Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Marlaine Cover
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Introducing Marlaine Cover
Marlaine Cover is todays guest, joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview.
Marlaine is a lady who believes that great people are not those to whom rainbows are delivered, they are those who value rainbows, sun and rain.
It’s the contrasts of life that makes a life.
It’s within these areas that we can develop our emotional intelligence, to understand why things are going well, but not beat ourselves up too much when they aren’t.
But how do we get to that point?
How do we give ourselves the best chance to become more rounded and understanding of the situations that we find ourselves in?
How The Dots Joined Up For Marlaine Cover
Well in short, Marlaine Cover believes that we need to go back to assess the fact that we spend so much time as a child, learning about things, that are nice to know, but do not help us in the real world.
Where are the true life skill lessons that some of us miss out on, but are so vitally important as we strive to create the life of our dreams?
She is a social Entrepreneur, Creator of the Life Skills Report Card, Founder of the international consciousness movement Parenting 2.0. Author of “Kissing the Mirror; Raising Humanity in the Twenty-first Century.” and of course my 97th guest.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Marlaine Cover.
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Marlaine Cover such as:
How after the birth of her second child she found herself with suicidal thoughts – but considers it her best day ever!
How Marlaine Cover feels that humans are programmed to follow the same path as everyone else, when our gift is diversity!
How if you find a flame inside you, you need to find away of turning that flame into a blaze!
How you don’t need a huge amount of people to make a difference in the world!
How she believes that no experience is wasted in a persons life!
How To Connect With Marlaine Cover
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription For Marlaine Cover
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, good morning to you. How are we everyone? Yes, I am still in the back garden. Doing my shows I loving my life. But I’ll be honest, I’ve got a lady on today, who is in a much better place. It’s about a fifth lady that I’ve spoken to who live in San Diego, California, and what a life they must have out there running around in bikinis, drinking margaritas, and just having a kick ass time. Well, let’s find out if all those things are true. Or it’s just my mind the way the uk uk guys minds work. Because this lady is somebody who believes the great people are not those to whom rainbows are delivered by those who value Rainbows, sun and rain is the contrast of life that makes a life. And it’s within these areas that we can develop our emotional intelligence to understand why things are going well, but not beat ourselves up too much when they armed. But how do we get to that point? How do we give ourselves the best chance to become more rounded and understanding of the situations that we find ourselves in? But ensure our guest believes that we need to go back to assess the fact that we spend so much time as a child learning about things that nice to know, but actually do not help us in the real world. Where are the true life skill lessons that some of us miss out on? But so vitally important as we strive to create the life of our dreams. She’s a social entrepreneur created the life skills report card, founder of the International consciousness movement, parenting 2.0, and author of kissing the mirror raising humanity in the 21st century. And of course, she’s my 97 per guest. We have a lot to discuss. So let’s bring on to the show to start Join Up Dots, the one and only Marlaine Cover. How are you today, Marlaine Cover?
Marlaine Cover [2:04]
Wonderful, David, I’m so excited to be joining your show. They’re just so terrific, as are you?
David Ralph [2:11]
Oh, you’re the nicest person I’ve ever spoken to. I’m actually going to record that and have it on my wife’s bedside cabinet. Every morning, your voice is gonna say those things and she realised she’s losing me. You see. That’s what we’re gonna do. So it is my image of San Diego because I spent a happy day walking around San Diego many many years ago, and I don’t remember a great deal of it. Other than kind of having a vibe but it was almost kind of a village he kind of failed. There was a lot of grace and, and sort of him It didn’t feel like a city. For our guests who haven’t heard of San Diego. Just explain what you what your life is on a daily basis.
Marlaine Cover [2:52]
You know, it really is San Diego has one of the best temperatures in the world. And it has 26 miles of coastline. Beautiful surf and waves. So if somebody is going to make they’ve not been to the US or the western United States, people often go to San Francisco or Los Angeles. I’d say skip Los Angeles go to San Diego. It really is paradise on earth.
David Ralph [3:17]
I spent a few days in Los Angeles. And if anyone is listening from Los Angeles, I love you. And please keep on listening. But there was a lot of nutcases around there. There was a lot of very strange people sort of walking around shouting at themselves and stuff. It was it. There was a kind of fruit cake vibe to LA but I haven’t experienced in many cities in America.
