I, I found myself have the gifts of organising them in a way that actually becomes something more powerful. Yeah. And it was, it’s like one thing leads to another. He, I find myself being more and more involved in what he does. And this is what’s amazing about him. Instead of saying, okay, you keep helping me, I really love this. He said, You know what, this is great. You spending time helping me build this business, but I really would like love for you to find out what really excites you.
David Ralph [7:55]
And you find that out, because that is a key question. All our listeners out there are looking their passion, they’re looking for the thing, they’ll be listening to all these conversations and every single person saying, pretty much when you find your thing, you will know it. And I say the same thing. But it’s kind of a horrible rubbish answer, isn’t it? Because how do you find your passion? Unless somebody shows it? You know, how do you do it? So when he said that to you? Did you kind of go yes, I know you’re 100% via? Or did you kind of go? Like all of us? Hang on? I’m not sure what I really want. So am I buying into the wrong thing?
Unknown Speaker [8:33]
Dr Pei Kang [8:37]
I had to say, when he asked that question, because this brought out last memories, if you don’t mind me, go back. There you go. Okay. I think growing up in China, if you if any of your listeners know, Asian parents, they are extremely passionate about helping their kids progress in especially academics. And back then, when when I grew up, I was actually especially during high school, I happen to enjoy a leadership position as the president of the entire class. And that was the shift class and they enjoy putting up events, have meetings. However, if you know, it might be some, it might sound crazy to some of your listeners. But back then, my parents thought that was a waste of time. It was actually it’s the numbers that counts, getting the A’s. And sometimes a is not enough, because we have the score system of hundred. And they will be happy if I can get to 100. And if I’m 98 decide, okay, what is wrong? So, I mean, David, very encouraging, they believe in me. However, I think growing up trying to fit into that mode to just take the class and I find out that even if I don’t study hard, I prepare for I have this gift of passing tests and doing well. So I think I got lucky that I did really well academically, regardless of how much time actually spending on doing the events for the students, for classmates. But when I went to start at age 18, I had to decide, okay, what do I want to do? And I was like, how would I know? And so I went for a pass as know, in our family, my, my parents, both of them went to college, my dad became a editor for the newspaper, my mom was a cardiologist. And at the time, it was decided that okay, becoming a doctor, for for a woman is a great career path. So I went to medical school and actually went to the dental college in the medical school, and finish school. And I, after school, my my dad said, you know, if you can get a PhD in the United States, that would be just the best thing that can be. And at that time, I also did not in that was right after I finished the dental school at age 23 or four, I did not enjoy the private practice. I consider at that time there wasn’t private practice in China. It was hard work has no personal relationship with patients and
and the pay was very low.
David Ralph [12:10]
working in a factory Minaj. You.
Dr Pei Kang [12:13]
Basically it’s a processing plant. Yeah. Yes. Very huge, contrary to what I do, currently. So I thought, okay, pursuing a PhD in the United States. Let’s try it. And I remember now tie back to that question when you said, Did you know what you want it to do? And this is interesting. This day still hurts me when that thought thinking about thinking about it right now. in graduate school, I first I didn’t know. It’s no longer reading the book taking the test anymore. There’s lots of discussions, you had to use a lot of your own creativity. And sometimes there was actually in the beginning, that was a huge challenge to me. And one day, a seminar, the discussion came up that what do you want to do with your life? And I least that day, I was true to myself. And I told everybody, I did not know. That is
David Ralph [13:25]
the right answer, isn’t it? Because, you know, Mike, my kids are going through the school system. And when my son is 13, he has to choose what we call our options over here. But it’s what what subjects to do for the rest of you, you know, to build a foundation for the rest of his life. He’s 13. And, you know, I’m 44. And I honestly think this is the first time I’ve ever done anything, which is, me, it’s exactly what I want to do. And I’m not doing it because I’m earning money. I’m not doing it because somebody is telling me what to do. It’s something that I feel drawn towards. So everyone hasn’t got a hope in hell in life, really have they if they’ve either been kind of pushed into the past, but their parents had, because that’s what the parents understand. And so know, this is what you’re going to do. This is what I believe is right, and away you go. Or they’re just going to jump between job to job to job because they they can’t find that moment of clarity, that passion when the clouds open, and they see their path. But it’s in there, isn’t it? Dr. Pay?
