Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview with Alissa Daire Nelson
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Introducing Alissa Daire Nelson
Alissa Daire Nelson is my guest today, on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview.
She is a lady who you might mistake for Superwoman and if you do, you won’t be alone.
She is regularly featured on television news segments, inside major blogs and publications, & on podcasts from all over the globe.
She’s an accomplished Success Coach, Speaker, host of the Maximize Your Strengths podcast, as well as published Author of the hot new book; From Frustrated to Frickin’ Awesome: 4 Steps to Achieve the Success You’re Wired For.
But more than anything else she’s an exceedingly proud wife and mother of two, who loves helping others discover how to make their businesses and relationships thrive in harmony.
But this was as far from her starting point as you can possibly imagine.
How The Dots Stated Joining Up For Alissa
Graduating from St Catherine University with a post baccalaureate certificate in Nursing, she entered into the medical profession as a Clinical Dietitian and Registered Nurse before a four year stint as a beauty consultant for Mary Kay
So from my viewpoint, she has always had a nurturing side to her character, wanting people to look and feel as good as they can right from the outset.
And so you can see that where she is now, is as far away as she could be, but also very similar in concept, she has found a way to maximise her strengths, provide more value to the world and enjoy herself in the process.
As she says “While I’ve always been interested in self-development, in the last 9 years, I dove into investment in my training, self-improvement, and coaching. In addition to classroom style learning, I’ve gained valuable knowledge from seminars, home-coaching programs, group-coaching programs, one-on-one coaching relationships, books, self-study, and real-life successes and failures. My clients benefit from all of that education and experience wrapped into one business coach!”
So people you find what you want to do naturally, your unique strength, up-skill yourself and then solve the problems of others in that area.
Seems simple doesn’t it?
So if this is the blueprint for success, why do so many people struggle with finding their way through the pain and scarcity to make a success of their lives?
And when was the moment when she sat bolt upright in bed and screamed “Erueeerka I know what I should be doing in my life!!”
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Alissa Daire Nelson
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Alissa Daire Nelson such as:
How getting to know yourself is so vitally important if you ever want to be the greatest version of yourself that you can possibly be.
Why Alissa feels that there is always another devil in another level and it doesnt matter where you are on the journey there are scary times ahead.
Why masterminds are so uber powerful and an extremely cost effective way to keep you on track and focused on the right results.
Why stability in ones life is so familiar and comfortable, and why all entrepreneurs have moments of thinking “Wouldn’t it be easier just to get a job?”
Books By Alissa
How To Connect With Alissa Daire Nelson
If you were inspired by the conversation with Alissa Daire Nelson, then why not check out other motivational and fun conversations with Sue Stockdale, Tayo Rockson and Michael O’Neal to name just three.
Every other episode to enjoy and consume can be found at Join Up Dots Podcast Archives
Audio Transcription Of Alissa Daire Nelson Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph
David Ralph [0:25]
Yes. Good morning, everybody in join up dots land. Thank you for being here. Thank you, because you’ve focused me You’ve focused my mind to become professional because the lady I’ve got on the show, she has a way of taking me off track and making me chat and gossip and do all the kind of things that I’m not renowned for. But the last time that we were supposed to record, she, she basically screwed up, she screwed up, and she had somebody more important lined up than myself, but I was relaxed, I was chilled. And I said, oh, let’s just chat for half hour. And basically, we’ve just done the same thing for about another 20 minutes. So I’m on it. Now I’m going to record this episode of join up dots because she is a lady who we’ve got to have on the show because you might mistake the Superwoman and if you do, you won’t be alone. She’s regularly featured on TV news segments inside major blogs and publications and on podcasts from all over the globe. She’s an accomplished success coach, Speaker host of the maximize your strengths podcast, as well as published author of the hot new book from frustrated to frickin awesome four steps to achieve the success you’re wired for. But more than anything else, she’s an exceedingly proud wife and mother of two who loves helping others discover how to make their businesses and relationships thrive in harmony. But this was as far from her starting point as you can possibly imagine graduating from St. Catherine University with a post Degree in Nursing, she entered into the medical profession as a clinical dietitian and registered nurse before a four year stint as a beauty consultant, the Mary Kay. So from my viewpoint, she’s always had a kind of nurturing side to her character wanting people to look and feel good as they can right from the outset. And so you can see that where she is now is as far away as she could be, but also very similar in concept. She’s found a way to maximize her streams, provide more value to the world and enjoy herself in the process. And she says one I’ve always been interested in self development in the last nine years, I dove into investment in my training, self improvement and coaching. In addition to classroom style learning, I’ve gained valuable knowledge from seminars, home coaching programs, group coaching programs, one on one coaching relationships, book, self study and real life successes and failures. My clients benefit from all that education and experience wrapped into one business coach, it’s a people you might find you got something to do naturally your unique strength. How do you do it? Well upscale yourself and then solve the problem of others in that area. Same symbol, doesn’t it? So if this is a blueprint for success, why do so many people struggle with finding their way through the pain and scarcity to make a success of their lives? And when was the moment when she sat bolt upright in bed and screamed Eureka. I know what I should be doing in my life. I don’t know why she’s got German accent. But anyway, let’s find out as we bring on to the show to start join up dots with the one and only and lesser Dan Nelson. Good morning to you. How are you?
Alissa Daire Nelson [3:13]
Oh my goodness, what an intro. I am fantastic. How are you?
David Ralph [3:18]
I’m always fantastic. You know that because you you you make me gossip. You make me chat. You make me become less professional. I have thrown down my my cloak of podcasting legend and you’ve seen me naked?
