Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Gloria Miele.
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Introducing Gloria Miele
Today’s guest joining us on today’s Join Up Dots Free Podcast interview, is Gloria Miele.
A lady that from her base in California is focused on showing the world how to optimise their personal performance in whatever they do.
For over 25 years she has spoken to thousands of people across the globe who are seeking the skills to develop their strengths.
And that one word “Strengths” is the key to her beliefs, as like me, she feels that we all have the skills in us to have a kick ass life.
We all can be living a happier more fulfilled life, whilst functioning within our very own “Sweet Spot”
How The Dots Joined Up For Gloria
However instead of focusing on what we do well, and developing our lives and income around those things, we instead seem to spend much of our time focusing on our weaknesses.
Which is of course the key to much of the human way of living.
Focus in on the negatives and take for granted the good.
So how do we switch this way of thinking, and analyse and use the natural gifts we were given at birth?
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs in todays Free podcast, with the one and only Gloria Miele.
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Gloria Miele such as:
How so many people are turned off by positivity as they feel its a ruse, or a scam somehow!
How even though she left New York at the age of two, New York has never ever left her!
The day she had her big a-ha moment and realised that she needed to focus in on the good in people, and not try to fix what is wrong!
How we should all be graphic equalisers and move our sliders up to become the best versions we can be of ourselves!
The reasons why we should try to find the true excitement in things and get ourselves into a state of flow!
How To Connect With Gloria Miele
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Gloria Miele Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there. Good morning, everybody. And welcome to Episode 130 of Join Up Dots each year friendly host David Ralph, broadcasting from a shed at a back of the United Kingdom. We’re not a Bank of the United Kingdom back of his garden in the United Kingdom. And it is a place where I run and I hide and I have amazing conversations. And we’re going to have an amazing conversation with today’s guest. I’ve already been shooting the breeze with her. And she’s so unflappable is untrue, I was trying my best to get it all worked up. And she’s as calm and she like, so we’re going to get some good stuff out of her today because she is going to make us calm and make us develop our personalities and our performances, because she’s a lady that from her Base in California, is focused on showing the world how to optimise their personal performance in whatever they do. But over 25 years, she has spoken to thousands of people across the globe, who are seeking the skills to develop their strengths. And not one word strengths is the key to her beliefs as like me, she feels that we all have the skills in us to really have a kick ass life, we can all be living a happier, more fulfilled life was functioning within our very own sweet spot. Now However, instead of focusing on what we do well and developing our lives and income around those things, we genuinely focus on our weaknesses, which is of course the key to much of the human way of living. We focusing on the negatives and take the granted for good. So how do we switch this way of thinking and analyse and use a natural gifts we would given up birth? Well, let’s find out as we bring on to the show to start with Join Up Dots, the one and only Gloria Miele. How are you Gloria?
Gloria Miele [2:05]
I’m doing great. David, how are you?
David Ralph [2:07]
I am rocking and rolling. I always say that. But I’ve got to. I’ve got to be. I’ve got to be positive from this side of the mic. I can’t come in all dreary and mopey. But now I do. I feel very, very good. And you are in a good place, aren’t you? Because you are in the lovely California?
Gloria Miele [2:25]
Yes, a very good place. And we I live in Southern California, halfway between LA and Santa Barbara. For people who kind of know that area and it is embarrassingly beautiful here, I must admit,
David Ralph [2:41]
is that Orange County?
Gloria Miele [2:44]
No, it’s not. It’s been Torah county
David Ralph [2:46]
know why cuz I just before we started recording, my wife and me were watching one of these programmes where this couple have to go over to America and buy a house. And they’re sort of balancing their budget. It’s called I’m a place in the sun or something is a UK programme. And they were in this place called Orange County. And although I’d heard it, I’d never realised that what is what the TV programme BOC stands for, and we both sort of to each other. And when, oh, that’s what that stands for. And so it was one of those things that we will go to bed, knowing that we’ve developed ourselves.
Gloria Miele [3:19]
The aha moment of the day, the aha moment. Yeah.
David Ralph [3:22]
And did you do have those because I seem to be getting those more and more especially doing this job. I listen to people all the time. And I go, Ah, yes, I’ve never quite thought of it that way. Or I’ve kind of thought about it. But I, I’ve kind of given up thinking about it until I got to that aha moment, you being in a sort of self development? Well, do you have aha moments? Or is it all, as I say, calmness in your life?
Gloria Miele [3:49]
Well, I’m glad you fell for that, David, although I do have a pretty calm front. There’s a lot going on. And so it’s a matter of managing that. And, and those aha moments certainly come when, especially when talking to people like you, and it doesn’t surprise me that they happen to you a lot. Because you are interacting with a lot of interesting people. And I think a lot of our aha moments happen in relation to other people, as we’re interacting with others. And that’s why I love what you’re doing.