Dr Pei Kang [14:30]
Yes. It if at that time, I had the tools. If I knew a lot of things, which I will share later, I would at least have some sense of peace. You know what, that day, I felt so awful, not because I didn’t know what I was going, but more so because I’m like, okay, what’s this life really about? And that was was a very set day.
David Ralph [15:03]
That is probably one of the best days of your life as well. If you put it on the opposite, you know, side put a different spin on it. You weren’t really striving for anything, because you didn’t know. You know, in your head, you must have known, this isn’t really what I want to do. But because you didn’t know you was open to that moment when that idea that realisation did come.
Dr Pei Kang [15:28]
Yes, thank you. And that is very true. And what’s interesting is I took some time and to serve, do some thinking, but at that age, I think I was in my late 20s. A month later after that seminar, I went to my mentor, and guess what I told her,
David Ralph [15:53]
Dr Pei Kang [15:55]
Okay, I said, I know what I want to do. Now, I want to after my PhD project, I want to become this root canal specialist. That’s what I want. You know, it’s so interesting. I just try to tie what I want with this career position. This label, that’s what I was chasing, okay, this is a position that I know I possibly gifted, that I is going to be a great position with great income. So I was very happy that at that time, I thought, okay, now I know, my life. big puzzle. So
David Ralph [16:45]
you were in your comfort zone, weren’t you and you were looking for the next step. But still within that comfort zone, you see it across the globe, where people will go into a job that they don’t really like. But if I get a promotion, vaping that, okay, that’s going to be better, because that’s an improvement. But it’s not, you’re still in that situation, you’re just earning more money, and then I get another promotion, and again, another promotion. And suddenly 30 years have gone past. And those dreams, those aspirations that I had as children are never going to be realised.
Dr Pei Kang [17:16]
Exactly, exactly, I think
chasing the thing. So sometimes we really have to learn to live this, the exam life, that instead of going going look for the next thing. And you said doing some inner work that really understanding what what excites you. And right at that time, Joe was I know, this is not a conversation about him. But since we mentioned him in this conversation, and
David Ralph [17:53]
we love him that way. Come on
Dr Pei Kang [17:55]
the I’m sure he we just got married, we started Okay, as a married guy, you got to work, you know, pick, have your suitcase and go to work every day, and bring home the steady paycheck. And that’s exactly what he strived to do for years and years. So I think we have this perception or assumption. And sometimes we don’t realise that we take certain things as choose. And if we really ask ourselves, is it does it really have to be that way? Is this some Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is this anyways?
David Ralph [18:41]
Yeah, you know, what you’re saying there for the listeners is really, the reality that you find yourself in is the reality, but you can create, and you don’t have to do what other people expect. As long as you play to your values. As long as you provide you’re to the world, then you really have got a future, but you can create.
Dr Pei Kang [19:06]
Yes. And I think that’s another reason why this show john, that death is so valuable. Because if you look at the how the hit historically, people used to do a lot of their own things. They either solo printers or small businesses, only into the last century or so the mass production of a lot of things have created this thing called the company or industries where there’s a process line, there is alders, there’s departments. But nowadays, and of course, and that created the college where they can had people go through this processing process, let’s plan into college, learn what the companies would need the skills the companies need, and then send them there. However, that system doesn’t work anymore.
David Ralph [20:14]
You know, so we bought in, but I just had this this fall, but come smashing into my brain, as you were saying there, because what you’re saying is absolutely true. That we are in this, this processing mode, where we go through college and university, and then we go straight into an office, and then we carry on moving carry on moving. If you went back to caveman time, every single person was an entrepreneur, every single caveman had to go out on a daily basis and find his food, they had to go out and do the things for survival, which we now need to do in a different way here. And there’s no difference. It’s just the middle bit where we’ve suddenly gone on this path of conformity of what everybody else is expecting. I’ve never thought about until that moment, is madness, always a genius, but I just had to pay.
Dr Pei Kang [21:03]
It is the truth. It is the absolute truth. Because when you go through, even if not college, but especially in college to they tell you Okay, yes, you can choose certain classes. But there are other classes, they are core, you have to take them. And then when you have like, okay, I don’t know which way I should go. And then the school counsellor will tell you, okay, then try some of these classes, then you get the four year degree. But if you don’t have a whole lot of life experience, men, it almost like you try to follow this rule book. However, when the world changes, the business are there has no rule book anymore. And so not only we left with the question, what do I want in my life? The big question really, for a lot of people is, what is my next gap?
