Welcome to the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast with Mr Andrew Bryant
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Introducing Andrew Bryant
Andrew Bryant is our guest today on the Join Up Dots business coaching podcast interview.
He is a man who has for the last twenty or so years travelled the world on a mission.
A mission to help others develop the skills required to be the best leaders they can.
Andrew originally trained as a physiotherapist, but became curious about what makes the difference in performance whilst working with athletes.
How do some athletes seem to find that extra something that pushes them on to glory, whilst not being obviously more gifted than the rest.
This led him to study positive psychology, hypnosis, NLP, organisational behaviour and leadership, NeuroSemantics, Meta-Coaching, and even traditional Chinese medicine.
How The Dots Joined Up For Andrew Bryant
So with all that information literally exploding from him, its not surprising that he has also published two books, one that is somewhat expected, and another that I found a bit of a surprise.
Self Leadership by Andrew Bryant – How to become a more successful, efficient and effective leader from the inside out.
So really where do we start, when we have a guest that can not only push us on wards towards promotion and career success, but can also ensure that we get a bit of hanky panky every now and again too.
Well let’s bring onto the show to start joining up dots, as we discuss the words of Steve Jobs with the one and only leadership guru himself, Mr Andrew Bryant
During today’s show we discussed such weighty topics with Andrew Bryant such as:
How being present in the moment is so important to manifest success in your life!
How we need to teach our children resilience and the ability to learn before any standard educational criteria!
How his daughter has started her first business at the age of 8 with his help!
How he wouldn’t be scared to sing in the 02 Arena, London …although it may not be pleasant to the audience!
Discover what “The Marshmallow Test” is and how you can bring this into your own life.
Books By Andrew Bryant
How To Connect With Andrew
Or if you prefer just pop over to our podcast archive for thousands of amazing episodes to choose from.
Audio Transcription Of Andrew Bryant Interview
David Ralph [0:00]
Good morning, everybody out there in internet land, I hope you’re well, I really do. You should be well, because, as I keep on saying to you, you’ve always got the choice to make it. So our guest today is a gentleman that I’ve been trying to get on since the very beginning. And he was actually one of the first guests that committed to the show, even before pre launch. So it is a delight for me personally, to actually be speaking to him because it means that we’re making progress. Our guest today has for the last 20 or so years traveled the world on a mission, a mission to help others develop the skills required to be the best leaders that they can. He originally trained as a physio therapist, but became curious about what makes a difference in performance. whilst working with athletes. How do some athletes seem to find that extra something that pushes them on to glory? Well, it’s not being obviously more gifted than the rest. This led him to study positive psychology, hypnosis, NLP, organizational behavior, and leadership, new semantics, meta coaching, and even traditional Chinese medicine. And I’ll be honest, I don’t understand half those words. But hopefully we’re going to find out what that is all about during the conversation. So we’ve all that information literally exploding from him. It’s not surprising that he’s also published two books, one that is somewhat expected. And another that I found a bit of a surprise, self leadership how to become a more successful, efficient and effective leader from the inside out. Yeah, okay. I can see that one, flirting 101 How to charm your way to love, friendship and success. So really, where do we start when we have a guest that can not only push us onwards towards promotion and career success, but can also ensure that we get a bit of Hanky Panky every now and again, too. And that’s not bad, Mr. box. So let me introduce you to today’s amazing guest. But leadership guru himself. Mr. Andrew, Brian, how are you today? Sir?
Andrew Bryant [2:28]
I’m awesome. Thank you for asking David
David Ralph [2:30]
You are a man who I looked at your location, you’re in Singapore at the moment. So you must be a man who likes to sweat. Because I’ve never sweated more than when I spent some time in Singapore drip drip every single day?
Andrew Bryant [2:45]
Well, I wouldn’t say I like it, but you certainly get used to it after you spend a period of time here. It’s not about the sweat. Singapore is just you know, it’s the entry to Asia and I like to travel. And so with living in Singapore, I know I can catch a plane like catching a bus and fly all over Southeast Asia down to Australia. so easily. So that’s why I live here. The humidity just comes with the territory. But did you
David Ralph [3:11]
ever get used to it? Or do you do you still go oh my god, I just long for British rain.
Andrew Bryant [3:17]
I never long for British rain. I don’t mind Australian autumns. I was down in Melbourne last week. And it was just lovely and cool. And I was really appreciating that. I don’t think I’ve ever missed English rain. I left England in 1985. I don’t mind English summers. But English rain. I’m not a fan of we had a
David Ralph [3:35]
ton of it was winter, it seemed like it does rain constantly. But day after day after day after day. So yeah, even people who liked it, even the ducks were complaining this winter
Andrew Bryant [3:45]
shock. But here’s the thing, you know, complaining doesn’t make any difference does it? So, I mean, the humidity is the humidity. And I think it’s the choice to go It is what it is and focus on what you need to do. Put it this way, I just haven’t worn a tie for a few years. That that would really be pushing it.
David Ralph [4:03]
And is that something that you naturally do easily not complain? Just accept your situation? Or is that something that you’ve actually had to develop? Because certainly in I’ve come out of corporate land, and recently, and I was more and more aware in corporate name, but people couldn’t do that they needed to moan because it gave them a kind of connection with the other mon is in the office. You accepting your situation? Is that something that you can just do?
Andrew Bryant [4:31]
And like to practice that took a commitment. I mean, obviously, I’m English by birth. So So complaining was part of my DNA. Yeah, well, yeah, absolutely. And and Singaporeans, the British left Singapore in 19, sorry, in 1965. And Singaporeans have taken queuing to an art form. So that’s always interesting. So you know, I go, I taught myself to stop complaining. It doesn’t, it doesn’t make you a practice. It’s not fun, and it doesn’t change the situation. You know, we get what we focus on. And if we’re focusing on what we’re complaining about, we just get more of that. So it’s, it’s a learned skill, and it definitely enables me to enjoy life a lot more.
