Johnny Berba Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Johnny Berba
Johnny Berba is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.
He is a man who has a fascinating story that isn’t very often talked about.
You can actually hear the second time Johnny was interviewed on the show too.
But I guess it is so common in the world that there should be herds of similar guys connecting with each other and supporting each other, but I’m not sure that they do.
“Let’s tell you how it all began……
“In The Beginning: All throughout his early teens he suffered from social anxiety. Going out and doing normal, everyday things such as going to the shopping centre or travelling on a busy train felt like a huge stress.
He remembers being around large groups of people feeling really nervous and anxious and just wanting to run away and be alone.
But he knew that this was not something that he could just ignore as it really affected his entire life.”
How The Dots Joined Up For Johnny
So he started to take action and the manner that he confronted his fears and then built a whole business around it was remarkable.
Instead of sitting in his room allowing life to pass him by, he found a mentor who seemed to just make relationships happen like magic.
But of course there is no such thing as magic, and little by little he started to realise, especially in regards to talking to women what he was doing wrong.
As he says “I decided that I would no longer hit the nightclubs and would drop all the pickup lines and routines.
It was time to return to the streets to find a girlfriend and just work on being myself and allow my conversations to freely flow in whatever direction they would naturally go.”
Gaining confidence in his new found skills he started going out on the streets of London, filming his interactions for fun and posting them on Youtube.
Not just his successes, as he also added the process of filming, monitoring, and allowing all the mistakes he was making shown to the world, slowly fine-tuning them for better results.
His channel started growing slowly and caused stirrings within the London dating world as many believed that being ‘a natural’ was not the way to go.
Ignoring this, he stayed strong and continued to push his beliefs which eventually led to inspiring a large platform of guys to take action.
So how has he taken this momentum and built a business around it?
And is this something that has truly tapped into who he is, or is that nervous anxious individual still lurking under the surface?
Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Johnny Berba.
During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Johnny Berba such as:
How he knew as a young kid that he was going to be as successful in his life no matter in what area should it occur.
How putting out our results to the world good and bad, is the true power method of building up trust and loyalty
Why the English are always looking to hide away from their successes and play small in your life…but should learn a different way to operate.
Why honesty with an equal balance of empathy is the perfect formula for success in life.
How To Connect With Johnny Berba
You can also of course dive head first into thousands of podcast episodes at the JUD’s archives
Full Transcription Of Johnny Berba Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host, live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello there, everybody, Episode 497 of Join Up Dots across the globe, wherever you’re listening to us. Thanks so much for being here, because we have got somebody on the show today, who said, David, I want to tell you, you’re a sexy individual. Actually, he didn’t say that. I kind of tried to get him to say it. But he would do he would do because he knows how to connect with people in a brilliant way. And he’s a man who has a fascinating story but isn’t very often talked about, but I guess it’s so common in the world, that there should be herds of similar guys connecting with each other They jump on supporting each other, but I’m not sure that they actually do. So let’s tell you how it all began in the beginning. All throughout his early teens, he suffered from social anxiety going out and doing normal everyday things such as going to the shopping centre or travelling on a busy train. But it felt like a huge stress. Now he remembers being around large groups of people feeling really nervous and anxious and just wanting to run away and be alone. But he knew that this was not something that he could just ignore, as it really affected his entire life. So he started to take action and the manner that he confronted these fears and then built a whole business around it was remarkable. It is remarkable. That’s why he’s on the show. Now, instead of sitting in his room, allowing life to pass him by he found a mentor, who seemed to just make relationships happen like magic, but of course, there’s no such thing as magic and little by little, he started to realise especially in regards to talking to women, what he was doing, as he says, I decided that I would no longer hit the nightclubs and would drop off pickup lines and routines. It was time to return to the streets to find a girlfriend and just work on being myself and allow my conversations to freely flow in whatever direction they would naturally go. Now gaining competence is a newfound skill. He started going out on the streets of London, filming his interactions for fun and posting them on YouTube. Not just the successes, but he also added the process of filming, monitoring and allowing all the mistakes he was making slowly fine tuning them for better results. And he’s channel started growing slowly. And cost stirrings within the London dating world, as many believe that being a natural was not the way to go when you shouldn’t listen to Join Up Dots. And if that’s the case, now ignoring this, he stayed strong and continue to push his beliefs which eventually led to inspiring a large platform of guys to take action. So our has he taken this momentum and built a business around it and is it something that has truly tapped into who he is or is it that nervous, anxious in vigil still lurking under the surface? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Yes, the other sexually attractive UK man, Johnny Berba. How are you, Johnny?
Johnny Berba [3:11]
It’s a pleasure to be on the show those thanks. That was a hell of an introduction.
David Ralph [3:14]
Thank you. It was a big introduction, because you deserve it because you have got one of those things. But fundamentally, now, I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never had a problem with talking to people. And I’ve never had a problem with talking to the fair a sex, but I imagine that that is one of the most difficult things to sort of overcome. And it’s not just like, learning a skill. It’s not like just saying, I’m not very good at PowerPoint. So I’m gonna learn PowerPoint, you’re basically breaking yourself apart and building it up. That was it like that? Did you really feel that you kind of ripped yourself to pieces and then rebuilt yourself up into this kind of dating Terminator?
Johnny Berba [3:53]
Yes, like you said it was. Basically I was frightened of people had social anxiety. Intellectually when I was younger, I didn’t I’d social anxiety I wasn’t aware of the term I just knew that I felt very uncomfortable around people. I was nervous. I found it very difficult to be myself and to have my opinion. And I associated that fear with women. I thought if I get a girlfriend and I get better with women, my life’s gonna be fixed. But I realised there was some underlining issues. It wasn’t just a woman, it was with people. It wasn’t just a people, with my family, it was my close friends. And I actually didn’t fully trust myself, which is ironic. So this whole thing of anxiety put me on a journey towards speaking to women getting better with women. And as I was improving, getting better with women and sleeping with lots of women, I still felt anxious around people. So I started to fill, it feels like this. There’s this free of me, it feels like I’m different people. So I started to just be more honest and to admit to myself that I did have a social anxiety and it wasn’t just about me trying to get better with women. And sleeping with lots of women was not going to improve my social anxiety. I had to actually start to be honest about it, to call it out and to practice the techniques, getting more comfortable around people. And just basically, you know, getting used to being afraid and getting better. Each time,
David Ralph [5:01]
right? That was a hell of a speech and it led me to have many different questions, not least when you say how many how many, no, I’m not gonna go down that route.
Johnny Berba [5:09]
Well, I’m not gonna say that because I don’t want people to think I’m being arrogant or I’m being braggadocious. Some, I’m not that sort of person, but I just want to relate to men. And I really understand the struggles of a man, the pressures of being a man, the pressure of being good of women and all of the insecurities that come with that. So I was a very, very insecure man because you know, bullied at school. My dad was really strict on me, it just created a lot of distrust in me, it made me feel I couldn’t trust other people. So the whole thing of getting better with women was just a pathway to give me more confidence to eventually face the full truth, which was, I was insecure, and I was not fully being myself and I wasn’t being fully honest in my relationships, not because I was a dishonest person. I was too frightened to show myself I was frightened of being judged was fine to being criticised or trying that people would think I’m a bad person. So it went pretty deep a lot of the fears.
