Michael Cavallaro Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Michael Cavallaro
Michael Cavallaro is today’s guest on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching podcast.
Michael’s 40 years of experience have culminated into the creating Human Cosmology™ a belief, behavioural & communication personal growth process.
Human Cosmology™ is a unique and comprehensive life changing modality.
This modality allows for deeper and permanent healing and life changes than traditional modalities.
Human Cosmology™ allows an individual or group to access their own wisdom to move beyond their psychological and belief patterning, physical/emotional/mental limitations.
This modality is life changing for anyone who has experienced stress, loss, anxiety, depression, insecurity, PTSD, ADHD abuse of any kind, struggles with communication or relationship issues.
This process is superior for creating “real” teamwork environments in the work place, and creating healthy intimate relationships.
How The Dots Joined Up For Michael
Now of course with Join Up Dots we create content that no only speaks to the entrepreneur, but also the wannabe’s.
Those people who sit in a cubicle and are yearning to start their own business.
So how do you start building a business that isn’t just built on flippant throwaway concepts, but stuff that is rooted in scientific fact.
And how has he managed to build a flourishing business when he has a large family, no doubt pulling him in so many different directions too.
Well lets find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots, with the one and only Michael Cavallaro
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Michael Cavallaro such as:
We share how the world has programmed us to operate in a different way from how we might just be operating if we were allowed to think for ourselves.
Why being allowed to go for the easy route might just be the perfect thing for all of us to do in our lives, if we just trust.
Michael shares the early days of hustling to create his business from scratch, which wasn’t easy for sure.
Why it is so important to squirrel away some nuts in the winter when you are building your business. Make it easier for yourself in the lean times.
Michael Cavallaro Books
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Full Transcription Of Michael Cavallaro Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, good morning, chia. Good morning. Every single one of you out there wherever you are building the dream thinking about starting the dream or or maybe now rolling it’s smashing it out of the park. Or as the Americans say crushing it. If you are crushing it, then connect with us at Join Up firstname.lastname@example.org and you can be our next guest tell us how you crushed it. Tell us how you overcome the obstacles that stop most of us and got to the point where you say yeah, David on bit to be a guest on Join Up Dots. Well, today’s guest is a guy who with 40 years of experience, he’s culminated into the creating of the human cosmology, I believe behavioural and communication personal growth process. Now human cosmology is a unique and comprehensive life changing modality. And this modality allows for deeper and permanent healing and life changes than traditional modalities. Now, if that doesn’t make sense, of course, it will do during the show. Now, what it does, it allows an individual or group to access their own wisdom to move beyond their psychological and belief patterning, physical, emotional, mental limitations, and this is life changing, but anyone who’s experienced stress loss, anxiety, depression, insecurity, abuse of any kind and struggles with communication or relationship issues. This process is superior, but creating real teamwork environments in the workplace and creating healthy intimate relationships now Of course, with Join Up Dots, we create content but not only speaks to the entrepreneur but also the wannabes, as we said right at the very beginning of the show, most people who sit in a cubicle and a yearning to start their own business. So how do you start building a business that isn’t just built on kind of a couple of years of knowledge of flipping, throw away concepts, but stuff, but it’s rooted in scientific fact. And how has he managed to build a flourishing business when he has a large family no doubt pulling him in so many different directions to Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Michael Cavallaro. Good morning.
Michael Cavallaro [2:44]
I am Wonderful. Thank you. Glad to be here.
David Ralph [2:47]
Well, I’m glad you’re here because he was here before when we had terrible terrible travel. So we just gave up chatted about Coronavirus for a little while and went on our way but but you’re back now ready to deliver Michael Yes, ready to go? Well, okay, so let’s let’s cut to it. Okay. Human cosmology in layman’s terms, because I’m a very simple man, Michael, tell me what is it without bombarding me with scientific jargon? Tell me in basics what is human cosmology,
Michael Cavallaro [3:18]
it’s everything that goes on inside of a human being. There you go very simple, very clear, is the inner Cosmos of the human just everything that goes on inside of you. It’s not your external world, even though it’s directly related and manifest in your external world. It is everything that happens inside you, your thoughts, your beliefs, the way you’re having an attitude, your attitudes about life, the way you feel about yourself, the way you feel about the world. That’s it pretty simply in a nutshell.
David Ralph [3:53]
Okay, so it’s our it’s every life experience we’ve had is every comment. That’s be made to us. It’s the things our mums and dads say it’s a teachers have said that we’ve just kind of absorbed until we become that delicious smorgasbord of emotions, which is literally our life.
