Welcome to the Steve Jobs based Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Stacey Hanke
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Introducing Stacey Hanke
Today’s guest on the Join Up Dots podcast interview is Stacy Hanke.
She isan expert in effective communication and the author of the books Yes You Can! Everything You Need to Know From A to Z to Influence Others To Take Action and Influence Redefined…Be the Leader You Were Meant to Be, Monday to Monday®.
Her books provide practical and immediate skills and techniques that have given thousands the ability to enhance their influence Monday to Monday®.
He helps individuals eliminate the static that plagues communicative delivery – to persuade, sell, influence and communicate face-to-face with a clear message and has now trained over 15,000 people to rid themselves of bad body language habits and choose words wisely.
Well you might be thinking what does it take to be an expert communicator?
How Stacey Joined Up Her Dots
Well lets ask the big questions…..
Do you sometimes wonder why people in positions of influence remark in less-than-influential ways?
Perhaps you’ve been amazed at those without fancy titles and how they are able to inspire others to action?
What does it take to be a person of influence and impact?
Well as we said today’s guest has been wondering those things time and time again and is on a mission to teach the world how to do things the right way.
So is there a right way to communicate or does it change dependent on situation?
And what would be the number one mistake that people make when opening their mouths in a group scenario?
Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots, with the one and only Stacey Hanke
During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Stacey Hanke such as……..
Stacey shared the first steps of starting her company , which is always an eyeopener to all levels of entrepreneur.
We discuss how it is so important to set the scene of why communication training is important to a room of reluctant attendees
Stacey reveals how the idea came to her, and the steps that she took to make it into a thriving business. Great stuff.
Stacey remembers how the first five to seven years of growing the business were so difficult, but also so needed as she strengthened throughout.
Why the route to gaining the first client is always the hardest one, which is as much due to the fact that you get into your own way.
How To Connect With Stacey Hanke
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Stacey Hanke Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph
David Ralph [0:25]
Yes. Hello there. Good morning, everybody. Good morning. And welcome to an episode of join up dots we’re coming across the world to you today. And I probably already upset my guest today because she’s a lady. She’s in Chicago. And I’ve told her to turn down the heating, you know, just just protect the planet for a while. But that’s what she’s done. She’s now going to be sitting there in globs and mittens and god knows what ladies and probably a Dubai and one of those big slippers that you can put both your feet in really good as we go through today’s interview, because she is an expert in effective communication and She’s the author of the books. Yes, you can. Everything you need to know from A to Zed to influence others to take action and influence redefine be the leader you were meant to be Monday to Monday. Books provide practical and immediate skills and techniques. I’ve given thousands the ability to enhance their influence Monday to Monday, as she helps individuals eliminate the static that plagues community. Creative delivery can even say it to persuade, sell, influence and communicate face to face with a clear message and has now trained over 15,000 people to rid themselves of bad body language habits and choose words wisely. What you might be thinking, what does it take to be an expert communicator? Well, let’s ask the big questions. Do you sometimes wonder why people in positions of influence remark in less than influential ways? Or perhaps you’ve been amazed at those without fancy titles? And how they’re able to inspire others to action? What does it take to be a person of influence and impact? Well, as we said, today’s guest has been wondering those things time and time again and is on a mission to teach the world how to do things the right way. So is there a way to communicate or does it change dependent on situation and what would be the number one mistake that people make when opening their mouths in a group scenario when I find out as we bring on to the show to start join up dots with the one and only Stacey Hankin morning, Stacey, how are you?
Stacey Hanke [2:21]
I am good. David. David, you’ve got the best intro yet out of the many podcasts that I have done. You’ve got a good one.
David Ralph [2:28]
Are you saying Stacy that I’m not your first?
Stacey Hanke [2:35]
Yeah, you’re not my first we what we say in the States. It’s not my first rodeo David
David Ralph [2:39]
Well, you’re not mine either. So back at yesterday, but that’s good. That is fine. So let’s get into it. Because I am fascinated by your experience. Because I struggle with shutting my mouth. I struggle with brevity, I struggle with all those kind of things, but make sort of community. effortless. I’m always inspired by the people that go into a room don’t say anything for two hours. But when they do, it’s like gold. Is that skill that we can learn? Or is that something that you naturally have to start good at, and then build up to
Stacey Hanke [3:15]
know it’s like anything else? Right? Anything that takes muscle memory, which what communicating effectively, really is if you’re willing to put the time into it, if you’re willing to put the work in the discipline in it, anyone can do it. And you are challenged what you’re laying out that this whole idea of challenge with brevity and clarity. That is probably one of the top concerns, challenges that I’ll hear from leaders that we work with that really struggle. And I think it’s the mindset David we want we feel if the more we speak, the smarter we sound, and we all know the opposite is true.
David Ralph [3:46]
Right? I’ve done 1500 podcasts. So I must be stupid, the amount that I’ve been speaking over the last couple of years. Is that what you’re saying, Stacy? Are you saying that I should do an episode of silence?
