Welcome to the Join Up Dots Free business coaching podcast interview with Mr Tom Corley
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Introducing Tom Corley
Tom Corley is todays guest joining us on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview.
He is the amazing author of the top selling book Rich Habits
Most of us on the planet have a desire to be rich, so we can buy a big house, have lovely holidays and generally have a kick-ass life.
But how would you feel if overnight your family went the opposite way and went from being multi-millionaires to poor.
That is a hard thing to get over.
Well our guest has had a life intertwined with the paths of the rich and not so rich right since the early days.
Like we see time and time again on Join Up Dots its the ability to reflect and start asking the right questions at the right time that can lead to finding the path that is right.
The path that Tom Corley was made to live.
How The Dots Joined Up For Tom
Whilst being a financial adviser, he was paid a visit by a client whose business was going under.
The man had worked hard to achieve financial freedom and the results of his efforts had left him with nothing.
He was distressed obviously and didn’t know what to do
So what could our guest do to help?
How he could he help him get back on his feet, and most importantly make sure that it didn’t happen again?
Well instead of thinking of just helping that single individual, our guest planned to help the world and set off on an odyssey to spend the next five years of his life studying the lives of both rich people and poor people.
As he explains, everyone has some rich habits and some poverty habits. “The key is to get more than 50% to be rich habits,” he says.
And now with his second book Rich Kids: How to Raise Our Children to Be Happy and Successful in Life just released he is once again showing us the way to prosperity.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs in today’s Free podcast, with the one and only Mr Tom Corley
During the show we discussed with Tom Corley such weighty topics such as:
How he got to the realisation that there was a path and a passion that he couldn’t fight anymore, and he needed to follow it against all other advice to the contrary.
The reasons why he had such self-limiting thoughts about money as a child and believed the pursuit of cash to be evil and bad!
How 87% percent of the rich in America came from low income households, so there is no reason why we all cannot gain success and wealth!
Why it is some important to nurture relationships in both your personal and business lives!
How three words appear daily in his life and are so valuable and can help you create magic…… “Focus, Persistent, Patience”
Products By Tom Corley
How To Connect With Tom
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Audio Transcription Of Tom Corley Interview
When we’re young we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling join up dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK David Ralph
David Ralph [0:26]
yes hello there Welcome to The Daily Show that is known as a join up dots Yes. I’m your host David Ralph would you ever expect anyone else one day I might actually put somebody in as a guest host, a freak you out and you think you’ve gone to the wrong place. But now it’s going to be me. And today I have got a chap on the show, who really is somebody that when he came into sort of my world, I thought I’ve got to get him on. I’ve got to get him on as soon as possible. So I’m going to ask you a question listeners. All of you out there on your commute to work. Do you have a desire to be rich? stupid question. Yeah, probably is because most of us on the planet a desire to be rich so we can buy a big house, have lovely holidays, and generally have a kick ass life. But how would you feel with overnight your family went the opposite way and went from being multimillionaires to poor that’s a hard thing to get over? Well, our guest has had a life intertwined with the path of the rich and not so rich. Right since the early days, and light we see time and time again on join up dots it’s the ability to reflect and start asking the right questions at the right time. That can lead to finding the path that is right the path that our guest was made to live. whilst being a financial advisor he was paid a visit by client whose business was going under the man had worked hard to achieve financial freedom. And results of these efforts had left him with nothing. He was distressed, obviously, and didn’t know what to do. So what can our guest do to help? How can he help him get back on his feet, and most importantly, make sure that it didn’t happen again. Well, instead of thinking of just helping that single individual, our guest plan to help the world and set up on an odyssey to spend the next five years of his life studying the lives of both rich people and poor people, he managed to segment out what he calls rich habits against those of poverty habits, meaning the tendencies of those who’ve been in each group. As he explains everyone has some rich habits and some poverty habits. And the key is to get more than 50% to be rich, he says. And now with the second book, which kids how to raise our children to be happy and successful in life, just released is once again showing us the way to prosperity. Well, let’s waste no more time as we bring on to the show, not to simply join up the dots of his life, but also to find out more about that 50% I need to know about that. The one and only Mr. Tom Kohli How are you doing?
Tom Corley [2:38]
I’m doing great David it’s great to talk to you from here in the United States.
David Ralph [2:42]
Where are you in United States? I was doing a bit of stalking and I kind of think doing the Rhode Island area is that what
Tom Corley [2:49]
I’m actually I did live in Rhode Island for two years. But I’m here in New Jersey with my family I run a my businesses in central jersey, we kind of live on the border of South Jersey, which is famously known as the Jersey Shore.
David Ralph [3:03]
Are you not supposed to be saying jersey jersey? Is that not how you’re supposed to say
Tom Corley [3:08]
I’ve gone to great lengths to try and correct my my linguistics?
David Ralph [3:13]
I think that’s the way I want to do I want you to speak like a kind of gangster. That’s what I think when I was New Jersey. So So what is life like in New Jersey? Is it a sort of an industrial area? I know it quite well. But for our listeners who don’t know the words New Jersey wants, they actually like living there?
Tom Corley [3:31]
Well, unfortunately, unfortunately, a lot of people who fly into Newark Airport they see the industrial part of New Jersey David but the real beauty of New Jersey is the Jersey Shore. It’s just an amazing place. You have three months of just beautiful beaches and a lot of people a lot of fun boardwalks. And it’s just a lot of great things going on in you know, the Jersey Shore and I, Jersey Shore became popular from the TV show here in the United States, but they really is a beautiful place to live.
David Ralph [4:08]
So on your day, are you somebody that embraces the outdoors? Are you somebody because as I was talking about in the introduction, you are obviously a writer, and you were a financial advisor? So a lot of time I imagine you’re sitting looking at a computer, but are you somebody that likes to be outdoors? And does it all New Jersey area give that to you?
Tom Corley [4:26]
Oh, I love being outdoors. It’s it’s been a fantasy of mine, to actually have a life where I could spend half of my day outside. But unfortunately, you know, if you want to make a living doing what I’m doing, you’re stuck behind the desk a lot of the time staring at a computer?