David Ralph [22:04]
And that’s the scary thing, isn’t it? That that is the thing that people struggle with the most. taking that first step, certainly a step into an unknown. They had these dreams, I had these aspirations. They hear podcasts, they read blogs, they look at the successful in the world. But the hardest thing is that first step, isn’t it going into the unknown?
Dr Pei Kang [22:24]
Yes, yes. No longer there’s a rule book is during life and career coaching, we have found, a lot of people tend to ask, okay, just tell me what to do. Because they’re so used to being told what they should do. What they are expected to is, is like their muscle of thinking on their own and trusting their own intuition is not being exercised.
David Ralph [22:54]
That is the perfect point to bring in the words of Steve Jobs, who said basically, both words in a different format back in 2005. So as I do round about this part of the show, I’m going to bring on Steve Jobs, to give his words of wisdom. And then I want to ask your, your perception of them, whether they’re relevant, whether they’re true, or generally how they make you feel. So this is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [23:15]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards, 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [23:51]
What do you think about those words?
Dr Pei Kang [23:53]
Wow. There in those few short sentences there embedded choose. I think, at this point of my life, I, the big thing that touched me the most is if you just trust your gut, and start to take action start to experiment. Because there are thing, just like he said, you can go back, joining the desk and know a pattern. But looking forward if there’s so much fear of Okay, it’s just what am I supposed to what will other people think? Am I going to be successful? What if I fail? Instead of having others doubts and fears? Take a big step and just believe this will be the next thing and you know, don’t think in the big picture. Sometimes, yes, big picture thinkers great. But don’t feel like you have to make a decision in for the end of your life. Almost like, Okay, if I make a decision, I have to stick to with it until I retire. Of course, by the way, I don’t like that word anymore. But it’s more of Okay, I’m going to trust myself take my this next step in may or may not be an adventure where end up with but it will take me there.
David Ralph [25:28]
Do you know the word that you said I wrote it down as you were saying it, trust your gut an experiment. And life is an experiment isn’t it, we try things I don’t work we put try something else. But we work a little bit better. We try things at total failures, summer success is no different than a kind of recipe that you’re creating yourself. Now, that’s not scary, anybody would go into a kitchen and put a little bit of a spare a little bit there and see if it would work. Because at the end of the day, if it doesn’t work, then you’d throw it in the bin and you’d go again. And that’s it logic I want to get through to the listeners. If you do take that first step, and it doesn’t work, do another quick step and jump over the bit that doesn’t work. And take another one. And if you do enough of those, you’re going to find an area of success that you can then stay in for a while and feel comfortable. But you can then look back and see that you’ve made progress and you’ve moved forward, then you take a few more steps. And then ultimately, hopefully, you’ll get another.as we called it which is another area of success. But all those stepping stones move you forward to a better life. Do you do agree with that?
Dr Pei Kang [26:36]
Absolutely. Because I what I like to say just to kind of summarise or put what you say in another way is believe the world is still a playground. You know, when we’re kids, we enjoy to play, we chat a little bit this and it there’s no criticism, a judge or judgement of what we do. But when we grow up, we feel like okay, this big responsibility, we have to fulfil that life should be all about responsibility for now. Not to because when you enjoy life the most you give out the best.
David Ralph [27:25]
When we are kids, the the tagline to the show is connecting our past to build our future. Because I I stumbled across something at the beginning, which was kind of just something I had in my my heart. But it seems to be true. But if we all look back on our lives, and I’ve said this many times in many shows, but if we look back on our lives, to the things that we did, as kids that we were naturally good at, and we enjoyed, and it could be done with painting or writing. And we would come home from school every day and lay on the floor spending hours doing it. But it’s a lot of reason to stay back should be the stuff that we’re doing in adult life. And ultimately, that is our true talent, our true unique path. And that is the thing that’s going to provide value to the world and the ultimate value back to us.
Dr Pei Kang [28:12]
Absolutely true, absolutely to it.
If you don’t mind I when you sit painting, I just want to share a short storey of my friend. She’s a fellow colleague. And when she was studying for dental school at the time, was taking a break, she picked up her paint painting brush and start doing her artwork. And her father saw that. And of course, she’s from Asia, not my country, but is so so another country that parents pay more attention to the academics than a lot of other skills. And the 500 said, you will not be a disgrace to me, you will get to the dental school because if you waste time doing that silly little thing, then you will not be able to get good scores. So what amazes me was the so much bring tears to my eyes. She put down her painting brushes, the not paid, you know, when she picked up her painting brush. Did they have other side?