Stacey Hanke [3:57]
There you go. Just sit there and let everyone know was taught. Here’s what I’m saying. It’s making sure that what you communicate what you’re saying has relevance. It’s seeing having a purpose behind your message. A lot of times we feel we have to share our world of knowledge. We don’t know when to stop. There’s times David in a conversation, silence is the right answer. Because every time you’re silent and really listening behind the wide, why of your listeners words, it allows you to adapt the message on the fly, it allows you to resonate with your listeners. And I really think that’s one of the big differences between someone who has influenced Monday to Monday, versus someone who’s a good communicator, and they turn it on when they need to turn it on.
David Ralph [4:38]
So let’s talk about you then. And not in a personal sense, but I imagine that you imagine you a lady, and you are so it’s not that much of a stretch of the imagination. But is it easy to spot people in the dating scenario that are trying too hard? Or is it a delight by are trying too hard when you’re sitting in a bar or a pub and you look over? can you expect see people have just met and all they’ve been on their third or fourth date?
Stacey Hanke [5:06]
Again, and you know what it is because from a fire, I can’t hear what they’re saying David and it’s more just watching their body language. For example, if you’ve got either the mail or the female and they’re leaning in, and they don’t back off, and they’re constantly in people’s spaces, probably not a good thing, especially if it’s early in the day. It’s the too much of the touching. If it’s it’s too early to, again, we’re invading someone’s face, before we really get to know what kind of style of communication Do they like? It’s the here’s the extreme. It’s the looking away when you’re talking, it’s having a conversation or kind of looking around, which, which also comes across as there’s got to be someone better in here to date than this person. If that that’s the classic and now we’ve got the typical gadget. How many times have you seen people at dinner and one person is constantly checking their phone is if the world’s going to end without them responding to an email, message or text.
David Ralph [6:00]
But have you seen families but all sit around and actually talk to each other? Because I don’t think families don’t actually want that. I know, you know, I sit at the dinner table with the kids and I say why no mobile’s no nothing. But really, they would much rather have those been be asked to talk to the dead.
Stacey Hanke [6:20]
And they see it all the time, David and I live on the road a lot. And I share a lot of stories in my presentations around how being at dinner, and a family will sit next to me or even just a couple. And there’s there’s minimal conversation, I walked into a restaurant not too long ago David and I walk in and right by the hostess stand there was this wall filled with iPads. And what happens is when a family comes in, kids go up to the wall, they pick up their iPad, and that’s going to be the conversation for dinner. I mean, I’m the same way with you, my dad would never we couldn’t even have the TV or the radio on during dinner. And it was really that time where we’re going to talk, we’re going to have a conversation. And I think that whole behavior of letting your kids or even letting your spouse or yourself we’re all guilty of it. When you’re on the phone during those precious moments to be able to connect and engage with your loved ones. I think we’re really starting to lose the true art of face to face communication.
David Ralph [7:17]
And but that’s that work? Oh, no, actually, I’m gonna stick with the the family scenario, first of all, because one of the things that we do in our family is we always say what was your good thing? And what was your bad thing today? And you’ve got to sort of share stories, and the kids will be sitting there thinking, Oh, god, what should I say today? You know, especially when they bring their friends around, and the friends get involved, because it’s totally alien to them. But it does lead into communication that you would just never find elsewhere. But is it required? But is it required is it like forcing for influence more than actually getting it because it’s desired?
Stacey Hanke [7:52]
Well, I think the thought is apparent, you’re really teaching your child a skill that everyone really needs. And I don’t care what generation that works from, at some point, you’ve got to have a face to face conversation. And studies show that if you’re not good at it, people aren’t going to follow you it’s a reflection of the relationships that you have is reflection of the ultimate money in your pocket. So and I’m not blaming the parent, but there’s kind of like incorporation. I believe, leaders, when you go into their Corporation, you can tell that there’s no interaction, or they go to you go to meetings, and I’m sitting and observing a meeting David and half the team is on their iPhones, well, if the leader does it, the team is going to do it. If the parent does it and allows it, the kids will continue to do it. So do I think it’s a right or wrong? I think it’s more of what do you really want your kids to be able to do? Do you want them to be able to communicate via technical gadget? Or do you want them to be able to have this ability to actually connect and engage with people and have conversations?
David Ralph [8:50]
Why? Why do you think this has taken over? I wasn’t going to talk about this. But I’m intrigued because I had my internet problems the other day, and a guy had to come around. And he was always excited because he bought some Amazon dots. And they’re those little speakers that you plug around your house and you can connect with lights. And he bought four of them. And I said why do you buy for them? He said so we can each have one in the room. And the kids will know when it’s time for dinner because we just say Alexa, tell them it’s time for dinner. And I said why don’t you just shout, shout up the stairs? How much does that cost it just walk to the bottom of the stairs and shout dinner time and boom, they come down? Did you think you know this is ever going to? Are we going through a phase Stacey do you think? Or do you think this is just going to get worse and worse, that we’re going to live lives in separate rooms.
