Trish Marks Joins Us On The Steve Jobs Inspired Join Up Dots Podcast
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Introducing Trish Marks
Trish Marks is today’s guest joining us on the Steve Jobs inspired Join Up Dots business coaching podcast.
She is a business coach who specializes in Stopping Self Sabotage, she helps leaders identify the skills around improving performances by changing the way they approach challenges and problems.
Trish founded Marks Consultancy in 2012 after leaving her job as a successful sales consultant with the vision to spread the knowledge on how mastering your emotions can positively impact your decisions, behaviour and performance, and how it play’s such an integral role in effective leadership, as well as in life.
We all have emotions all the time, but how many of us actually go behind the scenes of what are actually triggering them?
And of course ever think about the way that these emotions stop us making the right decisions to get past these emotions.
How The Dots Joined Up For Trish
As she says “I’ve helped 100’s of clients move past “stages of being stuck” in their lives.
This experience has led me to discover the patterns that create resistance to positive changes in life and business.
And I show people like you how to:
- Experience less rejection
- Stop making more mistakes
- Stop getting left behind
- Get out of your own way
- Have less conflict in your relationships
Working together we will go through a step by step process that will take you on the journey to reach your true potential resulting in you leading a more impactful level of success in your life.
So what made her choose this line of work, and was it as surprise when she realised that was going to start paying off?
And was this the idea straight from beginning or did she needs others to give her the clarity to see the path?
Well let’s find out as we bring onto the show to start joining up dots with the one and only Trish Marks
During the show we discussed such weighty topics with Trish Marks such as:
Why the key to gaining clarity in your life is simply start taking action – it doesn’t matter what it is, it’s just do something
Why we are surrounded more about we dont want in life thoughts than what we do want in life, which holds so many people back.
Whatever role you are doing in your life you took it because you thought you would enjoy it. Have you lost track of those thoughts?
Trish shares the three big fears that people have across the world. There is no getting away from it. You have the same.
How To Connect With Trish Marks
You can also check our extensive podcast archive by clicking here – enjoy
Full Transcription Of Trish Marks Interview
When we’re young, we have an amazing positive outlook about how great life is going to be. But somewhere along the line we forget to dream and end up settling. Join Up Dots features amazing people who refuse to give up and chose to go after their dreams. This is your blueprint for greatness. So here’s your host live from the back of his garden in the UK. David Ralph.
David Ralph [0:25]
Yes, hello there. Good morning to you. Good morning to you and welcome to Join Up Dots. Thank you very much for joining us. If you’re listening live as the show’s just released, thank you so much for keeping up with all the content. But if you’re wading through the archives and the back catalogue, and you’ve got a lot to listen to, so you’ll, you know, cancel your work, sit at home, tell your boss you’re real, and just listen to hours upon hour of Join Up Dots. Well, today’s guests joining us on the show is a business coach who specialises in stopping self sabotage. Yes, very Very different from literally all guests that we’ve had on the show in the past. But of course, we all have those sports. She helps leaders identify the skills around improving performances, by changing the way they approach challenges and problems. Now, she founded Marc’s consultancy in 2012, after leaving a job as a successful sales consultant, with the vision to spread the knowledge on how mastering your emotions can positively impact your decisions behaviour and performance and how it plays such an integral role in effective leadership as well as in life. Now, we all have emotions all the time, but how many of us actually go behind the scenes of what are actually triggering them, we just kind of go with them. And of course, ever think about the way that these emotions stop us making the right decisions to actually get past these emotions in the first place. Now, as he says, I’ve helped hundreds of clients move past stages of being stuck in their lives. And this experience has led me to discover the patterns that create resistance to positive changes in life. I’m business, I show people how to experience less rejection, stop making more mistakes, stop getting left behind getting out of your own way, and have less conflict in your relationships. Working together. She says we’re going for a step by step process that will take you on the journey to reach your true potential resulting in you leading a more impactful level of success in your life. So what made you choose this line of work? And was it a surprise when she realised that it was really going to start paying off? And Was this the idea straight from the beginning? Or did she need others to give her the clarity to see the path? Well, let’s find out as we bring onto the show, to start joining up dots with the one and only Trish marks. Good morning.
Trish Marks [2:46]
David, thank you for that introduction. That’s looking forward to meeting her.
David Ralph [2:50]
Well, I already met her and I mean, I think I’m in love already. It doesn’t take me long to fall in love but um Yeah, so so we connected beforehand and you are a lady from Australia. But as I said to you in the pre chat, I don’t think you’re from Australia. Trish, you had a slight Irish trying to you and you told me you came from Northern Ireland. So why let’s start with that. First of all, why leave Northern Ireland can go down to somewhere where it’s sunny all the time you can swim in the afternoon, and everything’s wonderful what Why leave rainy Northern Ireland for all that?
