Mandy Barbee Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Mandy Barbee
Mandy Barbee is our guest today joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots podcast.
MA Economics & CCHT, founder of Palladium Mind, a transformation and healing expert who has helped hundreds of clients across the globe to overcome anxiousness and thrive in business, health, and life.
By combining the power of imagery with their innate capabilities, she empowers men and women to regain a positive sense of control, transcend struggle, and enjoy everything more.
Now that’s what she does everyday, but at Join Up Dots we are more interested in how she got to where she has, not what she is doing.
And her journey is one that can inspires so many people that struggle with the mental side of moving to where they want to be.
How The Dots Joined Up For Mandy
As she says “I’m the oldest of five girls, all born inside 7 years to very young parents.
Raised in north Georgia, I knew a couple things very early on: I wanted to see the world, and I wanted to support myself.
Neither of my parents had completed college, so when my father told me, “Mandy, any school you can figure out how to get into, I’ll find a way to pay for,” a quiet voice inside of me said, “That isn’t what’s going to happen.”
Determined, smart, polite and ambitious, at the age of 17 I was accepted into the Air Force Academy and headed to Colorado Springs for boot camp.
I had poor self esteem, weak boundaries, and an insatiable need for external validation.
And so while I excelled at everything I did, and was graduating at the top of my class, in the winter of my final year, all coping mechanisms were breaking down; I found myself in tears seemingly without reason and missing classes for the first time in my life.
Coincidentally over Christmas my mother had bought my dad a session with a hypnotherapist to stop smoking, and for lack of us knowing what else to do, I went for a visit as well.
THAT HOUR I SPENT WITH A GENTLEMAN HYPNOTHERAPIST IN NORTH GA, 2005 PUT MY LIFE ON A NEW TRAJECTORY – ALBEIT AT THE TIME I DID NOT APPRECIATE EXACTLY HOW.
Fast forward ten years, 26 countries, and leadership roles in three commercial industries later, I had objectively achieved a great deal of success and every reason in the world to be happy.
So why did those high marks in classes, and educational achievements force her to review where she was heading in her life?
And is anxiety something that we can nip in the bid before it ever starts, or simply something we have to manage?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Mandy Barbee
During the show we discussed such deep subjects with Mandy Barbee such as:
We discussed why we should all be very aware of the energies that we give out everyday, especially to the wrong people.
Why Dunbar’s law is so powerful which states that we can only maintain 150 relationships at everyone time. Social media cleanse anyone?
Why when we rest our minds and our bodies we really give ourselves a chance to grow our business faster than ever
How the world is full of traffic streams, which makes it so easy to find customers for our business. We simply have to decide where to put our rods.
How To Connect With Mandy Barbee
Return To The Top Of Mandy Barbee
If you enjoyed this episode of Mandy Barbee why not listen to some of our favourite podcast episodes such as Spike Ball Founder, Stephen King, Sarah Caltieri or the amazing Spencer Sheinin
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Full Transcription Of Mandy Barbee Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:25]
Yes, good morning to you. Good morning to you. If you are listening in 2020 we are still in lockdown. If you’re listening in 2025 we’re probably still in lockdown. I don’t know what’s gonna be happening with this. But certainly, there’s a lot of good stuff coming out. Not least, but my guests are just lining up. It’s like they’re at home with nothing to do other than speak to me. So that’s great. So our guest today actually has rolled out a bit. She’s very, very early in the morning. She’s at a bar she’s sort itself out. She’s all glammed up and she’s ready to join us on the show. She is a MA in Economics, and she’s the founder of palladium mind, a transformation and healing expert who has helped hundreds of clients across the globe to overcome anxiousness and thrive in business, health and life. Now, by combining the power of imagery with their light, their innate capabilities, I should say, she empowers men and women to regain a positive sense of control, transcend, struggle and enjoy everything more. Now, that’s, of course, what she does every day. But at Join Up Dots, we’re more interested in how she got to where she is not really what she’s doing. And her journey is one that can inspire so many people that struggle with the mental side of moving to where they want to be. As she says, I’m the eldest of five girls, all born inside seven years to very young parents. And it was seven years I just read that again, I must have been permanently pregnant and also raised in North Georgia. I knew a couple of things very early on. I wanted to see the world and I wanted to support myself. Neither of my parents had completed college so when my father told me, man at any school you can figure out how to get into I find a way to pay for a quiet voice inside of me said that isn’t what’s going to happen and determined smart, polite and ambitious. The age of 17. She was accepted into the Air Force Academy and headed to Colorado Springs, but Bootcamp, she had poor self esteem, weak boundaries and insatiable need for external validation. And while she excelled at everything she did, and was graduating at the top of her class in the winter the final year, she kind of fell to pieces and started breaking down she found herself in tears seemingly without reason, missing classes for the first time in her life. And then over Christmas, my mother, her mother, it’d be weird if it was my mother. She bought. She bought her dad a session with a hypnotherapist to stop smoking. And for the lack of us knowing what else to do, she went to the visit as well and her life changed Fast Forward 10 years 26 count trees and leadership roles in pre commercial industries. Later, she’d objectively achieved a great deal of success and every reason in the world to be happy. So why did those high marks and classes and educational achievements force her to review where she was heading in her life? And is anxiety something that we can nip in the bud before it ever starts? Or is it something we just have to manage? Well, let’s find out as we bring them to the show to start joining us with the one and only Mandy Barbee. Good morning Mandy. How are you?
