Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Mr Gary Loper
To subscribe to the podcast, please use the links below:
Introducing Gary Loper
Gary Loper is todays guest joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview,
Mr Loper is a man who for over 30 years has helped the world build better relationships with the world.
Never before have we had such an opportunity to do just that with a click of a mouse, but unlike many who just make noise on social media, he has learnt the skills to connect at a deep level.
And its not surprising that with that kind of relationship building at his disposal, Gary Loper has clients across the world who ask for his help to improve their own skills.
Not just on social media, but in their own lives.
How The Dots Joined Up For Gary
And in his coaching programmes, unlike many life coaches he focuses on providing a step by step guide.
He focuses on the “What Now” and not the “Why”
A strategic mind-shift that gets his clients moving in the right direction, as he push’s them ever upwards to success.
So shall we talk to Gary about, his social media skills, his coaching skills, or how he found himself as the go to man for both.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Mr Gary Loper!
During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Gary Loper such as:
How we are all unique and we shouldn’t think that others should think the same way as us!
How many of the relationships our guest had, failed due to wanting to be loved too much!
Why Gary doesn’t consider anything a failure, it is simply an experience to learn from!
How he believes his success on twitter has been achieved by his past “real life” relationships!
How the more you give in this world, the more you will get back!
How we all need a dream and must take a risk to make that dream a reality!
How To Connect With Gary Loper
If you enjoyed this episode of Join Up Dots then why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Lolly Daskal, Patrick Powers or the amazing Daniel Hayes
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription Of Gary Loper
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Good morning world how are we are we all raring to go for another absolute belter of conversation, motivational speech, and basically Wherever we go, and that’s the beauty of this show. It’s not prescribed, we do not write questions and answers, we just see what we want to talk about. And it certainly is appealing with the audience who are coming to the show in droves. And I’d really do from the bottom of my heart, thank you, because it would be a lonely experience. If you weren’t with us on the ride. And I have got somebody today who is on the ride with us, he has agreed to be on the show. And I’ve had a very interesting chat about the heat at the moment. He’s in Florida. So probably that’s a little bit hotter than where I am in the United Kingdom. But I’m a bit sweaty, I must admit, it’s dripping off me. Now he is a man who for over 30 years has helped a world build better relationships with the world. Never before we’ve had an opportunity to do just that at a click of a mouse. But unlike many who just make noise on social media, he has learned the skills to connect at a deep level. And it’s not surprising that with that kind of relationship building at his disposal, he has clients across the world who asked for his help to improve their own skills, but not just on social media, but in their own lives. And in his coaching programme. And like many life coaches, he focuses on providing a step by step guide, he focuses on the what now and not the Y the strategic mind chip that gets his clients moving in the right direction, as he pushes them ever upward to success. So shall we talk to him about his social media skills? He’s coaching skills, or how he found himself as the go to man for both? Well, let’s do that, as we start joining the dots of his life with the one and only Mr. Gary Loper. How are you today? Gary?
Gary Loper [2:11]
Excellent. Thank you, David, it’s pleasure being here is mentioned that, you know, this concept about joining up the dots is absolutely brilliant. So I want to be able to congratulate you for being able to provide this because I know and just a little bit of preparing that I’ve done for the this. I are we realised a lot of the dots in my life, but went back even farther. And you know, this, it’s really something that a lot of people need to do. And so I’m, I’m pleased to be able to be here and to be able to share some things and hopefully somebody will get some inspiration from what, what we can be able to provide them?
David Ralph [2:48]
Well, I’m sure they’re going to because it is a fascinating thing. But we do not as human beings spend enough time reflecting. And in our life, we’ve had got so many clues, we’ve got so many doors, we’ve got so many aspects. But really, if we do spend our time looking back, and we’re going to spend a lot of time doing this today, it does give us a good indication to our future path. The tagline of the show connecting our paths to build our futures is about right, really. Mm hmm.
Gary Loper [3:16]
It is. And if you really look at it, and that’s one of the biggest lessons that I found along the way was being able to change my storey and be able to use my past, not only to build my future to be able to help other people, and it’s really was been able to take some responsibility, look at some reflection, and really be able to accept some of the things that really upset me going on and wondering, Well, why me or why aren’t they loving me? Why aren’t they listening to me and all these other things. And it was just a realisation of that they weren’t capable of being able to love me the way that I wanted to. And that all has become a lesson for me on how we can be able to better prepare ourselves, to be able to share ourselves and be able to share our gifts with the world.
David Ralph [4:09]
That’s a fascinating point. I don’t think we’ve ever touched on that in any of the shows. But it is it’s a real matter of understanding yourself. I used to be annoyed by my daughters, I’ve got five daughters, four daughters and a boy. And literally every day, they would annoy me for some reason it was either but I’d go into a room, and I’d find the plates just left there. Or I’d go up into their bedrooms, and the bed was a maid and it would just annoy me annoying, annoying me annoy me. I’ve been I suddenly realised and I can’t remember actually Gary Weber I read this. And I thought, okay, I’ll try this, or it was something that just dawned on me, it was my mindset that was wrong, it was not them, they were always going to do that they were always going to leave the plates on the floor, they’re always going to make their bed, leave their bed all sort of messy, because that’s about him. And if I focused in on them all the time, because they’re not doing what I would do, I’m always going to be annoyed and it was a complete mind shift.