Marlaine Cover [3:39]
Well, I may be the fruitcake in San Diego. So I don’t want to disparage any fellow fruitcakes. Mostly I was speaking from the the pollution factor, it really was so many individuals and the way we care for our planet, it’s, you know, it’s quite polluted in Los Angeles. So from that perspective, the you know, our beautiful planet and the ocean, and the sky is just so much more in its pristine state, in San Diego. So I would encourage people to I love my fellow Los Angeles, as well. And most of them would also say, Hey, I’m going to go to San Diego,
David Ralph [4:17]
you so tactful is something that I’ve got to learn. It’s a skill that I haven’t mastered. So if we actually jump into your life, I want to get a flavour of the true life skill lessons, because I reached out to you because I saw you on linked in. And I was in conversation with a chap the morning that I reached out to you. And he was, well, he is he’s a math professor in a school in Virginia. And he was saying that it is vitally important for people to get an education that isn’t just about what the Romans did, many, many years ago is about what life is going to throw at you. Is that something that you’ve always bought was to? Or did you have a moment when you realise that hang on, we’re missing a trick here on a global scale.
Marlaine Cover [5:08]
The I went through my own personal crises, when after I birth my second child, I suffered severe postpartum depression and was fighting a lot with my husband. And was really feeling like a just a complete failure. I’d in the academia, I’d actually done very well, I had a 4.0 out of graduate school, thought I was doing everything right, got married, all of a sudden, we’re fighting, I feel bad about myself, I’m not being a good mother, you know, pick your negative message, didn’t take care of my personal health, wasn’t sleeping well wasn’t eating well. And lo and behold, My car broke down one day, and I attempted suicide fortunately failed. But that was the beginning of me seeing life. Obviously, when you’re when things aren’t going very well, you start to say, gee, maybe I maybe are to be doing things a little differently. So that was the beginning of my sort of wake up call. But it was when I was raising also my children, my my young daughters that I I became so aware that it wasn’t only me, that hadn’t done well in an otherwise wonderful societal programme, society as a whole, really undervalued. What we do term life skills and life skills and contrast to academics, for people to be able to understand life skills are are the mandatory curriculum, those are the things you have to do every day, you You must commune with other individuals. That’s, that’s a mandatory assignment human beings are born with. So and there are skills that help you do that successfully. But primarily, we do not we do not proactively learn interpersonal communication skills, conflict resolution skills. So I was very aware with my young teenagers that wow, for math, geography, calculus, they have these incredible this incredible programme in place. Yes, it’s incredible societal programme. And permit me to acknowledge we are very blessed, fortunate to live in, in a developed country where education is available to my young daughters, free education for my young, my young daughters. So I’m very, very grateful for that. At the same time, I was, I was like, wow, what about all these other things that are really important, and, and they’re in the all they have is mom and dad, and I’m not a communications expert. I’m not a financial literacy expert. And yet, these things are very important to. So I just became aware of the gross disparity between the educational processes of academic sports and music, and the educational processes of life skills. And I really believed, you know, well, how do I, it’s easy to tell someone else, you’re doing a lousy job. But I said, Well, I need to do something myself. What can I do to improve the educational process with my children, and that’s when I sat down and I, I say that I took the skills parents teach their children every day, out of the parental junk drawer. And I divided them into five topic areas, personal care, organisational skills, respect for self and others communication and social skills. So I just came up with that, really, as a communication tool to talk with my own teenage daughters. And it is, you know, sometimes we get lucky As parents, we, we try everything. And I tried that. And it turned out to be an amazing communication tool. So and then I shared that, but so the journey was not overnight. First, I started as a really big loser.
David Ralph [8:46]
Well, that’s the key point No, because and I am going to touch back on that I’m not going to dwell too much on on your misery or bad time, because he sounded horrific. But obviously, you were not who you are now. And potentially, because of you, you’ve had the baby and all the hormones and stuff going around you, it wasn’t your natural state of mind, it was just the situation that you was put into. But when you look back on that, and that this is the moment a week or our big.in Join Up Dots. And it has been kind of a theme running through literally every single show. But when people actually found their path, and I say the same words, almost every show now because there is this commonality. But when people find their path in life, and they find the thing that actually inspires them, and they got a passion, and they develop it more often than not, and I would say it’s it’s almost 100% of the time, it starts at a point of their life, that was terrible, or distressing, or painful. And although I didn’t want to go through that, but you can look back at that. And they go, yes, it was a bad time. Except it was a terrible time. But actually, in a funny kind of way. Thank God about happened, do you feel the same looking back on the suicide attempt and the arguments with your husband and all that was bad, really just you sorting yourself out, even if you didn’t, wasn’t aware of it, to actually find the thing that you’re looking for?