Alissa Daire Nelson [3:31]
I bring out the conversation list in you. He’s in there somewhere. Yeah, you just can’t help it.
David Ralph [3:39]
Well, the way I operate in life is if it’s not being recorded, what’s the point in opening my mouth is Isn’t that how it should be as a podcaster?
Alissa Daire Nelson [3:47]
Completely efficient. I love how you think. So
David Ralph [3:51]
let’s get straight to it. Alyssa last time that you was on the show you you’ve screwed up, you screwed up, you basically had somebody more important than me. And because I was a bit better with podcasting, we just had a chat. But it became evident that you was a real people person from chatting with me, I felt like I’d known you all my life. Is that a real kind of strength? Is that one of your strengths that you bring to the table that ability to sort of connect on such a personal and natural way?
Alissa Daire Nelson [4:18]
Yeah, it I actually it really truly is one of my superpowers. It’s one of those things where I think that a stranger is just a friend that I haven’t met yet. And so and so when I connect with people, you know, that’s, that’s what it feels like, it feels like a couple of old friends just meeting up. And I heard that all my life about, like, I feel like I can open up to you or I feel like I can just tell you anything. And I’m like, well, that’s great. And I thought that that was kind of how everybody felt like, I’m kind of an open book and you’re an open book. So hey, let’s do this. But when I realized that it wasn’t, you know, something, everybody could do that it was unique to me. Suddenly, I could take a little bit more pride in it. And also, you know, honor the person on the other side a little bit differently. Like, Oh, well, thank you for being willing to, you know, enter in to a great conversation with me just right off the bat. So yeah, it is it is actually a superpower. And I’m glad that not everybody has it because it makes my superpowers you know, a little more more unique. And but yeah, everyone’s got their superpower. It’s just about uncovering it.
David Ralph [5:29]
I always think about a stranger is just a stalker that I haven’t met yet. That’s how I kind of operate. Totally different the bed. Burn you when you are so open that do people then throw things back at you. And you think How the hell did they know? Oh, I remember telling them that last time.
Alissa Daire Nelson [5:46]
Yeah, you know what, there has been times where that’s where that’s burnt me a bit. And there’s times where is the other thing that comes along with that is I’m very, very trusting. And and I like to think that I am not gullible. And I’ve had enough life experience now that I can I can sense red flags when they when they come up. No, you know,
David Ralph [6:05]
your car? Again, yeah, no, that’s rubbish. No, no matter this old thing about as you get old, you become more wise, it’s just about you’ve already done certain mistakes, you know, if you replicate those mistakes when you an idiot, but you can’t see red flags, nobody can.
Alissa Daire Nelson [6:24]
There, well, sometimes you really can. And it’s the it’s there’s there’s different things that that copy, like add, that doesn’t quite fit. And so then, you know, I tend to put a little bit of a guard up anyway. But I would rather be trusting and get burned. Occasionally, then to walk around in this state of skepticism. And that has to do with, you know, my positivity and my, the way that I am built. And there’s other people who come much more cautiously I just kind of, you know, come on to the scene, like, hey, here it is, I am I, I really do live my life. It’s an open book, because I think, you know, even the most vulnerable of stories and, and experiences that I’ve had when I share those with other people. You know, there’s there’s power in that, because then sometimes they can actually avoid the mistakes I made. Which if someone else can learn from my painful mistakes, that’s kind of a win, I think
David Ralph [7:20]
it is. And so let’s go from an open book that you are to your book. Now I don’t normally ever sort of promote people’s books on the show, even though they desperately trying to do it. But I’m intrigued by yours because yours is from frustrated, too freaking awesome. four steps to achieve the success you’re wired for only four, because literally every book is 962 steps that you can do at why is it only for how have you managed to get it down to four? Because that’s what everyone wants in it.
Alissa Daire Nelson [7:48]
Right? Right. We want simplicity, that is what we want. So it’s so the four steps, I’ll just I’ll just name them really quickly is one is Know thyself, get to know yourself. And there’s, there’s, you know, several things that are encompass who you are, and why you are not just one of 7 billion, right, but you’re the only you that has ever walked the earth, you know, as far back as human humankind is gone. And that ever will walk the earth because you’re the only one who has the strengths that you have this and that know the superpowers that has the life experiences that has the values and, and the education your head. And so really identifying what is that thing that just makes me so great. But then, you know, that’s where a lot of the woo woo books are just yeah, you know, and you walk away from the book going, Yeah, I’m pretty great. This is wonderful. But it’s not applicable. So. So now the next step is creating a plan that will actually get propel you forward to where you do want to go in your life. So So step two is just create a plan. Step three is implement that plan, right? Pretty simple. And step is reflect on it. So now you’ve done it. What did you now learn about yourself? What did the experiences that you went through? What did they teach you? You know, did you celebrate the successes you had, etc? And then go right back to the beginning and go Okay, so now what does that mean about me?
David Ralph [9:15]
How did you do that in a book? That’s like four pages that that’s how I would do it? How do you spread that out into a book?
Alissa Daire Nelson [9:23]
Well, so I do give people some thought provoking activities that they that they go through in the book, I also give them that provoking questions, you know, especially in the reflect chapter. It’s a whole, it’s a whole chapter of questions. Because when you sit there and you reflect on, okay, so how did the last, you know, month two months ago, you’re like, Oh, no, it just happened. And so to get those, you know, mental juices flowing, I give a lot of questions that you can ask that will start to really enlighten because that
David Ralph [9:58]
we do have out there Did you pad out? Did you look at anything that chapters a bit like let’s throw a few more questions in?