David Ralph [4:43]
And is that a big drawback to you? If you had that dream life, could you get back? Is it tangible? Or you choosing not to
Tom Corley [4:51]
know it’s there’s no question I’d realized and this journey that I’ve been on that if you pursue big goal or maybe your purpose in life, it will completely transform your life. And and when I’m doing my writing and my preparing for my speaking engagements and my media appearances, it does not feel like work to me, I don’t even recognize that I’m sitting behind a desk staring at a computer.
David Ralph [5:17]
So So when did this realization, this is kind of nuts and bolts of the show, really we’ve cut to the chase on this, the realization but by taking control, and really working on something, maybe not hitting a home run every time but at least getting a few singles. There’s a little bit of American reference for you, you might actually be making progress towards a bigger goal.
Tom Corley [5:38]
Yeah, that is such a great question. I’ve been asking myself the same question. When did I realize that my pursuit of the what I call the rich my rich habits world, when when did I realized that became my main purpose in life, I’ve been thinking long and hard about that. And I think that realization kind of said in the last, probably the last 16 months, I’ve and what drove it David was are getting me to that point was just the incredible passion I seemed to always have for researching the rich habits and the poverty habits, and for sharing the message. And I think that I came, it was like an epiphany to me that, geez, this is really what I should be doing for the rest of my life. Because the passion is just incredible. And I think that’s the key. When you find your main purpose in life, there’s no doubt, there’s no question. You know it, if you’re wondering if you found your main purpose, and like you didn’t.
David Ralph [6:42]
And I think for most of us that have found the passion we are in, I would like to say we’re in the majority, but I don’t believe we are we’re in the minority. But we’re in a minority. But when it happens to us, we basically slap ourselves in the head and go, Ah, how could I have been so stupid and not seeing what I should been doing 1015 years ago? Yeah, you
Tom Corley [7:03]
know that it’s an interesting quandary, because I think about that a lot. And you know, what led me to this point, were all of the experiences, all of the self education, all of the learning, the people that I met up, if it wasn’t for all of those years of living in like my tax world, my CPA, or as you guys would say, chartered accountant world, I wouldn’t have been at this place in time. So it’s hard to look back and say, Boy, I you know, I wish I would have done things differently. Because those things actually led to this point.
David Ralph [7:39]
That is the classic theme of join up dots basically, no experience is wasted. As long as you’re making as much effort as you possibly can in those experiences, then you will take something with them into your better life.
Tom Corley [7:54]
Yeah, that there’s no doubt about it. joining up the dots is a great way. It’s great catchphrase for pursuing success, because pursuing success is about growing it, you become a different person, when you pursue a big goal and major purpose or life dream. And those joining the dots from where you are, to where you are, that metamorphosis that takes place requires that you do certain things, certain activities that you grow as an individual. So it’s actually your your podcast is all about the growth of an individual from an ordinary person to a successful person.
David Ralph [8:33]
And there’s not that much differences there. That’s the thing that I’ve learned doing these shows is sometimes it’s luck, sometimes is effort, sometimes it’s perseverance. There’s loads of different sort of aspects how people become successful. But when you talk to them, honestly, they’re no different from the person who just hasn’t made that decision to start working towards something.
Tom Corley [8:57]
Yeah, in fact, what was interesting, when I did my research, David is, I tried to make sure that every individual that I researched did not know that they were part of my little research project, because I didn’t want their responses to be skewed. And what I found in the wealthy people, is that they actually did not know why they were successful in life. They might the responses to the questions, and I had to abroad 20 question list that I asked each of them indicated to me that the reason they didn’t know what the secret to their success was, was because the secret to their success, with little things, little daily activities, little behaviors, little choices, essentially, your daily habits, things that almost go unnoticed, they’re there in your subconscious, you don’t see them. You’re kind of on autopilot. So you you doing certain things every single day, the rich habits, and you’re moving almost automatically towards success. And if you have too many poverty habits, you’re moving on automatically, unconsciously, towards failure, and you’re scratching your head, in both cases wondering how did I get here?
David Ralph [10:07]
So if you could go back in time, just when you started doing your research, what were the first two questions that you asked on that list of 20?
Tom Corley [10:16]
I think the one question that with a light bulb went off in my head that I was onto something big was when I asked both groups, what what do you do when you’re finished with your regular ordinary job? What do you do with your time between when you finish that ordinary job? And when you go to bed at night, and the wealthy people responded? Well, you know, I’m on the board of directors of this company, I help run this nonprofit, I do speaking engagements I write, I’m going to school at night, I teach at night, I network, there were 100 different things that they did with their time during the week, between the end of their work day. And when they went to bed. When I asked poor people the same question, their response was, well, you know, I work really hard. So when I get home, I’m really tired. I eat, I watch us TV for a few hours, I might read a book, to you know, for recreation. And then I go to bed and I do the same thing all over again. There was a world of difference between the daily habits, in that case of the wealthy people and the poor people. And that’s when I realized, you know, it’s, it’s what they do. It’s their activities, how they spend their time, during certain parts of the day that differentiate the wealthy from the poor.
David Ralph [11:40]
I’m just going to pause it there for a moment. Tell me if you got an email notification going off in the background? I can hear it a couple of times.
Tom Corley [11:46]
Oh, ah, let me let me I’m going to turn off my email, if you can hear it, it’s going to be gone. And I have that Skype on Do Not Disturb. Now that’s perfect. Alright, the emails shut off.
David Ralph [11:58]
Right? Okay, I just had a couple of sounds go. Okay, so we’re going to come here, okay. Now, it’s interesting, you say that because I was doing research on you and looking around, and I found an article that was on the Dave Ramsey site who is a kind of big financial cheese in America, he’s not really well known over here at all, where he was interviewing you. And he was outlining a few of the differences between the habits of the rich and the poor. And he listed them in front of him. And there was a lot of contention about it. And he actually had to respond, because a lot of people thought that they were inaccurate, they are offensive in some of them. But when I looked down it, I kind of went, yes, you know, I’m not wealthy in any shape, or form, hopefully, I’m going to get there. But I was looking down a lot of them, I thought I do that I do. I hardly watch any Telly, for example. And I write down my goals every single day. And I do audiobooks. And I’m always reading and I’m always developing, and I’ve never got a book, except for when I go on a holiday. And I want to sort of lay down and read a john Grisham or something. It’s generally always about self development kind of thing. And I looked down and I thought, how could anybody take offense to that list? That is just people saying, but the ones that are doing well, are the ones that are putting extra effort into themselves more than the opposite view? What do you think about that?
