Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Melissa Krivachek
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Introducing Melissa Krivachek
Today’s guest joining us on the Join Up Dots Podcast interview is the wonderful and ballsy Melissa Krivachek.
Normally, I compose the words that I use to bring them into the show.
However this lady has talent flowing from every finger tip, so when I read her website About me page I thought….how can I improve on that.
So let me simply tell you about Melissa in her own words.
As we discuss how she become so fortunate to find love, create success, and have an incredible amount of happiness in her life.
She wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth, her parents were never rich and probably never will be, so it wasn’t easy to gain success in her life.
How The Dots Joined Up For Melissa
In fact, it required many late nights and early mornings, heartache and pain, hardship and sorry, but most importantly it required being ballsy.
It required her getting out of her own way, never giving up even though life was brutal far more times than she anticipated.
It required an unwavering commitment to success, an unbelievable amount of faith, and a serious belief in herself and her value.
How could I write something better than that now really?
Melissa Krivachek, has been captivating, inspiring and motivating entrepreneurs across the globe since her early twenties. Chosen as Evolution Magazines 2013 Power Player Under 40, and featured on CNN, Forbes, Yahoo Finance, and receiving dozens of other accolades, as her passion for personal growth resonates with audiences looking for more fulfillment in all aspects of life and business.
She is the author of “Be-Ballsy! How Not To Suck At Love, Success & Happiness” & “Be A Baller! The Blueprint To Have It All”
She states “I Love teaching audiences how to break-thru self-limiting beliefs so they can have it all, all at the same time!”
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only Melissa Krivacheck.
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Melissa Krivachek such as:
What it was like to spend six days in solitary whilst in jail!
How she loves to sing out loud whilst running!
How she found her passion through the darkest part of her life!
How she has created huge success, and wealth by focusing in on the needs of others!
How To Connect With Melissa Krivachek
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Melissa Krivachek Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph
David Ralph [0:25]
as hello there out there in internet land. Episode 33 of join up dots. Thanks for tuning in. Although I suppose don’t really tune into you, so thanks for clicking a mouse or whatever you do. Today’s guest wrote her own introduction. Now normally I compose the words I used to bring them into the show, but this lady has talent flowing from every fingertip. So when we read her website About Me page for really how can I improve upon that so quite honestly, I haven’t. So let me simply tell you about her in her own words, as we discussed how she became so fortunate to find love, create success, and have incredible amount of happiness in her life. Now she wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Her parents were never rich and probably never will be. So it wasn’t easy to gain success in her life. In fact, it required many late nights and early mornings heartache and pain, hardship and sorry, but most importantly, it required being ballsy. It required her getting out of her own way, never giving up even though life is brutal far more times, Ben she anticipated. It required an unwavering commitment to success and unbelievable amount of faith and a serious belief in herself and her value. See, how can I make something better than that now really, I just couldn’t. She’s been captivating, inspiring and motivating entrepreneurs across the globe since early 20s, chosen as evolution magazine’s 2013 power player under 40 and featured on CNN, Forbes, Yahoo Finance and receiving dozens of other accolades. As a passion for personal growth resonates with audiences looking for more fulfillment in all aspects of life and business. She is the author of be ballsy, how not to suck at love, success and happiness and be a baller the blueprint to have it all. She states I love teaching audiences how to break through self limiting beliefs so they can have it all all at the same time. So let’s get some live words flowing from her mouth in the same passionate way that her fingers deliver, as I introduce to you the one and only motivational powerhouse. That is Melissa Kirkpatrick. How are you today? Melissa?
Melissa Krivachek [2:27]
Awesome, David, thanks for asking.
David Ralph [2:30]
I imagine with your life seeing as it is at the moment, you must wake up feeling awesome every single day.
Melissa Krivachek [2:37]
Yeah, 100%. I don’t think life could be any better than it is right this moment. And I think you really have to live in the moment. So you can’t anticipate the future and you can’t live in the past. So living in the moment is where it’s at.
David Ralph [2:52]
So what can bring you down, Melissa, if anything can bring you down? What would put Melissa in a bad, bad mood?
Melissa Krivachek [3:00]
What would put me in a bad mood? I don’t know. It would have to be something really dramatic because it’s not easy to really get me upset.
David Ralph [3:09]
Can I try? Can I live in a house full of women? So I’m pretty used to getting women upset? I promise you.
Melissa Krivachek [3:18]
David Ralph [3:20]
Now, I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to do that. So yeah, it’s um, it’s it’s huge success. I’ve been absolutely astonished as I’ve been reading about you. And and not astonished because of the level of success you’re having. Because that’s all being driven by passion, and hard work. But success. But it wasn’t obvious success. It wasn’t successful. As the introduction said that you wrote, you’d look back and go, I can see her path from an early age. This has been success built on. So bloody mindedness, doesn’t it?
Melissa Krivachek [3:51]
Yeah, absolutely. There’s no way I could have ever dreamed of being where I am today.
David Ralph [3:57]
Why not? Why could you not dream? Take me back to sort of little Melissa. What was she aiming to do?