Alissa Daire Nelson [10:06]
No, actually cut some questions out. What I’ve
got finished with this book, I went back and I hired and I had two editors, one who could, who could really adjust things, you know, the way that I’m thinking them, right to actually make them look like words. On paper, that sound like me. And then I had my second editor, I lovingly call him the slasher, and I hired him to cut the the superfluous stuff out of the book. Because we’ve all read books that are like still droning on like, why am I still reading this book? Yeah. And I know
David Ralph [10:44]
you’re not precious to have a like a book circumcise, I come in, and snip snip, snip the bits off. I’d be I’d be really protective.
Alissa Daire Nelson [10:52]
Yeah, there was like 25% of the book that was actually removed after after his work.
David Ralph [11:00]
Did you know what I’m feeling? I’m feeling a director’s cut. Just bang it out as a special edition, put it all back in.
Alissa Daire Nelson [11:08]
It just seems like so much extra words now.
David Ralph [11:12]
Yeah, well, as he was talking, I thought just popped into my head. And as he was saying, at the very beginning, the key is getting to know yourself, the greatest version of yourself, how understanding who you are at your essence. Now, I was watching YouTube last night. And I’ve got a little bit of a thing for Katy Perry, not so much now that she’s got all her hair off. And she looks a bit strange, but beforehand, and she has done this being over the last four days where she’s gone into a kind of big brother kind of celebrity house. Have you seen this on the internet, where she’s just lived? And they filmed her sleeping and eating and other than going to the toilet and sharing her life is go out there? And I was thinking to myself, this is a bit weird. Why are you doing this. And one of the things that she’s trying to do, she’s trying to reconnect with real self and not the Katy Perry character, which he kind of almost hates now. She wants to connect with the real, the real essence, Kate Hudson, as she was. And you see her doing therapy, and she’s crying all the way through this therapy, because she realizes that she’s got this persona that the world wants, but she doesn’t actually want she wants to give them herself. But they don’t want that. But you want this other bit? How would you give advice if Katy Perry come through to you, and you’re saying, but you gotta really know yourself and be real self and your strengths and success? This kind of fantasy image she’s created is the strengths. How does she balance that up?
Alissa Daire Nelson [12:40]
Yeah, I you know, hearing that makes my heart hurt, because her story is so similar to just about everybody’s story at some point or another because we all want to be accepted, that’s a human, that’s a human primal need, right is to be accepted by that by the traffic. And so we work really hard to make sure that everybody likes us, because it used to be important for survival, right? So all of that makes a lot of sense. The problem is that, then we start to do everything they want us to do and live the life they want us to live. And we forget about our own. And that’s why we have all of these, you know, major issues with you know, we see it mainly in Hollywood and all of that, because we’ve got the paparazzi and whatever, these people who have made tons of money, and by all you know, the worldly measures are, are wildly successful, and yet they’re completely miserable. And, you know, the biggest reason for that is they’re not, they’re not authentically them, they’re not living out what’s inside of them. So, you know, you think about you think about Clark Kent, right now you’re a superman fan.
David Ralph [13:52]
I have known to be Yeah, I do. He’s a bit boring. Actually, Superman, isn’t he?
Alissa Daire Nelson [13:58]
He is a little bit but like, you know, remember, like the original Superman how he would, you know, Clark Kent would walk around and he’d kind of do his thing. And he was a reporter, and it was fine. He was getting through the day. But then he walked into that phone booth. And he came out, and he was a completely different person. Right? So so we all have that Superman inside of us. But the problem is, we walk around as Clark Kent all the time. Now, what would have happened if Clark Kent had never had never let his Superman out? Right. I mean, you know, and obviously, that’s, you know, kind of an extreme example, but this is why we love superhero movies, because it’s like, oh, this person who, you know, had this special thing, and look at the amazing, you know, good that they did in the world. And also, you know, super villains are the same way. They just had a different value system.
David Ralph [14:50]
But no, I don’t love superhero films. I find berms kind of depressing because they’ve never got any friends. And they have to sort of hang around in alleyways a lot dodging people, they never get laid delay. You never see anyone it’s a real Robbie still alive being a superhero.
Alissa Daire Nelson [15:08]
It can be it can be, but then you look at like, like x men. And you look at I just recently saw Guardians of the Galaxy. The second one with my kids. And, you know, we laughed all the way through because here you’ve got this, you know, chris chris Pratts character is this, you know, kind of rebel, he seems like he’s just a just a, you know, grown up kid. And he’s got all these, you know, character flaws. And he is a little bit awkward, and you know, all of these things. But here’s the crazy thing is that deep inside, he’s got this super, super hero quality to him. Right? That he’s like, Oh, my goodness. And when he discovered it, like it changed everything. Right. And so, you know, while while No, of course, you know, we don’t want to live in the shadows, right. And this is, this is how Superman ended up having to live until he was finally outed. But but but here’s the thing is that what if we actually lived out our superhero powers? And why live these two different lives? And this is exactly what Katy Perry is struggling with, as well. Right? So she’s, she’s trying to find herself and, and yet she’s trying to balance it with but but this is how I’ve made my livelihood, Can I, can I be myself and still do that? Or two people only like me for that alternate, alternate persona. And so what a struggle, right? Because she doesn’t want to be ousted from the tribe. And so it does take courage to really figure out what are my What are my superheroes a super superpowers? And how can I live those out, but it is possible. And when when you do it, now, you’re going to actually have energy and you’re going to love what you’re doing. And you’re going to connect with people in a in a more authentic and better way, because you’re not trying to pretend all the time, and you’re not trying to, you know, fix all of the things that that are that aren’t strengths anyway, just do with more of what you are great. And, and, you know, then you’re your weaknesses, for lack of a better term, right? They, they become less important. And it’s not that you want to ignore them, right? Because, you know, if, if you have a weakness, it could potentially kill you. Right? Like, there could be a kink in the armor and, and oh, my gosh, how did I How did I not see this? So it’s not that you totally ignore those. But you can mitigate your weaknesses in a different way. When you recognize what your strengths are.
