Stephen Warley From Life Skills That Matter Joins Us On The Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Life Skills King Stephen Warley
Stephen Warley is todays guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business podcast.
He is a man who seems to have had three lives.
One pre internet, and then two afterwards.
When he was first booked on the show back in 2015, it was whilst he was high and flying with Unstuckable
Then in 2016, he pivoted and went on a mission to help the world embrace the life of entrepreneurial ventures
As he says “I’m on a mission to prepare people for the future of work.
Work is fundamentally changing as we know it (and faster than most people think!) I’m sounding the alarm to warn people how to prepare for it.
I’ve worked for myself for the past 17 years. I believe self-employment is the future of work. I believe it can be for everyone and not just a select few.
You know what I’ve discovered is the most effective method for teaching people about business?
Teach them first about the Life Skills That Matter before teaching hard business skills.
How The Dots Joined Up For Stephen
I used to be chronically anxious and stressed out about work because it wasn’t satisfying.
It wasn’t meaningful, it wasn’t making me financially independent, it controlled too much of my time and it prevented me from living the lifestyle I wanted to live.
Sound familiar?
Then I designed my lifestyle to work on my terms.
Today I’m happily unemployable.
So if you want to work for yourself, you need to learn about yourself first.
You need to understand how to manage yourself.
After all, you are the first resource of your business!
Today I’m happily unemployable! There is no amount of money that could get me to become conventionally employed ever again!
Why? Because I have gained complete freedom over how I work. I choose what I work on. I decide who I work with. I determine when, where and how I work.
I make enough money to live the life I want without losing my mind from overworking!
(I have a theory that most people are cool with making around $75,000/year doing something they enjoy without working more than 30 hours a week instead of hustling to become a millionaire!)
So how long did it truly take him to embrace the entrepreneurial journey and 100% decide it was for him?
And when did he come to realisation that it could in fact be for everyone, not just the chosen few?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr. Stephen Warley
Show Highlights
During the show we discussed such weighty subjects with Stephen such as:
Stephen shares his belief of how the pandemic of 2020 really focused our delivery in the future of work.
We talk about why companies need to ask how their staff want to work, not what they can do.
Why it is so important to stop and ask ourselves whether it’s fun and enjoyable in business. If its not then its time to pivot.
And lastly….
Stephen believes that the gut and its the feelings shown by the gut are the true way to make a decision.
How To Connect With Stephen Warley
Return To Top Of Stephen Warley
If you were inspired by the conversation with Stephen Warley, then why not check out other motivational and fun conversations with Jessica Cox, Tayo Rockson, Rob Moore and the amazing Andrew Kap.
Every other episode to enjoy and consume can be found at Join Up Dots Podcast Archives
Audio Transcription For Life Skills / Stephen Warley Interview
Intro [0:00]
Life shouldn’t be hard life should be a fun filled adventure every day. So now start joining up dots tap into your talents, your skills, your God given gifts and tell your boss, you don’t deserve me. I’m out of here. It’s time for you to smash that alarm clock. And start getting the dream business and life you will, of course, are dreaming God. Let’s join your host, David Ralph from the back of his garden in the UK, or wherever he might be today with another JAM PACKED episode of the number one hit podcast. Join Up Dots.
David Ralph [0:39]
Yes, hello. Good afternoon. Good evening. Good morning, and good day, and welcome to Join Up Dots. Thank you so much for tuning in, as always, or clicking the button or downloading or streaming or whatever you do with podcast. However, you’re listening to me. Thank you so much. Well, today’s guest joining us on the show is one of the guys who’s been on before Yeah, he was back on the show in 2017. And at that time, we was discussing that he’s a man who seems to have had three lives one pre internet and then two afterwards. Now when he was first booked on the show, back in 2017, he just started a new business because these last one which was called unstoppable, seem to have got stuck. So he pivoted and he went on a mission to help the world embrace the life of entrepreneurial ventures but differently from how I do it. As he says, I’m on a mission to prepare people for the future of work. Work is fundamentally changing as we know it, and faster than most people think I’m sounding the alarm to warn people how to prepare for it. Now he’s worked for himself for the past 17 years. And he believes self employment is the future of work. And he believes it can be for everyone, and not just a select few. Now, the key thing about it is what he discovered was the most effective method for teaching people about business was teach them about life skills that matter before teaching them the hard business skills. As he says I used to be chronically anxious and stressed about work because it wasn’t satisfying. It wasn’t meaningful. It wasn’t making me financially independent, it control too much of my time. And it prevented me from living the lifestyle. I wanted to live. Sound familiar? So he designed the lifestyle to work on his terms. And today, he’s happily unemployable as he says, I’m happily unemployable and there is no amount of money that could get me to become conventionally employed ever again. Why? Because I’ve gained complete freedom over how I work. I choose what I work on, I decide who I work with. I determine when, where and how I work, I make enough money to live the life I want without losing my mind from overworking. And he has a theory that most people are cool with making around 75 grand a year doing something they enjoy without working more than 30 hours a week instead of hustling to become a millionaire. So how long did it truly take him to embrace that journey and 100% decide it was for him? And when did he come to the realisation that is not all about being millionaires, but the kind of life balance is the key thing that people aim for? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mr. Stephen Warley. Good morning, Stephen.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [3:26]
Thank you for that amazing introduction. It’s like did I say all that of course it did. And I just want to say your podcast is needed more than ever. I mean, it’s it’s kind of amazing that you and I’ve been doing this as long as we have. Because Wow, things have really caught up to where we’ve been Don’t you think?
David Ralph [3:45]
I do? We’ve all the pandemic and the walking around with Mark signing God knows what is interesting. Let’s jump straight into that. Okay. Because before the pandemic hit, and for people listening to this in the year 3000 When you when your granddaughter lives underwater, but she’s doing fine as that that Jonas Brothers song used to say Do you remember that in the days Steven or am I am I in touch with the youngsters and you’re not?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [4:14]
I am not in touch with the youngsters in that way. I’m in touch from a technological perspective. But music. I’m still listening to chill lounge music from like the 2000s.