David Ralph [4:22]
So what is it about interacting with people that stimulates our brains to do these kinds of things, because as I say, I’m like, I’m like squirrel all the time at the moment, that’s a new thing. That’s a new thing. And my my focus is all over the show. And I’m really having to bring in together just to do this show, because each episode will be about three hours long if I wanted it to be so because the conversations are so fascinating.
Gloria Miele [4:49]
Well, I think we end up seeing ourselves and other people. And so as we’re talking in and some of that, you know, squirrel, attention, women all over the place, is because we’re talking to somebody and all of a sudden, we’re reminded of something of our own life, something of our own experience. And that can really help. You know, like what you’re doing here, join up these dots. And that’s why I love this is because by talking to different people and getting all this different, these different perspectives, you will have these aha moments and start putting together these these different things. And in in a storey that makes sense. And I really love that.
David Ralph [5:31]
Did you think it is a key thing for people, for people who want to change their life? Do they simply have to do the classic surround themselves with people that are doing amazing things? Or inspiring things? Or just more positive people? Is that a really good way of starting their journey?
Gloria Miele [5:52]
Well, I think everybody comes at it from a different perspective. And some people are turned off by positive. I don’t know, if you’ve run into any of them. And feel like it’s it’s a it’s a ruse, and you’re being Pollyanna. And that it’s not real, it’s not authentic. So some people can’t really enter it in that positive frame of reference. And like you mentioned before, we do spend a lot of our time focusing on what’s wrong, where are we falling short, what’s our weaknesses, and that just brings us down. But some people need to start there. That’s where they feel most comfortable. And then, and then they’re able to kind of move from that position. I just think it’s important to start where people are and get their storey. So so
David Ralph [6:41]
let’s get your storey then. Because obviously, you are Uber successful now because you’re on Join Up Dots Show Episode 130. What can be a better in your life? I asked you, you’re also living at the California dream, probably running across the beach each morning, like Baywatch would be right.
Gloria Miele [7:01]
You just keep that image in your head, David,
David Ralph [7:03]
I’m gonna keep it and I’m not gonna let it go anywhere else. It’s my own special image that I’m keeping there. So So where did your lifestyle Were you always a California girl, or have you moved over there?
Gloria Miele [7:16]
Well, my parents actually moved to California when I was about two years old. And they moved here from New York City. They were children of immigrants, and came out here to find a beautiful golden life out of out of the Bronx and Manhattan. They moved here to beautiful Southern California. And so while I did grow up here, I also felt like I was a New Yorker, I my mother, bless her, if you talk to her today, she still sounds like she lives in the Bronx 50 something years later. So I had a very strong identification with my family, my roots in New York, while growing up here in California. And I grew up here, and then went on to college and graduate school and then move back to New York, where I lived for about 16 years, where I went to for more school and started working. And then we came back to California to settle here with my family and live this beautiful golden life.
David Ralph [8:28]
Although you didn’t grow up in New York, those first two years before you moved across, did that sort of stamp on you? Were you slightly edgier, because it seems to me, but the people I speak to that have grown up in, say, Philadelphia, or New York, for example, seem to have a different way of acting than the people who grow up. In California, for example, in the sunshine state.
Gloria Miele [8:54]
Well, I did really identify with my new york family and my parents are children of Italian immigrants. And so we moved out here in the land of the blondes. And so I looked different. I sounded different because I said coffee and chocolate because I sounded like a little New Yorker like my parents. And so I always felt that my family in New York and the people in New York were more my tribe like that. those are those are the people who look like me, who sounded like me, who thought like I did, and I identified more with them. And so a lot of people have always thought that I’m a New Yorker, and you know, I was born there. And I definitely kept a lot of that. Of those qualities. Definitely.
David Ralph [9:45]
And what is a key quality I classed is edgy, but um, what would you say New York quality was? Or is
Gloria Miele [9:52]
um, I yeah, I think edgy is a is a great word. That’s, that’s a fun one. I think New Yorkers to tend to be a little more down to earth, more honest. So people think New Yorkers are rude. But New Yorkers are driven, and they’ve got their head down, and they’re doing stuff. But if you stop a person on the street and ask them for help or advice, that I think a lot of people think that New Yorkers are going to blow you off and just kind of push by you. But I have found them to be the salt of the earth, but very honest and genuine people. So if they’re in a rush, and you ask a question, maybe they can help you. And that seems rude, here in California, and I don’t want to alienate any of my people here. Because I do love it here. But I find that it’s there can be a little more of a surface quality to people, people are more concerned about the external people are also more insulated from each other people drive around in their cars and their bubbles, and don’t have as much interaction in New York, you’re all on the streets, you’re on the subway, you’re, you’re walking with thousands of other people. And it’s a very different feel a very different vibe.
