Welcome to the Join Up Dots Podcast with Greg Gillies
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Introducing Greg Gillies
Today’s guest joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast is a Husband, Father of 3, Entrepreneurial Businessman, Coach, Consultant and constantly learning how to evolve into the Greatest Man I can be…
As he says “I am passionate about helping Men release their Past Limiting Beliefs, Influences and Emotions so they can lift the weight of the World from their Mind and Step into the Man they want to be Mentally, Physically and Spiritually…
End of 2015, Greg and his wife were packing up our lives to move back to Australia.
They had just spent two years living in Singapore – where he was stationed to setup a US company in South-East Asia.
They made the decision to move to an area where they had never lived before and they had big plans to start my own business after 20+ years in Corporate.
How The Dots Joined Up For Greg
He says “I decided to go all in and launch my own Consulting and Digital Marketing Agency
I had all the skills and knowledge to set up the Business as I had done it before for other companies
Although it took a bit of work to set up, it was exciting and fun, and I started getting great clients early on, yet I was not quite ready for the emotional roller-coaster that was about to follow.
The business and revenue were growing, and so was my stress, worry, fear and anxiety.
I started to see how comfortable I had it in Corporate and starting my own business started exposing years of ignoring and suppressing my emotions.
Like most businessmen I wasn’t good at dealing with negative emotions and feelings so I used Alcohol to numb the pain and find some happiness on those shitty days!
Emotionally things went from bad to worse… Anxiety, Stress and Self Sabotage with Alcohol were taking over my life and I didn’t have the comfy corporate gig to hide behind … I still had to keep building, running and maintaining my new business to pay the bills and support my wife and 3 kids.
And that is the perfect place to start today’s show.
So why do people, men in particular feel the need to shoulder such a burden on their own, without saying “Hey, having a wobble here, need a bit of help”?
And looking back was there anything that could have made a big difference, or did he need the “heroes journey” to find the real place he should be?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Greg Gillies
During the show we discussed such big subjects with Greg Gillies such as:
Greg shares the dawning realisation that he didn’t have the emotional intelligence to build success in his own life, much to his surprise.
Why you should have lived the pain point of your ideal avatar to truly bring strength of your business.
Greg shares why he now feels that he needed the approval of others throughout his life, and never focused on what he truly wants.
Why people across the world make up stories that keep themselves in place from achieving amazing success. Time to rewrite those stories.
How To Connect With Greg Gillies
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Greg Gillies Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:25]
Yes, good morning, GI Good morning to every single person who listens to Join Up Dots. And if you’re not listening to Join Up Dots, how would you hear me say this bar, come across, come across, get your friends to come across, get your moms to come across their dads, people you don’t like and get everyone to come across the Join Up Dots because we’re doing some great stuff, as we will be doing today because today’s guest joining us on the show is a husband, father, free entrepreneur, businessman, a coach consultant, and constantly learning how to evolve into the greatest man he can be. As he says, I’m passionate about helping men release their past limiting beliefs, influences and emotions. So they can lift the weight of the world from their mind and step into the man they want to be mentally, physically and spiritually. Now after 20 years trying to have it all in his life, he found himself feeling unfulfilled, unhappy and thinking there was something that was wrong with him. He says I hit rock bottom abusing alcohol to numb the pain. Now move on to the end of 2015. him and his wife were packing up their lives to move back to Australia. They just spent two years living in Singapore probably sweating every single day, where he was stationed to set up a US company in Southeast Asia. And they made the decision to move to an area where they’d never live before and they had big plans to start their own business after 20 plus years in corporate. Now as he says I decided to go all in and launch my own consulting and digital marketing agency. I had all the skills and knowledge to set up the business as I had done it before. But other companies, although it took a bit of work to set up it was it exciting and fun. And I started getting great clients early on. Yeah, I was not quite ready for the emotional roller coaster that was about to follow the business and revenue were growing. And so was my stress. While we fear and anxiety. I started to see how comfortable I’d had in corporate and starting my own business started exposing years of ignoring and suppressing my emotions, that like most businessman, I wasn’t good at dealing with negative emotions and feelings. So I used alcohol to numb the pain and find some happiness on those. Not very good days, as we say, emotionally, things went from bad to worse anxiety, stress and self sabotage with alcohol. We’re taking over my life. And I didn’t have the comfy corporate gig to hide behind. I still had to keep building running and maintaining my new business to pay the bills and support my wife and three kids. And that is the perfect place to start today’s show. So why do people men in particular feel the need to shoulder such a burden on their own without saying hey, having a wobble here need a bit of help? And looking back? Was there anything that could have made a big difference odd need the hero’s journey to find the real place he should be? Well, let’s find out as we bring on to the show to start joining up with the one and only Greg Gillies. Good morning. How are you?
Greg Gillies [3:14]
I’m very well, David, how are you?
David Ralph [3:16]
I’m always good, Greg, I’m always good. Because I don’t really work for a living anymore. It’s a kind of weird life I’ve constructed when things, you hit that sweet spot, you hit that sweet spot where the rewards come, but you kind of forget. But actually, you’ve worked bloody hard to get to that point where you weren’t getting any rewards. Do you feel the same in your own life?