Trish Marks [3:28]
Well, I did leave really Northern Ireland in 1988. They watched the Bicentennial on the television. And I thought to myself, I want to go there, that’s where I’m going. And so I just decided, this is where I was coming. And that’s what I ended up and was
David Ralph [3:45]
trying, I’m leaving that there wasn’t any sort of self sabotaging thoughts of, Oh, I can’t do that. I’ve got, I’ve got parents at home. I’ve got kids, you know, those kinds of things, that sort of routers to the spot
Trish Marks [3:57]
where Look, the world sees that feed that popped up however the need to be somewhere else and the need to grow was much stronger than the fear to stay in Northern Ireland not move so I decided that yes I needed to grow for myself and I thought Australia is far enough away for me to be able to burn the bridges of my condition thinking and just get on with rebuilding a new story for myself.
David Ralph [4:31]
So you need the total closure really from your previous life.
Trish Marks [4:36]
I did I needed that because I knew that I they easily could fall into that or comfort zone that we all tend to stay in.
David Ralph [4:47]
And if I do not moved into a new comfort zone when you’re out there now,
Trish Marks [4:51]
no Will I not really you’re not everything was new to me. And the comfort zone that I’m in no Or I was in prior to 2017 is much was much more open till expansion and growing. Right? Right, because you weren’t living under that level of limited thinking. Because you’re in a new place, your your opportunities here and much greater I have to say then the world we’re in the 80s. Because in the 80s in Ireland, it wasn’t a pleasant place to live with the troubles.
David Ralph [5:30]
Now, of course, if you go back to the 80s, I’m always intrigued by this. And I say to my kids quite often, when they’re moaning how they’re boys, I say to him, How can he be bored? How can you be bored? You should have grown up in the 70s there was nothing. There was only TV on for two seconds a day. And most of the time it was it was a lady playing Noughts and Crosses with a clown. Do you remember that that image they used all the time. I don’t know what that was about. So there was nothing going on now. So much going on, but it’s almost it’s it’s too much people kind of have so many options in front of them, they don’t know where to choose. Do you find that is an issue or have you moved past but now have you got total clarity in your life?
Trish Marks [6:17]
Oh, have I got total clarity? Look in some areas, however, I think when it comes to being overwhelmed, and which we all do get in that stage, and the key is to pick one thing and take action.
David Ralph [6:34]
And how do you know what that one thing is?
Trish Marks [6:38]
When you see the fact of the matter is, it doesn’t matter what that one thing is. It’s just taking action. Because if you take action, you reset the chemicals in your brain, from overwhelmed to empowering because you got to think of the brain is a binary system. You’re there. The frozen Fear or your empire by action. So cam to the to one thing or two things at the one time. So doesn’t matter about that what it is as long as you start taking action.
David Ralph [7:12]
I actually did a show yesterday, based on this whole thing, Trish lady, the lady called Laura Campbell law Campbell, she’s so lovely. And she connected with me and she said, You know, I’m trying to find my purpose in life, what podcasts or what books can you suggest? And I said to her, stop reading, and listening to podcasts and books, and start just doing stuff, just just try to change your routine. And it doesn’t even have to be anything amazing. It could just be instead of driving down that way to work, go down a different route and just try to sort of break those connections that we build up.
Trish Marks [7:49]
That’s absolutely right. Because what happens tend to happen when we do get to the point where we and that’s where self sabotage comes in David because I We really have never really listened to the the little thoughts that are going on in the back of our mind. We will ignore those little thoughts that are niggling at us. And we keep going down this road of what we’re supposed to be in what’s expected office. And then we get to that point where you’re really thinking to yourself, well, is this older is or, or how did I get to here? You know, and that’s when you start to realise that you have a load those self sabotaging thoughts to direct your life and you’ve gone along and not made any conscious intention to yourself about the direction you want to go.
David Ralph [8:53]
I wonder Trish if it is actually self sabotaging thoughts or it’s just no faults. You know, I look back in my earlier life, and I just kind of had things land in front of me. And then somebody would say, oh, there’s a job going in an office around the corner and I thought, oh, I’ll go for that. But there was there was no sort of thinking there was no planning. It was just kind of accepting what life was offering. I don’t think I was thinking so I don’t know if I was having self sabotaging thoughts.
Trish Marks [9:25]
Well, let’s hit the Save when you when you’re not even thinking about it like when we talk about self sabotage, sabotaging thoughts, we’re talking about living around life to the fullest, and reaching their potential within us. Because whenever people get to a point in their life, they feel empty and they don’t know what the purpose is. They’ve gone through life just letting life make the decisions for them.
And they haven’t really sat down and thought to themselves Well, what do I want?
Do I want this job in the office? Or will I just take it because it’s easy?
David Ralph [10:07]
Or do you think people know what they want? This is the thing. It’s all right saying, What do I want? I speak to so many people. And the biggest issue is that I don’t know what they want, you know, and they almost want to be given the answer. They connect with me and they say, David, show me the path and I say to them, with actually the padlocks in you already. You’ve got to, you’ve got to dig down, I can help you dig down. But I’m not just going to tell you what to do. But they seem to want that because they don’t know what they want.