David Ralph [11:08]
So So do you walk in in California? Or are you in your car as well?
Gloria Miele [11:13]
I am, I’m very much a car person. because things are far away. There’s not good public transportation. I’ll walk a little bit in my neighbourhood, a lot of people walk their dogs. But it’s not as easy to walk to the store, like it would be in New York or in any big city.
David Ralph [11:32]
Because I think that’s something that the English do very well, we like a walk. And we will just go for a walk for the sake of having a walk. And when I’ve been in sort of, in America, many different states, but I remember being in Florida once. And people couldn’t believe that we were just walking places. And they were saying why. And I want service car, basically come up the driveway, drive next door to McDonalds, go through the drive thru and then back and it was about 100 yards
Unknown Speaker [11:58]
David Ralph [12:00]
data in their car. And I thought this is madness, isn’t it? you’re overweight already. And you’re not using up any calories at all to get your food.
Gloria Miele [12:10]
David Ralph [12:11]
is ridiculous. Yes, that’s a different subject altogether. So when did you start to focus in on that keyword streams because it is something that I believe in very strongly that we all have the skills in us that really makes life effortless. But you’ve got to find those those strengths and those skills and development. So was there a key moment in your life when that came true to you?
Gloria Miele [12:37]
There really was
I was actually attending some classes in coach training. So I’m a I’m a psychologist by background and worked in mental health for many years and wanted to do something a little different. And so I went to coach training school, that was run by other psychologists, and started learning about these different approaches to help people change. Now, the approaches that I had learned as a therapist were all therapy based. And a lot of them had to do with changing your thinking and changing your behaviour. To help you with your problems. Of course, that’s what psychologists do with with emotional and psychological problems. But I went to this class and started learning about these perspectives that really focus on people’s strengths. So we were introduced to the Strengths Finder developed by the Gallup organisation and originally by Donald Clifton, who was, who was a psychologist too, by the way, I was never taught about in school, I went to school for a long time to get a PhD. I never heard about Donald Clifton. But he really started the strengths movement in psychology, I also learned about a process called appreciative inquiry and appreciative being appreciating what is going well in a row organisation. And the inquiry, of course, asking questions about that. And I had talked about the aha moment, I was actually walking on the beach with a bunch of my classmates in this course. And they were talking about where they had come from things that they had done, and I realised, oh, my God, I have spent the last 20 years of my career focusing almost entirely on what is wrong with people. And that was shocking to me. And I realised there is this whole other approach to helping people and helping people grow that is just so makes so much more sense. Like, let’s figure out what innate talents and strengths you’re born with. And let’s amp those up. Let’s not try to remediate the things that you just don’t really do. Well, to begin with, you know, like, I am not a runner. I like to dance. I do like to walk but like, I’m not, I was not born to be a runner, I don’t think
David Ralph [15:04]
so that’s just not ever gonna happen in.
Gloria Miele [15:07]
I’m sorry, I’m not that right out of your head, I’m so enjoying that. I can’t believe it. I know, it’s such a disparate image from my reality. So I did enjoy it for a little while with you. But, but like, I’m not going to be a runner. And I could spend a lot of time and I know a great running coach who would teach me these different techniques and stuff. But it doesn’t excite me, I actually the thought of it, I dread it. But things like going and doing a class that is more dancey being with a bunch of people and having fun to music, that gets me going, that excites me. So knowing what excites you what engages you and to learn about that perspective, that was seriously a turning point in my career, and my philosophy
David Ralph [15:59]
is family 19, you save up because I’m absolute advocate of this. And I went through and I’m sure you’ve done this, because Strength Finders, 2.0. And it was a book, but I took the test. And it gave me my five key strengths. And out of those five, the first two, I went Yeah, spot on, I will buy into that. And the other three, I thought not too sure about this. But little by little, it’s come true. And now I realise what my five key strengths are. And I don’t worry about all my failures in any shape or form, or my weaknesses, I just focus in on bows, and my life is going great guns, and it goes all the way back to school doesn’t it when you first bring your report back, and you’re doing really well in five subjects, and there’s one that you’re not doing well on, and your parents always would go, Ah, we need to get you help on that one. And they would always zone in on the thing that you weren’t doing very well in, which is madness, you forget about the positives, and you go straight for the negative every time.
Gloria Miele [16:59]
Exactly play. Have you read I’m Ken Robinson’s the element.
