Welcome to the Join Up Dots Business coaching podcast interview with Kim Somers Egelsee
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Introducing Kim Somers Egelsee
Todays guest joining us on the Join Up Dots Podcast interview, is a lady who quite simply it seems cannot stop smiling…..Kim Somers Egelsee
When asked to rate her life happiness and fulfilment between one and ten, she honestly replied “a ten plus,” which is just one of the reasons she genuinely feels she can help others get to a ten plus also.
Being a life coach, TV presenter, Author, Blogger and it seems a very happy person, she has made it her life mission to help others achieve that state of happiness too.
She wants us all to find our passion and purpose in life, but interestingly also develop and design it too.
How The Dots Joined Up For Kim
Kim believes that a life that is a WOW, is as much about conscious decision making as it is talent, opportunity, passion and the ability to overcome the fear that roots so many of us to the spot.
But how has she managed to create this unshakable belief and overcome those very same fears?
How has Kim Somers Egelsee managed to bring so many powerful media platforms together to push her message to the millions?
And how has she managed to have two children, be married for 14 years, and still look younger than some of my daughters?
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Kim Somers-Elgelsee.
During the show we discussed such weighty with Kim Somers Elgelsee subjects such as:
How we should check in with ourselves each day to see if we are happy with our situation or not!
Why it is so important to build a list of the things that make us excited and passionate and start bringing them into our lives!
How you can find what you should be doing in your life, by asking your parents about the things that we loved doing as a child!
How her life changed dramatically after hearing the late great Jim Rohn speak live in public!
Why it is never to late to make the decision to start changing our lives, no matter what our situation!
Why we should all SUE people – Support, Uplift and Encourage!
We should always think “What is the worst thing that will happen if we do something, but NOTHING will happen good or bad if we don’t”
How To Connect With Kim Somers Egelsee
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Kim Somers Egelsee Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:27]
Yes, hello, bear. Good morning to everybody. How are we all in the introduction, it says, this is your blueprint for success. And if we’ve got a guest who can give you that blueprint for success is the guest that we’ve got today. She is somebody who quite simply it seemed, cannot stop smiling when asked to write her life, happiness and fulfilment between one and 10. She honestly replied, a 10 plus, which is just one of the reasons she genuinely feels she can help others get to a 10 plus also, being a life coach, TV presenter, author, blogger, and it seems a very happy person, she’s made it her life’s mission to help others achieve that state of happiness to she wants us all to find our passion and purpose in life. But interestingly, also develop and design it too. She believes that a life that is a well, is as much about conscious decision making, as it is talent, opportunity, passion, and the ability to overcome the fear that groups so many of us to the spot, but how Has she managed to create this unshakable belief and overcome those very same fears? How has she managed to bring so many powerful media platforms together to push her message to the millions? And how she managed to have two children been married for 14 years and still look younger than some of my daughters? Well, let’s find out as we start joining up the dots of our life with the one and only Kim summers, Nkosi, how are you today, Kim?
Kim Somers Egelsee [1:48]
Oh, thank you, David, I am extraordinary. You are a 10? Plus? Yes, yes, that’s the best way to live.
David Ralph [1:57]
It is. And I’m going to want to the chase here. So many of our listeners are in a transition where they are in a situation in their life, but they’re unhappy. And that’s why they are listening in such numbers to this show. We give them a belief that everything is possible. But when you say to somebody, you know, yes, I’m a 10. Plus, do they buy into that? Or do you just think it’s a kind of cheesy response, but your programme to say,
Kim Somers Egelsee [2:24]
I do get people believing me because I think you can, when you meet me, you can feel that and see that. And right away, most people can tell that I am a very authentic high integrity person. And, and I really am big on walking the walk and talking the talk of what I teach. And I wasn’t always a 10 Plus, I had many times in my life when I hit bottom, and I probably would rate areas of my life a zero or one or two. And I climbed out of it. And so it made me realise that other people can do the same. And so many people are stuck in a paradigm that there must be drama, and there must be problems, or all these great things are happening. So something bad is bound to happen. And I think that is just rubbish. Because it is possible to get every area of your life to where you’re completely fulfilled and happy. And then everything else that shows up as a bonus.
David Ralph [3:18]
Because I now realise since doing this show, and speaking to so many people who have been saying the same thing, that it’s a mindset shift. And it’s the decision to create your own reality, but really starts making life easy. And if you’re in a situation as so many people and hold my hand up, I was for many, many years, when I would come home every night absolutely wasted because the effort I was putting into what I was doing wasn’t really me. So I had to sort of oversell myself, you’ve got to do something about it. And you’ve got to have that shift in mind. You’ve got to decide to take action and create your own reality How many?
Kim Somers Egelsee [3:58]
Definitely, definitely. And I think that most people can’t do it alone. And to not be afraid to you know, find someone that can help you and teach you how and propel you out of that. So you get to who you truly are.
David Ralph [4:12]
And how do you do that? How do you find out who you truly are? Because that is the key, isn’t it? That is the key when you find who you truly are, you are playing to your strengths. And life does become easier. You’re obviously a lady and I’ve been speaking to you for five minutes in the interview maybe five minutes beforehand, but I can tell that you are yourself on the mic and off the mic, you are authentic. So how do you manage to find that?
