Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Jay Kali
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Introducing Jay Kali
Jay Kali is today’s guest, joining us today on the Join Up Dots entrepreneur podcast interview.
He is a man who with three fitness facilities’ success stories to his name, is an Iraq War veteran,and has been characterized as a true fitness, nutrition, and mindset empowering powerhouse.
He is a contributor for Women’s Health and Fitness Magazine, Consumer Health Digest, and Smart Healthy Women, as well as featured on ABC 24’s Good Morning Memphis.
As he says “I don’t just build better bodies; I help build strong, motivated, and empowered women.
As a coach and fitness specialist for over five years, I’ve finally found a way to put power back in my students’ hands.
Through exclusive and individualized workouts for women, motivational talks, and regular check-ins, my coaching sessions transcend the confines of time and space.
I’m there for you whenever and wherever you need me!
My innovative approach is based on the radical notion that we’re all different.
I know there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to fitness, which is why I evaluate each client to see where they are and provide highly personalized training solutions to help each woman meet her individual goals.
When The Dots Truly Started Joining Up For Jay Kali
I’m passionate about helping others take charge of their lives and become physically, mentally, and emotionally stronger, and I strive to lead by this example every day.
When we tap into our potential, there’s nothing we can’t achieve!
Powerful stuff, but of course all success comes from a trial process of trips, falls and leaps of faith and a dawning realisation of where our guests should be heading.
So when did it all start coming right for today’s guest?
And was the business an instant success, or like so many the idea was good but the marketing failed big-time?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Jay Kali
During the entrepreneur podcast show we had deep hitting conversations with Jay Kali around subjects such as:
How he has managed to develop a mindset that leads him to an “enough is enough” mentality. Business should be about supporting the lifestyle not the other way around.
Why he once went seven months without a client and how he managed to keep going pushing through to where he wants to be.
Why he doesn’t feel like so many other veterans that he was hindered by the rules and regulations that working for Uncle Sam can sometimes bring.
Jay shares how he spent many thousands of dollars looking for the right mentor until he found the right one. The improvement to his business was massive.
Connect With Jay Kali
If you enjoyed this episode of Join Up Dots then why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Dave Sanderson, Stacey Hanke or the amazing Dr Joe Vitale
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription Of Jay Kali Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph
Jay Kali [0:25]
Yes. Hello. Good morning. Good morning. Well, good morning, across the globe, wherever you’re listening to join up dots thank you so much for being here. And I tell you what, this is a show for the ladies. This is a guy who’s it was not just good to look at for the ladies, and I suppose some men as well let’s put them all into one category. But he’s also there for you ladies. He is a man who with three fitness facilities, and he’s an Iraq war vet veteran. He’s been categorized as a true fitness, nutrition and mindset empowering powerhouse is a contributor for Women’s Health and Fitness magazine, consumer health digest smart, healthy women, as well as featured on ABC 24 is Good morning, Memphis. Now as he says, I don’t just build better bodies. I helped build strong, motivated and empowered women as a coach and fitness specialist. for over five years, I finally found a way to put power back in my students hands through exclusive and individualized workouts for women, motivational talks and regular check ins. My coaching sessions transcend the confines of time and space. I’m there for you whenever and wherever you need me all in a professional reason. Ladies, I just want you to know that my innovative approaches based on the radical notion that we’re all different, I know there’s no one size fits all answer to fitness, which is why I evaluate each client to see where they are, and provide highly personalized training solutions to help each woman meet her individual goals. I’m passionate about helping others take charge of their lives and become physically mentally and emotionally stronger. And I strive to lead by example, every day. And he does. He’s up at 445 to record this and he’s rocking and rolling. As he says when we tap into our potential, there’s nothing we can achieve now powerful stuff. But of course, all success comes from a trial process of trips, balls and leaps of faith, and a dawning realization of where our guests should be heading. So when did it all start coming up for today’s guest? And was the business and instant success or like so many The idea was good, but the marketing failed big time or it just lacked something? Well, let’s find out as we bring into the show to start joining up with the one and only Jay Kali, morning, Jay, how are you Sir
David like you said, Man, it’s 450 in the morning right now I am pumped. I am ready to go man, thank you for having me on join up dots let’s do this.
David Ralph [2:46]
I must admit, I’m sitting here looking at a picture of your nipples at the moment. I don’t normally record shows in that way. You’re a heavily tattooed individual. You look like there’s not an inch of fat on you. Tell me Jay, tell me. Was there a bad version of you once? Or did you always look like GI Joe?
Jay Kali [3:07]
Absolutely. There’s absolutely a bad version of me once. I mean, to be honest, I never grew up with any type of exercise or nutrition, understanding or knowledge. It wasn’t like I, you know, grew up playing sports or my dad pushed me and track and field or anything. I had no, nothing like that when I grew up, actually. So I grew up, like shopping in the Husky section and never never run in in my life.
David Ralph [3:28]
I know what is it about fitness for you? Because I’ll be honest, I’ll be honest, I would love to be fit. I look fit. I’m one of these people that looks naturally like I work out but I don’t I don’t do anything at all. I just can’t be bothered, I really can’t be bothered. If I could give my body to somebody who could take it away for two weeks and bring it back all ready to go. But I can’t get past that the pain bit at the beginning. How do I do it?
Jay Kali [3:56]
mean, I think the pain is normal for any type of change you go through? You know, I think it’s really interesting that you said you just don’t have to be bothered by it. But the thing is, is what’s kind of interesting when you say that though, is you’re not you’re only looking from the outside. You’re not looking what’s going on in the inside. And I think that’s what happens with a lot of people that we don’t really even there we don’t know about your real know about the guy who or the woman who’s passed from cardiovascular disease or some type of heart attack they didn’t even have it came out of nowhere, right? one out of six people die every year from cardiovascular disease. And the crazy thing about that is it’s over 90% preventable. But cardiovascular disease knows no weight. It knows no age. It’s going on what’s going on the inside with those organs David
David Ralph [4:39]
What am I doing wrong? Ben? Why can’t I get going? Jay, before we start talking about your entrepreneurial world, I’m gonna I’m gonna get you I’m gonna get you to make me inspired.