David Ralph [17:04]
Know, I’ve seen some of these TED Talks, but I haven’t actually read but
Gloria Miele [17:07]
well, that that is basically the premise of his book and about the downfalls of our education system, exactly the example that you gave, and exactly what you’re talking about that the first thing we do is, is focusing on that now I have a teenage daughter, and especially in the last few years of you know, prep, trying to practice what I preach, it has been challenging for me sometimes to really do this with her, because my tendency is to look at that, that grade, that’s not the best. But instead, I’ve really had to work on it. And that’s the thing with with looking at things in a positive perspective, and using your strengths, even if you’re talking about doing it every day, it still takes some effort. Because we’re just not used to doing it. We’re so accustomed to picking things apart, finding what’s not working. And so it’s taken me some time, my husband and I some time to really make that shift, and really put help her put her efforts into what she does best, and shore her up in those other things that she has to do. But realise that, you know, that’s not her thing. Like she is a performer. She’s an actress. She’s a musician, she’s a vocalist, and she’s brilliant at those students. And she gets A’s and a pluses. She takes a lot of classes, she gets their best grades and that now the English in the math. It’s not it’s not dreadful, but I mean, it’s good enough. That’s what she does.
David Ralph [18:38]
Right? The million dollar question, then why is it and this is true as well. And I know this is true, just for the amount of conversations that have had. Why is it when somebody finds that thing that they can do really, really well, and find it so easy, but they don’t give it the value that it deserves? And they won’t think to themselves? Really, I could build a career around this because this is something I’m really good at. It’s going to provide great value. But because it seems easy, they feel that work and life should be hard to get the get the just rewards. And it shouldn’t be should it?
Gloria Miele [19:15]
Yeah, it shouldn’t be. I think there’s Yeah, there’s a lot of fear. People have a lot of fear that if they do what’s easy, that there’s some, some lack of value in that. And the other thing is when people when something’s easy for somebody, and they think there’s there’s no value, they think it’s easy for everybody. And it’s not until you start talking to other people that you realise, oh, wait, that’s not that easy for other people. Maybe I do have something really good going on here. Yeah, that’s true. Yeah, it takes that reality check from other people, like, you know, you’re clearly a people person, I’m a people person, I’d love to get up in front of a group and speak. And I think you know, that that’s not a problem. And as you probably know, most people do not like to do that. That’s the last thing they want to do. So to really appreciate, hey, I love to do this, I get feedback that I’m really good at it. And that’s where I want to be putting my efforts.
David Ralph [20:14]
But it still doesn’t say why people won’t take that advice. They hear you say, they will hear me say they will hear every other person on these shows. And we’re doing you know, seven days a week. So they’re going to hear the same theme literally all the time. But when they hear that somebody goes, when I found my unique cell, when I found my path, when I found my passion, everything came together. And I tell you glory, I’ve discovered something, and I talked about this a lot, because I think this is amazing. But we talk about finding your passion all the time, find your passion, and then you’ll never work again, find your passion and it all comes together. And you kind of go out Shut up, I don’t know my passion. You know, I am a head, I’m not gonna find my passion. I’m too busy working and all that kind of stuff. Then when you do find your passion, oh my god, it was bad in front of me all the time, all the time. But I’ve discovered through these these shows, but the true passion that we talk about is the thing that we would do, because we just love doing it. And that that really ties back to what we did as a small child. So if you were somebody that was very fascinated in, you know, what makes people tick, and you’re a people person, when you as a kid, and you love doing that you love creating parties and whatever. That’s the kind of thing you should do as an adult, if you were somebody that would always be leaping around and dancing. I’ve got a nine year old daughter, and he said eight year old, she would kill me for that. And she says, Daddy, I’m a nine year old, you should know that. And all she’s doing is handstands and flips and cartwheels, and it drives you mad when you’re trying to watch a Telly and she’s flipping around like Spider Man all over the place. And she does it all the time. And I’m saying to her, you know, that’s probably your thing been, that’s the thing that you should be doing. That’s the thing that when you grow up, don’t sit in an office all the time, because he’s going to drive you mad. You got to find something that yet has movement. And then you’re starting to find your passion. A bit of a rant, but it’s fascinating, isn’t it?
Gloria Miele [22:10]
And it’s brilliant. That’s exactly it. And that is what it’s a very similar storey. That is one of the first storeys and Ken Robinson’s book. So when you have some downtime, I want you to read it.
David Ralph [22:22]
I haven’t got any downtime, just tell me the storey.