David Ralph [5:58]
Well, I can understand that and You know, as I was sort of mentioning, the fact that you kind of praised a an amount is exactly the same as a bank balance is exactly same as employees, the amount of people that I’ve spoken to on Join Up Dots looked at quantity as being the solution to their problems, but actually there was an underlying problem and that more often than not, was that they weren’t being authentic to themselves. Now you have written yourself apart and you’ve gone again, how do you know that you are the real Johnny Berber now the authentic one and not a kind of constructed superhero and Iron Man Berber?
Johnny Berba [6:39]
Well, that’s a great question, because, you know, it’s funny, David, I don’t actually feel that much different when I was anxious. I just feel more comfortable in myself. And I know I’m the real version because I’m not faking it over all those extra personalities were stripped away due to having good mentors, and really working on myself. And I’m very human. I’m very vulnerable. Some days I’m afraid sometimes I am nervous to go and do it. Public Speaking Some days I feel amazing to go into public speaking, I teach people for a living, how to be confident. So I’ve just accepted that I’m, you know, I’m naturally an introvert, I’m naturally very shy, but I’m okay with that. And that’s what gives me confidence. That’s what enables me to be myself. That’s what enables me to teach other men to be their self. So it’s a feeling, it’s an intuition. And that’s about best advice I could give you. But yeah, I would say I’m my four authentic self.
David Ralph [7:24]
So let’s take you back to the moment. Normally we go right back to the early stages, but it’s not as important to me as that moment when you started to think, hang on, there’s there’s a business here. This was me trying to help myself, but I can see that by helping myself I’ve then got the skills to help other people. How did you start to construct a business where you could then branch out and do public speaking and coaching which fundamentally must have been really scary it because that, you know, that’s not easy to do when you’re a competent individual? And if you’ve been working on yourself, and then going that next step, how did you bridge that gap.
Johnny Berba [8:01]
Well, this is interesting. I’m going to get a bit spiritual with you. I have no business training. I didn’t have any qualifications from school. But when I was a young kid, I knew I was going to be successful. And I don’t mean that to be arrogant. I was frightened of it. I knew that I was going to go on to do something really amazing. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. I thought it was going to be a boxer, which it wasn’t. I felt it. I felt it deep within my heart that this is something I was going to go on to do. But I knew that I had to overcome my fears. And I think I didn’t really think about it too much today, but I was enjoying it. At the time I had a girlfriend, I was around friends, I was enjoying being this person that people liked going out in the streets filming these videos. So I guess I didn’t give it too much for I wasn’t so logical about it. I’m not very rational. Sometimes I’m very emotional. So I think my passion and I just think, you know, nature took its course. I can’t really explain how I did it. Which is frustrating when people asked me but I think it was dedication, hard work, passion and just relating to so many men around the world have struggled with the same issues. And yeah, I just think many people relate to me because I’m so normal. I put a lot of videos up and I show people evidence that you know what it’s possible and you can meet women. And it’s a lot more simple than we’re led to believe, which is just being honest. being yourself and just having fun and being okay with making mistakes and accepting that you’re not going to get success of every woman you speak to, you don’t need to, just like in business, you’re not going to close every single business deal, because not everyone is going to be right for you. But if you enjoy it, yeah, and you find, you know, just through working hard, you’re gonna tick off all the principles that someone that would have studied a business model or structure or certain principles. So that’s how I did it.
David Ralph [9:32]
Because I don’t actually think that there is a business model out there. People would say, Oh, you’ve got to have an exit plan. You’ve got to work towards something. But since I’ve been doing this job, I’ve had so many conversations with people as you can imagine now, where literally, they say to me, I did a bit of this. I did a bit of that. I got a bit lucky. I rode the wave for a little bit. I then crashed I got up I kept on going, and that is how it’s built, isn’t it? That’s how you get momentum. Going by trying stuff and seeing what flies?
Johnny Berba [10:04]
Well, it’s like you said, David, I mean, I could be wrong, but I’m willing to risk being wrong. I don’t think there’s a blueprint on anything. I think there’s certain principles that we can all learn from. But you can’t look at, for example, Tony Robbins success and try and copy him because we’re not Tony Robbins, we don’t have, you know, we’re not perfect. You don’t have his his authentic personality, but we can learn some of the principles, but we can’t be Tony Robbins because it just wouldn’t work. So I don’t think there’s a linear process or a linear blueprint. But I think there’s definitely principles that we will share in order to be successful and go from, you know, running a unsuccessful business to a successful one. So I think it’s about principles, and it’s about going out and everyone’s got to find those principles for themself.
David Ralph [10:43]
Now, as we’re talking at the moment, it’s 10. past two on a Thursday afternoon, and I’m looking at my recording studio and I can see cloud and I can see blue sky, and literally other men on a Thursday when I’m recording, I can get up walk around and do what I want. Is that suck To you creating a business that is under your own terms and your your clock is under your control. Is that a good benchmark for success for Johnny?
Johnny Berba [11:10]
Well, I think that’s a good question, David. I think you know, success for one man can be different from another some man would say success is running up, you know, a six figure company someone would say success is waking up in the morning with health. So I think in our culture, we got a look at the ways we define success. Now for me, success is being comfortable in my own skin success is being happy. But I’m also going to cut the BS successes, doing the job I love and being able to make money because I’ve been poor. I’ve been on state benefits Jobseeker’s allowance, and that wasn’t that didn’t make me feel good. So I think, for me, I’ve defined success by our happiness, spiritual success, as well as our material success because I think we can’t money can’t make us happy, but we need money to get around in the world. So that’s sort of the best way I’ve defined success, but it’s a good point what you mentioned, because success can mean different things to different people. But I think we’re all being honest. We all want to have a nice relationship with a woman. We all want to To be able to have enough financial freedom to buy the things we want, we all want to be able to travel, we want to have the option to do these things. So when people say that, you know that they don’t want their things, I just don’t think there’ll be an honest.
David Ralph [12:10]
I think with me, it’s the tiny bit. When I when I started this show, it was about global domination and a huge bank balance. And yeah, how did you how did
Johnny Berba [12:19]
you become successful in your show? How have you done it? Because what you’ve, what you’ve built is amazing. How did you grow? Um, literally,
David Ralph [12:25]
I started I know, that’s a trite answer. But I started and I recorded, and once I’ve got to 30 shows, I started to think, right, okay, this is proper. And I just kept on working on it. Once I got to 300 shows, I remember having a mindset shift, got to 400 and started to think, yeah, this is it. I’m a podcaster. Now, up to that point, and I mentioned this a lot, Johnny, and I’d be interested about your sort of understanding of this. There was a time that I was embarrassed to say what I was, even though I was putting it out to the world. I was recording shows, I was interviewing people I was putting out to the show world. But then if somebody asked me what I did for a living in a pub, I’d kind of, you know, just moved on the subject. I didn’t feel comfortable. When I finally said, Yeah, I’m a podcaster, even though no bloody person knows what a podcast is really, in the United Kingdom. That’s when it all come together for me. And that’s when success really hit home. It was my body, it was my mind and my output coming together in a sort of three pronged attack. That’s when it all became successful for me.
