Welcome to the Join Up Dots Business Coaching Podcast Interview with Joan Sotkin
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Introducing Joan Sotkin
Joan Sotkin is my guest today, on Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview is a lady who has been on the show previously way back on episode 242
Where she spoke candidly about her journey of success, failure, struggles and self discovery
For years, she suffered from a long list of physical, emotional, and financial problems.
After giving away all her possessions, an extended spiritual journey connected her to the deeper parts of herself that led her to everything she needed to find health, well-being, and peace of mind.
In the 1980s, she thought she was on the way to financial security as she rapidly built a wholesale, retail, and mail order business to the point where she was grossing over $30,000 a month.
Sounds good doesn’t it, but her lack of business and financial skills led to her downfall—and bankruptcy.
How The Dots Joined Up For Joan
But although a dark period of her life, she knew that she lacked the knowledge to prevent this happening, so studied everything she could to ensure it wouldn’t happen again
She set out on the path of learning everything she could about business and financial management and this knowledge allowed her to flourish as an entrepreneur while sharing what she had learned with others.
But there is so much more to her story, than we can cover in a short introduction like this.
And now after her last appearance on Join Up Dots, she was inspired to put into words her decision to free herself up from all her material belongings in The Search For Connection: A Spiritual Journey to Physical, Emotional, And Financial health now flying off the shelves at Amazon.
So what was it that made her want to reconnect with this part of her life that occurred over forty years ago now?
And has it helped her even more, understand how the clues to her future are always somehow linked to her past?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Joan Sotkin.
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Joan Sotkin such as:
Why so many people nowadays have a desire to change the channel in their lives, without thinking about the effort that it takes to actually do this. Joan explains what it actually takes.
Why Joan is so focused on the times in her life, when there feels too much effort and stress (as she calls it pushy times), and shows how to step back, relax , and allow the answers to come naturally to the fore.
Joan explains why there is no past, there is no future, there is only the here and now, and what she does to keep making that message work for her.
Why she teaches people “across the world to never go through the yellow light”. Sometimes its right to take the foot of the gas, and come to a halt.
Books By Joan Sotkin
How To Connect With Joan Sotkin
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Full Transcription Of Joan Sotkin Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:33]
Yes, good morning, or afternoon or evening or whatever time it is. This is Join Up Dots. And I tell you well, I’m a professional podcaster is what I do for a living you will have heard me saver, but I realised with today’s show, but one of the things that I love most about it is not the actual doing the show, but building up the connections with people that have been on the show. And the lady on today’s show. I would say that she’s a great friend. And funnily enough, we haven’t spoken for two years. That’s bad for me to admit. But as soon as we connected Skype went on, it was like old chat chat chat chat chat. Oh Blimey, we better record a show. So, let’s get professional. Let’s get her on because she is a lady who I say it’s been on the show previously way back in Episode 242, where she spoke candidly about her journey of success, failure struggles and self discovery for years. She suffered from a long list of physical, emotional and financial problems. And after giving away all her possessions and extended spiritual journey connected her to the deeper parts of herself that led her to everything she needed to find health, well being and peace of mind that in the 1980s, she thought she was on her way to financial security, as she rapidly built a wholesale retail and mail order business to the point where she was grossing over 30 grand a month. Sounds good, doesn’t it? But her lack of business and financial skills led to her downfall and bankruptcy. But over a dark period of her life, she knew that she lacked the knowledge to prevent this happening so studied everything she could to ensure it wouldn’t happen again. And she set out on the path of learning everything. She Could about business and financial management and this knowledge allowed her to flourish as an entrepreneur while sharing what she’s learned with others. But there’s so much more to her story and we can cover in a short introduction like this. And now after her last appearance on Join Up Dots she was inspired to put into words, a decision to free yourself up from all their material belongings in the search for connection, a spiritual journey to physical, emotional and financial health now flying off the shelves at Amazon. So what was it that made her want to reconnect with this part of her life that occurred over 40 years ago now? And has it helped to even more understand how the clues to her future are always somehow linked to her past? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Joan Sotkin. Hello, Joan, how are you in? It’s lovely to have you.
Joan Sotkin [2:49]
Fabulous. It is great to be here. I love See I follow you on social media. And so I don’t feel like we haven’t connected in two years.
David Ralph [3:00]
Now it’s shocking, though, isn’t it? I feel like a bad friend Joan. I do feel like a bad friend. I should have picked you up. We should have gone out on some dates, we should we should have hung around a lot more than we do. But it’s brilliant, isn’t it in virtual land, but you can have this sort of connectivity. And you almost forget that you need real friends. You need the people you can touch. This is such a there’s such a love, isn’t it across the world? Are people doing the same thing and helping each other out? You find that yourself? Do you?
