Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Jenny Hester
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Introducing Jenny Hester
Todays guest, joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast is the author of the amazing new book “21 Ways to Invite Excellence into Your Life“
Growing up in a farming family, Jenny Hester spent many hours shooting, hunting, riding motorcycles, and of course horses and loved the freedom the outdoors.
It was a carefree existence, that fitted perfectly with our outgoing personality.
But unfortunately all of her childhood was not so carefree, as she experienced a series of traumatic experiences capped by her mom’s diagnosis with breast cancer.
Blow after blow, eroded her ability to trust and drove her to put up emotional walls she would struggle with for years.
Existing behind those self-constructed barriers led to an unauthentic life, which made her make choices that were “safe” and made her live the life she sensed others wanted her to live.
How The Dots Joined Up For Jenny
This of course led to an unauthentic life of unhappiness and emotional and physical issues, which once again she battled with.
In 2010, her life seemed to fall apart both physically and emotionally.
After having seen numerous doctors, even at the university level, Jenny Hester was told, “You’re not going to find what you’re looking for in mainstream medicine.” So she went outside mainstream medicine and found a specialist who helped her find the root causes of her health problems.
Today she is 100% free of all prescription medications and the healthiest she has ever been.
But that was just the start of her life, and as she has found once you find your authentic self, things start flowing in a different direction and with much more certainty of a great end product an amazing life.
So would she change those dark moments that she has experienced, or are they simply what makes her who she is today?
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs in todays business coaching podcast, with the one and only Jenny Hester.
During the show we discussed with Jenny Hester such weighty topics such as:
How you had to programme a video in the old days, and there was no such thing as pausing live TV……ah nostalgia!!!
How she needed to conquer fear every day and every step of the way to be able to become the person that she wanted to be!
How we all need to plant the seeds of possibility into our children’s heads for them to dream bigger than we ever hoped possible!
How you can see the dots in life quite often as the scars you carry around with you. But its those scars that make you stronger!
Why you need to invest in yourself and hire a coach to get going in life. Use the experience of others to gain a head start in life!
Books By Jenny Hester
How To Connect With Jenny Hester
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription Of Jenny Hester
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:24]
Yes, hello world. How are we? I hope you’re all right, because I am better than all right. I’ve been recording all day. And I am got a guest on the show now who I don’t even know where she is because I didn’t ask her but I know that she’s sitting somewhere with a mobile device in her hand, which is freaked me out so much that you can do that. But I can just sit at my computer and speak to somebody and they can be walking around their house at the same time. It just kind of blows my mind. So I just want you to know that I am a bit freaked out by technology tonight. I’m having a bit of a moment. But she is the author of the amazing new book 21 ways to invite excellence into your life. Growing up in a farming family she spent many hours shooting, hunting, riding motorcycles, and of course horses and love the freedom the outdoors gave her it was a carefree existence that fitted perfectly with her outgoing personality. But unfortunately, all of her childhood was not so carefree as she experienced a series of traumatic experiences kept by her mom’s diagnosis with breast cancer blow after blow eroded her ability to trust and drove her to put up emotional walls she would struggle with the years existing behind those self constructed barriers led to an animal authentic life which made her make choices that were safe, and made her live the life she sensed others wanted her to live. This of course led to a life of unhappiness and emotional and physical issues, which once again she battled with in 2010, her life seemed to fall apart both physically and emotionally. And after seeing numerous doctors, even at the university level, she was told you’re not going to find what you’re looking for in mainstream medicine. So she went outside and found a specialist who helped her to find the root causes of health problems. Now today, she’s 100%, free of all prescription medications and the healthiest she has ever been. But that was just a start of a life as she has found once you find your authentic self things start flowing in a different direction and with much more certainty of a great end product, and amazing life. So once you change those dark moments that she has experienced a while I simply what makes her who she is today. Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up the dose of our life. The one and only Jenny Hester, how are you, Jenny?
Jenny Hester [2:36]
Hey, David doing great today. How are you?
David Ralph [2:38]
I am great. And I’ll be honest, I’m still freaked out. But you’re just walking around your house speaking to me, I’m in the United Kingdom. whereabouts are you?
Jenny Hester [2:48]
I am actually in a small town in Kentucky, Henderson, Kentucky in the USA.
David Ralph [2:53]
And what room? Are you mean at the moment?
Jenny Hester [2:55]
I’m actually outside walking around my pool.
We have we have an angry women in ground pool and I’m outside walking around in the sunshine. It’s beautiful day.
David Ralph [3:05]
Does that not freak you out like it does me Oh, am I just behind the times that I can be doing this? I can click a button and have a conversation with somebody while they are literally dipping their feet in the pool in a foreign country.
Jenny Hester [3:17]
Absolutely. It’s amazing. It’s just simply amazing. I love it. Do you
David Ralph [3:22]
like technology? Full stop, do you?
Jenny Hester [3:25]
I do like technology I do. I have at times programmed computers and different things. So So I enjoy the technology side of it and the things that it allows you to do.