Mandy Barbee [3:29]
I’m so good. How are you David? Now I’m already good Mandy. I’m You’re so good rocking and rolling. I’m feeling really good today. Actually, I I haven’t been podcasting for ages and ages and ages because, quite frankly, and locked down you you slow down to such a point. You don’t really want to do anything. Do you just kind of just just kind of, I don’t know you’ve agitate. But I’m firing on all cylinders. At the moment. I’ve got my energy back. So, Mandy, I’m going to ask you straight away. This is a leading question that could direct the whole end of the episode.
David Ralph [4:00]
But his energy, his energy, the thing that we have to be aware of first, when we’re running out of energy is that the first nip in the bud thing that we really can sort of change the direction of what’s going to happen to us later.
Mandy Barbee [4:15]
Energy is Yeah, what an interesting question. Energy is like, it’s kind of like the start and the finish. I think I when I think of energy, it’s like it results from and it also leads, so maybe where I would start is the physiology. And like, like I was just reading something the other day that reminded me of something that I’ve heard so many times of, like, when you put a smile on your face, you can’t almost help but feel better. And, and because you know, it almost calls you to test it. I did the same and I was you know, scrolling or something here in lockdown here in Seattle, Washington. And As a course, I had to chuckle to myself and I wasn’t quite sure if I was chuckling because of that I tested it out or because it’s true, but I do think it’s true. And the energy that we have other people can pick up on it as well. And I feel like I got that experience, right. When we jumped in the line today, your energy is totally infectious. And you know, of course, I’ve already I’d already tasted it through listening to your podcast, but when you’re on the line with someone, or you’re actually on video with someone, which we’re not today, or even better if you’re in person with anyone, I think I think it can be easy to forget in our modern culture that we, we all can pick up on each other’s energies, and we’re doing it all the time. So it’s an amazing an amazing Skill ties develop. Because we’re all using it, we may not be using it well or to varying degrees, but it’s an amazing thing to focus on is honing your energy and being able to spin it however you want to show up for others in order to send a message.
David Ralph [6:15]
Because I think that with energy, I used to give energy out to everyone. I just wore myself. And I got to a point as I talk all the time, but I talk about it all the time, because it’s very important. But I had acute burnout and I just literally fell to pieces. And now I only give it to the people that deserve it. Now, subsequently, I think to myself, you don’t get like an Olympic athlete. But he’s sprinting all the time. You get them sort of building up building up and they’re ready to go and boom, there you go. And so it’s one of those things that I think that anybody who is like you this week, maybe as you say, just before we started, you’ve been sort of high on the go over time. We’ve got to stop and think to ourselves, actually, are we doing it at the right time for the right people and in the right places, or should we raise brightly? Right Katy Perry said, Be a firework flying across the sky. Boom, boom, boom. What’s your thing?
Mandy Barbee [7:16]
Oh my gosh, hearing you expound on that a little bit. I could not agree and could not agree more. And I heard somebody say, Oh, I want to pull it out. It’s right here beside my desk. I was having this most amazing conversation this week with someone who actually I met through, he called outreach to me, and I’m one of those open people. I’m open to possibilities. I have a very open worldview. And I like to intersect and interact with people. So to your point. I have to be really thoughtful. I wouldn’t say careful but I’m really thoughtful about where I spend my energy and this person came to me with such a sincere and clear like connecting on a values level opportunity that was offered to me that I just couldn’t refuse it. And when we got on the phone, it was just like when we got in the video call the the possibilities that emerge from that interaction were massive. And he said he shared with me something called Dunbar’s law. And he said, it’s the idea that you can carry about 50 relationships really well. And not more than that. So I have this just hugely positive reaction when you shared what you did about being thoughtful about where you spend your energy. And knowing that sometimes we say we don’t have energy. And I’ve thought about this before, but it’s not that we don’t have energy. It’s simply that we’re spending it. And so if you can think about where and how you’re spending your energy, that is one of those powerful pieces of information For someone, so I love I love that.
David Ralph [9:03]
Yes. Say No, that’s what I always say, say no until the good ones come along. But I’m looking at Dunbar’s law, and I’m actually googling it. And I wonder if he’s made it up because I can’t see it’s there. Oh, why we can only maintain 150 he’s saying 150 connections at once. So, um, but I haven’t I haven’t got 150 connections I probably got to you and my wife.
Mandy Barbee [9:30]
At the moment, no, it just me at the moment just in her life.
David Ralph [9:33]
Just in my life. There’s there’s probably you and my wife. And that’s all I’ve got in my life.
Mandy Barbee [9:40]
Are you living in the present?
David Ralph [9:43]
No, I’m not. I’m just very, very selective of who I who I hang around with. Because did you find this actually, while we’re talking about this and that ability to say no, and be aware of your energy and it’s kind of goes out to people as a suggestion of what to do when you start your own business, your soul kind of in the passion of creating something, but you connect with people willy nilly, you’re just sending stuff out. Anybody that comes along that says anything remotely appealing, even if it’s not right be a business you kind of jump on. And so they come along and I say, oh, we’d like you to be in our authority summit. And you go, oh, somebody’s asking me to be on the poverty summit. And you’d go to it. And after a while, you kind of think 99% of it’s complete waste of time. There’s no reason it’s just a, an ego metric that kind of makes you feel good, because somebody’s asking. And then once you get down to that 1%, you realise that anybody out there that says, I haven’t got enough time. They’re literally focusing in on the 99% of stuff that takes the time where the 1% is the goal, and it’s worth hanging around, doing nothing for days on end until about 1% comes along. Main bang would you man?