Melissa Krivachek [4:05]
You know, growing up, I actually wanted to be an obstetrician, I wanted to deliver babies, and I wanted to have 12 Kids myself. And, uh, you know, I actually don’t even have kids right now, which is fine. Um, but being an obstetrician and being a full time entrepreneur are two very different occupations, both demanding in their own ways, but one is much more intense than the other. So as a kid, you know, being wanting to be an obstetrician, and then going to school for business and getting into retail and spending six years doing that, you know, throughout that period of time, I was like, I will be the next Sam Walton. But then I got fired for doing the right thing. So then I didn’t know what I was going to do. So you know, the career that I’m in right now was never really fully, ever even thought of really, I mean, because I went to college for business. And then I got a Masters in clinical psychology. So none of the things I did in the past really led up to where I am today.
David Ralph [5:16]
So the the theme of join up dots is really about life is all about stumbles and falls and mistakes and truth and faith and destiny and whatever. And when when you look back at your life, when you got fired, that must been a pretty bad point of your life. Especially Yes, you’re saying you got fired for doing the right thing? I’m not gonna dwell on what you did. But when you look back on it now was actually a good thing that that happened.
Melissa Krivachek [5:42]
Yeah, it was it was and I don’t regret doing it because it was the ethical and right thing to do. So even though it put me in a bad position, and yeah, it definitely irritated me, that would probably be one thing that would piss me off even though I know I’m in a position now where I can literally can’t be fired. Um, you know, it is what it is. And I don’t ever regret making that decision.
David Ralph [6:10]
And that’s what life is about isn’t it is making decisions, throwing your cards in the air and seeing where, where they fall? And sometimes they fall obviously, in your favor. And other times? It’s not too long way later, but you can actually go Yeah, okay, but was dark. But really, I just had the wrong glasses on at the time, and I couldn’t see that it was an opportunity.
Melissa Krivachek [6:32]
Well, yeah, I mean, looking back over the last four years of my life, like I really couldn’t even begin to imagine that my life would unfold in the series of events that has happened. And as a result, I would have this much success or I would be this happier, I would fall in love and have the greatest relationship ever. And I would be able to serve the like great clients and tap into my passion. And you know, really know that this is what I was born to do.
David Ralph [7:06]
So So what brought it about Melissa, what was the first dots but you started to step on to move towards your path, because there is a time in your life. And every single person who has been on the show has said to me, something along the lines of I was lost. I didn’t really know what I should be doing. But something happened. And then bang, I realized and I moved on. So what was that first thing when you fought Actually, I might not have been in the right place delivering babies. This is what I should have been doing?
Melissa Krivachek [7:36]
Yeah, um, well, a whole series of negative events happened to me. And the very last thing that happened that was incredibly dramatic was, um, I got caught for speeding one too many times. And so the judge actually put me in jail for speeding, which was ridiculous. And it wasn’t jail for like, a couple hours, it was jail for like six days. And so at that point, I was broken mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically. And it was just the lowest point I’d ever been, I didn’t have a job, I didn’t have a car, you know, that was repossessed, I had my I was evicted from my house, I was 50 grand and student loans. I know maxed out five credit cards, I was back home was my parents. Life really stopped and I was at the highest rated ever been at. And so that was really the turning pivotal point where it was, okay, you can keep going down this path of destruction. Or you can actually do something with your life and make it comes. And at this point, there’s only one option, do something with your life and make it count.
David Ralph [8:44]
But so many people don’t make that decision. Did I?
Melissa Krivachek [8:48]
Yeah, well, I think it comes down to how bad do you really want it? And what is your driving force. So people make decisions every day. And a lot of people want to lose weight, right? So they don’t actually focus on what they should be doing. They focus on what they shouldn’t be doing. So their brain automatically says, Hey, you shouldn’t be doing that. So I’m going to do it. Because anytime you tell your brain, or your mind that you’re not going to do something, that’s the first thing you want to do.
David Ralph [9:23]
So how do you overcome that? If you’re in a situation, our listeners sitting there, out there at the moment? And they’re thinking, yes, I want to change my life. I’m not happy at the moment. I’ve got a rubbish boyfriend, me jobs, rubbish, x, y, Zed, whatever situation they’re in? How can you make that mental decision? If up to that point, you’ve never done it before?
Melissa Krivachek [9:46]
Yeah, so the first thing you look at is, are your values and beliefs align with your actions and results? Clearly not if you’re not happy with your life? So what you need to do then is look at what do you actually value? And I would just basically say, look around your house right now. And what’s hanging on the walls? What’s sitting in the corners? what’s in front of you? What do you have on your laptop? What do you have on your phone? So if it’s family, if it’s video games, if it’s board games, whatever it is, that is surrounding you, is what you value? So you have to start creating new values so that throughout a period of time, you can change the inputs of your mind. So the output automatically changes?
David Ralph [10:35]
In what way? Are you sitting in your house, you’re looking around, and you see all the things that you filled your house up? How does how does that translate into value?
Melissa Krivachek [10:44]
Well, people tend to think about or talk about or collect things that they value. So if I want to have a conversation about relationships, that I value relationships, if I have family pictures hanging on the wall, then I value my family if I have, you know, a collection of video games that I value, spending time in front of the TV.