Trish Marks [10:37]
Yeah, everybody wants to know how to do it. And the one quick fix but the the truth of the matter is that we know more but what we don’t want them what we do want. And because what we do want, takes a lot of self awareness and self work. didn’t want to do it. And it’s only when there’s a trauma that happens in your life or something that happens in your life that really distorts yourself your perspective of yourself, that you really want to break down the story and create a new one. And that’s what I’m finding with most of my clients to get to a point in their life where they’ve tried everything they know. And they don’t know how to change it. So it’s not what you don’t know. It’s not what you do know. That hurt shade. David, it’s what you don’t know.
David Ralph [11:34]
So if we go back to 2012 Trish, when you decided to start your consultancy business, let’s go back to 2011 actually, and you’re sitting in your desk and not sitting in your desk sitting at your desk,
Trish Marks [11:49]
on my desk.
David Ralph [11:50]
Yeah. Baby like you’re just laying on the desk because you’re so successful. What made you start looking around and going With more than this, this this is all right. But you know that there’s got to be something else. Well, what was the trigger for you?
Trish Marks [12:08]
Well, I was always looking for that challenge, something that would, you know, and inspire me to grow more and the role to those happen. So I changed boards a lot, always in the sales industry, but always different products and services. And I was sitting one day and I was working in a newspaper with newspaper, you know, sales advertising. And I thought to myself, I’ve really had enough. No, you have really had enough of quote, timelines, and deadlines, and I just, I’m over it. No, at this point, I consciously made a decision that I wanted something else. But you know what I really liked the vibrancy and the stimulation that I got from it. from going out and meeting people and, and selling, you know, so I thought, well, what is it about this that I really, really like? So I started to break down the process of where, what lit my fire about the whole process and I noticed that regardless of what product or service I was selling, the thing that I got the most kick out of was the fact that I made a difference to whoever it was work with what wherever they bought from me, it made a difference to their work life or their whole life, whatever. And it was that little thing there that I thought okay, that’s the thing I want to do more of stop making that difference.
David Ralph [13:47]
And how did you do that? How did you come up with that clarity? What What work did you do on yourself to find that because it’s quite simple when you save that is also very powerful, but what did you do to actually go out I can See what I actually like about this process.
Trish Marks [14:03]
But you know, we’re all energy at the end of the day. And so I thought about the bits of the sales process that I didn’t like. And once it’s a process of elimination, and then in the left foot, the little things that you do like, and that’s what makes you feel alive, and you want to do more of it. You don’t want to do all the other stuff, but you want to do more of that. And it’s always it’s about breaking down what you’re doing. And looking for the thing that make you feel like I like that. I want to do more of that.
David Ralph [14:46]
Because people do run away from the whole thing don’t know that they’re in a job and they say, Oh, I don’t like this job. And you know, I haven’t worked in an office now for 10 years. I’ve been self employed for 10 years, and I can see with total clarity now about A lot of the things that I said I don’t like about this job wasn’t anything to do with the job. I actually quite enjoyed the job. It was targets it quarterly agreements, it was poor management. It was lack of clarity from the leaders down. It was all the kind of office politics more of any actual job itself. And and people will parcel their discontent up into I don’t like that job. But what you’re saying, and I suppose what I’m saying as well is don’t think it’s all crap. There’s going to be good bits in there. focus in on Bose. And can you take Bose and transition to another area with the good stuff?
Trish Marks [15:42]
That’s exactly what I’m saying. Because you’re right. People do give up very easily. And that’s a form of self sabotage is thinking, like, I can’t do this anymore. Ira. There’s nothing in this for me. And they’re missing. The very thing that could light the fire, because it don’t take the time.
David Ralph [16:06]
I was speaking last night, Trish, and this is probably do a show on this because this is just a throwaway content. But I’ve been helping him build a online business. And we’ve got a great concept we’re building at the moment. Everything’s good. And he works by at&t in America. And so he goes around doing TV, and internet connections and stuff. And he doesn’t like his job. And he’s waiting until he gets his pension and stuff, but he’s also building side hustles. So he’s working with me at the moment. And he said yesterday, he said, You know, he said, I was in a house today. And the woman said to me, can you hang a TV on the wall? And I thought, Well, yeah, I can hang a TV because you know, that’s, that’s what I do. And the woman said, cuz I’m trying to find somebody and it’s, you know, it’s $300 to hang a TV on the wall. And this guy that I was talking to when I thought I could do that in the past. 10 minutes, and it’s really easy, and it plays to my skills. And I work with people who also could do it really easy. And a whole business boomed out within about 30 seconds to the fact that I said, Stop the one that you’re doing before, this is easy for you, you can do it, you’ve already got employees waiting to work for you. And once again, it wasn’t the job that he’s desperate to leave. It was just one element in that job that he realised he had the skills for, and actually the passion but he could transition to somewhere else and get paid more for it, because he’s actually taking the lion’s share instead of the company. So what you really got a dig down into what you’re doing and think to yourself, can that one thing be taken elsewhere and become a super talent that people will pay more for, don’t you?