Tom Corley [13:19]
Oh, well, you know, I’ve written extensively about the that, and CNN came out with a piece criticizing just what you’re talking about the Dave Ramsey posting on his, his website, and I, it’s really what, what I’ve discovered was that there and America Anyway, there’s really two ideologies battling each other. There’s the ideology that says, I’m the victim of my circumstances, I got the short end of the stick, I was born poor. And that’s just the way life is, I can’t change my circumstances. And so we have to help the poor people, the wealthy people have to help the poor people and stop holding them down. The other ideology is my circumstances are temporary. And they’re made permanent by my behavior, my choices, and my habits. Basically, that ideology says, I can change my circumstances, I just have to change the things that I do on a daily basis. So there’s a battle going on, and the wealthy subscribe to you know, the can do ideology that I can change my circumstances. And, unfortunately, majority of the poor people subscribe to the ideology that they’re victims. And they, you know, they need, they need assistance. And I think that’s, that’s what really, you know, raise the ire of CNN, and they, they just thought we were punishing the poor people, when all we would, the irony, to me David was, I wrote rich habits to help the poor people, because I was poor myself. And I thought, well, I don’t want anyone to be poor, I think I found the Holy Grail. And I’m going going to share it. And I wrote rich habits at the sixth grade reading level, with the hope that poor people and people in the lower middle class would be able to read it, and maybe change their lives. So it was ironic to me that the very research and the book that I wrote, was to help poor people, and I was getting criticized for it.
David Ralph [15:21]
But that’s that’s classic about humans anyway, isn’t it? That the thing that I have been told by so many people who are on the show afterwards, when we start recording, they kind of praise the content and what I’m delivering? And I say to me, have you had criticism yet? And I used to say, No, well, why would I have criticism? You know, I’m just trying to do something good. And I’m trying to do something motivational when I went out, you’re going to get criticism, and it started coming to me. And the first couple of I used to think, why, why am I doing what am I doing? And then I started to think, well, all I’m doing is I’m putting my head above the parapet. And so somebody’s going to shoot at me. And it was that kind of sort of mindset is it is just, we all were talking about here, Tom really is a mindset is a can do or account will do or won’t, will try or won’t. Simple as that, isn’t it?
Tom Corley [16:08]
It isn’t. And I think what what’s happening is when people see people, other other individuals trying to pursue success in life, and they’re not, that’s those people, when they see that you’re getting close to success, that’s when they all the criticism starts to come out. And you know, they’re really what they’re doing is they’re trying to reinforce their own limiting beliefs. The successful person, the person that’s striving for success, they’ve eliminated those limiting beliefs, the people that are criticizing those who are trying to achieve something alive, they still are holding on for dear life to those limiting beliefs. And I think they, they get a little upset internally, and then they externally use criticism against the successful people, as a way of reinforcing what they believe, which is, you know, you’re trying to be successful David, what do you try and ask for you can’t be successful, it’s impossible, you’re wasting your time you’re going to fail. That’s just their own limiting beliefs coming out.
David Ralph [17:12]
So you were poor for a while, obviously, you were poor as a child due to a situation occurred with your mom and dad’s finances. But going into sort of adulthood, did you have limiting beliefs at that time that was holding you not back, but just keeping you into a very different situation than you are in now?
Tom Corley [17:31]
Yeah, I might. My, my perception of rich people was that they were they were bad. They were evil, money was evil, that they steal money from other people, that they’re just plain lucky that they’re born into rich circumstances. I had all of these limiting beliefs, even though I was in the finance world. What when I did my research, it was an eye opener to me. And I finished that research, I think when I was around 4647. And it what it did is it shattered all of my limiting beliefs.
David Ralph [18:07]
So it was these beliefs come from Tom, sorry to jump in. But it’s a key point. Where did you have these self limiting beliefs that thing? Well, Dad David
Tom Corley [18:16]
when you struggle financially, when you’re poor,
you there’s a tendency to, you know, it’s jealousy of the people that are successful and rich. So you try and rationalize your very existence by saying, you know, the reason that, that you’re poor, has nothing to do with you being lazy, or making bad choices or bad behavior. It’s just, it’s just life, you got screwed in life, and the successful people didn’t. What I found out is that all of those things that I grew up with, you know, where, you know, my mother used to say, it’s harder for a wealthy person to go to heaven, then, you know, there was a biblical phrase, it’s basically impossible for a wealthy person to go. And I grew up thinking that. And then I realized, my gosh, after this research, these wealthy people, the ones that have funding, the most of these nonprofits, they’re devoting time by running these nonprofits, they’re helping their employees, lending them money, giving them money, they’re helping better their lives. So most of these successful people in my study, were not the evil people that I grew up with. My parents, mainly, you know, my mom and my dad, just from hearing them talk as a child. You know, it was just a completely different way of looking at wealthy people. When I was doing my research, they were not the bad people. I was led to believe.
David Ralph [19:44]
So So while you sort of sitting there, jotting it all down, and then thinking, Oh, that’s funny. Yeah, he does well, oh, yeah, he does that. Oh, my god, there’s a thread here was it wasn’t as simple as that, or was it just a dawning realization over a period of time?
