Happiness Expert Becky Morrison Is Our Guest On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Happiness Expert Becky Morrison
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison is todays guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business podcast.
She is a UC Berkeley Certified Executive Coach with a passion for helping people live happy, priority-aligned lives.
After a successful career in financial services, as a litigator and then in law firm administration, managing several hundred attorneys and staff at one of the country’s premier litigation firms, she was looking for a new challenge and transitioned to a small investment firm where she was COO.
This transition helped her recognize that her true passion was people, she started her own coaching practice.
Now through this process as she says “Many entrepreneurs and business leaders struggle to find happiness whilst balancing work and life.
My advice is simple, “Do more of what matters and let go of the rest”, but of course it isn’t that easy to implement.
I love to share my formula that has helped many high potential leaders overcome their happiness gaps.
The formula consists of understanding what truly matters, believing that you deserve to be happy, introducing new and healthy habits and being diligent when saying no to those distractions, pulling you away from true happiness.
So is it possible to find true happiness and of course maintain it, or is contentment a better aim to have?
And when she started her own business was it instant happiness or like most of us, it took a while to find the smile?
So lets bring him onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Becky Morrison
During the show we discussed such deep subjects with Becky Morrison such as:
Why happiness is not being up all the time, but it is being aware of the emotions that you are feeling at that time.
Why everybody should focus more on their to dont list, instead of going for the to do list every single time.
How to reframe things to find the positives in your life even if its something like paying bills and taxes.
Why knowing and understanding the seasons of life and business and being aware of the changes will happen.
How To Connect With Becky Morrison
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Full Transcription Of Happiness Expert Beck Morrison Interview
Life shouldn’t be hard life should be a fun filled adventure every day. So now start joining up dots tap into your talents, your skills, your God given gifts and tell your boss, you don’t deserve me. I’m out of here. It’s time for you to smash that alarm clock and start getting the dream business and life you will of course, are dreaming God. Let’s join your host, David Ralph from the back of his garden in the UK, or wherever he might be today with another jam packed episode of the number one hit podcast. Join Up Dots.
David Ralph [0:42]
Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. And good morning again and welcome to Join Up Dots. It’s a complete delight to have you here. Thank you so much for bringing it sexy little ears and your body to the show. And I particularly like the people that are sitting at work secretly listening when they should be typing, looking over their laptops, making sure that boss isn’t come. They’re the ones I want to inspire to to free yourself from those shackles and move away from that boss and start things that just make you happy. Now today’s guest joining us on the show is certainly somebody who’s just done that. She is a UC Berkeley certified executive coach with a passion for helping people live happy priority aligned lives now after a successful career in financial services as a litigator, and then in law firm administration managing several 100 attorneys and staff are one of the country’s premier litigation firms. Oh, it sounds dreadful. But that’s not for me at all. She was looking for a new challenge. Ah, it wasn’t for her either. And transition to a small investment firm where she was see Oh, now this transition helped her recognise that her true passion was people and she started her own coaching practice. Now, through this process, as she says many entrepreneurs and business leaders struggle to find happiness whilst balancing work and life. And my advice is simple. She says, do more of what matters and let go of the rest. But of course, it isn’t that easy to implement. I love to share a formula that has helped many 100 potential leaders overcome their happiness gaps. And this formula consists of understanding what truly matters, believing that you deserve to be happy, introducing new unhealthy habits and being diligent when saying no to these distractions, pulling you away from true happiness. So is it is it possible to find true happiness? And of course maintain it, always contentment, a better aim to have? And once you started your own business, was it instant happiness? Or like most of us, did it take a while to find the smile? See why I did that. So let’s bring him onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Becky Morrison
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [2:51]
Great, David, how are you?
David Ralph [2:53]
I’m very well I’m very well Becky. I feel like I’ve recorded this episode 15 times now. It’s been it’s been a bit of an epic to get to this point. But we’re here. And that’s what entrepreneurial life is about, isn’t it getting these obstacles thrown at us? And and just breezing past I think I think I might have been making those errors occur, Becky?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [3:14]
I mean, it’s all right. We’re here. Now. That’s what matters.
David Ralph [3:17]
We are here. We’re together, we could almost touch. He wouldn’t want that. Now you are in you’re in snowy lanes, you are just outside Washington DC. Is it all calm in America at the moment? You’ve had a few rough years of what things going on? Is it all quiet there when you lift your word windows open?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [3:38]
I mean, it’s quiet where I am in suburban Northern Virginia. But I’m not sure that we could say as a nation, things are quiet yet.
David Ralph [3:46]
The world is quiet about when it really is. There’s lots of weird stuff going on. But it’s kind of it’s bringing quietness into our life somehow.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [3:54]
That is true on an individual level. This is a time like no other where we have been asked or really forced to slow down. Yeah, it’s it’s kind of crazy.
