Welcome to the Join Up Dots Podcast with Kelly Dinardo
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Introducing Kelly Dinardo
Kelly Dinardo is today’s guest joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast who quite simply has hit that spot when life is business and business is life.
When you see her state “I keep expecting to be told to get a real job. In the meantime, I’ll travel the world with my yoga mat, interview future royalty and experiment with skiing uphill.” then you know that she is doing things her own way.
As she says “I am the author of several books, including Gilded Lili: Lili St. Cyr and the Striptease Mystique and Living the Sutras: A Guide to Yoga Wisdom beyond the Mat.
I am the host of the Living It podcast, which explores yoga concepts by talking to compelling people in the health/wellness and yoga world.
And I am the owner of Past Tense yoga studio in Washington, D.C.
As a freelance journalist, I specialize in exploration – whether it’s internally through yoga and meditation, physically through health and fitness, culturally and socially through profiles, or the myriad ways travel brings all of that together.
I have written for O: The Oprah Magazine, Martha Stewart Living, Health, The New York Times, National Geographic Traveller, Glamour, Redbook, Shape, The Washington Post and others.
But the key to this lady comes in one statement.
And this statement is key to every success that we see on Join Up Dots
“Of course, these enviable adventures show none of the butt-in-chair discipline.
That’s intentional. As a storyteller, I want readers so engaged they don’t even consider the behind-the-scenes effort.”
So does her life still seem a life of effort, or has the days of grind been left far behind?
And as a freelance, how hard was it to get the ball rolling and get those first few commissions?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Kelly Dinardo
During the show we discussed such deep weighty subjects with Kelly Dinardo such as:
Kelly shares how the first year of her life was the hardest work she has done (and the most of the time it was minimum wage) but still ok.
Kelly shares the three stages to cultivating happiness in the present. This is a game changer.
We talk about Kelly’s desire to work hard on the things that interest her, even if they seem not to connect from the outside.
Kelly reveals the connection she has with the small child and how its such a powerful way to move into your dream adult life.
How To Connect With Kelly Dinardo
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Kelly Dinardo Interview
When we’re young that we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling in Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David, Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Good morning, everybody. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning and days guest is somebody that I personally need big time in my life because she’s an expert on yoga, you know, when you in your 20s and the 30s, you can do anything you want. And when you get into your 40s you can’t even bend down to pick your socks up in the morning. This lady is going to be out but uh, tell us what we’re doing wrong. And I bet it’s all to do with stretching and lack of movement. I think that’s going to be the key, but maybe I’m wrong. Anyhow, she’s a guest who has quite simply hit that spot it seems when life is business, and business is life. When you see I keep expecting to be told to get a real job. In the meantime, I’ll travel the world with my yoga mat interview future roti and experiment with skiing up hill. But you know that she’s doing things own way. And she says I’m the author of several books, including gilding the Lily Lily sent saya and the striptease Mystique and living the sutras a guided to yoga wisdom beyond the mat. I’m also the host of the living it podcast, which explores yoga concepts by talking to compelling people, yes, compelling people. So I probably won’t be on there in the health or wellness and yoga world. And I’m the owner of past tense yoga studio in Washington, DC. Now, as a freelance journalist, I also specialise in exploration, whether it’s internally through yoga and meditation, physically through health and fitness, culturally, and socially through profiles, or the myriad ways travel brings all of that together, I’d written for the Oprah Magazine, Martha Stewart Living the New York Times and those of others. But there’s a key to this life. And this is the bit that I really jumped on when I was doing my research. And this statement is key to every success that we see on Join Up Dots. She says, of course, these enviable adventures show none of the batting chair discipline. And that’s intentional. As a storyteller, I want readers so engaged, they don’t even consider that behind the scenes effort. So does her life still seem a life of effort? Or has the days of grind been left far behind? And as a freelance? How hard was it to get the ball rolling and get those first few commissions? Well, let’s find out as we bring on to the show, to start Join Up Dots with the one and only Kelly Dinardo.
Kelly Dinardo [2:42]
I’m good. Thank you so much for having me. It’s lovely to have you,
David Ralph [2:45]
you are all bendy, I bet. I bet you’re one of those ladies, I could tie into different positions. And you’ll still be quite comfortable,
Kelly Dinardo [2:53]
maybe. But you know, you said that you can’t touch your toes. And I just want to clear the record right off the bat is that there is no award for touching your toes. Even in yoga, if you want to touch your toes, bend your knees totally fine. Like,
David Ralph [3:07]
always put it down to the fact talk very long legs and short arms. So I’ve never, ever been able to get anywhere near my toes.
Kelly Dinardo [3:16]
You know, nothing magical happens when you do get to your toes. So if you really feel like that’s a goal you want to reach, really just bend your knees, and you’ll get there totally fine. Kelly,
David Ralph [3:30]
it’s gonna be some amazing thing, because I once saw this man on YouTube. And he, he did a video a day for 30 days or something. And he went from nothing to touching his toes. And I thought, that’s it, I just got to do it every single day. Of course, I do it two days. I mean, I think I can’t be bothered to I forget about it, I thought there was going to be some magic that you could give me, that makes me all bendy?