Stacey Hanke [9:38]
I don’t know if I can say it’s going to get worse. I just I A part of me feels like I think it’s always going to be a part of our challenge with the whole technical gadgets are there and it’s so much easier to communicate that way. For some I still go back though David that you’ve got to be able to talk to people and you and your story about your house to fix your computer. What I mean it’s common goal. And it’s what he’s teaching his children that Well, let me pay someone to tell you to come to dinner versus me just telling you to come to dinner. And I wonder did you do you run the risk of kind of like a leader when a leader lets their team free reign, and there’s no guidance? I’m not talking micromanagement. I’m just saying guidance. Is it like a parent and a child when you just let them kind of run? The type of government conversations they want to have it? What kind of leader? Are you as a parent? And what are you doing that child for the type of person that they’re going to grow up in?
David Ralph [10:40]
Wow, okay, so let’s spin it on its head and let’s get it focused in on yourself. Okay. So you are somebody that goes around the world now communicating teaching these skills? Did you get to the point where you spoke to yourself, right, hang on, this is needed, this is required, or you know how to you seen bad examples of it in your office, where you’d be half talking to somebody and they turn away or their eyes would be looking elsewhere. And you feel I’m on a mission to solve this was it was a situation you stumbled across?
Stacey Hanke [11:13]
It was that but it was the consistency of it David and I want to play off of that. Not only did I see that, but where I was so intrigued David is that the leaders that we work with, over the years, how they’re not even aware of how they truly come across, rather than what they believe to be true. That’s what really started the mission, when I realized, whoa, how can you be doing a behavior or saying what we’re saying, but we don’t even realize the impact it has or how it comes across. I am so intrigued with body language that the feeling we have when we communicate how different that can be through the eyes and ears of the listeners. And to me that that’s the basis for no matter what industry you’re in, no matter how long you’ve been around in the corporate world, it comes down to you can be the smartest person in your industry. If you cannot communicate how knowledgeable you are doesn’t really matter how smart you are. All of those those three components David that’s really what got me so passionate and on a mission to just help people not only become more aware, but also to let people know you’ve got the choice, you’ve got the choice of the reputation that you create every day based on how you show up how you say showed up and what you leave behind.
David Ralph [12:31]
You saw something I imagine you was in corporate world doing the do and when you saw this going on, and the world is full of people who are in corporate gigs, seeing stuff going on, and not taking it on as a personal mission. Because in many ways, it’s easier to stay in corporate life being paid on a monthly basis than it is traipsing around America going to other people’s presentation holes and board rooms and meeting rooms and stuff. What made you actually want to separate yourself and go out on your own? It seems to be going well now. But you know, in the early days get getting the first client, it’s not easy.
Stacey Hanke [13:08]
Oh, it wasn’t it really stunk. I would I would never want those first five years over David we turned 16 this year. But ya know, I think there were two things that happen. One truly was I just there’s an entrepreneurial spirit with me. And I never I remember thinking I don’t want to be my number was 6860 I don’t know why 60 and kept telling myself, I don’t want to be 60 years old, still in corporate and saying I should have done it. I should have I should have. And I really I was young when I started the company. And at that point, I thought, Yeah, what do I have to lose? There’s lots of Starbucks in Chicago, if this doesn’t work out, I will work at a Starbucks that that truly was my mentality. And
David Ralph [13:49]
how old were you when you started?
Stacey Hanke [13:52]
No, I can’t tell you because I just told you that I was 16 years in the company, because that’s going to give my age away. Oh, no. No. All right. I can’t give it away. I was young, I was pretty young. Yes. Let’s just go with the David and the other thing was, I just knew that I was 18. Okay, I couldn’t have you know, you can’t have the same impact in corporate and in my world that I couldn’t. I wanted to be able to touch as many people as I could I want to be able to meet and it just have impact on people. I know that when I do David it’s not like I’m doing brain surgery or anything to that magnitude. But there is some type of reward when I get emails and comments from people saying, Oh, my gosh, you have made this difference for me, or I’ve never thought of it this way. You’ve impacted me this way. And I couldn’t, I couldn’t do that to staying in one company. My energy level is way too high, too. I think after a while corporate roads like okay, we need to give you something bigger, this isn’t the city and the desk isn’t working for you.
David Ralph [14:53]
If I think you’re wrong, Stacy, I think you’re walking with God. But I think brain surgery is a lot easier because those people are are sleeping. They’re just you can do anything you want to learn that they’re not going to know you’re trying to get people to change who are actually looking at you thinking about their lunch, thinking about what they’re doing, or I used to be in training for many, many years. The worst thing is they know that actually, I’m being pulled away from my work. That means I’ve got too much to day’s work tomorrow after I get back from these training calls. How do you sort of deal with that? How do you deal with people that are told suddenly, right, you’re in a training course today on communication and effective communication? When is the last thing they want to do?
