Joy Leng Joins Us On the Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Joy Leng
Joy Leng is our guest today on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots free podcast interview.
She is a lady who has had an amazing journey of self discovery and fulfilment
When she was a small girl, she was in a dark place, and after a failed suicide attempt she realized that she needed serious help.
Feeling rejected and confused about being given up and being adopted, she decided to do self therapy on herself as a 16 year old girl.
By doing the unorthodox shock method of becoming a model.
As she says “It was very painful going for auditions after auditions, alone, as a timid and self conscious teenager. However I was determined to redeem my lost self and forced myself to keep at it.”
And that she did.
How The Dots Joined Up For Joy
And that spirit of self improvement has carried her through her life, and now with her own self named company helping others to find their place on earth, and taking that one step further, she is also the fire-starter of For Our Children (FOC) Singapore, an initiative set up to raise funds to build schools in third world countries, helping children gain a better start in life than she was given herself..
It appears that her dots have well and truly joined up and placed her in her sweet-spot.
The place that she born to flourish in.
So did that little girl, who grew up into an empowered woman, ever truly believe that she could banish the darkness and live in world of light and positivity?
And when did the realisation of it was up to her to take control and claim her destiny start to appear in front of her?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots, with the one and only Joy Leng.
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Joy Leng such as:
How her Mother is a serial saver, but without a doubt the quickest way forward in your life is investing in yourself.
How Joy cannot remember what made her want to be a model as it was such a a painful period of her life, but is so glad that she took control of her own destiny.
Why the quickest way to build a business is not trying to connect with customers but is by connecting with ourselves. Finding who we were born to be.
How she remembers seeing a photo of two dirty, naked, girls and feeling that her life would never be the same again.
Joy explains how travel gives her a global mindset, which helps her build her business, but Singapore is where the heart is. She needs to feel connected to her younger-self to move forward.
Joy Leng Books
How To Connect With Joy Leng
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Full Transcription Of Joy Leng Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:35]
Yes, hello there, everybody and welcome to Join Up Dots. This is David Ralph. This is Episode 552. I’ve got a lovely lady on the other end and life is good. Life is good in Join Up Dots land unless you live in the United Kingdom and the weather is rubbish at the moment. I don’t know what’s happening to it, but I speak to loads of people. And the first thing I say to them is, you know, what’s the weather like bear and literally every single person says it Lovely I’m walking around in shorts. I’ve got flip flops on. Everything is perfect. What’s happening in the United Kingdom? I don’t know. I don’t know. But anyway, today’s joy is is personally within me, I feel the joy not just for myself, but also for the guests. And I’ll give you a clue is her name as well. And she is a lady who’s had an amazing journey of self discovery and fulfilment. Now, when she was a small girl, it’s she was in a dark place, there’s no getting away from it. And after a failed suicide attempt, she realised that she needed serious help. Feeling rejected and confused about being given up and being adopted, she decided to do cell therapy on herself as a 16 year old girl. And by doing the unorthodox shock method of becoming a model, she kind of started to move forward onto her path. As she says it was a very painful process, going for audition after audition alone as a timid and self conscious teenager, however, I was determined to redeem my lost self and force myself to keep at it and that she did and that spirit of self improvement Has character through a life and now with our own self named company helping others to find their place on earth. And taking that one step further. She is also the fire starter for our children, Singapore and initiative set up to raise funds to build schools in third world countries, helping children gain a better start in life and she was giving herself and just being a good nice person now appears adults have well and truly joined up and placed her in a sweet spot, the place that she was born to flourish in. So did that little girl who grew up into an empowered woman ever truly believed that she could banish the darkness and live in a world of light and positivity. And when did the realisation of it was up to her to take control and claim her destiny start to appear in front of her? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up with the one and only Joy Leng. So how are you today Joy?
Joy Leng [2:54]
I’m fabulous. How are you David?
David Ralph [2:56]
I’m always good. I’m always good in the world of Join Up Dots. Join Up Dots is a happy place to be. And I feel like I’m in the centre of it. I feel like the world is, you know, everyone is nice to each other. Is that the way that you feel on a daily basis?
Joy Leng [3:12]
Yes, I do not to the past, but now definitely so.
David Ralph [3:16]
So have you always had that because obviously in the introduction, we were talking about that you’ve been in a sort of very dark place, and we’re not going to dwell on that too much. But is it something that mentally you’ve had to force yourself to believe? Or is it always in you? Is it kind of your natural spirit that the world is a good place?
Joy Leng [3:37]
Um, well, I’m not sure about that. But yes, in the beginning, it was a lot of work. It didn’t feel very natural, you know, like, like, I think some people will share my experiences, for example of affirmation. You’re like, I don’t, I think I’m lying. But then like, you have to keep saying it. And then if you persist, the reality is after what if you sit with If he was quite comfortable, and then after a while you actually start to declare, Hey, you know what, I actually kind of believe it. And then the next thing you know, it’s like, yeah, this is this is my version of the web. This is the lens that I wear, and I’m very comfortable with it. So sometimes it is as simple as that the willingness to put down the lens that is not working and put on a lens that is more resourceful that gives you more joy.