Mandy Barbee [11:03]
Yeah, yes. I, there’s so many thoughts that come up. But when you when you’re talking about that I always, I consider myself to be frugal. I don’t know if you’re aware there was a show once called the frugal Gourmet, was a cooking show. Did you ever watch it? Okay. It was back in the 80s. It could have been earlier than that. But the frugal gourmet was the name of the show and the man. He, his whole purpose of the show was that he found every part of the food to be useful. And as I still I’m like, well, who wants to eat that part of the kiwi or whatever, like, I don’t need the skin off of Kiwi fruits. You know, that’s gross to me. But he would always find a way to use every part. And I think when we’re talking about taking those opportunities as a budding entrepreneur because I definitely relate to the example that you shared of like, Well, why and I’m just tickled when you talked about the effect thority summit You know, it sounds so appealing right? Which part of us is that speaking
David Ralph [12:04]
really a waste of time? Everyone involved other than a person arranging it that there I say no to every single one of those that come through to me
Mandy Barbee [12:19]
Well, I think that the I feel like they’re I feel some good passion for if anybody’s real if anybody out there like myself is relating to that example.
David Ralph [12:29]
You just say yes complete waste of time.
Mandy Barbee [12:33]
I’m gonna follow you’re just saying no, yeah, I love that. Just Say No,
David Ralph [12:38]
just say no, don’t think about it, you know, say no straightaway and then when the ones that come along, but you feel really fancy this you’ve got the time you’ve got the time and a space to say no to literally everything, and when the good stuff will come, but you’ve got to get through that sort of level of thinking. I’m gonna miss out I’m gonna miss out that could be an opportunity. Oh, I should be on Facebook. I should be here. I should be there. Do any of it?
Mandy Barbee [13:02]
Exactly? Well, my only the only thought I was I’m having about the the frugal Gourmet, is a lot of times those when we say yes, yes, yeah. So we just we feel like we’re, it’s like, we don’t notice at the time because it might be exciting even though we should be saying No, we’re not. Because it’s speaking to a part of ourselves. I think through that process of eventually going, what the hell? That’s how I got to the point where I say no, what like, like you do like to a lot of different things. And then only if it’s feeling like a strong Yes, like there’s a purpose to it, then I can actually give my energy to it. But the whole process of bumping into things and running ourselves into the ground. I think that the guidance and the wisdom you’re sharing is to like speed that process up. Just say no to everything. I’m glad I’m on your shortlist Steve. Oh, you’re
David Ralph [13:58]
absolutely on them. Me woman. But says yes, yes, yes on my podcast while I’m recording that that’s a that’s a win for me. That’s a win for me. I’m gonna play that to anybody but I know to say, look, this is what I can do on a show. I can make a lady say “yes, yes, yes.” Fantastic stuff. Well, okay, so let’s get back to your life because I was fascinated when I was reading it. I saw people, Your mother must have been pregnant all the time, but like seven years because if she’s got five within seven, it’s either making a baby or coming out what were they like duplicates? triplicates
Mandy Barbee [14:35]
they were not like, they were not five girls were like small basketball team.
David Ralph [14:41]
And do you still connect with them? Now? I also have your really close knit because you were that close knit sort of together when you were growing up?
Mandy Barbee [14:49]
Absolutely. Yes, absolutely. And actually very interesting current status for me. We were supposed to being married June 6, my my friend Yonsei and I, and so June 6 2020, coming up here in just a few weeks because we’re recording in mid May. And so just thinking about my sisters, you know, they’ve been part of that entire process, of course, and we’ve had a massive, you know, dogleg left experience with the actual wedding celebration. But we will actually still plan to be married in a few weeks
David Ralph [15:26]
on you and congratulations. On coming up to I don’t know, 150 years of marriage. I don’t know what it is. I was a young I was a young man. Best thing, best thing I ever did. Now, but the thing that once again fascinates me You seem very competent. You seem very personable. You seem to have your shit together, as I say. So what is the difference between you and the person that sort of fell to pieces because I as I say, I fell to pieces, but I know exactly why I did. And it was just overwork and stress. What about yourself?
Mandy Barbee [16:08]
Yeah, I fell to pieces too. So I’m definitely that person. The difference between me and her is like, I’m looking at I’m looking down at her feet right now. I my Achilles heel was, you mentioned it because you read some about me and shared a little bit about me already. But I, it’s, it was a tough road. I am a very, I wouldn’t say stubborn person. But I’m a very determined and persistent, persevering person who has a great capacity for managing a lot of pain. And so if I’m going to go down a road, I also had a strong belief very early on that I could do anything. I could do anything. I put my mind to and That’s a little bit, it’s a little bit of a double edged sword to believe that because if you wielded against the wrong thing, you know, you’re just going to come up against a brick wall and I put myself against that brick wall for a long time. So it was like, I also thought that, you know, I could win anyone, because I know that my intentions are very pure and good. And so that combination can become deadly if you’re up against people who misuse your kindness. And it took being with a person like that, for me to actually grow a backbone and get a personality. I got my I got my people pleasing beat out of me eventually, after about 18 months in a really tough job working for working for the right person who was actually never going to be one over so to say, but I would always allow me to run myself into the ground, trying to meet That standard. And so finally I kind of broke down. And then it’s been a windy road of healing since then. But a really, really good one because I feel like I’ve been to the depths of certain places. So I can definitely relate to what other people are going to going through and help them help them find the way out of that dark place.