David Ralph [5:15]
How do you learn? But Bo, Andrew, how do you teach yourself to stop complaining, because I think it’s an absolute fundamental point, to get the success you want in life. And the only way you can do that is by changing your mindset. So people out there who who complain, but they don’t even know they bear complaining, they just think it’s part of conversation. How can I be more aware of that?
Andrew Bryant [5:36]
Well, the answer that is I can’t, because in your in your lead up to that you say they’re not aware of it. So the whole point about self leadership is it starts with self awareness. It starts with the question, you know, is this working for me? So, you know, and this is this is, you know, where Dr. Phil kind of, you know, got, you know, got famous by challenging people to say, how’s that working out for you? And that’s what I would say complaints. I mean, if they’re complaining, I know is that working for you, and complaint is aren’t aware that they have a choice, that there’s a different way of looking at it, it gives them some validation. So they won’t change unless they they’re looking for a better experience, or unless they’re challenged by somebody that they trust to, to wake up and smell the coffee, that that just is not working
David Ralph [6:22]
with your experience. you’re you’re you’re traveling the world, and you’re speaking in front of vast audiences, and doing your conferences and your presentations? Do you see certain people in high positions that still have that trait in Burma? Or to get to that higher position? Do they have to become more aware of their own personal skills?
Andrew Bryant [6:45]
Well, yes, I’m certainly as working as a one to one executive coach, you see, people reach that level of incompetence, they they’re what got them to senior level often was sort of some drive for, for success or for numbers, and that they hit hit this, this this barrier, where they can’t get any further. And that can actually in some organizations, that can be pretty high, they can get to CEO, still quite dysfunctional in some areas of their life, and then wake up that it is not working. Others would sort of, you know, hit the VP level and realize that they can’t move from VP to, to director or from director to managing director without changing some aspect of their mindset. So, you know, I believe that there’s always sort of a level of turbulence in life that shakes us up. And when we hit that turbulence, you know, we have the opportunity to say, why is this working for me? And if not, what else could we do? So in my experience, I’ve seen some people at very high level, at a high level of dysfunction. I mean, I came to this, this this afternoon, I had a exploratory meeting with a general manager of an airline. And he was discounting himself, he had been successful up into a point was about to employ me to help him to go to the next level, and enact conversation, he kept saying, Yes, but and every time I asked him for something, he came up with an excuse. And in the conversation, I said, you know, you realize you’re making excuses. And he said, Yes, but and I said, Well, there it goes again. And and then the lights came on.
David Ralph [8:16]
What do you think he was doing that?
Andrew Bryant [8:19]
It was a number of reasons, you know, he hadn’t found higher education, he took him an extra year or so to finish his degree. And, you know, he had a failed marriage. And that sort of set up a patent for him that he had to work extra hard. And he kind of convinced himself that he wasn’t as you know, they needed to compare himself with other people. And, and so he was he was giving himself a jet, get out of jail free card in that, well, if I run it success, but I don’t make it here the reasons why. So sometimes people do that they, they kind of create a parachute for themselves, they go well, you know, I’ll run at this goal. But if I don’t make it, it’s not really my fault. And this is this is the, this is the interesting thing, paradox of the self help movement. So if you listen to Tony Robbins, or, or, you know, even Oprah, they’ve got two ends of the scale. They’re either saying, you know, success is totally up to you, that if you want to be successful, if you work hard enough, you focus enough, you know, you believe in yourself enough, you will be successful. But if you don’t, then you were a victim. And it’s not your fault, your mother was an alcoholic, or your father lost his job. And you know, it’s society’s fault. So they kind of get out of jail free. You know, the reality is somewhere in the middle is that, you know, there is an element of luck and being in the right place at the right time. So unfortunately, what people do is that they they set themselves this parachute, they don’t make total commitment or something for fear that if they don’t get it, that they’re going to feel bad about themselves.
David Ralph [9:45]
It’s a shame, isn’t it, because, you know, I’m doing this and I’m doing on a daily basis, and it took work, it took a lot of work to actually get it going. And there were times in my head, I was thinking I was never going to work. It’s all right for other people, my thinking and all that kind of stuff. But now I’ve pushed through it. I’ve gone through that turbulence, and like an airplane, I’ve gone through the turbulence, and now I’m in the smooth out. And it just seemed to be but i’m i’m coasting. And I’m I’m not working as hard as it was getting there. And I was talking to a guy last night, actually. And I said, Now I’ve got a level of success coming my way, I’m actually starting to feel a bit guilty, guilty that I deserve that level of success, even though I can look back and think yes, I was I was working at two o’clock in the morning, I was working three o’clock in the morning, when I should have been in bed. But um, it just seems to be where the devil and Angel situation on your shoulder is always with us.
Andrew Bryant [10:37]
It is it’s the inner dialogue, we call that that that lie. And the bigger the little lie is the is the small ego that is driving for validation and need. Whereas the big guy is that which drives you to higher purpose. The challenge of the guilt, of course, is once you get some success, if you don’t think you’re worthy, your unconscious mind will busily sabotage your success. So you can be back in the grind. Again, be aware of that, except that success, enjoy it, celebrate it, be grateful for it, and then get more of it.
David Ralph [11:08]
Well, that’s what I’m going to aim for, I’m gonna have a big picture of you about me desk every moment.