Kim Somers Egelsee [4:39]
I mean, I think that it’s it’s first of all, allowing yourself and realising that you do have permission to just be yourself. And that in life, there’s probably always going to be 40% of people who don’t like you. But the 60% of people who do like you are the ones who are meant to magnetised to you and be in your life and change your life and be connected to you. And so that’s a syphon relief right there. Because I think we end up working on people pleasing and living up to things that we think of our you know, what we expect ourselves and others expect of us that we’ve kind of made up in our mind. And so if we just start to practice letting our true self out, that’s the start of it all. And then I would say, you know, there’s multiple ways of doing this. But I would say two more tips would be number one, start getting in the habit of checking in with yourself through the day and saying, What am I doing? Who am I spending my time with? What’s my attitude, like? Do I feel passionate about the day, and really starting to get aware of what’s making you happy and what’s making you feel off. And then the third recommendation would be to make a list of everything you’re currently doing in your life, and also a list of all of the things you want to be doing. And rate each thing zero to 100 100, being something amazing that fuels you that makes you feel excited and passionate, and try to only do the things on that list that are 90 to 100 percent, and that tends to be who you truly are.
David Ralph [6:04]
But that’s going to scare a lot of people, isn’t it because bad is looking deep within themselves. And so many people out there almost like the fact that they are unhappy or they are in a position might be like is the wrong word. But like they’re comfortable in that situation, even though it’s miserable. So they don’t want to do what you’re saying? How can I overcome that? What was what’s the first step that somebody can do to really create that life that you’re talking about?
Kim Somers Egelsee [6:31]
Yeah, and I and I definitely recommend not looking at the whole big picture and getting overwhelmed and saying, okay, it’s too much, just forget it. I really believe in taking tiny baby steps. You know, maybe just finding one thing to eliminate that isn’t working in your life and replace it with something that you are excited about. It could be something very small, like just going to the fitness centre, or you know, starting to spend time with more successful people, and just start to notice the shifts in your life from that one little change. And it starts to become like a positive addiction to where you start to notice the positive changes and how much better you feel. And then you start to sculpt your life by design. But it doesn’t have to be like this whole huge transformation all at once it ends up becoming the compound effect when you take little teeny steps toward change.
David Ralph [7:20]
Because you’ve got a life which from an outsider’s point of view, somebody like myself in the United Kingdom will naturally think California is glamorous, anyway. But when I’ve been looking at your life, a lot of it is posh rocks, nice evening outs, we’ve allowed us all of them. movers and shakers and heavy hitters and all that kind of stuff. What if you went back to the very young Kim? How different was your life, then to now? How big has that journey been for you?
Kim Somers Egelsee [7:50]
You know, I would say, I would say that my life was really like a normal suburban life growing up. And I did I was blessed with very well wonderful, amazing parents. And I always have been a people person. So I do know that’s the same. And I’ve always had ideas about I used to get books from the library and pretend to plan events when I was a young child about eight years old. So I do see some similarities. It’s kind of funny. And I gather neighbourhood children into my clubhouse and have meetings. And so it’s all stuff that I’m currently doing. So I guess I i intuitively was preparing myself. But um, I didn’t really get exposed to doing super exciting things, until my parents bought video stores when I was when I was about sixth grade. They back then when video VHS was popular, they own a couple video stores. And so they gave me a leadership role. And I got to run the children’s section and create contest for the kids and have ideas and they really treated me like a leader at a very young age. And so I think it taught me a lot about being an entrepreneur and a leader. And from there, I just I’ve done so many things, I went into entertainment, I went into the field of special education and like, like your show is about I did so many things to connect the dots up and to what I’m doing now, that it definitely all, you know, merge together. But in between all of that I did even though I had this wonderful upbringing, I fell into an abusive relationship when I was 19 to 21. and realise, you know, I put up with way too much. And it’s unbelievable now that I even, you know, allowed myself to be in that situation. But I realised later, the reason I was in it is because I felt like he was my project. And I was trying to fix him. And that’s just one of the times that I really, you know, hit bottom and climbed out of it.
David Ralph [9:39]
That’s fascinating, though, because the tackling to the show, and I say this literally every show now, and I never used to mention it at all. But every single conversation comes up the same way that the things that you did naturally and you love doing as a kid, are the things that all the successful people are doing now. And the tagline is connecting our pasts to build our future. And it just seems absolutely nailed down now. But we all know what we should be doing in life. But somehow we forget about it. And we move into responsibilities, getting the job following the money, paying the bills. And we almost think that playing which we did as a kid is a bad thing. But almost that is the thing that we should be doing. And that’s the thing that would invigorated as an adult because it’s playing to our natural, natural strengths. Do you believe that?