David Ralph [3:36]
I’m going to ask you a question because I’ll be very tactful. But you’re a lady of a certain age who will understand what I’m talking about this that the youngsters won’t out there. So this is just between you and me, Jenny, do you remember that days when you used to have to programme your video? But when you went out the house?
Jenny Hester [3:53]
Absolutely. Absolutely. I remember the rotary phones, David, my kids will look at their like, what is that? Yeah.
David Ralph [4:01]
Yeah, I used to make that noise in a GT gt gt GT. Because I think that’s cool. When it is cool, it’s cool. But I, my daughter the other day kind of got annoyed that she was gonna miss her programme even though she was pausing it and I said to her when I was a kid, I would just miss it if I had to go off to the toilet or something that was it that you couldn’t stop TV like you can now but she can just press it and pause it. And then I got into this big rant about actually having to programme a video and you could only decide on what channel you wanted. So there was two programmes you want it. It wasn’t going to happen. You could only have one is really has moved on, isn’t it?
Jenny Hester [4:45]
Oh, absolutely. And I left today because my kids can sit around and and watch cartoons basically 24 seven. You know, we used to get up either early morning or Saturday morning where the early days for cartoons too. So it’s just bombardment with, with things from their attention all day long. Oh, TV.
David Ralph [5:03]
Oh, you were lady from my heart? Yes. Kids TV when I was a kid, it was about 15 minutes a day. There was nothing. But you you kind of came home and you just kind of found something to watch. And then when it finished, there was like nothing going on. You just kind of just lived. I don’t know what we did with ourselves.
Jenny Hester [5:22]
Absolutely live outside time back in those days.
David Ralph [5:25]
Well, you did, didn’t you? Yeah, as I was saying in the introduction, where where was the farm, but you grew up in when he was running around shooting, hunting and doing all those kind of things.
Jenny Hester [5:34]
Yeah, actually live about 40 minutes from there now. So it was it was here local and grew up my I have an older sister but she wasn’t on the farm as much as my brothers and I were in we spent many, many our ad on that farm, especially during the summer, we would work most of the summer and we painted barns and worked in the fields. And so feeding the cows and slopping the hogs and all those things that you hear about are things that we did and course you know it was a lot of fun back then you just kind of ran loose out there and had a lot of freedom and, and nature’s toy box is what I called it, I was a tomboy. So I fit right in and I love those kinds of things. My dad, he would teach us how to shoot the rifles. And that was a big thing. At the end of the day, if you worked all day, you know, he’d go out maybe let you shoot the 22 rifle for a little bit. So that was a lot of fun. Different things to do.
David Ralph [6:25]
There was no such thing as health and safety in those days was there?
Jenny Hester [6:28]
Oh, no, no, no, no, I laugh about that today. You know, the things that we used to do you know, you drinking out of water hose and now you have to drink it out of all something filtered out of out of bottle and I’m like really? You know, we drink that stuff right out of a hose who knows where it came from?
David Ralph [6:46]
And he didn’t kill us. He didn’t get us a tow a guy he passed. He gave us a personality for roughness. We can take the rock now. Can we?
Jenny Hester [6:55]
David Ralph [6:57]
So So what is the things I’m feeling this doubting? Tonight? Jenny? So what is the things when you look back on and you kind of go? Actually it was a bit rubbish. But or maybe you don’t maybe you look back on your childhood and the majority of times you just think yeah, it was great.
Jenny Hester [7:14]
Up, you know, I really I really did have a great childhood as far as growing up and having two parents that that cared about us and loved us and showed us what family was about and faith and in just having a good time. I had a lot of good friends. I remember playing ball in the yard, you know, baseball and football and the neighbours would come down. And it was the kind of time where you didn’t think about somebody snatching you out of the yard like I do. Now. You know, my kids, if they go next door, I’m like, Hey, you need to call me if you go over there. Let me watch you walk next door. So those were really carefree, carefree times.
David Ralph [7:47]
When we have the same situation in the United Kingdom, we are obsessed with kids being snatched. And yes, it does happen. But it happens once in a blue moon, you know, and if it does, the whole world hears about it. And we talk about it for the next five years. And I think it’s a shame but my children are growing up with that freedom that I had in the 70s where it was, what time do I have to be home mom when it gets dark. And that was it. We just cleared off. And that was it. We went off and had adventures and made camps in words and stuff. And now my son who’s 12, I literally have to drag him away from his Xbox, because he’s got his headphones on. And he’s talking to people and he’s he’s having a social life and never seen anyone. And it’s the kind of thing that we do well, as opposed to what we’re doing now. Really, Jenny?
Jenny Hester [8:35]
Yeah, we talk about our kids, but yet we’re doing it also. No, I agree with you, David. It’s just it’s a different world from when we grew up. And it’s just the way it is, and you deal with it the best you can.
David Ralph [8:46]
Well, you You seem a very positive person. But I know that maybe you haven’t been in that positive state of mind all your life. Because as we said in the introduction you have had, you’ve had difficulties in your life, which made you change direction from the person you perhaps were as a youngster, can you remember the sort of one of the first times when you realised actually that things were turning badly for you, or maybe as a child you didn’t appreciate? It was bad, it was just something that happened.