Trish Marks [17:51]
Absolutely. That’s what I believe. Because if we’re looking at what we can’t do, most of the time, well You’re going to see everything’s going to be available to you. Brain is there to keep us safe, and it’s going to give you every inch on chip information, you need to let you know that you’re right. And it won’t. And when you’re in that process of thinking one thing, your brain stops being creative. And it closes shuts down all the possibilities. So you took the job for a reason. And I always believe that that whatever role you you were doing in your life, there’s something in it that you like about it. But it’s all those external factors, as you mentioned, that make you decide that it’s not for you anymore.
David Ralph [18:45]
Now we’re gonna listen to Jim Carrey and then we’re going to be back with Trish.
Jim Carrey [18:48]
My father could have been a great comedian, but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him. And so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe job as an accountant and when I was 12 years old, He was let go from that safe job. And our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which was that you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.
David Ralph [19:15]
Now, with jumping back to 2012, again, so you’ve started marks consultancy, you are successful in your business, but then you are a business owner. And I’m very aware because I’ve tried the best path myself where you think to yourself, I’m going to throw up a website and people are gonna flag to me and there’s so much more to it. Tell me about the first maybe six months of marks consultancy? Did it hit the ground running? Is it the business that it is now? Tell me about it?
Trish Marks [19:48]
Well, actually, no, it’s not. It didn’t. It was I went with the idea. And I went and I don’t study they studied for two years and then that two year said I set the business up And I wasn’t a big fan of the online, so I was more face to face. So I joined every network possible. I joined like Toastmasters for speaking opportunities. I promoted myself even just in local progress and rotary things just for speaking gigs. And I used to network face to face right now we can’t do that because we’re not done here in Melbourne. But that was the way I built my business and some of the networks that I started networks myself, but women in business, and then I worked in established networks or attended established networks like a B and I don’t know what it is over there. But being a is is a referral based network. And so that’s where I would get my business and a lot of my business became referrals.
David Ralph [21:01]
So, now that you you were just
Trish Marks [21:03]
all word of mirth, you know, that’s what I was trained in, because in any business I done before, that was my first business. I’d been in other businesses, that I’d started out a hobby, it’s you know, and there was always referrals and word of mouth. And that’s what I was best at face to face. I was really, really good at base to base
David Ralph [21:26]
because I talked to a load of people and we probably got three or five, about six people building businesses through us. And one of the things I always say is, don’t forget the leaflet through the door, you know, get 1000 leaflets printed up and put them through the door, especially if it’s like a localised business example that hanging TVs on the wall business, there’s going to be more in your local community Don’t think about it’s all Google ads and Facebook and Facebook that you know, walk round and go to your local supermarket and put a post threw up in those, those notice boards and libraries and even sort of men’s toilets and things. There’s places to advertise everywhere. But a lot of people are unwilling to actually do that face to face. So, yeah, what what, what did you think they are unwilling to do that is it’s quite simply, it’s it’s scary and it’s the self sabotage coming up.
Trish Marks [22:25]
Yes, it’s a self limiting beliefs, the fear of rejection, and the fear of what, what, what are people gonna think of me? And what if I don’t get this right? What if I get a client? And I don’t know what I’m doing? You know, like, there’s three universal fears that everybody has. And it’s a good thing to know this, that everybody has the same three universal fears, the fear of not being good enough. The fear of not being loved, and the fear of not belonging. Now they’re gonna show up in our worlds differently. I mean, I noticed my fear when I started my business was the biggest fear and the biggest driver of my habits and behaviour was, what would people think about me? You know, and you stop caring about what you think of yourself and you justify, you know, your own behaviour because all what will the Think of me you become very good at managing disappointment, David ran and looking for ways to change things. So, I knew I went back to the fact that I had I was crazy. I believed I was a strong courageous woman because I left a really big family and lots of friends in Ireland and I came over here and really didn’t know many people. So I always went back to that, okay, you had the courage to do that. Find something that you’ve been successful in and use that as your reference point. And I you I would volunteer. I volunteered and notations, just to do workshops, just to get in front of people. And then you know that pressure isn’t on you so much when you’re starting your business. Because when you’re starting a business, you take in every role on and it can become very overwhelming and you put a lot of pressure on yourself and being good enough. So I volunteered for a lot of workshops. And I would do workshops on on mindset, a lot of mindset, work on communication, whatever it is that I thought that organisation would really need, and through that I would get clients. So there’s many different ways to get yourself in front of people. And isn’t
David Ralph [24:52]
isn’t an easy thing. Yeah, if you’re not in front of people, you’re not gonna make money.
Trish Marks [24:57]
No, a little bit harder than I was. COVID-19 So, um, what you have to do now obviously what I have to do now is go online and then and that’s what I’m working was that like a business mentoring around is lifting your exposure online, you know? And that’s not my area of expertise. However I know that it’s where I need to be.
David Ralph [25:26]
Now with the COVID so many opportunities have arisen and so many people say to me, ah, I imagine you’re struggling now because of the pandemic and I go no boom sign. Yeah, I’m more people are sort of experiencing connecting on zoom and getting online and not just doing the things that they used to do. And now they can see a new way of operating now with yourself when without sort of benchmarking and timestamping this show too much. When the COVID and the situation hit. Did you have those Sports have Oh my god. My whole business is based about getting out in front of people in groups. This is the end. It’s Doomsday.