Tom Corley [19:58]
Yeah, it was, it was a epiphany, because, you know, you have to understand I’m gathering this information over five year period, that I’m taking all of this information, which is in three filing cabinets, and putting it onto a couple of Excel worksheets. And then I summarize it all, and I analyze it. And when I was done analyzing it, the two different groups, the different categories of their activities, I was hit over the head, with the realization that it’s your daily habits. That’s the Holy Grail. It’s what you do every single day, the little things, the little incremental things you do every day? Do you make phone calls to your contacts regularly to wish them a happy birthday? Or a life event call? Are you networking on a monthly basis, or weekly basis? Are you doing 30 minutes a day of self improvement, self help reading, it’s the little things that you do every single day. And that hit me over the head. And then I started doing training sessions I call I call them learning sessions. And a couple of people in my group, a couple of classes, they had real success with the rich habits. One guy made 100, hundred and $50,000. In six months, he achieved the goal that he was pursuing, and six months that he had been pursuing for five years, I made $60,000 in three hours. And I and I realized, Mike, I have to write a book about this, somebody, I’ve got to get this information out there, I’ve got to get this message out there. I I stumbled onto something big. And so I’ve been, I’m not going to stop sharing this information until the day I die.
David Ralph [21:36]
You’ve said a couple of times, it’s the Holy Grail. Now that the Holy Grail is almost sort of a mythical thing. So are there a lot of skeptics when they see this book? Do they kind of and I’ll be honest, I haven’t read it. But I’m now intrigued enough, I’m going to buy it and I will read it. And I will tell you what I think. Because just in the summaries I’ve seen, I think to myself, this is not a self help, kind of find your passion, find your thing, it’s all down to me, this seems to be a guide of basically, look closely at what you’re doing, and the incremental gains will take care of themselves.
Tom Corley [22:12]
Yeah, you the first, you know, the most important thing, and it’s rich habit number one is, is self assessment, you have to be aware, first of all of your habits. And I think most people aren’t because habits are an unconscious activity, you just do them. And that’s the reason they’re an unconscious activity, it’s the way the brain works the brain, there’s a part of the brain called the basal ganglia that locks in your habits. And the brain does that because habits are more efficient, the brain uses up 20% of the glucose in the body, which is the body’s fuel. So the brain has to become efficient and habits are the the efficiency mechanism for the brain. So we are unconsciously doing these things. And you have to stop yourself and and bring your you’re conscious, your cerebral cortex in control to become aware of your activities. And then once you start identifying your poverty habits, the habits that are holding you back, that awareness allows you then to change your habits, but you have to become self aware, and most people aren’t.
David Ralph [23:20]
So off the 50% figure that we were quoted, when you were writing the book, obviously, you were mentally auditing yourself, everyone would do that. Will you heavily on one side or the other? Or were you close to the middle? Where were you?
Tom Corley [23:33]
I think up until I had that epiphany that it was your daily habits that make you rich or poor. Up until that point, I still believed that. You know, wealthy people were just lucky and, and born into circumstances that gave them an advantage in life. And I sense that it did a lot of research. And I found out that at least in America, 87% of the wealthy are first generation rich, they they come from poor households, and lower and middle class households, that’s the majority 87% come from those areas, those demographics. So I that really made me it was a revelation to me, that wealthy people were not born into wealthy circumstances. And the other revelation was their parents were predominantly the reason why they were successful, or poor. The parents pet either taught them some some of these rich habits, whether the parents were whether they grew up in a poor household or a rich household, they taught them these rich habits. And the kids went on, those habits became habits. Those that Lowes lessons became habits and the kids went on to become successful. And part of that 87% first generation Rich
David Ralph [24:51]
87% is enormous figure, isn’t it?
Tom Corley [24:55]
It is it is and you know, there are different studies on it. It ranges from 82 87% in the financial planning world we use 87%. But I have seen studies that where it’s it is actually lowers 80%. But that’s still a high number David for first generation rich. So you know, it’s not it’s not about inheritance, you know, the bulk of the wealthy, the bell curve, if you know, you know what a bell curve is then Belk is predominantly people who were raised in poor or middle class households.
David Ralph [25:28]
So is it as simple statement that people who want to better themselves are more likely to take the effort to do something about it was that very simplistic?
Tom Corley [25:40]
I think the people who want to better themselves are the people that are every day, engaging in some type of self improvement, whether it’s reading for self education, like you do, and like I do now. Or it’s exercising aerobically, it’s trying to stay healthy, watch what you eat. Those people who are, are actively trying, because they have they don’t have the, they haven’t bought into the limiting beliefs that that they’re not going to be rich, they still believe that it’s possible. So those people who are trying to break free of poverty, those are the ones that are probably going to be successful in life, because they’re going to do the things the little things that they have to do every single day, they’re going to continuously read about what successful people do and educate themselves on that the habits and the behaviors and the choices that wealthy people make. So I think it Yeah, I have, you have to have that mindset that you want to be something bigger, and not accept the mindset that you’re just stuck where you are. And that’s where you’re going to end up.
David Ralph [26:48]
But let’s play the first of our sort of motivational speeches that we play on this show. And this is the gentleman that we all like to watch in films, Mr Jim Carrey and listen to what he says,
Jim Carrey [26:59]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant. And when I was 12 years old, he was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [27:26]
Now, I don’t know the answer at this time, but I would imagine of those 87% the bulk of them are doing stuff that they love.
Tom Corley [27:34]
Yes. And and you have to that’s a great, I’ve listened to that. And I read the transcript to that. I think he was addressing a college students. That’s right. And I I’ll tell you david that was so profound to me, because what it said to me was that, that Jim Carrey did receive a major rich habit from his father. And that was that don’t do did pursue your passion in life. Don’t let your limiting beliefs hold you back. And that is a major lesson that he learned. And it is one of the big reasons why he believed he could be successful in life because his father told him you could be
David Ralph [28:17]
an ease is that all we need? Because I spent years and years and years working in the City of London and I was on the corporate journey. But I now look back on and I think it wasn’t me, it just wasn’t me. And I have no idea why I was doing it. Because I do these shows on a daily basis. It is like being in therapy. And I hear people talking and I think yes, I was like that or I wasn’t like that. And and now I’m getting an understanding. And really the path that I was on was a part that was prescribed to me it was a path that was kind of expected, my parents almost thought that that was a good career going up into the city of London. So I kind of played up to that. Now when it all kind of went a bit pear shaped, as we say over here, when all a bit bad. I threw it up in the air, and I’ve landed doing this, which is so me is untrue. Now, I want to get that out to the audience, I want to get back that idea that the passion, the enthusiasm for a task is something that they have to go and get it it’s got to be. And if they’re sitting there doing a crappy job that they get home and they’re exhausted, like you were saying, I’ve had a hard day, I just want to sit on the sofa and go to sleep, then really, it says to me now after doing the show for so long, that they’re on the wrong path. And they should be finding a job instead. But they want to get up earlier because they’re so infused to do it. And even if they’re not earning money to begin with, as long as they’re doing something, but they can see that they’re on a path to success when it’s worth doing. And I believe now that the only people that aren’t going to be successful other people that don’t want it enough.