David Ralph [17:31]
I don’t have any weaknesses. I don’t know. It’s no, it’s not me, because I don’t, I’m not interested in them. You know, it’s something that I can’t do. And I don’t care. People say to me, oh, why don’t you do this? Why don’t you do that? And I think, because I don’t want to do it. It’s just not part of me. I’ve got to a point now in my life, I only do what I do. That makes me happy. I’ll give you an example. How many times do you get an invite for something? And you go, Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, that’d be good. I fit it into my calendar. And then on the afternoon, last thing I want to do is go to bat tonight. Oh, see me underwear and watch Netflix tonight. I don’t want to go there. And I think a lot of it comes down to energy. And I think there’s certain energies that give back to you and excite you and make you think, yeah, that’s, I really want to go to that tonight, that’s gonna be great, that’s gonna be amazing. And we spend all our time giving our wrong energies away, we’re giving it to people who just suck it and don’t give it back. And we don’t replenish ourselves. And so when it comes to weaknesses, I think there’s too much effort to overcome the weakness. And so I don’t bother with them. I just don’t Yeah, I just don’t do it. And I only do stuff for people that I think, deserve my energy, or, but I’m gonna be excited to do it.
Alissa Daire Nelson [18:46]
Yeah, yeah. And this is why this is why everyone’s jealous of you. Because you made the decision, that you’re just simply not going to do those things. You know, the population I work with, one on one is the solo entrepreneur. And so they’re like David, you know, that sounds great. But, you know, I still like I have all of these tasks that I have to do for my business to actually run and function. So now what I can’t just ignore them or just not do them. So
David Ralph [19:15]
you can you can ignore. And I’ll tell you what this goes out to all the listeners and all to your clients, anyone listening, that is not one part of your business that you can not ignore, other than the key super strength territory that you have to bring in. For example, I cannot ignore doing a podcast I couldn’t handle Well, I suppose I could have another host doing it. But this is my thing. My whole business is built around me talking to you on here. But everything else I can ignore. And more often than not, it doesn’t make any difference. You think that you’ve got to be doing these tweets and this and that you’re going to be doing if you focus in on what people like more than anything, man, a lot of the stuff that you think that you should be doing? Doesn’t matter. So I’m I would say to all your clients, I would say literally every single part of your business, except the core super talent you can ignore.
Alissa Daire Nelson [20:07]
Right, right. Or outsource. Yeah, or outsource. And that’s all it is. You don’t have to you. Yeah, people don’t want to outsource stuff, right? So because they want to, they want to they want to sort of micromanage it. And so that that’s a growth process in and of itself, to be able to let go of those things. And yeah, tweeting as not not my jam, it’s not my thing. So I do I like that. I think I tweet maybe once a week or so. That’s
David Ralph [20:36]
why once you do that once a week, there’s no point. I know, I know,
Alissa Daire Nelson [20:39]
only I check it occasionally. And then I’m like, Oh, well, I’ll I’ll respond to this person. Because I’d like to engage with people. That’s fun for me. But Twitter in and of itself isn’t isn’t a you know, soundbite conversations aren’t really aren’t really something I like. So I much prefer engaging on Facebook. That’s, that’s where I like to engage. And so I spend my time there when I am engaging on social media.
David Ralph [21:07]
And that is something that I went when I started join up dots and I talk about this a lot. But at the beginning, the name of Pat Flynn used to be always mentioned, everybody was talking about Pat Flynn all the time, and you don’t really hear his name is much, but you have this thing about, be everywhere. Be everywhere, spread your word in every sort of format. Now I’m seeing a big push to watch people. And this makes total sense to me, building a business around where your people are waiting. So if your people are the kind of people that are on Instagram, that’s where you should be focusing your attention. My people are audio and video, and I’m just starting up. I’ve always been quite into video, but I’ve been reluctant to put it out there because I thought well, I’m a podcaster I don’t want to be on video as well. But now, I realized that that’s a big place that I should be going. So we’re creating join up dots TV, there you go, and bringing us a different aspect into it. But you don’t have to be everywhere anymore. Do you just have to be where your people are congregating?
Alissa Daire Nelson [22:06]
Yeah, yeah. And I think part of Pat’s idea about that. I’ve seen Pat speak a couple times. And he’s in he does speak on, you know, be everywhere. It’s when you create those relationships. And when you really, truly make an impact on somebody’s life, they will be your your evangelist, right? So you beat you get to be everywhere, but it’s not because you’re actually everywhere. And I think that
David Ralph [22:31]
can you do that jump in understanding? Can you do that though? Are you just that diluted version of yourself? If you’re trying to get your message, or word of mouth, so people become evangelists for you? That’s not really being yourself as a
Alissa Daire Nelson [22:48]
no, no it but if it if it turns people on to then coming back to you for your message, then I think it can be effective. Now again, it’s not like it’s not like I would sit down, sit a slew of people down, say, Okay, I want you guys to all go out and talk about me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? But, but when they’re genuinely excited about, you know, their experience with me, they were the results that they got with working with me, and and they go and talk talk about me. Well, that’s fantastic. I’ll take that all day. Because guess what, it doesn’t take any extra energy on my part. You know, and and then, you know, that’s the whole idea of referral marketing, right? But do you do you want to put all your energy into into second tier, third tier, fourth tier, sort of talking or talking points about you? Well, no. But if those if you’re making such an incredible impact that that ripple does carry on. That’s not a bad thing.
