Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcastiInterview with Mr Ryan Avery
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Introducing Ryan Avery
Todays guest, joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview is Ryan Avery.
He is a man who at the age of 25 took on the world at public speaking and came out top.
Yes, he beat 30,000 people to claim the title of the youngest World Champion of Public Speaking in history.
Contestants came from 116 countries and didn’t stand chance as they were up against our guy.
They should have seen him and not bothered to even unpack their suitcases.
But what made his speech so powerful?
What made it a world beater?
How The Dots Joined Up For Ryan
Well for one Ryan Avery was true to himself, and also spoke about a subject that resonates with the whole world.
He took his grandmother’s advice and created a speech which illustrated that life is limited and why we must push past our fears. Wow he should have called it Join Up Dots
But coming from Humble, Texas a suburb of Houston it was not predestined that he was going to be a world beater.
As he says “I have always felt confident speaking in front of large groups but what I struggle with is making sure I am connecting, engaging and leaving them with something that will make their life better. I don’t just want to speak. I want to connect and leave them with something of value. There are thousands of speakers but very few resonate and connect.”
So lets see how we can all improve our skills at connecting, as we start joining up dots with the one and only Ryan Avery.
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Ryan Avery such as
How he learnt from his parents that if you want something you have to go for it, nobody else will give it to you!
How he believes that he absorbed the hustle muscle from his Mother and Father and as such was destined for the life of an entrepreneur!
The reasons why we should delete the words “Just” and “Only” from all of our vocabularies to start making true progress in our lives!
How there are three types of people in the world “Destined ones, Determined ones and both”
How when he is on stage he makes sure that he believes in himself, he doesn’t care what people think of him, and that he has nothing to lose.
How To Connect With Ryan Avery
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription Of Ryan Avery Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK, David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:26]
Yes, hello, everybody, and welcome to Episode 175 of Join Up Dots. I’m particularly excited about today’s show, and I hope you can hear how excited I am. Because this chap is a busy guy. He is so busy, but he had to cancel me at the last minute last time. But fortunately, he’s a busy professional guy. So he has rescheduled and he’s on the other end of the line today. And he’s a man who is moving and shaking and he is literally flying across the world at a minutes notice he is kinda like an American James Bond to go where people need him most. He’s a guest and he is a man who at the age of 25 took on the world at public speaking and came out top. Yes, he beat 30,000 people to claim the title of the youngest world champion of public speaking in history. Contestants came from 116 countries and didn’t stand a chance as they were up against our guy. They should have seen him and not bother to even unpack their suitcases. But what made the speech so powerful? What made it a world beater? Well, for one, he was true to himself and also spoke about a subject that resonates with the whole world. He took his grandmother’s advice and created a speech which illustrated that life is limited, and why we must push past our fears. Wow, I should have called it Join Up Dots. This is this is kindred spirits here. But coming from humble Texas, a suburb of Houston. It was not predestined that he was going to be a world beater. As he says I’ve always felt competent speaking in front of large groups. But what I struggle with is making sure I’m connecting, engaging, leaving them with something that will make their life better. I don’t just want to speak, I want to connect and leave them with something of value. There are thousands of speakers, but very few resonate and connect. So let’s see how we can all improve our skills at connecting as we start Join Up Dots with the one and only Ryan Avery, how are you, Ryan?
Ryan Avery [2:19]
I’m doing wonderful. Thank you so much for having me today on the show. David, I appreciate it.
David Ralph [2:24]
No, I appreciate you being here because you are busy. You are you went. When was the last time you watch TV.
Ryan Avery [2:31]
I actually watched I am a fan of the Mindy Project. Do y’all have that?
David Ralph [2:37]
No. Never heard of the Mindy Project. TV or something? Is it
Ryan Avery [2:41]
a little bit? Yeah, she’s a comedian. And I got to watch a show on Hulu this weekend. And it was great. So I would say last weekend I got to watch the show is nice.
David Ralph [2:52]
Because I don’t watch Telly at all now. Oh yeah. teli as we say in the soul of the United Kingdom. But But the only thing that I have with watch recently and I keep on having a break and watching it is comedians in cars getting coffee, the Jerry Seinfeld online thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I kind of like that, because it’s like 1520 minutes, and I can go online and I can watch an episode and it feels like you’ve watched an hour and away you go. Because there’s so much dribble on there, isn’t it so much dribble inch on shows that you just really, you beat yourself up a bit, don’t you? If you sit there and you sit waste more than two or three hours watching this stuff?
Ryan Avery [3:26]
Definitely a lot of people don’t I don’t even know if most people know this. But we actually don’t own a TV. We don’t we don’t pay for TV. We don’t have a TV in our own. Don’t you?
David Ralph [3:40]
I’m lost for words. And you know why I’m lost for words. It’s so as you was describing that scene of not having a Telly, I thought to myself, you must have total liberation to how you point your furniture, because everyone’s house points towards the TV. And if there’s no TV, you can just go anywhere you want.
Ryan Avery [4:00]
Yeah, well, we travel a lot. So when we get home, we want to be home and not distracted by TV. And we like to read and we like to hang out together. And we also have our office in our home as well. So if the TV was on, we probably wouldn’t get a lot of work done or you probably wouldn’t be able to relax. So our furniture actually faces out the window that we live on the top floor of a high rise in Portland, Oregon. So we look out the West Hills, and we get the sunset every night. And I like to sit there and read and look out the moon and the sun setting. It’s awesome.
David Ralph [4:33]
romantic scene coming on there. Right. conjuring it up for us. Right, you’ll do just gonna stick with a reading at the moment.