Kim Somers Egelsee [10:32]
100 Oh, my gosh, 100%. And I think it’s, I think it’s safe. You know, I think people need to realise that it’s safe that that when they notice the things that in the past and in the present that make them feel on fire and fueled and excited to just open yourself up to the possibility that you never know someday that could be a project or a career. And, you know, even when you would like to attend an event, okay, well, what what are you feeling right now? What about it? Do you like maybe there’s a clue in there as to your purpose or your passion. And so I think that when people are trying to figure out what their purpose or passion is, you really do need to go back to, you know, when you are a tiny child, and what are some of the hobbies You did? What did you enjoy doing? Because deep within those things, or even sometimes very Apparently, there are things that could lead into what you’re really meant to be doing. And what makes you feel excited to get up.
David Ralph [11:26]
I recently went through a box of cassette tapes, and you don’t see cassette tapes very often now. And I found it and I thought oh, this is interesting. I wonder what song bear. And but anybody like me in their 40s, you spend a lot of time in your teens making tapes and recording things off the radio, and making special tapes to pass to a special person with all your secret songs on and things like that. And I found this tape. And it was me and my friend who must have been about nine years old, and might even been younger been there. I was interviewing him. And I listened to it. And he wasn’t that dissimilar to the person I am now. And I’d forgotten that we done that. And for a whole summer, we used to set up a little microphone and do these fake sort of interviews, no one else heard them, it was just, he would put a silly voice on our city boys on and we’ve not played this part. But it is fascinating. But if I could have seen that, and I could have joined up my dots, which I’ve been doing on a daily basis. Now, you can see your path light from an early age, and it’s almost, it’s almost shocking.
Kim Somers Egelsee [12:35]
I love that I love that if kids would be taught that today, I think it would be a lot more powerful. And it’s funny you said that because I recently found a diary of mine when I was 12. And I’m 40 now. And I had forgotten all about that diary and I start reading through it. And on one of the pages I had written 10 goals for my life. And I couldn’t believe it because I hadn’t been exposed to personal develop. And until I was 18. And I thought to myself, how did I even know how to write goals? And I don’t even remember doing it. But that’s what I teach people now and speak about now. So Isn’t that amazing?
David Ralph [13:10]
Well, it is. And just before you came on, I was going through images of you looking for sort of inspiration to talk about and I found this image, and it’s you doing a conference or you’re in a hole and you’ve got a microphone. And by the side, there’s 123456 kind of statements of fact, but you believe they should follow. And I just want to go through these and then touch with you because when I read these I thought spot on this is absolutely spot on. Okay, instead of complaining, create, instead of grumbling, have gratitude, instead of fear, have faith instead of lack have love instead of envy, having futurism and instead of impatience have intrigue?
Kim Somers Egelsee [13:54]
Yes, yeah, I wrote that. Because it’s, it’s so much easier, it really is so much, much easier and happier and lighter and more fun to work on having the positive instead of the negative. And it’s been proven that if you practice the negative, that you’re actually it’s like you’re punishing yourself, you’re actually putting low energy in your body. And people tend to live less happy lives. They don’t live as long they have more health problems, they complain more, why would you want to be like that, you know, and so it’s all awareness
David Ralph [14:26]
is awareness. But you you, you forced, there’s a strong will about you, you know, when you say that you was in those situations, when you would judge your life as a zero, you did something you took action to force yourself out of, and it’s almost you know, and I’m not being, you know, flipping in any shape or form. But it’s almost easy to say those words when you are in a position like you are, but are having a life but so many people would say is a well, but do you think that you believe those same things when you were in that, that zero life?
Kim Somers Egelsee [15:00]
I think that I’ve always been inherently positive. I’ve always realised that, you know, I of course, I didn’t always practice being positive. I had my huge negative periods and, and didn’t even realise I was communicating so negatively and focusing on what was wrong instead of right. So yes, I’ve been through that. But I think, I think because I grew up pretty positive with my parents. And it helped me through my life. But I think what really shifted me was when I was 18, I was introduced to seeing an amazing speaker, Jim Rome. And that was the start of really sculpting my life and realising how much better it could be if I really made sure and was aware of my communication and attitude and behaviour.
David Ralph [15:43]
You’re the first person that’s ever said, Did you see him live? Because he’s quotes I’ve always sort of thrown in my direction. But you actually saw him stand up and actually speak on
Kim Somers Egelsee [15:52]
you know, I met it’s interesting, I’ll tell you later, but I’m working with the founder of Jim and international that was his 18 year old partner now and really big thing. So this is very serendipitous, and it really, really, really connected the dots. So I have that storey to tell you later. But yes, I saw him live many times I got to meet him I was at his tribute when he passed. He’s been a big idol of mine. And so it’s very synchronous stick and serendipitous and exciting that I’m working with his 18 year partner.
David Ralph [16:20]
And how does that come about? Was the connexion always bear or have you made that connexion?