Joan Sotkin [3:27]
Oh, absolutely. I have so many connections with people I’ve never touched, but I talked to on a regular basis. And I live in this small town where you know, it seems like I know everybody and I just love extending my life around the world the way I do.
David Ralph [3:45]
It is weird to admit but I’ve only since I’ve been doing Join Up Dots. I’ve only touched one person actually physically. And I was so excited. I funded him for about 15 minutes. I’m not sure that he was keen always wipe his keen eye but but but it was just it was weird experience. So this person that I’ve been talking to was there getting drunk with me. So john, let’s, let’s get drunk on this podcast, let’s do it properly. And it’s what what time is it in your land at the moment,
Joan Sotkin [4:12]
a little after eight
David Ralph [4:14]
o’clock in the morning, that’s okay for you to open up again and start drinking with me. And we will sort of ease into it because it’s it’s a fascinating story, but how your your life has joined up with Join Up Dots, because on the last episode that we had, we kind of slipped into a discussion just because there was something that intrigued me about what you had gone through. And you said that at the time, nobody that ever asked you about that. And now you’re coming on the show, again, because you’ve written a whole book about it. How did it occur? How did you sort of take that, that sort of throwaway conversation that we had and transition it actually into a book?
Joan Sotkin [4:51]
Well, actually, it did inspire me to get the book done. I started writing the book quite a while ago, when I was on that journey. I kept the day at a glance diary for 10 years, because I knew I was in the middle of an interesting story. I had no idea what I would do with it. And about five or six years ago, I went through the diaries and made a timeline and started writing the book. And it was really a very cathartic experience. I would remember all the time, things that I did and how alone I was at some of the times that tears would come to my eyes. And I finally got it pretty much done. And I realised that I was afraid to put it out there because I was afraid it just didn’t go with my entrepreneurial image that I had managed to cultivate. And, and when you asked me that question, it was like, Oh, it’s he thinks it’s interesting. And then I went on a number of other podcast john Lee Dumas. Steve Wyatt wasn’t there. And, and they love the story. And slowly but surely I said to myself, I have to take a chance on my podcast I had set in 1915. The the theme was the courage to be you. And the second in 2016, the theme was the courage to express yourself. So I took that very seriously. And I finally finished the book and put it out there. And how has
David Ralph [6:33]
it been received?
Joan Sotkin [6:35]
Very, extremely well, and people keep saying, You’re so brave at that took so much courage, and I didn’t see it that way. Any any at all because I didn’t see that I had a choice. It’s what I had to do. And I’m so glad that people are finding it inspiring and that was my idea to is to help people see that first It’s pretty hard to die, you know, you have to really work at it. And, and, and so, you know, give it a try, there’s so much to do. And the other thing is that no matter how difficult your life may be, you can change it. And the problem is people want to change the channel, they want to change it overnight. And that doesn’t happen. You have to in order to change your life, you have to change what’s going on inside of you. And that’s a morphing, not a hopping from one place to the next. And so I’m really glad that people are finding it inspiring and that that message is coming across.
David Ralph [7:44]
Well, we will sort of delve into it again because quite frankly, Joan, when you mentioned it I thought you must have been mental you know, why did you do these kind of things. And you said it in such a matter of fact way but I thought maybe she was mental. Maybe she didn’t realise but actually giving away all your possessions is not The sort of normal thing that people do because nowadays people want more and more, don’t they, they, they, they want to wrap themselves up. Now, in my entrepreneurial coaching, I always say that one of the best ways to financial success is by looking at cleaning and reducing your overheads and decluttering Is that something that you actually sort of go along with as well but although at that time it might have seemed radical, it might have seemed a strange way of operating but actually cleaning the decks so that you can realise the core of what you need in your life is a great way of then moving forward.
Joan Sotkin [8:34]
I recently gave away everything I wouldn’t take with me if I were moving. I thought that was a great way of looking at it.
David Ralph [8:43]
Apple mental you’ve learned your lesson in the 70s Joan Yeah, going around you. What what kind of things did you give away and was it things like 14 inch TVs and iPads and stuff could get you thrown some my way.
Joan Sotkin [8:56]
Now first of all, my My home is pretty soon to be Begin with I love empty space. I don’t like clutter. I’m always going through some kind of cleansing. And especially when I go through a lot of changes in my business, and every time I go through another level, I get rid of stuff. But with this thing I gave away clothes and I gave away old papers and just I was amazed at how much I gave to the local boys and girls club because they they take that sort of thing, books and, and just a lot of stuff that I they weren’t crowding me as I said, My I have no clutter in my house. But it was just such a good feeling to lighten up and to say okay, I’m getting rid of my past. What are the things that’s happened since I I did the book? It’s like a part of me has been Put away. It was like I could get let go with the past and just leave so much room for my future. And and so the book thing and the giving stuff away it, it all goes together because I really think it’s a matter of energy. And when you have energy of your past clogging up your clogging up your present, it’s hard to move smoothly into your future.