Ryan Avery [4:42]
Right now. Yeah, I tried to read a book a week if I can, and then do the reviews for my blog, or to learn it for my keynotes or my trainings. But I’m trying to read as much as I can. I never lot of people don’t know this too, is I never read a book until I got to college, which is a little embarrassing, but I just never picked up a book. And I now understand the power of reading. So I’m just trying to catch up from all the years I didn’t read.
David Ralph [5:10]
So the show is called Join Up Dots. And we’re going to take you back in time. So the thing humble in Texas, which is a fantastic name. I’ve never heard of it any town called humble. Yeah. What was it there that would inspire a young Ryan? Was there any sort of links to the man we’re speaking to today in the early stage of wine, Avery?
Ryan Avery [5:33]
Well, one thing I am from, it’s actually called humble Texas. And the reason we call it humble Texas and don’t pronounce the age is so that way we know and then foreigners are coming into our town, I know that they aren’t really found in parts.
David Ralph [5:46]
So you you initialise particular model, wouldn’t you?
Ryan Avery [5:48]
Yes. Yes, yes. So everyone, everyone thinks it’s humble. But local people, local folk, we call it humble Texas. And the thing that I would say, from my upbringing would absolutely be my parents, my parents are entrepreneurs through and through, I got to see them starting several businesses and selling several businesses and being successful in their own right. You know, they didn’t go to college, I’m the first person to graduate college in my family. And, you know, they encouraged me to do whatever I wanted. But that wasn’t even something that I had to do. It was something that, you know, that’s what I wanted to do. That’s what I could do. My parents, if I wanted a car, well, I could buy it. If I wanted to go hang out with friends, I had to learn, figure out how to pay for it. So here they were these very successful people, but they never spoiled me with money. They spoiled me with love. And they spoiled me with the conviction that I could go and do whatever I wanted. And if I wanted a car, if I wanted to hang out with my friends, it was up to me to go and get it. So they really instilled those entrepreneurial skills in me. And I’m very thankful for having my mom and dad, as you know, my life mentors and people who I, I wouldn’t be here today without?
David Ralph [7:03]
Well, no, I think that is potentially the greatest gift, you could have been given the fact that absolutely, if you want something, it’s up to you to go and get it.
Ryan Avery [7:13]
Absolutely. I mean, my parents could have bought me a very nice car, they could have paid for my college, my when I told my parents, I wanted to go out of state based four in the United States, there is an in state tuition, or there’s an out of state tuition. So if you don’t go to the school that you are in, in that state, it’s like three times the amount of money. Well, they said, you know, we’re going to pay for the in state tuition forever You go and if you want to go to another state, you have to pay for the out of state. So that’s what I did. I wanted to go to Colorado and it just really taught me that in life you can you are in charge ultimately, of whatever it is that you want. So it’s not I can’t afford that. It’s how can I afford that? You know, it’s that Rich Dad Poor Dad mentality. And they instil that into me in an early age. I’m very, very thankful for it. Being honest. Right? And it’s just you and me. No one’s listening, right? It’s just you.
David Ralph [8:05]
Although you say that now that is the greatest gift. And I agree with you what’s best sometimes when you went out for God’s sake, Mom and Dad, give me a break, just help me out. And or even at those times, did you go, you’re giving me a gift.
Ryan Avery [8:21]
Truthfully, to be honest, I never, if you asked my sister, she might have said something different. But for me, my parents never. So they never just let me, let me do it by myself. So if I wanted something, we could talk it out. And we could, they would process it with me, they would never just throw me in the deep end, and let me sink, they would throw me in the deep end and teach me how to swim because they’d be right there with me. So I saw my parents, I mean, they would lose significant amounts of money, or they would gain significant amounts of money. And they would travel and they would do it things that I wanted to do. And they were just constantly reminding me because my parents grew up very poor. So my mom, she ate mayonnaise sandwiches, and my dad grew up on a farm. And I got to learn from their family, how they were raised, and where they came from, to where they are where they are now. And my parents are in their 50s. And they’re retired on the beach. So I saw firsthand what they could do. And I don’t think so, truthfully, that I ever was like, man, I can’t believe you’re not giving me this. I was always seeing my parents as Hey, if they can do it, I can do it. And I can do even better, because I’ve got this thing called the internet and cell phone. So truthfully, no, I don’t think so. I don’t think so.
David Ralph [9:43]
Well, you heard that Mrs. Avery, can I just bring you into the show now? Wouldn’t it be brilliant? If I if I had her waiting?
Ryan Avery [9:51]
That would be amazing. That would be fantastic.
David Ralph [9:53]
Right? Right. What about that time in the kitchen? When you were stamping your feet?
Ryan Avery [9:59]
You know what I’ll do? I will I’ll email my mom and dad after this show. And I’ll ask them if I did anything? And if so I’ll shoot you an email. So you can add it in the show notes? Absolutely, absolutely. We’re getting a world exclusive from Ryan a barrel. down right now after this, I’m going to call my mom,
David Ralph [10:17]
how many other podcasts get world exclusive. That’s why you come to this show, guys, this is what we’re going to do delivering gold to you. So talking about your mom and dad, because I’m fascinated because the old adage that you are the sort of the average of the five people you surround yourself with, it seems to me that the entrepreneurial spirit is not so much taught. It’s kind of absorbed somehow. And the people that are surrounded by mums and dads who had the hustle muscle and actually flex it on a daily basis are pre destined really to go that route as as somebody who sees it that going to an office every single day and being an employee. Did you think that is true? Do you think Matt in your environment, you were naturally absorbing their their hustle muscle?