David Ralph [4:24]
So So is it kind of mentor lies. Somebody said this to me the other day, they said, You know, I feel like I’m mentally lying to myself every morning. I’m saying, I’m going to achieve great stuff. I’m going to be doing this I’m going to be doing that and after a while they naturally believe it. But is it at the beginning? Are you kind of lying to yourself? Is it just that you’re putting the right fuel in your body mentally to start the engine to get going?
Joy Leng [4:49]
I think I would put it as mom strategy, as in light, okay, believe is whatever that you perceive to be real. If you think about it. Whatever the instance is your belief could be different from someone else. And you have all the evidence in order to prove that your belief is real and hers is not but so that she she also have evidence to prove that Herbalife is real and not yours. So where do we go from there? So I think if that’s the way the world works, then why not just adopt beliefs that is resourceful that is empowering that propel you to the goals that you want. It’s really as simple as that. So I don’t see as lying that and just seeing as I have a certain destination, and I’m trying to find out which route I should take, which is the most efficient route. Why should I take the longer route when there is a faster route?
David Ralph [5:43]
I agree with is totally I always say is like being water water. Generally we’ll find the shortest route to the sea. And we just got to find that route. And more often than not, we find we’re banging it up against something where literally we should just slip to the side and go around it. I’m a great believer in that is life. Do you think that life should be easy? Because I do joy. I think that I spent many many years banging up against things where now i’d look back on it and go hang on this is just too hard. I shouldn’t just be hitting myself against the brick wall. I should be looking for a door to the side and actually just walk through it. Mm hmm.
Joy Leng [6:22]
I agree with you. But like, like you I spent a big part of my life just thinking that life is meant to be difficult. But I think it’s also the culture that we live in. We have all this like you know, rags to riches stories, or you know, the way my parents grew up. My mom is a serial saver. She was saved every cent every penny. So I grew up learning all this you absorb whatever’s going on what people say and the behaviours around you and then you take that as your worldview isn’t a ticket is the belief that must be real because people around me behave like that. How many of us actually when we go up, we take one step back, and then Hey, wait a minute, why am I behaving like that? Because I believe in this, okay, but Is that real? You know, like, What evidence do I have? And I think a lot of people don’t do that. It’s a one step back and examine the beliefs that you you, you take for granted, right? But you can’t live your whole life like that. That’s a high price to pay, don’t you think? Oh, I do. I absolutely
David Ralph [7:23]
do. And I must admit, I come from your mum’s kind of mentality. I am a serial saver. I like nothing more than counting money and seeing bank accounts go up. And it took me it took me a long time now in Join Up Dots. Literally every bit of money I get, I will look at investing it back into the business and I basically will take my survival to pay for the bills, you know the things that you need to do. I will take that out. And I will be spending money on website designers and sort of hosting and I just put it back into The business but it’s not easy because I am like your mum, your mom is a serial Sabre. But I would say to you, Mrs. Lang, but quickest way to expand in your life is actually to invest in yourself. Would you say joy?
Joy Leng [8:13]
Oh, I’m a big believer in that. That’s who I am. I’m someone that my friends will describe me as a cost junkie. I’m always going for seminars and lecture. I’m just addicted to it. It’s just so exciting every time you learn something new, and then you’re like, Oh, my God, you know, I didn’t know it’s like this. Oh, what can I do with this? How can I apply it? To me? It’s like, it’s like a game. And I enjoy the game is like a never ending game. There’s always new things that you don’t know, that you can discover and then you, you try to make value out of it. What is your interpretation of this new knowledge that you have, where you’re going to run with it? It’s fun.
David Ralph [8:49]
I think so. But I do think that you can become, you know, you can take too many courses and in the end, you can’t see the wood for the trees. I do think there comes a time when you’ve just got to Go No, for a while, I’m not going to do any of that I’m just going to work on myself. For example, this week, I’ve had an absolute nightmare with my sound on my computer, where, from the very beginning of the show, I’ve had it all set up, and everything’s good. And I’ve just started to think to myself, Oh, I think I can make the sound even better. And people say to me, it’s very good sound on this podcast, but I want to make it perfect. And so I fiddled around with my computer and change some settings. But I shouldn’t have done and didn’t know what I changed. So basically, I was three days ago, having no sound, the microphone wouldn’t work or anything. And so all I had to do was basically get into it and try to work out. Now as it is. I found out more in this week because I’ve actually taken few years action to try to find it then anything I would have got in a course because I just dived in to solve my issue. And now I can see ways that I can improve my sound massively. So Have you can you do too many courses? Is it the case that study actually stops you from taking the action that actually pushes you forward?