David Ralph [4:04]
And have you slowed down? Or have you fought against it? Because so many people out there have said, Oh, no, it’s been terrible. It’s been terrible, you know, being forced to work from home, even though I would have sat down in the pub with them. And I’d be so lucky to be working from home. Now. It’s kind of forced on them. They don’t feel that way, as it’s been okay for you.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [4:23]
Yeah, I mean, well, I’ve been working at home for the past five years. So this was not a huge change in that regard to me. There are elements, of course that were different. I feel like I don’t know that I’ve slowed down. But there are certainly aspects of my life that have slowed down and I’ve really tried to appreciate as opposed to resent that.
David Ralph [4:43]
Yeah, I’ve got simplicity in my life where I don’t think I had I think there was a lot of baggage I was carrying around. And when I was forced to stop, I didn’t have much to do really, other than work on my garden and kind of clear the deck somehow it was a real It was a we’ll pose, or the next stage of what I’m doing.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [5:04]
Yeah, I agree. I mean, I’ve got two two kids 113 117, who had a full kind of activity and sports schedule, in addition to their school lives that all went away. And, you know, for the first time, in probably 10 years, we had weekends free. And that has been a huge shift as a family took a minute for us to settle into. But now we’ve really appreciated the time together. And we have had a lot of fun together in ways that we weren’t doing previously. So it’s been interesting.
David Ralph [5:34]
Yeah, he certainly has, and I don’t want to go back to dance lessons on a Wednesday and a Monday and, and all that kind of stuff. I think I say to my daughter, she doesn’t watch the news. I think I’m just gonna tell her that it’s still going on until she’s like, 32.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [5:48]
Yeah, I hear Yeah, we’re just starting things here where, you know, we’ve got my my older daughter’s soccer practice three days a week, and I’m like, What is this nonsense? I liked it better when we had nothing. But yeah, she’s enjoying herself, and she can drive herself. So that’s a whole different story.
David Ralph [6:02]
Now, let’s get on that to you. Because I’m gonna I’m gonna push you hard Becky Morrison in this regard. Because happiness, the happiness gap, I am very aware of of happiness, because I work for myself. And so I’ve got the life at so many people go, that’s amazing. And there’s some days, it doesn’t feel amazing. And some days It feels really amazing. And at the moment talking to you, it’s probably a 9.5, pushing towards 10. And then other times, it’s a free now, is happiness too high to aim for? Because you can’t maintain it? Can you you can’t keep it up?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [6:39]
Well, let me tell you first I think about happiness. So to me, happiness isn’t just about being up all the time, happiness is about being able to more easily navigate the challenging stuff that comes. So it’s about knowing, for example, when life is a three, why it’s a three, what’s going on. And what you can do that is within your control to shift it, and then how to manage the emotions that come with it being a three. So maybe I think about happiness a little bit differently than than you do. But it’s not about this, you know, being at a 10 is the only way to be happy, you can be happy and be struggling, you can be happy and sad. You can be happy, and in the middle of a really challenging time in your business or life. And I think it’s about how we think about happiness, and then how we really get to know the pieces of life that make us happy. So that’s my answer for you on that one.
David Ralph [7:34]
I’m trying to struggle with that answer. And I’m looking at the happiness and say, I do know, in classic Yin Yang, you can’t have happiness without the sadness. You can’t have night without the days. So unless you have sadness, you can’t actually appreciate or understand that you’ve moved into happiness. I can understand that. But how can you not you can be happy when you’re sad. And when you’re sad, and you’re happy? I don’t get that.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [8:01]
I bet you do get it. You just don’t want to get it. I think you know, you can think of I mean, I really do. I bet you’ve been I bet you I bet you have been both. You can think of a challenging moment, I’m sure in your lives, and I bet your listeners can to where things were really hard. And there were a lot of really difficult emotions, maybe you’d suffered a great loss either a personal loss, a professional loss, and something came along. And all of a sudden, there’s a little bit of a smile creeping in that moment, you were happy, and you were sad. You’re a complicated human being with a really powerful brain and nervous system, who can look at the world and appreciate more than one thing about it, right? That’s what I mean by being happy and sad. At the same time.
David Ralph [8:44]
I think I’m more simple than you give me credit. I don’t think there’s a complicated side to me. So. So let’s throw it to the other sort of side. And this is something that I did a podcast episode on recently. So it intrigued me this thing about balancing work and life. Because I come to it from the point of view now that if it’s work, it’s your life. It’s it may not be the thing that you really want to do all the time, but it’s still your life. You’re waking up each morning breathing going through the day. And I don’t see how you can balance work and life. It seems like something that people strive for. But it’s not doable, is it? You can’t You can’t balance your life when your life is your life and work is your life as well.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [9:34]
Yeah, I mean, I let me let me let me start my answer to this one with a story if that’s okay.