Greg Gillies [3:39]
Yeah, hundred percent, I can definitely relate to that. worked extremely hard for 20 years of my corporate and business life. And it’s only really been the last three years that I’ve really kind of found my sweet spot, my passion and my purpose. So life is differently a different journey. Now. Certainly.
David Ralph [3:59]
Now, when I was reading the introduction, yes, you thought I had it all in my head. But I was reading it. One of the things that really, really struck a chord with me was this being about, yes, I can build a business because I do it for other people. I work in a corporate gig and these are my talents and my strength, this is what I get paid for. But then you do it on your own. And it’s a whole different ballgame. Is it naivety? Or is it just you know, you just can’t know that there’s a lot more to building a business. And it’s not just what you do, but you’re getting paid for for somebody else that makes all the difference?
Greg Gillies [4:37]
Yeah, I think it’s i think i think it’s quite common. There’s there’s a lot of people that are in the corporate arena. And they’re very entrepreneurial people. So they strive within that environment. But they tend to have a lot of resources at their disposal. And when you go into your own business, and you’ve still got that topic, that entrepreneurial drive, and you’ve developed all these skills, it’s an eye on know, when you have to spin all the plates on your own and you don’t have the HR division, you don’t have the sales team, you don’t have the marketing division and you kind of have to really broaden your scope of of what you need to do to run and operate and maintain a business so differently is a Yeah, it’s not for the faint hearted. Let’s put it that way.
David Ralph [5:19]
Now I talk about it every single day on the episodes and I try to bring a realism to it. But yes, it’s brilliant once you get to where you want to be. But it’s a hell of a push. And it’s a hell of a push in those first, maybe couple of years, where you you’re making it up as you go along. And I give it a three year clarity where the first year you’re striving, striving, striving and you’re not really getting anywhere. And the second year, you kind of pinch yourself, hang on, I can see where I went wrong, but it takes you like a year to untangle everything. And then the third year you start to sort of make progress and it moves on. Did you see that in your own journey? Or were you a rocket waiting to finalise to Planet success right from the very beginning, Greg?
Greg Gillies [6:04]
Say I am, I tried, I tried a number of kind of opportunity, opportunistic opportunities as a sideline when I was in corporate, but I never really went all in on them because I had to maintain the corporate gig but differently when I started my own business, I was like a bullet a gate, right. And I was just like, I’m just going to build this really, really fast. So the revenue comes in and so forth. But as you mentioned, in my kind of intro, and my storey, what I wasn’t prepared for is my emotional intelligence wasn’t really, for me to be building my own business and kind of being that solo entrepreneur, where you don’t have the camaraderie, you don’t have the big office environment, and you don’t have all the people around you. You don’t have the cushy salary, you’re waking into yours. And it really that that put the test on me. So even though my first year growth I achieved higher than my projected revenue target. It was the emotional onslaught that got me and I didn’t realise that I’ve been suppressing all of my past emotions, trauma mistakes, just everything is guys do right guys don’t deal with the feelings and emotions they just have not ever be Get on with it. And I’m from country, New Zealand. And there’s differently that way. And over here in Australia and New Zealand is don’t complain hard enough, get on with it. Well, when you’re kind of on your lights, and building a business, and all of those pressures that pressures and demands come at you, you start to get stuck in your head. And I didn’t know how to deal with this. And I didn’t have all the resources and the comforts of corporate to lean back on and give myself a break, I was under some stress. And it started to snowball and are starting to get a bit of mental health issues. And I was having a lot of recent a lot of anxiety. And then it just kept on compounding. And even though my business was growing. And even though it was successful on paper, and my clients were happy. For some reason I just had this, I’ve just had the self talk and this chatter inside my head that was just like, it was just all going to come crumbling down. And I wasn’t good enough. And my clients weren’t happy, even though they were happy. And I was just like, hang on what’s going on here, I was in conflict with myself. And I really didn’t know how to handle it. And I’ve always I’ve always been a bit of a drinker, I grew up country rugby, New Zealand. So I’ve always enjoyed a beer and stuff. And that was kind of my escape. And I started drinking a little bit too much. I’ve always I’ve always been a bit of a drinker. But I was actually now using the alcohol to kind of numb that pain and to relax and to get out of my head. And it just started a bad spiral downwards. So yeah, that lead into some very, very dark days. And as the saying goes, a lot of people who have had the biggest breakthroughs is when I’ve had the biggest breakdown, and I literally had a breakdown.
David Ralph [9:11]
I agree with you totally on that. And it’s it’s a funny thing, that emotional intelligence as you spoke about, because I was in corporate land, and I was very successful. And looking back on it, I was very successful, but didn’t really do anything at all other than what I was very good at doing. And so I floated around a lot at a time not really doing anything, but getting paid quite well for it. Then when I started this, I was obsessed by making it the biggest show ever, I was obsessed by making everything super smooth and efficient. And I didn’t have the emotional intelligence to say I need a break. And I look back on it now. And one of the things that I say to people all the time, especially when I’m teaching them to do business, a lot of them say, Oh, yeah, it’s great. I’ve got few days off now, but I’m really going to focus on it 300%, you know, and I go, just have a break, just leave it. But yeah, just just just just walk away and I got on I can really crack on I can get a load done as I know, it will be better, it will be better to walk away. So when you look back on it now what there was times when you think about actually taking three days off, turning the computer off, and getting my head straight would have been a real win.