David Ralph [11:08]
Okay, but how does somebody translate that into a life changing experience? Is it back cut and dry? Or is it just a sort of gradual over a period of time, but no actually training themselves to project a value on things and where they might have been dismissive? By now kind of go? No, actually, my family have a good thing, and this is a good thing, and I start to realize what they’ve got in their life, is that how it works.
Melissa Krivachek [11:32]
So it’s a little bit of both, you know, if it’s a negative pattern or habit that you develop, then you definitely want to get rid of that as quickly as possible and replace it with a positive habit, or value. So you know, if you spend 34 hours in front of the TV, which most people do per week, then you want to either get rid of your TV or get self discipline to spend more time doing other health your habits like working out versus sitting on your ass. So yes, it’s gradual. However, you have to be aware of the habits, and the values that you have that are holding you back from everything you want in life.
David Ralph [12:14]
Well, I’m going to take you back in time. Okay, I’m going to take you back to that those six days in jail, and they must have been horrific. I can’t Yeah, I can’t imagine. I can’t imagine doing an hour in jail. Six days, I’d probably come out the other end at least being able to play them alpha. I think that that would be the The only thing that I could get a harmonica skill while he was in jail, was that any other inmates that you looked at? And you thought, Oh, my God, if I don’t sort myself out, I’m going to be that person? Or was it just the general unpleasantness of the whole experience that really sort of cemented your belief that I’ve got to do something?
Melissa Krivachek [12:59]
Wow. First and foremost, I was in a jail where there were no other inmates. So it was literally myself and my brain for six days, which was horrible. And I think that’s sort of why it became a turning point.
David Ralph [13:19]
So you had time to think
Melissa Krivachek [13:22]
I had time to do nothing, but think literally for six days. And that’s like 130, some hours, at least. I mean, imagine going into meditation for six straight days with absolutely no option to do anything else. It’s you. There is very little TV. There’s no computers, there’s no cell phones, there’s no friends, there’s no calling out, there’s crappy food, there’s a shitty bed, I mean, it’s endless. The things that you just don’t want to go through. But if you were to experience it, it would be life changing for sure.
David Ralph [14:10]
So where did you get your path from? This is what I’m trying to really drill down into, because you’re doing such global work now. And you’re dealing with such high level clients. And you’re obviously motivational and inspirational, which generally comes from your core anyway. But how did you start to develop those skills that took you from that rubbishy bed with the rubbish food all the way to? Where are you now because that path is almost too big to comprehend. So you must have started on bite sized chunks working towards it.
Melissa Krivachek [14:46]
Right? Okay. So when I worked in retail for six years, I dealt with people every single day. So I managed 24 stores for two fortune 500 companies, which means, you know, I had to inspire the people to take care of them and all of that. So those sort of skills were instilled in me through my mentor, and throughout a period of six years. And then, you know, I went to school for clinical psychology. So I understood people even more, and then I determine what drove them. And after I got out of jail, Eric, my first and non paying clients, he called me to sell me vice Alice, are you familiar with the company?
David Ralph [15:35]
No, no, not at all.
Melissa Krivachek [15:37]
How about network marketing? Or MLM? Yes. Okay. So basically, it’s a company that’s MLM. And, okay. I really had nothing, like I already said, you know, no car, no job, whatever. And if I was going to ask my parents for $500, I better be making that $500. back, and making it back very quickly. So I was very adamant about that, what success he had had. And, you know, he, after a period of time, and me asking questions, not a lot of people ask, because, you know, I really did want to know, and he broke down and said, he was living on the living room floor of his parents house, five kids, no passion, no income, he hated his life, he hated his wife and all that. So me being in the same sort of situation, or a similar situation, I could really relate to that. So empathy kicked in. But more than that, I figured out what his passion what was, which was fitness. And I directed him to go to the gym and start doing classes for free and start getting out in the community and getting his name known. And throughout that period of transformation. For him, I sort of went through a similar transformation, you know, really integrating personal development and all of that into my daily routines, and changing pretty much everything I had ever known every belief I’d ever had. And as a result, I am where I am today. So you know, two and a half years later, Eric is a millionaire. And he’s doing great, he’s actually in the same relationship. He, you know, he’s very supportive of his kids. He’s got his own gym, and all that. So it was a long journey of personal development of self help. And I know people don’t really want to talk about that. But the reality is, if you don’t care for yourself, then nothing else in the world is going to matter. Because you’re too focused on what other people want and not what you want.
David Ralph [17:44]
I think that’s a huge point to this. And it’s a huge point to every single episode. Because it is mindset. It is passion. It is belief, it’s working hours when nobody else is working, it’s Dr. All those kind of things. But unless you actually sought yourself out, you’re never going to get that or you’re just gonna flop on the sofa, watching box sets and eating crisps and whatever. You’ve got to really focus in on yourself to drive to drive success. I don’t believe anyone has become successful by sitting on a sofa. 24 hours a day?
Melissa Krivachek [18:18]
Yeah, absolutely not. It is it’s a relentless, ruthless commitment to achieving the goals that you want to achieve. And you have to really focus on what you want to achieve. And that’s the self help part. But everyone wants to stray away from saying the word self help. But the reality is, if you do not take care of yourself, you cannot take care of other people, because you cannot give what you do not have it’s like writing a rubber check. The money’s not there. The money’s not there.