Kim Somers Egelsee [16:27]
You know, if it is a definite connecting the dots storey, um, when I was 18, I was introduced to seeing him by my my dad’s boss, and the owner of a real estate company in LA. And it’s a big top real estate company. And they are very personal development based. And my father, actually. And I help organises the meetings there that have great speakers and leaders, and they really fuel the employees. And so all through my life, I kind of steady Jim Rowan. And I noticed that and all those people, those great people like john Maxwell, and Ziegler, and Napoleon Hill, and all those great personal development icons. And I would notice the times I fell down and fell apart and got my life to a zero. When I stopped following personal development, I kind of fell off the personal development waggon pursuits, per se, and wasn’t doing things that gave back or were filled with gratitude, I kind of forgot in periods. And I learned very quickly that that doesn’t work. And that you must always just like you must always exercise and eat right, you must always study personal development and success, and, you know, whatever, whatever floats your boat to make you stay positive. And so a couple of years ago now, I’m 40. So it’s been you know, fast forward 22 years. A couple of years ago, the same guy from the real estate company, Joe Alexander introduced me to Kyle Wilson, who is Jim owns 18 year partner. And he basically propelled the careers of people like Brian Tracy and Chris Weidner and Ziegler, and Jim Rome, and had a bunch of content. And now he has a company called lessons from network. And it’s a big personal development leadership success site filled with content and calls and courses. And he wants to start the first ever live events for this company. And I am going to be the host for all the live events, starting in LA in Orange County, but we’re going to go nationwide, and who knows, maybe even worldwide, so it’s very exciting. And it’s a dream for me.
David Ralph [18:25]
I can see it’s a dream. Why do you think that he chose you particularly what was it about your character, your personality, your knowledge, but separated you from all the other life coaches, motivational speakers out there, but he could have chosen?
Kim Somers Egelsee [18:38]
I did ask Kyle Wilson, that question. And he really was impressed that I was a Jim Rome fan. And I also really loved on Monday know who Kyle represented for years. And he saw through the last couple of years of us being in touch, he saw what a go getter I am and in the last couple of years, I’ve really done about 150 events and meetings and workshops and hundred of them being my own, and wrote a book and made it a best seller and did a TEDx talk. And I’ve just done a lot of things. But I he saw through us communicating that I really am the real deal and very down to earth and authentic. And my my biggest, heartfelt purpose is to help others live an extraordinary life. And I really want that with all my heart and soul. And I think he told me that he vide that. And that’s what he saw in me. So it made me really happy that I can convey that through Facebook even which is very amazing to me.
David Ralph [19:34]
In what way, just because you can connect with so many people so quickly,
Kim Somers Egelsee [19:39]
know the fact that you will Yeah, of course, that’s amazing. But I’m saying if you, I feel like I have the ability to feel someone’s energy and see what type of person they are just through their posts and through their pictures and kind of almost like an energy. And he was able to tell that through Facebook mainly through the years because we didn’t meet him person. And so I think Facebook and social media can be very powerful that way with how someone presents themselves. And if you could tell if it’s real, or, or not
David Ralph [20:10]
real, basically, I’m very aware of what I put on Facebook, I’ll be honest, in an ideal world, I wouldn’t be on Facebook, but I know that you need a social media presence. And so I need to sort of fulfil those requirements. But I never ever put anything negative. And pretty much in my life. There isn’t anything negative. You know, I’m generally a guy that will always look for the silver lining on things. But there are moments when I think to myself, that didn’t go well. I could jump onto Facebook and tweet, my life is rubbish and all that. But I see so many people doing that. And I think know, if you want to be different if you want to set your store up, you’ve got to go a different path. And it seems to be the positive path is almost the dirty word. People like the moaning groaning. If you see the comments that you put on a positive, I would guess I am guessing here, but they don’t get as much response as the ones that are negative.
Kim Somers Egelsee [21:09]
I’ve never posted anything negative. I don’t think I don’t think that’s good. Because I feel like my posts, uplift people and encourage people and support people. And so why would I I don’t have much negative. But you know, of course, if something happens, like my baby was in the hospital a year ago, and I believe in the power of prayer, so I posted about it. Because I wanted the support. That’s different. But if you’re going to say, Oh, I stub my toe this morning, and I have a headache and life sucks. No one I don’t know. I think that gives you that reputation. Why would you want to put that?
David Ralph [21:42]
No, I agree. I agree. Totally. And I think there’s so much on social media but doesn’t need to be there. And yeah, to be honest, I don’t even know why people my number one bugbear and I don’t want to go ranting on about Facebook, because that’s not what this show is all about. mothers who go oh my god, I’m so busy. I’ve got so much to do. I’ve got I know mothers are busy, but they’re telling the world you cannot get busy or if you’re doing that.
Kim Somers Egelsee [22:11]
I agree. Yeah. And and and you asked about that, how many hits I mean, I get a lot of hits on positive posts and quotes and I get lots and lots of shares. But I would say if I had to say the top two ones that I get the most likes, is if I put a post about my husband and I with a photo, or if I put a post about a pet those kind get the most
those are happy things.
David Ralph [22:34]
Yeah. And a baby works wonders he set up a Facebook ad with babies on their work. What’s up a dream? Yeah. So Kim, I think really, if you get down to the nuts and bolts of what your life has become, I think really, it’s that you’re courageous, isn’t it? When when you were saying you know, you’ve done 100 presentations yourself and you you’re basically putting yourself into uncomfortable position, maybe not as uncomfortable now as they were, but certainly at the beginning, that is the thing that is separated you from so many people who are listening in today, but when something is uncomfortable, you you, you tackle it head on?