David Ralph [18:22]
Because I am very similar to that. I totally think that as long as I work hard at something, but I can achieve it and it doesn’t matter. You know what I do? And funnily enough this week, well, not probably enough. But my mum’s had a stroke. And she’s been ill for quite a while. And she was in bed the other day and I went over to see her. And I said to her, come on, mom, get out the bed. Come on, it’s time for you to get out of bed and she said, I can’t I can’t get out of the bed. I can’t. And I said to her, there’s no such word as calm. And she said, Yes, there is. Try to open a can of baked beans with a banana. And I thought to myself, she’s absolutely right. She’s absolutely right. And I couldn’t go back with anything in that regard. And I think I wish I had that before where I could have accepted that there’s some things that you can’t do. And you can’t just put your mind to it and you can’t just keep on pushing through. And in many ways, once again, taking us back to the beginning of our conversation, if it is that hard, it’s gonna be wrong, isn’t it? It’s either not playing to our strengths, or we’re we’re pushing against the wrong door or something.
Mandy Barbee [19:28]
Absolutely, and I just feel like, like a Yeah, I’m, I’m choked up with words, because I agree so, so deeply. I also thought I also thought when you were speaking there at that second half, that you can’t you may be able to, but how long do you want to walk that road of pain? And what was the breaking point? I think that the breaking point is always so interesting, because it can feel like we’re doing something wrong, but It’s actually like, you reach a point of being fed up doing something that’s not fun, or that actually is harmful. And it’s kind of like, I feel like it’s just like the gift in the road. I thought to myself the other day, you don’t get the highs without the lows. But when the more that you command your energy, the more that you can just kind of respond to that when you start to head down on a second guidance correction system and you can just kind of like float between the highs and the lows there more towards the middle. Rather than having a plummet all the way to the rock bottom to learn every lesson.
I was standing, I thought, why am I even gonna share this Mandy but nobody else, nobody else is listening. I was I was standing. I was standing having a weird morning, and it suddenly dawned on me, but 95% of people in business are doing it wrong. And it was one of those quiet moments where you’re not really thinking about anything other than what you’re doing. I suddenly thought to myself, that is the beauty of it is the times when not working in your business actually helps your business grow, walking away from it, not trying to push against that closed door but actually separating yourself. And it was a real sort of epiphany this morning when I thought I said, all I’ve got to do is have a week constantly and then I’m a multi millionaire billionaire, you know, it can take me in any direction. Mm hmm. Is that too much? am I sharing too much?
Absolutely not. I had a wee myself this morning. So you’re in good good on
David Ralph [21:42]
you. Good on you. I think we should all shouldn’t wait, we should all do that as a matter of course.
Mandy Barbee [21:48]
We should. I encourage it. That’s that’s just a guy just wanted to give that great piece of guidance to listen.
I actually this is very This is very similar. As I feel like because yesterday, someone that I admire that you might know of as well as Gretchen Rubin, she’s she also has a she has a podcast, she focuses on happiness. And I really resonate with that. And yesterday I saw on LinkedIn, she shared something about it was a walk 20 in 20. And I’m literally sharing this because I feel like it’s almost exactly what you just said, just in different words and how much I also believe it to be true, that when we rest, we are rebooting and recharging. And I’m also reading chase Jarvis’s book, creative calling, creative calling, and it is a true gift. And when just in the first couple of chapters, the first two chapters maybe it’s talking about when you infuse creativity into everything into the daily life, not waiting until day seven of the week, to like, have your creative day. It’s the it’s the uplifting quality. That helps You do everything else better. And Gretchen’s post was talking about a hashtag walk 20 and 20 challenge. And I just thought, I just thought the same thing I said, I just went for a run yesterday and I feel like I had one of my most creative ideas came into my mind in in a 20 minute run. And I had to say to myself before that run, man Do you don’t have an hour to do your yoga like you might want to because I really I used to do yoga passionately like hours and hours and hours of my life. I was very proficient, and he loved it. And I don’t have an I don’t have an hour and a half to do yoga. I don’t have the patience to do it in my living room anymore right now. But I did have 20 minutes to go for a run. So I opened up the door and I went for the run. And it’s like all the clouds parted in my mind and a creative gem of an idea just floated in, like much like you’re talking about this morning and then I just I just deeply believe That when we create that space, the Wisdom is already within. And we get to tap into that. It’s like a, it’s like an unending tap that we just get to get to experience within ourselves.