David Ralph [29:35]
That doesn’t surprise me till she she was just waiting. She wanted her parental approval didn’t see like we all do.
Dr Pei Kang [29:41]
Yes, yes. And even if we don’t have a dramatic storey like that, one way or another inside of us, we felt like there’s a permission we need to have for us to take a step
David Ralph [29:59]
is sad, isn’t it so sad. And there must be thousands and thousands and thousands of people out there. Not not even thousands what I’m talking about millions of people that are simply going through the motions, because they’re trying to gain approval from someone, it could be a partner, it could be their parents, it could be their peer group. But they’re suppressing their, their desires, their dreams, because approval is so important to us.
Dr Pei Kang [30:28]
Yes, yes. And that’s another thing when we start to become more aware of how, what’s in our thinking process and question that and then as ask yourself, Is that really true? Then we start to, to really know what, what is true to us or what is not.
David Ralph [30:55]
It was the moment that you found yourself. I know, I know, you you stumbled and you started helping Joe and and moving in that direction. But you didn’t get to that point where you sold your practice, which was a very brave decision. Most people would have said, that’s it. That is my life. That’s my job, you know, and I’m gonna have the nice car every year, I’m gonna have a nice vacation. And that is my life’s work. But you said no, I need to move on to something else. Can you remember that moment? Or maybe it wasn’t a moment, it was a series of moments that just built up and you thought, this isn’t me? I’ve got to do something about it.
Dr Pei Kang [31:33]
Okay, that’s it. Excellent question. And it was a series of moments, connected by many little decisions along the way. When I went first when Joe said, Okay, fine, what you enjoy doing. And other time I thought, Okay, this is dentistry, I just started the process practice, and it’s doing so well. But then I knew something was missing. And I felt like, okay, I enjoy the patients, I enjoy the interactions. But it just becomes so much of routine, that at the time, for the first couple years, after things settled, I start to get myself into different hobbies. And as if that should fulfil that little bit emptiness. And it didn’t. So I actually see how coaching, I see how I took a personality test set, sir, to get some mentors in my life to start to speak some choose and guide my thinking a little bit. So what I find out is a steady environment that just go in as an operational person. It is not for me, I depart I enjoy about dentistry, besides income is the making a tough diagnosis. I love challenges. And I love making a quick connexion with people. And that’s my gift. But the part about doing it as as much as I’m so good at it. I failed that such a routine that I almost feel like, if I could just see the patient find out the problem. Somebody else would do the work. I would love that. Yeah, but it was a near seven figure practice as far as annual revenue. And to be honest with you, when I comparing when I’m comparing giving up this private practice was even harder than when I came to the United States.
David Ralph [34:06]
Could you speak English when you came to the United States?
Dr Pei Kang [34:09]
As I thought that new English but when I landed here, I find out what I knew was school English. Yeah.
David Ralph [34:22]
So So tell us that storey I’ve been reading up about you. But there was a storey when a lady held your hand in your practice. And it seemed to be the moment that did really change your life. Can you can you tell us?
Dr Pei Kang [34:37]
When I so it’s about four or five years into the private practice by then. And I have great referrals I really the practice of staff management, everything, just it it’s a great practice. And I had this old lady, my chair, and when she got up because she was very fearful. Doing a root canal seeing a dentist, she never seen her life. And when she got up, she said, this is the best dental experience ever had. You are a your calling. And she didn’t just say that she looked at my eyes help my hand. And when she’s if she said thank you, I would say Oh, awesome. I, I’m so glad that when she says you met your calling. I knew that wasn’t true. And I know she meant well. But I knew my calling is much bigger than the occupation, my calling is much bigger than this very moment. And to be honest with you, that wasn’t one, I turn a third hit to prepare this practice for sale, I link another couple years because I have this wrong belief that, okay, if I’m going to give up this practice, I’m going to have to build or have job my husband get up his income to replace my or replace half of my. And so I hate to say this, I got to a point in my life. Because my frustration was the situation I was in it. So the income the money did not change did not make me happy. And that felt bad. Not feeling happy, almost. Because most people would love and the even a lot of dentists would love to be where I was. But I I was at this moment, okay, as felt like I could not get out and to Joe make that huge income. And I start getting into a stage in my life I complain I I complained to him, I feel like is this is you if this is if you could get your business up, like extremely quickly, then I could take a more courageous stab. And, and to one more morning, him me that actually I was reading this course a miracle book to talk about not to complain. And, but it took a while for me to realise, you know, what I have in my own power to make a change is not up to meet up to other people to provide me. Yes, we were partners, we live partners, we help each other and he is extremely supportive in every way, including financially. But if I want to make a change, I had to take personal responsibility. And that’s when I it’s interesting when I decide I can take control. ideas came, I was like, Okay, if I want to replace my income, and make about half, that’s easy, I can sell my practice. And so working part time, I don’t have to make a huge joke, and process to enjoy working on patients. So now just give me more time to explore my other aspirations.