David Ralph [18:51]
To do love yourself, Melissa.
Melissa Krivachek [18:53]
Absolutely, I don’t. So to have a really great relationship, I think the number one quality you must have is you must love yourself or you cannot give love to another individual. And they must love themselves in order for them to reciprocate.
David Ralph [19:08]
Yeah, cuz I asked that because I was interested in the response because genuinely, I love myself I do. And you know, I say to the kids, you know, I had a chance I’d be kissing myself all day. But if you say that to people, they kind of go Oh, no, no, no, that’s arrogant, that’s that’s conceited or whatever. But it’s not, is it? You’ve got to love yourself. First of all,
Melissa Krivachek [19:30]
have you ever watched the secret?
David Ralph [19:33]
I have, actually. And yeah, as I was saying that I seem to remember the words of Bob Proctor. Yeah. Yeah, he said the same kind of thing. And I think that must have been in my mind somewhere. Because if anyone hasn’t seen the secret, and we’re not going to get into the law of attraction now, but that’s not what the show is about at this moment in time. But there is a chap on this video, who says both same word, you know, I love myself, I love myself, I would kiss myself every single. And from the moment, he started to get these faults, because he felt better about himself, he was more open to putting himself out into the world. This is really how it works. And because you put yourself out into the world, you come in contact with more people, more people give you power, you give them power. And it’s it is a kind of self fulfilling prophecy. But you’ve got to start by looking at yourself and how you’re interacting with the world.
Unknown Speaker [20:26]
Melissa Krivachek [20:29]
That’s the first thing that popped into my head. And I’m, you know, the law of attraction is exactly that whenever I generally don’t talk about that. But the reality is, you know, Bob said the same thing. So it comes back to any successful person knows they have to love themselves in order to give love to everybody else, especially when you’re serving millions of people on a global level.
David Ralph [20:55]
isn’t any anyone out there when you when you speak to them? And obviously, with your experience? Can you attract record? They shouldn’t do this? But is there anyone that you give them the advice, and they just kind of throw it back at you? Because they they haven’t achieved that first level of loving themselves?
Melissa Krivachek [21:12]
Yeah, there’s two types of people that do that the ones that are incredibly not successful, and then you’ve got the ones that are very ego driven.
David Ralph [21:21]
And which ones do you come in contact with most?
Melissa Krivachek [21:25]
I think they’re both equal. But I would definitely say more ego, egotistical individuals.
David Ralph [21:32]
And then how far can ego take someone can can ego take them to the top? Or is there a ceiling? Because I was speaking to a gentleman this morning? Actually, who’s going to be Episode 13? I think Andrew Brian Yeah, Episode 13. And he was saying that he deals with a lot of corporate leaders. And, and some of them he, he is amazed how far they’ve got, because they really haven’t got the social skills, the empathy, or the belief in themselves to actually get there is only a kind of misplaced ego that has pushed them to as far as I can go. And then they hit that ceiling, because they haven’t got the skills to take it further.
Melissa Krivachek [22:12]
Yeah, what he’s referring to is actually called the ceiling of complexity. But I would say that ego can take you anywhere you want to go, but it’s never going to keep you there for a very long period of time.
David Ralph [22:25]
I think that’s spot on, really. And it’s not a nice thing to have ego anyways, it is nice to feel good about yourself. It is nice to think that you’re doing a good job. But ego you can leave it, can’t you because I think the biggest stars in the world. You know, if you have a conversation with Tom Hanks, I haven’t. Maybe I’ll get him on the show one day, I bet Tom Hanks hasn’t got an ego at all, because he’s totally content. He’s totally secure with his achievements. And it’s the it’s the guys that are all the ladies that are desperately trying to climb up that ladder and justifying themselves. That’s where the ego comes out. But ultimately, that’s the thing that’s going to hold them back.
Melissa Krivachek [23:05]
Yeah, well, I would actually disagree and say Tom Hanks definitely has an ego or he wouldn’t have the career that he has. Because in the beginning, ego is pretty much everything you have to sort of be selfish. Um, I mean, I know I had to be in order to attain any level of success, because you can’t think of other people as competition, you literally have to think of them as another individual wanting to go after the same goals, however, you’re going to beat them out period, no matter what it takes.
David Ralph [23:38]
And do you feel that on a daily basis still you out to achieve more than your competitors and your peer group?
Melissa Krivachek [23:48]
Man, this is gonna sound egotistical.
Yeah, absolutely. I’m all to dominate the market period. I, I’m out for that for one reason, and one reason only, and that is to help as many people as I can help in the time that I have here, because you really only have one life. And if you’re not about to transform other people’s lives as a result of how far you’ve come, then you’re not really doing what you were born to do. And so yeah, I’m absolutely out to take control of, you know, the situation and push people to greatness.
David Ralph [24:28]
But to me, that doesn’t seem like an ego, because there is a desire to provide for others. I think that that’s just a worthy, worthy ideal. If it was you just trying to grab, grab, grab, and you’re sitting there putting the money closer and closer and closer. Yeah, I would say that was wrong. But for you to go, No, I want to dominate this market. Because in my personal opinion, I can do this better than anyone else anyway. And the fact that I can do it better. I need to get out in front of as many people as possible. And then that is where my true value image Papi, so I don’t think that easy ego to do that.