Gloria Miele [22:26]
okay, okay, or books on tape kind of guy coming
David Ralph [22:32]
back a New Yorker and becoming
Gloria Miele [22:34]
he cut to the chase. I like it. I like it. So the storey is that there was this little girl who was really identified as a problem student because she couldn’t sit still. And she was always dancing in the back of the class. And she couldn’t sit down and do her work. And her parents were complaining and the teachers were complaining. And then somebody came in and said, Well, she needs she needs to move, the movement piece was essential for her. And so they were able to integrate more of that into the learning environment and put her into dance classes and accommodate and, and honour her learning style. And she completely blossomed in every area. So it was a very similar similar storey to your daughter, and I love that you’re encouraging her to flip around in front of the telly. Oh, I’m not encouraging.
David Ralph [23:27]
I would wait her down with a heavy chair. Believe me. We can’t stop. I can’t stop out. It’s just happening all the time. Yes, you come in, and she’s just doing calm. Well, she loves it and stop it. It does get you down, even though you try to be supportive, when you’re just trying to sort of watch the last 20 minutes of something and you’ve got this, this small pink body flying past the telly. It’s not good, no matter how positive you are.
Gloria Miele [23:53]
legs, feet, arms flailing everywhere, I guess.
David Ralph [23:55]
Absolutely. So So how did you find the strength point is 2.0 Have you taken that test?
Gloria Miele [24:03]
I have taken it and I recommend it to all my clients to if they haven’t taken it yet to really get a sense of those top five. And some people all of them resonate some people they don’t. Mine are incredibly accurate. And, and some people find that it is and it’s definitely they’ve done a lot of research on it. It’s pretty predictive, that people who work to their strengths are more successful, they’re happier, they stay in their jobs longer, they’re more productive, their companies make more money, the outcomes are amazing.
David Ralph [24:38]
And so they’ve really got to just go and do it, screw it, let’s do it. They’ve got to, they’ve got to get this book, and they’ve got to just go for it. And they’ve got to overcome this fear which paralyses so many people out there and I can understand that I can understand.
Gloria Miele [24:54]
I think part of it is self awareness, like some people are more more interested effective than others. And when people become more aware of their strengths of their of their preferences of their values, and really work to integrate them and what they do they become happier. And it again, it’s not our natural way of doing things. But what I have found with the people I’ve worked with, it’s talking about an aha moment when people start thinking in this total one at from what they’ve been thinking like, Oh, well, these are the things I’m doing wrong. I had a client say to me once, I can’t wait to sit down and talk to you so that you can fix all of my problems help me fix all of the things that are wrong with me. It was like, well, you gotta find somebody else to talk to them. Because I’m not up for that. Like that’s, that’s not what I do. Let’s find the ways that you’re a rock star, and an amp up that volume.
David Ralph [25:55]
Is that a different approach? To do so many people out there focusing on the negatives in sort of therapy and psychology? Is that the sort of standard way of thinking?
Gloria Miele [26:06]
Well, I think there has there has definitely been a shift in the last 20 years, to more strengths based approaches and to really look at where somebody is, and what what resources they bring to the table and how to use those to help them move forward in their life. That is definitely become a shift in perspective. But it’s still new to a lot of people. Because in academia anyway, 1020 years isn’t that long things, the wheels, the wheels of research, grind slowly. But I think there is definitely more acknowledgement of that in the field. And I think that’s all for good.
David Ralph [26:45]
Along the way you say, let’s make people rock stars. And let’s turn up the volume. Because I’ve always had this little sort of theory as well. I’m full of theories. And I’ve got no sort of formal education in these theories. But I’ve now got a microphone so I can just blast them out to the world. My little theory is, but when it comes to our streams, all we’re doing is becoming like a human graphic equaliser, where some of the things we will sort of like, move down, and then announce or failures and our weaknesses. So we sort of move them out. But all the things that we do well, we slide forward and sort of amplify those kind of things. And when people see that, and they see our brilliance because we are amplifying, as you say the things that we do well, and it’s kind of as simple as that, when I’m on the mic now is a bigger version of me. I’m kind of like it generally. But I’m a much bigger version, because I know that I’ve got to project to be able to get some kind of personality or otherwise, is that a girl? Yeah, well, you know, who the hell wants to listen to that. So you’ve got to be sort of a bigger version. So I feel like I kind of amplify certain parts of my character to be able to do that. And yeah, we should all be able to be rock stars, surely we should be able to allow our power sliders where we want them to be
Gloria Miele [28:00]
a human graphic equaliser. I love that. May I use it?
David Ralph [28:05]
You can you can have that I’m going to trademark it. I don’t know how a trademark I really don’t. But if there’s money in it, Gloria I’m going to have it.
Gloria Miele [28:13]
Okay. I could I can envision an entire product line, David.