Jenny Hester [9:17]
Right? You know, the way I am today is the way that I believe that God designed me to be, you know, an encourager and upbeat and positive, but it wasn’t I think I was that way early on in my life. I always remember, you know, wanting to be there if, if a friend needed me and in and showing support for them. But my trust, when I talk about that my trust was kind of degraded to an extent because it was my trust was taken advantage of. And, yeah, when I talk about the diagnosis of my mother’s as a teenager, and, you know, my mom was, to me, my best friend, we shared a lot of great times together, I was very close to my mother. And she passed away when I was 20. But all through those years, I saw her struggle with that. And then I fought with my past issues of not not confronting what had happened, and acknowledging those facts. And it really wore on me and it made me build up some walls and bricks, the brick wall inside of me, that I did that I didn’t let down and I didn’t let people in everything was external, you know, I, I didn’t live that authentic life of truly looking inside finding out who we are allowing myself to feel things that I should feel and acknowledge things about myself, and embracing my my flaws and imperfections. And, and taking those to heart and kind of beat myself up about having those imperfections instead of letting it be okay. And so for a long time, I live that way. And that’s that’s a hard, hard way to live. And it really wears on you when you’re not your true self, your true authentic self. And, but that’s, that’s, you know, part of part of who I am now. So I just embrace that and want to learn from it and try to grow from it.
David Ralph [11:08]
So So when when your mother unfortunately passed away, when you were 20, you suppose at that stage, you’re starting? Well, you’ve already started to find yourself and you are separating yourself from the sort of family world? Would it have been more difficult if she had passed away at the age of eight? I’m just sort of saying that hypothetically? Or did you have a relationship with your mother that got stronger as you became a woman yourself?
Jenny Hester [11:37]
No, I think, you know, I, I’m glad that I had my mother as long as I did. Absolutely. Because you know, we only have one mom, and they just means so much to you. So I was I was absolutely as I got older, I got to learn more about my mother and who she was as a person, and she was a woman of very strong faith. You know, it was funny, because I never want heard my mother complain in all the years that she was able. And I look back and see her and my dad, and I never remember. I never remember them fighting, if they had, if there were issues, they never showed it in front of us. And those are just good memories that I have about her and her strength. And what she wanted us to see, you know, she kind of hid, hid that side of herself the pain that I know that she went through, that she didn’t share that with us and didn’t put that kind of added stress on us as kids. And I look at that now. And when I see my children, I think you know, if I were put in that same situation, I would like to think that I did not add that kind of stress to my children’s life. Because you know, as kids we go through enough as it is just trying to find out who we are. And growing up and understanding life, there’s just so much going on. So that is something that I hope that I could do for my children if it ever came, God forbid it ever happened, but if it ever came to it,
David Ralph [12:57]
how do you find yourself? Because you know, I’m 44 years old, and I say this all the time, I’m only really finding myself now I feel it feels like everything in my life is finally coming together. And I have found my unique self, my authentic self. So how how have you gone about that to find the person that you’ve mentioned two or three times in this conversation, but is you?
Jenny Hester [13:24]
Well, about four years ago, back in 2010, I been having some physical issues with pain in my muscles and my joints and just being really tired and fatigued. And that. Along with that I had a lot of anxiety and stress and just found it just almost I couldn’t deal with it with another, another episode of anything as far as stress wise and going forward, or facing any kind of fear. And it all kind of came to a head for me physically and emotionally. I don’t know if you’d call that a breakdown or whatever you have it but it just came to a head for me. And finally, I had went to, as you said in the opening to many, many different physicians to try to get help. And they all wanted to give me something for the pain or something to treat the symptoms. It was never let’s find out what the root cause is until I met up with an integrative physician who started working with me. And we did what’s called an elimination diet. So I started taking things out of my diet, and found out that I had sensitivities to certain foods, and I eliminated those from my diet as best I could and still do to this day. And so I feel healthier there. But then I also had to deal with the emotions from my past. And, you know, I look back, you talk about joining up the dots, I look back over time, and I see where I had opportunities to face the traumas early on in my life, but I didn’t want to go there, it was too painful. And I was afraid of it. So I didn’t I just kept stuffing those emotions down deep inside. And so all that Duffing festered for all those years, and emotionally, it was just wearing me out. And I found a wonderful, wonderful counsellor who she worked with me and talk to me about healing. And, you know, I did not want to share with them what had happened, but I just I had to, and she told me, you know, she said, Jenny, sometimes we’re brought to a point in our life where it’s just time to heal, and it was my time to heal. And so going through that, what a wonderful process. Once I removed that pain from inside, and I wasn’t afraid to get in there and look around, you know, I started checking some things out and kind of liked what I saw. So I was starting to find out who Jenny really was, at that point. Through self awareness, I just I can’t say enough good things about about self awareness and learning who we are. And for me, you just can’t go forward in life unless you find out about yourself, and what makes you tick, and what makes you know, what ticks you off.