Jay Kali [4:51]
I would say more than likely, I mean, just from hearing it. You’re motivated guy, you’re excited. And what happens is we just jump in the deep end too fast. And so whenever we try to take a too much, you know, when our eyes are too big for our stomachs are get too full. We just can’t finish the meal. Let’s say hypothetically, you know, and same thing happens with fitness. When you try to take on too much. It just becomes overbearing, overburdened. And we’re saying, well, I just don’t have time to be bothered with this
David Ralph [5:15]
is boring. It is boring. And I know you build your business around it. There’s better things.
Jay Kali [5:23]
I don’t know it depends on what you’re doing. I guess David
David Ralph [5:26]
it’s still boring. Jay Yeah, come on. Throw that back at me, sir. Isn’t it just just get sweaty, nice. And and I just don’t know. To me,
Jay Kali [5:37]
it’s not about me selling to you. I mean, until you understand what it’s like to actually go in there, challenge yourself and push yourself to a new level, something that you can see, you know, there’s a different level, whenever it’s just like, Well, I have to go do this. Compared to man, I get to go do this. And when I get to go do this, I get to go see how I’m progressing and how I’m changing my life. And whenever you’re able to go in there and say, Okay, well, last week, I was only able to do 10 push ups in one minute. But you know, now I’m up to 12. And now to 15. Now, that’s that’s one of the most motivating things for me. And that’s what builds that internal motivation also, has it
David Ralph [6:08]
become easier for you, because I agree totally what you’re saying. And it’s strange, anything to do, as you say, but change is where the pain is, when you’re building a business when you’re changing your life, whatever, but is a pain point. Now in the business environment, I have pushed through the pain. And I I was just obsessed, every second of the day going, going going even though I did screw my health up big time. If you listen to any episodes of join up dots you can you know, there was a bad there was a bad journey prove a dots to where I am now. has it become easy for you to build your business? Because you’re motivated on winning the inner game? The physical game is because it is more mindset and technical, isn’t it building a business? You know,
Jay Kali [6:54]
I mean, that’s, that’s why I tell people all the time David to be to be honest, in my opinion. I mean, unless you’re at the top of your game, how can you be the top of your game for anybody else. And that could be moms for their children, or that could be leaders for their business or the founder, you know, or the guy who’s putting in the extra hours in the startup, you know, even if you gave yourself 30 minutes in the morning, to take care of yourself. Even would that be an exercise, meditation, anything like that yoga, something like that, to actually get your mind right, I’m going to tell you, it’s going to have leaps and bounds benefits into your business into your entrepreneurial career.
David Ralph [7:26]
I’m going to take you back in time to the Iraq war veterans. So you know, over there, I’ve had many people, many veterans on the show. And they all say about the the hardest thing was not building the business. The hardest thing was actually changing their mindset from being in the military. It gives them the organization, it gives them the skills, it gives them everything they need. But it’s almost too organized. When they came out. They lack the flexibility. Although they’ve all said to me it was brilliant, because I was organized as well. But they struggle to get going. Same for you.
Jay Kali [8:03]
I don’t think so, to be honest. I mean, and maybe I was a little bit of a rule breaker in the military. I mean, like I said, I went over to Iraq, when I was 18. I turned 19 in Iraq. So whenever I came out, you know, I was 21 when I joined the Federal Bureau of Prisons. And so I think just being on that, constantly having to move, you know, I really didn’t get stuck into Well, this is what has to be I understand the military regulations and rules and stuff. But I also went through different types of training where it was like, You know what, when you come to a hill, you have two options. You either take the hill, where you go around the hill, you don’t have time to sit there and think about the hill, you know, you don’t have time to call back to command and say, Hey, you know, I got this hill, what do you think I should do? You as a leader, you as a leader have to decide what to do at that point. And I think that’s actually been one of the biggest beneficial, benefiting things for me personally, too, is being like, you know what, no matter what comes to me, I know I can overcome it.
David Ralph [8:54]
So how have you overcome it? How have you built this business? Because, okay, it’s sexy time. Now, it looks good you have on TV. But there was a time there was a time when your website was ugly, and your email list was ugly, and everything was a struggle, and people connect with me a lot. And I say, I can’t start a business, I haven’t got a community, I haven’t got an email list. And I say to him, you know, you’re not gonna have any of those until you actually start going. So what what was the real ugly time in your business? Like, the
Jay Kali [9:24]
real ugly time? Or what got me through the real ugly time?
David Ralph [9:26]
Do we want the time when you look back on it?
Jay Kali [9:28]
Um, there’s tons of man, there’s tons of ugly times, though, like, I mean, because you have to think at the same time, but when I get out of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, once I quit there, and you know, I quit that after five years, I was like, You know what, I’m just going to change my life, I’m going to move down to Cancun, I’m just going to see what else is out there. And then once I got down here, that’s when I decided to open up my first gym here, you know, I was a brick and mortar gym. And then about nine months later opened up a second gym. And so even that transition, that was a really hard, difficult, ugly time, too. And I ran those gems for three years. And then I said, you know, what, me and my partner just kind of falling out. I was like, Man, I’m not happy with where I’m at right now. What else can I do? You know, I mean, so I mean, I think there’s a lot of dark, dirty periods in there that, you know, nobody really wants to talk about, because of the transition, not talking about the darkest one was the transition from more of a brick and mortar to all 100% online. But yeah, I think you’re 100% correct. With telling people you know, you just have to get started, you know, and being consistent. Get started, be consistent. And you know, you will go through those phases of getting to the ugly phase and the dirty phase and getting to where you’re on TV, and everything looks pretty,
David Ralph [10:34]
which is one of the drawbacks of my show. I always wanted it to be inspirational, and to get people wanting to do it. But I also know that everything gets to a certain point where that sexiness will put off a lot of people because they look at it, and they go, Oh, it’s all right for him. It’s okay, you know, and all that kind of stuff. Now with yourself, how do you inspire people to want to actually, you know, change better life when they look at you? And I think, oh, so hard for him, he must be naturally x y. Zed. Hmm.