Stacey Hanke [15:38]
Yep, here’s how we do it. At first is our approach that we really come in and talk about how I mean, you’re not here because something’s wrong. You obviously have now it’s that’s what you’ve gotten, they’ve invested in you, your company. And you can take whatever we want. Take it run with it. If you don’t like it, don’t take it to I don’t come in there on this mission of I’ve got all the right answers. I’ve got facts and methodology. Number two, what is it been our saving grace for so many years is the sooner I can get individuals David on a video or an audio and giving them a chance to watch the playback. That’s usually the buy in. Because I can write I can sit there and tell you, you’re rambling. It’s hard to follow you your body language is confusing. That’s hot air that’s not going to land on anyone’s ears to be effective. You start getting someone to see through the eyes and ears of their listeners that the video doesn’t lie. They can’t argue that now sometimes David if it’s the wrong people that we’re working with, they’ve got lots of excuses, why they come across the way they come across. The majority, though of our clients are coming to us because they really want to help.
David Ralph [16:50]
What’s the best excuse you’ve had? Really, you’re telling me that
Stacey Hanke [16:57]
the best excuse is it if I knew what to say, I wouldn’t use filler words, if I knew what to say I’d be more effective. And my comeback to that David is well, that’s fake. Because think about how many conversations in your day are impromptu. This idea of influence is you’ve got to be consistently influence even in your day to day impromptu conversations. Now when you’ve got opportunity to prepare, you should rock that conversation. Yet David You and I both know, people still don’t rock it even when they get a chance to prepare it.
David Ralph [17:29]
Which, which is what I love about podcasting, because before we connected, we’ve never spoken once. And it’s that ability to try to make it sound like we’re best mates. And we’ve known each other for years. And I love it. I don’t love it in a party situation. If I have to go into a party where it’s a group of people, I don’t know, I really have to switch something on I actually have to consciously think this isn’t me This isn’t my territory and do something within is it all about that? Is it about switching, depending on your your situation, I suppose
Stacey Hanke [18:04]
I do, I definitely believe that I’m going to give you just an example, if you are in a conversation with someone who is really high energy and they want to socialize, I’m going to corporate example here, and they don’t want to get into the meat, potatoes, the details of the meeting, well follow that lead, you can use more energy, do the socializing. And then I’ve got clients that they don’t want to waste time. And they are all about dive into the details. Get to the point, give me an action step. And let’s do this meeting in 30 minutes rather than an hour. And it’s so important. And we’ve heard this over the years David adapt your message, make sure you resonate with your listeners. But I would challenge all of your listeners, how many of them really do that, especially when you’re in your position for a long time, you start to get really comfortable, and the comfort can slip into being lazy. Because now you’re just going off of this message of what you think i think what you believe your listeners need what they want to hear, rather than well let them do the talking. Let them guide you. So you’ve got more of a chance to influence them to act on your recommendation.
David Ralph [19:13]
Let’s play some words now. And then we’re going to delve back into your initial startup story. Because I’m fascinated by you took the leap. And the first five years is in most of us, it’s quite a difficult one to sort of go through is Oprah
Oprah Winfrey [19:26]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this stuff. What is the next right move. And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move, and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment, you know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.
David Ralph [19:57]
Now, why is words when you’ve been through journey, and you look at it and you go, Yeah, I know exactly what you’re saying. Right. In the early days, I was trying to do this. I was trying to do that. I was trying to be the web guy, the sales guy that the PA was trying to get everything going. Now, it’s a lot more karma. But how did you get that initial client? That’s what I get. A lot of people ask me, I don’t know how to get but first one.
Stacey Hanke [20:22]
Network network network, know my mom, my mom and dad were so big about make sure you’re kind to everyone in your life, no matter who it is. And always stay in contact with people. So what happened David I did that when I was in corporate world, I really was all about relationships. And I stayed connected with people. When I was in, I stay I worked in corporate for a full year prior to I mean, I was in corporate for a long time. But it was a year out before I started the company. So I probably was more conservative and some. And what I did, I thought I’m going to build my company while I’m I have a full time job for one year. And I’ll leave in a year if I have six months of gigs waiting for me that I can jump into. Because in my mind David I thought, okay, if I’ve got six months of gigs, waiting, I can quit my corporate job. And those six months of gates, there’s a good chance they’re going to lead into more opportunities to keep me running and get this business up and going. I pounded the pavement, I had lots and lots of phone calls lots and lots of coffees and breakfast and lunches and dinners to just really reach out to people and say, Hey, here’s what I’m doing. Where is there an opportunity to partner with you? And it was I mean, it was really cutthroat and I smile as I say this David because 16 years down the road, people always say to me, do you still cold call? Do you still market? And I think a lot of it’s my mentality of this can all be taken away in a heartbeat. Yeah. So yes, we still market like crazy people, we pounded the pavement, but that also is contributing to our success and the clients that we have the clients that we keep. But it’s it’s hard. And I remember starting off David and I talked to a lot of professional speakers prior that were mentoring me asking them, what should I be aware of what is the biggest obstacle that causes speakers to fail. And every single one of them said, it’s not about actually doing the training event. It’s not about doing the keynote presentation. That’s the easy part. The hardest part why most people fail is not being able to stay focused, kind of playing off of what Oprah just said, not being focused, getting caught up in the weeds, and not being able to run a business.