David Ralph [10:32]
I agree with that and is it is liberating we was on a holiday in Gran Canaria, an island off of Spain in the summer, and we had a lovely apartment up on the cliff. It was brilliant. I had my laptop, I had my mp3 player, everything was good in my life. And then we woke up one morning we found we’ve been burgled and they take in cash and they take the laptop, they taken everything. And I found it actually quite liberating that suddenly I had no ability To check my emails, I had no ability to sort of do anything. And it probably made my second part of my holiday better, because I was just free to live my life. And also to go out looking for a Spanish burglar listening to Phil Collins. It didn’t work couldn’t track him down at all. But it was a liberating cleansing. So are you gonna do that again? Do you think that that is just a cycle that you’ve got to go through to actually clear the decks to move forward?
Joan Sotkin [11:30]
I don’t know. I just kind of go along with life. And what I feel like doing is what I do. I mean, I do that in my work, too. It’s interesting because I’ve partnered with some people who are very linear and they do spreadsheets and they do plans and they, they know what they’re going to do from one minute to the next. And I don’t, when I wake up in the morning, I don’t make those lists of things I’m supposed to do today. I just wake up Sit down, and I’m gonna I know I’m going to fill my day with something and, and I’ve accomplished a lot in the last couple of years. And and yet I, I didn’t know I was gonna do any of this.
David Ralph [12:14]
How would you go about the times, Joan when you’re trying to relax it consciously because I find in entrepreneur well the only way that I’ve managed to do it is have all my my business stuff in my studio at the back of the garden, as it says at the beginning of the podcast. And so I locked the door and I walk away from it and I can’t do anything. But I know that if I’ve got the ability to do it, I’m just gonna keep on coming back to it time and time again. How do you switch off so that you can actually recharge yourself to come out big next time you need it?
Joan Sotkin [12:46]
Well, first of all, I live a fairly meditative life Believe it or not, I my work I do alone. It’s me and my dog in the house so I have to get up and let her out. times day and some of my exercise, but a lot of my work is done on what you call Good call the inner planes. And so I meditate in the morning and I can tell when I’m getting a like in an adrenal space where I’m in a hurry or I’m pushing. And as soon as that happens, I just start taking deep breaths and I just relax myself. I had gone through a period where my adrenal glands were really in bad shape. I could barely get out of my bed every day. And and so I’ve learned when my adrenal glands are having a response. And so as soon as I feel that I just turn it around and take deep breaths or go into meditation. And I’ve really learned I mean, I think one of my greatest accomplishments is the amount of Peace of mind that I have, I have truly learned never to worry, everything is fine. If I’m uncomfortable, then I should tune in and see what feeling is trying to come up. And I there’s nothing to worry about. I had just have taught myself that. And so I just take life kind of one minute at a time. And I’m always amazed at how much I get accomplished.
David Ralph [14:28]
Now you are a remarkable business coach, you’ve got your podcast, you’ve got a platform and you’ve got clients across the world and a lot of them are going to be very hairy, scary. Come on, I gotta get it down. I gotta get it done. I’m only 12 but I need to make my first million by the time I’m 14. How do you sort of like get them to the mindset that you’ve got that actually slower? More measured is probably the best way to do it.
Joan Sotkin [14:54]
Well, first of all, what are their first assignments is never go through a yellow light an orange Right, you know this green, orange, and red?
Unknown Speaker [15:02]
What does that mean? I don’t understand it.
Joan Sotkin [15:04]
Okay, so a lot of people when they get see a yellow light or orange, whatever colour it is, they rush through it. Instead of waiting for the red light,
David Ralph [15:15]
that’s the way you do it, you put your foot down and you go, you know, that’s true. That’s the way you do it.
Joan Sotkin [15:22]
And the idea is to understand that if you’re in a hurry, you’re missing part of your life. And you’re probably going to be too early. The timing is all off that if you’re never in a hurry, you know, those amazing things that happen where someone just shows up unexpectedly, and that was something you needed. Yeah, well, if you’re in a hurry, that’s not going to happen because you’re going to be out of sync with that flow of life. So the idea is to trust that You’re going to get what you need. And, and what you need is not necessarily what you want, you know, it’s, I gotta have this I gotta have that and, and that’s not getting you where you have to be, I found that when I was being really Taipei and and push push pushing that I wasted a lot of time because I started projects that I didn’t finish and and I, I was just doing things that I really didn’t have to do because I acted on a too fast I tend to be a bit impulsive. So I have to really watch that. So the idea is to, is to, is to just be present. I mean, I’ve been meditating since 1972. And so by now I should know how to be in the moment. And to me that really is the idea. And like when I sit down to meditate in the morning, I sometimes get my instructions for the Day, it’s like I, I’ll get titles of things that I’m working on. Or I’ll I’ll see that there’s something I have to do today. But it’s not like I go, what should I do today? Just, it just comes to me.