Ryan Avery [11:09]
For sure, without a doubt? I mean, really, I remember when I was six years old, and my parents would talk to me about them having to let people go, are them having to make tough decisions or us having to cut back on things because they’re trying to grow their business or that I mean, absolutely. I think what’s so good about my parents, and what I’d love to see more, especially here in the United States is I truthfully think it’s nobody’s fault, but the parents fault that it ultimately comes down to parents. And if parents did a better job of explaining things to their children and doing a good job of teaching their children how to communicate and how to do business and how to work with people. We would observe absorb it more. And I think without a doubt, I observed it from my parents. Yeah, I just I got to see them in action every single day. I mean, I grew up in their stores, and really being six years old. And they put me to work where I had to fold boxes for hours and hours and hours and hours at a time because that’s once I was starting to be able to work and full boxes I was in the store was working. I agree
David Ralph [12:12]
with you, I would say 50% You’re right. And to be honest villain, as it’s my show, you have to agree with me this is this is the way I’ve gotten a power. I think the other 50% who are to blame, I think it’s the education system. And I think that it’s built as a conveyor belt to provide people for industry. And I’ve got this phrase and I talked about this a lot, because one of the sort of passions that I didn’t realise I had until I started doing this show. But I think that education should be mixed up with inspiration. And it’s not. Occasionally you get a teacher that is more inspiration and education. And you go, that’s amazing. I love that teacher, because it made you feel good. And I think now, I think that’s the blame as well. I think the education system is fundamentally flawed. So these people who are out there, and they’ve got moms and dads were basically sort of zombies just going to work coming back going to work because they don’t know anything better. And then they’re stuck through an uninspiring education system. It’s not surprising that so many people out there going to pass but aren’t naturally aligned to their natural talents, is it?
Ryan Avery [13:24]
Yeah, absolutely. And Okay, so then now I will say, I believe you’re 50%. Right and 50%. wrong on that one, because I agree with you there. But you have to agree with me, because I’m the guest of your show.
David Ralph [13:37]
I like did
Ryan Avery [13:38]
you turn? Yes, because I think it is part of the educational system. And I think you do need some inspiration. But truthfully, what it is, is in our education system, we’re not taught real world issues. Think about if we had classes on how to deal with conflict or communication, how to stay out of debt and manage money, what it takes to run a proper business and provide and give back to our community and go out and volunteer. I when I went through school, I I had one semester of a communication class. That’s it. Well, I communicate every single day I had one semester of economics Well, I deal with money every single day I didn’t have any business class is which obviously we’re dealing with in business every single day when we turned professional. So yes, it’s inspiration. But really, school and education needs to be about what how can we apply what we’re learning in the real world back to our kids when going to school? That’s what I’d like to see more of
David Ralph [14:39]
it? Well, I’m going to I’m going to swing all the way around and say, You’re 100%, right? Because, Okay, good, good, good. The majority of what I learned at school, I don’t honestly use and I think in a in a way, you America, what you do to weird things. One of these things that people keep telling me is this homeschooling business, when you can actually take it out and teach you must go, if I did that, I’m going to jail. You know, our kids have to go to school, basically. Right? And but the thing I think you do really well is like you have this lessons like you say communication. We don’t have that. We just have physics, biology, science, and it’s just kind of grouped up into these these sort of generic subjects. But you kind of niche down somehow, don’t you into like these, these useful ones. And I think communication would be great teaching people how to actually inter inter relate with each other and actually express their words in a good way. But we don’t have that I think we’re missing a tree.
Ryan Avery [15:40]
Well, we are too I don’t know of a school, it’s going to some not mine, at least where we had communication courses, think and then what happens, right, you’re going to have fights, you’re going to have arguments, and then that’s where people get hurt and get in fights outside of school and big, big things happen. Well, imagine doing role playing somebody’s there to facilitate a discussion where you didn’t agree with this person, how do you get your point across? How do you get them to listen, I mean, it would be so beneficial, so beneficial.
David Ralph [16:12]
And we should do it, Ryan, I think we should change the world together. me from this side, you from that side. I love the idea. I love the idea. That’s what we can do, we can begin to change things. So so with you, you know you’re a natural communicator, and we’re going to talk on your soul, your big communications, because standing up in front of so many people is the the, you know, it’s the thought of that business, the people that say Oh, Jerry Seinfeld thing that they would say they they’d rather be in the box and do the eulogy. public speaking is is horrific for so many people. Right? What you always naturally Okay, standing up, were you the kid that always put his hand up and answered before everybody else did you just naturally have that in you?
Ryan Avery [16:59]
You know, I was talking to an executive that is working with yesterday. And he thought that I did have a natural ability, because I said I didn’t I never had given a professional speech before I won the world championship of public speaking. I, I just thought
David Ralph [17:14]
up and I saw this video of these people, this person going through the World Championship of public speaking and I go, I can do that. I know I can do that. And I have I walked outside of my bedroom where I was watching the videos, and my wife is sitting on the couch and said, babe, I’m going to be the world champion of public speaking this year. And she looked at me and she goes, that’s a real thing. And, you know, I just dove right into it. So I don’t know if it’s necessarily I’m a natural at communication, I think more of a strength of mine is I can say yes to something and go all in and figure out how to do it. If that makes sense. It makes total sense. And I think that’s a huge talent, isn’t it that? Well, I think you had a lucky break. But you saw something that actually inspired you. And you thought, yes, I could do that. And that was exactly what I did with this. I was just happening to listen to a podcast one afternoon, and I thought I can do this, I really can do this. And once you get that goal, you’re halfway there. And you do actually then have to practice and get better at it and become you know, more polished, I suppose. But that that initial, yes, I can do that. You know the words? Yes. And can are probably the two most powerful words in the English dictionary.
Ryan Avery [18:28]
Do you know what the two worst are and the English dictionary?