Kim Somers Egelsee [23:14]
Yes. And I just feel like do it anyway. And what’s You know, sometimes you have to ask yourself, okay, well, what’s the worst thing that can happen? Okay, well, I can have an event and no one shows up and I fall on my face. And I forget what I’m going to say and, or whatever, you know, of course, but what what is that really going to mean in the whole scheme of life, it’s not that big of a deal, but it’s way more of a big deal if it goes well. And I feel like I I teach all of my clients this and when I speak I always really reiterate this is is don’t be afraid to ask for feedback. And the more feedback you can get from the right people, you know, I mentioned earlier, probably 40% of the people won’t be happy with you. But if you you find your key people and you really genuinely get people who can give you feedback, you’ll be able to start seeing how others see you. And it really helps. Because if we in life feel like we know how the world sees us, we’re kind of delusional, because how do we really know we’re not them. And so the more feedback you can get from people, the more you will be comfortable in your own skin and know how you’re appearing to others. And you’ll be more excited to jump into things. And so I always recommend to start with maybe five people and email them and say, What are my gifts and talents? How do you see me and what is some constructive criticism you can give me and just see what you get back.
David Ralph [24:31]
But so many people won’t want that will be, you know, so many people really don’t want to know what other people think of them, you know that this strong character that you’ve got, and I’ve got as well is the 6040 ratio. If 40 people don’t like you, I know people that would crush them, even though the bigger amount the 60% love them. So, so many people out there, they would be frightened of the answers I’ve got get back. If it wasn’t, it meant that I had to been take action on it that taking that first step they find out what people think of them, they find out what their natural talents are, then they’ve got to do something about it.
Kim Somers Egelsee [25:11]
Yeah, I mean, of course, there’s fear there. But people, you know, the bottom line is that people have to decide if they’re going to do something to shift our life from what it is now and get better. And so it’s got to start somewhere. And so that’s, you know, very often why someone does need to hire a coach to get to that, you know, to get to that uncomfortable level. You know, recently I hired a personal trainer, because I knew I was doing kind of the same thing over and over with fitness. And I’m like, Okay, I need someone to push me, that’s what people usually tend to do with a coach
David Ralph [25:41]
is to sort of mental pushing, isn’t it?
Kim Somers Egelsee [25:44]
Yeah. You know, and sometimes learning techniques that you just didn’t know, before learning wisdom, you didn’t know.
David Ralph [25:51]
What was what’s the biggest learning that you’ve had in your, your life? When when you look back on it? We call it the Big Dot? And it’s the moment how, where you really think yeah, if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have gone in the direction that I am. You mentioned Jim Rome earlier. And I can I can see why that was a big influence. But was there a moment? Was there a series of small dots that became your big dot that actually led you on the path you are now?
Kim Somers Egelsee [26:18]
Definitely, I mean, I think it’s been a lot of things. I think one of the biggest freeing things for me, and it is for a lot of people as well is, is just that it is okay to just be myself, even though I’m a, you know, silly or a dork. Or sometimes I really will literally trip and fall in front of a big group of people, because that’s just me. And I really, I think that I spent so many years, I remember when I was in an acting and going on auditions, I would worry so much about presenting myself as they think I should be. And I would mess up because it was so awkward for me. And even when I first started speaking, I would try to be this certain type of hosts, there’s certain type of speaker that I felt the company wanted, and it would come out strange, and I would feel like it didn’t go well. And as soon as someone told me that all they want is for you to just be you, I got different feedback. And my husband was one of the big ones, he’ll give me really honest feedback, then I noticed, Oh, my gosh, I’m getting the most amazing feedback just from totally being myself whether or not everybody likes it, it’s okay. You’re just being you, though,
David Ralph [27:27]
I know is the essence of everything, isn’t it? You know, we keep coming back to this. And it is this is a stumbling block. It really is because I get emails from people, and they just don’t know who they are. By, they’ve always been on a path that is expected. They’ve done the things that their parents would have wanted them to do. They’re in a situation with boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, whatever, that may seem to be living other people’s lives. And when I say to them, you know, well, do you know who you really are, they kind of, they can’t ask about Bye, bye. They’ve almost been brainwashed into who they really are. And when you’re standing up there, and you suddenly think to yourself, and I’ve had those situations as well, when I used to be a public trainer, and I’d be standing up there. And when I realised that actually, I was being a bit silly or a bit, you know, whatever I was playing to my natural streams, that’s when the audience came alive. And I kind of thought, whoa, actually, you know, I don’t have to be that person that you’re talking about. You don’t have to be that professional image. You just have to be yourself. And it works. But you can’t you can’t get that in your head first for a while, because it’s it’s too easy. People should not be paying me to do something that I can do. So easy, because it’s just me being me. Is Is that Yeah, true.