David Ralph [17:15]
I would say that if you’ve been meditating since 1972, that’s actually a coma. Joan, I don’t think you need to come out of it every now and again and actually look around, it will do you good. So, so this, this going through the yellow light, right, I can understand it. But the world is screaming at us, you’ve got to do this, you’ve got to do that. You’ve got to make the most of every second and you’re pretty much saying now Hang on. It’s not making the most of every second it’s doing the right things within those every seconds. And if you are doing a bit of this and a bit of that and a bit of this and you’re tweeting and Facebooking and instagramming and you’re, you’re doing all those different things, actually, you’re just kind of diluting yourself. Is it better to just look at what your business needs and maybe focus in on one or two things.
Joan Sotkin [18:00]
Yes, as a matter of fact, I’ve got a whole bunch of stuff going on now I had decided to create passive income streams of passive multiple streams of income. Because I didn’t want to just be doing the coaching. I’m kind of a person who needs to be entertained on a regular basis.
David Ralph [18:21]
We had out together Wow, you you like to be entertained?
Joan Sotkin [18:25]
Yes, strangers that may seem. So when the book came out in the book, I started talking about the crystal business, you know that I was led to buy crystals and how it turned into this big business. And that while I was wandering around, I started doing this energy work. And, and I figured since the book was coming out, that I couldn’t hide that part of me anymore. So I looked around the house and I had enough stones and crystals in my house, to have at least 50 products to put on Etsy. And so I opened an Etsy shop. And, and then I, you know, the book came out that was a stream of income. And, and I, then the last thing I’ve been doing, and this was really pushing the envelope I was I really liked doing energy treatments and when I do it, I the person I’m doing with goes into a trance and then and I’m kind of in this very meditative state, and I do this Hocus Pocus and they feel great afterwards and their life is kind of nudged into a new direction. So I said, Okay, I’m ready to really be me. And how can I do this over Skype or zoom? So I had a couple of my friends I sent them a crystal, and because and I send all my coaching clients, crystal and Rose Quartz heart and I’ve been doing these energy adjustments over Skype. And the people who I think are least going to, we respond to it, go into a trance, and they come out of it. And they go, Oh, wow, that was really great. So that’s what I’m looking at now. So now and then, and then I also started putting together online courses. So I looked at at my p&l this morning, and I’m each month I’m making more money from each of those streams of income.
David Ralph [20:35]
Well, good for you, Joan. Good view. That’s what it’s about. That’s being creative. I must admit what this energy thing. I’ve had a couple of the guests try to do that to me. I don’t get it. Sure. Well, I don’t get it in a one to one situation if I went into a room but over Skype and stuff. How does that work really?
Joan Sotkin [20:55]
Well, if I could explain exactly how it works, I believe somewhere else. Yeah, it’s, you know, there’s energy all around us and your body mind is an electromagnetic machine. Yeah. Can you understand that? Okay.
David Ralph [21:14]
Are you gonna be talking about Scarlet energies is where we’re going with this,
Joan Sotkin [21:18]
though. It’s just it’s it’s electromagnetic energy, which is all around us all the time. And, you know, there’s people are connected. You know, we haven’t talked in two years. Yet when we talked, it was like we were together yesterday, right. And I believe we’re all connected. And there are like, there’s this energy that connects it. There’s a story I tell in the book, where I was on the 34th Street bus in New York. And this when I was on on my journey, I was really out there. And I was sitting on the bus I had just gone to this big crystal store. In in New York, and I bought this Amethyst cluster, and I was sitting there and I suddenly saw these golden lines of light connecting all the people on the bus. It was a real mystical experience. And there was no doubt in my mind at that moment how connected we really are. So, because I’m as clear as I am, I haven’t had sugar in 43 years. I’ve been on an organic diet for 43 years. In the beginning, it was hard to find organic food. And I don’t put anything into my body mind that that would hurt it in any way. And I had all those physical things and now, I mean, I’m in my mid 70s, and I’m probably healthier than most of the people you come across every day. I exercise every day, you know, all those things. They tell you you should do. I do And so, um, my energy is my personal energy is pretty strong. And so what I’ve been doing is, you know, at first I would say, okay, people are in this meditative state. And I would put my hand on my chest and say, Okay, I, you know, I want you to put your hand on your chest. And then after three or four times, I said, I’m gonna put my hand on your body by placing it on mine, and I’ll tell you where my hands are. So I put my hand on my chest, I put my hands on my head, I put my hand behind my neck. And that when I did that, the first time, the fellow came out of the meditative state, and said, and I asked for feedback, he said, when you had your hands on the back of my neck, I could actually feel it. And I’m going, whoo.
David Ralph [23:53]
I’m doing the same job. I’m doing this. I’ll be honest with you.