David Ralph [18:33]
Ryan Avery [18:34]
just an only those are the two worst words you can say to yourself because it lose confidence in yourself and it loses confidence and when people hear you so you know, just been doing this podcast for a year and a half, you know, I only have a million downloads You know, I’m just a single mom, I’ve only run a marathon. I hear this all the time when I’m talking to people and they minimise their accomplishments, the lead Justin only from your vocabulary and not only convince yourself that you’re great, but let other people know it as well. You don’t just have a podcast, you have a podcast, you don’t only have a million downloads, you have a million downloads. You didn’t just run a marathon, you ran a marathon that is insane. Quit saying Justin only if anybody is listening to this podcast, which I know you are because you have a million downloads, that’s insane. and delete that from your vocabulary. Please, please. But that’s
David Ralph [19:23]
that’s a sort of an opposing view, isn’t it? Or what so many people have you know, you come from a place called humble, but I’m going to call you a humble because it works better. And that isn’t. That isn’t a humble approach. Is it? People like the fact that, you know, you come over here right to the United Kingdom, wow, you will know a different way of living because I think the Americans, I love the fact that you you celebrate success, and you celebrate Celebrate champions, and you know, the American dream and all that kind of stuff. If you come to the United Kingdom, we love the underdog. And it basically competition. And the one teams really excited to win and the other teams got no chance we’re always going to root for the underdog. And I don’t know why we do. But so yeah, Justin only right there the kind of words that are just naturally in our vocabulary, and our identity. So it’s interesting that you see the same thing over there. Because I don’t think I don’t think people over here would even be aware of their bad words. They’re just words. It’s just part of what they say.
Ryan Avery [20:24]
Yeah. And you’ll hear it more often. Now take this week and listen to how many people say Justin only when they are talking about what it is that they do. It’s amazing.
David Ralph [20:35]
Did you do pick up? Every time somebody says that to you? I go, Sally, Sally, what you just said.
Ryan Avery [20:42]
I don’t call it out every time but it’s one of my words that I hear you know how some people here likes or their hands or sews? Those two words are the ones that I hear most often when I’m talking to people. Yes.
David Ralph [20:55]
So let’s get you to that moment. So you’re sitting on your bed, because this is quite fascinating to me. And you’re watching the telly. And you suddenly see this video on well speaking. And I agree with your your the I don’t know if it was your partner at the time or your wife who was married at that time. But the fact that she she said, hang on, did I have a championship for that? It kind of surprised me when I was looking at it.
Ryan Avery [21:19]
David Ralph [21:20]
So how do you approach bad? Do you sign up for it? And then with a mad panic, you then work towards it? Or do you have to prove that you can do a certain amount because they can’t have you know, people that get up there and just mumble their way for a few words, because Tara gets them. So how do you actually prepare to get up there and fight off all all on all newcomers?
Ryan Avery [21:43]
That’s a good question. So it’s through an organisation called Toastmasters International, which is worldwide. And they’re an organisation that focuses on developing your leadership and communication skills. So I was part of Toastmasters for about a year at that time. And any toast Nasser who is in good standing, which means they paid their dues, and they have given six speeches within their club are able to compete. So you have to be at some certain level to do that. And then 30,000 people from 116 countries all compete for the championship. And they start out at what’s called the club level, which is where you and about 20 people meet. And the best way to explain it because we have different names for it is then it goes up the ladder where it would be similar to like, your school, then your city than your state than your region and your country, then your semi finals, then the World Championship and it narrows down every every round that you go to. So at the beginning, and there’s judges, and usually it’s about three judges. Well, at the World Championship, there are 14 judges, and they’re all looking for a variety of different things, six different things, actually. And you’re judged off of those 16 things.
David Ralph [23:01]
Ryan Avery [23:02]
They are vocal variety, their gestures, how well did you use the stage? And most of it, about 50% of it is content and delivery? What is the content? How are you delivering it? And is it resonating with your audience in a way that people are moved is that original content, and you have four and a half to seven and a half minutes to deliver a message that you feel that you need to send.
David Ralph [23:29]
Because that that is hard. I’ve always been a public speaker. And this is the first time that I’ve ever done this kind of thing. So I spent years and years and years in the City of London doing presentations and courses and all that kind of stuff. And people used to say to me are it’s all right for you, you’re just naturally good at it. But I remember the very first time I was you know, I almost passed out as I had to get up and stand in front of someone and he just kind of got used to overpay with a time until it was a best man speech at a wedding or those kind of things. I just give it to me I love that just sort of get up there. But you did you have to come over that sort of natural progression of conquering your fear. Did you have that first moment when you stood up? And the lips were dry? And you your palms are sweaty? and all that kind of stuff? Or did you feel naturally comfortable?
Ryan Avery [24:18]
Yeah, I mean, there are so many storeys that I could share, we’d have a four hour podcast of the times when I went up and no exaggeration, I pause in the middle of my speech for 28 seconds, because I forgot my lines. And I know it’s 28 seconds because I have it on video. And it’s very awkward. Where my mouth gets dry and I’m shaky or people I build this humorous speech and no one laughs or I get so nervous because somebody in the audience that I really look up to. But my belief now that I have done this, I think being a speaker is the best job in the world, because you get to use your voice to make a difference. So my mission in life is to use my voice to help others use theirs. And it goes back to my belief. There’s three types of people in this world. There’s those who are destined, those who are determined and those who are both. And what’s exciting about those three people is you and you alone, get to decide who you want to be. Are you the destined? Are you the determined or are you them both? And there are be people who say, Wow, you’re such a natural, well, they haven’t decided what kind of person they are yet. And for me, I’m both I’ve decided that and you can decide whatever you want to be. But I’m I’m both and I think it’s important to know what you are.
David Ralph [25:33]
I think that is absolutely spot on. And I think what we’re saying bear is it’s very easy to look at the end product, and go, it’s easy for him. But I have seen both sweaty palms, those that 25 seconds or whatever. And they just see the highlights. And we’ll talk about that on a daily basis where so many people get stuck, because they look at the end product. And they don’t get the opportunity to to see the bits where nobody noticed, because you were so off the radar before you became good. And then people started spotting you.