Joy Leng [10:08]
I think that’s definitely possible, you kind of need to balance it out. I guess a good way would be to take a cost and then work on what you’ve learned and how you’re going to apply before you work on another one. I mean, having said that, it’s over a situation, isn’t it? If you have to cause that someone somewhat relate each other or they are complimentary, then I guess it’s okay to have those two costs together. Otherwise, I think there’s one at a time you you need to kind of master what you’ve learned to a certain degree, no point learning all the knowledge in the world. And then what you start in your head and you walk around with it in your head, then what? You don’t surf the world that think in your head. What does it come out? It’s about the output. It’s not about the input. The input is about the output. If you know I’m saying,
David Ralph [10:54]
Oh, I know exactly what you’re saying. Yeah, absolutely. It is. It all comes down to action at the end, doesn’t it? That’s the thing. Once you take responsibility for your own life, and you stop thinking that somebody else is going to give you the magic key, and in corporate land, you see that all the time I was bad. Ah, if I work really hard here, and that person dies, I’ll get his job. That’s what I want. And you, you realise that that person is never going to die, so you’re never going to get the job. But you still sort of cling to the fact that if this happens, and that happens, it’s going to magically line up somehow. But in entrepreneurial world every single day, the action that you take, actually does have something more often than not, at the end of the day, I go to bed thinking, Okay, I may not have achieved everything I wanted. But I think I have taken a step forward because I’ve had my own responsibility. Now in your life. You’ve done that, you know, going back to the sort of early days. You are a very attractive lady. There’s no getting away from that and I’ll be honest, joy, I have spent many happy hours looking at your website. Have you done? Have you dancing and there was something Images are now going to be my screensaver, I’m going to have those on my computer. And I leave it it’s not going to go into stalking mode, but they were they were very pleasurable to look at. Now, the interesting thing for me was the fact that as in the introduction, you said it was very painful going for auditions after auditions alone because you was timid. Why did you do that? Why did you take that route? Because that’s the scary, I can see that that is like going on to sort of X Factor or whatever, if you can’t sing, if you are sort of shy, putting yourself out there as a model as a dancer where people will be looking at you and critiquing you for your appearance or the way you move. Why did you do that?
Joy Leng [12:43]
You know, David, for the life of me, and today, I have no idea why. Why did I do that? How did a young girl you know, would figure out a solution like that all by herself and persist in in it when it’s not fun? Every time is actually torturers. I have no idea. But I’m just so grateful. And I’m so thankful I did that, because that started my whole journey. It’s almost like my life truly began when I took that incredible step, which I guess I will never understand why I just think that maybe is just my natural instinct coming out. And you know, like, there was enough pain as well that I kind of wanted to put a stop to it. The pain was bad enough that I was, I guess, willing to go through whatever discomfort and another kind of pain to you know, to just have a fresh start in life and to just stop looking at a flow and I walk.
David Ralph [13:40]
It’s fascinating isn’t when you look back on your life. I know we were talking just before we press recording, where you were saying to me about the you know, why did you do the show? Why did you decide on the Steve Jobs speech and I said to you, I’ve got no idea I can’t remember ever have a thought in my head. It was just something that just sort of occurred around me And I find that more often than not, when you do reflect and you join up your dots like we do in this show, more often than not, I struggle to remember how I got here. And over the period of doing the show certain times I’ve been talking to guests, and then I think, Oh, yes, I’d forgotten I’d done that. It all sort of comes together the, the journey becomes sort of real to you somehow, but you just can’t see it. Can you you look back and it’s not you, you blank that bit of your life out somehow.
Joy Leng [14:31]
I am completely what have you, David, like, there’s some parts of my life is just a blood. It’s just fuzzy, I don’t remember much. And what I’ve learned from myself is that we all have this moments of genius. And we have that in as it’s like it we have that greatness. We’re, we’re born with it. So when it happens, don’t question it. Just just go with it. And when you look back, then you’ll be like, aha, that’s why I did that. But in that moment, if you just obsessive the Why? And trying to rationalise what you’re doing, they are destroying the magic issue just I knew in my heart is his voice telling me I need to do this, then just go It doesn’t matter if you don’t understand it. Right now it’s joining the dots isn’t it you would be able to join the dots later Now you’re just adding the dots are just creating new dots you can join it later, you know, first thing first, create the dots.
David Ralph [15:23]
It is strange though you look at yourself and you you query and you question and you doubt yourself. But say in relationships, man goes into a bar sees a lady or the other way around or two men go into bars or whatever, whatever your sort of your choice is. And you go in there and you see someone you think, wow, that person’s amazing. I need to get to know them. You don’t question hang on why am I feeling this way? Why Why? Why do I want to get to know that person? It’s like magic occurs, but in your own life. There are there is magic all the way through and there’s things that you can just do next. really easily, but we kind of dismissed those don’t wait, we don’t look at those and go. This is this is where I should be moving towards. This is my ideal date in my own life. This is what I need to be doing every single day. It’s bizarre, isn’t it in relationships, we just sort of ignore it and go for it. We like that person and away we go. But you know, my own life, we don’t ever look at it as in the same way somehow. Do you see what I’m saying?