Tom Corley [29:54]
Yeah, I think that is so important. In fact, in my rich kids book, I dedicated an entire chapter on how to find your main purpose in life. Because I think the one of the keys to I’m not talking about just financial independence and making a decent amount of money and accumulating a decent amount of wealth. When you find your main purpose in life. Two things happen. One is you never feel like you’re working. And the second thing that happens is because you love what you’re doing. You try and you you do it better. You try and learn more about it, you try and learn everything about it, you become an expert, in a short period of time. When you find your passion in life, you can become an expert, not in seven years, not in 10 years, but in three years or two years. It’s that fast track. And if you find your main purpose in life, you will not just become wealthy, but you will become Uber wealthy. Because the you can’t stop doing the activity, you can’t stop pursuing success. And it’s not because you’re chasing money. It’s because you have defining your main purpose does one important thing. It fuels a passion that we all as human beings. Passion is the thing that builds skyscrapers, builds bridges up, it’s the thing that enables us to fly at, it’s just an incredible thing, asset to have passion. When you find your main purpose in life. That’s when you find your passion. You can’t wait to have passion, you have to pursue big goals, life dreams, and then the passion follows.
David Ralph [31:45]
Well, we’ve discovered something called this show. And the tagline of the show is connecting our pasts to build our future. And that is one of those questions that people struggle with. I struggled with it for years, find your passion, find your passion, I had no idea what my passion was, because I was on the wrong path. I was tired. And I got home and I went up to bed and I got up the next morning, I did the same thing again. Now I can see but what I should have been doing and what so many people who speak to me on a daily basis are doing man basically replicating in adult form, what they were doing as children that they would do for nothing. So if a loved building stuff as a kid, Ben, they are building businesses, and they’re building websites. And if I liked a networking as a kid, but doing similar things, and I’m saying to all the people I speak to now make a list of what you love doing before you were going to get paid for it. And once you’ve got paper, then things go a bit funny because you go over that that’s going to pay me more than I was getting on with just do it and you don’t consider the fact that actually I don’t think I’m going to like doing that, or I’m not going to be very good. So go before that. Now, what what do you think about that? Tom? Can you see any relevance to that statement to you? If you go back to the real younger self? Are there similarities to what you’re doing now?
Tom Corley [33:01]
Yeah, I when I now when I think back, I remember when I got it my one of my first trophies in diving, I used to love to swim and dive. And I got one of my first trophies. And they asked me as a 10 year old to be a frog, the members of the diving team selected me to get up and present a trophy to our coach at the awards ceremony. And I got up there and I spoke as a 10 year old, and my dad, and I prepared us, you know, I prepared the speech. And I got up there. And when I was done, my dad grabbed me afterwards he goes, and he said that was amazing. You really were good. I mean, you weren’t nervous at all, at least you didn’t appear nervous. I said, Not that I really liked it. I really dug it. I thought this was the coolest thing in the world. And I think back on that David now because I’ve spoken over 2000 high school, college kids and business people. I thought back to that 10 year old, Tom Corley. And I said, you know, you knew back when you were 10 years old, you should have been out there speaking, doing something that involves speaking, and being out in front of the public and talking to the public. You knew it back when you were 10 years old. But then we went through poverty. And I remember my father said, you know, become an accountant, because you’ll never start and he was right. I’m not starving, my family’s not starting. But there’s, there’s what I missed was the the passion. Because in accounting, you’re sitting behind a desk and you’re pushing paper a lot. When I get up in front of people and I talk, I can be I can be up there for I can be up there for a week, I never want to get off the podium. So you have to find you’re passionate life. And usually it’s something that you’re doing as a kid. And that’s why I devoted a whole chapter to it in the book because I I believe I break broke it down to an actual exercise to help your kids find their main purpose in life. And the the gist of it is this, you have to engage your kids in different activities. So that you can you can gauge their, their abilities, their their talents. And if you’re locking your kid into two or three activities like they do in the United States, with the sports, your kids are never going to find their true ability. So it’s incumbent upon the parents to become successful mentors to their kids, and help them find their main purpose in life. They have to let their kids explore all sorts of different activities, so that they can find out which ones are creating the passion, and where the the talent and the ability is bubbling up.
David Ralph [35:53]
And so they would just choose randomly or do they allow the kids to actually choose and say, Dad, Dad, I’m really like horse riding. And when you take horse riding, and then he tried to nest eggs and you try all those different things isn’t the way it would work?
Tom Corley [36:07]
Yeah, you basically, you basically are there as a mentor parent, to help your kids explore different activities like horse riding, like swimming, like volleyball, like writing. And I’ve done that with my kids once I once I was, you know, I finished this research and probably 2008. And my kids were still young, younger back then. So I, I started force feeding them all of the rich habits and all of the incredible information I found. And I had my daughter doing different things, I had my son doing different things. And the intent was I wanted them to try and find those things that they might be compassionate about. And my daughter is now passionate about she just loves riding. My son is passionate about sales, he loves selling, and my other daughter is passionate about real estate. So you know, they they expect Floyd all those things, and they found the things that they think that they’re passionate about.
David Ralph [37:04]
So you you did an amazing thing there, didn’t you? You didn’t allow them to follow your path, you really set them up on their own path.