Kelly Dinardo [3:53]
Well, just because you can’t touch your toes doesn’t mean you won’t see like drastic impact if you did it every day for 30 days. But as you just said, if your legs are long and your arms are short, you’re not going to be able to it or in my case, my everything is short, and I will never be able to there are certain poses I’m just never going to be able to do because I don’t have the arm length, or the torso length, or the leg length or whatever it is. And then we have I have people on staff there. They’re so funny, they are almost the same height. Actually, I think one of them’s a little taller. But when they sit down, back to back, they’re almost the same height because one has just barely long legs, and one has a really long torso. And so yeah, your body what you see on Instagram and on TV, and whatever else with yoga, your body might not do that it might not be built to do that. And I don’t even think that should be one of the goals of yoga.
David Ralph [4:55]
Go to a dinner party, I look like I’m sitting sitting on one of the kids chairs. Because I’ve got such a small body, but very long legs. I’m six foot two, but I reckon six foot of it his legs and the two inches are the bodies I sit down. And I’m literally looking like a small child by the side of these adults.
Kelly Dinardo [5:14]
Right. So there are other you if you if you want to be fancy and show off some school tracks, there are other yoga poses you can do because you have longer legs that the shorties in the crowd won’t be able to do. But again, that’s not really what Yoga is all about. And if you did it every day, for 30 days, you would definitely have looser hamstrings and more open shoulders and better posture and you’d be sleeping better and probably having better sex that’s appealing. So there’s a reason
David Ralph [5:48]
very appealing, I switched off everything else I’ve been I’ve got some. And I thought you know, because one of the issues Kelly without get into into it. I’ve now got teenage kids don’t go to sleep at night, when they were younger, they would stay in their bed from our past six. And so you had enough time to get a little bit of an adult time. But now they literally always walking around you’re on edge Kelly, I can’t do my best performance when I’m on age.
Kelly Dinardo [6:16]
Well, so yoga would help you calm down and be very centred, and be able to block that out and be fully present in the moment. If
David Ralph [6:26]
there isn’t a moment, that’s the problem.
Kelly Dinardo [6:30]
That’s it. That’s a different experts. conversation.
David Ralph [6:36]
Let’s get back into your storey because it is a fascinating one that goes off in many different directions. And as I said in the introduction, there was that that one statement, or putting the chair discipline behind the scenes work, but quite honestly isn’t sexy. People don’t want to see it, they want to see the overnight success, but they don’t want to see but the grind the out at the beginning. Are you still in that groyne stage? Or are you in that sort of place? And oh, yes, I’m reaping the rewards. Now.
Kelly Dinardo [7:09]
I am not in the grind stage. But I still work really hard. I mean, I put a lot of hustle into my day. And I, at the same time when My day starts and my work day starts and ends, I am 110% in it, I am super focused, I just work. And then when my day ends, I turn that off. And I try and not always great, but I tried to be that focused with my family and my friends. Because I think that balance actually is very restorative and helps me be better all the way around. So I I am not, I’m not in the grind, but I’m still in the hospital.
David Ralph [7:53]
It is a huge grind at the beginning isn’t there about that, that theory of you know, you just throw up a website and drive some traffic to it is with my listeners to say, you know, you can have any life you want. And it does get to a point where that boulder that you’re pushing becomes easier and easier and easier. But it’s only because of the work you put in at the beginning.
Kelly Dinardo [8:17]
Yes, I totally agree with that the first year that I was freelancing was easily the hardest year of my life, I was working crazy hours, and I was working six, seven days a week and making barely minimum wage, like it was very hard to make rent. And to kind of do all of that. So and then, you know, I got a little bit easier every year and then every few months. And I think I’m in a very good rhythm now. But I’ve also been freelancing since 2002. So you know, it’s a long time, it’s taken a really long time to get to this point and the yoga studio to go for it. Now I just want to say I opened the yoga studio 10 years ago, and the first year was an insane amount of work. And there were several years where I wasn’t paying myself at all, you know, and was very happy to be able to pay my staff and break even and, and then again, like that just got easier. And now I’m in a nice place with that too. I just it just takes time and patience, which is not my strong point, actually. So
David Ralph [9:32]
why do we do it? Kelly? Why do most of us I was in a corporate gig where I just went bam. And basically I turned up. And there was some days I could have just been disappeared. You know, I used to have people say to me, oh, you been on holiday. And I haven’t been there all the time. But they just kind of hadn’t seen me because I was just sloped behind my computer screen all the time. And we go from that to working more hours than we’ve ever done. But less than minimum wage at the beginning is going by YHV hosting, you’ve gotta get bass, you gotta get bad news, you still do it? Well, what is it about our mental sort of state of mind at that time? That makes us believe so much, but it’s going to be worthwhile?