David Ralph [4:24]
So you don’t know. We been to the year 3000. Not much has changed but they live underwater. And your great great, great granddaughter. She’s doing fine.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [4:35]
You don’t know what? No, but I love the lyric. Oh, it’s
David Ralph [4:38]
great. It’s great. Even with a heavy cold. I think I did that justice. A lot of people before the pandemic so there was a pandemic in 2020. And they used to say I want to work from home. Oh, it’d be brilliant to work from home. And then when it was forced on them, they started to being Hang on. Hang on. I think I like going to the office. I think I like it. and away from the kids. I think I like feeling like I’m doing something. I’ve you found that your clients and people have said the same that the kind of promised land isn’t as sexy as they thought it was.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [5:11]
Now we’re now we’re two years, then. I think in the beginning, you heard that I don’t hear that anymore. I mean, I’m not sure what’s happening in the UK. But in the United States, we’re having record numbers of people quitting their jobs this fall, breaking records over 4 million people in both September and October. So what I’ve always said even in the beginning of the pandemic, what it’s not an either or we’re going to go back to the office, or we’re going to support remote full time, it’s not mutually exclusive. What I said, I believe still is that this has revealed that individual workers have a right to choose how they want to work and to communicate that, that I would even now say the language I use is, I’m hopeful that we’re going to move from a paternalistic work culture into one that’s partnership based. And so I think, I would actually say now that we were so much more deeply into it, remember, when we did a mass instantaneous experiment and remote work, you know, this was not like, you know, be more prepared for this, we didn’t roll it out very smoothly, right. So of course, there was just a shock to the system, I also kept reminding peoples and like, I had years to get ready and comfortable with working for myself, you’re just trying to learn this on the fly. So I think now that they’ve had a lot more time and experience with it, I would say most people really like it, there are people quitting their jobs, because they don’t want to go back to the office full time if the employer requires it, or a lot of them realise that just childcare alone, or if they’re taking care of an elderly relative that they enjoy and want to be there for that person. And it’s inconvenient to expect them to have to spend a minimum of 40 hours somewhere else when they can do their work. And I The Atlantic magazine recently came out with a really great article about why people really love remote work so much. It’s what why I’ve always loved it. It’s because individuals want to be valued for their work. But employers only value you if they can see you doing your work. Yeah, yeah. So this is a whole control issue, in my opinion, from management about, oh, I can’t see everybody working. And and also, I think there’s individuals who might want to go back to the office, because when you are doing remote work, you can’t really hide what you’re supposed to be doing. Like because that’s all you’re being evaluated on is like did you do the work that you did to get done? Yes or no? It’s not like, oh, yeah, they were here all day. And, yeah, they must have been doing something. You know what I mean?
David Ralph [7:48]
But yeah, I do. I do. But I think there are times of the year is like Christmas time, when I first quit my job. I didn’t go to every Christmas party that was offered to me when I used to be in corporate land, but they were offered to me. And then when I quit my job, it was very much like, oh, what you’re doing today, oh, we’ve got a party, we’ve got this, we’ve got that. And I had nothing. And you know, I had to sort of ease into that kind of, you know, self reliance on entertaining myself. And fortunately, working in my own office, we have a computer in front, you can always find something to entertain yourself. But it wasn’t the social thing. So I actually bought a shop a business. And every now probably about three or four days a month I will cycle down there and spend the day with a staff making the tes and I enjoy it because it’s connecting with real life people again, instead of being the behind the screen behind the zoom, I felt like I needed needed real life somehow Steven,
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [8:49]
and that’s what you’re this is you’re just proving my point, which I love is your discard die.
David Ralph [8:53]
Did I did I prove your point? That’s not what I was trying to do,
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [8:58]
though, because you are starting to reveal what is it that I need? So think about this. Everybody listening, when you really think about it. You were told how to work. You were never encouraged to reveal to explore how you want to work work was never designed with you in mind. It was always designed for the needs of an organisation. Never you. I mean, would we really call ourselves resources or consumers? I don’t think so. Right? Would we say like, yeah, 40 hours a week. Sounds a pelt, right? No, you know, humans would have you had your choices. You wouldn’t. And that’s what you’ve discovered too. And that’s why I work out of the house. You know, I like going to a coffee shop to be around people. I like my sisters, my business partner, we get together at different times of the year in person. So, I’m with you. And I think that’s what people are discovering. It’s like how much social do they need? How much solitude do they need? What’s the How do they want to collaborate with the kind of work that
David Ralph [10:02]
choice people want? You think it’s the choice?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [10:05]
Absolutely. Oh, you know what it is. It’s choice and respect. It’s, it’s, I was just on another, I did a presentation for a group of folks, I live in Western Massachusetts, people involved with hiring and educating people, coaches, that sort of thing. And I was talking about, you know, how the future of work was brought to the present by the pandemic. And there was some of the old school folks who, who immediately have that mindset. People are quitting their jobs, and they want to go back to work, because they’re lazy. They don’t have a good work ethic, they have too many expectations. And what I hear from that mindset is employers, not respecting workers not communicating with them, not asking them, how would you like to work? I mean, if you’re a business struggling to hire people, I think instead of spending your energy kind of being down on workers, I think you should understand like, what do we need to change? Why don’t people want to work? You know, how, like, what questions could we be asking them? What what, you know, just starting to learn that maybe we need to like, kind of sit back, this is a good opportunity to refine our mission. Maybe our story is not that great any more about why people want to work here? Or, or maybe we need to understand what are different ways that we would be willing to have people be able to get the job done. And as a business owner, you’re a business owner, like certain things need to happen on a regular basis over time. But for example, when I work with my podcast editor, you know, he knows that, well, we paused our podcasts in August, we will be resuming sometime in 2022. But we were putting one out every single week. But we would do it well in advance. So that way, he would also have the freedom to edit and work on those podcasts in a way that fit for his schedule instead of me just doing one week to week and then he’s constantly having to, you know, be boxed in by my schedule. Does that make sense?