Kim Somers Egelsee [28:47]
Oh, yeah, it’s so true. That’s so funny. There’s so many beliefs stuck in there, you know, of what should be and, and oh, you have to, you know, recently I had a client feeling guilty for their success, because they felt like they hadn’t worked as hard as someone who had gotten three degrees, because they’re doing better than that person who had gotten three degrees. And I said, but you were born with the gift and you’re amazing at it. So just be happy and celebrate the fact you didn’t have to go get those three degrees, you know, you’re gifted. And I think we get so caught up in what is supposed to be just from what we’ve learned and what we’ve heard and what teachers have told us and what our culture and parents have told us that we get so caught up, we forget who we really are. And, and the most freeing moments for when I work with clients, one on one especially, is a lot of times we go back like we’re doing now with the dots, but we find the negative, you know, and it doesn’t have to be negative, we learn how to turn the negative into wisdom and non judgement and bravery and strength. No matter how tumultuous or how much tragedy has happened. There’s ways of finding gifts and wisdom in it. And I think what happens because we aren’t taught how to learn go of bad things that have happened to us, we hold on to it. And then it shapes us and makes us stay stuck in fear and makes us kind of change as a person. And so the key is to get someone to help us let go of those things. So we can remove the layers and become who we truly are.
David Ralph [30:16]
Because I’ve never had a bad thing happened in my life. I really am one of these people. But they asked me you know, what’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you I just current thing I’ve just kind of floated along. But since doing this show, I’ve we reflected a lot of my life because you know, you just can’t help doing it. And I’ve realised that many parts of my earlier career, when things were going really well for me. And I was once again playing to my strengths. I look back on it now. And I think many times I actually self sabotage because I didn’t think that it was worthy of of who I was or who I should have been. I was I was getting the rewards. And I think I didn’t feel that I should get those rewards because it was just me being me. And I can look back at certain times. And I think I actually consciously screwed up or subconsciously screwed that up. It was actually me trying to get out of that situation. Because I didn’t think I was worthy.
Kim Somers Egelsee [31:17]
Yeah. And do you think that with that that feedback would have helped you? Or do you feel like it was just a learning experience you were meant to experience?
David Ralph [31:27]
I don’t think I learned it until 20 years later, I think it’s only now that I’m more reflective. But I’m having these conversations on a daily basis. And I’m hearing commonalities between everyone. And it doesn’t matter. As I said at the beginning, whether you have some food, or you’re, you know, the Queen of England, you’ve still got the same issues, we’re still people. And I don’t think I would have learned that lesson at that time, because I couldn’t see it. And if somebody had pointed out to me, I would have laughed it off. But it’s only with maturity and experience. I am having these these conversations, but I can look back and I think, yes, I was actually ruining my own life. And I can’t really understand even now, why I was doing that. And I’ve never shared that in any show I’ve ever done that that’s a new one to me. But it seems quite loud, powerful statement to me.
Kim Somers Egelsee [32:19]
Well, and and that’s amazing for you to be so honest. And I think it’s very common with so many people. And I think that we, it could be a combination of things, it could be something that happened in your childhood, or as a teen or a teacher told you and you may not it may be so buried in there that you don’t even remember, but sometimes something like that sticks, and causes you to change your whole outlook and your behaviour. And our mind will repress it. So sometimes we don’t even know we’re doing it or why it also could have been the media or just society because celebrities and you know, famous authors and people like that are portrayed so high and mighty sometimes that the general population feels they can’t do achieve that level. And so when they get close to it, we self sabotage thinking, oh, we’re not as good as them, which is all just, you know,
David Ralph [33:07]
not true. You were gonna say a naughty word them on here.
Unknown Speaker [33:12]
David Ralph [33:13]
I thought she’s gonna say, this is the first naughty word we’ve had in 66 years. You held it, you held it back. But that’s, that’s another thing that holds people back as well. But we do benchmark ourselves against success. And we do look at people and go back, well, I want to be, that’s the person. That’s the lifestyle. But we do not see the incremental gains. We don’t see the really late nights we’re in a bedsit because you haven’t got any money, but you’re you’re researching and you’re studying so that you can go out and do a job that you’ve never done before and take those leaps of faith and have courage in your ability to push through, we only see the end product. And if you go back on, literally every celebrity, you know, they all start somewhere we will babies and so we’ve all got the same breaks.
Kim Somers Egelsee [34:05]
Totally, it’s all how we decide to handle it and, and that most people need to realise that it’s never too late to decide, you know, to decide to change and go for what they really want. And, and the dots may have needed to be longer for some people because of what they choose to do.
David Ralph [34:22]
But let’s bring on Steve Jobs now because this is the speech that he did back in 2005. And this really is the essence of everything we’re talking about. So this is he’s um, he’s he’s Join Up Dots speech.
Steve Jobs [34:35]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believe, even with the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [35:11]
How do you feel when you hear those words La La true.
Kim Somers Egelsee [35:16]
I think it’s absolutely true. And it can be really fun to go back and make a chart and realise how many things do add up under the same umbrella and completely make sense. You know, and I’ll a little teeny example. There’s so many examples. But I’ll just give a quick example. My background, one of my backgrounds is in entertainment. And I did I actually sang in a rock group and I did some modelling and I did some you know hosting. And because of seven years of that particular group, I learned how to do marketing and branding and speaking and like all kinds of things, and talking to people in the media and getting sponsors. And it really prepared me to jump in what I’m doing now full force, because I already had all the skills. So those are definitely dots. And some people would say, Oh, it’s not related. It was totally related.