Melissa Krivachek [25:03]
Well, I mean, I think a lot of people would say it is ego, because if you look at the majority of the world, only 3% are incredibly successful. So you’ve got the other 97%, saying, you know, the rich get rich and the poor get poorer, which is completely bullshit. And then you’ve got them saying, you know, it’s not fair that so and so drives, you know, Bugatti or Bentley or whatever, a nice car and lives in a great house and has a great relationship, like, I want all that. But oftentimes, it’s those people that let their egos get in the way. So we all have ego, but you have to set that aside from time to time and really say to yourself, or allow someone else to say to you get over it, like, get out of your own mind, get out of your own way.
David Ralph [25:48]
I’m gonna play Steve Jobs speech here, because this is the theme of the show. And this is the connecting the dots. And we’ve already touched on some of your early difficulties and obstacles. And but what I’m interested in here is the side of the speech, when he talks about trust and intuition. And I’m very interested in what level that plays in your day to day life. So I’m going to bring Steve Jobs on when it fades out, we’re gonna we’re going to find out how much you actually deal with trust and intuition on a daily basis. Of course,
Steve Jobs [26:18]
it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards, 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [26:54]
So he talks about well worn path and creating your own path is fine, a big thing. And I’m not talking about religious faith, I’m talking about personal faith in yourself, and the ability to take that intuition and drive it in the direction that you want to go.
Melissa Krivachek [27:11]
Yeah, faith is fear. Faith is fear and action.
David Ralph [27:17]
What you mean by that?
Melissa Krivachek [27:19]
Well, basically, you know, we all have fears. So if you get over your fear, or if you step into your fear that’s taking a leap of faith and knowing that whatever the consequences or circumstances that you will get through it. A lot of people tend to live in fear. But once you step into faith and know that
the decision was worth making,
then you live with the outcome of the decision, regardless if it was right or wrong, but you never regret making that decision. And that’s faith, it’s blindly going where no one else has gone. Or blindly believing that something is going to come of whatever decision you just made.
David Ralph [28:08]
And what about intuition?
Unknown Speaker [28:11]
I’m sorry, what?
David Ralph [28:13]
What about intuition, your gut feeling about what’s right and wrong, and what path you should take.
Melissa Krivachek [28:23]
you just go with what you know is right. So every decision you make should be based off of
off of your heart, really, I mean, because your head can learn anything. So if I wanted to learn rocket scientist, or rocket science, I could literally go to the library and read about it for hours and days on it and learn it. But that doesn’t mean that My heart wants to become a rocket scientist, it simply means that it’s possible to learn anything. So you should definitely trust your heart and go where that leads.
David Ralph [29:02]
And if somebody doesn’t know where that leads, or they, they haven’t quite got to the point of knowing what’s in their heart. How is it a good way of actually kick starting it, somebody out there, and they want to know they want they want to change. But there’s there’s so much information out there. And they haven’t quite mastered the thing that really gets them up in the morning that covers them in rocket fuel and gives them energy like they haven’t had, is there is there any way that you would suggest from your experience that somebody out there could start to find that passion in their heart?
Melissa Krivachek [29:37]
Yeah, look at what you do every single day. And whatever you do the most is what you value the most. So that’s sort of probably what’s going to fuel your passion to find your purpose in life. And I think the big thing is that people understand the difference between inspiration and motivation. I know like, you talked about motivation, inspiration in your intro, and motivation is really an internal drive to be greater to do better things. And inspiration is an individual or individuals surrounding or standing in front of you. providing guidance and being the person that you want to be. So anytime someone goes to an event like a Tony Robbins, or Les Brown or October any sort of event or read any sort of book that is not motivation, that’s inspiration, motivation is an internal drive. To succeed, it’s an internal drive to achieve something, it’s an internal drive to conquer your goals and fears and all of that.
David Ralph [30:45]
But it’s not easy to find. But is it you know, in your story in your background in your history? It didn’t seem to be anything that really said to me. Yes, I can see totally why she’s hitting me path.
Melissa Krivachek [31:01]
Yeah, it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
David Ralph [31:05]
Would you would you totally say about the late nights and the the hardship and everything is worth it? I know it’s worth it for you. Because you’ve achieved, you know, mind blowing success. But for somebody out there who’s going, Oh, it’s never going to happen to me, it’s never gonna happen. You
Melissa Krivachek [31:19]
know what, though, I said, I said that, too. So I think we all have limiting beliefs, like I grew up in a town of 350 people and, you know, $40,000 a year in income and barely keeping a roof over your head and food on the table and driving crappy cars, and really just being average mediocre and content was where it’s at, and where it’s still at today for those individuals. But anyone that really, really, really wants something will find a way, and they will literally do whatever it takes. So that sort of means if you look at Steve Jobs, you know, he didn’t really have a path either. Until he ran Tunis friend, and so on, you know, what his friend was building on delivering on table, and then suddenly, you know, there was the lunch. But at the end of the day, if you ask any incredibly successful person, they will tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, the late nights, the early morning, the sacrifices, the commitment, the drive of the passion, is all worth finding your purpose and all work tap into your full potential and all worth changing the world because it’s, it’s the crazy people that really, really truly succeed. I mean, Mark Zuckerberg is another great example founder of Facebook. You know, Tony Shay’s founder of Zappos, these are all people that society deems crazy. And I mean, I get that all the time. Like, I go running through a small town here in Iowa, which is where I live and see all these things. Singing while I’m running, and people are, you know, looking me like I’m out of my mind. But the reality
David Ralph [33:02]
out loud you sing out loud.