Trish Marks [26:08]
Yeah, no, I didn’t think it was Doomsday. I just said, I’ve got to find another way because that was my thing as a coach, there’s always another way. And lifestyle black and white never has been, never will be. And there’s always another way. So I knew that I just had to look for another way. And I knew that that the options were there. And the market, the potential online to engage larger groups of people is there if you want it.
David Ralph [26:42]
How’d you get over? Oh, Trish?
Trish Marks [26:44]
Well, this is it. Like I was just having a conversation the other day with a colleague of mine, who was who was setting up his coaching business. And he said to me, I don’t want to be a lead. A hardcore salesperson. And I thought, well, every time you open your mouth, you’re selling yourself. Hmm. And I said, there is that big fear where people don’t want to be sold. People don’t want to be sold to anyway, they want to buy from you. How and so I said, You’ve got to remain who you are. You’ve got to remain true to yourself. And I said, there’s a big formula right there No, because of the change in online marketing, and they have this formula where everything is really really quickly. You know, you if you don’t say no, then there’s something wrong with you, if you’re not going to say, and fact of the matter is some people need time to think about things. Some people only need a little bit information. Some people only need a lot of information. Some people need to know what the next step is. And so you have to learn to read your market know who your market is. And remember that you’re only talking to that boy person.
David Ralph [28:02]
And if you are struggling to sell just sort of leading into that, yeah, being you, quite honestly, you’re selling to the wrong person, you know, but that’s Yes, I used to put so much pressure on myself thinking I had to close every sale. And now we’ve been about, I don’t know, 30 seconds, I kind of think to myself, now this person’s not right. I can already sense it. And you just move to the next person you move to, there’s always somebody out there, as you say, that’s looking for you. You’ve just got to think about where they are.
Trish Marks [28:34]
That’s true, you know, up until 2017. I was busy all the time, you know, and I was taking everybody on. And then I had a health truck that I was diagnosed with cancer in 2017, which was a traumatic pain, but it made me realise and I think that’s what happens when you have a trauma change issue because you start to appreciate what’s more important to you. So I stepped back from my business for nearly two years. And I decided then really what it was that I noticed about everything around me because coming out of a trauma you do get a very distorted perspective of yourself and your life and you want to break it down and create a new one because you don’t want to live like that you want to be authentic for the next half year. Like you want to be that person, you know, that has strong relationships and, and, and, and more often, so I I really looked at what was holding me back and how might the self sabotage I was doing to myself all my life without realising. And that’s why I chose self sabotage. Most people will go through their life not knowing that they are really just preventing themselves from being the best. They can be because of the narrative they’re roaming in their head.
David Ralph [30:00]
This is interesting. So you need that dark time to actually show you that the way forward.
Trish Marks [30:08]
Absolutely, I didn’t realise how much emotional baggage I was carrying. And it was enough for me to say, Okay, I’m doing this, this time, I’m going to do this for me. And because you have to, it’s not selfish. It’s not a bad thing to be selfish. You’ve got to learn about what you are, and that I always did love helping people. And that was the thing that triggered me into getting into the industry in the first place. And I thought, and there’s something that stops people, I listened. And I thought there’s always that one thing that people would say, but but I want to do this but and it was that book that I had a lot of fun. I was lying around doing nothing. Even for myself. I was seeing that a lot. And I thought that’s the thing that stops We negate any positive we ever say to ourselves
as soon as we say, but
Unknown Speaker [31:09]
David Ralph [31:09]
vo is it about? Or is it just that they haven’t got the answers?
Trish Marks [31:17]
But they I don’t know what I’m doing. But this is what I’m telling myself. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I don’t know how to get the answer, but then they don’t do anything more about it. And so I thought it’s time that we started realising that we got to challenge your thinking, to change because it all starts from us. It doesn’t, it’s there’s nothing external. That that is making you be the way you are. It’s how you see yourself is how you see the world. So it starts from here. So you can give me a buffer as as long as you want, but I’m never Going to buy it. Because we’re all built with skills, and the ability to be the best that we want to be. Most people want success in their life and their definition of success, or berries. Right? And it might be the fact that they just want to do something that makes them feel good. But they have this fear of what people are gonna think of them. What if I have I’m not good enough? What if the people I like around me, I don’t belong to them anymore because I’m changing them different. It’s there if you wanted. So this is my mission is to get you to understand as a person as a leader, if you don’t understand and know your emotions, you will never be able to manage them to get positive outcomes in your world. Because it’s your emotional intelligence. It’s your emotion and I knew I was managing my emotions after the diagnosis, I didn’t manage them at all I hid from them. And looking back at my life, I realised oh my goodness, I run from fear I run from those things, because I didn’t know how to handle them. Now I will guide people like gay people, I let them a on identifying the emotions that they need to focus on, to be able to back themselves. Because as soon as you back yourself which means that you have made the decision that whatever happens in your life, you’re going to handle it. You know, you can and you will. It’s easier and not to do anything. But if you make the decision that you’re going to handle it, then your world opens up for you. Because you’re you’re more excited about it. taking chances, trying new things, and giving it a go. And that’s really what life is you can sit on the couch all your life and do nothing and watch life pass you by with Netflix, you got to be part of it. So you got to back yourself. And that’s what I want to see a lot more of people doing that and not blaming, or this is not right, because this is happening. This is stuff that’s there is no external factors that can stop you from being the best you can be, regardless of where you are here.