Tom Corley [37:13]
Yeah, and that’s, I’m glad you brought that up. Because when my son was a sophomore in college, he called me up and he said, Hey, Dad, I just got 105 on my accounting exam. Is that was his first accounting course that he took? And I said, Yeah, he goes, Well, you know, I’m thinking maybe I should change my major to accounting from from finance. And I said, Brian, you can do whatever you want. But if you do, I won’t pay your college tuition. And he got mad at me. And he said, you know, Why are you getting so, so angry about this? And I said, Brent, I’ve learned something about you that maybe you don’t know about yourself. And sometimes being good at math can be a curse. And we were both good at math. I said, but you’re asleep salesmen. What you do great. What you do greatest is leading people and talking to people and building relationships. He’s a leader among among his group of friends. And I said, you need to be in a sales role, whatever that is, maybe you’re selling financial products, which by the way he’s doing today. So he stayed the course. And he graduated with his finance degree. And he’s working for a big company, now a major company, and he’s in a sales role. And not a week goes by when I don’t get an email from him, where he’s bouncing off of the ceiling, because he just closed another three or four deals. And he can’t get enough of it. He can’t wait to get into the office, he gets into the office at at before seven in the morning. And I think it’s the point here is parents as success mentors, when you become a success mentor for your kids. You You have to become aware you what makes you a success pack. Mentor as you become aware of your kids skills and abilities. And then you guide them in that direction. You and if and in my case, I did not want him to be an accountant, because I knew it wasn’t. He wasn’t gonna become passionate as passionate about it as he would about sales. So that’s the role I played. And I think I did just what Jim Carrey’s father did, I told him, you can do this, this is what you’re good at, and pursue it.
David Ralph [39:24]
That is a fascinating, inspiring tale. Because that goes contrary against, I would say, well, we’re wrapping this or 90% path, again, across the globe, it’s not just the United Kingdom, it’s just not the United States as well. So many people are so lost between the ages of about 13. And coming out of college, they literally just do the first thing that is expected of them. And they go into an office job. And I remember, I was a financial trainer for years and years and years, I would stand up doing training courses, and the actual training courses, I love doing them get me in front of an audience. That was fantastic. Writing the course is like pulling teeth. And I used to think to myself, I just got to get through this so I can get to the bit but I like now I look at it. And I actually think why did I actually accept that? Why did I think what I’ve got to get past this rubbish bit to get to the good bit? Why can’t I just focus on something that was more in line with the good bed, and that’s what you taught your son?
Tom Corley [40:21]
Yeah, I didn’t want him to make what I perceived the same mistakes that I made, which is, you know, pursuing a career because it will provide you with a living that will enable you not to starve, and not to be poor, you’ll be middle class, and that’s okay. You get your kids through college, and that’s okay. But if we’re all on on this planet, once, so we have a responsibility to ourselves to be absolutely the best we can possibly be. And the only way you’re going to be the best you can possibly be is if you pursue a something that you are passionate about. And push back from the the society’s desire for you to get a job and provide a living to your family, you you have to at a young age, I think it’s really important at a young age, to explore different areas, you know, six months at a time is a good time table, explore different activities, find out which ones are really going to creating the passion. And if the activity. If you’ve after six months, you’re not passionate about an activity, move on to the next one. You know, if you do that in the first four or five years of your career, sure, you may not rise up the ladder in corporate ladder. But you may find your passion. And then when you find your passion. And like I said, it’s an accelerated path. You it will only take you a few years to realize this is what I’m going to be doing for rest of my life. And you you just automatically like a magnet. You’re going after the things that you need the skills, the knowledge that you need to help you pursue your passion.
David Ralph [42:12]
But you’ve obviously found yours and you can just hear it coming out of your voice. But I’m interested of the Tom Coley, who’s just about to start doing rich habits. And if I said to you, Tom, look, I’ve got this idea is a great idea. But it’s going to take five years of your life would would that have frightened you? Did you realize it was going to take that long to do it?
Tom Corley [42:34]
No. And that and that’s that’s the that’s a good point. I never said it as a goal per se. What I what I wanted to do, I was passionate about finding out why people fail primarily. And what I stumbled upon was that, plus why people succeed. So when I started this, if I if someone were to tell me if I went back in time, and I said to myself, hey, Tom, this is what you need to do. And by the way, it’s going to take you five years of research. And then you’re going to spend another five years, you’re going to write a book, and then you can spend another five years promoting that book. And it’s going to be horrific, you’re going to get turned down 30,000 times. But you’re going to get for a big interviews out of it. I would have said to the future, Tom, you’re out of your mind. Now leave me alone, I’ve got to get back to work.
David Ralph [43:30]
So will you turn down 30,000 times was it was it one of those things where you were just battling, battling, battling to get this book to the top, because it seems a book that would sell itself. And it seems a book that in many ways would be contentious. And the media outlets would be really fighting to get you on their shows on their radio shows, even if it is just to tear it up pieces in front of you.
Tom Corley [43:59]
I think the what I learned about this business, and I’m a self published author, and thankfully a best selling author, thanks to Dave Ramsey, and Yahoo, finance, and MSN. But what I what I would tell you this is this David it’s a business, you have to get media attention. And what you have, in order to get that media attention, you have to reach out to the media. And I’m telling you between emails, phone calls, and tweets, I was ignored 30,000 times that’s I calculated that that was last year. That was 16 months ago, I stopped calculating. I got four major interviews out of that. And I’ll tell you this, those 30,000 times that I failed, that created for successes, put me or forced me into a state of depression. That made me really wonder, should I be pursuing this. And this is with three words, I kept repeating to myself every day kept me kept me at it. Focus, persistence and patience. If you’re passionate about something, then just focus, persist and just be patient, eventually, things are going to work out. And they have for me, I’m getting more media attention right now I’m going to be profiled in Success Magazine, a lot of good things are happening to me. Because I pursued my passion. I overcame all of these incredible obstacles and failures. And the The interesting thing about it is it doesn’t take that many successes in order for you to be successful, but unfortunately have to walk through hell. And as Churchill said, when you’re walking through hell, keep on walking until you get the hell out of there. And that I kept saying that to myself, when I when I read it in one of my books, Churchill’s my, my number one hero. And I read that, and I wrote it down, and I put it up everywhere. And I keep thinking about that you have to in order to be successful, you have to walk through hell. But at the end of when you’re when you’re done walking through hell, you’re out of hell, and success visits you, it manifests itself, because life says, okay, we surrender, you have proven to us that you are not going to give up. And we’re not going to battle you anymore. We’re just gonna lay out the red carpet and make it a lot easier for you.