Melissa Krivachek [33:04]
Yeah, absolutely. Why not?
David Ralph [33:07]
Well, yeah, why not? It’s just kind of slightly unusual, isn’t it?
Melissa Krivachek [33:10]
Well, yeah, it’s definitely unusual. But the reality is that it’s the people who take the risk, who live without fear are the ones that you know, really live life. And I think that’s where a lot of people have this, too limiting fear, a debilitating fear, like, I want to do that. But I’m very scared of how people are going to react, I forget about how people are going to react and say, This is my life, and I’m going to live it the way I want to live it because I only have one shot. So I better make it my best. And, you know, I don’t really have to consider other people’s thoughts in the process of running down the sidewalk and singing because they have that same option.
David Ralph [33:54]
So what do you sing when you’re running along?
Melissa Krivachek [33:57]
I think Nickelback, I love Nickelback, it keeps me motivated to keep, keep going. And you know, I’m not even a big fitness fan. I really recently, like four months ago, started really working out and hitting it hard. And, um, I actually went from a three X to a size 14. And so like, that is my motivation. And anytime you want to achieve something in life, you have to have something that drives you. So for me, that’s, you know, running down the sidewalk saying I don’t care. Um, but that’s how you’re going to get results, you have to have something that’s going to motivate you.
David Ralph [34:34]
Wouldn’t it be a wonderful world though, if every one song so you stepped out your door? And everyone’s going good morning, good morn, and it’d be like being in the music all the time? Wouldn’t it be amazing?
Melissa Krivachek [34:46]
Yeah, that’s the thing. Like, you know, a lot of people are embarrassed, but they’re thinking in their head, like, I wish I could do that. I wish I wasn’t embarrassed. I wish I didn’t have fear. I wish I could achieve that. You know, I wish I had that level of success. But you can, you just have to take the risk and forget about what everybody else is thinking because they’re only going to think that for a very short period of time, and then their mind is going to switch on to something completely different, like what’s on TV, what’s on the radio, what’s on the news, which by the way, I don’t even pay attention to.
David Ralph [35:14]
When was the last time you watch the news?
Melissa Krivachek [35:16]
Oh, I hate the news. Like, I don’t even know probably like five years ago, I freaking hate the news. If I hear the news in the background, when I’m on the phone or somebody I will find a reason to get off the phone. I don’t want to hear the news.
David Ralph [35:30]
Because a lot of people feel that successful people have to be clued in, they need to be wired into everything that’s happening at all times. And I’m finding more often than not that the people who are really crushing it in their environment are so focused, but I don’t read newspapers, they don’t read the news and watch the news and stuff. And it’s like, if something major has happened, they find out about it anyway.
Melissa Krivachek [35:58]
Yeah, well, that’s what Facebook’s for. But seriously, the news is really a distraction to make you think negative things are happening in the world. And while they may be happening in the world, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t pay attention on some level, or know what’s going on at some level, it’s really a distraction to your mind, because it’s all negative things that are happening around you that don’t even really affect you, they just affect your mind. You know, a car accident in Kansas City is not going to affect what I’m doing today, you know, a fire two blocks away is not going to affect what I’m doing today. It’s just going to distract me.
David Ralph [36:37]
Yeah, I used to take a train journey every morning. And I remember this one morning, there was always free newspapers, and you’d get on the train and just pick up a newspaper. And I read this first story. And it was about a dad killing his children, which is like, dreadful. And then I read the next page. And it was pretty much the same story. And by the time I got to about the fourth, I closed the newspaper, I felt like the only thing I’m going to read from now on is the sport. And effectively i did i only turned it on to the the soccer and you know, the baseball, whatever I was interested in at that time. And that was probably about five years ago, and it hasn’t changed my life in one little positively
Melissa Krivachek [37:17]
David Ralph [37:19]
There’s no negative in my life, there really is no negative,
Melissa Krivachek [37:22]
which means that is gonna magically changed your life in a positive way.
David Ralph [37:28]
I think my whole life has changed in a hugely positive way, since I got all the people that were bringing me down out of my way. So what I did a few years ago, I looked through my sort of email list. And I realized there was a lot of people that I was in contact with, I actually didn’t like, I’m not sure why I was in contact with them in any shape or form. So I just cut them off. And a lot of colleagues at that time when are you can’t do that, you know, and I said, I really don’t care. And it was just like I I had to clean myself. And I didn’t know what my path was going to be at that time. But I just knew that I had to get rid of, of things that were holding me back somehow. And so I did that. And yeah, that not reading the news, not watching the news, only speaking to positive people. And the fact that on a daily basis, now I’m having these conversations with huge the positive, huge key motivational people. It can’t, it can’t stop me is like putting Rocket Power on me because there’s nothing to anchor me to a negative situation.