David Ralph [12:00]
He does, except what a hell do you have a podcast editor just do it live? Just press the buttons and record? It’s, it’s all done and dusted? I don’t understand why do people have podcast editing? Anyhow, that’s a different thing. So let’s let’s get back into you, Mr. Wally, because you fascinate me because I and all these businesses, where, you know, I teach people how to create a six figure business. It’s a thing. It’s, it’s an understandable result. Yeah, soft skills. I always am always fascinated, how do you get people to understand, ah, this is what I really want. Because it’s difficult. I used to be in corporate training years ago. And if I taught somebody how to use an Excel spreadsheet, for example, that was a thing. If I taught them some kind of communication skill, that was a soft skill, it’s hard to market soft skills, isn’t
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [12:52]
it? I have not had a problem. Because I cannot guarantee somebody starting a business for the first time that you’re going to make six figures, that is untenable. There’s so many different things you have to learn over a certain period of time. And you might discover that you might be making $75,000 a year as I as I often say, and be fine with that, or maybe making 50. Or maybe you make $200,000 a year. So number one, when you’re starting from zero, anybody that is telling people that you’re going to make a certain amount of money a certain amount of time, starting from zero, I’m immediately sceptical, immediately, because you I think it’s easier to do with people who have already had some sort of track record, they’ve been struggling but they’re the they’ve been bringing in some kind of money. And then you they can go into a programme where they can make six figures. That makes sense, because you’re working with somebody who has already shown that they have the habits, they have an idea they have paying customers, I’m dealing with folks who have none of that. And I often tell people that in order to call acquire hard skills, you need to get way better at soft skills. Soft skills are more durable than hard skills, because they last forever. Hard skills come and go, they’re coming going faster and faster. anybody listening to us right now think about how many different hard skills you’ve already had to learn in your career. And you know, that you’re going to have to keep learning even more hard skills, because things are changing that quickly. So the three most important soft skills or I call them life skills, are self awareness, curiosity and connection. And we don’t systematically teach people the skills, and those are the skills that are going to make you resilient and be able to adapt all this crazy change facing us. Every single day. As I often remind people, we are now living through a permanent state of accelerated change. And people will say, Well, what the heck does that mean, Steven? I tell them, you just lived through it. You are living through it. It’s the pandemic, everything changing instantly, immediately challenged everything that we thought of how we were going to work and live our lives and take care of each other changed overnight. So Stephen, look, no one’s buying what I’m selling out, David.
David Ralph [14:59]
I’m buying I’m buying it but no one listens to this podcast. No one. It’s just you and me.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [15:05]
Yes, they do.
David Ralph [15:08]
Go Live, I might just keep it in my pocket and listen to it for but I was evening so dark evenings when I want a bit of time with Wally on my own. Where were you?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [15:19]
Did you go worldly, there’s a worldly village in England,
David Ralph [15:22]
I there’s a woolly village everywhere, okay, and the warmest one is in my heart, which is where you live. So when the pandemic hit, was there a little bit of you that thought, obviously brilliant this, this proves my concept this is this is this is going to be boom, time for my business was a little bit of darkness creep in that you thought all this is good thing.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [15:48]
It’s interesting that you’re saying that I was travelling for the last two years all over the world. I was in Bali when all of this started, right. And my next stop was going to be living with friends in Cleveland, Ohio, right? quite dramatic. And I ended up leaving Bali two weeks early to go to Cleveland. And when I returned to the United States, I got a lot of you know, text messages, emails from people. And it wasn’t like, Hey, are you okay? You’re back in United States. Most of those messages said, Oh, my God, you were right. You’ve saw this coming, it’s happening. And what they were talking about is that, how we were going to work how everybody was going to start working from home or working in many different ways. So I will also say I thought what has happened to the last 10, two years was going to happen over a 10 year period. I didn’t even anticipate all of this happening overnight. And I have to say, I’ve also been surprised that I’ve had to make a pivot in my business, toward self management. And not just helping people start their own business, because, again, I’m helping people start from zero. And again, most people don’t really understand how to manage themselves, they’ve been plugged into all these schedules that have been provided to them by their employers, or society. I’m asking them now to design their own. And you really need to understand how to, to manage yourself first before you’re going to start manage a business. So and now that so many people are working from home, and they’re working remotely, and they’re struggling with learning how to manage themselves. I am now you know, it’s such it’s so important that I’m building a massive online course 60 Plus modules about how to manage yourself because this, there’s so much to know, this is not about time management, this is not about getting more productive. This is this is really knowing yourself for yourself. So you can actually make choices and the way that you discovered that, hey, now that I’m working from home, I’m working for myself, I do need some social outlets in time. But this is about the amount that I need. Those are the types of things that I want to encourage people to be thinking about for themselves. So they can really feel in, in alignment with their values, their abilities, their needs. Because the more you are yourself, it takes a lot less energy, I think anybody who’s gone off to an office for years on end, feels like it takes a little bit of energy, we’re all kind of we’re actors, in a way, we’re kind of being somebody that we’re not, quote unquote, professional, right? And then we come home. And that’s when we can feel like we could be our true selves. And I’m inviting you to be that True Self all of the time. And finally, not only is it take less energy to be yourself, but the more you’re just honouring who you are, people see the brightness and the energy vibe that you put out, and they are drawn to you. So as you build your business, it will get a lot easier to attract people to you rather than feel like you always have to hustle and chase after them.