Joan Sotkin [23:57]
I actually had the domain name for While do the Hocus Pocus and I mean, I don’t understand it. One of the reasons I didn’t do it for so long, because it scares me, you know, is when I had my crystal business there’s a woman who came into my store and and she told me she had all these pains. She had been in a in a in an automobile accident. And I did my thing. I make these funny noises and I and she came out of it and she said, I haven’t felt this good in five years. That scares me. It’s like, what the heck is going on? Yeah, there’s a part of me that is so scientific. I mean, the course I’m working on now is called rewire your brain for financial freedom. I’m very into science. So when I do this stuff, it’s really weird. And yet I’ve read so many books on the body’s electrical system and, and there’s so much about how life works and the body mind works and And how our connections work. And I’m willing to try it without having to know why.
David Ralph [25:06]
I agree with you. I totally agree with you. And you know, the beauty of this Joan is Yeah, I’m sitting here thinking, I don’t know if I agree with this or whatever. But it doesn’t matter. The thing is, you are now at that stage in your life and your business life that you can go, it’s me, and you can share this, you know, and that’s when it all comes together. And I think that’s the truth of the energy that you’re talking about. Why I feel so connected to you is because you’re no airs and graces, you just are Jones sockin. your beliefs are out there. Your failures are out there, your competencies out there, and that at its core, is what attracts us, isn’t it? That is somebody’s energy when they’re just laying it out there and they’re being totally authentic.
Joan Sotkin [25:48]
Right. And, you know, I’ve established myself with enough business credentials, that it’s not like I’m just in this woowoo space all the time. As I said, that was one of the reasons why I was a little concerned about putting the book out there, because I am a very competent business person. But I’m also this weird lady who does stuff, and that’s okay. You know, I’ve learned to make it okay. I remember one time, I was at my brother’s house, and he was having some remodelling done. And the carpenter had a problem. I think it was with his back. I don’t remember. So I said, Okay, let me help you. So he sat down, and I was doing my, my thing, and my brother walked in, and the look on his face was you’re showing someone what this is? Yeah. Like, he was so embarrassed that I was doing that. And now he’s kind of okay with it. You know, it’s like, Alright, this is my sister. And and I just have to do this. And what’s the one of the reasons I love to do it is the energy goes through me. So I feel really good as a result of it. So
David Ralph [27:00]
How can I stop? Do you know you’ve written the title of this show? She’s weird, but that’s okay. I think that that is the most perfect title for this. Well, let’s play some words now. And let’s go back into your history because there are so many areas that we could go into is Oprah
Oprah Winfrey [27:17]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this too. But what is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.
David Ralph [27:49]
I just kind of was when you listen to him, Do you do not do you agree with what Oprah is saying?
Joan Sotkin [27:54]
Isn’t that what I just said? Take it one minute at a time in the morning Close your eyes and wait for instructions. That’s pretty much it.
David Ralph [28:04]
And the ease but the essence to this show I think is going to be but the listeners out there who are hurrying scouring and they’re whizzing here and they’re trying to get their train and they got to get to their desk at nine o’clock, they would probably come to you Joan and say, yeah, so what for you, you’ve created this business where you can sit on your sofa for a half hour waiting for the messages to arrive. It’s not like in my life. What would you say to them?
Joan Sotkin [28:28]
Well, then why don’t you create it if that’s what you want? I mean, it’s not like your life is preordained. And if you want to rush for further, next 40 years, you’re gonna wind up with a heart attack or some kind of disease, because your adrenal gland doesn’t go on forever. And to me, I think the people are just abusing themselves and their adrenal glands, and that’s why they get sick. I mean, I’m in my 70s, and I don’t get sick. I haven’t had a cold. I can’t tell you how many years and I don’t get a flu shot, you know, the elderly, they have to get a flu shot.
Unknown Speaker [29:09]
I get it now,
David Ralph [29:10]
coming through to me saying, yes, you’re now in your mid 40s It’s a shot and my wife keeps on saying you’re gonna do, I’m not gonna go down there and sit with a load of old people having a flu shot.
Joan Sotkin [29:21]
Okay, and I have never had a flu shot. And I’m not old. I when I go walking every afternoon, we have this huge dog park with paths that are at least a mile long. And the people I walk with are 20 years younger than I am and I set the pace. And if you take care of yourself, your body mind is a machine. And if you have your foot on the pedal the whole time, you’re going to get pings and then it’s going to wear out. So you you and the thing that’s amazing about the body mind is it can heal itself, but not if you’ve got your foot on the pedal You’ve got to give it time to heal. That’s why you need sleep to clean your brain out and to get the cells in better shape and and you have to give it the food that it needs the fuel that it needs to operate. And if you’re going full bore you’re not giving the machine the care that it needs. I mean you’re driving around in a Rolls Royce and you’re treating it like some some clunker and it can’t last it just can’t last,
David Ralph [30:29]
uh, you are in entrepreneurial world and you must hear so many people say because I I’ve lost count of how many people say to me, I used to get up at five o’clock in the morning but now I get up at half past three in the morning. Why? Why do you want to get snuggle up to your wife and stay in bed for a couple more hours. And I heard so many people say it in the first couple of years of doing this show. I almost felt like I should be doing it. I should be getting up earlier. You know, I don’t see the point. I don’t see the point. beds are nice and warm. You rest up challenge yourself. And mean, I agree totally what you’re saying, Joan. But do you hear that all the time when people seem to have this badge of honour about what time they get up?