David Ralph [22:45]
But But you can’t run a business. And I think you can’t run the business until you’ve screwed up a business. You know, I think in the first three years, and I say this all the time, first year is Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, Hustle. Second year is looking at it and thinking the is a bit hard this you know, I thought this would be easier. I’ve been in the third year, you seem to get clarity in the third year. And that’s when I I certainly cleared the decks and bought my What is my thing? What is the value proposition? What am I bringing to and started listening to people, but I don’t think that you can create a business from scratch and just make a success away or majority of people come to you.
Stacey Hanke [23:24]
Now I agree with that. I agree with that. It’s and it’s the clarity is the hard part David because you’re right in the first year, you’re just trying to get a gig in trying to get a client and I would take everything, which now I don’t take everything now so particular about the client we work with because I realized, wait a second, if I don’t get the perfect client, I call it my perfect fit. My programs not going to work, and then it just backfires. But it’s the hardest part, I think is just really being clear on exactly what you want. While you’re still having to take everything to put money in your pocket. It’s it’s a battle in a thought the biggest battle David I’m wondering if you agree with it, is it’s exhausting. It’s the constant pushing you into being this very humble person. And it takes a long time sometimes to sell an opportunity. I had a choice. Oh, yeah. And I still do you know, you made a comment, you’ve got to fail. The biggest joke in my company is the mistakes I make. I just had a big one earlier this week, here at least is the positive, I at least recognize it. I don’t make the same mistake twice. I definitely evaluate it and I figure out okay, why did that happen? And how, what am I supposed to do with that now? So here’s the deal. When you make mistakes, you should just fall fast. And don’t step on the same line landmine and get up quick.
David Ralph [24:51]
But don’t you think you you may not make the same mistake, but more often than not, you make very similar mistakes. It’s like, you know, somebody marries a lovely lady. And Ben has an affair and everybody outside goes, he’s having an affair basically with his wife, she looks exactly the same as his wife. I don’t know why you’re doing this, you know. And it’s the same sort of reality constantly. I’ve certainly made so many mistakes I look at now. And I could almost group them as the same mistakes, but they were different.
Stacey Hanke [25:22]
Well, that’s the key. You just said it, they were different. They think it’s still if they’re very similar. Ask yourself, Well, I guess you could take a step back and ask yourself, why why are they similar? Why am I keep going down the road that I know that direction does not work? And then go even deeper into that analyzing that mistake and figure out what part was different? Is there something that I can take from that. But I think what we’re afraid of failing, and any successful and we know this, even though we know this, we still do it, any business, they have to fail. And some of my peers that I mentor, I’m trying to push them to make the rest to make the message stake for them to learn from it. And they keep saying why don’t want to do it. I don’t want to do it. And guess what David their business stays the same. And they never grow as a company and they don’t grow as a person.
David Ralph [26:13]
Now in your business, there’s I was talking to a guy earlier. And he was saying, but basically, in his view, rewards suddenly came to him when he thought I deserve this, I deserve this. And there was a time when he was just pushing, pushing, pushing, and couldn’t get a glimmer of anything. But when he sort of mentally went now actually, I put the effort in there, I don’t understand this, I deserve it. It started to naturally come to him. Have you had transitions in your own business where you’ve actually, you know, the effort seems to have slipped away and things have started moving towards you, because of the effort you put in. Because
Stacey Hanke [26:53]
Yeah, and I think a lot of it is now you know, sitting here 16 years into the company. So much of our work is there’s even though I still do the cold calls, we get so many referrals David and I look back, and it’s the hours, it’s the grind, it hits, it’s paid off. But that doesn’t make me sit still either. And that that’s just more of my personality style. I really, I am humble. And I know that this can be all taken away very quickly. And I want to always acknowledge that. But it there is a piece where I also had times think, okay, I’ve worked hard for this. And therefore I can pick and choose the clients that I really think are the best fit the perfect fit. And I described that as they’re fun to work with David and they’re ready for our type of training. Yeah, fun is the key at this point. I mean, I know that every day is fun, you totally get it. But I also know that I’ve got control over that. And if I’m working with a client that just drives me nuts, I start questioning now I did not put 16 years into this to work with someone that drives me crazy.
David Ralph [28:00]
Me with you, Stacy. And you’ve said this a couple of times, it all gets taken away from me. Now with a network because your business is based on sort of a personal interaction you you’re a people person, you deal with people, but that networks always going to be there. You know, even if the internet totally crashed around you use do what the business surely?
Stacey Hanke [28:23]
I like to believe so. Yes.
David Ralph [28:26]
Did you run away from the microphone there for a moment? Stacey? Did you did you wander up?