Ryan Avery [26:09]
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I woke up to 269 emails The next morning, after I won, asking me to speak and coach and congratulating me from all over the world. And I remember my mentor saying, Get ready for the real work to begin. And I didn’t even know at that time what that meant. I’m an entrepreneur, and it’s the best job in the world. But there are times when I’m working 20 hour days, or I make $30,000 in a month, or I lose $5,000 in a month. And I tell people who are like, Man, you’re so lucky I I wish I had what you had. And I said, I say don’t be jealous of what I have be jealous of my work ethic. You can have my work ethic, you can, you can have whatever it is that you want, especially if you are American, especially if you live in the UK, go to a third world country go over and see how other people have it. And when you do that, you will expect that there are no excuses where you live, or what you have. There are only opportunities, especially here in America. So for me, people can say, Man, I’m so jealous or man I, I it’s so cool that you did that, or you’re so natural. And I’ve learned to try to do a good job of explaining. But ultimately, that’s what they think that’s what they think. And I know what I do and how I get up every morning at six in the morning. And sometimes last night we were working till to launch my new wife’s website. But this is what we want to do. So figure it out. Are you destined? Are you determined? Are you both? And if you haven’t decided yet, then you’re just going to go through life and it’s not going to be the best for you.
David Ralph [27:42]
Well, I know what I am Ryan, I won’t tell you on the show. But I know why. It becomes It begins with B and ends in hate is one is one of those. Okay, let’s let’s play the words of Jim Carrey, because it says a lot about what we’re speaking about at the moment is a real passion speech very short. But I’d like to get your flavour whether it resonates with what you’re doing. This is Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey [28:06]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [28:33]
But it seems to me that those words really apply to you. And I’m going to explain why. But do you think so?
Ryan Avery [28:42]
Absolutely. And in fact, anybody who’s who’s listening right now, I would highly recommend you watching his commencement speech, Jim Carrey’s very motivating very, I didn’t know much about Jim Carrey of other than he’s the comedian. But not only is he a phenomenal artist, he’s a great speaker. And better speech was one of my all time favourites, actually, just from how he spoken, delivered that and how he made people laugh and really resonated with those. So I would highly recommend you tuning that and watching that speech app. So loosely, right, you’re going to fail, you’re going to mess up. So either you do it on your own terms, or you’re doing it for somebody else. And ultimately, it comes down to I love being an entrepreneur, and I love being a speaker because I am the one in control. And every thing that happens ultimately is my fault, or my accomplishments, because of the people that I work with. So what’s the hardest part about being an entrepreneur, right is if you mess up, everybody looks at you. And then if you do a good job, you’re just doing your job. And if you surround yourself by a solid team, the reason why I have the success that I do right now I want a lot more is strict. I was thinking 90% of the people that I surround myself by my mentors, my family, my wife, my friends, the books that I read, don’t think that you just have to surround yourself by people. I mean, what are you spending your time on? Are you watching the telly? Are you or are you reading? Are you listening to this podcast, or you listen to a song that you’ve heard 30 times. So however you’re spending your time ultimately is going to decide what you have and who you spend your your time with. And I decided to spend my time with people who are better than me smarter than me more successful than me. Because I have a lot to give. And you do too. And you have to start telling yourself that you have a lot to give no one, no one benefits from you being average, the world needs your ideas, your world needs your cures your inventions. And if you play it average, and you could play it safe, and you die at the end, and you don’t contribute back, nobody benefits from that. So please stop being average and go for it. And you’re going to mess up right that’s what Jim Carrey is saying. So so go for it and and mess up and then keep going for it. Happened
David Ralph [31:01]
1000 storeys, yeah, well, I want you to do listeners is have fat as your wake up call in the morning, before you even get out of bed. Just have Ryan telling you that speech. Because if you look at his point of view, and this is why I was saying, but I think those words resonate with you greatly is it is hard enough to be an entrepreneur, you will crash and burn you will stumble and fall, but also being a public speaker who makes his money from doing that. That is that’s erratic at the best of times. Now, you know, I’ve done some courses where not probably to your level, but I have absolutely nailed it. And I almost don’t know why I’ve nailed it. It was it’s like, just there, there was a mood in the room. And I’ve had others when I’ve done exactly the same, but it’s just kind of fallen flat somehow. And I’ve also had those ones where the audience seem to like it, but I don’t internally, something just doesn’t feel right with me. And I feel like I’m kind of going through the motions, and I’m flat. So you really are putting yourself out helped me on a daily basis to fail, but still coming back time and time again.
Ryan Avery [32:05]
Absolutely, absolutely. My dad, I was having a really tough week. Last week I was all over the place. I had given like five keynotes, I was exhausted and my emails were piling up and I was just so overwhelmed. And I want I was just like, I can’t do this, I’m is too much. And I talked to my dad, he goes son, I I never did what I wanted to do, because it was easy. And you’re going to you there’s never going to be easy. So get that out of out of your mind. But it was fun. And you have to make it fun. And if it’s not fun for you, then you have to get out. But don’t think that it will ever be easy. But your mom and I were entrepreneurs, because every day we had fun. And I think that was a really good perspective, because I was too focused on, you know, trying, I was just doing so much. And I was forgetting this is my life, I’m always thinking about the future, rather than thinking about right now. And I’m having a blast. I mean, I’m going and I’m speaking to these groups, and I’m doing what it is that I want to be doing. So I just needed to take a step back and remind myself, you know, this, this isn’t supposed to be easy, but you can make it fun.