David Ralph [23:47]
What a spray some words and minutes, we’re going to jump back into that because I like this report. I like this. Selling by fascinating is Jim Carrey,
Jim Carrey [23:55]
my father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. So he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [24:22]
Now, I would kind of change that now. And I’ve listened to that maybe 300 times now. And I think that you you go not for what you love, because you don’t know what you love. But at least what excites you. And I think that’s the key thing. Now what you is talking about is when you are excited about working with your client and you over deliver, and you’re really in the flow and delivering big time. That’s where it all comes together, isn’t it? That’s where strengths, commitment, professionalism, it all becomes a big power that just excites you. And you can’t help over deliver. Yeah,
Alissa Daire Nelson [24:57]
yeah, exactly. And, yeah, I was talking to someone the other day about whenever I talk about strengths and about bringing people’s best them their, their Superman out, right, I start I start to kind of sweat because I get so excited about their has and about helping them to really see themselves in a different light. You know, and and, you know, the story with Jim Carrey his dad, like, What if he had the courage to actually do you know what he had wanted to do? What would that look like? What would that have looked like for his family. Now, it also, let’s just say this, it also might have looked like total poverty, because he’s maybe he wasn’t that funny. Maybe he wasn’t a great comedian, who really knows, but, but his dad never tried. So you know, you know, some people just have a more cautious approach to their life. And that has to do with, you know, some of their strengths and how that setup. And some people have a more, you know, ambitious and risk taking approach. But but you can still take risk, no matter what, which of those two personalities you are. One is going to be a little bit more calculated and has, you know, maybe some backups, and the other one’s gonna be like, I quit my job yesterday. All right, I’m gonna go figure it out. So you can you can do what you can take risk your way. But don’t just not do.
David Ralph [26:21]
Yeah, do or not do there is no try as Yoda says. And I held back from doing the accent, I always try to do a Yoda impression ever again. And I held back for that moment. So when you look at yourself, because it’s very easy to see you on one side of the fence me on the other side of the fence. And our listeners kind of think they’ve got it sorted. But in entrepreneur land, there’s no sorted, you’re just constantly pushing into the unknown. And even though you go over to the website, and it looks sexy, and all glamorous, and everything seems to be tied up. Still, that’s where the business is, at this moment. The next stage is scary, though. How do you move forward into scary zone? How do you confront your fears? Because, you know, you never get over it? Do you? I’m literally scared every day as I’m doing this.
Alissa Daire Nelson [27:09]
Yeah, yeah, there is is always a new level new devil, that’s one of my one of my favorite favorite says, You never actually arrive, you just get to a new, a new comfort. And so no matter how big your comfort zone is, you know, you can stretch that and then and then be be in that growth zone. So, you know, no, no growth happens in the in the comfort zone and no comfort in the growth zone. That kind of idea. But you know, how do I overcome fear is I have a conversation with it. And that’s crazy. But, you know, sometimes that fear has legitimate concerns. Like, hey, if you take this risk, and, you know, you could you could potentially, you know, not have the money to pay for your mortgage next month, and your children need a place to live. Like, okay, thank you for that concern. What do I need to do in order to make sure my children have a roof over their heads? Right? And you know, versus will if you do this, you might fail? And you can kind of parse apart is this irrational fear that has, you know, that needs action steps behind it? Or is this just a what if fear, you know, is this a worry towards sort of fear. So, if you can sort of separate yourself from that fear for just a little bit and have a conversation with it, because fear, you’re not supposed to stamp out fear, you’re not supposed to get rid of fear, you’re supposed to move with it. Because fear is what keeps us alive. Fear is what keeps us at the age of three from running out into the middle of the street, because our mother told us, if you run on the street, you’re going to, you know, smash like a pancake, and, you know, then they saw a cat on the side of the road, like, oh, that cat ran out in the street. And now, you know, so so that fear is a good thing. And it keeps us alive. However, it also can keep us absolutely frozen. So what type of fear Are you at are you dealing with,
David Ralph [29:01]
because I find fear is easier to deal with, I have a recording studio at the back of the garden, as they say, and I come up here and I locked myself away. And this is where I run join up dots and when I’m up here, I’m all powerful. Nothing can stop me and I make bold decisions. And we’re actually spending thousands on the next stage of join up dots and it’s money that I could use for other stuff. But I just know I want it to sort of be invested back into the business and stuff. And as I’m sitting here talking about it, it’s fine. It’s fine. I don’t mind spending those thousands. And then I’m sitting watching Netflix one evening, and I’m sitting there and then I’m like scaredy cat in the house. It’s like a different person. It’s like, I can deal with anything when I’ve surrounded myself with the environment of creation. But when I’m just David again, and I’m not a podcasting person, I find it very difficult. And I sit there and I sort of struggle, do you have people that you can sort of reach out to and say, Look, I’m really struggling with this, because in you in entrepreneurial and more often than not our closest family don’t understand, really, I understand that mom wants to do something, they understand that dad wants to do something, but I don’t really understand why you want to do it, why you want to be spending thousands and on that when you could be taking a family to Orlando for two weeks, you know, they don’t understand it. Oh, do you have to reach out when the those beers start grabbing you?