David Ralph [16:02]
So well, that’s what this show is all about. You know, it’s the reflection, it’s looking back at your life, and realising that there are dots that lead you to where you are. And the fascinating thing that you said was, you realised that there were dots in your life that you could look back on and you could have confronted certain issues you were having at the time, but you weren’t aware enough, or you weren’t strong enough to be able to do it? Well, what kind of dots Did you feel that you could have conquered?
Jenny Hester [16:33]
You know, I remember when I first went to college, I had wanted to look into psychology, sociology, something like that. But when I got into some of those psychology classes, and I had to start looking around at some of that stuff, emotionally, I was like, I’m not going there. I’m not going to study this. And I actually went for and got a business degree instead. So I look and I think you could have done that. And I also remember, at one time, early on in my life, I had contacted a friend of mine, who was a counsellor, and I was working hurt someone to her. And she said, Jenny, we need to sit down and talk about why you’re getting yourself into these dysfunctional unhealthy relationships. But I did not pursue that. And I did not want to go there. So I had opportunities. But for whatever reasons, like you said, not being strong enough, I feel like that we are nudged in certain directions where we need to heal and grow. But we can certainly put our blinders on and not want to go there. And so in 2010, my nudging got very strong, almost kind of knocking my feet out from under me going, you’re gonna, you’re going to heal, and you’re going to be what you’re supposed to be. And that’s kind of where I feel like I’m at.
David Ralph [17:42]
And so how did, but knocking gets so strong, but you really assessed and knew that you had to go off in a different direction.
Jenny Hester [17:52]
Well, for one thing, my health was failing, uh, you know, I just having a lot of problems with my health. There were times when I was approached my work about taking on a different position or doing something different. But see, I was comfortable where I was. And just thinking about making a making a mistake, or having people look at me and think I didn’t know what was going on or, or couldn’t make a right decision. It just overwhelmed me that I couldn’t even go there. Because I was not, I didn’t have any self esteem, no confidence, anything. And so that was really dragging me down. And it was starting to wear on me in that aspect as well.
David Ralph [18:30]
And but it seems amazing to me, but you are somebody here, but in every picture, I see you’re radiating smile, you look like you’re You look like you’re a garden that’s just bloomed into live. I can’t imagine you ever, you know, being anything other than what I’m seeing today. So it’s fascinating that you’ve had such a transformation to bear to here in just four years. Does it seem amazing to you, but you have turned it around? So physically and emotionally?
Jenny Hester [19:00]
Absolutely, absolutely. And you know, that’s one of the reasons why I wanted to write a book because, you know, I just want to get up on the rooftop and scream it to every woman out there who’s struggling, you can do this, there is a way. And I just share the ways that I implemented into my life to help me learn that self awareness, learn the personal development and become a stronger, more courageous, healthy person who was confident, you know, and has a hope for the future now.
David Ralph [19:29]
So was it an idea of yours to buy a book? Or was it somebody else saying to you, as normally happens? Jenny, you should want a book on this. And Jenny goes on? No, no, I’m not trying to I’m on what have I got to say? So how did it come about?
Jenny Hester [19:45]
Well, you know, actually started out blogging first. I didn’t actually it didn’t actually come out as the book first. So I started blogging first. And working with my coach, c’mon, z. We had talked about that about, you know, you know, what’s the next step. And of course, the logical next step was, let’s write a book. And let’s put it all together in one because you know, sometimes going through a blog, you have to go back through all these different posts, and sometimes they don’t relate. And so we decided to put a book together. So that’s how it all came about. And come on z. Constable
David Ralph [20:13]
has been on episode seven, and also on 132 is Ed episode before you I’m just double checking on my list here. Yes, he was yesterday. He was yesterday. So if anybody is interesting, interested about the guy, but Jenny’s talking, you’ve got two chances to catch up with him because he is a fascinating character, isn’t he?
Jenny Hester [20:36]
Yes, he is. And he’s in high gear all the time, he’s making a lot of things happen. And he loves to share that passion with other people. And I just can’t say enough good things about him. As far as a coach, being a life coach, or in my case, you know, he’s kind of a book launch coach for me, and getting all this started. Just a wonderful man, just wonderful human being got a lot going on. And he knows how to succeed and and make things happen.
David Ralph [21:00]
Were you inspired by his struggles? You know, we’re not going to delve into command Z, because that’s not part of the storey. But he did have struggles, but he overcome huge struggles. Is that more inspiring to you to have a coach that has been through it, Ben, somebody that seemingly has success rate and all over them?
Jenny Hester [21:22]
That’s a good question, David, I never really thought about that. I had mark, come on z for all that he’s accomplished. And I think that sometimes that that may lead a little bit into those decisions. But you know, for me, c’mon z was first instrumental in me blogging in so it was just a no brainer for me to call him when I wanted to go to the next step, because he is such a caring person. And when somebody comes alongside of you, and kind of puts to put you under their wing and says, No, I want to help you, in the end, they’re, they’re authentic about it. And, and you can feel that they’re real, as a person, you know, you just kind of get a closeness with, and I think that’s part of it as well. He’s just a real person, it’s when you talk to him, you’re not going to get anything that’s fake.