Gary Loper [5:09]
Oh, it’s I spent so much of my life just going through and figuring out why people don’t aren’t thinking the same way that I do. And it was you know, and it got to the point and it just realising that we’re all unique. And we all have different experiences. And I on a soul level, we’re all here to be able to learn different things and experience things in different ways. And the other souls that come into our lives all play a part, you know, like in Shakespeare, All the world’s a stage. And so all of these other people are players in our, in our soul journey to be able to become the best we can, the best me that I can become. And like in any good storey there always has to be a protagonist and an antagonist. You know, Star Wars would have been nothing if you wouldn’t have had Darth Vader. You know, most people don’t learn lessons from Mary Poppins, some people will, but then they need that protagonist to be able to get the lessons and you know, when we see the good and bad and how we can be able to get those lessons and also be able to look at, you know, like situation with your kids. There’s a certain element of human nature and just progression. You know, when we were probably that age, my bed wasn’t made, I wasn’t listening, you know that. And I guess you know, some of the sales training that I’ve had, we really got to be able to have the focus, we want to try to be able to get them to do some things, we need to try to make it more about them, and how it’s going to benefit them instead of just doing this for because I’m telling you to do it. So if we can get bad understanding and build that relationship, we can probably make a much more peaceful household better relationships with their customers or family or friends in the world.
David Ralph [6:58]
He’s back isn’t it, isn’t it because on the show, we talked obviously about the leap of faith, we talk about people finding their path, we find that moment in our life where we go, I’ve got I’ve got to make a move, I got to make a transformation to where I want to be from where I was. And as you say we’ve done fader and all those kind of things. A lot of the times that forces into action are the dark, and it’s not the light. And in Join Up Dots. We see it time and time again. But people will have a big.in their life. But when they talk about it, it’s actually the dark side. It’s the is the time where they look at it and go, cool. God, I would never want to go through that again. But God, I’m glad I did go through that because I am where I am now. And it ties up with what you were saying about Star Wars and that but have you had the same thing in your life? Do you have a dot that you look back and you go? Yeah, that was a real bad time of my life. But I wouldn’t be GAVI without it?
Gary Loper [7:56]
Well, there there were several of them, you know, there’s, you know, wholesale childhood growing, growing up. To You know, it was I was a high school graduation present was in a plan present. But, you know, for my parents, so, you know, we just sort of grew up in an emotionally unavailable household. And so, you know, there’s a whole lot of trials, it just went through our life with that and my parents divorce. But probably that the pivotal part, for me, the biggest dot was in the summer of 1995. I was going through a second divorce, and she didn’t want to have anything to do with my kids until after I moved her out and just out of retaliation. And she was when I was I also had problems with the job that I was having. I worked for a Swedish wheelchair manufacturer. And we were just a US subsidiary, but then they brought in a Swede to the states as President, and she was kind of controlling, not really listening. I was customer service manager wasn’t really listening so that you know, there was a got a conflict and I didn’t like to control. And then sort of the topper was my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. It only given a couple of months to live. So something completely out of character is I realised I needed to get a different perspective and I needed to get away from where I was. So I reached out to a bunch of travel agents and said, I want to take a cruise next week. I have $700 to spend, I don’t care where I’m going I just got to go. Several of them laughed at me. I left many messages. Only one agency called back and said we can get you from Miami to Key West to Cozumel for a five day trip. So we we took that trip and that was a catalyst because there’s just so many things that came off of that decision. I met some people that I thought were pharmaceutical reps that were actually nutraceutical reps, they were representative of an MLM company. And they weren’t trying to sell me but they really were connected with me. And you know, I met a woman on that cruise and then, you know, probably within six months, I left Wisconsin moved to Florida. Six weeks after I moved there, she decided it wasn’t working. I wasn’t even unpacked.
And she wanted me to leave.
But there was something inside of me that realises you know, I can’t go back to Wisconsin, there’s something else that I was here for. In her I realised on some level that she was a catalyst to be able to bring me to Florida. So I moved from the east coast of Florida, the west coast of Florida. And so many new things opened up again still within that MLM company. I met a the next pivotal relationship in my life. From that I met the person that brought me through a code, my first coaching programme in 1999. And from that coaching programme, I learned, well, there’s so many, you know, so many things, I learned how to be able to our subconscious mind works where I met my current wife, and we’ve been celebrating 10 years. But even going back to that MLM company, I met Bob Burg, who is a guest speaker, who was a pivotal part of my life, his events, I met Dave Conti, who introduced me to Twitter, which is, you know, opened up the entire world to me, and so in so many ways and helped me develop, you know, other coaches, financial coaches, sales coaches, and so many other things, all sprung out of those three chaotic events that led me to be able to take that cruise,
David Ralph [11:54]
when you look back on those relationships that obviously failed, were their commonalities that caused him to fail. with hindsight,
Gary Loper [12:03]
I think most of the relationships that I had that failed, were because I was trying so much to be able to be loved. Because I’d never felt that way from my parents, my parents weren’t capable, weren’t wired to be able to love me in that way. And so I was just trying everything to be able to be loved. And in working and trying to be able to do that so much. I think that that might have pushed people away from me and why things didn’t work. You know, my first marriage didn’t work because of that the emotional support that was in, in the early 80s, the economy tanked here a little bit, I lost a job. And do the thinking that my wife at the time was given was just leave them alone, he’ll figure it out anything because they were just starting to will just get it up and go, Well, I’m an internal rewards, and those things affected me and you know, just sort of took me, you know, took me into the tank for that I tanked along with it. The second marriage was one of the things that, again, trying to be able to be loved. Ice, I think I found somebody that I wanted to build a relationship, but I realised later that I was trying to rescue her. But she didn’t realise that she needed to be rescued. But in that relationship to it also served a lesson about understanding my mother, because they both had about the same kind of levels of depression, and understanding. So even though that second marriage was a short term, the relationship only last total lasted three years. But I learned so much and understanding and being able to live with it in a different level that I got a different perspective of my mother’s struggle with her depression that she had when her father left her when she was a young child, which led her to the decisions that created me. Yeah, yeah.