Johnny Berba [13:31]
Well, that’s that’s interesting. You said that, because I can relate to that embarrassment. I think most people can. In fact, you had the courage to knowledge, what was holding you back. And I share the same principle as yourself. It’s, it’s surrendering to what we really want to do, despite what other people think about us and having to suffer that and that that in itself is success anyway. And these are usually the principles that successful people seem to have and I think there is a pattern in people’s characteristics. I don’t think I think everyone can be successful or not everyone will be successful because you need a certain character to live to withstand the pain, the suffering, the sacrifice and the dedication that you’ve got to go through on a daily basis to become successful. When I first heard your show, I didn’t know he was, but I heard Jeff on it. And I just thought this, this show is going to be massive, because I’ve had a lot of podcast show, some of them are good, some of them average. And I thought this guy is going to be really good. And you are because I could see how much the work you’re putting in the hours and you can just feel the quality you get a feel of people and you can just tell.
David Ralph [14:27]
That’s very kind of you to say and I’ll knock it back out. Yeah, it’s like a tennis match. In your own work, obviously, you’ve been on the journey as well. And he was very open with putting your mistakes, your errors, your your journey out there. When you look back on it. What is that something that is more powerful than presenting a polished article to the world because in podcasting, for example, you can go back to Episode One, and you can listen to that it’s there, it’s never going to disappear. But a lot of people aren’t as interested in Episode One as Episode 500 But if you are on a journey yourself, is it worthwhile to throw your mistakes out?
Johnny Berba [15:05]
There’s no mistakes though, I’m gonna have a bit of a joke you because you join the dots. So Episode One, even if it wasn’t as good as Episode 80 or that episode one, you wouldn’t have got to 80. So when I put it out my failures, I realised later on, they weren’t my favourites. They were my best things. That’s what related people most of the people that pay for my courses have worked me and put their trust in me. And we’ve done a friendship is because of my failures. It’s not despite my failures. It’s because of my insecurities. It’s because I was socially anxious. It’s because I was shy. people relate to me on my vulnerabilities. Of course, the shrimps are good, we need to show proof of success. But these are the things that make them successful. And this is what I’m learning so far. And I’m still sometimes I’m struggling because there was always a part of me that wants to show them how good I am and show my success and I sometimes think I want to be more vulnerable. I want to say more. I want to show more failure. Every time I do it always seems to work out and it not just helps other people. It selfishly helps me which helps people anyway. So I think people who are successful, we need to show More vulnerability, we need to show people that we are human that we, we do. We are afraid sometimes, you know, we need to show that it inspires people. And I think it makes your business more successful. It makes you more relatable
David Ralph [16:11]
when it absolutely does. And I agree with that wholeheartedly, but you would see probably in the last two or three years that changing and people are more willing to put the director’s cut version out, you know, the
Johnny Berba [16:22]
Yeah, the change, there’s a change in consciousness, no, some saying it’s my friend the other day, there’s a real spiritual change. Now people are being more honest, because there’s so much online with the Facebook and the online media. People were just not being themselves. There’s so much protecting ourselves. I think that’s causing people a lot of suffering. Now, I know there’s extremes because my ex girlfriend used to say not everyone is a spiritual journey. Not everyone is open. But I think we can all be more open in our own way we can calibrate it according to what we feel comfortable with. Otherwise, we’re just not going to move forward as as people we’re not going to be happier. And it’s no wonder that social anxiety exists because everyone is afraid to be themselves voice their opinion. Afraid to make a mistake. So my mistakes liberated me my mistakes helped me to be successful women. So I used to be terrified, I get rejected. And now I’m confident because I can get rejected and not take it personal. So we need to fail more, we need to get more comfortable that
David Ralph [17:13]
there is a real synergy isn’t there between professional branding and personal branding? I’m not very good. I like the fact that I don’t have a mobile phone and I don’t have any sort of tablet or whatever. So subsequently, I don’t have a camera. And you see a lot that people are putting pictures of themselves selfies doing this and doing that. And at the beginning, I used to think, oh, what are you doing? Why? Why are you putting your life out there? But I realised now that there is a connection between the personal and the professional, which wasn’t five years ago. I think, a really swanky website was what you wanted. But now you did the BIOS, the about page is more about the struggle than what they can deliver. Do you see that as something that the English people, particularly
Unknown Speaker [17:58]
the English people, like, we’re Separate race.
David Ralph [18:00]
Well, yeah, well, we because over here, we don’t celebrate success as much we kind of go Oh, it’s not
Johnny Berba [18:07]
that we’re ashamed of it. It’s it’s part of British culture that I’m, I think needs to change. There’s things about British culture I love, I’m very proud of it. But I think we’re too embarrassed. We’re too shameful. There’s too much of a people pleaser in us. And we need to move on. We need to learn from some of the other coaches and we need to maybe be like the Americans would be proud of our success. As much as I’m proud of my failures. I’m very proud of my success. I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved. I’m very proud of the person I am I need to inspire other people. So I think it’s not being arrogant. And it’s just been balanced, as you said, what we’ve spoken about. It’s all balanced, you know, being professional, being able to relate to people, and I think everything needs to be balanced and tended towards individual, but I think there’s nothing wrong with success. And when I was growing up, I had a wonderful family, but I think sometimes they may be frightened of being successful. I felt guilty about achieving stuff. I didn’t want to offend my friends. I didn’t want people to think that, you know, I’m trying to I’m trying to Part of where I’ve come from. So there was so much pressure of, of being successful and feeling bad about it. And now, I don’t feel bad about it successful, I strive to be more successful. And I think there’s nothing wrong with it.
David Ralph [19:12]
He is interesting, though. But you get that phrase, you are the average of the five people that you surround yourself and growing up, you surround yourself with your family, because that’s where you live, you go home every night. Now doing this job, I’m obviously surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people literally going for it big time. And it does give me a personal belief that I cannot fail, you know, yes, I’m gonna have failures. I’m gonna get up. I’m going to talk myself down. I’m going to move forward and stuff. Now, we’ve you I know you started to move forward at a rate of knots when you met your guy in the gym. And so yeah, and you could just walk around smiling at people getting telephone numbers, and it was like a dating Jedi. You didn’t know what he was doing. But the fact that he wasn’t actually doing anything he was kind of being in was the real power was that another.in your timeline when you suddenly realised that you had to surround yourself with a different type of person to move to where you wanted to be?
Johnny Berba [20:11]
You suddenly done your research, David. I’m shocked. I was brilliant. Yeah, for me, me and Floyd was just, it was an epiphany. It was just amazing. He He showed me why I could do in very simplistic terms and on an unconscious level. That was the start of my journey beginning because the people I was around at the time and I’m not going to be judgmental because I was not a very good person. If I’m being honest, I was not in my best form. At the time. It was all very insecure. I felt that I wasn’t allowed to be myself. I thought I wasn’t allowed to express myself because they would get offended. So I was, you know, I was selling myself short to please other people. When I met Floyd. I didn’t feel that way. He inspired me. And it was just it was just amazing meeting I’m I’m very thankful for what he did for me. And I don’t even think he’s aware of it, but it was just, I don’t know, I’m emotional when I talk about this because I just don’t really know how to explain It just, I think there’s people that come into our life, David that are here to help us whether it’s for a short short time, or a long time. And it was just, it was really inspiring. And he’s just an ordinary person. And it was it was it was life changing, meeting him,
David Ralph [21:13]
where he will know now when he he listens to Join Up Dots. He will he will run man, you’ll have a man hug and it’d be alright. You’re you can you can cry on each other’s shoulders.