Stacey Hanke [28:31]
No, No, I didn’t. Can you still hear me? I can hear you. Yes. Okay. I said I think it’s still I that’s probably just me. And a lot of it my upbringing, you know, I a little background, this probably will explain why I think what I think is I grew up on a farm. So as a farm girl, it was obviously a lot of hard work. And we were always out there by my mom and dad side. And it’s not like I grew up with a lot. You know, farming is not a multimillion dollar business by any means. In a lot of it is just my work ethic. And my realization of I don’t I just don’t want to get comfortable David I don’t want to get comfortable and start sliding and floating. And that’s why I think I keep this voice inside of my head of you know, you’re not done yet. Just Just keep working and keep building this business.
David Ralph [29:21]
Now, when did it become sexy time for you when you actually fall? Yeah, it’s come together. I know exactly what I know that I miss. And I’m in I’m in the zone.
Stacey Hanke [29:34]
Yeah, I think it was probably five to seven years into it. It took a while.
David Ralph [29:43]
And so seven years, was there any time when you actually thought this is this is a slog, I can’t I just, you know, I’m gonna go and work.
Stacey Hanke [29:52]
All the time. I remember because at that point, I was getting some really big SEO clients that I would do one on one mentoring with, sometimes I sitting in a room, just me and them. And internally, I was thinking, oh my god, what if they figure out that who I really am? And I would go there, right? And then I can say, okay, you can’t this is all mind over matter. You can’t go there. But yeah, when it really got to a point where I thought, holy cow, I have built this company. That was never the plan. It really came together. It probably was seven years into it. And then went to the next level David was about four years ago, when we really started right you you brought up influence redefined, which is book number two, four years ago, it was really starting to come together. And I was out there presenting the concepts in the book. And that’s when I realized, well, we have really hit it, we have hit something that is unique, it’s different, it’s going to at least keep me in front of the competition for for a while.
David Ralph [30:53]
And if it ever gets taken away from you, I bet was your next fall.
Stacey Hanke [31:00]
Not yet. I’m still on a high. So we’re good. We’re still strong right now with that new book coming out, or when it came out.
David Ralph [31:08]
So So if we take it away from you again, and back to your skills and your talents influence. In many ways, I think he’s quite easy as an influence and communicating. Isn’t it more about, you know, listening, focusing, waiting for the right time? You know, isn’t it about making people want to do things instead of trying to force them to do it? Isn’t it all that common sense?
Stacey Hanke [31:30]
Well, that’s common sense. But it’s not common practice. So yes, that’s what influence is, however, now we’ve got to go really deep. And figure out well, how do you do that? That’s the hard part. It’s taking someone who’s been paying of playing golf for years David take them on a golf course, or tennis, you could use this analogy for any sport. And now you take them out on that golf course. And you start picking it apart, you start picking apart every movement, every grip on the club, every movement of their body language, and they’re going to start to fall apart. So beyond influence, meaning that you drive someone to take action, I take it a little deeper. And I really believe in order for that to happen. Your body language and your messaging, they have to be consistent. The second part of that having this ability to drive people to take action long after the interaction is occurred now.
David Ralph [32:26]
Yeah, that’s the key to business, isn’t it? It is it is.
Stacey Hanke [32:28]
I think it’s even in your personal life. I mean, think about how many times you’ve tried to convince your significant other your family friends, to go to the restaurant you want to go to versus them, or your children trying to convince them persuade them to clean their room, why it’s a good idea. We were constantly influencing. we’re communicating 24 seven. But I come in and I challenge your listeners and say, Do You Do you truly know how you’re doing it? And when was the last time you took a close look of not only how you communicate how people perceive See you, but the results that you’re getting consistently. I’m not talking just when they call it the most. But consistently
David Ralph [33:06]
Yeah, because every night I try to impress my wife the special cuddles. And it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work, Stacy I must be thing is I’ve suddenly realized I must be doing it wrong David
Stacey Hanke [33:20]
after this podcast, we you and I can chat, okay.
David Ralph [33:24]
You’re gonna change my life. Now what I’m gonna do now, play some words from a guy who lives quite literally changed my life when I first heard these words. So let’s hear them again Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs [33:34]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [34:09]
So I like kind of words that you buy into Stacy.
Stacey Hanke [34:13]
They do. Yeah. I’m a big, you know, big Steve Jobs fan. So anything that he says I’m like, Yes. That is so true.
David Ralph [34:22]
But he was a bit of a peek as well, by all accounts.
Stacey Hanke [34:25]
He was he was Yep. And I’m not I’m talking about more his inspiration, as some of the words and how he got that product out and how he got the consistency of the brand. Right? I mean, I truly think that’s success is the consistency of that brand.
David Ralph [34:43]
But those words, those words, he says they are ultimate, influential words, you know, just that speech, I could listen to it time and time again, I do know at my show. How does somebody get to that point where, you know, I’ve seen him interviewed many times names. And one of the things I love is when he’s asked a question, he puts his head down and he will think and for about a minute, he doesn’t say anything until he comes back with the right answer. Where more often than not, I would just blurt out with the first thing in my mind. How does somebody get to that point where they’re so you know, precious with providing the right answer by will allow themselves time and space.