Joy Leng [16:25]
Mm hmm. I think one reason could be we, we don’t think that we are enough. We don’t think that we’re good enough. So whatever we say to ourself, you’re like, Are you sure? You know? And we say we say it all the time. We probably say many times in a day we think about it. You we always doubt we doubt ourselves, but then it often comes along and say yeah, do that. Oh, really? Okay. Then, you know, you don’t even think about it. You just do it. But then when you yourself, ask, okay, let’s do this. Really? You sure? And I think we do that all the time. So I think it’s just you know, if you have that you examine your own life and you’re like, yeah, you know, I realised I have episodes of that. Then question is that what what what is that belief that trigger that is prompting or is behaviour? Is that belief serving you? You know, if it’s not replaced it, then will behaviour change?
David Ralph [17:17]
Absolutely. We’ve got a coaching group, which I am going to relaunch again, I’ve been testing it for a couple of years is a very small group that were so successful in their building businesses and getting people to connect with them their real side. And it’s made me realise through doing this online coaching, that the real beauty of building a business is not connecting with customers. Now, at the beginning, I would have said what you need to do you need to find your customers and then you need to sell them a product and the story that’s how to build a business. Now I realised through doing it that you actually need to connect with yourself, and you need to actually believe that you’ve got the value to provide to the world you need to believe In yourself, it’s that inner connection, which actually builds the route to your success. Would you agree with that joy?
Joy Leng [18:08]
I’ll completely agree. I recently I was coaching
a female client and she she’s, she does energy healing, and she sing slowly slow pro progress for her clients. And after coaching, I’ve been coaching her for a few months. She’s like telling me like, She’s so surprised at the speed that she’s seeing perform the results for her clients. And that’s because I see her grow. She’s like, blossoming in front of me. She’s now very confident. She don’t look at me like Intel. When asked a question like, Oh, I’m answering like that. Is that okay? You think you think is true? But now she’s telling me we know and she’s looking at me straight in the eye and giving me the answers. So I see the shift in her. And it’s alongside with the results that she’s telling me that she surprised she’s getting, but then she’s at a point now she realised Oh, it’s because I am more confident of myself. Now. I’m more authentic to myself and I hear myself and I trust my instinct and therefore I’m getting all this results she’s joining her own dots. So I totally review it. It applies to all of us I think I think people like to connect with people who are authentic to their their real self, right? Because you feel comfortable this person is comfortable in their own skin. So if you talk to them, you know, you’re really talking to them you’re not talking to this persona, you’re not talking to this mass, but you’re talking to someone who’s willing to you know, show up willing to tell the world this is me. And you know, if if I connect with you, if you can connect with who I am, then come to me so I think that you can attract your customers just like natural universal energy I think.
David Ralph [19:45]
I think so as well, which is why sort of webinars and stuff are so important. webinars are really you getting out there and showing people you know yourself and but you move around and they can see you physically they can hear you and you get a feeling don’t you once again, it comes Back to the kind of back dating aspect. hiding behind a website is not as powerful as actually getting out there. Now, when I started this, it was very much me talking into the microphone and blasting it out into the world. Now I do far more, getting out there and doing live courses. And a lot of the stuff I do is free, but I enjoy doing it and I connect with the audience. And we’re we’re building sort of remarkable stuff. And when you’re doing it joy, and you’re, I’m sure you’re gonna agree with this. More often than not you you’re talking on a subject, and it’s almost like you don’t know the answers yourself. But as you’re talking, you’re thinking, Oh, Blimey, this is true, this this, that I’m actually teaching myself something here I didn’t quite realise that I knew this answer until I start actually putting myself out there is that ability once more to actually step to the fore open your mouth and connect actually teaches you stuff as well, which pushes you forward to the next stage.
Joy Leng [20:59]
I suppose agree on that I, for my coaching, I focus a lot on authenticity and self compassion because that’s what I felt I needed to work on. And by, by focusing my business in that direction means that I need to read up, I need to examine it, I need to tear the concept into its small components, what does it mean? And then when I have conversation with my clients, and you know, I see a mirror image and I learned from it so I think, like they say, you know, you teach what you most need to learn, and that’s pretty much what I’m doing in my work.
David Ralph [21:34]
And you love it every day, don’t you? I can hear but I do
Joy Leng [21:37]
love. I do. I do. I think life is such an amazing journey and we are so complex and we have, you know, like, we have all this mass we have all these self doubts and we might be different because of nationality or gender or age, whatever you think but we are more alike than you think. We all have. same fears at the end of the day. Nobody wants to be rejected. That’s why we’re hiding that. So not everyone has the kind of courage like you, David to do a podcast or do a webinar. Everyone’s hiding behind website and you know, because behind a website can see whatever I want, I can be any persona I want but to show up, show my face and be like, Oh, you know, that’s kind of creepy for some people. Oh, I love it.