Kelly Dinardo [10:16]
Yeah, you know, there’s actually a concept in yoga that answers this. So it’s called cultivating contentment. And it’s essentially this idea that we as human beings are constantly chasing happiness, right? When I get this job, when I get this promotion, when I get married, when I have kids, when I lose 10 pounds, whatever it is, then I’ll be happy, right? And so we push happiness off into the future. And we then when we reach it, we move the goalposts and in yoga, they say, you want to work on cultivating contentment in the present. And if we can do that, you know, if we can do that, then you’ll actually find true joy and scientists and shown that there are three very tangible ways to cultivate contentment. practising gratitude, so you’re recognising the abundance in your life, your social relationships, that’s actually the number one predictor of happiness. And then the third one is kind of answering what you’re saying is living our purpose, right, living a purposeful life, when we can live our purpose, we are actually far more happy and far more content. And so I, I think there’s this cultural misperception that happiness is financial. And so we go to these jobs that maybe feed our bank account, but not our souls. And if we actually work the job, if we find a way to make a living, and to support ourselves doing the thing that also feeds our soul, then we’re a lot more content, which is why some of us choose to chuck in the corporate gig and work our beers off and make no money for a while, because a promise at the end of that is that we’ll be able to live what we actually would actually fuels us
David Ralph [12:13]
is a journey that you have to go on. And I was I was down the pub last night, and I was having a meal with my wife. And I was saying, did you remember because I’m one of these people that is a complete stress head, but I don’t look like a stress it. I’m like an internal stress it, where it my whole body can be sort of like really going over time, but nobody knows it. So they just think that I’m I’m walking around happy as loudly as we say, in the United Kingdom. And I said to remember what I used to be like, you know, constantly looking at a bank account, constantly looking at base constantly looking at that. And now it’s brilliant, you know, Join Up Dots is a financial success. So it’s, you know, the rewards are coming my way. But one of the things that I wish I’d known at that time, was every decision that I’d made up to that point, I’d always been the right decision. Because I was still output to go down the pub and have a lunch, I was still had a roof over my head, there was no game changes in anything that I’ve done. And literally every decision for the last 50 years has basically been right is you know, because I’m still here, I’m still here, I’m still got me Wi Fi, I’ve got me Netflix, I’ve got you know, there’s nothing to be worried about. There’s nothing to be stressed about. Because if you project the next five minutes, your life is going to be the same the next week, probably still the same. And just keep moving on. And now aren’t going to be times when you know, you may not be making rent and stuff. But you can deal with that issue. Can’t hear.
Kelly Dinardo [13:40]
Mm hmm. So then I think the issue would be to figure out how you can enjoy the journey more. Right? So maybe it’s as simple as like reminding yourself that it’s, it’s been fine. It’s been fine for the last, you know, 20 years, the last six years Join Up Dots the successful whatever it is you need.
David Ralph [14:01]
Very sexy. I’m so
Kelly Dinardo [14:02]
sorry. It is the word out now. Highly. That’s it. very highly successful. Yeah. So yeah, I’m, but I, I think that’s very human to, to be worrying about things and to be worrying about the future. And I think it’s one of the ways we actually steal from ourselves, right? Like, rather than being fully in the present moment, we’re ruminating over the past or we’re worrying about the future. And I think that keeps keeps us that, again, keeps us from cultivating true contentment and keeps us from being happy. So I don’t know, we’ve got to figure out some ways to keep you in the present and recognising your success and not worrying so much about the next year or whatever. Oh, good. Somehow we always do like pay the rent, it all works out.
David Ralph [14:54]
I am reformed, I don’t really worry about anything, you know. And there was a there’s a good there’s a great article, and I want everybody to go out there and read this article. And I’ve mentioned it a few times over the past. But it’s the seven steps to living a Bill Murray life. You know, Bill Murray, the Ghostbusters actor, and this course is about knowing years ago, but he said these, but basically I’ll just give you the rules, okay. And he said, You know, every day sing and be really into it. Okay, that’s his first one, really belt it out. Second one, just be honest in life. And always make time for your friends, be spontaneous. leave yourself open to magical moments, stay relaxed and successful. Follow and remember that you are you and no one else. Don’t. And it’s a really great article to go through. But I want to read number six, okay, because it’s very interesting and links into our conversation. Is that okay? If I read that, Kelly,
Kelly Dinardo [15:52]
David Ralph [15:53]
And I don’t know why I asked your permission, I’m the host I can do. I’m so used to living in a house full of women. Bottom thing, I’m in control here. Step six, stay relaxed and successful follow this is what Bill Murray said. He said, someone told me some secrets early on about living, you have to remind yourself that you can do the very best you can. When you’re very, very relaxed, no matter what it is, no matter what your job is, the more relaxed you are, the better you are. And that’s sort of why I got into acting, he said, I realised that the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, well, I said job I can be proud of, I’d be proud to have that job. If I had to go to work and say, no matter what my condition or what my mood is, no matter how I feel about what’s going on in my life. If I can relax myself and enjoy what I’m doing and have fun with it, then I can do my job really, really well. And now he says, changed my life learning that and it’s made me better at what I do. I’m not the greatest or anything, but I really enjoy what I do. Now that relaxation is very much your mentor of life, isn’t it with your yoga and your business?