Stacey Hanke [35:23]
All right, I’m going to give you three steps and it goes back to the golf swing. First, first, you’ve got to know what you don’t know. So it’s tough. It’s feedback. And I’m not talking about people constantly telling you how great you are and how good you are. But it’s truly finding people in your life who will be honest with you to truly tell you how you’re coming across you get you’ve got to first get a groundwork. Then it start video, start audio recording yourself. So you can truly see. Okay, what works for me, what doesn’t work for me? And what am I willing to change? Those two are critical, because now you’ve got to hold yourself accountable. Point number three, that throughout your day, I mean, even today, think about how many, you could be focusing around your brevity, you could be thinking about how you’re coming across, you’d be thinking about your body language, how people perceive you, because we communicate 24 seven you can be practicing this all the time Steve Jobs I read, when I wrote influence redefine I did some research on him. Do you know that every time he before he would get on the stage to present wherever that was, he would practice David for four hours before he would actually deliver? Hmm. So and people think, oh, Steve Jobs, he was a great communicator when he was on stage. Well, yeah, he wasn’t born that way. No one’s born great communicators. Here’s the difference. People put in the work they put into practice, they’re willing to get the feedback. And they’re willing to not stop because influence and communicating effectively, it’s not a one done deal. It’s not okay, you do the training, you video, record yourself to practice some and then you’re good to go. That’s another reason why I think it’s so difficult having it having influence Monday to Monday because he’ll accomplish one skill, and then something else doesn’t work. And you have to do it again. And that’s why I use a sports analogy. Because I think an athlete, an actor, and actress, and musician, they all relate to that concept that the amount of work that they put in right before the big gig, or the big opportunity is a reflection of the practice that they did.
David Ralph [37:21]
So when you look back on those words, that Steve said, Do you have a big.in your life when you look back and you go, Oh, yeah, I can track everything back. That was the moment it all started to move in my direction.
Stacey Hanke [37:32]
There is and it was I started the company, I just wanted to be so low, just me. And I wanted to be a keynote speaker. That’s it. And what was happening is clients would come up to me after my speech David and say, can you teach our leaders how to do that come and teach our sales teams how to do that. And I realized, well, this could be something bigger, and I can’t handle the magnitude of it. And that’s when I started to look at my business as it wasn’t just a practice with me. It was there was a need out there. And I literally needed to build a company with people with strategy and with purpose. So it really was the feedback I was getting from our clients at that time to realize, okay, that this is something bigger, and this really could work.
David Ralph [38:19]
But that kind of I’m always fascinated about that Big Ben, because at that moment, you accept a responsibility for others, you’re accepting responsibility, but you could ultimately put somebody out of employment, there’s does that add to the fun? Or does that take it away for you.
Stacey Hanke [38:37]
So now that I’ve got a team, we’ve got six instructors out there that also deliver all of our training. Now I, to me, it’s fun. I love knowing that they’re out there today, they’re working with one of our bigger clients, and I know they’re going to rock it. Because I truly believe I have the best in class of team. They treat it as it’s their own company. I’m not alone, I love being with a whole team that when we land a big opportunity, and to me, they’re all big opportunities, how we can all high five, I love the fact that I can share the ups the downs with an entire team that I’m not doing it solo. So that part I love it. I love it. I love it. The part that’s tough is exactly what she said David is, it’s a big responsibility. And my job is to as a leader to make sure that they continue to get the training to make sure we’re all consistent. And to make sure that the client, it’s the same experience no matter who they interact with. And that that’s definitely pressure day in and day out. But then I go back to what Oprah said, I can’t focus on that, because that’s going to get me very cloudy. I need to just focus on their set. And we take each day at a time versus getting caught up in how big this company really is.
David Ralph [39:55]
The I managed teams in London for many, many years. I can’t bear the 40 to be doing it again, Stacy, I really come where you get somebody as Oh, I can’t come in today because my baby’s just been sick. And I can’t do this. And I can’t do that it was just, it was just hassle over time. Are you separated for a hassle? Or do you still get the calls at six o’clock in the morning?
Stacey Hanke [40:16]
I set up the call sometimes early morning. And it’s still I’m in I’m a work in progress, I’ve gotta let it go. Because that you know, you’ve been in the shoes that when so and so on the team is sec, and they can’t make the trip. Well guess who needs to do it? You like you always as a business owner, you have to take the load. And then that’s the hard part. But yet I kind of keep telling myself, I’m the one that made this decision, not them. They’ve decided to be in the roles that they’re in, I decided to take the big one. I had read somewhere. And I don’t it was some armed services in the US. I’m not sure if it was the Marines or who, but that anyone that’s in the surgeon position, they’ll always let their whole team take lunch first. They’re always laughs and I think about that a lot how I will always have my teams back that if they can’t do something, I know I have to do it. You’ve also said that I think there’ll be a time when I won’t be running like this at the high speed that I am. And my retirement that will be coming earlier. And most is going to be probably me solo again. Yeah, because you’re right. There’s just that point where I love the run now and I’ve got the energy to do it. But is it long term? I don’t think so.