David Ralph [38:49]
So so it was mindset, wasn’t it? That was the difference? Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker [38:55]
David Ralph [38:57]
Is that the same for everyone? Dr. P, do you think when the mindset is ready to be switched, that is the moment but their life will change?
Dr Pei Kang [39:10]
That is so true. And of course, I wish I knew that I thought is the circumstances will change, then I will be better. And again, that just lead me to one chasing a circumstance that either doesn’t exist or is not even mine. So it’s it’s me is to to understand that I have the power to create what I want, and to let go what I cannot control,
then that’s when the power actually comes.
David Ralph [39:48]
Your husband said something that stuck with me. And a lot of the conversations that I had, because I had so many, I remember the content, but I can’t actually remember who said it. But your husband said something he said the thing that we all need to be is gentle with ourselves. And I queried it at the time. I said, What do you mean, Joe? What do you mean about being gentle. And he was saying that, really, we all beat ourselves up that we’re not in this position, we’re not better, we’re not best, we’re not bad. But actually, we just need to be okay with ourselves. And we need to say, Okay, if I want to improve it, I need to start doing something about it. But at the end of the day, moaning and groaning and complaining and whatever, isn’t getting us in that mindset to actually make that improvement.
Dr Pei Kang [40:38]
Yes, that’s another thing, I think, when we so used to going through school, and at the end of the day, if we had either our parents or we criticise ourselves, at the end of the day said, focus on what we haven’t done, instead of focus on what our successes are. We it’s almost like we don’t have that heart of gratitude. And interestingly, the more we criticise ourselves, the more we actually create a heart of fear, with fear that it chokes us from moving forward. So I know you think by not being satisfied with yourself, you will actually move forward that should motivate you is the other way around. Because a lot of our success is based on confidence. And if you constantly judge, criticise, and say you are not enough, when you get to a point of making decision, you won’t trust your gut. Because that inner voice will say, Who are you to say that’s what you want to do.
David Ralph [42:04]
I think you’re amazing Dr. p. Because, as I said in the introduction, you are someone who has achieved a couple of summits in their life, you know, like you got to the point of success, then not throw it away, you transitioned is a better word of saying it to another area of success. And that’s inspiring to me. And it should be inspiring to all the listeners out there listening into our conversation today. But if you look at your life as a whole, all of your actions that you’ve taken, what’s the ones that make you most proud?
Dr Pei Kang [42:39]
The one that’s most proud?
I, there were many proud moments. And I have to say that’s a good attribute me I I do look at my accomplishments. And was interesting that what a month proud is the staff I took recently the courageous step. Because, you know, if you ask that question to a lot of other people, that’s a great coaching question, David. Because people will start writing down what they most proud about, and they can realise it’s not their academic achievement is not the award they win, is, you’d be surprised. If you really look in your heart. What you really proud about what you want your kids to know, what you want your grandkids to talk about?
David Ralph [43:46]
Is it generally tied down to something emotional? You know, it’s more about how you are as a person more than what you’ve actually achieved?
Dr Pei Kang [43:59]
That that’s it. You got it? Yep. So for me, too, I think the proud thing I do is to understand who I am what I that really get me excited. And that knowing of me being who I am, and to do to be able to do something I’m really excited about that courage, that confidence. For me, I’m proud about.
David Ralph [44:36]
I’ve got a lady in Arizona who’s connected with me by email, and she’s listened to a couple of shows, and she sent some emails that are really humbling that the shows are helping her find her being. But she hasn’t quite got there. And I see a lot of Connexions between you and the lady that I’m speaking about. Do you now that you’ve transitioned, then you found your park? Do you see people with different eyes and think God, I used to be like you and just wait until you see? See the light so to speak?