David Ralph [46:42]
I like the phrase by the comedian, Steve Martin, and I’ve quoted it numerous times, it’s very simple. But he says be so good until they can’t ignore you anymore. And so what he’s saying in that is, in the early days, when you think you’re doing your best work, you actually aren’t, but that’s your take your time to fine tune and develop yourself and become so good as he says that I can’t ignore you. And once I can’t ignore you, you’re sprinkled with Rocket Power, and away you go. And it’s pretty much what you’re saying there. All those emails, all those tweets, you were obviously weren’t sending out the same ones you would find tuning them and you were trying different ways. It was just practice, wasn’t it?
Tom Corley [47:22]
Yeah, it was practice. And what it forced me to do was to hone my message. It forced me to really think about what I was trying to communicate. And it got me better. It helped me grow as an individual. And as a communicator, it forced me to do even more research to understand some of the bits and pieces that I was missing. And that were failing in my communication. So eventually, I started tapping into certain pitches, that a handful the media light, but that was an that’s an evolution David I grew up as an individual, the person that I was, in the beginning of trying to promote my book, rich habits was a completely different person that I that I am today, I now know, far more than I ever knew about wealth and poverty, about achieving success, and about communicating it.
David Ralph [48:21]
And all those experiences you just grouped up. And it’s made you more rounded, more professional, not more able to converse, more able to beat those self limiting thoughts that we have. And I think it’s the greatest message that we can send out to everyone. I mentioned this a lot, because it is a daily show. So I do some repeat the same things. But when you start your your business is going to be rubbish, it’s going to be rubbish, but nobody’s looking. And so you can make all the mistakes. And it’s those little incremental gains, where you go, Oh, that’s working, I focus more on there. And then you get a little bit of money, and you can get somebody to build a better website, or a better book cover. And when you graduate progress progress, the liberating thing to everything that we do in life is at the beginning, no one’s noticing.
Tom Corley [49:08]
Yeah, and and the thing is, what I want to the point I want to make is the journey is really the success, not the money, the journey, because in that journey, you become a different person. Because you acquire skills, knowledge, and talents, and you expose talents you never thought you had and they never go away David you could, you could take all the money away after you succeed. And that successful person will be able to make all that money back because of the person that they became that person that they became those intangibles, that journey that created all of these skills and abilities. That that never goes away, the money can come and go. And the money is just a byproduct. It’s just like icing on the cake. What’s more valuable than the money is who you become.
David Ralph [50:05]
I spoke to a chap last night and he said he’s gonna be Episode 150. Dan Martell his name. And he said, If I lose my millions now he said, I will still have my mind and my connections, and I can get it back.
Tom Corley [50:19]
Yeah, that’s absolutely true. Because along the journey towards success, what happens is, besides all those skills and abilities that you on earth, and the knowledge that you obtained, you develop relationships. And one of the things that I talked about rich habits is the relationships are the currency of the wealthy. They build and forge relationships, like their life depended on it. One individual said to me, in my study, one of the wealthy individuals, he said, Tom, if I decide that I want to develop a relationship with Tom Corley, I look at you as a little sapling, and I’m planting you underground. My goal, then from then on, is to turn you into a redwood, I want our relationship to become so strong, that we’re almost joined at the hip, and that we help each other. And I thought about that. And I said, My gosh, that’s the advantage. One of the real advantages wealthy people have, they have a database of other successful people that they’ve either mentored or were mentored by. And those people, they can rely on one individual. My study was a top guy in a big international financial company. And he was ahead of the commodities desk, he lost his job in 2008, the end of 2008. And he called me up and told me, and I said, Well, you don’t sound too worried. He goes, Oh, no, I’m going to take a week off. And then I’m going to make a couple phone calls. I just don’t want to start a new job, right? Right away, I want to get breather, he was he found the job. Two weeks later, he called me up to tell me found the job making more money. And the individual hired him was somebody he mentored for 10 years. It’s fascinating,
David Ralph [52:01]
isn’t it? I’m going to play the words of Steve Jobs because he says it’s so well, that the journey that the bits that we’re talking about at the moment, so Abby, and listen to Steve Jobs and when we’re talking about it afterwards,
Steve Jobs [52:12]
of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards, 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference.
David Ralph [52:48]
Now those words are obviously true, because so many people say they’re true. I believe they’re true. And I’m sure that you believe are true as well. But is it success that breeds the competence? Or is it competence that breeds a success?
Tom Corley [53:01]
I think it’s what, what breeds success more than anything? Is your your desire to change your life and pursue something that that’s, I don’t think you need to I definitely no, you don’t need to have a college degree. You I think you need basically a sixth grade education to become a billionaire. I think that’s all it takes. Because the self education that you’ll acquire, will be far more valuable than any college degree, and a master’s degree or any PhD you could possibly get the education when you pursue a main purpose in life, when you pursue a big goal is the real value. And it makes you more than competent, it makes you skilled. So I don’t believe you, I don’t believe you need a formal education at all you need to read, right? A little bit of math, and you can become a billionaire. I believe that that as as as much as I believe that that we’re talking today.
David Ralph [54:07]
I had a mindset shift. During one of the episodes, I was speaking to a gentleman who’s a huge millionaire JV crumb, the third. And he was saying, mindset is the key thing. He said, there’s no difference between earning $10 and 10 million. It’s you decide on what amount you want, how am I going to get it and when you do it, and it was simple as that?