David Ralph [33:06]
Did you know when I found you on the internet, and there was it, there was one phrase, I thought I’ve got to get this guy on my show. And I’ll be honest, I hadn’t actually heard of you until I started investigating you. And then I realised You know, you’re all over the place your your, your Big Cheese, as we say over here and large from ours. And the thing that really impressed me was this. I don’t just want to speak, I want to connect and leave them with something of value by thousands of speakers, but very few resonate and connect. And I thought Yes, I always wanted to connect before I got my message out. Because I thought that was the way of doing it. And you see so many speakers but know it inside out that they’ve lost something. It’s just like it’s words to them. They haven’t got that passion. So how would you try to connect? When you walk into a room and you get up on stage? What’s your little tips that you do to actually inspire and get that crowd rocking and rolling?
Ryan Avery [34:09]
Good question. So there are several things that I do. The first thing that I do before I go and speak anytime whether I’m speaking in front of one person, or I’m speaking in front of 2000, I speak out loud before, like five minutes before as if the event already happened. So if you were behind stage with me, you would hear me say, well, when my microphone is off, I would say literally like this was amazing, did a great job, people took notes, you change your life, you went out there and you gave up your last drop of energy, they were so glad that you came, they gave you a standing ovation, several people asked you to come to their organisations and you rocked it. And then I go out there. And for me, it feels like I have already been out there, this is my second time doing it. So I’m really comfortable. And I’m me out there. So it’s for me, I talk out loud is to do it already happened. And then what I do is I have a list of things that I write down were at one point in my life, or at some point in my life, I thought would be impossible to do or not even impossible, but just really hard to do from you know, running a half marathon to run it creating a six figure income to mean anything, right? And you the list is long, and then you write down what did it take for you to make those things happen. And three common things came it was I believed in myself, I didn’t care what other people thought. And ultimately, I had the feeling that I had nothing to lose. So I would find myself when I was nervous. Or when I wasn’t connecting, I would put a lot of pressure on myself that this is really big speech. You know, I have so much to gain from this. And I wasn’t connecting with the audience. But when I went out there, and I would tell myself, Ryan, I have nothing to lose when I go out on the stage, go out there, be yourself and have fun. That’s ultimately when I have have the best time I connect with the most amount of people. And I’m just in my element I was put on I now know that I was supposed to be a speaker, I am supposed to go out there and motivate people with my voice and to motivate them to use their so that’s that’s what I’m here to do.
David Ralph [36:16]
Did you raise your game after you won the world championship? Or actually, was it something that you were dragging around with you that what did people kind of go, Oh, he’s the world champion, he’s going to be good. And you really had to perform to a level that wasn’t natural for you.
Ryan Avery [36:32]
I raise my game every day. So it’s not after the World Champion. It’s not after I am as good as my last speech. So I record myself, I actually listened to the podcast. So I will listen to your podcast after this, I will review it, I will figure out how I can do it better. The next time I’m on another podcast, I videotape all my speeches or audio, record them and listen to them. I am constantly doing that. And it’s not to prove that I have to hold the World Championship title. It’s because I want to be the best at what I do. Right? No one benefits from us being average. So whatever it is that you do, go out and be the best at it. Raise your game every single time you do it. For me, it’s whether I’m speaking in front of four or 4000 people, I am going to do it the best that time I remember I was on one podcast and she said well, how do you know what part of your speech should be the best I said every part of your speech should be the best. Don’t waste people’s time when you’re speaking time is the most precious resource on the planet. And when people are sitting there listening to you better go and add value yourself, have fun, and do not waste their time. Every part of your speech should add value raise your game every single time. I have to choose sponsor bat
David Ralph [37:45]
because what you want, so he’s absolutely spot on. But I’m surprised that she asked that question.
Ryan Avery [37:51]
She responded well, she goes Yeah, I agree with you. You’re right. Thank you for saying that. It was a great podcast that I was on.
David Ralph [37:57]
Not as good as this one though. Ryan, is it? She cheated? No. She didn’t get a world exclusive. I bet. Yeah.
Ryan Avery [38:05]
That’s true. That’s true. That’s true. But at least I was listening to this. He was it was a great podcast.
David Ralph [38:10]
Go for it rocket. So when you’re actually doing your your do, are there. Are there times when you do naturally feel flat inside, like I was saying where you know that you’re doing it to your best ability, you know, but the audience are enjoying it. But there’s just something that doesn’t feel right in you.
Ryan Avery [38:29]
Yeah, absolutely. I’ll tell you a little secret, though. So I was giving a speech to I was the opening keynote for this tech conference. And I supposed to speak for an hour. And I’m going up there and I feel and stage like I am bombing it. I mean, there is just nothing happening. No one’s reacting on my funny lines. No one’s laughing at I mean, people are on their computers. I have given I’ve delivered 45 minutes of content in 20 minutes, because I’m talking so fast. And I’m nervous. And this is a year ago, right. And I’m just wigging out. And I finished the keynote. And I’m like, I have to get out of this room as quick as I can. Because I know I’m never going to be hired by this company again. Well, first off, I get a standing ovation, which really freaks me out. I’m like, were y’all in the same room that I was just then. And then I walk off the stage as fast as I can. If I shake the person’s and my meeting, planner comes up, and she goes, Ryan, they loved you. And I was like, were you in the same room too. And I was so confused by it. And she said, you know, we want you to come back next year. And I said, Look, I have to be honest with you. I felt like I was not connecting with the audience. I was very confused, because they were just giving me blank stares. And she goes, truthfully, that’s just the the tech industry or company and they loved you. That was just how they listened to speakers. So yeah, that happens all of the time. And what I learned from that is, sometimes when you feel like you’re bombing, you might be just doing great. Or sometimes when you feel like you’re doing great, you might be bombing. But every time if you go out, and you speak from your heart, and you go with the thought of I’m going to add value to this specific group, I’m going to be 100% present, it will make all the difference. And, and one of the big things that I’ve learned in this industry too, is you don’t even have to be great at this profession. If you’re good, it’s good enough, in a sense, because not everybody wants to do what you do, right? 99% of the world hates doing what you do. So if you’re good, you’re great in their eyes. So imagine what would happen if you were great. If you brought your A game every single time. I mean, all of a sudden, you’re going to be so good that you’re going to make a really big difference in this world, I heard that 95% of the money that’s spent on speakers and trainers are taken from 5% of the speakers out there, you guys those 5% who are great, more people want them, I can see
David Ralph [41:04]
that. And it’s not such a surprise that you’re great as well. Because I like the fact that you, you rehearse and you practice and you listen back over it. And I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t gonna share this on the show. But I listened more to my own podcast than any other show now. And I had them constantly on, because I think it’s the only way when you’re churning out content, as quickly as I do is a daily show seven days a week, the only way that you can improve is actually listened back to yourself. And to begin with, it was quite difficult just hearing my voice. And now I’m okay with that. And I’ve moved on to the next stage. But there’s nuances isn’t there? There’s, I used to create a lot of words. But I used to listen back and think to myself, is that a proper word? Well, I just made that up somewhere along the line. And it’s those kind of things that you pick up, but you actually go, No, I need to stop that. And then you improve. So you do have to do what you’re doing. But you do need to have a love of what you’re doing so that you will constantly keep on pushing forward pushing forward.