Jay Kali [11:07]
Yeah. And I think that what I would say is the other success stories that I have, you know, and, and bringing up their successes that they have in what they’ve made it through, you know, because it isn’t really all that, that it’s sexy, right, it looks good. And some people might be turned off of it. But being consistent and showing the same things not changing, not switching, not turning around and saying, look, I can do this, because because I came from a background where I didn’t grow up knowing this stuff. And I’ve changed hundreds of thousands of women and men over that time, also. And I think seeing the success stories and knowing that you know what, this does work for everybody. And it’s once again by not saying you have to fit into my system David you have to do this. No, it’s like David let’s talk man. You get bored with exercise. Okay, you only have what, 1020 minutes to work out who you know, we can make that work. Why am I going to force something, right? You’re talking about why it’s not fun? Well, because you’re doing something you don’t like, that you don’t like is not going to be fun. And everything better than that, and everything more fun than that. So he’s gonna take priority every time. But at least I
David Ralph [12:11]
I started doing a five minute exercise regime, I saw it at Christmas. And it was five minutes, I thought I can do five minutes, you know. And it was a minute of squats. A minute, a star jumps a minute of running on the spot, a minute star jumps, minute squats, and it was like a sort of pyramid effect. And breeze backs a breeze. And after the first minute, I was dying. And I thought this is terrible. I can’t even do a minute of this. This is unbelievable. And I pushed through for about two weeks doing it. And then for some reason I stopped. I don’t know. And then I haven’t done it since.
Jay Kali [12:47]
Yeah, you don’t know. Come on, man. You just said the first minute you’re like, this is terrible. If that’s if that’s gonna be my mindset going into everything right? Knowing starting that. Let’s say I did that five days a week for two weeks. It means you did that? 10 times. And yeah, in from minute one. It was terrible. It was it
Unknown Speaker [13:06]
was it was Oh, it was
David Ralph [13:10]
it was beyond just no doubt about it. Small children were looking at me and pointing you know, I became a tourist attraction. a middle aged man.
Jay Kali [13:20]
The the big David over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I think with the get I think that’s a lot harder than what a lot of people think. A straight full minute of squats. And even not even knowing where you’re squatting capability is how far were you going? What are you doing it even properly? You know, there’s are certain things that you can actually, the better you do a squat, the easier it becomes for you. And the more muscles you’re using properly would enable you to do that. But why do a minute? Why did you say you know what? Screw it this minute. Each is too much for me. I’m just gonna drop it under 30 seconds. Because guess what David even 1% better is better than nothing.
David Ralph [13:55]
Yeah, you’re right. You’re right. you’ve converted me. I’m back on
Jay Kali [14:00]
this giant over here David I’m not even trying over here, man. I’m telling you. There’s nothing in my mind that you can’t do. And even if it’s five minutes, look, I’ll give you an even easier one. You ready? This one that everybody hates him with two complaints about time? Are you ready?
David Ralph [14:13]
That’s it. Oh, yeah, I was a Netflix does it involve? Next,
Jay Kali [14:19]
there might be some Netflix and chillin afterwards. If you’re lucky, get going and go for it. I say what you do this is one of my favorite ones that I help people with is a simple easy called the bathroom workout. Every time you go to the bathroom, just go in there. Once you get finished, do 10 squats to the toilet, and then five push ups off the wall or off the sink or something like that. Right. So it’s just 10 squats, five push ups a lot shorter than one minute. Agreed David
David Ralph [14:45]
Yeah. But I’ve got a colostomy bag. That’s the problem.
Jay Kali [14:49]
That’s the problem. I thought that would be that’d be a lot more difficult than but yeah. So I mean, if you think about it, if you went to the bathroom, say five times a day, that’d be 50 squats and 25 push ups each day. You do that five days a week? Well, it’s doable,
David Ralph [15:04]
isn’t it? is doable? And I just can’t get across? Jay, I can’t get past why. In a business sense, I am super focused, obsessed by it, you know, I can do 1000 plus podcast episodes where most people give up after 25 I can do our one hour of work. I can do anything in a business in a business sense. But basically, I can’t be bothered. And I just can’t understand why.
Jay Kali [15:33]
I mean, I once again, I think I think it’s you trying to do too much, you know, if you if there’s easier ways to incorporate fitness into your life, it might be motivating you to take that next step, you know, and there’s also levels of change that a lot of people don’t talk about, you know, it’s not just okay, well, I’m here and I want to change now. You know, there’s contemplation stages, there’s pre contemplation stages, and you have to work through that, you know, and some of the things it’s just visualizing, you know, I really believe that you can think and be fit. And if you really struggling to work out, why not just spend five minutes visualizing you working out, visualizing how good you’re going to feel afterwards, visualizing how great you’re going to look after doing this for a month. And guess what, just those small little visualization techniques will help get you motivated to one day say, you know what, I’m just gonna do it. I’m just gonna wake up and do it, you’re gonna say I’m gonna do here’s my star jumps. Here’s my squats. And like I said, it might not be a minute, it might just be 30 seconds, but you know what, at least it’s moving you towards that goal. And that’s the thing, just taking those baby steps and working yourself there. But no, rethink, nope, I gotta go buy this program, I gotta go buy this 20 minute DVD or whatever, I gotta do this every single day, I gotta cut out all my breads and sugars and carbs. Let me just pick it to excessive. And once we go excessive, once you start limiting ourselves so much, we just say you know what, screw this, I’m out.
David Ralph [16:55]
And I’m going to play some words now. And then we’re going to delve back into this because it’s obvious to me, you, you haven’t just found your thing you love your thing. He’s team Kim,
Jim Carrey [17:04]
my father could have been a great comedian. But he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [17:30]
That’s all I always say to the people that I coach, once you find the thing that you love, it just becomes effortless, that the marketing becomes effortless, the branding becomes effortless, you’re almost, you’re selling yourself more than anything else. And that becomes sexy for people. That’s what they want. They want to see you and they want to have that change. And when did you realize that you were on your thing, that you’ve left the prison, you’ve got the first gym, the second gym, and it is a struggle at the beach, getting to get things going, and you got to find clients, and you don’t understand how much investment goes into it. But once you went, did you find but yeah, I’m really on this, this is my thing.