David Ralph [9:41]
As a podcast, it means that you’re feeling the time and I’m not so you, you go through your
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [9:45]
friend. Okay, so So this for this story, we have to rewind about 15 years from today. I’ve got a toddler, my daughter under the age of two, and I’m a litigator at a very large law firm. In the midst of a big antitrust case, and we are preparing for trial, and we have my role on the team is to help prepare our experts. And on this particular, I think it was a Tuesday, it might have been a Wednesday, but let’s use Tuesday on this particular Tuesday, my husband who at the time worked in counterterrorism, got stuck at work because something in the world had blown up, literally, something had blown up. And it was his job to figure that out. And so we had already previously agreed that when push came to shove, his mission of keeping the world safe was more important than my mission of allowing large companies to merge. So he’s at work. I’m at home with our toddler eight o’clock at night, and I am sitting on the floor of the bathroom. I have my notebook perched on the close toilet seat cover, I’ve got the expert reports spread out on the bathroom floor, I’ve got the cordless phone, because bear in mind, this again, was 15 years ago before wireless headsets clipped to the back of my pants with earphones in. And I’m trying to bathe my toddler in the bath. And I had two thoughts in very quick succession. The first thought was, I am a superstar. Look at this talk about balancing work and life. I’m doing it all this is what it looks like, right? Like I’m a mom, I’m a practising attorney, I’m killing it at work. I’m here at home, like I’m winning. And then very quickly afterwards had the thought of this is unsustainable. I cannot operate like this forever, something has to give. And that was the beginning of my journey to figure out what it was that really made my happiness tick. And so I’m going to twist your question a little bit and say that for me, it’s not so much about balance, or work life balance, it’s about really getting in touch with the essence of what gives you joy, and trying to incorporate more of that into your work and into your life. So that you can live kind of happier overall,
David Ralph [12:05]
I would have allowed the kid become dirty. That’s what I would have done. I would have thought out debt. Let’s forget about bath time. And bath time is one of those things. If anyone’s a parent, you’re either doing your backing because you don’t want the baby to drown. Or the baby is just splashing water is stressful in the bath time is not is not a pleasant experience at any time.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [12:28]
Yeah, I mean, she was old enough, she was approaching two years old. Right? So she was old enough where it was a little bit less of that like backbreaking please don’t drown stuff. And more of the splashing squealing Hey, don’t be too loud. I’m trying to have a work call moment. Yeah.
David Ralph [12:44]
So So how do you balance that? How do you balance those situations? Do you just do like I would, and I’m very aware, but I, I’m a man, I’m a man, and I have mains thoughts on this. But with me, I would have just dropped the baton, I would have thought that, you know, she can go a bit. He should wake up the next morning. She won’t die from being unclean going to bed. But my wife would have a totally different opinion where she would try to do everything. Can you balance that? Or is it just a case of like i would i would jettison certain things and think to myself, but is more important. I forget that?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [13:24]
Well, I mean, ultimately, yeah, I think you know, when we talk about the formula for maximum happiness, part of it is letting the rest go. Right. So yeah, it might have been a little easier if I had said, so what we’re going to bed dirty, not a big deal that didn’t even occur to me in that moment. Because I was just on the list of things I had to get done. And I was very much living in a world where I had been on this path of achievement of you know, get the good grades, go to the good school, get the good job, do the work, get recognised, you know, do the assignment do it well, and not really stopping to think about a did it. make me happy? Did I want to do those things and be? What could I let go of to make it more manageable? Like, you’re right. Does my kid actually need a bath tonight? Probably she would have been just fine. But it was what we did. It was the routine. And I was so in the should of the routine that I didn’t even stop to have that inquiry.
David Ralph [14:23]
I’m going to say to my wife tonight, let’s go to bed and be dirty. Do you think she should go for
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [14:28]
that? I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know your wife. And I don’t know how she could there’s a number of ways you could interpret that statement.
David Ralph [14:35]
I think we can go with a No, I think I think that that’s potentially where we’re going to get with it. Now, with this being the base jettison thing, because once again, I did a podcast recently and what I’m doing going over all the episodes of Join Up Dots to give my listeners The Steps to Success guide. And one of the things I’ve been doing by listening really intently to the podcast interviews is noticing a pattern. Where people who get great success, create anti goals. Now most people create a goal where they’re moving towards something. But very few people create goals where they’re leaving stuff behind, and looking at things that actually don’t fulfil their purpose anymore. aren’t part of the routine, even though it’s been the bath night routine every night, we can actually sort of leave this behind. Is this a way forward as well? Is this something that I’ve tapped into, which is, you know, true success driven? By creating things to let go? You’re actually allowing more space to bring the success to you?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [15:39]
Yeah, I absolutely think so. I mean, often with my clients, we will, you know, especially with clients who are feeling time pressure or overwhelm, or like, they’re just, you know, have too much going on. We focus less on their to do list and more on their to don’t list, right, like, the things that they don’t want to do the things that are not important right now, the things that they can let go of, and it, it’s interesting, because we don’t take the time very often as busy professionals, and frankly, just as people to slow down and say, okay, given this place I am in my life right now, given what I know about what makes me happy and makes me tick. And given what I know about my priorities and where I want to go from here. What can I let go of? We just don’t engage in that inquiry. So yeah, I think you’re absolutely right to observe that that is an important factor for continued success.