Kelly Dinardo [17:04]
Yeah, I think so. And I don’t know if I would use the word relaxation. But you know, the actual definition of yoga according to the to the Yoga Sutras, which is that ancient philosophical text is all Yoga is is stilling the sensations of the mind or the fluctuation. So all those like that crazy internal chatter, all Yoga is, is calming that down and finding a steady state, which, to me feels like a little bit deeper than relaxation. But I, I think that’s really smart. And actually, as you were reading that, I thought, that sounds like getting yourself into a flow state, right, getting into that. That place like, I don’t know, whatever your thing is, whether it’s gardening, or skiing, or running, or yoga, or colouring, I mean, there’s a cooking, there’s like 1000 things that can put you into that flow, state, whatever that is like, then you’re so focused, and you’re so present in the moment that, you know, everything kind of feels limitless, and you’re really living your best. And I think the purpose of yoga is to bring us into that state more and more into our everyday life. So yeah, I mean, what he’s saying, I think that, that is that sounds very yoga to me. Even though the word Smith and me wouldn’t choose the word relax. But I’m, I love that that’s great.
David Ralph [18:29]
Because I’m going to play some words. And I’m going to come back to what you’re saying, because I honestly, thought yoga was all about stretching and being bendy and with downward dog. That’s that’s the only position I think I know. But it’s not it’s more of a mental thing, then.
Kelly Dinardo [18:44]
Yes, it’s a totally a brain thing. It’s entirely a mental thing. And the yoga sutras actually, less than 2% of them talk about the physical posture, so you can never do down dog and still practice yoga. Totally.
Unknown Speaker [19:01]
Why not? Right?
David Ralph [19:05]
Why can’t you? Why can’t you do that? I’ve lost. I’ve lost you.
Kelly Dinardo [19:09]
Oh, you’ve lost me? Why can’t you? Why can’t you move it down
David Ralph [19:13]
dog and still do yoga?
Kelly Dinardo [19:16]
Well, because Yoga is a mind thing, right? So if doing down dog, studies your mind, then you’ve done yoga. But if doing down dog is stressing you out, because you’re like, oh my god, I can’t get my heels to the floor, or this is like ridiculously painful, then that’s that in that moment is not yoga. Now, there are other benefits to that. And that might be practising down dog, and all of you that might eventually get you there. To that, but the point of it is to study the mind. So
David Ralph [19:52]
therefore we interviewed in the garden, because we are having an Indian summer. And I’ve been asked episodes all day, and I thought I’m Monica. And I sat in a chair and I just pointed my face up towards the sun. And for 10 minutes, I just sat there quietly in my thoughts, and I didn’t even think anything that’s younger than
Kelly Dinardo [20:12]
Yeah, absolutely. That sounds very meditative. And that is yoga. Yes. Absolutely. All Yoga is is calming the crazy in your mind, at least according to potentially mean there are multiple definitions of yoga. But yoga for a long, long, long time. didn’t have the physical postures, certainly not the way we see them now means very surface Alas, now and there’s physical benefit to that. And for some people it for me, good sweaty flow class does help me study my mind at the end of that, like I have some sort of internal frenetic energy that I need to run or move my body in some way before I can calm my mind. But that’s not the case for everybody. So if you sitting in the garden, enjoying the sun, is is what did it then that was your yoga practice for the day.
David Ralph [21:06]
I tell you what, tonight. Yeah, I’m gonna do some sweat tears. And I’m gonna tell you tomorrow how it went. Okay, I’m going to do a Facebook Live, I’m going to stay me into Facebook. Now I want to Jim Carrey,
Jim Carrey [21:24]
my father could have been a great comedian. But he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [21:51]
Now the question I always wonder after by and it jumped out to me here was you do anything you can to survive kind of emphasises that point earlier that there’s no reason to worry about anything, because he just kind of sorted out and things just happen with yourself. What is your key thing? Ben, what is your passion? What do you love more than anything? Because you do so many different things?
Kelly Dinardo [22:16]
Yeah, there’s so many things that I love, which is why I think my career seems so
I don’t know what the word is scattered maybe.
But I have a lot of different interests and eclectic, thank you. That’s a much nicer word. And actually, when I was starting to freelance, I was told, like, if you want to be a six figure freelance writer, it’s, you know, you want to specialise in something and really find a niche. And I thought, that sounds awfully boring. I’m just generally curious about the world. And I want to write about the things that interest me and I want to dive into them more. And I think one of the things I’m really good at is taking information that’s a little bit hard to understand whether it’s medical studies or an unusual experience, and really translating not for other people so that they can experience it or know what to do with it in their lives. And so I think that thread carries through both in all of the different kinds of writing that I do, but also in my yoga practice and yoga teaching. And I want to foster that creative or that curiosity rather, with for other people, right. And like, I think that’s part of why we’re here is to explore and to learn and be curious. And I want to help other people do that. And I think that also is a thread that carries through both the writing and the yoga. But yeah, there’s so many things that I that I love to do. And and I’ve been fortunate enough to turn the things that I love into careers, passions, they don’t feel like jobs. I mean, there’s parts of all of my work that feels like a job, right? Like, nobody likes doing some of that admin stuff. But that’s why they call it work. But for the most part, what I get to do is pretty amazing, I get to talk to cool people, and I get to read and travel and, and learn. I like getting my PhD in something I care about. So much.