Michael Cavallaro [4:15]
Yes, that’s a good way to put it, the smorgasbord. And it is every everything that we’ve learned from our environment and everything that has told us who we’re supposed to be, and why we’re supposed to be that way without us having input.
David Ralph [4:30]
Now, I was reading a book, and we will, of course delve into this, but I was reading a book about four years ago, and this guy said, think about the thoughts that you’ve just had, are they your thoughts, or are they somebody else’s thoughts that I put into you? And it stopped me in my tracks, and I remember thinking, I don’t really understand what he means by this. And when I started delving into it a little bit more, and I realised that every thought that I have might not actually be something that I think it’s something that Somebody else has told me and I’ve, I’ve kind of brought it into my world, like the stupid things that my mom and dad used to say, which I now say to my own kids, and they say, Oh, I say that, but it’s just kind of stuff that I’ve absorbed is that sort of where your programming system breaks down that thinking other people’s sports instead of yourself?
Michael Cavallaro [5:22]
Yes, that’s a good way to approach it. It is. It is everything.
David Ralph [5:26]
That is my goal, and I tell you what, it’s like I know what I’m talking about.
Michael Cavallaro [5:30]
It’s amazing. Maybe I should be interviewing you. It’s amazing
David Ralph [5:34]
what you carry on.
Michael Cavallaro [5:37]
This is the things mums and dads said the things that your teacher said everything the things that you watched on TV, the the all of those experiences go into you as a little child, we have to remember our children are little sponges, they absorb everything that was you and I and especially if you’re a sensitive child, so now your sensitivity You’re picking up on everything. And you start to see this is the way the world works. So this must be who I should be. And then you start to repeat those things and you test them out on your parents. And you. So this is the little child behaviour. So if I do this, when they nod their head, then that must be the right thing. If they shake their head or give me a spanking, then I, I know that’s not the right thing. So I try to gauge what I’m supposed to be based upon what they’re saying and doing. And it’s never really me. So my perspective is, when we’re children, we, we really only end up with about 5% of ourselves. And a person who as an adult finally realises this actually starts to uncover more and then you get the greater percentage of the real you. And that’s often what we find people go through a midlife crisis or, or that middle of the road life where you say, Oh, this just isn’t working. anymore and I don’t know why and boy I’m going to this job or I started this company and I’m not really happy there’s something missing or these things are empty to me so you’re looking now and to me that’s when you’re finally facing and realising that all of that programming wasn’t you and you’re looking for you. So that’s what people are today calling the authentic self or the true self or self searching soul searching. That’s when you’re going these programmes aren’t mine and I don’t want them anymore
David Ralph [7:36]
I’m gonna be devil’s advocate here Michael about what how many people I suppose you can’t really answer this but it’s it was a book that went through my mind, but actually say, I want the real me I want to have the real meat and then once they find it I don’t actually like the real me they actually happier but I didn’t know they were happier with the person that had been programmed.
Michael Cavallaro [7:59]
I don’t think I’ve never worked with anybody who said that, although in that case, what I have seen people doing this would be part of the process is that they’ve, they’ve uncovered what they thought was the real them. But what they were thinking was the real them was actually still a part of their programming. And then they judge the programming they say, Well, I don’t like this part of me. But the authentic self, the real person is always this person that you recognise and you you will call it you love. It is, it is that intuitive moment, if my I pretty much can assume most of us have had some intuitive moment. And in that intuitive moment, there’s just that pure state of being there’s none of these crazy thoughts. There’s no judgments of self. It’s just a sense of knowing. And in that knowing is when you get close to the authentic or real self and there’s no dislike of self there because it is really just your yours. Spirit, your soul, your essence, whatever you’d like to call it. And you realise that, oh, this feels pretty good. There’s I’ve never seen anyone get to that point and dislike that part of themselves.
David Ralph [9:16]
Because I must admit, when I’m podcasting, I think to myself, I can’t imagine doing anything else other than this. This seems to just just be kind of easy, so easy. It’s like breathing. And I have had that sort of punctuated through my life in different areas. And it was always looking back on it. It was the creative element. I used to lie on the floor drawing pictures. And people used to say to me, oh, that’s really good, you know, did you copy it now just sort of made it up. And then I sat at a piano once and I could just play the piano, reasonably good, straight off, and it was all kind of creative stuff that seemed like there was no effort to it, which I can now join up my dots. To use that phrase and see how I got to where I am.