David Ralph [18:45]
Let’s listen to Jim as we normally do. And we’ll be back with
Jim Carrey [18:47]
Stephen, my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [19:15]
Now, one of the reasons that we started asking X guests back is number one, we know that they’re going to be good because they were good the first time. And secondly, it’s interesting to me that you can hear the competence level go up. It’s almost like Yeah, last time I was on the show. I knew it but God I really know it now. It’s it’s make sense to me. When did you realise that this part of the business because it excites you when you’re talking? I can hear you getting passionate and enthusiastic about it is really good, David. Well, yeah, which is great, you know,
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [19:53]
doing this. I’ve been doing this for 21 years, right. And yeah, I
David Ralph [19:57]
would enough, Steven, you’re not old enough to be doing that.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [20:00]
I sadly I am and it’s kind of like and also when you think about the internet, it’s been around I was 30 years, you know, in 2024. I was thinking around then. So I’ve been on line for that long, I’ve always felt like I was living the future of work to then explain it to other people. So that’s what I’m going through now. It’s, I’ve, I’ve learned so much that I’m now heavily documenting it because I’ve been focused doing a live group coaching programme. But yeah, I feel a duty and obligation to really help people navigate this, because it’s a whole new set of assumptions that employers are making workers are going to make just individual humans. And we this, the change unleashed by the pandemic is not going away anytime soon. People, just when we think like, there’s like another thing, we’re going to run out of some other product, you know, it’s gonna happen. This is what life is like now. And,
David Ralph [20:55]
David, we understand we understand yo, yo, on a mission. Yeah, yeah, yeah, talking the same thing. What I want to know, what I want to know is, you know, that thing that they always say, the real path is right under your nose, and you can’t see it, because it’s kind of so obvious to you. And once you do find it, you kind of should have done this years ago, you know, this, this is what I was leading towards, when you was unstoppable at the beginning was unstoppable just to kind of attempt to create something, but not to create something in twined with your own personality.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [21:33]
100% Boy, you’re, you know, people, that’s not to say like, when you listen to 2500 people like David has, that’s you have the power of insight. So well played my friend.
David Ralph [21:45]
So when you suddenly was sitting there or laying there in the bath, and you suddenly thought hang on this is this is brilliant. This is this isn’t like working anymore, because I had days with Join Up Dots, where I think this is unbelievable. It’s just like playing, it’s like fun. Now, it wasn’t like that at certain times. And it was a complete drag that almost dragged me down to my doom at certain times as well. But the more playful, the more energised I am, I think the better the quality, and it all becomes easier is it’s one of those things I try to get through to people. But if I slogging too hard on something, it’s the wrong thing. It should be playful. Do you think?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [22:27]
I, David, it’s just like, I feel like you’re reading my mind. I feel like we already practised this, you’re awesome. That is I often say and I’m trying not to be trite. But when people like what is the secret to maintaining your motivation, or your focus or managing yourself? And I tell them what you just told them? I stop and ask yourself, Is this fun? Or not? You know, am I enjoying this or not? And then sometimes we can enjoy everything and some things kind of need to get done. Then you ask yourself, Is this meaningful? Do I know why this needs to get done and for whom? And for whom? Like, like you’re running a business, you have to do accounting, Nobody enjoys accounting, but it’s meaningful and necessary. So I think that is the simple that’s what we don’t do enough, David, where we’re caught our human biology is constantly worried about what everybody else is thinking of us, instead of us checking in with ourselves to say, like, hold on a second, why do I need to do this? And if I do need to do this, how could I make this more enjoyable for me, and you’d be surprised even if you’re in a job. And if you’ve been forced back to go back to an office, you have a lot more control over your work than you might realise, in my opinion.
David Ralph [23:32]
I used to hate doing the paperwork, I used to detest it. In fact, in front of me now I’ve got a big load of paperwork for my my offline business, my shop business that I need to scan and upload to the files. But now I come up and I play the same album over time. And it’s mini gels and innocent man. And it’s about 42 minutes long. And I try to see if I can get it all done in that time. And it’s just a like a little game that I do to see how fast I can get it done. Well, it used to just drag on. And so there are things in pretty simple. Well, that’s that’s why I’m a podcaster who has been doing it for a while I know the examples. But you can bring enjoyment into something that isn’t enjoyable to find that spark that might be missing if you just think of it as a chore.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [24:26]
And I think you and I believe to which it sounds like a radical statement. Even people who enjoy their work. We all feel like there has to be a little bit of misery. Yeah, and work in order for it to be considered work. And I don’t think so like Sure. Yeah, it’s there’s times where like you said like, things run its course especially when you’ve been working for yourself as long as we have. Even currently this summer into the end of this year. I’ve taken a massive pause. I have put pause all operations for life skills that mattered because I knew I needed to do some deeper reflection about the next day. Have this business. And I think that’s the mistake too many people make. They’re constantly going and continue to do something because they’re not quite sure what to do next. So they just keep doing more and more of what’s making them miserable or unclear, uncertain. And our culture doesn’t encourage our culture is always encouraging people to move forward and move faster and get more. And I’ve learned the exact opposite is actually true, we actually need to stop more slow down and reflect. Because that’s where clarity comes from. And if anybody has ever had that sense of clarity, or you when you really know what you want to do, it is so easy to do it, you know, we struggle so much in our work, because we’re not stopping enough to get that clarity. In sometimes it takes longer than others, it’s taken me now about, you know, four to six months, to really get clear about where I want to take life skills, life skills that matter. Next in it has been absolutely worth it.