Andrew Bryant [11:14]
I’m not sure that’s going to be helpful. But you know, in front of me about this turbulence, I’d like to share with you just a series of things that, you know, in one of my seminars, I, I share with my audience that, that we’re always in a situation, you know, the situation of our birth or, you know, the situation and our work, whatever that situation is, it is what it is. And we talked about acceptance. And then the next thing is that from that situation, that that that drives a level of habits, habitual behaviors, you know, people have the habit of complaining, as you said, or the habit of finding them, the the the resource or the positivity and in the scenario, and then this this little lie is the is the inner dialogue that is happening, I can do it, you know, I’m successful, you know, I can push through or I’m not ready the I can’t do it, you know, it’s all right for other people. So that’s the little I the inner dialogue. And then of course, life deals with some turbulence, which either shakes us up, and we move up to the next level, or we get knocked on, on the floor. So so it’s situation habits, in a dialogue and turbulence. Now, if I could only come up with an acronym for that, it would be really memorable. Because sometimes if we could just get over sh it, we could move forward to success.
David Ralph [12:28]
I like what you did, yes. So you’re, you’re successful, you’ve got to be successful, because you’re on this show, Andrew, and this is the benchmark a benchmark of success. But do you have those same thoughts? Or are you happy where you are now? Are you still striving to go forward and forward and forward?
Andrew Bryant [12:48]
It’s a balance. So I, I’m grateful for where I am. And I enjoy the success I have. And I always, you know, challenge myself to go a little bit further. So it’s that balance between contentment and and desire. And Peter Sankey had a nice analogy for that is that the tension should feel somewhat like putting a rubber band around your index finger and your thumb and if you just take a rubber band around your index finger and and pull that out, you should feel a level of tension. It’s not so great that it makes the moment uncomfortable. And yet it exists so that you realize that you could do something better. So here’s what I mean about that. So I was I was working coaching somebody who, who wanted to be an airline pilot, and they were working in an actually in the airline industry, but not a pilot. And and I spoke to them about what they would need to do to become a pilot. We went through this whole process. And then I asked them a question about 45 minutes in I said, if you do this, what do you have to give up? And there was a deafening silence. And then after that, she said I’d have to give up golf. And I said what do you play a lot ago, she’s no only play on Sundays. I said, but what what why is that such a big gift? She said, because my job is stressful. And if I give up the golf, I’ll go crazy. I won’t be how to manage the stress. So I said, well, when you’re playing golf, do you guilt yourself for not studying for your pilot’s license? She said, Yes. So I said you can’t the choice you can give up golf, or you can give up guilty yourself for for not doing the pilot’s license. And she surprised me, she said, You know what, I really don’t want that goal anymore. I want to enjoy my golf. And so I didn’t turn her into a pilot, I just helped to become a better and happier golfer,
David Ralph [14:30]
which is a major success, isn’t it, if you get to the point in your life, when you kind of go yes, I know what I’m aiming for. And because we all have the swivel situation, don’t wait where the next shiny thing that passes a swivel. And we we focus in on that, and then we we channel all our energies, and then the next one that comes along, we change. So I think the fact that she now knows that she wants to be happy on the golf course, I think that’s a huge positive.
Andrew Bryant [14:55]
It is I mean, so this is mindfulness. This is you know, this is being okay with where you’re right now. So mindfulness says is, is is Eastern meditation, with all the religions scrubbed out of it. And it’s, it’s being researched, you know, out of Harvard, and there’s a lot of positive research about mindfulness being, you know, the ability to be present in the moment, and not distracted. So we’re all busy multitasking. And somebody listening to this, this radio show, and they’re also answering an email and checking their phones, and those of you are doing
David Ralph [15:28]
it, they’re totally
Andrew Bryant [15:30]
while they should be because, you know, the research clearly shows that that’s what’s driving a lot of our unhappiness is that, you know, it’s we’re waiting for the next email on the next Oh, my God, it’s a Facebook update, I must check it. And that actually is robbing us of a lot of happiness and a lot of our success. And also we were getting very busy, but not very effective.
David Ralph [15:48]
It is funny you say that? Because I don’t own a mobile phone. And I’ve never owned a mobile phone. And in my career, my corporate career, they used to say to me, we’ve got to get you a mobile phone, are you say why? And I used to say, so that we can get in contact with you. I go, Well, you can I’m here. And like, Yeah, but what if you’re not here? Well, then I’m not at work, and you can’t get in contact with me. And I used to have this battle all the time. And then it became like a pressure but other people with their mobile phones wanting to contact me. And I used to say, No, it’s not going to happen. So I consciously I will check my emails, first thing in the morning, and I will check my Facebook, first thing at night or last thing at night. But the mobile phone, no one can get me I haven’t got one phone in my life. And it seems to be more pressure for other people, because they don’t like the fact that they can’t get me when you want more than myself. But you do have to do that. You’ve got to separate yourself. Otherwise, you’re just being pulled from pillar to post. It’s like very small addictions all the time, isn’t it when it goes being? Oh, what’s that thing was that and you just never remain focused?
Andrew Bryant [16:52]
It is it’s an squirrel. Yeah, as you rightly said, and let me let me acknowledge and celebrate you for that is that you know, if you if you manage to push back on that, that actually is a self leadership piece. That’s that’s a that’s a setting up that boundary me Not me, you you know what you want. And and other people say you should do this is other people imposing on your life. So, you know, the level of our success is very much about how much we are living authentically to our own script. So I’ve written a couple of books. And as you’ve articulated as an author, I’m an authority. And we are all authors of our own lives. We are writing the script, yet many of your listeners out there are allowing other people to write scripts for them. You know, Stephen Covey talked about, you know, the four quadrants and quadrant three is important to other people, but not important to your mission. And we need to be able to have a really clear boundary by letting people politely know thank you, but no, thank you. That’s your stuff. That’s not my stuff.