David Ralph [24:27]
Right? And you’re sitting in Washington, DC, and you look over and you think, Wow, my God, look at that, that that statement of manhood over there. This is somebody that interests me, and I sit down by the side of you. And don’t worry, I flashed my wedding ring, so we’re safe. What would you say that you do?
Kelly Dinardo [24:46]
Well, I would actually ask you some questions first. So it kind of especially in DC, talking about what you do for a living is very loaded, right? So sometimes I tell people, I’m a journalist or a writer. Sometimes I tell them, I’m a yoga instructor or I own a yoga studio, it sort of depends. I do both those things are my titles. And boy does he typically want to do well. Why do I do that? Right? Well, it depends on sometimes when you tell people, you’re a writer or a journalist, they tell you about the great American novel that they have sitting in their desk drawer, and it ends up being a coaching session, right? And sometimes when you tell people, you’re a yoga instructor or yoga studio owner, it ends up being a little like a therapy session. So it sort of depends on where my energy is. What I’m ready to like, give to people. And sometimes sometimes it depends on what I was doing that very day, right? Like, if my day was more focused on the studio, that would probably be the first thing that came to mind. If my day was more focused on my writing, than that would be what I talked about. So it just sort of depends on on what it is. I’m podcaster you
David Ralph [26:07]
should say podcast, because you rarely get any follow up questions other than what?
Kelly Dinardo [26:14]
Actually, I don’t know, I get a lot of questions about that now, too, because so many people want to start a podcast, which I think is really great. I think I think it’s such a great way for people to get their voice out there.
David Ralph [26:28]
I don’t think he actually, I think what we’re seeing is an awful lot of people that aren’t very good at it. You know, yeah,
Kelly Dinardo [26:38]
I do think that I’m fat,
David Ralph [26:40]
and you go over to iTunes, you know, I don’t listen to podcast now. And I’m actually asking people to tell me something good to listen to. Because when I go and listen to ones, I can’t bear the sound quality. I can’t bear the content. I’m just kind of very fussy. It’s become my personal obsession. And I see that some many times people jump on the bandwagon. And all it is it’s like the blog of 15 years ago, you know, full of empty four pages, blogs, and is the world front of I episode podcasts?
Kelly Dinardo [27:14]
Yes. But I do think if you sift through the junk, there’s some really great stuff out there. And so then the question just like when when blogs were all the rage, I think if you sifted through enough, there were some good ones out there. And so that’s the trick is how do you figure out which ones are worth your time. And whereas like I really struggled to give up on books, I just hate it and makes me feel like so awful to the to the writer to the author who has no idea that I’ve quit their book, I, I will quit a podcast very quickly if it’s not holding my interest, or if the sound quality is driving me crazy. So
David Ralph [27:53]
I don’t know. Now I read a lot. This is interesting, actually. And I read a lot of business books. And I probably free a week. And I get so many every guest that comes on says oh, I’ve got this book out. And you know, would you like to read it? And I feel a bit guilty to just say no. But they have one concept. And they stretch it out over 300 pages when they could have done a very good thing in 30 pages, you know, and they just keep on buying the same message, every single chapter. And I give up on them. I rarely finish any business book, but a good storey and I said to my wife The other day I said, I think I’m gonna get a Stephen King or something. I’m a bit fed up with people hammering me with kind of good advice kind of books.
Kelly Dinardo [28:40]
I think there’s that that’s actually a market problem. So it’s really hard to get a long form storey placed in a good magazine or newspaper this these days. So it’s just limited amount of space for that right magazines are doing shorter and shorter storeys. And so it’s, it’s really And so yeah, there are a lot of books that would have just been a good long form series or long form article or even a series that they don’t have the place for that. And the other piece of it is that, you know, people think and I think there’s some truth to it a little less so than there used to be, but people think that having your own book out is this, you know, a good marketing tool, right, it gives you some chops. And so I think that that’s kind of what ends up happening. But so just as in with podcasts and blogs, there are some really bad ones or ones that are rambling and going on too long. So
David Ralph [29:39]
a bit on this episode, I think I think when we get back on track, I’m being
Kelly Dinardo [29:43]
Oh, I’m so sorry. It’s my It’s my fault.