David Ralph [28:19]
Yeah, can you with T shirts and everything? Uh huh. Yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s going to be perfect. You, you you kind of a flop pony. And you’ve been differently than I do. I just think, how do I make the money? But you’re, you’re, you’re looking at it to provide value to people? How would you how in all seriousness, how would you use that concept? Because I’ve had it in my head for years. How would you use that as a sort of positive for your clients and stuff?
Gloria Miele [28:43]
Well, I, you know, people people respond to visual, you know, like, right, your vision of me running down the beach. But then I shattered, but people respond to those visual images. And I think that image of people, can you you get the tactile in that I love the image because it has so much. It’s got the auditory, it’s got the tactile of moving the levers up and down. You can people can visualise what an equaliser looks like and think about, hey, if those are the, you know, the channels that are the best parts of me, yeah, let’s Pump up the volume there. And then, oh, we can just move those those other ones down a little bit. We don’t even have to worry about it still sounds great. It sounds it’s unique. It sounds different than any other tune. And that’s what people love. And that’s what people are drawn to.
David Ralph [29:34]
Yeah, I love it. I’ve always had it, but you sort of have, I don’t know, futuristic on one bit and personality and you sort of label them all. And you would just sort of say via which ones do you think you’re best at and slide them up? And they’re basically scoring themselves? I suppose.
Gloria Miele [29:50]
Yeah, yeah. So there’s, there’s different and even with your Strengths Finder, that you get those scores because you’ve scored yourself, you’ve given your perspective of what you do better, what you like most in it, cup, you know, crushes it up. And it’s little algorithm and spits out what your top five bar and we all have qualities of all 34 or whatever model you’re using. There’s a values and action scale by a psychologist to the one who really started positive psychology. There’s the Strengths Finder, Marcus Buckingham, has his own version. So whatever those things are, we all have some element of them in us. It just is a matter of which ones are our most prominent.
David Ralph [30:37]
I’m getting a little speech now Gloria is a very short one. But I I love this. And I was trying to find the right moment to put it in. And I haven’t found that yet. So I’m just going to stick it in anyway. So I want you to listen to this and see what you think about this. This is the lady said the light Jim Carrey. That would be terrible. This is Jim Carrey. And this is a speech that he made recently, to agree group of students. What do you think about this?
Jim Carrey [31:02]
My father could have been a great comedian. But he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [31:29]
That ties into it. Nicely done it. Oh, yeah. Have you heard that?
Unknown Speaker [31:36]
I have not.
David Ralph [31:38]
Is that not inspiring? It’s inspiring for so many reasons. I actually get the hair go up on the back of my neck every time I listen to it.
Gloria Miele [31:46]
My man up on my arm.
David Ralph [31:50]
Is that because he got very hairy arms? I don’t know.
Gloria Miele [31:54]
It was more of that. Like that was that was a very moving and yeah, very cool. So you can you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well do what you want.
David Ralph [32:05]
Yeah. I love it. It’s so simple. Isn’t it so simple? And so? spine tingling, powerful? Yeah. Did you do you think? Well, I believe that totally. Do you believe that?
Gloria Miele [32:21]
I do. I think that’s that’s a fantastic way to look at things. And we learn so much when we fail. It’s it’s really, you know, we fail all the time. Like, if you ask the question, who in this, if you’re in front of a group of 500 people who in this room is not failed? You know, only a liar is going to get a raise their hand or everybody’s failed. It’s what really matters is what you do with that failure, what you learn from it, and what you do from there. So I love that concept.
David Ralph [32:55]
Yeah, but is it would Elia say that? Because I honestly, do you think that I haven’t failed at all, I just think they have been learning curves, learning experiences, or whatever. You know, I now call them my dots to this. And I look back, and my life is littered with things that hasn’t quite gone to where I want it to be. But now I’m doing this. I kind of look back and go. Yeah, I took a little bit from that. And I took a little bit from there. And I wouldn’t have got here without order those things. And I think a lot of the people I’ve talked to they have that kind of is it? Was it Thomas Edison who said, I’ve never failed once I’ve just learned 1000 ways not to make a light bulb? Exactly. And have a positive way of looking at those perceived failures as just learning curves. I don’t think I would say that I’ve had a failure at all, GLORIA
Gloria Miele [33:44]
Well, that’s awesome.
David Ralph [33:47]
Oh, I’m alive.
Gloria Miele [33:48]
But But you well, but you have a different perspective about failure, because you would say, little things. So it depends how you how you label it, right. So the haven’t turned to things didn’t turned out, turn out exactly how I wanted them to go. You are a more positive person. So you might not label them as a failure. Now, if you were the one person in 500, who raised your hand, I would want to hear from you. You would tell me that perspective. And I would applaud you for that. And I would not call you a liar. So I’m sorry, I jumped.