Michael Cavallaro [10:03]
Yes, I think that’s beautiful. And that would be a great example of being connected to that real part of you. And somehow, being allowed to have that and in in recognising that that was your fulfilling place. Because to me listening to you, and what you do is, you also have a love of expression, a love of interaction. So all of that is sort of adventure as well as creative and I love to do that too. I love talking, discovering, and it’s just fun to share and hear other people and interact in that way. It brings about a fulfilment inside and I believe that’s what our essence is about. Our essence is about just open to experience. What is it and when you find that thing that really fulfils you like you’re podcasting, like for me, it’s sharing with people how to Go over this part of themselves. It is just such an enjoyment and you can feel that completeness.
David Ralph [11:08]
So if we were sort of saying, somebody could be born on an island on their own, I know this can’t happen, but in my weird head it can. And so they don’t have any other interaction. Are they going to be their totally authentic selves or even in that kind of prescribed environment of non pollution, I suppose, of other people’s sports, that’s still not going to be the person that they want?
Michael Cavallaro [11:37]
Well, I believe now, in my opinion, in my fantasy head, it would be, they will not be the type of person we understand because we’re in an environment of interacting with more humans and if that person is on the island by themselves, their authentic self would be the joy of nature and their connection to the planet. And, and their fulfilment of just enjoying whatever is around them that would be your authentic self coming to its full fruit without the influence of humans. And how we do it differently because we’re in a society, we have a different type of authentic self expression. So to me it would be about the expression of the authentic self based upon where you’re located.
David Ralph [12:29]
So how close are you to your authentic self? Are you still working progress? Or are you kind of like, have you gone through it and you’ve come out the other side with total clarity?
Michael Cavallaro [12:41]
I would say I’m toward the end of my journey. I’ve come through it. I really get most of it, but I do have a few things that trickle in, but not much anymore. In the beginning, it was it was a daily. It was a daily work of art constantly understanding Listening to self and listening to that self talk. And at this point, I have very little of that and every once in a while I’ll get something and I still have to work on it. I don’t know that we achieve it fully without having any new discoveries. I believe that if we actually reached that point, we’d either become totally magical or we’d have to disappear.
David Ralph [13:26]
He wouldn’t want you to disappear. Not until we finished this podcast episode, because we can’t leave it halfway. Now. Human cosmology. Okay, let’s jump into that because there was a time who was Michael before he strapped to bat on and trademarked it. What were you doing as a sort of career before this?
Michael Cavallaro [13:49]
I was doing a lot of personal growth. A lot of discovery I have experimented with pretty much all of the new outside the box tech Makes new discoveries such as when quantum physics came out so the sciency part a little bit and no are you
David Ralph [14:08]
doing to earn and earn a living Michael What was your job?
Michael Cavallaro [14:11]
Oh, I was still counselling. I’ve been counselling like this probably for a good 30 years before that, in my my alternate life. I I started up like I grew up with in a construction family so my father was a contractor. So I was into building we we built houses and homes and and commercial facilities. I left that having some will say family disagreements and moved into management and went into retail. I was in retail for a while I was in sales, I was in management. And then at the end, I was actually in some form of banking. As a broker and finally said, Enough of this part time stuff I want to do what really makes my heart sing. And I stepped into doing this work fully.
David Ralph [15:12]
Right? Okay, so this is the moment this is the moment that interests me and it always interests me because there’s there’s a big bridge to cross where somebody decides on what they want to do. And Ben actually starts making a living from it. So can you take us back to those days because I imagine there was a certain amount of hassle and connecting and probably knows days picking up the phone and making calls. How did you actually start getting paid for it? How did you find that first customer?