David Ralph [22:07]
What is it about the book that you are proud of? And we’re going to actually start delving into those 21 ways, because obviously, there’s going to be thousands of ladies out there thousands of men, who are going to be fascinated by what they can get from it. But what are you most proud of?
Jenny Hester [22:25]
Well, I’m most proud of that I had the courage to share myself with others, typically, I would not have done this. So just overall, the fact that I’m I am even actually out there sharing my emotions, and the things that I have learned and kind of putting myself out there. Because, you know, it’s hard putting yourself out there because you’re open to everything. You’re not only open to praise, but you’re open to ridicule. So I think that, to me, is really the most proudest thing about the book is it’s overcoming that fear.
David Ralph [22:57]
That’s a key thing, isn’t it? But and anyone out there listening, is fear isn’t a fear is what stops us from attempting anything, is the thing that routes us to the spot. And so you felt that tangibly Did you that there, there was a fear about about actually putting yourself out there?
Jenny Hester [23:13]
Absolutely. And I have fought fear every step of the way, you know, you get those thoughts that come into your head that say, Who do you think you are? What makes you think you can write a book? What credentials Do you have, you find that the whole time and then it’s your past is going to come back to haunt you, people are going to find out things, they’re going to share things that you’re not going to want others to know. I fought that every step of the way. And it’s hard. But then again, as I would take that next step, another door would open. Or I would get an invitation, or somebody would say, Hey, I like what you’re doing, or you’ve helped me in some way. And that encouragement, it helped me to continue to take the little steps, a little step here, a little step there. The main thing was don’t stop, just keep going keep the momentum going.
David Ralph [24:02]
Now, but that’s what I want the listeners to really understand. You started something and you were scared, and you started, and you didn’t know how to do it. So what you did you invested in yourself, and you reached out to a coach. And this comes up time and time again, in conversations, the fastest way to get going in anything, is by tapping into somebody who has been there before, not only have you been got their knowledge base that you can use, but also you’ve got their experience, and you’ve got their comfort, when times get tough. Without command Z, do you think that you would have allowed those folks to take control of you
Jenny Hester [24:46]
know, they very well could have they very well could have he helped to push me and keep me encouraged. I also want to give a shout out to really the person. My number one supporter is my older sister, she is aware of everything that I’m doing. She has told me I’m not gonna let you quit, it’s too important. So and she’s one of them that said, I read your book, and it has helped me. So those kind of encouraging comments have been just tremendous. And a coach will do that for you. Absolutely. If you want somebody to push you and help you get started, by all means I highly recommend a coach, I would think that I have a coach will have a coach and everything I do in the future in my life.
David Ralph [25:30]
And your sister agreed with everything in the book, or was there anything that she said, Well, I’m not quite sure you’ve got this right is not how I remember it.
Jenny Hester [25:40]
You know, it’s not so much storeys about the past, but the things that I have learned and related to my past. So there was really nothing in the book that she know, she she pretty much agreed. And she said you have helped me look at things from my past in a different perspective and helped her who and helped her grow. And there was some ways in there that I talked about, that the counsellor helped me to work through my issue. She said, I’m going to try that. I haven’t done that, but I’m going to do it.
David Ralph [26:09]
You love based on you, you love the pain, but you have overcome this, you love the fact that you have now put yourself out there, and you’ve got a book. And things are well, opportunities, I suppose, are coming your way. And they’re only coming your way because you stepped up. And you actually you took action and you conquer your fear you love it any?
Jenny Hester [26:31]
You know, David Absolutely. And even in being on this podcast today, this is something that I fear, I fear, speaking in public or getting out and put myself out in front of people with that fear of rejection. So whenever I do this, it’s another step of overcoming that fear. And I have one of the things that keeps me going is I have such a passion, I have such a soft spot for other women who are struggling or hurting, in want to get moving. And taking those next steps, I just I want to share with you that they can do it. You know, we are so much more than what we allow ourselves to be. We just we hide ourselves and our jobs and our families and, and stay in that little world. But we were created to be so much more. And I just want to shout that out. Shout that out to all the women, all the men out there, if they’re listening, that we are so much more than what we are allowing ourselves to be and once you find it, this is so freeing the freedom that I have found through this even though you know, I’m still afraid that there’s going to be things that are that are sad that are going to be very hurtful. And you know, how am I going to deal with it? I don’t know. I’ll deal with it as it comes up. So, but But absolutely, to start taking the steps.
David Ralph [27:41]
Let’s play some words that are hugely motivational. And they tie in so much with what you’re saying. This is Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [27:48]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [28:15]
Isn’t that what you’re saying?