Marlaine Cover [10:12]
Absolutely, David, uh, I really I have all the days of my life, shockingly, and I’m 55 years of age of all the days of my life that I would keep, if I if I could only have one, I would have that day. And I’m glad I survived it, I wouldn’t recommend the course to anyone else. That’s why I’ve committed my life, to supporting others in the journey. So it does, they don’t have to get to that point. It can be different, we can support one another. But it did it taught me the most and you’re so you’re so right. That human beings often it’s the most difficult of circumstances, put us in touch with our, our deepest strength, our greatest self. And for me, I’m I really felt that it was a bit like having so much in our world. We’re told do this do this, it we’re all filled with instructions. And on that day, I felt that it was as if all the post it notes that were attached to me, just fell off. And from that point forward, I really was in touch with my own voice, a voice that I think I had been silencing, which is often what leads to depression we don’t, we don’t articulate our emotions our feelings were and that’s that’s something that society, we really do not teach children, society, emotional literacy, how to express your feelings. And we want everyone to be the same, you know, don’t care what your friends think. So the educational process in place really raises our young people to not listen to their feelings to think, Oh, I have to feel like somebody else or think like somebody else. But the reality is we are each given a hardwired communication system with what I call universal intelligence, or God or whatever you want to call it, just like every tree on the earth. And you and crises can put you in touch with your own roots, your own strengths. And then you start you know, being your palm tree instead of the oak tree, if that’s if that’s what you are.
David Ralph [12:17]
I read something once and it is stuck with me. And I would love to know who said this. But he was saying that humans are the only ones that will keep themselves small. If you’ve got a cheetah, the cheetah is going to run as fast as that Cheetah can possibly run and a tree, you plant a tree, the tree is going to grow to the maximum size that that tree can grow. But humans are the only ones that will hold themselves back. And bear in mind, we are so amazing. It is a terrible waste, isn’t it. And I’m seeing this more often every single conversation that I’m having with people or people that I have been through that terrible time, the big dot, and they have found their power. And they’re doing amazing things. And I just kind of think to myself, if we could shake up the status quo, and move that contentment zone where people are just kind of plodding on from one day to another. And so everyone was doing something that was vital for them and also vital for the world providing value back. Bloody hell I’m giving I’m gonna swear there but bloody I want a great world, it would be one that
Marlaine Cover [13:22]
yes, and I think this is the biggest thing to turn around and one that I personally advocate as a social entrepreneur, and we have members in cities, over 100 cities around the world, advocating the same thing we we do not yet know what’s under the human hood, we’re still learning about human beings. And it’s really amazing that we nevertheless try to go around and tell everybody how to be, well, goodness sakes, how can we tell somebody how to be if we don’t even know who they are. And secondly, we advocate homogeneity in a world that is defined by diversity, everywhere we look, everything is beautifully diverse. And we allow it for some reason, in fact, we celebrate it, and trees and fish and fauna, but when it comes to human beings, we want everyone to be the same. Why, you know, we can just look at each other and see that we’re, we’re different. It’s our greatest gift. So allowing that and not practising social bigotry, as I call it, you know, saying, Oh, well, you’re doing this, you know, whether it’s swearing or whatever, you know, telling everybody we all need to be the same. Why? How boring would that be if we were all the same?
David Ralph [14:36]
Doesn’t really annoy you now now now because you’ve you’ve got new eyes and having a you can see a world that at your darkest point you obviously couldn’t see. And probably every day, the world becomes brighter for you, because you’re on that path, you’re doing the thing that that fulfils you, but does it kind of annoy you that so many people are sort of trapped in that zone of lack of effort or not lack of effort, lack of awareness of what is possible if they go through it?
Marlaine Cover [15:07]
You know, I would say not so much annoyance, as it saddens me, it’s sad to see human beings hold one another back as you as you were saying, you know, we really what, why aren’t trees you know, why aren’t human trees flourishing? Well, so often it’s because of all the negativity that’s shared. You know, the reprimands, we put so many were very critical of one another. So that makes me sad. And then I respond to that sadness, because there’s so much suffering comes from that suffering I experienced personally. So the way I respond to the sadness is to say, you know, we’re all doing the best we can, unless some any human being is the exception to every living thing. They’re doing the best they can. And none of us need to be lectured. I don’t like to be lectured. If I’m struggling with somebody, we need to be loved. And so my approach to life is, let’s just love and encourage one another. And people confuse oftentimes encouragement with condoning, it doesn’t mean if somebody’s shooting somebody that you say, Oh, that’s great, go shoot some more people. That’s not what it’s about. But it is about recognising that human being is doing the best within their circumstances. And they’re struggling, if you’re shooting someone or killing yourself, clearly, you’re struggling, aren’t you? So what do we need with that? How do we, you know, support one another in the educational in the life skills, educational journey?
David Ralph [16:37]
Well, I’m going to take you back because we’ve covered the area enough, and I’m very interested in your journey. That’s what the show is all about. And one of the look at that list that I spoke about in the introduction, you are a social entrepreneur, creator of the life skills report card bounder, the International consciousness movement, you kind of think, Wow, how did you manage to do all that I’m finding it hard, and I’m just doing what I’m doing, and you’re doing all these things? What was the first step to be able to build what you’ve built over the last few years?