Greg Gillies [10:27]
So that’s what I know now.
It’s amazing what you learn through your own painful lessons, right? But back year back then, Yes, you did. Right, David, when I was in corporate, I’d become extremely good at what I was good at. And it actually become quite easy. And I got positioned over in Singapore to build out Southeast Asia for a US company. And because I was in digital media, I got paid really, really well to go over there and set that up. But all I was doing is taking everything that are already previously done in Australia over and set it up over there because they were about three or four years behind us. So it was even, it was cushier. So I had all this time and money. And it was the exact opposite of starting my own business. And you did right starting your own business, especially if you’re a very driven and entrepreneurial type person, have never been very patient. And for me to just take a step back and take a breather and just slow down. There’s there’s a lot of wisdom in that, right. That’s where the actual true growth comes from as when you’re not pushing so hard, and you’re just allowing things to flow. But it definitely took me a lot of years to learn that Listen, my wife and
David Ralph [11:48]
you can understand it when you start and you need the money coming in. You know, I? I look back on it. And I think to myself, what did I still do it again, even though I’ve had burnout, even though I now understand mental health issues, which I never did, I was the classic Oh, go on, pull yourself together, get get on with it, you know. But now I understand that the mental aspect, the brain is more important, because that kind of drives everything else. I still in a way, I think that I would go back and do the same again, I think there’s a there’s a kind of weird badge of honour of going through the crap. So that you have storeys to tell it’s it’s a, it’s a weird state of mind, I think but I think I might do it again, me.
Greg Gillies [12:32]
Yeah, hundred percent. And so would I. But the biggest piece of advice I would give to anybody is if you’re going to build your business, make sure it’s aligned to what you’re passionate about, so that you’re not just doing it for the money. Because if you’re building a business and you’re pushing yourself and your only goal as a financial reward, you’re going to end up burning out, if you are not passionate and aligned with what you do. You are literally going to flow for materialistic benefit, which in the long run doesn’t serve us. And this is some of the biggest lessons that I’ve gotten, I’ve actually started a new business. So through my, through my darkest days, and my turn around and my breakthrough, I’ve gone through a healing journey and a self discovery journey. And I’ve created a new business. I’m pivoting everything towards my new coaching business and my digital media business, I’m aligning to help other coaches become more successful. So everything is aligning to my passion and purpose. And now, I don’t burn myself out. Now I don’t push for the dollars, and everything’s just flowing to me. And it’s just, it’s hard to describe, but I’m very aligned with what I do now. So it’s quite do
David Ralph [13:44]
you think you need that, that kind of awareness of the big issue, because in business, people always say, find your ideal avatar, understand their pain points, and then build your business from that point. And you kind of go, okay, we take away the pain from somebody’s they’re willing to pay for it, boom. But you start off with a kind of wishy washy pain point, it’s not until you go through the crap yourself. But you actually think that this is the pain, this is the real thing, this, this is what I should be doing.
Greg Gillies [14:13]
Yeah, hundred percent. So identifying the avatars pain point, and then creating a solution that is a tactical, smart sales and marketing driven approach to building a successful business. But if you have not experienced that yourself, and you’re literally just a textbook salesperson, you’re going to struggle in the marketplace, because a lot of people out there and this is what I’m now doing. And coaching is I actually just got a few messages on LinkedIn today by a couple of woman saying, I follow your content, and I follow your videos. And I personally love what you share. But what what what I really want to ask is why do you only coach mean, and the reason why I coach me and the reason why I coach business mean, and the reason why I actually coach married businessmen, is because I can take that come through the exact journey that I’ve been through, because I know that they are facing the struggles that I did as well. They feel like they got the weight of the world on the shoulders, they got the business, they want to be a good husband, they want to be a good father, they want to look after their health, and they just take on all of this responsibility. And they also feel like they don’t have support. So I understand to the core of their being what they’re going through, because I’ve been through it. And that is a different kettle of fish when you’re running a business in that regard.
David Ralph [15:31]
Yeah, but what they say as well is even though you’ve been through it, you’ve been through it in your environment, how would you translate that to bring benefits to your clients who every single person is unique, the whole storey the whole journey to just the fact that they’re on this planet is a totally different version of events from what you’ve had, Greg?
Greg Gillies [15:54]
Yeah, hundred percent. But if you if you break, if you break down, human core, so I’m going to talk not about my digital media, I’m talking about my life coaching business, we have all growing up. And as children through our developmental stages, we’ve picked up programming and belief systems from our past, we’ve picked it up from the school system, we’ve picked it up from our parents. And this really, when you when you drill it down, and you go really, really deep into somebody’s psychology, that the main triggers as they feel unlovable, unworthy, or unwanted, right. And it doesn’t matter what the journeys been, we all share the same emotions. So we all share repressed emotions of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and all of that sort of stuff. So when you it’s kind of like when you understand the foundation of a human, whatever the situation is, has created some sort of underlying belief programming motion or belief system, that when you address that cause, you can actually help somebody transition based on their own personal journey, if that makes sense.