Alissa Daire Nelson [30:24]
Yeah, I’m a part of a mastermind group. And we, we meet every other week, and we get together and we, you know, push each other on? Okay, what are you? What are you up to next? And what’s going on? What’s holding you back? And, you know, it’s a it’s a safe place where we can be completely vulnerable? And also get pushed to that next level? And, and have that, you know, sounding board for? What do you guys think like, this is what I’m afraid of, or this is what is holding me back here. You know, this is what happened. So So I think it’s important to have people who are in your space, but that are, you know, better then you let’s say they’re, they’re further along. So kind of a mentoring sort of thing. But also, you know, peers as well that like they’re in that same space. Because, you know, as you mentioned, I come from a healthcare background, so many of my close friends are nurses. And you know, nursing is one of the most stable of all professions. And so my nursing friends, they don’t understand, you know, why I would have ever ventured into entrepreneurship that is not stable, because nursing is so stable, like, why would you ever go there, they don’t get it. So when I am having a, you know, fear about launching a new product or launching a membership site or doing some of these other things, I am not going to go to those gals because they don’t understand where but I am going to go to the people who have either come before me right? Or who have already done what I’m looking to do, or are in the same space. We’re like, yep, I totally get it. So, you know, they say misery like likes company. And that’s not what I’m talking about, like I’m not talking about, and there’s time for that go to the bar and have it have a have a beer and, and commiserate. But I’m talking about people who can talk you off the ledge, who can give you a rational outside perspective, when you can’t have that, that rational conversation with your own fear, because you’re just too far in the weeds. So so a mastermind is what I’m currently doing there. I also have a one on one coach who helps me to get through some of those fears. Because there is, you know, she’s got that outside perspective for me, you know,
David Ralph [32:34]
I do know, I do know, totally. And as he was talking, I was reflecting because I like to do it all myself. I like to just power through. And I gained strength from failure. I like to fail because I feel that I learned more from the failures and the successes and I sort of plow through. But I also had this kind of thing, which I’m going to sort of pose to you as well. But 50% of what I left my corporate gig for I would never go back for about 50% I look back on it. And I think actually it wasn’t too bad. Now there was there was a social aspect, which I don’t have really now. There was a reliability of salary every month, it would turn up, you know, did you look back on the nursing time and actually being Oh, actually, yeah, I could go back I could, I couldn’t moonlight one month on one month off? Oh, is there an absolutely no, go?
Alissa Daire Nelson [33:23]
It’s so funny. I I’ve had that experience. So many times, it’s hard to count. Because, man, that stability and that, you know, the salary and nurses make really good money, I was making really, really good money. Well, maybe I could just work on the weekends. Or maybe I could, and then I think about the reality of that. And I I don’t want to punch a clock. I don’t I don’t want you know, to be dragged into the manager’s office for being for being six minutes late. I don’t. And I don’t want that. And so there are those comforts. And that’s one of those decisions that you have to make what is most important to me, where are my values? What is the thing that will that will give me peace. And for some people, it is, you know, a nursing career for 30 years, because it’s it’s exactly what they thrive on. I don’t try upon that anymore. I could never
David Ralph [34:21]
go back. I could never, ever, ever, and I’m gonna say this to anyone out there, you can offer me a billion pounds to come and work for you. I’m not gonna do it. If you vent tell me that. I’ve got to be at my desk by nine o’clock in the morning. If it’s not gonna happen, I just can’t go back. I think I’ve got a mate. Well, he’s kind of loosely me. He was a big inspiration, a very beginning. And Michael O’Neill, who hosts the soda pioneer hour and one of the lines is job security for the unemployable. And I think that’s brilliant. I think that’s such a good slogan. Because there is a point to you when you know, it would be easier I could get a job, you know, over these kind of things. I would rumba, fit up shelves in a supermarket at midnight. Just earn an extra bit of money, if it meant meant I could invest it back into my business, then getting a proper job. Yeah,
Alissa Daire Nelson [35:12]
yeah, I Yep. Absolutely. And, and that is that is the thing about about entrepreneurs is once you’ve ventured there, all of a sudden, you realize No, this this freedom is really is really what I do want. The irony is that, of course, then we hire a coach that, you know, we don’t want anyone to tell us what to do. And then we hire a coach that helps us to know what to do and tells us what to
David Ralph [35:35]
get over that, because that that’s a big cost. And I know that people look at that and go, especially in the strap line, you know, and the very beginning, when they’re bootstrapping a business, the last thing they want to do is pay for help. When there’s YouTube, they don’t want to do that, like in Google answers. They don’t need to go there and fast track themselves out. Did you sort of overcome that? Because that’s probably the biggest investment that you’ve had in yourself?