David Ralph [24:11]
Let’s listen to the words of Oprah. And we’ll be back with Mandy,
Oprah Winfrey [24:15]
the way through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this stuff. What is the next right move? And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move, and not to be overwhelmed by it. Because, you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says, is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction. She kind
David Ralph [24:47]
of says it better than me as well, but she’s Oprah. But I’ll tell you what I was thinking about and this is what sort of popped into my mind. I and I don’t do social media until more often, but no, I kind of say because I don’t know. Like social media, I couldn’t really justify why I wasn’t on Facebook while I wasn’t on LinkedIn, and all that kind of stuff. And it suddenly dawned on me this morning. But where is the proof, but what you’re doing on social media is going to work. Now, what I’ll do, I’ll expand on them. I’m a great believer in the data, or I’m a great believer in doing keyword research and finding out what the traffic is and wherever you can win that traffic and building my whole business around data based principles, which shows me where the customer is, where the town burying, what kind of things that they’re looking at, and then building everything to attract those people. And it suddenly dawned on me, as I say, you can’t do that on Facebook and yet, you can’t actually say but if I send back out this and many people are going to see this or if I send this tweet out this many people are going to do it. So why why are people doing it why people wasting time And that was my realisation. After seven years of doing this show, I suddenly dawned on me what I didn’t like about it, and there was no evidence of success attached to it.
Mandy Barbee [26:15]
Yeah, and when I wouldn’t, I’m on a cliffhanger here. What did how did you find? What did you find? just told you?
David Ralph [26:21]
Did you drift off?
Mandy Barbee [26:23]
Oh, that’s no, that’s the evidence is that it’s because you don’t see the outcome. You thought you were saying there was also a reason I thought it was also a reason that you didn’t that you didn’t like it. But I totally understand that no,
David Ralph [26:35]
a simply the case of if we’re talking about where to put our energies, people are building their businesses by spending time on authority summits, spending their time sending out motivational posts, and not one of them can tell me how many people are going to see that if I send it out. It’s like they’re throwing it out, hoping for the best. Absolutely. And then I look at Google, but I love I love Google. Because Google, you can get data out of it. And they will tell you but town that somebody is looking at and the traffic and where the SEO is, and it’s just a database driven business. And I think why why would you do that? Why would you spend any time on social media if you can do it the right way?
Mandy Barbee [27:24]
Mm hmm. Well, I I think that will I think we both know, there’s a lot of reasons why people are on social media and they’re probably not helpful reasons. I think it’s a great question as well, just to pose I mean, that I want to reflect on after our conversation today is like, further deeper down that rabbit hole. Why Why are we doing the things that we’re doing? Why am I doing social media and I, again, a little bit a little bit uncanny in the, in the coincidence of you bringing this exact thing up right now, because in the last three weeks, two weeks, two weeks, the first week ago for two weeks, I basically kind of detox myself from almost all social media I would check in. And this isn’t like a love hate relationship that I have with my own social media. I’m not off again and then on again and off again on it’s not like that for me. I keep very good boundaries with what I view on both Facebook and Instagram. But I had the exact same realisation. Three weeks ago, I just was like, I realised I had been basically asleep like I had not woken up to my business like yours, David, is I focused on search engine optimization and also attracting the people that need and are actually motivated are looking for what I can provide in the world. I I’ve been working on that for years and I find it incredibly rewarding but At the same time, when you come into different networking spheres and you see different people doing business differently, it can all of a sudden feel like you’re the only one who’s not doing X, Y, or Z or the part of me that’s like the achiever or the Y Gotta catch up I, I went into this coma of activity where I’ve just been pouring into social media for going on two years now. And I stepped way back two weeks ago, and I said, energy, just like we were talking about. I said, if I want to create a beautiful grid on Instagram, because I do really love to create something beautiful. I can do that for me. And I can do it because I want to express the creative, like the creativity of my soul, if I want to do that as well, if I want to speak my truth or whatever, but I’m very aware Now the difference between business activities that are important to sustain a thriving business And the the sieve that is in pouring out like social media content creation, that’s just me as well. So no judgement on anybody that does it different. But I’m with you on that
David Ralph [30:16]
total judgement, I have judgement on everyone. Wait, which, which is why I don’t look at anything now due to that reason. But you no matter how good your business is doing, behind the scenes, there’s a lot that needs to be done. And there’s no getting away from it. It’s a journey that will never be finished, and your website isn’t quite as you want, and the conversions aren’t quite as you want, and you can be earning a great living, you still have a look at it, and it’s kind of like a bowl of spaghetti behind the scenes. But when you look at other people, it looks like they’ve got their stuff together. And so I say to everybody out there, but create content that fuels you up, make you passionate Your Passion will come across so much better than trying to create something that you think is going to be viable. Because the next person is doing the same thing. Just speak from the heart, create images or podcasts or whatever, that’s totally right for you, and I guarantee your business will grow. But here’s the caveat to this. Don’t just create content that you think is going to be a winner. Do your research and find the content that people are already looking for and give it to them, but do it better than anybody else. And there you go, you know, I’m in lockdown. I have trebled triple listenership that my show just by stopping everything. And every time I do something, I think, is this the right piece of content? Where I certainly didn’t do that. In the old days. It was just like turning a faucet and turning a tap and letting it sort of flow out. But now it’s very much about Can I do this better and if I can’t Then that’s good enough for me.
Mandy Barbee [32:03]
I’m very curious to hear when you say, when you ask yourself that question of is this the right piece of content? Can you tell me more about that?