David Ralph [14:06]
Because I use the word filed deliberately. Because in success, and in life, generally, we see that people who become successful do not actually consider these things as failure.
Gary Loper [14:19]
Yeah, yeah. I’m Edison. Edison. Yeah, I know, I never failed just 10,000 ways it didn’t work.
David Ralph [14:27]
But on the fact that you’ve been now married for 10 years, and congratulations to that, do you look back on that and think, yes, you basically were an Edison through those relationships, and you were finding the right way for you to build a relationship by going through those other ones.
Gary Loper [14:44]
Exactly, at I really believe and that this is maybe some of the things about Relationship Coaching or things that you know, parents or somebody should be teaching them is, you know, we get, we get attracted to relationships, because all the sunshine and balloon and the romance in the sex in the physical, all of these different things. But really, the bottom line is, relationships are there to be able to help you heal your crap, and heal your past pains. And you have to be able to remember that both of you are going to be going and pushing each other’s emotional buttons. So if we can be able to learn how to not take it personally, and how to listen and be available for somebody else. And knowing that when we give first in these relationships, that we’re more apt to be able to receive, and give able to get back the stuff that we need to be healed, and to be able to be heard and validated and respected. And all the things that we’re looking for, in our love relationships.
David Ralph [15:45]
Now you so open with your conversation, and you talk about relationships, relationships, relationships. And so jumping forward, and I’m going to jump forward and back with you, Gary, because it’s quite interesting. But you are somebody who is building, as I said, in the introduction, better relationships with the world through social media, and are you doing that because you are open? And you are yourself? are you cutting through the noise and becoming effective, due to those reasons that you’ve learned through your real life relationships?
Gary Loper [16:20]
I believe so. I hope so. I know that, you know, building a better relationship was always a consistent theme through everything in my life. You know, actually, in my coaching programme, you know, I went, we went through a timeline exercise, which is similar to Join Up Dots, is we back and look at all these different things, aspects of our lives. And each one of them was a longing for a better relationship, a longing to be able to be loved in either decisions that I’ve made to, you know, this nutraceutical company. So this is just, you know, it’s a relationship with my health, and practising yoga and bike riding, and the coaching programmes and everything else, you know, I was creating better relationships primarily with myself, and the better that I got with myself, the better I could be in any other aspect of relationships with partners, families, kids, customers, community, the world. And I think that’s, that’s a lot of things. That’s a lot of the inner game things that most of the coaching programmes that I’ve gone through, never touch on. But for a lot of entrepreneurs and a lot of people who are, you know, stuck in some of those dead end jobs, or they don’t see that they have, they start seeing a dream, they want to be able to do something more. But there’s these emotional things. There’s these scars and these pains from our past where our parents didn’t love us or we got left, or some cheated or whatever else was going on. These become emotional roadblocks, and they just stopped people. And I’m really seen that the, the audience that I’ve attracted, the platform that that’s been created around me, gives me an opportunity to help those people find their voice and then to be able to utilise all the the education that I’ve had, I’ve been studying personal development since I was first introduced to Tony Robbins and Dennis Whately when I went back to college, 15 years after high school in a public speaking class, for my marketing degree. And I’ve been studying personal development every day since 1989, which has grown into business development, and a lot of other things that have grown and I really feel that I can be able to use all of that, to be able to become the leader that I wish that I would have been there for me. You know, kind of the Gandhi thing be the leader that you would want to follow. Yeah, and I, I wasn’t finding somebody that had the voice or wasn’t talking the message that I had, you know, Tony and Wayne and Deepak and Neale Donald Walsch, Walsh, and in all of these other celebrity coaches, and authors, they were all talking about one things, but they never got to the emotional part that I think that stops most people. And I think that’s one of the passions that I want to have to be able to share with the world and help people find their voice so they can be able to share their gifts.
David Ralph [19:20]
So So on the show, we talked obviously, about self limiting beliefs, that’s that’s a key point, overcoming the fear that stops us in our tracks are their skills or is it simply the fact that you’ve got to take a leap, you’ve got to get over your fears, and you’ve got to start pushing that envelope to reach out for that dream that you want.
Gary Loper [19:42]
I really believe in expansion.