Michael Cavallaro [15:43]
Actually, in the beginning, I found the first customer by accident. So I actually began this career while I was in the contracting business I, I was, I was quite young man probably in my early 20s and these 30 year old 40 year old The men that I was working with would actually come to me and start asking me questions. And I would give them answers. And they would go off and they say, hey, that worked. I don’t know how that worked. But where did you get that information? I said, I don’t know. It just comes to me. So we so they, they would laugh, and they’d say, I’ll get out of here. This is baloney. And I would say, Well, hey, go try it. And this is I was very intuitive. And so I would just have these answers. And so this really began as kind of a hobby. And the more I did it, I really enjoyed it. And so eventually, the some of these gentleman referred me clients, so then they these these people became clients. And after that, yes, I did. It was very difficult because at the time, we’re talking in the 70s, and in the 70s, there wasn’t a whole lot of people doing what I was doing. So it was very strange, and I did have to do a little bit of hustling. I had I tried advertising I tried word of mouth. it all ended up to be word of mouth. Once I had a client or two, that would become part time work while I was doing this other work, it was probably around the mid 80s or so that I really stepped out. And then when I stepped out boy that took a lot of courage, let’s call it because everything I was programmed to be told to be by my father by my mother, by a by my society was you can’t go do this thing. This is this is not feasible and nobody listens to this stuff. This is too strange, it’s too unusual. And so I did struggle with them trying to earn enough because at that time, I now had three children, a home and you know, your typical family. And so, I I struggled with the concerns of having enough income to come in. So I had To really hustle a lot, I was working pretty much at any time I was on call. I did in the meantime supplement with some contracting work, just to just to keep it afloat. So I was having to do two or three things at a time to make this work. And it was it was very difficult. I had a lot of my own fears, my own anxieties, some of them were, I’m not going to have regular paycheck. So now where’s it going to come from? And I actually have to produce it. It isn’t. It’s quite a whole different lifestyle when you become an entrepreneur. And you really have to do your own hustling rather than, oh, I’m going to work put in my hours get my paycheck and go home and it’s all good.
David Ralph [18:45]
Yeah, I was talking to somebody the other day and I said to him, cuz we’re in the sort of Coronavirus stuff. And a lot of people have found their income their livelihood sort of squashed overnight and I said to a guy I said, Oh, no difference a pan out in the long run. And he said, Do you really believe that? And I said, Yeah, I’ve been in it long enough now that the ups and downs kind of take care of themselves. You can’t think of it from day to month as an entrepreneur, you just have to think of it as a journey you’re on. And you know, if you’ve been doing it for as long as I have now, it’s pretty plain sailing, isn’t it? But if you have a couple of follow months, you just work a few other things to make the next month a bit better. It’s not steady, but it’s it comes out level at the end of the year, do you think?
Michael Cavallaro [19:35]
Yeah, I agree. It’s something that you learn to trust over time. In the beginning. It’s terrifying. And making that changeover. I remember the changeover was the hardest point, really making that leap because you’re so used to having it put before you and somebody else is actually doing it, that you don’t really have any faith in yourself. You don’t have any trust that this is going to turn out. But I have found pretty much the same thing. You have Some lean months and you have some strong months, and it does all equal out. But it’s really difficult. I remember that the fear of of leaping into that and trusting it, but after, I guess it took me a couple of years. And in those couple of years, I really started to see the cycle that you’re talking about is exactly how it happens.
David Ralph [20:22]
Well, let’s listen to the words of Jim Carrey. And well,
Jim Carrey [20:25]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [20:53]
Now, those words are kind of really written for you, aren’t they, Michael? It seemed to me that is the conversation that you were having with your Your mom and dad back in the day?
Michael Cavallaro [21:03]
Yes, absolutely. That absolutely fits in. It was the biggest part was learning to trust yourself into going and doing what you love, rather than things that you don’t particularly like and end up in 30 or 40 years of misery, wishing you didn’t spend all that time somewhere you didn’t prefer. And it really is true what he just said there.
David Ralph [21:30]
Now, when you look at what you’re doing now, how have you structured it and have you structured people to to give you that stability in your career? Because human cosmology is going to be something that’s going to be very popular to some people and not popular to other people. So how have you got that stability that takes the pressure off you, Michael?
Michael Cavallaro [21:52]
Well, it’s a matter of really knowing too. We’ll say put a few nuts away in the winter. time when you know things are going good. You have a little bit of a backup because you know there will probably be lean times and just like now Who would have known the Coronavirus was coming in. So you have a little bit of a backup you still have your, your strength of people knowing who you are. And in the beauty of what I do is that, yes, it has this large sounding name, but it’s really very practical. It’s really very logical and it’s down to earth all at the same time. When I when I used that name, I was looking for something that was all encompassing about what we do. Because it’s not psychology, it’s not just a type of body work or healing work. It’s, it’s a everything about a human being that we do in our everyday life, how to make our relationships better, how to talk and how to communicate. And so once that really started Get founded in the clientele, the word of mouth really keeps me going, I found that I don’t need much advertising, I don’t really need to do a whole lot of selling, if you will, once people see that what I’m doing is so practical when it fits in any everyday life, that it just becomes a self feeding machine, if you will. People are always looking for help ways to improve themselves at work that aren’t theory that don’t temporarily work that aren’t really outlandish. And so this self feeds its itself in this common sense approach. So it’s very easily passed on that’s one part of the structure. The second is having a little bit of a backup or nest egg if you will. The other is just continually making myself available so people can hear or get some valuable information. Take it away and actually see that something works. And a lot of times that will bring them back. So this is all those are all part of those structures and knowing that the time cycle up and down, puts you in a position where you don’t have to go through constant anxiety about, oh, it’s not constant. It’s not steady. No it it’s like you said, over time it washes out and you know that so you’re, you’re really very aware of that and it’s a nice even flow in the end.