David Ralph [25:51]
When our first lockdown hit, and I’ve said this so many times on the show, but it was true. I was on a conveyor belt that I couldn’t see, because I’ve been doing it so long, it was just what life was a lockdown occurred. And the sunshine was glorious. And we were all sitting in the garden going, this is exciting, this is brilliant. And I slowed down to the point that I stopped. And I found it really hard to get going again, because fortunately, I don’t have to chase the money or anything. And it was just like, I don’t think I ever want to work again. And I had to allow myself to sort of close off certain directions that I was running, to allow the new ones to come along. And it was almost like my my body kind of recharged itself, and then got a bit twitchy. And then I was ready to go again in a different direction and a different direction is totally under my control. But I needed that because I couldn’t see how life should be because life was just how life was.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [26:53]
I love that you said this. And maybe we can have a link to this in the show notes. But I recorded a podcast episode in March 2020, called the great reflection, describing what you experienced. And I saw this coming, there was no way that we were going to have 10s of millions of people locked up in their house for months on end, and not have big change this happened. You we had a mass are all going through a mass existential crisis, right? The all the people quitting their jobs in the fall of 21 in America as a direct result of being cooped up in our houses, the spring of 2020. Because people had time to like slow down, say what’s going on? What am I happy with? What am I not happy with? You know, people got married people got divorced people got in shape, some people didn’t, you know, so the result of a variety of experiences that people went through. But a lot of people did a lot of deep reflection because life forced it on them. And it’s something that we don’t get to do enough. And I think I would hope this is something that we could, you know, I encouraging people to like, just intentionally do it in your life on an annual basis, a monthly basis, weekly basis. Because it’s almost like, that’s how you’re maintaining yourself, you can see something’s coming, you can check in with your deeper feelings, rather than waiting until the shit hits the fan.
David Ralph [28:17]
Yeah. Oprah says this really well. So let’s let’s hear from her
Unknown Speaker [28:21]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, oh, I got all of this. What is the next right move. And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move, and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment, you know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.
David Ralph [28:53]
Now, you said something that was very insightful, and I’ve stored it away in my podcasting filings, and I’m bringing it back and Oprah already
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [29:00]
knows everything. Should
David Ralph [29:02]
she she’s she’s just, we I don’t think we get her over here as much we kind of don’t see what it’s all about Oprah but um, anyway, I like that phrase. And you said that things become really, really easy when you know the direction that you want to go. And she sort of says, Look, be quiet and allow that direction to come to you. But can you can you do that? You know, because our journey. I’m certainly at a point now, where I’ve done so much crap, that I’m kind of ticking it off going. Yeah, that was wrong. That was wrong. That was wrong. So it’s almost like an ice sculpture.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [29:40]
Why was that wrong? Was it why wasn’t it a lesson?
David Ralph [29:42]
Wow. Okay, we quibble over terms. But it was it was wrong. It was wrong. I looked at it and I can see that my passion wasn’t there. It was always chasing so you wouldn’t have been able to get to where you are without doing those things. Yeah, but I hate people that say that he thinks a lesson he will
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [29:59]
know what it is. Because what the this is, this is the fallacy of, of the system that we currently have in the system, the economic system, there were a lot of great things, but also a lot of big shortcomings say the least. I think one of them is that we are over prioritising ease, convenience, and that we have to have every one of our expectations met. That’s just not how life works. It isn’t. And I think that’s, like true growth comes from resistance and struggle, like when you go to the gym, you’re lifting heavy weights to put your muscles under stress, so they grow bigger. And that’s the same principle of your mind, or your work or whatever you want to do in life. But I want to back up to two examples for your folks. So if people are wondering how to do something more effortlessly, number one, start bringing awareness to what do people ask you to do? Or what do you do that is so easy? And other people think it’s so hard? And you’re like, how do they think this is so hard, this is just so easy. That’s the kind of stuff you want to start doing. Because I really do believe we all have a tendency towards certain abilities, talents, whatever you want to call them. But a lot of times, we think that they’re so easy, that we don’t value them right. Again, back to this mythology, that work has to be a little bit miserable to be considered work. So if it’s really easy, but other people still find it valuable, we feel like we couldn’t possibly get paid a lot of money for that. That’s exactly the stuff that you want to focus on. And the other angle I wanted to look at is in terms of effortlessness and what you’re talking about, especially when you’ve been deep in this journey, which is very hard to do is, and I actually do something called feeling Fridays, where when I wake up, I just allow myself moment to moment to check in with how I feel and what I really like to do next. I thought
David Ralph [31:56]
we’d be Weinstein territory here. Stevens, this is a new site you I didn’t know.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [32:05]
So you know, what, what do you think happened on those days? David,
David Ralph [32:08]
you I’m still in Harvey Weinstein, you’re going to have to say, what do you do? Tell me again.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [32:14]
So I think when you’re, if the idea is that, well, I tend to we wake up, we immediately like default to our habits or re default to our schedule, we have our big to do list, right? We’re always being guided by all these external forces. Yeah. What I’m asking people to do, and in terms of what Oprah was advising is to slow down and like, check in with your biology, your nervous system, your inner voice, your guts. And so we wake up, and we’re like, what’s the first thing I feel like doing? Just focus on what’s the first thing I need to go to the bathroom? Okay, go do that. And then finish that. And then checking with yourself, what do I feel like doing next? And you just keep doing that throughout the day, or at least on an hourly basis. And don’t the second you feel like you’re obligated to do something stop, really check in do I feel like doing that right now or not. And what happens to me by the end of that day, is I feel so chilled out instead of anxious at the end of the day. But I get so much more done. And I also do things that I thought I never had time to do. It’s awesome.