David Ralph [16:34]
As you know, do you know when you said that phrase, the to don’t list? I winced, I should have had that I should have trademark that. That should have been there. Because that is perfect. Isn’t it a to do list and the to don’t list?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [16:47]
Yep. And actually, I mean, it’s funny because people get a little twitchy when they’re when you know, they come in, they think, well, I’m working with this coach, and you’re going to help me get a handle on my to do list. And I’m like, we’re not even going to talk about your to do list, we’re going to talk about what you’re not going to do. And it’s like, why would I spend energy thinking about that, but you’ve hit the nail on the head, I’d spend energy thinking about that, because it creates space in my life, when I can move things to that to don’t list which I mean, we can race each other and see who trademarks at first,
David Ralph [17:15]
well, I’m already done it, I’ve been typing, you know, I let you talk a little bit longer, and it’s banged on. Now, I used to work in corporate land. And one of the things that used to really wind me up is time management experts that used to come in. And they used to say, right, direct quadrant ABCD, put your first most priority ones in a and then B events. And I say oh, by the time I’ve done all that I want to get anything done. Now this but to don’t list has never been mentioned to me ever by any corporate person. They never look at actually what you don’t need to do, and certainly in corporate land, and it applies to entreprenuer land as well, there. And I’m going to praise it from entrepreneur name, because it’s where I am at the moment. But when you’re building a business, you are doing things like simple things like PDF files, and you’re doing sales panels, and you’re doing websites and stuff. And over a period of time, you have an awful lot of crap, basically sitting around you on desktops and files and on Google Drive, which very few people go through and get rid of, because they think they might need it. And one of the things that I did in lockdown, I looked at it and sorted all my files by the last time I’d modified it. So last time, I knew that I’d gone into it, and just deleted them. I didn’t even go in there and look at it. And it allows for a lightness, which brings about happiness. I think people lose the happiness because they feel that they’re not playing anymore. It’s kind of wrapping its tentacles around them and squeezing. Is that something that you’ve thought of as well of actually getting rid of stuff that’s naturally formed around you, Becky, as you’ve been building your business?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [19:05]
It’s something that’s on my mind. I mean, you’re talking to somebody who is like a productivity systems, maybe I should say a recovering productivity systems junkie, right, like, all the way back to sort of Franklin Covey planners and the seven habits and getting things done. And there’s some good stuff in those systems. But the part that was always missing for me is this part that we’ve been talking about. It’s Have you really done an inquiry. It’s not about just organising all this stuff in your life. And I mean, when I say stuff, I don’t mean things per se, but I mean the time commitments and the files and the emails, it’s not just about organising those things, but it’s about figuring out, filtering out the things that matter and then really, truly being able, as you just described, to let go of the things that clearly aren’t meaningful. I mean, when you look at you know, organisational advice for managing your closet, it says just what you’ve done, which is do some things so you can figure out what you wear and it If you haven’t touched it in a year, get rid of it. The same thing could apply to your files, the same thing could apply to your projects, the same thing could apply to a lot of things in your life. But I want to bring, I mean, my goal is to bring a level of thoughtfulness to how I’m spending my time, energy and resources so that I can as much as possible, put those things towards the things that are meaningful to my happiness.
David Ralph [20:28]
I thought you were gonna carry on there. Well, yeah, that was it. That was it. I’m gonna jump in with Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [20:33]
yeMy father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [21:00]
Now, with happiness, as I say, happiness is kind of an extreme. And love is like an extreme as well. So with your business that you have created, I’m very interested because he says go for the love. And I go, yeah, I totally agree with you, Mr. Curry, I totally agree with you. But I also think, and I’ve mentioned this loads of times recently, because he’s on the forefront of my mind. But once something has become less lovely, it becomes normal, you can aim to forget that you loved it in the first place, and it just becomes a job. You know, the utopia of working at home in your pyjamas was great for the first two months for people. And now they think, Oh, I can’t wait to get back into the office. I don’t love this as much as I thought I would.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [21:48]
I mean, I think that’s right. But here, here’s, I really want to I’m my goal, David is for us to leave this episode with you not thinking that happiness is an extreme. It’s not going to happen. I don’t. I mean, maybe it’s not, but I don’t think it is right happiness is for every day and happiness is for right now. And happiness is something you can incorporate more of. And I’ll give you an example. You may it may be a tongue in cheek kind of comment about your at a 9.5. Because we’re sitting here having that conversation. And I think, you know, some of that might have been funny, but I bet there’s truth in that. I bet one of the things that you really, really enjoy doing is connecting with people and having these kinds of conversations, right?
David Ralph [22:30]
Yes, funnily enough on a podcast, I don’t like it in real life. I that’s fine. Yeah, I love doing this. Because I don’t know why I actually did. This is something I’ve not thought of. But in real life situation, I tell you, I’ve just worked out what it is. It’s just dawned on me. This is a proper conversation. But in real life, you have kind of little talk instead of deep talk, don’t you? And I don’t fall into the little talk as easy. So I love connecting like this. Yeah, but not in real life.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [23:00]
Okay, so we have just learned that part of David’s happiness is deep connection.
David Ralph [23:07]
Right? Yep. You and you have learned that?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [23:10]
Yeah. And so just taking this as a very micro example, right? If you came to me, and you were a coaching client, and you were like, I’m just feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and I’m not having fun, and I’m not happy. I would say, Well, David, we know that you love deep connection. So let’s talk about three ways you can have deep connection in the next week.