Marlaine Cover [17:09]
You know, I think it was the educate. I think it was young, being young and having all the challenges I had, we often say, Well, what how do you have the cake on the table? How are you this wonderful cake maker? Well, long before the cake was on the table, there was a farmer in the field, sweating, growing the wheat, and cursing the fact that it wasn’t raining. And so you don’t get the cake on the table, you don’t get the success without without the commensurate labour and life. So I was really learning everything I learned in my life, many of the difficulties actually made me a more compassionate individual, one that saw all people in a loving light. And so again, the worst day when I saw myself, even in the loving light, I saw others that really contributed to my path then forward. And, and I really think that’s the core thing, sharing, believing when human beings know better, they will do better. We’re just learning. And leaving the educational journey of life skills warranted a more dignified process, rather than so often we say somebody does something you don’t like, David. And instead of just being upset about that one thing, we practice whole person hatred, right, like really mad at him, right? hate him for I hate my husband, you know, it is one thing I hate my husband, like, Well, you know, he just did one thing, and he’s trying so learn, thinking of it as something he’s learning. And he has a particular competency level, rather than thinking whole person, I hate him, making that shift. So really switching that that that was very core, shifting from mindset that saw people as good or bad to seen all people as learning, that was really very core. And once I had that, it just if you have a message that resonates with others, then they want it. So it sort of became like the water about the plants, you know, the plants wanted more water. And, but but
David Ralph [19:10]
there’s no getting away from the fact that when you started this, and this, this is this sort of the real statement of the show, you, as all of us didn’t have a clue what you were doing. Now, I’ve only met you tonight. But I can guarantee when you started, you had this idea in your head, and you feel this is what I want to do. It is not the end product, it’s it’s a small germ of an idea and you sit there on your laptop, or wherever you are, and you think, how do I do this? What do I do? So what was the process for you? So if somebody is out there who’s got an idea, and I just thinking this is too big? I know it’s going to be amazing if I pull it off, but I just can’t quite grasp what I should do. First of all, is there any tips that you can give for these people to say, this is what I did. And this is how I think it works best?
Marlaine Cover [20:01]
Yes, the first thing is to, if you have a passion, if you feel that inner flame calling for anything for whatever it is, if you feel that inner, find any outlet for it, anything, don’t don’t self eliminate, and and share it don’t put a price tag on it, say well, I’m going to write a book. But if the book doesn’t sell, I have nothing to say to anyone. Don’t be dependent upon the outside world to give you affirmation. Trust that if you are listening to your inner fire, it’s going and if you and you begin sharing it, it whether and we’re so fortunate now aren’t we because we have all these groups, all these social networks, so we can connect with people all over the world. begin sharing whatever it is you have with like minded people who will likely appreciate it. And you know, you’ll probably be shocked, I was shocked when I shared the life skills report card, I thought I put it on LinkedIn. And I didn’t know I don’t have a degree in human development. So I didn’t know how I would be received. We have 5000 members now in the I think like 80 countries. So if you don’t know don’t self eliminate, there are other individuals like you that are going to love and celebrate you listen to that inner fire, take the small first steps. And don’t look to the world to approve. You just Just do it. Just go out there and shine your light. And without conditions without conditions.
David Ralph [21:27]
But you must have been scared, you must have been scared when you had these ideas. And but you’ve you’ve followed them through and this this is what I want to get to. How did you do that? How did you overcome those self limiting thoughts? How did you build what you’ve built? How did you manage to get on Join Up Dots with me today?
Marlaine Cover [21:48]
The self limiting thoughts? That’s such a great question, because we always I think they’re always there ever present in our in our brains? Oh, you can’t do that, you know, who are you to do that you’re not going to change things, you know that we all have that little voice. And I just I think the very first step we need to do is we can we can drown out that voice. But we need to receive it with loving arms. Think of like a young child coming to say no, I can ride the bicycle, you say yes, you can ride the bicycle. And you encourage them be that encouraging person to yourself. It’s very natural to have that fear voice. It’s just part of being human beings. It’s actually the part of the brain. It’s it’s our brains default to fear. So it’s good to know that. So what’s kept kept us alive and on the planet for many, many years. The fearful people, the daisy pickers died, and the fearful ones survived because they ran away from the threats. But, but nowadays, our fear brain is still overactive. So just know that about yourself, it’s a natural part of being a human being it kept you alive once. But for now, just just hug it with loving arms, put it down and find a loving thought and go with a part of you that is going to be courageous and learn how to ride the bike at whatever age and whatever form the bike takes. Because it’s small steps that gets you to success. Yes, you don’t just climb Mount Everest, you climb it one step at a time. And I I know I’m not original and saying that, but it’s so true. Small steps every day towards your dreams deliver.