Alissa Daire Nelson [35:58]
Yeah, yeah, most definitely. And the reason is, is because what is the outcome going to be? I have watched a million and a half YouTube videos, and, you know, read lots of books and all of that, but the glory comes in the implementation of those things. And sometimes you just don’t know what you don’t know. And you can’t see that in yourself. So, you know, to have that outside perspective. Okay, I’m here right now, in 90 days, I want to be here. I’ve been working on that on that same goal for the last two and a half years, and I can’t get there, I haven’t been able to get there on myself, what is the cost of me not hiring a coach? That is really the bigger question, if this coach can get me to that place in 90 days, then, you know, then the ROI is 100%. There. And the cool thing about self development is that you can take it with you even forward. So it’s not like you just take it you do the 90 days are, you know, six months of whatever the coaching program is, and then it’s done. And you don’t see any more results, the better you are, the more that compounds throughout the rest of your life. So you know, a great coach will will ask you lots and lots of questions about where do you Where do you want to go? What are your goals? What are the things that are holding you back? before they’ll even take you on? Because they want to know, am I am I the coach that can help you through? And to get to that goal? And you know, if the answer is no, they won’t take you on. And that’s a great coach that will that will actually say no to you, right? Because then when the time comes, when you and you are ready for that particular coach, you, you know that that person can actually get you to, to your goals, instead of just saying, oh, you’re willing to pay me fantastic. Let me sell you some snake oil and, and we’ll get started. So you know, there, there are good coaches out there. And they’re, they’re not so great coaches out there. But having that conversation beforehand, instead of just jumping in. And I that’s, that’s something that I’ve learned from my own personal experience, like, Oh, this looks, this looks shiny and bright and amazing. And they’re promising awesome things, jump in and then realize, Oh, that’s not what I needed. Maybe they were a great coach, and just wasn’t what I needed. Or, you know, this person, you know, a selling hope, and unfortunately, not results.
David Ralph [38:24]
I actually do very limited one on one coaching because I make it very, very difficult for somebody to actually get through to me, basically, you know, and that’s, that’s the first obstacle if you can get through to me and actually speak to me one to one, when you’re, you’re halfway there. And I find that is in a remarkable way of sorting the wheat from the chaff, you know, money, the gold, putting obstacles in ways of people I used to, I do a podcasting training coat course, which we’re going to be doing it one month on one month off. And I started to take off all contact details for my coaching people made extreme effort to try to get through to me by going on to this website and that website and stop, you know, and I used to find it fascinating. So I make it very difficult, just so that when the person comes through to me, they really want to sort of deal with me.
Alissa Daire Nelson [39:17]
Because then you know, you’re getting the quality, the qualities that you’re looking for as a as a coach to someone who’s willing to go the extra mile, someone who’s willing to press themselves out of their own comfort zone, someone who’s willing to take responsibility for their own their own actions instead of you know, sitting back and waiting for the you to give them a magic pill.
David Ralph [39:36]
Well, but before we just send you back in time on the seminar, my Of course, we’re going to listen to the words of Steve Jobs but one of the things that bothers so many coaches is when you are setting out a plan, you’re setting out actions for people to work on. And they come back a week later and they go all I watched house of cards for four nights, and I actually haven’t done anything, how would you deal with that when you can see that somebody? You’re you feel like you’re taking their money for no reason you’re, you’re working with them, but they’re not really sort of been following through on their side.
Alissa Daire Nelson [40:09]
So I have had clients that I have, have fired and just said, You know, I this isn’t working. Now it’s not on that first conversation. So you know, they’re they’re in and I just had this conversation with a client who, you know, committed to doing some things and then didn’t get them done and, and and didn’t get them done for like several days. Now, I always co create those those those action items with them, right? They’re the ones that committed to it. It’s not me like it with a with a ruler standing over them. But so the first question I have is, why not? So what bit what barriers? Did you bump up to that? You didn’t want to do that? Because you
David Ralph [40:51]
thought, Well, what what what if I come back with this brain bad as well? And I’m, you know, I’ve got to finish up Breaking Bad.
Alissa Daire Nelson [40:58]
Right? So those are those are diversionary tactics, right? They’re wasting time because they they either don’t know how to move or, or aren’t motivated to so what is the motivation behind not doing what you know, is best for your business? And, and, and completely wasting that right? So what does that self sabotage all about? So I will take the time to get to the base of that. Now, if it’s laziness, that’s the time where I’m, you know, I tell them, Hey, I’m sorry, but this isn’t, this isn’t the right thing, you’re not going to get the results that you want. And you know that that doesn’t work for me in my coaching practice, either. So I have to work in this, as you know what the conversation I had before I ever take them on in the first place is, you know, I work with people who are willing to get outside their comfort zone, take action on what we discover, in the coaching process, so that you can actually reach your goals, if you’re not taking that action you just hired hired me as a well, you know, like, I was supposed to hire coach. And that’s what you thought, well, this isn’t going to work. And that’s the time to fire that client. You know,
David Ralph [42:05]
not gonna play the Steve Jobs speech, because I’m now interested in this part of the conversation. So so they come through to you, and you’re a bit stroppy. And you sort of stand over them with a ruler and you are you are kind of dumb. What How do you say Donna matrix? What is that kind of? What is that word? I’m thinking? Oh,
Alissa Daire Nelson [42:25]
yes, you’re thinking of the word dominate tricks? No, that is not. You know,
David Ralph [42:29]
that word better than me, Alyssa, that’s what I want to know. First of all, you sat a master conversation
Alissa Daire Nelson [42:33]
for a different time.
David Ralph [42:36]
So how do you get them to do that? How do you get them to keep on delivering to you because the motivation does die, doesn’t it? You start off and you go, Oh, this is gonna be brilliant. It’s going to be life changing? And how do you keep that motivation going for your clients?