Melissa Krivachek [38:33]
Yeah, I mean, I absolutely agree. And I think you brought up a great point, you really do have to cleanse yourself, you have to cleanse your body of all the toxins, you have to cleanse your email box with all the toxins, your social media, all the toxins, your whole of all the toxins and toxins mean you know, negative relationships, negative people negative impacts, you know, the cigarettes, the unhealthy food, the pop, the soda, the candy, the actual box games, or whatever kind of video games, you know, the books that are about, you know, suicide, murder and whatever else. All of that has to go. And then you have to dump your relationships. And I mean, I went through the same cleansing process, just cut practically everyone out of your life for a period of time where you heal yourself.
David Ralph [39:24]
And did people think that you were being unfair at the time,
Melissa Krivachek [39:27]
how I’ve been called many things unreasonable and unfair is definitely to have them.
David Ralph [39:34]
button but now they look at you know, they must have realized that actually, you were making you were setting foundations for success.
Melissa Krivachek [39:43]
Well, when they look at me now. So I’ll just give you an example. My sister, I live in this gorgeous 4000 square foot home. And it has pretty much it has five bedrooms, four and a half bathrooms, two living rooms, two kitchens, two washrooms, a three car garage, it’s an amazing home. And my sister when she came the first time she goes, Oh, if I just lived in this neighborhood, things would change. And I’m thinking to myself, that’s not how it works. Because I could never afford to live in this neighborhood if I do change before I got here.
David Ralph [40:22]
And did you share that wisdom with your sister?
Melissa Krivachek [40:25]
Of course not. Because
see, family is the hardest thing to change, and your friends come in a close second. So even if I were to say that she could look back over the last three years, and no, it was because I made an insane amount of sacrifices to live in this home. I mean, going back and living with mom and dad not taking a job not having a car not having a relationship not doing any of those things. Those were all massive, massive sacrifices is and then spending, you know, thousands of hours, just in personal development, watching YouTube videos and reading books. And, you know, I read like five books every week for the last couple years. And I mean, that’s a lot of books. That’s way, way more than the average person reads.
David Ralph [41:21]
Yeah, I couldn’t comprehend how you can read five books. That’s almost a book a night.
Melissa Krivachek [41:26]
Yeah, I would really fast reader and you know, I use the highlighter and I actually typed notes afterwards. And I listen to audios night, it’s really, really important that you’re constantly feeding your mind positive things, and you’re constantly looking for the next level of success, because there never is a limit to success. And I think that a lot of people say they’re there is but if you look at a let’s just say Dr. Phil and Oprah, for example, because a lot of people are familiar with them. And I’m sure you are too, right. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so they share the same audience. And they’re both incredibly successful in their own ways. So anyone can reach any level of success at anytime and share it with someone else, by sharing the same audience but making an insane amount of money and insane impact.
David Ralph [42:19]
So you don’t really have to focus in on a niche, which is unique, you just have to focus in on a niche that is already working.
Melissa Krivachek [42:29]
Yeah, don’t reinvent the wheel when the wheels already created.
David Ralph [42:34]
And that’s a powerful statement, isn’t it? Because I think a lot of people out there, I don’t think I was the same. But what before I started doing this podcast, I had this epiphany. And I suddenly thought to myself, I know what I’m going to do, I’m going to do a daily show. And I’m going to be speaking to motivational people and inspirational people. And it’s going to be amazing and unique. And then when I started getting it together, I thought, oh my god, everyone’s doing this. And I did go through maybe a week or so thinking, What’s the point is not going to happen, you know, it’s already been done. But now I realized, because it’s going really well and and the audience is building and on what whatever is because I’m doing something in the way that I do it. And I only do it in that way. And if you respond to that brilliant your listener, and if you don’t like that, then you’ll go off and listen to somebody else. But you don’t have to reinvent the wheel, you just need to do something as well as you possibly can.
Melissa Krivachek [43:30]
Ya know, I’ve been reminded of that many, many times. And I have a very large following of thousands of people on social media, and I share my life, I’m incredibly transparent, I actually do my own updates. And I do them 14 times a day, every single day. And I actually have three interviews to do today. And now I’ve got five clients to serve. And I actually have sales calls as well. And so, you know, it’s really important that you focus on how you you do it, and not how everybody else would or could do it. So you know, the the name of my books are be ballsy and be a baller. And I’ve had so many people read those, and they resonate with them. So you have to create something that’s relevant to the people that you want to attract in your life. Whatever that is for you. That’s this podcast.
David Ralph [44:26]
Yeah, absolutely. And at the moment is only the podcast is so many other elements that are coming out of the woodwork. And I’m thinking now I can’t focus in on those. This is this is enough for me at the moment. And that’s all I’m doing. And that there will come a point i’m sure where, where the powerful folk and I’m gonna have to make a decision. But at the moment, it’s kind of hard enough to do this as well as I can. without all the episode distractions.