Tom Corley [54:29]
Yeah, I think I look at that as wish. The what I found in my research was that wealthy people have a different definition of goals. Most of us believe a goal is some broad objective, like making $10 million wealthy people define a goal is two things. One, something that involves physical activity. And the second thing is something that’s 100% achievable. So if you want to make $10 million, what you have, that’s a wish you’d have to break that down into its component parts, what things do you need to do? What little goals do you need to accomplish in order to move you forward to realizing that wish? I think too many people look at the 10 million and they say that’s my my goal. It’s not a it’s a wish and wishes don’t come true. You have to break down your wishing to achievable goals. And when you do that, and you actually break your goals down into daily goals, then you are there’s 100% of capability, can you can you do it? If the answer is yes, then it’s a goal, and you pursue it. And then you accomplish that goal. And you move on to the next one. And then you have these little goals that start to accumulate. And and next thing you know, you’re realizing your wish of making $10 million.
David Ralph [55:45]
Now which habits has been around for a while, but why hasn’t there been like a rich habits TV series, because I would have thought that would be a perfect thing to break down into sort of weekly episodes, talking to people that have done stuff, shown them the way that they’ve achieved all that kind of stuff. He’d be the perfect presenter when you’re done.
Tom Corley [56:03]
Oh, I it’s it’s one of my wishes, it’s one of my dreams, to be able to communicate to the entire world, what I’ve learned, I would love to do something like that. I think the key David is you have to, you have to get some type of brand recognition, some type of you almost have to become somewhat of a household name, in order to gain the credibility to be able to pull something like that off. And we’re working hard to do that I have a team behind me, everybody believes in what we’re doing. And we’ll get there one day, it’s going to be I’m going to realize that wish, I’m going to be able to talk to people in China and India and the UK, like I’m doing today. And eventually it’s going to evolve into something on an international level like that. But in order to get there David I’m still on the journey. I’m still on the on the path towards success. And I’m going to get there I have absolutely no doubt because I know I found my main purpose in life. And when you know you found your main purpose in life, there’s nothing that will hold you back.
David Ralph [57:09]
So just before we send you back on the mic, and we send you back in time to have a one on one with you younger, so is there any part of that that dream, that vision that scares you?
Tom Corley [57:20]
I’m going through it right now. I’m between two worlds. My CPA, what I call my CPA world, which is the world that I’m in that provides a stable living, and provides for my family. And my rich habits world, which in which the financial rewards are sometimes sporadic. They go up, incredibly, and then they drop down. So I’m between these two worlds right now. And it and it scares me. Because one world, the one I’m passionate about is pulling me away from the world of stability, that and I hear my father’s voice, my head, every time I get pulled, hey, you know, stick with accounting, you’ll never starve. So I have to fight off that limiting those limiting beliefs, and it scares me. But I’m doing it, I’m pursuing it, I’m not going to stop, I’m going to keep juggling both worlds. And eventually, and I call it expanding your means that’s one of the path to wealth, you have to find something if you don’t like your job, or if you’re not passionate about your job, expand your means do something that you’re passionate about on the side, part time and grow your skills. And that’s what I’ve been doing. And eventually it’s it’s probably going to evolve into probably in the short term, something that I do on a full time basis. But it does scare me, I’m afraid right now more fearful than I’ve ever been in my life.
David Ralph [58:48]
I I’m totally linked with you on battle, I’m doing a similar thing. Mine is very online. But every single day, I love tween absolutely loving this, and as to be terrified, but he’s going to go wrong.
Tom Corley [59:03]
Yeah, the that’s the fear of failure that’s inside all of us. It’s part of our limbic system, it’s there intentionally. It’s a warning that bubbles up from our, you know, our prehistoric brain, it tells us to watch out, stop, don’t don’t move forward, you you could possibly hurt yourself or financially in our case. So what you have to do is override that with your, your, your cerebral cortex, your thinking brain and overcome that limbic brain and fight the fear. And that’s thankfully, as human beings, we’re the only species on Earth that has the ability to do that.
David Ralph [59:45]
But let’s find out if you had the ability when you as a young man, because this is the end of the show. And this is the bit we call the Sermon on the mic when we send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time, what age Tom would you choose? And what advice would you give where we’re going to find out, I’m going to play the music now when it fades, you’re up. This is sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [1:00:12]
With the best of the show david
Tom Corley [1:00:32]
i would go back in time to the age of 25. And I would tell myself to start writing, learn everything you can about writing, write every day about self help, self improvement about success. I would tell myself that writing self help is my main purpose in life. It’s what you should be pursuing. If you start it, you’ll find out very quickly that I’m right. Because you’ll have an incredible passion that won’t turn off. I would tell myself that I should focus on financial planning, also, and help people become financially successful in life. Because those two things that I do are very much interrelated. And I would hope that my 25 year old self would listen to my 53 year old self.
David Ralph [1:01:21]
Tell him How can our audience connect with you?
Tom Corley [1:01:25]
Well, my Rich habits.net is the website that I post all my research articles on. I have all of my books on there, you can buy the books there, you can buy them on Amazon, Google Books, so almost anywhere where books are sold. And if you go on the website, there’s a couple of ebooks you can download a lot of reports you can download, you can listen to all of my famous so called famous media interviews with Dave Ramsey, Yahoo, CBS, and you’ll learn a lot just by going on that website Rich habits.net
David Ralph [1:01:59]
what happened links on the show notes and Tom, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining up those dots and please come back again when you have more dots to join up. Because I do believe that but joining those dots and connecting our past is the best way to build our futures. Tom Corley Thank you so much.
Tom Corley [1:02:15]
Thanks David. Thanks for having me on. It was a great interview appreciate it
David doesn’t want you to become a faded version of the brilliant self you are wants to become so he’s put together an amazing guide for you called the eight pieces of advice that every successful entrepreneur practices including the two that changed his life. Head over to join up dots.com to download this amazing guide for free and we’ll see you tomorrow on join up dots
David Ralph [1:02:47]
thought you got rid of me now I’m just going to ask you a favor anyone out there who’s enjoyed the show and has enjoyed all the shows. Could you go to iTunes and leave a review the more reviews I get the better the show will perform and better it’s a win win you’ll be getting me every single day for the rest of your life don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But yeah, iTunes David Ralph join up dots and I love you so much or even come down to walk your dog. Thanks very much. Bye bye