Ryan Avery [42:02]
Absolutely. Yeah, definitely have to love it.
David Ralph [42:06]
Yeah, where does this go to you though, because you started off on a path. In many ways. It’s the wrong way around a lot of people kind of do something and then become a public speaker because of what they were doing. But you’ve kind of gone with the public speaking route. And then, you know, you move moving into different direction. I was amazed at you. You’ve got an Emmy, you’ve got an Emmy. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker [42:33]
Unknown Speaker [42:35]
Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah,
David Ralph [42:37]
how did you get an Emmy for public speaking I for Emmys were just like TV things?
Ryan Avery [42:42]
No, I didn’t get it for public speaking. I got it for journalism. So and when I was in school, there were four mediums that were being produced on campus. So there was a radio station, there was a TV, there was a magazine and a newspaper. And what I saw when I was working, there was no This was before, like multimedia was a big thing. And I saw all this wonderful content being produced, but none of the mediums were working together. So I went to the leader of all four of the stations. And I said, look, I think I could put together something where we do multimedia packages, and we do one thing on the on the same subject. And all four of us come together where we do it on radio and newspaper and magazine and TV, and we you know, expand this. So I created what’s called the multimedia position, multimedia coordinator position at Colorado State University. And we put together eight multimedia packages that year one being on AIDS awareness, and it was called AIDS awareness, today’s challenges, tomorrow’s awareness. And we did it on December 2 instead of December 1, because December 1 is AIDS Awareness Day. But we thought, hey, AIDS Awareness Day should be every day. And because of that, and because of what we did, and it being the first of its kind, pretty much in the state. We we want to regional me for for our production of that
David Ralph [44:16]
I can only see success coming your way. Because you really, you’ve taken that dream, you know, that old phrase by Steve Martin be so good, until they can’t ignore you. And yeah, you’ve taken that, and you’ve got to the top but but you’re still persevering. And once, you know that’s one of the messages I tried to get out to the audience. But if I are frightened to start doing something, more often than not, no one’s going to notice you’re doing it anyway to begin with, right, and you can recall your mistakes, you can have all your issues, you can have a rubbish looking website, you can, you know, just develop it, and then little by little, you start to get a bit of momentum. And when you are at a certain position, then you’ve got opportunities having you and it’s that work ethic that gets you to the point when you can then have the opportunities that really bring value to the world. And you’re you’re there now.
Ryan Avery [45:11]
Yeah, I agree with you completely.
David Ralph [45:13]
There you go. You’ve swung around as well. To begin your show, you wouldn’t agree a single word I said, right. I thought what a difficult customer we’ve got. So So where do you like speaking Most of all, you fly around the world and you deal with some of the biggest companies in the world? Is it safe territory when you’re in America? Or is it the same wherever you go? Do your jokes that you kind of write for an American audience? Did they translate and that kind of thing?
Ryan Avery [45:44]
Truthfully, I’m doing more international speaking. Now, I haven’t done much I’ve spoken in Russia and the Bahamas and Canada a lot. And now I mean, a couple weeks, I’m going to China doing Australia. And so I haven’t learned that. In America, it’s very different than it is overseas. I remember speaking in the Bahamas, and right before I went on stage, she was like, Don’t worry, they’re not going to laugh at you. And I was like, What do you mean, don’t worry, I’m gonna laugh at me. And when I was up on stage, it was very little laughter and what she was meaning was, you know, Americans laugh at everything. And not everything is funny to everyone around the world. So yeah, you have to, you have to know how different cultures work. And you have to know what to say and how to deliver it. I mean, I’m doing a lot of training for my speeches in China, because this is a different ballgame. And I’m really excited for them. But there are things that I had to do differently than I wouldn’t do over here in America.
David Ralph [46:43]
Like night wall give us an example of a kind of Chinese audience tip.
Ryan Avery [46:49]
Well, one, one thing that just blew my mind. So every time I sign books, I always sign in a red Sharpie. And I was signing someone book and she was Chinese and said, Please do not sign my book and red ink. And I said why? And she goes, that’s very bad luck, where I’m from, please sign it in blue. So it’s little things like that, where I have to know and understand. Maybe it’s a signing or a showing the bottom of your shoe or phrases to say or how to say them or how to greet somebody. I’m learning Chinese right now where I’m learning how to say, my whole intro in Chinese so I can really connect with my audience. And it’s, it’s really tough. But I’m taking a month of my life to learn this paragraph of Chinese so that way when I go and I speak in front of a couple of thousand people, they know that I really cared about them. And that I did what I needed to to connect with them to show them I care about being here.