Jay Kali [18:11]
You don’t mean to be honest, Dave, I’m gonna fight with her on this, because I don’t think it ever becomes effortless. Honestly, I think there’s always way that you can always constantly, you know, evolve yourself, make yourself more connected with your audience, with your group with your students. I don’t think for me personally, you know, and maybe that’s me as a man who’s 20, you know, 33 years old or whatever, who’s headed out like crazy, trying to connect with women? Who are maybe in their 40s? three kids, you know, there’s a little bit of a connection issue sometimes there. Right? So maybe that’s that. But for me whenever, like, I’ve always been motivated. Regardless if it’s effortless or not effortless because of the changes that I’m creating. Whenever I get people to success and the results that they get. And they say, Man, I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you motivate me so much in that it’s fun for me, whenever I see that. And whenever I can express that to people and help them get over some certain stage in their life, then whatever I’m doing yet, that becomes effortless at that point, right? Because I’m in it. And I’m doing it because it’s right then in there, but leading all up to that. And then even afterwards, I don’t think it ever becomes effortless. I think he does.
David Ralph [19:17]
So Jay, I think that the bit that you you master does become effortless. what you’re talking about, I think is the next day’s de upscaling. But development where you’re pushing the bigger and bigger things. That’s where I think you struggle. And certainly with join up dots everything I earned through join up dots in the first year, it was a bloody slow. Second year, it almost killed me. Third year, I started looking around thinking Hang on, I’ve got to do something about this, because this is this isn’t happening. All fear, wow, it’s really come together. But I spend probably 90% of my time, upscaling and self developing and looking at different ways. That’s the hard bit. But the actual let me get through to the last three years, which is the bit that other people want, because they want to do the same things. That’s effortless, because I’ve already done it. I’ve lifted that thing. 1000 million times. And that’s easily. True. True.
Jay Kali [20:14]
David Ralph [20:15]
So so with yourself getting back to the fact that basically David You’re right. when when when it’s not effortless. Where are you at that stage? Are you looking for more expansive, scalable aspects to your business? Where’s the difficulties at the moment?
Jay Kali [20:36]
Who difficulties at the moment? They said, I would say the difficulties is just that instant connection, right? Like, you have to definitely get to know me dinner to like me, trust me, just like anybody else. Sometimes it’s little more more difficult, bridging that gap, looking how I look. But that doesn’t bother me. I actually like that, right? Because you know, as much as I can say like, well, this is a problem. There’s women who don’t like working with other women. You know, some women, quote unquote, can just be caddy, they say, and they feel more comfortable working with a man. And that’s, you know, usually students who I get the best results from.
David Ralph [21:13]
Yeah, but I think that’s the big missing piece that you’ve got. And I think you’ve touched on it. When I go over to your website, it’s very much about what you do, and not as much about who you are. And I think that in business sense, personally, this my experience in business sense, people are either going to like what you do, or like how you do it. And if you can get both of those, you’ve really firing on all cylinders. You know, I think that the personal branding of how I do something that the person should lead everything. And when I was on your website, looking at it, I thought to myself, this tells me about the transformation. But I will be getting, but it doesn’t only tell me too much about Jay himself. I’m finding more out about you here. And I have looked at looking at your website, and I do a lot of research, I go around and I look on YouTube videos and LinkedIn profiles and stuff. It doesn’t tell me about that personal so how are you going to do that? How are you going to get the personal side of yourself, warts and all so that you can build that connection?
Jay Kali [22:18]
Yeah, and think it’s from podcasting. The books that I wrote, and just the connection? You know, just the the talking with other people how people spread my name, and just almost like the grassroots kind of connection? Yeah, obviously do advertising and things like that. But I think it’s more on someone actually hearing me seeing my motivation, see me on videos, I do a lot of video marketing and things like that, because I realized that I don’t really get myself across in words very well, you have to hear me You have to see me You have to see how I am. And that’s actually helped me out a lot.
David Ralph [22:46]
But do you think that your sort of gung ho approach that you’ve got, which works so well, actually does appeal to, as you say, the 40 year old housewife, to me, being in the United Kingdom, it would have well more to the young lad, looking for that sort of physic physical approach to life looking, you know, for that, that almost personal branding of his physicality?
Jay Kali [23:11]
Hmm. Well, I mean, but most of the women that I work with, are missing that spark. You know, most of the women who I work with are tired, energies, zapped, bored, you know, they’ve had their most exciting time is usually seeing themselves progressing get better. They’re usually topped out of their career. You know, they’re high level executives, their veterinarians are working, they have, you know, they have a good family life, they have everything else in place, they have, you know, their life pyramid in place. But the one thing that’s missing is fitness. And they’re just similar to like you, you know, they’ve been more focused on the career more focused on their family. And now they’re realizing, you know, what, my health is a priority here at 4647 years old. And maybe they don’t want the guy who’s over there, just looking at his cell phone, watching the clock ready for you to leave, waiting for the next client to come in. So why did
David Ralph [23:58]
I choose you asking that because why did they choose you? Why? How have you built that connection with your clients?
Jay Kali [24:04]
I think I’m freaking different. Well, I think I’m one of the most craziest people they’ve ever met because I bring a different perspective to everything. And my students will stay with me for fitness. If you see my stuff, you realize I’m more of a mindset guy. I love fitness. I love working out because that’s the easiest way for me to get to your mind. So if I can empower you, I can change your life for you to take on new challenges and take on new new aspects and like I have a student who’s 47 years old. She came to me because she had orthopedic knee surgery and just had a bad car accident one month before her wedding. She just competed in a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu tournament. Two weeks ago, she walked away with two silver medals at 47 years old. She has had a Bordeaux photoshoot we know where there’s like sexy lingerie photo shoots for her husband. She would have never done that a year ago or two years ago. And to give her that self confidence and that self empowerment David
Come on, man, that’s crazy to me.