Dr Pei Kang [45:13]
Yes, um, I think, you know, David, that’s kind of in a way is my natural gifts as well. I am currently not doing a lot of life coaching. But what’s interesting is when I have conversation, because of my journey, I tend to see almost have a glimpse of where this person’s going. And so many times they even know, deep down where they should be going. But because of all of these layers of I wouldn’t call it third, but layers of expectations and the questions that we almost don’t allow that truth come out. And a few things that will help one thing is start to either get a coach, or just talk to some people who really support you, and ask them, What do you see in me? You know, what gifts or talents to do I have what things tend to put a boss in my steps, start to get curious to discover yourself. And that’s, that’s definitely one of the things people can do.
David Ralph [46:34]
A lot of people and I’m talking directly to you, Charlotte, she’s, she’s my email listener. A lot of people might be scared of the answers. But they don’t need to be do they, they don’t need to be scared. Because if you ask enough people, you will get the right answer. Ultimately,
Dr Pei Kang [46:54]
yes, I think the fear comes from Okay, if I discover it, I have to do something about it. And that could take away your current comfort zone to take, take you out of your current circle of people. And, and always know, it doesn’t have to be dramatic. It could be you spend an hour a week, doing something that you feel like you’re drawn to, don’t feel like this agenda, gigantic step. And definitely, there are many success habits, you can start to form However, if you know, and so like I’m talking to that lady to
David Ralph [47:39]
that show, that’s
Dr Pei Kang [47:40]
Yes, shot deep in your heart. You know, if you stay where you are in another five years, you’re not that you possibly cannot tolerate that. So take a tiny step, it does not have to be a huge moment moment that you switch it
like a light switch.
David Ralph [48:07]
I’m going to send I don’t do this very often, but I’m going to send her this show early. So before before we release it, I’m going to send this to her by the end of today. And so she’s gonna be like over a month earlier, because I think there’s power in those words. And I would love by the time this is released, whether she could come back to us and say, Yes, your words have inspired me to do x y, Zed. And this is where my life is going. Because perform her words in her email, I can just I just know that she is somebody with so much love and so much humility and passion and understanding. But she just waiting for that area to channel it. And that’s really what these shows of all about is just to get people to think about themselves, get people to question where they are. And if you are happy in your situation, and you’re loving your job, and brilliant now, that’s what it’s all about. And if you’re not, Ben, your reality is directly influenced by what you have done. You were the person who got that job. And I’m sure when you got that job, you was delighted. And you went home and told everyone I’ve got this new job. But after a while things don’t pan out. You can do it again. You can go out and get another job. You can change direction you can make mistakes, but is what life is all about.
Dr Pei Kang [49:24]
Yes, sir. Absolutely.
I think when we look at are the things that didn’t work out, or the most other people would label as unsuccessful. If we look at those as mistakes, it really scare us. But I forgot who said this mistake is simply missing the lesson. If we learn from it, it is not a mistake. And one of our show guests recently Dr. Katelyn Lehmann. He actually said, make sure failure is part of your journey, because Baylor failure has been the journey of every successful person. So make sure you fail, you know, take the pressure off. It’s like if you want to make a phone call to ask somebody, instead of make the goal Okay, today, I’m gonna get a pen. Yes. Instead to say, You know what? Today, I’m going to try to get to nose, guess what? You pass it in are making 50 calls? Getting 40? Yes, getting 10 knows, you know, it, make it somehow change your mindset to make this journey, more of a play, experiment, then a dread for that cold and cold mistake.
David Ralph [51:03]
I think they are brilliant words, Dr. p. And I can see that you have just been on such a journey, such self discovery, but you are really in a place which is is you Where do you see it going?
Dr Pei Kang [51:18]
You know, David,
I know. They’re exciting things I enjoy being the business manager for the show the relaunch show I I find myself loving to solve problems in the business, I’m quick at looking at where the bottleneck is where we can create system to. So we don’t waste time doing things that doesn’t contribute to the business. That’s where I met. I know there are some excitement in the future, possibly generate helping other people do the same thing. And teach them what I learned. today. things I learned when I’m helping job building this show business. And you know what i, I’d no longer want to know, 10 years down the line, I had some goals. But right now, where I’m at is exciting. I’m going to just focus on where I’m at.