David Ralph [23:24]
I was talking to a lady on episode 80 A Kathy O’Dowd, who was the first lady to get to the top of Everest from the north and south side. And she was she, she doesn’t want to talk about Everest all the time. And as she said to me, You know, I’ve only been up there for 45 minutes in my entire life, that doesn’t define me. But in the conversation, the thing that I thought was amazing was the fact that she wasn’t that interested in getting to the top, it was more of the process of getting to the top. It was how you can actually do. What should I put here? Which rope Should I hold on there? And it’s a fascinating mindset shift, isn’t it? But she wasn’t going. It’s all about getting to the top, it was about actually testing herself. But she’s got the mental ability to be able to go through those hardships, and push yourself on to get to the ultimately to the top.
Marlaine Cover [24:16]
Yes, that’s that’s wonderful. Eleanor Roosevelt has a quote, do one or two or she advises, do one thing every day that scares you. Imagine that mentality, you know,
David Ralph [24:26]
I’m scared every single day.
Unknown Speaker [24:30]
Marlaine Cover [24:31]
Look at this terrific show you’ve created. You know, I mean, this is what this is what it delivers face your fears, your fears go away.
David Ralph [24:40]
Well, up is now but for many years, I was fearless. And then once I built up a certain amount of responsibilities and financial responsibilities. I think I lost that fearless. I think I I went down the corporate route for too long. And I wasn’t true to myself, because I felt that I had to provide for family and you know, I look back on it and a thing. I can’t beat myself up about it. That’s where I was. And at the end of the day, I provided food and I put a roof over everyone’s head and all that kind of stuff. But I now know totally in the last six months from quitting my job, that every time that I am scared at something, and I move forward, I look back and think, Wow, the shows getting better. Hopefully I’m getting better, the guests are getting better. And it’s all because my body is telling me not to do something that is actually going to expand me. And it took me years to realise that I would have run away from anything frightening. But now, I actually I can’t honestly say I like the fault of being frightened in any shape or form. But once it happens, I do think to myself, This is interesting. I reckon this is what I should be doing. And if you do listen to your body, it has an amazing capability of actually becoming a compass. And I don’t whoo, whoo on it. But I do think that now you listen to your body. And if it scares you, and you actually move ahead with that, I pretty much guarantee you’ll look back and go, yes, I’m a better person I’ve expanded, the opportunities are greater in front of me.
Marlaine Cover [26:16]
Yes, absolutely. You know, we, anyone who learns to drive a car, it’s scary. It’s intimidating at first, yes, we can stay comfortable, we cannot learn something new, whether it’s, you know, bicycle, a car, whatever. But also, out there in the world socially, we’re sort of driving our human car, aren’t we? And if we just challenge ourselves a bit, give it a go. Yes, you know, we learn something from it. The brain waste nothing, no, no experience is wasted. So as we challenge yourself, and we stretch a little bit, we learn more. So it’s it’s wonderful. And whether we fail, or whether we succeed, we’re learning.
David Ralph [26:55]
You said an amazing thing bad no experience is wasted. And I’m going to play that words of Steve Jobs, which I do generally around about this time, because that is exactly what he is saying in this speech, that you don’t know what how the dots are going to join up. But if you try things and you do different stuff, ultimately you will look back and go, Oh, yeah, because I did that I did that I did that all those different experiences. I’m now put myself in a position to do X Y Zed Fingers crossed dream life. But I’m going to play the words of Steve Jobs here now. And then Marlene, I’m going to ask you how they personally make you feel.
Steve Jobs [27:31]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [28:06]
What do you recognise works?
Marlaine Cover [28:09]
Brilliant, just simply brilliant. Just absolutely brilliant. We’re so fortunate to have his wisdom.
David Ralph [28:17]
Why do you think they are so powerful though, because they are very simple. And in certain context or a bit whoo, whoo, we also have common stuff. But there is there is there is an honesty, there’s a truth about those which resonates with us as humans.
Marlaine Cover [28:32]
And that’s the key term of what you do. You actually answered your own question. It resonates with us. There’s a heart truth. If we ask 100 people point to yourselves, they don’t point to their head, they point to their heart. There is a heart truth to what he is saying. And that is our ultimate that is our, our ultimate wisdom. And he speaks to it. So it resonates.
David Ralph [28:56]
Are you somebody that follows your heart. Obviously, as a businesswoman, you’ve got to you follow your head as much as anything. But all the true Whammy decisions when you look back on them and you go, Wow, that that’s really brilliant. Now, were they created by the heart or the head.
Marlaine Cover [29:14]
I began a very long time ago. There’s a thing you can choose. You can you can choose righteousness or kindness. And I began choosing kindness. righteousness is really one individual storey kindness puts you in contact with the universal storey. So I would say I am I’m I really and I love what it has delivered to be a loving person to be in charge with to be connected to that intelligence within me, has delivered me rewards beyond description.