David Ralph [24:58]
That’s why people want to come to me. I’ll tell you what, I’m going to send you my wife if you can get the lingerie photos from my wife You’ve done well me I’m gonna I’m gonna deliver on Amazon Prime you’ll receive her in a kind of female shaped box be cashew brown down
Jay Kali [25:14]
a bit. Mexico customs are a little crazy down here. So make sure you make sure you cut some like air holes or something in that box where
David Ralph [25:20]
Yeah, and she won’t have any talcum powder or anything white in there. I want to make sure she gets through safe. So he’s interesting to me, we’ve your business because one of the things that you and I mentioned in the introduction, and as I was reading it again, I thought to myself, most people in online are about the clients morphing to their way. They provide a product by provide a timescale and I’ll be honest, I’m in that as well. If somebody wants to work with me, I tell them when I will do it. And if I don’t fit into it, it doesn’t happen. You’ve got a totally different way. Doesn’t that pull you from pillar to post?
Jay Kali [25:59]
What What do you mean? What do you mean with helping my students more bit trying to be there for them? be better, it’s not a one size fits all, you know, stretch because most people niche down to something very, very much size, and then just deliver that time and time again. No, I David I’m telling you, I think this is the biggest issue in the finances. Tell me why is that 40% of women in the US are overweight right now. obese and overweight? 40%. I mean, that number is only climbing. Are you telling me this $27 billion industry in the United States is actually working?
everything you just said is actually
David Ralph [26:38]
working? Now he’s not working at all. But what I’m saying for you on an indie David Yeah, but I’m I’m worried about you, Jay. Jay Kelly, I’m worried about you. And I’m worried about you achieving burnout, because you’re trying to be there for everyone in a different way. I titled about it for them. Does that not tie you? Wow, did does that not stretch you? As I say?
Jay Kali [27:03]
Absolutely not. I mean, I think if you talk to any actual real
Unknown Speaker [27:07]
Jay Kali [27:08]
you’re not we’re talking about a real coach. I’m a strength and conditioning specialist. I’m freaking I got my diploma, you know, saying like, I’m, I’m educated in this, if I didn’t know anything, and I’m some sales rep who’s just trying to push some DVD or some online course that you just log on and watch some follow along video. Sure, I’m going to show off and say you’re on your own. But with me how I do stuff, you know, I can create a program for you and take out and change exercises for you david that you don’t like. And as a coach, I think you should be able to do that. Maybe you have an injury or some issue that’s limiting you from doing proper squats or some certain exercise, you’re telling me that I have to fit that person into a system that they could continue to injure themselves? No, that’s absolutely that goes against my Hippocratic Oath as someone who first off never wants to do any harm to anybody.
David Ralph [27:57]
Then your official bio, you say, I’m there for you whenever and wherever you need me. So say I’m in the United Kingdom. And I say to you why I want you to be there at 10 o’clock in the morning. And you know, you can’t be because you’re in bed asleep or whatever. How do you do that? How do you tell you about but
Jay Kali [28:15]
but with me being online, I’m actually always with you David I’m in your pocket. You can work out whenever you want to work out. You can train, you can get ahold of me, you can send a message whenever you want to. And you have a direct line to me. That doesn’t mean I’m going to pop up right out of bed and answer you obviously, I think you everybody knows everybody has their own limitations. And my students want the best for me too. Because they know if I’m not on my game, how can I help them they understand that. So it’s it’s me being there for them whenever they need them. Unlike a normal typical coach, where you have to wait till Wednesday at 9am to go see Johnny the trainer. Know you can pull up your phone say you know what, I want to do a nice little quick workout right here because I’m, I’m pumped. And I had this whole list of exercises and workouts Jays already created for me that I know I can go in and safely do. So I don’t. Me,
David Ralph [29:01]
yeah, but I find this fascinating. I really do. And I’m gonna keep on digging down on this because I’ve got a shovel out, I’ve got a shovel out. Because as your business gets bigger and bigger, by giving your clients that opportunity to connect with you, some clients are going to go No, I understand totally Jay, if I send a message, I expect it back in two days. Other people will say no, I’m not saying the message. I expect it back instantly. That’s what I’m what I’m paying you for. How are you? How are you not being sort of driven into an early grave by allowing that much access David
Jay Kali [29:35]
Have you ever heard of this book called boundaries?
David Ralph [29:38]
No. But you tell me about it, Mr. Colley?
Jay Kali [29:41]
Well, well, there’s a great book, I mean, and it follows a lot of different Christian undertones of if you’re kind of offended by that, I wouldn’t recommend it. But it’s pretty interesting, because it talks about you know, the way for you to succeed is by setting boundaries. And you have boundaries in your relationships with your wife, with your kids, with other people with your family, your mom, your dad, but you also need to set boundaries in your business, you need to set boundaries. And in every aspect of your life. Whenever you set boundaries, you’re able to actually grow and fill those more. So whenever I say I’m there for you all the time. It’s saying, Okay, I’m here for you. Because I’m able to be here for you. And it doesn’t push me into an early grave, in my opinion. Because whenever I first start off and say, Look, you set those boundaries, you say, look, this is what’s going to happen this kind of pretty much with like the email you sent me, this is what we’re going to do it whenever you have those clear set directions where everybody knows, and I say, look, send me a message. This is how it has to come to me. So I know what you’re actually asking, right? Please break it down like this. It can’t be longer than this long that that that that that and understand that I will answer you in less than 24 hours. Once you put that out there. And they know how you run in your standard operating procedures. No one’s going to fight you on that. Ever David
David Ralph [30:58]
that is the answer I’m wanted. That’s what I want. So so like all like Lewis house, for example, who was an online guy, I went over to his website a little while ago. And he basically sets out a rule system of rules that anyone who’s going to connect with him. Absolutely, if you’re this person, I’m not going to respond. If you’re that person, you’re going to go through to a VA build this person. So that is how you believe that online business can separate themselves from the masses, and really provide what everybody wants, or an affordable price or whatever. But by setting those boundaries,
Jay Kali [31:33]
I think boundaries come into place. But like you’re saying, You’re telling me that I’m not really nice and down whenever I’m there for everybody. But I feel like em Nietzschean down a lot. There’s not a lot of women who want to find an online coach who also want to get stronger. I think that’s a very rare niche to an extent. Yeah, but I get what you’re saying, you know, I’m saying because the thing is, is most of my students I work with don’t have time to go to a normal coach and trainer. You know, like I said, they don’t they don’t want to drive 30 minutes, 20 minutes across town to be on trainer Johnny schedule to you know, fit because they have a life to, you know, the same thing. Like, I think when most people think of online coaching, they think I’m just watching them work out through a computer screen. I’m not doing that at all, you know, I want to build you 100% autonomous, I my goal is to make you where you don’t need me and you’re not dependent on me, which I think is another thing that doesn’t happen in the fitness industry, or a lot of businesses a whole, you know, we want to hold on to these people, because this is this is our money. Well, no, that’s not my goal at all, you know, I’m not going to stay in that scarcity mindset, my my mindset is, I’m going to help this person succeed. So they can help their own parents, because most of my students are taking care of their parents now. Right. And they’re also taking care of their kids. They’re pulling so many directions, they have so much going on. I want them to be able to help generations. I want them to help their moms, their dads, and I want them to help their kids have a life that I never had someone who understands education in exercise and nutrition and not saying, Well, let me go ask Coach Jay what he thinks? No, no.