David Ralph [23:29]
Yeah, but it’s not that easy, Becky, that, that that’s on my scale of happiness again, as in, okay, I can do those things. And I can be happy when I’m doing that. But there’s a lot of other stuff that goes on behind the scenes of building a business. But you can’t get rid of all of it. Can you You’ve just got to suck it up.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [23:48]
Oh, sure. Some of it, you just have to do I agree. I mean, you’re never you’re not ever going to have a world where where you are doing. Or maybe maybe this isn’t true. But I think there’s going to always going to be things like paying taxes that have to happen that aren’t aren’t going to give you joy. But some of it is reframing those things, right? remembering the connection to your purpose of the silly stuff, right. And I’ll take the paying taxes as an example. I mean, I get to pay taxes because I earned an income in my business. That is a small shift. But it’s a meaningful shift in the way that we think about the things that we have to do. And the reason it’s meaningful is because where we put our focus goes grows. And so when we can think more about the positives, about the the sources of our happiness and trying to try and tie what we are doing to that, then we can have an easier, happier time. I agree with you that it’s not going to be roses and sunshine and unicorns all day long, right? You’re going to have to build funnels, and you’re going to have to manage email lists, and you’re going to have to send invoices and maybe those are things you don’t like to do. But I don’t know I mean, I look at an invoice and I say why I’m about to get paid. I like that. Yeah, like that because of the impact it represents. And so I’m happy to spend the administrative time necessary to make that happen.
David Ralph [25:08]
Yeah, I agree with is totally and I love paying bills is really weird. You know, if a bill comes through, I’m my wife says I would leave it till next month. So now I’m gonna pay straight away. And I think I like paying it because I know I can, you know, there’s no, it’s gone out of my life thing. I don’t have to think, oh, there’s a bill waiting. It’s just I comes in pays bang, and it’s gone. So yeah, there’s a kind of weird love about playing things. But my dad’s got that as well. My dad loves paying, my dad would be quite happy to be screwed over by somebody else, then pay them when the invoice comes in, you know, it will be a weird way of operating.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [25:49]
Well, I mean, is it weird? I guess there’s a couple ways. And you said there used some language there. That’s interesting. When you describe why you like paying bills, you said because I can write. So I’m curious if what you meant there was like, it is a task that I am able to do. Or rather I actually have the money to pay this bill. And so that feels good. And I don’t need to worry about it or delay it. And regardless of the answer, right, I think just an understanding of that answer is meaningful, and it can reframe, kind of all of the things you’re doing in your day, can be reframed in that way to be connected to something that is meaningful for you.
David Ralph [26:24]
Yep, meaningful. Yes, absolutely. But happiness is one end of the scale. Come on, come on back a Come on. It’s one end of the scale. If we’ve got like suicide at one end, and happiness at the other end, you’re not gonna move that down the middle. Oh, yeah. It’s gonna be at the far end. It’s what to aim for.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [26:47]
Sure. I mean, I guess it’s one end of the scale, but I don’t, I still will fight you on the idea that we can’t find ways to incorporate happiness into most of what we do every day.
David Ralph [26:57]
I know, I don’t fight you at all. Now, I totally agree. I totally agree. But I see overall umbrella of bridging the happiness gap? I don’t think you are I think you’re creating happiness, dots or happiness, stepping stones where you you? Yeah, I’m happy for this bit and being I’m not very happy. And then I’m happy again, I think it’s, it’s more valid?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [27:20]
Well, you haven’t even asked me this, but I want to talk about it for a second. So the way that I think about happiness gaps, let’s talk about that. So I look at So you said it early on in our conversation, that I think about the recipe for maximum happiness, as do more of what matters and less of the rest, right? Or let go of the rest. Yeah. And there’s kind of three things that get in the way of living that way for people that I see. And these are the happiness gaps that I’m talking about. So the first is what I call the authenticity Yep. And it’s, do we actually have an understanding of where our happiness comes from? And what matters to us? And are we willing to express that to the outside world. So that’s the authenticity gap. Fast forward, because we’re action driven to what I call the third gap, which is the physical energy gap. And this is where all those productivity and time management systems and the two don’t list live, it’s do we actually match our capacity, our time, energy and resources as much as possible to the things that matter to us, as opposed to all the noise that could be there. The middle gap, I call the emotional energy gap, and it’s like a bridge, right? It’s the beliefs feelings and mindset that we need to have to be able to take our authentic sense of, of what matters to us, and and really live it in a time, energy and resources way. So it’s things like how do we manage our feelings? How do we manage our nervous system? How do we manage our guilt? How do we build a new habit, all of that lives in that middle, emotional energy gap? And so I’m not sure that I’m willing to concede that it’s just a bunch of happiness dots, right. It is a fundamental shift to foundationally understanding and having the tools to live happier every day and in every moment.
David Ralph [29:11]
Becky, can I tell you something?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [29:13]
Unknown Speaker [29:15]
i think i agree with you.