David Ralph [47:47]
Yeah, you’re building Connexions again. And you’re doing the clever thing to kill Collins remember the old drummer Phil Collins.
Ryan Avery [47:55]
And I haven’t I’m 27 years old 20
Unknown Speaker [47:58]
Collins in the air tonight Genesis singer.
Ryan Avery [48:00]
Oh, yeah. Okay, okay. Okay. He’s the guy who did folk I’m sorry. He’s the guy who did a lot of The Lion King track raps.
David Ralph [48:10]
I don’t like to think but you go with the Lion King. me.
Ryan Avery [48:17]
Please do not judge me on my music and knowledge.
Unknown Speaker [48:19]
Oh, no, no, that was able to john
David Ralph [48:21]
king. He was okay.
Ryan Avery [48:24]
He did tonnes of Tarzan, Tarzan, okay, I knew is one of those Disney songs. My wife is looking at me and She’s shaking her head. She’s like, I can’t believe you. She’s a music buff. And I just don’t do music.
David Ralph [48:37]
I think you need to have an evening, no TV, which is already sorted. But just listen to your colours, and you will buy a place can use glory. But what he used to do, he used to learn every country he went to phonetic. So it wasn’t actually the language, but he would learn key phrases phonetically so that you could actually pronounce them. And he sort of did it that way. And he said, you know, that really did build that connexion. Because even if he only knew two or three words, they knew that he’d made the effort to try to learn those two or three words. And once you start bridging that those gap, you know, you’re part of the audience, aren’t you really once you really connect, but you want me to do welcome.
Ryan Avery [49:22]
David Ralph [49:24]
So just before we take you back in time, and this is the almost the end of the show, I want to play the words of Steve Jobs, because it is the theme of the show. And this is the commencement speech he did back in 2005, when he talks about looking back and connecting the dots. So I’m going to play here. And then I’m going to ask you a question that I asked so many of our guests on the show business, Steve Jobs.
Steve Jobs [49:47]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards. 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect the looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [50:22]
Another inspiring comment on bear? What would your doctor be on that timeline? Where would the big doc be? You’ve actually made Ryan Avery become who he is today.
Ryan Avery [50:35]
meeting my wife
David Ralph [50:38]
is how is that made you who you are?
Ryan Avery [50:42]
I would say because without her I wouldn’t be the world champion. I wouldn’t be in Portland. I wouldn’t. When we came out here because of getting her master’s degree I wouldn’t be socially aware of the differentials between men and women and those inequalities. I wouldn’t have my job at Special Olympic. I mean, so many things. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have as wouldn’t be having as much fun. You know, once you taste love, and once you experience that. There’s nothing like that in the world. And for me, it’d be meeting my wife biggest thought for sure. You know how I met my wife?
David Ralph [51:24]
Connie, this concept?
Ryan Avery [51:27]
No, but I was at a party and Phil Collins is playing in the background. And I met this party in college and 19 years old. I’m tying this one girl. And this girl is like you don’t know my name do you? Like Of course I know your name. And I didn’t know her name. And Chelsea, my wife. She was standing behind that girl and she goes, Hey, Miss Amy. And she mouthed the word Amy to me. So I go Your name is Amy. And the girl looks at me. And she goes, my name is Jessica and she walked away. And Chelsea was right there. And I met her we laughed for like six hours that night. been together ever since. And the rest is history. As I say the rest
David Ralph [52:03]
is history. Yeah. And and she’s got the name of the famous English football team as well, which
Ryan Avery [52:09]
you know, it’s true. It’s true.
David Ralph [52:11]
Yeah. So this is the end of the show Ryan and this is the big one, we are going to test time travel because I have got a device over here that can actually send you back in time. And I’m going to play the music and when it fades, you’re going to be in a room and you’re going to see the younger version of yourself. And if you could have a one on one with your younger version, what age Ryan, would you choose? And what would you ask him and tell him? So this is it the feminine Mike.
Unknown Speaker [52:42]
Here we go with the best bit of the show.
Ryan Avery [53:01]
Ryan, this is the older Ryan, and I wanted to come and talk to you because I wanted to let you know that you found the love of your life. So you don’t have to try to impress anyone, you don’t have to worry if you’re ever going to find somebody that will love you for your quirky self, you found that person. So take this time and speak up and stand up for the things that you believe in, and go out there and use your voice to make a difference. you’ll quickly learn that your voice is the most powerful tool on the planet. And when you stay silent, which you have on some things, you need to speak up and speak out because you’re somebody that people will listen to. And you need to believe in yourself. And you need to convince yourself that your voice has power and you need to use it. So don’t worry about what other people think of you. Don’t worry, if people don’t like you. You need to make a difference. And you need to go out there and use your voice to make a difference. They’re going to have a blast.
David Ralph [54:06]
Ryan How can our audience connect with you sir?
Ryan Avery [54:10]
Ryan Avery com www dot Ryan every.com. I have a new book out called speaker leader champion where we dissect 10 World Championship speeches and provide you with 92 tips on how to be a better public speaker. But the best way and all of my social media all of my email contact information if you need me to come and Keynote I’d love to know how I can help keynote a conference or do trainings with with your company’s Ryan Avery calm is the best way.
David Ralph [54:37]
We will have all the links on the show notes. Ryan, thank you so much for spending time with us today joining those dots. And please come back again when you have more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining those dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Ryan Avery, thank you so much.
Ryan Avery [54:53]
Thank you. I’m calling my mom right now.
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices, including the two that changed his life. Head over to Join Up Dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on Join Up Dots.