David Ralph [32:12]
Yeah, basically, that means basically what I have to do every piece of content I do, it has to have three metrics. Number one, it has to be right for my branding. Secondly, it has to be right for the audience that’s already with me. And the third one, it’s got to be appealing for people that don’t know me, but are looking for me. And so are those free. That’s my metric. Now, the main one really is the listeners who’s already with me. But now, I suppose pushing higher than that, is the fact that there’s an audience out there that even though I’ve been doing it for six or seven years, don’t know me. So I think to myself, how can I bring them into my world as easily as possible and that is just crunching the numbers. I have got spreadsheets. All over the place with different targeted groups. Well, I just look at it and go, okay, there’s 1600 people a month looking for that subject who’s doing it? Okay, I can get to about number three in Google page one, bang, I’m going to do that. And then suddenly, you’ve got a new flow of traffic. It’s not about without getting too passionate. I love this. It’s it’s not about creating traffic. It’s about bringing in the traffic that’s already out there in your world. And it’s already out there,
Unknown Speaker [33:32]
right, you know,
David Ralph [33:33]
and streams everywhere.
Mandy Barbee [33:37]
Exactly. Like there’s a like there’s a wave already happening. Just go with it, then you’re surfing. You don’t have to create the energy, right? You just have to jump on and connect with it. That’s so fascinating.
David Ralph [33:51]
You might have to paddle around a little bit until the rain wave comes. But there’s there’s no energy, there’s no energy there. And I think say to everybody who wants to do a business, the business starts in your brain. And the business is more mental. Spend your time not creating a website, buying a URL and just throwing it up. Really, even if it’s three months or four months or five months, you crunch your numbers and you analyse where your traffic is, and then just put yourself there, and bang, it comes to you. And it’s proven with business after business after business. There should be no effort involved in creating an online business. It should just be finding where the traffic streams are, and getting them to flow to you.
Mandy Barbee [34:38]
I like what you said as well about that. I really appreciate you sharing those three, your three metrics for is this the right content because a lot of people have different versions of that, but I love this. And one thing that came to mind is how thinking about I think about your existing audience and like when you talk about existing and then future And there’s this also this beautiful component of like, part of what you’re doing through the alchemy of your podcast is helping the existing listener become their future sauce. This is amazing. It’s like, really, it’s almost like that’s a calling.
David Ralph [35:17]
Yes, I think it is. But it also almost destroyed me because I look back on it now. And once again, I spent so much time trying to help people that just wouldn’t. And when I say that, to build a successful business is about mindset. It is it’s about perseverance. It’s about chipping away at it and not just thinking that you’re going to get a home run. And when you come home and you’re tired from a day’s work, just think yourself, I just do an hour on the business, just you know, just just people moving. And a lot of people haven’t got that Mandy and I used to try to encourage them, motivate them and give them my energy. But you can’t. You’ve got to just wait Until the person comes along that really, really wants it. And by that they really become your dream clients. And they’re the ones where, as you’re coming to the end of your contract with them, you think I’m gonna miss these people, you know, because they’re so into it.
Mandy Barbee [36:16]
Exactly. And that’s, I think that that really harkens to what we were talking about earlier about saying no, is we think that we’re just going to have every one of those people coming up to our business front. And that’s going to be the person that we meet is just a stream of these highly motivated individuals and that doesn’t happen. And so there’s this difficult step like a like a gap, you have to step across. That is the saying no, to the misaligned or the people that they’re not the wrong, they’re just not ready yet. And they’re not motivated maybe yet, I like to say, and for those people, it’s difficult. When you’re growing a business and you’re just especially when you’re just just starting out to say, No, this isn’t this isn’t the best fit because then you’re preserving your energy, just like you said, like a, like a shot pit, like a shotput thrower, you know, boiling up all that energy ready to explode. Because when that person comes, it’s just, I’d like to say the right person always says yes.
David Ralph [37:26]
Now you say is quite typical. I think he’s impossible with it right at the beginning. Surely, I wouldn’t have been strong enough at the beginning to say no to anyone.
Mandy Barbee [37:39]
Yeah, I think it just comes down to maybe it’s a it’s like a twist on the same idea. But I think it’s just about where you are in your journey when you’re starting, potentially impossible. I think. I also, I also couldn’t and did it. And you know what, I would say maybe it’s not wise to Just Say No all the time because all those just in the beginning just because I learned so much from working with people that weren’t ready in order to prepare me to be the person that could sort the difference like I had to learn by brushing up against all those interactions of like,
I mean, I I love all I love every person that I ever worked with, you know, so
David Ralph [38:29]
surely you can’t love everyone that you’ve worked with?
Mandy Barbee [38:31]
Well, we’re different people, David. I, I’m like, I’m like, I’m a huge lover. I’ve heard
David Ralph [38:37]
you already shout. Yes, yes, yes. On the show. So I’m pretty sure there we go. Yeah, but you can’t you can’t love everyone. Surely that’s that’s a high threshold.
Mandy Barbee [38:49]
When I say that, you know, it’s not that I like everyone. And I’m certainly not perfect, but
David Ralph [38:56]
he said love surely
Mandy Barbee [39:00]
Yeah, and I, I love that I love that you’re challenging this because it’s also making me think about the words that I’m using. But I think that our essence is love. That’s just, you know, I’m kind of compassion and non judgement are my highest values. And it’s a space that I’m really, really good at holding. I know that my like, this support is there, like the ability for them to be themselves is there for me and I think that’s a form of love, even if every part of me is like, not loving, not enjoying maybe some aspect of the interaction or whatever. I’m still attempting or striving to hold that space. So I don’t know. Maybe I don’t maybe I don’t love everyone. Yeah, no, you’re convincing
David Ralph [39:53]
people. Oh my god. This is today. Oh, you know, I know Yeah, I’ve had terrible people. I don’t get a now because for that reason I say no to anyone that doesn’t feel right. I say no to. But yeah, in the early days I used to be Oh, god, it’s Monday. What am I doing? Oh my god, I’m speaking to Mandy. She’s I bet she hasn’t done what I asked her to do. You know, it was just like pulling teeth.