David Ralph [24:32]
I totally agree. And one of the things that I really liked what you said there was about putting the the nuts away in the winter because I always I’m building my runway and to be honest, I don’t really need it now. But it just gives me comfort that if nothing comes to me the first few years, I still be alright. And every month, every payment I get whatever. I extend my runway And it is it’s just kind of weight off. Now I didn’t have that in the early days in the early days, it was just a mad panic. It was a scramble and all the time I was thinking, how am I going to pay for this? How am I going to pay for that? But it is wise, isn’t it? And we’ve heard that story time and time again about the what is it at the square all the plants, it’s nuts and the rapid that just runs around in laser. I mean, sauna, breezes in the winter. There’s truth in these old stories, but so many people wait, don’t pay attention to them, do they?
Michael Cavallaro [25:28]
Yeah, no, they don’t. And I remember in my early years, I part of the problem with paying attention to those truthful stories was you were running around trying to make everything work. And there was just barely enough nuts to eat for the winter as it was let alone store any. So that created a bit of anxiety because I didn’t quite have that trust built up and there is a lot of truth in that. Once you get to that stage. The problem and that I saw in the beginning years was that the urge to have More and experience more caused you to spend more, rather than start to squirrel away some nuts. And when I realised the difference that you could actually do both, you just had to do them in moderation. And then eventually it does get to that place. Like you said, you’re just constantly building that runway so that you always have that place to take off if you need.
David Ralph [26:24]
Did you pay yourself first Michael, do you what you get money in? And then stick a load away in a savings so you feel like your skin but just live on what you’ve got left? Or do you do it like most people in the world, spend what they have and been trying to save what they’ve got?
Michael Cavallaro [26:41]
Well, I am at the place that you mentioned first. In the beginning, I was the spend first and look back and go Whoo, there’s nothing there when happened. And now it’s two. I do pay myself first and I make sure that I’ve got what I need and then we go to the next Fun stuff, if you call it that, but you find that in the beginning, what I, what I had was a belief system of lack that I was always struggling with. And that lack always told me you had to have more. And so I, as I did this work on myself, I realised that that belief system about lack was causing me to spend and not squirrel away some nuts for the winter. And it really ended up causing me problems. So I had to work on that belief system because my parents came from the depression in the US. And so there was a lot of, there’s never enough we don’t have enough food, clean your plates, all that old, old stuff. And so that create that belief system in myself. And so once I shifted from that belief system, then things began to change. I also did discover that, that whole that there’s never enough business and Your concern about constantly having enough money was part of their belief system also. And as I went through this, they started to go, Wow, none of these are mine. My parents were always worried about did they have money? Did they? Do they ever have enough? And so it was just fascinating to say, Oh, these are my pair. Oh, my parents. I said I’d never been my parents. Yeah,
David Ralph [28:27]
I agree. All my money hang ups. I can track back to my mom. My dad was always you know, oh, it’s alright. Yeah, we can afford it. That’s no problem. And my mom was always No, no, we’ve got no money. We’ve got you know, your skin. You’ve got to put it into a pension. You’ve got to save up. And I’m still trying to break down my mum’s training. Really? Yes. Anyway, we’re talking to Michael Cavalera. And we will be back with him to talk more about human cosmology. After these words.
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Marni Spicer [30:17]
Thank you, David, for your amazing help and support which keeps on going. And we certainly couldn’t be where we are today without you. So you’re awesome.