You know, because I have a background as massage therapist and physiology will will tell you that if you try to be able to jump out, the muscles are going to contract and be able to snap you back to where you were. So I think that if you try to jump out here, your comfort zone, you’re going to snap back. But like in yoga, yoga, the most important aspect is your breath, and you keep control of your breath, through every posture and you move to a you move to an Asana that stretches you while you still can take control your breath. And I think you know, taking it off the mat is the same thing is if we continue to be able to stretch ourselves and take a little bit more each time, we can be able to grow more, you know, one of one of the teachings that I had, you know, showed us that there’s 22 rungs on an emotional, emotional ladder. So if you’re down in that depression, it’s impossible for you to be able to flip a switch and say, I’m going to be filled with joy. But if you reach for a better feeling thoughts, and feeling sad is better than being depressed. feeling angry, may be better than then that feeling perplexed. Right? So you see that you just keep reaching for a better feeling thought and you just you just keep building on it. And that’s why I shared in it, there’s there’s an important storey, you know, that goes along with this. And my Twitter stream, I started sharing just for today affirmations and, and it was under the same premise, its most people take on this big goal. And it becomes an elephant for them. And it’s like, you know, it’s so huge. They can’t comprehend it, they don’t know that they need to be able to chunk it down. So how do you eat an elephant one bite at a time. So you chunk it down, make it into individual pieces and bites to be able to go through that. And it’s in that because we’re I struggled, I’m a visionary, I get an idea, my head is going to turn, boom, boom, boom, there’s so many things that go on there. So I don’t get one elephant, I get a herd of elephants for so long. That just paralysed me. Because my one idea then grew into something else that would I had no concept on how to be able to do it. And so there are so many ideas that just didn’t get done. And I really think that if we just look at what can we do for today, to be able to make it better and be able to stretch. You know, I got I got fluffy. I gained a bunch of I gained a bunch of weight, sitting behind the computer working on Twitter and coaching and doing these things. I got got myself a good Buddha belly. But then the doctor told me says okay, you know, we’re worried about some things here. So we need to be able to, you need to make some choices. So shortly after my birthday in June, I decided one of the best ways for me to start doing things because it started getting too hot in Florida to be walking every day and I was fatigued. We have an elliptical machine on our house. So I got on the elliptical I started for 15 minutes every day, I went up to 17 minutes. And now I’m up to 22 minutes every day. And I haven’t missed a day since June 20. And I’ve also been drinking a gallon of water. So I’m my weights changing. But it’s like anything else. It’s a daily progression and repetitiveness of each of these steps that build and you build your strength, your build your muscles, so you know, if you went went into the gym, you’re not starting out bench pressing 200 pounds, you’re going to start out probably with, you know, 2050 pounds, and you’re going to work your way up, it’s the same thing with anything else that we want to achieve in life. We just need to keep practising and building up our muscles,
David Ralph [23:40]
you with your weight gain, I’m looking at the picture of you, you must have looked like Santa Claus, because you’ve got quite a long white beard. Did anybody say to you at the time you look like Santa Claus.
Gary Loper [23:54]
I have a Santa suit back in the closet by probably gone out there. But I get that periodic. You’re I get a lot of Kenny Rogers all the time. Yeah, I
David Ralph [24:04]
can say that. I can say that as well. But it is true what you say about looking at the big picture. And in many ways, that’s one of the truths that I’ve found doing this this job, that when I started the vision was enormous. And it was something that was going to change the world. And it was going to build a community across the globe. And it from it. And me, it was an idea I had and I thought I love this idea. And the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t get a start on it. I couldn’t see how to do it. So I didn’t do it. And I just thought to myself, okay, I will release a show. And how the hell do I release a show, I don’t even know how to record a show. And when I managed to do that, and then I did two and 1030 4050. Now I’m 150, I’m starting to see a glimpse of the possibility of my initial vision. And it is true what you say. So many people are routed to the spot about the possibilities of what they could do, they don’t actually do anything, because it’s just too big for them to handle.
Gary Loper [25:06]
Right. And I think one of the things that I’ve learned along the way that that’s very important is, and I think I mentioned, you know, mentioned heard it on one of your other shows, but somebody else’s already succeeded in doing what we want to be able to do. Yeah. And so to be able to go out and ask and the most successful people that I’ve met, are always open to be able to share, share answers. And social media is so great, because, you know, a lot of them at the top level coaches are all managing, or at least they’re answering their own Twitter accounts, they’re answering their own Facebook mail. So to be able to reach out to them and just get, you know, see if you can be able to get a quick answer to a quick question is just, you know, the possibilities are endless, but you know, just, we need to upgrade the people that are around us and start attracting better people in when we do that we’ll make better choices will have better resources that will help us find ways to be able to do that. And I think also one of the other things was a huge thing was I, you know, I, I don’t have to do all this by myself, I can have partners and I can collaborate and we can be able to do things together. So if somebody is more tech oriented, you know, I, you know, looking at my office, I need I need an assistant to be able to sort through some things and stuff that just aren’t my strengths. But if we focus on what we’re good at, and hire out or team up with people who do the things that we need help with. That’s that’s the way we’re going to be able to get the biggest success and reach more people.
David Ralph [26:44]
And online. Now you have got revenues, or sorry, revenues, you got avenues, but that don’t cost hardly anything at all, I have used Fiverr quite a few times when I needed something doing on my website. And to be honest, I could have worked it myself and I fell out by $5. Get somebody else to do it. And and he’s done. And I’m not even going to bother learning these things. Because why should I should focus on what I can do well, and let other people do the things that I’m not interested in doing.
Gary Loper [27:14]
Exactly. Exactly. There. There are people, there are people who have a dream to help you make your dream possible.
And so you’ll just be able to help each other in that way.
David Ralph [27:27]
Well, why do you think that you’re saying this, I’m saying this, every guest is saying this, that if you reach out to people who are ahead of the curve, they will more often than not help you. But if you speak to the man on the street, who tells you that he’s got a dream, and he doesn’t know how to start it, you give him that bit of advice, and they won’t believe it, or they won’t take action on it.