Mandy Barbee [40:19]
Right? Right. Well, I always I mean, again, always got to be careful with that word, but I am a constant. I think this we we probably share in common but I’m always reviewing my own participation for the opportunity to grow. And so when I’m really not enjoying someone or something, you know, not every year of my life. I was capable of this, but definitely for past few years, and especially while I’ve been in practice, particularly recently, it just feels easier and easier. Like, if I’m not enjoying something. I think there’s a it gives me some feedback. It gives me an option. To say, Hmm, what is it about this? That’s rubbing up against, like, what is this triggering or activating in me? And then it’s usually evidence of a place where I could probably use a little more TLC myself. Yeah. And so then I can certainly I Don’t linger in those interactions because I just try to do things that inspire me and energise me versus exhausts me. And something else that you said a few minutes ago is about when you get to the end of the day, and I don’t know this just popped into my mind when you get to the end of the day and you’re tired. It’s, it’s a question that I’ve asked myself a lot recently. Are you tired because you’re, you’re, you’ve truly like spent your energy in a way that was inspiring, or because you are running yourself into the ground. And that distinction is a great barometer uplifted or exhausted,
David Ralph [41:57]
I’ve got a business I’m setting it at a moment. I’m going through So closing it down because I bought it as an investment is a offline, it’s a shop. And every now and again, when there’s no staff there because of holidays, I have to go down and cover. And part of me kind of likes it because you have to go down and be grateful for the life you’ve created for yourself because you know, I don’t have to be at my best buy a ticket, I don’t have to be there. But these days, when I come home in the evening, absolutely exhausted and I put it down to boredom. You know, I’m in the shop, and I don’t want to be there. So everything feels kind of just rubbish. And all the way through. And when you are having those days, everything was brilliant. You’re never tired. Oh, yeah, you can you could just keep on running.
Mandy Barbee [42:44]
Yeah, exactly. And I think there’s so many different types of people to I am I shared the quality that of you, that you just described in yourself of. Like if we’re doing something that doesn’t have very Or is to stable or calm or relaxed or without activity or accomplishment. Boredom is my like Least favourite thing to be feeling I need to be able to make myself active. Yeah, that’s what I think about that, but I’m glad and also I love the gratitude. Thank you. I’m glad that the gratitude that you have reported the gratitude that you have as well for that for that job in the life that you build. It’s amazing.
David Ralph [43:29]
Yeah, I think so. You know, and even like, I’ve become so much more grateful for little things, because you know, without harping on me, ma’am, can’t do them. And just walking upstairs, I think, Oh, I can just walk upstairs don’t even have to think about it. I can just do this. I can just do that. You know. And so I’ve had this will awakening on real simple little gratitude. And I had jack Canfield from the chicken soup on the show many years ago. And he was saying every day he walks around his mansion and he opens the fridge. And he goes, I’m grateful but that lump of cheese in a bridge, and I’m grateful for that, and I remember him saying it and I thought Really? I bet you don’t I bet you just you know what? You’re so sceptical. What kind of person just opens a region says grateful for a lump of cheese? I kind of understand it now. I do kind of understand it I’m not quite to that point when I open it up and say oh, I’m grateful for that banana. But still it’s it’s it’s the small stuff
Mandy Barbee [44:30]
I wanted to say as well I know that you I know that. I know that you probably got this handled everything but for sure about your mother. I hope that she is well and it can recover. It was a funny story you shared about her but I truly do hope that she will, will recover fully and feel healthy again.
David Ralph [44:50]
Well, we hope so. But at the moment she’s she’s mental. She’s completely mental. She’s She’s a totally different she swears like you’ve never I’ve never heard her say one bad word. She’s dead. She just Whereas and you know, it’s like a total different character. Anyhow, let’s bring it back on to something that is more motivational. And that is Steve Jobs. And Steve Jobs said these words. So let’s hear them again.
Steve Jobs [45:14]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [45:49]
I think, I think you find to those words totally, don’t you?
Unknown Speaker [45:53]
David Ralph [45:55]
And what I’m going to give you when you think about that That message of your story is already in you. You just have to take action. That’s what he’s basically saying, you know, and just keep moving forward and then start making sense of where you end up.
Mandy Barbee [46:15]
Yeah, though, I mean, even Of course, I’ve heard those words before, and I’ve heard them on your episodes as well, but it’s just being present with you here on the line today, and hearing them again, after all the conversation that we’ve had it the quote definitely brings up emotion for me. It’s, it’s affirming the words that he shares that idea. I think it’s a mixed emotion that I feel when I hear them because it is like a constellation that like, Yes, I’ve learned that through life already in my own ways, and then he clarifies it in this beautiful, clean and crisp way. But what is challenging about it is, if you haven’t experienced that for yourself in some way to seen the rainbow come after the rain, and you’ve just been living in the hard, the hard part of life so far it can feel like then it’s like one of those things you almost have to experience you know, and I know that if I had heard the words 15 years ago, I wouldn’t have understood them. So it’s this very bittersweet, joyful, but also like, kind of melancholy that I feel when I hear this, this wisdom because it’s, it’s totally true. And I’m grateful that I can that I can fully relate and feel that head nod for myself. That Yeah, I’ve experienced that. And I know that to be true.