David Ralph [30:28]
So if you would love to become our next success story and have your own life changing online business, following my step by step system, fine tuned over many years to take away the effort and expense that others struggle with. Then come across to Join Up dots.com and book a free call with myself. Let’s get you living the easy life as it’s there waiting for you to get it. That is Join Up dots.com business coaching. We’re talking to Michael and as we were hearing before those words, human And cosmology is he’s business. So what kind of person would be perfect for you, Michael? And do they do it online? Or do they have to come to you?
Michael Cavallaro [31:11]
Nope, we can do it online. I do it in person. We do zoom, we do telephone, any form of communication works, it’s so we can reach out to each other. And the type of person that typically comes is someone who realises that life isn’t quite working the way they want. They’re either stuck in a rut, they either have an issue that’s pending, excuse me, such as an anxiety or their career or their relationship. Some area of their life isn’t quite working, and they want it to be different. And that’s really all it’s necessary. Now, with this work, you can go really extensive or you can go far enough just To eliminate what’s bothering you, so that you can move on about your life. And it’s, it’s always someone who is interested in applying someone who is at the point of either ranking into something new, or really just wanting to discover who they are versus all of these thoughts that keep coming up that maybe drive them a little crazy because they’re constantly ruminating over worries or concerns and they don’t have to live like that they can live very peaceably and, and really do something they love like we’re talking about.
David Ralph [32:41]
So what is the difference between this and say, therapy? Because in from my side of the fence, I don’t really know many people have been in therapy in the United Kingdom. But every time I watch an American programme, he everyone’s talking about being in therapy. So what is the difference?
Michael Cavallaro [32:59]
Oh, In general, and this comes from several therapists that I work with therapy actually deals with the symptomology. And that’s really pretty much the extent of where they go. They try to go a little bit further. But what what I do is really delve in more interactively, rather than just in a therapeutic fashion. It’s like we’re sitting down and we’re talking, we’re having a cup of coffee, and we’re going through what’s really going on except I happen to have the skill after these years and my intuitive nature is that I can see what these programmes are with these belief systems that you’ve picked up as a child. And I can actually step in there with you teach you to root them out, and actually dissolve them to the place where they don’t bother you anymore. They don’t even come up. And so, whereas typically therapy teaches you how to manage how to cope, great skill, great beginning But really a segue into my work. And my work now takes you to the root causes, those moments that you got that programming and how to make that programming change for yourself. And eventually, I teach you how to facilitate most of this on your own. Once you have my skill of seeing how to understand where these, these beliefs these thoughts come from, so that you really know how you’re put together. And in that difference of rooting to the core, and truly eliminating that way of being at your own choice at your direction. So you’re not subject to me. I’m just the expert in seeing what it is that can help you. You have the ability to make this change for yourself, and I just help you with that.
David Ralph [34:56]
So all these sort of similar traits, I imagine that most of us have Through childhoods where you can’t have your pudding until you’ve cleaned your plate and you can’t do this, and you can’t do that. And are there sort of similar traits that you see time and time again that we, the majority of us have gone through?
Michael Cavallaro [35:15]
Yes, there. There are a lot of those and then each generation shifting it’s funny because that would be from our generation that you would hear the the pudding clean your plate. The Millennials are a whole different faction here with the way that they’re raising their children. And so, yes, there’s a lot of commonalities. There’s a lot of you have to do for others. You have to take care of others other people should come first. That’s not my take on things. My take on things these days is like paying yourself first. You need to emotionally and in feeling wise pay yourself first. You need to be the lifeguard who knows how to swim knots. Somebody’s just jumping into the pool trying to help other people. So
David Ralph [36:04]
let me just jump back there because you said something interesting there. pay yourself first emotionally. So we’re not talking about financially, but we’re actually saying it’s about putting our mask on first. Is that is that what you’re saying?
Michael Cavallaro [36:18]
I’m saying it’s about what do you what do I need first? If I can be emotionally we’ll call it healed or emotionally stable, then I’m a great model. I’m a great sharer, I can really assist people or just by my lifestyle is just people. Whereas if I don’t take care of myself emotionally first, then I’m always on the edge and running out of gas, just barely making it. I’ve tried that when it didn’t work. Well for me.
Does that. Does that make sense?
David Ralph [36:52]
Well, it does, but people, you know, from my experience, and I’ve gone through about where I wore myself out To the point where I was literally a broken human being. So now I’m very, very focused on keeping my energy levels at the optimum. But so many people, especially non entrepreneurs don’t have that opportunity to do that where they have to be on call, I have to be better at certain time. It’s have to be have to be always that wrong as well do people who are in environments where their time is restricted by the job requirements, and they got the ability to say, No, I need to energise myself.