David Ralph [17:53]
I heard a bloke one’s in an office A while back, and I can’t remember but the leader he quoted, so I’m going to say a bomber because he’s in my mind at the moment. And the man said, he’s a manager came across and said, I emailed you last night you didn’t respond. And he said, Well, what time is this? And he said, eight o’clock? He said, Well, I won’t respond. I’m not looking at it. He said, You’ve got to look at it. You know, that is your job. And he said the same thing as I did. It’s not my job. And the man said, in this office it is. And he said, Unless you’re Barack Obama, you cannot expect to be answering emails 24 hours a day. And even Barack Obama probably switches it off every now and again. And I remember hearing him say that, and I thought, yeah, you’re you’re spot on, you’re spot on. But we can’t be active 24 hours a day, you’ve got to have your own internal dialogue that speaks to you. And if it’s right for you, Ben, Ben SATA West Andrew.
Andrew Bryant [18:46]
Yes, you will be careful you don’t say song to them? Because they can take that very personally. It is.
David Ralph [18:51]
It is no one’s listening to this. The internal dialogue,
Andrew Bryant [18:55]
the internal dialogue. Yeah, and I you know, I talk a lot about, about the ability to effectively say no, and so many motivational speakers are saying, you know, you need to say yes to your dreams. The reality is that to say yes to our dreams, we have to say no to a whole bunch of distractions. And yes, and now about the two sides of the decision coin, the word decision has the same Latin root. And here’s my English grammar, school education, the same Latin root as the word incision. So when a surgeon cuts into you, they’re cutting in when we make a decision, we cut apart, we say yes to what we want. And we say no, door, we don’t want the challenges that many of us were taboo, from saying no, we weren’t allowed to say no to our parents or our teachers. And so we grow up feeling very uncomfortable being able to say no, and we end up saying, maybe or I’ll try and we end up doing stuff being coerced to do stuff that we don’t truly believe in. That’s not truly part of our authorship. And we feel unhappy.
David Ralph [19:59]
So with you, taking you back, getting back into actual the core theme of the show joining up dots you studied was it medicine First of all,
Andrew Bryant [20:11]
physiotherapy physios? I was going to I was going to mention that they merged my boys Grammar School with the girls high school just before my A Levels and my social life was fantastic. My Grades took a bit of a beating.
David Ralph [20:24]
But that’s why you’ve lost your hair over the years. There was too much pressure.
Andrew Bryant [20:28]
Too much pressure possibly. Yes. Although they do say in Chinese medicine, it’s the to the brain is to heating see, so too much thinking makes the hair full out?
David Ralph [20:37]
Yes. I’ve got a full full head of hair. So I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. For sure.
Andrew Bryant [20:44]
So yes, start as a physiotherapist. Sorry to interrupt you.
David Ralph [20:47]
Yeah. And so now you in Singapore? Um, how did that happen? How did you end up being in quite a while a totally different environment or two where you first focused in on?
Andrew Bryant [20:59]
Okay, so the short story is, so I graduated as a physiotherapist in 1982, who did a couple of years in hospitals in in London at University College Hospital. And so you kind of have to do that sort of internship and rotate around different aspects of medicine. And then I began working in a private clinic. And I began helping out with the medical team on with another physio that was working with Tottenham Hotspur and working with sports people, and began working with ballet companies and some elite athletes and I cottoned on to the fact that performance was was more mental and it was physical. And I began to become more interested in in what was driving performance. And the psychology part of my training as a physio and I began to, to research psychology and the 80s was the beginning of the coaching industry people we didn’t really know what we’re doing. We were asking questions, and I read everything I could I, you know, I’ve read all the psychology books, I could get hold off. And I started reading NLP books and taking calls courses and hypnosis, and I started to get results, you know, people started to come to me, and I started get a reputation for helping people achieve their goals. And my my personal goal around surfing and windsurfing took me to Australia. And as an entrepreneur, I set up a chain of physiotherapy and acupuncture clinics. By this time, I had a postgraduate in acupuncture. And again, I started doing this, this coaching people around performance. And one day, I helped a sports team that was sponsored by a company, and the managing director gave me a call and said, You’ve helped my sports team. Now come on, now come and help my my management team because they suck. And so I came into looking at individual performance in organizations, from a very different paradigm from the Stanford MBA Business School approach. I came with this very holistic view individuals perform in environments, looking at the environments, the cues for performance, the the movies that they were playing in their mind, the dialogues that they were having. And I mean, I began to design programs from the ground up. And they were fairly revolutionary at that time. And I got results. And, and so I built it. alongside my chain of physiotherapy clinics, I began to build a consultancy around speaking and coaching performance. Doing this, I actually lost all my money or from my fitness centers and, and physio clinics, because I take my eye off the ball and some competition and come up. And and I was actually very close to bankruptcy. And I realized that well, I’m actually gonna have to apply all this stuff I’m teaching to myself. And I thought do I want to go back and and build a medical practice again, and I decided not, I decided to focus on my passion, which was getting people to step up and, and live to their full potential, whatever that is. And as that consulting grew, I got some successes that brought me to the attention of Singapore Airlines. And in 2003, they brought me to Singapore. And I put leadership and coaching programs into Singapore Airlines. They flew me all over the world. And Singapore Airlines was a great signature client, that I was able to then to leverage the other clients and say, Well, I’m working with Sq Can I help you? And I said, Oh, yes, please. And I began working with Credit Suisse and Deutsche Bank, and Microsoft and Nokia. And before I knew it, I was traveling all around the region, working with senior leaders and senior leadership teams.
David Ralph [24:27]
So really, when when you first went into physiotherapy, you couldn’t have dreamt that your life would end up where it is today?