David Ralph [17:08]
Yes. So So you’ve taken the energy in a park, you’re looking at all the different components, the air filter, the oil filter, and you’re dealing with them, not the collective
Greg Gillies [17:18]
hundred percent. So the biggest eye opener for myself was literally understanding the belief systems and the programming that I created in my head, as I grew up as a child, that were now controlling my thought patterns as an adult. So I’m trying to be the successful entrepreneurial guy to have it all and be healthy and fitness and all that sort of stuff. But I didn’t realise that underneath in my unconscious mind, I didn’t feel good enough, and I didn’t feel worthy, and I was constantly everything that I was doing, which I didn’t realise for 25 years. So it was definitely an eye opener, I didn’t realise that everything I was doing and everything I I was achieving for was looking for other people’s recognition of me, I was looking to get approval recognition significance from other people. So I was never doing it for myself. So that’s why I found out that I was never happy. And I was never fulfilled because everything that I was achieving, I wasn’t actually doing it for myself. So the not just strive for the next thing. And the next thing and the next thing because I was always looking external for myself for happiness. And that’s a massive, massive lesson lesson for me. And it’s a massive lesson that I teach all of my clients, because most people are driven and focusing on external things. And they’re not really truly listening to the inner intuition and themselves.
People need to heal. Yeah, we need to discover who they are.
David Ralph [18:46]
Back in the day, when I was moving through entrepreneurial world, I had a few ventures that were kind of chipping in with some cash, which was quite nice. And they were all affiliate marketing. So you build the content people come along, they click on Yeah, right. And, and that worked quite well. When I was actually delving into the podcast as I was doing. I wasn’t making any money from it. So and I just couldn’t understand, I thought I was providing great content, I thought I was delivering every single day. And I started to realise that one of the issues was my mom, and my, if my mom listens to this podcast, I’ll be amazed. But my mom basically had always been saying to me, it’s hard to earn a living, you’ve got to strive to get a living. And when things started to come towards me quite easily, I can look back on it now and realise I was actually pushing it away, which it sounds bizarre, you would go brilliant. Bring it here, I’ll have this but I can see now that I actually almost didn’t want to become successful, because it would have broken down my beliefs growing up. And I saw a guy called Nick Unsworth from life on fire. And he did a video and I saw it. And he said, making money is easy. He said, I always thought it was really difficult. He said, but it’s not. It’s the easiest thing in the world. And I remember thinking, Oh, screw you, Nick. And you know, that’s not true. That’s that’s a real annoying thing to say. But I look at it now. And I realise about what he actually was saying is, if you’re providing the right content, or the right product to the right people, and it’s 100% valuable, and you’ve got belief in it, then it is easiest thing in the world. And it was a breakthrough. I had to wait two years to realise that actually, Nick was right. My mom was wrong. And my whole programming up to that point was wrong as well, if that makes sense. Greg
Greg Gillies [20:40]
did right. And that is exactly what I focus on with my clients is most people don’t realise that the programming in their unconscious mind that is stopping them from achieving what they want is something that they picked up in their childhood. So even though your mother mean, well, and she did the best, you she said something that created a belief system in your mind. Oh,
David Ralph [21:05]
she said many things. And it was it wasn’t just one. It was many things.
Greg Gillies [21:10]
But we we pick these things up from everyone as children, we subsidise double to the environment and the influences around us. And we’re sponges. And we we believe what they say right? Because their conscious mind hasn’t developed. And then you hear somebody like Nick who is literally saying, it’s your mindset in your relationship with money that stopping you from having money because most people have a belief system, that they’re not worthy of money or money’s hard to achieve. So when it comes to them, they don’t realise that unconsciously, they’re actually self sabotaging themselves bike from keeping it and growing it. Now that can be anything that can be your health and fitness that can be money that can be relationships that can be business that can be anything. So that is the journey I went on and I helped my clients go on is identifying these limited beliefs and programming and influences that are stored in our unconscious mind that we don’t know what controlling our conscious minds thoughts, and making us stuck. So we want one thing, but our unconscious mind is telling us we’re not worthy of it. There’s a saying in Australia and New Zealand that Americans laugh and they they think I don’t understand why us would ever think like that. And it’s called the tall poppy syndrome. And the tall poppy syndrome is literally, if you start to raise up above people of your equals and become successful, they don’t like it, and they want to pull you down. And the tall poppy gets its head cut off. So in America, when people start to raise up and become successful, they cheer them on and they go awesome. Go for it. Whereas in Australia, New Zealand, I don’t know why. But we’ve got this cultural belief that people don’t like it when you start to get ahead. Now, when you grow up with that belief system as a child being as much as you want to be successful, you hold yourself back. Yeah, limit yourself. So there’s just this Yeah, there’s so there’s so much when when I started truly understanding the multiple levels of the brain and how the brain works. That was a game changer. It was an absolute game changer. And I literally started reprogramming my unconscious belief systems. And everything changed.