David Ralph [33:02]
So he’s empowerment more than anything is a mental physical empowerment. But you’re giving, you’re allowing these ladies to take control of their lives in a way that is structured for them.
Jay Kali [33:14]
Yes, 100%. But and like I said, I’m meeting them where they’re at, instead of saying, Look, do you have to do this? I’m saying what do you like to do that we get to do that we can make it work for you. It might be two days a week, it might be five days a week, whatever it is, let’s figure out what fits for you. That’s going to make you excited to do it.
David Ralph [33:34]
And that’s interesting, because that makes perfect sense to me. But that didn’t come across when I was was was doing my research. I saw it as an online fitness guy who was basically online in the classic stages of video courses. I didn’t see that there was that personal approach to everything. That issues the powerful stuff. Why did I miss that? Jay, why did I not see that? Why did not scream out of me? Because to me, that’s the thing, isn’t it? back? That’s your thing?
Jay Kali [34:05]
Yeah, I mean, for sure. I think my biggest thing is, I’m not able to get that across through a typical copy and things like that until you actually hear me see me see my style.
David Ralph [34:16]
Yeah, so what you’re going to do about that?
Jay Kali [34:21]
I don’t know David I’m pretty honestly, man. I’m happy with where I’m at, honestly. I mean, the thing is, is like you see, like, my goal as a whole is not to, you know, take on a thousands of students like you’re asking me like running me to an early grave. Man, I’m living Cancun, Mexico, you know, I’m enjoying my life every day. I mean, come on. Now, you know, I’m not running myself into grave. And that’s the big benefit of being online coach. Also, when I had a brick and mortar gym, I was I was opening that thing at 530 in the morning. I wasn’t closing it until 10 o’clock at night at 1030 sometimes, so I had to clean up to, you know, so I mean, like, if we’re talking about running into an early grave, I think running a brick and mortar business is going to run me into an early grave more than anything else.
David Ralph [34:58]
I love what you just said Jim because you have set your own personal boundaries, your mental boundaries. And what you said to me in that one statement was so powerful, because you get to a point in life, but you’ve got enough, you’re happy, you’ve got the balance. But I see people keep on going, going going, wanting more and more and more and ultimately losing track of what I had, and not seeing them leave and not seeing their kids. They’re not seeing anybody, because I did juggling too many too many plates at one time. And as my my dad always says to me, how many dinners Can you eat? And I think that’s a brilliant way of saying it. You know, once you’ve had your dinner, you don’t need six or seven after that, you know, you don’t need to be looking for more of a more of a more
Jay Kali [35:44]
that I think that’s where maybe we’re the effortlessly thing comes into play to you know, I love that Jim Carrey quote that you played that that audio track you just played. And that’s actually one of my mentors, favorite quotes that he usually plays and tells us about, and I love it, because I think it’s absolutely true. You know, you can feel it anything. You know, when I’ve worked with the Federal Bureau, like I can’t tell you how many people told me, you’re so stupid, You’re so dumb for leaving this federal job, you’re leaving this great job where in 25 years, you’re going to be retired and living your life at 46 government grabbing this government paycheck and that, that that that like but that’s, that’s living, like even if that’s making, you know, say, what, 60,000 pounds a year or whatever, 70,000 pounds a year like, but I’m going in, I’m working in a prison every day for eight hours, 16 hours a day, that there’s not more for me than this, you know, and that’s whenever I think money and wanting quote unquote, more kind of goes away at that point. And so when I came down here, and maybe it’s just a different change of pace in life down and can’t come to know the cost of living is a lot different down here is a little bit slower pace of life. It’s not so intense. It’s not everybody out trying to get the biggest, baddest and trying to be in competition with the Joneses. So it’s nice.
David Ralph [36:54]
you’ve nailed it, you’ve swung me 360 On this episode.
Unknown Speaker [37:00]
David Ralph [37:01]
thank you to myself, there’s nothing I can say to this guy. He knows exactly what he’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s delivering. He’s doing in a way that is good for his clients and himself is living in Cancun. What more can he window
Jay Kali [37:18]
I’m the luckiest dude in the world. Honestly David you know, I mean, and I think it was just, you know, but that’s also getting help from mentors, because I was there I was that guy who’s like, Matt David I went seven months without getting a student one time, man, seven months. So I mean, you know, you get tested, and you have trials and tribulations where it’s like, you really want this. And if you do really want this, like your three year mark, you know, you you at some point, you’re saying I gotta fix this, man, I probably wasted probably 10 $15,000 on mentors that didn’t give me nowhere, got so jaded by them. And but you know, what, I found one that really helped me, then I found another one really, really helped me. You know, so it’s weird, you know, you go through these like, but I really think it’s honestly the universe testing you to an extent, and just seeing, you know, are you really committed to this? Are you willing to go do this? And then once you say yes, then you have to decide, okay, where we’re at, you know, do I want to be in a gym 1215 hours a day, or wherever, and be able to say, you know what, I’m going to do this podcast at 445 in the morning, I’m just gonna kick it off at the beach for a few hours.