David Ralph [22:24]
I do love it this. I wake up on a Thursday morning and it’s my Join Up Dots day. So I do about five or six shows back to back you’re very early because you’re in Singapore at the moment. So they’re sort of the time zones work very well for us. And if I could have a whole show based web, Singapore, people would be brilliant. I could finish by lunchtime and then have the rest of the day but I go towards America and obviously they’re behind me in the time zone so it goes longer, longer. But on a Thursday, I literally cannot wait to get going and the whole day just flies through and at the end of it. I am exhausted because sort of talking about This sort of intensity for the whole day is kind of draining. But God, I love it joy. I love it. And that’s what I want to get out to the world. But if you’re waking up every single day, with that feeling of God, another five minutes in bed is such a big indication that you’re on the wrong path. Now I’m going to tell your story joy. This is an interesting one, which happened during the week. But I connected with a lovely lady in our group called Megan. She’s part of the dream starters Academy group. And we were talking on Skype the other day, and she wants to become a digital marketer. Well, she is a digital marketer, but she wants to create her own business and go around the world travelling and it’s one of those brilliant things about she can actually take it with us. She doesn’t have to go to an office. Now after talking to myself for about an hour. She said to me, I felt so inspired and motivated that I tackled a task that my boss bought would take me sort of days to do because I didn’t really understand it. But because I was so sort of on fire. I just dove into it and I bashed it out the park. And it gave us so much competence. And what I was saying to her is she discovered flow, she discovered that part of her life that she was so engaged with the process, that it has become easier and easier until she looks at it and thinks, Wow, I can’t believe I did that. And that is what we need to do in life, isn’t it? We need to get to that point where things just kind of flow easily and we love it and we lose hours. It’s like watching a movie that you love. And then suddenly two hours have passed and you don’t even realise that anyone sitting next to you in the cinema. You’re just absolutely in that that that moment in the zone as a say in sportsman. How often in your life, are you like Megan, but you actually go wow, that that was so enjoyable. I didn’t think I could do it at the beginning. But bang, it’s done.
Joy Leng [24:52]
I think the first time in my life I experienced that was when I fell in love with dancing. And having said that, I hated it. Whenever first started because I really, really messed up my first dance performance. There was like, five choreograph piece and I was a last minute stand in so I could not remember. I think, David not think I was like, I didn’t know what to do. And because I was the stand in so they kind of put me in the middle. So if I make a mistake, you know, though, culturally, people don’t notice. I’m telling you, you have to be blind not to know that the girl in the middle is absolutely clueless. Just standing there feeling her arms and hands because I had stage fright. And it’s my first show Come on, like choreographed dance. Are you kidding? Five choreographed dance? I couldn’t so I would just standing in for a sec that I think my boss would have a bad time if if you asked me to our side what 1718 so I really hated it. And I was like myself extreme whatever that I managed to, you know, do that was like back on the floor. So I was so mad. I decided that I’m going to be the best dancer that I could possibly be. And I went for a cereal like dance lessons from all the different schools in Singapore, whatever classes that are famous for. And then somehow along the way, I actually fell in love with dancing. And then and then when I’m dancing, I mean that state, that flow state that you mentioned, they will in the zone, when I’m dancing, I feel safe. I’m like, in my own space in this bliss state. Nothing can hurt me, nothing can harm me. I’m not in pain. When I’m dancing. I’m in bliss. I found joy, like literally. So that was my first experience of being in the zone. And it became very addictive. Well, at least addictive enough that actually started my pole dancing studio in Singapore. So it was such a journey.
David Ralph [26:42]
Well, let’s play some words that really emphasise that these were said a couple of years ago by Jim Carrey, we’re going to hear him again He is
Unknown Speaker [26:48]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant and when I was 12 years old, He was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [27:15]
Now, that is what you’ve been doing for your whole life, isn’t it? The fact that you started becoming a model, you started becoming a dancer, you took a chance on doing something that you loved, it’s very brave to do that, isn’t it? But once it hits, you realise that actually, the cowardice is holding yourself back, isn’t it?
Joy Leng [27:37]
I think what is saved you know, it’s a myth. It’s an illusion is no such thing as say what what exactly the safe means. So I think I have nothing to lose. The reality is if you go out there you pursue your passion. What do you have to lose? You have to follow your heart. What What is that song in your heart? You have to sing it you have to dance it because you have to come alive. When you come alive, people can connect with you. And then before you know it, it’s like the law of attraction. And then I’m a true believer that if you go out there, you put yourself out there and you follow your heart. And of course, you have to work hard on it. Things is not going to just magically appear just because you declare it, after declaring you have to put a focus and decisive action on it, then you’re just going to attract things. You’re just going to be alert to opportunities, people are going to come to you you’re going to stand in for someone, things will just happen. We have so many of such stories so many times, right, but you have to first take that leap of faith, you have to plunge into the duck knowing that you will not be duck forever. But you have to take the first Blanche.
David Ralph [28:42]
I like that idea of having a song in your heart when you were saying about I think there’s two songs that I would have in my heart. The first one would be Don’t stop me now. I’m having such a good time. I’m having a bow. I think that is that is some sort of my ampere really, and I think the other one is My way by Frank Sinatra, I did it my way. Because it is it’s just if you don’t follow the path and you just go for what’s in your heart in a way you can’t be wrong, can you you can’t you can’t stumble and I think the problem is what most people do they try to follow other people’s paths and they look at what other people are doing, where I just like to do it my own way and I like to do things you know, just because it feels right in my in my gut. And I think that God is a big indicator, isn’t it of where we should be going in life?