David Ralph [34:39]
And well, I agree with you totally. That’s why I was letting you go there. And one of the things that people have to realise and it’s become more and more evident to me, even though I’ve been kind of talking about it for seven years, but the more authentic I am to myself the more success I get become easier. And I think in the early days, I used to really try to almost play a role. And people see through that. And it’s just that kind of freedom and that relaxation. You know, I hardly work with anyone I really, if anybody becomes a client of mine, I really have to believe in them, you know, because what they need to know is, they have work ethic, they have belief, they have a drive, they have ambition, they have all these things that are fundamental to changing you, but so many people don’t have now with myself, Trish, I actually had burnout three years ago, and I literally came close to death on it. Now. I’ve talked about it hundreds of times on the show, but I always talk about it because it changed everything. It made me reassess my life. It made me reassess how I was operating. It made me reassess. I was actually the most important part of the whole puzzle. And if I didn’t look after myself, then I couldn’t possibly look after everybody else. It made me look at the way my business was running, how much time I was giving to non clients instead of clients, how many hours I was spending on these Facebook communities and these webinars and all this kind of stuff. And I just got rid of it. And I can see from that point on, business became easy. And that became my strapline. I could see that actually, business isn’t hard. You just have to have something that specific, you have to have something that people want, and you have to find the right people and if you do it well, most people come to you anyway. What do you think?
Trish Marks [36:45]
Oh, absolutely. I agree with the same story. Something has made you reassess your life I was the same and it made me realise to the time I was wasting on thinking what other people thought of me and It was me I as you read you are the We are the most important part of puzzles. And if we don’t realise that nobody else is going to tell us. And so that’s why I believe that I understanding. You know, according to Forbes magazine, David, only 36% of people actually know what emotion they’re feeling at any given time in the day. So most people walk around and they’ve got three or four emotions at the feel all the time. And I think that’s it. That’s who they are. That is not who you are. That’s who you think you are. And so being authentic is you have to feel you have to start feeling and knowing what you want. You just can’t take what the world champs up to you got to start appealing. And that’s the hardest thing people don’t want to feel pain. They’ll they’ll move away from it. Anything that gives them pain, they’ll ignore it and they’ll blame it on something else. But we have to take the decision make the decision to be in the pain to find out what is made what we’re made of within.
David Ralph [38:14]
It’s a strange thing being English, we’re very stiff upper lip and just get on with it and I just have a cup of tea and everything will be alright. And now I I am so aware of my emotions, because one of the things that I didn’t realise before the burnout was I was feeling wobbly all the time. I was literally just about to burst into tears without without knowing why. And anything would just get me sort of emotional, and I can look back on all these kind of clues and think to myself, I could have nipped everything in the bud. But I’m glad I didn’t. Because now even like before we connected Trish and I was reflecting on this. I felt slightly nervous to speak to you and I thought to myself, This is strange. I do reliving. Why am I feeling like this now? I can’t answer that. But I did. I was aware that there was a nervousness in me before we even connected but before I would have just ignored every single emotion that I had.
Trish Marks [39:14]
Mm hmm. Yeah, you can’t ignore your emotions because your motion drives you to motion. They’re all relevant. So if we are ignoring them what’s driving you?
David Ralph [39:33]
Because, yeah, it’s once again, did we could have you on for about nine weeks here. And we would still struggle to get to the bottom of this. So you have to feel the emotions First of all, and really then think to yourself, why am I feeling this? Why am I feeling nervous to speak to Trish? When I’ve done two and a half thousand of these episodes? Why am I still getting that feeling? How do I get the answer? Because that’s what people will have. It’s always it drives you to motion. But more often than not, the motion is becoming small instead of becoming big.
Trish Marks [40:10]
Well, you know, one of the things that I used to think about myself was that I didn’t, I didn’t trust. I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust the feelings I had. And I thought about that. And I thought, why do I not trust myself? What is it that this is telling me? And so I had to sit on it for a while and like I do I meditate. I think it’s important to give yourself some moments of stillness. I’m not one of those persons get up at six o’clock and do that meditation, but I do meditate in them. And I saw about that and I started thinking about past all our beliefs are developed before we’re seven years of age. And I can remember
an incident in my life where I was feeling.