Joan Sotkin [31:10]
I know, I think it’s really funny. I never set an alarm. This morning, I had to be at the computer by eight o’clock, for sure. So I set the alarm for six. I like to watch one of the late night shows the comedies before I go to sleep. So I know that I need between six and a half and eight hours of sleep. It’s different. It’s not the same every night. And so I go to sleep and I wake up when I wake up. And I just, you know, I just I don’t set up any appointments before 830 in the morning, that which gives me time for breakfast. And you know, everything gets done. My philosophy is whatever supposed to get done gets done. If you’re an entrepreneur, there’s always more you can do and And that means you’re always in the future, what am I going to do? What am I going to do? And to me, that’s no way to live. I mean, it’s hard to find the humour in life when you’re always in that pushy space. And and why are you trying to kill yourself is why I ask people, you absolutely need six to eight hours sleep a night, or you’re not cleaning your brain out, you know, you’ve got these neural pathways in your brain. And every time you do something new, you’re building new neural pathways that the old ones have to clean out, and the ones you’re not going to use have to clean out. And that’s what happens when you’re sleeping. So you need the sleep. You need the good food you need. I mean, you need all these things. And if you’re in a hurry, you’re not giving yourself what you need. Never go through yellow lights.
David Ralph [32:50]
Yeah, you’ve converted me, you’ve converted me I’m gonna go in and when I go to bed tonight and my wife slides over towards me and she gives me that Do a wink. I’m going to say no Joan told me I need my sleep. None of that kind of baby’s gonna be going on.
Joan Sotkin [33:06]
Oh no, no, you need touching as much as anything else. Because people are so touched deprived, you know, people who always need more, more and more and more and more, I think that under earning and over earning, I mean how many more millions of you need that that comes from touch deprivation when you’re a tiny little baby and your mother doesn’t bond with you properly and and the instinct is to start longing for touch. And when that longing is one of the emotions that’s pushing you forward, you’re going along for money when money when people say, Oh, I really need more money. It’s never about money, what they’re really saying I need more touch and connection. And one of the ways that humans Connect is through money. When I hand you money I’m saying to you, I like you, I accept you, and I appreciate you. And so when you’re craving money, you’re really craving touch. And that longing will be with you all of your life. If you don’t understand what that feeling is that’s moving you forward.
David Ralph [34:22]
I don’t get this. Joan, you you’ve blown my mind. And my mind was going into many different directions. Right? So you get a couple, right? And they’re in bed. They’re romantic. They’re doing what they need to do. So is that about connection? Is that about money? Is that about about what I don’t get?
Joan Sotkin [34:42]
It’s about connection. I mean, human beings have a strong need for connection and touch. I think it’s one of our core needs. Now there are a lot of people who have six, but they’re not connecting.
Unknown Speaker [34:58]
Does that make sense?
David Ralph [35:00]
It doesn’t, it’s good. And that when that happens
Joan Sotkin [35:03]
depends upon how you look at it. But when it’s, you know, like, like I, I have talked to someone recently who is so afraid to connect his feelings that he has, he is a sex addict and, and he it just all he thinks about. And this is someone who has a pretty high level job. he’s a
David Ralph [35:28]
he’s a man, that’s why
Joan Sotkin [35:30]
well, but there are different levels and a sex addiction is a real thing. And and if you don’t deal with the feelings that are core to you, then you’re going to be doing some dysfunctional behaviour in one way or another. I mean, are you going to get sick? Are you going to get sick people who get sick or if all the patients that we have in our, in our culture now, all the opiate addictions and everything. I mean that what is that pain about that pain is your body expressing emotions that you haven’t dealt with. When I was healing myself, I had a lot of pain. And what I learned to do was put my hand over the area that was hurting, and I would make the sound of the pain, which is really a way of expressing emotions. I mean, some of the sounds were loud and ugly, and then the pains would go away. It’s amazing how that works. And so you know, pain of any kind, including emotional pain, it’s your body mind telling you something. And if you listen and deal with changing what’s going on and you have the power to do that there are lots of ways of doing it. Then you’ll be healthier and more able to express your true self because so many people Yeah, I mean, look how long you worked for that company. And you and part of you felt trapped and and angry and and now you’re having such a good time who created that? You did?