David Ralph [29:46]
No, no, no, it’s not. I don’t know where to go with you on this one. So so let’s get into your passions. Because Yeah, I’m always interested in that thing where people say go for your passion. And you kind of go, yeah, I understand that totally. But a lot of time, you don’t actually know what your passion is. And so you try something that you think is going to be great until you sort of move into it. If I took you back to the early stages of Kelly, so the young little Kelly, were, you know, really interested in books and writing were their connections to what you do now as a small child.
Kelly Dinardo [30:21]
Absolutely. I always knew what I wanted to do. And I remember, I was in the first grade. And we had an assignment to write a book. And I went home. And this was in the late 70s, early 80s. We have this nurse, my parents had this wallpaper in the nursery. That was really awful. But it was this like yellow and green, very 70s colour with all these animals on it. And we had some extra of it somehow and I cut it apart with my mom and dad wrote a book and I wish I had it still I don’t and and I brought it and I don’t even remember what the storey was. And sister Agnes, my first grade teacher told my mom that I should be a writer. And I don’t know if like that just stuck. But I did always love books and reading. And that’s largely because of my mom. And she was an English teacher. And I think that really inspired me. And yeah, so I knew I always knew I wanted to be a writer even like in my eighth grade yearbook. It says like, what do you want to be when you grow up? I said a journalist and when I was in high school, because I knew that I convinced this our very small town paper to give me a job. And I would go and cover planning board and town board meetings, which are the dullest thing ever. For a whopping $25 a storey. But I was like obviously, I now have experience I’ve been published in like a real newspaper and I’m in high school so and then I went to college for journalism. I just I just knew what I wanted to do. And I’m happy. So born the fruit for you. Even now, do you go Yeah, still love this? Or is it just a job now? Oh, no, I still love it. I still love it. I we went my husband was between jobs. And we went to Italy for three weeks. And I wrote a children’s book for like kicks while we were while we were there. And he’s like, I can’t believe you’ve got like a rhyming dictionary out. We’re on vacation, what is wrong with you? Like, I love it. I really love what I do. And I I always have, like a very long list of ideas and topics. And honestly, the hard part for me is finding a place for everything. It’s hard. It’s still all these years later, it’s still hard to break into different publications and to find places for your work. There’s a lot of competition, people are willing to do it for low money and crappy terms. And I’m not I tell you what I do. And so I always have tonnes of ideas, and I love the writing and sometimes selling part is less exciting. Don’t you?
David Ralph [33:04]
Do it yourself? Right about 50 Shades of Grey business because that when that when a mental, didn’t it?
Kelly Dinardo [33:10]
Yes, I guess I could the book publishing I actually have not had any trouble with I think the magazine and newspaper stuff is just a little bit harder. And, and websites to you know, people want it want you to give, they want to they want your content for all of eternity for, you know, a nickel a word. So
David Ralph [33:32]
it’s interesting that you say that you love me so much, because I totally understand. And the number one question that I get from x guests of Join Up Dots, so they come on the show four years ago, whatever. And then they drop me a line. And they will always say, are you still doing the show? Now, number one, I think well, that’s lazy, because you could have just gone over to the website and had a look. And you will see a novice showing three times a week. But they always I always say that, are you still doing it? Like, I’m going to stop doing it. And I say to them, I’m going to be doing these in eight years, I don’t think there’s any way that I’m gonna walk away from Join Up Dots in as much the first episode as I do now, you know, who knows where it can go. And I think that’s one of the things where the passion takes you where you get to a point where you think, actually, I don’t care. You know, I don’t care. I just like doing the thing. It doesn’t matter where it takes me.
Kelly Dinardo [34:31]
Yes, I think that’s right. And that’s a change for me. You know, when my first book came out, when gild the lily came out, I really had a different different definition of success. And I thought that it would make getting gigs easier. And I don’t know, I just I thought things would be different post book, and they were very much the same. And the books that I’ve published since then I’m like, I’ve let go of that attachment in so many ways. And so then the process is so much more enjoyable, enjoyable. And obviously, I want them to sell. I didn’t spend all this time working and writing on this so that you know, my mom could read it. My mom would read anything I wrote, right? So
good for man to I don’t know. Yeah,
David Ralph [35:15]
podcast. Oh, my, you know, my family. My family won’t listen to my podcast at all my son’s into podcast and I say, Have you listened to mine? No. Are you out of you in the house? Why do I want to listen to you online?
Kelly Dinardo [35:28]
Right. I helped my mom figure out how to subscribe to ours and everything. And I’m sure she can. But then she’s at our house the other day and she sees that the German edition of living the suitors came out. And she said, Oh, can I have a copy? And I said she Do you speak German? No. Like, did you study German? I said you can’t read it. She said, I’ll figure it out. It’s like it’s the same as the English book. You can have one of course. My Why do you want that? So it’s funny because she I’m sure she’s not listening to any of the podcasts I sent her but she somebody bought the German one? No, I came for? No, no, I find the English one for her.
David Ralph [36:07]
So did you leave me that the daughter certainly in football? What did you write in it?