Jenny Hester [28:17]
Absolutely. I love that from Jim Carrey. That is, you know, and it’s one thing that now that I get to, I get to share this with my kids. And I and I talked to it about my kids with my kids. And they’re they’re seeing me do things, although they don’t get all excited. I’m like, I wrote a book and I’m like, okay, it’s like you’re just Mom, I get to share these insights and these awareness with my kids that had I not known them, I would not be able to share that, that what I think is is true wisdom. And I don’t say that that wisdom is from me, it’s something I have learned. And I don’t know that I would have gone into those areas and learned these things. Had I not really been been forced into a situation where I had to grow. So yes, there’s a great book out there called Who Moved My Cheese. I don’t know if you’ve ever read that. But yeah, about being prepared for the future, you know, it’s like, and what that is, is just continuing to grow as a person about you know, always be a lifetime learner, educate yourself, read things that are something you’re passionate about throwing yourself into it, and that and that’s a good thing to learn about your passions. It says, you know, if you go to Amazon or to a bookstore, what section of the books do you go into? What do you want to what do you like to read about and learn about, those are keys to your passions, and your passions are keys to your purpose. So I love reading the self help the personal development books, I can I sit for hours and read and take notes. And, and so I know that this is my calling, because of that my passions have led to it.
David Ralph [29:48]
But what you’re doing with your kids is brilliant. And I think it is so powerful for all of us. So many adults in the world today have gone into Jobs, and they’re trapped, they’re trapped physically, that trapped emotionally, they can’t see, but they have got opportunities. And that’s what this show is all about getting them to realise that they have. And just from the emails that I get on a daily basis, when people have been saying to me, since listening to your show, I realised that I can have the kick ass life that I want. But I have to do something about it, how can I do it, and I will connect with them. And we will sort of help them out. But we’ve all got a responsibility now, I think, to actually help the kids before they get to that point. And so you’re doing the book, and you’re writing it and they don’t seem too fast at the moment. But what you’re doing, you’re planting the seed in their head. But hey, mommy’s doing something different. Mommy’s doing something that lights are up inside, and mommy’s doing something that is going to make the world a better place. And that is hugely powerful, isn’t it for youngsters to see. So when they do come out of college or university or whatever, hopefully Fingers crossed, My dream is that they don’t instantly just have to go into a humdrum job, I can look around, and I can find the things that light them up inside and build income around it.
Jenny Hester [31:07]
Absolutely, David, and You took the words right out of my mouth when you said planting seeds, because that is so true. You know, they may look at you and your eyes glaze over their eyes roll back in your hand, like whatever. But keep talking to your kids about positive encouraging things, you are planting those seeds for later. I I’m doing that with my daughter. Now she is a senior in high school. And she wants to go into elementary education. And so we’ve kind of worked through this process about at first she wanted she thought she wanted to do with autistic children. And then she said, Well, I think maybe I just want to do elementary education. So we’re kind of working through that process. And so this year, she will be working at a local preschool through her high school. And that’s going to help give her some insight. But I tell her, you know, whatever you do, make sure that you’re passionate about it. And the money will come, you know, don’t just pick a job for the money. So absolutely. You have to encourage your kids. I never heard that when I was young. I never heard you were put here you have a purpose. You have passions, we need to help you find them. I never heard that it was you know, when you get out of high school, you need to get a job.
David Ralph [32:16]
Yeah, absolutely. I was the same. I left college with qualifications. And I said to me, Mom, I remember, I was 16. And I said, I’m going to take six months off, because I just felt like I’d had enough of education and I needed a break. And she said to me, no, you’re not you’re going to get a job. And she actually wrote the job applications for me and sent them off, I didn’t have a choice in it. And I ended up doing 13 years with a company. But I look back on. And it gave me a grounding. It gave me a work ethic. It gave me all the kind of things that I do on a daily basis now. But it wasn’t my passion. But I just didn’t know what I wanted to do in life. And it does take a while. And one of the things that stopped people so much is when people say find your passion. And because it’s very hard if you are not giving yourself time to actually look around. So I’m going to throw this out to you, Jenny, because this is something that we’ve touched on. And I talked about it all the time now because I think this is amazing. But they reckon that between the ages of eight and 14 is when your true passions are evident on literally a daily basis. That’s when you are kids. Before you start thinking, right, a couple of years later, I’ve got to get a job and the responsibilities and sort of young adulthood comes in. At that age, if you look back to what you loved to do, you would be closest to finding your passions been at any other time in your life. So your daughter, how old is your daughter,
Jenny Hester [33:43]
she just turned 18
David Ralph [33:44]
blind. So she’s only got a remember four years ago, or 10 years ago. And she can remember the younger girl that she is. And if she loves looking after people and nurturing and all that kind of stuff, then yeah, she’s in the perfect job to be looking after autistic kids and sort of young young kids and all that kind of stuff. But if she looks back at that stage, and when she realised that all she wanted to do was play with animals or whatever, she might be in the wrong channel. And she should be looking at being a vet or whatever like that. And so it is fascinating. But all our passions are linked back to our childhoods. And that’s why I’ve called this show connecting our past to build our future, because we need to look back. And that gives us a head start to build to build the life we want.
Jenny Hester [34:26]
You know, that’s fascinating, because I’d never heard that about between the ages of eight and 14. So I’m going to remember that that’s fantastic. Yeah, you you,
David Ralph [34:33]
you sit down there with your daughter, and have a conversation and say, Can you remember what you really love doing when you came home from school and write a list. And once you’ve got that list down, you look at it and you can see threads through it. And if she is fulfilling those grades, then she’s got a good chance to have a life that really does fulfil her.