David Ralph [29:45]
And what kind of rewards?
Marlaine Cover [29:48]
Well, I never would have thought that sharing the life skills report card, I would be the founder, you know that it would become the top ranked parenting group in a professional, you know, the world’s top profession forum LinkedIn. I never anticipated that my book about our activism would be an Amazon bestseller. So many things I never would have if you’re going to sit and draw a vision board, I wouldn’t have even visualised it. So we’re our potential is great. When we tap into our greatest strength,
David Ralph [30:20]
well, why don’t you think know that you wouldn’t have visualised? Because it is the things that you’ve created, you’ve gone out and done that. So even though you’ve done it now, you’ve almost got those self limiting thoughts of looking back and going. I don’t really know how I’ve managed to do that.
Marlaine Cover [30:38]
Well, I don’t in fact, if anything, I didn’t want to write a book, I thought that there’s enough books out there. We’re not lacking books, Socrates is collecting dust on a shelf. We’re not lacking books, we’re lacking human connectivity. So I did not want to write a book. I was actually somebody said to me, it’s unconscionable. Marlene, that you haven’t written a book sort of guilt trip me. I said, Okay, you know, I felt good as I wrote a book, I didn’t know what what would happen with it. So it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to not know how it’s all going to come together. But when you do something, you I think passion, passion is the core ingredient, do what turns you on, lights you up. And then and then the universe will inform you about the territory you have illuminated.
David Ralph [31:26]
You found the thing that inspires you. And if you find that thing, generally it will inspire other people as well on it.
Unknown Speaker [31:34]
David Ralph [31:37]
was in a pub once. And I think this is one of my moments. And it suddenly dawned on me that when I was excited about something, the people in front of me was excited. And I was talking to these girls, and I was saying to them, what you should do is a bit and it’d be brilliant. And that’d be great, and all this kind of stuff. And one of them said to me, You should be a life coach. And I went I didn’t anything about life coach are just saying what I feel. And now I’m on the mic. I keep thinking back to that moment, I think, yes. A lot of the feedback that I’m getting from the show, I think it’s as much about my excitement, being triggered by the guests excitement, which then excites the world. And it’s a knock on effects. He’s like the dominoes. And it’s it’s crazily simple. But once you get those ripples going, it is well changing, isn’t it?
Marlaine Cover [32:28]
Yes, yes. It’s, it is it’s and it’s wonderful. There’s so many wonderful ways to be on the planet. And we tend to squeeze people through this very narrow, corporate, you know, get education, do corporate, etc, etc. But there, you know, there are 7 billion ways to be.
David Ralph [32:46]
I’m gonna play another thing now. And I’ve started playing this as well, because I just love this. And he doesn’t really have a concept of his own. I just like the message, and I’m going to play this. This is the great Jim Carrey, who you wouldn’t expect to say something as deep and meaningful as best. But I’ve played it in probably 30% of the shows from 60 onwards, because I think it has it has merit. This is Jim Carrey.
Unknown Speaker [33:11]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
Marlaine Cover [33:39]
Oh, I hadn’t heard that before that,
Unknown Speaker [33:43]
isn’t it? You know,
David Ralph [33:46]
it doesn’t feel it into the Defamer my show because my show is about Join Up Dots. But as soon as I heard that, and it was the case of I didn’t expect it to come from him. But it just it spoke to me. And I thought, once again, I thought it speaks to me is going to speak to other people. So I’ve kind of copied it, and I’ve started playing it. But it is a truth isn’t it isn’t absolute truth?
Marlaine Cover [34:08]
Yes. And look how your storey has manifested when you started this radio show you didn’t I venture to say you didn’t, you didn’t predict how wide of an audience you would have? Or how you would be speaking to all the individuals you are. And in fact, you are a life coach, aren’t you? Because you’re facilitating the life education of thousands of people? How how isn’t life amazing that way, we go in a certain course. And then again, the universe informs us how wide of an area we have illuminated. But we don’t we don’t always know it when we’re just following our little inner flame. We don’t know how big it’s going to grow. But if we just nurture that inner flame, then life informs us look, look at this.
David Ralph [34:52]
Scare me though, isn’t it when you’ve got that little flame, and that first idea, when I first had the idea of doing a show was nothing more than me thinking. I don’t like what I am doing. That looks fun. And that was it. There was no more to that. But I knew that when I did it, it had to be something that was powerful. I wanted it to go out and actually stay in people’s heads after they’ve listened. And I didn’t expect it to be as powerful as it seems to be I try my best. I tried my best to deliver amazing content seven days a week. So what ever time of the day somebody can if a feeling down, they can plug Join Up Dots on and go, yes, okay, that I can hear the Rocky music in my head, I’m ready to go. But when you start getting the emails back, and the comments from people, and the fact that some of the guests, you know, I’ve actually written to me straight afterwards and said, I was so emotional all the way through that, you suddenly realise that the thing that you are creating is bigger than you. And you’re just you’re just kind of a vehicle, you’re just something that channels, this this goodwill as opposed out to the world. And it is it is inspiring. But it’s also scary as well. Because every time I press record, I don’t know if we’re going to be able to have a conversation. I don’t know what you’re going to say. And I’ve done like 97 shows now, but actually more than about 105 shows. And I’ve had one chap, but I could not connect with. And I think that’s mind blowing, where you just turn on the mic, you press Skype, and two people have never met each other can have these really in depth conversation. But the world are loving as well is amazing, isn’t it?