Johnny Berba [21:24]
I’ve already cried in front of him, I’ve told him before, but sometimes it’s hard to tell someone you know, face to face with eye contact, because you don’t know sometimes I still struggle with it as a man being more emotional and open. But it was just inspiring. And I like to think now I do that for other people. I inspire them to inspire themselves because I’ve always said people asked me, for I didn’t teach me how to seduce women or how to improve my social skills. But he did teach me because he inspired me he he demonstrated naturally he made me feel comfortable, to be myself socially and that was all I could have asked for. That’s what you taught me.
David Ralph [21:58]
So you had Floyd First of all, He got it going for you. But you’ve got to be in decide. But you’ve got to, you know, it comes down ultimately Johnny, as you know, to personal responsibility and taking action. How did you start to do that? And how did you come up with the idea of actually putting yourself I think in one of the worst case scenarios of out on the street, trying
Johnny Berba [22:21]
to make sense of some of these got social anxiety to film himself on the streets. And you know what, David, when I look back, it wasn’t even something I had to contemplate. It wasn’t something I had to rationalise. I was just it was a compulsion. It was passion. I was going through a bad depression. I felt I couldn’t tell anyone about it. I felt I would be weak if I asked admit I was insecure and a lot of guilt and a lot of shame. I was bullied a lot of school. I’ve been in a lot of violent fights I’m not proud of at the time. My dad was very strict to me, God bless him. And I just I had to get this handled. I had to get better with women. I had to overcome this because I’m, you know, like all guys, I love women. I had a great relationship of my mom with my armies. I was felt I was naturally good at women. But I just there was a there was a big fear there, there was something stopping me. It was in my chest. It was like a it was almost like an entity that wouldn’t allow me to speak to women. So it was just a compulsion. And I got very excited about it. And I started to see the proof of my actions. I’ve seen the way women responded to honestly how powerful it was. It wasn’t about getting a number for me, it wasn’t about getting made of women, it was about just connecting with them just feeling that I can express myself. And, and I’m not ugly, I’m not I’m attracted that women will like me. So I was very passionate to overcome all this insecurity. Now, let’s
David Ralph [23:33]
play some words. And then we’re going to delve more into what you were just saying. But this is Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [23:39]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that You can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [24:06]
Now, you’ve mentioned a couple of times that your father was quite strict. Would he fall into that category of inspiring you to go for your dreams? Or would he fall into the category of play the safe route, go into an office do the kind of expected route?
Johnny Berba [24:22]
You know, it’s interesting, David, there’s many contradictions in my life. And in my father, my father was a lovely man, I love my dad, and I forgiven him now. But he, he was a contradiction because he always wanted me to do well. He always said in the family, you’re the smart one, you’re going to be the first one in the family to make us proud and I’ve had so much pressure, but then he also said to me, You know, I want to encourage you to be a tradesman. I didn’t want to be a tradesman. No disrespect to tradesmen, because I’ve, I’ve done hard manual work myself, my dad is a tradesman, but I didn’t feel in my heart to be a carpenter or to be a painter, or a labourer, I’ve done all those jobs and they didn’t make me happy. They made me deeply, deeply unhappy. So I wanted to do something more interesting. Firing and my dad was never understood about being a dating coach will teach them in confidence that it just wasn’t in his way of thinking. So he was and Jeff will testify to this. We spoken about it. My dad was my best teacher. He was. It was a strict teacher. But he was my best teacher. He gave me strength. He gave me integrity, you know, taught me about law t that in a very harsh way, but I found my dad and I love my dad because he wasn’t my dad, I wouldn’t be in this position. And I think like most men have had strict farmers. They do mean well, they love us. It’s just they do it in a very strict way. So my dad is is my best teacher and I’m very thankful for he taught me and the things he taught me. I’m still learning them now as I’m growing and getting older and getting more wiser and so forth and teaching other men to do the same. So yeah, my dad is my best teacher.
David Ralph [25:44]
Now one of the things that you spoke about and you’ve used it a couple of times as well is all men love women, but I would throw it back at you Johnny, that some men and allow men and so do your skills work on everyone. Is it only male to women? Is it Men to men, women to women can they all come along and gain the same principles?
Johnny Berba [26:04]
I’m gonna be straight with you, David. And I’m willing to be challenged. My principle of honesty works in every social setting. It works in business meetings, it works in public speaking, it works in a podcast interview, it works in relationships, it works with the different sexes, because it’s honestly, it’s what’s in all of our hearts. It’s what we all feel, but some of us don’t want to say, and I’ve tried and tested this, and I’ve had some challenging clients, who are very educated backgrounds, unlike myself academically, and they’re very sceptical, and when they, when they experience it, and they get proof of themselves, they just, they can’t speak. They just can’t deny it. So this is a spiritual thing. It’s also practical, it’s social, and it works everywhere. But it does take practice. You can’t just say, Okay, let me watch Johnny’s video and try and be honest and it didn’t work. It’s got to become you. You’ve got to get comfortable being nice. Most people are not comfortable being honest. Most people are not really speaking their mind. So it’s something that we have to grow into. And it’s done through the practicality of honesty, and the first principle, I teach that Anyone listen to show could practice just to go out in a coffee shop on the street in a bar, I just hook up to a purse and tell them how you feel and tell them to have a nice day. You’re not trying to take anything from them. You’re not trying to manipulate them, you’re just giving them value by being honest. And it works and I’ve tried it on men and I’m straight. I’ve gone out on the street and complimented men and they’ve loved it. So this works with everything.
David Ralph [27:22]
There was so many questions to go along
Unknown Speaker [27:23]
there and I’ve got no
David Ralph [27:24]
domain professional Mr. Ralph, do not go where your mind was gonna go.
Johnny Berba [27:28]
Go, please. You’re welcome to challenge me because I want to be challenged because I’ve got a big message from growing this channel and I want to show this works everywhere.
David Ralph [27:35]
Well, okay, so you’re on the street. Now, I used to walk along down to the railway station, and if somebody was walking along and they had, you know, nice hair or they smelled nice, I would sort of stop and I’d go just to say you smell lovely. And I’d go on my way. I wouldn’t even wait for a reaction.
Johnny Berba [27:54]
Oh, wait for the reaction.