Gary Loper [27:50]
I see. Either there’s a you know, there’s there’s an attitude of either success or wisdom that comes along with success. And there’s also a gratitude. One of my coaching programmes is a go giver, coach, go giver, the go giver is a brilliant book by, you know, my friend and partner, Bob Burg, and john David Mann. And that’s helps helps Joe in the storey changes perspective from getting to giving. And giving is not only a nice way to be able to do things, it’s also a very profitable way to be able to live and do business. And by shifting and giving first is absolutely foreign concept to so many people. And I know in some of the networking that I’ve done, there’s, you know, local networking live to live. Nobody understands the giving first or collaboration, they’re just looking out for themselves, and what can they do? And, and, and how can I sell you and I try to pull them aside and I go, you know, I probably never going to buy your stuff. But you’re missing the boat here because everybody is the gatekeeper for everybody else that they know. So if we develop a relationship, and you get to know like, and trust me, and I know that your, your stuff is good, and you’re good, and you won’t. And by referring you, I won’t embarrass various myself to my audience. You’ve got access, then to the people that I know in real life, which on the average is about 200 250 people, for people, for everybody. But then if you look at their social media communities are thousands or hundreds of thousands just on a first level and, you know, mind boggling to fifth and sixth levels. But I just think that most people are just in that selfish, what can I get me, me, me, I need to survive first and being able to look at it is, you know, together, we’re all going to be able to achieve much more.
David Ralph [29:52]
But you can kind of understand that can’t you if somebody’s in a job that they don’t like, or they’re in a relationship, but they don’t like by you want to have an improvement, an instant improvement, they want gratification. And it is a foreign concept for so many to think that if I start helping others, and you know and giving away stuff, time, effort, energy, love, they’re not going to get it back, and their situations not going to improve, you can kind of understand it, even though we know it’s wrong,
Gary Loper [30:25]
I can understand it. And I guess you know, even when I went back into college, and that was an 89 and 91. You know, they were teaching teaching the economics of scarcity. And so you know, so and that was the standard model that we were all talking about that there was just a limited amount of things. But it another example, in the go giver that I use is the whole world works on given given receive. There’s nothing that doesn’t work, you know. So you know, just for example, here, just taking a deep breath
and hold it, take a really deep breath and hold it.
Okay, now exhale,
Unknown Speaker [31:14]
exhale some more.
Gary Loper [31:17]
Keep exhaling, I’m going to cough I’m going
David Ralph [31:18]
to call, okay.
Gary Loper [31:21]
You cannot keep exhaling without getting some without taking something back.
So the whole world works and given take the sun comes and nurtures the plants and the plants give us food. And the whole cycle goes through that, you know, one of the best examples was orange trees, you know, a friend of mine had these orange trees that he loves. So he invited me over to pick some oranges, we will get them. And while we’re there, his neighbour comes over and wants some oranges. And that was neighbour walk past his dying orange trees. And so when I looked at it, okay, so Johnny loves his oranges, and he nurtures his and oranges and he’s in, he’s taking those oranges, he’s taken the gift from the tree. And there’s appreciation. So the tree keeps giving his neighbour, he didn’t appreciate his own trees, he didn’t take the fruit that was given. So the tree stopped giving. So I think the same thing in life, you know, if when we’re giving our love when we’re giving our products, when we’re giving our services, and it’s received, we’re more apt to be able to give more, you know, some of the conversations we talked about is is learning our love language. You know, in relationships, it’s vital to understand how your partner needs to feel loved how your children need to feel loved, and we’re all feel loved differently. And if we can speak in their love language, and give them the love that they want, they’re more apt to be able to love us back. And we can then teach them on how they can love us in our love language.
David Ralph [32:58]
You seem somebody Gary who loves their job would be right, you seem to really deeply care about the content you’re putting into the world.
Gary Loper [33:07]
I do. I do. It’s it’s a it’s a lifetime. It’s a lifetime of being able to collecting experiences, joining up these dots, putting these things together, learning the lessons. And knowing that, you know, I’m I’m in my middle late 50s. And I know that there’s a lot of successful people, you probably you probably don’t get to be the prophet or the the guru or this the people seek out until you start getting some experience and long white hair and beard and people will go through there. But it’s I really think that I’m at a point in being able to have these collections of experiences and understanding that I can really do a lot of good for a lot of people.
David Ralph [33:53]
How did you know? Because you You must have been like everybody else where you’ve been in Jobs fat, haven’t they? Would you? Or have been lucrative and have kept you there longer than they should have done? How did you know the moment when you should transition to what you’re doing now?
Gary Loper [34:12]
Well, this is probably this actually goes into my Twitter storing is you know, you know, we shared a little bit I had a bob Burg event that Dave Makati and in Dave’s presentation you talked about, hey should get on Twitter. This was early 2008. So we got on Twitter in 2008. Just sort of fluffing around, nobody knew what they were doing, because Twitter is about a year and a half old.