Marlaine Cover [36:42]
Yes. And it’s and it speaks to your unique flame and skills and fire because there are many people who could interview 100 people and have 100 miserable. So you know, you found your calling. And because you went in the path, not knowing what you don’t want to do is really, really great information.
David Ralph [37:03]
Explain that for the listeners, because I know what you’re saying. But in case they just kind of missed about go into that in more depth Couldn’t you Molly,
Marlaine Cover [37:12]
knowing the direction you don’t want to go in. So if you’re miserable right now, in your job or something, I think sometimes people tend to look at things in terms of black and white, they’re not happy in their job, but they need to pay the rent, they have children they need to feed, so they think I’m stuck. Actually, what we can do is say okay, I’m going to make a 10 month plan here. I’m going to begin on Saturday mornings, or get up an hour early each morning and spend a little bit of time 5% of my time on my next career. Start with those small steps because the information that you do not like what you are doing is the invitation to go into your next branch of being and let the old that the old you fall away like brown leaves on a tree.
David Ralph [37:56]
So is it as simple as if you’re lying in bed for you? Oh, God, I’ve got to go to work, you’ve got to look at yourself Is it as simple as that?
Marlaine Cover [38:04]
be really happy if you’re laying in bed saying I’ve got to go to work. Be grateful for that. Because that’s your body telling you. Well, you are meant for something different. So say thank you, thank you for speaking to me, I’m going to listen to you. I’m going to begin in small steps today doing something different. What do I like, you know, follow it up with Okay, I don’t like work. I don’t like where I’m going, what do I like and take it in small, literally small steps each step of the way. And it and have faith that it’s going it will develop that’s I learned that I mean, I did again, I did not know where I was headed. And I would have said I’m not going to do a few things such as write a book, I would have said I don’t want to write a book. We don’t need any more books on them. But I let go of that of that cognitive brain and just let my heart lead. And then and then life sort of unfolded from there. So you have faith in that.
David Ralph [38:58]
Are you glad you wrote that book?
Marlaine Cover [39:01]
I’m extremely glad I wrote the book now. Yes, it’s it. It documents our core message was, which is the fact that interpersonal communication skills, they’re teachable, we can learn them. We’re not stuck in our relationships. We say children learn what they live. And then we sort of condemn them forever with whatever their parental competencies or resources were. That’s not accurate. Children learn what society believes warrants teaching them. And we can all every one of us at any age in our life, improve our interpersonal communication skills have different relationships, not only with others, but with ourselves.
David Ralph [39:39]
My daughter, who’s now nine when she was younger, she used to say she was Ashley can. And her name is Ashley. And she says that no, is Ashley can and we used to say what do you mean by that? She said, I can do anything. And she almost drowned ones because she just was convinced that she could swim before she could swim. And she will go I’m actually can and just for myself in in the poem. So let’s dive in and cyber. And now she’s nine, she will come in sometimes and go, what would you like me to draw? And I go, I’ll draw a dog. I’m rubbish at dogs. I can’t do that. And it’s amazing. Just in those few years, you can see the sort of negativity or the the need for her dad to go, No, you’re brilliant at doing dogs go and do a dog. Oh, Okay, then. And it happens at such an early age, isn’t it that they lose that ability to be creative in their outlook? And they start following that path over? It’s best to just keep my head down and and stay in the hood?
Marlaine Cover [40:39]
Yes, yes. For as wonderful as as academics are today. And there are many children who would, you know, kill to have the the privileges many of us do. At the same time, we have a long ways to go. We are in fact, really reducing the creativity of children. When children struggle with certain level of creativity and inner inspiration about time they come out they don’t it’s they don’t have it anymore. So we have a lot of room for improvement in academics for certain and aware of parents everything they can do to take independent time on weekends to keep that in that creative spirit. ignited, it’s time well spent.