David Ralph [27:56]
I didn’t care that reaction. It was it was a love bomb. I was setting. I think that if I went up to a man and said to him, Hey, you’re really making me feel happy today or something. I think I don’t imagine that you’re gonna get a lovely reaction back I,
Johnny Berba [28:12]
I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. David, right, you’re gonna, I’m gonna go at some point, I’m gonna do a YouTube video social experiment, I’m going to show you the proof. I’m going to show you that you can do it. It’s all about being comfortable in what you’re doing. Now, I’ve been doing this for 11 years on the street, and I’ve still got fear. I want everyone to know that I know how to manage it. And you need to have some fear. That’s part of being human. But it’s always about how you feel about the situation. You go into other students say to me, Johnny, I can’t go into the coffee shop. She’s with a friend. There’s people there. But I’m saying that you can. That’s your conditioning, your conditioning speaking to me, you can go in there and they’ll say, What am I going to say Go and tell the truth. Go into the coffee shop and say hi, excuse me. I felt nervous about coming in. I felt I didn’t want to wrap you there’s people around but I had to say you’re very lovely. Hi, nice to meet you. And then when you go and do it, the person’s like, Oh, hey, how you doing? Well, because people love compliments. People love honesty. And of course, you’re going to get some people that are not going to appreciate it. So I’m saying that not everyone’s gonna like you. But you know. I mean, not everyone has to like you. But the point is it works on a consistent basis. And it’s always about how you calibrate to the situation. I call it social calibration. Social calibration is using your intuition in a given social situation. So if I’m speaking to someone, and I can sense that they’re shy, I’m not going to make them feel more shy, I’m going to make them feel more relaxed, I’m going to be more vulnerable. If I taught someone I can feel they’ve got a stronger character, and they’re going to be able to handle me challenging them more. I’m going to bring out that part of my personality to meet them on that medium of communication. I hope I didn’t confuse you that but that’s, you know,
David Ralph [29:39]
no, yeah, I understood that totally. And because
Johnny Berba [29:42]
one of the things that is not experiential, it’s all experienced, like, you know, we could talk about it all day, I could do a video about it. But I’ve been doing this for 11 years now. And I’ve got the proof of myself and I’ve taught other guys to do the same. And there’s hundreds of men all around the world following this philosophy. There’s guys that are doing this that don’t even follow my philosophy. It’s not even my philosophy. This is a universal principle that’s in the world. It’s in different books. It’s, you know, the great minds talks about it. It’s all about confidence in oneself confidence in your abilities to carry out, you know, how you carry yourself and you know, how you feel about what you’re doing and how you make another person feel.
David Ralph [30:16]
So it’s not as much as being honest is its honesty with a equal balance of empathy? You’ve got to understand Yeah,
Unknown Speaker [30:23]
yeah. How about lessons
David Ralph [30:24]
because I used to struggle with having no quality control chip, I would be honest. And whatever was in my head would just come out. And more often than not, people were shocked by the things I was saying. Now,
Johnny Berba [30:37]
it’s very interesting to say, because I’m guilty of it sometimes. And I get challenged myself. And I think, at the end of the day, we’re all human. So I’m not a Super Girl. I’m very good at what I do. But I still struggle. Sometimes. I still think well, maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe I should have been a little bit more socially aware. We have to make mistakes, and we just try and get better every time. If we’re so frightened that we can’t voice our opinion. How are we going against relationships? How are we going to improve our relationships. How are we going to speak our mind with people? Sometimes being honest to say, you know what, I made a mistake. I’m wrong. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I just I didn’t mean, I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. You know, sometimes you have to apologise. That’s part of being honest. So it’s a great question, we have to go further into what is honesty. That’s why my philosophy is growing. I’m constantly growing myself because I want to get right down to the root of it. And I think you’re right. Honesty is about having empathy for other people understanding where they’re coming from. So honesty on one person could be different to another person.
David Ralph [31:29]
Because I know this show is growing so quickly, because of, you know, whether we’re kindred spirits to be able to connect like we’re doing when we only had like a minute and a half before we press record, you’ve really got to be fine tuned into how that other person’s wants to be treated and how to relate to them. And I think it works very well on the podcast. I don’t see a lot of other people doing it. Although I buy in totally to what you’re saying. Why don’t you think he obviously is a truth. It’s a well why To truth, but in media like I am in, it’s not there, it seems to be that cheesy 15 fixed questions that the honesty is out the window, the free flowing out the window is not a conversation is not a connection.
Johnny Berba [32:14]
Well, I’m gonna be straight to the truth. I think it’s because we live in a society and I want to be careful. Because I do believe that we create our own reality. And I don’t want to sound like I’m bashing on society, because I’m really happy in my life. I’m quite, I’m just loving life. But I think in our society, we, there’s an element of Adam watts talks about it. There’s a there’s a bit of, I’m not gonna say fakeness, that was too strong. But there’s a persona, there’s a certain persona that we feel we have to live up to socially, there is a narrative, obviously, different TV networks and the way we do things, and it’s public. Political correctness is basically the cause of this. But I think there’s a fine balance because you’re right, if we all fully speak our mind will be at war of each other, but we have to find the balance. And I think that’s the balance. We just got to keep working towards and it’s something that I didn’t choose to do a minute platform, I didn’t want to be so professional where people were so intimidated to come and meet me. And every video is polished, although I do like doing Polish videos. So there’s a contradiction in that. So I just think it’s a balance that we got to work towards. And I think our culture is gradually moving more towards that we’re becoming more honest. Men are actually admitting that they cry and years ago, it wasn’t normal for a man to cry. Now you’ve got mike tyson crying on the TV. So I think we just are scared of being vulnerable. We’re scared of showing weaknesses. And it’s just I don’t know, I just for me, it doesn’t work in my life, but maybe some people see it differently. I’ll be honest with you, I cry all the time. Now. I can’t stop myself. I remember I had to buy a round of drinks in London recently.
David Ralph [33:41]
I couldn’t believe how expensive it was. But no, I used when I was growing up. I used to sort of be in films and stuff and look around at people blabbing I used to think what are you doing? But now you know, Toy Story free. I was on a life support system that was read that just got me and stupid stuff. I don’t even understand where the emotions coming. But I will sit there, but I used to try to hold it back. But now I just let it go. Even though my kids go, oh, Dad, look that’s crying and no, no, no, no. But um, I do I just sort of let it go. Is that a good way is that is that how life should be we should all be walking around just just letting it out?
Johnny Berba [34:18]
Well, I’m going to go back to balance again, I’m going to say sign and I come from a background where it wasn’t normal to show your emotions. I was bullied at school, I was a bit of a bully myself when I was younger, because I’ve just wanted to protect myself. My dad was very strict. So crying was not an option, you you, you’d be called a mummy’s boy. And I’ve changed as I’ve gotten older women, if women have helped me to be more vulnerable men have helped me to be more vulnerable. So I think it’s, I think there’s nothing more manly than having an honest cry. I think that obviously you don’t want to cry every single minute because that’s no emotional control. But I think we need to be in touch with our emotions. And that goes back to what I teach with the honesty is that so many men in our culture, especially British culture, are suppressing their emotions. That’s why people are turning to alcohol, they’re turning to drugs. They’re turning to crime to violence because people just don’t know how to you know, get in touch their emotions. So I personally do a meditation every week where I cry, I don’t bother anyone. I don’t go into the street. I go in my room, I put some music on. And I have an honest cry. I get all my emotions, most of its joy, because I’m so happy. Let me stop you there. How
David Ralph [35:21]
do you do that? How do you go in and squeeze them out?