David Ralph [29:18]
I want to say this, and it’s through gritted teeth. But the way you explained that, I thought, Yeah, okay. I’m like that. Yes, yes. Okay. So I, I think that I think you’ve converted me.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [29:31]
I told you I was going to and you didn’t believe me?
David Ralph [29:33]
Yeah. But I’ve got my fingers crossed. Becky. I’m lying. I’m lying. So what what interests me is the middle bridge, because one of the things that I was very aware, well, no, I wasn’t aware of at all. And then it took me over and I was I had physical and emotional burnout from overwork. And now I’m totally focused on my physical energy. And as soon as I’m starting to flag then I leave it behind. It’s almost like, it’s the most precious thing in my life, which it should be. And that is something but now I look back on it, I think to myself, that is where true happiness spreads out from that feeling of feeling good. And feeling energised and feeling positive. And all that good stuff comes from that inner trunk of your, your body and your spirit, you can’t bring success into your life unless you feel successful.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [30:28]
I think that for you that is accurate. And I think one of the challenges is that everyone has a unique happiness recipe. And that recipe evolves over the course of our lives. And so it is about actually honouring individually what it is that makes you tick. And so what you’re describing there of fate of that process of figuring that out, and then actualizing that, that is about you connecting with your happiness recipe, and it’s not an uncommon happiness recipe. I agree with you that in general, you know, physical wellness impacts all kinds of sectors of our lives, I’m not going to say that that is not a common trait. But each person has a recipe that is unique to them in the season that they are currently in. And it might change as that season evolves.
David Ralph [31:18]
Well, okay, so you’re in a season and things are just going rubbish. Now, I can now see, okay, is going rubbish, but it’s gonna change seasons do change, and some and then you’ll move into a place where you’re hitting home runs all the time, you think I’m not even swinging the bat here, it’s just just happening. It’s amazing. Now, how do you keep happy when you haven’t been through the journey, you know, I’ve gone through probably 100 seasons now. And I can see that there’s sometimes he’s gonna go my way. And sometimes it doesn’t. But for a newbie, taking a leap into the entrepreneurial world, that’s difficult, isn’t it?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [31:58]
Um, so to me, this is the way that I like to think about it. I think about taking a leap into the entrepreneurial world or into any new chapter in your life, as launching, okay. And so if you want to launch, you need to launch from a solid platform, a grounded place a good foundation, in order to sort of achieve maximum height, right. And so, I’ll take the specific example that you gave of somebody entering the entrepreneurial journey, right, it’s really important that you’ve done the groundwork to figure out who you are, how you’re going to define your entrepreneurial success, not just how the world thinks you should define it, but how you’re going to define it. And really having a sense again, of authentically what matters to you why you’re making this choice, and what it is that you’re trying to achieve, so that you can leap and launch from that more grounded place and maybe gain more traction. So that’s a big part of the work that I do is helping people get landed, get grounded before they’re trying to sort of take a new big step, whether it’s a new step of leadership, or the beginning of a new business or some other new start.
David Ralph [33:18]
Well, I don’t get about you, Becky is talking to you. I know that you are training to be a lawyer. And you know, you’re How do you find all the time? How do you find the time to coach people, look after your kids, make sure your husband’s got dinner on the table? And that’s a very sexist thing to say. But I’m gonna say anyway, how would you manage all the things because, you know, I find it quite difficult unless I separate a database and a day for that. So I’m running about four businesses myself, and I can’t let them blow into one I have to go right today is that day, and then this is bat day and so on.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [33:59]
So I mean, my answer is that I’m very clear on what this season is for me. And this season is a business building season, right? So I’m a lawyer by training. I’m already a lawyer, I’ve practised as an attorney. I’m currently in the process of getting my LLM and tax on the side. So that’s out there as a thing that I’m doing. But it is by no means the top priority. And so I’m really clear that this is a business building season and that my top priority during this season is my business. And a very close second is my family. And so I just know when push comes to shove, that’s how I’m going to allocate my time. I’m also blessed to have a partner who is very much a partner. My husband is a great dad and he is also at home full time right now. Just like I am working at home, and so we balance the life stuff more equally because he has bought into building this business being impacted. So that’s how I manage it is really just being clear on what matters most. And I mean, I can tell you, if I had a toddler today, I would let her go to bed without a bath. If that was not where I was 15 years ago, right, I’m a lot clearer on what can what can what is on my to don’t list and what can be on my to don’t list if I need more space and time.