David Ralph [34:23]
But the one person in 500 wouldn’t put their hand up anyway, would they? They they look around? And Yeah, that’d be the last thing that they would do.
Unknown Speaker [34:32]
That is probably true.
David Ralph [34:33]
So so where where is your your life going? Obviously, you’re focusing on changing people’s lives. And you’re doing it in a marvellous way. And I love this, because you’re focusing in on the things that they do well, but where are you taking that? Sort of into books into movies? Because you’re in California? What’s your what’s your aim?
Gloria Miele [34:54]
Well, it’s funny, you mentioned about the movie. No, I’m not I really don’t have a movie theatre. But yeah, I would like to write a book I’ve, I’m working on a book about being a stronger leader, I, I’m working on some workshops, I have a few scheduled coming up in the fall. And I do a lot of speaking and retreats and trainings to help people identify their strengths and use them in their work use them in team. So understanding who the people are in your team and what their strengths are. And so how do you come together to be more effective and productive. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m really trying to get the word out about this, I am passionate about it. I feel like I’m a strength zealot. Because, you know, it’s that it’s that drum that I keep on bang. And I just think that it really is the key to help people understand their passions, and what they love to do what really energises them because you might be good at something. But that doesn’t mean that your strength, like I’m good at writing research based curricula, like you know, I’m good at that I was trained in it. But it doesn’t excite me. It doesn’t get my juices flowing, like seeing somebody get one of those aha moments, because now they they, they’re embracing that part of them. They’re joining up the dots and bracing those parts of themselves that that really get them going.
David Ralph [36:28]
So So do you have to get excited is that the key thing when they say find your passion? Is it is it not just passion, it’s something that really excites you as well.
Gloria Miele [36:39]
I think it excites you, it completely grosses you. So it might not be excitement, like the kind you have to bring to a radio show to keep the energy up. But it could be that you’re so engrossed in in an activity that you lose track of time, you you just get completely life, you look, you look up at the clock, and an hour and a half has passed, as you’ve been researching about gymnastics for your daughter, maybe she watches YouTube videos, and she could do that, like she’ll totally get immersed in it. So, so those are the kinds of ways it may not be that excitement that we think of like you know, have a party, but to really lose yourself in an activity can can indicate that that’s something that is important to you. And that is one of your strengths.
David Ralph [37:31]
So we’re talking about flow,
Gloria Miele [37:33]
we are exactly talking about flow.
David Ralph [37:36]
Now explain flow to the people that haven’t heard about, because it’s almost a kind of Buddhist thing, isn’t it really flow.
Gloria Miele [37:45]
It is it is the state that you get into when you’re doing something that you love or doing something that you’re really good at, where you’re just completely focused. And like I was saying, you lose track of time, and you’re just in it, you’re in flow, you’re in that state where you are really engaged in what you’re doing. And it’s like the only thing in front of you. So whatever ADHD, you might have kind of goes out the window because you get so engrossed in this thing that that really is your passion.
David Ralph [38:22]
Because I’m not that doing these shows, I’m I have to look at this clock, because otherwise they would go into three hours ago. But I that’s the only thing that pulls me away from being totally engrossed with the conversations. And one of my friends said to me, you know, don’t you get bored? I went, No, how can you get bored? How can you get bored having these conversations a daily basis with these people who are genuinely Positive Motivational, and they’re trying to bring value into the world, and they’re doing great things, you know, I’ve never once had any misery guts on the show, ever, you know, because they’re doing things that they love, and they’re finding success, and they’re doing Raven, you know, and all those kind of things. There’s no way that you can get engrossed in bed. And he said to me, you know, so what is it like? And I said to him, Well, basically, it’s like when you go to the movies, and it’s an amazing film, and it’s three hours, and then suddenly, you suddenly realise there’s other people sitting around you. And for like a an hour and a half, you have been not aware of anything other than that, that that film that you’re watching. And that’s what we’re talking about, isn’t it that that’s what flow is, that’s when you’re so engrossed. And then suddenly, somebody shifts in SC or moves the popcorn bucket, and you suddenly realise where you are, and you’re back out in it? And then you kind of battle to get back into it again, because it’s such a pleasurable state to be when you’ve totally lost yourself in the activity.
Gloria Miele [39:45]
Yeah, yeah, that’s the other part of it is that it is a really pleasurable activity, it’s a really wonderful place to be because you’re in, you’re in the zone, as they say,
David Ralph [39:55]
when I do don’t know, I hadn’t been thinking about that as well. That’s what they say, as well, when when the sportsman really just doing it, and they’re not even sure how they’re doing it so well, it’s because they are playing to the highest performance, because they are, as you say, use that phrase, they’re in the zone is a different way of saying that they’re experiencing flow. Overall, exactly. Oh, I like this, this, this, this is a good conversation, I’ve never had one of these before, what I’m going to do now I’m actually gonna bring in Steve Jobs. And he was talking back in 2005, about only being able to see your, your past, basically, by looking back and connecting the dots. I’ve called this show Join Up Dots. But I’ll be very interested to see your spin on this as well. So I’m going to play Steve Jobs. And then I’m going to ask you, Gloria, what you think about these words, this is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [40:46]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [41:23]
Do you believe in those words? GLORIA?