Joy Leng [29:33]
For sure, um, yeah, God, you know, instinct thing, whatever you call it, it’s just this voice that will whisper to you, but you have to kind of quiet down and you know, shut down noise. There’s always so much noise around it. Other people’s opinion what the news is saying, or the you know, media is saying but you have to kind of find a way to shut it, block it and go inside go within and what is that voicing the It’s always whispering it’s not loud. So you have to find a way to quiet down and calm yourself down. And listen, it’s always there. It’s just it’s whispering. So you have to listen carefully. But you know, it is a part of who you are. It’s like that’s your seat or greatest talking to you or other whispering to you, you have to listen.
David Ralph [30:20]
I’ve got some good words on that as well. You’re bringing them all out today. This is the cheese Oprah we got to listen to Oprah issues. The way
Oprah Winfrey [30:27]
through the challenge is to get still and ask yourself, what is the next right move? not think about, Oh, I got all of this stuff. But what is the next right move. And then from that space, make the next right move, and the next right move and not to be overwhelmed by it because you know, your life is bigger than that one moment. You know, you’re not defined by what somebody says is a failure for you. Because failure is just there to point you in a different direction.
David Ralph [30:59]
Now, either Find those words. so comforting because I know in entrepreneurial world, people will look at you at what you’ve achieved. And they will go, Oh, you’re so successful, you’ve got this, you’ve got that everything’s great in your life. But I in my head, look at what I need to do, because my vision is bigger than what the world can see at the moment. And so I look at it and think, Oh, I need to do this. And I need to do that. And I do sometimes deal with that overwhelm. Oh, God, I’ve got so much to do. I’ve got to, you know, reinvent the website, and I’ve got to do this landing page, and I’ve got to do this coaching and I’ve got this, but just do the next right thing. And more often than not, you know what that is, don’t you joy?
Joy Leng [31:39]
Mm hmm. Yeah, I think we all get overwhelmed every day. The To Do list is so long. And the reality is, we’re not even realistic. If you would admit it, of how to do lists. It is not realistic, you kind of finish in 24 hours, right, given that you need time, for your relationship and time for other things time to rest. So I think it is just to focus and maybe pick the top three for the day focus, make sure the top three gets done. The rest, you know, do your best if you can, it’s okay, whether you finish it or not guess what, it is a great day, isn’t it? And tomorrow is another great day you can finish the list, or you can reevaluate your list, maybe some of the things that are not really that important. And you know, maybe you should delegate it or whatever. So, I think it’s important to come down time out and focus on the moment now as well and not just get so absorbed with the future, or the future is great. But what you have is now and the only moment you have is now now is the present.
David Ralph [32:40]
So what was your sort of life as a little girl, like, Where did you actually grow up? Because I know we sort of connected the other day and you said I was in New York, and you were just coming back to Singapore. So you obviously travel around a lot. What was it like as a very small girl.
Joy Leng [32:57]
Um, as a young child, I’m big Mostly in Singapore. And even if I travel, it would just be in nearby countries. I think like Thailand and Malaysia, that’s all I don’t really travel that much. When I was a child.
David Ralph [33:13]
I went to Singapore a couple of times I have never sweated as much as I did in Singapore. It was literally dripping off me. Algae put up with that. Every morning you wake up and you think, almost, oh, I don’t want to go outside because I mean air conditioning here. As soon as you step outside, it’s like a waterfall.
Joy Leng [33:33]
Trust me, I I still don’t get used to it every day. I just got back today. And I’m like, wow, here we go. Again. You know, it’s just it’s impossible the weather here. So I tried to hide indoors. You know, so I, because you can shower, walk out the door. By the time you walk out of the front door, you’re already searching and then all you want to do is go back and take another shower. You have even gone out and do whatever you’re supposed to do. So the In Singapore is impossible but if you put the weather one side everything else is great.
David Ralph [34:06]
And what is it about your life that really makes you connect with Singapore? Because you’ve got a business now that is global? Yeah, you’re through online, you can travel, why are you staying there and not going to have you know, wherever you can.
Joy Leng [34:23]
And frankly, the idea is very appealing because I don’t really consider myself your typical conventional Singaporean goal. But having said that, I am born here I am breed here, my, my family is here. At the end of the day, this is where my heart is. So I think I would like to travel and you know, move around because I think it is such a big world. And travelling helps me not to be small minded to know that there’s so many different kinds of people and it says, different cultures, different ways of doing things, different perspective. And I like that a lot. And I like that that constant reminder. So I kind of like to strike a balance. But at the end, I am coming home and Singapore is my home.
David Ralph [35:08]
I like the idea of actually taking Join Up Dots wherever. Now I’ve got some young kids and they’re going through school at the moment. So people say to me, oh, take him out of school and travel the world with them, but I kind of like them to have stability and their friends around them. And so I’m very much at once they move through school, then Join Up Dots is going to travel the world but I’ve got this kind of little image joy, which is a bit weird. I’ve got a recording studio and it’s all very set up. I like the idea of creating the same room in different places around the world. So I would like to have like maybe three properties around the world but I could go to but when I go into my recording studio, it looks exactly the same a little bit weird, really, I don’t know why I want that. But it gives me that kind of stability of of what I’m achieving and what I want to achieve that it seems the same is that kind of mad or Can you sort of understand that?