David Ralph [41:36]
It’s I’m basically retired now really, I am you know, mentally I’ve retired, I only work with people I like I only do things that I like, I choose the times that I work, you know, I’m literally retired and playing in between, I just couldn’t bear the thought of going back and starting a company really.
Stacey Hanke [41:58]
And I give people credit. I know a lot of people that I know David that do that, where they’ll they’ll do a startup, they’ll run it to a certain point of revenue, and perhaps investors and then they sell it and they do it again. That’s me takes a very certain special personality style and drive. That is unique.
David Ralph [42:21]
Looking back on your sort of life.
Yeah, absolutely. Looking back on your life just before we send you back in time on the Sermon on the mic. As a been things that you look back on and you go really that was just stupid, that that that really was stupid. If we could ease the way for a listener out there. What would be your Whammy? What would be your Yoda advice that you would give them?
Stacey Hanke [42:45]
When your instinct says what it says, believe it take action? Don’t wait. Don’t let it through. And just do it.
David Ralph [42:59]
Yeah, Rizzotti where every time I’ve gone against my gut. I’ve been burned big time. And I it’s like my spidey senses are tingling all the time thinking that you shouldn’t do this, you shouldn’t do this. And you get either seduced by the money or something and you you sort of plow through and it’s always wrong.
Stacey Hanke [43:15]
It is always wrong. I had when I my initial team years ago, I decided to revamp them. And I was working with a leader. And I remember the day day that we’re we’re chatting and I had said to him, I go What do you do when your team keeps you up at night, when you just you’re tossing and turning and you know, it’s going to be tough if you let them go, because the workloads going to be on you. But yet, it’s tough now, and he looks me in dead in the eyes. And he says hire slow fire fast. I literally David went home that day and started to clean house. And it was such it That was such a tough part of my life. Because I remember thinking, all right, letting the instructors go. And I’m going to have to work the pavement, I’m going to have to be on the world constant until I can rebuild a team. It sucked at the time. Yet I think that was the best advice I ever got is when when your team is just not working. I am a big with I tell my team all the time, no drama, there is no drama allowed on this team. And when that starts to happen now it’s not fun. It’s not fun. And I just think life is too short. And we’ve made these decisions David you and I to be an entrepreneur and to do what we want to do that I really want not only clients that I want to work with, but I want a team that I really want to work with and spend time with.
David Ralph [44:43]
Yeah, I wish you all the best on that I really do. Because I think you’ve got your head screwed on, you’ve had some knocks but you’ve worked through in those first seven years, has led you to the ability of making choices. And once you’ve got those choices, you really have won the game, I reckon. Now, this is the part of the show that we can have a sermon on the mic when we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Stacey, what advice would you given? What age Stacy Would you like to talk to? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme. And when it beats you up, this is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [45:22]
Here we go with the best bit of the show.
Stacey Hanke [45:40]
The best advice when I look at how many years it has been is to take risk earlier
to always invest in my own development. Because if we don’t put it on the calendar, it never happens. And I can only be the best to my team, my client. If I do the trick first. And the first that the top one, I guess I should have started this one instead of leaving it for last is truly don’t forget to take a step out of your business to take a look and appreciate what you’ve created. Appreciate the resources that you have. And the people that are always there to support you.
David Ralph [46:18]
Right advice. So Stacy, for the listeners today, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Stacey Hanke [46:25]
Thanks David always be a web. So our website is at Stacy with an E y h a n ke I nc.com feel free. There’s lots of resources there. We’re all over social media. If you want us to help you out in any way,
David Ralph [46:41]
we will have the links in the show notes. Stacey, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And please come back again when you got more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up those dots and connecting our past, it’s actually the best way to build our futures. Stacey, thank you so much.
Stacey Hanke [46:58]
Thanks David It was fun. Thanks for the 20.
David Ralph [47:02]
So seven years it took for that business to really come into place. But of course, not all businesses as like bad. It depends on what business you want. You can be a solo pioneer in six months, you can be a soda pioneer in you know, two weeks you can you can start getting clients before you leave your corporate gig, whatever you want to do, it all comes down to you and Stacy has found the thing that she likes. And she’s looking at the bigger plan. Other people like to keep it small, she wants to keep it big, whatever you want is out there for you. And the episodes of join up dots are here to prove that somebody said to me, you know, why don’t you go for the A listers? Why don’t you? To me that’s not as interesting because those people are almost too far away from us. I like the people that are doing it day to day that would inspire somebody out there to go, why not me? Why can’t I earn more than I’m earning at the moment? Why can I be in control of my time? Why, why why? That’s why I choose the people I want and Stacy was one of the good ones. Until next time, thank you so much as always for listening to join up dots if anybody could spare a moment or two to leave a rating and review on iTunes. It really does make a difference and really helps us gain more listeners and get a ground swell. But until next time, thank you so much for listening. Cheers. See ya. Bye
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on join up dots.