David Ralph [33:15]
I feel like like, what what kinds of things did you not feel that you had a chance to do?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [33:21]
In this say, like, in the summertime, I just moved to a new place. And there’s a lake that I can walk to it’s like a 20 minute walk. And sometimes, you know, when I’m busy and I have a to do list and it’s like, you know, really nice out, it’s really sunny, and I would relate to go first. So I might come into myself that I can’t do that because I got to get my work done. You know, I said I would get these things. Yeah, that certain time. But that’s feeling Fridays, let me tell you, I put on my bathing suit, grab a towel, and I go for that walk. And I we all have different things. But soaking in water floating around in any body of water is so therapeutic for me that really gets a lot of the junk out. And it gets rid of a lot of things that I feel like I’m obligated to do, but it’s just not true. And it allows me to bring me back to that place of like, what do I really want what we know. And that’s what I always tell people when you’re starting zero from business, it’s, that’s I’m always guiding people. I think when people teach people about starting a business, they try to throw too much at them. I’m trying to help people understand this is the most impactful thing that you can do this week, just focus on that. This is the most impactful thing that you can do next month, just focus on that and just keep checking in with yourself. Don’t think about the decision 100 that you need to make because you’re only on decision number five right now.
David Ralph [34:34]
Is it wrong to say that I’ve got an image of you swimming in a mankini like boar at would that would that be wrong, Steven?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [34:41]
That would be wrong. Unfortunately. American culture is very hung up about what men wear for bathing suits high
David Ralph [34:49]
speed I wear my speedos is okay,
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [34:51]
no, no, no unless you’re a swimmer. Also, here’s the other thing. I think people should wear whatever the heck they want to wear. This is a whole other exercise. of how much time we waste, judging other people, even on our minds, and or the feeling of Judge, like, nobody likes to feel judged, but yet we judge everybody else all the time, even in our minds, right. That’s like a whole other exercise I’ve done just because a lot of self management for me is to make the best use of my limited energy and attention. It’s not just time. And there’s so many different things that suck away your energy and your attention, like, like judging people,
David Ralph [35:28]
I agree, I wear a white t shirt, or a black T shirt every single day, my whole cupboard has gone from sort of having a range of clothes to almost nothing. And I love it. And I just reach up, I don’t even think about what to wear, I just put it on. And it’s become my uniform. And my, my son has started to embrace the same kind of logic. And I think there’s a lot to be said about not trying to conform to what people will expect you to be. And just taking that kind of decision making effort away from yourself, you know, I don’t think about wearing anything.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [36:10]
Now, I don’t want to envision what I’m envisioning. Now,
David Ralph [36:13]
David, you know, you want to Steve, and you know, you want to
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [36:17]
so so here’s the thing, I also want to remind people, we are biologically predisposed to judgement, it was an evolutionary trait that helped us survive way back when. And it’s still something that is useful, I think some but it goes awry. Just like fear judgement, there’s all these different things that we our ego, we always like to like think that they’re negative, and we got to like, stop doing them. They’re tools to us, we just have to learn how to manage them, and why do they exist? Judgement is one of them. So that’s where I just want to help people understand don’t beat yourself up for judging or having judgmental thoughts, because they are always coming up in your head. That’s your brain’s way of trying to like make sense of the world for you. But I do invite you to try to challenge more of those judgments, or start learning how to let them go more quickly. Because that we waste so much time we so much of our decision making is about seeking the acceptance and permission of others. That’s my core piece of advice that I tell anybody whether they want to manage themselves or start a business is stop asking for permission. Like say that to yourself every morning, because you’re asking for permission, way more times than you realise. Even if you think you’re a really independent person. You’d be surprised how many times you are seeking the approval of others. And it’s a waste of time.
David Ralph [37:31]
I agree with you. And I had a incident today where a guest on the show who I actually talked to podcast maybe seven years ago, and were sort of become friendly. I’ve never met him once. But we’ve been sort of friends for seven years now. He said to me, Oh, do you fancy meeting up for lunch one day? And I said, Yeah, that’d be good. I said, do it on my Wednesday. That’s my choose whether I want to work day or not. And he said, What do you mean by that? I said, well, on Wednesdays, I can do stuff. But generally I wake up and I think I can’t be bothered, I’ll go off and do something else. And he went, Well, that doesn’t get a business going. And I thought, oh, you’re a bit judgey you know, this, this is how I’m creating my life. It’s not how you’re doing your life. But even that kind of took me by surprise, actually, because he’s so entrepreneurial. I thought he would understand that spirit of doings stuff if you fancy it or not at all. You know, like last Wednesday, I went to see Ghostbusters afterlife in the afternoon just because I fancied it and me and my son went down there, you know, didn’t have to ask anyone didn’t do anything good for my business. But it was good for me is my day of working or not? It’s my it’s my feeling is my feeling Wednesday.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [38:41]
Yeah, I think you’re bringing us up to a point. I mean, it Yes, it does take effort to get a business going. And to keep it going. No question. You do need consistency, especially in the early days of your business. But where I think we go off the tracks, is again, at least I can’t speak to the other Kindle. But in America, there’s this myth that you need to be a hard worker, if you’re not a hard worker, that means you’re a loser. You’re somebody who doesn’t deserve help. And so there’s a very specific definition of how you’re supposed to work. And if you do not meet that definition, you are not good enough. And I believe there are infinite different ways of working. And not everybody wants to work all the time. And not everybody wants to be a millionaire. Not everybody wants to live in a gigantic house in a fancy cars. So again, you have to like cast that aside, even though it’s marketed back to you every two seconds throughout our day about why you should be working more because you want more because you don’t feel like you’re enough. But again, this is that practice where you have to start bringing awareness to say like how do I want to live my life I often tell people you have to become your own chief marketing officer. How are you going to mark it? The messages that you want to hear about how you want to live your life throughout your day.