I was feeling jealous, I remember feeling jealous, and I had a valid reason to feel it. And because of the feelings were swept under the mask, you weren’t to address him at all. So it was flipped. You know, I can remember the tip of the hands here. I don’t know why you’re thinking like that. That’s wrong. And so I picked up on that immediately. And from that point on, that became a universal belief for me, I start to believe that my feelings were wrong, and that I had to listen to someone else that they knew better than me. And that just components overlay over time, to the point where you can make a decision and because you’re not confident enough about your feelings, so it stops you from speaking up. It stops you Yeah, for having that voice. And I chose after the trauma to my voice had to be heard. And you need to be heard. Your voice needs to be heard, when and so what’s a limiting belief that you have somewhere in your life that you have picked up on and chose to make decisions continually based on that one belief, so we will self sabotage 24 hours a day, if there is a self limiting belief that we haven’t addressed. And so that’s part of what I work with you on is identifying and once you see what areas of the emotion equation that you’re not connecting what you’ll be very clear on what it is is holding you back
David Ralph [42:57]
is I actually have an issue. Trish this have been something that’s occurred to me over the last two years as well. But I don’t run away from stuff. I run towards it. And I run towards too many things. And so if there’s an obstacle, it’s like, Well, okay, I’m gonna just plough through, but the actual, the way to success is being selective on what you run towards. You can’t battle everything, you know. And over the last couple of years, I’ve been come more selective on what I actually channel my energies into. Because I’m not a runner away. I’m, I’m a runner towards and that’s just as bad isn’t it? Yeah,
Trish Marks [43:40]
yeah. Because moving port, you’re wanting to control everything. No. And that can be a problem. And that can show up in your life, just taking everything on. So understanding who you are and how you manage your emotions. How you
Unknown Speaker [44:02]
Trish Marks [44:05]
will give you the ability then to own. And you said this before and once you became authentic when you’re being authentic, your own and every feeling and every just who you are. And so what happens with that is you start to actually back yourself. And when you back yourself, what you’re doing is you’re becoming more committed to who you are, who you are. And so you’re aware more of your boundaries and what to accept in life and what not to accept in life. And so it gives you a sense of freedom, a sense of empowerment, because you’re letting go of the little things that really don’t matter. You’re only choosing the battles that are going to serve it and move you towards more being more authentic and learning more about yourself.
David Ralph [45:11]
So for the listeners out there, obviously we’ve still got that take you on this sermon on the mic and send you back to have a chat with yourself. But what’s the one big thing for them listening to the show today? And I think I’ve never really thought about how I’m feeling I just kind of plough through life. What’s the one thing that you think would be a real game changer for them to start doing?
Trish Marks [45:35]
Well, if Okay, I can give you a small exercise if you have a fear. If you have a fear of something like I’m not being good enough. Then what I want I suggest you do is write down. I am Fear not being good enough about like for instance, you have to write an essay or you have to do a presentation and you feel you’re not that you don’t know enough. What is one positive thing that can come out of that fear. Right That time What what? So the one positive thing that could come out of that fear, if you think that you don’t know about is do some, make sure you do know enough, make sure you do know enough. Now what would you do to support that? Well, what you would do to support that is do some study, do some research model someone that’s been what you’re gonna be doing. And then find something that say to yourself that will support what you’re doing. And that might be an effort, an affirmation, like, I own this, or whatever it is, it’s so true, but in every fear you have, look for the positive and then find something to do about it. And something to say about it that supports it. Because there’s always a positive in every fear. Always a positive and there’ll be fear.
David Ralph [46:48]
I tell your story. I used to do a lot of public speaking and I used to stand up and I used to find it quite easy to do just be sort of naturally hopefully engaging and stuff and this guy connected with me. But I used to work with and he said, like I do this presentation. And it’s a big presentation and I’m really sort of worried, you know, and I don’t know what to do with my hands. And I said to him, okay, I said, Get a desk, and then just kind of until you get the nerves under control. So sit on the side of the desk and just hold your hands on the desk, you know, they don’t need to know you’re nervous. Just sort of just be aware of you’re in control. So he said, Okay, so I set up the room. And he said to me, all the people sort of milled into the room, it was a big room. And they were all sort of that the high fliers, the the board, that the stakeholders, the people he needed to impress, and he saw them all million. And he said, so I walked to the front, and I went to sit down on the desk, and as I lifted my leg up, I broke windows violently unexpectedly. And he said the whole place laughed and he said, and I laughed as well. He said, I just couldn’t help it. And he said, all the nerves went, because I realised I connected I broken the ice. I didn’t didn’t have to be perfect anymore. And he just sort of went on with it. And he did it. And I always look at that little story. And I think to myself, yeah, a lot of times people are frightened that they’re not perfect enough. But actually in the situation, you don’t have to be perfect enough. You just have to be authentic and natural and real and and do your best. Really?
Trish Marks [48:31]
Yeah, you’re right. You just gotta be yourself because people can. If you’re nervous, what happens with your body, it can tarps itself on you and you can see your rigidity in it. And people will read the nonverbal cues and the believes a number because much more than they believe the word she’s saying. And that’s just our unconscious mind will read. We read the body language. That’s what we believe. First and foremost,
David Ralph [49:01]
yeah, and I’m not advising everybody to go into rooms and just
Trish Marks [49:04]
David Ralph [49:06]
Yeah, that’s not the way but it worked for him. So this is the end of the show. And this is the bit that we’ve been building up to when we’re going to send you back in time to have a one on one with your younger self. And if you could go back in time and speak to the young Trish, what advice would you like to give her Well, we’re going to find out because I’m going to play the music and as it fades, it’s your time to talk. This is sermon on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [49:39]
We go with the best bit
Unknown Speaker [49:42]
of the show.
