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In today’s episode of Join Up Dots we look at what makes an unsupportive spouse one of your biggest flagbearers in your life.
You see everyday we talk about starting your own business, but we never really talk about how it will effect the lives of those closest to you.
And more often than not it will either financially or emotionally.
So what can you do about it to ensure that things go the way that you want?
Let’s start with our first question, which was posed by email from a gentleman
I love your show. I only recently got into podcasts. The interviews and information you provide are really helpful.
I do have a suggestion for a show though. Unsupportive spouses.
I come from a lower middle income family that has always done side gigs as a way to supplement their income. So entrepreneurship has pretty much always been in our blood.
I’ve been freelancing software development services since 2007.
In 2009, I immigrated to Australia without any family or friends and had to close down my business in my home country.
I had a permanent position for about a year, when In 2010, I started my own business doing contracting and consulting again.
It was a one man show and I did really well but I never made the leap to employ people as I just didn’t have the experience or mentor-ship to take me to the next level and I didn’t know where to get that support. Especially on how to get more clients.
I also started an online store in a niche market and it was really doing well.
Then in 2016, I hit a really rough patch. My wife were on paternity leave for about 6 months when my contract ended with a big bank. Unfortunately I didn’t have another client to go to as I was the one doing the contracting as a software engineer. For the next 6 months from June to December, my online store’s sales had dried up and no matter how much money I threw at advertising or marketing, I wasn’t able to get significant sales.
I was unable to land any contracts and going over Christmas with no income was especially stressful. As you can imagine, this caused a lot of stress, fights and money flow problems and almost caused our relationship to fall apart.
To add to this, my dad passed away in my home country and we had to fly over for the funeral. My credit cards were maxed out and I fell into depression. It was a really dark time. Then in January 2017, I got a short 6 month contract, but by then, my credibility as an entrepreneur had been crushed in my wife’s eyes and she pleaded with me to get a permanent position.
So in June 2017, I landed a permanent position with a company. It’s a very good company and I like what I do. It pays the bills, and more importantly, I’m able to pay back my spouse the money she lent me when I was in trouble, but it’s not where my heart is. I have all these ideas, all these plans to be an entrepreneur. I want to start more online stores, learning from my mistakes and doing better. I want to create software products and services. I want to do so much more.
The problem, however, is that every time I try to bring up the subject to start new online stores on the side, or to finally create that software service that I thought about, again, on the side, my wife just shoots it down and it becomes a shouting match about how I’ve not accomplished anything for the last 8 years, and that I had no work and no income for 6 months while she was on paternity leave. She also brings up that I’m in my 40’s and starting a new business is better left for 20 year olds, how I still owe her money. I’m busy shutting down the online store as it’s not bringing in enough sales. To be honest, I know I can’t just quit my job at the moment and continue my business, however, I can do it on the side and build up a client base or at least start some online stores to bring in some money.
I really need some advice on what to do. I really love my wife and child, and I don’t want to disappoint them again. I also believe that working for someone will never make you rich or wealthy. I’ve tried including her into my plans, asking her for advice and all other advice they suggest on the net, but she still has no confidence in me.
Joining with that question we also answered, one from a gentleman called Eugene in America who asked:
Hi David. Saying hello from Seattle Washington. First off I just want you say I listen and enjoy your show practically everyday. Lots of great info and motivation. I have to ask though, in your case, if you didn’t have that big ‘motivational push’ – your new manager- do you think you would have still left your job? Another point I’d like to mention is that I noticed a lot of people have a significant other to lean on once they decide to take the leap and quit there jobs. Was your wife working when you made that transition? A little about myself, I’m on the ‘fence’ right now. Working a 9 to 5 but also doing my passion, discovering the stories behind the people that make up the Pacific Northwest. www.whatsupnorthwest.net
So if you have a question or need some support from Join Up Dots, then let us know and we will be happy to respond on a future episode of Join Up Dots
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