Johnny Berba [35:25]
I just put on some, some love music or some bass music that I like. And I just, I just think about stuff in the past about what I’ve achieved about how wonderful I am to have such a good family, the people I’ve got around me, the things I’ve been through, and it just comes out it just pours out I think I’ve got a lot of suppressed emotion from the past. I’m still working on some of those things now. And that’s that really shows in my material. It really helps me to relate to the guys that I work with. I just feel I really understand man because now I come from a violent background. I come from a suppressed you know, male kind of dominated That you can’t cry, you know, you have to be strong and be around men. And I think this is one of the things that actually stops men from getting success of women. I think women are attracted to men that are confident, masculine, but I’ve got that sight of that vulnerability. And I think everything comes saying that we all know this, but we don’t apply it, we’re afraid to apply it. So I kind of want to show you a demonstration to men that, you know, we can be manly men, we can live up to your expectations, but we don’t have to take it to extreme and become a bully, and become overly domineering. I’m the type of person if I’m around men, I want to make them feel comfortable. I surrender in the room. I don’t want to be the controlling one in the room. I was up years of doing that. So it’s just about me saying, you know, being more emotional is being a better human being and look at some of the great leaders they cried. They were romantic. They wrote, they wrote great poetry. I mean, Mike Tyson cries, he was the baddest man on the planet. He’s substantive that inspires me because I will say, if mike tyson can cry, it’s okay for Johnny Bourbons to cry. And it’s okay for men to cry.
David Ralph [36:56]
So if you came into a cinema or movie theatre, and Toy Story three was on and you saw me sitting there blabbing away cuz buzzin Woody, we’re just gonna go down into the furnace. And nobody could stop crying about it. Would you look at me again? Fair enough, fair enough.
Johnny Berba [37:12]
I can’t give you a hug and go, hello, David, how you doing?
I would I would just, I’ll just be inspired. I’m not uncomfortable with men crying uncomfort I used to be so sensitive to emotional. I mean, I think a lot of men will relate to me on this coming from social anxiety. I wasn’t comfortable with emotion. I wasn’t comfortable with intimacy with sexual intimacy with social intimacy. And that was one of the reasons that gave me social anxiety because I felt like I always had to be a man. I had to be strong. And it’s kind of weird because when we surrender to who we are and get in touch with ourselves, that’s when we we really become a man, whatever, whatever it means to be a man. I don’t have the exact measurement. But I just look at the people around me and get inspired and you know, it’s, it’s okay for a man to cry. It’s appropriate just as it’s okay for a man To be strong, and to carry out certain tasks that you do in the house or what you need to do in your business. So when we need to cry more, I’m not gonna cry now, but we need to cry more.
David Ralph [38:09]
I’ll tell you what, I’ve had a few people crying on this show you won’t be the first. But it’s interesting to me that your dad wanted you to be a tradesman and you didn’t want to be a tradesman. But ultimately you are you’ve learned a skill and you are that is your trade isn’t it? You may not be working with your hands making something but you are making people’s lives better. So it is a trade. You are
Johnny Berba [38:30]
you’re right when you put it in that context is a trade. It’s a trade you’re, you know, you’re giving your service. I mean, you know, tradesmen in a sense of maintenance and doing carpentry, but you know what, like you said, I don’t regret it all the things I did. You’ve asked me earlier about rejection, because all of these jobs I did, I learned something from them, and they all help to build my character. And so yeah, it’s it as you said, you’re, you know, the name of your show, we joined the dots, it all makes sense in the end, you know, providing that we’re going to go for our dreams and I want to say to people, even if we fail, so But so what if we fail as long as we try it but most people don’t try baby they don’t even try. They’re so frightened to make mistakes they don’t even make them so I got successful women and in my business because I was not afraid to make mistakes and sometimes I am afraid to make mistakes but I still going to
David Ralph [39:15]
tell you what I’m going to play some words now from probably he’s more manly than Mike Tyson. Here we got
Unknown Speaker [39:23]
you, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward how much you can take it keep moving forward. That’s how we did it’s done.
David Ralph [39:39]
Now Oh, I love the rocky films. And I love the fact that if you look at the body of work, we talked about rocky a lot because there’s a huge metaphors to life. But he went from being a very humble person to almost a superhero fighting for his country against Russians and, and but now he’s come the other end and he is back as really raw and open and in many ways more authentic. That is a great journey to be on in our own life, isn’t it? We all play that sort of superhero part at times. But ultimately we come back to connecting with our Well, our essence somehow.
Johnny Berba [40:14]
Well, I mean, you’ve taken the words out my mouth, because you know, I love Rocky growing up, he was one of my, one of my idols and of my heroes. He was, he was a pinup of, you know, he was a pinup, for me of inspiration. And I think you’re right, I think that’s when we really become men is when we just become more open. Basically, a man becomes more beautiful when he’s in touch with his emotions. That’s really what one has to say, I know, Rocky is a big inspiration. Although it’s a fictional character. There’s so much truth in that character. And as men, we relate to that character in so many different ways. And even women like this character, so it’s very relatable. And I think back to what we were saying earlier, being relatable with being vulnerable. I said to a guy before who is struggling with conversation skills, I said, you’re struggling because you’re not being vulnerable. You’re not relating to women because you don’t want to make mistakes. And you think that women are putting up a bit short and you can’t trust women, but it’s been Because you don’t trust yourself, you don’t want to be vulnerable and you’re expecting people to give you back what you’re not putting out. So ultimately, I’ve learned that we get what we put out. And when I was aggressive and when I wasn’t being vulnerable, that’s exactly why I got back. And you know, the same thing that Jeff talks about, and Jeff has actually helped me to get better with is that we have to treat people the way that we want to be treated. And the verse in the Bible that I really like, I won’t get too religious on you, David. But it says, you know, the way you treat the least of you is the way you treat yourself. And that’s been so true for me, I’ve used that line as a whole metaphor for the way I live my life. And I always remind myself if I am unkind to someone, I just remind myself that that line, and it gives me you know, a feeling of guilt. And I just work on that. So, you know, we have to treat people according to how we want to be treated.
David Ralph [41:43]
Now, you’ve mentioned Jeff a couple of times, but so for people thinking, who is this Jeff? He called Jeff Thompson, and he was on episode 178 of Join Up Dots if you want to go back and he had a fascinating story, and it was a story that he was, he was pulling away from heartache It’s not a very nice childhood. Now you connecting with him as a mentor, did you need somebody with a kind of emotional baggage that he’s freed himself from? Is that the kind of mentor that made your life easier?