David Ralph [23:26]
Where if you come over to the United Kingdom, we don’t even have tall poppy syndrome. We stamp on it before it even comes out the ground. Okay, don’t even see a flower or anything over here. I don’t know why we do. I don’t know why we do that. But
Greg Gillies [23:40]
we do. It’s crazy, right?
David Ralph [23:42]
Yeah, if it’s a football game, we’re going to support the underdog. We’re going to support the one that’s not going to win. And I don’t know, I don’t know why. Well, let’s play some motivational words now. And let’s come back to Greg to carry on with the storey. He’s Rocky
Rocky Balboa [23:55]
You, me a nobody got a hit as hard as life. But eight about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward how much you can take a keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.
Now know me I listened to that. And I’m very inspired by it. That’s why I played it. But with the conversation today, more often than not, it’s not about just ploughing forward like Rocky saying taking the hits and getting up actually, it’s about taking a few steps back and giving yourself some space to look around and wonder why you’ve just been hitting the face, isn’t it?
Greg Gillies [24:33]
Hundred percent. And I love that quote. And that saying from Rocky, but I tell you what, we are the ones that head ourselves the hardest, our own, our own limiting beliefs and our own negative self talk in our heads. We actually are the ones that are knocking ourselves down, not anybody else. That’s that’s the key that I’ve realised is we hold ourselves back. Yes, there’s the tall poppy syndrome. Yes, there’s this Yes, there’s that. But we do really limit ourselves. And we make storeys up in our head that just hold us where we’re at and, and not achieve what we truly want. So that was interesting that you play that I do
David Ralph [25:15]
really enjoy that clip. Why do you think Ben that we had the storeys Why do we do because I had a guest on the show. And she is very much about creating new storeys and breaking out of the box. And I’ve always said to people as a kind of badge of honour. I’m an idiot with persistence. And what I’ve always said is, every bit of success I’ve had, I didn’t have a plan in front of me, I didn’t have an idea. I just had a passion and made it work and sort of moved forward. And when I said this, she said to me, Oh, that’s a nice storey to tell yourself. And I thought to myself, yeah, you’re right. I don’t know why I’m saying that. Because I’m not a media, I’ve done all these things. And I keep on adding more what’s to it. And here I am saying to people, now I wanted it to be sort of supportive and motivational for people so they can go well actually, if he’s done it, I can do it as well. But actually, I think I was sending out a long storey.
Greg Gillies [26:15]
So this is this is what I believe from the amount of work. And the research that I’ve done is it’s generational. I believe a lot of the programming and a lot of the limiting beliefs and the fear and the scarcity that people have in today’s society. It’s actually from the Industrial Revolution, that’s actually from generations before us, where people were designed to go into factories where they had great depressions, they had wars, and they did live in a time of scarcity. And they and the education system was designed 100 years ago to create factory workers. And when you go through the education system, and a lot of schools are still like that. And I know there’s a lot of change in the education system, but you get pretty much verbally punished if you fail at school, right? So you might not be really good at maths, you might love sports. And you do and you get a D on your mess. And you’re frowned upon, like you’re a failure. And I believe that that is one of the reasons why most people have a fear of failure. So we’ve we’ve, we’ve got a generation of belief systems around protect yourself scarcity, fear, don’t, don’t try and get ahead of yourself, then there’s the then there’s the class of people. So there’s the lower class, the middle class in the upper class. Well, 100 years ago, even 50 years ago, it was really extremely hard for somebody to try and change the class from lower class, the middle class, especially from lower class to upper class. So a lot of that programming and conditioning and belief systems have flowed through. But now we live in the most opportunistic time and our history with technology, social media and globalisation and and what we can do, and we can work, we can do whatever we want, we can work wherever we want. You can actualize yourself and become your best potential if you’re carrying those old belief systems that have been passed down through the generations. So I personally had to go on a massive deep dive to identify what these belief systems in this programming that were limiting me from achieving my desired life, and literally clear them and change them and reprogram them and change the self talk. And it’s amazing how detrimental your self talk is on yourself. And how did you do? How
David Ralph [28:42]
did you do that deep dive in and actually find these things?
Greg Gillies [28:47]
So do you want me to tell you about my darkest days and how I actually had to turn my life around?
David Ralph [28:52]
Oh, I love a dark day storey Greg. Yeah, I will sit back with a cup of coffee and some biscuits and listen to your worst times.