David Ralph [39:56]
I’m looking up at my bookshelf and there’s a book called The Four Hour Work Workweek by Tim Ferriss. Now, I read that 10 years ago, and it was it was life changing in many ways, and I’ve never read it since. But there was a bit that struck a chord in me, where he was saying, he always thought people wanted to be a millionaire. But actually, people only want to have what millionaires have. And if you can do it at any time, he’s classic example was, if you have to book a vacation, only when the kids can get it off school, you’re going to be paying premium price. If you can just go Oh, I’d go on a Tuesday, because it’s cheapest. You can live like a millionaire. And so your lifestyle isn’t a stretch by what you have to earn to give it to yourself, you can actually earn a lot less but have a much better lifestyle is it kind of makes me brain go funny when I’m saying that, because it’s so bloody obvious. But so many people are still frightened about losing what they’ve got. But actually, if they lost what they got, they will gain more than what they had.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [41:03]
And I think they’re discovering that because certain that we everybody did that the experience of losing something some unfairly lost way too much in this pandemic, and still are. But I think, again, this is something else I like to bring back to our biology, your brain is a greedy organ, and consumes about 25% of the glucose that you eat, and your food every single day compared to all other organs. And it’s only about like, 10% of your body weight maybe. And it’s always looking for ways to conserve energy, right? So it will conserve its mission to conserve energy is such a priority that it will keep you in habits and grooves and pathways. Even though your rational mind says I am miserable by keeping doing this, but you still do it like staying in that job. Because it’s familiar. It’s already you know it. So the idea to your brain to think like well go work for yourself. And you can control your time you can take your kids on vacation whenever you want, like David was just saying, but there’s uncertainty, how much energy is that going to take to make that happen? Are you sure you want to do this I don’t think you want to do and I’m going to tell you why you can’t and why your doubt why you should be afraid. That’s what goes on in our brain. So the more you bring awareness of this is what’s going on. That’s how you can really start moving forward, I often tell a way to hack this need for our brain is to give your brain a plan, saying brain we’re going to try this for the next six months, I’ll check back in with you. And then we could take it from there. And then the brains like alright, six months. That’s that. So the these are just the things that I’m always trying to why self management and why I’ve gotten into it so much is really understanding how the brain sometimes has its own agenda outside of who you think you are, and how to work with that.
David Ralph [42:45]
And do you have any other greedy organs, Stephen, I’m just I’m just intrigued.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [42:49]
My stomach. And I’m the other thing too, we always think of our stomach as like the digestive organ. But your brain is also a digestive organ. It’s the one consuming lots of information and a lot of its junk. You know what I mean? And you don’t need it, it’s not helpful for you. So except while our digest our stomach is working in an involuntary way, it’s kind of like working in the background, our brain, you we need to be more intentional about what we’re feeding it, how we purge it, how we let it rest. Every time your brain is craving a distraction. Like you’re working you go into social media or go into like a website that you know, you shouldn’t be going into whatever y’all are distractions. That’s your brains way of saying, I need a break.
David Ralph [43:29]
Yeah, and we can go a different way on this as well because it’s proven that and I knew you were gonna say stomach. That’s why I lead into that. Because your stomach actually is the is the brain that everything operates. You know, that’s when you’re scared. You feel it in your stomach. When you’re in love. You feel it in your stomach, you know, that’s the gut reactions. i There’s a phrase gut reaction for a reason. And when your spidey senses are tingling, and I ignore them, because I have been known to ignore them. It always shoots me in the foot and it’s coming from my gut. You are
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [44:05]
so fun to talk to. Because there’s just so much I’m enjoying this so much. So I love this because you’re absolutely right actually, the your gut area is the second part of the has the second highest density of nerve endings in your body after your your brain and your feet or your third by the way kids you want to know. So this is that relationship again in our culture we have over prioritised our rational, conscious mind to make all of our decisions, right? We can’t make any decisions based on our feelings, and we certainly can’t exhibit feelings in the workplace. Again, I think that’s ridiculous. This is a tool that nature has given us or the universe, whatever you believe in, and we want to use it. So I view the gut the feeling part of that nervous system and your rational mind as CO equal branches of helping you make a great decision and a lot of that gut is, sometimes you’re just feeling and taking information in a way that you can’t, it’s coming in outside of your conscious mind that really knows what you already really want, or that’s where that passion comes from. It’ll be excitement. And then I like to think of the rational mind is like, okay, I can see you’re really excited about this. But here are some parameters of how we’re going to pull this off, or how we’re going to do this or how we’re going to use your limited time, energy and attention to work together.
David Ralph [45:22]
So what really gets you excited, where your brain doesn’t come into it, you just get fairly excitement you go study, I’m going to do it.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [45:31]
Travel meeting people, like this conversation right now is so fluid, it feels like I’m in a meditation.
David Ralph [45:38]
And you can feel it in you and you go, this is good. This is right. Because it is, you know, I used to call the
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [45:44]
villi honestly, honestly, I will tell you how I’m feeling. I’m feeling high. I’m not I’m not trying to toot your own horn, I’m not trying to be silly here listeners, really, you are this conversation and the tenor of it and the vibration of it the subject matter your energy is, I feel if if there was some measure like to like, look, get my heart rate or everything else, it is much higher than when we started, I will have to go for a walk or do a little meditation to come back down after this conversation that sound like said
David Ralph [46:18]
I loved you said one word there because it’s a running theme through Join Up Dots about where we’re trying to bring into and its vibration. The fact van, you can increase your vibration, your frequency, uh, you know, and we’ve had Law of Attraction experts on we’ve had law of vibration, we’ve I’m trying to get quantum physics per se 100%
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [46:38]
of believe it because it’s again, sorry to interrupt you. But it’s, the clearer you are in your values and what you want, again, the more you can just accept yourself me like, This is who I am, I’m gonna make the best use of this, then you send it in Le is it less energy to just be yourself, then you send out a higher energy vibe. And people can see more clearly, and they’re going to be more attracted to you. Yeah, I agree. When you try to be somebody else, you kind of cloud that for people, you just get lost in the noise, and you’re just yet another person trying to be like everybody else.
David Ralph [47:10]
I am what I am. That’s what we should say, every morning. Should we get up?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [47:18]
David, can I invite myself to lunch deer garden. And when I come to London again, one day, oh, you
David Ralph [47:23]
come down, you come down. And as long as you stay in a neighbor’s garden, and I look over the fence at Yeah, that’s
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [47:30]
Oh, that’d be fine. We I want to see that on video.