And later that year in November,
a position that I had, I was providing massage for special needs clients. So I was getting a lot of emotional rewards going into these homes and people with CP and a lot of different other conditions I was in two or three times a week. So I was working with these clients connecting with their family got so much more emotional support and a good living. But our state legislator decided that it was medically unnecessary for for people with disabilities to have massage. So all of that income, all that emotional support gone. So with a background in depression, we talked about for my for my mother, I fell into the couch, and got stuck there for you know, for longer than I should have. So one of the things that I did, like I mentioned, I started studying personal development in 89. I’ve been collecting inspirational quotes all a while. So I started sharing those messages on Twitter, from a purely selfish standpoint is that I knew that by sharing those messages, it was getting back into my head into my heart that I was going to lift myself up. In a short time people started responding in ants asking questions, you know, retweeted me following me, I get full fourth and fifth generation retweets, and people follow me and it was just attracted. And then it really clicked and said, Okay, I got my coaching certificate back in 99. And this is the perfect opportunity, the universe was telling me, here’s this platform, you’re a coach, you’re a teacher, you’re a healer, you’re going to start here. And we just, we just did that. And we just started sharing messages. And the followers just kept growing, and growing and growing and connecting. And with that, I’ve got so much more confidence in my voice in learning how to be able to communicate on Twitter, how to be able to use it for more than just a selling platform. And one of the biggest things and, you know, we want to go back to the just for today, affirmations is in time I started putting some of those affirmations out on Twitter. And what I found people were responding retweeted a lot of things and you know, daily, I would get messages coming back and people would say, all you know, it was great reminder, this is important. This is something my grandma used to tell me whatever was. So it was all great said Lyft lifted me up. So okay, we’re making an impact we’re connecting, we’re helping them remind them it’s Ziegler philosophy, they say that motivation doesn’t last but either is bathing, that’s why you need it every day. So it’s part of the reason why I put it out. But one of the biggest reasons, in February of 2014, I got a tweet from a young girl who said, you know, you’ll never know how much your tweets affected me, or impacted me. And I said, Well, here’s my email, please tell me I’m want to know. So she writes, she writes me a letter, and she was contemplating taking her life. She’s got a very debilitating disease, that there was just kicking her butt and she was ready to pull the plug. Something in one of those affirmations. Now this was an affirmation that I put into an auto Twitter. So I didn’t even know what when it was coming out. So I had no input, I created it, I put it into a machine, and it put it out. And it showed up when she needed it. And she saw and she realised, okay, I’m going to do something with this, I’m going to do the best I can with what I have. And I’m going to help other people go through this the same process. And so that brought me to tears. And that really changed some things because I realised that
you know, somebody, people will say, Well, why do you just put motivational quotes out there, there was something in me that always knew about the butterfly effect that you just never know about what’s going to happen. All from one, one action, one quote, one tweet, one smile, you just don’t know what the chain reaction is what the dots are going to follow from that. So knowing that this one tweet showed up for her at a point that changed her life and may change other people’s lives, really deepened the passion for me to be able to use Twitter as a way, because there’s no filters there. You can be able to anybody in the world can find in your tweets, if they’re searching for something, they can find that tweet that so so your message can be shared with everybody in the world, not just your friends, not just who Facebook thinks that you should see your post. But everybody can find it in the people who need to find it, can see it. And I just have a belief and the knowing that the universe is going to bring those messages to the people they need to and it’s going to make an impact in the world, whether I know it or not. And that gives me a huge, huge place of comfort to be able to know that I am impacting the world in some way. I may not realise it. on an emotional level, I haven’t realised it on the financial level that I know I’m capable of yet. But I know that impact is there. And in bed doing that more good things are going to happen for me and everybody else who’s in that stream.
David Ralph [40:34]
I’m going to play space, it really cements what you’re saying, bear. But just before I play it did have you transition were you in a corporate world when Twitter came along, and you suddenly saw the possibilities and it made you move in that direction? Was there any leap of faith in your life, because it seems to be that it’s almost been a flowing process for yourself, you’ve moved from one thing to another, has there been any of those moments where you’ve really had to go right? gonna do this, because I’ve only got one life.
Gary Loper [41:03]
I’m not that I really jumped in switched, I took the I took a lot of those leaps in my relationships, the relationship that moved me to Florida, you know, we met in September in February, I moved there. And then meeting Carol we met in July and December we were married. So I was more apt to be able to take those leaps on a personal love relationship trying to be able to find that the jobs that I had, I probably stuck out longer than I needed to know that I should have. Because again, it was I was just looking for that love that acceptance and hoping that I could be able to start crawling up because that’s where I thought the path was. And I only had one corporate experience that would happen happened after a small husband and wife marketing company that I work for was acquired by a corporate marketing Corporation. And I just saw the transition of some of the people on in that team. And I just, that was an epiphany for me, this is you know, I’m never going to take this path. Because it just appeared to me that those people sold their souls. They had no consciousness, they had no connexion, they weren’t dealing with people, everything was just a result to them. And I just knew that that was in me. So from that point on, I’ve probably been under employed and took jobs where I could, I knew that I could be a bigger fish in a smaller pond. And I think that’s that’s served me serve me to be able to get me to where I need, where I’m going now.
David Ralph [42:49]
I’m going to play the words of Steve Jobs, which is really the theme of the show. And I think he has cemented what you’ve just been saying that we are all on a journey. And we just don’t know when the good things are going to make a difference, the bad things are going to make a difference. It’s just by having faith trust. And moving forward with a belief, we do ultimately get to Fingers crossed a good place it these this is words of Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [43:15]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future, you have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [43:50]
I suppose what he’s saying there is no experience is wasted, isn’t it?