David Ralph [41:23]
Just before I put you on your sermon on the mic, and we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. If you look at all the things that you have created so far, and this is going to be a double question. So the first question is, what is the thing that you would go, that’s my mark, but is what I’m leaving on this world when my lane Cobra is no more. That’s what I will be remembered for? What is that thing first of all,
Marlaine Cover [41:47]
the life skills report card. And, and it because we appreciate it. But if a if a child is learning first grade edition, we say that that’s lovely. And then the 10th graders learning Oculus, it’s lovely, but human beings when they’re learning, for example, interpersonal skills, we say well, you’re bad when you’re at a low level of competency and you’re good when you’re at a high level of competency. So we what we do is we take away we look at it as an educational, it’s a curriculum, and every level is equally valuable. And you’re not good and bad people, you are an individual with a particular level of competency and interest in it in a very particular skill. So that’s a huge paradigm shift from the way individuals are functioning in society today. And I’m grateful that it is resonating with with human development professionals around the planet.
David Ralph [42:37]
Is is still that imposter syndrome. And you know, when when they do come to you? And you kind of go, Oh, it was just me that did that. And you know, as you say you haven’t got any formal qualifications and stuff? Or are you totally comfortable that what it is, is what it is? You were the one that created it. And if I want to ask questions, you’re the woman to ask answer them.
Marlaine Cover [42:58]
I’m very comfortable. as Jason rolling said, I built my life on the solid foundation of rock bottom. And I rebuilt my life on the solid foundation of rock bottom. And then I have so I’m very comfortable in my own shoes.
David Ralph [43:11]
So second part of the question is, where’s it all going to end up? How big can you take this? What’s your dreams for the work that you’re creating for the world?
Marlaine Cover [43:21]
It wasn’t that long ago, that small group of people decided that all children, not merely children of the wealthy could have access to academic education. And when they campaign for that and champion that and fought for that they changed the course of humanity. I firmly believe that with parenting 2.0. And our advocacy for changing the life skills educational process can affect equal if not more substantive social change.
David Ralph [43:49]
That is a big statement to make, isn’t it that does that, does that not frighten you when you think what you’re taking on because that is huge.
Marlaine Cover [43:57]
Now again, I’m inspired by the fact that it doesn’t take a lot of people to create massive change societal change, but it takes but but it takes a few people who see things differently and believe that things can be done differently. And and we do we have a great group already. And we hold the only international conference for life skills educators on the planet. And I actually believe it’s merely a matter of time until society looks very differently upon it will become common place for young couples to take interpersonal communication classes before they get married. rather than waiting until their marriage hits crises state and attend therapy.
David Ralph [44:38]
Well, let’s put the music on this is a sermon on the mic. And while the music is playing, you’re going to be transported back in time to speak to the young Marlene. And you can choose whatever age he could be the really young man line, it could be the one that really bad point point in your life. But if you had a chance to go back and give them some words of advice, what would you say? This is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [45:05]
Here we go with the best beer on the show.
Marlaine Cover [45:23]
Oh, I think I would go back to my 10 year old self and tell her that the world is going to tell you that there is good and bad. And it’s going to polarise it’s going to polarise human beings and they’ll battle each other. But I would tell her human beings, again, unless any human being is the exception to every living thing. They are always doing the best within their circumstances you Marlene will always be doing the best within your circumstances. So to everyone you know, so spend your energies, if you if you to want to do something better access someone who knows how to do it better. steer your own ship, let other people steer there’s if you are capable of supporting someone else in their educational process, lovely. But don’t put other people down. Don’t disparage them. No one needs that. Spend your precious energy, your precious years here on this planet, building people up and building yourself up. And if you don’t, if you’re in and respected, you’re learning, you’re going failure is a wonderful, beautiful part of growing, it means you’re learning something new, you’re going to fail. That’s lovely. But if you fail repeatedly, and you want to improve your competency level, embrace the wisdom of someone else who’s been there who knows how to do things differently. The resources are out there, and you’re not a bad person. And neither is anyone else. Every single one of you are a miracle and divine. That’s what I would say to me.
David Ralph [47:03]
Well, I hope you listened because you have got so much to give to the world. You’re doing an amazing job out there. And I noticed so many parents are going to be grateful for you and and your scorecard and all the other work you’re doing. So if they are inspired, and I’m sure they are How can I connect with you?
Marlaine Cover [47:21]
If you simply google parenting, the word parenting, and then the number 2.0. Both our LinkedIn site will come up our public website our public website parenting two point o.org has downloads under the about page for the life skills report card. And anyone who’s a human development specialist that would like to be involved on a professional level can also communicate to us via both of those platforms. We also have a parenting two point O group on Facebook, we welcome them everyone in all three of those forums.
David Ralph [47:56]
Well but you’re going to be inundated. Thank you so much for spending time with us today joining those dots of your life and please come back again when you have more dots to join up. As I do believe that by joining up those dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. My lane Kovar, thank you so much.
Marlaine Cover [48:14]
Thank you David for having me.
David doesn’t want you to become a fated version of the brilliant self you are wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.