Greg Gillies [29:01]
Okay, so I’ll tell you what’s an All right. So 2015 2016, Lyft, 20 years of corporate just relocated back from a contract and Singapore and we moved to Brisbane, Australia and I started my own business. And within the first 12 months, things were going good business wise, but I wasn’t going good. I was really, really struggling. And I started to get quite a bit of mental health issues. And I was getting a lot of anxiety and stress, didn’t know where it was coming from. I started drinking it down and just drinking more behind closed doors. It started leading into severe anxiety and then panic attacks. And then one night, I actually drank far too much. And it was getting a common theme my wife was actually going to leave me she had she had had enough of it. And and I woke up in the middle of the night having a major panic attack. And I was actually having suicidal thoughts At the time, I was so consumed by these negative thoughts and in and the just the anxiety and the pressure and the stress and the panic attacks was just consuming me and then the alcohol on top was making it worse and are spiralling out of control. And I actually got to a point where I thought my wife and children be better off without me. And that was kind of the Rude Awakening. I was just like, if I’ve gotten to this point, and I felt that bed, I need to get help. And I just kind of had a breakdown and I surrendered to my wife and I said please help me find help. I had something seriously wrong with me. And at the time, I thought it was just me. And that’s why I was hibernating and us and I was hiding behind closed doors is because I was just I honestly thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t talk to other people about it because I was just so fearful of the judgement and the comparison and hacking Greg Gillies be struggling like this, because he’s done so well. And he’s successful and he’s a businessman. So from the outside looking in, I look really successful, but then solid inside great Gillies I was a broken man, I was really, really hurting. So when I surrendered and put my hand up and said to my wife, please help me find help. The first thing that I did is I went to a for three months to admit that I had a drinking problem and to get rid of the alcohol and I also started doing some advanced kinesiology to help me get my body and my I guess my get all my hormones back in balance and get me out of that deep survival stress. And I did some energy healing work. And I knocked off the alcohol and I started getting mental clarity and, and it was the start of my healing journey. But I knew that I needed more and I got introduced to a spiritual life coach who’s very well known in Australia and, and I went along to one of his seminars and and, and it was exactly what I needed at the time. And I signed up for her 12 month coaching programme. And what does it specialises in taking us back into our childhood days between zero and seven, seven and 1414 to 21. And it’s quite a very, very deep, meditative hypnotic type process that goes back and identifies when certain events or beliefs or programming we picked up in our childhood that are stored very deep in our unconscious mind. And through this series of coaching processes, and enables you to release the old beliefs and replace them with new ones around the ideal life that you want. And I literally started to clear away all of the limiting beliefs in the baggage that were in my unconscious mind that were holding me back that were making me stuck in my head and making me self doubt myself. And just just literally making me cry just stuck in my head and also felt like I was going crazy. Combine that with the advanced kinesiology work. My wife is now an advanced kinesiology so she started working on me, I stopped healing. So I quit alcohol. So I’ve been dry for two and a half years now. And I started healing all my body’s major glands and organs and getting out of deep survival stress and getting into my parasympathetic nervous system and healing my liver and all of that sort of stuff. And my entire life just started to transform. So what I did was clear and heal the blocks in my mind and the blocks in my body and it enabled me to really free myself up into allow the true Greg Gillies to come out. So it was it was just doing inner work. It was healing great Gillies on the inside.
And in that process in that journey, I realised I went to boarding school when I was 14 years old. And this was one of the most pivotal moments of my life that I didn’t know it at the time. So when I went to boarding school, I thought it was the best thing in the world because at boarding school went to a very big boys I went to King’s high school and I made New Zealand eighth grade rugby What an honour for me KV kid. I was school prefect as here the boarding house and I had I achieved so much. But when I went to boarding school, one of the reasons why I went to boarding school, my father and I clashed we fought and we didn’t get on. So it was mum’s idea that Greg you go off to boarding school and my two brothers didn’t go to boarding school and my family moved to a new town and I went to boarding school as they moved. I didn’t realise until 25 years later when I was 40 years old. And I did this deep work that I created a storey inside my head that I was unlovable, I was getting kicked out of the family and I wasn’t wanted. And when I made that storey that turned me into this extremely driven High Achiever, and I went out and achieve so much everything that I worked towards I achieved, but I didn’t realise that I was doing it for other people’s approval of me and other people’s. I didn’t realise I was doing it for significance. And I was literally just trying to get attention from other people as never doing it for me. And I continue to do this for 25 years and everything that I work that I would work my butt off, I would sacrifice everything I would succeed and then I would sabotage it. And I didn’t know why I kept on doing it, why kept on sabotaging my own success. And I did it over and over and over again. I still become successful, and I still did really, really well. But I made stupid financial decisions. I bought into things where if I just taken a step back, I wouldn’t have done it. And all of that just kept on mounting, mounting mounting mounting over the years. So even though I told you the storey that three years ago, I had a breakdown and I was drinking alcohol and I felt suicidal it was actually my entire life just compounding and compounding compounding that got me to that breaking point. And since then I have literally transformed everything about myself from a mental capacity to a physical capacity to myself talk to what I do in business. And now I literally help other business men do exactly the same. Because what I realised when I healed myself was I’m not alone. A lot of men out there a feeling the same way i’m not saying they’re all suicidal, but that feeling stuck the feeling overwhelmed. But they’re not talking about it. Especially successful businessmen that just brushing it under the carpet because that’s the way we grow up. That is just the culture of harden up, get on with it, have a beer, don’t complain, don’t talk about your emotions suppress them. So suppressing our emotions. very detrimental to us in the long run. So these my kind of warts and all storey
David Ralph [36:46]
I once burst into tears, I share this and in Toy storey, it was toy storey three. And I took my kids and Mike Mike, we were watching the film, and we’re all in bed and I suddenly started feeling emotion in cinema. And I thought, Oh, my God, booty is gonna die here. This is bad news for all of us. And it got me It got me and I started to really blow up in the cinema. And I was thinking, Oh, my God, pull myself together, put myself together. I don’t want the kids to see me doing this. And so before the lights came on at the end, I went, well, I met you at some kids. And I sort of rushed out and sort of pull myself because I had to be the strong dead. But I look back on that. And that was a defining moment of I shouldn’t have gone to myself pull myself up, I should have gone Why the hell am I feeling like this, because that’s not me. And I think in life, we all have those moments that we brushed under the carpet. But actually what we should have done is gone. Hang on, this is a signpost. This is life showing us something, we’ve really got to pay attention here. And so I’ve never watched toy storey three again, just in case I’ve gotten into that way. But it was something that I should have just really focused in on and perhaps sat down with my wife and said, Look, hang on, this isn’t normally what I do. And and I’ll add the big wobble now.