Trish Marks [49:57]
Dear Trish, what I would say to you Trish is trust yourself more than anything is that trust yourself. That is so important. Trust that you know, even though you don’t feel you’re fit and that you do, you’ll fit in there doesn’t matter but fitting in, but really trust yourself because no one knows you like you do. And don’t assume that they do. And understand that life’s not black and white. There’s always, always another way. And all I would tell you know, listen very carefully about how you talk to yourself, because that determines your success, and the success of your peace of mind. So, just enjoy the journey, and have fun and know that you’re enough. Keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll get to where you want to do make your story full of laughter Because that’s the best medicine.
David Ralph [51:03]
Yeah, great stuff. So Trish, what’s the number one best way that our audience can connect with you?
Trish Marks [51:10]
Well, you can connect this me on my website, www dot marks consultancy.com.au, or any of the social platforms, I’m on the Trish marks. And if you want a quick chat, I can do a five minute chat, just book in the calendar for a quick chat about what emotional intelligence can do for you. And can you can you do enough in five minutes, five minutes, you’ll be able to connect with the person because as you said, David, the people that are meant for you, you’ll be able to realise very, very quickly
David Ralph [51:49]
that five minutes is enough great stuff. And I must admit, I went over to your website and while we’re talking about your website, and you’ve done something very, very clever that I don’t see many people do but usually stripped back every single option of a vein to connect with you. There’s no sort of about page there’s no, you know, pages is simply that’s the only option that I could have done when I landed on your site.
Trish Marks [52:13]
Yeah, because there’s not a boat me. Really, I am I, what I’m using No, this platform is his podcasts at the minute. I’ve done quite a few of them that I haven’t really put up on my website yet. But I’ve done it quite a few because I think that’s the avenue the platform. That is one of the best platforms to speak to people. And if you connect, if there’s one thing that I say in a conversation with someone that makes them challenge your thinking, then they’ll look they’ll look for you. They’ll find you.
David Ralph [52:50]
Yeah, I agree. I agree. Totally. So Trish, thank you so much for spending time with us today. joining those dots. And please come back again when you’ve got more dots to join up because I do believe that by joining up the dots and connecting our past is actually the best way to build our futures. Trish Marques. Thank you so much.
Trish Marks [53:07]
Thank you for having me. Have a great time. Thanks again.
David Ralph [53:13]
So Trish Marks stopping self sabotage. And it’s that one thing, that’s what make makes a business fly by Alberta to be something that somebody wants and become an expert at that thing. It doesn’t have to be sexy. It doesn’t have to be, you know, world changing. It could be something like, you know, as simple as changing tires on a bicycle really easy. You know, there’s a new thing about electric bikes, you could start a business that goes around, changing people’s old bikes into electric bikes, you know, it doesn’t have to be sexy stuff. It just has to be one thing and drill down on T you’re known as expert Tricia has done that she now Now specialises in stopping self sabotage. She understands the emotions that help trigger these these thoughts that run through us. That’s what she’s good at. Okay, what are you good at? And what are you good at? Easily? Better than anybody else. Even if it’s so easy, you don’t really value it. That’s your thing that you need to be focusing in on. Until next time, you Look after yourselves, and I’ll see you soon. Cheers. Bye bye.
Are you ready to make a full time living online? Check out the amazing Join Up Dots business coaching. Hello, my name is Alan. And I’ve just completed the excellent eight week course with David before I started working with David Actually, I had no idea at all where to start. I had a lot of ideas about while I probably thought was going to be good business, David was able to help me through that though, to find that passion. Within literally minutes. We had we had a business idea. And for the last seven weeks, we’ve been building on it and building on it and the position I’m in now, but if you’ve got an ever got here on my own because of the amount of information that David gives the structure, he’s got the full package here, and he explains it in a way that I can understand. His support is phenomenal. I feel like this is the way business is supposed to work. David helped me understand, okay, what were the next logical steps that I should do? How, how can I get this up and running? So I would really recommend this as an excellent course helping you if you have an idea if you have no idea, really teasing that out and at some of the practicalities and steps to take to really launch your business whether as a full time job was a side hustle. So it was really excellent. I recommend it for anybody thinking about setting up their own business. I both use an exaggeration to say David will totally save you years. Thank you, David for your amazing help and support which keeps on going and we certainly couldn’t be where we are today with that. If you’re awesome,
David Ralph [56:02]
so if you would love to become my next success story and have your own life changing online business following my step by step system, fine tuned over many years to take away the effort and expense that others struggle with, and come across to Join Up dots.com and book a free call with myself. Let’s get you living the easy life as it’s there waiting for you to get it right is Join Up dots.com business coaching.
That’s the end of Join Up Dots. You’ve heard the conversation. Now it’s time for you to start taking massive action. Create Your life is the only life we’ll be back again real soon. Join Up Dots Join Up Dots Join Up Dots, God’s Joy Joy