Michael Cavallaro [37:35]
Yes, that’s exactly it. They do have the ability to say no, and they do need to say so because what what happens is that your drive to be let’s say, the entrepreneur and you’re and you’re always busy, and you’re always running, because that’s typically what I found with my people and myself is that you’re basing your life on fear of fear of not having enough. And what you don’t realise is that Yeah, you can do that for a while, but eventually you’re not going to have enough of you, and you’re going to get burned out. So to avoid the burnout, you need to say no, for an hour, 20 minutes a day, just to take that time to pay yourself emotionally. Meaning, go sit by a stream, go chill and read a good book, go listen to some good music, go, just enjoy yourself. You got to bring the joy back into life because if not, you’re going to burn out. And so all that hustle is going to end up in let’s say, a physical illness and emotional illness. And now your business goes to to the to the dog so to speak, because you’re not in tip top shape, and internally is what really drives us. So this time to yourself is really important. And I can’t emphasise that enough everybody needs to take time for themselves in today’s world. We’re taught to hustle bustle we’re given the electronics which makes us hustle bustle more. I even think that this Coronavirus locked down type of thing is really good for humanity in many ways because they’re going to be still they’re going to sit with themselves, they might even realise what an intimate relationship is like, rather than running around all the time, and see how that can serve them and bring some joy back into their life. And that will help them in their business once they get back out into the world.
David Ralph [39:42]
I agree with you to a point in that certainly from the entrepreneurial world, I’ve suddenly had so much sort of free time because of different reasons. I’ve done things like you know, polish my drain pipes and clean my guttering and just be out there doing stuff. I wasn’t having to think about It was just kind of tasks. And I found it sort of very therapeutic. But I’m also aware that working from home, which is the big thing at moment, and most organisations are saying, We want you to work from home. When he used to work from home when I was in the entrepreneurial world, I used to work damn sight harder, because I didn’t want them to think but I wasn’t working when I was at home. So I used to start so I clock in the morning and work through the lunchtime and work to eight so I could produce such a body of work, but I knew that I wasn’t, you know, swinging a leg, as I say over here. That’s going to be a problem as well, isn’t it? Because I think most people out there will have that exactly the same as I had.
Michael Cavallaro [40:42]
I agree. I did have that in the beginning too. So I’m very familiar with that. But what for me what I’ve learned about that, is that two is a belief system. And that’s a belief system about performance. It’s not about what is my quality? Mmm, am I doing a good job? And can I recognise that it’s how well can I perform? So I get rewarded by someone else. I’m looking to the outside world for my happiness. I’m not looking to me. I’m not sitting down and saying, hey, am I doing a good job? Am I doing the work I’m supposed to do? Well, can I do that? In 30 hours or 40 hours? Do I really have to work 60 to prove that I’m, I’m a good person. No, you don’t. You have to do your job. And if you do it well, if it you don’t have to overwork and over perform overperform. That’s, that’s what I hate to say. But that’s what the machine of the world wants you to do. But that’s not what you need to do for you. You need to do what your agreement is, and do it very well. And then take that time for you. Because if not, again, in that world, you’re still going to burn out and you’re going to eventually end up hating yourself. Because what you realise is 40 years later, I gave my life away to something I didn’t love, and where am I and what do I have and then there’s that emptiness that you have to deal with. And it’s just not worth that emptiness. And it can be avoided by not over performing and looking at that belief system, like I talked about, my parents were in lack this, this to me, my father taught me to perform, men perform, they produce, they produce they produce. So I had that took me about 10 years to get over because that was so intensely programmed into me about how well a man performs and how he’s governed and, and judged as a man if there’s performances, top notch or not good enough, and that’s just a misunderstanding. And I believe in seeing it today that you can do an excellent job with Without having to over perform, and you do that out of your integrity, not because you need somebody to tell you that you’re a good person, which is what I was originally doing it for because I wanted my dad’s approval. And so I translate that into my into my work. So I wanted my boss’s approval, I wanted my managers approval, and no, I don’t need their approval to be a good person. I just need to be an integrity person who does this job. And then I need to take care of me.
Steve Jobs [43:32]
Let’s hear from course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny life karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [44:10]
Am I the kind of words that you sort of buy into now?