Alissa Daire Nelson [42:51]
Well, number one, you have to keep the goal of a goal. And so often that gold can fall off or, you know, you hit a hiccup and you go, Oh, well, maybe I can’t write you have these crises of confidence in, in your ability. And I’m speaking as the client, you have your crisis of concept, confidence and your ability to actually reach that goal. And so it is the the coach’s job to bring that right back and say, Hey, remember, this is what you’re working for. And these are all the reasons why now, if you haven’t done that, that work to figure out what is the motivation here? Why is this important? If it’s just a goal, for the sake of a goal? Well, no wonder you’ve fallen off motivation, because there wasn’t any purpose behind it. So So that’s, you know, a key important thing as reviewing, like, Where are you on this goal. And remember, this is the goal. And then you know, not letting them off the hook, when, when crap does come up, because it’s going to week, we all have limiting beliefs, we all have, you know, a certain amount of fear of success and a certain amount of fear of failure, and, you know, all of these other things that around, it’s all in the subconscious, and we, we we can’t necessarily access it all on a. So you know, clients will come back and be like, I have no idea. I honestly have no idea why I didn’t get my action items done. Okay, well, let’s dig in. Right. So. So you co create it, though. So I get shoulder to shoulder with my clients, like I never look at him in the face and, and go, Oh, why? And, you know, wag my finger in their face and go, why didn’t you do this stuff. But it’s like, All right, let’s dig in together, you want the answer to this, I want the answer to this, we’re on the same team here. Let’s get through this together.
David Ralph [44:30]
So it is a real you and them is not you just telling them what to do. And they go out and do it, they really have got your support all the way through. BINGO,
Alissa Daire Nelson [44:38]
BINGO. And that’s and that’s the key with with coaching, the difference between coaching and training, is coaching is all their agenda. It’s all what they want, you’re just going to help them get their training is, you know, you come in and you just tell them, you know, you’re going to do ABC and D go do it. But but it doesn’t necessarily it doesn’t take their into consideration. So you do want to know, whether you’re in training mode or coaching mode. And there are times where I tell clients, you know, hey, look from from, from my experience, and from what you’re going through, this is what you need to do. I’m putting my training hat on now. And I want you to just go do these things. And trust me, and and so that hat will won’t get popped on every now and again. But 90% of the time, I’m in coaching mode, and I always kind of let them know, hey, training what’s going on and but to tell you what to do.
David Ralph [45:32]
Because my definition of training and coaching, I used to be a trainer for years and years, and I’ve been quite a lot of corporate coaching as well is basically training is I’m going to tell you something, and teach you something but you don’t know how to do and coaching, I’m going to get you to be better at what you can already do. And that’s basically it.
Alissa Daire Nelson [45:51]
Yep, exactly. Exactly. Good. I’m good.
David Ralph [45:55]
And I I’m good how I summarized, I’ll tell you what, I actually didn’t bring this episode to an end, I should just keep on going. bringing out these wisdom, these these words that this is what people want from join up dots they don’t want rambling content, they want me to sound professional and knowledgeable.
Alissa Daire Nelson [46:13]
They want that it just depends on if you give them
David Ralph [46:19]
Say Say yes. And you said that last night when the wife went out. So thank you. Thank you for both times, well, this is the partner show where we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Alyssa, what age would you choose? And what advice would you give? Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the theme. And when it fades you up, this is the Sermon on the mic.
Alissa Daire Nelson [47:06]
Okay, I am taking myself back to my 15 year old Alyssa, who is absolutely confident but 100% unsure all at the same time. And the advice that I would give that sweet Sassy Girl is that she’s okay. And not just okay in that moment, but that she is actually perfectly imperfect. And we weren’t meant to be perfectly perfect. So it’s okay to excel at the places that she that she naturally does, and that the failures that she’s experiencing, are not ultimate failures. I was a gymnast growing up, and I was reasonably talented, but I certainly wasn’t sure hugely talented and, and I worked my tail end off and still didn’t find that ultimate success that I was looking for. And I thought that it reflected on my worthiness as a as a human. And it took me lots and lots of years to get over that. And to realize that, that what I do is is not reflective of my of my worth as a as a human, nor is it reflective on my future successes. And so to help that 15 year old girl understand that, you know this, this failure is not an ultimate failure. It’s it’s just a little blip in the road.
David Ralph [48:39]
Right stuff. And what’s the number one best way that our audience who’ve been listening today can connect with you.
Alissa Daire Nelson [48:46]
And you they can go right over to my website. It’s dare to succeed.com it’s da IR e the number to succeed.com and you know David Would it be okay, if I gave your audience a copy a digital copy of my book,
David Ralph [49:05]
you can give them anything you want. And if I get a spanking with that ruler, I think they’re gonna really go for it.
Alissa Daire Nelson [49:11]
Well, I would love to get a digital copy of my book into your hot little hands. Just so you can go through what is this process look like and, and reflect on that. And you know, this is a book that is truly from my heart and I want to share that with your people. So if you go to dare to succeed.com forward slash join up dots it’ll take you right over and you can you can grab a digital version of the book for free right to your inbox. So da IR e the number to succeed.com forward slash join up dots
David Ralph [49:48]
we will have all the links on the show notes. Alyssa, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe about joining up the dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Alyssa, thank you so much.
Alissa Daire Nelson [50:05]
Thank you so much for having me. This was awesome.
David Ralph [50:12]
Nelson, she is a delight. She is absolutely delight and if you could feel the passion coming through, it’s because she’s doing what’s right for her. And she knows it and she’s in that process of building it and developing it but once you know it’s you’re failing, you’re playing to your strengths. You really can’t go wrong. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you might struggle with this or social media aspects you might be struggle with a website, you might struggle with all that kind of stuff. But that can be outsourced. Other people can do that. You just got to do the thing that’s right for you the thing that sort of really lights you up and gets you excited she’s doing that I’m doing there and little by little somebody out there is going to start doing it because I get more and more emails from people that are inspired to go out and do their own thing. And that is what we will be helping you with. On the next remember join up dots we have got a lot of coaching and platforms ready to build that will help you out and it will start you on the right track. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of join up dots and once again, we’ll see you again soon. Cheers say a
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on join up dots.