Andrew Bryant [24:35]
No, absolutely not. You know,
I was initially disappointed that I didn’t make it into my first plan was to do the first year of physio, and then step into medicine. So initially, I was a bit disappointed, I would have, you know, I don’t know whether this was latent narcissism or early narcissism. However, I would have always had a belief I was going to be successful. I always had a sort of a, an expectation. My father was an entrepreneur, and his father was an entrepreneur. So I had a, so the physio just didn’t sit with me until I began running my own practices. And I was able to, to connect with that entrepreneurial side of me. But now I had no idea. This is where I would end up,
David Ralph [25:14]
I’m going to play a Steve Jobs speech, which is the theme of the show, because it really does cement what you just said, your life, up to a certain point was about taking risk, taking chances using gut intuition. So I’m going to just play this. And I just want to ask you what I asked generally, most of the guests, do, you still feel that this is relevant to you today, after achieving so much success in your life.
Steve Jobs [25:39]
Of course, it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards, 10 years later. Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future, you have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leaves you off the well worn path. And that will make all the difference. So still relevant?
Andrew Bryant [26:17]
Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, we make meaning out of our lives. So you know, the connecting the dots is it makes meaning. When you look back, you construct that meaning you can see the path. And, you know, I can say all of the skills that I picked up along the way from, you know, understanding biomechanics, it’s still useful in the sense that I coach a lot of engineers, or speak to engineers. And because I did biomechanics, I can relate to engineers. Because I, you know, because I was an entrepreneur myself, I’m able to help entrepreneurs. So it makes sense, looking backwards. But absolutely, as Steve said, then you got no idea what’s going on in the moment. And the beauty of that is to be excited about you’ve got no idea what you’re your heart
David Ralph [27:01]
is a weird thing, though, isn’t it because my my son’s 12 at the moment, and my wife, and I was in the car yesterday. And she said, Oh, he’s got to choose these options, which is the kind of English terms, the kids decide on what lessons they need to fulfill their career. And he’s 12. And although he’s got to do it, I kind of almost say, I’ll just choose the ones that you like, or you fancy because you can sort it out at the end. But there is that that kind of drive for a path, but is already realized from such an early age where when you look back, you realize, actually no, it was the part that you were creating all the way along the line.
Andrew Bryant [27:40]
I mean, you know, your 12 year mice, my son is only six and a half. And and, you know, we’re educating them for, for jobs that don’t exist yet. And we’re educating them very often, in methodologies that were designed to fill production lines from the Industrial Revolution. So, you know, I think the important thing that we need to educate our children, and I referenced this in my book self leadership is, is we need to teach them to learn, we need to teach them to be resilient. So we don’t want to always, you know, just celebrate them getting an A or a B, we want to celebrate levels of improvement, so that they build resilience that they understand that they have control over their own lesson plan. And so you know, my daughter is eight and a half, and she’s trying to decide whether to continue with Mandarin. Or, or learn French, well, we’re in Asia, I’d really like to learn Mandarin, but she doesn’t want to learn Mandarin, she wants to learn French, the point being as long as she learns the language, or as long as she learns to learn how to learn a language, she can go and do whatever she wants later. Because you know, that sense of autonomy, the ability to make your own decisions is what we need to instill in our kids. And it because that allows them to have self leadership, if you crush their, their decision making too early, if you if you mark out a path for them, and to boo them for making their own decisions, from taking risks from making mistakes, you are paralyzing them for success in the future.
David Ralph [29:03]
But it’s not so easy. The parents parents will generally say you can do anything you want. And we were very supportive and stuff. It’s the peer group isn’t is the peer pressure. It’s when you’re at school, I’ve already started seeing it with my son, where I say to him, you know, what you want to be in life I need go, I don’t really know, where if I’d asked him when he was a five year old, he could tell me five or six things that he wanted to be really amazing things like presidents and prime ministers and things like that. So it is it’s the group around them, I think, who kind of gradually chip away chip away chip away until they become 16 year olds going into that conveyor belt of jobs into offices. Like Like we’ve we did.
Andrew Bryant [29:42]
Sure. I mean, social pressure is huge. I mean, I once had a mother say to a son, you know, if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump to and he went, yeah. And because, because the social pressure will be so huge. And I think that’s why we you know, we as parents want to have our kids are around like minded kids. So the problem is that for some reason, entrepreneurship, you know, thinking for yourself, at the moment is not cool, you know, for you know, being you know, at school being mediocre is is what gets you through school, the moment you stand out, you know, you’ve got to have the resilience to handle the social pressure. My daughter is eight and a half and and I’m helping her with her first business. So there’s a craze in the schools here. And I don’t know whether it’s hit the UK I’m sure it has. And it’s something called a loom. And they they build these bracelets out of rubber bands on a loom and, and and we were at the Swiss Club, which is where you know, I hang out of the weekend with another swimming pool, etc. And, and somebody went, Oh, that’s really cute. Can I buy one for my daughter? And I said, Well, sure you can buy you know you okay to sell it. Tasha she’s absolutely. And how much? Tasha? I don’t know. I said what? You’ve been giving money to your charity at school, your your the equivalent of the US RS PCA in England, I think. And why don’t why don’t you ask for $5 you keep $1 for your, for your resources and give $4 to the ASPCA equivalent. And she said, so she sold her first bracelet. So I’ve now set her up with a supply and we gave us $40 worth of supplies. And we’ve calculated the how many she needs to sell to, to to buy her next $40 of supplies and everything over and above that is profit. And right now she started her first business.