Gloria Miele [41:28]
I do. I do that trust trust that these will somehow connect and what a message that was, uh, was that the commencement speech? Yeah, it was. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think the hard part there is that trust, to be able to trust in your gut, to follow your heart to believe that things are going to work out the way they’re supposed to work out, or that you’re going to be able to look back and make those Connexions? I think that is that is the that the amazing piece of wisdom that he shares there? Because a lot of times we do we lose that trust, we lose that faith, like Jim Carrey was talking about, you know, like, his father just did something he didn’t want to do, and ended up it because he was afraid of failing. And it ended up that way anyway. So having that kind of belief and trust in yourself, again, to follow your gut to follow your instincts. A lot of people, it’s hard for them to figure out what that is, they don’t even know what that means. trust your gut, follow your heart, follow your instincts.
David Ralph [42:39]
Have you always can you look back and join up your dots?
Gloria Miele [42:45]
Yeah, it’s actually it’s very funny because I’ve been developing businesses and writing and things. And so and, and I tend to be a pretty reflective person. And one day in the shower, of course, because all the major aha moments happen in the shower in the car, or somewhere where your attention is kind of left to wander, it’s if you’re able to, to grab on to insight in a different way when you’re in this kind of mindless state of shampooing, or rinsing or whatever. But But I was in the shower. And I realised that when when I was a kid, I always wanted to be either a teacher, or an actress. Like those were my things that I wanted to be. And now, the main part of the work that I do is training. And as a trainer, I’m teaching, and I’m acting, I’m an entertainer, or an educator, people call that. So it’s very funny to look back and think that even as a kid, when I was thinking much more conventionally, of course, in terms of like being a third grade teacher standing in front of a group of children and desks, or being an actress, literally, either on the stage or in movies or something like that, that those literal wishes and dreams of mine came together in a way that now is a fulfilling career that I’ve developed. So it’s amazing,
David Ralph [44:22]
but but tagline to the show is connecting our past to build our future. And it’s true, isn’t it? If we connect our past, if we look back, if we reflect on where we’ve come from, generally, the answer is going to be there to what we should be doing. I’m going to send you back in time, Gloria, because this is the end of the show. I don’t want this to finish, because we’ve gone off in fascinating little tangents. And this is the bit that we call the Sermon on the mic. And when I played the theme tune, you’re going to be transported back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go into a room and find the young Gloria, what would you choose? And what words would you say we’re going to find out as Europe, this is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [45:14]
We go with the best.
Gloria Miele [45:31]
Hi, little Gloria. It’s big Gloria. And I came back to say hi. And to tell you that you are awesome, that you are such a fun little girl, that you are a real entertainer in your family. Keep doing the little shows on the fireplace steps. Because all of that stage presence that you’re developing, even just in front of mom and dad, and sad and Uncle Charlie and your cousins, all that is going to come to help you down the road that even though you may not end up on the big stage of Carnegie Hall, or the Shubert Theatre on Broadway, you’re going to be on other big stages, and big stages where you’re able to connect your love of entertaining other people with the way that you understand people that you have a knack for understanding other people and you’re going to be able to put that together with your precocious attitude of being a performer and you’ll be able to change the world so keep at it little sweetie.
David Ralph [46:50]
Do exactly what you should be doing. That’s what she’s saying. GLORIA How do our listeners connect with you?
Gloria Miele [46:58]
I haven’t website it is optimal development coaching.com and there’s a link to connect there. I’m on all the social media channels probably too much than I should be. But you can find me on Twitter at Gloria Meili, LinkedIn glory Amelie Facebook, optimal development coaching. Oh God, Pinterest, Instagram, whatever, you can find me all over. It’s not hard. Really.
David Ralph [47:26]
We’re going to have all those links on the show notes. And the last question really is do you think that everyone out there should be able to have a kick ass life?
Gloria Miele [47:37]
Well, why else are we here? David? Yeah, absolutely. And I think you are you are doing a great job in eliciting that from people and and bringing them together and helping helping us all focus on how we can join join our dots and have a kick ass life? And if not now, when? And if not you then who?
David Ralph [47:58]
special group. Thank you so much for spending time with us today joining the dots of your life. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Gloria, thank you so much.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.