Kelly Dinardo [36:11]
I don’t remember I probably just love you. Or thank you for making me a writer. I mean, I this is I do this because because of my mom, which which is hilarious. My mom and I, you know, mothers and daughters, you might know this, they can have very tricky relationships. And my mom and I definitely do. But this is the one area where I am incredibly appreciative and grateful to my mom, not the only area but one of the big, the big one. And this is totally my mom’s in Florida. So
David Ralph [36:44]
I’ve got four daughters. I’ve got two granddaughters and, and I’ve got a wife. And I know what you’re saying. I know what you’re saying. It’s a world of conflict, but I don’t understand where they can just go into a room in perfect harmony. And then two seconds later you don’t understand and the door slams. And off they go. Is it strange? I don’t understand it.
Kelly Dinardo [37:09]
It’s, it’s, it’s crazy. I wish I could if I could answer that for you, I would have a best seller on my on my hands. But
David Ralph [37:16]
no, it would be like 50 Shades of Grey six, that’s how many people would that would be steaming into it. But let’s listen to some more words that have bonded the whole theme of Join Up Dots right from the very beginning here, Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [37:30]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [38:05]
Now for most guests, I say, you know, do those words make sense to you. But you’ve already alluded big time that your dots line up quite evenly all the way through. Now, do you think without those odd conversations from I know, none Ed know or whatever name was and and your mother with a the kind of things that actually helped those dots to start for you. Could you have found them on your own?
Kelly Dinardo [38:31]
Oh, that’s a good question. I I think I would have found them on my own. I definitely believe in the yogic principle of Dharma that we that we have a purpose, right, there’s something unique that we are all here to do. And I think a lot of struggle and unhappiness in the world comes from not being able to know what that is. Or as we were listening to that clip from Jim Carrey, not living it right, like being afraid to live what your purpose is. And I I knew what mine was, and I went after it. And I work for it hard. And so yeah, I think I I think I would have been able to connect the dots. Even without kind of some of that early prompting, the yoga piece of it all that took a little bit longer for me to, to figure out how that all fit in to my life. And this book. My last book was the first time my writing and yoga worlds kind of colliding together. And, and that’s been that’s been nice. I definitely didn’t see that got coming together that that one was a surprise. But the writing that part I knew,
David Ralph [39:47]
because I I look back and it’s obvious to me now I can see even every school report, David should stop talking to everybody. I think, well, that’s what I do for a living. Now. That’s what I do. You shouldn’t you should have promoted that as a badge of honour. No, my a stand in the whole looking through the door while everybody else was, you know, at a desk, I used to get thrown out the class a lot. Now, thank God, my mom doesn’t hear this, because she wouldn’t believe it. But yeah, I used to get expelled from the class all the time for talking. And I think I obviously wanted to talk. And then I went into training and development, what did I do? I stood up in front of people and talk for hours a day, you know, it’s it’s all those connections, but they won’t be exactly
Kelly Dinardo [40:27]
right. Yeah. And maybe our education system could shift. I don’t know how but so those things that are seemed like difficulties or frustrations and a student can be channelled in a different way, right and encourage so that people can find your dots and start moving towards them and connecting them sooner. But I think that’s probably a grandiose idea.
David Ralph [40:53]
Now we can do it. We got Trump on our side, we got Trump and we got Boris Johnson. That is good with him. Sweeping charges, man.
Kelly Dinardo [41:02]
Well, I’m glad there’s yoga, so
and why and at the end of the day,
David Ralph [41:09]
wouldn’t you like to see Trump doing it down with dope? If he’s half wrapping up and down? And he’s face going orange when you know that?
Kelly Dinardo [41:16]
No, that’s actually really horrifying.
That’s an image I would like to never see it showing up. I can’t even erase the vision. I think
David Ralph [41:26]
it’s turning me on. I don’t know why. I don’t know why. But there’s some image there that that works for me.
Kelly Dinardo [41:35]
Well, maybe things would be different if he did practice yoga, but I don’t think that I have the personal ability to ever volunteer to provide that instruction. I don’t think I can get over my own stuff.
David Ralph [41:52]
I think you can do just before we move. I want to ask you a couple of questions. Because in living the sutras a guy to yoga wisdom beyond for match. Yeah, so you’re not on the mat, you’re going to be beyond it. Okay. There is a I’m probably going to pronounce this wrong. But somebody is a natural state for someone who is enlightened. What does that really mean to you? What are you in that process of getting there? Are you in the process of being there?
Kelly Dinardo [42:23]
I am definitely not there. And actually, so in in the Yoga Sutras, there are four books and Amy, my co author and I, we only really worked on the first two, because, and part of the third, because the last part of the text is really about what happens when you achieve enlightenment, you know, and you have all these, I mean, almost like, superhero like powers, right. And we decided not to tackle that part, largely, in part because we are not enlightened. So yeah, I think the best way to describe somebody is, is that flow state that we were talking about earlier, and people have translated it as lyst, or ecstasy, and it’s just a little bit more of that. It’s, for me, it’s that it’s that flow state, it’s that point when you are completely absorbed in what you are doing. And you feel that joy and moving towards your purpose and towards your goal. And that, you know, when we can live all of our lives like that, that is enlightenment. But I don’t think that’s feasible in this space, really, like I or at least I haven’t met anyone who is living like that all of the time. And I think we get glimpses of it, but
David Ralph [43:51]
as a terrible thing, if you will, over time, it would then be normal, and you wouldn’t appreciate it surely?