Johnny Berba [42:14]
Yeah, basically reason I got inspired by Jeff is because I needed a strong man from a tough background to tell me that he was insecure. I needed to hear those words, I needed to hear that soundbite to liberate me from a past trauma that was eat me up inside and I thought I couldn’t tell anyone about it because I was a famous dating coach on YouTube. I was running a very successful business in my own right, and a great date in life. But I was suffering David on the inside, I was going for a lot of pain. And I was hiding my payment skews my French through cheating on women being dishonest. Although I was teaching honesty. I was struggling with integrity in my own life because I had so much insecurity because of the trauma with my dad, and it was hurting me and when I heard Jeff stuff, I heard it on London real heard him on an interview. He just spoke to me and I actually burst it out and cried and I hadn’t tried for many He is and I thought, why am I feeling like this? I’m this successful guy, I’ve got a YouTube channel, my business is going well, I’ve got a beautiful girlfriend. I’ve got a lot of women around me, but I don’t feel good. I feel dishonest and I’m not a dishonest person. So when Jeff’s told me his story, there were certainly parallels in my story, because I went through a lot of abuse. Now, I’m not gonna try and equal Jeff streaks, I feel like he’s been for a lot. I didn’t have 300 fights. I didn’t compete at the level Jeff did as a marsh slice. But I’ve been in a lot of street fights because of bullying. I completely hated violence. My mom didn’t like violence. I was a very nice person, but I was very insecure. And even when I became very confident women, I was a teacher, there was still bits of me that were insecure, and I wasn’t very aware of them on a conscious level. So seeing Jeff stuff gave me permission to be vulnerable, and to take my teaching to another level and to reconnect with a inner child and to heal the pain rebuild ratio, my father, which I’m in the process of doing so. I just want to give a personal thanks to Jeff because I said to him before, I’m going to thank him and I don’t know how I’m going to do it. And I guess this is a way of thanking him on your show. It’s gonna make other people aware of the work that Jeff does. And it’s just, it’s just life changing what he does. We need people, more people in the world that are honest, that can help people more. This is success, you know, people that are that are willing to be more honest about their stories and not just talking about the glamour, the glitz, how much money they made, how much you know, business that they attract, but, you know, the pain that they went through together. And I like to think that I’m doing that in my work as well.
David Ralph [44:24]
But I’d like to thank Jeff Thompson as well, because he was he made me step up a gear. When he come on the show, I realised that I had to sharpen my tools, ask better questions. And I think that was one of those benchmark episodes. And so, so Jeff, we both salute you for
Johnny Berba [44:40]
Yeah, big up to Jeff.
David Ralph [44:42]
And also the guy in the gym. What was his name? Let’s give him that because
Unknown Speaker [44:45]
we’ll go give a shout out to Floyd Floyd, the natural Florida natural work right. Well as
David Ralph [44:50]
he got that tattooed on his arms, you know,
Johnny Berba [44:52]
No, he hasn’t got a tattoo on his arm, but I’m always telling him how good he is. He’s very modest of it. And I think he’s just love on those guys that is not aware of his own talent. And that’s it. Another thing I noticed in so many people, everyone is talented, but most people are frightened to be aware of it, they deny their talent, they don’t want to see it. So we have to recognise our talents. And back to what we were saying earlier, not being embarrassed of our talents, not being afraid to go out and express our talents, you know, and to fully succeed and our talents and everything we’ve spoken about so far on the show are all really this is the principles of how I became successful and I’m still, you know, on want to be more successful, but these are the things I did, I had to work through embarrassment, through shame, through massive social anxiety, through terror, through fear through so much doubt, so much guilt, self pity, and I’m just excited. I want to share it and show people that this is part of being human and you know, don’t let these things stop you. You have joined up your dots well, and truly and I’m gonna play the words from the man himself who said this back in 2005. Mr. Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [45:53]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear. You’re looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [46:28]
So has it made all the difference to you, Johnny?
Johnny Berba [46:32]
Sorry, that in regards to what David
David Ralph [46:34]
was saying, just having tried trust, faith, belief, and just doing your own thing.
Unknown Speaker [46:39]
You want me to get spiritual with you, David, you could go anywhere you want.
Johnny Berba [46:44]
Following this intuition, this feeling of God and I, I don’t even know what God is. But it has there’s there’s a feeling that we will have in our hearts and we will have that feeling and I spoke about it yesterday as sort of a gathering. It was about talking about God and philosophy. won’t go too into detail. It’s very deep. But yes, we have to follow our intuition. And that’s when we don’t get happy. And I think that comes back to honesty. If we got the courage to be honest and to follow what we fit in our hearts, we’ll be successful just in doing that as success. So it’s definitely helped me,
David Ralph [47:15]
because I’m not religious in any shape or form. I, I come from the sort of mentality, but if you want to believe in God, then God’s there for you. You know, it’s it’s your own personal belief. But I do have a strong connection with something more. And it’s come through the show, I don’t think I felt it in the same way at the very beginning, that it can’t just be us. We live, we struggle, we die, there’s got to be something more. And when you hear these conversations where people have been on these journeys, and they have gone to the darkest places and they’ve come back stronger, and once they come back stronger, they then want to give back to the human race because you know, to share their success or whatever. There’s got to be something better is Now?
Johnny Berba [48:00]
Well, it’s interesting you say that because I’m not religious in a dogmatic sense, and I’m not structured and I’m not, I don’t get offended if someone is an atheist. I think everyone is entitled to believe in what they want to believe I just respect other people’s beliefs. But I see it in the same way you do. I felt the same as you though. There’s got to be more than just we live we die. I feel there’s like an interconnection, maybe in a Buddhist sense that we’re all connected. We’re all joined, or it feels like we’re not but we are. And there is there is a consciousness, there is an awareness, there is something more intelligent, that goes beyond our intellect and our rationalisation. And it’s in us we feel it. And the more we follow it and develop it, the more clearer it becomes. And the more we see that in our everyday life, and we feel it and I was in a conversation yesterday. And they spoke about faith. And I said, well for me to have faith, any proof and they said, Well, that doesn’t make sense. And I said, Well, for me, it does because my faith comes from a spiritual understanding, which is what I feel is what I feel intuitively. So like, that’s, that’s the god I understand. But I’m still learning David. You know, I feel like This last year I found God. And I’m still kind of trying to understand it, I had a massive epiphany. Especially when I worked with Jeff. So I’m still going for this epiphany. So that’s why I’m a little bit a bit chaotic at the moment in a good way. So I’m just, you know, very excited. And I just feel, yeah, just thought this, this is more than when we see.
David Ralph [49:16]
So just before we send you back in time on the Sermon on the mic, what would be your big Doc, when you look back over your life to this point? Has there been a moment of relationship or connection that has allowed you to move to where you’re going?