Jenny Hester [34:53]
Yeah. And we’ve had that, you know, it’s funny, because we’ve had a conversation when she was young, she loved to play school, and she was the teacher. You know, the neighbour kids didn’t like it, because Kimmy was always the teacher. But that’s what she liked to do. And she said, I remember all that stuff, and all that teacher stuff. And I loved it. I loved all the little cards and things that they had. So she’s on the right path. Anyway, I know she’s close.
David Ralph [35:15]
Absolutely sounds like she’s very, very close. And that’s gonna make you proud as a mother that you are getting your daughter on a path, which is more true than you actually had?
Jenny Hester [35:27]
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. And I have, I have two more after her one is 13. And one is nine, another daughter, and my youngest is a son. So yeah, it’s amazing to watch them grow and to see how unique little individualise they are. And they’re all three so different. And so you have to try to change your parenting skills to each one to fit each one. And it’s, that’s a challenge some days.
David Ralph [35:49]
Can you look back on your life? And can you join the dots? You know, the theme of the show is Join Up Dots. And we’re going to play Steve Jobs in a minute. But can you look back with the reflection of, you know, a mature lady who’s been through a lot? And actually go, yes, I wouldn’t be here. Now, if it wasn’t for this, and this and this? Can you see the dots?
Jenny Hester [36:11]
Oh, absolutely. You know, I and I think part of it is when you when you have those struggles in your life, that makes you a stronger person, but you put those struggles in your life and it helps to build you to become who you are, you know, when when you see those things. They’re kind of the scars of life, right? You have scars on your heart, from your past, and in those scars are going to cause one of two things, they’re either going to cause destructive behaviours in your life, or they’re going to make you a stronger, more knowledgeable person. And so when I look back, I think, you know, I went in that opposite direction on the destructive side to where I allowed myself to just lock everything down and not be honest and open and in and allow myself to be who, who I was designed to be. So now you’re at 46, I finally get to see the other side where it those areas in my life where I had struggles, I have grown from those and I have certainly learned, and I’m at just such an amazing place in my life right now. With the freedom that I feel that I have for the first time. In my life, it’s amazing.
David Ralph [37:24]
Well, let’s play the words of Steve Jobs, who says it in an amazing way as well. This is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [37:29]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [38:05]
Now you in a good place. Do you hear those words? following your heart? Building competence, does that excite you? Or does it not? Not build up fear in you because you can confront fear now. But does it sort of give you anxiety about once again, you’re going into areas but you don’t know what you’re going into?
Jenny Hester [38:28]
You know, I don’t think I would be human, if I said I didn’t have some anxiety about opening those doors, because that’s getting out of your comfort zone. Right. So once you start getting out of that comfort zone, you start to feel a little anxiety over there. But it’s, it’s being Okay, with that stress being okay with that anxiety, just fill it in, keep walking, keep going through it. As far as my future, Oh, I’m so excited about that things that are happening. And I want to do so much more and starting to work through those things. I just wrote optimistic about what I can do in the future. As far as letting things happen, that’s something that I have learned recently is if I quit trying to control the situation and just let it go, and let it kind of play out, I have found that probably 99% of the time, things really work out for the best if I just let go of it. And I’m a spiritual person. So I do believe in God. And I think that God just kind of takes those things and and allows him to work out but we have to get our hands off of it. So he can so he can do the work.
David Ralph [39:34]
And that’s what Steve Jobs was saying, basically, wasn’t it? You’ve got to just have trust and faith, but he’s gonna work out.
Jenny Hester [39:40]
Mm hmm. Absolutely. And that’s, that’s a new mindset, you have to change your mindset. I’ve talked in the book about, you know, the thoughts, you have to control your thoughts, because our thoughts from when we’re little, at least for me, you know, it was a lot of negativity, and I had really beat myself up. And so I had to learn how to change how I how I thought and changing those mindsets. And really, that makes so much difference I am I’m this my situation that I’m in has not changed, but I have changed. And when we start becoming our best self, it helps all of our relationships, you know, my marriage is better. I feel like I’m a better wife, a better mother, you know everything a better friend, just a better person.
David Ralph [40:24]
I’ve never shared this storey on any show. But when it comes to mindset, I’ve always basically had a positive mindset all through my life. And I’ve always been very lucky, I’ve had no sort of bad times in my life at all. It’s just been pleasant. It just floated through. And then I got made redundant ones when I’d been sort of working really hard to get up to the top of the ladder. And they suddenly said, This is your last day. And it was about an hour later, I was out. And I sat on the train going home. And I thought to myself, I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do in my life. Now this is what I was working towards. What the hell do I do. And so I decided what I was going to do is change direction totally and become a student and go back to college and get a degree. And so that’s what I did. And I went back to college, and I studied. And once I got that education, I couldn’t get a job. And I just thought my life was pathetic. And I was desperate to take any job I could. And the job I did take was the lowest paid job that I’d had for about 15 years, I could barely survive on it. But I still took it because I had to go out and get to work and keep that work ethic going. But what it gave me was a sense of when I was at my lowest point, things were pretty pathetic around me because I was allowing them to be that way. And when I started to change my mindset and go, No, hang on, hang on, I don’t deserve this, I should be back. Well, I was things started to change for the better. And I pulled myself out of it. And it was only about probably about five months, or no hell in any shape or form. I was still working and coming home. But it was the lowest point that I’ve had in my life. And it was only down to me to pull myself out of it. And I did that. And it is purely down to mindset.