David Ralph [31:27]
Well, good on her. I think that deserves a big round of applause from everyone out there because it does set her on the path doesn’t lead to making money. You know, I was having the same conversations with my kids the other day where I say to them, Look, if you can make your own money, you will never have to worry about being made redundant again. Yes, you were a precious, yes, you might go belly up or whatever. But it’s not as scary as going into a job and never knowing it’s your last one the last day in that job, but not having anything to back it up. I’ve we have a family business. And we have quite a few people that come in, who can’t read them, right? But they are so streetwise and they can always make money. And I like that. Obviously I’d like him to be able to read and write as well. But to be able to go out there and create their own future by taking action and hustling is a huge, huge thing in life. So I think, you know, testament to yourself, Andrew, you know, instilling that into your daughter, I think that’s a great thing to do.
Andrew Bryant [32:26]
Absolutely, absolutely. She’s gonna be a tough boss though, because I was suggesting that her cost of we were going to drop the price down to $2 50. And you know, her cost of resources is only about 20 cents. And I said when production goes up or demand goes up, you’re going to need to get your brother to help you out. You know why don’t you know if it’s only costing you 20 cents and resources if you get Nathan to do them, you could pay him $1 per unit. And and you know and you’re you’re increasing your production she said now I’m going to pay him $1 a month so hasn’t quite worked at her employee motivation yet and we’ll work on that next work on that.
David Ralph [33:05]
But that’s strong, strong willed strong. She knows her vision
Andrew Bryant [33:09]
she Yeah, but she’s she’s got it started she absolutely does. And when she makes enough she can buy daddy a Harley Davidson so
David Ralph [33:16]
is that is that what you would like? I had with my both my kids I well you know I haven’t it’s one of those things that I haven’t bought for myself that you know it’s one of those sort of not need to have but like to have and I’ve just been toying with the idea of getting one and both the both the kids know that that that’s what Daddy wants and I’m going to save up you know, they both said I save up money to buy you the Harley Davidson Daddy, which is so kid is my birthday. April the 30th on launch day although we’re recording this before launch day, April the 30th it’s going to be the day we go live is my birthday. And they’ve been saying to me you know what would you like what would you like and the only thing that I can think of is a new pair of slippers and it really is not as exciting as a harm but that’s that’s all I’m saying you must want more of an a new pair of slippers and ago now my slippers a folding of pieces and I like warm feet. So I think you know that the thought of being on a Harley whizzing through the Malaysian jungle. How fast can you go over there? What’s the speed limit?
Andrew Bryant [34:17]
Well, officially if you cross the border from Singapore to Malaysia officially it’s 100 and hundred and 10 kilometers an hour the reality is that the but if the policeman stops you on the spot 50 ringgit fine or donation makes this the speeding ticket go away. So the answer is people have got away with 300 kilometers an hour without a ticket. My God. So it costs you 50 ringgit. Now let me translate that 21. That’s, that’s about 10 quid, about 10 quid makes the speeding ticket disappear.
David Ralph [34:46]
So there’s not much to stop you putting your feet down open in your foot?
Andrew Bryant [34:51]
Yes, you’re just you’re just you’re just you’re just your own carriage and, and risk and risk, risk profile?
David Ralph [34:58]
That’s a key question, I was gonna actually just sort of mention that to you. Because a lot of our guests seem to be in a point of their life where they are in control, they know what they’re doing. The fact that you can stand up in front of 12,000 people, which is like an arena, and talk is one of those things that would would tremble, everyone but the thought of actually standing up there, but you’ve kind of built it up by by little bit by little bit by little bit. So what what actually frightens you now in your life, but if you were laying in bed thinking, I’ve got to do something, what would actually scare you?
Andrew Bryant [35:33]
I’m for myself, nothing. I think that the distinction is that we both been talking about being a parent is that, you know, the reality is the only thing that would fear, you know, make me fearful is inability to, to provide protection for my children. Right. So, so being a consultant, you know, I make, you know, I make really good money. And you know, as a speaker, I get paid, you know, insane amount of money to talk for an hour. And that’s fantastic. But you there are ups and downs in the market. And there’s been a couple of times where, you know, the clients cancel things. And you know, sometimes it would be a run of those. And suddenly, the cash flow just dries up for a little bit. And then that niggling thought comes in, oh, my God, what if it doesn’t come back? You know, how would I look after? You know, how would I look after my kids. And really, that’s the only residual fear for myself know, there’s a thing that we talk about is called self efficacy. And self efficacy is a bit like self confidence. It’s a precursor to it. It’s the belief in your ability to handle whatever comes. Now, you may or may not be successful. But it’s the it’s the self belief that, you know, okay, whatever happens, I can handle it. And, you know, over the years, I just built on my self efficacy, you know, somebody asked me to do something, I haven’t been able, you know, didn’t know how to do. I did the research did the practice. And I was able to do it. And so throughout my life, I’ve just built that belief that okay, I haven’t done it before, but I can learn how to do it. And and therefore that adaptability, that flexibility, will see me through to success.
David Ralph [37:04]
So if I said to you, Andrew, right, I’m going to fly you over. And I want you to stand in the hotel in London, and sing in front of 18,000 people, would that scare you? Or would you go Yeah, bring it on?
Andrew Bryant [37:19]
It wouldn’t scare me it would it would be interestingly and intuitively you picked up on something that is one of my low competencies. I can actually speak to 12,000 people singing in tune not good. However, if that was the challenge, I would do it. Right I can so that you didn’t say I had to sing well, you just said I had to sing. And I would say yeah, I could sing I mean, if that was part of the deal. Yeah, I could sing. I could learn something. I could take some coaching around my my singing to make it not not sound like two cats fighting perhaps. So yeah, I’d be up for it. Because I mean, it has to be a naturally a reason to do it. Of course. I mean, I’m not just going to expose myself and make myself vulnerable for no reason. If it was if it was part of, you know, some some bigger picture, or it was, it was for charity, or it was part of developing my career or exposure in London
David Ralph [38:08]
up for it. No problem. What if it’s just for my enjoyment? Andrew, what if it’s just for me pushing you into a position that you don’t want to be?