David Ralph [37:11]
I know it’s good in it. I’ll tell you what, everyone. Everyone should do this kind of thing. It’s not like work is it Joan? It’s just it’s just lovely.
Joan Sotkin [37:19]
mean, I I don’t know what I would do people my age are all retired. I can’t imagine what I would do if I were retired. I mean, I love what I do. And it’s creative and interesting. And I meet interesting people. I don’t see it like hard work. Yeah, that’s just a concept. I don’t get
David Ralph [37:40]
tell you the thing that really has come back to me. You said it at the beginning of the episode and it’s kind of enveloped his arms around all that we’ve been talking about is the fact that our essence we know that all change is down to us. We know but it’s an internal thing. And now what happen Inside impacts outside, and we all know that. But we do kind of have this desire to just change the channel, as you say, to just click a switch and things are going to be okay. How does somebody go about that first step, Joe? Now, I bet you have that a lot when you’re dealing with your clients, your coaching clients, and you realise that actually, the results they’re getting is all about the choices they’re making, and they fundamentally got to look inside themselves and start to reprogram that clicker, not just click it, but make it do what it wants to do. How should they go about it?
Joan Sotkin [38:35]
Well, you know, it’s interesting because anyone in the personal growth and development field knows that only a small percentage of people actually make the change. People hear the messages, but they don’t follow through. And it all has to do with fear of the unknown. You know, you have this part of your brain called the amygdala, who’s whose job it is to keep using And the amygdala can’t stand uncertainty. So anytime you start doing something new, your amygdala is telling you Oh, no, that’s dangerous. You can’t possibly do that you better go back to what you’re doing before because you know how to deal with that. So the first thing you have to do is to make the decision to say, I know that I have the power to change my life. I know it’s going to be a little uncomfortable. As I’m creating those new neural pathways in my brain. When I try to do something new. I’m going to get what I call the moving stupid when you move into a new house, you really want to be there, but you get really stupid because you don’t know where anything is. And you have to build up this habit, which is all about brain science. And and you have to make that decision and most people don’t really make the decision. They want their lives to change, but they don’t want to change and the fact is Is that you have to make a concentrated effort. It’s Everything about you is a habit. It’s just a habit, how you think how you feel, what you believe how you behave, those are all habits. So if your life isn’t working, then you have to change those habits. And you may have to get someone to help you do it, either a 12 step programme or a coach or, or, or a group of people, or I call them prosperity buddies, whatever it is, don’t try to do it alone, because that connection piece is so important. So the first thing to do is say, Okay, I really want to change this particular thing. Am I willing to do it? And what do I need in terms of support and accountability in order to make that happen?
David Ralph [40:53]
Brilliant, and this is something that you would coach them through step by step or is this something that I do online? Do you actually bring this about?
Joan Sotkin [41:02]
Well, when I have one to one clients, you know, I work with them. I’ve had groups, I’m probably going to start another group as soon as I finished this new course. And it’s amazing how many times people will say to me Whoa, boy, do I have the moving stupids, and, and that describes it that describes that sense of disorientation that, okay, I took this step forward, and I really don’t know what to do next. And all these people are responding to me differently. And I’m not sure how to handle that. Because, you know, you know how to handle how people are going to respond to you. If you’ve always been kind of an angry person and you’re not an angry person anymore. People are going to draw in a whole different group of people, your people in your life are going to change as you’re going through this process. So it really helps to have someone to talk to, so that you don’t veer back to your old behaviours.
David Ralph [42:00]
Do you truly like yourself? Now? Joan, are you totally comfortable with every area? Because it seems to me that you’re almost at the place where you would want to be?
Joan Sotkin [42:09]
I really am. I mean, I, I see I have a genetic connective tissue disorder that limits certain things. But okay, this is this is what I got to deal with. What I really liked Joanie second now, you know, I’m the only Jones advocate in the entire world. So I have to be okay with who I am. Because they’re, you know, this is who I am. And we live in this culture that keeps telling us to be like other people. That’s crazy. Because I’m doing my best work now. Because I’m willing to tell you what I’ve learned that I know no one else knows. And if we all do that, without trying to make it perfect and, and and how worrying about how other people are going to respond. It, I figure, if if I’ve gone through something, at least 100 other people have gone through it too. And if I can verbalise it, then I can help them get through it. And that’s pretty much happens what happens with my podcast I talk about what I’m going through with and what I’ve looked at and what are the techniques I’m using. I talk about that on my podcast, and the people who who come to me for coaching or, or my programmes, it’s because they’ve heard me talking about this. And and they go, Oh, wow, look how honest she’s willing to be. Maybe if I’m honest with myself, I’ll feel better to
David Ralph [43:40]
I’d like to thank you for that. I had a huge epiphany, a huge epiphany as he was talking. It was like a light bulb went off in my mind, which I think will effectively change the way that I’m going to operate Jones. So I’m, we’re talking about that later. But thank you so much. It was a it was a flash of inspiration. As you talked. I felt the energy blood through me, well, let’s play some words that always build me with the right energy. And they are so powerful. And you’ve heard them before. You probably heard them many times, but I always like to know what you think about them. He is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [44:12]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [44:47]
And they make all the difference.