Jenny Hester [42:12]
I agree with you 100%. David, we I just think that we truly are what we think about if you fill your mind with negative self degrading thoughts, you know, you’re just going to walk around with your head home down and you know, who am I to be helping anybody but you know, if you can pull your shoulders back, hold your head up high and say, you know, I’m here I have a purpose, I have a reason I am somebody, I’m a good person. You know, those are the kinds of thoughts that we need to be putting into our mind. And being thankful having a heart of gratitude, being thankful for all we have, because I can assure you, you can look around and somebody else is worse off than you.
David Ralph [42:51]
Well, that’s that’s a given, isn’t it? You know, we absolutely
we all think that we’re in a bad situation when our Wi Fi doesn’t work or the that the milks gone off in our favour rich, but when you look around, and that’s that’s the unfortunate thing. Most of us don’t look around, because we’re in very comfortable situations. And we get in our cars and we drive to work. And you really have to go looking for the people who are worse off, because we kind of don’t allow them to come into our lives in many ways.
Jenny Hester [43:17]
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And there’s, there’s a lot, there’s a lot worse things typically, that can be happening us in a situation we’re in. So we should be grateful for even where we’re at. Even when we think it’s the lowest be grateful in that situation to knowing in our minds, it will get better. Tomorrow’s a new day, I’m not going to stay here forever.
David Ralph [43:36]
But just before I send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self, this is the end of the show, I’ve got a question that I like to ask. And it says question, it’s very simple. Do you think everyone out there all the listeners can have a kick ass life?
Jenny Hester [43:51]
Absolutely, absolutely. Because because it’s all about, it’s all about that mindset. You know, it’s about self awareness, being aware of who you are. being okay with who you are, number one, yeah, we all have flaws. My life is not perfect by any means. You know, I could start to list off all the things are bad. But I’d rather tell you all the things that are good in my life, why would I sit here and talk about everything that’s bad, where’s it going to take you, it’s going to take you down deep in a hole that you’re not going to get out of. So don’t live there. You know, be grateful for what you have, be grateful for who you are. And yes, we all have flaws. But we also have very good things in our personalities, also, and we are capable of doing wonderful things for other people. And so that’s where we should live. And it doesn’t mean that living a life of excellence, or kick ass life is you know, living on a yacht somewhere and having more money than you can spend. It’s about being okay with who you are. And having, you know, friends around you and family and people that you love that you can share with. And learning and growing life was about learning and growing and changing. Don’t stop stuck in a rut forever, because that’s not what it’s about life is not meant to be drudgery. It’s It’s It’s an exciting journey that everyone should embrace every day with, you know what is going to happen today. Because this is an adventure.
David Ralph [45:13]
Well, let’s see what your younger self would make of you now, because this is a part of the show that we send you back in time. And if you could go back in time to speak to the younger Jenny, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the tune and when it fades, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
We go with the best bit of the show.
Jenny Hester [45:56]
What I would tell my younger self, I would like to tell my yourself when I was about 20 years old is to find a mentor that you admire and want to emulate someone who has the heart of a teacher. Stay away from that party crowd that the boys and the booze. It’s nothing but a but a bad ending on those. So stay away from all that. Don’t let your past define your future. When you fall in love, love like you won’t be hurt. Don’t be so selfish, you will find that you like giving more than receiving. Don’t put expectations on anyone but yourself. That’s a recipe for disaster. be interested in other people to show true interest with them. Self Awareness is a major key to success. And failure is only failure. If you don’t get back up and try again. You don’t have to think every thought that comes into your mind. So fill your mind with positives. Take some risk, it’s okay. If you fail, at least you try it and that is more than what most accomplished. Understand what fear is read Stephen press fields book The War of Art to have a greater understanding of fear, then you will not be so afraid. Take care of your body is the only one you have learned to love without expecting anything in return. Turn off all the distractions and take time to sit quietly with your thoughts. spend time alone with yourself. You’re going to like who you are. Find a way to make peace with yourself. Because everywhere you go, there you are
David Ralph [47:17]
loved. And I hope the young Jenny loved it as well. So Jenny has to how can our audience connect with you? You’ve got the book coming out or it’s already out now. So how can they actually connect with you and your book?
Jenny Hester [47:30]
right they can go to Jenny Hester.com To find out more about the book and they can purchase it on Amazon. com Barnes and Nobles and those different different venues.
David Ralph [47:40]
We will have the links on our show notes. Thank you so much for spending time with us today joining those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Jenny Hester, thank you so much.
Jenny Hester [47:55]
Thank you, David.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.