David Ralph [36:09]
Yeah, I’m in the same situation. I spent years being a trainer. And I would say to people now they they’ve said to me, are you doing this? Because he was always a talker? And I said, No, it’s not the talking. It’s the listening is the listening. And I think I built up 30 years of being able to be in an audience situation, doing a training course somebody would throw out of a comment, and right, okay, we’ll come back to that in a little while, and then pick up something else. But listen, and remember those things so that you could keep things moving on. And so I’m doing this job, and my dots really are fat training for 25 years. And although it’s a totally different beast, there are absolute links between the between both of them.
Kim Somers Egelsee [36:54]
Definitely. And it’s so fun to figure that out. And it’s and it’s even fun to figure out the same way with with connecting, like, how did you get to where you are through what people because it’s always people involved as well, to help you get to where you want to be.
David Ralph [37:09]
That’s a good point. And that’s what I want to talk about now. But networking approach, this is the leap of faith by email or by reaching out. And if people are out there and they are wanting to do something, it is the it’s the fast track route, isn’t it to reach out to somebody who’s already doing that, and try to build up a relationship with them somehow, that can, you know, ease the way give you confidence that your your beliefs, your dreams could be fulfilled, because they’ve already done it.
Kim Somers Egelsee [37:40]
Exactly. And I think not to be afraid of that like to really think about what do you want to do. And even if it’s something you feel is out of reach for you, why not think of maybe eight people or 10 people that are doing it, and reach out to those 10 people and maybe maybe eight of them are going to ignore you. And maybe only two are going to say yes, or maybe only one or two, you’re gonna have to contact 10 more, but you’re going to finally get that yes to help you and see if you truly want to do that thing. But if you never asked how will you ever know. So I think I think asking and connecting are key and also really helping people, other people get what they want. And then it just all comes back to you anyway,
David Ralph [38:19]
did you actually believe but you would get a nose because my failings on this is? I cannot stop being amazed that people say yes, I send out an email, would you like to come on the show? And literally, you know, nine, almost 10 out of 10 people will say either? Yes, I’ll be on the show, or I’ll come back at a later stage. But yes, it’s something I want to do.
Kim Somers Egelsee [38:46]
Yeah, I think it depends on what it is. And and I think it’s it’s okay to think both ways. I think it’s okay to kind of think, okay, it’s possible that you know, I want something unique and maybe out of 10 there will be eight knows, there may be 10 Yes, but very, very often you get the right yeses, and you do get a lot of yeses. And it can change your life in such huge ways. And, and even those really high end experts out there and people out there, they want to help other people. And so they get flattered, and they get excited when people ask them for ideas and for guidance and things like that. I totally agree with that. And I can’t really understand why I had the polar opposite view of that for so many years, I wouldn’t have reached out to these people, because I would have just thought I’m a nobody. Why would they help me. But of course, once you get to that level of success,
David Ralph [39:39]
you have achieved most of your personal dreams. And you have got that knowledge. And it’s that knowledge, but people like to share it makes them personally feel good. And it doesn’t matter how higher they are in the corporate ladder or the entertainment world. People do like to make those interactions and feel good about themselves.
Kim Somers Egelsee [40:00]
Definitely, definitely. And it is a lot of times in life it is who you know, or who you’re connected to. And so it’s really great to get in the habit of connecting with as many people as possible. But connecting with the right people who are going to uplift you and I like to say the people that sue you support, uplift and encourage you
David Ralph [40:19]
all you ever starstruck in the world that you live in in sort of California, you obviously bump shoulders with rich and famous and celebrities and stuff. Are you totally your natural self with everyone you meet or do you meet some people and you can all that’s not really the real me that I’m presenting?
Kim Somers Egelsee [40:38]
You know, I don’t think I’m starstruck now. I mean, my favourite. My favourite performer is Prince. And so I think if I met him or saw him, I’d be starstruck. But, um, but no, I mean, I do. Yeah, I do run into a lot of people, and I don’t, I more admire them. But in the past, you know, years and years ago, I didn’t have as much confidence as I have now. And I used to get starstruck and be afraid to talk to them and kind of feel really awkward and not know what to say, kind of almost thinking that they’re way, way, way above me, which they’re just people to who have achieved great things, you know,
David Ralph [41:16]
because I met Tom Cruise once I was in New York, and I was in a hotel. And he was he was there at the sort of reception walking through. And for some reason, I just expected him to be whizzing through into a car and away and he wasn’t he was just loitering around. And he was really interested in us. I was I was touched by how interested he was. And when he was talking to us. He was like his, his eyes were like laser beams. He was like focused in it was really intense. The conversation that we had, it was only for about five minutes. But I thought at that time, are you like this with everyone? Because the intensity and the concentration that he had his back that what sets him apart is that’s why he’s been a star for so long? Because he can level of focus going? I don’t know.