Johnny Berba [49:34]
I don’t, I don’t have any bias because I’ve many good teachers, and I’m so grateful for Floyd. And I want to say that I was as a great teacher to myself, I counselled myself and ever went to get help. I should have got it. But I want to say that me and Jeff has changed my life is just something changed, is a friend of mine work Jeff as well. And I said I felt good for him. And I’m not joking. I’m not saying that I’m not you know, it’s something changed. When I met him. I spent time with And it was it. It wasn’t comfortable. It’s scary but it’s I felt it for him and I’m feeling it in myself and I’m feeling it through other people. I think it’s because you’ve just done so much work on himself and because of his journey, so it was definitely at this stage of my life meeting Jeff if you asked me before it was meeting Floyd and just the work I do with the students but yeah it to me and Jeff has changed something in me
David Ralph [50:20]
in five years time you might say me You might say me
Johnny Berba [50:24]
what I do because I really mean it David, I’ve got something from the city I knew that I was going to connect with you I felt that when I first heard the conversation with Jeff I just felt I connect with you on some level. When you talked about your your you know, what you’ve been through the hours you put in changing your beliefs, having to risk being, you know, upset and friends because you want to grow so I felt that connection and we all learn from each other. You know, whether it’s a good lesson or a bad lesson
David Ralph [50:47]
is absolutely true. If you look back at the original logo of Join Up Dots, it was the world and a series of dots connecting and the words Join Up Dots the first hour and the last hour Black and I would like the big dots. And I kind of sketched it out and and just kind of threw it up because I needed a quick logo. And I look at it now. And I think actually, subconsciously, that was kind of what I was aiming for. But we were all dots, and we were all building connections. And if we do sort of connect, and we inspire and we motivate, then the world’s going to be a better place. And it’s funny, I couldn’t see that it was just a kind of image that came to me, but now 500 shows back I think to myself, yeah, that’s that’s about what,
Johnny Berba [51:29]
what, uh, sure what you’ve done, what you’ve achieved is amazing. I know, I remember you saying when your show that your days are long, you’re working. I think you’re saying you’re working, I don’t know, 15 hours, he said, I can’t recall the early days. And you were saying but but you enjoy it. It’s a good stress. And that’s the way I feel. And that’s the connection I felt of you is that you’re just putting in the hard work and letting nature take, you know, run its course. So I totally agree joining we at the end of the day, we’re all going to join the dots when we die. And the question is, you know, are we going to join the dots in the way that we want to because most People are joining the dots, but they have no control over it, their life is just going by. So I think at the same time, there is an awareness that is kind of controlling things. But we play a part in that. And I think we are part of that awareness. But I’ll stop there for I go to the but yeah,
David Ralph [52:13]
we we should have a couple of pints and do this do this in a bar somewhere. But this is the London pub. And I’ll be crying all night every time around. It’d be ridiculous. Well, this is the part of the show that we’ve been leading to. And it’s the part that we call the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Johnny, what age would you choose, and what advice would you give? Well, we’re gonna find out because I’m gonna play the theme tune and when it fades you up. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Johnny Berba [53:07]
How you doing Johnny? Mate, you’re right. You’re 15 years of age Johnny and and you’re suffering. You’re at school, you’re in the playground, you’re being bullied, and you’re frightened. You’re you’ve got social anxiety, you feel ashamed because you’ve been bullied by your dad, you feel embarrassed. You feel that everyone thinks bad things about you, you’re embarrassed of your body, you’re scared that they’re going to start on you. You don’t want to be violent, because you’re a nice person, you’ve got a good heart. And and you’re terrified, you’re afraid. And you don’t want to go to school. And you feel like you feel unintelligent. You feel that you’re not an intellectual. You feel that the kids in the class are laughing at you, they think bad things about you. You think that you’re not good enough, you think that you’re never going to amount to nothing. You think that you’re never going to get a girlfriend, you think that you’re never going to be loved? You think that your father doesn’t like you? You think that you’re not being a man, you’re embarrassed of your own shadow. You’re embarrassed to walk around the playground. You’re embarrassed, everybody To do simple, mundane things, you’re embarrassed to be embarrassed, you’re afraid to be afraid, you feel guilty to feel guilty. You’re angry, you feel ashamed that being angry, you just want to get on with the kids. But I’m here to say, Johnny that it’s all gonna work out that all the all the bullying that you went through all of the suffering of your dad the nights, when you still wet yourself, you felt embarrassed because you weighed yourself because you’re so frightened of your dad. The confusion, feeling that you can’t trust anyone feeling that women think you’re ugly, that fights the embarrassment. We’re going to laugh about it one day, we’re going to sit down and we’re going to have a drink, and you’re going to be an inspiration to men, you’re going to inspire other men that were frightened, that felt insecure that felt that they can trust other men. And guess what all the bullies you’re going to teach them, you’re not going to hurt them with violence. You’re going to show them love. You’re going to show them that you forgive them because you understand what it’s like to be violent. You forgave your dad, you understand that we all have difficult some of difficult upbringings and you’ve made it you’ve made many mistakes. But God knows your heart. God knows your heart. God knows that you’re honest. God knows that you’re, you’re going on a path, you’re going to be successful. And you’re frightened of your success. You’re afraid because you don’t want to offend people. You don’t want to frighten your mum. You don’t want people to think that you’re you’re being snobby. Or you’re being arrogant. But you’re going to inspire everyone. You’re going to inspire people from different classes, different backgrounds, you’re going to inspire women. And it’s not going to be easy. It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to force you into areas that are going to make you feel physically sick. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it’s all worth it. And you understand now you got bullied, you got bullied, because how could you teach a man? If you didn’t go through what he went through being bullied? How could you teach someone that was insecure, and helped them to become secure? How could you teach them about love if you didn’t feel that you never had love? So this is all worked out? We’re here now Johnny, this is you made it and God tested you. He wanted to see what you was made of and he gave you tough love. He wanted you to appreciate the fruits of your life. So you It’s all about love. And that’s what you’re here to teach men. You’re here to teach frightened men that come from damaged backgrounds, from any class, regardless of race, culture, religion, you’re here to show them that it’s okay, it’s gonna work out and their suffering has been for a reason. I love you joining.
David Ralph [56:15]
What’s the number one best way that our audience who would love to learn more about what you’re presenting to the world can connect with you, Johnny?
Johnny Berba [56:22]
The best way to connect me is to go to WWw. Johnny berba.com or just to go on to YouTube and type my name in and watch all the free videos.
David Ralph [56:29]
We’ll have all the links on the show notes. And I’m particularly looking forward to that one. When you go up to the beefiest, ugliest looking man and
Johnny Berba [56:38]
you look at the new table, I’m going to show you on the switch, I’m going to go out and I’m going to compliment men and show you that it’s completely normal and it’s gonna work
David Ralph [56:45]
and I will visit you hospital. I’ll be glad
Johnny Berba [56:50]
to show I really appreciate and I wish you the success of your show. I think it’s gonna do great.
David Ralph [56:54]
Thank you very much. Thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those guys, please come back again. When you add more dots to join up, as I believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures Johnny Berba, thank you so much.
Johnny Berba [57:08]
Thank you, David.
David Ralph [57:11]
Now wasn’t that great, you know, we talked about being authentic, but I don’t think we’ve ever talked about being totally honest as well. And honesty is authentic and authentic is honestly but Johnny’s creating something remarkable because he’s really putting himself out there. And it’s a difficult thing if you are naturally not that way to break yourself down and rebuild yourself and provide value to the world and I speak to a lot of guys and ladies, and they are holding themselves back because they don’t think they’re worth it or they don’t think that the world will be ready for what they can offer. It’s a crock, it’s a crock, you will find your market if you are providing value and if you can provide value and solve a problem like Johnny’s doing then you’re going to be even more successful. Thank you so much as always for listening if I’m if anybody can pop over to it. And leave a rating and review. Don’t ask him very much. And send me a screenshot, send me a screenshot by email about what you’ve said. And I’ll give you a big name check on the show, you can be famous, you can play it to your dog and your dog will love you even more. Thank you so much for listening. This is David Ralph. That was Join Up Dots. We’ll see you again. Bye bye.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.