Melissa Krivachek [44:49]
It’s so funny that you say that because every person that gets to any level of success has so many distractions along the way. You know, when I wrote the books, I had options for two different radio shows. And then I had, you know, the option to do a reality TV show. And now I’m doing a national and local
tour, and it just the possibilities are endless. So distractions are going to come your way every single day, but you have to focus on what it is that you really want. And if launching the podcast, and really being successful in the podcast arena is what you want, then I would say stay focused on that versus getting distracted by all these shiny objects, which may or may not work out.
David Ralph [45:41]
I’m writing down here, Melissa said stay focused, I’m not gonna pin that in front of me. So every day, if something comes out of the woodwork, I’m going to say no, Melissa said, No.
Melissa Krivachek [45:52]
No, I think you should definitely make a decision. But here’s the thing, do you have a goal?
David Ralph [45:58]
At the moment is just to build the audience as as large as I can make it really and enjoy myself every single second of the day.
Melissa Krivachek [46:06]
Okay, so I would write those goals on a piece of paper, a lot of people have vision boards, I’m actually against vision boards, what I do is I write down on paper what it is that I want to achieve. And then I write down after I achieve those things, what do I want to buy with the money that I’ve accumulated from doing that particular activity. And I will make sure that every single decision I made is geared towards achieving those things and getting the reward for it. So whether it’s something that’s 99, cents, or $99, or whatever, I make sure that every decision I make is, okay. That’s a Yes, because it’s aligned with this particular goal. And it’s going to get me this particular reward, which I want.
David Ralph [46:52]
incremental gains, small bite sized chunks, leading to a target,
Melissa Krivachek [46:58]
absolutely 100%. That’s how you should always do it.
David Ralph [47:05]
When I’m going to do that, I’m going to whip up the vision board. And I’m not going to say Melissa said no anymore, I’m just gonna, I’m gonna focus in on that there’s words of wisdom bear, just at the end of the show, Melissa, I want you to share some words of wisdom with a very important person, because this is a part of the show that we call the Sermon on the mic. And this is when we send you back like a time traveler, to have a one in one with your younger self. And you can choose any age of younger Melissa that you want. But once the music finishes, I’m going to just leave you to to have your little chat and we’ll see what comes out of it. This is the Sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [47:48]
We go with the best of the show.
Melissa Krivachek [48:09]
So I would tell my unsuccessful self, at now 2021 years of age, that listening to authority
isn’t always the best thing. Because you can make the decision that’s right for you. But regardless, you should respect authority. Because there are laws in place to protect you and to guide you. And no matter how successful or how much money or what title you hold, or how many accolades you have, not respecting authority will land you in hot water, like jail or getting fired or, you know, places where you don’t want to be. And that’s really going to take away from what you really should be focused on. And so being as successful as I am, now I look back. And I would just say to my younger self to respect authority, and I think that’s ingrained in us from a very young age, but the meaning of respect is oftentimes distorted. So really focus on the word respect. and respect your peers, respect your relationships, respect, authority, respect where you are, and know that even though you may want to take a different path, even though you may want to make a different decision, it all comes back to the the laws and the values and the beliefs are there for a reason. So I think it’s really important to comprehend the word respect and just really know what that means and, and follow it.
David Ralph [50:13]
So that is my hope you’re listening young Melissa, I hope you’re listening.
Melissa Krivachek [50:17]
I know I wish I told myself this like five years ago, or like when I was 21, or 20.
David Ralph [50:24]
You could have left notes for yourself quickly. And one of those five books a week.
Melissa Krivachek [50:29]
Yeah, I could have, but I wasn’t reading them. So once it made a difference. That’s the thing, I totally disrespected authority in every single sense of the word.
David Ralph [50:39]
Well, it’s it’s no doubt now that you buying into those beliefs, big time, and you’re sharing those beliefs. And it’s really no surprise, Melissa, that you had become so successful, and that you won so many accolades. And I really think from, you know, talking to you today, and this is the first time that we’ve ever connected, but it’s just a astonishing how much you’re going to do in your life. Because I can see that passion is just growing stronger. And as you gain more success, you want more success, but you’re doing it for the right reasons, not for yourself, because that’s ultimately going to come towards you. But you’re doing it for the world if you, the audience, the people who need you. So I think that’s absolute credit to you.
Melissa Krivachek [51:20]
Yeah, you know, a lot of people are really just taken back by the fact that I just turned 26 I don’t know if you know this or not. So I just turned 26 years old, and they’re like, you know, you’ve accomplished more in your lifetime than I’ve ever accomplished. I’m like, 54 I’m like, you know, 40 something. I’m like, Hey, you had your opportunity, and you still have an opportunity to I mean, look at the founder, KFC, KFC, Colonel Sanders, 64 years old, the guys out getting knocked down 1008 times just so he can have his chicken out in the world. And he made a bigger impact than most people ever made, because he never gave up. So the quotes I would say is the most important is never give up by Winston Churchill because that’s what it comes down to.
David Ralph [52:09]
Minister, he’s been an absolute delight to have you on the show this afternoon. I wish you all the best in the future. And you know, always come back, always come back to speak to us, because we’ve joining up dots. those dots never stopped growing. And I’m a great believer that looking back and connecting our past is the best way of building our future. Melissa, thank you so much.
Melissa Krivachek [52:30]
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.