David Ralph [38:20]
And is perfect in every way. I really, do. I salute you from this journey. Because, you know, I’m not, I’m not there, I want more and more and more. And I don’t know why I’m driven to create something far bigger than myself. It’s like being in the tractor beam. And I would like to be able to step away. And I do, I forced myself now to take months off at a time, because I knew that I was just constantly doing it over time. And so every month now, I will work very hard. And then after that, I’m just going to switch off, and no one so new to me.
Jay Kali [38:56]
So why don’t you put that energy into yourself, though, like, you know, one of the things I tell my my students that you know, you give me 30 minutes or even an hour a day, I’m adding a day to your life, you know, we have this whole mindset of yellow, you only live once this, you could do the craziest thing, let’s jump out of these planes and lets you know, I’m going to work my bones to death into it, I got $15 billion in the bank. Yeah, but you only have one life to live, you know, why not try to live as long as you can. I don’t want to be that, you know, my dad passed at 55 years old, he stroked out, you know, like, there’s a lot of things, pushing on me my genetics wise and saying, I don’t care about anything else, except for to try to live the best life I can personally live, being mentally physically, like, we’re talking about why even gotten to exercise in the first place, you know, coming out of Iraq, coming out of a place, you’re getting shot out every day, everyone over 500 missions in over a year there, you know, I’m lucky to be alive. And so to have that, to say, okay, man, now I want to be able to live as long as I can. I don’t want to be crippled at 60 years old, not even able to lift my head up. Why can I be like Jacqueline lane at 9596 years old? Why not me? Why can I live to over 100? Right? So instead of saying, why not make a million dollars, or whatever your goal is financially, why not try to live to your 100 David and why not put some of that energy into actually making you healthy. So you don’t have no more medical injuries or, you know, emergency situations because you overextending yourself, build that up. And that’s what exercise does. It allows you to take on more things, it expands you. In fact,
David Ralph [40:32]
I’ll tell you what my focus is now, Jay, being totally transparent my focus. Now he’s experience. I went to Florida for a month just recently, and I just had a lovely time, and I just floating around. And I was thinking to myself, I could just do this all the time. And then it dawned on me, I wasn’t doing it all the time. And so now literally, when I get back, I’m planning our next trip. And so we shouldn’t be hitting New York for Christmas, having five or six days out there. And being I will be working in January. And Ben, I’m going to do something else in February. We’re just looking at it. Unfortunately, for me, but fortunately, as well, I’ve got kids, so we have to keep down the school holidays and things like that. But away from that. That is my focus. Now it’s experience. And I think that will make the whole platform of join up dots more powerful anyway, because at its message is about living a life that is in your control, and doing things differently just because you can and that’s going to demonstrate to everyone but you know, walking the walk talking the talk is they say,
Jay Kali [41:32]
look what I’m doing. Look what I’m doing. So, you know, I actually got my back from a three month a little euro trip recently with me and the wife about a couple months ago. And one of the things I noticed, you know, on this whole trip, and I’m sure you’ve seen it too over in the UK, man, you see a lot of tourists, right. But most tours are old, or older, I should say are extremely overweight. And so whenever you say like I want to experience experiences, how much are you fully experiencing that effect? If you’re dealing with a nagging injury, or if you’re dealing with being 40 pounds, 30 pounds overweight, you’re not able to walk and see the things you want to go see or even have the energy to go out and go another day to go do sightseeing things. So feed into your experiences, guess what, that still comes back down to you. And you being physically capable to go do those things? like imagine going to New York and walking the Appalachian Trail?
David Ralph [42:24]
I’d fancy doing things actually. Yeah, I’m saying that. Times are quite fancy that.
Jay Kali [42:29]
Heck yeah. I mean, you have a lot of different trails and mountains and things like that. I mean, there’s tons of stuff. But if you’re know you’re physically unable to do that, you look at the hill, you’re like, that looks cool. And you automatically have that negative mentality towards it, then yeah, sure. You know, are you really fully experiencing that experience at that point?
David Ralph [42:47]
Yeah, it makes me think it makes me think you you probably back at me, I felt I was in control of this episode j and now. Now I’m real estate, I’ve lost it. But I’m, I’m going to press the right button now and bring on somebody who lost it numerous times. And he brought it back and left his legacy is Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs [43:03]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [43:38]
You certainly are creating your own path. Do you do you feel those words are relevant to you?
Jay Kali [43:43]
I love those words. Those are super powerful words.
David Ralph [43:47]
And as I asked most people on join up dots Do you have a big moment in your life. When you look back on it, you go oh, my God, if it wasn’t for that thing, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
Unknown Speaker [44:02]
Jay Kali [44:03]
gosh, though, there’s huge dots. No, there’s no way I could be even more where I’m at if it wasn’t for those some of those dots. But I think what I think the biggest point in that that brings up though and Steve Jobs saying is having faith in yourself. having faith that those dots are going to connect and that you are on that right path. And I think that we lose that a lot. We lose that faith in ourselves. He said believe in something, believe in you believe that you know that you’re on the right path, and you’re heading towards that Promised Land if you want to consider that you’re doing the Sermon on the Mount later, right. So, you know, you’re leading to that Promised Land. And that’s how you get I think you have to think about that and have faith in yourself. No, that’s going to work out.
David Ralph [44:42]
Is it as simple as that? Just Just hanging on that? Is it about really winning the inner game? People totally focused on their selves and their beliefs and their passions?
Jay Kali [44:55]
I think so I honestly I mean, I think there’s very look at every real old books. And think of the you know, the power of a positive mindset and things like that. And knowing that there’s, you know, problems are going to arise. You’re not just being ignorantly you know, ignorantly naive. Positivity is saying, Okay, I know negative things are going to come, but I’m not gonna let that affect me. And then how many, I would say how many times we doubt ourselves? How many times have we lose faith in ourselves, and it’s usually the first thing that goes, you know, even in the Bible said, had the faith of a mustard seed, no big a mustard seed is David Yeah, had a faith of a mustard seed, you know, and you can move mountains. So, you know, I really don’t consider myself a religious, I don’t call myself a Christian. But I think there’s a lot of great things that you can learn from all the religions, and that’s one of them, you know, just having that faith of a mustard seed in yourself, you can move mountains. And I don’t think we have the head.