Joy Leng [36:02]
Oh, definitely what you’re looking at is you well, would you agree that your setup your little studio is a sacred space? And it’s also has a very symbolic purpose for you.
David Ralph [36:16]
Yeah, I agree with that. Totally. Nobody comes in here except for me. It’s totally locked away. It’s at the back of the garden. My kids don’t come in very rarely no one comes in. It’s just the space. I come. And I do my stuff. And when I’m here, it does feel the centre of the world. It really does.
Joy Leng [36:34]
Yeah, that that’s a very powerful feeling, isn’t it?
David Ralph [36:37]
Oh, it is. Yeah, absolutely. To be able to speak to people like yourself, and then an hour later, I’ve got some guy who’s getting up at all at one o’clock in the morning to speak to me from Canada, and then something else, and I do. I come here and I’ve never thought about this until he just said, I do feel like it is where anything is possible. It’s the home that dreams can occur. And will occur. And so I like the thought that it looks exactly the same that that sort of branding and if you look at Join Up Dots, Join Up Dots the logo is a world and the actual idea of it not just with my coaching, and with the platform, it’s a case of joining up the dots and each one of us is a dot. And I like the idea of being able to build something that is such a global entity, that literally we’re all holding hands around the world supporting each other in their dreams and I feel that this is the place This is the middle.of everything
Joy Leng [37:36]
it was just it is so beautiful. David I can almost feel like the choir children singing behind me.
David Ralph [37:43]
Don’t you sing you sing? I’ve already sung you joy.
Joy Leng [37:48]
What am I supposed to say? I mean, like I can almost visualise the choir of children singing behind me you know, like a to accompany what you’ve just said. It’s such a you you painted so beautiful picture like people all over the world every.is a person and is joined because of your passion and because of Join Up Dots because of what you do. That’s incredible. That’s an incredible vision.
David Ralph [38:13]
I don’t know, I’m gonna tell you because I wasn’t gonna be speaking about this because we’re going to be sort of relaunching it. But as I sort of mentioned earlier, we’ve got this coaching group called dream starters Academy. And I realised through doing it that the hardest thing that people have, is actually getting started actually believing in themselves. So what we’re doing, we’re creating this platform, which I’m developing at the moment, but we’re going to get people into it, and take them through a course to find their thing. And then we’re going to work with them on actually building a business within whatever environment they want to do. And we’ve got people in there about our coaches, we’ve got guitar teachers, we’ve got a kitchen designer, we’ve got a musical artist, we’ve got loads of different sort of people, but what I want to do is get so many people in there that we can find all the musicians and grouped them into their own little dots, and then all the coaches and put them into their own. So you’re not just being surrounded by people that are, that’s not an eclectic mix, you’re actually finding your tribe within that. And then we can then develop your skills even quicker, because you’re only dealing with people that have your passions, your desires. And I think that’s going to be a really powerful way of building momentum. Once you’ve enjoyed
Joy Leng [39:31]
that, it sounds very empowering, and you’re going to help so many people this is it sounds like a very good strategy.
David Ralph [39:38]
I think it’s better than that joy, I think is the best strategy that’s ever come into my mind. because it keeps them coming back to me. It keeps them coming back every single day. I can’t shake it. So I know that I’ve got to push it out to the world. And is that another way that people need to sort of connect with themselves when they’re sitting on the bus, when they’re at their work? What they end up thinking about to monitor those sports and if they find that they’re constantly thinking about travel, or they’re thinking about having children or they’re thinking about whatever, but it’s a good indication of where their life should be going not, but it may not go there, but they should take the steps to actually get there.
Joy Leng [40:20]
Yes, for sure I have experiences before like that where something just keep coming back to you just can shake it off. It could be a picture something someone said, it could even be a billboard you saw and the words just haunted you or movie could be anything and you just keep coming back and you have no clue why there is no reason for it to keep coming back to your mind. That’s one of the that was actually how for our children started because I saw a picture of this two little girls, they were holding hand. They were naked. They were on the street of Cambodia. They were very dirty. They had no shoes. They look very hungry and I told myself there is something very wrong with this picture. And then for days and weeks, I was going crazy because this picture just refused to get out of my head and I was desperate to exercise this picture. And then I realised the only way was to do something I didn’t know what to do. So I just, you know, I was selling my modelling Kolenda, then I’m like, okay, fine, you know, this is what I have now. So I’ll use this. And then one thing leads to another. And before I know it, I started a team for children. And what turned out to be a two years project now I’ve decided no, this is it. This has become who I am very comfortable with it. And he has changed me as transformed me. And this is this is to stay. I’m going to do this for as long as I can. So because of a picture of David, a picture that I just randomly saw on Facebook.
David Ralph [41:47]
Yeah, but I could argue the same thing. I had a speech put in front of me that Steve Jobs said which we’re going to play in a moment. And that has changed my life as well. It doesn’t have to be you know, choirs of angels does. He just has to be somebody But that makes you feel something. And if you realise when but it’s that’s your mission, that’s your gift or whatever, you you have to go forward with it, don’t you?