Kelly Dinardo [44:00]
Well, I think you would appreciate it.
David Ralph [44:03]
But you wouldn’t, I don’t think there’s a thing called normalcy. So somebody comes along, and they give you a million pound and amazing lifestyle, and you’d be brilliant. This is fantastic. And after six months, she is sort of fed up with it, because it’s just what’s normal From then on, you know, and then your standard has gone higher. So if you’re aiming for that, it’s almost better, but we don’t achieve it, isn’t it?
Kelly Dinardo [44:30]
Huh, I’m thinking, maybe, maybe, maybe it keeps us working in practising and maybe we’re not meant to achieve it in this life or life form. Because Because we are human and what you’re what you’re describing as normalcy isn’t really normalcy, it’s humanity. Right? And so maybe we can’t really achieve enlightenment in this container. But But again, I don’t know, because I’m in this container. Human. So I just know that I personally have experienced that state I and I am working towards moving more of it into more of my like, more of my everyday life.
David Ralph [45:15]
Yes. Which I agree with you because when when I’m recording podcast, hours go past. And I don’t know about the time, I don’t think about anything, it just flies through. Now, the behind the scenes of running a podcast like I do, a lot of it is a bit boring as a lot of it’s sort of very humdrum. I don’t think I could get enlightened about fat, I don’t think I could get into the state of flow with fat. But because I don’t like mapping, it kind of makes the other bit sweeter. It’s the yin and the yang, I think that we as humans, on this planet, where our journey is to become the best versions of ourselves. And if we suddenly achieve that, I think that we have done a disservice to what we potentially could become.
Kelly Dinardo [45:58]
Oh, I like that, like we’re trying become the best version of ourselves. And if we achieve that, then we stop trying to improve. Absolutely. Okay, I can get behind that. I think that’s right.
David Ralph [46:11]
See, that’s that’s what I do as a husband. You see, every day, I tried to become the best husband I possibly can. I failed miserably. But every morning, I get up and I go again.
Kelly Dinardo [46:21]
I have I think that’s great. And that’s why we call it a yoga practice. I hate when people say I do yoga, I did yoga, you don’t do yoga, you practice yoga, right? The whole point of it is to get into that state. And unless you’re enlightened, you’re still practising. So yeah, I like that you’re practising being an enlightened husband.
David Ralph [46:45]
That’s what I’m gonna do? Well, I’m gonna lead you to a point about I’ve been been building up to, and this is the part and we send you back on a journey to speak to your younger self. And this is the part of show called the Sermon on the mic. And as I say, we’re going to send you back. And if you could walk into a room and speak to your younger self, what age would you choose? And what advice would you like to give them and we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the music. And when it Phaedra, this is the Sermon on the mic.
Kelly Dinardo [47:38]
So hello to my 11 year old self, you are just starting to realise there are people other than yourself out there in the world and becoming a human being. And I just want to tell you to that you are going to make mistakes, you are going to have moments of insecurity and doubt. And you’ll probably not always be as nice as you should be. And other people will not always be as nice to you as you would like them to be. And it’s going to be okay. Just take some time to reflect and learn from it. So that you don’t waste those moments, those mistakes, and then slow down enough to enjoy the journey. And remember that it’s that’s what it is. It’s a journey.
David Ralph [48:32]
Right advice. So Kelly, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Kelly Dinardo [48:39]
through my website, which is Kelly denaro, calm, and you’ll find links to all the things like Instagram and the podcast, and where I’m teaching and all of that there,
David Ralph [48:51]
we will have all the links on the show notes to make it as easy as possible. Kelly, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots. And as I always say, Please come back again, when you’ve got more dots to join up. Because I do believe that by joining up the dots, and connecting our past is always the best way to build our futures. Kelly, thank you so much.
Kelly Dinardo [49:11]
Thank you so much for having me. This was a blast.
David Ralph [49:16]
So do you agree with us? Do you agree that our whole job on this planet is to become the best that we can possibly be the kindest people, the most centred people? Is it our true legacy? What we’re going to leave behind for the next generation to come? Who knows? Who knows. But I certainly learned in that episode about I practice yoga. Yeah, I do practice yoga, by just sort of sitting there being quiet and allowing my mind to be still is a big part of what I do every day. And I gained something from it. And that’s obviously what Kelly’s talking about. If you want more information about that, go over to our website, of course, and she has got a box. And if you want any help in anything that you’re doing, just drop us a line at gmail dot Join Up Dots at joint gmail.com. And we will respond to you but as always, we will be bringing more and more episodes of Join Up Dots to you very, very shortly. And I will be here waiting. Look after yourselves and we’ll see you again. All right.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.