Andrew Bryant [38:17]
That just sounds sick? That just sounds sick and twisted?
David Ralph [38:21]
I spend too much time on my own looking at a Skype screen I’ve started focusing on on weird stuff.
Andrew Bryant [38:28]
Well, that’s pretty weird. I mean, here’s, here’s a test. And I let the audience think this through, right. So this is something I do with with with with an audience, I asked them and so because here right here, I’m in Asia, I usually pick a European city that most people would not have been to and I would say to somebody in the audience. Have you ever been to Budapest? And? And hopefully they say no, if they say, yes, it ruins it, and I have to go find somebody else. But so if they say no, I haven’t been to Budapest and go, okay, imagine I drop you in Budapest. Right? And the question is, could you find your way to the train station? and bought a train to Vienna? Yes or no? And the answer to that question is telling some people just go, yeah, I could do it. And other people go, I’m not sure. And that demonstrates very quickly how much self efficacy they have. So then I could say, okay, you know, and some people might say yes, and I go, Okay, let’s let’s just, you know, raise the ante here. Let’s drop in Budapest, no smartphone, no money, no credit card, you know, could you could you get your way to Vienna, and people are like, Oh, you know, that’s a bit more tricky. And so that might be a bit of tough down. And then I asked the question, look, you got no smartphone, you got no credit card, no cash, you don’t speak Hungarian. But you discover that somebody you love and care about is in Vienna, and they need your help? Can you get there. And in a flash, everybody says yes. And that just articulates the secret of success, you can read 100, self help books, and I just given it to you and one. If you have a belief in your abilities, and you have a reason to use those abilities, you will overcome any obstacle.
David Ralph [40:04]
It’s funny, when you you were saying that, and I was thinking back, I used to do training courses in the City of London. And one of the things that I used to ask is, if you landed in a field, and you didn’t know where you were, you have no memory of getting into that field. But it just has a silver box. And in a silver box, it has a compass, and it has some money. Would you find that exciting to try to find your way home? Or would you think that was terrifying? And more often than not, it was a 5050 split. Now, for me, that would be well exciting. And I’d love to do that. Now, I’d like to stop this interview go off there. And that’s the challenge of trying to find my way back. And it’s the same thing, isn’t it? If you have that internal belief, that confidence that you can do it, then pretty much you can I suppose.
Andrew Bryant [40:50]
And this would be the correlation. I mean, the research has not been done around this as much as it has been done around delayed gratification. But you know, I would hypothesize those people don’t see it as exciting and essentially challenge are more likely to be happier and successful in their career, then those that find it terrifying, because they would constantly have an anxiety around needing to be in their comfort zone. So that there isn’t a research that I can can talk to you about that. The one around the marshmallows and all the Orioles depending on which research you read around, you know, giving kids the ability to delay gratification that one has been shown to be clearly correlated with future success. I’m sure somebody talked about this on your show before. If not, I’m happy to share the story. No rebel, you tell us. Okay, well, the research was done. And they, they took this very cruel experiment, they took kids, and they they put them in a room with nothing but a table and a marshmallow or, or chocolate biscuit. And they said, I’m going to leave the room and you have a choice, you can either eat the chocolate biscuit while I’m out of the room. Or if you wait until I get back, I’ll give you two or a packet. And then they watch these kids through a two way mirror. And, you know, half the kids just could not could not wait and they scoff the biscuit. But others, the successful ones found strategies to distract themselves from the immediate temptation. They counted the bricks on the wall, they looked away. And they lasted the 15 minutes. And they tracked those kids years later. And they found the ones that had intuitive delayed gratification were much more successful. So they were not jumping after the new shiny thing. They were staying with the course they set an objective and they were able to hold self manage themselves until they were successful.
David Ralph [42:38]
I think that’s true as well. It’s isn’t it? It’s got to be true. I haven’t heard that before. But yeah, I buy I buy into that totally.
Andrew Bryant [42:46]
So Google the marshmallow experiment. And you’ll you’ll you’ll find that research being or, yes, yes,
David Ralph [42:54]
yeah, well, I might try that with the wife and a bottle of wine, I might put a bottle of wine in front of her and see if she can stop drinking it for an hour.
Andrew Bryant [43:02]
Good luck with that.
David Ralph [43:04]
It’s not gonna happen. It’s not gonna happen. So just before we get to your future self, I just want to sort of project where you want to go in your personal life. I’m just interested on your other book flirting one on one and how to charm your way to love, friendship and success. How did that come about?
Andrew Bryant [43:23]
Well, it’s an interesting story, I actually had set a goal. And I was actually attending somebody else’s workshop. And I’d set a goal to write a best selling book. And so I set the goal. And then I went about the action. And I wrote a manuscript, and the manuscript was on communication skills. And I took it to a publisher and, and they called me in for a meeting, and I thought they were going to, you know, they were excited about the manuscript. And we had the meeting, and they said, No, we’re not going to publish this. And I was awfully disappointed. They said, Look, it’s good. But you know, we’ve got plenty of books on communication skills, and I, again, sort of our Caden. And I said, but do you know anything about flirting? And I said, pardon? I said, flirting. And I said, Well, I’m a single guy in Sydney at that time, I said, Of course I do. And flirting is fundamentally a communication skill. And they said, yeah, that’s what we thought we need a book on flirting written, would you like to write it will write, you won’t advance, and I went sold. So I took the manuscript, and I connected with a friend of mine who ran a she, she ran an adult introduction agency, and we collaborated and took my communication manuscript and turned it into a flirting book. And I achieved my goal of writing a best selling book. So you know, a number of lessons there is that if you set the goal, you’ll achieve the goal, but it might morph into something slightly different on the way to getting them. You join up the dots. And you look back. Absolutely, yeah.