Gary Loper [43:55]
Exactly, exactly, savour every single experience because everything, everything grows on everything else. And one of the things I know in listening to that just reminds me of like even my massage, when I went to massage school. You know, I, you know, I’m in love with massage, I love the touch, I love the healing aspect of it. And we’re in early on in that process, I had just seen that this was the way of my world, this was my future, you know, I’m going to do massage for a while and make this impact. You know, eventually I’ll have a studio will have a healing centre, and all these other things. But then couple of years later, all of a sudden, you know, that’s gone. You know that that one aspect of it’s gone. But it opened up another door for something else. So all that massage experience, all the the energy, the healing studies that I’ve done, are still all a part of me. And I can take those healing those heels words, those healing energy, and be able to apply it in different ways. So I think that was really important that I learned and hopefully other people will be able to see is pursue what’s in front of you pursue the dream, that’s right now seems to be the biggest light to follow. But also realise that that may not be the final destination, but it’s something that’s going to prepare you for what you’re really supposed to be doing here.
David Ralph [45:30]
Take a risk, isn’t it until you take a risk and vain, I’m gonna play another little speech now, because I love this. And I, it wasn’t part of the original concept of this show. But more often than not, I play bass, because I think this is absolutely brilliant. Listen to this,
Jim Carrey [45:45]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job, and our family do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you
David Ralph [46:11]
love. I would like that to be taught in schools.
Gary Loper [46:14]
Yeah, it’s a great thing. And I know that, you know, even looking at Jim Carrey, his father. And again, you know, for me, I see it on a soul level. Again, so here’s a time period where men weren’t encouraged to be able to pursue those dreams, especially if they were more artistic, something off of what was conceived on what Nan men are supposed to do the traditional roles. And that serve Jim, a huge lesson and a huge impetus because he saw things crushed. But I also think, you know, people need to realise that sometimes in doing things that you may not think that you, you know, by doing things that you’re not may not want to be able to do, you get to be able to have a better understanding of what you want to do. Because I think there’s a lot of people who have no clue what they’re what they want to be able to do in their life. And to be able to go through some things, helps you really be able to identify what you don’t want. You know, that’s part of how I developed my list on of the characteristics that I put on a singles had to meet Carol is I took a lot of the experiences that I had in a lot of practice dates. And I turned those into positive qualities and what I wanted to have, but if I didn’t have those negative experiences, those harsh experiences, I wouldn’t have fully understood what I wanted. And I think that that’s that’s probably something else that needs to be shared is because I think a lot of people don’t know how to dream, they’re not encouraged the dream, they don’t see that vision. And maybe Jim Carrey, his vision was enhanced by his father’s not fulfilling his. So he was fortunate in that way. But I think a lot of other people, you know, my father’s my father’s dreams were crushed. But I didn’t realise it until much later on in my life. Because he had to do the right thing back in 1955. his dreams of being a music musician, or having his college paid for like his brothers was, and they will maybe see some of the same success that his brother had, was all crushed, because he had to go do the right thing. And because of that, I never there were no dream building him in my household. There was no vision, there’s nothing. And that’s why I was you know, it was just, it was just ships that were just wandering around with no direction, everything else because my mother was depressed, didn’t have anything my father had given up on his and certainly couldn’t been able to encourage us because it reminded him of his pain too much. So that was my experience. So it’s. So I think there’s a lot of different ways to be able to discover your dream. And once you find it, you can’t go back.
David Ralph [49:15]
It’s interesting you saying that because as he was saying, Now, I spent a lot of time with my dad, and my mom. And I was thinking to myself, I wonder if I’ve ever had a dream. And I have been you know, I’m 44 I’ve been with him for 44 years, I’ve got no idea. If my dad ever had a dream, he just seems to be but my dad has worked. And he’s worked very hard. And he’s built a business. I’ve got no idea if it’s his dream, or what was his dream? That’s amazing. I’ve never ever thought that I think I’m going to ask him. And I think he will be a bit freaked by me asking him as well. Because I would imagine, I don’t think he’s ever allowed himself to dream. It’s just what you do,
Gary Loper [49:56]
you might want to start going back a little bit and start asking, you know, what did you think as a child or some of these other things and, you know, start out smaller and build the conversation up? Instead of asking the big question right up right up front, because if he’s maybe a little bit more garden or hasn’t allowed himself to do that, he would start asking about vacations or where would you want to go or do something do something else is, you know, looking at some of the other easier choices of dreams, and then being able to come back and be able to look okay, now.
What would your life been like? What would you rather have done?
David Ralph [50:36]
Did you think the word dream is a wrong one to use, we use it all the time. But of course, we lay in bed and we have dreams and their visions float into our head, should we be focusing more on the reality or the creation, instead of using this kind of, it’s almost like a fairy tale, the word dream,
Gary Loper [50:57]
I believe that dreams are subconscious way of being able to prepare us on what we’re supposed to be doing next. So in dreams and visions, in meditation, whatever you want to be able to call it. And I really believe that there is a higher power, whatever you call it, is is working with you and helping your soul to be able to keep evolving. And that’s what I feel is I get visions, I get dreams, and this is what I’m supposed to be doing next. And this is you know, these are some of the people are these are the situations that you need to be doing and growing and exposing yourself to, so you can be able to fulfil your potentials.