David Ralph [47:34]
That’s how I like to keep people at arm’s length. So just before we send you back on the Sermon on the mic, to have a word with your younger self, like you did before, did you think that this is it for you now? You know, I actually now think that Join Up. Dots is so it, and I doubted it for a while. But I can’t deviate. People say to me, are you still doing the podcast? I think how can I not do the podcast? So is this totally your thing?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [48:03]
Yeah, without question, I can’t think of what I would rather do. Even when I took a pause. And I was telling my sister and I’m telling other folks working with us, I’m like, nothing’s ending here. I just really need some time and space to really figure out what’s next. Because some things are feeling a little off. And I was feeling a little drained. But I want to fix that because I was still so in love with the mission. And now that everything that’s happening, and every day I’m encountering, I’m like always coaching somebody just in like a grocery line or Uber driver, because people are uncertain, and they’re afraid and they’re suffering. And I know that they don’t have to feel like that, like I have been working on myself and doing experiments and research and reading and talking to hundreds of people over these last 21 years. I feel a responsibility and a duty to share that.
David Ralph [48:53]
You don’t you because that’s when it all comes together. Yes, d is the value piece. You know, I always say you got to find the value, the more value you provide to people, the more it comes back to you. You know, it’s as easy as it is.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [49:09]
I mean, it’s also it’s like, yeah, I want to financially sustain our business so we can help even more people. But you know what, I feel like you and I do a little differently, because we know there’s lots of other people doing similar things to what we’re doing is I think a lot of them feed into their fears. And they over focus on the money part of it. And they’re just concerned about how much money that they’re going to try to make from people how big their email list or the social media following. I think you and I actually gently care whether people change or not.
David Ralph [49:35]
Yeah, I think so. And honestly, I think there was a time that this episode could go on for six hours, but I think there was a time but I cared too much. And realise that sometimes people aren’t going to change no matter what I do, but they’re not going to change.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [49:54]
And I think that really succinctly prompted my pause this summer I realised that I was caring too. too much. And I needed to create a little bit more space again, in order to really help more people.
David Ralph [50:04]
Yeah, you’ve got to be the conduit of the change and not the change. I think
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [50:09]
100% Like that is the most important lesson you could ever learn as a coach. And the hard one,
David Ralph [50:15]
as a hard one is hard one, but I’ll tell you what is really easy. What I’m going to do now, by pressing this button, we’re going to take you on another journey, and this is on the Sermon on the mic. When this time, you’re going to go back to the person who was in 2017, that the last time you was on the show. And if you could speak to them, what advice would you give them now after everything you’ve been through? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme. And when it fades, this is a sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [50:49]
Here we go with the speed of the show the Sermon on the mic.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [51:07]
So Steven, you want to teach people how to manage themselves, just do what already. And you think the best way to learn how to manage yourself or help people can learn that is by working for themselves. triple down on that. There’s a big old pandemic, that’s going to happen in a couple of years. And you are going to help people get ready for that. It’s exactly what they need. This is your moment. Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t allow other people to to question your course, like you’ve been doing this already for 15 years at this point. Keep doing it stay the course. You know that this is your mission. You know, you’re good at it. Keep doing it.
David Ralph [51:51]
Yeah. And when you get a chance to come on, Join Up Dots again. Just say yes, you know, did you know did put everything else on hold, and come back? Because you’re gonna have a lovely time, Steven.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [52:02]
And did you know that you might have forgotten but I came on your show in 2015. When I was at and stackable. This is my third time actually,
David Ralph [52:10]
is it a third time I thought it was the second time?
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [52:13]
I think I looked back at your show notes. I could totally be wrong. But I love being on the show so much. I love what you’re doing. I think anybody listening, if you’re listening to the show, for the first time, keep listening to a few more episodes, you can tell David has a lot of amazing energy. And I talked to lots of people. And when I see somebody who is on the same mission that I’m on, I want to make sure other people know it. So listen to him. He’s a great guide.
David Ralph [52:40]
Thank you very much, Steven, thank you so much for spending time with us today joining those dots. And then please come back again. Again and again. Wherever you are. Don’t know how many times you’ve been on.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [52:52]
Get you on our podcast when I have reformulated because
David Ralph [52:55]
last time sir, I’m a member.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [52:58]
I’ve been a little stuck by cut but you are. You just are amazing. It’s like you’re already a natural like we could have like a television show.
David Ralph [53:07]
I will be I will be on there because joining up those dots and connecting our paths is the best way to build our futures. Steven Wally, thank you so much.
Life Skills Matter Stephen Warley [53:16]
Thank you, David.
David Ralph [53:19]
You Yeah, Stephen Wally from life skills that matter, I’ve got go back and see, I thought he’d only been on the show once, but maybe he’s been on three times, four times, five times, who knows. But the key thing is, Life is about choices. And if you can bring those choices into your life, it’s not about money, it’s not you because you can spend a lot less and get the same things and you can just do things and enjoy yourself and take time off and and it is it’s brilliant. It really is. And that’s what we’re here for. And that’s what life skills matter are doing as well really well. overbear Okay, so for anybody out there that is jumping onto the bandwagon and coming through to my free training and getting that all linked up onto the site, come across and connect with me and we’ll show you how to build a six figure business as easily as possible. And, and just enjoy yourself and that’s the key thing to everything. So look out for yourself. Come across to join up dots.com See what we’ve got there for you. And we’ll see you again soon. Cheers. See ya. Bye bye.
Unknown Speaker [54:21]
That’s the end of Join Up Dots. You heard the conversation. Now it’s time for you to start taking massive action create up just create your life is he only live he got we’ll be back again real soon. Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Jolina Join Up Dots