Michael Cavallaro [44:14]
Yes, I would say following your heart is really the big thing. And that means following your intuition following your gut. And that means learning to separate from your, your beliefs or that programming we got as children. And as children, we weren’t taught to follow our heart. We were taught to follow our parents because they wanted us to behave. They wanted us to be good people, all kinds of intentions. And, yes, I agree with that. You need to follow your heart. And that’s the only way I’ve ever seen anybody be fully satisfied.
David Ralph [44:50]
And when you look back at your life, I ask it literally every guest this question on the Join Up Dots timeline, what what was the big dots? What was the Big Dot where you really understood who you were, it could have been a conversation, it could have been a situation, it could be a bad thing, but it really set you on the path.
Michael Cavallaro [45:11]
For me, the big changeover in life when I realised everything in this direction, I was about 19 years old. And I was having a conversation with a gentleman. And in that conversation, I realised two things. One was that not everybody thinks like me. And I know that’s a logical thought. But I really got how we all think so differently. But then the capper was, but we all do that because of the way we’re raised. And when I saw those two things, it changed my journey entirely. To know that we’re raised to think a certain way, inflation Is our entire life unless we stop and change it. And to to that nobody else on the planet was raised exactly like you. So we are all walking around thinking and doing for different reasons. Yet many of us think we’re all the same or similar. And yet we’re so different. And to understand that opened up my ability to see things differently, to see people differently, to accept people differently, and really step into what I’m doing today.
David Ralph [46:39]
And could you imagine a different life now or is this totally you?
Michael Cavallaro [46:45]
This is totally new at this point. I couldn’t even imagine doing anything else. And what I do each and every day, each and every day is a full day. Almost what you would say each and every day is the full life. Time in itself. And so every day connects the dots to the next day. And I don’t even know what the next thoughts gonna be. But it always shows up and they always fit together. And with the skills that I now have, I can understand them differently and receive them differently.
David Ralph [47:23]
Now great stuff great stuff ties beautifully into the the logic and the mantra of Join Up Dots. So Miko as we have been progressing through your life, we’ve been building up to a part of the show that we call the Sermon on the mic when we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. That young microwave is waiting for you and if you could go into a room and you could speak to him. What advice would you like to give him Well, we’re going to find out because we’re going to play the music and through the power of the tune you will be transported into that room. This is the
Unknown Speaker [48:05]
With the best bit of the show,
Michael Cavallaro [48:23]
and so I would say, Michael, don’t give up your hopes and dreams. Even when those around you squash them or tell you they’re not possible. don’t surrender to other people’s beliefs and thoughts. Listen to your own heart. Follow that. Don’t try to fit in with others. Don’t try to be different than others but be yourself. Be patient and kind with how you reveal yourself and do not look to the world to tell you what a magnet If a person you are, but find out for yourself, realise that within because then it can never be taken away. Follow your dreams and follow your intuition because it will always bring you to that place of self love, self discovery and self fulfilment.
David Ralph [49:24]
Michael, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Michael Cavallaro [49:28]
They can connect with me on the internet. Through visiting my website at Dell, a d e l e and a nd Michael Am I ch Ae l.com visit our website contact information is there and I will also give out my My phone number is 267 in the US 267-421-6667 and my email is Michael at Michael have alero Ca va l l AR o comm
David Ralph [50:09]
where I have all the links on the show notes to make it as easy as possible. Michael, thank you so much for spending time with us today, joining up those dots of your life. And please come back again when you’ve got more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is always the best way to build our futures. Michael, thank you so much.
Michael Cavallaro [50:29]
Thank you, David. It was a pleasure, enjoyed talking with you and your audience.
David Ralph [50:36]
Mr. Michael calavera. So he hustled he struggled, he found his first clients by luck, and he built on it and he built on it. And he did some wise things and now he’s got human cosmology that he is building online and offline. And as you see, you find your thing that seems so easy. It’s like breathing and I know it’s hard. I know No, it’s hard. But believe me, every single one of you out there can do something really, really easily about the world once. And once you get back, you’re starting to cook on gas. If anybody wants any help in that regard, of course, come over, and you can book a time to talk to me. Yes, I will talk to you. And we will show you one or two things to get you up and running. But until next time, as always, I’ll see you again.
Cheers. Bye. That’s the end of Join Up Dots. You’ve heard the conversation. Now it’s time for you to start taking massive action. Create your life. Busy only life. We’ll be back again real soon. Join Up Dots. Join Up Dots. Join Up Dots.
Unknown Speaker [51:53]
Joy, joy, Up Dots.