David Ralph [35:24]
And what about your age kids because my my two last ones are just about to turn 16 and 19. And they live a real weird existence. But they’re all night. And you come down the next morning and they’ve grazed prove a kitchen and there’s like washing up and left and you think we cleaned up the night before? Where did this come from? How do you feel when you and your husband are balancing things so well, between you and your kids? Well, maybe your kids aren’t like mine will argue even if I have to pick up a tea towel and wash up a plate or something.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [35:59]
So we talk really open I mean, not surprisingly, right, this is the area that I work in. And I’ve got a book coming out that I wrote about it. And so we talk about this stuff a lot as a family. And I think they’re pretty clear on what is expected of them. I mean, are they perfect? Absolutely not. They’re teenagers, right? But I’m not cleaning up their mess they made the night before they’re gonna clean up that mess. And so we try to really kind of take accountability for our own stuff, but also take accountability for our shared stuff. I mean, we, my husband is a basketball coach. And so we talked a lot about, you know, team and togetherness and working together towards a common goal. And so we don’t allow a lot of like, well, that’s her dirty spoon, she has to put it away or whatever, you know, you take accountability for your stuff, or you take accountability for everybody’s stuff, depending on the situation,
David Ralph [36:53]
lie me in my house, we wouldn’t have a clean play, we we’d be looking, they would just be taking more and more out of the cupboard piling it up.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [37:00]
I mean, like I said, My kids are teenagers, they’re not perfect, but I feel really proud of the ways that they have stepped up. And we’ve had a number of sort of family conversations and family meetings starting early on, when we were all home together of, hey, if this is going to work, this is how this is going to need to look. And do you have thoughts about that kids? And do you have thoughts about that parents and let’s share them in an open way. I mean, you know, my son’s room doesn’t look great, but we’ve allowed that that’s a space that can be his space to manage. And we’ve set some parameters around, you know, once a week, it has to have a big clean out and he takes care of that.
David Ralph [37:37]
And does it smell really bad when you go in there in the morning? It’s It’s like he’s
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [37:41]
he’s a 13 year old boys. Something’s going
David Ralph [37:43]
something’s never overnight. I don’t know what it is. But it frightens me.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [37:50]
I mean, it is what it is, right? Like you have and that’s a great example, though of you have to sort of choose. Again, what what is on the to don’t list and what can be on the to don’t list when you need more space and time, I could spend a bunch of energy, being frustrated that there’s dirty dishes in my son’s room, or I can say, this is the boundary, we can agree on the boundary, and we can try to implement something that works for both of us.
David Ralph [38:18]
And what about when it’s just you, Becky, did you do get your own time, reclaim your own time because that was something I became aware of, but I was everything for everyone, but I wasn’t anything for myself.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [38:30]
You know, that has been a journey and and, you know, the middle part of my career, I was in a season where I very much took the perspective and had the perspective and owned the perspective that I was a mom first. And so although I had a job outside the home momming you know, showing up for my kids showing up for my family took precedence over even showing up for myself. And I I’ve recently, you know, within the past five years or so been gotten to make that shift back to who am I and what do I want and what drives my happiness now that I’m through this chapter of really feeling like I wanted to be super present for my kids and super sort of putting them before everything else. And it’s it’s an evolution, right. And so it has been a reconnection. And I mean, that’s sort of how I landed in this place of coaching and talking about happiness is this journey that I’ve been on over the last 20 plus years to really connect with my own happiness, my own source of what matters to me.
David Ralph [39:32]
And where are you on this sliding scale of happiness where where would you pitch yourself on a daily basis?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [39:39]
I’m happy every day
David Ralph [39:43]
I block the other left the gap so that you could come back and go hang on I changed my mind.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [39:47]
No, I’m not gonna change my mind. I’m happy every day even on the hard days. I’m happy
Unknown Speaker [39:53]
leaving another gap.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [39:55]
You can leave the gap there all day long
David Ralph [39:58]
because II Well, I’m glad you are, I’m glad you are, but I don’t I don’t see how you can be. And I’m a very positive and bouncy person. And you know, I’m pretty much live my life like Tigger, but I can’t possibly be happy every day. You know, there’s days I’m like to go on crystal meth, you know, I’m flying. But then the next day, I can just be the cloud over me verb for no reason.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [40:25]
I think you have though, in the baked into what you’re saying some preconceptions about what happiness has to look like, right? That happiness has to look like Tigger. I’m not sure that’s accurate, right? Happiness can be quiet, happiness can be still, happiness doesn’t have to be bouncy, and outward and extroverted all the time. I mean, at my heart, I am an introvert. And so there’s a lot of happiness that comes in quiet and stillness for me. And there are times I’m sure even my husband would say, he’d look at me and not be sure that I’m happy. But I can tell you that I have a lot of happiness in my daily life.
David Ralph [41:03]
So before we send you back in time, on the sermon on Mike, what was the three things that people who have been listening to this podcast could take to assess their happiness?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [41:17]
To assess their hat? Well, so I’ll offer three thoughts. And we’ve one of them I’ve recently trademarked. And that’s the to don’t list? Well. No, but in all seriousness, that’s a big one, right? really taking the time to reflect on what you’ve got on your plate and in your life, that you could move to, I’m not going to spend time on this list and moving as much of that past as possible now, and then also having a sense of what’s on the bubble. What could you move if you needed more time. So that’s a big one. The second one I’ll offer is really to connect with your essential sources of joy. And we didn’t talk a tonne about this. But we did talk about it a little bit when I asked you what it is about this kind of conversation that really drives you. And it was deep connection. And so you know that for you, a source of joy, when you need to go find more of it, you can look for an opportunity to connect in deep conversation with somebody. That’s a very small example. But you can think if you made an inventory, kind of at the essential level of what really makes you happy, how you could incorporate those things, even on days, that might be the tougher days. So that’s number two. And then the last, and I think we touched on this concept briefly, is just to really be cognizant of the season of life that you’re in. You know, there are seasons that we choose, and seasons that happened to us. And 2020 is a great example of a season that happened to us, right, like the rug got ripped out from under a lot of our lives. And we had a choice, we had a choice to fight that, or, or keep charging ahead as if nothing had changed. Or we had a choice to take a moment and look at the container, the season container that we were living in and figure out how we wanted to reallocate our priorities, our time our resources, given the changes in the world. And I think having that consciousness of the container you’re sitting in can be something that automatically increases. If not your happiness, I’ll give you this one, your contentment. And so those are the three things I would focus on.