David Ralph [45:48]
I don’t think we do. I don’t think we do. And that is why I’m here. And that’s why we’re having this conversation. Basically, it’s all about faith. It’s about trust, it’s about persistence. It’s doing the difficult things going through the process, and making the change in your life, whether physically, mentally, or whatever you want to do. It all starts with that first little step.
Jay Kali [46:07]
Well, our journey to us being selfish with you, like you’re talking about earlier, is that it? I do believe that did David I’m sorry, not mean to cut you off. But I really do. You know, I think I think you just hit on the head. And I think it takes a matter of you being just a little bit selfish, and a little bit, putting yourself first because guess what, we almost all have our responsibilities to everybody else. But when we set the boundaries to take care of us, you know, it’s easy for me to skip a 10 minute meditation, it’s easy for me to skip a workout.
David Ralph [46:38]
I think that is spot on. And yeah, just I’m glad you cut me off. Because I will say to everyone, the most selfish thing I ever did in life, was quitting my job with three kids and a mortgage and a wife to start join up dots It was the most selfish thing. And people say to me, you know, what are you doing? You’ve got this, you’ve got that, you know, why are you doing this? And I said, I’ve got to do it, I’ve got to do it. And it was a struggle. And fortunately, the kids and the wife were happy to support me, you know, mentally and physically. And it pushed me through. But yeah, without a doubt, it’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. But hopefully, is bringing the most rewards for other people as well.
Jay Kali [47:18]
I think so. And I think whenever, you know, it seems selfish, but you know, it’s just like, whenever you you’re on an airplane, you just travel with your family, right? And you get on there and you’re going through the safety emergency procedures. And they say, you know, in case of emergency, you’re going to have asking, asking massive drop from the ceilings. And what did they say? They say, now what you’re going to do is you’re going to make sure you put them on everybody else first and then you put it on yourself last? No, you’ve never heard a single emergency airline say that ever. They say parent, put yours on first and then help your kids. So what if we just put our mask first on all the time?
David Ralph [47:56]
Let’s do it. Let’s do that. And I’m going to play final part of the show, Jay, because otherwise, this episode go on for six hours, I feel it’s going to be a director’s cut. But this is the part that we’ve been building up to this is the part that we call the Sermon on the mic, when we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Jay, what age What advice would you love to speak to where we’re gonna find out because I’m gonna play in a theme. And when it fades, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Jay Kali [48:52]
Okay, we’re going to take it back to 2011, late, late 2011. I just quit my federal job, sitting in my house with nothing in there. I’m sitting on the floor, there’s nothing in my house thinking, What am I going to do? If I was sitting now tell myself Just have faith. You got this, you know, no matter what else is going to happen, you’re going to get yourself through this. It’s going to go down, you’re going to have problems, you know, there’s gonna be times that you’re going to only be able to eat eggs and milk for months. But at this what you want, you can do this, you’re going to get through this, stay the course. Keep your eyes set on the prize, and don’t let nothing knock you off your game. Push, push, push, because it’s coming. That’s what I would tell myself, David, and that’s about to all your listeners.
David Ralph [49:45]
Right Stuff. Jay, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Jay Kali [49:50]
Well, I mean, I think this has been a great podcast and I would love to give something back to your listeners. Is that cool?
David Ralph [49:55]
Jay Kali [49:56]
Well, I mean, so I wrote an Amazon best selling book and it’s not one of those Amazon best selling books that just gives you part of information I give you everything everything that I’ve known owning gyms and working out and helping thousands of people all consolidate in this book or educate demonstrate motivate and guess what like I said it’s an Amazon bestseller but for your listeners David I want to give it to them for free. Does that sound good
David Ralph [50:18]
sounds Babin goods you tell us about it?
Jay Kali [50:21]
Heck yeah, so what they need to do is just go to my website colleague coaching k a l i coaching.com forward slash secret gift all one word they go there David they’re gonna have two options to get three PDF download automatically. Or they get it free plus shipping paperback sent directly to them. So their choice David
David Ralph [50:44]
and let’s go through that, again is Cody coaching secret gift.com. Yeah.
Jay Kali [50:49]
Kelly coaching.com forward slash secret gift,
David Ralph [50:54]
we will have the links on the show notes to make it as easy as possible. Jay, thank you so much, much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And please come back again, when you got more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Jay, thank you so much.
Jay Kali [51:13]
No, thank you David has been a blast.
David Ralph [51:17]
Jay Kali, is a man who blew me away really he did. And the reason I loved it so much was the fact that he knows what he wants. And he’s happy with what he’s getting. It’s not about just more and more and more. It’s about building a business. That’s a life and a life. That’s a business and he’s just happy and I chatted with him quite a long time afterwards. And the more I got to know him after the podcast, I thought to myself that is an episode that you really need to listen multiple times. I pushed him quite hard. And then he pushed back and I could see I could see where he’s coming from Jay Kali and name to remember. Thank you so much as always for listening to join up dots it’s an absolute light presenting these shows and hopefully by the in depth conversations and the back and forth that I know you don’t get a in a lot of other business shows that you are starting to get those cogs turning those cogs back can make you into an online business success yourself offline, whatever you want to do, but making decisions living a life on your own terms, and making a lot of money. Thank you so much for being here. That was David Ralph and I will see you again very, very shortly. Cheers. See you guys. Bye bye. So you’ve listened to the episode of join up dots and you’ve got some ideas going through your head, but you don’t know where to turn. And more often than not people try to do it on their own. And they go round and round in circles for many years until they give up where you don’t need to. Because at join up dots we have got a business coaching platform, where we will teach you in a very short period of time, how to get your own business up and running, how to do the right market research. And basically how to win the game before you even star if that is of interest to you just come across the join up dots and you can check out our coaching platforms connect with us. And we will drop you a line and tell you a little bit more about the kind of things that we operate and how he can help you. I look forward to seeing you online and if you get a podcast or come on your show, I’ll be a guest