Joan Sotkin [44:49]
Oh yes. You know, I have a saying now that I use, whatever you’re going through now is what you need to get you where you’re going. Whatever you’re going through now, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, is what you need to go through to get you where you’re going. And and I think that’s really an important thing to remember.
David Ralph [45:14]
I think that is absolutely spot on. And that you know, that is the whole essence of the Steve Jobs. speech is the whole essence of what Join Up Dots is all about, but lives are there to be lived that to be savoured. But unfortunately more of us are focused on the future too. So we don’t grasp the gift. But it’s happening at the time, where we’re often running away from our situation where actually we should be learning from the situation.
Joan Sotkin [45:37]
One of the affirmations that I I use when I’m meditating is there is no past there is no future. There is only the hearing now. And and I’ll tune into what my body feels like in the moment what the clothes against my skin feel like to really be in the present and it really makes a difference. I feel so blessed that I went through everything I went through. At the time when I was wandering around homeless, I had no idea that that was going to be one of the most important stages of my life. So if you can be where you are, you know, people go to church every week, and yet they have no faith during the, during the weekdays. They think something’s wrong when everything is right, and just have faith that you’re being led, where you have to go.
David Ralph [46:40]
Perfect. And we have been led by you to where we have to go. And that is the Sermon on the mic where we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Joan, what advice would you give them? What age would you choose? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play theme and when it fades Europe visit Is the Sermon on the mic?
Unknown Speaker [47:10]
With the best bit of the show?
Joan Sotkin [47:25]
Okay, so when I was young, if my father had told me that everything you’re going through is what you need to go through, it would have been a whole lot better than this telling me. The banks have the money, you have the ideas, go get the money, is the guy that thing he taught me, although they did teach me a lot of ethics too. But, you know, this idea that life is is maybe difficult, but it doesn’t have to be dangerous and that you really have the power To get to know yourself and find out what your real talents are, and the bottom line is, Don’t be in a hurry.
David Ralph [48:09]
Perfect again, perfect in every way. Joe, thank you so much for being on the show. But what’s the best way that our audience can connect with you?
Joan Sotkin [48:17]
prosperity place.com has connects just about everything I’ve done. I’ve got a whole bunch of sites, but it all connects to prosperity, place calm, and my podcast is there. And there’s a link to my programmes. And if you sign up for the free material that’s there, you’ll get on the mailing list. And that’s when I tell people when the new programmes are coming out and that sort of thing.
David Ralph [48:39]
Really nice and simple. JOHN, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. Please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past it’s the best way to build our futures. JOHN sup Ken, thank you so much.
Joan Sotkin [48:54]
And thanks for having me again. This was terrific.
David Ralph [48:59]
Ah, Jones Sakina lover, I do I love her. She’s just just just one of those really nice genuine people but has got success but probably not in the conventional way but you things right but it’s right for her. And that’s the key message to that, you know, don’t be led by what’s right for other people don’t sign up to these gurus that say it’s got to be this way and it’s worked for me. So it’s gonna work for you rubbish. You do what’s right for you, you do what’s right for your family and you do it at times that’s right for you. And you will find your natural path through absolutely take the knowledge take the experience when people give you but don’t push them into their way of operating, you know, just just go for what you think’s right. And more often than not, it is. Thank you so much as always for being part of Join Up Dots. If you’ve got any feedback on that show, or you’ve got any questions at all for our coaching sessions that we’re doing on the podcast, drop us a line at Joe Join Up email@example.com and we’ll be in contact. Thanks very much guys. Cheers. Bye.
Unknown Speaker [50:05]
Are you tired of the same routine the nine to five the mundane? Or perhaps have lost touch with the dreams and passions that led to a life that’s a wow and simply don’t know where to start, then Join Up Dots has the answer. Dream starter Academy is the number one group mastermind online today showing our members how to create their own business lifestyle or dream job teaching you how to find your thing teaching you how to build income around your passions and giving you a life where you leap out of bed with a said above.
Unknown Speaker [50:42]
We surround you 24 seven with the greatest entrepreneurs, business owners and dreamers online today who are ready to help you get going. They followed the simple steps laid out for them and saw their lives changed forever and you can do the same. So are you ready to change your life explode your income and create the dream life that you’ve always dreamt of. Then join with us today by heading over to Join Up dots.com and look for dream starter Academy. We look forward to working with you see you on the inside. David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.