David Ralph [43:25]
So you’re basically saying I was right at that last moment, I became the winner. Did I, Becky?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [43:30]
And then No, no, no, I can see to the various so this is like, like, maybe we gave up one count of the complaint, you know, but it’s like a 15 count complaint. So I don’t know that you could call that a win. I could, I
David Ralph [43:41]
could call it a win. In fact, I will. So basically is the part of the show that I’ve been building up to, and this is the part that does make me happy when I get to say to you, we’re gonna put you on the Sermon on the mic when you go back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could speak to the young Becky, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give her? Well, we’re gonna play the music. And when it fails, it’s your time to talk. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [44:17]
With the best bit of the show,
Unknown Speaker [44:24]
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [44:33]
So as I was reflecting on what age I wanted to talk to myself, I landed on, I would like to talk to my 17 year old self. And this is in part because I’m sitting in a world where I have a 17 year old daughter who is really thinking about where she wants to take her life. And when I was 17. I started college, and I started college thinking that I wanted to go well, not even I wanted that I should go to medical school. And then I got to college and realised that I didn’t actually like the science courses I was taking at all. And in fact, what I liked was connecting with people and hanging out and being social and being having freedom that I beyond anything that I had never known at home. And that launched me on a path of, well, what should I do next, and I got so hung up in the shoulds, the shoulds, of getting good grades, the shoulds, of getting a good job. And by good I mean a job that people outside of myself that society, my parents, my friends would look at and say, Oh, that’s a good job, you know, it’s, it’s steady, it’s safe, you’re going to be paid well. And then from there, it was, well, time to go to grad school, let me go to a good grad school and let me get a job at a good law firm. And so I spent so much of that period of my life from 17 to let’s say, 25, living under the shadow of shoulds. And so my sermon or my my, the thing that I would like to say to my 17 year old self, who I’m pretty sure would not have listened. But I would try to say it anyway, is that life is about what you want to do. Life is about being happy and finding what has meaning and purpose for you. It is not about meeting anyone else’s definition of success, you’re allowed to decide what feels like success to you. And that definition is allowed to change as your life changes. But it does not have to be based on anything that anyone else tells you matters, it does not have to be based on the dollars in your bank account, or the number on a scale or the title on a business card. In fact, I think success for you young 17 year old Becky will end up being based on how much happiness you have in your life and how much happiness you can bring to other people’s lives. So just allow yourself the opportunity to look big to look broad, to dream without limits and consider all the possibilities of paths and opportunities that might bring you more of what actually matters to you, not what you think should not just my sermon on the mind, right stuff,
David Ralph [47:31]
great stuff. So what’s the number one best way that our audience who’ve been listening today can connect with you.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [47:37]
So the best way would be to head over to my website, which is untangle happiness, calm, and you can find everything that I’ve got going on, including my book, The happiness recipe, a powerful guide to living what matters, which will be I assume, by the time this airs out on Amazon.
David Ralph [47:55]
Brilliant stuff, I will jump over and I’ll buy 50 copies myself so that I can be as happy as you are every single day. Becky, did you think it? Did you think it Oh, do me?
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [48:06]
I mean, if you buy 50 copies of my book, it will increase my happiness. I don’t know about yours.
David Ralph [48:10]
Oh, yeah. So easily bought Becky Morrison, you’re so easily. Well, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. Please come back again, when you got more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Becky Morrison, thank you so much.
Happiness Expert Becky Morrison [48:29]
Thank you so much.
David Ralph [48:33]
Finding the happiness gap with Becky Morrison. So we kind of agree, but we didn’t agree. I kind of think happiness is is an extreme that you aim for. And it comes every now and again. Like when you go into Disney World and you being obviously brilliant. I’m having a great day. But she thinks that you can be sort of happy all the time, just by re framing it. I’d be interested to know what you guys think drop us an email, Join Up email@example.com and just say, David, you’re right, or Becky You’re right. And we’re collate the information and we’ll find out who says what. But until next time, my young friends thank you so much for being here with us on Join Up Dots for anybody who has got a business idea or anything going on we got so much going on back at Join Up Dots. It’s it’s a bit of a drag, but we can’t just go boom and get it to the to the forefront, but it is coming. But anybody out there that just wants to chat and say hello and random things past me then you know where to do come across to Join Up dots.com booked some time on the Contact Us page. And I’ll be there to say hello to you. Until next time, I will see you look after yourself. Stay sexy. And just come back Please come back. See ya.
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