David Ralph [52:24]
Absolutely. And what I want you to do now, just before we say goodbye to you is focused on what you would say if you went back in time and spoke to your younger self, because this is the partner show called the Sermon on the mic. And this is when I played the music and while the music is playing, you’re transported back in time to have a one on one with your younger version. And what kind of advice would you give them? Well, we’re gonna find out because this is the Sermon on the mic.
Go with the best.
Unknown Speaker [53:13]
Well, here you are.
Dr Pei Kang [53:16]
I have a field to centre. And you might want to hear the don’ts. First, I tried to be gentle. But these are the things I wish you knew. Number one, I wish she didn’t spent so much time in the evening watching TV. And you using joy er, lower order. Those are good, really good shows. However, it’s almost like you spent so much time in others drama. Instead, find some ways read some books that work, get, get your life more exciting. Instead of spending so much time seeing other excitement that’s outside you. Number two, don’t worry so much. Things will turn out just great. You know, you spend so much time wish certain things will happen. And then you worry about it wouldn’t happen. And then you you have so much doubts and you didn’t know your next step. You know what, I’m going to teach you some ways to learn your life direction, to have that confidence and to know that your confidence is not based on your next title. It’s not based on what your some of your, the people we’ll talk about you is based on what you know about yourself, your passion, and your true gifts, your strengths and your purpose. So
Unknown Speaker [55:12]
Dr Pei Kang [55:15]
being where I am today, I want to teach you a couple of things that will help you in touch, get in touch with your life direction. Number one is look at the pattern in your life. Think as far back as you can. And there are times maybe to sit there thinking is not the best thing. cetera right. And you used to resist that because it’s kind of tedious. But once you pick up the pen you possibly find out you can’t stop writing, write your life storey and then look at the turning points in your life. Instead of just look at the things you did that excite you start to learn to the sect a little bit. For example, you got yourself into this yoga teaching. And you also register your dogs as therapy dogs. Instead of looking at it and judging it as those are scattered things have no clue what you’re doing. There is a pattern you’re passionate about connecting with others to, to heat to help them heal, not just heal their physical body, but heal their heart heal their mind. So look deep, what really triggers that excitement in you with each things that happened to you, or you get involved into. And the second Candace, there’s this big word about passion. How do you know your passion? How do you make a decision where your next step is? You used to I remember you when you try to make a decision stay in school teaching as a faculty or come out as a clinician, I remember you sitting one chair writing down the pros and cons. Okay, this one has 401k has health insurance that one had is a private practice potentially more income. Yes, that’s a good exercise. But really, there’s a better way to know your next step, which is you start to write down, maybe at least 10 things you want to happen, you start a sentence by saying My life will be ideal if this happens. So you start writing that down. And then you take the first one, for example, I like to have a independent business or I like to make this much money, I like to have a great relationship. And you take that first one compare with the second. And the way you compare is if I can only have one, which one would they be, then you take down the list. And after that you pick up the top three or five. And you can be surprised you think there are things you most excited about, actually may not be a top priority. So you always follow the first few things that excite you. And again, remember, nothing has to be a gigantic step. And if you just live day by day, do a little bit a day to contribute to one of those 345 things you will learn in a great place. So that’s my sermon for for you. And but I’m very happy with you. You went through the journey you went through the steps you took even if you didn’t know has made me who I am today. And I thank you for being you.
David Ralph [59:41]
That actually choked me up you know that Dr. p. i was i was listening to you and I could feel a big lump in my throat and I was thinking I’ve got I’ve got to say something again in a moment. So thank you so much for those words. They were really powerful. How can people who have been listening to your conversation and I’m sure there’s going to be so many people out there that been touched by your storey get to connect with you.
Dr Pei Kang [1:00:04]
Sure. I relaunch show calm that’s our website. And I if you guys want to connect to me I’m direct email I am good pay p i at relaunch show.com easy.
David Ralph [1:00:24]
And all the links and the Twitter and the Facebook and everything will be on the show notes so they can get hold of you. And I would I would like my listeners Charlotte to contact you, Charlotte, this is a mission for you. Because I think Dr. P can help you step forward to the life that you’re looking for. And I think you you deserve that life you’re looking for. So thank you so much Dr. P for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. Please come back again, when you have more dots to join up. As I believe that by joining up those dots connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Dr. P, thank you so much.
Dr Pei Kang [1:01:00]
Thank you so much for the opportunity.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.