Kim Somers Egelsee [42:03]
Yeah, and I and now I really believe this. I mean, you know, aside from the fact that I do understand that some celebrities will get sick of the paparazzi and just sometimes they get overloaded. And so they want the privacy. Of course, that’s completely understandable. But in general most of the time, I really believe that everyone regardless of who they are, should be nice and respectful to everyone and no high and mighty and no snobby behaviour. And you do run into that you run into a lot of celebrities who are great. And a lot of celebrities who are snobby and think they’re higher, holier than thou. One of the ones it’s funny you said Tom Cruise, because one of the guys who I still remember from a long time ago meeting, who was just so amazing, was Danny to veto that actor, Danny do. And he was just so funny. Like I remember I was I had been doing acting, and I was on the set at Paramount Studios working like a little bit part on the TV show. And I ran into him. And he said, Hey, my name is Danny Come with me. I’m going to show you a tour of my office. And he took us to me and a couple girls to his office. And his office was like out of a movie set. He had all these props from you know, being the penguin and Batman and all these different things. And then back then it was not as much technology as there is now and so I’m not kidding. It was a secretary at the desk with like 10 phones looking frazzled trying to do it all by herself. And it just looked like a scene out of a movie. But he was just so nice and cool and asked us about what we did and and didn’t even tell us he was famous. He just kind of talked to us like any other person.
David Ralph [43:39]
Did you believe arm because in my experience that the real. The real a listers are totally comfortable in their position. You know, I’ve never bumped into Paul McCartney, I would love to meet Paul McCartney. But I would pretty much guess that he would just be open and talkative and really friendly. But it’s the ones trying climb up the ladder that’s got something to prove. And bear the ones that actually haven’t found their comfort level. They’re still battling their way upwards.
Kim Somers Egelsee [44:09]
Yeah, I mean, I think that’s anyone that I think anyone who is rude or makes someone feel inferior has issues inside with themselves. Because why would you treat people like that?
David Ralph [44:21]
Just before we put you on the Sermon on the mic, I’m really interested about where your life’s going now. So before we send you back on time to have a younger conversation with your younger self, what are your aims? Where Where’s your next sort of five year plan?
Kim Somers Egelsee [44:38]
Well, I’m I’m, like I said, I’m working with Kyle Wilson and lessons from network. And so I am really thrilled by this I you know, I definitely do my own life coaching and my own I certify people as life coaches, which is wonderful to me, because it gets more people getting help and encouragement out there. I have my own web series called path empower competence. And, and now I’m working with lessons from network which I’m going to be hosting events in LA in Orange County and contributing to that. And my aims for the next five years are really to grow as a speaker and be up on stage with those great people that are iconic in the speaking world like john Maxwell, and Darren Hardy, and, you know, featured in Success Magazine. And, and those are my goals, which is beautiful, because I am working with Kyle Wilson, and he’s connected to all of that. So I’ve been very blessed. And I would love to do more media, just because I know that’s the way to get out more information to more people quickly. And I think it’s really powerful. And I want to my biggest thing that I want to teach people is how to really love themselves and be more confident and just own who they are and be comfortable in their own skin. That’s the that’s the most important thing that I think most people need to accept and be aware of
David Ralph [45:58]
all you know, be in this.
Kim Somers Egelsee [46:00]
No, of course not. But But I try to play with my own mind. And when fear comes up, I change it into things like I change it into curiosity or, or I kind of do self talk and say, Okay, this is an adventure. This is exciting. And but of course, I have fear like everybody, you know,
David Ralph [46:17]
well, let’s see if your younger self had fear because this is the part of the show we call the Sermon on the mic. And this is when I send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you walked into a room, and you found a younger Kim, what would you say to her
with the best bit of the show.
Kim Somers Egelsee [46:53]
So younger Kim and I know your friends call you Kimmy, I really would love to tell you that you don’t need to worry about what other people think so much the right people are going to love you for who you are. So you don’t need to change or adjust or become someone else just to try to please different friends or different authority figures. Don’t people please, it only takes time away from what you truly want to do in your life. And it only takes time away from you self exploring and becoming your truest self. Don’t put up with something negative if someone is mistreating you, or if someone is talking down to you or if someone’s being mean to you. Don’t let them do that. Walk away from that change friends. Talk to your parents more about what’s happening. You’re better than that. If you don’t fill your time, with charity and gratitude and fun and positive things, negative behaviours and habits can enter so please be careful of that. Also talk to anyone you want know you can do that. Just go up and talk to anyone exude confidence exude joy, let your feelings just flow. And most importantly, go for your dreams and realise that you can really do anything you want.
David Ralph [48:20]
Kim, I’ve loved having you on the show. And I know so many of our listeners will be enthralled by the content that you provided. So how will they can contact you?
Kim Somers Egelsee [48:28]
Oh, thank you. It was so much fun. David. Oh my gosh, I can see like hanging out with you for 10 hours and never stopped talking. So thank you so much. My website is Kim life coach.com. And if you want information on the lessons from network, you can go to lessons from competence coaching calm.
David Ralph [48:50]
Well, thank you so much for spending time with us today. Join Up Dots, you’ve been an absolute delight. Please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I know your history is gonna keep on going forward and forward and forward. And I believe it but joining those dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Kim, thank you so much.
Kim Somers Egelsee [49:10]
Thank you so much, David have a beautiful weekend.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.