David Ralph [44:51]
So So what is the the key flirting technique when it goes between love, friendship and love excesses of an overarching one?
Andrew Bryant [45:02]
Sure, there is I think, firstly, I defined flirting in the book, we define flirting, and we kind of had a modern definition is that you know, because a lot of people are concerned about, you know, persuasion or seduction. And so, my co author, Michelle, and I came up with that, that flirtation is the art of making somebody else feel good. Whereas seduction is the art of making yourself feel good. So the key technique of flirting is to make the other person feel good. Whatever you do, you say, Well, you know, lovely smile, great shoes, or, wow, gee, aren’t you strong? I feel safe with you, which is one of the great ones from girls, two boys. When you make the other person feel good, then they are naturally drawn to you because you’re meeting their need to feel good. And that’s how we flirt
David Ralph [45:50]
is is it the key thing in business? Because I actually think it is I’ve been a natural flirt all my life. And I didn’t know I was doing it. To be honest, it was too something about I did. And because people expected it for me, it didn’t seem creepy, you know, if I went up to get in the office, and oh, like your hair, you’ve had your hair done. That was just natural. If somebody else who hadn’t done it before, then it would seem a bit strange that they suddenly come out of it is is it a keeping the business?
Andrew Bryant [46:19]
I think it is. And I think you know, it’s finding out what’s important to other people. Now we are, you know, in influence in negotiation, you know, it’s very important that we find out what, what is important to the other person. And we talk about that. And unfortunately, we don’t do that very often, we tend to talk about ourselves, what’s important to us. So, business one on one, find out what’s important to the customer. Talk to them about that.
David Ralph [46:48]
We’re going to get these Amazon.
Andrew Bryant [46:51]
Yeah, but still on Amazon, flooding one on one is still in publications, self leadership, is still very much in publication. And please go on, rate them, give me a go to Amazon review, please, if you like the book, so always appreciate it.
David Ralph [47:05]
So just before we bring you to the end of the Sermon on the mic, when we take you back in time to have a conversation with your younger self. What’s your aims? Now, after you finish this podcast? What’s your aims for the next year? Two years? Four years? Have you got those inset?
Andrew Bryant [47:22]
Yeah, I have, I’m writing another book. But it’s not just a book, I’m writing a process. I’m a great believer now in gamification, how we, you know, create learning as a game. And so I’ve designed a couple of games that, that help people achieve life skills. So I’m writing a book that will there will be the book, the game, the app, the whole strategy. And, and I’m, I’m pretty well known in Asia, but I’m unknown in Europe and America. And I guess like the Beatles crossing the Atlantic, you know, you haven’t made it till you’ve made it the USA. So in the next couple of years, I will be doing the world tour.
David Ralph [48:03]
Well, good on you. And that’s when you will be in Madison Square Garden singing.
Andrew Bryant [48:11]
I will remember that. And maybe we can incorporate that. I would
David Ralph [48:14]
love to see it. That’s the beauty of YouTube. You can get anything on there.
Andrew Bryant [48:18]
Sure, yeah. I although I took all my stand up comedy clips down.
David Ralph [48:23]
Right, okay, well, this is the part, Andrew called the Sermon on the mic when I hand over the presenting duties to yourself. And I send you back in time to land in a in a place of your choosing to have a one on one conversation with your younger self. And you can choose any age of younger Andrew Bryant you want. And what would you say to that person, if you could go back in time, so the music is going to play. And when it fades out, you on the mic.
Unknown Speaker [48:56]
We go with the best bit of the show.
Andrew Bryant [49:14]
So Andrew, on your 11th birthday, I’d like to share some wisdom with you that will help you have a happy and successful life. And whilst this may be a big piece for you to take on now, I want you to understand that you have everything you need to be successful. And that you don’t have to prove anything to anybody, you can just comfortably know that you have all the resources you need to get what you want. So you don’t have to talk about yourself, listen to others, make them feel important. The more you listen to others and make them feel important, the more they will support you on your way to be successful. You don’t need to reject people because they’re different from you welcome them in, learn from people’s differences. Because in reality, we’re all very much the same. We all have very similar make ups in terms of minds and bodies, regardless of where we come from, or what language we speak. And so learn from people, connect with them, build long lasting friendships, because they will be the thing that helps you to be successful. And it doesn’t matter what somebody says about you whether they like you or they don’t like you always know that you’re a good person, and that you can achieve anything that you want to do. And that way you don’t need to boast. You don’t need to brag, you don’t need to push people away, you can listen. And if you don’t agree, you don’t agree, you may want to tell them that you might not want to tell them that. But you need to know that you are the author of your life. And so you get to write a little bit of each chapter each year. And so think about who do you want to be? Who would you be proud to be? Who are your heroes and know that you will be a hero when you grow up?
David Ralph [51:01]
Andrew Bryant it’s been an absolute pleasure having you on the show today. I wish you could keep them going on and on and on. Make it a three hour episode because there’s there’s so many areas of your life I haven’t managed to touch on like hypnosis, I was quite interested in that. And what nouveau semantics is I think it roundabout as well. So hopefully somewhere down the line, you’ll be happy enough to come back on the show and share your future successes with us as we continue to join up those future successes because I believe looking back over our past and our futures is the only way to really build our futures. Andrew boy, thank you so much.
Andrew Bryant [51:40]