Joy Leng [42:11]
Yeah. And I guarantee you, most of the time you have no clue what to do, then just go with the first idea that makes somewhat sense. Do you just go with it? You don’t need to see the whole flight of stairs, you just need to see the first one. When you’re done. The next one will appear in front of you. So just to have that blind faith, but you know what it works?
David Ralph [42:31]
Absolutely. And wake up every morning and go, don’t stop me. Now. I’m having such a good time. That’s the way to get going. Well, what we’re going to do now we’re going to play the words that we’ve just been talking about. And these are the words that Steve Jobs said back in 2005. hugely powerful, and I feel ready to listen to him again. Here is Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [42:51]
Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college, but it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [43:26]
They are good words aren’t my joy.
Joy Leng [43:29]
Absolutely. I can I can understand why you you would play this every single time you know, you just can’t get tired or something like that.
David Ralph [43:38]
When you look back on your life and I love asking this question, where’s the big dot but really has started pulling everything together. I think everyone in their life now that has achieved success has a dot where they can go Yeah, I think that was it. That was the moment. What about yourself?
Joy Leng [43:55]
I think my big dog would be the first When I was, you know, 1516 and I decided, hey, you know, I have to start living like this, I have to do something and then we end up bottling. So that is one giant thick dog for me. And I think my life changed from then forward. I mean, I can’t I cannot imagine whether this big dot where where would I be today?
David Ralph [44:22]
Did you? Did you have a belief over your real big.is coming up? Because I do, I can look back and go Yeah, that was my big dot that was when things started to move in the direction. But I now have this belief that now that I think actually that was just the little dot the big.is gonna be somewhere in the future.
Joy Leng [44:41]
I would like to believe that there is always bigger dots to come.
David Ralph [44:46]
Make it so they enjoy make a duck. Just say I would like to believe just say to me, yes, David. Bloody right. There’s going to be huge, great big dots all over the place. Go on. You say I’ve given you the words.
Joy Leng [45:00]
Okay, so I will have bigger dots to come and just let my name J. Oh, why Oh, make it a dot? Big doc? Absolutely.
David Ralph [45:10]
That’s it. That’s a good branding actually, isn’t it? Yeah, joy, joy to the world, and joy to all podcasters. That’s what you brought to us. And that means that we are at the point of the show now. But literally, we will touch in on the joy that you’ve had in your life. This is a sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young boy, what age would you choose and what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the music, and when it fades, you’re up. This is the Sermon on the mic
Unknown Speaker [45:49]
with the best bit of the show,
Unknown Speaker [45:56]
Joy Leng [46:06]
This is for joy at 15 years of age. Dr. Joy, I know that you’re feeling hurt right now. It has been many years now living with the confusion and the pain. I also know how much you desire for things to change. I applaud you for the bravery that you demonstrated by working on your self esteem, because of that strength that you displayed. I am who I am today. For this. I thank you. I request that you also work on yourself, compassion, and love who you are above and beyond what you achieve. For you must know that you are precious beyond measure. You possess some powerful instincts. That was why we initiate and persist in healing yourself. And you succeeded beyond my wildest imagination. So I ask that you extend those instincts, especially towards people that you surround yourself with. Make sure that they are always in alignment with who you are and your values. Lastly, know that you can do no wrong. So for God’s sake, lighten up a little more, dance a whole lot more and know that it’s all going to be okay. I promise. So go ahead, lighten up and lean into your joy always.
David Ralph [47:31]
Joy what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Joy Leng [47:36]
My website joylynn calm G or y l e n g calm
David Ralph [47:41]
and I know that you’ve got a free gift for all our listeners.
Joy Leng [47:45]
Yes, I do it so I have a self compassion Seven Days Challenge. You can go to my website go to the right hand corner there is this column called free empowerment tools. Click on self compassion seven Today’s challenge,
David Ralph [48:01]
brilliant. And I hope everyone takes the challenge and comes back and tells us how it’s changed their life. Joy. Thank you so much for spending time with us today joining up those dots. Please come back again when you have more dots to join up, because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Joy Lang, thank you so much.
Joy Leng [48:20]
Thank you, David. Thank you for having me.
David Ralph [48:26]
So how many of you are scared at doing something? How many of you sit there thinking, Oh, it’s not going to work? You imagine that she’s shy, she’s timid. But she starts becoming a model and a dancer and pushing yourself out there, even though it was torturous every single day. She hated doing it. But there was something in her butt pushed around. And that’s what it’s all about. You know, doing a show like this is very easy now. But at the beginning, it wasn’t it was really, really difficult. having the courage and the commitment to actually record and put it out to the world. It’s scary time. But believe me everything He’s on the other side of scary. And if you haven’t grasped that after nearly 600 episodes of Join Up Dots, then you never will. If you need any help with anything, please connect with us. We’re doing great stuff now. We’ve got a whole platform that is rocking and rolling is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And believe me, it’s a way that you can take your life to anywhere you want. love being on the show. Thank you so much for listening, and we will speak to you again. Cheers, bye, my
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you or wants to become. So he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.