Greg Gillies [38:04]
Yeah, it’s really important that when emotions come up, we let them come out, we that they are there for a reason, right, and we let them come out. So when we feel joy and excitement, we let it come out, right and we share it with the world. But when we feel sadness, or guilt, or shame or anger or something like that, we just try and push it down, we just think it’s bad, it’s bad, it’s bad. Or if you keep on pushing it down for too long, it’s going to rear up when you’re not expecting it right. And it’s really important for parents to change that belief system around suppressing emotions with the kids as well. So our kids growing up in a different world than what we used to, and they’ve got so much information coming at them, they need to be able to understand and be free to let their emotions be expressed. And to just yeah, and to intubate themselves. So this is your differently had to do a lot of work as a parent around what I what I taught my children through, not what I say but my example to now what I teach my children as an example. So yes, really, because I realised
David Ralph [39:18]
a little while ago, actually, Greg, that I stopped laughing. And I’ve always been known as somebody that was you know, having a great time and stuff. And it suddenly dawned on me that I couldn’t remember the last time that I’d actually laughed properly. And so I started focusing in on that. And one of the reasons I realised was I created environment for myself, it wasn’t there to laugh at. And I like to do travel. I like freedom I like to be out and about I like to enjoy myself, I like to just be stupid with the kids. And I’d stopped doing all that. And I was just on the conveyor belt of churn out content, churning out content come to the office and churn out content. And you’ve got to look at your inbox and think to yourself, if I want to act in a different way, if I want my life to be different, I’ve got to change mice my situation, I’ve got to change the things that I’m doing. Otherwise, I’m going to get the same results all the time. since that point, I’m it’s almost like it’s a muscle that I’ve got to retrain to love. It’s like I’ve stopped doing it and now I’ve got to try to find the funny so I need people to hurt themselves in front of me all the time because I love you can’t stop laughing Can you if somebody walks into a doors thing you know that that is brilliant. And I’ve been on a Jim Carrey I spent a plough through the early Jim Carrey stuff because I used to be the lawyer and all the kinds of stupid stuff because I feel like I need to retrain that muscle of finding the funniest things.
Greg Gillies [40:49]
Yeah, hundred percent. And that’s it and a child wanting to come out and play and we we typically just sometimes just get too serious. So as you see, David, we get ourselves into a situation where we’ve just put so much demands on ourselves that we’re just, we just become Workaholics. Sometimes even if we enjoy it, that’s something that I’m always being conscious of is not becoming a workaholic, just because I enjoy it. Because I could literally work 20 hours a day doing what I’m doing, because it’s so fulfilling. But that’s that’s it doesn’t support me in the long run. And it definitely doesn’t support my family. And yeah, you need to self awareness is key, right? You need to know when you’re not kind of just taking that breath, taking that step back. Going out in nature is really key for me going on morning walks as part of my mental health morning routine. I don’t take I don’t take headphones or cell phone. Just get out in nature and just get the senses running and listen to the birds and breathe in the beautiful nature and take your shoes off and put your feet on the ground. All of that sort of stuff as we used to do as kids, we need to do that that all the time. We need to do that as adults as well, because it really just grounds us and it helps us helps us be whole. That’s really important.
David Ralph [42:09]
When when I when I was a kid, I used to go to the woods all the time, we had woods near us yeah. And we had to go to the woods and build camps and ride our bikes around and stuff. And the whole summer was in in words. And then when my kids were little, they used to love going to woods and running around and stuff. And the other day, I took my grandson and I said to him, come on Jamie, we’re going to go to go to the woods. And he lives in a city. So he doesn’t really do that kind of stuff. And I instantly reconnected. And once again, I thought to myself, why don’t I do this more often, it’s free. It was great. We went in there. Yeah. And there’s all these kind of things that you think I used to like doing it. I don’t anymore. Why? And there’s no reason for it. It doesn’t cost anything, it doesn’t, you know, you can find the time for it. Because you can always find the time to do two things you want to do. So just bring those things back into your life. And you’re starting to feel that that ground swell, I’m not only feeling better inside, but actually taking control, you’re actually doing things to make yourself feel better.