David Ralph [51:42]
Well, let’s talk about your potential just before we put you on the mic, and we send you back in time to have a one on one with you younger Gary, what are your to use the word dreams now Where can you see yourself in the next five years. So
Gary Loper [51:55]
we’re going to continue to be able to use Twitter as a platform to be able to help serve people and teach them how to better understand how to be able to use it, how to be able to connect and build relationships. Because one of the important things that is the golden rule of networking is in all things being equal. People are going to do business with and refer business to people they know like and trust. I like to focus on that all things being equal, because social media levels of playing field and there are thousands, if not more, people doing virtually the same thing that you’re doing. But I want to try to help people create that differentiation, what’s makes you special and you unique, that you can be able to connect with people and be able to serve the people that you’re supposed to be doing with that. That’s kind of the ground floor by passion is really. And we’ve talked a lot of this about the inner game stuff that those mind mastery, I want to be able to create some programmes that really work on that mind mastery and helping people through these these emotional hurdles that they’ve got going. And the you know, I’m wide open to things to you know, one of the things I know I’ve been blessed with the platform and the audience and the receptions that I’ve had. But my wife a year ago was diagnosed with my stina Gravis. And that’s a it’s a neuromuscular disease in the muscular dystrophy family. But her fatigue and her strain, and there’s a lot of other things that are going on with her so been able to deal with that that form of disability has been an education. And we fully know that there’s probably a bigger platform that we can be able to share people not only with my senior Gravis, but with anything, any other disease or any other you know, conflict, things that they’ve got going on in their life and how they can be able to work with what they had and what they experienced, to be able to get to be more
David Ralph [54:09]
Have you found your unique popping Gary?
Unknown Speaker [54:14]
Gary Loper [54:16]
I’m, you know, I’m running on this path. And I know more is going to happen, you know, just in being able to be able to spend time, some time with you now. You know, it’s looking back at the dots for this. And you know, I think you’ve heard me on john Lee Dumas show. Yeah. And john and john Lee Dumas that was, you know, for Connexions for Connexions led me to that. And you know, so it’s really amazing that is going on there. And I just know that I’m at a point, it’s pivotal, that more opportunities are coming. I have some some larger speaking engagements later in the year that are getting that are going to bring me in front of a lot more people. And I just oh into more opportunities. I don’t know how it’s how we’re going to get there are all the tools are all the people are going to be involved. I have the dream, and I have the faith that
the path is going to be shown.
David Ralph [55:14]
I love that you haven’t got all the answers. You’ve just got the faith.
Gary Loper [55:19]
And that’s what I’ve heard, you know, you have to be able to believe it before you can see it. And I think a lot of people just say, Well, I have to see it before I believe it. And it just I don’t think the universe works that way. You believe it first, then the evidence is going to show up.
David Ralph [55:35]
I think that I do think that I don’t think I ever did think that. But now I’m doing this I do. I’m having amazing, weird stuff that I just kind of bring out all the hell is this happening. And it’s only because I’m putting myself out there. I’m making Connexions. I’m taking action. And ultimately, somebody’s going to notice. And that’s the key message to everything coming. If you want to achieve that. You just got to start taking action. And you’ve really got to put yourself out there.
Unknown Speaker [56:06]
Gary Loper [56:08]
And that’s what I want to try to do is help them people put them put themselves out there. And Twitter is a safe way to be able to do that. And you can be able to build that Twitter, muscle and your voice. And when you do that your audience is going to be attracted to the goodness that you are.
David Ralph [56:24]
Well, let’s put you back in time to have a one on one with the younger Gary, that’s sort of the pre Twitter Gary probably. And if you did manage to find him and you sat down by the side of him, what would you say to him? What advice would you give him? So I’m going to play the music and when it fades out your mouth, and this is the Sermon on the mic.
With the best of the show.
Gary Loper [57:07]
Gary, I’ve travelled back in time to let you know that you know more than you think you know. Or even what others will ever admit. Your brilliance will scare people. And that’s okay. That’s their limitation. be brilliant anyways, never let that light be damned. You have a gift of being a visionary, to see into the future, to see things that most people cannot or will not be able to see. And especially, you’ll see the things that they want to try to hide. Use this to be able to make the best choices in all the areas of your life and in service to others wants you to know that your parents love you only in the in the ways only that they know how. They’re not emotionally equipped to deal with their own emotions, much less yours. This is going to serve you in the future because so many other people in the world feel under loved and experienced the same thing. Your storey is going to help them move through their pains and realise their place and voice in the world. Every experience contains a lesson, it’s going to make you even stronger and wiser. And some of those lessons are going to be hard, painful, debilitating, and feel real poopy but use that poop to be able to fertilise your dreams. always believe in those dreams, especially when others and those who you feel should support you don’t believe in them. I know you don’t see much of yourself right now. But believe that all of this and so much more as possible and waiting for you.
David Ralph [59:13]
Gary, how can our audience connect with you?
Gary Loper [59:18]
It’s very easy. My website is Gary Loper. com ga ROI LLP. Or you can find me at Twitter at Gary Loper, Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, all the other places. But Twitter is the primary my primary primary platform and we’re using that so my website and Twitter are the best ways to get in touch with me. Just drop me a tweet, let me know that you heard me I heard me on join the dots and love to be able to connect and see how this impacted your life.
David Ralph [59:53]
Well, it’s been an absolute delight having you on the show today. And thank you so much for spending time with us today. Join Up Dots of yellow. Please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Gary Lopez, thank you so much.
Gary Loper [1:00:11]
Thank you, David. It’s a pleasure and happy tweeting.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.