David Ralph [47:52]
And do you feel that where you all have at the moment is the right path, or is it just the starting part? Did you feel like this is you from now on? You’re going to be a very old woman being in palladium? Or do you think to yourself now actually, there’s going to be other things coming along?
Mandy Barbee [48:12]
This is almost like a trick question. Because I, you know, I feel like I’m on the right, I know that I’m I absolutely know that I’m on the right path. And I’m so happy to be able to say that, finally, at this point in my life, but I’m wise enough to know that there are twists and turns ahead of me that I do not anticipate right now. And I also feel like when we’re talking about branding, the way and the the person that created palladium mind was different than the person that I am today. And I think there’s even greater freedom in my business. Sometimes we create boxes then just to live in them and then we want to break them again. So I’m excited for all the future holds, and I’m so grateful and happy that I do believe I’m actually living my purpose today as well now great stuff. Thanks for the question.
David Ralph [49:07]
No, that’s what I do. I’m a podcaster. I asked these questions, you see that and I also do something called a sermon on the mic that we’ve been building up to. And it’s now your time to experience the time travelling wonder, allows you to go back in time and speak to your younger self. And if you could go back and speak to the young Mandy, what advice would you like to give her Well, we’re going to play the music and when it fades is your time to talk. sermon on the mind.
Unknown Speaker [49:40]
We go with the best bit of the show.
Unknown Speaker [49:48]
Mandy Barbee [49:59]
hi The it’s great to see you. This is your older self. And I’m here to tell you some things that are important. You are a good person. Remember, that’s the reason that you feel guilty sometimes. And it’s the reason that you shouldn’t. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. They’re your inner guidance system. And because you’re good, they’re also your superpower. It’s going to be easy sometimes to mix up that you don’t get the highs without the lows. So don’t fear when you’re down. It’s normal. And it makes you human. There’s golden those times too.
But Mandy, when it feels too hard, it probably is.
And I want you to know it’s okay to reach out for help. You’re not supposed to do it alone. Even if most of the time you feel strong enough to get by, try asking yourself the question, How good can it be for me? It’s okay to have more than just enough.
Mandy being kind is the only way you really win. Even though sometimes in life, you’re shown that otherwise, just look further ahead. And you’ll find that that’s not true.
Other people aren’t as happy as they seem sometimes. So give them some room and follow your own instincts. They’re on their own path. And it doesn’t always follow or look like yours. There’s going to be happiness, but it comes when you make decisions that feel hard. And the second half of making a decision is taking the action on it. Nothing is going to change until you put your skin in the game ever. So remember that. Speaking of which, it’s okay to save money, and you’re wise to do so. But hear me when I say your money is yours. It’s the fuel to help you enact your values. And the decisions you make with it are a way that you demonstrate your values to yourself and to others.
You deserve to feel freedom when you manage your energy and your resources.
Okay, you may feel impatient sometimes. But if you do, you’re wasting your moments. All things are unfolding in accordance with your current readiness and at the right time. And if you want things to move faster, find any way you can to drop struggle, and let the trying fall away.
And if that sounds impossible, it’s okay. Step one is just to stop comparing yourself. And your progress to others.
All right, I’m gonna go in a second. But I want you to know that I love you and our life is better than you are imagining right now. Remember, others need you to be yourself and showing up like that reminds them it’s okay to do the same.
the right people are always going to say yes. And it’s all going to be okay in the end.
Unknown Speaker [53:29]
I love you,
David Ralph [53:31]
Mandy, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Mandy Barbee [53:38]
I pour myself into my email list. And there are actually some notes there’s a giveaway that I created so they can learn how to I think meditation is you know, like meditation is of course growing in meditation and mindfulness is growing in accessibility and importance, but people struggle with it. And there’s a really cool resource that I created. That’s an easy, easy, easy, fun way to access the same quality of mind. And so that’s going to be in the show notes. And people can also access that at palladium mind.com forward slash, alpha dash state dash gift. And when they subscribe to that, then we’re going to be connected through my email and people have personal access to me. I love Instagram too. But my primary is through my email list,
David Ralph [54:28]
right stuff, we will drip direct as many people across to you as possible. So Mandy, thank you so much for spending time with us today and joining up those dots and please come back again when you got more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past it’s always always always the best way to build our futures. Mandy, thank you so much.
Mandy Barbee [54:49]
Pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate you.
David Ralph [54:55]
Mandy Barbee. So yeah, in business, it’s very difficult at the very beginning. To just sort of say no to people, but I would say, be very selective. Get your spidey senses up, get them tingling, if somebody is asking for too much from you, but not your customer, you know, people basically want to work with you. And it can be like a service base. It could be coaching, it could be whatever you do, you really got to define your customer and understand what you can bring to the table. Okay? And then once you do that, and you’re clear, then those people will find you and they will understand what you’re offering, and they will understand the value. You don’t have to convince anyone. But at the beginning, there’s a big journey. You’ve got to go on to really understand these things. But yeah, keep your energies up, understand what you’re bringing to the table, and then start building on it. Get that motivation going. Until next time, I will see you again Look after yourselves. Cheers. Bye bye.