Greg Gillies [43:08]
Yeah, hundred percent. And
so many people know that they need to have some sort of mindfulness practice that the world that we live in. Now a lot of people stressed and struggling and anxiety is high, and depressions high and all that sort of stuff. And you don’t need to be a yoga guru and meditate for an hour every morning. Simply just getting out in nature and just going and just walking in the forest or going to a playground and swinging on the swing with your kids. It’s really rewarding. It’s really good for us. And we need to do more of that, right, we need to just have that break and just relaxing, get out of our heads. We live in a time where people are stuck in their thoughts, and they’re just overthinking things and cell phones and making us just a mind run at a million miles now because we’re just getting hit with so many data points. So we need to be able to need to be able to disconnect from all of that and reconnect with ourselves and nature and what’s really truly important.
David Ralph [44:11]
Absolutely. Now let’s play some words from the guy who created Join Up Dots back in 2005. And he left these legacy words,
Steve Jobs [44:20]
Steve Jobs, of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [44:55]
Now you can obviously just from this conversation, look back and go Join Up Dots. But was there a defining moment a big.in your life that has really transformed everything? Greg?
Greg Gillies [45:08]
Yeah, the when I realised the programming and the storeys that I told myself when I went to boarding school, that was a big defining moment. I’ve had a lot of big defining moments. But that was one that really, really came up because I, in my conscious mind, I thought it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my life. And in my unconscious mind. I created all this negative programming that I wasn’t good enough or wasn’t worthy and I wasn’t wanted. So that was a massive defining moment.
David Ralph [45:39]
And do you think that these dots these past dots can be transported into stepping stones forward? Or are you always moving into the unknown?
Unknown Speaker [45:50]
Greg Gillies [45:53]
I don’t think we’re moving into the unknown, I truly believe we are moving in the exact direction that we need to be moving in for our life’s lessons. And if I connect my dots, I don’t look back at certain events like the programming and the so forth that I picked up and boarding school, which was over 25 years ago, I don’t look at that as a negative. Because on the positive side of that, that made me become a high achiever. So I actually went out and strive to learn so so so much, and I actually did really, really well. But I developed so much knowledge that I wasn’t actually using, until I went on my healing journey in the last three years. And now that I’ve kind of freed myself up, and I’ve cleared my mind, and I’ve cleared my body, all of that knowledge and all of those years of pushing myself really hard as now the most unbelievable toolbox of gifts that I am using, and business life and family. So that’s quite funny how, when you say join the dots, there was a 25 year period that I didn’t realise I was doing certain things. And now that I know what I did when I was 14 years old, I can connect all the dots and I can just go, I’m actually really glad that that journey happened because it’s now who I am now. And now I’ve found my passion and purpose. And I’m only early 40s, I’ve got the rest of my life to go. And I’m so so excited about where I’m going now, because of all of those dots are good
David Ralph [47:28]
on you. Good on you. Well, I’ve known where we were heading throughout this whole show. And this is the bit where we’re going to send you back on the journey to have a one on one with your younger self. And this is the part of the show we call the Sermon on the mic. When you will be transported like magic to speak to the age of Greg you want and give him the advice. So I’m gonna play the music. And when it pager up, this is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [47:59]
Greg Gillies [48:19]
So talking to 14 year old Greek, the advice that I give you is you are good enough. Everybody loves you. You are destined for greatness. And you just need to know that everything is going to work out in the best interest for you. And that’s the advice I have for the 14 year old Greg.
David Ralph [48:43]
I mean, that was short and sweet, right? He wants to get that one who we should be. That’d be right in his mind. So Greg, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you, sir.
Greg Gillies [48:55]
So my name great. gillies.com is my website. And I have my storey about video. And I also have a few pages that link to my website, which is a training video that explains what I went through and what I now offer for other people. My social media are most active on LinkedIn, I post videos on LinkedIn daily, which is tips and strategies around anything that could be mindset. It could be health, wealth, business, sales, marketing, kind of just, I’m just giving the world all of my knowledge for free. And if they like it, they like it. And Facebook. So those are the three main channels. Greg Gillies calm, my LinkedIn profile, and my Facebook,
David Ralph [49:43]
we will have all the links on the show notes to make it as easy as possible. Greg, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And please, of course, come back when you’ve got more dots to join up because I do believe but but joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build up futures. Greg Gillies, thank you so much.
Greg Gillies [50:02]
Thank you, David, appreciate it.
David Ralph [50:06]
That is a deep conversation, you heal yourself, you heal yourself mentally. And physically, it’s not all about just going through it over time, because you could go through it all the time, you’re not going to get it, I tell you, you’re not going to get it because you won’t have to calamity you’ve got to slow down, you’ve got to look at it. And you’ve got to realise what you’re actually heading for all my huge breakthroughs that I’ve had in Join Up Dots I’ve been when I haven’t been doing it, when I’ve been on vacation when I’ve been disconnected by the true wins. And if you’re constantly going through it all the time, all the time, all the time. Ultimately, the quality of product, your quality of business, quality of life is going to be poor, and the things that you like to do bring those into your life and make yourself happy. And then people will respond to that promise you. I promise you I’m not lying to you. It’s all the truth. Until next time, thank you so much for being here on joining us. Don’t come across the Join Up dots.com send us an email, tell us where you’re listening. Would love to know about your weird weird, drop a line back and say hello, and then we’ll be friends. And that’s what it’s all about. But until next time, please listen to the show. We got a lot of great content coming.
Unknown Speaker [51:14]
So yeah, bye bye.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.